Chicago Bears: roster signings and schedule release

Summary

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Forward Progress - A Chicago Bears Podcast

Host: Dan Bernstein & Matt Abbatacola
Episode Date: May 12, 2026
Episode Theme: Chicago Bears: Roster Signings & Schedule Release

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Episode Overview

This episode focuses on the Chicago Bears’ recent roster moves in the wake of rookie minicamp, the departure and signing of key players, and an in-depth preview of the upcoming NFL schedule release. Longtime Bears voices Dan Bernstein and Matt Abbatacola blend sharp analysis with irreverent humor, moving from roster concerns to NFL trends, and mixing in personal stories and banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Roster Updates Following Rookie Minicamp

• Signings:

  • Scotty Miller (Veteran WR): Noted for speed, experience, and familiarity with the offense. Bernstein calls him the "little toy football player" but admits uncertainty about his role.
    • Dan Bernstein (01:50): “Scotty Miller, the toy wide receiver, the little toy football player who does things, I think. Not quite sure exactly what he does…”
  • Kyron Hudson (Rookie WR, Penn State; former USC teammate of Caleb Williams):
  • Wayne Matthews III (Rookie LB, Michigan State)
  • John Ratigan (Veteran LB, Naperville native; special teams core guy, Neuqua Valley alum; played for four teams since 2021 after Army)
  • Miller Moss (Quarterback, tryout, former USC; low likelihood to make impact)

• Retirements/Injuries:

  • Squirrel White (WR): Retired unexpectedly after injury in rookie minicamp.
    • Matt Abbatacola (02:50): “He left rookie minicamp with an injury, walked off the field with trainers, and then was seen later leaving with a little bit of a limp.”

2. Ongoing Wide Receiver Debate

• Noted criticism (by SI’s Gene Chamberlain) that Bears are “one impact receiver short of a full deck.”
• Chamberlain’s article debated: Are the Bears truly short at receiver, or are national writers missing Colston Loveland’s role?
  • Dan Bernstein (09:38): “Colston Loveland is the best receiver of passes who isn’t quite called a wide receiver.”
• Discussion on “depth” vs. “just guys”:
  • Extensive review of wide receiver room: Roma Odunze, Luther Burden, Khalif Raymond, Jaden Walker, Xavion Thomas, J.P. Richardson, Maurice Alexander, Amari Kelly, Scotty Miller, Kyron Hudson.
  • Emphasis that Loveland is likely to lead in receptions and that expectations for Odunze and Burden are heightened this year.

3. Expectations for Youth and New Draftees

• Xavion Thomas (Rookie WR, 4.2 40): Debated as potential offensive weapon vs. return specialist.
  • Dan Bernstein (11:41): “I don’t know if he can play at all. I know he’s fast… I don’t know what Xavion Thomas is going to do…”
  • Matt Abbatacola (11:55): “You better count on him to have an impact on this team.”

4. Coaching & Player Development Banter

• Ongoing sarcasm about coaching clichés (“iron sharpens iron”) and the importance of "actually coaching how, not just what."
  • Dan Bernstein (13:03): “I am not forgetting that… They didn’t coach the fundamentals to tell him what to… How to do, what to do. They told him what to do, but not how.”

5. Upcoming NFL Schedule Release

• Key Dates:

  • International Games: Revealed Wed, May 13, 8am CT
  • Full Schedule: May 14, Thurs, 7pm CT

• Anticipation about Bears’ possible international game (perhaps Spain vs. Dolphins).

• Confirmed matchups released early (e.g., Cowboys-Giants SNF, Eagles-Cowboys on Thanksgiving).

• Ready for “over/under” win-loss tally Thursday night after schedule release.

  • Dan Bernstein (18:12): “My favorite thing to do… determine because we know who’s hurt and who’s not hurt… we’re going to make you pick and then… hold you to it…”

• Strength of Schedule:

  • Bears have toughest NFL strength of schedule for 2026 (.550), facing all NFC North teams (“all finished with winning records last year”), and first-place schedule could mean a “four-win regression” if history is indicator.
    • Dan Bernstein (19:10): “Chicago sits at 5:50, the toughest in the NFL.”

6. Rosters Around the NFL: Are Bears ‘Complete’?

• NFL.com’s Eric Edholm ranks Rams, Seahawks, Eagles, Ravens, Bills, Lions, Broncos, 49ers, Texans, Patriots as most complete, Bears do not make top 10.
  • Dan Bernstein (26:39): “Their front seven on defense is not great… But that’s before I took into account that they're going to be coached how to do things…”
• Skip Bayless’s Viral Lamar Jackson-Diego Pavia Take:
  • Ridicule over Bayless’s claim: “What’s Lamar Jackson done that Diego Pavia can’t do?”
  • Bernstein lists Jackson’s peers and asks if Pavia belongs: “Dan Marino, Cam Newton, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Patrick Mahomes, Josh Allen, Russell Wilson, Fran Tarkenton, Dak Prescott, Matt Ryan, Diego Pavia.”
    • Matt Abbatacola (28:02): “He thinks that Diego Pavia can take Lamar Jackson, MVP of the National Football League…”

7. Long Snapper News

• Departure of veteran Scott Daly (signed by Buccaneers) leaves Bears with rookies Luke Elkin (Iowa, Raiders practice squad) and Bo Gardner (Georgia, won Manley Award) — neither with regular season experience.
• Local color skit: imagining Bo Gardner as a Southern gentleman in a white suit sipping sweet tea.

8. General NFL Observations & Bears Prognosis

• Bears’ 2025 NFC North division win labeled as "surprise—if you’re an idiot."
• Cautious optimism that strength-of-schedule projections are unreliable; NFL “always has a last place team get good, and a first place team get worse.”
  • Dan Bernstein (22:16): “A lot of the teams you think are going to be good are going to be bad…”

9. Humorous/Offbeat Segments & Riffs

A significant portion of the episode features the hosts’ trademark banter on:

• The utility of tall vs. short receivers (riff on former Bears coordinator Terry Shea’s "short receivers" affinity; e.g., “What if your receiver was 17 feet tall?”)
• The cost of fast food chicken and the exclusivity of “chili cheese Bugles” at airports.
• Pipe-smoking cartoon characters (Popeye, MacArthur, Frosty the Snowman) and a detour on their “one-eyed” backgrounds.
• Family dynamics, kids’ chores, and comedic stories about “announcing” bathroom breaks.
• Recent NFL deaths (Craig Morton, former Broncos/Cowboys QB) and arcane stats (“Did Craig Morton have more 100-yard rushing seasons or negative yardage?”).

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• On Scotty Miller’s role (01:50):
  Dan Bernstein: “Scotty Miller, the toy wide receiver, the little toy football player who does things, I think. Not quite sure exactly what he does…”

• On Squirrel White’s sudden retirement (02:50):
  Matt Abbatacola: “He left rookie minicamp with an injury, walked off the field with trainers, and then was seen later leaving with a little bit of a limp.”

• On the WR Room Depth (09:11):
  Dan Bernstein: “Yeah, that’s just people. That’s not roster depth.”

• On Colston Loveland’s role (09:38):
  Dan Bernstein: “Colston Loveland is the best receiver of passes who isn’t quite called a wide receiver.”

• On Xavion Thomas’s projection (11:41):
  Dan Bernstein: “I don’t know if he can play at all. I know he’s fast. I don’t know what Xavion Thomas is going to do…”

• On NFL schedule projections (22:16):
  Dan Bernstein: “A lot of the teams you think are going to be good are going to be bad, and the teams you think are going to be bad are going to be good.”

• On Skip Bayless’s claim (28:02):
  Matt Abbatacola: “He thinks that Diego Pavia can take Lamar Jackson, MVP of the National Football League…”

• On Bo Gardner’s name (35:24):
  Matt Abbatacola: “If I had to make you pick a name of someone from Georgia, does Bo Gardner fits in, right?”

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Key Timestamps of Major Segments

• Roster Moves & Rookie Minicamp: 01:50–05:47
• WR Room Analysis & Gene Chamberlain Critique: 06:27–10:39
• Colston Loveland, Odunze, and WR Expectations: 10:39–11:43
• Schedule Release & Strength of Schedule: 16:15–22:16
• NFL Roster Rankings: 24:11–26:42
• Skip Bayless-Diego Pavia Discussion: 27:24–31:43
• Long Snapper Situation: 34:38–36:31
• Humorous Tangents (Cartoons, Popeye): 36:33–43:25
• Interlude: Bears Prognosis & NFL Parity: 19:19–22:45, 55:01–56:57

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Style & Tone

The podcast is candid, irreverent, and deeply informed, true to its radio roots. Dan’s rapid-fire wit meets Matt’s straight-man responses, combing Bears and NFL news with offbeat cultural and personal tangents. Quotes are often tongue-in-cheek or sarcastic, exemplifying the established rapport and Chicago sports talk tradition.

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Summary for New Listeners

This episode offers an in-depth yet entertaining look at the current state of the Bears’ roster—focusing on depth at wide receiver, notable signings, and potential holes on special teams. It doubles as a primer for the upcoming NFL schedule release and debates the real relevance of “strength of schedule.” The hosts provide a blend of analysis, nostalgia, and comic relief, ensuring that while the Bears’ outlook gets scrutinized, every tangent—whether about cartoon pipes or chili cheese Bugles—serves as seasoning in the mix.

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Missed any breaking news? Tune in next Thursday night for their live schedule release special, and get ready for more “bursting with Bears knowledge” (43:01).

Transcript

[Dan Bernstein]

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[Matt Abaticola]

Even the gun.

[Dan Bernstein]

It was time. Cello American Afterlife presented by Pair of Thieves. The number one fiction and drama podcast in America. Listen wherever you get your favorite podcasts available. Now we have the tech to get food delivered in 15 minutes, but we all have horror stories about buying tickets. The GameTime app gives fans the advantage. Get amazing tickets in just a few taps. Fees are included. So what you see is what you pay. And the gametime guarantee means authentic tickets at the best price every time. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets to concerts, sports, comedy and more with GameTime. Download the GameTime app and create an account for $20 off your first purchase terms app. I mean, if you're a Bears fan, you're thinking forward progress. Come on.

[Matt Abaticola]

Forward progress. A chicago bears podcast with dan bernstein and matt abaticola on 312 sports.

