This Is Why You Keep Buying Stuff (And It Never Fixes Anything)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Frugal Friends Podcast

Episode: This Is Why You Keep Buying Stuff (And It Never Fixes Anything)

Hosts: Jen Smith & Jill Sirianni
Date: March 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode digs into the psychological drivers behind why we keep buying things, and why purchasing more never truly “fixes” the underlying issues. Jen and Jill explore the connection between our sense of identity, belonging, and how marketers exploit these needs through identity-based marketing, influencer culture, and emotional manipulation—ultimately leading to overspending and unfulfilled consumption. The conversation is relatable, humorous, and supported with both personal reflections and professional insight from Jill, a clinical social worker.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Allure of Personality Tests and Identity (00:29–04:14)

• Jen shares her experience with the Four Tendencies quiz, sparking a broader discussion about why many people (especially women) love personality tests:

  "I think it's because we want somebody else to tell us who we are…we want to have that justified, to have it legitimized in some way." (Jen, 00:37)

• The desire for identity confirmation is closely tied to our spending habits and is frequently leveraged by marketers.

Professional Definition of Identity (04:14–06:50)

• Jill explains how identity forms:

  • It’s our sense of self, shaped from infancy through environment, culture, relationships, and life roles.
  • There’s an interplay between wanting to be unique and longing to belong.

  "When we don't have a solid sense of that…then we can kind of flounder and that's going to show up in our wallets." (Jill, 06:43)

The Hierarchy of Needs and Identity (06:50–10:15)

• Jen connects identity formation to Maslow’s hierarchy: belonging is more foundational than self-actualization/uniqueness.
• Our need to belong makes us susceptible to identity confusion, especially as marketers target that gray area:

  "The more we focus on other people, the easier it is for [marketers] to slip in." (Jen, 09:45)

Identity Marketing & Aspirational Purchasing (10:15–12:57)

• Explores how brands sell identity, not just products:

  "Brands don’t sell what a product does. They sell who you become when you buy it." (Jen, 09:58)

• Commercials (Olympics, Visa) and influencer marketing exemplify this “aspirational” pitch.
• Influence is often more powerful via relatable, imperfect influencers:

  "Influencers are imperfect, and therefore there's more hope that we can be like this person." (Jen, 11:07)

• The subtle psychology of influencer lifestyle marketing creates desire by normalizing and glamorizing products.

The Power of Belonging and Virality (14:33–19:25)

• Belonging needs override logic; we buy into trends to gain acceptance or avoid FOMO:

  "We are wired for belonging, status, safety…We want to belong." (Jen, 15:09)

• Algorithms amplify this: viral products feel omnipresent, pressuring even skeptics (Stanley cups, Labu leggings, etc.).
• Localized culture amplifies trends (e.g., Utah “dirty sodas”):

  "Once you see it in a Target or a brick and mortar, you're like, oh, this is cultural." (Jen, 18:13)

• Being left out of fad knowledge can feel isolating or uncomfortable.

Why We Buy During Uncertainty (20:48–26:35)

• Marketers exploit insecurity and major life transitions (especially parenthood), promoting products as essential for fulfilling new roles:

  "Even if you do have a strong sense of self, sometimes marketing can slip in and get you to buy where you wouldn’t normally have during times of stress, exhaustion, trauma…" (Jill, 20:48)

• Parental anxieties are particularly targeted; expertise (sometimes pseudo-expertise) is used as validation.
• Historical marketing manipulations (bacon for breakfast, Pampers extending potty training) show the deep-rooted nature of this strategy.

The Danger of Fear-Based & Urgency Marketing

• Fear and urgency reduce rational thinking, leading to quick, regretful purchases:

  "They don't need to make you question your entire worldview. They just need you to question for a second—long enough to buy." (Jen, 26:35)

• Influencers and digital marketers often lack ethical constraints, exploiting these tactics.

Building a Resilient Sense of Self (27:28–30:02)

• Personal growth is a lifelong journey; reassessing values and needs is important.
• Jill advocates a 90-day spending inventory to reveal true priorities and inform changes:

  "Where do I spend my money? That's going to be the most revealing [personality quiz]." (Jill, 29:46)

How to Buy What Aligns With WHO You Are (30:02–32:24)

• Jen’s buying filter:

  "I cannot buy the person I want to be…If the inspiration…is the person I want to be uses that, that's not right. But if it's something I'm already doing and I can improve upon it…that is a better use of my money." (Jen, 30:13)

• Step back and pause before purchases. Is it about who you are or simply who you’re trying to become?

Social Media’s Effect on Self-Perception (32:24–33:25)

• Heavy social media use floods us with unattainable ideals, feeding insecurity and spending:

  "I've never felt so insecure and down about myself as when I am spending more time on social media." (Jill, 32:24)

• Reducing social media and following encouraging accounts can boost confidence and curb unnecessary buying.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Brands don’t sell what a product does. They sell who you become when you buy it.” (Jen, 09:58)
• “The most revealing personality quiz is where do I spend my money.” (Jill, 29:46)
• “I cannot buy the person I want to be.” (Jen, 30:13)
• “Heavy social media use…just makes me personally feel worse about myself.” (Jill, 32:24)
• “Belonging is more important—in our brains, it overrides logic sometimes.” (Jen, 14:33)
• “Even if we hated each other, we would still do this podcast. We would be together forever.” (Jen, 51:08)

