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So apparently Taylor Swift got married to that hood rat adjacent white man. Okay, so why do I know about this? Because the Taylor Swift Corporation is making sure that everybody knows about it. And my gosh. So let me just go over a couple of things that I was forced to, to learn about this event. First of all, apparently they got married at Madison Square Garden. So what do you want? Are you feeling like, okay, New York is really up and feeling celebratory now. Let me be a part of that as well. Like, they couldn't just have fun. They couldn't just have fun. They couldn't enjoy this, this experience and this, this win that they have been sitting and waiting decades for. People just laughing in Spike Lee's face like he's a fucking psycho. And they finally get this big win that is so major. Apparently bitches from Chase Banks stealing trash cans. People are excited. And then you came. And so why you feel like you gotta shut down everybody's commute to work so that you can get married? First of all, we know you won't stay married long. And so I don't understand why you have to. You couldn't pick a church? Ain't you Christian? Surely there's like a castle somewhere. You could have got Madison Square Garden. Are either you from New York? They don't play football at Madison Square Garden. Bitch. The fuck is you doing here? I just feel like that was incredibly brazen and I don't understand what the purpose of it was besides to be extremely extra and get on everybody nerves. I also saw this morning that their vows were allegedly 20 minutes each. And that's where the fuck I'm gonna stop you. I don't really know anything else about it because I'm still working on blocking and filtering out everything to do with those people. I mostly had that done for Taylor already. I'd be having to remember that man's name. I'm working on it. 20 minute long vows, bitch. Are you cool? 20 minute. Okay, here are all the reasons why that's nuts. One, I'm never gonna love nobody that bad. Nobody. That's funeral talk. Like 20 minutes on a person and your love for them is when they are dead in the ground, not in front of you in this life and death situation. You're gonna have your whole alleged life to talk about this shit. Why we gotta do it for 20 minutes a piece of each. I'm never going to be in love that bad. Where I got to talk about you for 20 minutes before we put on rings. One, two. I'm never going to love anybody bad enough to sit through 40 minutes of these bitches, talk about how bad they like each other. I will be over here by the champagne and the key she holds. Tell me when you done. 20 minutes each. Did y' all start dating like two and a half years ago? Three years ago? Do you even know each other well enough for 20 minutes of speech? Also, and this is like a general wedding critique, aren't vows supposed to be like a vow? Right? Though by definition, from what I know, a vow is like a promise and like a heartfelt promise and agreement. So when you're like, oh, you know, I'll never forget our second date at Cedar Point. And in the adventure and thrill. What the fuck? What's the promise in that? This nigga tell you he was going to take you back next year? Why? What are. What does that have to do with this? I mean, why does every vow have to be an episode of Living Single? I already think weddings are boring because they are, and I rarely believe in them. By them, I mean your relationships. I'm gobsmacked. Okay, Also, was there like a mutual agreement that they would be 20 minutes each? Was that the vow? Both of us are going to have long ass vows. Taylor. Not surprised. A look at her, B. She right, love. So my theory is they were working on the vows, came together somehow, and Travis was like, shit, this bitches vows are half an hour and I only got about maybe 90 seconds worth of shit. So that'll be pretty humiliating. Or was it like. Honestly, what probably happened was the publicists were like, no, make them long as fuck. Let's get on everyone's nerves. Let's bother everyone, even ourselves. So to me, this is all a ploy to make the divorce album epic. The Meg 3, it's gonna be like Dune. Like, I think that she's. She's probably gonna contact, like, I don't know, Michael Bay, Spielberg, Scorsese, to just produce the film that comes along with the divorce album. The fuck gets married at a fucking arena. Also, we still giving money to that man who own and run msg. Like, isn't he a terrible person? You're not beating the MAGA allegations, Sweets. All that to say that lady's still getting on my damn nerves. And I don't even live in New York anymore. I don't. And actually, before I moved, I did not live super, super far from that place. I can only imagine if I still lived in that apartment. And I'm trying to get to like B and H or