Forward Progress: "Top 10 Bears of All-Time"

Chicago Bears Podcast with Dan Bernstein & Matt Abbatacola
Date: October 3, 2025

Episode Overview

With the Chicago Bears on bye week, Dan Bernstein and Matt Abbatacola set aside the X’s and O’s to deliver their quirkiest, most engaging segment yet: the definitive* Top 10 Bears of All-Time*—but not just Chicago football legends. This episode is a wide-ranging, playful rundown of all the influential, notorious, and beloved “bears” in pop culture, sports, entertainment, and even the hosts’ personal lives. The tone is irreverent, personal, and packed with both nostalgia and sharp takes, as the hosts banter their way through the committee’s “official” ranking and their own idiosyncratic favorites.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Bye Week and the List’s Origins

• Instead of their usual Bear-centric football analysis, Dan and Matt use the bye week to indulge in a favorite segment: the Top 10 lists, usually reserved for Bears opponents’ franchises (00:17–01:34).
• “[The Top 10 lists] generated more engagement, perhaps, whether angry, excited, happy, or getting the bit. Not getting the bit. Whatever it is." — Dan Bernstein [01:51]

The Committee’s Official Top 10 Bears

• The “committee,” with some tongue-in-cheek bureaucracy, created their list based on a combination of popularity, revenue, and cultural impact—with a long, comedic honorable mentions prelude (04:02–05:55).

Notable (And Hilarious) Honorable Mentions

• Care Bears, Cocaine Bear, Berenstain Bears, Lotso Huggin Bear, Po from Kung Fu Panda, the Coca Cola Polar Bears, Bear Bryant, Bear Grylls, and more, including the infamous Petey the Sexual Harassment Panda.

The Committee’s Top 10 Bears of All-Time (06:01–15:06)

1. Yogi Bear – Cartoon legend, inspired by Yogi Berra, known for picnic basket thievery and “I’m smarter than the average bear.” [15:06]
   • “He just lifted [his persona] from Art Carney’s portrayal of Ed Norton on the Honeymooners.” — Dan Bernstein [15:43]
2. Paddington Bear – Polite, marmalade-loving children’s book icon.
3. Baloo – Laid-back star of The Jungle Book and TaleSpin; almost had a role in Top Gun: Maverick (joke).
4. Fozzie Bear – The Muppet Show’s pun-slinging comic (“What kind of shoes are made from banana skins? Slippers,” 12:29).
5. Smokey Bear – Forest Service mascot with a timeless message: “Only you can prevent wildfires.” [12:00]
6. Sergeant Donnie Donowitz (“The Bear Jew”) – Inglourious Basterds’ bat-wielding Nazi terror, played by Eli Roth.
7. Winnie the Pooh – Storybook staple, though Dan sides with Dorothy Parker’s savage 1928 pan: “That word, hummy, my darlings, that marks the first place in the House at Pooh Corner at which Tunsten Weeder fwod up.” — Dorothy Parker via Dan [10:32]
8. The Three Bears (from “Goldilocks”) – The ur-bear family of fairy tale fame.
9. Jack Nicklaus (“The Golden Bear”) – Golf champion with 18 majors.
10. Billy Bob Broccoli – Main mascot/lead singer for ShowBiz Pizza’s Rock-afire Explosion (animatronic band), deeply nostalgic for ‘80s kids.

Dan’s Personal Top 10 + Honorable Mentions

• Dan’s criteria? Utterly personal preference, not pop culture metrics (16:09).
• He offers amusing sidebars about mascot exclusions (“Bear Aspirin”/“Bayer” confusion), TV bears (Gentle Ben, Grizzly Adams), cereal mascots (Sugar Bear), and why Berenstain Bears “sucked” (19:16).

