MISCHKE: Monsters (ep. 126)

Summary

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Garage Logic – Episode 126: MISCHKE: Monsters

Date: July 8, 2026
Host: Mishke (with co-hosts, sidekicks, Doghouse Boys, and listeners)

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Episode Overview

In this engaging episode, Mishke explores the theme of “monsters," shifting between literal creatures like Florida’s alligators and the metaphorical monsters in everyday life. The conversation weaves through personal anecdotes, poetic musings, storm lore, and a heartfelt call with a long-time listener reflecting on friendship and mortality. As always, Mishke's tone is a blend of dry humor, melancholic nostalgia, and sharp observational wit.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Makes a Monster?

[01:18–05:56]

• Defining Monsters: Mishke opens with a tongue-in-cheek exchange, setting the stage for a loose, expansive definition—monsters aren’t just fanged beasts, but anything or anyone that threatens or frightens; “Monster just means some creature, some form of life, some entity…that seems to not have your best interests at heart and is kind of terrifying.” ([01:26]–[01:44], Mishke & Co-host)
• Alligators as Modern Monsters: Recent spate of alligator attacks in Florida becomes a focal point, with news stories highlighted for their disturbing details.

2. American Monsters: Geography and Fear

[03:30–06:57]

• Regional Phobias: Mishke compares people’s regional fears (earthquakes in California, tornadoes in the Midwest, alligators in Florida), noting each area’s signature “monster.” He points out that while tornadoes and earthquakes are faceless forces, alligators “look like monsters,” making the threat feel more personal and immediate ([05:04–05:54]).

3. Alligator Attack Stories & Poetic Reflections

[06:06–14:43]

• Shocking Anecdotes: Several attacks are described, injecting both gallows humor and empathy. A comical song by a “listener” riffs on losing body parts to monsters but “being able to share”—pivoting dark news into communal absurdity ([07:46–09:28]).
• Vivid Survivor Tale: One survivor recounts fighting off an alligator by attacking its eyes ([09:33–10:16]).
• Poetic Language on Alligators: Mishke and Doghouse Boys muse on alligators' role as “living fossils,” “riverbed sentinels,” and “trickster spirits”—emphasizing their timelessness and their air of danger and allure ([13:15–14:43]).

4. Storm Chasing and the Loss of Thrill

[17:07–24:35]

• Chasing Monsters: Mishke laments that storm chasers have shifted focus from tornadoes (his favorite monster) to hail, bemoaning the lost “thrill” and magic:

  “Are we down to chasing hail? That’s like opting out of a Bigfoot expedition and just paying to see monkeys at the Seattle Zoo.” ([20:07], Mishke)

• Hail Research and Risk: Surprised at the size and cost of hail damage (“soccer ball hail”), Mishke likens it to “God playing dodgeball with creation” ([24:10–24:35]).

5. Long-Term Friendship: “The Winnie Six”

[32:21–54:36]

• Listener Call: Rick, a long-time listener, shares about a 57-year tradition of fishing trips with high school friends, “The Winnie Six.” The group has shrunk but persists, bound by deep roots and shared rituals (beer in the day, whiskey at night).
• Nicknames, Loss, and Loyalty: The group’s nicknames and stories are discussed, along with those who drifted away—handled with humor and a touch of pathos.
• Reflections on Mortality: The friends now face older age, sometimes discussing burial vs. cremation and the stark reality of decades together.
• Nature of Friendship: Mishke dissects what friendship really is—moving from “mutual pleasure” to “being there, no matter what.” He issues a subtle challenge about the limits and depths of long friendship ([51:41–53:00]).

6. The Doghouse Boys: Emotional Intelligence and Relationship “Monsters”

[46:49–50:19]

• Doghouse Riff: In a hilarious motivational-speaker sendup, Mishke and the Doghouse Boys riff about men in trouble with their partners for emotional cluelessness, offering mock advice:

  “You ended up in the doghouse because you’re idiots with good intentions. And good intentions are worth exactly nothing at 11pm when you’re eating cereal for dinner.” ([47:52], Doghouse Boys Speaker) “The request: feel the thing, say the thing. Don’t fix, don’t diagnose.” ([49:56], Doghouse Boys Speaker)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Alligators:

  “Who made that thing? Who designed it? My sense is Satan was allowed to design about a dozen different animals. God took care of most things, but he said, hey, Satan, I’ll throw you a bone. Create a few of these babies. Satan said, will do. I’ll make alligators and the suburbs.” – Mishke ([05:04–05:54])