[Dan Bernstein]

Forward progress is yours on 312 Sports. As we talk Chicago Bears and NFL. We have new be we had already told you about Scotty Miller, the toy wide receiver, the little toy football player who does things, I think, not quite sure exactly what he does. He was fast and he's played in the league and he apparently knows the offense. But they've added more than that. They have now with the conclusion of rookie minicamp. And it's not just rookies. There were some tryout deals there for veterans like Scotty Miller. Undrafted rookie Kyron Hudson, a wide receiver from Penn State, was signed. Wayne Matthews iii, a linebacker from Michigan State, also signed Squirrel White. He announced his retirement.

[Matt Abaticola]

He retired.

[Dan Bernstein]

We were just talking about Squirrel White because he's fast, but now he's.

[Matt Abaticola]

He's retired.

[Dan Bernstein]

He's not playing football anymore.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, he retired, apparently left rookie minicamp with an injury, walked off the field with trainers, and then was seen later leaving with a little bit of a limp.

[Dan Bernstein]

So long, suckers.

[Matt Abaticola]

So, yeah, apparently he said, I'm done playing football.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay. And they also signed veteran linebacker John Ratigan.

[Matt Abaticola]

John Ratigan.

[Dan Bernstein]

John Ratigan from Naperville went To Neuqua Valley. He was on the Steelers and the Raiders last year. He played for four teams since going undrafted from army in 2021. Special teams core guy. Believe John Ratigan.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

And John Madigan. News Radio.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

78.

[Matt Abaticola]

Chiron Hudson, former USC teammates of Caleb Williams. Okay. Wide receiver.

[Dan Bernstein]

And they also had the quarterback there who Caleb knows.

[Matt Abaticola]

Mason Moss.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Matt Abaticola]

Or Miller Moss.

[Dan Bernstein]

Miller Moss.

[Matt Abaticola]

Mason Miller Moss.

[Dan Bernstein]

Miller Moss, I think.

[Matt Abaticola]

Is that what it is?

[Dan Bernstein]

Whatever it is, Miller Moss not going to work here anymore.

[Matt Abaticola]

Why do you say that?

[Dan Bernstein]

Because he's not.

[Matt Abaticola]

He could.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't spend too much time trying to get that name down.

[Matt Abaticola]

Let me. Let me check the. Let me see. This is Miller Moss.

[Dan Bernstein]

It's Miller Moss.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah. He's currently fourth string. So Case Keenum. And they still do have Tyson Bajan behind Caleb Williams.

[Dan Bernstein]

I can't believe it.

[Matt Abaticola]

So Caleb's still your starter?

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, I believe in competition at all positions.

[Matt Abaticola]

I agree, I agree.

[Dan Bernstein]

I think iron sharpens iron and steel sharpens steel. Now does iron sharpen steel or steel sharpen iron? We don't know.

[Matt Abaticola]

Or does Moss come into play?

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know. Just steel sharpen Moss. Not sure. But like I say, I don't think that that's going to be a guy who you're going to have to be too concerned about.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, it's funny you bring up the wide receivers that were signed, including Chiron Hudson. Gene Chamberlain of SI wrote a little interesting piece. Chamberlain data proves that Chicago Bears are still one impact receiver short of a full deck.

[Dan Bernstein]

Scotty Miller short.

[Matt Abaticola]

He is.

[Dan Bernstein]

Did they? One short receiver or 1 receiver short?

[Matt Abaticola]

1 receiver short.

[Dan Bernstein]

Maybe they read it wrong and that's why they signed Scotty Miller. Maybe they just thought they needed.

[Matt Abaticola]

We need a short receiver.

[Dan Bernstein]

They had an offensive coordinator who liked short guys, if you remember Terry Shea, who could never answer my question.

[Matt Abaticola]

What was the question?

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, because Terry Shea said that he preferred shorter receivers to tall receivers. And it always bothered me because I always thought that was stupid. Stupid because he's like, well, they turn differently and they can. And I said, well, hold on a second. I said, so theoretically, what if their receiver was 17ft tall? Would you sign it?

[Matt Abaticola]

You didn't ask him that? I did. Like, for real?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Matt Abaticola]

What did he say?

[Dan Bernstein]

And he said, well, I mean, so then we started talking. So. Okay, okay, now let's go down to 12ft tall because he's obviously taller is better. Yeah, you could throw it to the 12 foot tall guy every time, but

[Matt Abaticola]

they can't turn, though. He doesn't run a straight line either way.

[Dan Bernstein]

Still 12ft tall. My point being that I kept saying, okay, well, now what if he's eight feet tall, right? Seven feet. Like, doesn't it matter at some point? You can't just say that. Nobody wants small people. You want to have them do all those things and be tall.

[Matt Abaticola]

I would have heard that and would have asked him to leave the building.

[Dan Bernstein]

Terry Shea had some thoughts on things.

[Matt Abaticola]

Terry, it's time to go.

[Dan Bernstein]

Terry.

[Matt Abaticola]

Terry.

[Dan Bernstein]

Terry. Terry. Terry.

[Matt Abaticola]

Time to go, Terry. Yeah. Hey, Terry. Here's a box. What's the box for, Coach? For all your.

[Dan Bernstein]

All your things. All your stuff.

[Matt Abaticola]

Pack it up. We have a car waiting for you. We don't want you driving, and we'll get you home. It's okay. So Gene Chamberlain says losing wide receiver Squirrel White because he retired. Now. He was your favorite player last week. Now he's gone.

[Dan Bernstein]

Did he have the Jerry Azuma press conference, though?

[Matt Abaticola]

I don't know. Not that I'm aware of.

[Dan Bernstein]

Everybody there, the cameras and the deus, everything all set up for the Squirrel White retirement party? No.

[Matt Abaticola]

You put the Dan Bernison curse on him.

[Dan Bernstein]

I must have. Just like I did with Donovan Mitchell in the first half last night where he couldn't make a shot.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah. You almost killed him. Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Then he got a. Got better. He turned me into a Newt.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, it was the halftime speech. It was the halftime speech and the adjustments.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. Somebody walked up to Donovan Mitchell and said, hey, Donovan, go score. Stop sucking at basketball. Oh, okay.

[Matt Abaticola]

So losing receiver. Score White. Gaining. Former Caleb Williams college teammates. Kyron Hudson at receiver with roster moves does nothing to solve a potential Bears offensive deficiency. It didn't help their overall wide receiver numbers either. So he talks about Hudson being 61 2, 12. That's probably too big for Terry Shea. This weekend's rookie minicamp. Participating on a tryout basis gives the Bears another ex receiver who does have familiarity with Williams. 32 of his catches for 341 yards, five touchdowns came with Caleb Williams at USC. Miller Moss. Is it Miller Moss or Moss Miller Miller Moss. Okay, relax.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, you keep asking him. I keep.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, I just.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm just.

[Matt Abaticola]

Just making sure I had his name right.

[Dan Bernstein]

It didn't change in the last two minutes?

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, no, because I get. I get Khalif Raymond and Raymond stuff, too.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay, fair enough.

[Matt Abaticola]

So I just don't know if it's Miller Moss or Moss Miller. Because you could name a kid Moss today. Kids, people get named.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, there's a lot.

[Matt Abaticola]

A lot of weird things.

[Dan Bernstein]

Ridiculous names out there. Yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

All right. So the wide receiver switch means the Bears will have 10 receivers on the roster. They're often taken 10 to 13, 11 to 13 in the camp previous years. So he goes on to talk about the. Not only the. The. The Bears that are currently in the wide receiver room. And so I just pulled up our lads here. Roma Dunes A. Luther Burden, Khalif Raymond, Jade Walker, Xavion Thomas, J.P. richardson, Maurice Alexander, Amari Kelly and now Scotty Miller. Miller. And then Caleb's former teammate, Kyron Hudson.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. Well, that's just guys.

[Matt Abaticola]

So those are all the names.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, that's just people. That's not roster depth.

[Matt Abaticola]

So now the what? And that's so. And so Gene Chamberlain talks about how the Bears is. They're missing a wide receiver still. And he mentions a few veteran names that are sold like Debo Samuel, which I'm not interested in. What he's failing to account for is who's going to be the leader, the leading receiver on this team because he's not currently in the wide receiver room.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay. Colston Loveland.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right. I.

[Matt Abaticola]

So he's like he's ignoring the fact that Colson Loveland is the best receiver,

[Dan Bernstein]

the best receiver of passes. Who isn't quite called a wide receiver.

[Matt Abaticola]

Right. On this team.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Matt Abaticola]

So they have their number one.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

And he kind of lowers everyone else down from expectations a bit, which I think accounts for an appropriate wide receiver room.

[Dan Bernstein]

I agree. But you probably still might want another body in there.

[Matt Abaticola]

Okay, fine. So they have 13.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

I mean, it's not like that 13th guy is going to be a guy that's going to be your second best or third best receiver in the team.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. I hope people realize that Colston Loveland is like you should expect. How many catches did he have last year? 60? Some 58. He should have 90 this year, minimum. Right, right. He should have 90 to 100. Like he should be a targeted on whom can we match him up to throw it to him every time kind of player.

[Matt Abaticola]

So I think while I get where the article is going, I think he kind of missed the point of Colson Loveland, but it's more for I think Roma Dunes A. I think Luther Burton will take another step. But this is for me, this is a big year for Roma Dunes A. Like we had really high expectations, especially after his start last year. I think he had five touchdowns in the first three or four games. Something silly. Right. Like this is a big year for Roma Dunes they to prove that he was worth taking as a top 10 pick. Like he needs to get it shown this year that he is a receiver, a legit wide receiver in the NFL.

[Dan Bernstein]

And especially if you are going to be running route combinations where the aforementioned Colston Loveland is going to be affecting his coverage. Yes, there is. There are no excuses. You're going to have one on ones.

[Matt Abaticola]

You're going to have one on one.

[Dan Bernstein]

You're going to have some open space

[Matt Abaticola]

because you have stepped up expectations for Luther Burden, who started coming on at the end of last year. And then you're adding a 4 to 40 guy in Xavon Thomas who's also going to impact the way defense is played.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know if he can play at all.

[Matt Abaticola]

What do you mean?

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know if I know he's fast. I. I don't. I don't know what Xavier Thomas is going to do. I'm not really counting on him to be more than an explosive return.

[Matt Abaticola]

They just drafted him.

[Dan Bernstein]

Hi. I know.

[Matt Abaticola]

You better count on him to have an impact on this team.

[Dan Bernstein]

As a return guy, I don't know.

