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One of the wonders of being a gay man and probably a lesbian is the way that female rap allegiances affect sex. I mean, if I were sliding into the bed with Trade and then he puts on Itty Bitty Piggy, I'm gonna go home. But I think it is only fair as human beings to let parents every now and then say, if I could go back to the 80s, the 90s, oh, God, would I have made sure that my birth was complet control uno. Y' all ain't like when I brought that shit up last time, and I'm gonna bring it up again. Let that go. The idea that there could not be intelligent life outside of Earth is so fucking stupid. Y' all know that I've. I've. If you listen to the read I've been speaking about my recurring nightmare of just being lost, free floating in deep space somewhere. I find it terrifying. I find it terrifying to know that we are a speck on a speck on a speck on a speck. But if you just zoom out and you look at planet Earth and then the rest of the galaxy, how the fuck would you imagine that? There's no intelligent life out there, Bitch, we ain't even intelligent. If anything, they're intelligent enough to know not to ever come over here. This is the projects. And so I feel like them. God, they probably know about us and just treat us like baddies. Because as far as, like, intelligent life would go in the universe, come on. This is a white refrigerator of a planet. Some of us just live here, but then some of y' all still think this bitch is flat. And I'm like, what are. What are you trying to prove? Like, what do you do? Are you just a contrarian? Do you just want to, like, argue? How, how, how? Sherri shepherd, whoever the fuck, how do you think that the planet is? And y' all think that, like, NASA is lying to us about the planet being round? Why? Why? If I was gonna lie about the planet's shape, I would say that it's like a peace sign or like a heart or like the. A Nike check just round. Why the fuck would they make that up? And how would the planet being flat even make fucking sense? Who are you, Hercules? Some of y' all just like to argue, and I think the expansion of social media has made that clear as day. It clear as day. I also said this a couple of days ago somewhere. I don't necessarily believe hell to be a place of, you know, fire as far as the eye can see and endless torment and Little horned demons running around. I mean, that's probably a hell, but I truly believe hell to just be just a constant, perpetual existence in your nightmare. My hell is an airport. I know it. I know it. I also know that I'm not making a great case for myself to go anywhere else. So if I do end up in hell, it's just going to be a TSA line that don't stop. Because every time that I have to go to the airport, like, I gulp before I even get to departures or whatever. I hate it. I hate it. I hate the hustle and bustle. I hate that large amount of children. I hate that everybody's sick and they don't think they sick or know they sick or care. Everything is sticky and disgusting. But the TSA is. Is. That line is the worst for me. It's not even really the agents anymore. I've gotten over that because, my God, y' all are dealing with the worst. The worst. How do I take my shoes? Yes, bitch, I said take off your goddamn shoes. Move. You should be concerned with the fact that you have on thong sandals. So now your bare ass feet, bare toes on the ground in the airport where everybody and their dog and their luggage that they just plucked out of a fucking shed somewhere and they're fucking their baby. That is spitting on the ground on purpose. That bitch ain't got shoes on either. And here you are, barefoot on purpose at the airport, never sick, never dying. My hell is definitely an airport for sure. And the only restaurants they have is Aunt Annie's. Just thinking about it makes me want to go pray. I'll do it later. This might also be a callback to some shit I just spoke about. Let people say they wish they didn't have kids. Let people say that they wish that they did not have kids. Because most people who I know of who've said that or danced around it still love their kids, treasure their kids, you know, want to see them grow up big and tall and successful and happy. But I think it is only fair as human beings to let parents every now and then say, if I could go back to the 80s, the 90s, you know, the release of crazy in love, oh, God, would I have made sure that my birth was controlled? Children are rough. That's why you don't see any here with me. You don't hear me talk, like, why I would never sign myself up for that. And I think that's one of the big blessings of being gay. I'd have to try. And I'm not gonna so those of you who you know, whoops, here we go. Family, I think it is only right to let you vent sometimes and go, oh God, if I could thanos these little niggas and just, you know, go to Puerto Vallarta, that's exactly what I would be doing right now. Cause the Thanos niggas, they came back in like five years, didn't they? Parents need a break. That's why my mama said after 8pm I should not hear any children in this house. I don't even care if you're asleep, but you better be quiet. I never argued with that. I never took it personally. I'd never beef with my mama behind that. It's her goddamn house. Those are her fruit snack. That's her couch and her windows. That's her Milo. Everything in here is my mama and my days. Wayne head is over. Toonamia is done. Take