Why You Can’t Stop Shopping: The Psychology Brands Don't Want You to Know

Summary

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Frugal Friends Podcast: Why You Can’t Stop Shopping – The Psychology Brands Don't Want You to Know

Hosts: Jen Smith & Jill Sirianni
Date: January 9, 2026
Episode Focus: Unpacking the psychological triggers that drive impulse shopping, and practical strategies to regain control over spending without resorting to shame or deprivation.

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Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the unseen psychological forces that push us to spend, even when we know better. Jen and Jill openly discuss their own shopping mishaps, then explore four major psychological triggers brands exploit to make us buy. With both humor and science, they help listeners become aware of these tactics, share strategies for resistance, and tackle how to retrain your social media algorithm to support—not sabotage—your money goals.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Shopping Isn’t A Discipline Issue – It’s Deeply Psychological

• [00:55] Jen shares a real-life example of turning a simple BOGO run for chicken nuggets into a $98 grocery haul. She highlights how even planned, diligent shoppers get swept up by triggers.
• [03:18] Jill admits that even shopping second-hand or at yard sales provides the same “thrill of the hunt” and is often unplanned.
• “Shopping was an activity growing up. Now as adults, it's the go-to for comfort or a way to fill empty time." – Jen [03:58]

2. The Four Psychological Triggers Behind Our Shopping

a. Dopamine Loops & Micro Rewards

• [05:10 – 12:22] Dopamine cycles explained: The anticipation of buying (not receiving the thing) provides the biggest dopamine hit. Opening packages gives a smaller second bump.
• Marketers and algorithms know this, tracking hesitation and clicks to push similar items relentlessly.
• "The algorithm learns you faster than you are learning yourself." – Jen [09:00]
• Guilt after impulsive buys is a sign of critical thinking and intention ("That guilt is actually a trigger...a sign that you do have the capacity to think critically..." – Jen [07:13])
• Jen’s commentary on 'no buy' social media: "These gurus just need to shut their pie holes." [11:06]
  Key quote:

"Life is not enriching or fun if you are only buying things that you ‘need’." – Jen [11:06]

b. Identity Shopping

• [12:22 – 18:29] Brands sell us an identity, not just a product.
• Influencer marketing works because we compare ourselves to people we want to be like.
• Memorable quote/sketch:

  "Can I get a successful, healthy fitness fanatic…with a pair of Gymshark leggings, please?" – Sketch [12:35]

• Even non-ad content (“Five products I wanted but didn’t buy”) can create new wants.
• “When you know your identity, it is much harder for someone else to sell you theirs.” – Jen [17:50]

c. Social Comparison & Influencer Normalization

• [20:56 – 25:15] Social media warps what we consider ‘normal’ consumption.
• Hilarious influencer parody:

  "Let me show you my wealth… Probably cost more than your house. But I’m rich, you know." – Sketch [21:01]

• Algorithms feed us content similar to what we linger on, shrinking our reality.
• Jen on the bandwagon effect:

  “That’s how we all end up with the same white walls, the same house, the same cleaning products…” [24:39]

• Key insight: Exposure repetition makes rare lifestyles feel common and necessary.

d. Emotional Avoidance & Procrastispending

• [25:15 – 27:17] We shop to avoid feelings or tasks.
• Shopping becomes the “go-to” for boredom, sadness, or when putting off a responsibility.
• "Our logical brain is not in high gear... we’re kind of allowing our emotional self to take over.” – Jill [27:17]
• Algorithms are designed to capture low-resistance moments (late night, boredom, sadness).

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Solutions: How to Regain Control

1. Pause Before You Buy

• [28:33] “If it’s not an emergency, just pause.” – Jen
• Taking even a short break disrupts the reward loop and can halt impulsivity.

2. Transaction Inventory

• [28:53] “Do a 90-day (or 30-day) transaction inventory.” – Jill
  • Review recent purchases, note triggers, times, or moods associated with unplanned spending.
  • Helps identify patterns and root causes.

3. Build an Alternative Dopamine List

• [29:41] Make a ‘big, medium, small’ list of alternative rewards.
  • Big: Go for a walk.
  • Medium: Deep breathing, trying a new (non-shopping) activity.
  • Small: Stand up and stretch, get fresh air.

4. Retrain Your Social Media Algorithm

• [32:19 – 36:15] “Algorithms follow your behavior, not your intentions.”
  • Spend time marking ads/creators as "not interested."
  • Mute or unfollow triggers.
  • Engage intentionally with content aligned to your goals.
  • Tip: If you subscribe and engage with content like the Frugal Friends, it reshapes what’s prioritized in your feed.

5. The Frugal Shopping Framework

• [36:27 – 39:28] Four cascade questions before any spend:

  1. How can I get it for free?
  2. How can I get it low cost (e.g., secondhand)?
  3. How can I get the best deal on it (e.g., use Rakuten or similar platforms)?
  4. How can I buy it guilt-free (e.g., buy from ethical brands, pay full price—own the choice)?

• “Buy things you don’t need. It’s fine, just make sure it’s things you really, really want.” – Jen [39:28]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On dopamine and impulse purchases:

  “The dopamine comes from opening the box. It’s not the thing.” – Jen [08:15] “We just keep finding ourselves in this pattern… and marketers know this too.” – Jill [08:22]

• On the bandwagon and social comparison:

  “That’s how we have this bandwagon effect combined with the algorithm and it just creates this perfect storm of like dystopian reality.” – Jen [24:59]

• On fighting back:

  “You have to be looking at your triggers... so overall, you can win the war.” – Jen [30:57] “If you are learning yourself well...you are becoming the best version of who you are.” – Jill [31:52]

• On identity:

  “When you know your identity, it is much harder for someone else to sell you theirs.” – Jen [17:50]

• On discipline vs. self-knowledge:

  “Focus on the empowering aspect of making your own decisions. And those decisions truly came from you, not from influencing.” – Jen [39:28]

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Lightning Round & Listener Interactions

[44:30] Lightning Round:
Jen and Jill reflect on recent instances where social media influenced their shopping (BOGO chicken nuggets, local restaurant ads), demonstrating even financial pros aren’t immune.

