It's Bears silly season

Summary

Forward Progress: A Chicago Bears Podcast

Episode: It's Bears Silly Season
Date: September 2, 2025
Hosts: Dan Bernstein & Matt Abbatacola
Network: 312 Sports

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dan and Matt dive into what they call “Bears silly week”—the lull before the regular season begins when speculation, filler stories, and far-fetched headlines dominate the conversation. They cover the latest roster news, address fan anxieties about the offense and new head coach Ben Johnson, and explore the quirky depths of coverage that ramp up before opening kickoff. Throughout, the hosts blend analysis with humor, nostalgia, and characteristic Chicago sports banter, making light of the media’s search for content and sharing personal anecdotes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Latest Bears News & Roster Updates

• Starting Left Tackle:
  Braxton Jones is named the starter despite injury concerns. Dan emphasizes this is less a proud declaration and more a result of settling:

  “They have settled. They're not going to call it that, but they have settled on Braxton Jones…” (02:02)

• Jalen Johnson Injury:
  Johnson is nursing a groin injury but hopes to play.

  “We found out that Jalen Johnson has been dealing with a groin injury…he’s going to try to play.” (02:33)

• Team Captains Announced:
  New captains include Caleb Williams, Joe Thuney, Grady Jarrett, Kevin Byard, Cairo Santos, plus a floating captain each week.

  “The Bears will designate a captain each week. Also. They're going to be a floating—A floating captaincy.” (03:30)

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Offense & Coaching: The Ben Johnson Mystery

• Both hosts express impatience with preseason speculation about how much of Ben Johnson’s playbook will appear in week one, and whether the offensive coordinator is keeping secrets:

  “Any offensive coach comes in with all these wonderful ideas, and by the time the first game rolls around, he can’t sleep because he knows only 10% of that is actually usable in the game.” (04:28 – Dan)

  “Ben Johnson, he doesn’t strike me as that kind of [gamesmanship] guy, but maybe he’s playing on that.” (05:03 – Matt)

• They hope for transparency and less gamesmanship, drawing a comparison to NBA coaches:

  “If he is unfiltered, to use a word, and this transparent. Good, good. Because I've always wanted NFL coaches to be more like NBA coaches in that regard.” (05:57 – Dan)

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The “Silly Season” & Media Content

• The hosts poke fun at the volume and desperation of storylines before the season starts:

  “This is…Bears Silly Week...there has been so much space and time carved out...to fill Bears content with very, very little Bears news and digging deeper and deeper and deeper for things to discuss...” (06:55 – Dan)

• They lampoon the types of human interest stories media turn to for filler—players’ personal tragedies, quirky anecdotes, or fabricated drama, likening the coverage to Super Bowl Sunday excess and “tragedy porn.”

  “You gotta find that story, that extra story...dig super deep...because again, we can't keep talking about how much people are counting on Caleb Williams.” (07:37 – Matt)

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Bears Quarterback Fandom—Tribes & Tensions

• Discussion of polarizing attitudes towards rookie quarterback Caleb Williams, and the tribes that emerge among Bears fans:

  “If you really want to diagram the various Bears quarterbacking tribes…there's all sorts of pathology going on.” (08:08 – Dan)

  • Justin Fields Dead Enders
  • Bagent Goobers
  • “Historic Bears QB Fatalists” (“all must fail”)

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Bears Silly Week Content—Headline Game

The pair brainstorms outlandish, satirical, and painfully plausible headlines meant to fill content voids. Some highlights:

• “What is Ben Johnson thinking on the eve of his head coaching debut? We asked Matt Nagy and Mark Trestman.” (10:56 – Dan)
• “Bears revamp locker room to model the Trestman way.” (11:09 – Matt)
• “Former ‘85 Bears grumble incomprehensibly about defense or hitting or something.” (11:24 – Dan)
• “Should Tyson Bagent be given the reins? People in this downstate diner sure say so.” (15:50 – Dan)
• They riff on Bears folklore and poke fun at nostalgia, particularly around the endless references to the 1985 Bears.

“We could do a whole podcast on the bad white running backs that Bears fans have loved.” (31:14 – Matt)

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Personal & Chicago Anecdotes

• Digressions include stories of drinking at Ruby Tuesday’s, run-ins at golf outings with former Bears, and ditzy waitstaff at small-town restaurants, all folded in with Bears references.
• The hosts joke about pet problems (“your dog doesn’t like your maid”) as a window into suburban life versus the gritty stories often told about NFL players.

