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You back at Red Lobster for the third weekend, this nigga got on the same Nike tech suit. He has not washed behind his ears in months. Bitch, everybody can't get fucked up on Taco Tuesday because some of them have what's called work Wednesday. I think I'm retiring from bottoming or being a bottom or associating with that lifestyle in any fashion. It's too much work, and I have a lot of work to do outside of that. I don't have time to be a writer, creator, dog, parent, business owner, and then also be doctor who inside of my own body. I don't also have time to be Mrs. Frizzle, driving a magic school bus through my lower intestine to figure out if I can give fuck tonight. I'm not doing it. I hate it. It's exhausting, and it's not appreciated enough outside of other bottoms. Some bottoms, because a lot of y' all still wasting time bashing each other for taking dick. Like, you don't take dick. I don't know what's going on, but I'll circle back to me. I'm exhausted. And most of these niggas are not worth the. The effort. Like, if I wanted to be a. A biologist or, you know, if I wanted to study anatomy, if I wanted to be a gastroenterologist, I would have stayed in school. I didn't, so I won't tops. You don't have to do something out here. I don't know. Everybody's gonna have to take it back to the sock hop days. Bring about them a dozen roses or some. A scented, you know, letter written with a quill. I don't you. Because this ain't gonna. I'm tired. Peer pressure. Drinks need to not be a thing anymore. If you're out with someone and you're drinking and your friend says they don't want to drink, leave them alone. Like, why do y' all feel like, oh, come on, we're outside just one drink? Because, like, you're. You're kind of cruising around puffy zip code. I don't just let people not drink. Outside of the fact that some people don't want to. Outside of the fact that some people have actual issues with alcohol that they are attempting to avoid or have to avoid. Everybody can't get up on Taco Tuesday because some of them have what's called work Wednesday. They have to go to a job the following day. And it's ridiculous that they should have a hangover and be throwing up in the fucking bathroom at work because you just had to have six more margaritas. Can you grow up? Can you address maybe something that you got going on, bitch? Because everybody's not trying to live that lifestyle. Especially if you're in my age range. Hangovers. I'm too old for that shit. Not when there's weed in the. Weed.
B
Weed.
A
And you can just get it now. Do you. I guess any sentence that ends with in my goddamn house is probably one of the most powerful things you'll say in your life. Think about it. Because there's rarely a plausible argument against it. It's yours and not the other person's. It is power. It really is. And it was not until I got my first apartment in Harlem that I realized it. Now, that first apartment was the size of this chair I'm sitting in. And all of that building was infested with rats. But it was mine. It was mine. And when another bitch was in it, my rules. And that's powerful. That's powerful. More your baby daddies and husbands should know what that feels like. But they don't. I hate the word excerpt. I hate the word excerpt because I feel like no matter how you say it, that's not how you say it. That's all. I just hate that word. And I'm not a hundred percent sure what it means. It's like a blurb, right? Just say that. That's way easier to say. And it sounds like a fun app where you go and meet non binary people and ch. Drink matcha. I floated around this revelation
B
for a
A
while now that I. I think I'm single because I. I need a nigga that hate outside as much as me. But I'm probably not gonna meet him. Cause I'm never outside. So what do you do about that
B
apps?
A
I haven't used an app in a while. Last time I was on one of these apps, it was like, oh, hey, love the podcast today. What are you doing this weekend? Not you. Like. Because in what world did you feel like that was a great idea? Wait, I probably talked about hemorrhoids on the podcast this week. And you're just like, yeah, so you want to go to Starbucks? No. No. Whatever happened to the term in touch with his feminine side? Remember when a bitch was like, oh, he's in touch with this feminine side? And that was like a compliment. It was like a good thing that, you know, this man was aware of femininity and that it's not a bad thing. And actually it's not like he's in touch with this feminine side. He Loves Tu Wong Fu and feels like he could have played the part better than Patrick Swayze. It's. He's in touch with femininity in the sense that he can understand, empathize, and give a about my plight. And it makes us like, an adequate
B
team.