[Matt Abaticola]

As a receiver guy, you don't take him with you. Don't take him where he took him. He's not going to impact your offense.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Matt Abaticola]

That is not a guy that just picked up to be a special teams returner.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay. I'll see. We don't know if he can play football.

[Matt Abaticola]

What do you mean you don't know

[Dan Bernstein]

if he can play football? We don't. Sure.

[Matt Abaticola]

We don't know the transition from college to pros, but he can play football. Well, I mean, that's a question mark for every kid that just got drafted.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right. There are some fast guys who are bad. They drafted Reuben Hippolyte because he was unbelievably fast and they couldn't keep him on the field because he couldn't play.

[Matt Abaticola]

Don't blame him. The coaches didn't coach him right.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's what it was. They didn't coach him hard enough.

[Matt Abaticola]

Keep forgetting that.

[Dan Bernstein]

They didn't coach the fundamentals to tell him what to. How to do, what to do. They told him what to do, but not how. That's what we learned yesterday from Dennis Allen.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

I am not forgetting that, by the way.

[Matt Abaticola]

Don't.

[Dan Bernstein]

I am not.

[Matt Abaticola]

You got to hold on to that.

[Dan Bernstein]

I am not. And we do have. Somebody got mad at me today when I said that Montez Sweat was a top five defensive end. As far as the contracts go. Top 15 now.

[Matt Abaticola]

Fine.

[Dan Bernstein]

There have been other contracts signed So I was, I was corrected. Say hey, Bernstein.

[Matt Abaticola]

All right, so he's top 15 of defensive ends, but he's. Isn't he the highest paid bear? Probably now that DJ Moore is gone.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right. But he, they didn't coach him enough. Didn't tell him how to do it. All right, go get the quarterback.

[Matt Abaticola]

How. Right.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, where do you want to start? Here's where you put your feet. And that guy's going to block you, and that guy's going to block you. So you want to move this guy over here and push that guy over here and then go get the quarterback.

[Matt Abaticola]

Talked about how great he was in the run game last year. You think no one told him to get the quarterback?

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know, but that's based on what they're saying is. Oh, you didn't you think maybe like

[Matt Abaticola]

his exit interview, they're like, hey, listen, you played the run really well. We're going to need more quarterback pressures. What does that mean?

[Dan Bernstein]

Is this like. It's just like the kids will. No one told me to empty the dishwasher.

[Matt Abaticola]

Why would you empty.

[Dan Bernstein]

Do I, Do I have to tell you to empty the dishwasher? Yes, it's clean. And if you want open the dishwasher to get a clean fork, you know that, that needs emptying, right?

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, I don't, I don't want my kids touching the dishwasher though. I'm not ready for them to put stuff away.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Matt Abaticola]

They just don't know where it goes. I would be excited.

[Dan Bernstein]

Adult children.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, yeah, yours are different. Yeah. Yours aren't 13 and.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right.

[Matt Abaticola]

12 and 10.

[Dan Bernstein]

But this idea. I don't know.

[Matt Abaticola]

What do you mean?

[Dan Bernstein]

You, you opened it to take a fork out of there? I'm. That's the coaching I'm providing.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, I would love if someone took the garbage bag out of the garbage can. They just keep piling stuff on top.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yep. Jenga. Because ours is in. Is underneath the. The island. So you got to pull out the drawer that has both garbage cans.

[Matt Abaticola]

Pull it out?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes. And then you pull it out and whatever plastic container is on the top, you hear. And then you look and it falls back behind both of them because somebody didn't think to take it out. Oh. Pissed me off.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, me too. So do you get this like you, you open the garbage can up and you know you've just changed. Like you've just changed the bag and you open it up and it's. It's at the top. Ready? And then cuz there's no one pushes Anything? No, no, they don't push anything down.

[Dan Bernstein]

Or there's something that should have gone directly outside that was placed in the magic garbage that takes itself outside apparently when like whatever. This is where like the kid came home and there's this giant like yard garbage bag filled with fish guts or something like. You know what, why don't you just put this already outside?

[Matt Abaticola]

Rather leave it in the garbage can here in the kitchen, dad, because it's easier and less walking for me. Yeah, no, but they don't push anything down ever. So someone will put like a paper plate in there and it like sticks to the side so it just floats on top. Oh, yeah. And then they start stacking things on top of it. And then there's wrappers. Yeah, but. And then you just. All you do is push down and it goes all the way down the bottom because it's empty.

[Dan Bernstein]

It's amazing, right? Because there was nothing actually in it.

[Matt Abaticola]

Because it was all air emptying a dishwasher. I'm not. I'm not doing yet.

[Dan Bernstein]

Fair enough.

[Matt Abaticola]

Your garbage down in the garbage can.

[Dan Bernstein]

You will be there.

[Matt Abaticola]

Let's. No, let's start.

[Dan Bernstein]

There will be.

[Matt Abaticola]

Hey. This Thursday, the NFL releases their full schedule for the 2026 season.

[Dan Bernstein]

Are we sure it's Thursday at 5:14,

[Matt Abaticola]

which is Thursday, 7pm Central on NFL Network.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, so we're going to be busy Friday then?

[Matt Abaticola]

We'll be busy Friday, but we're going to do a show Thursday night when

[Dan Bernstein]

the schedule comes out.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, we are talking about it. Yeah, we got to go through wins

[Dan Bernstein]

and losses, all wins.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, I think we were 14 and three last time we checked. So that comes out Thursday night. But on Wednesday morning, 8:00am Central, NFL Network, they have. The international games will be released.

[Dan Bernstein]

And we were expecting the Bears to

[Matt Abaticola]

go to maybe Spain and the. And the Dolphin, I think. So we'll cover both of those. Actually talk about both of those. But here's what's out already. So we know already that week one Cowboys at Giants is Sunday night football. Week one Chiefs and Broncos. I've seen various reports saying home and away, but we don't know yet for sure. Chiefs, Broncos, to be determined is the first Monday night football game.

[Dan Bernstein]

And I think Bears, Seahawks is going to be something that first was some standalone something.

[Matt Abaticola]

So I've heard a lot of reports about that too, that that's not going to happen. Okay. But we'll see Week two Lions at Bills is the Thursday night football game. That'll be on prime. So we know that. And we also have Already learned from the NFL Week 12 Thanksgiving Eagles at Cowboys. So we know that's the middle. That's usually the middle game. The Cowboys are usually in Lions of the early game. So are the Bears going to get a Lions game? Maybe on Thanksgiving. So we'll see. So we'll have that out on Thursday night and then we'll have a live forward progress after the schedule release to break down the Bear schedule and talk about the wins and losses.

[Dan Bernstein]

My favorite thing to do. You know it. Because it matters so much to determine because we know who's hurt and who's not hurt. Right now on Thursday, we're going to

[Matt Abaticola]

know all of those things. So we're going to make you pick and then we're going to hold you to it as the season goes on.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right. And pin my entire professional credibility to the actual results.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Just as I've always wanted. Bernstein's an idiot. He said it was all going to be wins. He was wrong.

[Matt Abaticola]

So we'll have Wednesday morning. So on DBU Wednesday morning, because this is 8am Central, we'll be able to talk about the international games. Right. We'll know if the Bears are playing in an international game Wednesday morning for DBU.

[Dan Bernstein]

Wednesday, like tomorrow?

[Matt Abaticola]

Today? Tuesday.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

Is today the 12th?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, that's tomorrow. Then 5:13.

[Dan Bernstein]

All right.

[Matt Abaticola]

Beautiful.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, there you go then.

[Matt Abaticola]

We'll have the rest of the schedule on the 14th on Thursday.

[Dan Bernstein]

I have this note from CBS Sports, John Breed, who says the Bears were one of the biggest surprises in the NFL last year after a 2025 season where they won the NFC North.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, surprise if you're an idiot.

[Dan Bernstein]

However, it won't be easy to replicate that success because it's mainly because Chicago will be facing the NFL's most difficult strength of schedule. The Bears are just one of two teams, along with the Dolphins, who have a strength of schedule above 540. Chicago sits at 5:50, the toughest in the NFL. The Dolphins second at 5:42. And here's the subhead, why the Bears should be worried. There are two big reasons why the Bears schedule is so difficult.

[Matt Abaticola]

So does he have injuries and whatnot? Who the opponents will be? And there is. He knows that all that in this article.

[Dan Bernstein]

Strength of schedule is based on your opponent's record from last season. And every team in the NFC north finished with a winning record last year, which is almost unheard of. It marked just the second time in the super bowl era that all, all four teams in the same division finished with a winning record. The other thing the Bears have to deal with is the fact that they'll be playing a first place schedule this year, which is the part that could end up being what he calls the backbreaker for Chicago. Since the NFL expanded to 17 games in 2021, the team that gets stuck playing the hardest first place schedule has regressed by an average of four games per season.

[Matt Abaticola]

Wow.

[Dan Bernstein]

Last year, the team in this spot was the lions. After going 15 and two, they had the hardest first place schedule and dropped to nine and eight. We're using 2021 as the timeline because the addition of game 17 created a more difficult schedule for the top teams. From 2002 to 2020, the schedule was inherently the same for everyone whether they were playing a last place or first place schedule. And each team played four games against a team that finished in first, four against the teams in second, four against teams in third, and four against teams that finished in last. With the addition of the 17th game, a first place team now plays five first place teams. You're rarely going to see a division winner with an easy schedule.

[Matt Abaticola]

Okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

All right. And it says the team with the easiest first place schedule always seems to thrive. This year that team is the Eagles.

[Matt Abaticola]

Okay. All right. So he says it's usually a four game swing. So that takes the what, 11 and six bear and makes them seven and

[Dan Bernstein]

nine, seven and ten.

[Matt Abaticola]

Good math.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm good. Seven and ten or nine? Nine's good, nine's fewer.

[Matt Abaticola]

So seven, seven and ten.

[Dan Bernstein]

That'd be. That. That's bad.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, that's not going to happen.

[Dan Bernstein]

Why not?

[Matt Abaticola]

Because the. Because the Bears are a good team.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Matt Abaticola]

And last season doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, I mean, do you think it does?

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't. I do think the idea of it matters in theory, but what I've learned from experience is that in practice, a lot of the teams you think are going to be good are going to be bad, and the teams you think are going to be bad are going to be good.

[Matt Abaticola]

That's what happens in the NFL.