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The 1985 Bears Nostalgia

• With the 40th anniversary approaching, Matt and Dan anticipate another wave of features on the beloved Super Bowl team, poking gentle fun at the recycling of these stories:

  “We need to remember the 85 bears because there has not been…” (32:46 – Matt)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “No Bears quarterback is destined to be good and all must fail.” (08:39 – Dan)
• “I can't lie to you. I'm not going to say that we're somehow better or holier than others in needing to fill Bears content…” (06:54 – Dan)
• “He doesn't strike me as that kind of guy. He seems more concerned with being transparent and sincere.” (05:50 – Matt)
• On “tragedy porn” in sports media:

  “It’s usually a draft night thing. ‘This guy grew up in a shoebox eating nothing but gravel…’” (29:21 – Dan)

• “We could do a whole podcast on the bad white running backs that Bears fans have loved.” (31:14 – Matt)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:41 – Show intro, anticipation for Bears-Vikings opener
• 01:19 – Discussion on starting left tackle announcement (Braxton Jones)
• 02:33 – Jalen Johnson injury update
• 02:47 – Bears team captains revealed
• 03:41 – “Floating” captaincy discussion
• 04:28-05:03 – Ben Johnson’s offense and playbook speculation
• 06:54-08:00 – “Bears Silly Week,” content-filling in the media
• 08:08-08:39 – Tribes of Bears quarterback fandom
• 10:56-11:47 – Satirical “Bears Silly Season” headline brainstorming
• 16:16 – Satirical coverage of “Bagent Goobers” and Bears QB tribes
• 28:48-29:40 – Commentary on “tragedy porn” and NFL storytelling traditions
• 32:46 – 1985 Bears anniversary/Nostalgia talk

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Tone & Style

Irreverent, self-aware, and steeped in the language of lifelong fans, the podcast mixes dry analysis with jokes, nostalgia, and inside-baseball humor. Dan and Matt riff on old Chicago sports stories, their own everyday lives, and the quirks of NFL media coverage, making even the slowest week on the Bears calendar entertaining for listeners.

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Summary

This episode exemplifies “silly season” in Chicago football—lean on hard news, rich on cultural commentary and Bears fandom in-jokes. Dan and Matt provide both a rundown of what little actual news there is and a tongue-in-cheek look at the media frenzy to fill space before real football begins. They preview the team’s mood, poke holes in obsessive preseason coverage, and reminisce about Bears history, keeping fans entertained until the season kicks off.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

A Chicago Bears podcast with Dan Bernstein.

[A]

And Matt Abaticola on 312 sports. It is forward Progress, a Chicago Bears podcast indeed on 312Sports. I'm Dan Bernstein. That is Matt Abaticola and we draw to Bears and Vikings on Monday night. I was going to say a week from today, but it's not because Labor Day weekend. So it's Tuesday. And thank you for joining us. This is the day of a little bit of Bears news. Not surprisingly, the latest that we have is we have.

[B]

I'm very surprised by this starting left tackle. Very surprised.

[A]

We have one because we recorded dbu. We did not have a starting left tackle. By the time we were done, we've got one. And it's not exactly a shock. Braxton Jones, the incumbent coming off of the repaired ankle, will be your starting left tackle for your Chicago Bears.

[B]

I'm totally shocked. I did not see that coming.

[A]

No, you thought it would be Theo Benedict.

[B]

You know, I was waiting for one guy, Ozzy Tripillo, come in and just take a hold of the position and say, hey, without even saying it, coach, I'm the guy, because they would recognize it. I had no idea who it would be.

[A]

Maybe when Darnell Wright moved over there that that would be the answer. They couldn't find an answer. And they have settled. They're not going to call it that, but they have settled on Braxton Jones and they couldn't make it any more obvious that they've settled because they have to announce it six days before they play. All right, Cool. What else did we learn today? We found out that Jalen Johnson has been dealing with a groin injury that he suffered practicing at some point somewhere and that he is hoping to be cleared to play and he's going to try to play. All right. Awesome. The Bears also have voted on their captains. Do you want to try to name them?

[B]

Yes, I do. Okay. Caleb Williams.

[A]

That's one. There are five.

[B]

Another captain is a linebacker.

[A]

No.

[B]

Wow. How about the Center?

[A]

No, the man next to him. Joe Tooney.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Joe Tooney is a captain.

[B]

That's good. He's been in the NFL a long time.

[A]

He makes a good captain, as has the defensive line representative, Grady Jarrett.

[B]

Oh, Grady. I love Grady Jarrett.

[A]

Outspoken defensive tackle.

[B]

I want to find out what's in his trunk.

[A]

That's. He kept saying, I got a lot left in my trunk.

[B]

Yeah. Got to see what's left in the trunk. So is it curious to know what's in.

[A]

Is there junk in his trunk?

[B]

I bet there is.

[A]

And we can play what's in Grady Jarrett's trunk.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Kevin Byard, Safety. Veteran. Captain.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And your special teams representative is. Cairo Santos. Okay. The Bears will designate a captain each week. Also. They're going to be a floating.

[B]

A floating captain.

[A]

Captaincy. Yes. So that's pretty much your Bears news. My guess is this week they're going to take it fairly easy, let people get rested up and not get anybody else hurt before they begin.

[B]

That's a good, that's a good plan to have.

[A]

I like that plan as well.

[B]

Yeah. And you know, again, to reiterate some of the, the topics we've discussed, I mean, we're just, I'm really curious to see. And we won't know until game time. And I'm ready for a game. Like, I'm tired of all of this preseason stuff. It's just, it's all, it's all nonsense. What are your decisions? What are you doing? Who are you putting out on the field? And the last thing to learn, and we won't know until the game is how much of his playbook is going to be available to Ben Johnson. What is this offense going to look like from. From game one?

