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I know that God is real. And I know that because he has spoken to me, supported me, and encouraged me through many generations of his children, telling me that he's ashamed of me. I am. Yet here I am, incredibly blessed through all of that. And I've heard him encouraging me and pushing me through all of that. And at the same time, it's helped me to see that many of the people who have lied to me about God's word and viewpoint on me are actually a bunch of backwards, shiftless, hellbound dummies. So putting that into perspective, as well as having the holy backing and foundation that I do, it has made me feel a lot more centered. And so hopefully that can reach out to some of you who might have a similar origin story and let it be encouraging. Most of the people out here running their mouth about why you shouldn't, why you couldn't, why they wouldn't, because them bitches can't. They can't. And they're intimidated by many people who seem to have the ability to can. I am cooking with these quotes on this goddamn podcast off the dome. I swear to God, like, I'm just spe. Amen, God. My name is Kfieri. This is furious Thoughts. Let's get started. I don't know if this is like a West coast thing. I don't know where this particular chain exists. I wasn't familiar with it, or at least I hadn't really experienced them live in person. This place is called Jollibee or Jollibee. Now, I've never had any of their food, but that is mostly because I've had to just stop eating fast food. I cut that out maybe 10 years or so. And it was mostly for my own benefit, so that I could, you know, have a good night's sleep mostly. You know what I'm saying? Nobody needs to have Hurricane Andrew in their GI track just because you wanted a fucking whopper. It's just not worth it. It's not even that good, you know? But the thing that really brings me pause about this Jollibee place is I drive by there sometimes and. And outside the restaurant is a Chicken, burgers, spaghetti. Now, let's have a conversation. Why all of these things? Why fast food? Spaghetti. How fast food? Spaghetti? And why alongside a chicken and a burger? Let me tell you something. Most places that have chicken and beef are good at one. Like, it's not that many places where you're gonna go get the chicken and maybe another dino burger. Everybody knows this. So you're offering both of those things as well as a spaghetti dish. I find this concerning. So what is Italy doing over here with this? With, you know, an American burger and whatever kind of chicken you sell? Is it not. Is it one of those things where, like, you go to the Chinese restaurant and they have chicken nuggets? Also, like, okay, you know when you're at, like, a rest stop and it's a Taco Bell and a Pizza Hut? That's always frightened me, ever since I was quite. Quite young. It's like, why are these two places in the same building? Is there some sort of collab? Is it like Balenciaga? Gucci? Is it like a. At one time, I think Nike and Adidas did something together. Is it like, are they coming together to do this thing? Or is it where the killer is? Do they even still do that? I've always found that. So just pick one. But you know something, now that I think about it, it's probably for families who are driving to SeaWorld or whatever, and one person's like, mommy, I want Jungle Bell. Mommy, no, I want pizza. No. Like, here, you can have both of them. That's assuming that, I guess children like both of those places. But that sounds like a very Caucasian problem. Let me tell you something. If my mama is pulling over, if my daddy is pulling over, and we get the blessing of fast food and not just additional gasoline, you pick what's there, okay? You pick what's there. You don't want a slice of pizza from the Pizza Hut. I guess you ain't hungry. That's how that worked. All right, Millennials. I understand that we came from a generation that was just bruised and battered. My God. And let me tell you something. If you weren't. It doesn't even really matter where you came from or how, but especially if you melanated. My God, just. Just WrestleMania in the house all the time, you know, and no therapy, no acknowledgement that they're fucked up, depressed, anxious. And we just, you know, did the best we could, and we came out on the other side of that, just desperate. Desperate for feelings to come out and to be acknowledged and to be diagnosed and all this other shit. And now you just let your children do whatever the fuck they want to. Walking, running through the airport barefoot, telling you when they going to school, if they going to school or not. These niggas don't even have to do homework. I remember scrimping and saving and possibly getting a textbook, and maybe you got one of them paper covers that you put over the textbook. That was basically just like Christmas Wrapping paper. I don't even know why they. What is this protecting any? It's not protecting a fuck date. It's just in the way. Now everybody just has an iPad. Kids just have a tablet and ChatGPT does their homework. So I feel like, why are you letting them do whatever the