BEST OF GL: Thanksgiving Day edition

Summary

Garage Logic – "Best Of GL: Thanksgiving Day Edition" Date: November 27, 2025 | Host: Gamut Podcast Network

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Episode Overview

This "Best of Garage Logic" Thanksgiving edition serves both nostalgia and humor, blending classic GL banter with cherished tales from the archives. Host Joe Soucheray ("The Mayor"), joined by Chris Reavers, Kenny Olson, John Height, and The Rookie, revisit memorable Thanksgiving stories—focusing on food heap-management competitions, family traditions, and pointed commentary on Minnesota culture and common sense. The episode is threaded with the show’s signature tongue-in-cheek tone, ribbing, and a deep affection for midwestern living.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Thanksgiving Food Traditions: Plate vs. Heap Management

• Vertical Heap Management: Joe humorously recalls his uncles Jimmy and Paul, notorious for their Thanksgiving "heap management"—not just piling food, but stacking it expertly in a gravity-defying mountain.
• Heap vs. Plate Management: The team analyzes the difference between careful plate management (think: professional waiters) and the wilder art of heaping, reserved for family-only, no-judgment holiday gatherings.
• The Ritual of Repeat Heaping: It's not just about the first massive plate—true champions like Jimmy and Paul excel by going back for seconds (and sometimes thirds), each time with full, impressive heaps.

"This is vertical heap management. When they’re walking, it’s a practiced, steady pace. What they’ve got is a top-heavy heap."
— Joe Soucheray (02:22)

"When you’re with a family in a family environment at an Easter, a Thanksgiving or a Christmas—it’s heap, it’s heapology and more than that, it has nothing to do with management. It’s heapology."
— Joe Soucheray (05:00)

• The Importance of the Nap: The traditional post-feast nap is analyzed as an integral part of the eating event, often coinciding with the time others are cleaning up.

"The nap is almost instantaneous with dinner and coincides with any kind of cleanup that has to be done."
— John Height (06:42)

2. Honest Self-Assessment: Who Are the Real Champions?

• A friendly debate emerges: Could Rookie compete with Uncle Jimmy and Paul? Consensus: youth and lack of repeat performance hold him back.
• "Repeat heaping" becomes the mark of a seasoned Thanksgiving eater, not just a one-off effort.

"You stand no chance. You’re too young. Your skills aren’t ready. You just haven’t done this enough."
— Joe Soucheray (08:47)

3. Classic GL News Roundtable – Stories and Satire

• Marathon Milestone: The crew briefly acknowledges a woman who’s run a marathon in every state, humorously noting her limited time for international marathoning. (12:08)
• AC/DC Monopoly Release: Discussion of band-themed Monopoly games, pausing to rib Angus Young’s schoolboy outfit. (12:50)
• Oddball News Highlights:
  • British soldier leaves friends money for Vegas party in his will (14:11)
  • Chinese man modifies Nissan into a "Lamborghini", promptly impounded (15:32)
  • Bizarre crime and animal news, delivered with rapid-fire quips and trademark irreverence

"But he still ended up with a Nissan, didn't he? It's still a Nissan." — Joe Soucheray (15:54)

4. Coyote Comedy: Urban Wildlife Policy Satire

• The group skewers news that St. Paul's animal control is proud that wild animals, specifically coyotes, now choose to live in the city.

"I think it speaks well of our city that wild animals choose to live here. It speaks to the care we've put into our environment that it's a welcoming place for a multitude of species."
— Quoting Molly Lunaris, St. Paul Animal Control (21:02)

• The team mocks the bureaucratic optimism, raising real concerns about safety (pets, children) and lampooning the idea of actively recruiting coyotes.

"She acts like there was a convention and the coyotes chose Minnesota over Omaha or Chicago."
— Joe Soucheray (22:39)

• Nostalgic reflection: When dogs roamed leash-free, they "kept wild animals out," tying broader societal changes (like stricter leash laws) to unintended consequences. (26:56)

5. Turkey of the Year Tradition

• Joe traces the storied history of the “Turkey of the Year” award, started in 1978, running through infamous recipients—Woody Hayes, Lou Holtz, Jesse Ventura, and more—as a testament to Minnesota sports and civic life.