• On Storm Chasing:

  “Chasing hail…that lacks a little something. That kind of adventure seems a bit watered down, if you’ll pardon the pun.” – Mishke ([19:48–20:07])

• On Friendship:

  “The majority of friendships I’ve seen in life are about mutual pleasure… But that can’t be friendship at its deepest. That should be the shallowest form. Mutual pleasure… You haven’t had anything happen yet where one of them becomes a quadriplegic. Now it’s who’s going to visit him every month.” – Mishke ([51:45–52:45])

• On Relationship Skills:

  “You are here because you love somebody enough to sit around a fire taking advice from a stranger about your emotional incompetence.” – Doghouse Boys Speaker ([48:58]) “It’s not that you don’t have emotions… You’ve been running your entire romantic life on the emotional range of a vending machine.” – Doghouse Boys Speaker ([49:39–49:54])

• On Nicknames and Nostalgia:

  “Can’t imagine why… you never liked the name Dick.” – Mishke ([36:26–36:33], ribbing Rick) “How much of the time sitting around the fire are you guys going to be talking about the seventies?” – Mishke ([53:00–53:06])

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Memorable Timestamps

• 01:26–01:44: Playful banter defining monsters
• 03:30–05:54: Regional monsters and American geography of fear
• 07:46–09:28: Gallows humor song about alligator attacks
• 13:15–14:43: Doghouse Boys poetic riff on alligators as “riverbed sentinels”
• 24:10–24:35: Joke about “God playing dodgeball with creation” (soccer-ball hail)
• 32:21–54:36: Extended listener call—friendship, nostalgia, mortality
• 46:49–50:19: Doghouse Boys motivational talk: “How to get out of the doghouse”
• 53:00–54:05: The real meaning of friendship and nostalgia

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Tone and Style

The episode toggles between droll humor, storytelling, and philosophical asides. Mishke maintains a conversational, slightly sardonic tone, favoring long digressions, knowing riffs, and gentle ribbing of both guests and the audience.

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For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode offers:

• A lively meditation on what “monsters” mean, both real (alligators, tornadoes, hail) and metaphorical (emotional troubles, aging, lost friends)
• Poetic tangents and dark humor about survival and risk
• A touching, funny exploration of life-long friendship, aging, and nostalgia
• Practical and comic advice for men in “the doghouse”
• Signature Garage Logic blend: wit, wisdom, and a deep love of the quirks of Midwestern life

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Highly recommended for fans of humor with heart, “monster” aficionados, and anyone who knows the comfort and complexity of old friends.

Transcript

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

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[Mishke (Host)]

What do you want to talk about?

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Huh?

[Mishke (Host)]

You probably have something you'd like to talk about. Any way at all of conveying that to me? Yell as loud as you can. There's a chance. Just say it, but say it really loudly.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

My name's Mishke Hoot. Hooty hooty hoot.

[Mishke (Host)]

I was knocking around the idea of talking about monsters

[Co-host or Sidekick]

in all the different forms.

[Mishke (Host)]

Monsters come in. Have you been visited in your life by a monster? Monster just means some creature, some form of life, some entity, something, anything that.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Well, that seems to not have your

[Mishke (Host)]

best interests at heart and is kind of terrifying.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

What? What? What? What? What was that?

[Mishke (Host)]

Sometimes this theme song seems to have a mind of its own. I'll tell you why monsters have been on my mind of late. These alligator attacks in Florida that have been increasing. The worst one just a few days ago. Woman getting both of her arms ripped off. I remember being creeped out when I would do that to my sister's dolls. And those were dolls. But to know there are creatures out there that can rip your arms off and want to rip your arms off. Alligators want to rip your arms off. This poor woman did not live. It was in a river down in Florida. She was in three feet of water with her boyfriend. It was supposed to be a nice summer day. Alligator comes, grabs her for a rips her arms off. She didn't make it. They took her to the hospital. She didn't make it. Too much blood loss. Everybody has a different part of the country. They don't want to go to for different reasons. When I was growing up, I used to hear about folks who hated going to California because of the big earthquake. That was common. Everybody talked about it when I was a kid. I don't hear about it anymore, but. But when I was growing up, you'd always hear about the big one. Everybody talked about the big one. That was the big earthquake that was expected along the San Andreas fault. And they were apparently due for a big one, a real big one, you know, maybe eight point something on the Richter scale. It was a question of whether or not these buildings could even handle it. They hadn't been really tested since that earthquake way back in the early 20th century in San Francisco. So there was this waiting around for the big one. And you never wanted to be visiting California when the big one occurred. I know I didn't. But then folks from California would visit here in the Midwest and they'd say, where's the tornado shelter? They were looking around for the tornado shelter. You have a tornado shelter? Where's the cellar? And you'd say to them, boy, tornadoes are pretty rare. I've only seen one personally in my entire life, and I've wanted to see them. And I've gone storm chasing. I've gone looking for him. You ever gone looking for an earthquake? I don't think so. Well, I suppose people go down to Florida now and it swears the alligator repellent. I know the Floridians will say alligators are nothing. We see them all the time. They go through the backyard the way mice go through a cabin up north. Forget about it. They're alligators. Yeah, but we can't forget about it because unlike mice, alligators look like monsters. See, mice don't look like monsters. Even a mouse carrying the Hunta virus,