fuck they want to? They're extra blessed. I think that you can just dial back into, you know, some of the positive forms of discipline from the generations before and just remove maybe, maybe the 20 lashings for sneaking a cookie or a jolly Rancher or something like that. My parents didn't do this as an example. Don't call the police. I'm just joking. You know, maybe we take out like, the abuse and some of the neglect and maybe we, you know, we take out the negative talk and teasing and touching and all these other things and we just say, hey, sit your ass down and be the everlasting quiet. Hey, do you have McDonald's money? Hey. It's 8pm and for some reason I can see both of your eyes go directly to sleep. I don't think there's anything wrong with this. Now you tell your child to go to bed and it's like, I don't really understand what sleeping is for. Like, I feel like, you know, you get three hours of sleep and you still go to work. Why do I have to go to bed at this time? I think that you're triggering me. And I feel. I feel as though this is gaslighting as well as the fact that I'm neurodivergent. So if you could please respect my boundaries, I would have got my ass whooped two second sentences into this thing. Like, I wasn't. I was not even making it to neuro. So I'm saying you don't have to whoop their ass behind it, but you can at least tell them to shut the everlasting fuck up. Chatgpt does their homework. Bitch. Our division was long. We had to do all the goddamn work. And then these niggas told us to check our answers. And you letting these bitches make baddies. AI. I hate you and I hate your history. I don't hate your history. We all struggle. But I do hate your damn kids. My God, I really just want a Dakota fanning bonfire day and we just pick which ones to throw into the flames. So shout out to all of you southern dummy bitches who keep telling me that Miami is in the South. Let's talk about it. So here's your issue, right? Your issue is that you're Falling for this game, you know, these shenanigans, this tomfoolery, that Miami is simply a Latin town, just strictly Cuban people. That's because every time that you've gone to Miami, every time that your estranged father has gone to Miami, they go to Washington, Collins and Ocean Drive, maybe over to Bayside to go try to watch the Heat play. They are not in Miami, babe. There's a whole lot of us out there. And many of us, whether we're Caribbean or just a black American person, blacker than fuck. Most black American people in Miami are just as country, as unique. So how dare you try to take south away from me and my black ass? Because when you think of my city, you think of Gloria Estefan. She ain't even from there. And furthermore, I think what really twists my nips about that comment is that if you look at a map and you look at wherever you from, and then you look where I'm from, we're south of you, bitch. It's Miami. Fuck, we right there. Right there at the bottom of the fucking country. How we not the South? And when you're above us, ho. How. How? You know what's south of Miami? The Atlantic Ocean. You know what's south of Miami? The Caribbean, bitch. Not one of you hoes lives south of us. So fuck you bitches think because they got ti or something, that you from the south and I'm not. You gonna tell me that when you hear Karisha speak, we're not from the South. You're gonna tell me that you watch a Trick Daddy video and we're not from the South? Bitch, you better crack open to one of them textbooks that I was just talking about and educate your motherfucking self. I won't be having this goddamn argument anymore. I'm not gonna keep doing it, bitch, just cause we got palm trees and you're mad. I don't understand what it's. It's. Listen, it's hurricane season about 300 days a year. If you want to, like, balance it out since you just seem very upset. I'm from the South. Are you from Miami? That's not really the South. Well, next time you go to Miami, I dare you to eat anything but a Cuban sandwich. And then see if you're like, oh, there are other things happening here. Miami is in the south, girl. Your mama is not the South. Oh, furthermore, shout out to all you bitches from Broward county that's now claiming it. Let me tell you something. Y' all never did that when I grew up there. I Guess now that you have Kodak Black, y' all are, you know, proud to say that you from Broward instead of just trying to, you know, play the game. And I'm not gonna argue with you. I was born in Dade, grew up there, 25 years of my life. Had family who live in Broward. Y' all niggas were never saying it, not to anybody with ears. So now that it's like, oh, yeah, 954 Broward county, it's much more with your chest than it used to be, and you not gonna lie to me about it. And again, I feel like the reason is that Kodak Black and a whole bunch of other hooligan esque individuals have now claimed it outside. And I find that to be particularly fascinating, because why is it that when a hood rat claim it, then you want to claim it, too? You were already hood rats. Just say it then. And we hood rats, too. We hood rats, too. But you know what? I think