"In 1978, Woody Hayes was the big winner that year, after he punched a player on the sidelines ... The year 2000, the year that changed everything in Minnesota—Governor Jesse Ventura..."
— Joe Soucheray (30:21)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Heap Management Masterclass:
  "It’s the whole thing, you know, back and forth and then while they’re done ... they might say, 'Is there one cold beer left?' Rookie's got a long way to go."
  — John Height (08:03)

• Midwestern Satire of City Policy:
  "She acts as though St. Paul has successfully recruited a new ethnicity to town. Because she said ... we're open to all species."
  — Joe Soucheray (26:29)

• Banter on Being a Good Cat Neighbor:
  "How’s your neighbor? He’s a pretty damn good cat neighbor. What does he rank out of 10?"
  — Chris Reavers & The Rookie (28:39)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Thanksgiving Food Heap Discussion: 02:22 – 09:32
• Marathon/Iron Women News: 12:08 – 12:34
• AC/DC Monopoly & Odd News: 12:50 – 15:32
• Pet Crimes & Hand Sanitizer Drinker: 16:37 – 18:52
• Coyote Controversy and City Policy Satire: 21:02 – 30:14
• Turkey of the Year Recap: 30:21 – 32:28

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Tone & Style

Peppered throughout is GL’s easy camaraderie, local references, skepticism for bureaucratic pronouncements, and a warm embrace of blue-collar Minnesota sensibilities. The episode is equal parts light-hearted roasting and nostalgic reflection, offering listeners a familiar, family-around-the-table experience.

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For the Garage Logic Uninitiated

This episode is a quintessential sampling of Garage Logic’s enduring appeal—a blend of tongue-in-cheek social commentary, community storytelling, humblebragging over food rituals, and a gentle poking at local institutions. Even if you're not from "Gumption County," the universalities of family, tradition, and municipal oddity make this a satisfying holiday listen.

Transcript

[A]

Mishke here joining the GL world to pitch my new podcast, which now comes out twice a week, Wednesdays and Fridays. The show features an extraordinary array of exotic circus performers, forgotten Hollywood starlets, reclusive Fortune 500 CEOs, professional taxidermists. Oh, wait a minute. That's a different promo. Where's the promo for GL ers? Here it is. Let's try this again. Mishke here pitching my new podcast. We're out of time. Could I do it again? What can 160 years of experience teach you about the future when it comes to protecting what matters? Pacific Life provides life insurance, retirement income and employee benefits for people and businesses building a more confident tomorrow. Strategies rooted in strength and backed by experience. Ask a financial professional how Pacific Life can help you today. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska. And in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

[B]

Hail the Flashlight King.

[A]

And now, from the mayor's office above the boathouse on the east shore of Spoon Lake, it's Garage Logic, with Chris Reavers manning technology corner, Kenny Olson from the crabby coffee shop, John Height in the newsroom, and of course, the Rookie. Here is your Flashlight King fireworks commissioner, and the keeper of common sense, your mayor, Joe Suchere.

[B]

Happy Thanksgiving, Jo. GL ers, it's Reivers here in the GL podcast studios and for the first time ever, we're having a Best of garagelogic on Thanksgiving and going through the archives of stuff. We haven't done a show on Thanksgiving in a long, long, long time. Normally the last day is always the day before Thanksgiving, which is a very festive show. And going back to the radio days, an extremely festive show because that's what inspired Rookie to tell Joe that he was checked out. Anyway, without any further ado, the one Thanksgiving related segment that I do enjoy thoroughly is one where Joe describes what Thanksgiving was like with his family growing up with his uncles. And I hope you enjoy the best of Garage Logic. Once again, everybody, happy Thanksgiving.