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Important Segment Timestamps

| Time | Segment | |-----------|--------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:29 | The Four Tendencies test & identity confirmation | | 04:14 | Jill's professional definition of identity | | 06:50 | Hierarchy of needs – belonging vs. uniqueness | | 10:15 | Identity marketing & aspirational appeals in advertising | | 14:33 | Belonging and the viral effect in consumer products | | 17:19 | Example: Utah “dirty sodas” and local cultural trends | | 20:48 | How marketers prey on people during uncertainty | | 26:35 | How fear- and urgency-marketing influences choice | | 27:28 | Building a strong sense of self: 90-day transaction review | | 30:02 | You can’t buy the person you want to be (purchase filter) | | 32:24 | Social media’s impact on self-worth and spending |

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Lighthearted & Relatable Moments

• Jen and Jill share their astrological signs (Taurus and Leo) and poke fun at the accuracy of those descriptions (48:10–51:21).
• Humorous banter over personality types, roles, and how labels both help and hinder connection.
• The “Bill of the Week” (33:37–37:25): celebrating a listener’s debt-freedom journey.

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Actionable Advice

• Do a 90-day transaction inventory to understand who you really are through your spending habits.
• Before buying, ask: Does this improve something I already do, or am I just trying to buy a better version of myself?
• Be aware of how belonging needs drive spending—pause and reflect instead of reacting.
• Minimize exposure to influencers and social comparison triggers.
• Embrace that identity and self-knowledge is an ongoing process—growth, not perfection, is the goal.

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Final Thoughts

Jen and Jill deliver an honest and engaging exploration of why we overspend: insecurity, identity confusion, and belonging needs—often stoked and exploited by savvy marketers. Through humor, expertise, and vulnerability, they empower listeners to reclaim their sense of self and spend in alignment with what truly matters. This episode is a must-listen for anyone tired of chasing fulfillment at the checkout counter.

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Transcript

[Jen]

This is why you keep buying stuff, and it never fixes anything.

[Jill]

Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity, and live a richer life. Here are your hosts, Jen and Jill.

[Jen]

Welcome, Frugal Friends. I'm Jen.

[Jill]

And I'm Jill.

[Jen]

And last week, my friends and I all took the Four Tendencies quiz. Have you heard of this?

[Jill]

Ooh, only from you.

[Jen]

Okay. I had never heard of it, but it's from Gretchen Rubin. And it got me thinking about how we love a personality test, especially as women. I don't want to, like, genderize things, but, like, I feel like every girly I know loves a personality test. Whether it's Four Tendencies, Myers Briggs Enneagram them. We love them. And I think it's because we want somebody else to tell us who we are. Like, we know who we are, but we want to have that justified, to have it legitimized in some way.

[Jill]

Yeah, Confirmed for us.

[Jen]

So that got me thinking about how that ties into our spending habits and how it often causes us to overspend and how there's also this systemic way marketing tries to tie us to identities. And so that's what we're talking about in today's episode.

[Jill]

Yeah. And I think marketers have realized that identity is one of our core needs. It's kind of one of those things that. Towards the top of our. Our hierarchy of needs. And that's why we've seen over the past several decades marketing moving in this direction from identity marketing, influencing marketing, it's all evolving to have you buy products and services to get you closer to your kind of sense of identity. And so that's what we're going to be talking about today is identity and how it's used in marketing and what you can do to kind of build a greater sense of scale and so that some of these tactics aren't as

[Jen]

effective.

[Jill]

Effective on you.

[Jen]

And you're going to hear from a licensed clinical social worker on identity. So stay for the whole thing. But first, I have a box of Frugal Friends mugs in my office, and they look like this. And this is actually has Jill's coffee in it. So I must be careful. I want to get rid of them. I want to get rid of the big box that they're in, so I'm going to give them to you. This is special for only our YouTube viewers and our podcast audio listeners. All you have to do is go to frugalfriendspodcast.com mug and enter to win one of these Mugs. I'm giving away 15 of them. US subscribers only. So sorry, it costs double the amount to ship these internationally. And so if you want one that says. It says frugal af, and AF can mean whatever you want it.

[Jill]

Whatever you want it to mean.

[Jen]

And I'm giving away five in March. The first drawing is March 13th. Five in May or five in April and five in May. And if you enter today and you don't win in March, you're still in the running for April and May. So the sooner you get in, the more chances you have to win. Mug. Here you go. That's back for you. Have that.

[Jill]

Get yours.

[Jen]

You will have to put in your YouTube username. You will have to subscribe to the YouTube channel, even if you're an audio listener, put in your YouTube username so that we know you subscribe to the YouTube channel on that entry page. So good luck. First, let's talk about identity. Well, second, let's talk about identity. Jill, give us your professional definition of identity.