there probably are a lot of Miami residents that are, like, elitist. That's probably been the annoying part. But then that's even more reason to say that you're not from there anyway. It sounds like you're having a good time, too, you know, walking in your identity. God bless. If we're friends and you start talking shit about somebody that you finna stay friends with, don't speak to me about that person unless you ready for me to treat both of y' all like you ain't shit, they ain't shit for whatever reasons you're telling me, they ain't shit. And you ain't shit for being a liar. Because unlike what your baby father says, an omission of the truth is a lie. And you are omitting the truth from whoever the fuck it is you keep talking to me about and then breaking bread and popping bottles with on the weekend. So now I hate both y' all hoes. Get a journal. Like, matter of fact, I'm about to look up the price of a composition book because you don't have to lie to me. I don't care. I don't care. And I'm willing to support you through whatever your truth is, so there's absolutely no reason for you to come and start running your dick suckers about some bitch that you gonna keep taking selfies and shit with. And then what I'm supposed to do? Sit here and be like, yay, friend, ghost. Like, I'm supposed to not say something when you bring the bitch up again? Like, oh, that's so interesting, because I see here that both of y' all are on the Virgin Voyagers Creator cruise together and seems like you're having a great time. I see all your teeth. I see holiday teeth. So what are we mad about? 99 cents? Wait, I've never heard of this website, all right? Office supply got on for about $8. So if you look under the couch cushions and under the car seat, probably find a couple quarters and go get your ass some loose leaf paper and you jot it down, bitch. Because. What's the purpose of the lie? There's also prayer. It works. Therapy, and a good old grandma. Now, if yours dead, you can rent one. They all over the place. You can go volunteer at, like, Shady Pines. It ain't even gotta be your dead ass grandma. That was harsh. And like, sometimes I say things and they just come out. My grandma did, so I don't. All right, let's move on. I wanna talk about silence, and I wanna talk about the joy within silence. I have never been afraid of quiet. Contrary to popular belief, and the way I run my mouth, you probably would not believe it. But this is a job, this is business, this is passion. And when I go home, I promise you, I'm going to be very quiet because I like it. But more than enjoying silence, I'm not intimidated by it. I'm not one of those people who have to, like, fill in silence with something because it's awkward. Babe, we gonna be on this elevator for about five flights. You can shut your ass up. We don't have to talk about a fuck thing at all. And even if we're sitting side by side at work office somewhere, we don't have to fill silence with small talk. I'm not gonna be offended. I'm not going to be uncomfortable. Furthermore, you bringing up to me that your nephew's first tooth just started showing or whatever, that makes the situation worse. Because now I am uncomfortable and now I'm filled with resentment for you and your bucktooth nephew. Like, sometimes we can just be quiet, you know? If we're kicking it and we're just talking about kids or family or something, then you bring these things up. But there's nothing wrong with silence. You had it before you got here and, oh, will you have it after. Natural, right? So it's okay. Now don't play that part for your husband. He need to speak the fuck up. All right, I'm going to say it. We barely looking at these outfits that you putting together for your get ready with me and you know that. You know that we're here for the what, three to five seconds where you are completely nude in your draws, talking about some. Get ready with me to go get a protein shake. And then you put on, like, the what? Here go this polo and some oversized slacks and some New Balances. Bitch, we didn't need to get ready with this. Just post your draws like that. And, you know, that's why we're looking at it. There's not a single person who I've ever seen do one of these things who is not jacked, who is not cut, who is not, like, inarguably good to look at. Again, why are you lying? Get ready with me to go do what? See the devil wears Prada too. Bitch, you ain't putting nothing. You look like you're going to work at T Mobile. No shade for the T Mobile employees. Okay, you can speed things up a bit, but you're working very hard, and you don't. It's not your fault you got to wear that ugly shit. Here's the thing. If you're going to put on an Apple Store outfit, nobody give a fuck about getting ready with you. And again, you know that. I just felt like somebody should just say it out loud. Make the beginning part of the video a little bit longer at least, you know, be in your jaws and be like, here's how I picked out this red crew neck and here's why I decided to pair it with distressed jeans. Sex sells. Go where the money is. I mean, if you ain't just go, you know, get an onlyfans