Self-Improvement is a Lie | Deinfluencing "New Year New You" Motivation

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Self-Improvement is a Lie | Deinfluencing 'New Year New You' Motivation"

Frugal Friends Podcast | Hosts: Jen Smith & Jill Sirianni | January 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Jen and Jill take a critical look at the booming “self-improvement” market that preys on New Year’s resolutions. They tackle the false promises of "New Year, New You" motivation, challenge the pressure to constantly upgrade yourself through purchases, and reveal how marketers create manufactured desires that siphon your money. Instead, they offer a more sustainable, authentic, and value-driven approach to self-improvement, with plenty of humor and relatable stories.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The January Effect & Manufactured Self-Improvement (00:42 - 04:45)

• Annual Self-Improvement Traps
  • Jill notes that every January, marketers push new “fixes.”

    “If self improvement worked, why are we out here buying the same fixes every single January?” — Jill (00:42)

  • Jen reflects on how hope for a fresh start mixes with guilt over holiday indulgence, making people vulnerable to unnecessary purchases.

    “It’s this hope…combined with the guilt of having overindulged around the holidays.” — Jen (01:18)

  • Jill relates feeling compelled to buy decor or clothes to fill the void when Christmas decorations come down, despite not needing them (02:29).

2. Procrastispending: Buying vs. Doing (05:27 - 06:19)

• Definition: Spending money on things related to self-improvement without actually changing your habits.
  • Jill:

    “Not doing the thing but spending money like buying things that might get you closer.” (05:48)

  • Jen shares an anecdote about a friend who bought running gear but never ran, calling out procrastispending.

3. Self-Improvement as Self-Centered Consumerism (08:13 - 10:51)

• Fight Club Connection:
  • Jen references “Fight Club” (00:58, 07:55), suggesting most conventional self-help is “self-satisfying” — it only benefits the individual, not the community.
  • Challenges listeners to rethink improvement:

    “Are we improving at the expense of our wallets or…of the well-being of the people around us?” — Jen (09:15)

  • Jen and Jill explore how individual pursuits (like marathon training) may take a toll on relationships.

4. Marketers’ January Playbook: Hope, Guilt, Urgency (12:01 - 13:13)

• Jill outlines the sellers’ strategy:

  "The January playbook...is a mix of hope, guilt, and urgency. That’s a great little trio for some sales.” — Jill (12:19)

• Manufactured desire is created by tapping hope for change and guilt for shortcomings, multiplied by New Year urgency.

5. Authentic Self-Improvement vs. Marketed Self-Improvement (15:00 - 17:25)

• Real Desire comes from personal values and genuine needs, not external pressures.
• They reference Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, especially self-actualization, as true growth:

  “It starts with acceptance of who you are, including your flaws, living an authentic life...” — Jen (16:58)

• Modern social media has twisted self-actualization into grinding self-discipline and productivity, losing the focus on authenticity.

6. Self-Improvement for Community, Not Just the Self (21:02 - 25:53)

• The hosts encourage improvement goals that benefit both you and those around you.
• Jen:

  “It’s not self improvement if...the other more foundational part of the hierarchy of needs...my family and relationships...suffer.” (22:08)

• Jill cautions against both extremes: over-sacrifice and over-indulgence, especially relevant for mothers struggling with “mom guilt.” (23:19)

7. Distinguishing Self-Care from Self-Improvement (25:36 - 27:41)

• Jen draws a distinction:

  “There’s a difference between self care and self improvement.” (25:40)

• Running, for her, is self-care, not necessarily improvement.

8. True Self-Improvement: Internal Skills Over Purchases (27:44 - 29:28)

• Jill suggests focusing on emotional regulation, stress management, better listening, and micro-generosity as self-improvement objectives—none of which require shopping.

  “There are so many things that...help us...we don’t have to pay somebody else to do for us.” — Jill (28:12)

9. Action Over Acquisition: Start With What You Have (32:06 - 34:09)

• Start improvement with free or existing resources (YouTube workouts, existing clothes, Google Sheets, etc.).
• Jill:

  “The end goal might require some purchases...but take action believing you can start with what you already have.” (32:06)

• Practice reveals what you truly need; don’t try to “buy” an identity.

10. Accepting Seasons, Practicing Self-Compassion (35:16 - 38:33)

• Guest/Listener:

  “I’m tired of trying to improve myself all of the time...Maybe it’s okay that you don’t try to improve yourself today. Maybe it’s okay that we practice self-compassion and acceptance of where we’re at.” (35:27)

• Both hosts empathize, stressing it's okay to rest and simply exist—especially when overwhelmed.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• New Year, New Pressure:

  “If self improvement worked, why are we out here buying the same fixes every single January?” — Jill (00:42)

• On Procrastispending:

  “Not doing the thing but spending money…when really you’ve got shorts and a sports bra already, I guarantee it.” — Jill (05:48)

• Fight Club Wisdom:

  “Conventional self help is mostly self satisfying...the thing that came up into my mind was people starting 75 hard or...people training for marathons.” — Jen (08:13)

• Marketers’ Manipulation:

  “The January playbook...is a mix of hope, guilt, and urgency. That’s a great little trio for some sales.” — Jill (12:19)

• Why Self-Actualization Matters:

  “If we don’t know what we want...people will sell it to us.” — Jen (16:58)

• On Self-Improvement vs. Self-Care:

  “There’s a difference between self-care and self-improvement. Both are good, both have their place.” — Jen & Jill (25:40)

• Accepting Enough:

  “Maybe it’s okay that you don’t try to improve yourself today. Maybe you are actually doing enough.” — Listener/Additional Speaker (35:27)

• You Can’t Buy True Change:

  “You cannot buy self improvement.” — Jen (09:15, reiterated throughout)

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Actionable Takeaways

• Be Wary of Manufactured Desire:
  Ask yourself if your drive to change is rooted in your values or fueled by fleeting guilt/hope stirred up by marketers.

