
Hosted by Freedom Pact Podcast | Joseph and Lewis · EN

Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky is one of the world’s leading scientific authorities on happiness and human flourishing. A Distinguished Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Riverside, she has spent nearly four decades investigating what makes people happy, how well-being can be sustainably improved, and why our relationships matter so profoundly. Her influential research has helped establish the modern science of happiness, bridging rigorous experimental psychology with questions at the heart of human life: how we connect, how we love, and how we build lives of meaning and well-being. She is the author of several internationally recognised books, including The How of Happiness and, most recently, How to Feel Loved. We spend enormous amounts of time trying to become more lovable, more successful, attractive, accomplished and impressive, yet these qualities may earn us admiration without making us feel genuinely loved. That is the paradox at the heart of this episode. That is, you can be loved by the people around you and still struggle to experience that love. This matters because research has consistently shown that the quality of our relationships is one of the strongest foundations of happiness, yet many of the strategies we use to secure connection may inadvertently keep people at a distance. Sonja Lyubomirsky explains what decades of psychological research can teach us about closing this gap. This includes; how to become genuinely known rather than merely admired, listen in ways that make people feel seen, use curiosity to deepen connection, navigate vulnerability without oversharing, and ultimately change the everyday conversations through which love is given, received and felt.Timestamps:00:00 — Why can we be loved but not feel loved?03:26 — Why relationships are the key to happiness05:58 — The danger of trying to become more lovable08:13 — Is self-improvement a form of emotional avoidance?09:25 — Why success and admiration cannot create connection11:28 — The barriers we build against love12:45 — Are successful people more vulnerable to the “lovability trap”?14:21 — What makes someone feel truly seen?15:52 — The relationship seesaw18:38 — Why small bids for connection matter20:24 — The power of radical curiosity22:32 — Questions that create deeper conversations24:50 — How to recognise genuine curiosity26:07 — Psychological safety in relationships26:42 — How to listen to learn28:08 — Why giving advice can get in the way30:42 — The power of “Tell me more”31:24 — Vulnerability without oversharing34:47 — Does vulnerability create trust?36:22 — Can relationships heal heartbreak?38:06 — Loving the whole, complicated person40:56 — Is love about truly understanding someone?42:09 — How our past can prevent us from receiving love43:23 — What if you fundamentally believe you are unlovable?45:11 — How parents can make children feel loved47:31 — Can AI make us feel more loved than humans?50:01 — What humans can offer that AI cannotConnect with Sonja:How to Feel Loved Book - https://howtofeelloved.com5 Mindsets Quiz: https://tally.so/r/Pd1l0dWebsite: https://sonjalyubomirsky.comAcademic work: https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=CNFj4ZsAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao

Professor George A. Bonanno is Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University and one of the world's leading researchers on trauma, bereavement and psychological resilience. Over the past three decades, his research has challenged long-standing assumptions about how people respond to adversity, showing that resilience is often the most common outcome following bereavement, disaster and other potentially traumatic events. His work has had a major influence on research into trauma, grief, resilience and psychological adaptation.In this conversation, we explore why most people recover after adversity, why trauma is not synonymous with the event itself, and how popular ideas about grief, hidden trauma and resilience often diverge from the evidence. George explains the four trajectories of recovery, the limitations of resilience questionnaires, why there is no universal "right" way to cope, and introduces his research on psychological flexibility as the key to adaptation. We also discuss The Body Keeps the Score, the Five Stages of Grief, why averages can mislead psychological science, how clinicians can avoid inadvertently causing harm, and what future generations may find hardest to believe about today's understanding of mental health.00:00 – Introduction01:57 – Why psychology became fascinated by trauma03:55 – Why "potentially traumatic event" changes everything08:20 – The four trajectories of recovery11:30 – Supporting people without assuming damage14:12 – The truth about the Five Stages of Grief22:10 – Hidden trauma, concept creep & The Body Keeps the Score27:59 – Why averages can mislead psychology31:00 – Discovering resilience through longitudinal research38:15 – What measuring people before adversity revealed42:59 – The resilience paradox50:45 – Why resilience questionnaires don't measure resilience54:11 – There is no universally healthy coping strategy58:08 – When avoidance is actually adaptive59:37 – What future psychologists will think we got wrongConnect with us: https://freedompact.co.uk/newsletter (Healthy, Wealthy & Wise Newsletter)https://www.Instagram.com/freedompactpodhttps://www.twitter.com/freedompactpod Email: freedompact@gmail.com (business enquiries, guest suggestions, appreciation, feedback, and anything else)Connect with George:https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=biNsmj8AAAAJ&hl=en (George's publications)https://sites.google.com/view/georgeabonanno?usp=sharing (George's website)Buy The End of Trauma: (https://sites.google.com/view/georgeabonanno/books/the-end-of-trauma?authuser=0) Please note: we do not receive any commission from book sales and are not affiliated with the publisher or author beyond hosting this conversation.Disclaimer: The Freedom Pact Podcast is provided for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to constitute, nor should it be relied upon as, medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or the podcast. Listeners should not disregard, delay, or substitute professional medical advice because of information discussed on the podcast or associated materials.