[Dan Bernstein]

And one of them could be the Bears.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah. And there's always a last place team that is great and a great team that ends up not being great, not making the playoffs, which could be the Bears. Could be the Bears. Yeah, it very much could be the Bears, but it's not going to be.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yep. That's why we love this league, I guess.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, it's not going to be. When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters, but when it's for a hospital system, they matter. Even more. Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no

[Dan Bernstein]

room for shipping delays.

[Matt Abaticola]

That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery, so you can keep your facility stocked, safe, and running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done. Eric at home on NFL.com he put out the what, in his opinion, the top 10 most complete rosters. So the top 10 most complete rosters. And what he did is he went through in his process every team's different position groups, giving each general grade. Then he weighed those units based on positional importance. Quarterbacks on top, followed by pass rushers. So his order of importance. Quarterback, pass rusher, wide receiver, offensive lineman, defensive backs, and so on. He also looked at overall strength of schedule, roster strength, ultimately settled on the top 10. Okay, here are his top 10 most complete rosters going into the 2026 season. Number one, the Rams. What? At a cough.

[Dan Bernstein]

All right. We have a cough button.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, I don't know which one, because usually if I do that, it cuts off your thing, too. I don't want to cut off your thing anymore.

[Dan Bernstein]

Nobody's gonna miss anything if my thing gets cut off. Did you ever see that Family Guy?

[Matt Abaticola]

No. Cartoons.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay. So the Thing, it's a cutaway, and it's like. It's like that time where Lorena Bobbitt was married to the Thing. So they showed the thing from the Fantastic Four, and he's, like, looking around, and a guy walks up to him with, like, all of these stones stuck together and, like, bent at the end. He's like, are you looking for this? Yes. Thank you. Okay.

[Matt Abaticola]

Because she cut off his thing.

[Dan Bernstein]

Cut off his thing. He's the thing, and he's the thing.

[Matt Abaticola]

And he was handed back, like, a big stone thing.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, yeah, that was the bit.

[Matt Abaticola]

That's why. What episode was that? I'm gonna jot it down, so I

[Dan Bernstein]

want to go back and make sure that you don't miss that one.

[Matt Abaticola]

Want to watch it?

[Dan Bernstein]

Uh, hu.

[Matt Abaticola]

Family Guy cut off Stone Wiener.

[Dan Bernstein]

It was funny. That sounds like the new CBS Evening

[Matt Abaticola]

News host Stone Wiener,

[Dan Bernstein]

replacing Tony. Whatever his name is.

[Matt Abaticola]

Tony who?

[Dan Bernstein]

Tony Dakupil Decouple. The guy Whiskey Fridays haven't watched. Of course you haven't.

[Matt Abaticola]

Nobody has at CBS Evening News.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes, they installed that guy to give you the happy news about tonight. Cash Patel tells us about his new bourbon.

[Matt Abaticola]

I would like Stone Wiener, though.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I'm Stone Wiener. Yep.

[Matt Abaticola]

You do baseball in Stoney for all

[Dan Bernstein]

you kids out there.

[Matt Abaticola]

All right, so the Rams number one, number two was the Seahawks, three was the Eagle, which you said is the going to be the best team in football.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, but he's talking about how complete the roster is.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, okay. No, I said the Eagle. You said the Eagles be the best team in football.

[Dan Bernstein]

I did not.

[Matt Abaticola]

Didn't you just say that a few minutes ago?

[Dan Bernstein]

I just said that According to one [e-mail] he thought that they had the

[Matt Abaticola]

four is Baltimore Ravens, five the Buffalo Bills six to Detroit Lions, seven the Denver Bronco eight or the 49ers, nine the Houston Texans and 10 the Mainland Patriots. Yeah, Bears didn't crack the top 10.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't think they should. Their front seven on defense is not great.

[Matt Abaticola]

I agree when if you're evaluating based on positions.

[Dan Bernstein]

But that's before I took into account that they're going to be coached how to do things.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, he didn't take that to account either, obviously.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay. Which he should have because you might look at that as a complete roster and say, well, wait a second. Now you're telling me all of a sudden the coaches are going to tell the defensive players how to do what they want. Well, hold on then.

[Matt Abaticola]

One of those teams that he mentioned there, the, the Baltimore Ravens, of course has my guy as their quarterback, their backup quarterback. Well, who knows what he is going to be. But did you see this is making me rethink my Diego Pavia positioning. What Skip Bayless said about Diego Pavia,

[Dan Bernstein]

I may be paraphrasing.

[Matt Abaticola]

Okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

I didn't know he was still working, but I believe.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, Dion O'Diego, he just tried out for the, he's a, yeah, he's with Skip. Oh, you mean Skip Bayless.

[Dan Bernstein]

Skip. I, I, I think he said something that there's nothing that, that Lamar Jackson does or has done that Diego Pavia can't do.

[Matt Abaticola]

Here's the exact. Because this is obvious.

[Dan Bernstein]

Did I miss that?

[Matt Abaticola]

What's Lamar Jackson done that Diego Pavia can't do? Be a Skip Bayless, be an mvp.

[Dan Bernstein]

Be a good viable NFL quarterback.

[Matt Abaticola]

He thinks that Diego Pavia can take Lamar Jackson, MVP of the National Football League. He believes that Diego Pavia can take Lamar Jackson's job. But and unless Lamar has a like a part time gig somewhere I'm unaware of, I think he's referring to starting quarterback for the Baltimore Ravens. Lamar's an mvp, right? He's one mvp, hasn't he? Once. At least once.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, he is a one, two, three, four time Pro Bowler and he. Two MVPs.

[Matt Abaticola]

Two MVPs. Okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. 2019 and 2023.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah. So he believes that Diego Pavia can take his job as the starting quarterback of the Baltimore Ravens because he asked the question, Dan, what's Lamar Jackson done that Diego Pavia can't do a lot

[Dan Bernstein]

like completed a bunch of NFL passes?

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, now you're just being mean again.

[Dan Bernstein]

Can I. Can I give you the most similar players overall to Lamar Jackson and you tell me if you think Diego Pavia's name should be mentioned in this group?

[Matt Abaticola]

All right, give it to me, Nate.

[Dan Bernstein]

All right. I'm just going to give you through eight years.

[Matt Abaticola]

Okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

Dan Marino, Cam Newton, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Patrick Mahomes, Josh Allen, Russell Wilson, Fran Tarkenton, Dak Prescott, Matt Ryan, Diego Pavia.

[Matt Abaticola]

So what was the question again? Do I think Diego Pavia can do what with any of those?

[Dan Bernstein]

What was the question you asked? I just said, do you think that name, the name Diego Pavia fits in when we compare the players whose career was of similar quality and shape and profootball reference.com to Lamar Jackson? So what Skip Bayless is saying is that it would be that at some point Diego Pavia can accomplish the same things as these men.

[Matt Abaticola]

Give me those names again.

[Dan Bernstein]

Dan Marino.

[Matt Abaticola]

Dan Marino. Hang on. Dan Marino. Cam Newton.

[Dan Bernstein]

Peyton Manning.

[Matt Abaticola]

Peyton Manning.

[Dan Bernstein]

Tom Brady.

[Matt Abaticola]

Tom Brady. The seven times super bowl champion, Patrick Mahomes. Patrick Mahomes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Josh Allen.

[Matt Abaticola]

Josh Allen.

[Dan Bernstein]

Russell Wilson.

[Matt Abaticola]

Russell Wilson.

[Dan Bernstein]

Fran Tarkenton. Fran Tarkenton, hall of Famer.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Played for the Vikings, Dak Prescott, Cowboys. And Matt Ryan lost a Super bowl

[Matt Abaticola]

goal to Tom Brady. Yeah, he's. Yeah, he's. He's out of his mind.

[Dan Bernstein]

I think something might be wrong with him.

[Matt Abaticola]

I mean, I don't know if Skip listens to the podcast, but all I need, Skip is Diego to take one NFL snap. That's all I need.

[Dan Bernstein]

You overshot it a little bit for me there. Appreciate the support there. Thank you. Thank you for coming. Having my back on this one, but you went a little harder than I needed.

[Matt Abaticola]

Much bigger name than my own, so I appreciate it. But not only is Matt about a

[Dan Bernstein]

cola, right, Let me tell you something

[Matt Abaticola]

like, Skip bring it down a few thousand notches.

[Dan Bernstein]

Boy, I wonder what he thinks of Tyson Bagent.

[Matt Abaticola]

This a Battacola guy thinks that Diego Pavia can take a snap in the NFL. I think he can be better than Lamar Jackson.

[Dan Bernstein]

Better than a two time mvp, one of the best quarterbacks of his era. Okay. All Right. I mean, maybe you woke up and you had a thought and you shared it.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah. How about a filter? We need a filter on our thoughts.

[Dan Bernstein]

You know, I don't traffic in filters anymore. Except the one I use on my face. And that's the fundamental irony of Dan Bernstein Unfiltered.

[Matt Abaticola]

The beauty of your brain is you don't have to say everything out loud

[Dan Bernstein]

that you think you don't.

[Matt Abaticola]

You don't have to.

[Dan Bernstein]

Would you tell my kid that? Oh, God, please.

[Matt Abaticola]

He's 21. There's nothing to do.

[Dan Bernstein]

But you gotta. It's like not. You don't have to express every thought you have.

[Matt Abaticola]

Like, what's not.

[Dan Bernstein]

Like, just everything. It's not important. Like, nothing you say is important.

[Matt Abaticola]

Does he still tell you, like, when he has to take a dump?

[Dan Bernstein]

No, but it's just. Okay, because it's a. It's a. He wants to debate everything.

[Matt Abaticola]

My kids all do that.

[Dan Bernstein]

Every everything is like. Ends up being some sort of formal debate. And then I just start.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, he's trying to prove himself. He's growing into him.

[Dan Bernstein]

Like, that's what it is. It's like lion cubs fighting. Okay.

[Matt Abaticola]

Prove himself doing it that way. He's smarter than you.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, my God. Yeah, well, he's gonna blow my grades out of the water. I mean, so.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, do you. Do you. Do you engage in the debating or do you.

[Dan Bernstein]

I try not to.

[Matt Abaticola]

You are a master debater, Mom.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm master debating.

[Matt Abaticola]

Do you engage him or do you let him.

[Dan Bernstein]

Eric, what are you doing in the bathroom? I'm masturbating, Mom. That's a great episode. That was the Charlie Kirk episode.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, I gotta jot that one down too, please.

