MISCHKE: Fill In The Blank (ep. 101)

Summary

Garage Logic: MISCHKE – Fill In The Blank (Episode 101, April 10, 2026)

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Episode Overview

In this episode, host Tom Mishke brings his unique blend of storytelling, humor, and listener interactions, weaving tales from life in "Garage Logic" with musings on odd holidays, personal anecdotes, and heartfelt conversations with callers. The show is a tapestry of springtime ruminations, whimsical banter about commemorative days, reflections on memory loss, and improvised musical moments. Key highlights include discussions on the absurdity of “National” days, tales from listeners like Navy submariner Nick Schultz, and a delightfully philosophical conversation with a precocious 12-year-old fan named Rosie.

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1. Opening Musings and Observations on National Days

(02:24 – 16:24)

Springtime Ramble and National Days

• Mishke kicks off the main segment with a musical, playful intro:

  “I said a hootie hootie hoo. I said a hooty hooty I said a bone chaka waka doom. Yo ding flipping...” (02:24)

• He riffs on the abundance of quirky national days and weeks in April—National Trombone Week, National Walking Day, Sourdough Bread Day, Hug a News Person Day, etc.—questioning their origins and legitimacy:

  “So tweed gets a day, but somehow the trombone gets a week? ...Who decided the trombone got a whole week?” (03:18)

• Mishke imagines the decision-making process behind declaring a whole week for the trombone and notes how fleeting our attention is for these random themes.

Notable Quote

“How often in your life have you thought about the trombone, People, let's go with seconds. ...the number of seconds for me was 11 over my lifetime.” – Mishke (04:26)

Reflection on Life and Holidays

• Delves into how anyone can make up a “National ___ Day,” and suggests “National Fill in the Blank Day” for universal coverage:

  “We ought to have that National Fill in the Blank Day. Wouldn't that cover everything?” (05:08)

• Recurring theme: Life as a series of blanks to be filled—“born, fill in the blank, death”—a refrain delivered with rhythmic humor.

“Walk on the Wild Side Day” Sketch

• Mishke invents a cheerful sketch about Chuck and Maureen’s attempts to “walk on the wild side” for the holiday—complete with fantasy outfits and tongue-in-cheek romantic tension:

  “Chuck’s little game, the wild side. He'd walk alone, she'd stay where it was tame. He wished to blur the lines ...She said, chuck, at the risk of causing another tiff, I don't fear a dang thing, you simply bore me stiff.” (13:41)

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2. Memory Care and Spinning the Listener Wheel

(16:24 – 19:06)

Memory Care Advertisement (Delivered with Empathy)

• Mishke transitions smoothly from sketch to genuine, empathetic reflections on dementia and Alzheimer’s:

  “We want our loved ones to be happy. Then they get dementia, or then they get Alzheimer's and we worry...Will there still be joy?” (16:24)

• Praises Wellshire memory care for creating vibrant, supportive environments for those struggling with memory loss.

“Let’s Spin the Big Wheel”

• The show's spontaneous, interactive spirit shines through as Mishke decides to “spin the listener list” and cold-call a listener.

  “Let's spin the big wheel. Let's find someone on that Listener list and call them up.” (18:09)

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3. Call with Nick Schultz: Submarine Adventures & Old Ties

(19:06 – 28:42)

An Arrest Unfolds Live

• Mishke calls Nick Schultz right after Nick’s roommate is arrested, leading to a striking, unscripted peek into Nick’s life:

  “You are catching me at a crazy time right now, Mishke.” (19:09) “Five minutes ago they arrested your roommate. And 20 minutes ago, what was going on?” (20:12)

Submarine Life & Reflections

• Nick, a submariner in the Navy stationed temporarily in Norfolk, Virginia, shares a bit of his soon-ending military story and his plans to leave the Navy (“most of that being terminal leave” (22:32)).
• Mishke and Nick reminisce about Nick’s childhood calls to the show, singing on air as a boy, and how ‘Garage Logic’ attracted audiences from kids to nonagenarians.

Notable Exchange

Mishke: “Do you keep a guitar in your place?”
Nick: “Now I do. This is the last thing I was expecting today.” (24:32)

• After a brief interruption (Nick is awaiting a call that turns out not to be his friend), Mishke jests about the dire fate awaiting Nick’s roommate, launching into darkly comic improvisation:

  “I live something of a double life. We can get into all of that later. ...If you could show at the hangin, I'd appreciate it...” (25:04 – 26:01)

Musical Moment

• Mishke asks Nick for “two bars of Take Me Home, Country Roads”—Nick delivers, recalling old show memories. (26:35 – 27:35)

Local Color

• The discussion pivots to the “most German city in the United States”—New Ulm, MN, and its “third largest copper statue,” Herman the German. (28:09 – 28:34)

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4. Call with Rosie: A Wholesome, Spirited Conversation

(32:37 – 55:28)

Meeting Rosie: Generational Fan

• Rosie, a 12-year-old listener, calls in, continuing the show’s tradition of intergenerational dialogue.

  “I just wanted to see how you're doing. And I just wanted to meet you.” – Rosie (32:46)

• Her fandom is family-rooted—her father listened as a kid and introduced her to Mishke’s CDs.

Musical and Spiritual Threads

• Rosie discusses possible futures: nun, mom, teacher. She loves music—Iron Maiden, classical, and hymns from choir.

  “Either a mom or a nun. So if I become a nun, Mishke, I don't know. I won't have any kids then.” (36:54) “Speaking of which, I'm gonna go to an Iron Maiden concert later this year.” (42:44)

• Random anecdote about Mishke’s sibling entering the seminary and leaving for love. Mishke reminisces about the mishmash of faiths among his listeners.