[Jill]

I mean, I really do think that it is our sense of self, how we view who we are, the way that we engage with the world, the perspectives that we take on. And there is so much to be said about identity, how it is shaped and formed. I mean, starting from infancy and moving forward from understanding kind of cognitive development. And children, babies, infants begin to identify themselves as separate from their caregiver around six to nine months old. And then it just keeps building upon that as, as we all grow and get older from, you know, okay, I'm separate. Oh, I can do some things on my own. Oh, I. I'm good at certain things. Right? There's, like, certain childhood developmental markers and cognitive development that happens along each step. And all of it is a part of. And so to name a few, there is, you know, culture and environment and family makeup and gender and religion. All of these things kind of come together to form our sense of who we are, how we identify. And some of it, I think, can be. We can have a skewed identity in some ways. We can think certain things about ourselves that aren't true or think, you know, the opposite, things that are true that aren't. Like, there's. There's so many layers that we're not going to dig into all of them. But essentially, it is what separates us. There's so many ways that we are similar to our fellow, fellow human beings. But identity is kind of the things that we can notice inside of ourselves, the unique traits and personality and skill set that also makes us Uniquely who we are. And so there's this kind of fun little ebb and flow of I do like to be different. I want to be set apart, but I also want to belong. And I find comfort in finding other people who share certain interests with me. And I think, yeah, when we don't have a solid sense of that, when we don't have a good, at least 90% accurate view of self. Sense of self, then we can kind of flounder and that's going to show up in our wallets.

[Jen]

Yeah, I can see. So when you mentioned the hierarchy of needs, and we'll put it back up here, you can see that relationships are more on that foundational level than the very top, which is self actualization, where I think that is this like, sense of being an individual, sense of autonomy and uniqueness and creativity and both our needs. But I think we can. We get. Our identity is so convoluted by other people because our need for belonging is more foundational than our need for uniqueness. And so it's so intertwined because our identity is influenced by other people, like you said, culture and family and religion and all of that. But they are also like, separate. And so my friends and I, when we were talking about like the four tendencies, we were also talking about, like, sometimes we find our identity in roles and we like, know that that's not. It's not completely accurate, but it is hard because our identity also like, influences the roles that we choose. So like, like wife, mom, our profession, like these things that make us unique do influence the roles we take on and can also. We can mistake those for our identity. So I think it is this gray. It's such a gray area. Right. I don't know if you can ever have your identity like, fully nailed down. Because it changes over time too. Yeah, like not, you know, wildly, but I think it can shift. And it's this gray area that marketers will use to kind of slip in to that uncertainty. And the more we focus on other people, the easier it is to slip in. So whether that's focusing on our partner or our kids or our friends or our work or whatever, the more we are focusing on other people, the more ambiguity we have in knowing who we are. And so people who want to profit off of us slip in there. And I think that's where we get identity marketing from. So people using products as kind of like identity shortcuts. So. And we've. If you've studied marketing, you've probably heard all of this before. So brands don't sell what a product does. They sell who you become when you buy it. So it's this aspirational marketing. And please let us know in the comments if you can, if you hear that and you can think of an example of that, because I. The Olympics are happening right now as we're recording this. And every. I love the Olympics. I'm obsessed with the Olympics. Every commercial is aspirational marketing for, like, you're not at the Olympics, but, like, you could be on, you know, on the same level by buying this product. And it's like Salesforce or something. Or like Xfinity Comcast. Right. Like, it's so bizarre.

[Jill]

Yeah. Visa credit cards. That one standing out to me, like, everywhere you want to be. Not, like, not everywhere you're already going. Like, that really stood out to me. And like, not. Not wherever you want to go, everywhere you want to be. It's that aspirational, like, I want to get. And this credit card's gonna help me get there.

[Jen]

And if you don't have, like, a really solid, confident sense of self, then you don't know where you wanna be. Yeah, 100%. Like, there's always, like, you kind of know where you wanna be, but there's always some wavering, like, oh, could I. Could I be belittling myself? Or could I be, like, aspiring too much? Like, there's always this questioning. So now in the present day. So we've seen it with commercials like that, I think for a while now. I think we see it in influencers, and I think it's even worse because commercials can really show the perfectness. And we're like, oh, I can never be perfect. I know. So I'm like, it's not as effective for me. Influencers are imperfect, and therefore there's more hope that we can be like, this person, that we can take on their identity if we are unsatisfied with our own in, like a non creepy, like, non crime way.

[Jill]

Yeah. And I think, you know, the parasocial relationship that's developed really helps to break down those barriers and increase the trust. If I've seen this person show up in my algorithm constantly, I'm following them and they're talking about this, and it makes it look like their life is easier or they. They have some belonging or something that I want to have. And the thing about it is it's not so upfront. It's a little bit more of the subconscious psychology that's going on. Like, I'm not looking at some of these influencers going, oh, she looks like she has belonging. I want that product too. It's like it's the full picture that's happening, this picture that's being painted. The subtle things that they're doing in the background, the way that they're environment looks, what they're talking about they just did with their friends. It's those types of things. Honestly, one of the best things we can do for our wallets and our health is cook more at home. There's just nothing like it. That's easier said than done. Which is why we love HelloFresh. It makes it simple to eat at home even on a busy weeknight. Plus they offer over 100 recipe options every week with portions big enough to actually satisfy everyone.

[Jen]

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[Jill]

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[Jen]

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[Jill]

These days I'm all about quality over quantity, especially in my closet. If it's not well made and versatile, it's not worth it. That's why I love quince. They make high quality wardrobe staples using premium fabrics like 100% European linen, 100% silk and organic cotton poplin.