[A]

I got two uncles in a very serious. My uncle Jimmy and my uncle Paul would like to put. I would like to act in the role of your trainer. Okay. I'd like to put you in an eating concert against those two, because I have never seen plates piled as high as Uncle Jimmy and Uncle Paul can pile a plate. There is no. It's beyond plate management.

[C]

Not even plate management.

[A]

Beyond plate management. We're called heaping management. And. And I have never seen such total GW, you know, gross weight things, GW7 and. And a lot of Guys practice plate management. This is a vertical heap management. So it's like when they're walking. When they're walking, it's a very pro. A very. A practiced, steady pace. Because what they've got is top heavy heap. See? Plate management.

[C]

You start going.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Plus you have to be able to walk, you know, straight.

[A]

If they start to lean, it's over.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Whereas. Whereas plate management. You see, waiters practice plate management all the time. They have seven plates in their hands and they can spin around and go through a door. That's nothing. That's plate management. Heat management is to get the pile to a place without spilling anything. And that's an incredible thing to see. Now, I would like to put you up against Jimmy and Paul in an eating. In an eating event for which I would charge an admission. And you would have the big bib on and. And Jimmy and Paul have the bib on and go into an eating ritual with. And I'll. I'm gonna take you in this, by the way. And I've seen these two. And I'm taking you.

[C]

I'm intrigued.

[A]

I would take you because.

[C]

Well, I can put away a lot and I can pile up a lot. I.

[A]

Do you practice heat management?

[C]

Well, what I do here is you can't put. You can't put turkey. You know, when you load up on the turkey, you don't put it all on one side.

[A]

And again, I must stop. Stop right now. I again need to reassure the great patriotic citizens of Gumption county that when you talk about this, the gleam in your eye is real, the joy you have is real. This is something you're fond of. All right?

[C]

Now, there's no silly fun rookie hate.

[A]

This is not funny with you.

[C]

No, it's not. This is a legitimate deal where it comes Thanksgiving once a year.

[A]

Right.

[C]

As we all know.

[A]

So do you heap or plate management?

[D]

I heap.

[A]

You're a heap.

[C]

I didn't know I was a heaper. I'm glad you.

[A]

You're a heaper.

[C]

Flip, turn the light on for me because I thought it was just plate management for me. But you're right, it's not plate management.

[D]

Here's.

[A]

When you practice plate management, you practice plate management at a wedding or. Or at somebody's house. You don't really know that we have to be where you're kind of watching yourself. You're on your best behavior when you're with a family in a family environment at an Easter, a Thanksgiving or a Christmas. It's heap. It's heapology and more. Than that. It has nothing to do with management. It's heapology.

[C]

You're right.

[A]

So you'll heap tomorrow.

[C]

Oh, 100%.

[A]

Can you get it all on one plate? Are you a two plate heap?

[C]

I can.

[A]

I don't want you to talk to Collins right now. I want you to talk to me.

[C]

Is this Paul?

[A]

Which Paul?

[C]

Oh, oh, John. Hang on.

[A]

Which John?

[C]

Your brother John.

[A]

Just a minute, Johnny. Yeah, yeah, I would put him up against Paul and Jimmy.

[E]

Now see, you're missing a very critical factor here. What rookie might be able to go one on one with him once? Yeah, but Paul and Jimmy. Yeah. Are gonna go back maybe two or at least two, maybe three times.

[A]

That's a good, Johnny, that's a good point.

[E]

Going to be able to keep up with.

[A]

That's a good point. And each time there is no reduction in the heap, is there?

[E]

No, absolutely not in my league.

[C]

There.

[E]

Here's another critical factor. Yep. Jimmy and Paul, there's, there's, there's a fighting chance that throughout the afternoon they might have had a cocktail or two.

[A]

Right.

[E]

A few beers.

[C]

Right.

[E]

So I mean, and, and of course anything that would resemble an hors d'. Oeuvre. So I mean they come prepared.

[A]

Johnny, what role does the nap play?

[E]

The nap is almost instantaneous with dinner and it coincides with any kind of cleanup that has to be done.