Notable Quotes

“You’re a hockey player? Mm, a hockey playing Iron Maiden. Lovin nun. The future is bright.” – Mishke (43:27)

“You know what the next line is? ‘I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.’ ...One of the weirder lines I ever stumbled upon when I was a kid.” – Mishke (44:13)

The “No Cussing” Rule

• Rosie and Mishke agree that music and colorful language can be fun, but—if she becomes a nun—no cussing (even if dropping a rock on your foot gives you special dispensation).

Old Mishke Songs and Toaster Mayhem

• Rosie recalls Mishke’s “Random Violence Man” song (live performance ensues) and references an old comedic bit about the Black & Decker SpaceMaker toaster blowing up (“had Armageddon written all over it” (50:47 – 53:09)).

Generations Meet at the State Fair

• Rosie asks if she can meet Mishke at the fair’s beer stand. He promises a stage appearance and a first beer (when she’s 21).

  “You jump on stage with me and deliver any part of an Iron Maiden song, and I'm buying you your first beer when you're 21.” (55:12)

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5. Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• “So tweed gets a day, but somehow the trombone gets a week? ...Who decided the trombone got a whole week?” – Mishke (03:18)
• “How often in your life have you thought about the trombone?...the number of seconds for me was 11 over my lifetime.” – Mishke (04:26)
• “We ought to have that National Fill in the Blank Day. Wouldn't that cover everything?” – Mishke (05:08)
• “Just how crazy is this time?” / “Well, my roommate just got arrested in front of me here.” – Mishke/Nick (19:13 – 19:15)
• “You are going to be a gift to the world. Those kind of eclectic musical tastes already have me wanting to highlight you as human being of the year.” – Mishke (43:12)
• “You jump on stage with me and deliver any part of an Iron Maiden song, and I'm buying you your first beer when you're 21.” – Mishke (55:12)

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6. Important Segments & Timestamps

• [02:24] — Main show intro, spring-themed musical riffing and musings
• [03:18 – 05:08] — Bit on trombone week and invention of arbitrary holidays
• [12:00 – 16:24] — Chuck & Maureen’s “walk on the wild side” sketch
• [16:24 – 19:06] — Reflections on memory care, “spin the big wheel” listener call intro
• [19:06 – 28:42] — Call with Nick Schultz: Navy life, moment of a roommate’s arrest, show reminiscence, song snippet, New Ulm trivia
• [32:37 – 55:28] — Call with Rosie: multi-generational listening, nun/mom aspirations, music and hockey, Iron Maiden, state fair plans, comic song & toaster explosion memory

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7. Overall Tone and Language

The episode is unmistakably playful, warm, and quirky, filled with quick-witted exchanges, gentle irreverence, and a comforting sense of community. Mishke maintains a conversational, almost vaudevillian flow, blending jokey asides with genuine affection for his callers and the memories they share.

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8. Summary for Listeners

If you missed the episode, you’ll get a distinct flavor of Garage Logic’s enduring charm: irreverent deconstruction of obscure holidays, heartfelt and humorous listener calls (including a live naval roommate arrest and a heartwarming generational torch-passing), musical interludes, and whimsical stories about toast-related carnage. Mishke’s rapport with listeners—regardless of age or background—remains the core magic of this long-running Minnesota favorite.

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End of Summary

Transcript

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[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