something, and it's like, no, actually, you have to go the long way and get on the west side highway and then walk through the tunnel. Because Taylor Swift getting married to that white man, she just. Right after that championship win. That's evil. That's evil. Remy Ma. Fine, Cardi. Absolutely. Get married at Madison Square Garden. America's favorite white woman from, I don't know, north of Philly. I fear we just learned why people do whatever they want. Now, the Apprentice man could be the president. The super villain from MTV's the Hills can assume he can be the mayor. And now bad blood is like, let me shut down New York City, because that'll be a blast. I guess maybe a silver lining in this is that white people. Y' all starting get on Yalls nerves too. So maybe you'll do something about it. Maybe you'll do something about it. Can you imagine if Beyonce got married to, like, the Peacock Theater or some like that? Everybody would be like, who the does this negro witch think she is? I've been told you about her, but no one listens. Oh, furious thoughts. Welcome back. I'll be forgetting. I hate hearing people say, we're cheersing to anything. Cheersing. Cheersing. How did that happen? Cheers. Are you already drunk? It's called a toast. You can even say cheers, too, because cheers is the exclamation after the toast. Let's make a toast to Taylor Swift, divorce. Cheers. Cheersing. Anytime somebody says that I just no longer want to take part, there's a way for y' all to go ahead and throw it back, and then I'll drink mine on my own time and dime because I don't want to be a part of foolishness. Cheersing to. Ugh. It makes my skin crawl. I think it's right up there with, like, Valentine's. I think cheersing to is up there with, like, irregardless, you know, it just bothers me so, so much. And I wanted to stop. I wanted to stop. And I fear the. The more we allow it to happen and continue to pass it down to further generations, then the quicker it will just be in Merriam Webster. And I don't think we should do that. Cheers. I always feel. Feel deep sympathy for my cousins who went to primarily white high schools and things of that nature. High school. They were like, one of 10 black people, because that was not my experience. Now I think you were probably, like, split down the middle. Cuban, Latin, and then black, you know? But, man, our black was so goddamn black. Let me give you. Let me just give you a picture of what I was dealing with happily. I think maybe my sophomore year, we won the football state championship. I didn't give a. But it was nice that everybody was happy. Here's how the. The band celebrated. The morning after we won, the marching band was permitted to take up the patio where we would all sort of congregate, have some snacks before school. And they stood up in like, the balcony part of the. Of the patio, and the entire band played Knuck if youf Buck by Crime Mop. Cross My Heart, Hope to Live. It was one of the most empowering experiences I've ever been a part of because why did they do that? That was my high school experience and I will not trade it for anything. You know, I hated high school. Hated it so much. Traumatic, awful, disgusting. However, in retrospect, wow, was I blessed. We won the football championship and then celebrated by a band of, like 14 to 16 year olds playing one of the most violent ghetto pieces of music that you could ever listen to. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I think that is. Experiences like. Like that one are really in my, like, DNA at this point. You know, they really led to me being a. The success that I claim to be. While we're on the subject. Saying comparing yourself to Sadam Hussein, Hitler and Osama bin Laden on a hip hop song is out of control, like, that is incredibly rambunctious. Every time I hear Knuck if you buck Saddam Hussein, Hitler and Osama bin Laden at a time of political unrest. This is what we were celebrating with as high school students. And so for those of you who out there had a similar experience, but they played like vitamin C or whatever. Just know that my heart, My heart is with you. It is that as we go on song used to be Tea, wasn't it? It was like everybody's I'm graduating song across the nation. Her kickback must be stupid. Do they even still play that's a Home where the people grab. It was like everybody in their. Like last year, they were like little VHS compilation where they was putting together, you know, signing each other's yearbooks and making scrapbooks and like that. Everybody was playing as we. We remit now. It kind of sounds like a dead person song. I kind of feel like that can have, like a dual use. Play it. When you go out into the world as an adult and play it again, you go into the ground as an old bitch. I forgot what I was talking about. Knuck