[Jen]

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[Jill]

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[Jen]

Go to quince.comfrugal for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to wear it and love it. Now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to Q U I n c e.com frugal for free shipping and 365 days return. Quince.com frugal I think that that kind of segues into like the next point is that belonging is more important than like in our brains. It overrides logic sometimes. A lot of the times, maybe depending on like what season you're in. I know that there I'm like in a season where I'm so busy I rarely go out. So if somebody like asks me to coffee, I don't check the budget, I just say yes because I'm like kind of desperate, desperate for human interaction. So like that happens in varying degrees for all people because we are wired for belonging, status, safety. Again with that hierarchy of needs. We want to belong. So if everyone around us is wearing something, carrying something, using something, we, if, if we're kind of like longing for community, we will buy things so that we, we look like people around us to make us more relatable so that we have a better chance of being asked to coffee or somebody taking our phone number or something like that.

[Jill]

And the algorithms can really push virality as well. Like people are commenting on something, there's a lot of views. So it's going to keep getting pushed out. And that can create some homogeny in product use where we are seeing these things and thinking, oh, everyone has this. And again, it's not so upfront in our thinking. It's one of those subtle things of just that, like confirmation bias and feeling as though, oh, everyone has these things. And brands can't create virality, but they can certainly capitalize off of it. I mean, we've seen this with Stanley cups and Labu boos and leggings and certain types of vehicles. And it just seems like everybody's got this thing and so I'm going to have it too. Like I there and there might be a thought of even. It must be so good if everyone's using this. Not only do I want to belong, but I don't want to miss out on this great thing that everybody is saying is solving their problems. I want to find out for myself. I don't want to be on the outskirts of that.

[Jen]

Yeah, I think a really good example of this is a YouTube video I watched recently and, and I'll link it in the description, but it's Utah is a social experiment at this point. And it's from Alyssa Grenfell, and she's talking about how Utah culture, specifically Mormon culture, is this like bubble almost of trends. So, like dirty sodas and like long sleeve wedding dresses. A dirty. See, we're in Florida, so we have no idea. It's where you just put like syrup in a soda, like a cherry or. And I may actually be wrong, you may add.

[Jill]

You add more.

[Jen]

I think you add more sugar to a soda. So let me know if I'm mistaken on that, but that's what I believe it is.

[Jill]

No, yeah, you're right. A flavored syrup, splash of cream.

[Jen]

And how they have like the whole like, like almost bars just for dirty soda. And that is a big thing in Utah, but not really anywhere else. But everybody is doing it in that location. So it can make you feel, if you live there, that this is just like a big thing. Because once you see it in, you know, in a Target or once you see a brick and mortar, you're like, oh, this is cultural. This is not just like me or my friend group. This is bigger than us.

[Jill]

And I mean, we've all had those moments. I mean, it just happened to me just now. Although I don't feel that bad about not knowing. But when you're with people that like, you really care about their opinion of you,

[Jen]

I respect you more for not knowing that we're in between the lines.

[Jill]

Yeah. When you're with other people and they're like, oh, yeah, you know that movie, or you know that thing, or you know this quote and it's like, no, I don't. It can be really uncomfortable to be like, wait, what are you talking about? Who is that person? What is that reference? What is that thing? And so you don't wanna be the one behind the curve. Like, you wanna know and be up on the thing and be able to talk about it, because that's what makes for relationships.

[Jen]

Yeah, that's me. Anytime Travis mentions a movie and says, you know this movie? And I'm like, no, I don't. I'm not like a movie person. I'm a TV show person.

[Jill]

You and Eric talking development plans in downtown St. Pete this morning. You're like, oh, don't you know about this old thing that's going on?

[Jen]

I didn't know. He showed me a picture and it had essentially a man made wave pool in the middle of what is supposed to be affordable housing. We're like, no, you just missed the surfer in the picture.

[Jill]

That's true.

[Jen]

But so, yeah, so like this. You think that everybody is doing this stuff, buying this stuff. But it could be very like on an actual global level, like just a very, very small. And so there is a lot to be said for where you live and the people around you. If you don't feel like you fit in, like that is, that's a legitimate concern and can cause you to like either buy stuff or just like constantly feel uncomfortable. So instead of buying stuff to be accepted, you're buying stuff to, you know, like meet this, I don't know, like push down this unsettling feeling. So both can lead to over consumption for like, for negative reasons.

[Jill]

Yeah. Okay. The final example that we have about how marketers can kind of prey on identity is identity during uncertainty. So even if you do have a strong sense of self, sometimes marketing can slip in and get you to buy where you wouldn't normally have. During times of stress, exhaustion, trauma, life changes. Okay, friends as an outsider looking in. Again, I'm not a mom. They prey on parents like, no, no more have I seen like this exact thing. Identity during uncertainty. And just give us all of your money is coming into par parenthood for the first time because you are uncertain. You don't know about it. It's a huge responsibility. You want to do the best possible thing for your child, spend this money. And even bringing in, I mean, who knows, probably pseudo research about how this is going to be the best thing for your baby. And you have to have this, you have to have that, and you've got to have the best monitor that checks their heart rate and doesn't suffocate them. And like all these things that make you so it almost plants fear where there might have not even been fear to get you to buy. And that's where it can turn very predatory.