I said a hootie hootie hoo. I said a hooty hooty I said a bone chaka waka doom. Yo ding flipping what you call your whiz bang highfalutin hatty Adyoski. To each and every one of you out there, Mishke here with you. Coming to you from the old. Outpost here on the Bleak barren tarmac of University Avenue Spring is in the air with every sight and every sound Spring is in the air Everywhere you look around what is happening to you? Spring is in the air don't you feel it? I mean a boom taka boom A taka waka daka doobie wa my doom bang don ba ding gadaka doobie baba doon died don't pop a duty on it. Stop it. Just stop it. We just got done with National Trombone Week, people. I don't know if any of you out there play the trombone. It's hard to find people who play the trombone. And how the hell the trombone got an entire week is beyond me. I mean, I see a lot of days out there. You can open up the calendar and find such and such day all over the place. In April, for instance, you have National Walking Day, National Sourdough bread day, national $0.01 day. That's a day where we celebrate the penny. You ever get together with your friends and just celebrate the penny? Line up the shots and just go crazy over the penny. National Burrito Day is in April. National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day. National Find A Rainbow Day. National Tweed Day. So tweed gets a day, but somehow the trombone gets a week? I don't get it. Who decided the trombone got a whole week? The International Trombone association, way back in the 1970s. Yeah, in the early 70s, they decided there should be a National Trombone Week. You know why, don't you? What was going on in the early 70s? Well, I'll tell you what was going on. Pop music. And pop music didn't involve the trombone. No. No. It involved the electric guitar. It involved the drums and bass. Rock and roll was happening, that's what. Out in Laurel Canyon, they were getting excited about this whole folk rock movement. This softer rock. Your Crosby, Stills and Nash, your Joni Mitchell, your James Taylor. None of them wanted anything to do with the trombone. The International Trombone association was formed. They were panicking. Is this thing going to be played by anybody but little school kids forced to play it in the band? Someone said we should have National Trombone Day. And someone else said, that'll be forgotten in no time. We gotta have a week. An entire week. Oh, who the hell's gonna celebrate this for a week? Well, think about it. Who the hell's gonna celebrate it for a day? What's funny is, when I was reading about National Trombone Week this week in the article I read it said, feel free to celebrate it all month. Hey, thanks. Appreciate you giving me that permission. How often in your life have you Thought about the trombone, People, let's go with seconds. How many seconds in your life have you thought about the trombone? I spent a long time meditating on this question today, and I decided the number of seconds for me was 11 over my lifetime. If I add it all up, I've thought about the trombone for 11 seconds. That ain't nothing. Have you ever met anybody who said, I don't know. When I was a little kid, I just realized I was born to play the trombone. That's what I came to this earth for. I just realized I'm a trombone player, and I'm going to be the best damn trombone player there is out there. People are going to be interviewing me on radio stations, television stations. They'll want to know more about me and my incredible abilities on the trombone. Well, I'll tell you, I got pretty good at it, but no one ever wanted to talk to me about it. Not one person. I was never interviewed about the trombone. It was never brought up. People would ask if I play anything. I'd mention the trombone, and they'd say, hey, did you get a new haircut? What? Weren't we just talking about my trombone? Let's move on. In April, there's National Hug a News Person Day. Who the hell came up with that? National Hug a Newsperson Day. I actually researched how you get these days, and it was really sad. There are only a handful of truly official days. Very few an act of Congress is necessary. So all these days I'm naming are just days people came up with on their own. Turns out anyone can come up with any day for any reason. You just have to say National Fill in the Blank Day. Actually, we ought to have. We ought to have that National Fill in the Blank Day. Wouldn't that cover everything? Everybody's favorite pet project. Everybody's pet peeve. Everybody's pet could get a day if you just made it National Fill in the Blank Day. In the end, isn't that what life is? Born, fill in the blank death. Born fill in the blank death. Born fill in the blanket death. Born fill in the blanket death. Born filling the blank death. What'd you say there? Born, filling the blank death again. Born fill in the blanket death. One more time. Born, fill in the blank death. That's what life is. Born, fill in the blank death. In April, they also have National Walk on the Wild side Day. Who came up with that? Lou Reed National Walk on the Wild side Day? I think someone came up with it who was just worried that we were all becoming a little too Boring. All of us, we were just doing things we were supposed to. We were getting jobs and we were going to those jobs. And we were coming home and stopping by a grocery store to get some food. And then we were preparing dinner and watching television. Afterward, we would brush our teeth and go to bed. In the morning, we'd get up, shower and. And go back to work again. We were filling in the blank and someone said, They screamed, it's time for Walk on the Wild side Day. They thought of making it a week, like they did with the trombone. But who could really handle being on the wild side for an entire week, Especially with how wild one can go. No, they stuck with the day. National Walk on the Wild side Day. Every April, we get one of those. I think people feel like spring is in the air and it's time to, you know, walk on the wild side. Maureen, would you get in here a moment? Yes, Chuck? It's National Walk on the Wild side Day, and I'm feeling the need to honor the good people who have gone before me and have walked on the wild side at great risk to themselves. They were our pioneers, Maureen. And I want to slip outside the comfort zone today in honor of them, I want to walk on the wild side, at least for an afternoon. Just what exactly will that look like, Chuck? I'm mulling that over now, Maureen. I'm thinking I might dress up like a little furry bunny. Just a cute little furry bunny. Maybe pink and green. And visit that old biker bar on the east side. Ask if anyone wants to do the Tumbleweed dance with me. Boom boom, boom boom boom, boom boom Want to do the Tumbleweed dance? Wanna do the tumbleweedy dance with me? Boom boom Wanna do the Tumbleweed dance with me? Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Come on, do the tumbleweed dance with me. You ever try the Tumbleweed dance, Marine? I saw it on a YouTube video yesterday when I was researching things one can do if they want to walk on the wild side. That dance is not for the faint of heart, I'll tell you that. Nasty as the day is long, particularly in a bunny outfit at a biker bar. But if you're going to walk on the wild side, I say you go all out. Chuck, you're going to get yourself killed. I've been inside that biker bar. You have? Well, Maureen, you've apparently done some walking on the wild side yourself. What went on in there exactly? Was that the time that I found that corrugated aluminum bikini out by the garage which one of the fellows built that for you, Marine. More rivets in that than a DC10. As I recall. I went to that bar to make an Amazon delivery. That's when I was driving for Amazon. Get your mind out of the gutter. And what corrugated metal bikini? What are you talking about? What the hell has gotten into you? I've never seen this side of you, Maureen. I'm a balding, 57 year old insurance agent whose life has been as staid as an academic academic lecture. And it's time to stretch my wings and let my freak flag fly. I want to take a walk on the wild side, Marine. I want to honor this very special day. Marine, would you ever go mountain biking with me nude? I will not. Will you go to the thrift store with me? Yes, I'll do that. Will you wear this? My God, Chuck, what the hell is wrong with you? What is it? The color, Chuck. It's a scuba outfit. It's a wetsuit with scuba gear. And your point is? No. Marine would not play Chuck's little game, the wild side. He'd walk alone, she'd stay where it was tame. He wished to blur the lines, raise the bar, find the edge. She wanted to stay a hundred feet from any freaky ledge. So their love slowly faded. And then one day it died. And Chuck was left alone walking on the wild side. Singing, He shouted, baby, baby, why must you be so lame? Don't fear what is wild, fear what is tame. And she said, chuck, at the risk of causing another tiff, I don't fear a dang thing, you simply bore me stiff. And she sang, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo ba doo doo doo. I've been doing ads for Bradshaw and Bryant for a long time now. You know. How long? A dozen years. That's how long I've been talking about Bradshaw and Bryant for a dozen years. You'd think somewhere in there someone would have run me over with their car so that I could have gotten up, shaken myself off and said to him, well, you just made a big mistake, buster. Ha. I'm gonna make a quick phone call here. You hold on a moment. And I'd go to Minnesota, personal injury dot com. And I'd connect with the folks at Bradshaw and Bryant again. I'd turn and say, hold on now. Let's not make this a hit and run. You wait right there. I'm calling some guys I know. You wait right there. I'd call Brad. Sh. Brian. I'd say, it finally happened. A careless, callous, reckless SOB just ran me over. Ran me Right over. I mean, he drove right over me. You ever have a car drive over you? It's the damnedest thing. Anyway, I'm one hell of a mess. I mean, every bone in my body is broken at least once. I'm like a rag doll. And I'm happy. I'm blissful, knowing you're gonna come through and get me the compensation to make me whole. And I'm not gonna pay you sobs a nickel until you come through for me. Cause that's how it works. I can't believe I'm laughing in this much pain. Learn more at MinnesotaPersonal Injury.com