your ass to sleep. Shut your ass up. I always found that to be fair. And I feel like it dances right along the line that I'm making right now, which is every now and then a parent should say, I wish I could not see or hear this bitch. So stop judging the TikTok girls who are like, oh my God, come get them if you so mad. Go get em girl. Let's talk about Waymo. All right, let's have the conversation. I don't, I don't know why we're here. Why are we doing this? What? Okay. I feel like the Jetsons were way more interesting. Flying the sidewalk, moved the robot in the house, had a cunty accent and actually did work. George Jetson's job was this. The nigga literally just went to work and pushed the same button every day. And his. His. What is it? His boss was still giving him a hard time. That was paradise. A car that drive itself in Los Angeles traffic in New York City. Traffic where can't nobody drive. Why would you put yourself in that position? It feels like, like Keanu Reeves in Speed, but on purpose. It can't be cheaper than taking a Lyft or an Uber. I imagine it's more money. So what are you doing it for? The thrill of it? It's only going to take one thrill that ends in a ditch before I think this Waymo thing is wrapped up. And I don't even think it would be like an immediate wrap up. I feel like it would be like MySpace where it takes a while before it dies and nobody uses it anymore. It just. It's so terrifying. And they have this fucking ape escape shit on the top of the car and no shade. The other day, I saw someone driving one. So what's the truth? What's the truth? Who are we trying to impress? Waymond. But I will take the Waymo shit over each and every one of these buckets. Driving around on the sidewalk, delivering you bitches Cheesecake Factory. I hate y' all hoes. I hate you. I hate whatever the business or company is or the. The tech people who invented this who have been perpetuating it. I hate it. It is so dumb. The bitches, in a way, they start. And you know, like when you're trying to walk by someone and you have that awkward, like, oh, oh, I don't know where. When you're doing. With a human being, it's cute. When I'm doing it with a box on wheels, it get on my nerves. Not to mention that the box is named, like, Trishell. Wait a minute. So you have Bossa Nova inside of this box? It has eyes and it's named Kevin. Do you see why? Outer space. We're baddies. That is dumb. Why does it need a name? Why does it even need a name? Why does it even need it? So when they bring you your Panda Express, you be like, bye, Shelly. Do you, like, speak to it? Oh, my God, Michael, thank you so much. Oh, you brought the ranch. Can't forget the ranch. How much trouble would I get if I kick one of them over? Would they, like, can they sue? I imagine that there are consequences for that, right? There have to be. But it's going to be one more day where I'm walking from, you know, the grocery store or I'm out with my dog or something, and then all of a sudden, this little fake, fast and furious ass shit is trying to dance around me. It's gonna be one day when I'm not in the mood and I just Liu Kang one of them bitches and then run. And then run. What are you gonna do? Is the law really go Come to my house and be like, you kicked over the droid robot. You knocked over R2D too, and now we're pressing charges. We're wasting a lot of time and electricity. Nicki Minaj over here making Jay Z AI art, but that bitch crazy. Never mind. Listen, this one is for Norton Antivirus, the protection software. I feel like I need protection from you. I could boot up my PC. Norton pops up. Oh, you have to update 33 drivers. Click here. Also, did you know that in this day and age, it's super easy for somebody to know your blood type with this thing, so you need this. Also, we see that you use AliExpress a lot. Gotta talk to you about that, honey. So here's what you do as well. And then say I boot the PC, maybe I restart it. Go away. Come back two minutes later, girl, you have 50 more drivers. Yeah, we just updated, but we have this other thing as well. Also, when's the last time you spoke to your mama? If you need that, click here as well. Bitch, leave me alone. Just make sure I don't have no viruses and can't nobody see my nudes. And shut your ass up. Every time I log on, it's something new in technology, in the world that I need to be protected from. You shut down ChatGPT. If you're trying to, like, be protective online, I feel like sometimes I'll just take the virus and see what they give me. Because you more agitated than anything. I feel like someone needed to say it. I haven't heard it say. I've not heard anyone say it out loud. So there you go. Serious question. Just let me. Let me cook. Was King Triton mixed? Just listen. Just listen to me for a second. King Triton from Disney's Little Mermaid. Could he have been a little bit, like, mixed? Maybe a little Drake in there? Because when he's upset, he sounds just like my Jamaican daddy. I'm not trying to be funny right now. I think about this all the time. I can't even think of the last time I watched that damn movie, the original animated one. Because I'm pretty sure the Halle Bailey one is Javier. Javier Bardem. We never have that conversation, obviously. But the old school Disney one, when he goes off on Ariel in that cave, you deliberately disobeyed me, didn't you? Like that sounds just like my daddy. Not another word. That's exactly my Jamaican