[40:48] Bill of the Week:
Caller Christy from Indiana saves $664/year by negotiating a better auto insurance rate, encouraged by the podcast—a practical example of “making the call.”

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Practical Takeaways

• Shopping impulses are embedded in psychology, not just willpower.
• Marketing relentlessly exploits anticipation, identity, comparison, and emotional avoidance.
• Awareness—paired with practical tools like transaction audits, algorithm retraining, and the Frugal Shopping Framework—can make you more intentional and resistant to marketing manipulation.
• Buying things you love is fine. The goal: Buy with intention, not compulsion.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:55] – Real-life impulse shopping
• [03:18] – Secondhand doesn’t mean immune
• [05:10] – Dopamine and shopping explained
• [12:22] – Identity buying & influencer marketing
• [20:56] – Social comparison and normalization
• [25:20] – Emotional avoidance & procrastispending
• [28:33] – Solutions: Pause, transaction inventory
• [32:19] – Retraining your algorithm
• [36:27] – The Frugal Shopping Framework
• [40:48] – Bill of the Week (listener win)
• [44:30] – Lightning round: Social media’s effect on the hosts

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Closing

This episode is both practical and personable; Jen and Jill blend actionable advice with genuine laughter and vulnerability. Listeners are encouraged to opt out of the shame cycle, practice self-compassion, and use these techniques to regain control—while leaving space for joy in spending.

"You’re allowed to buy things you don’t need. Just make sure they really, truly matter to you." – [Paraphrased from Jen, 39:28]

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For more resources, visit: FrugalFriendsPodcast.com

Transcript

[Capital Group Narrator]

In a world full of noise, long term thinking stands out. On the Capital Ideas podcast, Capital Group leaders explore the decisions that matter most in investing, leadership and life. It's a rare look inside a firm that's been helping people pursue their financial goals for more than 90 years. Listen to the Capital Ideas podcast from Capital Group, published by Capital Client Group.

[Jen]

Inc. Why you can't stop shopping the psychology brands don't want you to know.

[Podcast Host Intro]

Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity, and live a richer life. Here are your hosts, Jen and Jill.

[Jen]

On Sunday I walked into the grocery store for Bogo chicken nuggets and I walked out with $98 worth of groceries. And so today we're talking about the psychology of shopping because spending money isn't always about a lack of self discipline.

[Jill]

We're going to break down the four psychological triggers that get you to buy the stuff that retail doesn't want you to know and how to identify and overcome each one.

[Jen]

When I'm upset, the only option is shopping. All I want is to spend money. All I want is new clothes.

[Sketch Voice]

There's nothing that's going to make me.

[Jen]

Feel better except shopping. Welcome Frugal friends. I'm Jen.

[Jill]

I'm Jill.

[Jen]

And if you love shopping you are in the right place because we think frugality is about spending money wisely, not not spending it at all. So you can shop and you can enjoy it some. If that sounds like you, please hit the subscribe button because that's what we talk about over here. And I had that experience on Sunday. That was a real experience that I had.

[Jill]

Despite knowing all that we know about the psychological triggers that kind of susceptible.

[Jen]

I knew I was going to buy a couple things but when I walked out 15 Bogos later and granted like part of that was like a big thing of like pork tenderloin that was Bogo. So that was a really good deal but still $98 that I hadn't really planned on spending and I hadn't even planned on getting the chicken nuggets but they are the just bear nuggets that I get at Costco and I get them every time and they were a little bit less as Bogo at Publix. And so this there are a lot of reasons that we impulse spend a lot of reasons we shop. Some of those are psychological and we see them on social media, some of them happen in store and so that's what we want to talk about today. Some of the main reasons, four of the main reasons that psychology gets us to shop. And then also, we want to share four solutions that you can implement very quickly, very easily to combat those. Do you have any stories, Jill, about recent impulse buying? So I don't feel so.

[Jill]

I mean, I am finding that shopping as an experience is still or like an activity. I still do love the thrill of the hunt. And even if it's just. I think sometimes I can use the excuse, oh, it's secondhand. Like, I'm just going to the thrift store, or I see a yard sale on the side of the road and I pull over and I just get things that I didn't plan on spending. And I'm spending such minimal amounts, but I will still do that, and it's still unplanned, and it's not necessary, and it doesn't totally fill the gap of what it is I'm actually wanting. So there's room. There's room for improvement.

[Jen]

And I think that we're kind of. We grew up as at least millennials did. Like, shopping was an activity. And to an extent, you went to the mall, you went to Walmart, or. And so now as adults, like, I have a hard day and I go into Target to, like, feel better or I'm not doing anything today. Let's make a trip to the mall or the outlet stores or the rei.

[Jill]

Like, where you get your first job in retail and you spend half, if not all your check on the store that you're working.

[Jen]

Yeah. Because you're just there looking at all the things and you get a discount. I worked at the Gap. I have a lot of Gap stuff in college. Yeah, so. So we're battling all of this, like, just foundationally. But then we're also battling these other triggers now that have arisen with social media and still exist with the in store. So let's get into the list. The first is dopamine loops and micro rewards.

[Random Commentator]

Con Ed is how much we'll turn the light off and we'll live by candlelight. It's a couch purse. Well, of course it is. This might be. Honestly, I've never seen myself more in a bag. Time Warner is robbing us. It's a monopoly, and I think it's illegal. And I'm going to tell you one thing, I'm not paying the prices. An alien leg purse.

[Jen]

It's art.

[Random Commentator]

I'm obsessed with it. I mean, this is handcrafted. This isn't coming from a machine. Maybe I'll just start working at a library where there's free wi Fi Because I'm not doing.

[Jen]

It's slow anyway.