A
Now, you say he's in touch with his feminine side to a woman, they just automatically assume he's on the DL and possibly a vampire too, or whatever, because y' all are terrified of them. So I don't know, but I thought the other day I was like, oh, people used to say that it was like a nice thing to say. Oh, this guy is like, not an incel and he's kind to women. But I don't think women want that anymore. They want Fred Flintstone and a club over the head, I guess. Like, I don't know, like, y' all could just be dating Kevin Gates and then, like, something wrong with men. Are you okay? Are you okay? I also realized recently that y' all are still telling n that they're too fine to be gay. Okay, let's unpack. So fineness should be what? Exclusive to heterosexual sex in a relationship? Like, you always be thinking that you're saying something like sweet or cute or endearing or whatever, but what you're really saying is gay people should have nothing but ugly hunchback trolls. And, you know, fine should be for us, baby. The reason so many fine are. I mean, so many gay niggas are so fine is because they care to wash, exercise, dress nicely, give a about how they present themselves. You back at Red Lobster for the third weekend. This got on the same Nike tech suit he has not washed behind his ears in months. But that motherfucker is too fine to be gay. You keep your eye on the prize in front of you, sis. We're good over here. Your man don't bathe. I would argue the statement should be, to straight men, you are too fine to be straight. That actually would make way more sense to me. Why do you look so good? You cared. Straight men don't do that. There were T shirts from Target and Denny shorts. Now the sneakers. Usually the niggas will have a good pair of sneakers on. But above that will be some wide leg Levi's that were passed down and just the tackiest T shirt or a Steph Curry jersey or something. You talking to niggas about they two get fine to be gay. Go away, go away and take your day trading crypto coin obsessed with you. Old school phrase analysis, analyzation, analyz, analyzation There she is. Old school. Word, term, phrase, analyzation. The cherry on top. Have you ever known someone to ask for a cherry on top or something? I haven't. Like, dude, like on the cherry on top of what? I've never wanted cherry on my ice cream. I've never wanted cherry in a shake. I've never wanted a cherry on a banana split. I never wanted a banana split. I don't want cherry on cakes. I don't. Where did that. You know what? That also seems like a old school pre Selma white people dish like ambrosia salad. So that's probably none of my business. I don't even mind actual cherries. But those like those little red pieces of plastic that they put in on. I don't. Is that a maraschino? Is that what they call maraschino cherries? Those things are disgusting. They're vile. So I don't even really. What is everybody. Oh, can I get a cherry? That might be a me thing. I think they're nasty. Some of y' all bitches eat Twizzlers too. So I'll just mind my own esophagus. This is extra. But I, low key, want to start an agency for video vixens so that we can bring them back. I would be so cunty at it though. I would treat them all with respect. I wouldn't ogle their breasts, not when they're looking. I like titties too, but I would have like intimacy coordinators, so everyone's safe. I would bring back the girls because I think that's what the game is missing. The video vixens. But the girls probably were asking for them to be paid what they deserve. And that's where that industry went, if I had to guess that and sexual assault. But I miss them. I'm truly, deeply appalled by white tongues. Tongues that are the color white and tongues inside the mouths of white people both. I find them to be upsetting and I don't want to see them ever, ever. Because why are they that color? Why is there a milky film over your tongue at 3pm at the office? And why are you speaking so loudly with it open and in my face? I can't tell you the amount of times that I have wanted to just go find a toothbrush and pin a person down and scrub their tongue out of their mouth. Because why didn't you do it? Why didn't you do it? Why didn't you do it? Some of y' all still not washing your goddamn legs. And I'm like, where the do you have to be? We all got 24 hours. I know you ain't in no goddamn rush. If I could wash my legs. I know Beyonce washes her legs. You have no excuse. Get them knees behind them too. All of them toes. How dare you. I was wondering what that smell was. They're really ain't a man that throws dick like a light skinned nigga that love being black and wants you to know that he's black and also loves being black. Whether he is biracial or just very fair skinned. He puts in the work because he's happy to be here. And that's something that I really appreciate. And you knew that I would. And you knew that I would know. Mind your motherfucking business, bitch. Maybe I'm giving you some goddamn advice. Maybe I'm telling you to go in the world and see what you, you know, has to offer. Keep these chain of sharp and see what. What that turns into. It's not looking great. Okay, guys, our very next guest is a very special one. Near and dear to my heart. I love this person so, so much. You may have heard their voice on Big Mouth on Human Resources. You may have seen them on Modern Love. Feel the Beat. You hopefully purchased their book. You gotta be you. How to embrace this messy life. Because bitch, if you watching this, I know you have one. I know you have one. And you need all the help you can get. Actor, writer, activist. Brandon Kyle. The good man. Hey.
B
I'm so happy to be here. You had that all memorized. I was looking for a teleprompter. Ain't no teleprompter.
A
You know, I write it down and then I try to remember.
B
I know that's right. Got that good memory.
A
I do the best.
B
Ginkgo. Is that what they put. Is that the memory thing? Ginkgo?
A
I don't know.
B
Okay. Something, Something. My grandma used to.
A
Is there like a. Oh, you know, like those. Like ginkgo or something like that. Like some supplements?
B
Yeah, for the memories.
A
Anyways, Grandma has also always had those things. I don't know if any of that shit worked. I just.
B
I don't know either. But that purse was filled with a lot of. And I believe the Vicks Vapor Rub. That would always. That did something.
A
I think that actually.
B
That did.
A
Right.
B
And the Tiger Bomb did something.
A
Yes.
B
Okay, cool. Peppermints were just for show.
A
Yeah, the peppermints.
B
That's for sure. Ginger ale. Ginger ale. That's it.
A
Ginger ale is good. Really? It doesn't even leave it carbonated. Sugar. Ginger Tea. Ginger.
B
Tea's better.
A
Okay. Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thank you for wearing this. Rec holes, not hearts, period.
B
You know, I wore it on another show and they told me to cover it, so I was like, I know. My girl kid called me.
A
Yeah, here you can be you.
B
There it is. Is.
A
How you been?
B
I've been good. You know, given the circumstances.
A
Every, like, that's. I think that's everyone with senses answer. Yeah, yeah. Everyone's just like, well, I'm here.
B
I'm here. I'm still here.
A
I'm upright.
B
Yeah.
A
You know. How about you? How you been? Same.
B
Yeah.
A
The very living same. I think that, you know, as Black people above 30, 35, we used to this kind of bullshit, you know, it's just kind of like, yeah,
B
I'm just meditating a lot.
A
Yeah. I'm sort of like meditating and watching.
B
Yes.
A
Observing other people discover that there are systems in the world, specifically this nation, that are built to destroy it.
B
Yeah. I don't know when this will come out, but I was watching that clip of Kamala being like, the systems are broken. Recently I made the decision that I just.
A
For now, I don't want to go back in the system. I think it's broken.