father. Y' all tell me that this, this mermaid nigga in the Caribbean with the Jamaican crab was a little also, you know, like some mixed people on the island. People of Chinese descent with a complicated history. So who's to say I'm being fucking stupid? All I'm saying is that the mermaid man sounded just like my daddy. Just like my daddy. For clarity, my dad's pretty awesome. He's not, you know, he didn't come into my room and bust shit up because I was in love. He just was a grown man with three kids. And you can just scrub back a bit for my children. Rant. I'm surprised that nigga didn't just put us in a cardboard box and Leave us in front of a fire station. Not another word. That's what y' all need to be doing to your kids now. Your own kids calling you neurodivergent and telling you all kinds of shit that they read on fucking tumblr or whatever67.com your kids raising you yell at them. You can yell at them sometimes. We're so battered and bruised from our previous generation that was incredibly battered and bruised. Now we're just making all the space for these kids to feel things. I feel like the only thing that kids really need to be feeling is the taste of fruit snacks and the feeling of a page being turned. And what it's like to watch Dragon Ball Z for the first time. You can yell at him. It's 8:01pm why do I hear you in Dragon Ball Z? You see what I'm saying? Because when Mama yelled and told me to turn off the goddamn Sega Genesis, I just turned it off. I wasn't like, what's the logic? You know, pissed. But I just went to bed. It made sense. I forgot what I was talking about. I don't know if I've ever said this. If I forget your birthday this year, I'm old. Get over it. Get over it. Listen, most of the people that need to hear this are around my age or just full grown adults, so count them the amount of birthdays you've had and count the amount of times that I missed it. Listen, keep love to your heart. If I forget your birthday this year, tough. Suck it up, buttercup. Go get yourself a sheet cake and mind your business. Forget about me. You know what I mean? Let people forget. Some of my uncles still call me four days after my birthday because they think it's the 28th. I'm just like, oh, yeah, thank you so much. I don't even say, oh, my birthday was such and such. The fact is, you eventually remembered. And even if they forget my birthday this year and next year, I'm not gonna go, well, fuck Uncle Sheldon. Like, who cares? Who cares? To be honest with you, it's incredibly like we could dive into it being unnecessary to even say it in the first place. We don't need to have no ceremony on the day that we were born. Who gives a fuck, you here? Are you going to be gone at some point? Would you want to say happy Birthday? Were you dead, too? I guess some of y' all do that. Hey, family, this is Kid Fury coming to you in a moment of truth. I have been spending a little too much money on cool anime lady figurines. And while I do not regret it, someone has to do something about it. And I believe that someone is Rocket Money. You see, with Rocket Money I can set budgets and goals, get personalized insights and regular reports, and I can receive real time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds and low balances. Which essentially means that there are no further excuses for my foolishness. Users who create a financial goal with Rocket money save over $70 on an average within the first 30 days. And I would like that, thank you very much. Rocket Money can also track subscriptions and has the ability to cancel unwanted ones within the app with just a couple of taps, saving users over $880 million in canceled subscriptions. So all of those educational tarot card apps that I have on my phone that I'm not using, we can help save my life and my pockets with Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join@RocketMoney.com Furious that's RocketMoney.com Furious RocketMoney.com Furious Go get your Rocket Money on and let them know Kid Fury said hi. I want to talk about them other hoes. I want to talk about those of you who are dating someone who is also dating. Now let me clarify what I mean by dating. I mean that you and someone else are sharing time with one another, possibly building to something more serious, possibly staying casual. You're just kicking it. It's not a relationship. I think the problem is some of you bitches think that it is and it isn't. And especially if you're dealing with like a man or masculine human being. He's probably going to be dating when you're married, so just get accustomed to what dating is now, the whole them other hoes thing where you assign yourself some sort of frustration to the fact that this person you're dating is also dating other people. Bitch, you go date other people. Let me tell this then. Monday game finna had no roster and I'm just sitting over here looking like the lone wolf bitch. Just kicking it on, you know, Kame House Island. That was a deep cut. If that's what we doing, I'm gonna have me at least three fohs and we'll figure it out from there. Maybe we'll lock in with each other and keep those. I'm so glad that I do not have to be attached anywhere to heteronormative relationships. Y' all always look miserable. I think now's a good time to say it. Toni Collette should have won an Oscar for Hereditary. Shout out to Amy Madigan. Shout out to the Oscars. Finally paying attention to horror. Toni Collette was absolutely