[Dan Bernstein]

Another cartoon you need to write down.

[Matt Abaticola]

South Park.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's the South Park Charlie Kirk episode where Cartman sort of becomes a Charlie Kirk type figure. It's great.

[Matt Abaticola]

So do you engage him in his debates or what do you do?

[Dan Bernstein]

He dominates the room. It's hard.

[Matt Abaticola]

And by the room, you mean you and your wife?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, well, he finished up whatever his rant was last night about something regarding Caitlin Clark. And he has a whole thing that he's presenting. And I'm rolling my eyes and I'm doing my crossword puzzle and I'm playing the cue. That's why I keep the cueless dice there. My little word game there. So I can just kind of zone out while he's rambling. And then he says something and then I was like. He goes, well, and that's it. And I rest my case, I'm Like, I'm not paying attention. And then. And then. Then I was. I got up and I. And I got. I wanted to make a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. And he was still talking. And I just. I just said, and this has been another edition of Loud and Wrong Host Jason Bernstein. And then I made my cereal and I left. Yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

And I'm sure that helps end the situation.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't care, man. I'm just walking out of the room. You can't turn it off.

[Matt Abaticola]

All right, so was there ever an age where he would just come up to you? You could be in one room, he's in another, walks into the room you're in and says, hey, I have to take a dump.

[Dan Bernstein]

Always. Okay. Yeah. There was absolutely an age thing where it's like he had to check in. Like, I'm keeping a log of something. I've got some say. Well, I don't know. You're five minutes late for the announcement. Thank you. I just learned the media. I don't know. I have. I have one more Bears note here that might end up being big. Just remember that we brought this up. Scott Daley, the long snapper.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Who was a local guy. Downers Grove South Notre Dame. Played in every single Bears game in the last two years. He's. He's gone. He's signed with the Buccaneers. Scott Daly has left the Bears for the Buccaneers. And that leaves the Bears with Luke Elkin and Bo Gardner.

[Matt Abaticola]

One of those two young men won the Pat Manley Award.

[Dan Bernstein]

Luke Elkin spent training camp with the Bears. Didn't make the roster last year as an undrafted rookie out of Iowa. He was with the Raiders practice squad last year, came back to the Bears in January. The Bears signed Beau Gardner from Georgia last week, who won the Manely Award.

[Matt Abaticola]

Manly Award for Bogartner.

[Dan Bernstein]

But neither one of these guys has ever played in a regular season NFL game.

[Matt Abaticola]

If I had to make you pick a name of someone from Georgia, does Bo Gardner? Fits in. Right? Right.

[Dan Bernstein]

From Georgia. That is an old. That's a Southern gentleman, is what that is.

[Matt Abaticola]

Does he have. Does he walk around with a pipe?

[Dan Bernstein]

No, he sits on the porch and sips his whiskey drink.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, it's not sweet tea.

[Dan Bernstein]

Could be sweet tea during the day. By the time the sun goes down, he switches to a fine corn liquor. And he sits in a white suit.

[Matt Abaticola]

White.

[Dan Bernstein]

He wears a white suit.

[Matt Abaticola]

Squirrel white.

[Dan Bernstein]

Bo Gardner. No, he's retired. Squirrel white. Does he get a pension?

[Matt Abaticola]

Is that like a. Is a corn cob type of thing? Is that a Thing.

[Dan Bernstein]

It was for Douglas MacArthur.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, and Frosty the Snowman, right?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes. And Poppy Popeye.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, Popeye had a. Popeye smoked.

[Dan Bernstein]

Is that it? Did we go Popeye smoked heavily.

[Matt Abaticola]

Did he really?

[Dan Bernstein]

He's a sailor man. Of course he smoked.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, we're not talking about pipes then.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, I mean, I think. I don't know that about Popeye, but. Hey, man, whatever. It's okay. It's all good. But Popeye is. Yeah, I think that's all. The only three corn cob pipe smokers. I know

[Matt Abaticola]

MacArthur, Frosty and Popeye.

[Dan Bernstein]

Quite the group, that. Quite. Hard Rock, Cocoa and Joe Corn cob.

[Matt Abaticola]

Wait, did I not remember the Popeye smoked?

[Dan Bernstein]

I think he did. Am I wrong? Popeye smoke?

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, yeah, he did have a pipe.

[Dan Bernstein]

It wasn't a corn cob pipe. We know that Frosty had the corn cob pipe and the button nose. And we know that supplies made out of corn that Douglas MacArthur would also. Also had ice made out of coal.

[Matt Abaticola]

I don't think this is a corn cob pipe.

[Dan Bernstein]

What is McCarthy?

[Matt Abaticola]

No, Popeyes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Popeye's just a regular. Was it a meerschaum pipe?

[Matt Abaticola]

I have no idea the different types of pipes. I just know that from the picture. This is not a corn cob pipe.

[Dan Bernstein]

I had Popeyes a couple nights ago. You know what it cost for like a 12 piece?

[Matt Abaticola]

$8. $15? It was 27, 28, 30, I think 52.

[Dan Bernstein]

I think. I think it was a 12. He. Jason said it was $49 for 12 pieces of chicken.

[Matt Abaticola]

You know, you can make your own size.

[Dan Bernstein]

My own fry. I probably could, but. And that was without delivery. That was sending him to go pick it up.

[Matt Abaticola]

Wait, did he. Was that for you guys to share or did he eat that?

[Dan Bernstein]

We ate it together.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, the two of you ate a 12 piece bucket of Popeyes chicken.

[Dan Bernstein]

12 piece, two sides and six biscuits each. No, we didn't each eat a 12 piece meal.

[Matt Abaticola]

No, two sides each and six.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, two sides total.

[Matt Abaticola]

Okay, what were your sides?

[Dan Bernstein]

Mashed potatoes and red beans and rice.

[Matt Abaticola]

And then three biscuits.

[Dan Bernstein]

I had. Yeah, I had three biscuits. Yes, it was awesome. It just. Everything is so much money. Like everything is all the money now. Everything. It's hilarious. I find myself laughing right now when people tell me what things cost. And I'm not even one of the people that goes and spends $7 on a cup of coffee every day. I couldn't even imagine.

[Matt Abaticola]

All right, so it was a corn cob pipe that Popeye had.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, this says it's not well, this

[Matt Abaticola]

just says it does because I looked to see if Olive oil if she smoked. I thought she had heaters, but she

[Dan Bernstein]

didn't slighten one off the other.

[Matt Abaticola]

I thought, yeah, she looks like she's smoking.

[Dan Bernstein]

You can't stay that thin.

[Matt Abaticola]

She looks like she would smell like an ashtray.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, yeah, but she didn't talk like this, though. Like, if she talked like Betty Loren Maltese, you'd probably know. We talked with olive Oil about the vote in the Cicero town council. Yeah, it's going to be fine. We're not worried.

[Matt Abaticola]

All right, so she didn't smoke heaters. My bad.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay, that's all right. Let it go.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, yeah. You can't. You can't Google olive oil and smoke.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, Bud Segendorf's cover of Popeye number 50 in December 1959 shows Popeye with his corn cob pipe, single good eye, and girlfriend olive oil.

[Matt Abaticola]

Wait, what do you mean single good eye?

[Dan Bernstein]

I guess he's got a bad eye.

[Matt Abaticola]

I just thought he was always squinty. He didn't have like. He had a bad eye probably. Was that from his military service from sailing?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Matt Abaticola]

Maybe he poked himself in the eye with the sail.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, maybe a boom came across and hit him or something. He ran into the mizzen mast. I don't know. He slipped on the poop deck, maybe got punched in the face by somebody. Wow.

[Matt Abaticola]

I didn't know. Okay, so Popeye the cum typically depicted having only one functional eye. I didn't know his eye wasn't functional. I just thought he was squinting. It was part of his character, his mystique.

[Dan Bernstein]

Somebody closed his eye for him, I guess. I don't know. We don't know what happened. These are the kinds of things we could find out. I never really liked these cartoons.

[Matt Abaticola]

All right, so regarding how he lost his eye, the stories vary, Dan, ranging from a horrible event with a stellar sea eagle to a nautical accident to a fight with an ap.

[Dan Bernstein]

What? Wait, there's some. This is like a hockey question. Yes, this is like an open ended hockey question that we're getting.

[Matt Abaticola]

How did he.

[Dan Bernstein]

Did he lose it or not? Does he have it? Or is it like in Kill Bill

[Matt Abaticola]

where somebody just went and saved it,

[Dan Bernstein]

plucked it out and stepped on it?

[Matt Abaticola]

Wait a second. How do people know all of this? He was abandoned as an infant by his father. Whoa, terrible life. No wonder he smokes and takes up with raunchy women.

[Dan Bernstein]

Hairs to swimming with bow legged women.

[Matt Abaticola]

I had no idea he had a bad eye. I just Thought he squinted a lot. He just needed glasses for a look.

[Dan Bernstein]

No. Now, do you feel bad?

[Matt Abaticola]

No, I don't feel bad. He's a cartoon. But I want to see this fight with the ape. And what makes him think he's gonna fight an ape?

[Dan Bernstein]

What's he doing fighting an ape? How big an ape? Maybe it's a tiny little ape. Maybe it's a pro simian. He's fighting. All right, well, fighting lemurs and tarsiers.

[Matt Abaticola]

I hope this helps the bears season.

[Dan Bernstein]

It will now.

[Matt Abaticola]

I hope it helps you as Bears fans.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm still worried about the long snapper because here's Ben Johnson's quote. We feel good about the two guys we have in the building. It's up to one of them to grab a job that's up for grabs right now. If we can't get that done the way we need it done, then of course there are other options out. Out there. Jeez, they gotta coach him, Ben.

[Matt Abaticola]

They better coach him.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, coach him up, man. Show them how to do it.

[Matt Abaticola]

I don't even know where to begin with this show.

[Dan Bernstein]

Don't just tell him what to do.

[Matt Abaticola]

I don't even know where to begin. Boy, are you.

[Dan Bernstein]

You have. You're so bears informed right now from listening to this show. You're bursting with bears knowledge.

[Matt Abaticola]

Trying to figure how to describe this show. I don't even know how to describe it.

[Dan Bernstein]

I think it's a cornucopia of knowledge and entertainment. That's what I really did.

[Matt Abaticola]

You. Did you know that he didn't have a. Like he was missing an eye.

[Dan Bernstein]

Didn't know. Didn't care.