Professor Paul Gilbert is a Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Derby, a Visiting Professor at the University of Queensland, and the founder of Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT). For more than 40 years, he has combined research into the evolutionary foundations of mental health with clinical work as a Consultant Clinical Psychologist. He also founded the Compassionate Mind Foundation in 2006 to promote the scientific understanding and application of compassion. Professor Gilbert is regarded as one of the world's leading authorities on compassion, shame, self-criticism and mental wellbeing. In this conversation, we explore the evolutionary origins of the human mind, why we suffer psychologically, the science of compassion, consciousness, intelligence, shame, self-compassion, and what modern psychology still needs to understand about the human condition.00:00 – What Is the Human Mind Actually For?10:12 – Why Can Humans End Up Hating Themselves16:56 – Have We Underestimated How Social the Human Mind Is?20:26 – Is Modern Life Mismatched to the Human Brain?25:52 – Why Mental Health Depends on Psychological Flexibility31:15 – Does Greater Intelligence Mean Greater Suffering?33:15 – Is Consciousness Inherently Painful?38:29 – The Evolutionary Origins of Shame44:10 – What Compassion Really Is (It's Not Just Kindness)54:06 – Can Compassion Defeat Hatred?58:43 – Why Self-Compassion Is So Difficult1:06:18 – What Future Psychologists Must Understand About the MindConnect with us:https://freedompact.co.uk/newsletter (Healthy, Wealthy & Wise Newsletter)https://www.Instagram.com/freedompactpodhttps://www.twitter.com/freedompactpod Email: freedompact@gmail.com (business enquiries, guest suggestions, appreciation, feedback, and anything else)Resources from Professor Paul Gilbert:The Compassionate Mind Foundation:The Compassionate Mind Foundation promotes the scientific understanding and practical application of compassion to improve mental health and wellbeing. It offers workshops, training, educational resources and information about Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT).https://www.compassionatemind.co.uk**Support the Compassionate Mind Foundation**If you found this conversation valuable, please consider supporting the Foundation's work through a donation:https://www.compassionatemind.co.uk/donationLearn more about Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)Evolution and Compassion Focused Therapyhttps://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.586161/fullThe Evolution of Care and Share versus Control and Holdhttps://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.582090/fullEvolution-Informed Compassion-Focused Therapy and Buddhist Approaches to Insight Meditationhttps://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12671-023-02141-4Meta-analysis of Compassion Focused TherapyPetrocchi et al. (2023): *The Impact of Compassion Focused Therapy on Positive and Negative Mental Health Outcomes.*Professor Paul Gilbert's TalksCreating a Compassionate World:https://www.compassionatemind.co.uk/creating-a-compassionate-worldEvolutionary Foundations of Compassion Focused Therapy (Royal College of Psychiatrists)https://youtu.be/swwFEKWoxHgA Disorder for Everyone (AD4E):https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ufp2FxoFhYQ&feature=youtu.beAdditional Resources:The Voices Withinhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRqI4lxuXAwOpen-access paperhttps://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00152/full