[A]

That's exactly right. But you know, Johnny, you've saved me some money because I was going to go with my young man here. Oh, no, but he doesn't have repeat. He doesn't have repeat qualities.

[E]

Now that I feel sorry for you right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Because you really misread this situation. Yeah, but the other thing.

[C]

Yeah, you're right on. Because you know what?

[D]

I.

[C]

If I went back.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I'd grab a little bit of stuffing and a couple of slices.

[A]

Repeat heaping. Repeat heaping.

[C]

I'm out.

[E]

Dinner again.

[A]

Again, A complete.

[E]

Just. I'll have a couple slices of turkey.

[C]

No, this is another FM.

[A]

2 FM inside 30 minutes.

[C]

No.

[E]

Yeah, way out. You gotta go back to the nap for a minute.

[C]

Yeah, nap.

[E]

Because while everybody else is frenetically cleaning up and you know, stowing away pots that are used once a year.

[A]

Right.

[E]

These two are asleep, waking up in time to start drinking and ready for dessert. And that's another complete. It's not just a little piece of pie.

[C]

No.

[E]

No sliver of whipped cream.

[D]

No.

[A]

It's the whole deal, isn't it?

[E]

It's the whole thing, you know, back and forth and then while they're done. They might, you know, 9, 9:30. Everybody else is long gone. They might say, you know, is there one cold beer left? Rookie's got a long way to go.

[A]

Yeah, well, you really, you really did straighten me out on that. And it just shows a young guy like this what he needs to strive for, doesn't it?

[E]

He's got many years to prepare, many.

[A]

Many years of practice before he would achieve this kind of status. Because you're absolutely right. I had some of those, some of that dynamic had slipped my mind. But you're absolutely right.

[E]

Yep.

[A]

All right. All right. Yeah. So here's the deal. I'm not taking you. I'm out. I'm out of it. Because he pointed out, you stand no chance. You're too young. You don't have enough practice. Your skills aren't ready. You just haven't. You just haven't done this enough.

[C]

I have to agree. And I'm not even insulted. I, yeah, I couldn't go back for that. I, you know, I have a tough enough time going to FM. Two full meals right here at 2 and then 6 or 7:30 or whenever it is at the, at the other.

[A]

It just, I've seen these guys go two full heaps at the same dinner table and maybe three in their younger days. There were three full heaps.

[C]

Oh, man.

[A]

At the same dinner.

[D]

Couldn't do it.

[C]

So I bow to the champions.

[D]

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[F]

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[D]

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[F]

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[D]

Gloria Linares from Long island celebrating a remarkable feat. She's now run a marathon in every state.

[A]

Wow. Even Hawaii. And she's bragging about it. Even Alaska.

[D]

Well, that was the last one. She finished up the Mayor's marathon in Anchorage, Alaska this weekend. Four hours and 20 minutes. She ran her first marathon in New York City, 1978. The grandmother's next goal? Run a marathon on every continent.

[B]

Well, good luck. She doesn't have much time.

[D]

She's.

[B]

Well, that's not what I meant. There's a lot of.

[D]

A lot of places. She's a retired manicurist. You know how they make different Monopoly games now? You know you get the Beatles, not really New York Yankees. Monopoly?

[A]

Sure, if you say so.

[D]

The latest AC DC Monopoly.

[A]

What do you buy?

[D]

While the game will feature players buying, selling and trading AC DC albums and international concert locations, players will improve their properties with gold and platinum records. The players tokens that you choose to move around the board with Will include a cannon from the song for those about to rock, a bundle of dynamite from tnt, a dynomite, a bell on fire from, of course, Hell's Bells. Hell's Bells.

[A]

Who's a little fruitcake with the schoolboy outfit on?

[D]

Angus Young.

[A]

I don't know, but that singer is one of the fastest drivers on time. Top gears. Yeah, he did a nice. He did it. Yeah.

[D]

Speaking of Angus, one of the tokens will also be his schoolboy hat.

[A]

That's a little weird.

[D]

You've got a guy who.

[A]

What? He's got to be pushing 65 by now, right? He's still wearing the little short.

