MISCHKE: Give Me The News

Summary

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Garage Logic – MISCHKE: Give Me The News

Episode Date: March 27, 2026
Host: Tommy Mischke (with listener call-ins: Clark and Harris)
Podcast Network: Gamut Podcast Network

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Episode Overview

In this episode of "Garage Logic," Tommy Mischke delivers an eccentric, free-associative approach to the day's "news," blending real headlines with characteristically whimsical and philosophical asides. Mischke weaves stories of unlikely news items, reflections on mortality and common sense, and phone calls with listeners—all grounded in the show’s trademark Midwestern humor and appreciation for gumption and everyday absurdity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Redefining News: Unusual Headlines

(03:00 – 09:30)

• Mischke opens by questioning traditional definitions of news, preferring the offbeat over the sensational, exemplified by a bizarre headline:
  • Headline: "Quadruple Amputee Cornhole Player Fatally Shoots Man."
  • Mischke riffs on the improbable nature of the headline, humorously pondering what other unlikely "quadruple amputee" stories might rise to the top of the news cycle.
  • Quote: "He's a quadruple amputee. You put that in any headline in America, and I'm probably reading that story." (04:06)

2. Reflections on Mortality and Obituaries

(09:30 – 15:00)

• A second strange headline: "Cheerleading Mogul Dies in Pickleball Accident."

  • Mischke tells the story of Jeff Webb, an innovator in cheerleading who died unexpectedly, and muses on how the manner of one’s death becomes the last defining headline.
  • Quote: "I don't want at the end of my life to have the last headline about me say I died in a pickleball accident. If I could get out of this world without the headline 'Mischke dies in pickleball accident,' that would be swell." (12:05)

• Personal story about his grandfather's death, the reality versus the obituary, and the power of how family narrative shapes legacy.

  • Quote: "Spouses always get final say on obits, kid." (14:00)

• Philosophical aside on dying peacefully in sleep as the universal (but rare) human wish, and musings on the "cousinhood" of sleep and death, nodding to a Nas lyric: "I never sleep 'cause sleep is the cousin of death." (15:04)

3. The Figure of the “Funny Uncle” and Family Dynamics

(16:00 – 18:00)

• Mischke recalls a "Dear Abby" column about keeping children clothed around "funny uncles," unpacking the term’s historical euphemism and the oddities of family reputations.
• Through banter, he pokes at generational and familial suspicions, blending humor with critique of outdated stereotypes.

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4. The Psychology and History of the Rebel Yell

(17:30 – 25:03)

• In-depth, narrative-driven segment about the Confederate “rebel yell.”

  • Mischke recounts how the yell was used as psychological warfare in the Civil War, sharing original recordings and discussing its impact on Union soldiers.
  • Explores the cultural origins of the yell (Scots-Irish, Native American war whoops, fox hunts).
  • Memorable Narration Quote:
    "It was not a cheer. It was not a shout. It was something primal, a high-pitched, wavering scream that Union soldiers described as a peculiar corkscrew sensation that went up your spine." (22:12)

• Contrasts the chaos of the yell with the Roman habit of charging in silence—a meditation on discipline versus frenzy in warfare.

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5. The Soundtrack of Life (Music, Battle, and Peace)

(25:15 – 28:45)

• Mischke associates military bugles (reveille, taps) with personal memories of summer camp, exploring the evolution of battle music and how sound shapes emotion.
  • Tells the story behind "Taps" and briefly recites its bittersweet lyrics, reflecting on peace, loss, and the passage of time.

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Listener Calls Segment

A. Call with Clark

(35:00 – 54:15)

Quirky Banter and Philosophy

• Clark is randomly selected for a call, and their conversation ranges from the oddity of phone screening (and the weirdness of digital assistants) to patterns of human nature and finding calm.
• Mischke jokes about deep breathing, using an extended Hitler bit to mock self-help advice.

Names, Family, and Identity

• Discussion on the origins of Clark’s name, its meaning, and the arbitrariness of naming conventions.

  • "The name Clark originates from Old English, meaning a scholar, a scribe or a clergyman." (42:00)

• Reflects on common sense and how it is a product of early life conditioning.

  • Quote: "Common sense is the prejudices we acquire by the age of 18." (44:40, attributed to Einstein)

Clark’s Life: Work, Dogs, and Ecstasy (or Lack Thereof)

• Clark describes his work as a parts manager, hobbies (property up north, dogs named Olive, Otto, and Gizmo).
• Mischke gently interrogates Clark on whether he has ever felt true ecstasy or overwhelming joy—Clark struggles to recall any such moment.
• Mischke shares his own childhood story: Opening a pack of baseball cards and finding local heroes, marking it as "the happiest day of my life." (52:00)
• Ultimately, Clark admits that losing his virginity would likely be his most ecstatic memory.

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B. Call with Harris

(56:00 – 65:02)

Winter Crud, Work, and Family

• Mischke calls Harris, who shares stories from life as a window salesman—specifically, the realities of spending long days in a work truck and the (sometimes gross) “winter crud” that accumulates.

Life Journey and Resilience

• Harris shares an unexpectedly poignant personal story:

  • Grew up in New Jersey, moved to Minnesota after parents’ divorce, sent back alone as a teen to live by himself.
  • Discovered his stepfather’s infidelity using a clever (and heartbreaking) method: tying his skates to check for signs of actual hockey playing.
  • Hosted high school parties, eventually moved back, married, and built a life in Minnesota.

• Mischke underscores the resilience in Harris’s story while keeping a comic spin on the tragicomic family dynamics.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If I had a nickel for every quadruple amputee cornhole player I've stumbled upon in this crazy life of mine.” (05:50, Mischke)
• "Every large family seems to have at least one funny uncle. Funny uncle was apparently a term for uncles you want to keep away from the children." (16:38, Mischke)
• “The most terrifying weapon the Confederacy had was not something they could hold in their hands. It was something they made with their voices.” (24:00, Narrator)
• “Common sense is the prejudices we acquire by the age of 18.” (44:40, Mischke quoting Einstein)
• “When my dad died, they put my stepmother’s photo in the obituary instead of my father’s. Spouses always get final say on obits, kid.” (14:00, Mischke)
• [On Clark’s lack of ecstasy] “I am never going to get over the fact that we couldn't find a moment in your life of ecstasy. I feel like going back to childhood and finding Clark at 11 years old.” (51:12, Mischke)
• Harris’s story of uncovering his stepfather’s affair: “I went and tied his skates in a certain way that if he played hockey, I would have noted. And then I looked at the skates on Friday morning, and they were the way I tied them.” (62:00, Harris)