Born country boy and farmer, with a longing for God, John Butler has led an extraordinarily interesting but largely unknown life, recorded only in notes, diaries, letters etc which, for many years lay, half-forgotten in the cupboard - until he published his first books, ‘Wonders of Spiritual Unfoldment’ in 2008 at the age of 71, and ‘Mystic Approaches’ in 2012. Unexpectedly, in 2017, he was interviewed on Conscious TV which, to his surprise, was well received. Encouraged to make further videos, John launched the Youtube channel, ‘Spiritual Unfoldment.'Timestamps:00:00 The Biggest Truth About Being Human01:49 Why the Search Never Ends05:17 The Unexpected Gift of Growing Older09:42 What Silence Reveals About Consciousness14:51 The One Thing That's Always With You17:18 Why Most People Struggle to Sit Alone21:07 Why More Money Doesn't Mean More Happiness24:29 The Meaning of Real Love27:56 Why Relationships Can't Complete You30:07 Escaping the Ego34:09 What Death Really Means38:28 The Secret to Letting Go of Regret42:21 What Makes Life Worth Living?43:50 Final ThoughtsConnect with us:https://freedompact.co.uk/newsletter (Healthy, Wealthy & Wise Newsletter)https://www.Instagram.com/freedompacthttps://www.twitter.com/freedompactpod Email: freedompact@gmail.com (business enquiries, guest suggestions, appreciation, feedback, and anything else!)

Dr. Caroline Leaf is a cognitive neuroscientist, mental health researcher and bestselling author. With over 40 years of experience studying the mind brain connection, she challenges conventional approaches to mental health and helps people understand how thoughts shape wellbeing.In this episode, Dr. Caroline Leaf explores whether we've accidentally medicalised normal human emotions, why anxiety and depression should be viewed as signals rather than illnesses, and how understanding our personal stories is key to healing. She discusses the dangers of self diagnosis, the "TikTokification" of mental health, the impact of social media on young minds, why labels can limit growth, the science behind neuroplasticity, and how our thoughts influence both brain and body. The conversation also examines suffering, resilience, self belief, and why true healing comes from understanding, not suppressing, our emotional experiences.Timestamps:00:00 Have We Medicalised Being Human?01:16 Why Symptoms Are Signals, Not Enemies06:24 The Biggest Mistake in Mental Health Treatment08:30 The Danger of Romanticising Suffering12:44 Is Depression Always Trying to Tell You Something?14:30 The TikTokification of Mental Health18:20 Why We Need Labels to Explain Ourselves21:59 Should Social Media Be Banned for Children?28:48 Can Your Thoughts Really Change Reality?42:22 Do Successful People Win Because of Their Insecurities?46:01 Why We Must Stop Romanticising Suffering & Suicide47:19 Where to Find Dr. Caroline LeafDISCLAIMER: The content provided by the Freedom Pact Podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. Our content is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on our social media or other platforms.Important: Please note: If you are currently prescribed antidepressants or other psychiatric medication, it is essential that you do not alter your dosage or discontinue use without first speaking to a suitably qualified healthcare professional. Stopping or changing medication without proper support may result in significant withdrawal effects. Always consult a medical expert before making any adjustments to your treatment plan.