• Start With What You Have:
  Don’t let purchases delay practicing what you want to improve. Use free and available resources.

• Value-Based Goal Setting:
  Set improvement goals that reflect what matters most to you—and consider the impact on your community or family.

• Self-Compassion is Vital:
  It’s healthy to have seasons without striving or constant self-critique. Rest is not failure.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• The January Effect on Spending: 00:42 – 04:45
• Procrastispending Defined: 05:27 – 06:19
• Fight Club & Self-Improvement Critique: 08:13 – 10:51
• Marketer Playbook (Hope, Guilt, Urgency): 12:01 – 13:13
• Real vs. Manufactured Desire (Maslow): 15:00 – 17:25
• Community-Oriented Improvement: 21:02 – 25:53
• Self-Care vs. Self-Improvement: 25:36 – 27:41
• Free Paths to Growth: 32:06 – 34:09
• Permission to Pause (Self-Compassion): 35:16 – 38:33

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Listener Story & Community Segment

• Bill of the Week:
  Listener shares a savings win by calling her internet provider and cutting her bill while doubling her service (39:53–41:55).

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Closing Reflections

Jen and Jill encourage listeners to refocus self-improvement on real values—not guilt, hype, or consumer pressure. They advocate for taking small, meaningful steps using what you have, and practicing self-compassion during busier or tougher life seasons. Improvement should enhance both personal fulfillment and the wellbeing of those around you, not just your own status or productivity.

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For more episodes and resources, visit the Frugal Friends Podcast.

Transcript

[Jen]

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[Podcast Announcer]

Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast where you'll learn to save money, embrace simp and live a richer life. Here are your hosts, Jen and Jill.

[Jill]

If self improvement worked, why are we out here buying the same fixes every single January? Every year we hear New Year, new you just buy this planner, this supplement, this productivity tracker. But it's a lie.

[Jen]

In this episode, we are debunking the idea that you have to be constantly upgrading yourself. And we're going to be uncovering the marketing that is preying on your insecurity and telling you that every new year you need to be upgrading, buying, etc. This year, my New Year's resolution is to be more menacing, to be scarier, to be a horror, to be haunting, insidious, sinister even. Hey Frugal friends. I'm Jen.

[Jill]

I'm Jill.

[Jen]

And if you're looking to be more menacing in 2026, you are in the right place. Or if you're looking to make any change, we want to help you figure out what is the healthy change and what is the change that is just toxic New Year New you marketing. So we are no strangers to this phenomenon, this January effect. Personally, in January I have been more prone to buying like health stuff. I haven't done it in the past few years, but there were times where I would get into this, like, okay, the holidays are over and I feel not only this hope that's being marketed for like a new fresh start, but also combined with the guilt of having overindulged around the holidays. So like those things combined will get me to buy things that I probably shouldn't have.

[Jill]

I often do feel like January does elicit this fresh start. Everybody kind of has this new energy coming into the year that I really do feed off of. Like I, I do like that. But I think what can happen for me personally is I'm coming off of all excitement, the thrill, the gatherings, the food, the spending that I haven't broken that habit yet that I've built. So, so while I don't want to be doing those same things, I am done with like all of the desserts and all of the like frivolous spending. But I still want to engage in some way. So this is almost like the replacement for that. But it's not necessarily in like the most healthy, productive places. It's like, oh, well then what? Oh, buy, buy some fresh CL or some fresh decor. Like I know every single time I take down my Christmas decor, my place feels so empty. Even though that's how I lived the last 11 months prior to Christmas, it feels so sparse. So it's like, well, how can I freshen it up and kind of do the lifestyle that like portray the lifestyle that I want to live? So yeah, for me it's like clothing and potentially decor spending. But being able to recognize like the reason for it is helping me.

[Jen]

I think January gives us this pendulum swing. So in December it's a lot of overindulgence, it's a lot of peopling. And then in January it's a lot of self improvement. And so that I think is where we find ourselves in this. How do I value self improvement? Because that is truly something that is important. But how do I make it less centered on buying stuff to improve and how do I make it less centered around me? Because so much of the self improvement content that we see on social media benefits self and that's pretty much it. And so when we see this uptick in self improvement content, we should always be trying to inspect those because what we often get is stuff like this.

[Listener/Caller]

Guys, I found the new way to stay organized in this next coming year.

[Jen]

And that starts today, baby girls. Okay, I went off the TikTok shop and I found this ginormous calendar.

[Eric]

Okay, so I was cleaning and I.

[Jen]

Found my 2025 bingo card with my goals for this year. I didn't even finish the bingo card. A no spend month. I spent so much this year and I want 126 things I would do.

[Influencer/Advertiser]

To grow up in 2026 and your celebrity influencer, public person. Look, load of morning water. Every morning I will add my collagen, my L glutamine, my greens powder, whatever it is, I want to add that morning into my water. And this means you are just hydrating with intention. It energizes your body and gives you that inside out glow. Comment. Water for my recipe below.

[Jen]

So calendars, bingo cards, water. These things aren't inherently bad for self improvement. But the telltale sign that it's not working for you is that it's selling solutions that are what we like to call procrastispending. How would you define procrastispending?