[Random Commentator]

And I'm pay almost $200 for Internet. No, sorry, no. I'm crying.

[Jill]

It's a candle.

[Random Commentator]

It looks like bread, but It's a candle. $45. Well, that adds up. That really does. Start wrapping it and I'll make a call on point.

[Jen]

How. How real is that? Like, I'm not going to pay this for Internet or streaming or any of.

[Jill]

This, but, like, I got money for alligator leg purse.

[Jen]

You have money for a bread candle? 100. I see you. I see you having bread candle money for sure.

[Jill]

Like, there are those just like, kitschy things that you're like, of course I'm gonna drop this amount of money on this thing. It makes me happy.

[Jen]

It's all the dopamine hit and these like little micro rewards we do the dopamine hit, which triggers, like, it just triggers a cycle. You've got the cue, you see the thing come up, the anticipation, like, oh, my gosh, this bread candle is me. So then we just. We buy, we get it, we crash again, whatever put us back into that state. And then new cue cycle goes around. Yet when we have time to think, like, about the, you know, about economics and the world and the injustices and like, we can make informed thoughts and the two happen hand in hand. Like, just because we're impulse buying, you know, alien leg purses, does not mean we don't have the coherence to critically think about things going on in the economy. And I think some of us use it as an excuse. It's so unfortunate. Like, when you become. When you do so much impulse spending, you can get a lower view of yourself because you feel the guilt, but that guilt is actually a trigger. It's actually a sign that you do have the capacity to think critically and you're remembering that you didn't.

[Jill]

Yeah. Or sometimes these, these impulse purchases are the escape for everything else that feels so overwhelming and burdensome. But the interesting thing about dopamine is that it's released during the anticipation phase of that cycle that you just described. It's not actually the purchase. That's actually when the dopamine plummets. We still get a little bit of a reward when the thing comes, and we look forward to that because we love opening boxes.

[Jen]

Really? The dopamine comes from opening the box. It's not the thing. Yeah.

[Jill]

But also just before you click buy.

[Jen]

Yeah, the set. But the, the second spike of dopamine isn't the thing. Yeah.

[Jill]

And then. And. And how long does that last for not long and then we feel guilty about it. And that can kind of be like the crash, the downturn. But then don't worry, there's something else we can purchase that'll bring us back up again. And so we just kind of keep finding ourselves in this pattern. And marketers know this too. Like if you are lingering for a second longer on a certain ad or a certain type of content, they're making note and they're going to keep feeding you that type of content until you do eventually give in and you buy the thing.

[Jen]

Yeah. And we all know that algorithms work this way. But the thing is, is that the algorithm works faster than you do. The algorithm learns you faster than you are learning yourself. So it can become this double edged, like, it's not, it's not a double edged sword, it's just a sword. It's. It's that you might be interested in something and look at it and then a second later you're like, oh, actually I'm not interested in this. And then just scroll on and then the algorithm will keep feeding it to you and be like, oh, maybe I am interested in this. Okay, maybe I was initially right. I am interested in this. It's, it's not just learning you, it.

[Jill]

Is breaking you down.

[Jen]

I was going to say creating you, but also maybe breaking you, breaking you.

[Jill]

Down so they can rebuild you how they want you to be.

[Jen]

Honest. Honestly. Yeah, kind of. Because like within hours a totally fresh and neutral feed can become a hyper personalized catalog of your insecurities, your aspirations, what you think is funny, like entertaining and essentially the version of you that you want to become. And, and the version that you don't want to become and the version that's avoiding being what you want to become, which I think is the entertainment portion, which it's like, it's like the video that we just saw. It's all of these random things that if you were able to think critically about it, like obviously you wouldn't buy it in, in a certain like state. You'd only buy it in a certain state. You know, that sounded.

[Jill]

There are some times that just like the, the really weird, unique, quirky thing, like I want it and it's going to bring me joy.

[Jen]

But I'm not talking about the alien, like all of that.

[Jill]

That's legit. Like I was never probably good decision.

[Jen]

Yeah. I would not ever judge the alien leg purse because that is real.

[Jill]

I don't know how much make friends because of that.

[Jen]

I don't know how much the Sofa purse can hold. I don't know if that's practical, but like you could put an entire baseball bat like in that leg purse. So far be it from anyone here to judge that. Yeah, but yeah, it's these dopamine loops happen. Shopping is fun because shopping elicits dopamine. And I hate these people on social media that just say like stop buying, you don't need. Like we are free to buy things we don't need. We will buy things we don't need. Life is not enriching or fun if you are only buying things that you quote unquote need. So these like gurus just need to shut their pie holes. Just turn off the podcast mic and think for a second. We will buy things that we don't need. Are we buying things we truly love? And are we buying things that we really truly want? And that's the real question. That's where we want to get to. Because that's the real world, that reward, not a micro reward. That's the real reward.

[Jill]

Uh huh. The second thing that can happen is that we can purchase things to get after some sort of identity buying our identity.

[Sketch Voice]

Hi there, welcome to New Year New youw. What can I get for you?

[Jen]

Hiya.

[Sketch Voice]

Can I get a successful healthcare healthy fitness fanatic with good world views, a boyfriend and a pair of gymshark leggings, please? Oh, we're all sold out of that one. Can I interest you in any of our other packages? Oh, okay. I'll take a woke sober vegan with Bluetooth and wi fi.

[Jen]

Yeah, sure.

[Sketch Voice]

Just to let you know, that does come with virtue signalling. Is that okay? Oh no, no. Okay, someone with financial security and a good job. Sorry, that's not available to anyone your age. What about someone who just cries less? That one's not available this year, I'm afraid. Can I just cut carbs then? Only if you want to cut friends. How about a Instagram influencer with literally any sponsorship deal? That's actually been our most popular order this year. Really? Does that mean it's available? No, no one actually knows how to achieve that. I'll just take the Doesn't Rely on Other People for Validation package then. I thought you wanted to be an Instagram influencer. I didn't say it made sense. I'll just take the boyfriend.