[D]

He looks it, too. When you see him facial.

[A]

Who is the singer? Something. Johnson.

[B]

Brian.

[A]

Brian Johnson. A British soldier killed by me and your Johnson. You and your Johnson.

[B]

You, your kids and your Johnson.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Not fast enough for that guy. Sorry.

[D]

A British soldier killed.

[A]

Is that a real ad? Yeah. All right.

[D]

Johnson.

[B]

Motorboats since 19.

[A]

Whatever it was, they didn't. Johnson Motors.

[C]

Sorry. I'll get it.

[D]

Right. Motorboat. British soldier killed by a Taliban bomb in Afghanistan. Left $161,500 in his will so his friends could go on vacation in Las Vegas. Royal Marine David Hart, who had taken out a $404,000 life insurance policy before he was deployed, stipulated a letter that in the event of his death, his friends and their partner should travel to Las Vegas for a massive party in his memory. In his letter, David said he had a great life, had no regrets. He wanted his friends to do something on him. And now, one year after his death, 32 friends flying to Vegas to honor his last wishes.

[E]

Your friends and your Johnson.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

That was within the time. Plus, it was Johnson, you know, with the friends.

[D]

It was a Chinese man who.

[E]

Johnson.

[A]

That's funny.

[D]

Chinese man.

[A]

The green one or the white one or one of the red ones. That'd be a white one by then.

[D]

Chinese man who transformed his.

[A]

Why do I answer him?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

I mean, I look at him like he's asking a serious question. Well, they made him in all sorts of different colors. That's all I'm saying. Little threes or big nines? Well, the greens were early 50s and the Reds were late 50s. And then they got to the whites.

[D]

Yep. A Chinese man who transformed his old Nissan car into a Lamborghini had it confiscated by police on its maiden voyage. Liu Yong Dong of Kunming in southwest China's Yunnan Province spent more than 10 grand on the transformation, but it was pulled over by police within minutes. Of taking the sports car for its first spin around the city streets.

[A]

But he still ended up with a Nissan, didn't he? It's still a Nissan.

[D]

A police spokesman said the car's not registered, shouldn't be driven on the road. It appears to have been rather roughly put together. We were concerned it wouldn't meet health and safety standards.

[A]

So it's like a redneck version, right? I'm seeing. I'm seeing lumber.

[D]

I saw the picture. It was all spray painted black. It looked like it was very odd looking.

[A]

Wow. What was his name?

[D]

His name was Liu Yong Dong.

[A]

All right.

[D]

The car.

[A]

Yes, sir. Long Dong.

[D]

The car is currently being held by local traffic officers who will decide whether or not to return it to Lu after a thorough inspection.

[B]

And if they do decide to keep, it'll be great firewood for the policeman's ball, Right.

[A]

For the fireworks. Right.

[D]

In Ohio, the Richland county dog warden is charged a Shelby Ohio man for having sexual relations with his three year old German shepherd. Mixed according to. According to officials. Peter Bauer.

[C]

That's 21 in dog years. Next story.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Yeah, I think you're right.

[B]

Kenny.

[A]

You good looking thing.

[C]

Put her up here.

[B]

Well, that means that he had to buy her a drink first.

[A]

How old was the dog?

[D]

Three.

[A]

Huh?

[D]

Three.

[A]

Three. That's 21. And you're right, rook. 21 in dog years.

[C]

That's what I always say.

[A]

Illegal dog. You ought to be sure. Such big ones.

[D]

A man who drank six realized.

[B]

Kenny just told you. You ought to be ashamed.

[A]

Yeah, no, I think it's pretty good. My dog jumped up on my lap and she started licking my pants.

[D]

A man who drank six bottles of alcohol based hand sanitizer.

[A]

Oh my God.

[D]

O treated in an Australian hospital for alcoholism, has sparked calls for the antibacterial gel to be better secured. The man will be okay.

[A]

It'd be nice if it was better flavored or.

[B]

Yeah, if you mixed it with something.