[A]

That's what we talked about to start was this idea that any offensive coach comes in with all these wonderful ideas and then by the time the first game rolls around, he can't sleep because he knows only 10% of that is actually usable in the game. So how much is he sandbagging? How much is he saying? Well, we've force fed him a lot of stuff. Maybe they're farther ahead. Further ahead.

[B]

Further ahead.

[A]

Because it's not. Maybe they're further ahead than we're being led to believe. And all the bells and whistles are coming out. Haha, I suckered you. And we've got everything in and we can run all of it.

[B]

Yeah. See, that's the thing though, about Ben Johnson. He doesn't strike me as that kind.

[A]

Of NFL coach, but maybe he's playing on that.

[B]

Maybe because we don't.

[A]

The. The. The scouting report of him as an NFL coach does not exist.

[B]

Yeah. And he.

[A]

By the way, if you want to cough, you can turn your mic off. You don't have to lean away.

[B]

Well, no, I.

[A]

See.

[B]

I was uncertain about turning my mic off if it takes away all the audio.

[A]

Okay, good. Good. Reason.

[B]

I don't. You know, we've already had enough audio issues. I'm not concerned about creating more.

[A]

And by the way, we did fix the audio problem.

[B]

We're working on it anyway.

[A]

It's all right.

[B]

So that's why I did it. Whatever. I don't.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

People don't care. They're. They're. They're in our space, in enjoying our time with them. So.

[A]

Yes, your time. But. Yeah, and it's my time. It makes it our time. Mr. Hand.

[B]

Yeah, maybe. Maybe he is that guy and he's just playing games. I don't.

[A]

I.

[B]

He doesn't strike me as that kind of guy. He seems more concerned with being transparent and sincere and, hey, this is where things are at. And, you know, I'm not.

[A]

Which I hope is the case. Let me be very, very clear. If he is unfiltered, to use a word, and this transparent. Good, Good. Because I've always wanted NFL coaches to be more like NBA coaches in that regard. It's all out there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can see it. Just don't. There's no reason to lie to anybody. You line up and you hit people in the mouth. Yeah.

[B]

But, you know, so many games that were played with injury reports and I mean, you know, Lovey was just. He was classic for that and, you know, not really wanting to show his hands at all. I don't know if. If. If he really is being sincere and honest again. They're just. It's game time. I'm just ready to watch an actual game that has purpose and meaning to it. That's all I want. I'm ready. And now we have to wait a day longer.

[A]

Not a day longer. It's this week because of how they've rearranged exhibition games and everything else. I think we made mention of this on dbu, but it's silly week.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is. There has been so much space and time carved out for electronic print for what we. And we're going to contribute to this, too. That's the thing. I can't lie to you. I'm not going to say that we're somehow better or holier than others in needing to Fill Bears content with very, very little Bears news and digging deeper and deeper and deeper for things to discuss because, you know, in those editorial meetings, hell, you know, the Tribune's got eight different people writing Bears. There's a million different podcasts and special Bears shows wherever you tune in. Bears extra this, right? And all because we can't get enough.

[B]

You got to find that story, that extra story, you know, whatever it might be. The guy who lost his best friend in high school and they were football teammates. You got to. I mean, there's those stories you dig super deep to find when there's nothing left to talk about. Because again, we can't keep talking about how much people are counting on Caleb Williams. You know, as the Bears go, you know, they'll go as far as Caleb.

[A]

Williams still their quarterback.

[B]

Right. And he's still the guy you're still going to hate him or love him. And he's so polarizing.

[A]

And nationally, that's already been a story, right?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

No, there are people who don't like Caleb Williams. If you want to do that, if you really want to diagram the various Bears quarterbacking tribes, you know, the Justin Fields Dead Enders, the Bajan Goobers, the hardcore Caleb people. There's all sorts of pathology going on when it comes to Bears court.

[B]

Or it's like gang names.

[A]

No, it is. You also have the. You have the historic Bears quarterback fatalists who believe that no Bears quarterback is destined to be good and all must fail.

[B]

It all will fail.

[A]

All will fail because they're Bears quarterbacks. That's a part of it, too. It's like in AP Modern European History, when you're actually doing the overlays of Europe of the maps. Of the maps and the Goths and the Visigoths and the Celts and the various tribes that sweep through and how the borders all change all the time.

[B]

Yeah. When I was in regular European History, we didn't have the charts and the maps.

[A]

I thought there only was AP Modern European History.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you were right. I didn't take European History. Right.

[A]

Well. Sorry. Yeah, I was just trying.

[B]

Sorry, smart guy. That you had AP European History. Well, I was too busy learning about America. Damn it. Didn't have time for European History.

[A]

Well, we took AP US History the previous year.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then you did Modern European. And Modern European was fun because Mrs. Anderson had always picked out somebody in class to hate. She always had a whipping kid that she would just abuse.

[B]

Was it you?