robbed. Stripped butt naked in daylight. Y' all owe this lady not only an award, but an apology. I don't know. I don't know what happened there. I watch this movie quite a lot because I do love scary movies. And it's a relatively recent modern day horror that I find to be interesting. And I feel like every time I watch it, I, you know, notice something new, something different. One thing I've always noticed is the impeccable job that that white woman did in that scary movie. The depiction of grief, frustration, confusion. Just her absolutely losing herself in these things that don't make any sense. Not even a nomination. The whole thing is a farce. It's just like, what? Y' all really don't like scary movies? I guess. Sucks to be you. I mean, there are a lot of scary movies that come out every year and most of them aren't great. Even the ones that aren't great. I still like them, though. But listen, y' all could at least pull up like a YouTube clip, I guess. Put in Toni Collette Hereditary acting. Also, Toni Collette, the sixth set. To put me in the awkward position to be really championing for Caucasian woman I've never met. It's really sticky. Is championing a word? You know what I meant? Toni Collette deserved recognition for that role. Sidebar. Aubrey Plaza and Legion. Look it up. Don't care. Do your work. Excellent acting. Absolutely incredible acting. From fucking Parks and Rec to like, I won't spoil it, but woo. Chef's Kiss tea. Go white ladies. One of the wonders of being one of the wonders of being a gay man and probably a lesbian is the way that female rap allegiances affect sex and preferably like relationships overall. I don't. It might even just be rap. But I mean, if I were sliding into the bed with Trade and then he puts on Itty bitty Piggy, I'm gonna go home. Some of y' all would probably argue with them. I don't like arguing, so I would just leave. But I really think it's fascinating that if a bitch put on, like, I don't know, something from lotto or Cardi B, you will immediately pull out and go, hey, so are you disrespecting the queen? It's just like, what? This is why I like to have sex in silence. I just put on the office, like, I don't want to hear music personally. Sexy music, sweet music, nothing. Maybe on like a. What do you call it after you get married? Honeymoon. Not even then. Not even then. If we're going to have like honeymoon sex, let's really have fun. Let's do it in like the back of a F150 on the beach. And if you're going to play music, clearly. Gucci man, I'm going off topic again. What I'm. What I'm saying is that I think it's really fascinating that a lot of the gays are so tapped in to fandom, especially female rap, that it will actually affect your, your relationship with someone or even casual sex. I think it's fierce. I do. But again, it's not judgment because, my nigga, if you put on Sexyy Red, I'm leaving. I'm leaving, I'm leaving. Not only am I going to leave, I'm gonna tell all my friends. Can you believe the nerve of this nigga? The audacity. So something to think about, I guess. Maybe also a study time. Psychologists and anthropologists, whatever you niggas who do human shit, this one might upset some of you and West Coast. You can tell me to shut my ass up if you want. This is for LA transplants. I'm going to repeat that. LA residents who ain't from here. You're cool is so cringy, because I can tell you don't believe it. Does that make sense? Like the way that you come here and try to display some act of, oh, I'm her, I'm that guy. It's just so cringey because it feels forced. New York transplants, they believe you. They don't give a fuck if you see it or not. They're just having a great time feeling their beat. They don't have time to give a fuck if you like what they got on or how they speak or what they're interested in. And obviously New York City residents, LA residents, great Louisiana resident, like L. A Natives. Some of the most solid motherfuckers I've ever met in my life. But you who just got here or want to be on Vanderpump Rules or whatever, like, girl, shut your ass up. Like you. Like, girl, you were on fucking Love is Blind. Shut up. Like, who are you? Like, first of all, most people don't know who the fuck you are. Secondly, those of us who do might not want anything more than a selfie. I'm not buying your Tea. I'm not buying your sex toy. I'm not buying whatever else Sheen told you to sell me. I think you just be yourself. I think that you just go outside and be yourself. Because this is gonna sound like some, I don't know, woo woo, Mr. Rogers shit, but when you're yourself, you open the door for people who see themselves. That was cunt. Let me tell you something. That was fierce. That was really fierce. That's something that trade should like tattoo on their collarbone. I ate, I ate that. I forgot what it was. But we're recording, so I'll remember. That was Kathy. I might put that on like a journal or like a T shirt or something. I just said it. It doesn't matter. I'll remember. I'm quite single. This isn't like a. When I say that, I'm not trying to put anything up on the table or make any offerings, I'm just making a statement. I'm quite single. I think that I. In a relationship, courting. I need someone who hates outside just as much as I do, but I'm never gonna meet them because I'm not going outside. Isn't that, you know, isn't that tricky? I. I'm a huge homebody. I think Cameron said this like you niggas who always outside on