[Jen]

Sure thing.

[Sketch Voice]

That'll just cost you your values, standards and self respect. Oh my God, forget it. I'll try again next year.

[Jill]

Really? Brilliant.

[Jen]

Not gonna lie, that was so good for. I mean if you could only purchase your personality or your identity for a year. What?

[Jill]

It'd be so convenient. Just go shopping. Although what we would want wouldn't be available. But retailers are trying to make us think that it is available. That you can buy these leggings and then be this type of person and I.

[Jen]

And it's not so overt. Right. It's why all marketing for the most part, has shifted to influencer marketing. Because when you see ads like, you can easily say, like, like those Nike ads, like, just do it. Like, that's not inspiring me. I'm not going to. I'm not going to just do anything. Like, I'm just going to sit here. That's my. That's my New Year's resolution. Yeah, right.

[Jill]

Says the one who's training for marathon. Like, you can't fool anybody.

[Jen]

I've got a. I've. I've got like an appearance to appear uphold here anyways, so it's all shifting to influencer advertising because this is where we can really find. We can find our identity in comparison. Like, we can find our identity in somebody else whose identity we want. So, like, I see this, this, you know, mom who is doing all the things that I want to do, and I want to be like her. So when she shows a product, I am. It doesn't even have to be an ad. Like, she could just be using a product. And because that's the identity I want, I am susceptible to buying it. And it's like, it makes me hesitant to even show things that I use in my daily life. Because on one end, we turn down a lot of brand ads. Like, we read ads on our show and we turn down a lot of them because they just don't align. On the other hand, there are a lot of things we do use that I don't want to tell people about because even still, it could be like I was watching a social media video just before we hit record of five things that I wanted to buy buy but didn't buy. Like, intentional spending hashtag. And I looked at those things and I didn't know they existed before, but now I know they exist and now I'm kind of interested in them.

[Jill]

Oh, like it created a want in you, even though she was saying I wanted them and now I'm not interesting.

[Jen]

It is. It is such a fine line when you have, you know, this a responsibility to an audience of like, what are you trying to do? And are you going to be the hindrance to doing it?

[Jill]

Yeah. Because what is a good product for you might not be for somebody else, but it might like awaken that desire when it's not necessary.

[Jen]

And we're parasocial friends. So like if you see me using something and you might want to use it because you too want to be a podcaster, but all the better for.

[Jill]

Us to equip ourselves and others to be able to identify when this is happening. But I do see it in myself and I don't think it's wrong that this happens. I think we're just explaining part of human nature and psychology. However, the more we are aware of it, then the better decisions we can make. There are so many times when it comes to skin care or the way that I grocery shop or the types of clothes that I buy that does have to do with what type of person does this make me feel that I am? How does this then make me feel like I'm showing up? What type of girly does this put out into the world? And, and that can make me feel like, good about myself or, or not, depending on, you know, the choice that I end up making with it. So I think that this happens for all of us. But then I think being able to really know what, what is our identity, what us joyful what, what is beneficial to us, which of course we'll get there.

[Jen]

But when you know your identity, it is much harder for someone else to sell you theirs.

[Sponsor Voice 1]

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[Jen]

So it's.

[Jill]

You can see through it that like this is just trying to sell me an identity and I just have to figure out do I actually want the leggings or not?

[Jen]

And it's sometimes it's not even like as overt. It's like this person is just showing you their life. And when I know I have a life that suits me, that I love and I'm proud of, then I don't need to replicate what I'm seeing online. I know that I am confident in what I have created and what I am creating.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

One of my big money goals for 2026 is getting Eric more involved with our finances. I don't want everything to live in my head anymore. I want us both to be able to see what's going on, talk about goals, and make decisions together without it turning a stressful check in.

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[Sponsor Voice 1]

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[Jen]

Adjacent but it's social comparison and influencer.

[Social Media Influencer]

Normalization on today's episode of I'm Rich. Opal, I've just come in from shopping. Well, actually, no. First I came in, sorted the camera angles out, then went back out to come back in to show you. I've just been shopping. Anyway, let me show you my wealth. I've got a wide selection of designer shoes. As you can see. You can't afford them. You Paul I've even got a wide selection of designer hats. Next up, my designer handbags. Look how expensive they are. Probably cost more than your house. But I'm rich. You know. Next up, let me show you how many glasses I have. Just put these in there, look. And next up, look how much jewelry I have. And if you're wondering what's the point of all this, well, how else am I going to show you my wealth?

[Jill]

Oh, it's so good.

[Jen]

It's. It's this, like, hyperbole. Right. Like, nobody's going to be over there. But the further we extend the extreme, the further the. The middle becomes, the further away we become from that radical middle. Right. Yeah.

[Jill]

This happens in our regular lives. Depending on the community that we're in, we start to think whatever they're all doing is what's normal. Whether or not that's true about the whole of society. And then, especially when it comes to social media, we now have access to people of all different types of lifestyles that may not even live in our direct community, primarily the super wealthy. And the more that we watch that type of content, we know the algorithm's gonna feed it to us more, and then we're just gonna have this kind of, like, social proof happening, this normalization of, oh, this must be how a lot of people live.

[Jen]

And I.

[Jill]

But not me, but what could I do that makes me feel a little bit closer to that level of wealth and consumption? And it just kind of can needle further and further without us even realizing it, because it shifts our own understanding of what's real and what's not.