[A]

No, she loved me. She loved me because she was kind of a jerk. So she could recognize.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Kindred spirits. She knew a friend when she had one, but she said. All right, we're gonna move all the way through. Drop your pencil. Miss a Thousand Years. Here we go.

[B]

Oh, I wasn't expecting. Pencil. I heard drop.

[A]

Drop.

[B]

Drop your.

[A]

She was great. Okay. She was great. No, Brad, you're wrong. Shut up.

[B]

All right. Bears. Bears Silly Week.

[A]

All right, here we go. This is. I. I've decided late last night, I'm like, okay, if this is going to be Bears Silly Week, let me. Let me throw this one out there for headlines and. Or tweets. Blue sky. They call them Skeets on Blue sky, whatever they are. Or Jazzy teasers that you might find on Instagram.

[B]

Something to click.

[A]

A clickable tease Bears story that either could be on the edge of plausibility or is the kind of thing we're gonna get between now and Monday.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Just because everybody's digging for the last ditch stories.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

You want me to start?

[B]

Yeah, you start. You start. I have a list and I'm gonna start with my most mild one, but you start.

[A]

Okay. What is Ben Johnson thinking on the eve of his head coaching debut? We asked Matt Neggy and Mark Trestman.

[B]

Okay. All right. Yeah, I'm in the right area then, because.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right. So here's my first one. And this would be very clickable. People would want to read this story. Bears revamp locker room to model the Trustman way.

[A]

Okay. Similar.

[B]

Yes. Invoke the names of Mark Trustman.

[A]

Okay. All right, how about this? Former 85 Bears grumble incomprehensibly about defense or hitting or something.

[B]

Reading that story.

[A]

What? Nothing.

[B]

All right, I'm going to give you my favorite one, though.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'll skip my. Because I have an 85 bears one as well.

[A]

I have an open ended one to do at the end.

[B]

Okay. This Saturday, join the Bears Care wine tasting event hosted by Mike Ditka.

[A]

Wine sleeping event.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

All right. Okay.

[B]

I'm sure you'd want more information on that. Somebody would be like, yeah, I want to get more information.

[A]

Go hang out with coach and have a little bit of his kick ass red. The wine I was rooting for to be bad. That was actually good.

[B]

Well, it depends how much of it you drink.

[A]

Well, enough. But somebody. No, it was good. Somebody gave. It was a Mendocino Zinn. Somebody gave me a bottle of the Ditka kick ass Red. I'm like, fine, I'll bring it home. God, I hope this sucks.

[B]

And it wasn't Bad. I don't remember. I'm sure I've had it.

[A]

Don't you remember?

[B]

Not yet. I'm sure I had it. I don't.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, it's one of these classic, like, high alcohol, overblown Lodi Zins.

[B]

I'm sure we probably drank it together.

[A]

Fruit buffer. Right. Who would remember? What were we drinking? Bourbon. A estancia.

[B]

At Ruby Tuesday.

[A]

Yes. We killed like three bottles of estancia before we went out.

[B]

At the bar.

[A]

Yes. At Ruby Tuesday.

[B]

I don't remember. I don't know if we were just.

[A]

Driving by Ruby Tuesday.

[B]

We came across Ruby Tuesday. We weren't seeking it out. Yeah, it was at the Wall.

[A]

It was across the. From the Holiday Inn. And that was like our nice place to go before we went out.

[B]

That. No, that was the nice place. Yes.

[A]

Well, then there was the Italian joint. We would go there too. We were drinking the. Was it not Rafino? We found a good, like, cabernet.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Do you remember Chianti?

[B]

Do you remember the. The brewery we were at in Bourbon?

[A]

A Brickstone.

[B]

Yeah. So we're at Brickstone.

[A]

I was there relatively recently.

[B]

Okay, so we're there for dinner and like the.

[A]

Is that with the girls? No, no, no, no, no. It was like some girls wanted to give us a ride and you were like, okay, let's go. I'm like, I'm not getting in a car with these women.

[B]

Oh, that's because we didn't have the car. No, this was like the 18 year old server and you were like asking your differences on, like the wine tasting there was like the red. No, it was wine. It was like a red wine and a right wine. That's all it was on there. It was like red win. And you're like asking her the differences and how do you think the tastes are? And you know what would pair better with my meal tonight? And we're like, if my burger Tannehill are looking at you are like, what the hell is wrong with you? She's barely 18.

[A]

I don't think it was there.

[B]

It was there.

[A]

I thought it was at the other place. That was a nice restaurant until it went back. Vito's. Remember? They made it nice.

[B]

I don't. I'll have to double check with.

[A]

All right, so. Okay, we're getting distracted here.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

All right, how about this for a headline?

[B]

Okay?

[A]

When the Bears eventually leave Soldier Field, this idiot in charge of placing the end zone pylons will be out of a job.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. It's good. Bears announce upcoming Halftime ceremony to honor their top receiver Matt Forte will accept on Walter Payton's behalf.

[A]

Okay, okay. All right. Remaining Eberfluss loyalists in Bear's locker room alarmed by basic competence.

[B]

I like the idea that there are actually Eberflus.

