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Hello, Internet it is I, a kid they called Fury back again to do the thing that I do called Furious Thoughts. I'm very excited to be back. As you might be able to tell, I'm quite a bit aged since we began this foray into Internet commentary. Time's been an interesting thing for me. As I've been getting older and older and working more and more. I'm a lot more sensitive about about how I spend my personal time, my recreational time, my me time, if you will. And that me time usually consists of Cool Ranch Doritos, long long sessions of video games, preferably the action RPG kind, and scratching my dog. So when you niggas are talking about Love Island, Laboos, TikTok and Candace Owens, I have nary a living idea what you talking about and I preferred it that. However, as an individual who communicates for a living, I suppose I should figure out what the fuck is going on in the world again. So that's the plan. Furious Thoughts. The podcast is all about me returning to form, getting back into the the mind and soul of that plucky young butch queen who thought that she could do whatever the she wanted to do. Nobody could beat her ass, and for whatever reason, she wore a lot of plaid button downs for Macy's. Not sure what that was about. Either way, she's back in my heart and we're going to do some some familiar picking apart life and my thoughts and some brand new, which is just basically me being old and hoping that you will help me figure out what's going on in the world so I don't feel like Patrick Starr every day. Patrick Starlit's under a rock and he's fat and stupid. So you got it. Let's start. Okay, so this first one I want to send out to all of my gay male friends and family. Turn the fag down in public. Turn it down. There's no reason that you have to be RuPaul and Stimpy every single time that you meet a straight person because you are severely lacking validation and affection that you got or that you needed as a child. You don't have to Shablam or Death drop or whatever other incorrect word you use for a dip. You don't have to do all that shit. You don't have the tongue pop. You can't. You don't have to like just be a stark raving homosexual for in like a tap dancing nature. You say hello, you can talk about the weather, talk about your favorite meal at the Cheesecake Factory, but oh my God they still ain't voting for you, bitch. You don't even vote for you. Calm down. You look crazy. We look crazy. I'm over it. I'm over it. I don't know if you need to take a break from a world of wonder. I don't know if you need to take a break from drag brunches. I don't know what the hell you queens need to do except calm the down. And I'm going to start saying out loud in public, you can't be my ass. Why did the Golden Girls have so many fat jokes in that series? Not only were like none of those women anywhere near fat, one of them would call, let's say Blanche Devereaux a fat ass or something because she eats Oreos or something. And in the very next scene she'd be in a leotard looking like Scarlett Johansson, tap dancing and doing splits and shit. So what was the purpose of that lie? What was the purpose of that lie? All of those women were gorgeous. Was it just like a writing thing from the time they just call any woman with skin fat? Or is it what happened? I think we should discuss that. That always really confused me. Oh, you're so fat. Oh my God. I put on five pounds. Oh my God. You know who's fat? Me. You know who's golden almost? Me. So I just feel like, what other white lies have there been on television? Still a great show. You should watch it if you haven't. It's iconic. If you send me a voice note and it is over 60 seconds long, I didn't read it. I didn't listen to it. I took no part in it actually. You know that. Cuz I believe that if I did listen to it, it would tell you or it would delete or something. It's two months later and that is still in our chat. I ain't hit nothing, keep, leave nothing. I'm not listening to that because why didn't you do a very classic vintage sickening thing called calling, Calling baby, baby, honey. We evolved from the telegram where some white man will come up to your door and say, hey, need more milk and eggs. Stop. Also buy bacon. Stop. Also, I have another wife. Stop. We evolved from that and then got to picking up the phone, wrapping the cord around your neck and then just talking for hours, which was really cunty. Then I got a Nokia phone in high school and got Snake and text messaging. Fun. You don't always have time to have a full conversation. You just send some words. What is a voice note? And like I Can see how it can be convenient here and there. But, baby, baby, when you start walking me down your family tree and you take a fucking break about how your great, great grandmama walked the underground