and say with your whole ass, then quick moment of vulnerability. As a homosexual male, I am attracted to men. And these men are primarily niggas. I love niggas. And not just black men. I love niggas. I love black and mild. Smoking cannabis, covered raising Canaan, watching con cognac, drinking niggas that will ruin your credit. Niggas that you will like play Mary J. Obliged to. I love niggas. I love them. It is a problem. I recognize it. This isn't anything that I am boasting about. I find it to be like an inferiority because. We're the ones worth time. And then a gay one. Jesus alive. Okay, so listen. Help. You know, Help. Sometimes I'm like, is this why all the famous gay, black gays are with a white man? Do they just give up? Or is it like a white gay man comes in and entices you? Is it some sort of like particular chemical or fragrance pheromone that Andy Cohen and them have? So that they can attract you specifically. I don't know what I'm talking about, but sometimes I do think, oh, well, you know, let me go find the nearest ship and just tell him, you know, here we are, Tad. I guess it's gonna be me and you, because Nick is. You gave me a really hard time. But I couldn't do it if I wanted to. Couldn't do it if I wanted to. I just. Talk about a chokehold. Talk about wanting to be the chokehold. I, I, I need to do something about this. Because there is just something about a black man standing tall in God's son where I'm like, do I need the money in my savings, I can afford to get this nigga PS5 Pro. It's one of those things where you have to get within the community. Like, you know, have your town hall and go, we gotta do something about this. We have to do something about this. At least require these niggas to raise their standards. You don't have to watch all the power books. We can move on to something else. Let's watch a Spike Lee joint or something if you want to just, you know what I'm saying, Do some street black shit. Let's watch something with Art. Jocelyn's cabaret live every Sunday. Bitch, you don't even like, you don't even wait a day or two. You watch that shit as soon as it go up. So, like, here, here, we'll raise the standard for niggas clipped nail washed hair, you know, burn all the foamposits. Y' all could argue with your mama, But until then, you know, this is my cross to pair. I'm trying my best. They're just so good. Also, a lot of times we, you know, we forget niggas ain't shit. But I mean, like, specific ones. Sometimes we forget niggas from our past ain't shit. And I urge you to take notes again. Composition book, $8, just checked. You might even find some on sale. Write it down, jot it down. Jot down the reasons, jot down the experiences. If you really wanna do, like, have some fun, you could go like a Sci Fi route. What I like to do is in the midst of the nicknot being shit, in my discovery, I record a video to myself and I'm like, hey, this is your butch queen clone from the past. And I'm here to tell you that this nigga will crash your car directly into your mother's home, and you will, will be desired to take him back. But don't you do it. Don't you do it. The world will come to an end. Life as we know it will cease to exist. Just make it as dramatic as you want to. But then when you're considering the nigga again, go back and watch it and be like, okay, one, I shouldn't be with this person anymore. Two, I was stupid and wild enough to make this video, and that should be enough me to just go speed dating or something. You know how they do. They still speed date. I've never done it. It seems like kind of fun. But now I feel like they would just all be Love is blind auditions. Right? That's probably how that works. Or like Love island chemistry tests and stuff. Temptation island, If you haven't heard, I'm gonna break this down for you. Temptation island is one of these accursed shows on Netflix where they get a whole bunch of thirsty dummies to go to an island and say they're there for love. On this particular program, people go there with their alleged lovers, partners, and they say, this is an experiment to test if we are meant to be together and such and such can be faithful. Bitch, if you had to get on a helicopter and fly into Uruguay and get on a fucking remote place or whatever the fuck to test your relationship, girl chop was never worth it. And then the worst part is, some of y' all are dead ass because then your partner cheats on you and you have the nerve to cry, why did you do this? You had the option to not do it and you did. You brought your significant other to an island where a whole bunch of producers that will never give a fuck about you are being paid to try and get your partner to cheat on you. They literally bring out a dozen bitches that look better than you to then say some corny shit and rub your hands on their titties and then fuck them. They pay them to do that and you agree to do it on television for your diabetic mother to watch. You deserve whatever happens to you. I forgot what I was talking about. I really did. Temptation island, but I forgot how it started. I think it was just the show is really ridiculous and I don't