Deinfluencing Kid Stuff: These Parents are TEACHING OVERCONSUMPTION

Summary

Frugal Friends Podcast: Episode Summary Title: Deinfluencing Kid Stuff: These Parents are TEACHING OVERCONSUMPTION
Hosts: Jen Smith & Jill Sirianni | Backyard Ventures
Release Date: July 15, 2025

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Introduction: The Rise of Overconsumption in Parenting

In this episode of the Frugal Friends Podcast, hosts Jen Smith and Jill Sirianni delve into a pressing issue facing modern parents: the tendency to overspend on children, influenced heavily by social media and societal pressures. They explore how this overconsumption not only strains family finances but also contributes to clutter and environmental waste.

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Parental Perceptions and Financial Stress

Jen and Jill begin by addressing the widespread feeling among parents that they are overspending on their children, even when such spending is not financially necessary.

Jen [02:28]: "The problem comes is when we feel like we're overspending on our kids. That's when you feel like, I have, I don't wanna spend this much, but I am, like, being pressured to spend this much or, like, socially, this is what everybody is spending."

Supporting their discussion, they cite a survey by Ameriprise Financial involving 3,000 American parents:

• 72% experience parental guilt.
• 35% feel the need to be the perfect parent.
• 43% admit to overspending on single items or experiences.
• 33% exceed their initial budget for children-related expenses.
• 44% cite the desire to provide the best life for their children as their top financial stressor.

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The Influence of Social Media and Marketing

The hosts emphasize how marketers exploit parental insecurities to drive consumerism, particularly through platforms like TikTok and Instagram. This relentless push to appear as "perfect parents" often leads to unnecessary expenditures on toys, activities, and parties.

Jen [04:42]: "Marketers' goal is to make you feel insecure so that you want to solve that insecurity and you spend money to do so."

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Overspending on Toys

Toys represent a significant area of discretionary spending for parents. Jen shares her personal struggle with toy overaccumulation:

Jen [12:12]: "I fight the maternal urge once a season to throw out every toy and just leave like one."

Key points discussed:

• Overstimulation: Excessive toys can overwhelm both parents and children, hindering creativity and problem-solving.
• Alternative Solutions: Parents are encouraged to engage in toy swaps, utilize toy libraries, and adopt a rotating toy system to minimize clutter and expenses.

Guest Speaker [14:16]: Critiques electronic and flashy toys, advocating for tangible experiences and simpler playthings that foster meaningful interaction.

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Overspending on Sports

Youth sports are another major expense, with U.S. parents spending $1,000 to $1,500 per child annually. Over a decade, this can accumulate to $10,000-$15,000 per child.

Jen [25:21]: "It's not so much a hack if your kids don't all like the same thing or are not the same gender."

Challenges highlighted:

• Time and Money: Commitments to multiple sports can be financially and time-consuming.
• Social Pressure: Parents feel compelled to enroll their children in sports to ensure they develop confidence and social skills, despite personal reservations.

Guest Speaker [27:27]: Shares her frustration with the increasing pressure to make young children competitive in sports, questioning the necessity of early specialization.

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Overspending on Parties

Birthday parties are identified as a third major area of overspending, with parents typically spending around $500 per birthday. For a child with 18 birthdays, this totals approximately $9,000, exclusive of gifts.

Jill [33:53]: "This whole creating core memories concept… there's a misunderstanding about how that happens."

Insights:

• Influence of Mom Bloggers: The rise of influencer culture has escalated expectations for elaborate, photography-worthy parties.
• Alternative Approaches: Jen and Jill advocate for simpler celebrations, such as playground gatherings or community events, which can be both meaningful and cost-effective.

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Strategies to Combat Overconsumption

The hosts provide practical solutions to help parents reduce spending without compromising on their children's well-being:

1. Toy Swaps and Libraries: Exchanging toys with other families and utilizing toy libraries can significantly cut costs.
2. Community Activities: Engaging in free or low-cost community events, such as museum days or library story times, offers enriching experiences without the hefty price tag.
3. Simplified Parties: Hosting informal gatherings at parks or home, emphasizing quality time over extravagant decorations and activities.
4. Selective Participation in Sports: Choosing affordable sports programs, seeking scholarships, and purchasing secondhand equipment can mitigate the financial burden of youth sports.

Jill [42:04]: "Find people that you follow who are also showing these things. It's so refreshing to see just classic, laid-back gatherings."

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Conclusion: Empowering Parents to Say No

Jen and Jill emphasize that parents have the right to set boundaries and resist societal pressures to overspend. By adopting intentional spending habits and prioritizing meaningful experiences over material possessions, families can achieve greater financial stability and reduce stress.

Jen [41:13]: "But you do not have permission to say no to the bill of the week."

They encourage listeners to cultivate supportive communities and redefine what constitutes "normal" spending, fostering a culture of frugality and intentionality.

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Listener Engagement and Final Thoughts

The episode concludes with listener interactions and reflections on personal experiences with frugal living. The hosts reinforce their mission to help families embrace simplicity and financial mindfulness.

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Notable Quotes:

• “Marketers' goal is to make you feel insecure so that you want to solve that insecurity and you spend money to do so.” – Jen [04:42]
• “Find people that you follow who are also showing these things. It's so refreshing to see just classic, laid-back gatherings.” – Jill [42:04]
• “You have permission to say no. You are not alone.” – Jen [42:35]

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Resources Mentioned:

• Ameriprise Financial Survey: Insights on parental spending habits and financial stress.
• Frugal Friends Spending Planner Spreadsheet: A tool designed by Jen and Jill to help manage family budgets effectively.