Railroad, I'm like, we could have just called. You could come over and we could talk about this. It sounds deep. Stop sending me these fucking lengthy ass Deathly Hollows. Part 2 Ass Voice Notes, bitch. I'm not gonna listen to it. I'm not going to listen to it. Thanks. This one is also for the gays, specifically for the tops in the audience or those of you who claim top. I'm not gonna argue with you today. I want you to remember, I want you to know, I want you to acknowledge. I want you to rest in the fact that fleeting for no reason is an unforgivable if. If I rinse out, if I irrigate my system for you to come over and penetrate my body, and then you're like, oh, I forgot I have jazzercise. And I have to also go pick up my three cousins. I'm not gonna make it. You should go to jail, and your three cousins should be in foster care. But, no, you should be arrested. Or at the very least, I should sue. Are you stupid? I'm mad that I feel like I even have to say this. I feel like I probably said this on furious thoughts when I lived at my mama house. It has not changed, and neither have you niggas, unfortunately. Get it together. All you have to do is wash your dick and ass, and a lot of y' all don't even do the ass. Wash your dick balls, brush your teeth. That's your lesson. That's your plight. I'm over here on. On the fucking set of Waterworld, and you want to talk about. Oh, my bad. They just reopened a blockbuster in my. In my neighborhood, and I want to go check that out. Fuck you or not fuck you. I guess I was watching Eddington, this new Aryaster Western. This is the way that my mind works. Maybe about halfway through the film, for whatever reason, I had a thought in my head in the theater that was like, I wonder who Woody from Toy Story would have voted for in the last election? Because, like, the obvious says he would have went red, but I kind of feel like he would have voted. Kamala. Buzz is for sure maga. Like, that's. That's just out of the question. But, like, I wonder who maybe Woody would have been. Like, I don't know. Maybe he wouldn't have voted. Bo Peep would have made him vote. But see, I feel like Bo Peep would have voted Trump. Rex is for sure voting Kamala. He's gay. And then I would probably say the same thing for Slinky gay and Han gay. I feel like everybody else is gay. All the other toys, little aliens gay. Like, everybody. I'm just actually coming to this realization for those of you who work out, who go to the gym and stuff like that. I'm gonna say this out loud because I know that there are many signs, but I also know many of you can't read or don't, so I'll say it out loud. Wipe down the gym equipment after you use it. How did you niggas survive Covid? I don't even understand how. Like, plague after, smallpox after. And you nasty bitches are still here. I. Why would you think I want to do hamstring curls in a puddle of your sweat? There are wipes, there are napkins, There are towels. When the aliens get here, we're. Because we don't have, like, we. We don't have, like, a nature in us to work together. It's gonna be everybody for themselves. And I feel like people would still loot B and H video or some shit like that. We're stupid. We're stupid. I just re watched Independence Day for the first time last week, and I forgot about that scene where that white lady who worked at the news place was like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna go on top of the highest building in the and with a poster board that say, hey, welcome, aliens. We're going to Mickey's. Or whatever. Like, and then they blew all them hoes up. It's like, y' all would do that. You would. If the alien sent out, like, a silver surfer that said, galactus is coming to fuck your shit up or whatever. Yahpis would literally throw a block party outside of Wally World and invite him. I don't want to live here. I don't feel like it's fair that I have to. Anyway. I don't remember where I picked up this interesting fact. I Googled it. I'm very interested in why there are only 20 or 22 states in the US that have waste to energy plants. If there's 75 waste to energy plants in the US I feel like at least 40 dumb bitches need to be in downtown Los Angeles, So I feel like we could be doing more on that front. But I'm also not a scientist, so I don't know how that works. I just feel like, hey, taking trash and turning it into power seems smart since There's a whole lot of trash around. Throw J.D. vance in there. Throw Kellyanne Conway and Secretary of Education. White people in the club. Specifically white people in the clubs in West Hollywood, because y' all are the worst white people in the club. I push. I push you specifically. Like, I don't push any other people. But if you're in the way, I'm gonna push you. I'm gonna push you. I'm not gonna apologize. I'm not gonna say excuse me. And you are