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Important Timestamps

| Segment | Topic | Start Time | |---------|-------|------------| | Unusual News Headlines | Quadruple Amputee Cornhole Player | 03:00 | | Mortality & Obituaries | Cheerleading mogul, dying in sleep | 09:30 | | The “Funny Uncle” | Family oddities | 16:00 | | Rebel Yell History | Psychological warfare & folklore | 17:30 | | Sound in War & Peace | Military music, Taps | 25:15 | | Call with Clark | Names, common sense | 35:00 | | Mischke’s Childhood Ecstasy | Baseball cards story | 52:00 | | Call with Harris | Winter crud & family saga | 56:00 |

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Episode Tone & Style

The episode is vintage Mischke—rambling, reflective, absurdist, and laced with dark humor and compassion. Mischke’s dialogue has a loose improvisational rhythm: he moves from surreal news to personal memories, then into philosophical musings all while keeping the listener off-balance and entertained. The listener calls add human warmth and humility, grounding the show in everyday reality, even as the host luxuriates in the strange and singular.

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Summary:
For fans of oddball news, philosophical tangents, and candid, sometimes bittersweet human stories, this episode is a classic slice of Garage Logic—where “the news” is a launching pad for reflection on life’s unpredictability, the strangeness of family, the limits of common sense, and the unusual joys (and woes) of Minnesota life.

Transcript

[Tommy]

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[Clark]

Ask your vet for Cornelia Quattro and

[Tommy]

visit quattrodog.com 10 rounds of golf for $99 Yep, the Minnesota Golf Passport is back and available now. Play at each of these great area courses. Elk River Golf Club, Bullrush, Chamonix, Purple Hawk, Golden Eagle, Legacy Golf, Birchwood Golf Course, Gopher Hills, Lake Pepin golf course and Mount Frontenac. Go to garagelogic.com keyword passport for your 26 Minnesota Golf Passport. I'm a newsman, and this here is the news. It's not the same news you would get elsewhere, but that doesn't change the fact that it's news. How do we define news in this world? Dog bites man. That's not news. Man bites dog. Now that's news. You see, using that definition, I'm a newsman, and my name's Mishki. In the world of news, they say if it bleeds, it leads. It's no different. Here I've got a headline for you. Quadruple Amputee Cornhole Player Fatally Shoots Man. That's a real headline from a serious media outlet in the United States. Quadruple Amputee Cornhole Player Fatally Shoots Man. Now, I'm not saying there's a band out there in need of a name, and I've got your name. But let's face it, I've got your name. You start in a band, you could do a lot worse than Quadruple Amputee Cornhole player. Anybody out there with a new garage band? Qacp. That's your band. Quadruple Amputee Cornhole player. He's a quadruple amputee. You put that in any headline in America, and I'm probably reading that story. Quadruple Amputee climbs Everest. I'm reading it. Just want to see how he did it. Quadruple amputee featured on The Bachelorette. The NFL's first quadruple amputee taken in the third round of this year's draft. Quadruple amputee enjoys kite flying. He enjoys both flying a kite and from time to time, being the kite being flown. No, I'm not going to do anything with this story beyond let you know that a quadruple amputee cornhole player fatally shot a man. The quadruple amputee wrestled with the gun first trying to get a hold of it. That took half the day. When he eventually successfully did manipulate the gun, he was able to aim it and fatally shoot a man while he played cornhole. If I had a nickel for every quadruple amputee cornhole player I've stumbled upon in this crazy life of mine. Did anybody out there happen to hear the mayor say today's been named quadruple amputee corn whole player day. As a newsman, I feel the need to get to more news. Here's another story with an interesting headline. Cheerleading mogul dies in pickleball accident. It's a real headline. First of all, there are cheerleading moguls. Didn't know that was a thing. Maybe it's not anymore. This might have been the only one in the world. And he's dead. Cheerleading Mogul dies in pickleball accident. His name's Jeff Webb, or was. He was born in Dallas, Texas, in the late 40s. Attended the university of Oklahoma, where he served as a yell leader for the school's cheer squad. This is from his obit, people. I'm not making this up. He served as a yell leader for the school's cheerleading squad. Yell Y E L L. He was the yell leader. I didn't know that was a position either. I thought cheerleading meant you got the pom poms and you did a little movement. Shook your money maker. You know what I'm saying? No. There's yelling, and someone's got to lead that. So. Jeff Webb did that at the University of Oklahoma. And he liked it so much that after he got out of college, instead of going to law school, he had planned to go to law school. He accepted an offer to work for the National Cheerleaders association, and that launched his whole business career. He was credited with modernizing cheerleading by making it more competitive and by introducing new uniform designs. He founded and served as the president of the International Cheerleading Union, the world governing body for the sport of Cheerleading. I didn't know all of this existed. I've been out of the cheerleading loop. It all started for Jeff Webb when someone said, jeff, we're going to need a yell leader. He was in college, getting stoned in his dorm, didn't know what to do with his day, ended up spending the afternoon as a yell leader. And here he dies late in life in a pickleball accident, a sport that doesn't even have cheerleaders. An ignominious end for Jeff Webb. I don't want at the end of my life to have the last headline about me say I died in a pickleball accident. If I could get out of this world without the headline mishki dies in pickleball accident. That would be swell. I think the key for me is to never play pickleball. So far, so good on that. I don't want to read how you can die playing pickleball. I feel badly for Jeff, mostly because of the headline, the death too. But the headline, that's the last headline we're going to get about Jeff. To me, it's like reading the headline man dies in charades fiasco. In my perfect world, we would all grow old and die in our sleep. There would be no interesting headlines about death. We would just all die in our sleep when we're old. Doesn't that sound so lovely? That could be the headline. Older fella passes away in the midst of lovely midwinter slumber. What a beautiful thing to read in the morning. Grab your cup of coffee, you read the news. Older fella passes away in midst of a lovely midwinter slumber. I read today in my research that only a small minority of people actually go to sleep at night when they're old and failed to wake up. And yet that is what the vast majority of older people long for. That exact type of death in surveys. That's what old people want. And so few get it. I remember when my grandpa died in his sleep. He was quite old. And I said to my dad afterward, well, that was kinda nice, pop, huh? What a sweet way to go. And my dad said, ordinarily I'd agree with you, son, but earlier in the day I had been working on your grandfather's furnace and I left a shut off valve open. Yeah, he died in his sleep, but he died in his sleep from carbon monoxide poisoning. I said to my dad, well, I'd leave that part out of the obit. Just mention that grandpa died in his sleep. My dad said, ordinarily I would do that, son. But his wife, my stepmother, is pretty pissed off right now and she plans to have that carbon monoxide thing front and center in the newspaper. Spouses always get final say on obits, kid. Well, she doesn't have to mention it was you, dad. Oh, she's not only mentioning me, son. She's putting my photo in the obituary instead of her husband's. Instead of my dad's. My photo is going to be there. Wow, dad. Yikes. Well, the important thing is that your dad died in his sleep. That's what matters. That's what really matters, son. Did I mention that I purposely left the shut off valve open to get even with my old man for the mistreatment I dealt with growing up? All those violent outbursts of his. God, Dad, I know that murder clouds the issue, but your father died as an old guy in his sleep. And that's what we have to keep emphasizing, I think. Well, I'm going to count on you to emphasize that, son. I'm going to need you to be the one, because I'm. I'm having to go now. The police are at the front door. Okay, dad. I'll. I'll tell the neighbors. It was a beautiful death. Just. Just a beautiful death. I'll try to get to him before your stepmom does. Have you guys heard the work of the rapper Nass n a S? He has a song with the line, I never sleep cuz sleep is the cousin of. Of death. That's a line in his song. I've never heard of that before. Sleep being referred to as the cousin of death. Who are Death's other relatives? Do we know if sleep is Death's cousin? Who's Death's dad? I know the quadruple amputee cornhole player fatally shot a guy who's Death's funny uncle. Do you think a persistent vegetative state. That's Death's funny uncle. Years and years ago when I was on the radio, I used to read Dear Abby regularly. We had a Dear Abby feature. And there was a letter one time that came into Dear Abbey where a family member was concerned, because at Thanksgiving they allowed one of the little kids to run around without clothes on. And they were writing Abby saying, you think that's wise to let a kid run around without clothes on, even if it's a little baby like that? And Abby said, you should always keep the clothes on the children at family gatherings because you never know if there's a funny uncle around. And she was inundated with letters, mostly from, well, uncles, uncles. Who didn't like the inference. I found it odd, and I said this back then on the radio, that she thought that was funny. Whatever these uncles were up to, why did she call them funny uncles? In another Dear Abbey column on another day, she said, every large family seems to have at least one funny uncle. Funny uncle was apparently a term for uncles. You want to keep away from the children. How does it come up in large families when there's some concern that there might be a funny uncle around? There's something funny about Rick. Not ha ha funny either. Just. Just kind of funny, you know? How do you suppose the deal is with Uncle Rick? I don't know, Tim. Well, look at him. Don't you think there's something. I don't know. Funny about him, Tim? What are you saying? He's not right? Not 100% right. Something's off. Tim, you stop that. Uncle Rick has Elephant man syndrome. He can't help that. It's been that way from birth. I'm not talking about his Elephant man syndrome. Well, what then, Tim? When he gets to drinking, he. Well, just look at him. What is he doing over there? You should have the young ones keep their distance. Well, Tim, the young ones keep their distance anyway. Cause Uncle Rick has Elephant man syndrome. Well, the kids shouldn't stay away for that reason. I mean, Uncle Rick can't help his appearance. I think Uncle Rick's appearance is badass, frankly. I just think there's something a little off about him. He might be this family's funny uncle. Every large family has one. Brad Shaw and Brian are personal injury attorneys. Now, the injury has to be personal. It can't be an injury you're experiencing for someone else. It has to be your own. I've taken on injuries for dozens of people, but that's a very different thing. A personal injury is an injury you have yourself. You. Something's happened to you due to the carelessness, the callousness, the recklessness of another. Did you have a slip and fall at some business? There's some injuries there you don't have to take lying down. Was there a defective product you dealt with? Don't just return it for your $15 back. Take them to court. It can mean quite a windfall. Yeah, there can be quite a few dollars heading in your direction. And with Bradshaw and Bryant, you're more likely to get them than with anyone else because they're the top personal injury attorneys in the state of Minnesota and everybody knows it. If you're injured, Bradshaw and Brian are superheroes. What you got to remember is Minnesota Personal injury dot com.

