Transcript
Mishke (0:00)
Mishke here, joining the GL world to pitch my new podcast, which now comes out twice a week, Wednesdays and Fridays. The show features an extraordinary array of exotic circus performers, forgotten Hollywood starlets, reclusive Fortune 500 CEOs, professional taxidermists. Oh, wait a minute. That's a different promo. Where's the promo for GL ers? Here it is. Let's try this again. Mishke here pitching my new podcast. We're out of time. Could I do it again? I wonder when the theme song was invented and why people felt the need to start programs with a song. Why can't the program just start? Why must there be a song? Is this important? My name's Mishke, by the way. Why a theme song? It doesn't really make any sense. I find myself feeling as though I'm just going without questioning why we do certain things. When I visit someone in my neighborhood, knock on their door. When they answer, I don't first sing a song. I get to it. I get to my reason for showing up. I get to the business at hand. There's no prelude. What if we sang before we did everything? Well, wait a minute. Would that be so bad to have a song before we do anything? Everything. I'd like to buy insurance from you, sir. But before I do, here's a little tune. Hi there, officer. I realize you have to arrest me, but how about a song first? Hey, how you people doing on your last minute gift buying? I read quite a bit in the last couple days about last minute gift buying. How to find last minute gifts that make the person think you bought their gift far ahead of time. I read an article that was about that. Buying last minute gifts that seem as though you purchase them thoughtfully far ahead of time. This article was teaching you how to fool people that you think about them more than you do. Here's an article I read that recommends some great last minute gifts for Christmas. Why, you could get some whipped honey from the Savannah Bee Company. They have a sample set that's a lovely last minute gift. Savannah Bee Co. Whipped honey sample set. Or says here a great last minute gift is body restore aromatherapy shower steamers. You can get a 15 pack. Yeah. If you have someone you need to get a gift for and you haven't bought one yet, why, here's a last minute gift. Body restore aromatherapy shower steamers, a 15 pack or hummingbird stained glass suncatchers. You know, if you gotta get a last minute gift, you could do a lot worse than hummingbird stained glass sun catchers. Then here's a Woobles crochet kit for beginners. You heard me. A Woobles crochet kit for beginners. Great. Last minute gifts. I'll tell you something. I don't like the phoniness in all of this. If I'm getting somebody a last minute gift, I'm getting them some rebar. You know what rebar is, right? Just a chunk of rebar here. Sorry. It wasn't a better gift. It was a last minute deal. Got this from a construction site near my home. It was last minute. I didn't want to get you items from the last minute gift list that every catalog was offering because those gifts are designed to make it look like this wasn't a last minute gift. And it was a last minute gift. Buying from that last minute gift list would be perpetuating a lie. The idea that I thought of you all month long when I didn't think of you much at all this month. You're a last minute thought. And evidence of that is that I have brought you rebar for a Christmas gift, something few have ever given because it reveals so little thought. But the reality is I don't think about you a whole lot. I do at Christmas time just because I get guilted into it by the other relatives. They say we're supposed to show thoughtfulness and be in the spirit of giving. And I am trying to do that. And I did just give. There, I gave. You've got it. The rebar done. Finito. You consider it a useless gift, don't you? But you're wrong there. You would be wrong to call it useless. Concrete is strong under compression, but it's weak under tension. Rebar made of steel is strong in tension. So by placing rebar in areas where tension is expected, it'll handle the tension while the concrete handles the compression. So it's not useless just because you can't find a use for it. That's irrelevant. It doesn't matter that you're never going to use it. It's the thought that counts. Is it a big thought? A warm thought? A big, long, drawn out thought? No, it's just a thought. Just a thought. I had to have a thought to even get this thing. And I had one. And that was my thought. And that's my gift, which is more than I give perfect strangers. So let's still call this a gift. It's not a great gift. I didn't gift wrap it. And the reason I didn't is it's last minute. I got it in the last 60 seconds. I know it's not your favorite gift, but all gifts, all gifts fall within a range of degrees of care and thoughtfulness