[Jen]

Yeah. And we become dissatisfied with what's around us. And that's why it pairs, like, really closely with identity. Like, even when you have your identity, you can still be, you know, kind of swayed by this normalization part. But, I mean, when you. And we've said this before on other episodes, like, billions of pieces of content are uploaded to social media platforms every day, every week. And if you're on social media for like six hours a day every day, and you're looking at reels that are maybe like 15 seconds to a minute long, then. Or posts, you're seeing, I would say, two to six to 8,000 pieces of content a week. So that's a max of 8,000 pieces of content out of the billions that are uploaded. And so it is very feasible that what you see a thousand times you can be very much convinced is reality when it is the algorithm serving you something specific. And we can get in this tunnel thinking the information we are hearing is what everybody is hearing, is what everybody is seeing with what everyone's buying. But it's. No, it's just because you spent one second too Long on one or three posts, like accidentally or unfortunately. And so that's how we all end up with the same white walls, the same like white house, the same cleaning.

[Jill]

Products, the same type of skin care.

[Jen]

Same organization, same sodas, the same bloom.

[Jill]

The same cups, greens, the same shoes, the same slippers, the same robes. Same thing. Keg band.

[Jen]

Yes. Like, that's how we ended.

[Jill]

We both talk over each other with like 15 examples and none of them were wrong.

[Jen]

Right. Like, that's how we, we have this bandwagon effect combined with the algorithm and it just creates this perfect storm of like dystopian reality.

[Jill]

And the fourth psychological trick that retailers.

[Jen]

We just did a whole episode on.

[Jill]

This is emotional avoidance and procrastispending or procrasta shopping, however you want to term it.

[Jen]

And what do we do when we're feeling sad?

[Jill]

Add to cart.

[Jen]

Wait, what?

[Jill]

Initiate checkout.

[Jen]

Oh my God. No, don't do this.

[Jill]

Click here to purchase. No.

[Sponsor Voice 1]

Why are you doing this?

[Social Media Influencer]

I'm just so sad.

[Jill]

We do it to avoid feelings or the things we don't want to do. Like that phone call that you need to make that you're not making. You're gonna, you're, you're buying things instead. You're tired, you're lonely, you're bored. You just open up your phone.

[Jen]

That's the biggest one to avoid boredom.

[Jill]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Like, and I struggle with this because I have to constantly be doing something always in my head. If I'm not doing something productive, then I have to be doing something unproductive. I have a very hard time just sitting and being. And please let me know in the comments if that is something you struggle with. Because this, I think, is our problem as our collect, like our collective problem is that that's how we get onto social media that's serving us like marketing and ads. It's how we get onto apps that are serving us ads. It's how we get onto different games or websites that are showing us ads. It's like how we get inundated with all this advertising and marketing that is preying on our insecurities and preying on the time of year it is and the time of day it is. And, and it's not a self discipline thing at that point. It's, it's, it's just once you make it past that barrier, it's very hard to overcome because there is so much money to be made in marketing, they know how to do it.

[Jill]

Well, think about this. When are you scrolling? We are scrolling late at night. We are scrolling when we're avoiding something that we need to be doing. We are scrolling when we're sad. We're scrolling when we want to be happy or want something to make us laugh. We're scrolling when we're bored. All of those examples. Willpower is down, guard is down. The end of the day, we've made a ton of decisions. Now we just want to relax. We don't have. We're not boundaried super well when we're scrolling for some emotional reason, we're vulnerable. Our logical brain is not in high gear. At that point we're kind of allowing our emotional self to take over. All of those things are fine in and of themselves. We're allowed to be in those states of being. It's just that our spending decisions are not going to be totally on point. And again, the algorithms, retailers, businesses know this and they're going to be preying upon that. Depending on what, whatever state you're in, you're going to be more susceptible to purchasing. And so I think all the more reason to talk about how do we, what do we do then? What happens?

[Jen]

Okay, first pause. Just pause. It's not that important. If it is not an emergency like with yourself, your loved one, your child, then it's not that important. The sale will come again, the ad will come again. Pause, Just pause.

[Jill]

Yeah, give yourself a friggin break already. And Next, do a 90 day transaction inventory. Although I will also give you permission to do a 30 day transaction inventory if all of this sounds like too much. We typically do recommend 90 days. That's great. That's kind of a really good. You're going to dig in on your spending. But if you're just overwhelmed, 30 days will help you to be able to understand what's going on here. To know what are your triggers when you're spending. Looking at all of the different transactions that have happened, what was maybe impulsive, what didn't you totally think about, where do you have regrets about? It will bring to the surface of okay, I am making the decision, my purchasing decisions that I wish I could reverse late at night or when I'm bored or fill in the blank, learn yourself. But then that allows us to be able to create that big, medium, small alternative dopamine list. So making a list of what are some of the big things that can replace my, my desire for a dopamine hit, like going out for a walk, things that are going to require some more exertion from you. But then medium might be doing a breathing exercise instead or trying something new, small. Could be I'm just gonna stand up and shake it out for 20 seconds, or I'm just gonna pop my head outside and get some fresh air for a couple of minutes. You can decide what that list is gonna be. But it'll be really good to have it all written down so that when you take that pause that Jen just described, you then have this list of what could I do instead? Instead of making this that I might regret later. And if after 24 or 48 hours, you're like, no, I still want that thing. Fine. Have at it, my friend. But usually we don't.

[Jen]

Yeah, I. I think this is a little extreme, but I kind of think about it. It's like war. Like trying to win the war against marketing. And you've got swords in this episode.

[Jill]

You've got war happening.

[Jen]

If you're wondering where I'm at that mentally, just listen to me on the podcast. So you have to. If you're gonna. Like, your opponent knows every, like, thing, every move you're gonna make, right? And so if you want to win this war, you've got to know. You've got to know as much or more about yourself than your enemy does, right? And so you have to be looking like, at what? What are my triggers and why are they, like, there? And what can I do to combat that battle and win that battle when that particular battle comes up so overall, I can win the war. You're not gonna win every battle. You know, like when the alien leg purse comes up. Right. But you can win the war if you are planning for this stuff. Okay. I mean, can you tell I know.

[Jill]

Jen is a boy mom? Can you tell she's got two boys that she's racing? I'll give you the opt alternative because we're two different people. It could be that you are learning yourself well, you're becoming the best version of who you are, that. That you're choosing what's most beneficial for you and those around you. Or you could be out here fighting a war.

