MISCHKE: JFK Nudity & 3 Organs

Summary

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Garage Logic (Gamut Podcast Network)

Episode: MISCHKE: JFK Nudity & 3 Organs

Date: February 14, 2026

Host: Tommy Mischke ("Mishke")

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Overview

This episode is a classic Mishke potpourri: equal parts deadpan absurdity and sincere curiosity. The show meanders from the bizarre marketing of “JFK’s soap” (and the scent that allegedly defined a presidency) to a heartfelt conversation with a man who survived a triple organ transplant, rounding things out with musings on nudity—both sociological and personal—with a self-proclaimed rural nudist. The tone oscillates from dry, offbeat humor to poignant human interest, all the while maintaining Mishke’s signature conversational style and off-the-cuff poetic reflections.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. JFK’s Secret Weapon: His Scent (02:14–11:02)

• Mishke riffs on an ad for "Jockey Club by Caswell-Massey" bar soap—marketed as the scent used by John F. Kennedy, with exaggerated claims that wearing it could capture presidential charisma.
• The conversation devolves into satire: What if you could buy Spartacus’s scent? Mishke invents a mock-soap called "Spartacus," promising a concoction of blood, sweat, and bravery, contrasting it with the privileged air of “JFK soap.”
• Wry character sketches play out between Ted and Gwen, lampooning marketing tactics and the cultural fascination with celebrity relics.

Notable Quote:

“America’s most charismatic leader had a secret weapon. His scent… I bought 32 bars of soap. Figured that’d get me through the rest of my life. I’ve got a secret weapon now just like JFK. Tommy smells like Johnny. Get out of his way.”
— Mishke as Ted (04:55)

Memorable bit:

“Smell like a man of the people. Smell like Spartacus. Wear a toga to the office with pride and your secretary will notice and growl in your general direction. It never fails. Spartacus, the new soap…” — Mishke as Ted (06:30)

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2. Triple Organ Transplant: A Listener Story (12:29–27:10)

Interview with Mike, who received a heart, double lung, and kidney transplant

• Mike shares being the 15th person to receive this combination at the Mayo Clinic:
  • Life before and after transplant, including ongoing support group participation
  • Organ donor anonymity and his attempts to contact the donor’s family
  • Survivor’s guilt, gratitude, and the psychological complexities of surviving when others do not
  • Mishke parallels with his own struggle with depression, reflecting on guilt, gratitude, and the randomness of fortune

Notable Quotes:

• On survivor’s guilt & gratitude:

  “Part of it is survivor’s guilt. I’m living and somebody… this guy had to die… And I’ve had very little problems, very little setbacks, but a lot of people I’ve met… have had a very difficult time. So it’s feeling bad about that.”
  — Mike (19:44)

• Mishke’s reflection:

  “You could be wracked with guilt over that. But then something happened to me. I got hit one day in my mid-30s with clinical depression… I wanted everybody else in the world as I sat in that backyard to have a wonderful day… when you’re having a good day, a really good day, would having a bad day help anybody out?”
  — Mishke (21:30)

• Medical gallows humor:

  “Between you, me, and the fence post doc, when you had the lung, the kidney and the heart all together, did you think about juggling them?”
  — Mishke (23:33)

• Heartkeeping memory:

  “A couple months after the surgery, my wife and I got to meet with another doctor… they had sliced the heart into three or four pieces, and the doctor put the heart together like a puzzle, and I got to hold it. I have a picture of me holding my heart.”
  — Mike (24:52)

Human connection & appreciation for Mayo Clinic:

• Mishke recounts once meeting George Harrison in the Mayo waiting room; the sense of “unexpected congregations” that happen in shared moments of vulnerability.

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3. Nudity, Taboo, and Personal Freedom: A Road Interview (33:20–48:13)

Segment opener:

A tongue-in-cheek mini-history of nudity (33:20), tracing clothes from warm-keeping necessity to class marker, then to social taboo.

Interview with Randy, Missouri’s aspiring nudist community founder

• Randy describes his journey:
  • Early comfort with nudity, evolving into deliberate home and solitary nude living
  • Emotional relief and sense of honesty associated with being nude
  • Societal taboos: connecting nudity with perversion or sexuality, especially acute in the Bible Belt region
  • The desire for a small, honest community—likening communal nudity to gathering with friends for a football game, “except we do it nude.”
  • Homebody nudists vs. public clubgoers; the spectrum of private comfort and public acceptance

Notable Quotes:

• The feeling of clothes:

  “My body feels like it’s suffocating. So to get nude… confined, not being able to breathe.”
  — Randy (36:49)

• On societal view:

  “Most people correspond nudity with pornography or nudity with sex… And it’s not about that. It’s just about people in everyday life doing what they feel is most comfortable.”
  — Randy (37:48)

• Community need:

  “Just the idea of being able to kick back and relax with somebody that actually believes in the same thing you do.”
  — Randy (40:54)

• On region and taboo:

  “You’re in the Bible Belt. That’s why a lot of people are not okay with the idea of announcing it to everybody. The fear of, oh, you’re gonna go to hell on a fruit basket.”
  — Randy (46:14)

Broader musings with Mishke

• Philosophizes about “degrees” of nudism, the illogic of strict clothing taboos, and wonders—if society is so against it, why does skinny dipping make so many people so happy?
• Accepts the idea that, for some, clothes are a shackle; for others, not.