B
And it was kind of like, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, yeah, yes, thank you for saying it. But like, yeah, I think more people need to just like, say it out loud so we can do something about it.
A
When I just kind of stick to my theory that this earth is baddies for God, I just look at it as like, oh, well, it's supposed to be stupid and funny and I just happen to be in the audience, I guess, at the reunion or whatever the fuck they do.
B
The reunion, not the reunion.
A
So, yeah, the overall thing I've been exploring on this podcast is just getting older and trends and the Internet and communication and just how we sort of get in touch with each other and express ourselves these days. In comparison to when I was growing up and we had things called books and pencils.
B
Oh, my God. And did you have a mechanical pencil or were you the.
A
Oh, I'm talking about pencil sharpeners.
B
The original.
A
We had pencil sharpeners in the classroom.
B
Yeah, yeah.
A
The one with the. Yes.
B
With the wheel.
A
Yes.
B
Or the gear. Yeah.
A
And it sounded like you were operating a John Deere tractor in the middle of the classroom. And they never worked.
B
They never worked. They never did. It was really clutch. When you finally got the portable ones.
A
Yeah.
B
And when they. I got the electric ones. I remember when I got my first electrical Pencil sharpener, Bougie, baby. I was that girl. You couldn't tell me nothing. In my home, an electric pencil sharpener.
A
Now the girls just do their homework on their iPhone.
B
It's crazy. ChatGPT be doing that homework and that's it.
A
In class, I remember if you had your Nokia out, it was taken from you 1000%.
B
I could see. I was on the scrolling on one of the socials, and the kids had a pen that they pulled out, and they went over the test answer, and then the AI answered the question. We just all gonna be stupid, love. I was like, what? They were like, it looks like a pen, but they put it over the question. It reads the question and then gives them the answer. I was like, oh, we're.
A
Well, now I'm getting tight, and I really don't want to because, like, I'm of the mind that. You know what? Let the young people have a good time. Let them be their generation. Yeah, don't be an old curmudgeony, crotchety ass bitch.
B
That's just like.
A
Because you didn't like it when older people did it to you.
B
Yeah, we didn't.
A
We hated. Right. I saw one of you young bitches on the Internet the other day talking about, oh, you know Destiny's Child came out in Vegas.
B
Yeah.
A
And someone posted it as, like, nobody under 25 gives a fuck. I'm like, first of all, imagine what people over 25 give a fuck about. Nothing. You talk about bitch.
B
Period.
A
That's one, two.
B
How can they say that? How do you feel confident saying that is crazy to me.
A
Destiny's Child aside, do you realize that you will one day be over 25, period, and that if you don't make it, it's because you died? Stup. I don't understand where the joke is. Where is it past that? You have mechanical pencils that cheat. Y' all got a bitch. Not only did we have to answer the question, the teacher said, show your work.
B
Show your work.
A
How did you get there?
B
Show your work to show your work. All that blank space to show your work. I fucking hated it.
A
I just be like, bitch, you know the answer. And that's.
B
And that is it. That's it. So why do I have to explain myself? This is calculus. I ain't use calculus. I got to pre Cal. I ain't never used pre Cal. In fact, my pre Cal teacher shout out to Ms. Waddell. She came to see me do the school play, Othello. And then afterwards, she gave me this keychain of Shakespeare Which I still have. And she said, baby, you are not good at math, but you're a good actor, and you should keep doing that. And so, you know, shout out to the real ones who tell you when you're goofy.
A
Yeah.
B
She was actually a real one for that. She was like, this is not your bag. And she's always like, my tests are cumulative, so you really do want to come to this coach class.
A
South Florida teachers would have said, baby, you're not good at, and maybe you should jump off the nearest bridge. Like, there was no, like, alternative.
B
There was no, like, holding you, coddling you, being like, here's the participation. No, no, no, no. They were like, girl, this is not yours, and I will fail you. So good luck. Get it together.
A
You've had. One of my dream jobs is in voice acting. Oh. Always been incredibly fascinated by it. Still love cartoons to this day.
B
It's the best. What's your cartoon right now?
A
Right now?
B
Yeah. It could be old, too, but, like, what are you, like, gravitating towards right now?
A
I will be honest. I've been watching a lot of Merry Melodies and Looney Tunes.
B
Oh, okay.
A
I got, like, one of those, like, Blu Ray collections that, like, remastered them.
B
Sure.
A
You can't really watch them on TV anymore.
B
Yeah, yeah.
A
And I was just feeling nostalgic, and I went back and watching old Bugs Bunny shorts, Daffy Duck shorts.
B
Are they holding up?
A
Yeah, they're still really funny because they were. Most of them were not for children. They were like, it's the 50s and you'd be going to see I don't. Lawrence of Arabia or some shit. And then before that, it would be a funny fun of actors. So a lot of them were kind of meant for the. Yeah. Folks going to the. I didn't know that, but them shits were. They're still pretty funny. I love Steven Universe.
B
Okay. Yes.
A
Yeah. Because Steven is. It's really, really wholesome. The storytelling is impeccable. It's funny and it's short. Weird and it's short.
B
I love a short. In and out gave me the arc, and that's it.
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's voice acting? What's, like, the experience, like, for you? And how would you compare it to live?