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[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

We want our loved ones to be happy. Then they get dementia, or then they get Alzheimer's and we worry. Oh, God, what will their life be like now? Will there still be joy? Will they be happy each day? Will they enjoy the smell of flowers, a song? A hug? Will they take pleasure in walking out of their room in the morning and seeing the world before them? They will, at the Wellshire of Bloomington and Medina. There they will, at this revolutionary place, this memory care center. They have figured out if you divide up a world into four different areas for the four stages of memory care and create a bastion of beauty. Ice cream parlors, cinema, live musicians, walking around gardens, balconies. If you celebrate life with a staff that knows how to deal with these ailments, dementia and Alzheimer's, you can create a wondrous world for your loved one. A wondrous world. The Wellshire Tour it. Anybody here want to make a call? Hey, don't all speak at once. I think it's time to spin. What'd you say? I think it's time to spin. What are you doing, Tom? I don't know. You having the hiccups or some of that? I think it's time to spin. I think something's going wrong with you. I'm worried about you. I know. I'm just telling you it's time to spin the big wheel. Oh, spin the big wheel?

[Nick Schultz]

Yeah.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Let's spin the big wheel. Let's find someone on that Listener list and call them up. Spin it, boy. What do we got? What do we got? New ulm nu ulm. Nick. Nick. Nick from new ulm. Not that nick. Nick schultz. Let's call him.

[Nick Schultz]

Oh, my goodness.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Nick Schultz.

[Nick Schultz]

You are catching me at a crazy time right now, Mishke.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Just how crazy is this time?

[Nick Schultz]

Well, my roommate just got arrested in front of me here.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

This is what we call a wonderful time to be making a call. I mean, we got some action going on. Tell me about it.

[Nick Schultz]

Oh, man.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Come on.

[Nick Schultz]

I'm kind of shook up about it right now.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Let me make sure that you weren't the reason he got arrested.

[Nick Schultz]

It wasn't me.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Let's start from the beginning. So you get this roommate. Are you down in New Ulm?

[Nick Schultz]

No, I am actually in Norfolk, Virginia right now.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Norfolk, Virginia, sounds like the United States military.

[Nick Schultz]

That's correct. That's correct, Tony. I've been in the Navy for the last six years.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Well, good for you. That sounds like a hell of an adventure. You would think now when you're in the brig.

[Nick Schultz]

I haven't been to the brig personally. This is. We'll just call it a bad situation with a woman.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

So how long ago did they arrest him?

[Nick Schultz]

Not five minutes ago.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Five minutes ago they arrested your roommate. And 20 minutes ago, what was going on?

[Nick Schultz]

We were just cleaning up the house, you know, deciding what we were gonna have for dinner, and all of a

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

sudden it said, knock, knock, knock at the front door.

[Nick Schultz]

Yes, they had a warrant out for his arrest.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

And did he know right away why, or did he say what? What could you possibly have on me?

[Nick Schultz]

We knew right away who got the warrant because she had called the police over to our house three times already to see if he was going to harm himself. She had the police check. Do a wellness check on him at our address.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

He didn't do anything illegal to her, did he?

[Nick Schultz]

Not that I know of. The warrant was for him brandishing a firearm. I mean, this is. This is my best buddy I've made since I've been here. Just seeing him get hauled off is tough.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Are you gonna come up with his bail or what's gonna go on there?

[Nick Schultz]

I guess he's probably gonna call me.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Does the man go about town with a weapon?

[Nick Schultz]

Sometimes. I mean, I know he would never. Well, I don't think he would have ever actually threatened anyone with it.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Between you and me, that's what Ron yeri said about O.J. simpson. Ron Yeri, former Minnesota Viking, played football with O.J. out in California and said, no way. No way. O.J. would never do that. What were the other reasons she sent cops over in the past, besides he might be harming himself?

[Nick Schultz]

No, that reason for all three of those times. I think she had nothing else to get the cops over here to bother him. But he was on duty yesterday. He wasn't even at the house.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Is this hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?

[Nick Schultz]

I guess he could say that. I don't know if he would want me sharing it on the. On the show, but I wish he was here right now.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

So do I. I'd like to call him in jail. Is that a small town?

[Nick Schultz]

No, not quite. Largest naval base in the world is up in Norfolk here. I'm actually attached to submarine.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Submarine guy. Boy, I used to hear 99% of those become alcoholic.

[Nick Schultz]

That's why I'm getting out. I have less than a month left in the Navy, most of that being terminal leave.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Oh, you are getting out.

[Nick Schultz]

I know. It's been so long since we talked. I don't think you ever knew I was in the Navy. But I decided that it might be exciting to try the submarine life.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

I should mention for folks who may go way back to the old days of radio that Nick here used to call the show when he was quite young. How old were you when you first started calling Nick?

[Nick Schultz]

10 or 11. I want to say 11. When I first called your show and

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Nick would call up from New Ulm and he would sing a song. He would sing a song on the air. One of the kids who I could occasionally get to sing.

[Nick Schultz]

That's right. I have to thank my dad for letting me listen to your show at, you know, 10, 11 years old.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

A lot of kids used to call me though, and they used to tell me that secretly under their covers, they listened on a little radio and when their parents would come in to check on them, they could turn it off real quick. Then when the parents left, they'd put it on again and be under the covers. A lot of kids called me and told me that some of them younger than you. There was a seven year old, his name was Luke.