[Jill]

Not doing the thing but spending money like buying things that might get you closer. I think classically is getting exercise equipment or clothing like, oh, I want to exercise more this year. And before we actually do the thing, we go out and we try and buy the cute outfit or the supplies when really like you've got shorts and a sports bra already, I guarantee it.

[Jen]

And they're not great. But you're not going from couch to marathon, right? They don't need to be great right off the couch.

[Sponsor Representative]

Yeah.

[Eric]

So.

[Jen]

And yeah, I use my friend this example and he doesn't know I use him. I've used him as an example for like four years. But he wanted to get back into running. He was an avid runner before even I was like, he motivated me to get started. And he went out, he bought new shoes, he bought a new running outfit and then never stepped foot on the trail, never stepped foot on the road. And that is procrastina spending. We look at the social media content, whether it is health and fitness related, whether it is debt payoff related, mental health, stress, parenting. We look at whatever place we want to improve ourselves. And somebody always has some kind of recipe or hack for getting more organized or getting to your goal faster or whatever it is. And the truth is, is that yes, maybe the ultimate achieve achievement of the goal might involve spending some some money. But to get off the couch and get started does not cost money. You cannot buy self improvement. And so when I was doing research for this episode, for this outline and figuring out where I wanted to go, I was reminded of this, of Fight Club. So let me know if your mind immediately went there when you tuned into this episode. Like let me know in the comments.

[Jill]

Jill on the other hand, go off on Fight Club. I've never seen it.

[Jen]

Jill was like, what's Fight Club like?

[Jill]

It's a movie, right?

[Jen]

So if you are unfamiliar with the classic movie Fight Club, this is not going to be an extensive dive into that.

[Jill]

I live under a rock.

[Jen]

Yeah, Tyler Durden is a character in Fight Club and I guess he's the pro, I guess he's the antagonist. Maybe, I don't know. It's a, it's a weird movie. I love it, but it's a weird movie. But he has this pretty extreme opinion on self improvement. He says that conventional self help is a form of self pleasure. He doesn't say that, but I will say that. And true transformation comes through self destruction and rejecting consumer culture. And that's kind of like a major theme of the movie. And to an extent I was like, I can't say that on the air but I do kind of agree because conventional self help is mostly self satisfying. It's meaning like you are the only person who benefits from it. And the thing that came up into my mind was these people starting 75 hard or I'll, you know, I'll kind of jab my, you know, like stab myself in the heart for a second. People training for marathons.

[Influencer/Advertiser]

Right.

[Jen]

It is very beneficial to the person doing it. But I would love to hear the people around them if it's beneficial for them at all. Right. So so much of the self improvement content that we're consuming is extremely self centered. It's extremely self satisfying. And again improvement isn't the enemy here. What we really want to see happening and how we are going to try and reframe in this in for the rest of the episode is are we improving our lives at the expense of our wallets and are we improving. I'm using improving in air quotes if you're just listening. Are we improving at the expense of our wallets or. And, or the expense of the well being of the people around us?

[Jill]

That's a hard one. Yeah, yeah. Because it does seem like a good idea. Like I don't think it's a bad idea for you to be training for marathons.

[Jen]

Right.

[Jill]

But you do see it cross over into an extreme which we are all drawn to that. I think it's worth putting the pulse on what is this costing the people around me for. For me to be doing this thing. But I could. I also know people who are like this is very beneficial for my mental health and I am a better parent and spouse when I am able to do xyz. And so that I think is can be a part of this conversation but it's worth looking at like are we spending two hours in the gym and just doing a crazy diet that is like really hard for the rest of our family to keep up with.

[Jen]

And I think that is where we want to. The journey that we want to take is how do we get to self improvement that improves not just my life but the lives of the people around us. Because like spoiler, we're the frugal friends. And I think you know by now that we think community is everything. The space that we share and the people we share it with is what is most important. And financial security allows us to share that space more confidently. So yeah, that's, that's where. That's the journey that we're going to go on in this episode. So how do we start to course. Correct. Now, if Tyler was our third frugal friend, if he was here today, he would say.

[Jill]

You mean Brad Pitt?

[Jen]

Yes, Brad Pitt's character. I, I maybe should have said that.

[Jill]

If Brad Pitt were our third frugal.

[Jen]

Friend, if Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden was our third frugal friend, he would say, say a path of destruction to the old self to build a new one. And so we personally don't think you need to like, burn the house down to rebuild. I think you can renovate. And I think that's what true self improvement is.

[Jill]

Yeah. And I think it's important to recognize that it's not just us who wants to see improvements in ourselves. I think that's a fantastic goal and aim to be like, how can I be a better version of myself? Especially for those around, but to recognize that marketers know that we want these things and are going to try and weasel their way into selling us the solution. And so the January playbook right now for this, what you're going to see is where there's a mix of hope, guilt and urgency. That's a great little trio for some sales. And you'll like now that we kind of start to drill this into our own minds and your minds, you'll start to see it like they're tapping into the things that I'm hoping for in the new year. They're guilting me about how I haven't already achieved it. And they're creating an urgency for. And this needs to happen right now or it's never, ever going to happen, or the sale's going to end, or you're never going to be able to have access to this thing. Those three combined. Yeah, we're. We're passing out our money to, to these companies. Yeah.