[Storyteller or Guest]

a hunt of virus.

[Mishke (Host)]

I like saying that.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Hunta virus 389.

[Mishke (Host)]

And with that, Gary Quazzo, quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings, goes down with the hunter virus. Gary Quazzo.

[News Reporter]

Yeah.

[Mishke (Host)]

The alligator is gonna be a little different because, well, look at that thing. Take a good hard look. What's the face of an earthquake? There is no face. And even tornadoes, which are thousands of feet high and are truly monsters, the monsters of the Midwest. Where's their actual face? I can't see it. Alligators, on the other hand, what is that that you're looking at there? Who made that thing? Who designed it? My sense is Satan was allowed to design about a dozen different animals. God took care of most things, but he said, hey, Satan, I'll throw you a Bone. Create a few of these babies. Satan said will do. I'll make alligators and the suburbs.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Wait a minute here. Yeah.

[Mishke (Host)]

There have been a rash of alligator attacks in Florida. More than they typically see. People are wondering what's going on. Here's the news report. I came across.

[News Commentator]

A 31 year old Florida woman from Orlando was killed by a 13 foot alligator that ripped off both of her arms. And just a day before that a nine foot alligator bit a boy at a fish camp, sending him to the hospital. And a week before that a 19 year old man was attacked by an 8 foot alligator.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Was?

[News Commentator]

I lived in Florida for a long time. I don't ever remember anything like this happening. What is going on?

[News Reporter 2]

We want to warn you that the details in this story are disturbing. A woman who died in an alligator attack on Sunday was hiking with her boyfriend and her best friend when they stopped to cool off in a river. And that's when she was attacked there in about three feet of water. We want to warn you that the details in this story are disturbing. The Seminole County Sheriff's office just released this body cam video today from the medics who responded to the scene. Disturbing. Disturbing. Disturbing.

[Mishke (Host)]

It is disturbing. And these aren't the only ones. Remember the guy who was at a bar and he went to use the restroom and the line was a little long so he went out back behind the bar to urinate and an alligator grabbed him, Just took his arm. Took the whole arm.

[News Reporter]

An alligator attacked Jordan early Sunday morning, biting off his right arm and nearly taking his life. Jordan doesn't remember much of what happened. What he does recall is that the bar he was at, Bandidos in Port Charlotte was busy and the bathroom line was long. So he walked to the pond out back.

[Mishke (Host)]

Gonna go over there and just take a little pee.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Take a little pee.

[News Reporter]

The next time he opened his eyes he was here in the hospital. It's then he found out that the gator ate his arm.

[Mishke (Host)]

The gator ate his arm.

[News Reporter]

The gator ate his arm.

[Mishke (Host)]

Ate it didn't just take it, he ate it.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

It.

[Listener or Caller]

The gator ate my arm. I said buddy, the joke is on you. I got another my brother now what you gonna do? You thought by taking my arm that you could do me some serious harm. But I ain't singing the blues. I, I got another I can use. You came and you stole my limb. You thought things were looking real grim ah but you failed to see there's two limbs on my tree. So I'm a dancing and a laughing at you Cause for arms. God gave me two. One apparently for me and the other one for you. Go on and chew. My pal donated a kidney to me, and I donated an arm to you. My mom donates to the Salvation Army. Hey, that's what people do. We learn to care and we learned to share. My cousin donated his entire body to a grizzly bear. His mom tried to help, but donated her legs and her underwear. Look over there.