[Nick Schultz]

I remember Scotty, I think as well.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Yeah, there were a lot of little kids and I always thought, boy, I hope their parents know what they're doing because I'm not doing this show with kids in mind. But they seemed to like it. I had, you know, people in their late 90s listening and I had the little ones listening and sometimes I thought they were on my wavelength, those 90 some year olds and those little Kids, they could speak the same language. And then in between, you'd hit an age where you'd say, what the hell is this? This is crap. And they'd turn it off. Do you keep a guitar in your place?

[Nick Schultz]

Now I do. This is the last thing I was expecting today. Hey.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

A sad old song after losing a roommate. That can be the elixir. If I had a nickel for every time a guy sat down after his pal was arrested or killed and afterward said, you know, if that's what it takes to sing that, well, so be it, because that's the best I've ever sounded.

[Nick Schultz]

Shoot, I'm getting another phone call.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Uh, oh.

[Nick Schultz]

Wonder if it's my buddy.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

You better check and I'll wait.

[Nick Schultz]

I'll get back to you.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Hi, Nick. That's not looking good for me. It's bigger than the weapon brandishing charge. She's added several other charges. Most of them are bogus, but one or two are actually legit. I haven't been completely straight with you, Nick. I live something of a double life. We can get into all of that later. For now, I just want to say you've been a good friend and if you could show at the hangin, I'd appreciate it. Get my last words to my mother, will you? I'll shout em out as loud as I can. They're gonna be allowing spectators at this one, which I thought was illegal in this country now. Anyway, it's this Saturday. It'll be easy to spot. You'll see the gallows. I'll be there. Just a swingin. A swingin what? Oh, you're back. How's your friend?

[Nick Schultz]

That actually was not my friend.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

I had him being hanged.

[Nick Schultz]

No, no, he's the last guy that would be hanged. Oh, I thought you meant hanging himself.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

No, no, no. Although maybe in the future when they're short on workers, they'll just talk the guys into doing it themselves. But I think they still have professional hangmen. I was saying he was going to be convicted and hanged. And it was going to be in one of these situations where the spectators were allowed to gather and he'd want you there to pass on his last words to his folks. Where do his folks live?

[Nick Schultz]

Los Angeles.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

I should have never left la, but my dreams got in my way. Now I have to stay on this gallows with my sin. My girlfriend did me in. Here comes the rope. Anybody out there have some dope? All right, you gotta give me just two bars of Take Me Home, Country Roads. Without the guitar. Just into the phone Just a couple bars. Because I remember you singing that one when you were a kid too.

[Nick Schultz]

John Denver, country road Take me home

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

to the place, Oh, West Virginia, mama

[Nick Schultz]

Take me home, country rose

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

well, Nick, I'm going to let you go. I've kept you long enough. I do think your roommate should be calling you shortly. It does take a while to process a guy. As someone who has been arrested myself, it is a process that goes on and on and on before the phone call comes, so don't worry about that. Plus, he's probably calling a lawyer first.

[Nick Schultz]

Yeah. Well, hopefully I can talk to you again soon and I'll let you know how it goes.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Give my best to your family for me. Are they still down in New Ulm?

[Nick Schultz]

They sure are.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Good old New Ulm, the town where if you're not German, get out.

[Nick Schultz]

I learned about a year ago that as of the 2020 Census, New Ulm is the most German city in the United States by heritage.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Now that's quite the claim. Boy, that puts a whole new patina on Herman the German. Is he still there?

[Nick Schultz]

Oh, yeah. Third largest copper statue in the United States. You better believe it.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Well, he's standing a little taller and a little prouder. Wow. You be well, keep me posted and a wonderful hanging with you.

[Nick Schultz]

Sounds great, Tommy.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Bye. Bye. People sometimes say to me, how can I remember MSP? I want to remember MSP because I want to call them and get that $49 furnace tune up. The winter made my furnace work pretty hard. And I want to end the season with a furnace tune up and qualify for that drawing where I could win a Weber grill from Fradaloni's Hardware. Well, all you got to do is remember Mississippi. I thought you said it was Minneapolis St. Paul plumbing, heating and air. I did, but I'm giving you another way to remember it. Mississippi. That beautiful river that separates both towns. And as for S. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. That's how you can remember the S. And as for the P, just think of the word phenomenologically. That's how you can remember msp so that you can look up their number, give them a ring and get your furnace tune up. Scheduled by April 17th. That's the only way you can qualify for this drawing. You need the $49 tune up. Anyway. This one's a no brainer, folks. Minneapolis St. Paul Plumbing, heating and air. Please, please, please tell them Mishke sent you.

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[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Hey, sailor boy. Nick Schultz. How about a song on the guitar for old times sake, Dedicated to your incarcerated roommate.

[Singer]

One evening as the sun went down the jungle fire was burning down the track came a hobo hiking and he said, boys, I'm not turning I'm headed for land that's far away beside the crystal fountain so come with me, we'll go and see the big candy mountain in the bigger rock candy mountains There's a land that's fair and bright where the handouts go on bushes and you sleep out every night the boxcars all are empty and the sun shines every day on the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings and the big ripe candy mouth in the big rock candy mountains all the jails are made of tin and you can walk right out again as soon as you are in There ain't no short handle shovels no axis size or picks oh, I'm a gonna stay where you sleep all day where they hung the jerk who invented work in the pink rat candy mountains oh, I see all this coming fall in the big rock candy mountains.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Hello, Rosie.

[Rosie]

Oh, hi, Misky.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Wow. To what do I owe this pleasure?

[Rosie]

I just wanted to see how you're doing. And I just wanted to meet you.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

That right there is what life's all about. I mean, that's it right there. I kind of want to meet you too.

[Rosie]

Yeah? I got a question. Do you know how you go to the state fair or how you've been at the state fair before?

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Yeah.

[Rosie]

Will you be at the beer stand? Could I meet you someday?