[Jen]

So I think that's the first thing we need to do to course correct is first we need to recognize manufactured desire versus real desire. And that manufactured desire is going to have those three components. Well, it's actually going to have two components because it can be done at any time of the year. That hope plus guilt, if they can find like anything that gives you hope for change and guilt for mistakes, they have the recipe for manufactured desire. You don't even know you want to change that area. But if you feel a little guilty about it and feel like it's a little possible to improve, they've got you. And so we see this so much in January because it is the beginning of the year. You also have this urgency on top of that. So real desire and where we think like real self improvement can come from, is tied to your values and your current season. So if you've read our book, buy what you love without going broke, which came out like exactly a year ago. I mean we're five days short, but it's been out for almost exactly a year. We talk all about how to find your values and how to sit with those values in whatever season you are in. Because you can know your values, but you can also be in a season where you can't pursue all of them in the capacity and prioritize them in the capacity that you want. And so that's super important. Real desire comes there and I think and we kind of lay out what real desire and what I think real improvement looks like. We derive it from Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

[Jill]

Yeah, it's going to be attached to the things that are actually most valuable to you. And I think that we can find that when we are able to ask.

[Sponsor Representative]

Ourselves the question of what does self.

[Jill]

Actualization look like for us? So self actualization is the tippy, tippy top of the triangle. That is Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Many of us are familiar with it. It's got our basic physical needs at the bottom and kind of saying we need to meet these first before we're able up through the different levels. Then it's emotional and relational needs. And the highest is self actualization. And that is a really flowery, complicated word to just talk about your feelings of living out your purpose, feeling as though you've got creative outlets. You are able to do things that feel congruent with who you are, the things that matter most to you, that you've kind of come to this place of real self, not knowledge and self ownership, not constantly grasping to be somebody else or attain something that you think you should be attaining, but truly living out what is put uniquely inside of you. And that takes a process for us to discover. I mean in, in Maslow's research and kind of research that has followed, people don't. You can't really stay at the tippy top. A lot of people take a long time even finding themselves there. But we do believe that you can touch it and you can experience. Yeah, I am doing this creative thing that really drives me and fulfills me and makes me light up. So I think that's a worthwhile consideration is what does that look like for me? What's life giving to me? What is joyful for me? That's going to be an indicator of what do you actually think is important and where your time, energy, focus could be going towards.

[Jen]

Yeah, and I think it's so important that we consider the self actualization part because if we don't know what we want, if we don't know what, what we're pursuing as our purpose or our identity, people will sell it to us because we're all. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is not just applicable to a certain, you know, portion of people. We all have needs and we all want to reach this highest level of need, which is self actualization. And I think what we have kind of lost the plot a bit by not knowing this is that now we are mistaking self actualization and self improvement not as what it truly was or is. So it's personal growth. It's. It starts with. And this is straight from Mazal's mouth. Well, paraphrase. But it starts with acceptance of who you are, including your flaws, living an authentic life and then in the personal growth sense means you're open to new experiences, spontaneity and creativity. Like that self actualization and what it has devolved into in social media is self discipline. How can I be doing the most? How can I be the most efficient, the most this or that? Right. So it, it has devolved into that when really true self improvement, true self actualization is living in authenticity and being open to new experiences. It's not working out two hours a day and ignoring your family to read 10 pages of a Mel Robbins book. That's for sure. Life insurance was one of those things I kept putting off.

[Eric]

It felt overwhelming and honestly a little uncomfortable to think about. But once we had kids, it stopped feeling optional. I started thinking about things like the mortgage, childcare and everyday expenses and realized this is something I needed to handle for my family's sake.

[Sponsor Representative]

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[Jen]

If you've got life insurance through work.

[Eric]

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[Sponsor Representative]

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[Jen]

I was watching our kids play in.

[Eric]

The backyard the other day and it hit me how much we've built together. The life, the family, the little routines that actually make me feel proud. Moments like that make you realize just how important it is to protect everything you've worked for.

[Sponsor Representative]

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[Eric]

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[Sponsor Representative]

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[Jill]

That's policygenius.com so second, I think what you've already said is to consider the ways that our own self improvement pursuits are benefiting those around us. Because I think, I mean, at least from my perspective, it's one of the core reasons to aim at self improvement for yourself and for others. I think that the two go in tandem. I personally do believe that if it's good for you, it will most likely be good for others. That doesn't mean there's always a lot of diminishing returns and there's still boundaries with that too. That doesn't mean that like you can't have boundaries because even saying no to somebody could still be in their best interest because you wouldn't be your best self if you had said yes. Like, there's a lot of like caveats we can make about that, but I think it's important to consider both and not exclude the one. So being healthy I think really is important in whatever ways you're describing that whatever ways you think you could use some incremental improvements, but again, not at the expense of other people.

[Jen]

Yeah, I'll use the marathon example again in that I'm not training for a marathon right now, but I want to in the future and that takes a lot of Time it's not just like a race day thing, it's months of long runs leading up to. And it's one of the reasons I haven't done it yet because having young kids is a lot on, you know, both parents. So a half marathon, training for that. Still a lot of long runs, but half as much as a marathon. I haven't been in the season of my life where I can reach this personal goal, but this is a personal goal for me and it's not self improvement if that makes sense. Like it feels, it's a part of self actualization for me because I feel like I am pursuing the fullness of what I am capable of. But I don't want to do it to the extent where the other more foundational part of the hierarchy of needs, which is my family and my relationships that I don't want that to suffer. So I have to like make kind of, I have to puzzle piece it into like where do I want this to fit into my life?