and appreciation. All gifts are on a spectrum. There's nothing new here. Gifts I receive are on a spectrum. All gifts are on a spectrum. Someone has to give the more lame gifts to make the finer ones stick out. How would you know you got a finer gift if you never got a lame gift? In that way, I'm providing yet another service that is a kind of gift. So take the rebar, please, and run like a thief. No, you won't see any last minute gift buying suggestions mentioning rebar. That's a mishki last minute gift idea for you folks. Hey. Someone was arrested in Eng. Someone was arrested in England for. Someone was arrested in England for doing something that I've done all my life. When I was a kid, people forgave me. As I got older, they found it stupid and now they just think there's something wrong with me. But I still love going the wrong way on an escalator. I've always enjoyed that. And a woman got arrested in London and it's going to trial. She went the wrong way on an escalator. Doesn't say she was going down the up escalator or up the down escalator. But she is going to be put on trial. It's a lot of money. If she's found guilty, it's an extraordinary fine in England. She's pleaded not guilty. I wonder if not guilty means. Well, what would not guilty mean if she was found on the escalator going the wrong way? I guess she'd maybe argue. It looked like I was going the wrong way. I had dropped something and. And I was going up to get it. Well, that wouldn't make sense because what you dropped would be moving right along with you. I don't know how the not guilty thing works here. Maybe they got the wrong gal. 32 years old. Some people say that's a little old to be going the wrong way on a moving escalator. I'm still doing it in my 60s. There was a little grade school county fair last fall near my neighborhood. Little grade school fundraiser, county fair. I wanted. I wanted to go on all the rides. I'd get in line with all the kids. They weren't kids. Rides. I'm not getting in a little boat and going in a circle. These were regular rides, but no adults were going on them. The oldest person going on them was maybe 14. But I was in line. And when I got up there, the kids taking the tickets said, oh, sir, you can. You can go for free. They sort of saw me as mentally challenged, I think, or something. The other kids were looking at me funny, and then I'd go on another ride. And I loved them. I loved them the same way. I love going the wrong way on the escalator still. But I have never, ever imagined I could be arrested. And maybe you can't here in the States, but in England you can. And it's going to trial. They expect it to be a three hour trial. How would it be three hours? I went to trial one time. I was caught speeding on the way to KSTP. And I told the St. Paul cop, hey, don't show on the day I take this to court, okay? I hear if you don't show, it gets thrown out. Well, he not only showed, he brought half the department with him. So halfway through the whole trial, I just said, you know what, Judge? These officers are making a hell of a case. I think I'm guilty. That particular cop retired not too long after that, and I decided to go to his retirement party. And I took my gas pedal off my car and framed it and gave it to him as a gift. I think his name was Guyer. Officer Guyer. Why did I bring that up? Why'd I bring that up? Oh, getting arrested and going to trial. Yeah, Three hour trial. They're expecting, I don't know, maybe a lot of witnesses are being called. The whole thing seems silly, though, in 2025. I mean, read the paper the last few days. The horrific crimes occurring in this world, and someone's going the wrong way on an escalator. It's Rockwellian. It's beautiful, it's sweet, it's lovely. We should have more of that. I think it was one of the first acts of defiance as a child for me. Society wants us to go down the descending stairs and go up the ascending stairs. You're expected to comply. I think the first thing I realized when I was a little, little boy was the expectation to comply was something I simply was not comparing. Going to be able to go along with. A lot of the time I would, but not with regularity. The first time you go up the down staircase, there is no thrill you've known in life quite like that. Defiance is a thrill, and you learn that early. I remember one time in high school, a teacher was bouncing my head against a locker like a basketball. I was screwing around in the hallway, and this teacher took my head and he slammed it against the lockers several times in a rhythmic kind of staccato beat that went with these words. We do not do this at this school. How many hits is that? We do not do this at this school. 8. 