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4. On the Road, Cows, and Companionship (30:34–57:49)

Two conversations:

• David from Northern Missouri: Prefers the isolation of rural life, finds comfort in animal company, especially cows. Mishke teases out the notion of “cow’s eyes” as a romantic compliment and delves into David’s experience living on the road.

• Cows and Poetic Solace: Mishke closes with a poem about a man and his cow—an ode to quiet companionship, finding peace beyond human complications.

Notable Quote:

“It’s nice to have the company. Makes the living less lonely. Just to look up now and then and see that old cow in my den… and say thanks, cow, and good night.” — Mishke (56:45)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• JFK Soap Satire:
  “America’s most charismatic leader had a secret weapon. His scent.”
  — Mishke as Ted (04:55)

• Survivor's Guilt after Major Transplant:
  “I’m living and somebody… this guy had to die.”
  — Mike (19:44)

• On clinical depression and perspective:
  “…if someone brought Hitler into the yard and said, you can give your illness to him, I wouldn’t give it to him because I wouldn’t want anybody to feel the way I was feeling… when you’re having a good day, a really good day, would having a bad day help anybody out?”
  — Mishke (21:30)

• The tangible heart moment:
  “I have a picture of me holding my heart.”
  — Mike (24:52)

• The nudist’s rationale:
  “Most people correspond nudity with pornography or… sex. And it’s not about that… people in everyday life doing what they feel is most comfortable.”
  — Randy (37:48)

• Living with cows instead of people:
  “I just prefer the company of cows and dogs to people.”
  — David (31:41)

• Mishke’s cow poem (excerpt):

  "It's nice to have the company. Makes the living less lonely. Just to look up now and then and see that old cow in my den…" — Mishke (56:45)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

| Time | Segment | |-----------|----------------------------------------------| | 02:14 | Mishke riffs on JFK’s soap ad | | 12:29 | Triple organ transplant interview, Mike | | 21:30 | Mishke’s reflection on guilt & depression | | 33:20 | Intro/history of nudity/parlance (Weatherby, MO) | | 35:47 | Interview with Randy, Missouri nudist | | 50:11 | Satirical take: reporter covering a nudist camp | | 53:57 | Rural life, cows, and companionship (David) | | 56:45 | Mishke’s poetic cow reflection |

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Tone & Style

The episode is woven with Mishke’s sardonic, quick-witted humor, but also marked by a distinctive empathy—interviews are deep and genuinely interested. The overall feel is “late night ramble meets public radio curiosity,” blending the surreal and the sincere in a uniquely Garage Logic fashion.

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Summary Takeaways

• Marketing can border on the absurd when it appeals to our longing for icon status or secret power, as lampooned by the JFK “secret weapon” soap riff.
• Real-life medical stories—tragedy, luck, and gratitude—are handled with a blend of humor and gravity, drawing out the complexity of survival, gratitude, and guilt.
• Nudity and taboo carry deep-seated cultural baggage, but for some, the need to be unclothed is fundamental—and connection with others is as important as personal comfort.
• Rural isolation and the comfort of animals emerge as valid counterpoints to human drama; sometimes a good cow is better company than most people.
• Mishke’s poetic sensibility brings a humanizing close: seeking solace in simplicity amid the world’s complications.

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Transcript

[A]

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[C]

Name's Mishki.

[E]

Hooty hooty hoot.

[C]

Give it to me I say the hootie hootie hoot boom chaka dupa boom. All right. Good to be with you people. Oh, boy. Yeah. You know what I saw today? I saw an ad I never thought I'd see in my life. It was for a bar of soap. It apparently was the soap JFK used to clean himself.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. It was the bar of soap John F. Kennedy used on his body. Yeah, they were selling it. I saw an ad. They wanted me to pay for it and buy it. I'm not joking. You can look this up this is the text of the ad. You can find it if you look it up. America's most charismatic. I can't even say this with a straight face. America's most charismatic leader had a secret weapon. His scent. Redefining presidential style. He captivated first ladies, movie stars and the American people wear his scent. Jockey Club by Caswell Massey. Now, in a bar soap. It's a wild world Hard to get by just upon a smile. America's most charismatic leader had a secret weapon. Did you know that, people? He had a secret weapon. His scent. And I don't mean the penny in his pocket. I mean the way he smelled. He redefined presidential style. He captivated first ladies, movie stars and the American people. Where his scent. Jockey Club by Caswell Massey. Whoa. I bought 32 bars of soap. Figured that'd get me through the rest of my life. I've got a secret weapon now just like jfk. Tommy smells like Johnny. Get out of his way. I've got a secret weapon. Soaked myself today. Now I smell like Johnny. Will my life end the same way? Gwen, what is it? Ted? I want to smell like jfk. Oh, Ted, I would imagine he smells just horrible these days. No, Gwen, I mean when he was alive. I want to smell like he smelled when he was alive. Well, Ted, who would ever know what he smelled like then? They know, Gwen. They have his soap. It was his secret weapon. They kept the soap he showered with. What kind of shape can that bar of soap be in right now? No, Gwen, they have his soap brand. Jockey Club by Caswell Massey. You see, Gwen, they say that JFK had a secret weapon, his scent. It says he captivated first ladies, movie stars and the American people. Well, I don't know what first ladies he would have captivated outside of Jackie. What are they saying? He captivated Mimi Eisenhower, Bess Truman. Do you want to captivate elderly women, Ted? And he captivated the American people. It says here, Gwen, how much of the public ever got to smell him? I don't know how many people in this country really smelled the man? My guess, Ted, is that a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a tiny fraction of a fraction of a per cent. Ever smelled John Kennedy and did one of those. Did a single one of those mention his soap? My guess would be no. Ted, who exactly is marketing to you? Jockey Club. Gwen, they say I can smell like Jack and I want to smell like Jack. I've never seen this side of you, Ted. Are there any other men you want to smell like? Yes. Spartacus I want to smell like Spartacus. Spartacus was a gladiator in a slave uprising a couple thousand years ago. I'm not sure we know what Spartacus smelled like. He smelled like victory, Gwen. He smelled like sweat and he smelled like the arena. And he smelled of blood and toil and bravery. Does jockey put that in a soap? No, they do not. So I'm going to. Gwen, I've just realized my purpose on this earth, my mission. I'm going to market a soap called Spartacus. He was the most famous of the Thracians. He rose up against his Roman captors, the leading men with his guts, his blood and his sweat. Smell like the blood, sweat and bravery of Spartacus. Bathe with the new soap from Ted Kreitzman, a Hudson, Wisconsin discount tire salesman who developed the scent of Spartacus in his garage by rolling around on a dirt floor with a sword and perspiring greatly, while occasionally cutting himself on discarded rusty nails. He wiped himself down with rags, sent the rags to a chemist in Cincinnati, where the chemicals were broken down and turned into a new soap called simply Spartacus. Some men want to smell like John Kennedy, but JFK was a privileged Harvard boy. Smell like a man of the people. Smell like Spartacus. Wear a toga to the office with pride and your secretary will notice and growl in your general direction. It never fails. Spartacus, the new soap from Ted Kreitzman, discount tire salesman. What do you think, Gwen? Gwen? Gwen, Gwen. Where the hell did you go? You know the last show I did, I didn't talk to a single listener. Went the whole show without talking to a listener. That has left me starving for human contact. Let's call DA People right after this. It's called a personal injury. It's your personal injury. It's yours. You get to have it. It's your private little injury. What are you going to do with that private little injury of yours? You say, I don't want to talk about it. It's personal. Yes, it is a personal injury. But there's an opportunity here to balance the scales of justice. Because that personal injury was the result of carelessness. More than that, recklessness. Someone really screwed up. And now you're injured, you're hurt. Yes, it's a personal injury. 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[A]