[A]

The headline isn't there are remaining Eberfluss loyalists. It's remaining Eberfluss loyalists alarmed by basic competence.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I just. It's. I cannot believe some of the coaching errors we've had in like modern, modern times of football for the Chicago Bears.

[A]

Oh, I can.

[B]

I mean, Trustman Nagy ever floose Fox. Bears fans attending a home game this season could receive a Jay Cutler mugshot bobblehead. You click on that for that date, right?

[A]

Sure I would. I've got one more here before I do the open ended one.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Should Tyson Bagent be given the reins? People in this downstate diner sure say so.

[B]

That's like a. That's our Fox guy. That's Dane Placo down there doing the story live.

[A]

Yeah, Dane Placo is down in, you know, Effingham. Right, right. I'm at the local diner in Effingham talking to Bairds fans and to a person they all think Tyson Bajan should start.

[B]

Yeah, that fits the Goober Bajans. Would you call them the Bajan Goobers? Yeah, that's the gangs.

[A]

Yeah. You've got the Fields. The Justin Fields should have been. They should have stuck with Fields. Dead Enders.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You got the Bajan Goobers. You have the Caleb Williams sucks because of nail polish and crying. And then you have the Caleb Williams can do no wrong and is the anointed one. There's all sorts of these micro tribes that exist that infect all the discussion. All right, do you have any more?

[B]

Yeah, I do have a. I have two more here. I jotted down the Chicago Bears and Chase present Protect yout online identity with moderator and former player Buster Screams.

[A]

That's too soon. Oh, it is too soon for Buster.

[B]

Oh, okay, my bad. I'll do the last. You save your open ended one. Okay. The 1985 Chicago Bears reunion charity softball game was postponed in the fourth inning after Mike Singletary dropped his pants in the batter's box to protest his team's poor play. No makeup date has been assigned and.

[A]

Half the team forget. Half the players forgot which team they were on.

[B]

I remember that story of dropping his pants in the locker room and people.

[A]

There were people defending it. Yes, that's what they need more of.

[B]

Well, he had boxers on. That's why it was okay.

[A]

Still, it's kind of weird.

[B]

Yeah, kind of. Imagine being an NFL veteran now.

[A]

I probably shouldn't do this. Bears silly week. Something. There's something in the hopper that somebody's going to throw down Saturday or Sunday. It won't be Saturday. Probably be a big Sunday. Think piece. I used to always default to it being Dan Weiderer because he'd write, you know, 28,000 words.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

But maybe he'll do it for the athletic. And now he's not bound by the actual newsprint. He can actually write 40,000 words. Love you, Dan. Bears to honor the late Virginia McCaskey. By blank. You've already had three things you self edited. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. I could tell by the glimmer in your eye. I can tell. There are already three things you self edited.

[B]

I am not saying any of them. I refuse to do it, okay? I can't. You know me better than that.

[A]

I can't do it. So many I wrote down.

[B]

Is there any you could share or do you not see? You don't even feel comfortable doing your own bit.

[A]

Well, this isn't Dan Bernstein. Unfiltered.

[B]

That's right. Can you save them for tomorrow?

[A]

No, no, no, no. Oh, by the way, tomorrow on dbu, Terry Bors is going to join us.

[B]

Yes, he'll be on with us for the entire podcast show. Uncle Terry.

[A]

Okay, because like I was saying, bears to honor Virginia McCaskey by entombing Kevin Warren in sacred burial chamber. I don't know.

[B]

I mean, you know me well enough now that. Just think, worst case scenario, that's what I had.

[A]

How about this? How about bears to honor Virginia McCaskey? Ironic, ironically, by swearing constantly and porking every cheerleader they can find.

[B]

Okay, that's.

[A]

Does that work?

[B]

That's a good tribute, that. Well, you can actually say that one. Yeah, right.

[A]

Well, I can say anything. It's a podcast. I know.

[B]

Then, right? Come on, give me one. Give me another one.

[A]

How about, there's a couple here that didn't make the cut. Chicago weather bemoans lack of bear.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Okay, here's the third. The third one I thought of and you read your headline is. I was gonna say they're gonna wheel her out as the honorary captain for game one, but then I decided not to say it, so I won't.

[A]

Don't say that.

[B]

I'm not gonna say it.

[A]

Right. You didn't and you won't.

[B]

I thought about saying it, but I decided not to because There is an honorary captain every week, right? You said there's a floating.

[A]

There's a captain. He's not literally floating, but that would be cool if they designated a floating captain. Okay, how about this one? Under Ben Johnson, newly tech savvy. Bears among NFL early adopters of artificial intelligence. Oh, boy. All players, coaches, position and positions and play calls now named Hitler. Okay, so that's.

[B]

That's their intelligence system.

[A]

Because AIs are getting. You know how they're all learning on stuff that's making them racist.

[B]

What did the. What did the.

[A]

What was.

[B]

What did the Cubs have? What was the Cubs system? Didn't they have some. Was it ivy?

[A]

Is that what they. I think it was ivy.

[B]

Is it? So the Bears are going to have.

[A]

Hitler because it's AI. If they're training everything on AI eventually. It's like Godwin's.