[Clark]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination

[Tommy]

for sports right now. The NBA is heating up. March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about. Get real time scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment. Minneapolis St. Paul plumbing, heating and Air has a name that shouldn't be that difficult to remember. There's Minneapolis and St. Paul. Those are the Twin Cities. And then there's the things they do. Plumbing, heating and air conditioning. What part of that could you possibly not understand? So MSP should be locked away in your noggin right now. You got that down? Msp. Now why you calling them? Because my dear pal runs the operation over there. And if you ever find a sweeter human being, you let me know because I don't believe they exist on this earth. And when you call msp, you mention my name, my pal will find out about it. It'll make him happy and he'll call me and he'll say, want to have a beer with me? Got a call guy mentioned you. And I'll say, if you're buying the beer, of course I'll get together with you and could you pick me up right now? They have a special at MSP. Get a $49 furnace tune up and you'll enter a drawing to win a brand new Weber grill from Fratelloni's Hardware. But you gotta get that $49 furnace tune up by the 17th of April. That's a small window, but that means there aren't that many people in this drawing. Take care of your furnace and enjoy grilling. All summer long, your furnace needs the tune up. Anyway. It's been working all winter long. Remember to tell em where you heard about em. MSP, Minneapolis St. Paul Plumbing, Heating and Air. I've been thinking about Jeff Webb, the cheerleading mogul. The one who died in the pickleball accident. Specifically, I've been thinking about how he served as a yell leader for the University of Oklahoma's cheerleading squad. Now, down south, yell leader used to mean something else. The yell they referred to was the rebel yell. And as I've been thinking about Jeff Webb, yell leader for the University of Oklahoma, I've been thinking about how Embarrassing it would have been for him to run into a yell leader for the Confederates. Now there was a yell that was a bit more consequential, that had a little bit more weight to it. The rebel yell was very different from your University of Oklahoma cheerleading squad. Yellow. For some odd reason in this life, I've spent a lot of time studying the rebel yell. It's a quirky little part of the Civil war to study, I'll grant you that. But maybe that made it all the more interesting to me. I would have liked to have introduced Jeff, Mr. Yell leader from Oklahoma, to one of these yell leaders in the Confederate army. That's your front man right there, calling for the yell, getting all the boys to go along and saying, follow me fellas, give em that crazy call. We're charging. What do you folks know about the rebel yell? It's not the kind of thing you want to see the kids doing at a modern sporting event. No, this. This yell is blood curdling. This yell was designed to scare the enemy into running before they fired a shot. The rebel yell was all about intimidation. It was an actual weapon of war, the rebel yell. That's why it intrigued me. Now, if you go to some Civil War reenactment, say you go to Gettysburg and you see these reenactors charging, delivering that rebel yell, you can get a sense of it. This is what it sounds like if you're at one of these events. Now, the Confederates used the yell when charging not just to intimidate the enemy, but also to boost their own morale. You gotta work yourself up to charge an enemy. Knowing this might be your last day on earth, knowing a bayonet might move right through your gut. That rebel yell kind of worked as a drug, but it was also a God awful thing to hear, according to the Union soldiers who talked about it. Because a lot of Civil War veterans lived a good long life into their 80s and 90s. We were able in the early part of the 20th century to record some of these old guys delivering that rebel yell so we would know just what it sounded like. Several recordings of Civil War veterans performing the yell exist. They deliver the yell both individually and as a group. And it was recorded. These guys are in their 80s and 90s. Gives me great pleasure in introducing our

[Clark]

esteemed superintendent to this audience.