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By addressing the pervasive issue of overconsumption in parenting, Jen and Jill provide valuable insights and actionable strategies for parents striving to balance financial prudence with their desire to provide the best for their children. This episode serves as a compelling guide for families seeking to adopt a more frugal and intentional approach to parenting.

Transcript

[Jen]

De influencing kids stuff. These parents are teaching over consumption.

[Jill]

Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity, and live a richer life. Here are your hosts, Jen and Jill.

[Jen]

Welcome to Frugal Friends. My name is Jen.

[Jill]

My name is Jill.

[Jen]

And spending on kids is out of control. You know, I know I'm actively trying to not overspend and to not succumb to social media. And I am feeling it.

[Jill]

Yeah.

[Jen]

And it is never more present than on TikTok and Instagram.

[Jill]

I don't have children, so I'm a little bit more of an observer of this and feel like I have seen it get crazier and crazier, but I also experience it myself when it comes to my nieces and nephews. Like, I can say all the things. And then when it comes to their birthdays or the holidays, I'm like, spendy McSpenders Day.

[Jen]

Well, the aunts, aunts and uncles and grandmas and grandpas, that's our role. Right, Right. That is your job prerogative as parents. It's not our job. Right. So how did it get out of control? And we're going to trace it back with receipts and try to help you say no to some of these assumptions that have just become normalized for no reason. All right, so let's start with, is there any data to support that parents are overspending on their kids? And there is absolutely, or at least there's data support that parents feel like they're overspending on their kids. Which is super important, because if you have the money and you want to spend loads of it on your kids, or even if you don't have the money and you want to spend a high percentage of your income on your kids, then that's fine. That's your prerogative. The problem comes is when we feel like we're overspending on our kids. That's when you feel like, I have, I don't wanna spend this much, but I am, like, being pressured to spend this much or, like, socially, this is what everybody is spending. Or at least I feel like it's what everyone's spending. That's the issue.

[Jill]

Which then in turn goes with feeling like I've got too much in the house, I'm accumulating too much. Those two things can often go hand in hand as well for parents. And so, yeah, it's money. It's taking up space, space that we don't want it to take up. So how do we reign it back in? But it was interesting that there's a survey done by Ameriprise Financial of 3,000American parents with at least one child aged 0 to 30 years old. And they reported 72% of them experience parental guilt and 35% feeling like they need to be the perfect parent. And that a lot of this then led to some of that overspending, increased spending on their children. From 43% feeling like they overspent on a singular item or an experience kind of out of some of this parental guilt or wanting to be this perfect parent. 33% doing something for their kids that exceeded the initial budget. Like we said it was gonna be one thing, but by the end of it we spent way more than we said. And 44% saying that their number one source of financial stress is the desire to give their children the best life possible and associating that with spending more.

[Jen]

And it's this feeling of like having to be perfect that makes you feel insecure. And if we've said it once, we've said it 528 times because this is our 528th episode. That insecurity makes you spend more. Marketers goal is to make you feel insecure so that you want to solve that insecurity and you spend money to do so. And that's a big reason why people are not, people are maybe delaying or not having kids. So we've seen this stat that the total cost of raising a child often does exceed 250 to 300,000. And that's not like, that is widely known. Right? That's raising a child is expensive. Like we're not going to minimize that.

[Jill]

And say like not zero, it's not nothing.

[Jen]

We're not going to sit here and say like this is how you can raise a child for $50,000 instead of three have $300,000. But I think that we can shave a lot off because we don't get into parenting to like buy the best toys or to do all the best experiences. And all of this stuff. Like when we get into parenting, like we have, we feel responsibility to be able to like provide a home for our child, provide for college, potentially provide like safety and stability. And so much of that comes through financial stability, like owning a home, if that's what you want to do, paying for college, paying for your own retirement so your kid doesn't have to be responsible for you. Like these are the things we truly want. And then we get caught up in the little stuff that we see. Meeting these like short term insecurities.

[Jill]

Yeah, and even in the places where we could say no to ourselves, it is way harder to say no to somebody else who is dependent on you and who you want to provide good experiences to, who it can be difficult to say no to. And even if you don't even care about all that, you might just do it to avoid a tantrum. And that can add up too.

[Jen]

Oh, I have spent so much money to avoid tantrums. Also not going to tell you how to avoid that. If you have any advice for that in the comments, I personally would love to hear that. But sometimes that happens.

[Jill]

We are seeing so many times though, people, especially in our age bracket and even younger, saying, I'm not having children for this reason. Like it's going to cost too much.

[Jen]

Yeah, kids are, kids are great. And like having kids is great. Not having kids is great. But ultimately, and I feel this like, even with like infertility, that finances should never be a factor in you not being able to have kids if you want kids. So like, even if, if you're like whatever your income is like, I think, and this I guess is an opinion, but you should be able to have kids if you want them.

[Jill]

Yeah. Unfortunately our society isn't totally set up for that to be reality, but I think it should be possible.

[Jen]

Right. And so like in an ideal world it would be, but it. And so like the best things we can do is de influence you from things that aren't necessary. And so we have asked ChatGPT where are the three places that parents spend most on their children? And we are going to talk about the three that are optional. Or at least the amount you spend on them is optional.

[Jill]

But first, this episode is brought to you by Polly Pockets. You remember them? They were like the best pocket size, travel size toy of the 90s. So cute. So, so miniature. I took them everywhere with me. Doctor's office. Yup. Sibling soccer tournament. Yup. You made up.

[Jen]

Not cool. Unless you had a Polly Pocket.

[Jill]

Oh yeah, you weren't. And all the stories and scenarios you could make up with just that one little figurine and her dog.

[Jen]

She back now?

[Jill]

Yeah, but they're bigger. They're not as pocket. No, no.

[Jen]

They brought back the little ones. My hairdress.