B
Oh, it's, like, so easy. Like, I remember back in the day when Shrek was coming out and they were talking about how much they made for it, like. And I was like. And now I'm like, that's actually insane. Like. Cause you're not really doing much. Like, you just show up you ain't gotta get dressed up. You know, they give you the lines they'll tell you to say in the couple ways, if you're lucky, you know, you'll do it with your other cast members. Once we had hit Covid, it was. We all just went solo in the booth. We did the whole, I think season five or most of season five of Big Mouth during the pandemic. Yeah. And then you, like, peace out. Like, they come in, they go, can you laugh a couple times? Like. And then. And then you get your check and it clears every single time. And I love that. Thank you. Netflix, you know. Yeah. Yeah, that's a great. I mean, it's an ideal gig, quite honestly.
A
Yeah.
B
Do that shit at home. Build your own little booth.
A
Do you like working on set and live actions and stuff?
B
So the thing about. Not really, if I'm being honest. Like, it's dope. My idea of it growing up, I thought was so cool, like movies and tv, film. But it's a lot of start and stop, and it's a lot of sitting around and it's a lot of like, oh, we're gonna call you at five. You're not gonna be on set till nine, and you're outta here at nine o' clock at night. It's just, you know, it's. It's very glamorous once it's done. And it looks very glamorous to walk the red carpets, but the actual experience of it doesn't feel like acting. You know, like theater feels like. Cause that makes sense. Press play and go. Even voice acting feels a little more like, let's do the scene. And, you know, no one's worried about what your spikes are or anything like that.
A
It's a blast. Yeah, it is a blast. But you're completely right. I was. I was surprised at first. Although it made sense about how much start and stop it is like, okay, maybe 15, 20 minutes doing this scene. Okay, we're gonna go do this other scene. And it takes two hours, maybe more.
B
Oh, baby. When they're like, okay, now we gotta
A
change coverage, you're like, okay, cool to switch. It could be the same set.
B
Literally. Literally, babe.
A
But just to move the cameras around and then another character who has a new hairstyle. Yeah. So then an actor. Or you're just sitting there.
B
You're just sitting there. And don't. And, like, don't let it be out in the elements. Don't let them be chasing sunlight. Like, don't. Like, don't let it be. Cause if it's in a studio, they have a little more control. But if you're, like, out, if you're shooting on the street, like Sex and the City, God bless y'. All. Cause, you know, you're dealing with extras, you're dealing with the city, you're dealing with sound, you're like. There's just so many elements that you can't control. Honestly, if you're, like, the lead, I think you're probably more busy. And also, like, they're fluffing around you in a different way.
A
Yeah.
B
But if you're there to, like, you know, play assistant or best friend, it's just a lot of. It's a lot.
A
It was really exciting for me when I got my first dance when we shot Rap Sh. T in Miami.
B
Oh, sure.
A
It was so thrilling. It was so exciting. It was like wonderland for me.
B
Yeah.
A
The rest of my life. But it was also funny to see people who have been in the business forever and also been to Miami, I guess. Remember that it's hurricane season there pretty much all but two days throughout the year. So there were some days where it was just, like, gorgeous, picturesque, cinematic Miami. Fifteen minutes later, torrential downpour. And the girls are, like, stuck inside of some tiny hotel on the beach, waiting five hours because it's like, oh, thunder hits. Okay, we gotta wait.
B
We gotta stop.
A
Yeah, it looks.
B
It's a different set.
A
So we're five hours off schedule because of the rain.
B
That is wild. Beers wild.
A
Whereas. And a big mouth human reason. Show up in your hoodie, baby.
B
Show up however you want. They're gonna tell you a couple ways to say it, and then you keep even. If you're like the lead of that episode, you're probably working. I mean, I would say, like, when my characters were a story, I might have worked a total of an hour, an hour and a half on that. You know, if that. It's like, you know, you in and out. It's really.
A
Would you ever make an animated show?
B
I would love to. I'm actually trying to work on one right now. Yeah, I was, like, resistant to it and wanted to do more. I've sold a couple live actions, but, you know, you know, for us, if there's one black gay person, then they go, I don't know what to do with that. Or, we already have a black gay person on that show, so we can't do it. So it just, like, became a little too frustrating. I was like, maybe animation is a space that I can, like, break open a little more because you can have more fun it's more imaginatory. You don't have to play into all the identity politics that I think live action has to play into. You can have a little more fun. So I'm definitely, like, curious about being in that space a little more.
A
Yeah, I'd love to see that. Because I really, really enjoy animation. Adult animation, too. But it feels like the industry is not very supportive of animation.
B
They want their animators, they all want their Bob's Burgers. Like, it's the thing you hear all the time. Like, every meeting you take, it's like, what's your Bob? We want a Bob's Burgers. Or we want a American Dad. And you're like, babe, you have Bob's Burgers, you have American Dad. Why do you want that? Again, it's like when this Is Us came out and then there was like, all these other shows that came out that were like, but this Is Us exists. You don't need to make another version of that. Everyone wants their. And it never works. Cause people are like, we have. That already works. What works is always the original. Like, anyways. And by the way, I don't want to sound ungrateful for the live action.
A
No, no.
B
You know, but also, I think the other piece of this is, like, I would imagine working on a rap shit versus working on being a black person or a black queer person on a show that's mostly white. Right? Like, now you're navigating. Not just the waiting, but you're navigating. Don't come to my face with that razor love. You can't. No, you won't touch my hair. And then you're navigating the, like. How do I say this in a way that you're not gonna say I'm ungrateful? You know, it's just becomes 1000% more stuff that I'm like, I don't know if this is my.