[Matt Abaticola]

Okay, but you didn't know either, right?

[Dan Bernstein]

No.

[Matt Abaticola]

Okay. I didn't know.

[Dan Bernstein]

I didn't know that he was. He doesn't wear an eye patch like a sailor. Usually when that happens, they issue you a sailor's eye patch.

[Matt Abaticola]

It's more pirate, though, or.

[Dan Bernstein]

A pirate is a sailor. I know, but just an outlaw sailor.

[Matt Abaticola]

I know, but you. But it's two different. I mean, I get it. They both are. They're both on ships and stuff, but they're. They're different categories. Sailor, you think good guy, military, pirate, bad guy.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't presume somebody's a good guy just because they're a sailor.

[Matt Abaticola]

Why not sailor?

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm just saying, like you.

[Matt Abaticola]

So you don't think members of the military are good guys?

[Dan Bernstein]

Popeye's not in the military.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, he had to be at one point, right?

[Dan Bernstein]

He just says he was a sailor. He could have been the merchant marine military. He didn't have to be.

[Matt Abaticola]

I didn't know this.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know that. He's not a. He might have just sailed. He might have been a private, not a privateer, because that means pirate. But he might have worked for a company. He might have been a mercenary.

[Matt Abaticola]

So he wasn't in the Navy?

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know if he was in the Navy or not.

[Matt Abaticola]

I just assumed he was in the Navy and they had both eyes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, maybe he got. Maybe he got a dishonorable discharge for fighting that ape fighting and ape fighting and smoking. Maybe. Kick him out of there. You wouldn't want him around. Hey, Admiral, this guy keeps fighting apes. He's down to one good eye. Get his football information and get him out of here.

[Matt Abaticola]

Carter took his pipe. Pound sand.

[Dan Bernstein]

I shall return to get this idiot out of the Navy.

[Matt Abaticola]

On the beach with ye. Go pound sand, sailor. All right. Well.

[Dan Bernstein]

Ow.

[Matt Abaticola]

This is something.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I'm good. Where? Where.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, my God. This is.

[Dan Bernstein]

Wow. What. What are you doing now?

[Matt Abaticola]

I'm just looking at how long we've been talking.

[Dan Bernstein]

Too long, probably. We didn't even get to. We didn't get to Craig Morton dying.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, he did.

[Dan Bernstein]

He died at 83. The quarterback, Craig Morton.

[Matt Abaticola]

The Saints, right?

[Dan Bernstein]

Broncos.

[Matt Abaticola]

Broncos.

[Dan Bernstein]

And I think he didn't play for the Saints. Cowboys. I think he was the first guy to lead two teams to a Super Bowl.

[Matt Abaticola]

You are correct about that. Yes. You are 100% correct. That is affirmative.

[Dan Bernstein]

Thank you. I happen to know that. I remember watching him quarterback the Broncos in a Super bowl when he was throwing to Haven Moses and Rick Upchurch.

[Matt Abaticola]

Wait a second here.

[Dan Bernstein]

Otis Armstrong carrying the ball. He didn't make that face when he carried the ball, though.

[Matt Abaticola]

Maybe Cowboys, Giants, Broncos.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

Should have played for the Saints.

[Dan Bernstein]

Why?

[Matt Abaticola]

I don't know. That have been right.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. He was pretty good, though, Craig Morton. He was just one of those guys always there swinging around for you.

[Matt Abaticola]

28,000 yards.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

183 touchdowns and.

[Dan Bernstein]

Let me guess, 172 interceptions.

[Matt Abaticola]

187.

[Dan Bernstein]

But that was okay then, because for a long time in football, interceptions were fine.

[Matt Abaticola]

No one cared.

[Dan Bernstein]

Like the most damaging play in the game. Nobody cared.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah. 1972, he was 15 and 21. So more interceptions? 75. 11 and 16 76. Great year with the Giants. Started 12 games. He went to nine touchdowns, 20 interceptions.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm telling you, it's like. People used to try to get interceptions

[Matt Abaticola]

because they counted as completions.

[Dan Bernstein]

People loved interceptions for a long time

[Matt Abaticola]

because it Counted in their bonuses.

[Dan Bernstein]

It's just the way your drive ended. It wasn't like, oh, my God, we've turned it over. We've lost a chance to score. I tried to throw it to him, threw it to the other guy instead. That's fine. Ever hear it? Have a smoke.

[Matt Abaticola]

All right. Did Craig morton have more 100 rushing yard seasons or negative rushing yard seasons?

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm going to say he had more negative rushing yard seasons.

[Matt Abaticola]

It tied, actually.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Matt Abaticola]

One and one.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Matt Abaticola]

His best was 125 yards.

[Dan Bernstein]

He wasn't known as a mobile quarterback. He wasn't going to break out of the pocket and hurt you.

[Matt Abaticola]

All right. How many seasons did he have with zero yards rushing?

[Dan Bernstein]

Four.

[Matt Abaticola]

Very close.

[Dan Bernstein]

He had three. Okay.

[Matt Abaticola]

And he played in 23 games in those three seasons and had zero yards rushing. Okay. Couldn't even fall for it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Hey, man, Kirk Cousins is still in the league.

[Matt Abaticola]

I bet you he had some interceptions those seasons.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, he'll, He'll. He'll find interceptions in the off season. Quarterbacks back then, they. They couldn't wait. They could. What's our keys to the game? Well, our quarterback's got to throw a lot of interceptions.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, he could have. Oh, geez. He could have been a Bears quarterback. 3,100 yards was his most. Never had 30 touchdowns.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, we learned that yesterday that no Bears quarterback has ever done that.

[Matt Abaticola]

All right, well, sorry, Craig, that you died.

[Dan Bernstein]

This has been sorry that you died with Matabata Cola.

[Matt Abaticola]

Our next guest also will be dead.

[Dan Bernstein]

Our next guest passed away in 1874.

[Matt Abaticola]

Sorry that you're dead. We gotta get Popeye on the show.

[Dan Bernstein]

He's not dead.

[Matt Abaticola]

Or MacArthur.

[Dan Bernstein]

MacArthur's dead. Popeye not real. He was based on a guy who was real and definitely dead.

[Matt Abaticola]

And did he, though. Did the real guy have a bad eye?

[Dan Bernstein]

I think so.

[Matt Abaticola]

Okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

They get two bad eyes. I think I was just bad.

[Matt Abaticola]

How do you get to have a life where someone makes a cartoon about you?

[Dan Bernstein]

How do you. You don't watch cartoons. How do you know they have it about you? Yours is called the Mike Vrabel story.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

He's wandering on an airport buying nuts for people. Yar, Yar, here's your bag of hot nuts.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, reminds me, I need to get a gift for someone, so I need to go to the airport. It's really not convenient to go to the airport to go shopping.

[Dan Bernstein]

Get that duty free handle at Jameson's again for somebod.

[Matt Abaticola]

Got to book a flight just to buy gifts.

[Dan Bernstein]

Now here's the super easy Sudoku compilation. Oh, thanks. And some Mentos. A fresh maker.

[Matt Abaticola]

When we had talked about Vrabel shopping at the airport, I'd mentioned chili cheese flavored Bugles, and someone questioned that. And those are a thing. They're real. I saw them at the airport when I was there.

[Dan Bernstein]

Are they only at airports, though?

[Matt Abaticola]

I've never seen them out in the wild.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay, well, they. They have to serve them elsewhere. If they have them at airports, maybe it's airport exclusive. Maybe.

[Matt Abaticola]

Flavor?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. Chili cheese. Because if they're anything like chili cheese Fritos.

[Matt Abaticola]

Did you like those?

[Dan Bernstein]

Probably good.

[Matt Abaticola]

I love chili cheese Fritos.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, they're good.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, they're so good.

[Dan Bernstein]

Really salty.

[Matt Abaticola]

Very salty.

[Dan Bernstein]

But they're. But they're good.

[Matt Abaticola]

Have you ever had the Fritos?

[Dan Bernstein]

The twists?

[Matt Abaticola]

Like, it's like honey barbecue twist.

[Dan Bernstein]

It's a twist.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, they twist them.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't like that. I don't like multi flavored chips crashing into each other. Like the cheez. It doubles or I don't. The super extra blasted flavor bomb up your ass thing. I don't.

[Matt Abaticola]

Wait, what are you talking about? It's just one flavor.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, like cheez its. Does it and. Oh, wait, then what's twisted? The actual chip is twisted.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, the tip is twisted. It looks like. Looks like a rotini noodle. So do you think they twist it after they bake it or before?

[Dan Bernstein]

They bake it before.

[Matt Abaticola]

Okay. If it was baked right.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right. How would you do that?

[Matt Abaticola]

It'd be hard.

[Dan Bernstein]

It broke again. Damn it.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, it's honey barbecue. Yeah. Honey barbecue. No, it's actually not bad. But they're very salty, though.

[Dan Bernstein]

Honey barbecue bad.

[Matt Abaticola]

They're very salty. Oh, they have. Ooh. They have a. Ooh. Queso flavored Fritos.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, how's that different from chili cheese?

[Matt Abaticola]

Because there's no chili in it.

[Dan Bernstein]

So it's just cheese.

[Matt Abaticola]

Queso's Queso is the cheese dip.

[Dan Bernstein]

Get a Cheeto.

[Matt Abaticola]

No.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, at that point, we're in this sort of. We're in the, like, the liminal space between chips now.

[Matt Abaticola]

Have you ever seen just the barbecued flavor Fritos? Have you seen that? Maybe.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay. I'd probably look right past him. I don't like barbecue chips. The only time I like barbecue sauce is like on ribs or chicken or.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, did you find the chili cheese Bugles?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I'm looking at them.

[Matt Abaticola]

Is it airport exclusive or.

[Dan Bernstein]

They didn't say that. Okay. No, nothing says you cannot buy these outside of an airport.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, I'm not saying that. You're restricted. I'm just saying maybe they did settlement airports. Maybe Fritos copped a deal with all the airports.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm not saying. You're not. They're not. They're available outside of airports.

[Matt Abaticola]

And you've seen that. I know, but you can't say that for sure then certainty, can you?

[Dan Bernstein]

You can get it from.

[Matt Abaticola]

Because I've seen them in airports only. Have you seen them outside of airports? Probably no. Have you seen them? Yes or no? It's a yes or no question, Dan.

[Dan Bernstein]

There is no. I can't remember.