[Jen]

Whatever analogy works, you let us know what you're doing in the comments. Let us know your analogy, because it might be better. The next is, I think this one is most important, maybe most new information for everyone. So if you've tuned out zone back in on this one. If you are somebody who is shopping mostly from social media or going to Amazon because you saw something on social media, this one's for you. You have to actively train your algorithm. It can be done, and it should be done. So here are the, the steps to doing that. So algorithms follow your behavior, not your intentions. So you have to teach your algorithm. So, and this is not just like overall in the app, but like each individual part of the app. I know. I'm so sorry. So we use TikTok because like most.

[Jill]

We'Re too pretty for that.

[Jen]

We'll use Instagram because most of our audience is using Instagram. So but it's the same as TikTok. So you have a Feed and Explore and a Reels tab. Feed is your friends Explore and Reels. I don't know what the difference is, but they are different. And each has its own ranking system based on how you use it. So you want to spend at least a minute a week doing this. You want to long press or press the three dots on ads and content you no longer want to see. So if you are, if somebody's popping up in your feed a lot, that is showing off a lot of beauty products or a lot of clothes, and you're like, this is a trigger for me. I don't want to see this right now. You can always retrain your algorithm later to show it to you again. But if you don't want to see it right now, you have to press those three dots and say, I'm not interested both in Explore and in your feed. And it's probably going to be more important on Exploring Explore because you can just easily unfollow these people in your feed. They won't show up. But this is something that's going to be important in the Reels and Explore tabs. And then you're going to want to mute accounts that you don't want to see or unfollow. If you don't want to fully unfollow them, then just mute them and then start to engage intentionally with content that supports your goal. So search for it in the Search tab. You can even search for it on Google and just put Instagram at the end. And it's going to kind of populate some content that's relevant. And then you go in there and you, you like it. You watch it all the way through. And you keep doing that. You can turn off suggested posts or you can just click not interested. But on suggested posts, it will ask you if you're interested or not interested. So if it is is something that you are interested in, then you can click interested. It will show you more content like it. Or you can turn off that feature for 30 days altogether. You can also add people to your close friends list. They won't know unless you are posting close friend content and then they show up and they know that you're in your close friends list. But if you're not somebody who posts a lot in stories, it's not going to make a big deal. But adding them to your close friends list prioritizes them in your feed and stories.

[Jill]

All the more reason to like subscribe. Follow the people that are giving you the content. That's good because not only will they serve you that more, but others like it.

[Jen]

Yeah, the first thing you should do is go to frugalfriendspodcast on Instagram, follow and engage with that content and then you're also gonna wanna go to YouTube and and subscribe to Frugal Friends podcast. And this is really gonna solve your algorithm problem.

[Jill]

Yes, it's two steps and you're golden for the rest of life.

[Jen]

You know, that's 99% of your problem is that you're not subscribed to frugal friends on YouTube or following them on Instagram.

[Jill]

Another solution is to go through the Frugal Shopping framework and what it is is asking ourselves these questions. How can I get it for free? So is there a way that with this thing that I'm desiring I don't have to spend any money on it? That could be because you're a part of a no buy group or you're able to borrow it or you're able to do without.

[Jen]

Maybe you don't need the alien leg purse forever, but you are going to an alien leg conference and you want to have the purse for your conference. Maybe you borrow it from a friend who's not going to the conference because.

[Jill]

They have an alien leg that you could borrow.

[Jen]

Exactly.

[Jill]

Next question. If we've gone through can I get it for free? It's a no. Next question. How can I get it? Low cost. A lot of times that's going to mean secondhand. So whether that's an in person store online, you're going to Facebook Marketplace, Poshmark. There's lots of secondhand stores. Not just, just for things like clothing, but sports equipment, lawn equipment, you, you name it, Google it secondhand, blah blah blah.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

Fill in the blank.

[Jill]

What you're looking for.

[Jen]

If you're on the friend letter and you have been. We recently sent out a Google Sheet with 100 online secondhand shopping websites and you just look back through your emails. It might be in promotions. If it is, drag it to primary because we send out stuff like that all the time just to our subscribers. If you're not on the list, frugalfriendspodcast.com, but you should be able to search in your inbox Frugal Friends secondhand. And that email will probably come up and you'll have that list.

[Jill]

Third question, how can I get the best deal on it? So this is where we're going to be using sites like Rakuten, R A K U t e n. Actually frugalfriendspodcast.com Rakuten we'll have it LinkedIn. That's going to be a cash back site that will literally mail you checks quarterly to give you cash back. Or if they've partnered with the sites. I love getting mailed checks, but yeah, they do that too. Or you're looking for a coupon, you're digging through your emails for, okay, has this brand offered me a coupon recently? Some way that I can get a deal on this thing? And if that, if the answer to all three of those questions have been a no, then, then the fourth one is how can I buy it guilt free? So this might mean that we are paying full price for it. Maybe we're even paying more for it than what we could get it for elsewhere. Because we're supporting a local business, because we're buying from a brand who upholds ethical standards and practices and is caring for their staff. Well, then, okay, spend well on it, my friends, and enjoy that thing that.

[Jen]

You bought and take away the guilt that comes with paying for paying full price for something or the guilt afterwards that is because you bought something you didn't need. Yeah, buy things you don't need. It's fine. Just make sure it's things that you really, really want. Focus on the empowering aspect of making your own decisions. And those decisions truly came from you, not from influencing. Stop thinking so much about discipline and being perfect.

[Jill]

And you know what is not perfect.

[Jen]

But is very close.

[Jill]

The closest we're ever gonna get, except.

[Jen]

For when we play the wrong one and we respond to it incorrectly in the video.

[Jill]

Oopsies. The bill of the week.

[Jen]

The bill of the week.