Robert Greene is one of the world's most influential thinkers on power, human nature, mastery and psychology. He is the bestselling author of The 48 Laws of Power, The Laws of Human Nature, Mastery and The Art of Seduction and his work has shaped everyone from world leaders and CEOs to elite athletes and artists. In this conversation, Robert explores the patterns that quietly shape our lives, from human nature and mastery to power, purpose and seduction. Drawing on decades of studying history, psychology and some of the world's highest performers, he offers a way of thinking that is as practical as it is timeless.Timestamps:00:00 Why Human Nature Never Changes03:30 The Hidden Cost of Becoming Powerful05:47 The #1 Reason People Lose Power08:36 The Brutal Mindset That Changes Everything11:02 The Hardest Person You'll Ever Master17:22 Why Most People Never Become Exceptional20:49 How to Find Your Life's Purpose25:35 Why So Many Young People Feel Lost30:43 The Childhood Clues to Your Destiny37:17 Why Failure Is the Price of Greatness41:53 What Mastery Really Costs46:29 Why Modern Dating Is Broken50:18 The Problem With Radical Honesty53:48 Why "Being Yourself" Is Bad Advice56:03 The Biggest Mistake People Make With Seduction57:56 The Psychology of Charisma1:01:37 What Cleopatra Knew About Human Nature1:09:05 The Success Trap Nobody Talks About1:12:06 How to Build a Life You're Proud Of1:14:10 Robert Greene on Surviving a Stroke1:18:24 The Advice That Changed Robert Greene's Life1:23:26 What 50 Cent Understood About Power1:30:31 Robert Greene's Advice for Your 30s1:34:32 Why This Decade Will Create New Winners1:36:22 The Sublime1:40:44 Final ThoughtsConnect with us:https://freedompact.co.uk/newsletter (Healthy, Wealthy & Wise Newsletter)https://www.Instagram.com/freedompacthttps://www.twitter.com/freedompactpod Email: freedompact@gmail.com (business enquiries, guest suggestions, appreciation, feedback, and anything else!)

Angelo Somers is a writer, creator and thinker whose work explores psychology, meaning, self-development and the hidden forces that shape human behaviour.In this conversation, we explore a question that sits beneath many of life's biggest decisions: what is actually driving us?We discuss whether success can be built on the wrong motivations, why insecurity can be a powerful source of ambition, and what happens when the fears that once fuelled you begin to disappear. We touch on memetic desire, Jung's concept of the Self, authenticity, purpose, suffering, self-improvement and the search for meaning.We also examine why people become attached to their pain, whether modern society has confused suffering with virtue, and why self-awareness can sometimes become self-consciousness in disguise.00:00 The Limits Of Self-Knowledge02:57 Can A Good Life Be Built On The Wrong Reasons?06:12 What If Your Insecurities Made You Successful?08:40 When Truth Becomes A Tyrant12:02 Are Your Desires Actually Yours?15:12 Can You Ruin A Desire By Questioning It?17:15 Are We Driven By Love Or Fear?20:49 Can Purpose Be Self-Deception?24:23 Have We Confused Suffering With Virtue?28:17 Why Suffering Seems More Admirable Than Joy30:57 Why People Become Attached To Their Pain32:33 Has Modern Life Really Reduced Suffering?34:41 When Self-Improvement Becomes Self-Obsession38:08 Can Too Much Self-Awareness Hurt You?42:41 Stop Chasing Destinations45:08 What Makes Life Worth Living?46:53 Where Curiosity Comes From48:54 Where To Find AngeloConnect with us:https://freedompact.co.uk/newsletter (Healthy, Wealthy & Wise Newsletter)https://www.Instagram.com/freedompacthttps://www.twitter.com/freedompactpod Email: freedompact@gmail.com (business enquiries, guest suggestions, appreciation, feedback, and anything else!)https://Tiktok.com/personaldevelopment