never going to do anything about it. So I just thought that that's something you should know. I did see you. I didn't care. Sometimes I feel like I should have waited longer to come out so that I could have, like, capitalized off the attention and disingenuous support. But I fag hard. Like, I fag really hard. I've been doing it since I was a baby, so there was no. That wasn't an option. But I feel like I missed out on a bag. I do. Look at Franko. She didn't even work no more. That nigga so rich. But he knew what to do. Damn. Oh, well, here we are. Have you ever been in a hotel room with a phone that worked? Why do I feel like every hotel that I've ever stayed in, there's something wrong with the phone? Do they just go get them out of like a bin out in the back of a Staples or something? I've been at nice hotels, mind you, and it's maybe I just don't know how to work them because hotels be having them old school, like, office cubicle phone, like, you know what I mean, with the speaker and three different lines and several other buttons and a calculator. That's probably why it gets tricky because, I mean, phones don't even have buttons now. It's just. Isn't that weird? Phones don't have buttons anymore. It's just a block of glass and metal. I miss buttons. Isn't there something satisfying about pressing a button? And it goes in and there's an action to it. This is nothing. This is nothing. And then if you're in the hood, this screen is trash. It looks like Angela Bassin waiting to exhale took to it. Everybody, phone in the ghetto broke, right? And you don't have the money or the means all the time to go and fix the goddamn phone. Because fixing an iPhone screen, if it has just a tiny fracture and it is fifteen hundred dollars. So. Now your hand is hemorrhaging blood at an just an astonishing rate because you swiped Right. I don't remember where I was talking about. This one is for the saints. I saved them sanctified, but also a little hood adjacent in the room. And in the chat. I can't verbalize how exhausted I am of the Never Would have Made It Shville remix. I don't know which one of you, you did an amazing job, so no shade, but I don't know which one of you thought, let me mix some cut by Trillville with Never Would have Made It a gospel record. I hear it, I think, every single time I go to a social event. And it perplexes me in a way that I find incredibly fascinating because on one hand, I feel like I should be offended, but on the other hand, it is just my type of carrying on. I. I think I needed to stop because I'd like to make it to heaven, but it's not looking good. So let's. Let's work on a different mix, please. Thank you. What is up with in subtitles and movies and television, If somebody post an Instagram caption that has three sentences in it, you be like, I'm not reading all that. But if I put on Die Hard, it's like, oh, turn on the subtitles. It helps me hear better. What are you talking about? What are you talking about personally? And I'm not judging anybody. Well, I guess I am. But personally, unless it's a foreign language film or something. A language I don't understand, subtitles feel like they're in the way. I want to see the pictures and things. You niggas like subtitles. Not because you're struggling to hear anything, but it just brings you comfort. And I actually would love an explanation because I don't understand. I don't understand. You can't spell. You put M's and Valentines. You put two O's and lose. Is that why you want to. Is it. I mean, maybe like duolingo. I'm gonna leave it alone if I forgot your birthday this year. I'm old. And bitch, you probably older, so suck it up. Here's to many more. God bless. Okay, so those of us in the Pacific category, for my Brazilians, we love pussy compliments. We love when our partners compliment the puss. How great it is. But how many of us are open to pussy criticism? When the last time that you've had somebody say, hey, tighten things up down there, could use a wash, a little more enthusiasm. And you were. You were just as receptive things to think about, you know, make it the best experience that you can Unless you fleeted for no reason for this nigga at some point, because at that point he get the pussy he gets. It's lucky that you even invited his ass back. Fuck him. But in other cases, you know, 50, 50, give and take, no pun intended. A quiet fear of mine is that one day I'll be so in my head and not paying attention that I'll be caught singing a really trash song out loud. Like I'll just be walking home from Ralph's with my headphones on and singing Fat Juicy and Wet by Bruno Mars and Sexyy Red and turn to my left and see someone in a car at an intersection. Like, damn. Sometimes I'm just like, just sing it in your head. I use that song as just an example for you to under. I hate. I would never be caught living dead or