[Tommy]

Who will lead the rebel Yale?

[Clark]

I will do the best I know

[Tommy]

how to get that air up for you.

[Clark]

We can't give you much, but we'll

[Tommy]

give you what we got left.

[Clark]

Ladies and gentlemen, I have the pleasure

[Tommy]

of announcing to you that we are going to make an effort to repeat the old rabbit yell. Why? Two, three. Charge them, boys.

[Clark]

Charge them now.

[Tommy]

Give you the individual, Eric.

[Narrator]

The sound grew into a wave. Thousands of voices shrieking, howling, a noise that made your spine crawl and your blood run cold. Entire regiments broke and fled without firing a shot. They were not running from bullets. They were running from a sound. The rebel yell. It was not a cheer. It was not a shout. It was something primal, a high pitched, wavering scream that Union soldiers described as a peculiar corkscrew sensation that went up your spine. One union veteran said, if you claim you heard it and weren't scared, that means you never heard it. Another said it was like the fiendish scream of enraged demons. For four years, Confederate soldiers charged into battle making this sound. And for four years, Union soldiers tried not to panic when they heard it. When we think about weapons of the civil war, we think about rifles and cannons. We think about ironclad ships and repeating rifles. We think about technology. But the most terrifying weapon the Confederacy had was not something they could hold in their hands. It was something they made with their voices. The rebel yell was psychological warfare. Before that term existed, it was designed to do two terrify the enemy and embolden the men making it. Union soldiers who faced Confederate charges wrote about the yell with a mixture of fear and awe. They described it as otherworldly, inhuman, the kind of sound that bypassed your rational mind and went straight to your fight or flight response. And when thousands of confederate soldiers made that sound at once as they charged across an open field with bayonets fixed, the effect was devastating. The Confederate rebel yell did not appear out of nowhere. It had roots, deep roots in the culture of the south. Many historians believe the yell came from multiple sources that merged together. First, there was the Scots Irish influence. Many confederate soldiers were descended from scots Irish immigrants. These were people whose ancestors had brought with them the highland war cry, the fierce shout that Scottish warriors made when charging into battle, a tradition that went back centuries. Second, there was the native American influence. Many southerners had fought alongside or against native American tribes. They had heard the war whoops, the sudden, shocking vocalizations that warriors used to intimidate enemies. Some Texas confederate units openly incorporated Comanche war cries into their version of the yellow. The 35th Battalion of Virginia cavalry was actually called Comanches because of how they sounded in battle. Third, there was the fox hunt. This one sounds strange, but it is well documented. Southern aristocrats loved fox hunting, and fox hunters had a distinctive call. They used to Signal each other and rally the hounds. A high pitched, WAVERING YIP Many Confederate officers were fox hunters. They knew that sound and they adapted it for battle. These three influences merged together into something new.

[Tommy]

It's fascinating to me, this idea of people yelling when they're charging in battle, making some sound as they come at the enemy. I remember talking to Korean War veterans years ago on my radio show, and they talked about how the North Koreans or the Chinese would make this awful sound as they charged, and particularly how eerie it was if it was a night charge, hearing this sound as the enemy came up the hill. That's why it's all the more fascinating to me to learn that while almost all cultures in battle used some kind of shouts or sounds or screams or calls or battle cries, the Romans, the Roman soldiers, and this is just absolutely wild. The Roman legions maintained strict silence. It was an actual tactic of the Romans. It was a tactic designed to display utter discipline and complete psychological strength in battle, telling the enemy how dedicated they were to their jobs, how professional a way to show a kind of psychological control versus that chaotic sound of the rebel yell. There's almost something even more eerie about the Romans coming at you in battle in silence. I was reading today about how ancient the notion of some kind of music was to a battle charge. Way back, of course, it would have been just drums. The original sound going into battle was drums. But over time, that evolved. Eventually there were horns. The ancient Chinese used horns. And of course, we know about bugle calls in more modern time. But sound of some sort seemed to always be part and parcel of battle, separate from the sound of the fighting itself. I think of that Robert Duvall character in Apocalypse now playing Wagner over the speakers going into battle. When I was in summer camp as a kid, we used to wake up to. To a bugle call, reveille. That would wake us up every day. We'd be in our tents. We had this setup at camp where we had these wooden floors, but a large tent over us, and there were about seven of us to a tent on cots. And we'd wake up to the sound of reveille as though we were in some kind of a military camp. I didn't like that. I didn't like being awakened to the sound of reveille. But strangely, I loved lying in bed at night and hearing taps. They would play taps at night when we were all supposed to turn off our flashlights and go to sleep. And lying in bed listening to the crickets, I used to love the sound of taps. Do you know where Taps came from originally in the Civil War, they would use a horn to make a very different sound, to alert everyone, to distinguish all flames and to go to sleep at night. They had a different sound that would be played on a horn. And there was a general somewhere in the Civil War, I think his last name was Butterfield, who thought that sound didn't fit with late night, didn't fit with the evening, didn't fit with the idea of bringing the soldiers down to a state of being ready to sleep. And so he worked on a new version and that's how we got Taps. This was the old version they used to play during the Civil War when it was time for everyone to go to sleep in an army camp. That song is called Extinguish Lights. That's what it's actually called. But imagine how much more beautiful it would be lying in the dark. Especially when you think of a kid at camp listening to the crickets, hearing this. What I had never known, and what I was surprised to recently learn, is that somebody wrote lyrics to that particular tune. Sometime after that new tune was written and had begun to be played for soldiers, someone added lyrics. Day is done gone the sun from the lake from the hills, from the sky all is well safely rest God is nigh thanks and praise for our days Neath the sun, neath the stars the sky as we go this we know God is nigh. I just picture me at camp when Taps is played at night. All of a sudden hearing some old guy just on the other side of the canvas singing softly in my ear, those lyrics. Who's that? What are you doing? Are there supposed to be lyrics to that song? I was good with Just the Crickets. I've been doing ads for American Pressure for quite a while, and I find myself just a bit curious. You people who deal with industrial pressure washers, where else would you possibly go for your pressure washer for repair when you need a service vehicle to come out to you for help setting up your pressure washer system, for training your people on how to work a pressure washing system? Where else would you go? And I'm serious about this. I'd like you to text me and tell me where on earth you would go. There's no one who's been around longer. American Pressure has been around as long as the pressure washer has been around. If you have a preference for family businesses, well, American Pressure is a family business. You want to stay away from some big old giant national chain, I get it. American Pressure is your ticket. Oh, I see. You're worried that you won't be able to reach anybody when you call. Just talk to a human being. They answer the phone there. And people call with problems all the time. Because in the pressure washing business, problems come up. And if in your industry you deal with pressure washers, you know that problems come up and you got to call someone, someone who's an expert. There's no one who knows more in America than the people at American Pressure. Use their expertise, utilize the fact that they answer their phone and that they're problem solvers. They've got all the bases covered, including over a thousand parts. That's why I'm always curious to hear who else would you people possibly go to? American Pressure of Robbinsdale. Hi, you're listening to Meditating with Jan from Toyota. Soften your focus and visualize yourself off roading in a Tacoma. Now engage your senses. What do you hear? A donkey?