[D]

Doctors said in a letter published Sunday in the Medical Journal of Australia. They were stunned to discover the man had downed six 12.7 ounce bottles of hand sanitizer. He ended up with a blood alcohol concentration of 0.27. That's more than five times higher than the legal limit in Australia. What would you cut it with? Reavers?

[B]

Oh, I was just gonna say his colon was cleaner than anything though. Pristine.

[A]

You gotta have at least a lime or something to go with it, don't you?

[D]

Officials say the incident highlights the need for hospitals to bolt hand sanitizer bottles to walls. So they can only be refilled, never removed and never drunk. The man, by the way, will be okay. 400 skinny dippers stripped off and plunged into the sea at Rossilli beach in Wales to set a new world record. They braved the cold and tore off clothes shortly before 8 in the morning. Ran into the water shrieking the existing record. 250 naked bathers. They have submitted to gifts.

[A]

Where's this, John?

[D]

In Wales. In Wales, John, Yesterday morning. Yes.

[A]

A lot of nudity in the news over the weekend here in town, out in Portland. Puerto Rican.

[E]

The same thing in Cuban.

[A]

I mean, they all are very hot. I didn't understand. Neither did I. But I did. I wanted to know what it was.

[D]

A 31 year old Vernon, Connecticut man faces drug possession charges after he allegedly put an ad seeking marijuana on Craigslist.

[A]

Atta boy.

[D]

Police say members of the statewide narcotics task force took Michael Krebs into custody Thursday afternoon in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant after they contacted him and he allegedly went to pick up pot from them. The Hartford court reports Krebs was charged with possession of less than 4 ounces of marijuana, being held in lieu of $2,500 bond.

[A]

Boy, that's rough, huh? No contacts. You gotta run it, Joe. You ever been out on the east coast doing a road trip and you find yourself out of weed? What do you do that Craigslist?

[D]

Yeah. And the London auction house says a nickel plated revolver.

[B]

Wait a minute though, that's. That's another reason why the classified sections aren't working in the newspaper anymore, Joe.

[D]

Nickel plated revolver once belonging to Al Cap Capone. Expected to sell for up to $100,000. Christie's auction house said the six shot police positive gun goes up for auction Wednesday. Owned and used by Capone before his arrest on income tax eviction charges. Gun had then been passed on to Capone's older brother Ralph. Now being sold by a private collector.

[A]

I didn't know there was a Ralph Capone.

[D]

Yes, there were several. I actually got this from Jordy. He had another brother who was a law enforcement officer.

[A]

Really? What was his name? Birdie?

[D]

I don't remember. He changed his last name so it wouldn't be Capone, though.

[A]

All right. Was the gun used to kill anybody?

[D]

Well, not that we're aware of.

[C]

The least known Capone followed what mom was going to do and became a dentist.

[A]

That's right. Right. I read something this morning that I found hard to believe.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

It was reported in the pioneer press that St. Paul we've talked about this is seeing an increase in coyotes.

[D]

Oh, God.

[C]

You're gonna bring.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

I can't wait for this. Reavers. I have to go right off the bat. I can't even build up to this.

[B]

This might be an Alzheimer.

[A]

It is an Alzheimer. Coyotes encroaching in urban areas of the Twin Cities are likely there to stay, according to animal control experts. Molly Lunaris. Write that name down. Molly Lunaris. L U N aris Molly Uneris, the animal control supervisor in St. Paul, told Minnesota Public Radio that while the city doesn't necessarily track coyote sightings, they've been receiving more calls about the animals. Okay. The coyotes will likely stay in the area as the city works to clean its water and improve parks. Lunaris said, here's the quote that should hang in everyone's garage if you ever have any doubt about the trouble we're in. I think it speaks well of our city that wild animals choose to live here. It speaks to the care we've put into our environment, that it's a welcoming place for a multitude of species.

[C]

No.

[A]

Are you kidding me?

[C]

No. We don't want.

[A]

They eat your pet. Right.

[C]

They could harm your.

[A]

They eat your cat.

[C]

Yes. Harm your children on a playground if they're, you know, playing hide and seek in the trees.