[Jill]

This one. Yeah.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Jill]

Okay, well perfect. I still have my old ones, the Polly Pockets. If you too are super interested in travel size, pocket size, miniature cutesy things, then you're going to love our spending planner spreadsheet because it is mobile optimized, meaning it can fit into your pocket sized, travel sized phone. We know you have one. Whether you're just starting out in your budgeting journey or you are ready to really level up your financial game. We've created this all in one annual spending planner spreadsheet. So it's got 20 tabs including an annual dashboard, a 12 month budget tab, like 12 months of budget tabs, a bill calendar, savings goal tracker, debt snowball tracker, and some of our favorites. Which is an opportunity cost calculator. So you can see in real time how some of those small choices you're making impact long term goals that'll be real good at the store with your kids.

[Jen]

You can go in in and put in the price of that monster truck and see what it could grow to if you had invested in an S&P 500 index fund.

[Jill]

It's so dangerous and so perfect and.

[Jen]

You can show it to your child and yes.

[Jill]

And convince them they should be investing instead.

[Jen]

Instead they should want more of the S&P 500.

[Jill]

Your five year old will not a truck.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Jill]

100% frugalfriendspodcast.com budget. That'll get. That'll get you that.

[Jen]

So monster trucks aside, there are countless ways we can overspend on our kids and it's. Let's start with monster trucks.

[Jill]

Yeah, the toys are a big one.

[Jen]

Yeah, it's so when we looked at some of the data, I don't know. But after stripping out shelter, food and other essentials that remain, that there's roughly 150,000 to 160,000 of quote unquote discretionary purchases that we make for our kids. So obviously we don't want to cut out 100% of that. But how can we cut out as much of that as possible while still giving our kids the best life possible and still enjoying our lives as much as possible?

[Jill]

That's important too.

[Jen]

Also like nobody really talks about like the cost of babysitting too, which we are not including in here. But like how can I afford more? Babysitting is the real problem we're trying to solve here.

[Jill]

To be the opportunity cost calculator within the spending planner spreadsheet is how many hours of babysitting could you get instead of buying that toy? Yeah, that's great.

[Jen]

So let's start with toys. According to our research. Thank you. The deep research feature of ChatGPT, the one that just uses a little extra time and scanning of the Internet. One of the biggest non essential places we spend is toys and just stuff in general. So many toys in fact, some people have whole rooms for them and Some.

[Jill]

Of them look so cute. I'm not going to lie. In scouring the Internet, there are some that are super aesthetically pleasing. And I am. My adult brain is like, yeah, I want to go shop at that fake store. But you know, when the kid is in there, that's not what it actually looks like. You know, they're not playing like, oh yeah, this is.

[Jen]

I fight the maternal urge once a season to throw out every toy and just leave like one. And right now it would be. And nobody's gonna understand this, but I bought Kai a DJ set for his sixth birthday so he could be a dj. And Atlas actually plays with it and having the little two year old put his sunglasses on and like, dj. It's also a Bluetooth speaker. Speaker.

[Jill]

That's very fun. So loud.

[Jen]

It is so loud. But I was like, I'm just gonna throw away every single toy and like, keep the DJ set because I hate myself. But yeah, so it's. They are everywhere.

[Jill]

Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, part of the problem is the overstimulation that it can lead to, both for parents and for kids. Like, kids are not immune to feeling overstimulated. They just might show it in some different ways. But a more cluttered environment makes it harder for us to self regulate and make good decisions. And same for kids. When there are too many options for what to play with, it becomes really overwhelming for them and it doesn't provide the environment for creativity and problem solving. And it's, it's not good for anybody. And yet somehow we all still just like hoard it all and have multiple playrooms and.

[Jen]

Yeah, and even, even for those, like, I don't have a playroom. I just like, we have a toy box and some bins with toys. Right. And like, one of the things that influencers and marketers will use to like make you feel insecure so that you're buying more toys is like having them help your child's developing brain because it develops the most in like the first two or five years. I don't even know. Like, at this point they say it's like whatever they're trying to sell is when your child's brain is developing the most. And so they're like, buy this toy. It helps your child's developing brain. And in reality, overstimulation can overwhelm that child's developing brain and hinder it because it makes it hard to focus on like the toys that you already have. And so it's just another example of how there is a problem. The problem is Legitimate. And people are trying to sell you the solution when the solution cannot be bought.

[Jill]

Right. Like this video example that we have next for you where, yeah, we're overstimulated. We have too much. How do we reduce it? Here you go. You could buy it.

[Guest Speaker]

Here are the five toddler toys I will never buy as a Montessori mom. Talking electronic toys like this, they're supposed to promote language only. Teach your toddler how to push a button. Battery operated toys like that don't have moving mouths that can show them how to pronounce new words. You're better off getting animal figurines and playing with them together.

[Jen]

That's not what I thought was going to be the solution to that toy. A first, I have that toy. I have that for both of my boys have that.

[Jill]

The talking one.

[Jen]

The talking plushies. The one that talks but its mouth doesn't move. And so I thought it was going to be like a furby. Like, I thought that was going to be the solution. So the fact that the solution is not one, but like actually multiple toys that. Whose mouths don't move.

[Jill]

Yeah.

[Jen]

When really I think the solution is to talk to your child.

[Jill]

Right. Yeah.

[Jen]

I just. I just.

[Jill]

Instead of this one singular plushie toy, get 12, 20 of these animal figurines.

[Jen]

Nightmare, actually. Nightmare fuel.

[Jill]

I do love animal figurines though. I do think they're cute. Okay, but wait, there's more.