the block is because you hate your home. You hate your house. You hate your living situation. I'm comfortable. I like my things. This isn't even about luxury or anything. If you have like a great reclining chair or a love seat or just a big old projector or some, just some shit you like and you feel cozy in your house, I would respect if you're like, I'm good. I don't want to go to after hours. My hours are already after. So I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna pop some Easy Mac in the microwave and I'm gonna watch Reno911. I've never watched Reno911. I'm just, just speaking again, but I think that I need someone who's like, yeah, let's just kick our feet up and watch Jujutsu Kaisen. Also, I think that the love of my life is somewhere in like, South London, maybe West London, because, oh my goodness, the power in some of those, those brothers. But again, I'm not going to go all the way out there. I'm just not. I'm. I, I don't want to. Also, do y' all ever get sunlight over there and that food? Listen, but. Okay, I'm sorry. Listen, because I know That a lot of y'. All. Oh, in. In the UK or Britain or whatever you allowed to call it now y', all, you're here and I love you guys. A lot of you are also, you know, from my island or some other island or from some country in Africa. My people. Your food, great. Your food, great. Nigerian food, Ghanaian food, Jamaican food, Chinese food. Like any ethnic meal great. Blood sausage on a. On a spread of mashed potatoes with eye of new girl, if you don't get the fuck out my face. I don't understand, like, why are y' all having baked beans for breakfast? Baked beans and toast and tomatoes. And you know what's like, the worst part about it for me is, you know, Jamaica did not become an independent place until the 60s, I think, 1964. Up until then, they were dramatically run by Britain. And a lot of those isms remained in Jamaican culture. So we didn't have baked beans. But my grandmama absolutely gave me slices of tomatoes sometime with toast for breakfast. And before I knew that it was some shit from, you know, their queen or whatever, I just thought, what is this lady doing? Eggs and tomatoes. And it's not an omelet like sliced tomatoes with toast, maybe an egg. Well, my mother, my grandmother was also a really, really hardworking teacher who had to move about, especially in the morning. So sometimes she would just pop a frozen cheeseburger in the microwave and give me that, and I am dead ass. I'm not even joking. She used to get these, like, maybe from Costco, these frozen bacon cheeseburgers that came in this little black box. She would pop that bitch in the microwave for, I don't know, two minutes. And it was McDonald's every day. Wendy's, bitch. Them burgers were good. Good. I should not have been having cheeseburgers for breakfast. So I think that outside of British influence, my grandma was just a rock star. She was having a good time. Fuck it. I'm not cooking for this nigga. I got a gray papers in like an hour, he could have this cheeseburger. As if they didn't have like microwavable sausage or some shit like that, like a pancake or eggo. This lady was like, have some beef and dairy. Bacon to boot. I miss her so much. Gosh, she was fierce. I think fishing is stupid. I think it's dumb. I think fishing is stupid. I think the whole thing is dumb. So, okay, so you're on a boat with your 6 year old that you're just trying to make sure it doesn't grow up to Be gay. And here you are with this stick in the water, waiting for maybe a fish to grab it. And maybe you pull the fish up and catch it. And then y' all be like, okay, let's throw it back. So what the fuck was the point? Did you see if you could catch a fish? You can. People do it every day. I. I think fishing is stupid, but I also think being on a boat is dumb. I think boats are ridiculous as well. I do. We don't need to. To do that. Unless you're like, you know, if it's like Mayflower teas. You know what I mean? You're just trying to just like, oh, I have to get to this place. I guess this is like bayside, downtown in Miami. Who like, oh, yeah, we're gonna ride this boat out into the ocean, and it has a bottomless section, and we're just like an open bar. Tequila. You all just throw up all over the place because it's also a boat and you're drunk. Boats also sink. And then what? So Celine Dion did all of that singing for the Titanic soundtrack, and we're still here. We know that. We know that a door can only fit one person. On top of it, you have all of this information about why boats are dangerous, unpredictable, and untrustworthy. And that was a big bitch. She was a big old hoe. And you bitches just boot scooting around Lake Okeechobee like, you can't die. All right, have a good time, y'. All. Also, what's that place in Atlanta? Lake Grenier or. I can't remember. The haunted lake. You know what the fuck I'm talking about? Y' all still. Okay, so boats and ghosts. I'll just go hiking. Like, a good hike, a nice bike ride. You know what I'm saying? You who was just, like, going to do the descent, climbing through caves and catacombs and shit like this, like, let's be fun. Oh, again, I watch too many horror movies. They are fun at the house. They're fun at the house. That's why one of the scariest movies to me is a film called the Strangers. The first one, the good one. Why The Strangers is a grounded film. No ghosts, no demons. There's two white people about to break up in