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[G]

Hello.

[C]

Hello, Mike.

[H]

Hey, how are you?

[C]

Top notch. What's new in your world?

[H]

Oh, just done working and now I'm sitting around the house.

[C]

Well, you're going to be dead one day. Do you want to remember just sitting around the house?

[H]

My wife also just got home, so I was talking to her about her day.

[C]

Asking your wife about her day, That's a real moment right there. I mean, when you get right down to it, there's life in a nutshell. Come and talk about the things you did today. Do you know that song?

[H]

Nope, can't say I do.

[C]

Lovin spoonful darlin, be home soon.

[H]

Oh, no, sorry.

[C]

The great relief of just having her to talk to. That's what the song's about.

[H]

Yeah, I think that's what marriage is about.

[C]

There's a weird little part of the song. I don't know quite what's going on during this section, but it says, beat your crazy head against the sky. I don't know why he's saying that. I don't know what that means. I'd have to hunt down John Sebastian in Woodstock, New York and say, what were you on, cowboy? Tell me about your wife.

[H]

She's awesome. I don't know, she's great. She's had an interesting life. Born in Korea and she was found walking on the street when she was a toddler. No adult. And she got put in an orphanage. And then she got adopted to a couple from western Wisconsin when she was 3 years old. Grew up there and went to college. And we moved here to the metro area 20 years ago. Now she's a teacher.

[C]

Isn't it possible her Korean mother was just around the corner at the kiosk?

[H]

It is. She has no clue. She's tried many times contacting the orphanage and tried to work through the adoption agency. She went on a trip to Korea. Actually took her to where the orphanage was. It wasn't there anymore. And it's just dead end after dead end.

[C]

You know where I'd want to go? I'd want to go to the little spot where they found her. What was that spot?

[H]

I don't know. I wish I knew. And she doesn't remember, but that would be interesting.

[C]

How old was she when she was wandering around? 3 and just wandering around somewhere in Korea. They don't say whether she was crying or smiling. Healthy or unhealthy. Just wandering about.

[H]

And she had a burn on her hand.

[C]

Uh oh. Uh. Oh, boy. The mystery deepens.

[H]

Yep. But her life has turned out really well so far.

[C]

And she's made it good somewhere in this world. Perhaps. We don't know, but possibly there's a woman who remembers a rough morning when she. I don't know, had a little bit too much to drink and accidentally burned her daughter. Her daughter ran from the house screaming, and the mother was too drunk to chase after her. Ended up passing out on the couch. When looking for her later, couldn't find her. Now, that woman today could very well be somewhere in Seoul. Thinking about her daughter. Did she have a name when they found her? She must have known her name.

[H]

Yeah. I don't know.

[C]

Well, you don't have to get these answers for me. I just am a curious guy. So how long you been married?

[H]

Coming up on 20 years in September.

[C]

Traditionally with the 20th, it's celebrated with China representing delicate yet durable love.

[H]

Well, we're not doing that.

[C]

It's also celebrated with platinum, symbolizing strength and endurance. Where did you meet her?

[H]

We met online.

[C]

What is it like to meet online? What does that feel like when you meet him there?

[H]

It's strange. It's different.

[C]

What did she say she saw in you?

[H]

It was that I had a steady job and might have been it. I think that's all I Got.

[C]

Wow. She wasn't very demanding.

[H]

Well, that got me in the door.