[Mishke (Host)]

And then remember James? He just went in his backyard to do a little fishing.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Alligator came out of the water. Pulled him into the water. Said, we're going for a little ride. James.

[James Grayson McMicken]

James Grayson McMicken says it was just a routine Friday night when he took his bulldog out, grabbed his fishing pole and made one cast into the canal behind his north Fort Myers home.

[James's Friend or Narrator]

Started reeling, and it jumped out of the water and grabbed me.

[James Grayson McMicken]

Grayson says the gator clamped down on his right leg, pulled him into the water.

[James's Friend or Narrator]

He rode me down off the bank into the water. I stuck my thumb in one eye, and I just took that fishing pole, jabbed him in that other eye, jabbed him and jabbed him and jabbed him. I've always heard that if you got no other choice, get them eyes. That's what got him off of me.

[Mishke (Host)]

You ever seen an alligator's eyes?

[Storyteller or Guest]

Black eyes like a doll's eyes. I was on an old riverboat, Chief, and some Florida hoodlums slammed a couple of shotgun blasts right into our side. We were coming back from delivering potatoes and flour. Seven of us went into the water. Vessel went down. Didn't see the first gator for about 10 minutes. 13 footer. You know how you know that when you're in the water, Chief? You can't know it. It's impossible to know that. What we did not know was that our delivery had been a secret. I don't know why. I think our skipper was having an affair with a lady in the other town. But it was a secret, so no one reported us missing for days. Very first light, Chief, Alligators come cruising. So we formed ourselves into little tight groups, kind of like old squares in a battle, you know, like you see in the Battle of Waterloo, you know, the idea was, alligator comes to the nearest man. To that man, he starts a pounding and a hollerin'. Sometimes the gator goes away. Sometimes he didn't go away. Sometimes that gator, he looks right at you, right into your eyes. You know the thing about a gator's eyes, Chief? He's got evil eyes. Horrific eyes, like my wife's eyes. When he comes at you. He doesn't even seem to be happy until he bites down on you. And those black eyes, oh, they. They go back into his skull. And you hear that joyful chortle. By the end of that first dawn, Chief, we had lost five men. I don't know how many gators came. Maybe a dozen, maybe more. On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson, from Cleveland. Baseball player, Bosson's mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

He.

[Storyteller or Guest]

He bobbed up like a kind of top in the water. Kenny, my buddy, had been using him as a bobber, and he didn't tell me. Noon the fifth day, Chief. A chopper saw us swung in low. You know, that was the time I was the most unhappy, waiting for my turn. Cause Greg, the guy next to me, treading water, kept grabbing my swimsuit and giving me a wedgie. I'll never wear a swimsuit again, Chief.

[Mishke (Host)]

See, I'm a guy up north talking about these monsters. Somewhere down south, there's someone talking about alligators. In a more poetic way, perhaps, the way I would talk about tornadoes. I view tornadoes very much as a poet would. There's gotta be a guy in Florida waxing poetic about alligators. Riverbed sentinels, he calls them.

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

Cloaked in mystery.

[Mishke (Host)]

Ancient armored marvels with cool charisma, lounging in the swamps like the kings of stillness. Their jaws snapping with a force that could silence a thunderstorm. Midnight shadows along the bayou. Guardians of lost treasure buried in the river's hush.

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

Trickster spirits slipping between worlds, whispering warnings in the fog.

[Mishke (Host)]

Part of the Creole lore.

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

Shape shifters gliding between the worlds of man and beast.

[Mishke (Host)]

Time travelers draped in prehistoric velvet. They carry a fossil's heartbeat beneath their armor. They have survived epochs.

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

They've barely shifted over the millions and

[Mishke (Host)]

millions of years they've glided through time. Their silhouettes barely rewritten by evolution.

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

They're living fossils, streamlined.

[Mishke (Host)]

Primal power, a testament to a world that really no longer exists. They're the last vestiges of the dinosaur era. Like a silent waltz with time. They've been steadfast witnesses to the eons.

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

While other species have risen and fallen like waves.

[Mishke (Host)]

The alligator has anchored itself like a river stone, watching us from the murky depths.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Hmm.