[Jen]

Absolutely. Well, if you saw our episode on the man who's responsible for why you're broke. When Edward Bernays hired all these doctors to tell people that breakfast, you know, a bigger breakfast is more beneficial just for the bacon company to sell more bacon. You've got this same idea here. We're hiring safety experts and doctors, pediatricians, to tell parents like this is the best thing you can do for your child. And look, this product happens to meet that need as close as possible. So who are you if you don't buy what's your identity as a mom? Like, what's your identity in your role that you've chosen if you don't choose to buy this product that is the best or the safest or whatever.

[Jill]

I just saw a story and I haven't had time to fact check it, so I'm so sorry. You can do a retraction on me if this wasn't accurate. But the story was describing how Pampers did, like a dedicated marketing blitz to extend the time frame of potty training that apparently children used to be potty trained by like 18 months and now it's more typical to be about three years. And that a lot of that had to do with Pampers efforts and bringing in kind of experts to be claiming, you know, don't rush your child, don't, don't do this before they're ready and all these different things. I mean, there could also be other reasons of just convenience. It used to be cloth diapers and now they're disposable diapers. So it's far easier. But I found that very interesting and, and very well could be the case. I wouldn't be surprised. But sorry if it's not true. I just found it.

[Jen]

Did you hear it from Jillian Michaels? Because I'm seeing a video from her on a podcast.

[Jill]

No, it wasn't that. No, they were referencing.

[Jen]

She talks about it too. So I guess it's. It is well known.

[Jill]

So.

[Jen]

Yeah, but I mean, same thing with the light bulb. All the light bulb makers got together and be like, oh, we're going to make light bulbs that die so that we can all sell more light bulbs. A rising tide lifts all boats. Like, it happens. Planned obsolescence or I guess delayed obsolescence in Pamper's case, like, it just, it, it happens. And yeah, I would agree, like, definitely in the parenting space. It's so crucial. I think in general, people on social media will try to make you feel fear and anxiety and a sense of urgency and offer a solution to manipulate you into buying something, whether it's product they're making or product they're an affiliate for, because negative emotions decrease our capacity for rational thinking. It's a really strong. And it's, I mean, it's typically frowned upon in market. It's not ethically right, but it's not illegal. So you see it, I think, a lot on social media because influencers are not held to the same ethical standards as, like, more, I don't know, established marketers. So they will decrease using fear and anxiety and urgency to decrease your brain's ability to make rational decisions.

[Jill]

Yeah, I mean, we see it all the time, even in just copy we get from brands for their ad reads. A lot of times they'll even list out negative hooks for us to use and they're literally called that a negative hook. It's what we love of you're doing this wrong. The five reasons that you're broke. I mean, who knows? I'm not like a marketing expert, but it's something to elicit. You don't have it right. We have the answer. Pay attention. And preying upon the fears that, that are probably already there below the surface and then just confirming them in whatever marketing and then trying to sell you something. To be fair, I really try to avoid those negative hooks. Like we don't utilize them.

[Jen]

No. And they don't need to rock your entire worldview of who you are. Right. They don't need to make you question everything. They just need to you question for a second long enough to buy. That's it. They're not trying to make you question your entire worldview. So remember that. That it is in that second where we do need to pause and step back and wait and see if this is something we really want to buy, really need to buy. If it is something we're trying to align with an identity that we want to achieve, or if is it something that truly aligns with the sense of self that we have established and are confident in. So how, how do we find that sense of self? How do we find that established, confident sense of identity?

[Jill]

Yeah. And I really think that this is a lifelong journey. I don't think any one of us can say, oh, I've arrived at identifying who I am, because I also think there is this grow. We can understand who we are. We might even have a good sense of who we are, but then be able to identify some areas of growth and things that we want to work on. And so it's ever evolving and changing. But I do think it's important to know some of the core things about who we are, what matters to us, how we meet our needs and give that a significant amount of thought and reassessment year over year of how am I meeting my needs, Is it effective? How am I showing up? How are other people experiencing me? How am I experiencing myself? Am I experiencing the world around me? I think these can be really helpful questions to be asking. And one of the ways as it relates to finances that we think can be really powerful is doing that 90 day transaction inventory that you've heard us talk about. We give an even deeper dive on how to do one. In our book buy what you love without going broke. You can get your [e-mail], but it's essentially going back through all of the transactions that we've made in the last 90 days on our credit cards, on our debit cards, even the cash that we've spent, because that still counts. And see, what is this showing me about who I am before I even look to make any changes? What am I noticing I am drawn to? Where am I spending money? Does that, does that feel like it's aligned with the things that I would say matter to me? If yes, fantastic, keep doing that. If no, how can I shift some of these things? Or what need is it meeting that I might be able to meet in an even more creative, more beneficial way? That, yeah, I might be experiencing belonging by getting together at a restaurant with friends, but are there other ways for me to experience belonging and even get to engage in other aspects of who I am? Can we go play an outdoor game together? Would that be more fun and more bonding and less money? That can kind of help us to identify the things that we can shift while also noticing more about who we are. Like that would probably be the best personality quiz to take is where do I spend my money? That's going to be the most revealing.