Dan’s Top 10 Bears (Of All Types)

1. Bibu (“Bee Boo”) – His son’s beloved blue bear lovey, deeply personal and poignant; “[My son’s] first word was Bibu…Which is how he said blue bear…He has three of them…They were all under the umbrella, they all had the auspices…of being Bibu." — Dan [31:39–33:28]
   • A touching parenting anecdote about what truly matters most, even for students in college: “He said, I don’t care. It is Bibu. …Any girl that has an issue with Bibu is not somebody I want to be with.” [34:05]
2. Ursa Major/Minor (“Big Dipper & Little Dipper” constellations) – The first constellations most people learn: “They're Cosmo, they're stars, they're worlds. They deserve high rankings.” — Dan [30:14]
3. Fozzie Bear
4. Walter Payton – The beloved, real Chicago Bear running back gets the nod as the only football entry on a largely non-sports list.
5. Ted – Seth MacFarlane’s foul-mouthed, hilarious stuffed bear.
6. Petey the Sexual Harassment Panda – From South Park, educational and absurd mascot [26:22].
7. Victor the Wrestling Bear – Real wrestling bear who once sparred with sports radio legend Terry Boers and former Bears DC Rod Marinelli (“Victor sat on Terry’s head…,” 26:00).
8. Yogi Bear
9. The Three Bears (Goldilocks)
10. Smokey Bear

Dan’s Honorable Mentions

• Oksana (Borat’s bear/wife), Huggy Bear (Starsky & Hutch), Billy Bear (48 Hours, Predator), cereal mascots (Sugar Bear), TV mascots (BJ & The Bear), and commercial mascots (Snuggle Bear, Ham’s Beer Bear, Icy Polar Bear).

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Popular/Reviled Bears:
  • “Berenstain Bears sucked. …Bears bite me.” — Dan Bernstein [19:16]
  • (On Winnie the Pooh): “Did you know Dorothy Parker’s famous review? …‘That word, hummy, my darlings, that marks the first place…at which Tunsten Weeder fwod up.’” — Dan [10:32]
• On Kid Nostalgia & Parenting:
  • “He said, I always knew from the moment which one was the right, the real Bibu and the other imposter Bibus…But they were all under the umbrella…[of] being Bibu, being in his family.” — Dan [33:09]
• On the List’s Purpose/Reception:
  • “It’s fun for us…and we’ve heard back it’s fun for you, too. …This has generated flat out anger, too.” — Matt [01:34, 01:49]
• On Yogi Bear’s Cultural Theft:
  • “His entire persona is stolen from Art Carney’s portrayal of Ed Norton on the Honeymooners…even down to the hat!” — Dan [15:34]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:17 — Introduction to episode theme and segment’s significance
• 03:26 — The committee’s list-building process explained
• 06:01–15:06 — Committee’s Top 10 Bears rundown (animated and real)
• 16:13 — Dan’s personal methodology for his own Top 10
• 17:06–22:24 — Mascot sidebars, commercial bear mascots discussed
• 22:24–25:44 — Dan’s honorable mentions (Oksana, Huggy Bear, etc.)
• 25:44 — Victor the Wrestling Bear stories (incl. Rod Marinelli and Terry Boers’ bouts)
• 26:22 — Sexual Harassment Panda song/clip
• 28:16 — Marinelli’s wrestling tale conclusion
• 29:01–34:46 — Top entries: Ted, Walter Payton, Fozzie, Ursa Major/Minor, Bibu (full Bibu story unfolds)
• 34:05 — “Any girl that has an issue with Bibu… not somebody I want to be with.”
• 35:30–end — Preview of next week and sponsor read

Tone & Atmosphere

• The hosts blend Chicago sports radio irreverence with deep nostalgia and randomness. Personal stories (Dan’s Bibu tale, memories of the old Golden Bear pancake house) balance zingers, pop culture deep-cuts, and loving dad jokes.

Summary

This is far more than a ranking of cartoon icons; it’s a celebration of what “Bears” mean—across sports, TV, childhood, and real life. Listeners laugh with the hosts’ irreverence, learn quirky history (Art Carney = Yogi Bear DNA!), and get pure, sweet sentiment in tales like Bibu’s. As Dan says, “There’s a lot of subjectivity involved…and I’m not going to apologize for it.” For both diehards and casuals, this episode proves why Forward Progress is Chicago’s football conversation at its most eclectic and endearing.

Episode available on 312 Sports. For the footbally stuff, tune in after the bye!