[Guest Speaker]

I will never buy my toddler a fake vacuum, a fake washing machine, a fake dishwasher. This is just clutter that you don't need. And your toddler doesn't really want. They want to be involved with the real thing. Get them a real dustpan and broom or a working mini vacuum. Let them help you load and unload the dishwasher. They want to contribute meaningfully. Not with this fake stuff.

[Jen]

Okay, tell me, tell me. That photo isn't Photoshopped. Is it not?

[Jill]

It is photoshopped. That is 100.

[Jen]

That is not real. Yeah. But I honestly, I will agree with her. Give your child something to clean up the house with. Give them a. Give them a tiny vacuum.

[Jill]

That one I do love.

[Jen]

I love that one actually.

[Jill]

Make it useful. Yeah, like if they want to be helpful, let them actually be helpful.

[Jen]

10 out of 10, no notes.

[Guest Speaker]

You also don't need this electronic learning desk with 200 learning spots. This just looks overwhelming and overstimulating to.

[Jen]

Me as an adult.

[Guest Speaker]

Much better off with a simple wooden table that'll grow with your child that you can have snacks or activities on. You also don't need electronic flashy instruments like these kids. Need real quality instruments like this percussion drum that they can wail on or a maraca that they can shake. It's a great way to get their energy out and their creativity. Lastly, I will never buy my toddler a tablet for educational apps. Don't get me wrong, we sometimes use screen time as a tool in our home. Please don't be fooled by these educational apps to teach colors, language or shape. Toddlers learn best through tangible experiences. So if you want to teach shapes, get a shape sorter. Want to teach colors? We know the different colors of the sheeps. If you want to see what I got my toddler for Christmas, check out my holiday gift guide, LinkedIn My and.

[Jen]

Follow for more linked. She can't even say bio because the algorithm doesn't like that. If and ultimately the whole video was to sell you her recommendations and none of her recommendations were bad. Yeah, like buy your kid a vacuum. 10 out of 10, no notes. But none of the original ones were bad either.

[Jill]

Yeah. I think there is something though to poke a hole in here in that some of the alternatives were just more aesthetically pleasing. It's not the kid doesn't need this table. It's the kid needs this more simple, beautiful table. It's not that they don't need this toy. It's that they need these toys that might just be more pleasing to the eye. And so I think that's where we need to keep a pulse on. Is the replacement just something else I'm spending money on or is there some real intentionality here? And there are some good points that she makes. Like I think that an overly stimulating toy might not be the best thing for a two year old. But it also doesn't mean that the alternative needs to be purchased. Like, it could just be that they sit at the table with you and like that. Or they sit on the ground. Like that is a possibility as well. You don't have to buy these percussion instruments. You can put a plastic bowl upside down and give them a wooden spoon.

[Jen]

Amen.

[Jill]

Or nothing. Because it's really loud.

[Jen]

It is so loud. I took Kai to this arts and crafts like it was. It's just like an open craft hour at the craft center. And I had this a mom with her two kids and who I assume was a. She was a teacher, but I guess over the summer a nanny. Because the kid who she was with was not her. She said it was not hers. And she's. This woman is talking about where she's Teaching and I did not get the names of any of but my kids in public school. And that works for me. But like for these people, they were like bashing private schools and they were just. It was. Every school had something wrong with it. It didn't have enough or it had too much to where I think they ended up just going to school in nature is what I gathered from that conversation I was eavesdropping with. But like I think that's very similar to like what we're seeing with like toys, especially with Montessori. I've never heard more about anything in my life other than like Montessori since becoming a mom and just making people feel like this stuff is overstimulating. Like we should have all wood, all light color wood stuff and one stackable.

[Jill]

Rainbow in like the gray.

[Jen]

Yes.

[Jill]

Grayish beige for some reason.

[Jen]

And I've never taken, I've never taken the time to research why. But, but I will say Montessori has it right with the indoor climbing gyms. I am looking into getting one of those for Atlas.

[Jill]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Because he climbs everything and it's unsafe.

[Jill]

Yeah. I will say the one thing too that I'm drawn to still a little bit as an observer from the outside, I think there is to. It does matter that you also enjoy your own home environment. So buying your kids toys that are also not going to be a huge headache or eyesore for you does matter. So I can see wanting some things to be aesthetic. If you're already going to buy them a toy, then might as well be something that you also don't mind looking at as well. So. But again, I think we don't always have to be spending on all of these things. So some of the alternatives that, that we think could be really useful are doing some toy swaps with friends and neighbors. So setting up an exchange with other families who have youngsters of a similar age or maybe even those who are a little bit older and doing a swap with one another where you're not spending money but also you're able to get the toys where they're able to say yeah, when my kid was 5, he really loved this. So hopefully yours does too. And you kind of get that inside square.

[Jen]

This is a hack when you can identify like when you're done having kids, you can like shortly afterwards identify a newborn baby and be like you're getting all our stuff when we are done with it. And it's gotta be a firstborn though. Don't do that to someone having second or third. Don't they will disown you. But that is such a hack. And it fosters community too, because you're maintaining relationships with other moms and moms who have either. And if this is your first reaching out to some of these moms and being like, hey, I will be your younger mom, like, offload your stuff on me. Because then you also have like wisdom and insight from somebody who's in the trenches and is a little further along than you.

[Jill]

I also love this idea of rotating your own stash. I could see that being easier said than done. Or maybe a solution for people with younger kids. Like as you get toys given to you, putting that away and only having a couple of toys at a time. And then as they get bored and maybe wanting something else, that's when you pull the next one from the closet and kind of maybe operate if you can, on a one in, one out situation. And I think too, we build habits. So if that is something that you do as they're younger, maybe it would be even easier to do and cultivate with them as they start to grow.