[Mishke (Host)]

I think I've told you that in the past. I've gone chasing our monsters, trying to connect with our monsters up here in this part of the country. The great tornadoes. I've loved them all my life. Well, storm chasers are chasing something new. I just learned this recently. And it's harder for me to get excited about what they're chasing. And it is a chase that's happening in the same stretch of country where people chase tornadoes. But these guys aren't chasing tornadoes. I'll tell you what they're chasing. After this, I want to talk about things that have lasted. The United States of America. It's hung in there for 250 years. MSP, Minneapolis St. Paul Plumbing, heating, air and electric. It's hung in there for 108 years. You know, you take 108 and add 250 to it, you come up with 358 and that's how many bucks? 358 bucks. MSP is going to take off any heating or cooling equipment you buy from them. Minneapolis St. Paul Plumbing, Heating, Air and Electric wants to celebrate 250 years of America by offering in the month of July 358 bucks off any heating and cooling equipment. The test of time is one of my favorite tests for any business. And they have passed it at MSP in a way very, very few businesses have the glorious test of time. Call MSP. Go to callmsp.com

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

why does progressive work hard for truckers? Because truckers unite the world. They unite kids with their first drum sets and and parents with earplugs. But truckers can't do this if they're not on the road. That's why Progressive has over 360 heavy truck employees to help truckers stay on time and on track. Quote Truck Insurance today in as little as eight minutes@progressive commercial.com progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates.

[Mishke (Host)]

Since 1963, the Leonard family has run Fury Motors. It started as a dream, a dream of Red Leonard's to have his own dealership. Now there are four locations tied to four different parts of the metro. Stillwater, South, St. Paul, Waconia, Forest Lake. You'll find brand new Chrysler Dodge, brand new Jeep, brand new Ford, brand new Buick, brand new GMC and used cars in all makes and models. Every used car carrying that Fury standard, if it has the Fury name, it's been re checked, cared for. Comes across now as if it's brand new. Tommy and Jimmy Leonard keep their father's no shortcuts. Personal attention. Serve the customer well, Red used to say, and they will come back. The way you get them back is not with gimmicks. It's how you treat them. A family was built this way. A future was built this way. A car dealership was built this way. Go to FURY Stillwater South St. Paul, Waconia and Forest Lake. Feel good about where you buy your next vehicle. I read a story this past week about storm chasers. Guys heading out looking for storms, excited to go out and see a storm. And I was startled to learn they weren't looking for tornadoes. That's what gets my blood going, Tornado hunting. Well, not hunting. I'm not going to take the thing down. I'd like to. I'd like to take it down and mount it in my lodge. What's that on the wall there, Tommy?

[Co-host or Sidekick]

That there's an F5. Took that one down. I mean, I took it down to Chinatown.

[Mishke (Host)]

No, when I say hunting tornadoes, I mean just to see them. Just to look at those beasts as they move. Well, what I was reading about this week was a story where storm chasers are going out looking for hail.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Hail.

[Mishke (Host)]

Something is lost there in the switch to hail. I went storm chasing with a man who at the time was the dean of Twin Cities meteorologists, Dave Dahlia. We were looking for the monster, the real deal. That menacing, supernatural looking creature destroying everything in its path.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Tornado.

[Mishke (Host)]

But I guess now we're switching, or a lot of folks are. They're switching to chasing hail. Golly, that lacks a little something. That kind of adventure seems a bit watered down, if you'll pardon the pun.

[News Reporter 2]

Hail.

[Mishke (Host)]

Are we down to chasing hail? That's like opting out of a Bigfoot expedition out in the Pacific Northwest and just paying to see monkeys in the Seattle Zoo or something. Where's the thrill? Hail. We're looking for hail.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Why?

[Mishke (Host)]

It says here. For a century, the tornado has been the undisputed protagonist of the American storm. But while scientists have spent decades perfecting the ability to predict where a funnel will touch down, hail has remained a blind spot. So the national oceanic and Atmospheric Administration is conducting the largest hail research project in history. Right now they're researching hail. Turns out it's frozen water. No. They say here a single hour of hail over a mid sized city can cause a billion dollars in damage. A single hour of hail over a mid sized city can cause a billion dollars in damage. Hail is apparently a growing driver in losses throughout the Midwest. Insurers now flag hail, hail, not tornadoes, as the primary catalyst for the rising cost of living in the American heartland and for the skyrocketing cost of insurance premiums. Way back in the 80s, the country experienced on average one billion dollar disaster every four months. Now there's one every three weeks. So there is incentive out there to get out and study hail. Wonder what they hope to learn by studying it, Are they planning to learn how to stop it? How to shut down hail before it ever starts? Personally, I don't think I could join a hail chasing crew. There's so many things that are different. Number one, with tornadoes you have this cool way of measuring them. You have the F1, the F2, the F3, the F4, the F5. When I was nine years old, this fella came up with this idea. His name was Fujita, Dr. T. Theodore Fujita. He was a Japanese American meteorologist down at the University of Chicago. He came up with a Fujita scale. So you see a tornado like I did when I was 18 years old, standing tall right there in front of me, thousands of feet high. There it is. There's the monster right there. I'm meeting it for the first time. And you get to yell, that's a Fujita 5. And the guy next to you says F5. We just say F5. Okay then instead of calling you Ray, I think from now on I'm just gonna call you ARR.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