Shawn Achor is a Harvard-trained positive psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and one of the world's leading researchers on happiness and human potential.In this conversation, we explore why beliefs may be far more powerful than we realise, how they shape perception before we are even aware of them, and why some people continue to find possibility when the odds seem stacked against them. Shawn explains why AI can calculate probabilities but can never believe you'll beat them, how social support literally changes the way we see challenges, and why the most dangerous belief a person can hold is that their behaviour doesn't matter.We also discuss the surprising science behind placebo effects, trauma, ageing, loneliness, meaning, religion, Michael Jordan's rituals, Roger Bannister's four-minute mile, fake surgery studies, why modern life can leave us untethered, and the profound role beliefs play in shaping the trajectory of our lives.This was one of the most thought-provoking conversations we've ever had, and I hope you enjoy it.Timestamps:00:00 – Why Is Changing Ourselves So Difficult?01:59 – AI Can Predict the Odds, But It Can't Believe You'll Beat Them03:20 – Why Probability Masks Possibility04:02 – Richard Wiseman's Luck Experiment06:17 – Can Belief Really Change Reality?07:15 – The Limits of Belief08:45 – Roger Bannister and the Four-Minute Mile09:55 – Stereotype Threat and Human Performance11:03 – Michael Jordan's Shorts and Serena Williams' Socks14:12 – What Is a Belief?16:35 – How Are Beliefs Formed?17:00 – The Hill Study: Why Support Changes Perception18:20 – How Modern Life Teaches Us That Our Behaviour Doesn't Matter19:00 – How Memories Shape Beliefs20:42 – ADHD, Identity and Educational Outcomes22:17 – Dangerous Beliefs and Sweeping Generalisations23:02 – Yale's Remarkable Study on Ageing26:12 – Do People Change Through Evidence or Experience?28:00 – Trauma Doesn't Determine Your Future31:00 – Why We Forget Our Strength34:16 – The Five Candles Ritual38:24 – Navy SEAL Training, Exposure Therapy and Perspective40:46 – Placebos, Fake Surgery and the Power of Belief45:57 – Why Beliefs Are Becoming More Powerful46:49 – The Nocebo Effect48:00 – Burnout, Anxiety, Loneliness and Depression50:12 – The Great Drift: Why Modern Life Feels Meaningless53:00 – Shared Texts and the Need for Collective Meaning55:49 – "Don't Waste Your Money Applying to Harvard"58:42 – Why Probability Should Never Eliminate Possibility1:01:22 – The Most Dangerous Belief You Can Hold1:03:45 – Is There Something Greater Than Us?1:06:04 – The Message Shawn Achor Would Put on a Billboard1:08:06 – Why We Should Read Books Together1:09:19 – Final ThoughtsConnect with Shawn:https://www.shawnachor.comhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/shawnachor/https://www.instagram.com/shawnachor/Connect with us:https://freedompact.co.uk/newsletter (Healthy, Wealthy & Wise Newsletter)https://www.Instagram.com/freedompacthttps://www.twitter.com/freedompactpod Email: freedompact@gmail.com (business enquiries, guest suggestions, appreciation, feedback, and anything else!)https://Tiktok.com/personaldevelopment

Tal Ben-Shahar is an internationally renowned scholar, teacher, and author specialising in positive psychology and the science of wellbeing. He is best known for teaching two of the most popular courses in the history of Harvard University, which attracted thousands of students and helped bring the science of happiness into the mainstream.Tal is the co-founder of the Happiness Studies Academy, where he works to bridge academic research and practical application, helping individuals, organisations, and educators cultivate greater wellbeing, resilience, and fulfilment.Today, we discuss a simple question. That is, what if the pursuit of happiness is the very thing making us unhappy? We explore one of the most misunderstood ideas in psychology: that a meaningful life is not free from sadness, anxiety, grief, or disappointment - but is shaped by how we relate to them. We discuss why resisting painful emotions often intensifies suffering, the psychology behind lasting change, the knowing-doing gap, the power of tiny habits, attention in the age of distraction, meaningful relationships, awe, gratitude, and what it truly means to live a well-lived life.This is a conversation about happiness, but even more fundamentally, it is a conversation about being fully human.Timestamps:00:00 - Introduction00:47 - The Happiness Paradox04:04 - The Two Levels of Suffering06:44 - The Knowing–Doing Gap09:24 - The Three Rs of Lasting Change13:00 - The Myth of Radical Change17:09 - Perfectionism and the All-or-Nothing Trap18:29 - Psychological Compound Interest23:07 - The Upward Spiral26:23 - Horoscopes, Belief and Self-Fulfilling Prophecies29:30 - Reality and Perception31:28 - Mindset vs