Frugal Friends Podcast - Episode: Money Lies Women Believe with Cara Lowenthal
Release Date: December 3, 2024
Hosts: Jen Smith & Jill Sirianni
Guest: Cara Lowenthal, New York Times Bestselling Author and Founder of the New School of Feminist Thought

Introduction

In Episode 464 of the Frugal Friends Podcast, hosts Jen Smith and Jill Sirianni delve deep into the pervasive money myths that women often believe, featuring insightful dialogue with guest Cara Lowenthal. This episode, titled "Money Lies Women Believe," explores the historical and societal conditioning that shapes women's financial mindsets and offers practical strategies to overcome these ingrained beliefs.

Historical Context of Women and Money

[09:00] Cara Lowenthal:
"At the beginning of time, there was no currency. And then Adam Smith came along and invented capitalism... most of [history] women did not have full financial rights."

Cara begins by tracing the roots of women's financial disempowerment, highlighting how, for centuries, women were legally restricted from owning property, managing finances, or engaging in business independently. These historical limitations have left enduring imprints on the modern financial behaviors and attitudes of women.

Notable Quote:
"If you were a woman, for most of our kind of modern and pre-modern history, you couldn't own your own property... You were not a legal entity, especially if you were married." – Cara Lowenthal [09:00]

Socialization and Money Mindset

The conversation shifts to how these historical constraints have evolved into present-day socialization, affecting how women perceive and interact with money.

[14:23] Jen Smith:
"You're talking about how to buy what you love without going broke... making a gold star from the universe that you've finally been an abstemious enough woman is not."

Jen emphasizes the podcast's mission to redefine frugality, moving beyond mere penny-pinching to empowering women to spend wisely on what they value without guilt.

Notable Quote:
"Women are socialized into something that I call over-responsibility... This makes women often quite risk-averse." – Cara Lowenthal [15:06]

Money Lies Women Believe

Cara Lowenthal identifies three primary money lies that women often grapple with:

1. Money is Morally Wrong:

   • [22:14] Cara Lowenthal:
     "One of the three money lies is that wanting money or wanting to build wealth is morally wrong and means something bad about you."
     This belief, rooted in religious and cultural narratives, often leaves women feeling guilty for pursuing financial success.

2. Money is Men’s Business:

   • [22:44] Cara Lowenthal:
     "Money is linked to masculinity, making it emasculating for a woman to earn more than her man."
     This stereotype creates tension in professional and personal relationships, where women may feel their financial independence is undervalued or criticized.

3. The Deck is Stacked Against Women:

   • [27:39] Cara Lowenthal:
     "Women may believe that the financial world is an old boys network where success is unattainable."
     This fatalistic view discourages women from striving for financial growth, underestimating the possibilities of overcoming systemic barriers.

Notable Quotes:
"Women are socialized to always know the right answer and always do things perfectly... which makes them avoid taking risks." – Cara Lowenthal [17:10]
"If you associate money with emotional safety, acceptance, and self-pride, it's going to stymie you more times than that." – Cara Lowenthal [21:46]

Overcoming Financial Stereotypes

The episode transitions into strategies for unlearning these harmful beliefs. Cara emphasizes the importance of cognitive mindset shifts and evidence-based practices to rewire the brain's default responses to money.

[34:00] Cara Lowenthal:
"Just being a therapist or a coach doesn't mean you've uncovered all these socialized beliefs. I'm always uncovering new layers myself."

She advocates for:

• Evidence Gathering:
  Challenging existing beliefs by seeking out real-world examples and success stories of women in finance.

• Mindset Transformation:
  Practicing cognitive techniques to replace negative self-perceptions with empowering thoughts.
  [35:43] Cara Lowenthal:
  "You can believe that you are capable of understanding the stock market or managing your finances."

• Understanding Motivations:
  Clarifying the 'why' behind financial goals to ensure they are intrinsically motivated rather than externally imposed.

Notable Quotes:
"Humans have biases like confirmation bias, where you only see what matches your existing beliefs." – Cara Lowenthal [37:36]
"It's about strategically catastrophizing... going all the way to see what's possible after the worst-case scenario." – Cara Lowenthal [43:40]

Personal Anecdotes and Vulnerabilities

Both hosts share their personal journeys in unlearning these money lies, adding a relatable and authentic layer to the discussion.

Cara Lowenthal:
"I thought money was bad because of my upbringing, which made it difficult to start a business. Overcoming this belief was crucial for my success."

Jen Smith:
"I struggled with feeling less worthy when I had to take a pay cut to focus on our book and family. Learning to decouple my self-worth from my income was a significant shift." [59:01]

Notable Quote:
"If you associate money with emotional safety... you're going to fixate on how it might not be possible." – Cara Lowenthal [21:46]

Practical Advice and Strategies

Cara provides actionable steps for listeners to begin unlearning these money lies:

1. Identify and Challenge Beliefs:

   • Recognize the money lies you believe and question their validity.

2. Gather Evidence:

   • Look for examples of women who have successfully navigated financial landscapes to counteract negative beliefs.

3. Shift Your Mindset:

   • Practice cognitive reframing to adopt empowering thoughts about money.

4. Set Manageable Goals:

   • Start with small financial decisions to build confidence before tackling bigger investments.

5. Seek Support:

   • Engage with communities or coaches who understand and can help dismantle these ingrained beliefs.

[57:21] Cara Lowenthal:
"Start with small shifts, like believing you can learn about the stock market, and gradually build upon that."

Conclusion

The episode wraps up with a reflection on the importance of understanding the historical and social roots of financial beliefs to foster personal growth and financial independence. The hosts encourage listeners to continue challenging these money lies and provide resources for further learning.

[62:46] Cara Lowenthal:
"Subscribe to my podcast, UNF your brain, and check out my book to deepen your understanding and continue this journey."

[63:12] Cara Lowenthal:
"I teach women to embrace their financial authority and make informed, confident decisions."

Key Takeaways

• Historical Influence: Women's historical lack of financial rights continues to affect modern financial behaviors.
• Money Lies: Women often believe that wanting money is wrong, that money is men’s business, and that the system is stacked against them.
• Mindset Shifts: Overcoming these lies requires cognitive reframing, evidence gathering, and setting actionable goals.
• Personal Growth: Acknowledging and addressing these beliefs can lead to greater financial empowerment and independence.
• Practical Steps: Small, intentional changes and seeking supportive communities are essential for breaking free from ingrained financial myths.

Resources Mentioned

• Cara Lowenthal’s Book: Take Back Your Brain
• Podcast: UNF your brain
• Website: SchoolOfNewFeministThought.com
• Promoted Class: Free live meal planning class for pre-orders at BuyWhatYouLoveBook.com

Listener Feedback:

Listeners are encouraged to share their "bill of the week," reflecting on their financial decisions and mindset shifts. Testimonials emphasize the show's impact on combating impulse buying and adopting hobbies as alternatives to shopping, fostering a healthier relationship with money.

[65:22] Listener Review:
"Say no to impulse buys. 5 stars. Loved this podcast. You girls were spot on about combating impulse buying with hobbies."

This episode of the Frugal Friends Podcast serves as a powerful exploration of the deep-seated financial beliefs that hinder women's financial growth. Through historical analysis, personal anecdotes, and practical advice, Cara Lowenthal empowers listeners to challenge and overcome these limiting money lies, paving the way for a more confident and financially independent future.