A
I said that all the time when I was working on Rap Shade that I was like, I would have been excited, I think, regardless if I was, you know, into the project. But I told myself all the time how fortunate I was to be surrounded by pretty much black people, like, almost exclusively. Yeah, it's a different experience. I'm grateful to be there. Yeah. This being my first experience has to be incredibly rare and thankfully will keep me. Cause I can't imagine how many people go into, like you said, maybe being the only black person, black, queer person in a white space, and then have a not great experience. I'm like, I don't Know if I even want to do this anymore.
B
Yeah, it really. If you don't find your community outside of those spaces, like, you know, how we all connect, it can be devastating and daunting and, like, you get in your. The imposter syndrome. I always try to remind, you know, especially aspiring writers or actors of color or queer. I'm like, if you are in the room, they're gonna try and make you feel like you're not brilliant, but the system was not made for you to be there. So 99% of the time, if a black person is in that room, if a queer person's in that room, if a woman's in that room, they're probably the best of the best, 99% of the time, because it was not built for you to be in that room, love. So you made it there. They. They, you know, they could have done everything to not have you in there, and somehow you got there. But, like, because you're the only. You don't have that reaffirmation, and you feel like you're behind on things and there's no one laughing at your living single jokes until you're like, maybe my humor's not funny. But you're like, no, they're just. They're friends, girlies. You're a living single girly. They're both funny. There's nothing wrong with you. But, like, having to that to remind yourself that comes from community, you have to, like, build your community outside of set.
A
That is so goddamn true. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to scream around shit like that. But, you know, we're making the best out of.
B
Yes.
A
And we're making our spaces and making our spaces. Yeah. Speaking of, I want to talk about the messiness of a Monday.
B
Oh, my goodness. Mondays, be messy.
A
Mondays do. If you have anything to fucking say
B
it, do be messy. If I'm there, it's gonna be messy.
A
So you started this really, really amazing feature on your socials called Messy Mondays, which has evolved into podcast book all of these things.
B
Yeah.
A
And I had already followed you from, you know, being a fan of what you did as an actor, and then I. I don't know, I just would come across these videos with you talking with your followers and just giving them very human advice or commentary on stuff that it feels like people may be afraid to talk about, ashamed to talk about, embarrassed to talk about.
B
Yeah.
A
And I think that's kind of one of the fortunate aspects of being a queer person or queer black people. Like a part of our Culture is. So people are experimenting with all kinds of different things.
B
Yes.
A
Figuring out all kinds of stuff, going on adventures. So some of the stuff that people might write into you or call in and say, oh, this thing is going on, we'd be like, oh, yeah, girl, I saw that on West Hollywood, like, last week.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A
So I want to know kind of like, what was your inspiration behind making this a thing? Yeah. And how that has felt for you.
B
Well, first of all, thank you for saying it feels like, human, because that's, like, important to me that sometimes, especially when we talk about sex or relationships or identity, it can feel very clinical, or it can feel, like, so irreverent, it almost becomes exclusionary. And you can feel like, oh, I'm doing things wrong. And so my biggest thing is we're all human. We're all navigating the same thing. We're not alone. It started in 2020, so it started out of something kind of dark, which is sometimes where the lightest things come from.
A
Right, true.
B
Um, so we were navigating. Everyone remembers 2020. And I was making all these videos around race and sexual orientation, identity and allyship. But I was also on big mouth. And I, like, after a few months, you know, the term allyship fatigue was coined, and I was, like, missing telling dick jokes.
A
It was just like, yeah, come on.
B
Like, at the end of the day, I'm a goofy, silly girly. And, you know, I got some, you know, I love addiction.
A
Dick's jokes are funny.
B
They're great. They always, you know, a dick joke, a poop joke, a fart joke. They just always hit. And so I was missing telling that. And so I just went online and was like, you know, tell me something to tell me something messy. And before I even understood really what Instagram stories was. And then, of course, everyone was at home, so they horny as fuck.
A
True.
B
So they were just sending all these
A
things that was true that were mostly
B
about, baby, I'm trying to fuck.
A
The girls were dying, dying, dying.
B
We saw the videos of the girlies, the gay girlies, who were, like, you know, congregating when they weren't supposed to, like, they were horny. And so I think me responding to those messages without being like, shock and gasp, but being like, oh, yeah, bet, same love. Or like, let me find out the answer to that, or, I don't know, like, just answering in a way that wasn't judgmental or shame free. I think people felt seen and safe. And honestly, it helped me because I did just, like, getting those questions was like, oh, other people are reckoning with the same things I'm reckoning with.
A
Yeah.
B
Or I was reckoning with that at one point. And like, it's like, oh, we never. It's the quiet parts of it. So we never talk about those quiet things out loud. And then you feel like you're the only one or you're alone. When really, like, everybody. Is everybody nasty. Even if they say they're not nasty. Everybody nasty. Or they want to be nasty or they want.
A
They are interested. 1,000%. Yeah. That's the thing that I loved about it because, you know, I think many faces creators might do something similar and without the intent of hurting or pushing people away, would make it a joke first.
B
Yes.
A
Or would kind of just do like some stereotypical gay. Ooh. Whereas this has humor, but it is more so just like, you're good, you're good. Thank you for sharing.
B
Yes, yes.
A
It's okay to talk about this. And that's just something that I really appreciated because I'm people, first of all, sex is sex.