[B]

As long as it's housed in a brick submarine, then we'll be fine.

[A]

We're all housed in a brick submarine.

[B]

Where's Hitler? In the brick submarine? Oh, man. So the Bears AI system is Hitler.

[A]

Okay, this is something. My friend sent me this one because I was crowdsourcing this from a couple places last night.

[B]

Hopefully. You're funny friends, right?

[A]

Not my cousins. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. I know better medical and cousins comedy advice elsewhere. This said 2025 bears announce that they are finally open to the concept of time stop, time pause or time out near end of game, notwithstanding prior regime charges of meddling with the immutable laws of God and man. That's a long way to go for that one.

[B]

You sure you didn't get that from the cousins? Because, I mean, we can. There's a long way to go for that. If you listen closely, you can still hear booing from the Boars and Bernstein roast.

[A]

Oh, it's still echoing. Yes, it's right across the street. I mean, that was bad.

[B]

All right. You sure you didn't get that?

[A]

Oh, no, wait, that was the roast. So that was the one out at Belvedere, at Belvedere banquets, right? Ooh, Bad stuff happened there.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I got a lot of long memory.

[B]

A lot of bad things.

[A]

Yeah. When I left the Azigian roast. Oh, good night, everyone.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that. That was bad.

[A]

That was bad. And then the Doug Buffon roast was thankfully saved by mango.

[B]

Oh, yeah, no mango.

[A]

It was terrible. And then Mongo, who had been drinking highballs full of vodka all night. Like, I thought it was water. I thought it was just a bit like Dean Martin with the Apple juice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It wasn't. It was Tito's.

[B]

He was. He was a. He was a great guy.

[A]

I didn't think he'd be able to open his mouth and get a sentence out. The guy drank. I swear to God, at least a fifth of vodka.

[B]

He was.

[A]

No, before he went up there, he was hilarious. Hilarious.

[B]

He was a champ. You know, the first time I met him was at a golf outing. I emceed, and I'm. I'm at. I can't remember what golf course we were at, but I was at the. I was at the bar, and I was. I was. The bar was empty and by myself, just having a drink. And there was a dog, A really small dog that was on top.

[A]

That was his wife's dog.

[B]

Yeah, it was on top of the bar top. And I'm like, what the hell? And then she came around and came around the corner, had the dog carrier. So I met her, then met him and yeah, became pals. He was a sweetheart. Great guy, but man, that showing that night, absolutely impressive.

[A]

I met an adorable dog the other day, and it came over to me and I was like, hi, is your dog friendly? Yeah. I said, can I pet your dog? Sure.

[B]

How'd you know the name?

[A]

This is the dog. Friendly. Hey, friendly, friendly. I'd never seen a dog look like this before. And I said, wow, what kind of dog is this? And he said, kind of a super mutt. He said, it's Pitbull and Chihuahua.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So now, of course, I'm trying to picture.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, I think we all just now. Yeah, that happened.

[A]

And which is what? Right? Like, who's the sire?

[B]

Both are bad matchups.

[A]

Yeah. But I'm just trying to think of Chihuahua's. Hey, how's it going? You're looking good. And the pit bull's like, all right.

[B]

Yeah. There had to be tequila involved.

[A]

Something went on there. But I'd never seen a chihuahua pit bull mix.

[B]

Like, how big was it?

[A]

£30, maybe.

[B]

Oh, so okay.

[A]

Yeah, maybe about that. Yeah, decent. Maybe a little less. Maybe 25 pounds. Decent sized dog. But it just kind of had a look to it. Because I love pit bulls. I just.

[B]

Yeah, I do too.

[A]

All I want to do is grab their heads. Cause they have the most grabbable head. Yeah, you just want to hold them and just grab them by the cheeks and say, hello, dog face.

[B]

What did you guys have?

[A]

What do we have? Have.

[B]

What was your dog?

[A]

Rottweiler mix.

[B]

Rottweiler, that's right.

[A]

And now the one that we dog sit for is we don't even know it's Pitbull and something. Why do you dog sit our neighbors across the.

[B]

Is it for cash or what?

[A]

No, we do it for free. Our neighbors across the street.

[B]

I mean, if you're hurting. I mean, I.

[A]

No, I'm all right, thank you. Thank you, but I'm okay.

[B]

Are you cutting lawns too, in the neighborhood?

[A]

No, I cut my own, though. I did the. In the back, but no, I'm not.

[B]

Your backyard is like four by four.

[A]

I know, but I have one of the push mowers. I have one of the Scott's wheel.

[B]

I would hope you have a push mower, not a rider.

[A]

I'd be like Austin Powers with the cart. Yeah. No. So their dog doesn't like their housekeeper, so when she's over, they bring the dog across the street and the dog stays with us the night before. And then anytime. We have right of first refusal, anytime they leave town. How.

[B]

These are neighbors, friends, Right.

[A]

Directly across the street.

[B]

How do they manage? I mean, that is. I mean, your dog doesn't like the maid. Wow. I mean, how do. How do they get through life?

[A]

First world dog problems.