[Jill]

And I think that's the, the biggest thing of really like how to find the radical middle with that. Because specifically this is coming from my observation. I am not a mom, but I observe many mothers. I think moms especially can really hemorrhage themselves to their families and experience guilt about having their own personal pursuits. Whether it is higher education or exercise or nutrition or just frickin taking a shower. I think there can be these like. But then I've got this guilt of it's always an opportunity cost. So I recognize we're kind, we are speaking to maybe even two different groups here. Like people who could take it too far and people who are not taking it far enough. Because again, in order to be your best, I do believe that there are things we can be doing to care for ourselves that yeah might require your spouse to also be watching the children or a friend or family member and it's okay and actually better for the kids to leave them for a little bit to do the thing that's going to be helpful.

[Jen]

I feel like I've hit a good like radical middle in running in that like I recognize that more is maybe too much. But I also have an extremely competent partner who has no problem, you know, when I go for like a nine mile run. But I do still struggle with some of that mom guilt. But I, I recognize that running is like a self purpose thing. It's a self serving thing. I do it for me it's not necessarily self improvement. When I'm thinking of self improvement, I'm thinking Of what are the ways that I can improve. That also improves the space around me, the space outside of me, which for me is like my husband and children and you like in our business and close friends. Like. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking as self improvement.

[Jill]

You're kind of making, making a distinction between self care and self improvement.

[Jen]

I am exactly. I am exactly making a difference. There's a difference between self care and self improvement.

[Jill]

Both are good, both have their place. Both.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Jill]

You're saying like maybe running is a little bit more self care than it is like, feels like improvement.

[Jen]

And I think we get. And that's one of the things that we've lost, lost in the plot is that some of this self improvement content and, and care like gets intertwined. And I think like, I keep thinking back to like the 75 hard stuff and these challenges where people are waking up at 5am every morning or these things that really just seem like challenges for what purpose?

[Sponsor Representative]

The.

[Jill]

Anyone that I know who has done it always ends up saying, yeah, it was too extreme. And I think that's probably part of it is just.

[Jen]

Yes.

[Jill]

Help you sample all these other, all these different things you could do and then pick what you're gonna keep taking with you from there. But it is, it's always so extreme.

[Jen]

But like running training for a half marathon for me feels like self care. Something like that. Like doing 75, that's not self care. So it has truly blurred the lines of like if you do this, you can feel like you're better than other people, sort of. But it hasn't really done anything long lasting for you. Which I guess I don't want to say that because I think many people who come out of it do have long lasting results from it, but it is maybe. It definitely is something to study.

[Jill]

Yeah, I mean, I think you're speaking specifically for your experience and how you're perceiving it. I don't think it's gonna look the same for everybody. I do think that there are people out there who are training specifically for runs and it is also self improvement like that there are aspects to it of, you know, this is improving my physical wellbeing, my mental fortitude, my emotional regulation. Like there's, there's a lot that could be said for that.

[Listener/Caller]

But it's.

[Jill]

Yeah, it's interesting to hear your perspective.

[Jen]

I think if we want to think about self improvement, I think those are actually the things that we should focus on. And I would love to get your, your take as an lcsw, but like things like emotional regulation. Like what are the things I can do that allow me to remember to like pause before reacting or like pay attention to my anxiety levels, think and communicate clearly or listen.

[Jill]

Yeah, and I think that's the thing where so much can be sold to us, like you're saying, as self care, self improvement. And in reality there's also so much that we have inside of us that doesn't need to cost us money that we could set goals and find the free resources to be able to do that. I mean, yeah, you've already mentioned emotional regulation and you know, finding ways to manage stress levels and communicate more clearly, but also being able to become a better listener. That would be a phenomenal goal for many of us. Like being able to listen and give helpful feedback and good beneficial responses to our friends. Even micro generosity or practicing gratitude. Like there are so many things that are going to help us mentally, emotionally, physically again that we don't have to pay somebody else to do for us. I do love the idea of leaving people an encouraging note or calling them or texting, texting them or picking up trash on a walk. You know, like these cool, fun things that we could be doing on a regular basis. Talking to strangers, complimenting them. You know, we're adults now, we can talk to strangers.

[Jen]

And I don't want to make this episode like an ad for running, but it's just like what's on my mind though. So it keeps like I keep coming back to it because I want to be able to relate these things back to something that's maybe adjacent to them. But like, I think going for a run, it definitely burns off some of the anxiety and stuff and gets your serotonin dopamine levels up, which can help with the emotional regulation. And I think if we are looking towards self improvement, I think that maybe our North Star and our guiding light could be these things that benefit the whole so that we can keep it in check. And it's like, am I active enough to keep my emotional regulation like improving or am I running too much that it is becoming a hindrance or like, you know, something heavy for my family? Yeah, like if we keep the right North Star, we can balance out the self care and the self improvement actions that we take.

[Jill]

I do like the new year as an opportunity to reflect on those things and set our goals. But I think too this is an important practice to look at what's good for me, what's good for others, what's within my actual value system and self actualization because there's so much being thrown at us and we could have so much goal competition that we're not going to be able to keep up with it all. Which is why then we fall off the bandwagon and so picking the things that here's what I really want to improve on. I know I talked about this in a recent episode, but there was a year when I really wanted, I wanted better community. But I realized what that meant was I needed to be a better friend. And so that was my goal. Like, who's already in my network and how can I be a better friend to them and enjoy more meaningful relationships and community? Like, that was kind of it for that year. Of course it included like a lot of miniature things in order to be able to set myself towards that target. But no one was selling that to me.

[Jen]

Right.

[Jill]

You can't buy better friendship.