[Jen]

Yeah, buy nothing groups are great for kids toys and clothes. Some libraries have toy lending libraries. So we just got. It's not a toy, but I was checking out at the library and I saw, saw this like big, clear, like ultra big envelope with stuff inside. And I'm like, I'm, I'm looking to the library and I'm like, what's that? So she brings it over and it is a tree hunt where they have mapped out trees in the, in the area and they have a book about trees and you find these trees, you look up the trees in this book and then it also had like a measuring tape. You could measure the tree and do all this stuff.

[Jill]

Libraries are so cool.

[Jen]

And we were able to check it out for a month.

[Jill]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Jen]

So like they have all kinds of things that give your kids an experience and without even being a toy.

[Jill]

Yeah, secondhand shops. I mean everywhere from Once Upon a Child to your local consignment stores.

[Jen]

Top up.

[Jill]

Always gonna love second shop hand.

[Jen]

There's Riolana just between friends, like if you're going for the higher end. So if like Montessori is something that's really important to you, then checking out these secondhand popups where everyone's bringing their high end toys to resell that, that's where you'll find them. And then also there's like some toy library memberships you can do to the search for USA Toy Library Association. You can pay 30 to 50 bucks a year to be part of like one of these memberships.

[Jill]

Oh, cool. Next category is sports. This is a huge one when it comes to spending. And yeah, again, one of those ones that I see on the outside, not just with money, but with time. We have friends of ours who they have a six year old and the dad is coaching the spirit softball or T ball or whatever it is that he's playing right now. I mean, honestly, probably baseball and they're probably throwing like 90 mile per hour baseballs at this point. But it's three nights a week for.

[Jen]

A six year old.

[Jill]

For a six year old, three nights a week. And that's for one child. And now I know that a hack for a lot of parents is you pick one sport, get all your kids into that sport. Sport. But even still, that is an insane commitment of time and money.

[Jen]

It's not so much a hack if your kids don't all like the same thing or are not the same gender. Because different gendered sports may be on different nights or in different locations. But according to our research or chad organized activities such as league sports, dance, music lessons, clubs, all these things. US parents spend an average of 1,000 to $1,500 per child per year on youth spo, youth sports alone. And over a decade of childhood, that can easily total 10 to $15,000. If you're wondering why you can't afford a car, if you're going into massive debt to afford a car or a down payment, it might be in sports.

[Jill]

Per child per year. I mean that, that's. If you have multiple kids. That's insane. That's, that's your, that's your taxes, that's your insurances. That's.

[Jen]

It's so much money.

[Jill]

Okay.

[Jen]

Wow. Yeah, it's so, it's a, it's crazy. And, and we are admittedly not a sports family. Actually, when I found out I was pregnant with a boy, I was like, what do I do with a boy? Like, I don't do sports. Travis doesn't do sports. And then I found out I had was having a second boy and I was like, dang it, I don't know sports. And luckily my first one's not good at sports.

[Jill]

You're not taking them to play?

[Jen]

No. I'm sorry. I tried, I tried because it was kind of like expected. We tried swimming, we tried sweet soccer. And then after those two both failed, I tried running. But not enough kids signed up for the running club for them to actually do it. So I actually tried three different sports and they were all failures. But I. But I anticipate the youngest one will do sports because he climbs so many things.

[Jill]

All right, we've got this video.

[Guest Speaker]

Am I the only person that thinks kids sports have gotten just so out of hand? My daughter is five years old. She's gonna be six tomorrow. And she's in kindergarten. And she does dance and gymnastics. She does it once a week each. And they're like just beginner level classes. It's like kinder hip hop or something like that. And she loves it. She's having fun. But this week I've received multiple emails from both dance and gymnastics saying she is now at the age where she needs to be getting serious about this sport. She can be joining the team. And if she joins the team, not only is she expected to do multiple classes a week, like three to four classes a week, she has all these competition expectations. We're expected to pay 300amonth for her to participate. And this is what they're doing. Five year old or she's about to be six, six years old and they're asking her to join a team. And I get it, like, if you want your kids to go to the Olympics, fine, maybe that's what you're doing. But what happened to kids not really getting serious about a sport until high school? Like, I remember I played a different sport every season as a kid and I didn't really have to pick anything until I got to high school. And that's when I decided on one sport that I really loved and I started playing club teams and all the travel, etc. But what, why it's 6? Why at 6 is it 1 so expensive but 2 expected for them to be like, doubling down on the sports that they like. And how are they supposed to pick? She doesn't know what she wants to do. She's six. She likes doing all of it.

[Jen]

She's six. Yeah. And this is a, like, widespread assumption that at 6 is like, when you start getting serious about sports. I have a friend who homeschools and in a. She's in a co op and there are other moms in the co op that are about to put their kids in school so they can get serious about sports. I was like, do they understand elementary schools don't have sports teams?

[Jill]

It's wild because I feel like anybody who I would talk to says it's insane. Like, we all think it's insane, but yet we're all still doing it. Like, as if we don't have much of a choice. Like the, the Current is already going this way and, and it's too hard to slow down. You don't want to entirely opt out and get out of the water. You absolutely can't swim against it. And so. So you might as well just get taken away.

[Jen]

It's hard when, if your kid goes. So like one of the ways to decrease your spending in this is to try what Paige said is like doing a different sport like every season, doing community rec center stuff. Like we are, we have the kids in swim lessons and it's 39 bucks for eight sessions. Right. Whereas our friend is doing private one on one swim lessons and it's over $200. Right. It's neither are bad, one is less expensive. But like when your kids friends are moving on to the, to the club, not the club, the team, they're heading to the club, they're going to the team. Like what are you supposed to do? Say like oh, you can't go with your friends there. And honestly like you can say that if you have them in something thing, they'll make more friends, they will make new friends, young kids. Somebody came up to Kai in the pool over the weekend and was just like, hey, you want to play hide and seek or tag or something? That I was like, I don't, you shouldn't play that in the pool. And it just like straight up hide and seek. Right. You know, like kids are. And that's good to like train them to like make new relationships, put them in awkward situations to say, I don't, I can't play hide and seek in the pool.