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

You absolutely can meet me someday. And of course, you've got the right general geography. There. The beer stand. I think they have the one there. At the fair, there's usually a fellow named Bob pouring the beers. I can think of nothing more pleasurable than a summer day with a beer. Sitting down at the state fair, visiting with Rosie. You know, you have my favorite name in the whole wide world.

[Rosie]

Really?

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Yep. That's my favorite name. I'm gonna take a guess. At your age, in keeping with the theme of the state fair, I'm going to take A guess at your age. Let me see your hands. What I have learned is the trick with those guys who guess ages at the fair. They look at the hands. They look at the hands? Yeah.

[Rosie]

I don't think you can see my hands through a cauliflower.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Oh, my God, you're right. What was I thinking? Of course I can't. That's gonna make it difficult because I pulled a guy aside one time at the fair and I said, what's your secret? You nail this quite often. How do you do it? He says you never look at the women's faces. Never. You look at their hands. The hands will give it away. Describe your hands for me, if you wouldn't mind.

[Rosie]

I don't know how to drive hands.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Are there any lines at all in the skin?

[Rosie]

Yeah, around three big lines.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Oh, three big lines. Well, you've got a deceptively young voice for a 62 year old.

[Rosie]

62.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

That's my guess. Am I close?

[Rosie]

No, 50 years off.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

You're only 12.

[Rosie]

Yeah.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Well, this is a real joy. I'll tell you. I've been at this podcast for about, well, a little over a year. In fact, the last show I did was my 100th program since arriving here at Hubbard Broadcasting. Anyway, in that time, it's been really, really hard to find so much as a female to talk to with these phone calls. But the idea of a 12 year old and you listen to this show?

[Rosie]

Once my dad introduced me, when I was just really, really little to the two CDs you have. Because when he was little, he used to listen to you on the radio. And so he introduced me to two CDs that he bought and I've been listening to him and I found out that you have this podcast and I thought I might as well listen.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Might as well. You could do worse. Let me tell you, there are some things you could listen to that would be way worse than this. I don't know if you've ever taken in the Sean Hannity show at all. One thing I want to say, though, it's fascinating to me that your dad was a little kid listening. And I've been at it long enough for him to grow up, have a little kid of his own. And now that little kid is listening.

[Rosie]

Yeah.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Do you think we could pull it off where your kid could potentially be a listener of mine? I know I gotta take care of myself. I mean, I'm working on it, I really am. But what would that involve? Let's say 10 years from now you were to find someone and you decided, what the heck? Want to have a kid? That kid would have to then grow up. So now I am. Oh, dear. I'd have to keep at it till close to 90, but it's possible. And then, of course, at 90, I'd have to entertain the little person. And that's a trick when you're really old.

[Rosie]

The only thing is, there's two options in my life that I see so far. Either a mom or a nun. So if I become a nun, Mishke, I don't know. I won't have any kids then.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

If you become a nun, I hope you become a regular caller. I used to have a regular caller who was a nun. Her name was Sister Eucharista. Lovely woman. And her counterpart was a priest by the name of Father Ricky Ricks. So I'd either get a call from Sister Eucharista or Father Ricky Ricks. And for the Protestant side, we had Undertaker Fred. Undertaker Fred went to Bible study regularly at Arby's. He'd go to Arby's for Bible study. And so he brought up the Protestant end of things. And then, of course, we had the Labavatures. On the Jewish end, we had the Hasidic Orthodox Jews. Lubavitchers loved to listen to the show. Don't ask me why. The most conservative sect of Judaism. And they. They dug me. They dug me. Oh, I remember we had Tashi from Tibet. He was Buddhist. He had escaped from Tibetan over the mountains in the winter with nothing but cloth for shoes. Cloth wrapping his feet. He had escaped because he was starving in Tibet. The Chinese were starving him because he was practicing his religion. He was having to live off the undigested morsels inside cow dung, I kid you not.

[Rosie]

Oh, wow.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

But he escaped over the mountains into Nepal and he was a listener. So there was the Buddhism end covered. And did we have a Hindu? I think we had a Baha' I Shintu. Yes, I think we had a Hindu. You might become a nun.

[Rosie]

Yeah. Definitely an option I've been looking at.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

During the time when my mom was having kids. This is what the Catholic Church told people like my mom. They said, if your son becomes a priest, it's an automatic ticket into heaven for you. So imagine a mother being told, you get one of your kids to be a priest, you have an automatic in at the pearly gates. That's what they would say. My grandmother had a pillow made that had lettering stitched in, saying she was going straight to heaven because my uncle was a priest and my mom was hoping for something along those lines. Now, she went and had six boys. You'd figure one of them would become a priest.

[Rosie]

Any of them?

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Well, one of them went into the seminary. One of them did. And he was looking at the priesthood and it was looking attractive. He saw a lot of opportunity for golf and that sort of thing. And lo and behold, he stumbled upon a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful woman one day, and that was all she wrote. What are you gonna do? I wonder what it's like in the convents. I know more about the monasteries. I hung out at a monastery quite a bit when I was a young GU down in Hastings, Nebraska. Crozier Monastery. Those guys had a blast. I saw the attraction. They had a lot of fun. But I don't know about the convent. I wonder what they do during their downtime.

[Rosie]

If I don't like convents, then I could be a teacher and I could be a sister.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

You could be a teacher. I had several nuns teach me. They were physically quite violent. I would hope you'd go a different direction.

[Rosie]

No, no, no, no, I wouldn't do that.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Because my fear is it was kind of fun for them. I can't believe it actually bothered them to do it because they looked like they enjoyed it too much. I think there is some fun in sort of taking a yardstick and whacking guys around. That's my guess. And if it is fun, I worry that you're going to want to do it.

[Rosie]

No, no. I'd rather be the teacher to give out candy.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

And what do you suppose you'd teach Rosie? Or should I say Sister Rosie?