this house in the middle of nowhere, which I don't know why y' all still do that. I need neighbors, bitch. I don't give a fuck how loud they are, how ghetto. I need neighbors. I need a house. I can see and I know it's somebody in the house. And they are not the killer. These people at this house in the middle of nowhere. And then three masked bitches just come up and terrorize them and then murder them for nothing. Why are you doing this to us? Because you were home. Fierce. That is scary. You know what I mean? Hereditary. Fine. Toni Collette is not going to appear up on my ceiling and crawl across and then saw her head off. I spoiled that movie. But you weren't gonna watch it. But crazy white people break into my house to kill me just because. Oh, that is entirely possible. I watch the films I've seen as above. So blow. Why are you going down into the catacombs in Paris? You know, that's word like catacombs are for dead things. But y' all also watch movies in graveyards. I hate all y' all bitches. I hate all of you hoes. For what? Now imagine your dead ass is buried somewhere six feet under. And here go Billie Eilish and fucking Madison Beer watching Sixteen Candles above your ass. Why? Why? Why in a graveyard? I don't get it. There are dead people there. Even if you don't believe like they will haunt you or possess you or whatever. Have some respect. You can watch movies down there anywhere. Billie Eilish you rich. You go to the the iPic or the Alamo where they serve you beer and shit. I wish you bitches would be watching Fast five over my grandmama. When I tell you I'm jumping you like everybody getting ass beat. I don't understand why this is a thing, but deep sea diving, y' all. Imagine how much ocean we have on this planet and all the things we don't know about it. And you're just like, let me go find out why. They don't want to find out shit about this. Like, oh, let me ride a Sun Kiss can down to the Mariana Trench or whatever the fuck. Let me go like submarining to go find Cthulhu. Why? Why? Did you know it's dark down there? You can't see shit Anyway. Again. I think that being a black American living is the thrill. Going to bed with both your eyes. That's the thrill for me. That's the thrill for me. I'm not getting in no fucking Jeep wrangler and going to hang out with lions and tigers and zebras. Circle of Life is a powerful piece of music. And that's all of the Serengeti I need. You bitches are crazy. Then again, I think we're just one white man's decision away from all of this shit becoming Fallout 4. So I guess have a good time. I just won't be joining you. Like, why choose to do it? This rant is going to continue. Actually, I was just watching a show called Alone catch you up. It's Survivor, but the bitches are by themselves and they have to just genuinely just go out there, I think with a couple of survival tools and then see who could last out in some like first nation controlled country by their damn self. These hoes are out there eating ants. They're eating the wrong plant just because. And then every episode there is a Caucasian person who comes out of this fucking animal crossing cabin they just built and they're like, oh, these are. Those are bear tracks. I guess we have a furry friend around here somewhere. Furry friend? That bitch don't know you. They will follow the goddamn bear tracks to make sure it's a bear. Lo and behold, here go this bear trying to catch some fucking fish. Mind his own brown business. Turn around and look at your human ass and hopefully doesn't beat you. You're choosing to go hang out with bears. You know that the bears will be there and then you speak about them as if they're Pokemon. They'll kill you. They will kill you. Like, oh, well, you know, bears don't eat humans. They don't have a taste for humans, bitch. They don't have to have a taste for humans to beat your ass. Sharks don't either. But when they look up and they see your legs hanging off of a surfboard, they're like, let me go taste that. And then they go, mm, not for me. Maybe it's an acquired taste, but by then you dead. You could have just not done it. This has been Furious Thoughts. I think I'm about finished. I'm gonna let y' all get back to scuba diving or whatever. Snorkeling, bitch. So hold on. So you're just out there swimming around and looking at the jellyfish and shit and Nemo and his daddy and Dory and all them shits, but you only have a straw in your mouth. All right. By. Welcome back to Furious Thoughts. It is now time for another edition of brand new segment that I'm calling type 5. Type 5 again really quickly is where I come up with a random stupid category and then give you five things that I feel best fit that category. Last time I think we did R and B songs and black TV moms. Today I'm going to do five Misconceptions. Five Misconceptions about black gay people. Number one, we're Friendly. We aren't. We're not. Most of us are not. And if you think about it, why should we be? Why would we be? We barely nice to each other. Bitch, we're not gonna be nice to you just because, you know, I mean, there are definitely gay people who go out in the world and, like, try to, you know, do all that stuff for your enjoyment because they want to be, like, loved. But most of us don't give a fuck if you looking over here or not. So even the idea of, like, trans women, you know, wanting to be women or whatever you look at, like, the average trans woman, their confidence alone. I