[Jill]

And I think that that's part of why there is so much emphasis on getting them involved in some of these group team things. Because we want all of it. We want them to be good at stuff and feel confident and have the social skills. And that's why it's happening so young. It's happening so intensely. But I think we are also here to say yes and that there is permission to do that, to pick it, but that you can be intentional about it and if it's feeling too overwhelming, you are allowed to opt out. You can get out of the current and just sit by the edge of the water for a minute. You can pick one sport a year. It doesn't have to be one sport a season. Even if that's what everybody else is doing, one activity. It's got to be able to work with your family schedule. If you have multiple. Like we can't be so harried and hurried.

[Jen]

Yeah, it's. Yeah. Because it's your time too. And I think something with this is such a time aspect because you can lose your life driving your kids around to sports and practices and games and out of state tournaments, you can lose your life.

[Jill]

But if it is primarily a money thing, of course there's like community rec centers that you can take advantage of who often provide these things at a reduced rate. There's always scholarships that you can apply for. Obviously that's going to be need based but you might be surprised at what the need is and whether or not you potentially qualify for it. And then again, secondhand shopping because it's not just the memberships, it's the, the equipment. And the equipment can cost a lot of money. And when the kids are growing out of stuff constantly, this is, this is where secondhand can really come in handy. So there's places like play it again and that's all sports equipment. Hand me down stuff that you can, you can get. Of course your thrift stores.

[Jen]

Facebook marketplace is really good because you've got people who have new stuff or almost new stuff that they can't return and then they try and sell it on Facebook Marketplace. So used doesn't have to mean decrepit. It can mean almost new but just a little bit less expensive.

[Jill]

So the final category, the third drum roll that is costing the most money for parents parties. This is insane. So a recent industry data indicated that roughly parents spend about $500 on a child's birthday party. And so if you've got over 18 birthdays happening for your child, that's roughly $9,000 on parties alone per child, not including gifts.

[Jen]

Yeah, and it's once you have thought about a party that Really, I mean $500 is pretty accurate.

[Jill]

Yeah, we've got some examples here in this video.

[Jen]

Some people pay more.

[Guest Speaker]

Here's everything.

[Jen]

I'm feeding almost 30 children for my son's 10th birthday.

[Jill]

Starting strong with my famous Caesar salad.

[Guest Speaker]

Late night birthday surprise setup for my dog, 260 balloons and wrapped them to make curly cues. Hung a birthday banner. These both custom framework her birthday gifts, games, dolls, crafts, pool, toys, activities. An underwater camera. Is my six year old the only one asking for a Stanley cup? I finally got her one and added this adorable keychain. I had to have her dolls join the party and mini party hats are a month. I may have stayed up until 2am setting everything up, but seeing my kids play smiles and creating core memories makes it all worth it. The first delivery of the day was this amazing bounce house. The theme for today's party is Barbie. So this pink is perfect. We got a custom decal that says Olivia turns 4.

A few weeks back, the sweetest mama reached out and said, hey, we're looking to hire y' all for our son's upcoming first birthday. We saw the golf baby shower y' all did a few weeks back and are wanting something similar. But Master Scene rented this backdrop prop and converted it into a custom pro shop filled with hats, towels, trophies, golf balls, clubs, and everything you'll need for the party. The entire food spread was based off the master's menu, including pimento cheese sandwiches, chicken sandwich salad, moon pies, and more. The clients were absolutely over the moon and said that it was more than they hoped for and that the kids had an absolute blast.

[Jill]

The kids saw for the. It's for the one year old kids.

[Jen]

The one year old kids all had a great time eating pimentos. And that first one that all those kids had a great time eating her famous Caesar salad.

[Jill]

Right, Right.

[Jen]

They love. I don't know about your kids. My kids love Caesar Caesar salad.

[Jill]

I mean, these do look like parties I would enjoy going to. But it again, is just perpetuating this idea that this is what all of our parties have to look like and going above and beyond. And the statement that got me that I am hearing a lot from people is that whole creating core memories concept.

[Jen]

Oh.

[Jill]

And I feel like there's a misunderstanding about how that happens. Like, you don't get to choose what becomes core memories.

[Jen]

Right.

[Jill]

It's like, like core memories could just be playing by the creek with your friends every Sunday. Like, you don't decide your kids core memories.

[Jen]

This is insane. And there's. Okay, so like, how did we get to this extreme? There's actually a really good explanation that I found. This might be an unpopular opinion, but what is going on with kids parties today?

[Guest Speaker]

So I am a bakery owner and a cake decorator, and I can tell you right now, I personally know exactly what happened. So when I started cake decor and it was for friends and acquaintances, and then slowly people outside of that, it was really cut dry, simple. We'll put a topper on it ourselves. It's no big deal. The larger that the market for mom bloggers grew, the more insane the cake demands became. Funny enough at the same time, so I was just cake decorating on the side, but I was a content specialist for a marketing firm at this time where we were actively constantly studying the hugely booming industry of mom bloggers and just influencers in general. The relationships that mom influencers were Growing based on tying themselves to brands that were party centered, kids centered, toy centered, present centered. I'm not even just talking about party city. I'm talking about in their own city, those giant blow up. If you see a mom influencer and she's talking about, oh my gosh, thank you so much, so much to 901Games for bringing this whole thing out. That's because they made a brand deal and they got it for free. And it influenced all of the mothers that follow them to do the same because they want their kids to have this insanely blown out, photography worthy party.