[A]

What is this person? Z? He probably Azure.

[C]

I got some stuff on that later on.

[A]

What is this person gonna say the first time a two year old is wounded?

[C]

Molly's gonna have to eat those words because we're not far from that.

[A]

She acts like there was a convention and the coyotes, happy, they chose. You know, there was a. You could go to a table where there were representatives from Omaha, and you could go to a table where there was representatives from Chicago, the woods of Breezy Point. But they all came over to the Minnesota table and said, yeah, that sounds all right. We're gonna go there. And to this moron. She interprets this as diversity. Are you kidding me?

[B]

All are welcome here.

[C]

Yeah, this.

[A]

Their food source is doing really good right now. And one thing that I have learned over the years in my profession is coyotes will breed and have litters according to what their food source is.

[C]

Should we leave apples on the.

[A]

Minneapolis Animal Care and Control Director, Carolyn Harefield said she wouldn't be surprised to see an increase in coyotes to accompany the increase in bunnies. There aren't any bunnies left because the coyotes ate them.

[C]

Exactly. Next, the squirrels will be gone.

[A]

Their food source is doing really good right now. And one thing that I have learned over the years in my profession is coyote will breed and have litters according to what their food source is, Harefield said. So if the food source is really good in the community, they'll have more litters. These people are excited about this. The summer is the prime time for coyotes to have puppies, which may also explain the increase in sightings, said Scott Nolan, the Forest Lake area wildlife manager for the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources. There aren't any records of coyotes attacking humans in Minnesota. Nolan said arm waving or making loud noises will usually scare coyotes away. No, no.

[C]

If you do that, or if you do that Russian dance thing where you can, you know, jump down on your knees.

[A]

Well, but all that can happen here is that they will become more and more bold.

[C]

This is the next step. They're not cute.

[A]

And we have to pay. The taxpayers of St. Paul have to pay somebody named Molly. What did I say her name was? Molly Linares, who thinks that this speaks well of the city, as though there was a recruiting effort made to go around the country and advertise the pleasures of St. Paul so that coyotes would move here.

[B]

Hey, Gary, I've got a mission here. How do we get more coyotes?

[C]

We want to be coyote friendly.

[A]

Yeah. You got to sell them on the clean water and, you know, the parks.

[C]

We're improving our water to such an extent that they're. They're leaving the murky water because we're repairing.

[A]

What's water got to do with it?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Water has nothing to do with coyotes. Coyotes, they're not lake dwellers.

[B]

When I read the quote, I wanted so badly that it be satire.

[A]

These people are not capable of satire. Here. I got a note from Tim regarding this story. This proves how out of touch the bureaucrats are with the rest of us. St. Paul's Animal Control supervisor thinks having coyotes running around in the city is a good thing. And then he quotes her. No, it means that wild animals will go anywhere they can find food, even if it's that food is your cat or dog. It's sad that an animal control officer doesn't understand that this is a bad thing. It's truly mind boggling how isolated, how isolated is much of the public class from the rest of the turn. The rest of us isolated as much.

[C]

As can be this much.

[A]

Call her up. Reavers. I want to know if she has kids. St. Paul Animal Control supervisor Molly Lunaris.

[C]

He's probably out looking for coyotes right now.

[A]

You don't have to look very hard.

[C]

No, out the window.

[A]

Look out your window. Isn't that something. She acts as though St. Paul has successfully recruited a new ethnicity to town. Because she said, you know, we're open to all species.

[C]

No, we're not. I don't want a bunch of species running around.

[A]

Wolves are next. Bears. Not a doubt in my mind. And you know my theory. You know how this started?

[C]

Shark attacks?

[A]

No, this started when dogs had to go on leash.

[C]

Oh, the social. Yeah. Yeah. The antisocial dogs.

[A]

Analyze it logically. No one listening over the age of. Everyone listening who's over the age of 50 remembers when dogs roamed free. There was a couple of results from that. The dogs were much better behaved because they got to socialize, and so they were exhausted and would just soon sit in their front yard. But during the day, when they wandered around with all their buddies. You think animals dared come into the city limits? The dogs were a natural protection force.