B
Sex is sex normal. We are all here because somebody has sex. Wouldn't, you know, like, you're not here without somebody having sex. So I mean, you know, there's, you know, of course there's obviously surrogacy and whatnot, but there's still like, most of us are here because there's sex has been involved and might fuck somebody.
A
There are a lot of people who are in love. There are a lot of relationships that go in the bin because there isn't a conversation being had about sex.
B
No one will. It's too scary. Cause I mean, and this is what I always say, it's like for me, of my brand, sex is the sugar. But, like, when you come in, what we're really talking about is identity because you can't talk about sex without talking about religion, race, gender, sexual orientation, class. Like, all of it impacts how you approach thousand percent. And how it, you know, like, it's. You can't talk about what your kinks are or what you're attracted to or your quote unquote preferences. If we're not talking. Well, what was the environment you grew up in 1000? What did you see culturally? What was the representation you were given? Like, why are you sexually disgusted by that? Is that your own sexual disgust? Or was that something some bully said to you when you were nine? You know what I'm saying?
A
And people with an open mind, when they get that, because they might just be like, oh, I'm expecting for this conversation to be about my husband seeing me on a time.
B
Yeah.
A
And then you do talk about their high school bully. Most people with an open mind usually leave their relationship with, like, clicking their heels, and it's like, holy shit, I learned something great. Call their best friend, like, bitch, guess what?
B
Period.
A
They need those spaces. But people are often afraid to talk about them, look for them. So it's great to have spaces. Thank you. Yeah. You're doing the work.
B
Thank you, baby.
A
I wanted to ask.
B
Yes.
A
If there is a messy movie story that sticks out to you the most as just being, like, iconic. Like, on the read, we always talk about our smell and taste from years ago. Or someone was writing in about giving her man oral head. But it smelled. Had an animal taste. But the thing is, she smelled and tasted it anyway.
B
Nah, you supposed to put it down.
A
You don't.
B
I always say, like, one thing's. Like, if there's shit, you get to quit. You know,
A
you don't have.
B
Keep going. Love. You can still love a person and be like, it's not. You know, my favorite that I always talk about because it was so random, was somebody wrote in saying that they had. After their grandmother passed, they found an envelope filled with their grandmother's pubes. And also, like, a roster of, like, men. And. No, there's no other context.
A
No other context.
B
There's no other context of, like, what. How you know it was your grandmother's pubes? Like, why does she would she have an envelope of pubes? What is this rock like? But it was just like, one grandma's fuck. You know what I'm saying? But two, like, how messy to leave behind your pubes for your offspring to find.
A
She probably meant to mail it to one of his men. Just didn't get a chance.
B
Didn't get a chance. Didn't get a chance. Yeah, that's one of the. Those are one of my. Those are one of my favorite messy ones. Cause I think it's also a little wholesome, but also.
A
Or a witch.
B
Or a witch. I feel like she's probably about to do some spells.
A
Yeah, that gives witch.
B
It gives a little witchy, right?
A
Yeah.
B
Like to shave your pew. Spoon, envelope, and then you got this roster of men. She's like, I'm a.
A
And for the witches out there, I'm not judging you at all. I get into that. I get into that shit too, girl.
B
I got the crystal.
A
Give me a little witch.
B
I love a little witchy. Something. I think we're all little witches, actually.
A
Especially black folk.
B
Come on how you think we still here.
A
We're most in tune with the earth.
B
Absolutely.
A
So you're marriaged? Yes.
B
Marriage.
A
How long you been marriaged?
B
We have been married for six years. Together for 10. We just celebrated 10 in June. A decade. Thank you, baby.
A
How has marriage been for you? Living in la? Acting stuff. What's marriage life like, speaking to a single person?
B
I want to give, like. I want to give, like, the real answer. Because, I mean, I love all the flowery answers, which are very true. Like, my best friend have never grown more, could never grow more without this human being.
A
I believe all of that.
B
All of that is there. But also the parts that I think I didn't know about marriage before getting married is the challenges of it. The conflicts and the decisions to continue to stay with each other. And the. The amount of thick and thin. The thick and thin, but also the amount of communication and conversation. That's.
A
That's required.
B
Yeah, that's required. If you're not a good communicator. Baby, please don't give. Girl, please don't be in a relationship. Like, please go work on your communication skills. Being able to identify how you really like. Cause it's easy to be like, the other person's doing it. It's like, no, no. Actually, most of it is about you. Your partner is mostly a mirror for you. Like, what's going on with you. Stop blaming them. They're just here to trigger some shit that's really about you getting healed. Well, so if you're not into being. Getting healed and you just kind of want somebody to, like, cook your meal, like, marriage is. I don't think marriage is for you. I think you can just hire somebody to do that. But I think if you're getting married, it's because I want. There was a quote a long time ago, a relationship is where two people come to heal their childhood wound. It's like that, to me, is the business of marriage.
A
Two people come together.
B
Oh, that is cute. Right? Cause it's like, it's all of your shit from your environment that you grew up in. All of their shit.
A
It's not what you're bringing to a person.
B
Yeah, you're coming together to say, I love you and I see you and I'm here for you. But also, we're gonna press up against each other's buttons. And, like, this is a safe space to do that. And we're not always gonna get along. Sometimes we're gonna argue. But, like, I'm here and I love that inner child in you and you love this inner child in me. And let' and some of this is gonna be more. You're gonna have to heal some things more than I will. Or vice versa. There's gonna be. Sometimes we're both at 100, sometimes I'm at 20 and you're at, you know, 80. Like, being able to go with the ebbs and flows of it, I was not prepared for. I didn't know that that's really what marriage was. I thought it was.