[B]

That is rough. I thought I had some problems in life, but, man, your dog doesn't like your maid.

[A]

The dog also does not like other dogs. So when you walk the dog, if you see me up front in wgn.

[B]

Like, sounds like for dear life, my time to visit the vet dog.

[A]

No, no, it's. She's old enough. It just has some issues.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And she'll kill rabbits like that. Like you're.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I did tell you. They got three more.

[A]

No.

[B]

In the backyard.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

Well, yeah, Izzy got three more.

[A]

Frank is not catching no rabbits.

[B]

Frank. He's nosing the dead rabbits in the backyard and lays next to him. He got another one. Yeah, and so Izzy got three more, so. I know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, they need to stop having babies.

[A]

Who, the rabbits? Yes.

[B]

Well, that's what they do, but they need to stop. So our. Our neighborhood is just. Every time we take the dogs for a walk, I see rabbits in pretty much every. There's too many of them. So Izzy's actually helping the rabbit population in Libertyville.

[A]

Well, denying the coyotes their meals.

[B]

Yeah, we do get coyotes that walk right through the backyard.

[A]

So do we. Yeah, we get coyotes all the time. They're great. They love rats. They love rabbits.

[B]

You have a lot of rats.

[A]

Yeah, I live in the city. Yeah, there's rats.

[B]

A lot of rats.

[A]

Rats. He's a rat. It's a Rat.

[B]

All right, you have any more Bears headlines for your cousins?

[A]

No, I think that's it for Bears silly season headlines. But just make sure that you steel yourself for a deep dive into things you don't care about. Particularly. It's your Chicago Bears because wait, we did the Colston Lovelands from Idaho, right? Is that where he's from? Montana, Idaho? Something like. Well, everyone loves him here and he's a God fearing.

[B]

Oh, is that. I missed that story?

[A]

Oh yeah, cow. Real cowboy. He woke up before the sun came up and he threw bales of hay and the first week before throwing roosters around. I don't know what was happening the.

[B]

First week before NFL games start. It's very similar to the coverage that takes place on Super Bowl Sunday that starts at like 9 in the morning.

[A]

Which I don't watch.

[B]

And you have to have. I mean there's 9 million stories. You know, there's ones that make you cry. There's the feel good stories. You know, this guy lost this best friend and now he's in the super bowl honoring his best friend.

[A]

You have those tragedy porn.

[B]

Yeah, that's a, that's a great. I've never heard that term, tragedy porn.

[A]

Yeah, it's usually a draft night thing.

[B]

Don't Google that though.

[A]

It's all. That's.

[B]

You don't probably want to watch that.

[A]

Tragedy porn is usually in poverty porn. That's not going to happen. That's the other draft night thing. This guy grew up in a shoebox eating nothing but gravel. And here he is and all his brothers were killed in a tsunami. You know, it's. And here he's finally getting drafted and there's nobody to give him a big hug.

[B]

Yeah, I mean he may have, he may have grown up in a shoebox eating gravel. His brothers were all murdered. But this guy, their dog doesn't like their maid. I mean like how does that guy.

[A]

That's a full episode.

[B]

That's a whole story there.

[A]

So we did the Colson. At some point there's going to be a, like an explainer that Theo Benedet is from Canada and just explain like what Canada is, where Canada is, where it is, what it is and all of the. How exotic and strange their customs are.

[B]

Well, the government might try to ban that because they don't want to be associated with anything in America. Has there been the detailed look at like Ben Johnson and his, his, his road to football?

[A]

Six or seven times.

[B]

Oh, has there? Okay, that might be a good one there. How about Caleb Williams and his Journey as a quarterback. Has there been anything on that?

[A]

How about Kyle Manungai at R. Rutgers never fumbled.

[B]

He didn't?

[A]

No.

[B]

Which means, you know his very first.

[A]

Carry, first touch is going to be knocked out of his hands on first contact.

[B]

A fumble.

[A]

Right. He's also slow and short and hurt. So far it's going great. The whole Kyle Manungai vibe. Although I should give credit to Bears fans in Kyle Menungai, the Bears fans are treating him as if he's white.

[B]

It's a first.

[A]

I love it. It's almost like Brock Forsey is back. The fact that we're already over loving Kyle Menungi means we've come a long way. You the Bears fan, you've come a long way that it's almost like Kyle Menunguy's white. You over love him so much.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Could we.

[B]

We could do a whole podcast on the bad white running backs that Bears fans have loved.

[A]

No, we couldn't.

[B]

Why?

[A]

How many are there? Not including fullbacks. Not like Ty Hallock.

[B]

Yeah, he's still in the running back room.

[A]

Ty Hallock?

[B]

Yeah. Well, he's not still there.

[A]

Who's this guy?

[B]

Wheel him and her out.

[A]

What is he doing here? Get them both out. What's he in the room for?

[B]

Oh, boy. All right, so we're less than a week away from Bears Vikings. Less than a week away.

[A]

Johnny Musso.

[B]

We have really good.

[A]

Finally have Merrill Hodge. I'm trying to see how deep I go with with Bears white running backs.

[B]

Merrill Hodge. But he was.