[Matt Abaticola]

No, it's not. I can't remember. Have you seen.

[Dan Bernstein]

I cannot recall at this point. Ever have. It doesn't mean I haven't seen them. It just means I haven't seen them, remember seeing them.

[Matt Abaticola]

I don't know. I'm gonna treat you as hostile, Your honor.

[Dan Bernstein]

Cool. Treat everybody as hostile. Screw you. Screw everybody.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, there's a Fritos commercial I just pulled up. I thought it was rangy. It looks like rangy.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, they got rangy. Selling Fritos in St. Louis might be okay.

[Matt Abaticola]

He just pushed up his glasses.

[Dan Bernstein]

A good endorsement for him.

[Matt Abaticola]

Any endorsement would be good for him.

[Dan Bernstein]

All right, are we done?

[Matt Abaticola]

We haven't gotten any football stuff yet. Should we get into the football stuff?

[Dan Bernstein]

I mentioned the long snappers.

[Matt Abaticola]

Got a whole page of notes.

[Dan Bernstein]

But Diego Pavia being better than Lamar Jackson.

[Matt Abaticola]

All right.

[Dan Bernstein]

People are going to hell, man. Who wakes up like, wait till they hear this. Does he bounce that off anybody?

[Matt Abaticola]

I would hope so. What? Depends if the people that work work with him like him or not. Because if. If you would have said, hey, this is the. I'm gonna. I'm gonna say that Diego Pavia can do whatever Lamar. I would be like, yeah, dude, I would go for that. That's awesome. That's a great take. And if Terry would have come to me and said that, I'd been like, oh, let's not do that, buddy.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, Terry, let's hold on to that one. Do you remember the time when he.

[Matt Abaticola]

Keep that between us?

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, during the time that he showed up and he was incredibly angry at this thing that he'd read. Okay, no, but. Cause I remember having this conversation. It was. He's like, it's Sports Illustrated. It was some Derek Rose thing. And he was angry at this guy who wrote this. I saw it in Sports Illustrated, and he was really angry about this take. And I looked at it, and it was from whatever fan site that SI owned. It was like, fan sited or something. Where Anybody could post anything.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

And I was like, terry, that's not like one of their writers. That's just some schmuck.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Like. Yeah, but it's Sports Illustrated. I'm gonna. I'm gonna give this guy what he did, like you can. But it's just.

[Matt Abaticola]

So he just gave an average Joe schmo. It was just business. Yeah, I don't remember that.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, because it was sort of like, you know, Sports Illustrated was kind of, at the time, remained sort of sacrosanct. And, yeah. If it came from there, it was worth, you know, railing against. I was like, you know, that's just.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, right.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, you just quoted your guy, Gene Chamberlain on this show.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

And I disagreed with him that the Bears roster is.

[Matt Abaticola]

That they need a veteran wide receiver to round out because they're short a wide receiver. I think they're fine.

[Dan Bernstein]

I think they're probably fine, too.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

But that's just me. All right. Are you done?

[Matt Abaticola]

We haven't gotten to my notes yet. I'm telling you, I've got two pages of football notes right here.

[Dan Bernstein]

We have a show tomorrow, right?

[Matt Abaticola]

Tomorrow's not guaranteed.

[Dan Bernstein]

Damn, that's true. Good Lord willing and the creek don't rise.

[Matt Abaticola]

I think. I think we've reached our maxes on shows per day we can do. Because by the time the football one comes around, it just.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, this time of year when this is. We are scrounging for football stuff, what do we break down pages of notes

[Matt Abaticola]

we haven't gotten to?

[Dan Bernstein]

I can't read that from here. I don't know what's either good say all work and no play makes mess a dull boy. I don't know. We gave you the news. We were talking the long snapper battle. They signed veteran linebacker John Ratigan, Kyron Hudson, Wayne Matthews iii. We did the inverted journalistic pyramid and we gave you everything at the time.

[Matt Abaticola]

Glad you brought him back up, because I wanted to mention that he doesn't sound like he'd be a tough football player.

[Dan Bernstein]

Wayne Matthews iii.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah. It doesn't sound tough enough.

[Dan Bernstein]

What if it's Wayne Matthews 3 this time? It's personal.

[Matt Abaticola]

You need to change his name. Okay. He needs a cool nick name.

[Dan Bernstein]

How about Wayne?

[Matt Abaticola]

No, because I hear Wayne, I think of our guy Randazzo.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, generally you hear Wayne and you think of police blotter, like that middle name.

[Matt Abaticola]

They used to be like John Wayne Gacy.

[Dan Bernstein]

It was for a while. I forgot the name of the guy that put this.

[Matt Abaticola]

So when you hear the Randazzler Doing baseball. Do you think of John Wayne Gacy then?

[Dan Bernstein]

Immediately, always. Yes, yes. And I picture the Randazzler in a clown suit with bodies buried in his crawl space.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, he just got engaged too, Shawn.

[Dan Bernstein]

Wayne Gacy?

[Matt Abaticola]

No, the Randazzler.

[Dan Bernstein]

He did? Yes.

[Matt Abaticola]

Congratulations.

[Dan Bernstein]

Of Wayner. Wayner.

[Matt Abaticola]

Wayner.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

Does he work with Stone Wiener? Stone Wehner?

[Dan Bernstein]

No, different guy.

[Matt Abaticola]

All right. I think we're good.

[Dan Bernstein]

I think we're great.

[Matt Abaticola]

Should we go over the Skip Bayless thing one more time?

[Dan Bernstein]

Anything.

[Matt Abaticola]

Just to make sure.

[Dan Bernstein]

Lamar Jackson has done Diego Pavia. Can do.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

And his drunken, stupid brothers, Rohan and Roel and Javier.

[Matt Abaticola]

Javier.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yep. Because, you know, they'll just. They'll get popped for drunk and disorderly wherever.

[Matt Abaticola]

Wait, is it drunk and disorderly or is it drunk and disorderly?

[Dan Bernstein]

Drunk and disorderly or drunken and disorderly? I think drunk and.

[Matt Abaticola]

Could you be drunk and disorderly?

[Dan Bernstein]

Hell, yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

Without being drunk and a disorderly. See, these are questions. We need answers.

[Dan Bernstein]

I just have to think about that.

[Matt Abaticola]

Work on that.

[Dan Bernstein]

You're like Terry Shea. I'll ask you again. What if your wide receiver was 17ft tall? Is that too tall?

[Matt Abaticola]

Too tall?

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, no.

[Matt Abaticola]

That'd be hard to get the ball to him, though. No, it wouldn't really high.

[Dan Bernstein]

You have to throw it high. He can bend down and catch it

[Matt Abaticola]

if he needs it. Bends down, jump up and catch it, though. The defender.

[Dan Bernstein]

I think you throw it high enough, you're probably okay. I think you're gonna score every time.

[Matt Abaticola]

I think 17 would be too tall.

[Dan Bernstein]

I think two strides down the field, he's in the end zone. Who's tackling him?

[Matt Abaticola]

That's a far throw.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, he's right next to you. You just throw right to him and he walks in the end zone. But Terry Shea wouldn't want that guy because he's too tall.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, how are his hands? He might have bad hands. Something's got to give for being that tall.

[Dan Bernstein]

Maybe not.

[Matt Abaticola]

Maybe it's his eyesight. He can't see the ball.

[Dan Bernstein]

You think Wemby could be a wide receiver?

[Matt Abaticola]

Too slow. Really? Yeah, but he's 75 and his base is too light.

[Dan Bernstein]

But if he just turns and stops and goes like this. Couldn't you throw it to him every

[Matt Abaticola]

time until he caught his first pass and got tackled for the first time? He'd say he's going back to basketball.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, you know what? That's what happens at some of these tryouts.

[Matt Abaticola]

Is that what you're saying?

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm telling you, like a guy. Like Squirrel White. This happens where people play their whole lives to get their shot. And some people peek at being invited to a rookie minicamp with an NFL team, and you walk out of like, oh, no, no, no, no. I can't do this.

[Matt Abaticola]

They weren't hitting, though. They weren't hitting at this camp. They only had bag.

[Dan Bernstein]

They didn't. It happens. Everybody, no matter what you're good at, unless you're like Simone Biles, no matter what you're good at, or you're Stevie Ray Vaughan or something like. Like, you're going to run into somebody at some point who's just way better than you at it.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

And you get the message of like, oh, I can't do this for a living anymore, or, this is the end of the road for me, no matter what you do.

[Matt Abaticola]

You think that's what happened?

[Dan Bernstein]

To retire at a rookie minicamp where you're not even wearing pads and be like, I'm done.

[Matt Abaticola]

I want this.

[Dan Bernstein]

I am never playing football ever again in my life.

[Matt Abaticola]

Goodbye. They said he got hurt.

[Dan Bernstein]

So still, it had to be a pretty bad day.

[Matt Abaticola]

It means I fell out like Popeye.

[Dan Bernstein]

I remember when my sister called me freshman year of college. She went to training camp freshman year of college, and she is a great dancer. Great dancer. And, like, at Deerfield High School, like, captain of the dance team and dance club and dance troupe, and she's this wonderful dancer. So she takes. She calls me in in tears because she had enrolled herself in a dance program of something when she got to school, and she was.

[Matt Abaticola]

Where'd she go to school?

[Dan Bernstein]

Cornell.

[Matt Abaticola]

Cornell.

[Dan Bernstein]

And she just, you know, like, the thing to do an activity or whatever it was, it wasn't serious. She wasn't, like, recruited for dance there, but she showed up and she said. She walked in the room and turned around and left, and she called me. She's like, oh, my God. I said, what happened? And she says, everybody in that room is six feet tall. They all look like. Like swans, and half of them are Russian. It's like she sounded like Bruce Weber. Like, wait, whoa, whoa. Slow down.

[Matt Abaticola]

What?

[Dan Bernstein]

She's like, I want to dance. And this is supposed to be the introduction and dance. And I get there, they're all, like, professional dancers, and I look like a fire hydrant tonight.

[Matt Abaticola]

Like, okay, well, so hang on a second.

[Dan Bernstein]

Happens to all of us. Yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

So she's having a real tough moment.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

And the first thing in her brain was to call you.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

Okay. Was she looking to get made fun of? Was she looking for. I mean, for support Especially then.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right. So if she was 18 and I'm 22.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. What am I gonna say? Well, it sucks.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Sorry.