[Jen]

I truly believe that. It is more revealing than any personality test. I truly believe that. So let us know, do your 90 day transaction inventory and let us know what it shows you about your personality. And I think there's one thing I want you guys to take away from this episode. And it's something that I have to remind myself very often when I am about to potentially make an impulse buy. And it's that I buy things because I want to improve myself or my life in some way, like being grounded in who I am. There can always be improvement, and that is the goal when I buy something. But I have to continually remind myself that I cannot buy the person I want to be. That I cannot do. And so if the inspiration for me to buy something is to the person I want to be uses that, that's not right. But if it's something I'm already doing and I can improve upon it or make my life easier in some way because of a problem I legitimately already have, then that is a better use of my money. Still can question if I could if I need to spend it because maybe I can get creative in a different way, but I cannot buy. I cannot look at like a four hour marathoner on social media and what she's hawking on her reels and buy that stuff to become her.

[Jill]

Yeah, as we kind of break up with the ads, the influencers the amount of time that we spend on social media, not only is it going to reduce some of our spending, but it's going to start bringing to the surface and illuminating more about who we are, how we want to be spending our time and then that's where our creativity can enter in. How do I wanna meet some of those needs in these low cost ways? Still getting what I want, still having fun. I think it's that beautiful symbiotic relationship and I think just helps us to feel better about ourselves. Like I have never felt so insecure and down about myself as when I am spending more time on social media.

[Jen]

Preach same.

[Jill]

And it's hard sometimes to connect connect those dots because it's so subtle. It's not as if I expect to look like everybody on here, but when you're constantly inundated with people who are really concerned about image or you know, getting the exact right nutrition or doing the exercises exactly right or decorating the home in the most beautiful way, it's just this constant flooding of you're not doing enough and either you need to do more or you need to buy stuff to do better or you need to keep watching these things and keep taking this in, keep marinating it to get better. And it doesn't actually improve anything. It just makes me personally feel worse about myself. And so when I break up with those things and if I'm gonna stay on social media, follow more encouraging accounts like it changes my outlook and you. It's crazy.

[Jen]

Yeah, it is insane.

[Jill]

You know what also is insane and crazy? But for all the right reasons, don't break up with this.

[Jen]

One would never.

[Jill]

The bill of the week. That's right. It's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is William. Maybe you paid off your mortgage, maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. Duck bills, Buffalo Bills, Bill Clinton. This is the bill of the week. Hi Jen.

[Jen]

Hi Jill. This is Jennifer from New York.

[Jill]

I just have to say that I have paid off in the last two and a half years $65,000 worth of credit card debt and a small car loan.

[Jen]

I am so free.

[Jill]

I've also managed to start saving my

[Jen]

Roth IRA and start a healthy savings

[Jill]

and a high yield savings account toward three to six months. And I will never go back to my old ways.

[Jen]

Most of it was from rescuing people and mindless spending and a lot of subscriptions and not looking at what I was was spending. Plus the 30% interest on the credit cards. So I am a different person. I wish I discovered you at the beginning. I have made some mistakes and it's taken a while, but I am debt free as of today and I am thrilled. Thank you so much for everything that you do.

[Jill]

Jennifer girl.

[Jen]

Yes. From a fellow Jennifer. Congratulations. Bless you.

[Jill]

Debt Freedom brought to you by the Jennifers by Jen. Yes. This is amazing. And first of all, I'm so honored. We are so honored that you would choose to share this incredible news with us on our little podcast.

[Jen]

I do love my favorite bills of the week are the ones that are. I'm debt free. And it's not screaming at you, it's

[Jill]

just I scream back for sure.

[Jen]

I want to scream for you, but I don't need you to to scream if that's not the kind of person you are. So I love those.

[Jill]

Oh, this is so incredible and so true about all of us. We don't do it perfectly. We make mistakes and a lot of times it's because we just don't know. Well, we don't know, girls.

[Jen]

It's not our fault. We have an episode about subscriptions coming up. I think next week. You gotta take it from Jennifer. You're gonna wanna check it out.

[Jill]

If we weren't taught it, how would we know to seek it out? How would we know that this, that there is another way that other people aren't doing finances like this? There's so many reasons. I mean, yes, good that you took responsibility and did the thing, but also no shame, no shade in it. You paid off your credit card, you paid off your car loan and then started investing in a Roth IRA and then started saving an emergency fund six to nine months in a high yield savings account. We love the one at CIT. It is the one that we use. Frugalfriendspodcast.com CIT if you're listening to this and you're like, I don't have a high yield savings account. What do I do with my money? That's what you do with it. Because the money that you put in there earns money higher percentages than you would at a typical. In a typical.

[Jen]

If you're like, I, I want to be like Jennifer, I'm not happy with, with who I am right now. And I want to be more like Jennifer. I. She sounds great. Then, oh, it's so true.

[Jill]

I want to belong. Everyone has a high yield savings account. But that's the good version. That's us spending that for good. You want belonging for good. Belong in a high Yield Savings Account.

[Jen]

You belong in a High Yield Savings Account and a Roth ira. You belong there.

[Jill]

You sure do sweetheart. Okay, if you all are listening, have a bill that you want to submit. If it has to do with debt freedom, if it has to do with that High Yield Savings Account, if it has to do with investing in that Roth ira, if it has to do with being bit Bill, we're not going to break up with you. Frugalfriends podcast.com Bill we can't wait to hear it. You've heard us talk about Bill as a loyalty program that lets you earn points on rent wherever you live, and they just leveled up even more. As of 2026, homeowners can also earn up to 1.25x points on their mortgage payments.