[Rosie]

Religion.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Religion. Do you know any songs? I used to know a lot of songs when I was a kid. Songs about Jesus. We used to sing them. I think we used to swing on the swing after we got home from church. When I was a kid, my neighbors and I, we'd swing and we'd sing. Sons of God hear his holy word Gather round the table of the Lord Eat his body drink his blood Then we'll sing a song Song of love Hallelu, hallelu Hallelu hallelujah they would be out on the swing on a beautiful spring day after church. All the kids would be singing. Boy, did they have us roped in. Holy moly. Wow.

[Rosie]

I had choir practice earlier today and I really like I Am the Bread of Life. That's one of my favorites. I am the bread of life for beautiful Savior.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

My mother was in a guitar group, bunch of women, at least 10. And they hung out, practiced in our house and sang at church every Sunday at 10:30 Mass. And so I'd hear all those songs I remember. Peace is flowing like a river Flowing out to you and me Flowing out into the desert Setting all the captives free. I liked to listen to my mom and her friends sing.

[Rosie]

Yeah, I bet. Sounds like fun.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Yes, singing's great. Gets the blood going. Probably puts five, six, seven more years on your life. You must.

[Rosie]

I know you can really sing.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Well, I can't, but that doesn't stop me.

[Rosie]

No, you can.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Oh, well, that's very kind of you. What's your favorite song in the whole wide world these days? You've got to have one at 12. Everybody has a favorite song.

[Rosie]

There's a lot of genres I could go with. I could go with metal, like. Speaking of which, I'm gonna go to an Iron Maiden concert later this year.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

I am telling you right now, it does my heart an enormous amount of good to know we have a future nun into Iron Maiden. Yes. Yes. There's hope for this planet. So what would be another genre?

[Rosie]

Maybe classical. I like classical music.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Boy, you are going to be a gift to the world. Those kind of eclectic musical tastes already have me wanting to highlight you as human being of the year. Oh my God. What sports are you into?

[Rosie]

I play hockey.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

You're a hockey player? Mm, a hockey playing Iron Maiden. Lovin nun. The future is bright. So what other genres of music do you like?

[Rosie]

I like old stuff a lot.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

What's your favorite old song?

[Rosie]

Currently I really like Folsom Prison. That's a really good one. Kind of crunchy song.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

You like Folsom Prison Blues?

[Rosie]

Yep.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

An interesting verse in Folsom Prison Blues is, When I was just a baby, my mama told me, son, always be a good boy. Don't ever play with guns. And you know what the next line is?

[Rosie]

I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

One of the weirder lines I ever stumbled upon when I was a kid. I'd sit with that one for quite a while. I'd say, okay, wait a minute. The only reason you shot him was to watch him die? Because maybe it would have been good for you to just be a hospice volunteer somewhere. I mean, you could have watched people die all day.

[Rosie]

Well, that reminds me of a song you once sung. It was about a guy who just went around and shot people. You once sung a song like that? Random violence man.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Random violence man. I haven't thought of him in years. That goes back about 30 some years. Random violence man. Let's see if I can remember part of it. Well, I'm Random violence man Cause a little trouble now and I can no agenda, no plan Call me random violence man Sorry if the gun was aimed at you Nothing personal, it's just what I do Shaka daka daka daka daka daka Do I random violence mind I cause a little trouble now when I can I got no agenda or no plan to call me a random violence man Jiweedi boo bocce bang yeah, thanks for taking me down memory lane. I remember that. That very much. Is kind of like Shot a man in Reno just to watch him die when he hears the whistle blowing he hangs his head to cry because there are rich folks eating in a fancy dining car they're drinking coffee and smoking big cigars now he knows he had it coming and he knows he can't be free but those people keep moving and that's what's torturing our fella Yep. Folsom Prison Blues.

[Rosie]

I thought I have another song.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

What's that?

[Rosie]

American pie by Don McLean.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Do you know what that's about?

[Rosie]

When a guy died. A singer, Three of them.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Richie Valens, the Big Bopper and Buddy Holly. You know, you think about the times in life we've lost a musician or singer, performer here and there. You know, you lose a John Lennon on a certain day, or you lose a John Prine on a certain day. But then you imagine the news hitting that three go at once. And in such a shocking way so quickly. And the sadness of it just happening like that.

[Rosie]

So I hope I never hear one of my favorite singers are dead, you know? Who?

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Who?

[Nick Schultz]

You.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Well, I gotta tell you, honey, and you've gotta make peace with this. One day you are gonna hear that I died. That's just the way it works.

[Rosie]

Well, hopefully if I become a mom, you're at least 100, so then my kids can still know ya.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

But what if you become a nun?

[Rosie]

Then I'll sit around the campfire with my dad. By then I'll probably be able to be allowed to smoke, maybe have a beer and listen to the old CDs of Mishki.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Beer drinking smokin Folsom Prison Lovin's Iron Maiden Listening nun. Oh, boy. I'm going back to church. I think if you become a nun, you could run an orphanage. Imagine that. That way you could teach children, which you love to do. It sounds like teaching. And you could get the kids to listen to my show at night. You could sit around after teaching them all day, just before bed, they could sit around the fire. You could say, kids don't do what I'm doing. But I'm gonna have a smoke and a beer here. And hopefully there'd still be some mishki they could listen to. I'll try to make it to 90 and be there for them.

[Rosie]

Yeah. No swears in front of the kids.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Yeah, I'm not gonna swear in front of them. Absolutely not. Smoking and drinking is one thing, but no cussing. No cussing.

[Nick Schultz]

No.

[Rosie]

No.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Nope.