[Podcast Host Intro]

That's right. It's time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name is William. Maybe you paid off your mortgage, maybe your car died and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. Duck bills, Buffalo Bills, Bill Clinton. This is the Bill of the Week.

[Caller Christy]

Hi, this is Christy from Indiana. I'm calling about my auto insurance bill. I called my insurance company and negotiated a lower rate without decreasing coverage or Increasing my deductible. So for two vehicles, I'm now saving $332 every six months or $664 every year.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

And.

[Caller Christy]

And I jokingly said in front of my kids that I was going to call in for the bill of the week, and they are holding me to that. So be careful what you say in.

[Random Commentator]

Front of your kids.

[Jen]

Yes, that's right. Christy and Christy's kids.

[Jill]

Christy's kids. You're the real one. You're the real ones holding your mom accountable.

[Jen]

Christy, you're also the real one saving over $600 a year. That's right.

[Jill]

Cause you made the call. Actually, you made two calls. You called your insurance, and then you called us. You're the real call you need to be making, my friends.

[Jen]

But you. You saw what I said. You saw me look into your eyes and say, make the call. I'm assuming. And you made the call, and you saved $600 for the next year. You're welcome.

[Jill]

Without raising the deductible or changing the coverage. I love that, too, because a lot of times, that's what needs. And that's fine. If that's what needs to happen, go for it. That is a strategy for saving money on these bills. But sometimes you can just be like Christy and negotiate. And if you want to be like Christy in other ways, like just making the call and then calling us.

[Jen]

The call. You. You saw me last episode. Say this, and you're here again, and you didn't make the call. I see you, and I don't judge you or shame you. We all have a call that we need to make, but I'm talking to you, and I want you to make this call and then call [e-mail] Bill.

[Jill]

Feeling like a new segment? Almost.

[Jen]

It is.

[Jill]

Make the call, and then people call in, but have us on speakerphone while they're making the call. That could be a bill where you're, like, doubling up on your call. Like, here's the recorded call of me making the call.

[Jen]

All but. But the bill of the week has a max of 90 seconds, so you're not gonna. You're not gonna keep us on there the whole time. Like, spoiler alert. It will cut out at 90 seconds. Wow.

[Sponsor Voice 1]

This time of year always makes me want to reset our routines, especially around dinner. I love home cooking, but on busy weeks, it can start to feel like a chore. Hellofresh. Honestly brings the joy back into it for us. Meals that feel homemade and satisfying without the stress of Figuring out what's for dinner every single night.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

What I love is the variety. HelloFresh has over 100 recipes every week, from seasonal favorites to global dishes. And the portions are generous, so everyone actually leaves the table feeling full. It's one of those things that make weeknight dinners feel simple but still really rewarding.

[Sponsor Voice 1]

It also helps that the food tastes great and fits our goals. I love their high protein options, all made with wholesome ingredients like sustainably sourced seafood and chicken with no antibiotics or hormones. We've used HelloFresh often and genuinely recommend it. Because when dinner tastes this good, nothing hits like home cooking.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

Go to hellofresh.com frugal10fm to get 10 free meals plus a free Zwilling knife. A $144.99 value on your third box offer valid while supplies last. Free meals applied as discount on first box. New subscribers only. Varies by plan.

[Jill]

And now it's time for the lightning round.

[Jen]

I want a hat that says make the call. That's what I want. I love. I don't love merch. T shirts. Maybe if it was like a crop top T shirt that said make the call crop top. Here's the thing with a tiny phone emoji.

[Jill]

You know what I would love is, and this is not even ever going to be possible, but to go back through practically all eight years of our content and. And discover what is all the different merch we said we wanted to make. Like, there is. There's bumper stickers, there's tea towels, there's hats, there's shirts, sweatshirts, you know, that.

[Jen]

One of our listeners made. I said I wanted minivan Millennial thumper stickers. And one of our listeners, one of you guys, sent me magnets that said minivan Millennial.

[Jill]

Yeah.

[Jen]

And I'm honestly too scared to put it on my minivan because I don't want it to get stolen. But she did give me two. So I'm just, like, contemplating. I think it's so good that it.

[Jill]

Is gonna get so much of a hot commodity.

[Jen]

Oh, you don't know. Let her know how wrong we are.

[Jill]

Out of here. Like, literally.

[Jen]

Like, where is my minivan?

[Jill]

Millennial scraping off somebody else's bumper sticker.

[Jen]

No, it's not. It's a magnet, not a sticker.

[Jill]

They would know that.

[Jen]

They would if they tried to take it.

[Jill]

You insane, though. All right, what's the last time social media made you spend money?

[Jen]

Bogo Chicken nugget at Publix. I'm here on social media and Coach John over here, he's a great follow is like these just bear chicken nuggets that I get at Costco or Bogo at Publix. Go get em because then they're cheaper overall. Here's the thing.

[Jill]

Yes, Publix is an expensive grocery store. However, they've got great Bogos and I got lot of. So, like, that is a reason to like track with Publix. I do not grocery shop there. But if they've got a Bogo Cha girl.

[Jen]

Bogo cereal. Bogo Entenmann's donuts. Those two are for Travis. Bogo pork tenderloin. Bogo chicken nuggets. Those are for me.

[Jill]

And a lot of this stuff is like, it's gonna last in the freezer. Like, I don't think you did that bad.

[Jen]

Yeah, I got Bogo blueberries for Atlas.

[Jill]

Gosh, it kind of just feels like you're bragging about your low grocery bill and you're trying to parlay it into impulse spending.

[Jen]

It was impulsive though, because it was not. I had already done my grocery shopping for the week and I try to stay out of stores because if, like Publix going to do that to me, you know, Target could do that to me on a bad day. Right, Right.

[Jill]

Yeah, you gotta be careful.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

You'll be.

[Jen]

So I don't go into Target.

[Jill]

It.

[Jen]

I just don't go.

[Jill]

Yeah, that's smart.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

Okay.