[Jen]

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[Jill]

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[Jen]

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[Jill]

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[Jen]

Upgraded Chime is not just Smarter Banking. It's the most rewarding way to bank join the millions who are already banking fee free today. It just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.comfrugal that's chime.comfrugal Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services a secured Chime Visa credit card and MyPay line of credit provided by the Bancor Bank NA or Stride Bank NA. MyPay eligibility requirements apply, and credit limit ranges $20 to $500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com feesinfo advertised annual percentage yield with Chime+status only. Otherwise, 1.00% APY applies. No min balance required. Chime card on time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms.

[Jill]

And now it's time for the Flag.

[Jen]

All right, what's your favorite personality quiz and your result? I am a Myers Briggs girl. Yeah, I do love.

[Jill]

Is it your guiding light? Is it how you understand everything?

[Jen]

No. Here's the thing. So when I was talking about. We were doing the Four tendencies, my result was rebel. And. Yeah, you roll your eyes.

[Jill]

No, I'm like. I'm like, yeah, of course.

[Jen]

Yeah, that. Well, that's. That's what all my friends said, too. But I was like. Initially, I was like, I don't think I'm a rebel. And then I hear my friend Hailey's voice in my head being like, that's what someone with rebel tendencies would say because she's like a counselor. And then I told her that. And she really did say that before I could even say the part where she said it in my head. So knowing that about me, I am a Myers Briggs. I'm an infj. And it's the rarest personality trait.

[Jill]

Don't we love to be rare?

[Jen]

We love to be different.

[Jill]

Diamonds in the rocks.

[Jen]

We love to be different from everyone. Yes.

[Jill]

And you're never gonna find another.

[Jen]

I mean, we're out there. I find them all the time. I think we just attract each other.

[Jill]

So tell me more about this. What do you know about yourself because of being an infj?

[Jen]

Very little. I'm gonna be honest. But I'm introverted, intuitive, feeling and judging. And it is the rarest personality type. Baking up 1.5 to 2% of the population. Known for deep insights, high empathy and strong idealism. Wow. Principled, creative, and often strive to make a positive impact on the world.

[Jill]

Wow.

[Jen]

Which I feel like this is my impact. Frugal friends is my impact. Yeah. And I love that the way I make money is aligned with that.

[Jill]

That is beautiful.

[Jen]

A deep connection. Valuing deep connections over superficial relationships. Which is also probably why I disdain parasocial relationships.

[Jill]

I have so many examples about why you are exactly what you're describing, but it Would not like. It would. It would potentially cancel you, get you in trouble.

[Jen]

All those good things. And you're like, man, all the examples would make you look bad.

[Jill]

It's what I love about you. Like, you are so certain about who you are and what you are entitled to, that it is. It's wild and beautiful to watch. And I wish that I could share these examples because I find them so endearing and hilarious. But, like, unless you might get fined, someone might find you.

[Jen]

Unless you have a deep connection with me, you may not understand it.

[Jill]

All right, Jill. Okay. I've taken all of these different exams, and, you know, being a licensed clinical social worker, people always think that I'm going to be super into, especially the Enneagram, and I'm just not. I don't have anything against it.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Jill]

When people in the past came to see me in my, you know, private practice, it would be great if they knew their Enneagram or their Myers Briggs or their disc or whatever. If it resonated with them, if it helped them understand who they were, we'd talk about it. I just don't. I'm not one of those, like. Like, I've taken them. At some point, I knew my letter combination and my this and my that, but I don't remember it anymore.

[Jen]

They think saying, like, oh, I'm an eight. You're gonna be like, okay, I know you, right?

[Jill]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jen]

It's a shortcut to knowing someone, Right?

[Jill]

Yeah. And I think that's an awesome thing. I think being able to put language can help bring understanding and a pathway forward. So I think it's awesome. I just have never personally connected with them except for my sign. And I'm not super into astrology. Your astrological sign. My astrological sign. I have never resonated with anything more. No dis, no Myers Briggs, no Enneagram, no nothing. Internet. What Disney princess are you? Nothing more than I identify with being 100% a LEO. And I'm not saying that that's a good thing. Right. Like, Leos are the worst. You look up the things about a LEO, and it is not good things, but it is 100% accurate. The most accurate thing.

[Jen]

Oh, well. So AI has great things to say. Leos are known for their charismatic, confident, and dramatic nature, often acting as natural leaders who enjoy being in the spotlight. They are passionate and generous.

[Jill]

Cut. And generous.

[Jen]

The end. Period.

[Jill]

No, it's all right. Go ahead.

[Jen]

But again, I can be arrogant or stubborn. I don't think you're arrogant. I think sometimes you can be Stubborn, but you are all those positive things.

[Jill]

Oh, thank you.

[Jen]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[Jill]

I was born right on the cusp. Like there's a cutoff on the final day of being a Leo. And I don't know if astrology would support this, but I do think that it made me the most Leo. That you can be the most Leo. That's just my.

[Jen]

Wait, you're August 21st, right? Okay. My sister in law is August 22nd, so she's also a Leo. What is that?

[Jill]

Okay, so it's up to the 20th is the other sign. So I don't even know that much about astrology. I don't even know what you are if you were born August 20th or before or anything else about most other signs. I just know I'm a Leo.