[Clark]

Because you're driving the kids to a

[Tommy]

farm sanctuary in a Grand Highlander. Breathe in, breathe out. And go from dreaming it to driving it today. Dealer inventory may vary. See our participating Toyota dealer for details. Event ends March 31st. Toyota, let's go places. I want to talk to somebody. Want me somebody give me a body with a heart and brain. Gotta make a call and that is all. If I don't make a one now, I'm gonna go insane. Give me a phone. Tired of being alone. Let's make a call. We're gonna spin the big wheel or we're gonna throw the big dart. Alright, let's go a different direction entirely. Let's put all the names in a hat. Yes, that's what we'll do. We'll put all the names in a hat and I'll draw one out. Marty, shake it up. Okay, okay. Bring the hat over here. Alright, I'm reaching in. And who do we have?

[Clark]

Clark.

[Tommy]

Is that a real name? Clark? I don't believe I've ever met a Clark. Let's see if Clark's around.

[Clark]

Hi, I'm Call Assist by Google Recording this call for the person you're trying to reach before I try to connect you. Can I ask what you're calling about?

[Tommy]

The meaning of life.

[Clark]

Can I ask who I'm speaking to?

[Tommy]

Abelstain Spillhouse the Third.

[Clark]

Unfortunately, the person you're calling cannot take your call right now. Have a nice day.

[Tommy]

Screw you, camper. Danny, I'm not going to be treated that way.

[Clark]

This is Clark.

[Tommy]

I knew if I called back you'd answer. What kind of a bizarre screening program do you have going on at your end?

[Clark]

Well, you know, it says KSTP on my caller id, so I know if I have to answer it or not.

[Tommy]

Well, how come you didn't answer the first time?

[Clark]

The first time, I was on another call already, so I couldn't hop off a work call to take this one.

[Tommy]

I don't like the fella you have answering your phone for you.

[Clark]

No, he's kind of a jerk.

[Tommy]

He's a complete jerk. When I get done with him, I want to hurt somebody badly.

[Clark]

Me, too.

[Tommy]

What is that about the human condition where when we're hurt, we want to hurt back?

[Clark]

Well, because nobody can be happier than you are sad. So if you're miserable, you just don't want to see somebody happy, so you have to drag them down to your level.

[Tommy]

Who created us in that pathetic way? Who created these twisted machines? I don't find them remotely impressive.

[Clark]

No, it's the twisted world we live in, and. And unfortunately, it's thousands of years of anger and repression. Everybody should just learn to take a deep breath and relax, and it'll be okay.

[Tommy]

I don't think that'll do it. Hitler used to take deep breaths. What did that get us?

[Clark]

Well, I don't know how deep a breath he was really taking.

[Tommy]

I wonder if you really could have sat him down and gotten him to take one deep breath and then find his thinking changing dramatically. Holy cow, that breath changes everything. I love Jews. Wait, Hitler's taking another breath. Hold on. I'm Jewish. Wait, what? Make him take one more breath. Kill the gentiles. No, he should have stopped at two breaths. Damn it. The hell?

[Clark]

Well, now, had he stopped at two breaths, would he have opted to take himself out and end the situation a lot sooner?

[Tommy]

No, because the first breath left him loving Jews. The second breath, he was a Jew, but then he took the third breath, and now the non Jews are going down. That's the problem with breaths. There's a certain number. Sure, it's okay, but diminishing returns. Ultimately, what do you find calms you the most? For me, frankly, and I'm not proud of this. It's a drink. I mean, I don't know if that's what booze is there for, but it works. You know, they say the great writers used to spend all day writing, and they'd get all worked up in their head, and it'd be really a stressful experience because writing is hard. And they'd be rewriting and editing and writing again, and then stuck writer's block, and eventually they'd finish their day, and they just needed a drink. And the only problem was, according to the experts, this isn't me talking. They didn't know to stop. The drink was the ticket. But a couple. That's it. And they just kept going. And you end up with these disasters like Fitzgerald and Hemingway. They had the right idea. They just kept going with it. Like Hitler. And the breaths. Let's see what happens if Hitler takes one more breath. Hang on, Adolf. One more will chance it. We're. We're spinning the roulette wheel here. I don't know what's gonna happen. Go ahead, take a fourth breath, Adolf. Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay, here he goes. He's not even Hitler anymore. Oh, my God. He's Mahatma Gandhi. It's four breaths. Four breaths. That was a ticket, Clark.

[Clark]

See? That's all it takes.

[Tommy]

Hey, Clark, where'd you get your name?

[Clark]

My mom gave it to me, but I don't know where she came up with it. My personal theory is a Superman was a big movie when I was born, so that could be where it came from.

[Tommy]

What year were you born?

[Clark]

76.

[Tommy]

He was big in 76?

[Clark]

I think so.

[Tommy]

I'm almost positive that was our bicentennial. You'd think she would have gone with a name of a Founding Father or something. Clark is a highly unusual name. What does it even mean?

[Clark]

I don't even know.

[Tommy]

You mean you've never once in your life said to your mother, why did you name me Clark? Nor have you ever once checked to see what Clark means?

[Clark]

Nope. I was the youngest of 10 kids, so there wasn't a lot of time to ask questions.