[Jill]

For me, it hasn't happened yet. It will happen. And I'm like, I'm allowing it. You know, it's one of those things.

[Jen]

Okay. I think we're both bad at this. This question. I think we're both. And I think that's a good thing that we're both bad at this, given who we are. But please go on.

[Jill]

Okay, so I got an ad for a new local restaurant and I am 100% going, their ad smashed. And I'm about to smash food and stop it. Oh, no, I'm trying to diet together. We've both smashed the subscribe button. If you're loving this.

[Jen]

We've both said things in weird ways in this episode. And I hope that you listening are not judging.

[Jill]

Okay, so it's a restaurant owned by you all. Don't care, but you're here for it.

[Jen]

I'm here for it.

[Jill]

Wild Child, which is an expensive restaurant.

[Jen]

So expensive.

[Jill]

Very good food, though I don't go there often. Very good food. They just opened right next door. Get this, a Martini lounge. Stuff called Slim Charmer. And yeah, I don't know, but it's. It's like kind of sexy. Or not.

[Sponsor Voice 1]

I don't know.

[Jill]

I don't know. It's fun. It's. It's a fun name. And. And their ad, their Instagram ad was for Wednesday nights. An adult Happy Meal martini and French fries for $12.

[Jen]

Oh, that sounds disgusting. I'll take just the martini. Really?

[Jill]

You don't want something salty? Who doesn't want just like French fries.

[Jen]

Actually, and a drink? When I go to McDonald's, I just get a hamburger, like a plain hamburger. And that's it. Well, that's what I'm into.

[Jill]

I don't know. It did kind of get me because I'm like, who's out here giving you food and a cocktail for $12?

[Jen]

Never heard of the house on Wednesdays. Does girl dinner.

[Jill]

Oh, what's that?

[Jen]

That's a martini with. With a cup with like two small plates.

[Jill]

For how much?

[Jen]

Like 35.

[Jill]

Yeah, see? No, too much.

[Jen]

Too much.

[Jill]

Too much money.

[Jen]

You are essentially just getting a martini for $12.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

No.

[Jill]

And French fries. You know, they're out here charging like $8 for french fries these days.

[Jen]

All right, thank you guys so much for listening to this. This off the rails. I hope that you have learned something and you're going to take action on something. At minimum just retraining your social media algorithm and doing a 30 to 90 day transaction inventory.

[Jill]

And thank you all for those of you who have read the book that we wrote, Buy what yout Love Without Going Broke, and especially those who have left us a review like this one from Blanca. Yeah, I think I'm saying that.

[Jen]

Yeah, that's an L. Not.

[Sponsor Voice 1]

Yeah.

[Jill]

Okay, Blanca, thank you. Five stars. The Frugal Friends is the only podcast I consistently tune into twice a week.

[Social Media Influencer]

What?

[Jen]

Blanca, thank you.

[Jill]

I've been listening to Jen and Jill for years, and it's akin to hanging out with my girlfriends, chatting about real life experiences with money. A parasocial relationship.

[Jen]

I'll admit.

[Jill]

You listening though? But hey, if they do a Seattle book tour stop, I would totally ask to be their IRL friend.

[Jen]

Allow para besties. That's us.

[Jill]

Their philosophy of values based spending is a much needed antidote to the Dave Ramsey of the world. This new book is filled with actionable advice for building a budget that balances needs and wants without the shame and guilt or asceticism other financial gurus push. If you're new to the world of personal finance and want advice from other folks with similar experiences. Student debt. I'm talking to you. I highly recommend starting with this book and their podcast. And even if you're not new to personal finance and just need a little motivation to stay in maintenance mode towards your financial goals. This book is great for that too.

[Jen]

Thank you so much. Blanca. What a beautiful review. And you can get the [e-mail] we even have instructions on there on how to request at your library if your local library does not already have a card.

[Jill]

Because how do you get it for free? Is your first question always.

[Jen]

So thank you so much. Please hit the subscribe button if you made it all the way here and if you did. One of my favorite YouTubers, CeCe Suarez, says if you're subscribed, then your butt looks great. And I want to create something like that for us. Like, if you subscribe to Frugal Friends, like, something really good will happen to you. So let us know in the comments if you're already subscribed. Has your butt image improved? Like, something similar?

[Jill]

I don't want that one.

[Jen]

I want, like, yeah, I don't want to take that one.

[Jill]

Or like, you're. You're. You're. Yeah, you're fee free.

[Jen]

We're thinking.

[Jill]

We're thinking we're workshopping it.

[Jen]

Yes. It helps us so much, though. So please subscribe and we will see you next week. Frugal Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni. We still haven't been to that martini Monday.

[Jill]

Where's that one at? At the Scott?

[Jen]

I. I don't think it's at the Scott. I think it's somewhere else. We talked about it on the show before. People gonna call us out on this?

[Jill]

Yeah. Have you been?

[Jen]

No.

[Jill]

We drank martinis way more than we.

[Jen]

Do, but it's unfortunate that we don't.

[Jill]

I was just listening to, actually, a podcast I listened to recently when I'm exercising in the gym. Is Amy Poehler a good. Like her podcast, Good hang. And she interviewed Inya Garden. How do you say her name? Anya Garden.

[Jen]

I don't know.

[Jill]

Yeah, she's a sweet one. But what does she say? Wait, why am I saying this?

[Jen]

She always has a martini.

[Jill]

Oh. She was like, I talk about drinking way more than I'm actually drinking.

[Jen]

I'm like, same girl, same. Okay, this is at the Henley. So.

[Jill]

Okay.

[Jen]

It is the Henley, the coziest lounge in town for martinis. And.

[Jill]

And they do it on Mondays. And what. What's the deal? How expensive?

[Jen]

Five dollars.

[Jill]

That's insane.

[Jen]

I would have eight.

[Jill]

And then we walk home.

[Jen]

Yep.

[Jill]

Okay.