[C]

Uh huh. And after that she found a couple other things to like. You take out the trash. You ain't bad. Cleaning a cast iron skillet.

[H]

Yeah. Didn't drink a whole lot and didn't do any drugs and was reliable.

[C]

So what have you done with your life?

[H]

I'm a CAD technician. Computer aided drafter.

[C]

What language did you just speak? What was that?

[H]

Computer aided drafter is what they used to be called. I'm a CAD technician. I design wastewater treatment plants and water treatment plants.

[C]

And what do you do when you're not working?

[H]

Got a couple kids. Chase them around and drive them around. And I like to read and just watch tv. Hang out with the wife, play games, hang out with friends.

[C]

Now I have a note next to your name. I have no idea if this is accurate. I don't know where this has come from. You clearly must have been on the list for a long time because I don't remember what this is about, but I'll tell you what it says next to your name. Multiple organ transplants.

[H]

Yeah, that's true. On October 1, 2024, I had a triple organ transplant. Heart, double lung, kidney. And I was the 15th person to get that done at Mayo.

[C]

Both lungs, a kidney and a heart. You would think the heart would be one they'd want to do just by itself. Let's just see if we can get the heart to work first before we even do these other organs. The heart might not work and then we can give those other organs to someone else, but they felt the need to do it all at the same time.

[H]

I've had heart problems my whole life and I have had kidney problems most of my whole life. And they both failed in 2023. And then when they were working me up to do the transplants on those, they found out that I had so much scar tissue going to one of my lungs from previous surger that the lungs were no good.

[C]

Where did those organs come from that you got?

[H]

They all came from one person. All I know is it was a male and he's younger than me. I want to know more. I've emailed the family several times and they have to email me back with the information. It's up to them on whether they want to talk to me.

[C]

You know, it might be a situation with them not getting back to you. It might be a situation where this guy was just wandering around a market and people said, I don't think he belongs to anybody. Grab him. Took him to an orphanage, took his organs.

[H]

I hope not. I hope that wasn't the case. And I'm in a support group, transplant support group, and I would say less than half have found out who their donors were and talked to their family.

[C]

You're in a transplant support group?

[G]

Yep.

[H]

We meet online every. Every Tuesday.

[C]

Once you have the organs, what additional support do you need?

[H]

Well, it's. A lot of it is. I don't know how to explain it. Mentally, it's very difficult to think about. I don't like thinking about it. I can talk about it, but if I'm sitting by myself, I don't like thinking about it.

[C]

What bothers you when you think about it?

[H]

Part of it is survivor's guilt. I'm living and somebody. This guy had to die. Part of it is I had my surgery, what, a year and not quite a year and a half ago, like a year and four months ago. And I've had very little problems, very little setbacks, But a lot of people I've met in the support group have had very difficult time. So it's feeling bad about that. It's worrying about whether I'm going to have rejection, things like that. It's just a lot to think about.

[C]

I understand. That guy didn't have to die, obviously.

[H]

Yeah, right.

[C]

He did die. And you were able to get the organs. But I also could get called by my wife just as I'm ready to step out into the street and keep myself from getting hit by a car and prevent somebody from getting some organs. And what do we call that? A win or a loss. You're just rolling the dice in this world and they're landing where they're landing in the end. I think people who have philosophies that roll along the lines of things are happening the way they're happening, cause and effect all around us. We have very little to do with it all. I used to worry a lot about how awful some people's lives were. I used to think about other people's lives and how awful they were. I was having a good life at the time. You could have guilt over that every day of the week. There could be people all over the world having guilt over the fact that they're having a good run and someone else is having a horrible run. They're in Myanmar being tortured right now, or they're being arrested for something they didn't do in Munich. Meanwhile, I'm having a beer with my friends at the bar. So you could be wracked with guilt over that. But Then something happened to me. I got hit one day in my mid-30s with clinical depression. And I found myself almost catatonic. I got to the point where I literally just sat in the backyard staring off in the distance. I could do nothing. I couldn't read a book, couldn't look at a newspaper, couldn't stare at a photograph, couldn't really talk to anybody. I was just staring. It was severe depression. And I remember at one point saying to myself, if someone brought Hitler into the yard and said, you can give your illness to him, I wouldn't give it to him because I wouldn't want anybody in the world to feel the way I was feeling on that day, not even Hitler. And I ended up coming to a strange realization. I wanted everybody else in the world as I sat in that backyard to have a wonderful day because I wanted to know that in this world there was joy. And I wanted people to experience that joy. I didn't want anybody to have any misery. That sort of was a wake up to me that when you're having a good day, a really good day, would having a bad day help anybody out? Would not taking those organs have made the world a better place? So that ended up being a moment where I realized, enjoy the good things that come along. There'll be plenty of bad. Plenty of time to suffer later.

[H]

Yeah. And it's certainly changed my perspective on life. I mean, I'm much more positive. And the amount of gratitude I have is off the charts compared to what it was three, four years ago. I think our family's been closer. My daughter and daughters and my wife and I. Just because it was such a tough time getting through that.

[C]

I think I would have had to say to the doctor, though, when I woke up after surgery, between you, me, and the fence post doc, when you had the lung, the kidney and the heart all together, did you think about juggling them?

[H]

You know what? We did talk to the surgeon and he said, I tried something different with you. I cut you open and then I let you just sit and dry out for a while so you wouldn't be. So your organs wouldn't be so slippery. Oh, that's nice.

[C]

I let you dry out for a while so your organs wouldn't be so slippery. That sounds to me like maybe he wasn't actually a medical doctor.