A
You know, you get married hanging out with your best friend forever.
B
Yeah, it's love and bubbles all day. Cause, you know, I think. And this is media too, right? We always get to the happily ever after, but no one ever happens after that. It's like Cinderella made it to the ball. She meets her man, the shoe fits. And they're together. And I'm always like. But Cinderella was enslaved by her stepmom and her stepsisters after her dad died, and then suddenly went from being like, poor to like, wealthy. Like, mama has trauma that's gonna show up in this relationship with a prince who has had his ass cleaned since he was little.
A
Like, so Angela Lansbury showed up to your house and gave you some glass shoes, and you married the first N you met and everything's gonna be good.
B
Girl, please, please, please, get away with me. Get away with me.
A
Are you still happy? She's all about some I want my Cinderella stuff.
B
No, you don't.
A
Cinderella was 10 and married a 30 year.
B
Come on, Cinderella. Cinderella didn't know what she was. Cinderella didn't know what she was. No shit. She legit just wanted to leave the house. She just needed to get out the house. And this man was a way to get out the house.
A
And he was like, you fine. She was like, oh, thanks.
B
You know, and the shoe fit, love.
A
And then he went to everybody house in the kingdom.
B
He didn't even remember what you fit in.
A
And was like, hey, bitch, put the shoe on.
B
He didn't remember what you look like, love. Come on.
A
That's wild.
B
It's wild. And also your fairy godmother. Where. Come on. The trauma of that. This woman just showed up. Who is she? Where's she from?
A
And why it took you so long to get here, period.
B
You've seen the material. I've been up for the last.
A
I've been friends with mice for about five years, girl.
B
And you just showing up. All's happening, girl. Nah, nah, nah.
A
Everything in her life was a sad ass.
B
I'm just sorry I wouldn't get into a pumpkin so easily. You know what I'm saying? I wouldn't get into that pumpkin so easily.
A
That the man driving the pumpkin was a rat.
B
That was one of my best rats. That horse was a bird, baby.
A
That horse don't know how to horse. Just like that driver don't know how to drive it.
B
Come on. What are we doing? You try to set me up, and I will not be a victim.
A
I totally agree, though. You know, the girlies have to definitely consider how much communication has to go into a lifelong commitment, relationship, whatever that looks like. And I love the healing childhood thing because that could. It doesn't have to be dark. It could be like, oh, I'm not really a hugger. Yeah. But it's probably because nobody in your family was 1,000%.
B
And none of us get like, we are go. None of us get out of life unscathed. We are fully scathed.
A
Yes.
B
So you are coming to these relationships fully scathed. And those things have to be dealt with. They can't just sit and fester. If we're looking for compatibility, you're gonna be incompatible in some instances. But as you are with a person longer and longer if both of you are doing it right. Not right. Well, you're gonna evolve and grow and things are gonna change. And who you were 10 years ago is not who you are now and not who you'll be 10 years from now. And so both of us showing up to each evolution and making a decision, a choice to say, oh, yeah, I wanna continue. That's the other thing I'll say about marriage, which I didn't realize is not being afraid of divorce. Work, like, don't be afraid of it. Some people are staying in relationships where you're like, it doesn't work anymore, Love.
A
Can you imagine if God. Mm. You minded your business, paved your tithe. Yeah, Whatever offering. You got a divorce from someone you were not supposed to be with.
B
Yeah.
A
And you got up to them, Gates and Peter, and them was like, no, shouldn't have left him.
B
Shouldn't have left him. Love. What? What? How is that what?
A
But the girls really are, like, afraid of divorce. For that reason and many others.
B
Yes. Yes. And it's like, don't be afraid. It doesn't mean, like, it has to be the option. You can, again, block the exits as you work through things. But also, if you've worked through things and you've talked. Yes, exactly. And whatnot. Like, you commit to, like, we're gonna do the work, we're gonna get the Therapist. We're gonna read the books, we're gonna have the conversations, do the work. But if you do the work, and at the end of it, you're like, oh, this isn't working. I think it's actually more loving to put divorce on the table and end your relationship in a way that you might actually still be able to be friends or be in some relationship or community with each other, as opposed to staying past the time. And now we're res. And now all we doing is screaming at each other and yelling at each other. Cause we shouldn't be here. Love.
A
We stayed for the kids. The kids want you to divorce.
B
Because now the kids are growing up with y' all screaming and yelling and fussing and breaking shit like that.
A
And guess what their marriages will look like if they do get married?
B
The cycle the most. And honestly, again, the most loving thing you can do is break that cycle. It's like, oh, this relationship isn't working. It doesn't mean that you as a person don't work. Doesn't mean that's not a good father or a good mother or a good parent. It just might mean that us, romantically, we've run our course and how beautiful our life is long. You can.
A
And that's not a failure. Divorce is not a failure.
B
Say it again. It is not a failure. It is like you learn something. You're not starting from the beginning. To me, it's a failure if you robbed yourself of the opportunity to grow. If you stayed, your growth stopped. And then, yeah, then that's probably more of a failure. But if you were awake and aware enough and both of you were going, this doesn't work anymore. I love you, but this isn't. Or. I don't want this anymore. Baby, you won. It's gonna. Heartbreak is gonna happen.
A
Yeah.