[Jen]

Yeah, it makes so much sense being like starting from financial blogging and being kind of a acquainted with mom bloggers. That was like 10, that started 10, 15 years ago. So like this has been amping up for longer than social media has been a thing. We didn't just get to Masters themed first birthday party from the non aesthetic parties we were having in the 90s, which I love are actually making a comeback. So there are a lot of ways to say no to the crazy expectations of goodie bags. I saw one girl, I don't think I could play it in the episode because it was a little explicit, but she's like, why am I like sleeping like getting your kids gifts for my kid's birthday and then I also have to get my kid gifts. Yeah, right. So like goodie bags and all of like bounce houses stuff.

[Jill]

And that's the thing, it's not just social media influence. We influence our own communities too. And so if your kids are around other kids and they're at least going through elementary school together, if this is what we're doing, it feels like that's the kind of party I then have to throw. If that's the parties that my kids are going to, they're going to want that. It just, just keeps perpetuating. But we can, there are areas that we can kind of put a flag in the sand and say no more. We're taking it Back to the 90s, baby.

[Jen]

Yeah. So my, my favorite thing, what I do for my kids and my kids are 2 and 6, so they're young. So this may not work for everyone, but it honestly it could. So for my older one we go to a playground and I'll, I'll buy some food and we will just have stuff at a playground and I will explicitly say like no gifts necessary, just come hang out. Because that can get expensive too. When you're going to all these parties and having to get a gift for the kid every single Time that plays into this cost. So no gifts. Just come and play date. Like big old play date or my younger one. That was a party for us. Like let's acknowledge that that first birthday party was not for the child.

[Jill]

Oh yeah, you're celebrating the parents for being able to keep the kids alive for a year. So like you made it. You made it.

[Jen]

Yeah. Stop lying to people. And so we had a grill out at our house and I got some cocktails and I think that was very fun. I think I was the only one that drank.

[Jill]

I was there and I joined you.

[Jen]

I had so much fun at my party to celebrate keeping my two year old alive for two years.

[Jill]

Yes, right, Exactly. I also love this idea to do a party on free museum days or free zoo days that as they're already happening, then you just invite everybody else out. So no one's paying a bunch of money to be able to enjoy like this.

[Jen]

Give them a crown and a pin. So they are like the king or queen of the day.

[Jill]

Oh yeah, yeah, they love that. Who doesn't love that?

[Jen]

They love that.

[Jill]

Check for local community events. If there's like a pop up puppet show or a story time hosted at libraries or nonprofits, I think that could be also a really cool way to keep your kids entertained and not have to have paid for it.

[Jen]

Yeah. Some of these 90, like 90s non aesthetic like parties are so they're, they're skipping the party altogether and doing a special outing or doing just special small things around the house instead of a party. Just like going not viral. So ugly cake, ugly snacks, letting them run around the backyard with the hose.

[Jill]

I mean, it doesn't have to be so extreme and so ugly.

[Jen]

It can be extreme. Let's swing the pendulum. Let's try it. Let's try swinging the pendulum in the opposite direction on all this stuff.

[Jill]

That'll for sure be a core memory for the kid. Like my mom just like smashed the cake and then like plopped icing on top.

[Jen]

That's not okay. You're destructive.

[Jill]

I'm just saying you don't have to say go extreme.

[Jen]

Wow. Okay. Anyway, let's wrap this up with saying you have permission to say no. I think so. You're not alone. Maybe the people in your community, the people you're seeing on the algorithm that has shown you one video that you slightly interacted with and now has shown you 20, has made you believe that this is the way everyone is doing it and it is not how everyone is doing it. People are getting their toys secondhand they're having less toys, they're having simple parties, simple sports. It's happening and you have permission to say no.

[Guest Speaker]

You're not alone.

[Jill]

And find people that you follow on Instagram who are also showing these things. I mean, how refreshing is it to look at some of that non aesthetic, just classic, laid back. Everyone feels more comfortable at a party like that. So follow those people so that that can be our, our exposure and our understanding of like, what is normal. And start setting the example for others in your community that this is okay. We can just get together and enjoy each other and some of the more free things of life.

[Jen]

But you do not have permission to say no to the bill of the week.

[Jill]

That's right. It's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is William. Maybe you paid off your mortgage. Maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. Duck Bills, Buffalo Bills, Bill Clinton. This is the Bill of the week.

[Listener]

Hi, Jen and Jill. This is my bill of the week. I just started back to work at JMU for the semester. The semester started up and I normally would be stressing about what I was going to wear and also buying new things because I felt like I had to have them. This time I did two things different. I have a capsule wardrobe now that I made thanks to you all. And then second, I didn't buy a single thing and put a new outfit together from what I already had. And it looked great and I got tons of compliments. So all thanks to you all. So thank you so much for your podcast and I love your book.

[Jen]

Thank you, Charlene. That's so great. So I had this incidence recently that my mom wanted to buy us all new outfits to go on our cruise. And I was like, we actually don't need new outfits. And she's like, but everybody loves a new outfit. And I was like, well, no, I think we have enough outfits and I'd like to use the outfits we have. And this is exactly it. This is the energy that we are bringing, is that we have enough.

[Jill]

We have what we need and we don't.

[Jen]

Unless I really want something, I'm not gonna buy it just to mark an occasion or just because I'm doing something. Yeah, I'm gonna buy a piece of clothing because I truly love that piece of clothing. Not for some other reason.

[Jill]

It is so interesting because usually it's because we're going somewhere we haven't been before. Whether it's we're starting a New job or we're going on vacation or we're headed back to school. School. We are going to be fresh to those people, like, who is it really for? And I often have to remind myself, I have been to weddings, I have been on vacations. I have started things in the past. What did I wear then? I can wear the same thing again.