[Tommy]

The youngest of ten.

[Clark]

Good Lutheran family.

[Tommy]

You were not Lutheran?

[Clark]

Yes.

[Tommy]

What lutherans are having 10 kids? I thought they were okay with birth control.

[Clark]

Apparently, the ones that were very bored.

[Tommy]

Maybe Lutherans just really like sex. Did you ever ask your mom that? Mom, did you just really like sex? That would have been a fun one at the Thanksgiving dinner table. Hey, everyone. I don't know if you've noticed how many kids my mom has got to get something out of the way here. Everybody shut up. Mom, what was the deal with you and sex?

[Clark]

I never asked her that, but if I asked her that, she would have answered.

[Tommy]

Really? She's no longer with us, is she?

[Clark]

No, she's in a little oak box.

[Tommy]

She's in the box?

[Clark]

Yeah.

[Tommy]

I always wanted to put one of my relatives in a box, but have it be the kind where you can crank the thing on the side. You know what I'm saying. And after a few seconds, they pop up. The name Clark originates from Old English meaning a scholar, a scribe or a clergyman. It was an occupational title, Clark. An occupational title for someone who could read and write, which was a rare skill in the Middle Ages.

[Clark]

Well, I can read and write, but I'm no scholar.

[Tommy]

You know where it comes from? The Latin word clericus, as in cleric, Clark, is just another way of calling you a cleric. You are Mahatma Gandhi, my friend, not Hitler. Take one more breath and maybe we can get you out of this mess. The fact that she saw a little baby, a cute little baby. I mean, I assume you looked like most babies when you came out. Every baby that's white looks like Winston Churchill. Are you white?

[Clark]

I am indeed.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Every baby who comes out Caucasian looks like Edward G. Robinson or Winston Churchill. Some look like Ned Beatty. That's always unfortunate. Only because it doesn't bode well for how things will unfold during camping trips.

[Clark]

I know I ain't part of that.

[Tommy]

No, but she looked down at you when you came out of the old birth canal and she said, look at that cute little kid. What cute little name am I going to come up with? I know, Clark. That's what throws me when parents go with names that make no sense. For a cute little baby, I mean, for an adult later, who has a law firm, I get it. But for a little baby. Why don't they name babies when they're born? Bloobly. Bloobly Ploppa. Look at. He's a blue ploppa. What are you saying? I don't know. I'm making noises. There's no formed body here, really. It's just a blob. We'll go with the globlanx. And then later they can get a name as they form more. But in the beginning, when they're these just blobs, you just should go with names like Blubly Ploppa. That's my theory. I'm big on names. Names are important. When they named you, they set the course of your life. And let me tell you, camper Danny, I don't know if anybody's ever told you this. You sound like a Clark.

[Clark]

I guess. I'm not sure what a clerk should sound like.

[Tommy]

Just like you. You have a no nonsense quality to your voice.

[Clark]

I am kind of no nonsense.

[Tommy]

You are. You're one of these guys who probably seven to eight times a month says common sense in a sentence a fair amount.

[Clark]

Yes.

[Tommy]

Yeah. See, I've got you nailed. And only because of what your mother named you. I can't know you from the short time we've been on the phone together. It's from your name. You know what Mr. Einstein said about common sense? He said, common sense is the prejudices we acquire by the age of 18.

[Clark]

That's pretty profound.

[Tommy]

Yeah. What he was saying basically is one man's common sense is not another's. We decide what a sensible thing is. But we decide based on our acquired prejudices over those 18 years. And then we try to extrapolate it to the population at large as though it should be common. As though everyone should think this way. But of course, there's an arrogance to that.

[Clark]

There's a lot of people that are very narrow minded in their scope. You should think their way and only their way.

[Tommy]

I liked it before there were highways. Because before then you never had the whole my way or the highway admonition. Nobody knew quite how to say, I want you to do it my way. They'd try to rhyme it with something and they couldn't. My way or the plow field. Damn it, that doesn't work. It's my way or the path over there. What do you do for a living?

[Clark]

I'm a parts manager at a car dealership.

[Tommy]

Clark the parts manager. No, nonsense, Clark the parts manager. What do you do for fun? Let me guess. You tinker in your garage.

[Clark]

I do that occasionally, yes.

[Tommy]

Also, you're a Civil War reenactor.

[Clark]

I am not. Good guess, though.

[Tommy]

What do you do?

[Clark]

Spend a lot of time up at our property up north and hanging out with the dogs.

[Tommy]

What are the names of your dogs?

[Clark]

Olive and Otto, which are a pair of German shorthair pointers. And then Gizmo is a shih tzu.

[Tommy]

I like saying the following. Gizmo's a shih tzu. I'll probably be saying that six or seven times the rest of today. Gizmo's a shih tzu. That feels unbelievably good to say. Gizmo's a shih tzu. I may say that at the coffee shop after work. Here, when I head to the coffee shop, I may say to the barista, here's your cash and Gizmo's a shih tzu. Pardon me? I said, gizmo's a shih tzu. You're gonna get that through your thick skull. Or you gonna get yourself another customer, lady, you got that? Did you say gizmo's a shih tzu? You heard me. What do you got planned for the summer?

[Clark]

A Lot of time spent at the property.

[Tommy]

The property. I don't like that reference. It makes it sound so cold. I'm up at the property. I'm picturing a horror film. What happens at the property? It's referenced throughout the film. The film is 2 hours and 40 minutes long. Finally, at the end, it's revealed and there's Clark wearing some sort of. I don't know what that outfit is. Is that a Zorkon Warrior thing or what do you got on there? But you're standing in the shadows of twilight and the property is a barren wasteland. There's not a tree to be found. It's just this acreage that goes on forever. There's nothing there. It's an arid wasteland. And then you open a little hatch and disappear below ground. There is where the property really gets interesting. The mole people are met for the first time. We, the viewers of this film, meet the mole people and we find out dogs aren't your only interest.

[Clark]

It's an exciting tale.

[Tommy]

I don't know if you've ever been excited in your life, Clark. Have you?

[Clark]

Not too often.

[Tommy]

What do you sound like when you're excited? I'd like to figure out what could excite you. When was the last time you were really just ecstatic? And I mean ecstatic full on.

[Clark]

I can't think of the last time.

[Tommy]

That sucks. This is life. You only get the one. I just need to hear that there was a moment in your life where you felt ecstasy. We're gonna have to go back a little further. How about if we move beyond the 10 year mark? Go back to your youth. Give me something, brother.

[Clark]

I just don't have anything that really made me super excited.

[Tommy]

Are you married?

[Clark]

No.