understand why anybody would do it. I think most of them are Love Island's pretty basic, you know, we get to stay in this big ass real world house and be sexy and then get endorsements, whatever. I can't believe that show comes on every day. And I can't believe y' all watch it every day. So you ain't got nothing else. Anyways, that is whatever love is. Blind mama. So Netflix answers the call and say, hey, come on down. Here we go. Put you in a pod. Cross em another bitch in a podcast. And you just pick one. And then we're going to slide some Wendy Williams doors open. And then you get to see the bitch for the first time. And then regardless, you're paired with them. So do your best to look like however you feel. And what they mean is, if you think this bitch is ugly, please show it. And then you have to, like, choose to get married to them or not. Just get a job. You want to just get on one of these TV shows so you can sell oni eggs and face Max and shit on Instagram, bro, I'm not gonna buy that. Furthermore, I barely remember your damn name. There's not a human being alive that is more prepared in the world than a gay man going to a circuit party. I. Circuit parties are still relatively new to me. I've enjoyed quite a few at this point. But I didn't know that you had to strap on the whole armor of God to go to this bitch. Like, you have to have the whole armor of God on before you go. I mean, these niggas be strapped up like the Punisher to go and dance to a whole bunch of music that ain't got no words. But I. But they have like everything they need. Like real, real things. You know, you gotta have pocket free of drugs. You have to have like your poppers or whatever. The girls be bringing additional drugs. Wait, what the fuck do y' all be bringing all the time? Why y' all always got like a fanny pack and shit on? I'm actually confused. Why do you have that utility bill, Bruce? Because when I go there, I have a vape. I have chapstick. I'm still a beginner, but what I appreciate about it is that the girls are just like, well, you know what you're getting yourself into. You are intentional in having a good time, and there is absolutely nothing missing. Y' all will be more prepared for these warehouse parties than I will be prepared for this flight I have in the morning. And I find that to be incredibly impressive things. Things to think about. Proud of you. Now, I want to talk about the women at sucker parties, but more specifically, you gay naked, sort of bringing them. What's going on? Why are you doing that? Why are you doing that? They have everywhere else to go and swing their ponytails around. Everywhere else. All the straight clubs, all the bars, Hooters, the library, the beach. Like, they get to be outside and shaking their titties all the time. Why are you bringing them here to come up to all the gay niggas? Oh, is that your boyfriend? You guys are really cute together. Can I take a picture? Where's the dark room? Okay. Yeah, I really want to go see it. Trisha, if you gonna take your dumb cockeyed ass outta here and go find something to do. And Callum or whoever the fuck, stop bringing her. Stop bringing her. That bitch ain't gonna vote. Yes. She don't give a fuck about you. Like, and why does this shit have to be an amusement park? Everybody is just trying to have a good time in their jockstraps. Let their inhibitions go, you know, fall all over the place. And here you come with Billie Eilish. Bitch, actually you can bring Billie. Billie Eilish can come to the cookout. She's cool. I'm going to end this one here because this one is incredibly random. I think I don't even know how many of you of you will actually be able to touch and agree, empathize with my frustration here or even understand what I'm talking about. I want to talk about a cartoon short on a program that I used to watch called the Animaniacs. Now I don't remember the name of the short specifically, but it was a reoccurring cartoon where a little white baby would leave her parents house or you know, just their, their sight, their. Just their presence. She would crawl over into like an active construction space or like into the deep sea or, or you know, into a factory of razor blades. She would just crawl on some like baby's day out type shit and like chase after a feather, you know, whatever dumbass babies do. And then she had this loyal, beloved protective dog named Buttons. And Buttons would do the best back breaking work of chasing this little badass girl across the moon and stars to make sure that she stayed alive. And while she was able to avoid, accidentally avoid all of the razor blades in the factory, those same blades beat Button's ass. He got fucked up in every single frame of all of these cartoons. And then as if it were by magic, the little badass girl would find her way back to her parents house. And then broken, battered and bruised, Buttons would get cussed out by the parents. Buttons, how could you. How would. Why would you let the baby do this? And what is all over your fur? You are so bad. And the little girl would end the cartoon going, Buttons, Buttons, I love you girl. Fuck you. Buttons