[Jen]

Nobody knows that, you know. Nobody's going to know.

[Jill]

Yeah, you can find excitement in it too. Like maybe find a new way of, of wearing it. But we don't have to buy new. Thank you, Charlene, for that reminder. This is so great and we love that. We inspire, we love, we inspired you to build out that capsule wardrobe. We did do some episodes on that a while back, so that's very fun. And thanks for liking our book. It's so fun to hear that people read. Buy what you love without going broke. We are so proud of it. If you are listening and you have a bill that you want to submit, if it has to do with nothing, buying things with your hard earned money, bills, or your name is Bill and you just want to call us up and tell us about yourself, we would love to Hear it. Visit frugalfriendspodcast.combill to leave us a bill or click the link below if you're watching us on YouTube. And now it's time for the lightning round.

[Jen]

All right, what was your favorite activity as a kid? What's your core memory that nobody made for you?

[Jill]

Honestly? Playing outside.

[Jen]

You're so wholesome.

[Jill]

If you were to ask me.

[Jen]

You're so, you're so 90s. It's so cool.

[Jill]

I was 90s, so I, I am 90s. Yeah. If I were to think about my childhood, the majority of it, not to say I was always outside, of course I watched tv. Of course my mom thought that, like, the TV was a babysitter for like a good amount of time. Of course. But also I spent so much time outside, I think, I think making videos. I mean, that's what I remember, you know?

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Jill]

Like there could have been other stuff.

[Jen]

So there you go. Your core memory is probably going to be you sending them out.

[Jill]

Yeah. And just making stuff out of dirt and sticks and like, I remember pretending to make porridge. And then my brother and I would make videos, you know, when like, the camcorder came out, we would make our own videos with that and climb trees and go on walks and I love that. Yeah. What about you?

[Jen]

My parents wouldn't let me go outside, I think for fear of the alligators. The world not even we didn't live near a body of water. Might have just been the neighborhood. Now that I drive back through it as an adult, I can see why. So my favorite free activity as a kid. Core memories that I have is playing with Barbies. I was an only child and they were my community. I was actually just talking about that. Not the Barbies part, but I didn't have a lot of friends as a young child. When I got into high school is when I like, started to have a lot of like, good friends. But one of the only ways that I had friends was from the sport I did, ice skating. That was one of the only ways that I had friends when I was really young.

[Jill]

Yeah.

[Jen]

So I do think sports are really important and ice skating is an expensive sport too. They didn't have a lot of money and so I don't know why. Well, I do know why ice skating was the sports because my mom did them when she was young. But choose your sports wisely because your kid might like it and might want to continue on with it.

[Jill]

Yeah, it is important to try things, but that's the thing. We don't have to spend so much on all of the things we get to pick and choose. If you want to watch another video about de influencing collectibles, this one's a good one.

[Jen]

Crazy. Thank you so much for listening. We love reading your kind reviews about the book, especially this one from Coffee in the Chaos. I promise you that was not me, but that would be a truly appropriate screen name. 5 stars. Learning that you can choose to live frugally. Frugally while still having fun. Jen and Jill have written a book on finances that everyone can learn something from. Personally, I gained so much wisdom about being content but not complacent and how to live life in the radical middle. Their non judgmental, encouraging and fun approach is like hanging out with your friends who just happen to know a lot about spending and saving money.

[Jill]

Oh, thank you so much. What a kind review. I love it when people feel like they're just hanging out with us and like we're friends. That's cool.

[Jen]

Yeah. And you can hang out with us in our book Buy what yout Love without going Broke even more. And we'll see you next time.

[Jill]

Yeah. Subscribe. Like, leave us a comment.

[Jen]

See you later.

[Jill]

Write us a review.

[Jen]

Frugal Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni.

[Jill]

Okay. No, no, no, no, no.

[Jen]

It's so long.

[Jill]

I know, but at least stay sitting. I'll just cut it off.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Jill]

Except for when sports cost Even more money because of injuries.

[Jen]

Oh, you want me to tell that story?

[Jill]

I don't know. You don't have to.

[Jen]

Okay. Yeah. Well, this is some. Yeah. All right. I, as an ice skater, was warming up for a show at the mall. The ice skating rink at the mall. And I was warming up, and so was another girl, and we backed into each other. She was going in for a spin and I was just kind of doing. I don't know if I was going. I had to have been going backwards. I don't know what happened, but she sliced into my right calf all the way down to right before the bone, and it cut every tendon, ligament, everything except for the membrane around the bone, which, if she had cut that, my leg would have had to get amputated. And that was. Yeah. Sent me to the hospital.

[Jill]

I don't know why I asked for that story.

[Jen]

I know, Like, I don't know why you asked for it either, but it's actually one of the reasons I run now because I am truly thankful to have all of my leg and I want to utilize that and not take it for granted.

[Jill]

Was that the end of ice skating for you?

[Jen]

Not for me. For her. It was for me. I went back. I was in eighth grade, and I. I skated through high school.

[Jill]

Whoa.

[Jen]

Yeah. So I skated for four more years.

[Jill]

Brilliant.

[Jen]

Yeah. Stubborn.

[Jill]

But that. That's a thing too, to consider. I mean, what. We can't not do things because of, like, the risk of injury and stuff, but, like, it does happen. And that's a whole other thing to be navigating. But I guess all of it is, like, character building.

[Jen]

That's part of.

[Jill]

Yeah, that kind of injury. Sure. But concussions, broken bones.

[Jen]

Yeah. So the long term health effects of certain sports should definitely be considered when choosing a sport that is no joke.

[Jill]

Yeah. If you're not gonna go into the NFL, like, maybe be careful. Yeah.

[Jen]

Well, see you later. Goodbye.