[H]

Well, even if he wasn't, he did a great job.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, mechanics can get lucky. Here's something else I would want. And you probably didn't think about this, and people probably don't, but I'D want it. I'd want a nurse to take a photo of the doc holding all three organs before he put them in my body. Just a smiling doctor with all three organs before they went in. Because I haven't seen my heart. I haven't seen my lungs. I've not seen my kidney. You could have been able to do that.

[H]

I did do that, Tommy. They kept the heart and the lungs for research purposes. And a couple months after the surgery, my wife and I got to go meet with another doctor. And they had sliced the heart into three or four pieces, and the doctor put the heart together like a puzzle, and I got to hold it. I have a picture of me holding my heart.

[C]

But it's weird because it's in sort of Ed Gein condition at that point.

[H]

It is, Yep.

[C]

Which is fun in a way. That's kind of fun. How old are you?

[H]

I'm 47.

[C]

Well, congratulations on being alive, man.

[H]

Yeah, it's great to be alive. And I've never felt better. Like, I can do more physical stuff than I've been able to do in a long, long time.

[C]

That's a wonderful story. Kudos to the people at the Mayo as well. It's lovely to live in a state with that hospital.

[G]

Yeah.

[H]

I have transplant friends that are from New York and Montana and St. Louis. Yeah, it's crazy.

[C]

I met George Harrison there in the waiting room one time. We were both getting a CAT scan together.

[H]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. All I said to him was hi. I just figured he had a lot going on. I was well aware of what he was dealing with that had been in the news. Didn't really see any point in carrying the conversation beyond hello. He was in a robe, you know, the typical robe that they give you. And I was in mine. And just sitting there, figured hi would do it. Got to say hi to old George. He didn't look like the happiest person in the world in that moment. And I guess, come to think of it, I wasn't either.

[H]

No, it's not a place you see a lot of happy people, but you.

[C]

Go to the pharmacy down there, and you can see a lot of sheiks. You ever notice that? It's weird. I'd find myself down there, stopping into some pharmacy, and there'd be some Arab chic next to a cowboy from Bozeman and a venture capitalist from London. Interesting folks wandering around that town. Well, I'm gonna let you go. I've appreciated visiting with you. Good to learn about your life.

[H]

Yeah. Thanks for calling. It's Good to talk to you.

[C]

You as well. You stay well.

[H]

Thanks. You too.

[C]

Bye.

[F]

Bye.

[C]

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[G]

This is David.

[C]

David?

[G]

Yes?

[C]

It's Mishke.

[G]

Mishke. How you doing?

[C]

Super. Where am I finding you?

[G]

I am in northern Missouri.

[C]

Does anything happen there?

[G]

Not really.

[C]

I thought that might be a pocket. In America, that's sort of a vacuum.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

And maybe that's what you prefer. Maybe you wanted to find a place where it was sort of an island of isolation and emptiness.

[G]

Yes. I feel more comfortable there.

[C]

Isolation and emptiness may in fact be the names of the two towns. They're separated by a little creek. The twin cities of Missouri. This isolation, this emptiness, has it caused you to miss some important events? I'm thinking moon landing.

[G]

Not so far. As long as I don't look at any media, I don't miss anything.

[C]

So are you a prepper?

[G]

No.

[C]

Okay, so it's not that sort of thing where you're just isolated underground and waiting for it all to go to hell.

[G]

No, I just prefer the company of cows and dogs to people.

[C]

You know what a compliment used to be to a woman back in the nineteen teens? This would be something a young man might say to his gal when he wanted to compliment her. He'd say, darlene, you have cow's eyes.

[G]

Yep, I've heard that.

[C]

Because cows apparently have beautiful eyes. Do you find that?

[G]

Yes, they do. Brown Swiss, especially.

[C]

Oh, you actually have a cow you prefer to be around.

[G]

Yes, I do.

[C]

And we're coming up on Valentine's Day.

[H]

Well, I do have a wife.

[C]

Does she have cow eyes?

[G]

Yes, she does.

[C]

Great. How about in terms of work? What do you do?

[G]

Right now I'm taking a little rest for health reasons.

[C]

Atta boy. Atta boy. So you're spending your time petting the dog and riding the cow, or. I'm sorry, petting your wife and riding the dog.

[G]

Little of every combination. Yeah.

[C]

What are the towns around there? What are their names? You might be near the town where they have the one lone nudist. I interviewed a guy there in Missouri, town of 150, and he was the town's only nudist.

[G]

Don't know that one.

[I]

Humans began naked. Both historically and biblically, we only started to wear clothing as a means to keep warm. And then over many millennia, clothes evolved to denote status and to denote class. It's how you could tell the hot shots from the. The hoi polloi. Clothes slowly evolved to the point Where a body without clothes became taboo. However, if you visit the ancient cathedrals in England, you see many innocent statues of undressed humans. And many great artists such as Renoir, Donatello, Michelangelo depicted nude subjects. And no one thought it strange. Nudist clubs and resorts are relatively new in North America, A movement about a century old. But the swimsuit is also a new invention, prior to which people swam in the nude. When the swimsuit was created a little over a century ago, it covered most of the body, but has been gradually covering less and less of the body with time. If you put on your swimsuit today and go back in time a hundred years to a beach, you'll probably get arrested. But you go back 200 years and people are going to wonder why you're dressed in anything at all. These miscellaneous thoughts are on my mind as I enter the one block long town of Weatherby, Missouri. I'm finding it a little hard to believe that this is the town where I'll find my nudist. A man advertising to other nudists who have similar desires to gather and enjoy each other's company sans clothing. He's a 53 year old fellow named Randy. He lives in a small wooden cabin heated with a wood burning stove. He wants his property to one day be a gathering spot for area nudists. Not sure where all they'd come from, but Randy has been getting some response to his ad and he's encouraged. I've never spoken to a nudist myself. It's yet another person and subject matter to check off on my list of interview topics for these many road shows. Nudist check. But can this tiny town really feature Missouri's nudist movement leader?