just chased your ass through fucking like the Ukraine and you barely knew his ass Was there. You should be dead hoe. Talk about buttons. And your parents just dragged him for you being bad. I hated them niggas. And I don't even know what brought this to my attention. I think that I was. I randomly said, oh, a button fell off of one of my jackets. And then I went to go put it back on, and I randomly said, buttons. True story. I'm not making that up. That is why it came to mind the other day. I said it out loud and I was like, what is that from? Oh, from that evil old white baby. But that was such a frustrating fucking cartoon. Here is this beautiful, innocent dog just trying to save his child, his sister, his friend, his family, putting his life on the line. And then the parents are dragging him through the mud. First of all, Sally and Raphael, you should have been watching your motherfucking baby in the first place. Why y' all bitches over here playing pickleball when the baby is outside of their motherfucking. What do you call the playpen or whatever the fuck put that bitch in a bassinet, hoe? Why the fuck you not watching them? You're playing Uno and fucking barbecuing and shit and leaving a dog to take care of the baby, bitch. Both y'. All. Ho should have been in jail. There should have been one of those cartoons. Because after the first one, CPS should have showed up and taken the little Swedish baby to wherever the fuck they belong. Why was the baby Swedish and the parents weren't? It also kind of reminds me of Tom and Jerry. This might be a hot take. I hated Jerry. Hated Jerry. Similar reasons. Here's Tom trying to protect his home from vermin. And in many of those cartoons, there were some cartoons where Jerry's just, you know, kicking it on the phone, talking to bitches or whatever. And then Tom was like, I'm gonna kill this mouse. But most of them, Jerry was coming out, trying to pilfer food from these people's house. Sometimes it was like a black maid, like a mammy. My mother didn't like us watching those episodes. But many of the time, Jerry was just coming out and fucking with. Sometimes the bitch wasn't even hungry. Sometimes he would just come out and troll. Tom put his fucking tail into an electrical outlet or something like that and laugh about it. And he always got away with it. He always got away with it. There was maybe, like, two episodes of Tom and Jerry where he got his ass beat. Disgusting. Tom's owners would drag him. What the fuck was the dog's name? Butch. Butch Would beat his ass. There was that black cat that would come out all the time and steal Tom's hoes. Nobody gave Tom a break. But that little bitch Jerry used to grate my nerves. First of all, ho, what are you doing here? And why do you have a whole condo in this black lady house? Not only do you have the nerd be pestering me in my house where I'm supposed to be live, you have furniture. And where the fuck did you get this loveseat? Where do like ho. If you can get a duvet, if you can get a twin mattress, if you can get a wall mounted shelf, you don't need to live here. Like there. Clearly there is an industry for mouse furniture that is so booming that you have to have options. There must be a mouse realtor, bitch. And you can find someplace else to live. Fuck Jerry, Mouse. And I mean that from the bottom of my goddamn heart. I hated that bitch. Now the little, little gray one, his nephew or whatever, he was cool. He was cool. He was just trying to, you know, he was following the guidance of this older, misguided mouse that constantly got him into trouble. But whatever that little gray one's name was, he never caused as much trouble and he never got his ass beat. In fact, many of those cartoons he watched Jerry get fucked up. Cause he didn't deserve the negativity. So shout out to that mouse. I'm really sitting here talking about Tom and Jerry. All right, whatever. We're done. Bye.
Host: Kfieri (CAKE MEDIA)
Theme: A razor-sharp, freewheeling take on southern identity, fast food, generational trauma, authenticity in friendships, circuit party culture, gay dating woes, and classic cartoon justice.
In “Queen of The South,” Kfieri unleashes a trademark, no-holds-barred monologue dissecting everything from faith and upbringing to Miami’s cultural status, friend drama, generational gaps, gay dating, circuit party etiquette, and even cartoon morality. Delivered with biting humor, unfiltered honesty, and south-Floridian candor, the episode weaves personal anecdotes with cultural commentary, imparting both laughs and hard truths for listeners from similar backgrounds or anyone who’s ever felt like an outsider.
“Queen of The South” is a masterclass in comedic Southern storytelling. Kfieri tackles identity, resentment, pop culture, and sexuality with fearless honesty and clever, biting wit. The episode’s power is in its wild oscillation between the absurd and the heartfelt—a love letter to those tired of posturing, craving real talk, and fiercely defending homegrown pride.
If you’ve ever debated Miami’s Southern-ness, resented cartoon justice, or just wanted permission to enjoy silence—this is your episode.