[Jen]

And that's right, you are it. You are passion, you are energy, you are determined and persistent. And you know what? And that makes for a great combo for friends. I think. So thank you so much for listening. Let us know your personality shortcut to us being friends and maybe we could be friends in real life. I much prefer that to parasocial relationships. But I'll. I'll take what I can get with you if you're subscribed to the YouTube channel. And if you've read our book buy what yout Love without going broke and reviewed it. Also, I'll take what I can get with you. Like Angela who has given the book a five star review on Amazon and says, I love the emphasis on values. Not everybody is going to have identical budgets and that's okay. I also appreciated the reality that if it isn't simple, you won't stick to it. Very well put together. And bonus points for being author. Narrated. That's right. Our audiobook is narrated by both of us and you can tell which parts we wrote by who reads which part.

[Jill]

Oh, beautiful. I love this. What a great review. Thanks so much for that. If you have read the book and you want to leave us a review, please do so. It really helps us on Amazon like Jen said. Please subscribe. That helps us. And then let us know if you want one of those mugs. Frugalfriendspodcast.com mug for subscribing.

[Jen]

Yeah, in three ways.

[Jill]

Three more all the free ways to belong.

[Jen]

See you next time, bestie. I love you so much. Bye. Frugal Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni.

[Jill]

Okay, I am actually looking up your sign and you are a Taurus.

[Jen]

I am a Taurus. I do know I'm a Taurus.

[Jill]

Most compatible with not me. Virgo, Capricorn, other Tauruses, Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces.

[Jen]

Travis is a Pisces.

[Jill]

Nice, highly compatible, dreamlike pairing that allows Taurus to connect with their more emotional side in a supportive environment.

[Jen]

I will say that that is something that Travis brought out of me. Like, I was very, like, boundaries. Like, if I don't connect, I can't get hurt. Or I have to be like, you know, I. This is a weird example, but I would wear, like, leather jackets and combat boots and like, like, be the cool girl. Yeah. So that I wouldn't have to be, like, the emotional girl. And then when I met Travis, I, like, had permission to be the emotional. I don't want to say wishy washy. That's a bad. I don't know, like, just, like, mushy. That's what I want to say. I had. I'm able to be mushy now. Yeah, Yeah. I don't have to be hard. Yeah, yeah.

[Jill]

Would you relate to this? So they say the strengths of a Taurus are reliable, patient, practical, devoted, responsible, stable.

[Jen]

I would say I'm pretty responsible and stable. Grounded.

[Jill]

Yeah. Yeah. I think a lot of those are true of you. Weaknesses. Stubborn, possessive, and uncompromising.

[Jen]

Yeah, I would say those too. Oh, wow.

[Jill]

The Taurus likes gardening, cooking, music, romance, high quality clothes, and working with your hands.

[Jen]

That's not like, none of those things.

[Jill]

That's actually, like, mostly me.

[Jen]

Zero percent of those things.

[Jill]

Dead horses dislike sudden changes, complications, insecurity of any kind, and synthetic fabrics. Who wrote this?

[Jen]

100. Yeah. 0% accurate on the likes and dislikes. Likes. But I do feel the other parts maybe.

[Jill]

Okay, one last thing before we end this, I want to know what they specifically say about Leo, because we're not. Okay. Taurus and Leo create a passionate, loyal, yet challenging pairing often described as a battle of wills between this table bull and the theatrical lion. While their fixed natures lead to immense loyalty and stability, they also create stubborn, long lasting conflicts. They share a love for luxury, comfort, and appreciation.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Jill]

Allowing them to form a powerful, enduring, and mutually respectful bond if they can overcome their refusal to bend. I think we have.

[Jen]

Yeah. I mean, we bend pretty easily to each other, but we are, like, like, fiercely loyal. Like, I feel like even if we hated each other, we would still do this podcast. Oh, my gosh. We would be together forever.

[Jill]

I have proof of that. That will never be.

[Jen]

Hated each other.

[Jill]

That will never be seen. No, we never hated each other. I think one of the things that makes our relationship work is we're both so direct and honest and willing to be like, no, I don't like that. Yes, I do. Here's why I did it. Like, we will hash it out and we will respect.

[Jen]

Like, we'll always like, lay down or defend. Right.

[Jill]

Exactly.

[Jen]

But in the end, something happens. Yeah.

[Jill]

And it's okay. But there was one time when we were recording and we were like having a bit of like a tiff, but we had a time constraint and we like. And I. It's all on video because we had started to record and then we were like a little bit back and forth. We hadn't resolved it yet, but we went straight into, okay, 3, 2, 1. And we were like, really great. And then we resolved it afterwards. But we had fun too. It wasn't put on or fake. We were able to tap into relating well. But this other thing hadn't been resolved yet. And then we did resolve it.

[Jen]

Yeah, we did resolve it.

[Jill]

It was very funny to go back in the editing process and see that happen.

[Jen]

I mean. Yeah, that's. That's that. I think that's why we work.

[Jill]

Yeah. If you guys are still listening, comment on the YouTube channel about your bestie.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Jill]

How do you guys get along? What's. What's their sign? What's your sign?

[Jen]

Tell me your sign.

[Jill]

What's your enneagram? What's your disc? Whatever you want to say to us, we want to hear from you because you guys are the real ones. Okay, Bye. If you work in university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need all in one place, from H vac and plumbing supplies to lighting and more. And all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock. So your team always gets the win.

[Jen]

Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop

[Jill]

by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Jen]

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[Jill]

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[Jen]

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[Jill]

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[Jen]

Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.