[Jen]

And I don't know what year that was for you. Cause I feel like you're always that way. But I mean, it was years ago. But yeah, you can't buy that. Yeah, you can't. And again, and I will die on this hill. You cannot not buy anything, like anything related to self improvement. You can't buy it.

[Jill]

I, I think sometimes like the end goal might require some purchases. And that's fine, that's. That's good. Which leads us to kind of our, our final piece, which is to take action believing that you can start with what you already have. So if your goal for self improvement does have to do with physical well being, go for a walk, use the clothing you already have, look up and use free videos. There's plenty of them. For the last four years, I have exercised exclusively using YouTube. And I'm not saying that that's going to work for everybody.

[Jen]

Shout her out, Jill.

[Jill]

Pam. My girl Pam.

[Jen]

Pamela Reef. She loves, she loves her.

[Jill]

She's a beautiful, beautiful young woman who exercises in like, sound like a grandmother right now. I feel that way.

[Jen]

Beautiful young woman, solid, 10 years younger.

[Jill]

Than me and, and exercises in the most beautiful locations. But they're quick, they don't require equipment. So yeah, doing bodyweight workouts, if you see that that is building momentum and you have more to give, great. Then get the next thing. Like the next thing for me was I then actually got resistance bands for free from you because you got them in some kit. You didn't need that. Then I bought a good exercise mat. Then eventually, like, literally, it wasn't until like two years in that I was finally like, let me get some dumbbells. And again, all this stuff can be found on Facebook Marketplace.

[Jen]

Yeah, but practicing is what shows you what really needs to be bought or looked for. You don't buy the things and then become then. And it comes down to identity too. Like this is. There's such a parallel. We want to buy the things to buy the identity. No, we practice first. We discover our identity and our identity shows us what we like, what we buy to become more of what we already are.

[Jill]

We're more informed consumers at that point. And I think that's what we need to be as frugal people.

[Jen]

Yeah. And so there are a plethora of things that people pursue at the beginning of the year. Right. We've got organization, better finances, fitness, decluttering, what have you. And so all of these things can start without paying a dime for anything. So like organization, Google sheets and Notion are free. You can organize with things and containers you already have. You do not need to buy anything to declutter. Like I don't. Hopefully nobody is selling you things to declutter.

[Jill]

Better organization bins, money.

[Jen]

You don't need to even buy like a budget spreadsheet or anything. We sell a budget spreadsheet and we love Monarch money. We have a code for 50% off for a year. But you don't need to start there. You can just start with doing a no spend January. It's January now. Interesting.

[Jill]

We're doing a no spend January.

[Jen]

We are doing that right now. We could just start with that and that's it. Nothing else.

[Jill]

Oh, you don't have to do all of the things. And you know what? Also in the end, it's okay if you're not constantly looking for ways to improve yourself.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

I'm tired of trying to improve myself all of the time. As I was thinking about making content today, I was thinking, you know, what could be helpful for people to hear. And I feel like I'm perpetuating this self help trap of you're always doing something wrong. There's always something you could be doing to improve yourself. It's true, we could always be doing something better to improve ourselves. But at what point does that become harmful? At what point do we get stuck in the trap of noticing all of the things that we're not doing well or the things that we're not doing enough of. Maybe it's okay that you don't try to improve yourself today. Maybe it's okay that we practice self compassion and acceptance of where we're at. One thing that is really important to me is to continue to check the part that I play in the wellness world and I try to be very cautious about the language that I use and the message that I send. And the message that is coming so clear for me today is that maybe it's okay to not to not. Maybe you don't need to be improving yourself all of the time. Maybe you are actually doing enough.

[Jen]

Yeah, I heard that. And I felt so seen because when I sit and rest in my head I'm like, what should I be doing right now? What should I be doing? I should be doing something. And I'm not doing something, which means something isn't getting done.

[Jill]

Yeah. We have such a pressure for productivity. I think a thing, especially in our culture that I see it in myself too. Like when people are talking about their hobbies for hobby's sake or even I'll get the reels for the embroidery or the this or the that. And I'm like, yeah, but then what would that produce for me? What have I accomplished if I did that? And it might just be that like you just got to do something stress free. But to me, like I've literally had the thought of like, I don't think I could because I would be neglecting these other things. Things that are more productive.

[Jen]

Yeah. I.

[Jill]

But like, what if we could, what if we could just sit and do a puzzle?

[Jen]

Yeah. I think it's. We bring it right back to what we said at the beginning of the episode seasons.

[Jill]

Yeah.

[Jen]

When you identify what you truly value, your real desires and then you have to then align it with where you are in life, what is your season. And in some seasons we do not have time for self improvement. We just don't have time. Some of us are, are ignoring it and we do have time. And that's, that's another side, that's another, you know, end of the spectrum. But there are times, and I think we speak primarily to an audience of women and so I think it's especially applicable for us is that we always feel like we need to be doing something. Something. And in some seasons it's okay to not be.

[Jill]

Yeah.

[Sponsor Representative]

Here's the thing.

[Jill]

Hope is good. Improvement is good. Procrastis spending not good. We don't need it.

[Jen]

No.

[Jill]

We'd be curious to hear from you all what action you are taking today to be able to improve yourself not only for yourself, but also for those around you. And of course, subscribe if you want more content that is more motivation focused and not just like, like consumer hype focus.

[Jen]

And if there's anything you were going to buy for New Year, new you, motivation. And this episode maybe convinced you not to buy it. That's a fun one. We want to hear that in the comments because we want to know everyone is struggling with this, and we want to hear your wins.

[Jill]

Do you want to know what's a win for us every single time?

[Jen]

Oh, and that we also want to hear every week, twice a week.