8 times he slammed my head against the locker. More than that. Cause then he added, do you understand? That's five more syllables. So 13 times he bounced my head against the locker. We do not do this at this school. Do you understand? And I knew. I knew there was only one right answer. Yes. Yes. Who wouldn't understand what he just said? Especially when he was emphasizing it by smashing my head against a locker, it was quite obvious that what he was saying, it was very simple, plain English. Do you understand? But because the answer was obvious, so ridiculously obvious, I said, no, actually, I don't. That was a mistake. He began to play basketball with my head again. We do not do this at this school. Do you understand? 13 more bounces of my head against the lockers. And at that point, I realized, I think this could go on well into the late afternoon and early evening if I don't say, yeah, I understand. So I did say yes then. But even that no, for that little bit of time was kind of fun. It was going the wrong way on the escalator all over again. Except Now I was 14, and the first time I went up on escalator when the escalator was going down was when I was four. As I say, defiance is a thrill all by itself. You are told there is a right way, and you say, says who? I think I'll decide for me. Thank you very much. I say we go up the descending stairs. We fight the momentum. We battle the current. We do what no one else on the entire escalator is doing. Why? To stand amidst the throngs and say, I am. I am alive. I am not asleep. I shopped with you shoppers. I dined with you diners. I walked the mall with all you walkers. But when it came time to take the escalator, I did not join the herd. I went my way. I was a child going up the down staircase. And for a moment, I believed I was more alive than the rest of them. Whether I was or not, I don't know. But I believed I was more alive. And when I was going on those rides at that little grade school fundraiser, I felt alive. Why would it stop being fun? Why would it ever stop being fun to go on rides? The only thing that ever hits me and worries me a little bit when I go on rides is I've been going on them for so many years. I'm due for one of those tragic accidents that happen every now and then, the same way you feel you're due after a certain number of plane rides. I mean, sooner or later if you kept doing it, your plane would crash. And sooner or later I figure with these rides, one's gonna break and I'll be sent flying into some cottonwood trees or something. That's the only thing I think of. I never think the ride isn't going to be fun. I'll let you in on a little secret. I still think a swing is fun. I still get that little feeling in my stomach. On a regular swing set. There's got to be something that's not fun anymore that was once fun. Let me think. A Wheelo. A Wheelo is not fun anymore for me. When I first got one as a kid, I thought, this is pretty cool. This will get me by all summer for entertainment. That wouldn't do it. Now, I'm not certain how it ever did, but it did originally. By the way, what was the story behind the Wheelo? Do you guys know what I'm talking about? The Wheelo. You gotta be old, obviously, but it was a toy. Everybody loved them. When I was a kid, everybody loved Wheelos. Actually, while I'm on the subject, that may be a decent last minute gift idea. When you've got a Wheelo, what have you got? A super magnetic mystery top Wheelo. Wheelo. Spinning around, over and under and up and down. It's a super cute construction and it's a lot of fun. If your daddy sees it, then he'll want one. Twirling and swirling above and below. You'll never believe what a Wheelo can do. When you've got a Wheelo, what have you got? A super magnetic mystery top Wheelo. Another great toy by Tarco. You know what? I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to tell you about 0% financing. I'm not going to yell at you about sales events in all capital letters. I'm not going to pretend a car dealership is Disney World. Cause here's the truth. You're going to buy a car from someone eventually. And when you do, wouldn't it be nice if they just, oh, I don't know, treated you well? That's what Fury Motors has been doing since 63. Just treating people well. 62 years of deciding they're just not going to be jerks. They're going to treat people well. Which somehow the makes them the highest rated dealership. For customer satisfaction in the entire car industry. They've got Chrysler, they've got Dodge, they've got jeep in South St. Paul and Stillwater. They got brand new Fords in Waconia. They got new Buicks and GMCs and Forest Lake. But honestly, every single location does it the Fury way, which is just a fancy term for we're not going to make you hate yourself for walking onto a car lot. They have every make and model of used cars, too, but they're not going to waste any more of your time with this ad. They just want you to remember Fury.