[Rosie]

Something I love is with older guys, I'll talk to them like I was at the high school hockey tournament. What I loved was I was talking to a guy and he actually sweared. And when people swear, there's some people who will say sorry or be like, oh, I shouldn't have done that. And I like to hear that.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

And that's always nice when they catch themselves. Yeah. When I was a kid, we had a next door neighbor named Earl. Earl was a truck driver. And Earl couldn't help himself, apparently. So he would cuss quite a bit around us. And my mother would always pull us aside and say, and I'm quite serious about this, she would say, you have to understand, kids. Earl is a truck driver. What she was trying to tell us is there are. There are certain professions that will attract a certain kind of person who simply won't be able to turn it on and off depending on who's around. And that we have to make peace with the fact that a truck driver is one of those professions where they're just gonna swear and you have to put up with it. Now, we wanted to say to mom, it's perfectly okay, Mom. We kind of like it. I mean, to tell you the truth, I kind of liked it. One time, Earl was using a post hole digger. And he was in his backyard, it was about a 90 degree August day. And he's working and working, and at one point he puts it down and he looks at me and he says, tommy, that's enough to make a preacher cuss. Well, that's a very colorful way to speak, Earl. I like hanging out with you. Enough to make a preacher cuss. I'm gonna remember that. So I loved Earl.

[Rosie]

Not enough to make me cuss if I'm a nun.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Well, you know what my brother said, and this is the one who was in the seminary. Every now and then, a cuss word is what's called for. And you'll find that out if you ever drop a big rock on your foot. The only thing that works sometimes in those instances is to cuss because it really, really hurts. And just like with Earl, there will be some older person who says that's okay. Truck drivers and people who drop rocks on their feet are given special dispensation.

[Rosie]

You know, you're a wise guy, Misgee.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Well, I appreciate that. That's very kind of you to say. I'll tell you, Rosie, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, okay?

[Rosie]

Okay.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

My wife's name is Rosie. Really? Yep.

[Rosie]

You gotta be kidding me.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Nope. She's a good old Irish gal. Rosie o'. Brien.

[Rosie]

Mishke. I thought they got blown up with the P1000 toaster.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

The black and Decker toaster?

[Rosie]

Yeah.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

You're bringing up another oldie. Holy smokes. That goes back to the mid-90s. Big news. The Consumer Product Safety Commission renewed efforts this week to advise consumers to stop using Black decker spacemaker Optima T1000 toasters. You hear that? No more Black and Decker SpaceMaker Optima T1000 toasters. Yeah. These things are dangerous. They want Black Decker to knock it off. So if you got a Black and Decker SpaceMaker Optima T1000 toaster, don't use it, people. Because it can blow up your home and leave a gaping crater in your neighborhood the size of a. The size of Poughkeepsie. You hear me? If you got a Black and Decker SpaceMaker Optima T1000, I want you to take it right now. I want you to pick it up by the cord. I want you to swing it around over your head like a flamin lasso and chuck it out a second story window so it can plunge to earth, landing with a mighty crash, never again to destroy another American family. People listening? Are you listening? How many have to die before you people settle for cold bread? And. And get rid of these death traps? I would have been suspect the moment anyone slapped a name like that on my toaster. What the hell kind of a name is that for a toaster? Sounds like the name of a frickin doomsday machine. Black and Decker, Grim Frickin Reaper, spacemaker Optima satanic T1000, millennium world splitter. Why'd you buy one of those? It had Armageddon written all over it. Get rid of it. Get rid of them now. Out the windows, off the rooftops, to the streets below, they go smash, crash, bash them up, mash them up before they. Before they're used to make any more toast. Black and Decker saying it isn't a big deal. They're saying, don't worry about it. They're saying, leave it plugged in. The toasters no great threat. Oh yeah? Oh yeah. You want to tell that to my wife and kids? Well, you can't because they're no longer with us, thanks to your little toaster. They just wanted to heat up a couple of frozen waffles, that's all. Was that too much to ask? Simple little God fearing, humble American citizens with hatred for no one and a love of life that was exceeded only by their love of waffles. Did they love waffles too much? Apparently they did, because that's what did them in. That and your godforsaken evil incarnate Black and Decker, Prince of darkness, space maker, casket maker, grave digging T1000 corpse machine. You want to tell me again how it's not that big of a deal? Is that what you want to tell me? Cuz it's pretty lonely at my house these days. You know what a lifetime of grieving coupled with zero toast and cold hard frozen waffles is like? Come and see me in the morning Round the break day. Wanna see me hug my pillow? Look out where my baby used to lay? Okay, well, all right. I had me a beautiful wife, three kids in their teens. They just wanted a waffle. Man, I feel God awful. They were blown to smithereens. Come and see me in the morning. Well, I'm gonna let you go. I've delighted in talking to you, Rosie, and I'm sure glad you let me know you wanted a visit. I still have your voicemail here, so. Most people have texted mentioning that they'd like to be on the callers list, but this is what I got from you here.

[Rosie]

Hey, Mishki, my name's Rosie. Could you call me sometime after school hours? I would love to talk to you. Big fan. Love your new podcast. Please call me sometime and. And it'd be a real pleasure to meet ya. Have a great day. Mishke.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Ain't no way in the world you're not getting a call after leaving a message like that. I may save that one for when you become a nun.

[Rosie]

Well, maybe sometime closer to the state fair. Maybe I can call you up and ask, hey, what dates are you gonna be at the state fair? Maybe I could see you at the beer stand.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

It's extraordinary that you're asking me this today. Cause I love today. What day? I'm gonna be at the state fair. I'm going to be doing a podcast from the stage at the State Fair on the 29th of August. It's a Saturday.

[Rosie]

Okay, I'll write that down.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

Maybe I'll get you up on stage to sing an Iron Maiden song.

[Rosie]

Well, then I'll have to memorize all the lyrics.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

You jump on stage with me and deliver any part of an Iron Maiden song, and I'm buying you your first beer when you're 21.

[Rosie]

Oh, that would be a pleasure, Rosie.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

I am so looking forward to meeting you.

[Rosie]

Me too, Mishki. God bless you.

[Mishke (Podcast Host)]

God bless you, too. So long.