[Jill]

The bill of the week.

[Jen]

The bill of the week.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

This is not hell about me.

[Jen]

This is not hell about me.

[Podcast Announcer]

That's right. It's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is William. Maybe you paid off your mortgage. Maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. Duck bills, Buffalo Bills, Bill Clinton. This is the bill of the week.

[Listener/Caller]

Okay? So I've already lowered, like, my insurances and my phone bills these over the last six months, and I'm very proud of myself. But the one bill I haven't looked into lowering yet was my Spectrum bill. And I just binged, like, several of your podcasts that I recently found on Spotify over the last few days, and it inspired me. And I was like, you know what? I need to call Spectrum. I need to find out. So I finally called them and I said, I called the disconnection department. I was like, hey, I'm thinking about disconnecting, because I have been. Do you have any retention promotions? And they said, absolutely. Want to keep you as a customer. My bill was $83 a month. I am now paying $55 a month. My spree speed was 400 megabytes per second or whatever that is, and now.

[Jen]

It is a thousand.

[Listener/Caller]

So I have doubled it, got a new router, got a new connector because you have to have the updated ones. And they also offered me a phone line, which I don't need a phone line because I have T mobile. However, I do have a grandma with dementia that we keep a phone for her. And my mom was trying to figure out, like, how to lower the bill for that, and I essentially solved her problem because I'm not paying any more for that phone than if I didn't have it. So not only am I paying less, but I'm getting better service for the Internet and an extra service on top of it. I know their promotions only last for so long.

[Jen]

Oh, she cut off at the. She cut off. Yeah, the promotions only last for so long, but, girl, get it while it's good.

[Jill]

Yes, my friend. All it took was a phone call.

[Jen]

You know what I'm gonna start calling this segment the call of the Week. Because baby girl, there is a call you need to make. And you know, Susan heard me say that and she felt seen. Yeah, she felt that I was looking at her like I'm looking at you right now. There's a call you need to make. If you feel like I'm looking at you in the eyes, I am looking at you. Make the call.

[Jill]

Better service for less money. I'm here for it. Well done. If you have a bill that you want to submit, if it has to do with making that call, with the call, Jen especially wants to hear about it.

[Jen]

I want to hear it.

[Jill]

If it has to do with your name being Bill, this one wants to hear about it.

[Jen]

We both want to hear from you.

[Jill]

Frugalfriends podcast.com bill leave it for us. Thank you.

[Eric]

This time of year always makes me want to reset our routines, especially around dinner. I love home cooking, but on busy weeks it can start to feel like a chore. HelloFresh honestly brings the joy back into it for us. Meals that feel homemade and satisfying without the stress of figuring out what's for dinner every single night.

[Sponsor Representative]

What I love is the variety. HelloFresh has over 100 recipes every week, from seasonal favorites to global dishes, and the portions are generous so everyone actually leaves the table feeling full. It's one of those things that make weeknight dinners feel simple but still really rewarding.

[Jen]

It also helps that the food tastes.

[Eric]

Great and fits our goals. I love their high protein options, all made with wholesome ingredients like sustainably sourced seafood and chicken with no antibiotics or hormones. We've used HelloFresh often and genuinely recommend it because when dinner tastes this good, nothing hits like home cooking.

[Sponsor Representative]

Go to hellofresh.com frugal10fm to get 10 free meals plus a free Zwilling knife. A $144.99 value on your third box offer valid while supplies last. Free meals applied as discount on first box. New subscribers only varies by plan One of my big money goals for 2026 is getting Eric more involved with our finances. I don't want everything to live in my head anymore. I want us both to be able to see what's going on, talk about goals and make decisions together without it turning into a stressful check in.

[Eric]

Managing your money doesn't have to be a struggle this year. Monarch is an all in one personal finance tool designed to make your life easier. It brings your entire financial life, budgeting, accounts, investments, net worth and future planning together in one dashboard on your laptop or phone. It's a really simple way to start fresh after the chaos of the holidays.

[Sponsor Representative]

Monarch makes everything shared and visible. You can look at the same dashboard as your partner, see where your money's going and track goals together. The weekly money recaps and insights help you catch patterns early. And the AI assistant makes it easy to ask questions without you feeling judged, which keeps us proactive instead of reactive.

[Eric]

This new year, achieve your financial goals for good. Monarch is an all in one tool that makes proactive money management simple all year long. Use code [e-mail] for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first [e-mail] with code FRUGAL.

[Jill]

And now it's time for the light background.

[Jen]

All right, we challenged, I guess we didn't challenge. We asked our listeners to comment on the YouTube video with an action they are taking to improve their self improvement. So I would ask us, yes, the same question. Is there an action that you are going to do to work on the self actualization, self improvement area of your life?

[Jill]

I know you're asking very specifically today, but I'll share.

[Jen]

It doesn't have to be today.

[Jill]

I've currently been in a bit of a journey since selling our house and moving into this new apartment. Recognizing I've got more time. There's a gym gym here and I've always only done YouTube videos but now that I've got people living below me I feel not as comfortable like jumping around and like dropping weights on the floor and I wanted to learn how to use the gym for just basic like mobility and functional strength and a rhythm that can sustain me long term. Recognizing that exercise is so good for me and the people around me. Like I am a better person when I am able to get some time just like working it out with my body. So we actually hired a friend because we also love doing that like local businesses supporting the people that you know to. And she does this, she's certified in this to be a coach for us. So both movement and exercise as well as nutrition and kind of whole person and stuff. So she's been helping both Eric and I to look at the different facets of our personhood and where we do feel like we could, we could be improving. And so one of the areas that we identified together after kind of going through the the exercise movement portion is nutrition. Just feeling like I want to be taking care of my body better and feeding those around me better, like understanding nutrition more. What I need, what I need to be in order what I need to be eating in order to fuel my body well. So yeah, that feels like my current kind of focus at the moment. And that feel that would be how I would, how I would describe it supports me and benefits others.