think about you bitches at all. They're living in their own. They're living in their own body. And on a daily basis, dealing with your ignorant ass shit, too. Like, you're not miserable with that cockeyed, dumbass nigga next to you. We're not friendly. Those of us who are. You might have to earn it. Number two misconception that we all speak like we on Drag Race. Those people don't even speak like they're on Drag Race. That show was, like 50% parody it. Charisma, uniqueness, nerve, talent. I bet right now, if I said, you know, that spells out cunt, a good number of you would go. It's a. Like, the whole thing is a joke they're playing. Now. It's not to say that. It's not to say that we don't use any of those terms, but some of y' all really think that we speak like this in general or all the time. And I know that because I can't tell you how many of y' all especially CIS women come up to us and immediately speak like that. It's practically the equivalent of Chet Hanks coming up to you and speaking patois. Or me. It's like, oh, my God, please shut up. You don't know anything about me. So, yeah, don't nobody say extravaganza. Y' all are so stupid. 3 misconception about black gay people. Clock it, clock it, clock it. That's all I'm gonna say. Clock that. If you know, you know. And I'm gonna. I'm not even going to explain that. Some of you bitches shouldn't be telling anybody anyway. Let us have our things. Let us keep some of that shit to ourselves. Keep the gate closed. This is what I'm talking about. But clock it. No, no. And y' all do it all the time, obviously. Cause you'll clock it. Why? Okay, Another misconception Is that we are all hoes. Wrong. Most of us are hoes. Huge, different, huge difference. You can't be making blanket statements like that. Right? Some of us are. Don Lemon. Actually, Don Lemon is probably a giant slut. I want that for him. But anyway, I wouldn't say that the hoish of us are even hoes. As much as we don't subscribe to the inhibited norm of you straight beasts, some of us just like to feel good. I'm not a hoe. Excuse me? I go to church every Sunday, pay my tithe. How dare you? How very much dare you beast. I. Okay, so there are dark rooms and you know, probably invented the glory hall and sniffies. But look, we barely get legislation. Let a have a good time. I don't even like. Listen, A can't even put on some like glitter and eyeshadow while she thinking that they're trying to like indoctrinate your 3 year old. Don't nobody give a about your baby. Oh, last but not least, misconception about black gays that were all DL or love DL men. Again, you can't make a blanket statement. Obviously you can look outside and see niggas that ain't DL. Furthermore, most gay men over like 27 don't need like, we're not going around no deal men on purpose. Who needs the headache? Why don't I just call up 50 Cent asking to be all stars? It when there are so many very, very attractive openly gay or bisexual men that aren't, you know, gonna treat me like I'm going over to their mama house. Actually, I might be going over to their mama house. It was like, oh, when you pull up outside, flash your phone twice and then come over the over to the side of the house. Now, the gate gonna be locked, but it's not that hard to jump it. Now, after you jump it, you are gonna see a German shepherd back there. I promise. He don't bite much. So after that, you're going to come and make another right. Then you're going to go down some steps into a basement. Now, at that door for the basement, you press the code. 1987. 1987. Year I was born. Now, when you come in there, there's going to be a waiting area. Bitch, look, don't nobody give a fuck about you being gay that bad. I promise you, your mama, your daddy, your grandma, whoever it is you're trying to hide it from would rather you just be open than have Dexter's lab built into her. Dexter's lab was impossibly big. It was like the back rooms. It just. How did he have all of that? The had a mech at his mama house. How the monkey had a spaceship. That show was so fun. One more new category. A type five things that got niggas in a chokehold that we need to let go of. Number one, Casamigos. My God, we can take a break. We can take a solidified break. I. It is strange, I think, to be passing so much money to George Clooney for tequila. Like, first of all, George, what are you doing over here in tequila space? Why? So I think we can take a Casamigos break. Or as I like to call it, offset towels. Let it hit you. I. I think you can take a break from that. We might even put Doucet in the category. No shade. But then I think about it. A lot of y' all still drinking Ciroc and so what's going on there? First of all, vodka after 2020. Who you think you are? You think you in college? You think you stomp in the yard? Bitch, why are you drinking Smirnoff? I thought we were grown. So I guess I'm just judging your, like, drink choices than I should, and that's not my business. But Casamigos is one number two power and all the books within. I think we can let that go. Power 6, about Ghost's blind granddaughter or whatever, who also has a penchant for blood or like, maybe she's a vampire. Power can go. It can go. And I think that y' all are the reason it won't. If it wasn't being watched, it wouldn't still be here and it wouldn't have like a one piece length to it. I'm still in Dressrosa, y'. All. It's rough. Number three on the list of things that got niggas in a