Circumstance33:52 - The Attention Crisis35:00 - How the Brain Changes Throughout Life40:26 - The Relationship Advantage44:51 - Why Relationships Are Built Slowly45:48 - The Art of Listening48:05 - Social Anxiety and Self-Focus49:56 - The Power of Presence51:25 - The Beginner's Mind54:20 - The Ordinary Things That Matter54:58 - What Does a Well-Lived Life Feel Like?57:12 - Where to Find Tal Ben-Shahar57:52 - Closing RemarksConnect with us: https://freedompact.co.uk/newsletter (Healthy, Wealthy & Wise Newsletter)https://www.Instagram.com/freedompacthttps://www.twitter.com/freedompactpod Email: freedompact@gmail.com (business enquiries, guest suggestions, appreciation, feedback, and anything else!)https://Tiktok.com/personaldevelopmentConnect with Tal:https://www.talbenshahar.comTal's Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvWvBong0cl-pJCUbsmfg0Ahappinessstudies.academyBuy Happy Habits (non-affiliate links): https://www.amazon.co.uk/Happy-Habits-Happier-Healthier-Minute-ebook/dp/B0F3WN9YWT/ref=sr_1_4?crid=27D18LZNCM6HM&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.pDmiNeH2L8YLMXk8TzC41eNesZURfnCuVE6r8-dTj5ZnenKY9AyB2ZJ7BhXxR1fWs4yn36kICW_EwXzENKY5u0HuHBlhW5Dz1r0aB3GT1HygYg8F4iVn-_QRQkAzEV6q7zUFv-WjSc4rwXoYHlHQ54SfWrKKFjI8Lq7M-D17Qlr_qJn3wgiMqEvKVgV2CWMraqoQUPGR98j0blWHYLJuGETT_9ekYdmZgOFf4f-gmE0.SNaDnsm40KQ9zJ9mBkir70xpfbUnxc5_845hJoODQ7g&dib_tag=se&keywords=tal+ben+shahar&qid=1780227053&sprefix=tal+ben+shaha%2Caps%2C149&sr=8-4

Johan Norberg is a historian of ideas, author, and Senior Fellow at the Cato Institute whose work explores the rise and fall of civilizations, the psychology of progress, and the cultural conditions that allow societies to flourish.In this conversation, we explore why great civilizations collapse, how fear changes cultures psychologically, why openness and intellectual risk-taking repeatedly produce golden ages, and what modern society can learn from Athens, Sparta, Renaissance Florence, Abbasid Baghdad, and the Dutch Republic.Johan explains why civilizations often “die from suicide rather than murder”, why fear drives societies toward conformity and orthodoxy, and how innovation emerges from cultures willing to tolerate disagreement, eccentricity, and experimentation.We also discuss:- Why societies stop believing in the future,- Whether the modern West is becoming more “Spartan” or "Athenian",- The psychology of decline and nostalgia,- Why too much comfort can weaken civilizations,- The importance of freedom of speech and intellectual openness,and the institutional conditions that repeatedly produced humanity’s greatest breakthroughs.This is a conversation about civilization, creativity, fear, innovation, and the fragile conditions required for human flourishing.Timestamps:00:00 — Why civilizations lose belief in the future02:09 — “Civilizations die from suicide, not murder”03:16 — How fear psychologically changes societies05:08 — Why openness creates flourishing civilizations07:23 — Why societies persecute the people they need most09:08 — Athens vs Sparta: two eternal archetypes12:21 — Is the modern West becoming more Spartan?14:49 — Do civilizations decline psychologically first?16:44 — Are humans biased toward nostalgia and decline narratives?20:28 — How do we distinguish real decline from pessimism?22:00 — Why breakthrough thinkers cluster in certain places25:47 — Creativity, bureaucracy, and cultural stagnation28:10 — Does comfort weaken civilizations?30:27 — The conditions that foster intellectual risk-taking33:24 — Universities, truth, and psychological safety35:16 — Which cultures are fostering innovation today?37:49 — The institutions behind flourishing civilizations40:34 — What future generations may judge us for44:19 — Johan Norberg’s most important lesson from history47:01 — Where to find Johan NorbergConnect with Johan:https://www.johannorberg.netBUY 'PEAK HUMAN' HERE (Not an affiliate link): https://www.amazon.co.uk/Peak-Human-What-Learn-Golden/dp/1838957294https://x.com/johanknorbergConnect with us:https://freedompact.co.uk/newsletter (Healthy, Wealthy & Wise Newsletter)https://www.Instagram.com/freedompacthttps://www.twitter.com/freedompactpod Email: freedompact@gmail.com - (Business enquiries, guest suggestions, feedback, appreciation and anything else)https://Tiktok.com/personaldevelopment