[Jen]

Yeah I, I worked on that in 2025. That was my 2025 thing is to understand.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Jill]

And you've made like incredible strides.

[Sponsor Representative]

It's been really cool to watch your.

[Jen]

Journey working on it. So like like I lost 10 pounds in 2025. I feel like I have 10 more pounds to go and I think that's so I guess I would, I would lump that in there because that is more of like a self care thing. But I feel so much more confident and like good about myself now that I'm on this journey and I have found I also hired a coach to do the same thing. Somebody I know but. But she's like virtual and I show up better. I show up way better 100% when I am making these small victories and learning about myself and making mistakes and course correcting. They're just small, low stakes ways that I can build confidence and that really does have me showing up up in other places in a better way.

[Jill]

I love being able to understand like the basics about myself. Like if we're talking that a lot of it has to do with self knowledge. This is a practice in that knowing yourself, knowing what you need, knowing how to read the cues of your mental health, your physical well being and make the adjustments necessary.

[Jen]

Yes.

[Jill]

Thank you all for being here. Thanks for listening. Thanks for reading our book and those of you who read the book and then left a review like this one. Georgianne 5 stars. A relatable and entertaining way to learn about finance management. I was fortunate to receive an advanced reader copy of this book and I've been a fan of Jen and Jill and the Frugal Friends community for years. They both are down to earth and share information in a really approachable and even fun way. I say this as someone who has felt very overwhelmed in the past when thinking about finances at all. They have offered a personal finance book.

[Sponsor Representative]

That uniquely addresses process spending, specifically how.

[Jill]

To manage spending in an intentional and values based manner. I'd recommend this book as a way of examining your spending habits. It encourages the reader to reflect on how our individual spending habits can actually connect us to our strongest values. Furthermore, Jen and Jill not only have written this book in a way that makes you feel like you're having a chat with great friends, but they remind readers that connecting with our local and Wider communities can enrich values based on spending journeys.

[Sponsor Representative]

Wow.

[Jill]

Aren't we congruent with our messaging?

[Jen]

Aren't we congruent?

[Listener/Caller]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Thank you so much for listening. If you're interested in reading, buy what you love without going broke. You can go to buy what you love book.com and fig and figure out where to buy it or how to request it at your library. If your library doesn't doesn't already have a copy and if you have already done that, that then please leave a rating and review for the Show. Subscribe on YouTube. These small free things that you do really help us be able to offer all this to you for free. And that is our main goal, is that we can help as many people keep as much of their money in their wallets as possible.

[Jill]

See you next time.

[Jen]

Bye. Frugal Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni.

[Jill]

Okay, Jen, what are you most excited about in 2026 and if we could not say the CFP?

[Jen]

I'm not. I mean, I'm not excited about and I haven't passed it yet, so I'm not. I don't know.

[Jill]

That's what I'm nervous about in 2026.

[Jen]

That is what I am most nervous about. I am enter. I'm about to enter into a season of much stress and much chaos.

[Sponsor Representative]

So.

[Jen]

Okay, I. I'm excited that Atlas is going to be at an age where I think we can start doing more like, kid friendly things. Like right now, now we have squarely a toddler and a child and it is hard to do things with a toddler. We were out at a playground yesterday and Atlas ran away from me so fast and I had to run and catch him and then we both tripped and I fell right on my knee, scraped it up. And so he just doesn't have the cognitive ability to understand how to not run into a road. I mean, here's the thing. Sometimes he does and then other times he doesn't.

[Jill]

He doesn't. He's just like, well, what would happen? He's like, what if I found out what happened?

[Jen]

Yeah, what if I, you know, find out? And I think we're heading into the season where we're gonna be able to do like more kids stuff. We're heading out of the toddler phase and. And that's what I'm excited about.

[Jill]

What would you like? What are the kids stuff that you think you guys will do?

[Jen]

I think just like going out in.

[Listener/Caller]

Public.

[Jill]

Being able to be in the road and not having to get hit.

[Jen]

By the mom of a toddler. I think you understand what I mean, and I don't think I can explain it beyond that.

[Jill]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I guess based on our one experience of going to a fast food restaurant with you guys, like, it was the place to take children for sure. And Atlas was climbing under benches, like, picking up old food that had dropped on the ground and trying to put it in his mouth.

[Jen]

And it was climbing over the benches. Yeah, he climbed on top and then.

[Jill]

He also climbed under on the table doing weird stuff with food. Weird stuff with stuff that wasn't food.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Yeah.

[Jill]

Oh, I'm looking forward to this for you, too.

[Jen]

How about you?

[Jill]

I'm looking forward to just, like, settling into this new life a little bit more. Like being in. In the apartment and kind of learning and maintaining some new routines. Like, life is different now. Not. Not owning a home, but it still feels very fresh, and I'm still kind of learning what this new life is.

[Sponsor Representative]

Yeah.

[Jill]

So, like, yeah, feeling more settled in. The new experience is good.

[Jen]

Yeah. I hope that that is what we both get this year.

[Jill]

We set the bar pretty low, so I think we're good.

[Jen]

Yep. I'm going to go out into public.