[C]

I never even thought about that point.

[A]

Uh oh. What. What happened? What happened?

[C]

Is it getting worse? I'm sorry.

[A]

What happened?

[C]

I'm on their website.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To try to find her number.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can apparently request a brochure.

[C]

Adopt a coyote.

[B]

No, but one of them is, you know, say, be a responsible pet owner. One is be a good cat neighbor.

[D]

Oh, I'm.

[C]

Yeah. I'm not a Jose. Needs. Whatever. You don't know that I'm a good cat.

[B]

34.

[C]

You want to be a good cat neighbor? Brian, welcome back. What do you do? Do they give you tips on how to be a good cat neighbor? You got to stay this.

[A]

Get back to work.

[C]

You got to hang out.

[A]

Look, they're ugly.

[D]

It gets.

[A]

How's your neighbor? He's pretty Damn good cat.

[C]

Ner. What does he rank? What is he out of 10?

[D]

He's on 8.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Until that cat got eaten by a coyote.

[A]

I. I'm. Wow. I'm gon. I'm. I'm. Gobsmack Act. Let me read the quote again. I think it appeals. I think it speaks well of our city that wild animals choose to live here. It speaks to the care we've put into our environment that it's a welcoming place for a multitude of species. Lunaris said, I, like you, desperately wished that she was doing a bit. This is not a bit. This is who governs us. Unelected as she may be.

[C]

Making decisions.

[A]

Probably making 80, 90 grand a year.

[C]

How to be a good cat neighbor.

[A]

Animal control.

[C]

What does that mean?

[A]

I have no idea.

[C]

Cats don't even like other people. At least a dog will come up to the fence and go wagging Its tail saying, how you doing? You got any food?

[A]

When dogs were off leashes. And then what happens? Somebody stepped in some poop one day and said something. We must do something about this immediately. And then the dogs had to go on leashes. Now you'll never see a good dog anymore. They're all uptight. They've lost their social skills. They don't get to hang around with their buddies. They're a mess. They're just a mess.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Every time you see somebody walking a dog, you watch the dog and then the dog sees another dog, the two dogs go nuts.

[C]

Yeah, that never used to come back.

[A]

And never used to happen.

[C]

Turkey of the year started about 1978 when I was with the Pioneer Press. Woody Hayes had the inaugural vote and he was the big winner that year. After he punched a player on the sidelines. Was time for Woody to go. And he went out a hero at winning. In 1978, the Turkey of the Year. Winona's own Paul Gill go for athletic director in 1983. Lou Holtz in 85. Holtz, he right after he said he ain't going anywhere, promptly left for Notre Dame. He wins it in 85. Louis Nanny in 1988. Louie's never let me forget that remarkable Mike Lynn in 89. May he rest in peace. Also one of my favorites in 1993, Norm Green, when he picked up the North Stars and took them down to Texas, he was the 93 Turkey of the year. The year 2000, the year that changed everything in Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura. How about this one? Glenn Mason in 2003, followed by Red McCombs. Too football related. And then how about this? We switched over the wild for a little bit in 2008. My pick was Marion Gabric, a sniper for the wild that just wasn't making it. And then, of course, 2010, the return of Brett Favre and Zigmund Zygmun Wilf, my favorite antagonist. 2011. The list goes on and on. And a recurring 25 years of. Well, in 2014, it was 25 years of the Timberwolves who can't win a thing. The Grim Reaper picks it up in 2015. Gophers men's athletics last year. Who will be the Turkey of the Year? Well, you gotta read to find out. This is the troller, the king troller Royce. Check it out for this year's Turkey of the Year. How's that?

[B]

Well, I hope you've enjoyed a brief but best of Garage Logic here. Reavers in the GL Podcast studios and A special thanks to Matt Otto for the inspiration and the assistants. You've been a fine contributor to garagelogic over the years, so thank you very much for the help with assembling this best of garagelogic.