[C]

Yes, it can.

[E]

Where does this all start for you?

[F]

We lived in a small house. There was only one window. We had a small fan. Summertime, no breeze coming through the house. First time I ever slept naked. As I got older, it was kind of one of those things running through the house naked. Then become one of those things of do housework naked or paint naked or anything that you would do clothed except maybe cut firewood with the chainsaw.

[C]

And.

[F]

Why your body breathes. It's kind of like taking your shoes and socks off at night. You know, take your shoes and socks out, you usually wiggle your toes. Women coming home at night, taking off their bras. Most of the time they're like that, ah, feeling, you know, as I got older, my body feels like it's suffocating. So to get nude.

[E]

So you actually got to a Point where it was frustrating to have clothes on.

[F]

Right?

[E]

Suffocating is the word you're using.

[F]

Confined, not being able to breathe.

[E]

So as a young adult, you're saying to yourself, whenever the opportunity arises, when I don't have to worry about anyone being around, I'm going to get rid of the clothes and be happy.

[F]

Right? Finding a nudist that actually is open and honest about being a nudist is very hard to do. Getting people to actually admit they're okay running around with someone else nude is very hard to do. I have guys that I know that own their own companies that would never tell anybody they were nudists because they could lose business. A lot of people lose respect. I'm open and honest about it. I pretty much tell everybody.

[E]

It's sort of an accepted prejudice in general, society finds it freakish.

[F]

Most people correspond nudity with pornography or nudity with sex. A lot of society today, if you're a nudist, you're a pervert. And it's not about that. It's just about people in everyday life doing what they feel is most comfortable.

[E]

I think one of the reasons that other people don't understand it is, is because they don't have the experience of feeling confined in clothes. If they felt confined in clothes, well, they would understand it because they would say, who wants to suffer?

[F]

Right? There's a lot of homebody nudists. And what happens behind closed doors is your business.

[E]

Homebody nudist. They don't want to join a nudist colony.

[C]

They don't want to go to a.

[E]

Nudist camp, but at home they don't wear clothes.

[F]

Right. A lot of people won't go to a nudist resort because they don't want to be seeing nude. A lot of that, I believe, comes from biblical. The question I ask everybody is why is the human race the only portion of living life that is required to wear clothing? We don't see horses with clothes on. You don't see dogs with clothes on. God didn't sit down and say, hey, I'm ashamed if you put some clothes on. I feel people that run naked are more honest. There's no hiding behind anything.

[E]

And you think that carries over into their character.

[F]

Maybe.

[E]

As you move into adulthood, more and more you're finding those opportunities where you don't need clothes and saying, I'm not going to have them. Is there a point that it's moving beyond that where you're starting to look, well, who else is doing this? What else is out There. When do you start doing that?

[C]

How old?

[F]

I guess I really didn't explore.

[E]

You didn't?

[F]

No. Within the last five years I've done more exploring.

[C]

Why now?

[E]

Why in your late 40s, early 50s? Why is it of interest for you to expand.

[F]

The Internet? I mean, I didn't have the Internet. I just actually got the Internet about five years ago, started pulling it up, finding different groups, different organizations that are okay with it.

[E]

Is the expanding of it the expanding of more opportunities where you don't have to worry about clothes, where you don't have to deal with clothes? Or is it, I want to see what it's like to be with others and not always be alone.

[F]

Would it be nice to go out and find somebody else or other people that live the same lifestyle? Yeah. Trying to find a small group of people, five or six couples that live the same lifestyle I do.

[C]

Why?

[E]

What would be improved, be enhanced? If you found four or five couples who said, yeah, I'm game, that sounds great. What comes from that?

[F]

Just the idea of being able to kick back and relax with somebody that actually believes in the same thing you do.

[E]

So it's that idea of a brotherhood or sisterhood of like minded people where you don't have to hide a part of yourself.

[F]

Right, right. You know, it's kind of like going to a football game or going to somebody's house and sitting down watching the Super Bowl. You know, everybody's interested in the Super Bowl. You know, not everybody's interested in being nude. When you find other people, you know, hey, we're painting the bedroom this weekend. You want to come over and hang out, go over and paint the bedroom and paint nude.

[E]

What's interesting about it to me is with a Super bowl, you're sitting around taking in the game, talking about the game, analyzing the game, discussing the game with nudity. You're just nude. You're not going to sit and talk about the fact that you're not wearing clothes. It's not going to be a discussion forum having to do with what it's like right now not wearing clothes. It literally will just be the experience of not having clothes.

[F]

Right.

[E]

So in every other way, as you guys are all together, we do the same thing. You're just doing the same thing anybody would do.

[F]

Exactly. Except we do it new. I mean, I work an eight hour job and I have to wear a tie every single day, which is like choke city for me. But when I come home, if I've got the opportunity to take off my clothes and run through the house, naked all night, so be it.

[E]

That feeling for you when you come home and you no longer have to wear these clothes, that feeling when you get out of your clothes is a different feeling for you than it is for me.