of your butt. All right, cool. Okay. Again, speaking of. Of white couples, while not New York City did you hear about these white people who climbed the Empire State Building and then got engaged? So what do y'. All. What. What do you want? You don't. What do you have to do? What do you not have to do? Who's like, no rope, no tether, no safety, no sanity. Like, lets both of us scale one of the tallest buildings on the planet, I believe, and just hang out. And then. Will you marry me? Like, why can't New York just have a good time? So now the police got to come to U2. It doesn't make any sense. So they went up there. Of course, they have this fierce picture with her hand out and the engagement ring and all of New York City and New Jersey in the background. You know, once in a lifetime photo. Not AI. But then you had to climb your ass all the way back down this building and immediately go into police custody. Felony charges, looking at up to seven years in prison. So where the fuck you gonna get married? Jpeg, bitch. How's that gonna work? And how. Let me say something. Cute photo. I think they're on Netflix or they have, like, a documentary on Netflix or whatever. So everybody think they're fierce. I hope they throw the book at you. I do. Because a. Suppose one of y' all fail, you fall, you land on somebody's grandma, both y' all bitches dead. Then they gotta quote, you know, tape off the street. Taylor Swift on the other side of the city, not too far away. We can't go over there anyway, so can anybody go anywhere now. People have to clean up the blood and viscera and all of this. The. That's left out in the street. That's why I would. I'd be most pissed, but at least you would need an autopsy. Cause of death, stupid as. Either way, y' all is going to prison. And I hope that they throw the books at you. If we can't buy Skittles without being murdered, bitch, guess what? Lock her up. Lock her. Lock them the fuck up. Someone has to step in and start telling y', all, you can't do whatever the fuck you want. You may not. Suppose you at work, right? Don't. Doing whatever the fuck and whatever building. And you're just like, yeah, Keisha, I need to make sure that I have these. These papers on my. My desk in the next 50 minutes. And also. Keisha, hold on. Let me call you back real quick. All right? Are there climbing. Are they shooting the new Spider man over here that I didn't know about? Like, imagine you just at work and you see two People climbing up this building. They hadn't. They're going to get arrested. And they're like worth it. Earth has completely jumped the shark. It's. It's. It's a rap. I don't just Y2K was a great opportunity. Missed it. Cool. Then remember whenever it was like 2012, this is gonna be the apocalypse because of ancient Aztec or. I don't remember what the that was about. Nope. So now's the time. White people climbing buildings. AI Turtles dancing to young Miami. There's nothing left. There isn't. We're. We can wrap it up. We never even got flying cars. We never even got moving sidewalks. So why would like carisha turtles? But did anybody watch the Jetsons? That should have been the goal. I don't have a fierce robot made that has like Boston Staten island accent or some shit like that. But there are little robot boxes named Amber that can bring me my bossa nova. Porta Potties should be illegal. They are where dreams go to die. I don't. Why haven't we figured something else out? There's a lot of that here too. There's a lot of that here too. There's a lot of functions outside. A lot of warehouse parties and a lot of downtown shit like oh, where's the bathroom? They have porta Potties. I'm going home. I'm going home. I don't even like the sight of it. Are we working on the railroad all the live long day you step in a porta Potty and you just think why don't I die? I can't do it. I won't do it. And we're focused on the wrong things. Focused on the wrong things. Sony. You want to get rid of physical game discs. Should be getting rid of porta Potties. We're not focusing on the right. It also feels like one. One false move. You know, just anything could happen in there and then that is the end of your life. Abolish ice. Abolish Porta Potties. And get rid of that orange man. Some of y' all tattoos ugly. My bad. I don't really know what else to say about that one. That's not even like a. I don't even really have anything expensive. I just think they're ugly. I'm assuming that some of you maybe just got tattoos wrong. Really really young. Your friend did it or some like that in the garage. And so you know, a lot of these ugly ass tattoos probably have sentimental value or connection. Some of you probably have done tattoos on yourself. Cute. Some of Y' all just making poor decisions, poor lifelong decisions. Just have somebody do it, that can do