B
With love comes heartbreak. My therapist always says that heartbreak is not avoidable. But it's like, what kind of heartbreak do you want? Do I want the heartbreak where there's. There's intentionality here, or do I want the heartbreak that comes from. I'm robbing myself of joy to stay in a relationship and to look like things are good? Optics is a cage.
A
Yes.
B
Optics is the motherfucking cage.
A
Free yourself.
B
Free yourself, please.
A
Fantasia said it.
B
She said it, okay? Heather Headley said it. If it comes back, it means so much more. Okay? If you love someone, you let them go. If it comes back, it means more. Come on. Which is the black girlies?
A
Come on. Last question I'm gonna ask you is something I'm asking all my guests, please. And it's, what are you trending? And that means if you could be responsible for a viral trend, a global viral trend, Anything.
B
Yes.
A
What would you trend? Okay.
B
It would be similar to what's happening where people are airing out their new. Their surgical work. I would.
A
Oh, they are.
B
They are. The girlies are airing out. They're like, I got this. This is done. This is what it is. This is the doctor who did it. And t. Thank you. Airing out your, like, your. Your dirty laundry. Like, I would trend. Like telling your quiet store, like, the quiet things that have happened to you.
A
The president first. Yes.
B
I mean, I think he. We already know.
A
Yeah, we already. I think we know.
B
Yeah. I would. I would start the trend of. Of airing, like, a safe space to, like, air out your dirty lawn. You know, like, to say the thing to free yourself, like, or. Or even. Even better than that, to ask the questions. Maybe that's what it is. Because I think that stupidity comes from not asking questions. People get their value from always being right or thinking that they know. And I really want to trend. I don't know.
A
Thank you.
B
I like, trend. I don't know. Like, how freeing is it to say, I don't know, because now you've set the stage to. To go find the answer. But the. I know. I know I'm right. That shit. Patriarchy. That's what that is.
A
A lady in a turban once sang, the man that knows something knows that he knows nothing at all. You don't know shit. I don't know shit.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A
Just here. I'm here.
B
This is my first time. Why would I know everything? This is my first and maybe it's my seventh time. Who knows? But, like, as far as I know as Brandon, this body. It's my first time as Brandon Carl Goodman. Why would I know everything?
A
I don't want to.
B
I don't.
A
I want to know what I can.
B
Absolutely. I want to explore, but I want to always stay curious. I want to always ask questions and
A
why people want to know the worst thing, they be like, oh, what's the Titanic look like today? Let's go look.
B
Watch that documentary, the Ocean Gate.
A
Girl.
B
What y' all doing down there? Respectfully, what are you doing down there?
A
Let's just jump into a can of Tahitian treat and go on a trip to the fucking Marionic Trench or whatever.
B
We don't. We don't need to know everything. You know what I'm saying?
A
I just want to know what's on the Epstein files. You bitches want to know, like, what's at the bottom of the Epstein Epstein.
B
And we already know what's on there, too. I just want y' all to say it so we can. Well, well, on that note.
A
On that black gay note. Brandon, thank you so much for being here, for having me. You are one of my absolute favorites.
B
You are one of my favorites. Wait, did I ever tell you that this is 10 years ago, maybe a little longer, but you and you were doing the Reed was having an anniversary, I think, at the SVA theater. Do you remember? Is it the SVA School of Visual Arts? And I remember walking by and seeing your name on that marquee, and I just remember being so inspired because it was like a black queer person on a marquee in, like, fucking New York City, and me at the beginning of my dreams and, like, trying to figure out what I wanted to do and being like, oh, like this. There's somebody doing it, doing that thing. And it was. You've been such an inspiration. And so I'm just so, like. It just means a lot to have had you on my show. Now to be sitting here is like,
A
thank you for that, by the way. Yeah, I'm very honored. Yeah.
B
You're incredible. So.
A
So are you.
B
Thank you.
A
Thank you for being here. We will be back in a moment. If I feel like it's.
Host: CAKE MEDIA
Guest: Brandon Kyle Goodman
Date: March 3, 2026
In this vibrant and hilarious episode of Furious Thoughts, host CAKE MEDIA welcomes actor, writer, and activist Brandon Kyle Goodman for a candid, deeply personal, and laugh-out-loud conversation. Blending pop culture critique, queer Black perspectives, and reflections on adulthood, the episode unpacks everything from the realities of bottoming to the truth behind fairy tales, and the healing power (and messiness) of authentic relationships. Goodman opens up about voice acting, marriage, vulnerability, and starting restorative conversations in the Black and LGBTQ+ communities. The tone is sharp, irreverent, and affirming—delightfully messy and profound.
[00:00] Tired of Bottoming:
[03:14] Owning Personal Space:
[05:05] Modern Dating App Complaints:
[06:14] Evolving Gender Roles & Perceptions:
[07:12] Pet Peeves - Hygiene:
[12:43] Nostalgia and Aging:
[29:47+] Messy Mondays: Goodman speaks on the motivation for his viral “Messy Mondays” series, addressing stigmatized topics and building radical honesty.
[36:31] Most Iconic Messy Story:
[37:50] Goodman reflects on 10 years of partnership:
[40:24] Cinderella as Trauma Metaphor:
[43:32] On Divorce:
[46:22] Memorable Quotes:
The episode balances laugh-out-loud irreverence with heartfelt wisdom. Brandon and the host laugh through taboos, affirm queer Black identity, and shine an honest light on love, relationships, and growing up. The candid banter, pop culture references, and iconic "messy" moments deliver both healing and hilarity—an electric example of radical honesty and community care.