[A]

How concussed was he enough to sue over it. Right.

[B]

For the Bears.

[A]

I think he was. He just.

[B]

I always loved him on the. Remember the Gillette Edge matchup? Yes, that was. I always enjoyed that segment.

[A]

I'm sure he's on TV somewhere. You can probably find him, track him down. Oh, football information.

[B]

The one guy you asked about earlier, former football guy, news guy here in town. Not dead. I was wrong.

[A]

Okay. Yes. Good.

[B]

Still alive.

[A]

Yes. Thank you for squaring that circle.

[B]

He's doing push ups somewhere.

[A]

Yeah, that was. That was odd. Yeah, I'm out of my list. I don't have anything left of possible Bears stories.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't think so, but definitely we will see something about the 85 bears. Somebody saying, I think this team has what it takes.

[B]

Well, we have to. It's 40 years, buddy. This is the big anniversary. Yeah. I mean they should be everywhere and anywhere they can be, they should be. We need to remember the 85 bears because there has not been.

[A]

I did Think about one the other day.

[B]

Who?

[A]

A friend of yours. I did think about an 85 bear. Silky D. Yes. While watching Luther Burden block.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I didn't see that. And I didn't want to be that guy. That Bears guy that immediately defaulted to an 85 to an 85 bear.

[B]

That's fair, though.

[A]

But I was trying to think of the list of Bears wide receivers who not only were good at blocking, but wanted, like, it really enjoyed knocking somebody on their ass.

[B]

And Silky D. Did.

[A]

He absolutely took pride in it. Like, to set an example, do. If Luther Burton can do some of that, he'll earn a lot of stuff in goal line.

[B]

So, yeah, I mean, we'll. We'll get a lot of 85 bears coming up this season because it's. It's the big anniversary. But not as big as 10 years from now when we're celebrating the 50th anniversary.

[A]

Now, that would be a draft and.

[B]

Still no Super Bowls. That.

[A]

But that would be a draft of remaining.

[B]

They're still there.

[A]

Remaining 85 bears. It's the opposite of a deadpool.

[B]

Well, I'll give you two right now. I'll take fencing, offensive one and Dennis McKinnon two. Ten years for sure.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They'll still be around.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Guarantee that.

[A]

And now you've done it. Wait, Ditka would be, like 105 or something like that, right? He's not.

[B]

That is. He's not 95.

[A]

No. He's got to be.

[B]

Isn't he, like, 83?

[A]

Ditka is.

[B]

How old is Ditka?

[A]

87. See? No, wait, that can't be right.

[B]

Sure it is. He's not in his 90s.

[A]

Maybe he's in someone else's 90s.

[B]

Yeah. He's younger than Lee. Lee Corso just turned 90.

[A]

85.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The 85 Bear coach is 85.

[B]

Yeah. That's perfect.

[A]

It's his golden year.

[B]

Yes. So, yeah, he'll be 95. He'll still be around for sure. Drinking wine.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

He'll be on college game day making picks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This headgear.

[A]

Yikes.

[B]

It was not good. It was elder abuse. It was bad.

[A]

I got to go back and watch it if it was really that bad.

[B]

It was really bad. It was very uncomfortable. Like, they. They really. They really lifted you up really high. It was really. It felt really good. It was like, all right, cool.

[A]

I'm.

[B]

I'm watching, like, the Lee Corso tribute. This is great. And then they bring him out there for the pick, and it was just.

[A]

Man.

[B]

Yeah. It was like asking Granddad what kind of dessert he wanted. It was just, it was bad.

[A]

Why is that bad? Why can't Grandpa.

[B]

Because he just, he couldn't get the words out. It was. I just felt bad for him.

[A]

Well, that's going to be it for Forward Progress today. And this is where you obviously get the best breakdown of all things when there are things to break down.

[B]

So excited for a game, an actual game that matters.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm so excited. I can't wait. I'm so tired of all this nonsense.

[A]

Now today also, I think when we get done here, we're finally going to be testing our home equipment because immediately after every Bears game, including this one on Monday night, we are going to post a post game full blown everything about everything we feel about that game.

[B]

Yeah, I'm very excited to watch. So we'll have, we'll have another episode of Ford Progress this week.

[A]

Week.

[B]

We'll have an episode Monday of next week leading into the game and then we'll have our first post game. We'll go up live on on Monday evening after the game ends.

[A]

Should look forward to it. And you should look forward. If you're listening today, you should look forward to Wednesday's DBU and Terry Bors is going to join us. But make sure that you subscribe to the YouTube channel. It's a different YouTube channel for forward progress. And make sure you lock in your subscriptions wherever you get your podcasts to make sure you're notified anytime a Forward Progr episode goes up. And even though you get it twice a week plus post games now, we are looking forward to scaling that up as demand Warrants and we've already been told that it's Kevin Warrants. We are close to doing that. So make this a part of your Bears experience and we're happy that you do. So talk to you next time. Ted. 219219.

[B]

Forward progress a Chicago Bears podcast.

[A]

With Dan Bernstein and Matt Abeticola on 312 Sports.