[Matt Abaticola]

She's like, I look like a fire hydrant. Were you like, oh, did you lose weight, Chubby?

[Dan Bernstein]

We're talking about her height compared to me.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, okay. That's short, stumpy arms.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. I mean, she. But that's.

[Matt Abaticola]

It would just.

[Dan Bernstein]

I always remember that when I think about these NFL players and how many dreams die, how many of these people. I'm going to be the best, and I'm the best football player.

[Matt Abaticola]

So he got there, and he's like,

[Dan Bernstein]

the history of my high school. And then he just sees you guys, like, see. He's like, jump over somebody's like, ooh, Wow.

[Matt Abaticola]

I just wonder, like, even in your own house right now, where you'd fall in the list of, like, people that your family would call for, like, support

[Dan Bernstein]

if they needed last.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah. Right.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. Depending on what the situation is.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, Jason might call you first because he's still dumb and young.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, he might call me for something.

[Matt Abaticola]

Zoe and Beth would. They wouldn't.

[Dan Bernstein]

No. I remember when Jason did call me was when he was kind of getting into it, when he was covering Tulane, lsu, women's basketball.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, the coach.

[Dan Bernstein]

And Kim Mulkey was there, and he was. He kind of like. Like, say, I didn't like something that happened at the end of the game. Should I ask her about it after? I'm like, dude, yes. So you got a credential. You're the beat writer. You're the sports editor. If you're curious about something and you didn't like, right now, what the hell's going to happen? I said, if she tries to belittle you and tries to bully you, deal with it. Figure it out.

[Matt Abaticola]

How'd it go?

[Dan Bernstein]

It went great.

[Matt Abaticola]

Didn't they end up going for drinks after?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, she winked at him.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. She ended up. She kind of gave him a nod, like, all right. At least somebody in the room asked me about this and said, well, I. I have my reasons. I'm not going to tell you. And she winked at him.

[Matt Abaticola]

Then they sat on a porch and they drank some sweet tea.

[Dan Bernstein]

What was his name? What was that? Who was sitting there?

[Matt Abaticola]

MacArthur.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, Bo Gardner.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, Bo Gardner. The fine Georgia gentleman Bears long snapper.

[Dan Bernstein]

Come on. Is that.

[Matt Abaticola]

Could you get a more Georgia name

[Dan Bernstein]

as he's fanning himself? Because it is B, E, A, U. It's not B. Oh, it's Beau Beauregard. Yeah, it's B, E A U. Beauregard. God.

[Matt Abaticola]

So when he long snaps, can people. Will people be able to pull on his suspenders that he's wearing? Because he'll wear suspenders, right?

[Dan Bernstein]

No, he's got the Colonel Sanders black bolo tie.

[Matt Abaticola]

No suspenders.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, they untie his tie.

[Matt Abaticola]

They just.

[Dan Bernstein]

They pull.

[Matt Abaticola]

No, I think he left suspenders on. Coat over his jersey.

[Dan Bernstein]

Or he could look like Charles Durning and, oh, brother, where art thou?

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, yeah, like that. That'd be good.

[Dan Bernstein]

And then one of your bottom boys.

[Matt Abaticola]

What are those hats they wear?

[Dan Bernstein]

They.

[Matt Abaticola]

Like straw hats? Are they. Is that what they're. Is that what it's made out of?

[Dan Bernstein]

A straw boater?

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

He needs to wear one of those.

[Dan Bernstein]

Seersucker suit.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah. And he always needs to have sweet tea in his hand.

[Dan Bernstein]

And slaves.

[Matt Abaticola]

Okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay. Wow.

[Matt Abaticola]

That's.

[Dan Bernstein]

All right. Negatives owns slaves. Well, he was on our board, but, you know, we love his athleticism. We just couldn't get past the fact that he still owns slaves. We think that might be a locker room distraction. Okay, and on that note, we gotta stop.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah. We're done before something happens.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, my God.

[Matt Abaticola]

It's been over an hour. Let's edit.

[Dan Bernstein]

Has it? Yeah, I have a doctor's appointment.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, you missed it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay. Oh, boy. All right. It's all right. Who cares? It's seriously been over an hour.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. That doesn't help anybody, does it? No, no. That's probably bad for America.

[Matt Abaticola]

It's only Tuesday, too. I know.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. Well, go Bears.

[Matt Abaticola]

Go Bears.

[Dan Bernstein]

Not Rudy. Go Bear. Different.

[Matt Abaticola]

He's done, isn't he?

[Dan Bernstein]

Why would he be done?

[Matt Abaticola]

What team is he on?

[Dan Bernstein]

The T. Wolves.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, they're still playing.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's right. Yeah.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, yeah. That's a game I'm not going to touch tonight.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right.

[Matt Abaticola]

Spurs are given 11 and a half. It's too much. I don't know what to do with it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Matt Abaticola]

I'm not sure. I don't know. They could win by 15. Timberlake. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, but you're the guy who knows these things.

[Matt Abaticola]

I know. I have. I got to think about it. On the drive home.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Matt Abaticola]

On the drive.

[Dan Bernstein]

97.1fm. The drive. Bird was here earlier. Did you see him?

[Matt Abaticola]

Bert bird.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, bird. 97.1 FM.

[Matt Abaticola]

I didn't see him.

[Dan Bernstein]

The drive.

[Matt Abaticola]

Did he come in here?

[Dan Bernstein]

He was around.

[Matt Abaticola]

Did he come into this room?

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't think so.

[Matt Abaticola]

Then I didn't see him.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay, well, he's not here. All that often.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, somebody took my bag of potato chips.

[Dan Bernstein]

No.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, the whole. They took the whole bag. They didn't. Like, they didn't open and take some. They took the whole bag.

[Dan Bernstein]

That. That person is gonna have a rough one. Have fun with that. Horowitz brought and Sathers.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I saw that.

[Matt Abaticola]

I had no idea what that was in the email. I thought it was. I expected it was to be like a woman in the.

[Dan Bernstein]

The.

[Matt Abaticola]

In the kitchen. I didn't know what he.

[Dan Bernstein]

And say there's cinnamon rolls. You never had them?

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah, it's first time.

[Dan Bernstein]

They're good.

[Matt Abaticola]

It was real good. Yeah. When he said he brought an Sathers to work, I'm like, okay, cool. What does she do here? Could she sell? I mean, why does he keep bringing her? He says he only brings her once a year. I was like, well, she must not be that good. Or she's that good and just needs to come in one day a week

[Dan Bernstein]

or a year gets everything done.

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah. And I walked in, there was his cinnamon rolls. So Dan walked in, I said, where'd Ann go? He's like, who? I said, ann, the woman you brought in. He said, I brought in.

[Dan Bernstein]

You never heard of Ann Sather's cinnamon rolls?

[Matt Abaticola]

No. I thought it was a pretzel place too.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, it's Tom Tunney owns it.

[Matt Abaticola]

Who's Tom Tunney?

[Dan Bernstein]

The alderman. Remember all the gears with Wrigley Field and the alderman? That's his place.

[Matt Abaticola]

Well, that sounds fishy.

[Dan Bernstein]

Why?

[Matt Abaticola]

They get any kind of deals on their property tax or anything?

[Dan Bernstein]

Who, Anne Sather?

[Matt Abaticola]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't think he's cutting himself deals.

[Matt Abaticola]

How do you know?

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't. Exactly.

[Matt Abaticola]

So stop saying things you don't know for sure.

[Dan Bernstein]

You're gonna get back to chili cheese Bugles?

[Matt Abaticola]

No, the. I thought it was a pretzel place. Like they have those at the airport.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, that's Auntie Ann's.

[Matt Abaticola]

But they're not related, correct?

[Dan Bernstein]

As far as I know. But I gotta prove everything to you. I gotta bring documentation for everything.

[Matt Abaticola]

How do you know it's not the same woman?

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't. Auntie Ann. Because it's spelled differently. That's a N, N, E. Ann Sather's a N, N. So, ha.

[Matt Abaticola]

Are you sure?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Matt Abaticola]

No, damn it.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm pretty sure. Auntie Ann is a N. N, E.

[Matt Abaticola]

You need to stop saying shit you don't know for sure.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, then I'm out of a job.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh, yeah. It's a N, E. Yes, sir.

[Dan Bernstein]

I knew it.

[Matt Abaticola]

Have you ever had those Pretzels? No, they're really good.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't buy pretzels in the wild.

[Matt Abaticola]

But again, that's the only.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't have time for lunch.

[Matt Abaticola]

All right, so Auntie Anne's is only at malls and airports. Okay, and then.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's not true.

[Matt Abaticola]

Chili Cheese Bugles are only at the airports. I think I'm onto something here.

[Dan Bernstein]

Chili Cheese Bugles are. It's not a kiosk. It's a product.

[Matt Abaticola]

Right. And they only sell it to airports.

[Dan Bernstein]

And Auntie Anne's is not only. They're also at the Oasis, aren't they? Very similar, but it's not a mall or an airport.

[Matt Abaticola]

But it's a transportation hub.

[Dan Bernstein]

It is. I think they're there.

[Matt Abaticola]

It's not in regular stores is what I'm saying.

[Dan Bernstein]

Wait, which one are you saying that

[Matt Abaticola]

you can't get them in a regular store?

[Dan Bernstein]

Auntie Ann's or the Chili Cheese Bugles?

[Matt Abaticola]

All of them.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, they're different. They're not doing this. You're making my head hurt.

[Matt Abaticola]

I'm not doing anything.

[Dan Bernstein]

Somebody's got to stop this podcast.

[Matt Abaticola]

I thought we did. We did stop it.

[Dan Bernstein]

I thought we did, too. We need, like, Graham Chapman to come in, dress is the. The major and say, the new Bulls executive. No, that's Bryson. Graham.

[Matt Abaticola]

Oh.

[Dan Bernstein]

Graham Chapman is the former Monty Python. He was John Cleese's co writer for Monty Python. I just.

[Matt Abaticola]

How do you.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't.

[Matt Abaticola]

How do we remember all these names?

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't.

[Matt Abaticola]

All right, can you end the show?

[Dan Bernstein]

You end the show. You've got the buttons there. Damn. I have to go to the door. Progress is stopped.

[Matt Abaticola]

Idiot.

[Dan Bernstein]

Forward Progress.

[Matt Abaticola]

A Chicago Bears podcast with dan Bernstein on 312Sports. Oh, boy.

[Dan Bernstein]

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