Transcript
Sacha Stone (0:00)
Hi, this is Free Thinking through the fourth Turning. My name is Sacha Stone. Janet's no Kings Halloween Fiction Satire Janet left Two Moons Yoga Studio, where a gaggle of concerned American citizens, the True Patriots, held an emergency no Kings Cancel Halloween meeting to save Democracy. The attendees were Janet's age. They were her neighbors, but she didn't know most of them. They were all directed to join the Nextdoor app to get to know each other better online. Janet used the app frequently, even though they had a rule about no politics. She would use Nextdoor to inform her neighbors if ICE agents had entered the town's perimeter. She would also warn neighbors about the E bikes speeding through town, endangering animals and pedestrians. She would take pictures of people whose dogs left messes that their owners did not pick up and post them on next door. And she would make sure to let everyone know how many people were responsibly wearing masks at the Farmer's Market. Covid wasn't over. Janet knew. It was still a constant threat, especially to the marginalized, trans people, black and brown people and immigrants. It was her duty to wear a mask at all times. Even at the meeting at Two Moons Yoga, only some people there were wearing masks, but not all. Janet was sure to jot down their names in case she needed to warn people later. The meeting went well. Everyone was on the same page that democracy and the way of life were now under grave threat. This is not normal, said Barack Obama. Janet agreed. Their action plan was to go door to door and inform their neighbors that Halloween would be canceled due to the government shutdown and the fascist occupation of the country. They had even bigger goals, like canceling Thanksgiving and boycotting Christmas, too. But one step at a time. Halloween was in just a few days, and it was time to send a message to the government that we would not be buying candy or trick or treating while Nazis roamed our streets. Everyone had a list of the neighborhood sections. Janet would go that evening after she watched msnbc. She didn't want to interrupt her neighbors, who were probably just as glued to their TVs. That was the only way to stay informed now that the country had been overtaken by fascists. Nothing else can be trusted now. The media is terrified of Trump. Not even the ladies of the View can talk politics anymore. Janet can only watch for about five minutes before they move on to shallow interviews and publicity hits. Trump has intimidated everyone, suing network's disappearing Jimmy Kimmel for a joke, and that has had a chilling effect on free speech. Janet wasn't exactly thrilled about Knocking on doors. But she had to do something. She couldn't just stay home and post about him on Facebook. And next door, some had suggested giving out bags of groceries to those whose SNAP benefits would run out. Yes, a community effort for the poor and downtrodden. It's just that Vistabute isn't a town full of poor people. It was expensive to live here. Were there poor people in this town? Then she remembered the maid who comes to clean her house once a month. And everyone has a gardener. Maybe she would approach them with a bag of groceries when she saw them at work. Would it be weird to take a selfie and post it on Instagram to show how important it is to recognize the poor right now? Assuming the maid was poor just because she cleaned houses for a living wasn't racist, was it? Is it offensive to call her a maid? What's the appropriate term? Janet asked. Chatgpt. The answer Housekeeper, house cleaner, or domestic worker. Okay, so domestic workers might be the poor people in Vistabute. Like immigrants, Janet did her best not to offend marginalized people. She didn't know if any such people lived in Vistabute. Town was, after all, 96% white, affluent and very liberal. But on the off chance she might encounter one, she wanted them to know she cared about their health too. That's why she wears a mask outside every day. Janet began walking up her street and could feel the October breeze. This was the best time of year in Vistabute. It wasn't too hot and it wasn't yet too cold. It was one of those perfect fall days, and every so often you could smell smoke from a fireplace off in the distance. She didn't want to think about him on a day like this. She needed to be living in the moment. More self care. Meditation, daily walks, breathing exercises. The election was almost one year ago. Janet's hair had finally grown back after she shaved it to protest the fascist in the White House. She thought about keeping it because people were so kind to her when they thought she was battling cancer. She never said she was, they just assumed, and she kind of let them. It felt good to have people be nice to her. Things aren't getting better, Janet knew. They're getting worse. Much worse. He disemboweled the East Wing to put up a Nazi building. He defiled the Lincoln Bedroom's bathroom and put in a Roman bathhouse. Everything is ugly, tacky, gold. He hates America. He had a late stage Roman Empire ball at Mar a Lago, apparently while millions were about to starve because of the government shutdown. He was having a party for billionaires. Janet tried not to think of it. Instead, she looked around at all the Vote yes on Prop 50 signs that were stabbed into the lawns of all her neighbors. What good people they were. They raised 120 million. Imagine that. Of course it will pass. We have to save democracy, she thought. By adding more seats in Congress. Janet herself donated around 300. Somewhere in the distance she could hear buzzing, whirring. What is that sound? She knew before she even saw them that it was those kids on the electric bike that had been terrorizing the town. E bikes everyone had complained on next door. Even the maggot who goes by the name Red Hat. Even he or she or they. No, he or he or she hated them. They were dangerous. They were loud. It was the only time she and Red Hat agreed on anything. He was always the first to chime in on her ICE posts. Good job, ice, he would say. We need to protect American workers and the media is lying about ice and scaring people. But Red Hat was living in a Fox News fantasy world, Janet knew. Their fights got so heated that Janet had to block Red Hat and then warn everyone on next door not to engage with him. There is no point, she would say. He is too lost and can't be helped. All we can do is block him. But he just made a new account. What will we do with all these racists who voted for Trump? She thought. We can't live with them. We can't forgive them. Their days are numbered. Already the Democrats are leading in the polls. It's just a matter of time before we take back the country and save democracy. But what to do with all those bad people? Janet didn't know, but she hoped someone did. Red Hat was right about those bikes, though. The kids didn't know how to control them. They went too fast down the road. They scared dogs and cats and they scared Janet. She could hear them off in the distance now. Then she could see them. There they were, a gang of about six boys speeding right toward her. Janet was still holding her no King sign, which she brought to the meeting. It said no kkk, no Fascist USA and no Kings. She held it up in front of her so the boys could see her clothes clearly, in case they weren't paying attention. Could they see her? They had a devilish look on their faces and were speeding right toward her. Were they planning on hitting her? Would they hit a middle aged woman in a mask carrying a no King sign? Yes. Janet knew they would, because they're Dumb kids. It was now a game of chicken, and Janet was not playing that game. Just as they got within a few feet of her, she leapt out of the way and stumbled, falling face down on the concrete. She could hear them screaming with laughter as they sped by. Chicken. One of them called out. Janet was furious. She ripped her mask off her face and stood in the middle of the road with her cell phone aimed right at them. I'm recording you, she said. The boys screeched to a halt on their bikes and turned around to look at her. They apparently thought this was really funny because they could not stop laughing. Go ahead. No kings, one of them said, and that cracked them all up even more. I will, janet said. And then I'll call the police. How do you like that? We didn't do anything, another said. A couple of them had their own cell phones out and began recording her. You tried to kill me, janet said. That made the boys burst into yet more uncontrollable giggles, and they began mocking her.