[Tommy]

Well, that removes a lot of nights of ecstasy right there. Have you taken drugs in your life?

[Clark]

No.

[Tommy]

I'm thinking one time. And again, we'll do it under supervision. We'll find a clinic one time. We'll make it safe. But I just want you to feel ecstasy before you die. Because God knows you've felt profound sadness, right?

[Clark]

Oh, absolutely.

[Tommy]

So look at that. You've hung out on that end of the spectrum. Meanwhile, there's this other end that hasn't even been visited. This will not stand. I will not allow this to stand. I need to find out what buttons need to be pushed. If you were putting together your dream day, I mean, your dream day on Earth, say next Thursday, was your last day, and because of that, the powers that be allowed you to create whatever kind of day you wanted to what would happen in that day?

[Clark]

That's a good question. I've never thought about it.

[Tommy]

I mean, I could come up with about two dozen things right now. Can you come up with one thing?

[Clark]

Not right off hand, I. Nothing. That would be a crowning jewel for my last day.

[Tommy]

How about jumping out of an airplane?

[Clark]

Well, it would certainly be the last

[Tommy]

day I thought it was. When I jumped out of an airplane, I was absolutely convinced. Not 99% sure, 100% sure. I had just signed my death warrant. I was gone. And I was so at peace. I was so at peace. And it shocked me. I thought when you're about to die, you feel terror. But I felt utter calm. And I knew I was going to die. Because every cell in your body tells you when you leap out of an airplane that what you've just done is killed yourself. The plane flies away and you're falling through the sky. And every cell has been taught that this is what people do who want to die. And you see the ground below and you're moving toward it and you are going to die and this extraordinary calm just comes over you. I'd even give you peace over ecstasy. If it was profound peace. It'd have to be big time peace, near death experience type peace. You don't have one of those in your life, do you? One of those moments where you were just in a state of serenity the likes of you didn't think was possible?

[Clark]

No.

[Tommy]

Well, I have appreciated visiting with you. I'm never going to, I don't think, get over the fact that we couldn't find a moment in your life of ecstasy. I feel like going back to childhood and finding Clark at 11 years old. Something's going on in the neighborhood and it's filling you with a bliss you didn't know was possible. I just wish I could find out what that was.

[Clark]

Probably something buried in there. I'm just not sure. I just can't think of it.

[Tommy]

One time when I was a kid, I was probably 10 years old, bought a pack of baseball cards at Jones's Market, Randolph Avenue in St. Paul. I was on my Stingray heading home. Got to the intersection of Pryor and Palace. I remember all this because this was an important day in my life. And I remember every moment. I remember how the light was hitting that day. I remember the sand in the street. I remember the way my tires sounded going over that sand in the street. And I opened that pack of cards at that intersection. I couldn't wait. I had one more block to get Home. But I couldn't wait to get home. I had to open the pack. Antonio Oliva and Harmon Killebrew were in that pack. That never happens. First of all, Minnesota kids never get twins in their baseball card packs. Kids in Florida get the Twins. Kids in San Francisco get the Twins. Kids in Minnesota get San Francisco cards. That's how they keep you buying the cards. They know what you're going for, what you're looking for, so they don't give them to you. Somehow this pack slipped into the delivery. And I got Tony Oliva and Harmon Killebrew in one pack of cards. And I looked as I put that gum from that pack in my mouth and I said out loud, this is the happiest day of my life. And I said it and it locked in my brain. So after that, all moments were measured against being on my Stingray on the corner of Prior and Palace. Opening that pack, if it could match or beat that, that was something. And of course, there have been moments since that have. But I have never, ever lost that feeling, that sense of that afternoon with those cards. So these are the kind of things that I would have taken from you if you had a moment from childhood like that where there was this ecstasy. But I'm not going to force you to find it. If it doesn't pop into your head, it doesn't pop into your head. I don't want to go down this road. But the day you were no longer a virgin must be up there somewhere.

[Clark]

Yeah, that would be.

[Tommy]

Oh, God, we got there. Thank God in heaven. Oh, boy, oh boy. That's all I wanted to do. I just wanted to get there. There's a day that might match my opening of that baseball card pack. Might. Well, Clark, I've enjoyed our conversation. Thanks for answering the phone. I know some people see that number and do the opposite. They run.

[Clark]

No, I was more than happy to take your call today.

[Tommy]

You have a great rest of your day and I hope to visit with you again someday down the line.

[Clark]

You as well, sir.

[Tommy]

Bye. Bye.

[Clark]

Bye.

[Tommy]

There's someone listening right now who has a grandparent dealing with Alzheimer's or dementia. Or they may have a parent dealing with it, or they may have a spouse dealing with it. Sooner or later you're going to want that person to be cared for by a professional. So you can go back to just being family, not full time caregiver. There's going to be a relief. The day you can go back to just providing the love and attention versus all that worry and care that just drains You. You see, at the well shire, they are so good at the care, they are so skilled at dealing with people at all stages of memory care that they allow families to just freely be the loving presence, to visit joyfully, to engage with them happily. It's exhausting being a caregiver. The most well appointed, most beautiful, most sophisticated memory care center in this region of the country is right in your backyard. The Wellshire, Bloomington and Medina.

[Clark]

This is Harris.

[Tommy]

Well, hello there, Harris.

[Clark]

Hey, it's Tommy. Sorry I missed your call. The other day. I was cleaning out my truck with all the winter crud.

[Tommy]

You used the winter crud to clean the truck?

[Clark]

It smelled pretty bad in there. I gotta tell you, what goes on

[Tommy]

in your truck, that it would have that odor.

[Clark]

You don't want to know. I'm a salesman all over the Twin Cities and you don't want to know what goes on in that truck.

[Tommy]

It's that ugly, that winter crud.

[Clark]

Like I just said, I don't know

[Tommy]

what the winter crud is.

[Clark]

Well, let's just say sometimes you got to grab a bottle, do what you got to do.

[Tommy]

Oh, no, no, no. Come on.

[Clark]

I am getting a little older.

[Tommy]

Tommy, there are diapers you could buy.

[Clark]

Good point.

[Tommy]

You mean as a salesman in the Twin Cities, you feel the need to use a bottle as a urinal?

[Clark]

I'm channeling my inner truck driver.

[Tommy]

How many bathrooms are you passing in a given day?

[Clark]

You know, sometimes you're on a conference

[Tommy]

call, you're not in the middle of a conference call, relieving yourself.

[Clark]

Honestly? Yes.

[Tommy]

Do you have bladder issues?

[Clark]

No, I hope I don't. I think it's just the age we're at.