it. Just have somebody do something. Look at what Pete Davidson has gone through. Erased a whole identity because some shits was ugly. So I don't know, think about it sometimes, because I shouldn't. But I get offended when I see them grab it like, okay, you have a three year old and you love them so dearly and they love drawing little cute bunnies and you take one of their little ugly bunny drawings down to the tattoo place and you're like, my. My boy Michael was my heart. Can you put this on my lower back or whatever? That ugly ass tattoo is completely fine because it has meaning and there's a reason it's ugly, you know, Michael K draw. Then I see these like, like, I don't know, it's like a ace of spades card with some big breasted lady on it. But then the titties are lopsided and it's like, she got eyes, but she doesn't have eyes. Like, my God, I don't have any tattoos, so maybe I should shut the up. No, I shouldn't. They're ugly, they're. I have eyes, they're ugly and I don't like them. A lot of parties in LA are very fun because I get to go on this mental adventure of who's gay. You know, like every straight party or just regular party I go to, I'm like, oh yeah, the family is in here, so let's have some fun. I'm good at guessing too, I think. I don't really know, but either way it's fun. It's sort of like people watching but drunk, but the girls really be in the functions trying to assimilate. And I'm like, I saw the thing. I see you cut your hand open and let me check the thing. Great film. Gotta watch it. Either way, I do love. I was gonna make it. I'm gonna say use pocket watching as a slur, but either way it's very, very fun for me. And you know, a way that at least with men, I can almost always tell who's gay. The ones that look clean. And I don't mean that in like a disrespectful way. It's just a fact. The often time men who come in great outfit, nails clean, you know, not speaking to women like, oh, hey cousin, although streaming in LA actually dress really nicely. And by that I mean they put like outfits on. New York, man, I listen, a Nike tech is not an identity. It's not skin. You can try something else sometimes. And also, New York fresh is just different fresh. It's like New York is like. When they put it on, it feels like you should be laminated or something. Like everything looks. Don't touch it. You know, like, it just looks so clean. And it looks like, again, one false move, now someone has to die. It's just like, I'm not even. I don't mean it in a disrespectful way. I generally just be like, when y' all put it on, it's like, they are valuable. This is top shelf. Don't touch. Like, I don't even know how you go out. LA outfits are just like. I don't know, they look comfortable. Is like vintage tea clean jeans. Whatever shoe we outside. Those are usually the straight lines. What was my initial point? Oh, the who's who's gay adventure. Play it sometimes. It's really, really fascinating. Unless you're straight, then mind your business. I think planet Earth is co opting the term dead homies. At least America. And it bothers me for reasons unknown. Let's unpack. So dead homies, right? I think a lot of y' all have just been watching Zeus and now that's TV so much that you've just adapted dead homies to your vernacular, your lexicon of. Of ghetto terminology. It's just a couple of things. I've always known dead homies to be regional and mostly the region of South California. And I. So not only is it strange for me to hear people outside of South California say it, because it doesn't feel like it's a y' all thing if you're not a street nigga. What the fuck is you saying dead homies for anyway? Who are your dead homies? Who are they? Because, like, your first boyfriend from middle school probably wouldn't want you conjuring his spirit up because you about to get into a fight at Fat Tuesday. Am I making sense? Dead homies. Street niggas have many of them. Many of them dead because of the streets, many of them still in the streets. So they bring up their dead homies because they are letting whoever they're irate with know I am about this shit, okay? I'm in the game. I'm valid. And also my dead homies would cheer me on when I fuck you up or kill you. It's specific and it doesn't feel like everybody needs to be using it. You know what I mean? Let gangster has. Gangsters have gangster. Like, if you clocking out of your shift At Barnes and Nobles. Just be a regular person. Dead homies. Who's your damn Me, your aunt. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. I, I can't tell you how frustrating it is I can't tell you how frustrating it is to be out in public. Now someone put their hands on me in a way that is intimate, right? A tap on a shoulder, especially if you're trying to pass or something. It is what it is. I don't have a problem too much with that. Unless you, you know, act like you got some sense. But white gay men. I, I. It's going to be one more y'. All. It's going to be one more y'. All. I was in West Hollywood couple weeks ago, against my better judgment, with a friend or two out at a bar, and all of a sudden, I feel these hands come around my waist, and I feel someone's crotch pressed up against me. A very close, intimate hug. So I turn around like, oh, which one of my friends is this? And rather than turning around to see one of my friends behind me, I see some vanderpump rule looking white man I've never, ever, ever seen before in my life. So naturally, I pushed him off of me, and I said, are you okay? This is what makes it worse. And I feel like, white gay men, y' all do this often. It's not the first, second, or third time this happened to me. You do that. You think it's cute. For whatever reason, I assume you expect that I'm going to be nice to you or something. I'm not. And then you get mad at me. So I removed this. This white bail for me, and I said, are you okay? And he made this stank face like, oh, what's the big deal? Assault. Assault is the big deal. I don't know you. And you just pressed yourself up against my ass and put your hands around my, my waist. I thought we knew each other. And the only reason that I'm not knocking your teeth out of your face right now is because I don't want there to be a headline that says, kid Fury arrested at trunks. Although most people who've been in trunks would probably go, yeah, sounds about right. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. And even if here's the thing, because I'm. We're talking, we meet, there's a little flirtatious energy, then, yeah, sure. What happened to. What happened to flirting, courting? Let me buy you a drink. Hey, do you want to dance? You're just jumping right to misdemeanors okay, well, White people, y' all gotta do something about y'. All. You have to something about y'. All. There's not much that. That we can do to. To make significant change except beat your ass. So I'm over. I'm ready for us to move past the numbers game, specifically treating numbers as some sort of measurement for success or value. For whatever reason. I'm primarily thinking of Drake right now. That wasn't where this started. He's just the first person that came to my mind as I'm talking about it. But let's use that as an example, right? Common statement when it comes to musicians, for instance. Oh, well, this album or this movie, for instance, it's the shit. And we're going to get way more of it because it has these incredible numbers, right? Millions of people have listened to this album, are gonna go see this terrible movie. Does that mean we should have more of it? Or does that mean that human beings are very stupid? I vote ladies like, are you a cat? Killing a WASP can get millions of views. In fact, they probably do. Should we sign that cat to Roc Nation? Like, what the fuck? No one cares. People are bored. People don't have great taste. We'll give numbers to anything we find engaging. Like a turtle dancing. To Spin that by Karisha. I'm not going to get over that. So I feel like there, there are numbers and then there's quality. There are a lot of people who, who create independent films, short films, who are musicians, independent just, I don't know, been singing they ass off rapping, they ass off producing. And their products are miles and miles and miles and miles better than even some of my favorite musicians, storytellers, filmmakers and things like that. But we celebrate the people who have these big numbers because for whatever reason we attribute that to something being valuable and it is in the sense of capitalism. But I am kind of tired of people boasting about terrible shit that they made because a lot of people interacted with it still fucking sucks. We're just done. And in fact, many of us give numbers to dumb things because we want to know how dumb or bad they are. Watching a train wreck. Can you look away? No. Remember them people who died in that submarine because they felt like that mini submarine. They felt like they could just go to the Marriott and transfer some and like they would not implode. Surprise. There isn't a movie for that already. Because all of us were tapped in. Talking about was still a very, very stupid thing that unfortunately resulted in people losing their lives. And here I am like, well, what's taking 20th Century Fox so fucking long? Jacob Elordi. Sure he'll do it. I'm just saying. Almost like when you guys tell me to watch Tyler Perry Presents anything, you know it's going to be bad and you know I'm going to hate it, but you want me to give it a number anyway so that we can do the actual entertaining thing, which is talk about it. Now why would I watch the Polygamist on Netflix