[F]

Right.

[E]

I don't know what that feeling is for you. The best I can grasp is you no longer feel sort of chained.

[F]

Right.

[E]

And that would be an unpleasant feeling all day to feel that way. And I wonder how that comes to be the way you feel. I mean, I realize it makes no more sense that I'm comfortable in clothes than that you're comfortable out of them. There's no logical argument either way that I can make. And yet the majority of the country is not interested in this. Either that or they're really, really hiding it.

[F]

They probably were really, really hiding it. Have you ever given it a shot?

[E]

It's not that I'm not okay being nude. It's that I'm okay. And this is the bigger issue. I'm okay wearing clothes. Whereas when you have clothes on, it's kind of constraining. It bothers you. That's what I don't have. It's more that when I'm in clothes, I don't think I got to get out of these. They're fine. So that's the best insight I've had into why there are nudists in general. If wearing clothes is sort of a shackle of sorts, well, that's horrible. Who'd want that?

[F]

If you ask how many women are out there that would go to work all day long without a bra on? If it was okay with society, most women would say, I'll leave that puppy sitting on the dresser.

[E]

Let me see if you would agree with this. The more you gather with other people, the more you create an environment of okayness surrounding this, the more you get away from. This isn't acceptable. This isn't proper. The more you can create environments where other people around you are also nude, the more you can create the world you'd rather live in.

[F]

Right.

[E]

Have you experimented with it beyond the house skinny diploma?

[F]

I love skinny dip now.

[E]

A lot of people can relate to the freedom and the joy of skinny dipping. A lot of people who are not nudists.

[F]

Isn't that being a nudist?

[E]

You're saying it's all a matter of degree. Everybody's a nudist on some level. There's some part of a day, some part of a week, some part of a month where they're perfectly okay, maybe even happier without clothes. And then the clothes go on. You're saying that happiness is something that would be maintained for you the longer you could go without having to throw those clothes on. Right, I get that.

[F]

So why is it that society makes it a bad deal?

[E]

It's absurd to think of nudity as being morally wrong. But now let's go into a different area where even enlightened people might have a problem. They would say, well, I still don't.

[C]

Know that I want to live in.

[E]

A neighborhood where the people walking around outside, leaving their cars, getting out on the street are all naked. And it has nothing to do with morals. That's nothing to do with pornography. It has to do with I'm fat. What has been the reaction of your being open and honest about your preferences in talking to other people? Give me the kind of reactions you get.

[F]

Seriously, you're a nudist. You run around naked, you enjoy that. Cover it up. I don't want to know about it.

[E]

Have you ever brought it up with anybody and their response was, hey, me too?

[F]

No, you're in the Bible belt. That's why a lot of people are not okay with the idea of announcing it to everybody. The fear of, oh, you're gonna go to hell on a fruit basket.

[E]

What percentage of people down here do you believe think that's a going to hell offense?

[F]

Oh, at least 50%.

[E]

At least half the population here thinks nudists are going to hell.

[G]

Yeah.

[E]

And they're going to be the first to feel the flames because, damn it, there's nothing protecting them.

[F]

One of the guys that I used to work for, he was a nudist. And he'd go home at night, they get naked. Him and his wife, his kids were in high school. And when their friends would come over, the kids friends would come over, they'd forewarn their friends. You know, hey, my mom and dad are nudists. They're at the house nude. If you don't want to go in, don't go in. If you're a nudist, why should you have to get dressed?

[E]

There is no good argument other than people's comfort level. That's really what it comes down to. Every community has their idea of what makes life most comfortable and those things that make it wildly uncomfortable, they would prefer be outlawed.

[F]

Okay.

[E]

Whether it's playing music loud at 11:00 at night or a guy walking down the sidewalk naked, has there ever been a time when you were really happy with the clothes you had on and it had nothing to do with the weather? Nothing to do with protection. You just really liked what you were wearing and you were really happy to be in those clothes.

[F]

I can't think of any.

[E]

So you never have that experience of buying clothes, looking in the mirror and.

[F]

Saying, damn, I look good? No.

[C]

You want a free furnace? No. Okay. I thought you might want a free furnace. Some people do want a free furnace. Oh, you in the back there. You want one? Okay, here's what you do. You get a $49 furnace. Furnace tune up from Minneapolis St. Paul Plumbing, Heating and Air. You need one anyway. You should have got one last November. Get it out of the way. $49 is nothing. Get the tune up. As soon as you get that tune up, you qualify to win a free furnace. You got to do this in February. So there's a small number of people participating. I saw a guy win a free furnace at the ring toss at the state fair. He won it way too early in the day. He won it about 9am and he was going to spend the whole day at the fair. You ever see those guys walking around with their prizes? They got to hang onto it all day. Well, he had a furnace. Minneapolis St. Paul Plumbing, heating and air. They haven't been around that long, just since 1918. 1918. You want a free furnace? Get ahold of MSP.

[D]

It seems, you know, when the first man was put on the earth, he had no clothes, you know, they didn't have clothes for years and years and years, you know. And then with. It seemed with each article of clothing that people began to wear, they began to get more prudish about it. It's kind of inverse ratio to the amount of clothes you have on. They become more prudish to the point where one of the strange phenomenons today is the nudist camp. And you can count on about three times a year, one of the newspapers here will send a photographer and a reporter out, you see, and they will get pictures and they'll run a big expose on the nudist camp. And of course, we all buy the papers and we try to spot our friends, you know, because that's how they sell the papers, you know. But it's kind of a strange frame of reference to be in, you know, that these people, you know, are walking around with nothing on. And we're walking around fully clothed, and we think they're strange, and they think we're strange, you know. So I wonder what it was like to be the reporter and the photographer, you know. So this is the reporter and the photographer.