[Tommy]

I have never even considered something like that. Number one, if you're driving around the Twin Cities, there's always a bathroom. That's number one. Number two, were there not a bathroom, there would be a rural setting of some kind where you could exit the vehicle. The idea that at the end of the winter you got to do a major cleaning from the quote unquote crud.

[Clark]

Yeah, got me there. So here's what happened. Driving Iowa. Remember the big windstorm a few weeks ago?

[Tommy]

Okay.

[Clark]

Got out of the car to do exactly what you just said, open the door to kind of hide myself. Well, the wind didn't help me and it blew everything back in the car.

[Tommy]

How long did it take you to clean that thing?

[Clark]

Long enough. Where I didn't answer your call. It was not good.

[Tommy]

You drive around the Twin Cities selling what exactly?

[Clark]

Windows.

[Tommy]

Windows?

[Clark]

Yeah. I work for One of the big major Minnesota companies.

[Tommy]

My guess is it has a Scandinavian name.

[Clark]

You are correct.

[Tommy]

How long you been doing this?

[Clark]

25 years.

[Tommy]

25 years as a window salesman. Are you burned out?

[Clark]

I just told my boss yesterday I'm retiring in a year.

[Tommy]

What do you do with your life outside of work? Relax, Urinate. Does your wife go in that truck?

[Clark]

She does go in that truck. Wife's an ERNer. 25 years.

[Tommy]

She's a what?

[Clark]

An ER nurse.

[Tommy]

ER nurse.

[Clark]

She's my rock.

[Tommy]

She's your rock? When you put your name on this listener call list, was there anything specifically that you thought you'd talk to me about when we visited, when you came

[Clark]

back on a podcast form, I couldn't stop smiling, Tommy. I really couldn't. I really enjoy listening to you. It was like going into a time machine.

[Tommy]

I get that. Even I sometimes, when I'm doing the show, ask myself if it's 1997.

[Clark]

I always say you'll always have an age in your mind, that you always are. Pick that age.

[Tommy]

Unfortunately for me, it's not even an adult age. I remember Don Shelby telling me one time that 19 was the age that he believed he was. I don't know that I even am a teenager.

[Clark]

I'm 25. And it's funny you say that, because when I ask women this question, this is a good, like, conversational question. Women always say older, Men always say a little bit younger. But for you, I think it's like 12.

[Tommy]

It's about 12 and 84. It's both of those ages. I don't have much in between, but it's a combination of 84 and 12.

[Clark]

I could see that.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Where do you hail from originally?

[Clark]

I'm a North New Jersey kid that met my wife in Minnesota. Never left.

[Tommy]

What were you doing in Minnesota?

[Clark]

Mom got divorced in the 80s, and she moved as far away as possible.

[Tommy]

It was that bad?

[Clark]

It was that bad. Then I actually went back to New Jersey, and I finished high school, and I lived by myself from sophomore year to senior year in a house by myself. So I have a little unique take on things. Tommy.

[Tommy]

So sophomore year, you've got your own place. You're living on your own and going to high school every day?

[Clark]

Yep. My stepdad lived across the street with his girlfriend.

[Tommy]

Who was your father?

[Clark]

He left when I was 2 years old.

[Tommy]

And your mom found another guy and married him?

[Clark]

My stepfather.

[Tommy]

And they're living together in New Jersey when she divorces him and heads to Minnesota?

[Clark]

Yep. Handle me and sends me back to New Jersey.

[Tommy]

She can't handle you as a child here in Minnesota. You're what age when she sends you back?

[Clark]

13.

[Tommy]

And she sends you back to live across the street from your stepfather, who is now with a new woman, the neighbor. Is this the reason they divorced?

[Clark]

Correct.

[Tommy]

So your stepfather, while he's married to your mother, has an affair with a neighbor.

[Clark]

And I caught them.

[Tommy]

You caught him how?

[Clark]

He would say that he was going to play hockey every Thursday night, and I went and tied his skates in a certain way that if he played hockey, I would have noted. And then I looked at the skates on Friday morning, and they were the way I tied them.

[Tommy]

Why were you suspicious?

[Clark]

I just had a feeling, Tommy. I looked at that knot and I said, oh, he is cheating. I didn't believe it until I saw the knot that I tied.

[Tommy]

And then you went to your mom with the information?

[Clark]

No, I was just heartbroken. She probably already knew, just confirmed it.

[Tommy]

So when she divorced him, I understand why she wanted to get as far away from New Jersey as possible. So she takes you out to Minnesota. How long did you last here before she couldn't take it anymore and sent you back?

[Clark]

Maybe about eight months.

[Tommy]

And you go back and you're able to live in the old family house?

[Clark]

By myself. My stepdad lived across the street with his girlfriend, and I lived in the house I grew up in by myself. The only time I saw him was in the morning. He'd come over, Tommy, to take a crap just because he didn't want to stink up her house.

[Tommy]

Hopefully once a year he visited to take care of the winter crud. Still drops by daily to crap in your house. Just as he crapped on your life.

[Clark]

Correct.

[Tommy]

Now, when you're living alone and heading to high school and you're a sophomore and then a junior and a senior, you must have had a hell of a lot of guys saying, can your house be the one where the party is this weekend?

[Clark]

You're right. And it was the party every weekend.

[Tommy]

You must have been the most popular kid in the school.

[Clark]

I think I was the most popular burnout.

[Tommy]

So after you get out of high school, do you head to Minnesota?

[Clark]

I do. Move back to moms, Meet a young girl from northeast Minneapolis, tell her the day I met her, I'm gonna marry her.

[Tommy]

You told her that on the day you met her?

[Clark]

I did.

[Tommy]

Why did you say that to her?

[Clark]

Because I knew that I was gonna marry her.

[Tommy]

Where'd you meet her?

[Clark]

Typical 80s story. Any guesses?

[Tommy]

Roller rink.

[Clark]

Oh, you're close the mall. Ah, you're right.

[Tommy]

So you met her at the mall. What was she doing?

[Clark]

He worked at a men's sportswear store. Men's clothing store.

[Tommy]

And you walked in shopping?

[Clark]

Yep. And she measured my inseam. And I said, I'm gonna marry you. But, Tommy, I appreciate that.

[Tommy]

Yeah. I'm glad I got a hold of you. How long you been on the old listener list?

[Clark]

Since the beginning.

[Tommy]

All right, I'll let you go, brother. Good talking to you, Tommy.

[Clark]

Call me anytime, okay?

[Tommy]

I will. You be well.

[Clark]

I gave you some good stuff.

[Tommy]

You did, sir.

[Clark]

Take care. Bye.

[Tommy]

Bye.