when I could watch House of Dragon? I know that is a good show. I know that I will like it. And I believe that it's perfectly okay for me to give that thing numbers because I think that it has a true value, a sincere quality, and I truly enjoy it. You want me to watch Beauty and Black? For what reason besides get to get on my nerves? So we're really opening the gates for terrible people, art products companies to wave their dicks around because we're fickle. So I hope you just think about that the next time that some, I don't know, God awful Marvel movie or whatever comes out and breaks. Actually, the girls are not giving Marvel any money right now, but it's on you, Dr. Doom. We'll see what you talk about. Why don't more people talk about the fact that the writer and director of Jeepers Creepers is a child rapist. And the fact that he was convicted like 13 years, 14 years before he made that movie and the sequels. How did that happen? How the fuck did that happen? It was a 12 year old who was working on a movie he made. And then Hollywood was like, yeah, you got anything else, Powder? Cool. Something to think about. Jeepers Creepers is right there. Monster flying around and eating children's body parts, by the way. That's what the movie's about. Which one do you think is the bigger lie? LOL or idc? My guess is idc, right? Because I think I don't care is probably the most common lie told on the planet. But lol. Don't nobody really laugh when I do that. A lot of times you say LOL because you want to like soften a statement. Soften. So whatever, you know, sometimes it's, it's like we don't want you to come to Cheesecake this weekend because you know you'll be broke. Lol. Like you still call me broke, but I guess I'm supposed to like have a sense of humor with it. I feel like people laugh out loud when it's LMAO or LMFAO is when they actually like open their mouth and laugh. Don't probably laugh when they say lol. Nobody but idc. I don't care. That's my vote. That's my vote. Because I. Come on. How many times have you said you don't care about something and it is frying you? Something about stop lying. And I message I'm just joking. If you take anything serious that I say on here, God bless you. I don't know what to tell you. Call your mama, daddy, guardian bitch. I'm a fag telling jokes. I'm just an aging butch queen with a whole lot of mouth and I'm going to make fun of myself. You, your dog, your auntie, whoever. You're not going to fight me about it. So I say that as a disclaimer. I am joking. I've been this away since I was like five. Have a good time with me here because your tattoos are ugly and there's nothing I can do about that. I think I'm done. I think I'm actually going to cap it right there. We got. We. We covered a lot of ground today. A lot of important ground. Taylor Swift. Buggin, Bugging. Why? She gonna like record the Divorce album at Madison Square Garden and then when she goes on the Divorce tour and is a Madison Square Garden, she'll bring out like the Dixie Chicks or some shit or. Oh, the Chicks. And I'm. I'm just. I'm already over it. I'm already over it because I know, I know that man is going to cheat on you with a laundry list of beautiful black women. I saw that fade. I've seen that fade. And I've seen them exes. Imagine you're late to work because Taylor Swift's getting married. I go to the nearest record place and I'd burn all her down. Literally. I would wait for the next album and I go into Starbucks or whatever and I would kick over the Taylor Swift rack because how dare you? Who the fuck do you think that you are? You have all the money in the world. You could have gotten married underwater. Why are you bothering me? We talked about your ugly tattoos. We talked about LOL and the lies of that. I pretty sure I talked about fine British men last week. Let me bring it up again. British brothers. My. My heart, my eyes, my ears, and possibly other things are open. Hit me up, bruv. In it. Also, I believe we talked about dead homies and how you guys are culture vultures. We talked about them white people who almost killed themselves and others and probably not going to go to prison because they ain't got no damn sense. They're or anything better to do. I haven't told a funny story about my mama this week, but that's probably for the best. Probably for the best. She's really funny. I think that just about wraps things up this week. If you're watching this on YouTube, please give me a like, subscribe. Hit the notification bell. I realize some people don't say smash. Some people just say hit press. So the Smash Crew, y' all. Weird. Yeah. Find me on all your. Your pod platforms, things of that nature. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. And I suppose I'll see you next week. Don't forget to spate and neuter your spouse.