in between listening to that song, much less singing it. It's never going to happen. It's never going to happen. If you ever see this face and body jamming to Fat Juicy and Red or really any sexy red song. Clone, Clown, Specter, Ghost, Elon Musk, robot, cybertruck. It's not me. I wouldn't do it. Something to think about. Oh yeah. I like to quickly remind the world that woke. The term woke is not for most of you. It really isn't for most of you and even none of y' all goddamn business, most of you are using it incorrectly. And I'm tired. I'm tired. I watched the south park episode this week where they used woke, but that was funny. So there I I have an incoming thought about our things in terms of vocal vocabulary. Anyway, we'll get to it. But I just wanted to because I've said this before, woke ain't got nothing to do with you. You're using it incorrectly. And most of you who have a problem with woke this and woke that need all the woke you can get because you are dumb as all outside. I mean wide open, stupid job. Bitches are remedial. So I would suggest a little bit of street education. But you know, I guess keep voting for tangerine colored dumbasses that are very, very, very surely on that Epstein list who are going to do absolutely nothing but make you broke and tired. Also Elon Musk until he invents something to kill mosquitoes if you don't have like I don't understand you eventing cyber trucks that look like Nightwing and the Red Hood and Batgirl went right in and like, do you know? How do you know the mission mosquitoes have been on lately? Especially in the South. Do something about that. Otherwise I don't give a what your fake South African ass is talking about. You know, you can beat it. He can beat it. All of his, all of Trump ugly ass kids, Ivanka Bannon, Barron Bishop, whatever the fuck his name is, all them hoes can go, go. You know, I started doing furious thoughts when I was like maybe 19 years old living in my parents house. And that young Fury was so plucky and energetic and confident and so tapped in to all of the trends and platforms and he was editing and photoshopping and coding and doing all of these things. Now my old fat ass is tired. You know, I've been all around the country working, doing really, really cool and amazing things. And I've sort of just parked myself into the things that bring me comfort, like I said, which are video games, my dog and my solitude. But I'm on a hardcore mission to return to that spiritual part of myself. I think that I've been like, I've been really anxious and I think I've been a little less confident about my ability to do this thing, which is a part of the reason why I've stepped back from it for a while. But now I'm like, well, don't none of you bitches know what you're doing? From entertainment to politics to cooking seafood, like everybody's just kind of freestyling. So what should stop me from doing the exact same thing? I am looking to this to be a return to form, an evolution, a recollection and a constipation. So I hope that you enjoy following me on this new take on the old, this new chapter, this new journey. It's gonna be full of all kinds of fun new things and I'm really excited to hopefully stand upright again and feel like I belong on, on earth. Look at me doing a thing who knew? Not me or whatever Paul Rudd and Sean Evans said. So I want to keep the original essay and Saphira's thoughts alive here to me. Rapid fire, extremely random thoughts that have been ping ponging through my skull for however long. But I also want to explore the world today. I want to look into happenings around the country and the globe that could be funny or interesting and also help keep me in the loop of the planet that I am living on. We will also have guest interviews which I'm very excited about. I'm going to be sitting down and chatting with all sorts of people and I want to do a similar thing with them where we discuss communication where we are today. How we grew up through those things, how we see the world through these things today. And also why Beyonce is the greatest performing artist to live, and why Blue Ivy Carter is the second coming. You know, it's gonna be fun. And we are back to the Furious Thoughts podcast. Today we have a very, very, very special guest in the studio. I'm so excited and pleased to finally have her working with myself doing the kid furry thing. I have been a friend of this beautiful woman now for a couple of years. I have admired her work ethic, grace, sex appeal and humor. I'm talking about the one and only award winning journalist. I'm talking about the one and only red carpet corresponding icon, president of the national association of Black Journalists here in la. This chapter. She's worked with npr. She's worked with my get and grown sisters. You may have seen her on Variety. It's my girl, Char Johnson.