chokehold that I want us to let go of. Being entertained by white people who display relatively accurate depictions of blackness. Jamaicans, I'm talking to y' all and any white person that could pull off patois or Jamaican accent. Niggas, I'm talking to y' all about any fucking Poduk, Mississippi bread bitch who can like, do the stanky leg. Like, why are y' all cheer these people on? I mean, you don't have to spit at them, but like, again, gate wide open. Next thing you know, Jack Harlow making Monica ho. I'm dragging you for the rest of your living days. Every one of them cornrows. Bitch, you ain't Justin Timberlake. We didn't even like that. And if you are going to have the cornrows adjusting to Blake Cornrows commit, bitch. Give that hair a perm and act like you know what time it is, ho. I bet you won't blacker take your ass back to wherever the fuck you came from. Cory Matthews. I hate you. And I will continuously speak on that for as long as I draw breath. Possibly an apology will make up for won't. I am going. I am going to be reading you for as long as it takes, which is my life. I think I'm older than you anyway, so I'll probably wrap up before you're gone. But then again, niggas might jump you. Things got niggas in a chokehold that I think they should let go of. Number four designer belt buckles. Why are we still doing this? So let me tell you something. If you have on a designer belt buckle and a do it yourself outfit. Leave me alone. Leave me alone. You don't have to. You don't have to. Like you, okay? You can display and express genuine style without it including an expensive monogram or name. Well, y' all have on this Gucci belt buckle, this Louis Vuitton is LV with a white tee from. From Ross and like pass me down jeans and old ones. Why did you come out the house in it? Or just like a plain white crew neck that just says Balmain girl? Okay, at that point go and like twist an arrow outside somewhere in an intersection. What do you think? I feel like this is bringing me back to the rock bands T shirt. First of all, that Chanel T shirt cost you $300 and it's just a T shirt. You could go and get like two to three fire outfits with that $300, but you just had to go and buy that $300 Balmain T shirt because you trying to be on Jocelyn's cabaret. I wish you the best, number five. Last but not least on the list of things got us in a chokehold that I think we should let go of. Uno. Uno. Y' all ain't like when I brought that shit up last time and I'm gonna bring it up again. Let that shit the fuck go. A break. A break. You hate rules. You don't play it correctly. Furthermore, I just thought of some other shit about how you hoes don't like rules when it comes to these game playing. You don't like learning rules and you hate explaining them every time somebody comes to the goddamn house on the play some shit. Oh, how you play. Just watch. Just watch it's not hard. You'll figure it out. Can't nobody watch spades and figure it out. Bitch, what are you talking about? Now, before you try and get cute, I know how to play spades and uno. I bust people ass like this all the time. Somebody just taught me how to play some shit called spot it or some matching game. They explained that shit to me in five minutes. I tore ass. Everybody was fucked up. I'm a gamer. You're not. Because all you want to do is play uno. Ho. Can we play her cousin faze 10. Can we get a skip bow on this bitch? My girl, like, Let it go. Let it the fuck go. I feel like uno is an identity for samoyabe. Like, you wake up in the morning and see a red floor above your bed, And you could be ne ho. I don't care. Let it go. Let it go. Spades, two Domino's. I'll give you. I will give you Domino's because it reminds me of my uncles and daddy and them keeping us up until all out tonight because they were absolutely smashing glass. Other than that, can we play mafia? Can we play. Oh, I'll play Guess who with the bitches. I'll play. Heads up, seven up. I am not playing uno again for a, like, a long time. I need breaks. I don't even want to hear y' all host play it. Smash brothers, mario kart, mortal kombat, immortal combat. I'm not playing uno anymore. Yeah. That was five. That was two high fives. I hope that you got something from this. I hope that this helped in some way. It probably didn't, and I don't give a. So, you know, seeing as how this. This program is for entertainment purposes only. Have a great night. Oh, yeah. God, I'm so old. I'm not one of the James Charles bitches or whatever. I think I'm supposed to tell you to give this a like and a subscriber somehow. Whatever hit the buttons that you supposed to hit that I'm bitch tell you to hit or whatever. And, you know, tell your mom and mama say hi, and your dad. Good night, everybody. You remember when the Animaniacs used to say, goodbye, everybody, or good night, everyone? Do they say, good night, everyone? They said, good night, everybody, or good night, everyone? That was a great show. Oh, they brought it back. I should watch it. Animaniac was really conti when I grew up because they had, like, a lot of inappropriate jokes that you wouldn't understand until you were an adult. Fingerprints. No fingerprints. I don't think so why did they write that and put it in a show? I want to write a cartoon so bad. It would be similar to that. Just absolutely offensive. But we're already in danger. Like I said, I'll probably get assassinated. I've been keeping you too long. Go home. Bye.