[C]

They're just.

[D]

Just sneaking over the wall to cover this new expose for the paper on the news caps. All right, come on down, Arnold. Come on down, will you? Somebody's going to spot you up there. All right, throw me the camera. That's right. All right, now get down. All right, now take your clothes, the socks and everything. Yes. You want people staring at you? What are you giggling at?

[G]

We live on the road. We have a motor coach that we travel in. So we're basically on the lam, always one step ahead of the law.

[C]

You live on the road and have for how long?

[H]

Four years.

[C]

Living on the road, my friend, was gonna keep you free and clean. And now you wear your skin like iron and your breath's as hard as kerosene. Poncho and Lefty.

[G]

Yes, good old Willie.

[C]

Poncho and Lefty is Townes Van Zandt. You never want to give Willie credit for that.

[G]

Oh, okay. I know the Willie Admiral.

[C]

One of the saddest things in the world is when guys get credit for songs they didn't write because they popularized it. John Prine and Clay Pigeons. If I had a nickel for everybody who thought John Prine wrote Clay Pigeons.

[G]

And I thought John Prine did write that one. Wow. I got to do some research now.

[C]

Prine said he should have written it and why didn't he write it? And he was really frustrated when he heard it. He felt like someone had written the song he was supposed to, but it was a guy named Blaise Foley who wrote it. Blaise Foley was just an alcoholic who slept under pool tables in Texas. I mean, he was basically nobody. And yet somehow John Prine sings that song. And Merle Haggard sings a song of his that he said was the greatest country song he had heard in 15 or 20 years. And that's the song if I Could Only Fly. But in the case of Pancho and Lefty, we have Townes Van Zant, who would be on the Mount Rushmore of songwriters. I think of you as someone who got on the road four years ago. You wanted to keep it free and clean. And now I think your skin is iron and your breath is kerosene. Is that what you're dealing with health wise? Best thing about living on the road.

[G]

Has been what freedom to. When something is happening that I don't like, go somewhere else.

[C]

Worst thing about it has been what I would think the worst thing about it would be. You never really find your community.

[G]

There is something to be said for that. Except it's not the worst, because I'm really tired of the drama of a lot of community.

[C]

Boy, it's really sad that people were so complicated that you eventually had to just give up on them.

[G]

Yeah, it is.

[C]

I hope your wife is a good partner.

[G]

Excellent. Awesome. Amazing partner.

[C]

And she's okay with just you to hang with?

[G]

She says she is.

[C]

I wonder if she has a secret fantasy life.

[G]

Now you know all our secrets.

[C]

Well, the last thing I'm going to do is pass along that you make her wear the cow costume.

[E]

I mean, that's between you two.

[G]

That's for nobody else.

[C]

When did you fall in love with cows? When did you first fall in love with them?

[G]

I grew up on a dairy farm, of course. So I don't know any time without cows in my life.

[C]

And did you have one as a kid? You named?

[G]

They were all named. Had pedigrees, had long, elegant, royalty sounding names.

[C]

Really? Give me an example.

[G]

My first one, her name was Fountain Creek Elbright Michelle.

[C]

Fountain Creek Albright Michelle. But the fellas call her Cutie. No. What's the nickname? When you have a name like that.

[G]

Then Michelle is the given name.

[C]

I see. Michelle, ma belle, San die mon qui tres est bien. On son tres bien. Enchant? I mean, I wonder what you used to sing to her.

[G]

Whatever was on the radio.

[C]

Did you ever have one that it really, really hurt to know it was going to be killed? Was that traumatic for you?

[H]

Well, just.

[G]

Just kind of hurtful. She was 14 and we couldn't get her bread back. It happened when I was about 16. So, you know, she was in the herd my whole life at that point.

[C]

Yeah. At 16 they say a young boy's fancy turns to love. Which reminds me actually of a poem I wrote years ago about a farmer and his cow. It went like the cows don't whine, they don't fight. So a cow is what I need tonight. Cows don't bicker, they don't sin. So a cow I have invited in. We won't do much, just sit and stare. She on the rug, me in my chair. The night will end and I'll let her out and that's all the night will be about. No heartache, no argument. A quiet evening, heaven sent. See I've had my share of talk and shop and talk of politics had to stop and I'm all through talk and weather it's never left me feeling better. I'm tired, old and I want to sit with a sad eyed Holstein for a bit. It's nice to have the company. Makes the living less lonely. Just to look up now and then and see that old cow in my den say what you will analyze away but it's been a long life and it's been a long day and I do what I must to find some peace to spend the evening in sweet release With a fire and some wine there before this great bovine and if all goes well I'll do it again make that heifer my best friend and say goodbye to life's details Telephones and strip mall sales Nightly news and TV shows which direction Wall street goes I'll have my cow I'll have my couch and fine tobacco in my pouch Won't say much, nor will she an evening spent in reverie and when it's late and time for bed out the door she will be led to the barn and her own kind as my pillow I will find Pulling the covers round me tight and saying thanks, cow, and good night. Well, I'm glad I got ahold of you. Good to hear you're well. And I hope you continue to enjoy this life. I'll look at the next cow I pass and see him or her a little differently.

[G]

All right. You take care.

[C]

Thank you.

[G]

You bet. See ya. Bye. Bye.

[C]

Bye. Bye, Sa.