ARR.

[Mishke (Host)]

Would you like that? With hail you don't get the cool Fujita scale. You get this far less interesting thing where meteorologists actually say as an official term that's pea size hail.

[Storyteller or Guest]

There

[Mishke (Host)]

is actually the official terminology with meteorologists. They go with the word P for 1, 4 inch hail. Then they go with penny for 3 quarter inch hail, quarter for 1 inch hail, golf ball for 1 and 3, 4 inch hail, baseball for 2 and 3 quarters inches, softball for 4 inches. And I am not kidding here. The largest recorded hailstone in US history fell in South Dakota. And it was. I'm not kidding. You can look this up. It was the size of a soccer ball.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

A soccer ball.

[Mishke (Host)]

Now when the meteorologist says to me

[Co-host or Sidekick]

we're expecting soccer ball hail, I'm suddenly

[Mishke (Host)]

switching from tornado chasing to hail chasing because we have a real monster on our hands suddenly. In fact, I'll tell you what we have on our hands at that point. We have God playing dodgeball with creation. Astounding.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

I need to be there to see God play dodgeball.

[Mishke (Host)]

Cars crushed, houses destroyed, people killed. The World cup of natural disasters. Soccer ball size hail any bigger than soccer balls. And I think we just call them asteroids. Hey, speaking of the World Cup, I should have followed it a lot more than I did. I'll tell you what turned me off. And, and it shouldn't have. But it was right at the start of the World Cup, I came upon an article in the newspaper that said, and this was the headline for real. It said the 200 players to keep your eyes on at this year's World Cup. The 200 players to keep my eyes on. These are the top players I should be looking for. The 200. How much time do you think I have? Do folks in the sports media think we're all just sitting here in the heartland staring at passing clouds, waiting for somebody to give us something to do? The 200 players I should keep my eyes on. I'm against keeping my eyes on 200 of anything. Anything. 200 must see films?

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

No.

[Mishke (Host)]

200 new recipes to try. 200 fashion tips for the fall? Nope. Even in the song 50 ways to leave your lover, Paul Simon only named five. He got worn out after that. He wasn't going to force us to keep track of the 50 ways he had. Jack, Stan, Roy, Gus and Lee each paired with a different way to leave your lover. And then he gave up. Should have called it five ways to leave your lover.

[Listener or Caller]

Paul.

[Mishke (Host)]

He wanted to call it 200 different ways to leave your lover. 200 lovers to keep your eyes on. This summer, there's Emma, Olivia, Sophia, Isabella, Ava, Mia, Charlotte, Abigail, Elizabeth, Victoria, Denise, Renee. 200 soccer players to keep your eyes on. All right, I have to talk to somebody. Where the devil's the phone? It's time to make a call to a listener. If you folks want to get on the listener list, just text me. 651-3218, 949-6513, 218949. You can also use that number to get in touch with the show for pretty much anything. You can also email mishkebardradio.com email the show with anything on your mind. Mishkebardradio.com but I need to talk to somebody. Should we bring out the big wheel or go with the gonky later? Let's gonk it. I want to gonk it this time. Give me a name.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Hurrick.

[Mishke (Host)]

It's a funny sound when you really just listen to it. Sounds like it's going somewhere. Starting out with a r and then it just cuts off.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Where you going? Where you go? Where you head? Work.

[Mishke (Host)]

It's like an accident but without the crash. As if the man just disappeared into thin air. He was forming in the womb.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

He's growing, he's growing. Everything's looking good.

[Mishke (Host)]

Miscarriage? No. I don't know what happened there, but it is an interesting sound. Tom, what are you doing? I don't know. Names intrigue me. Did not go with Richard.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Richard.

[Mishke (Host)]

Hello, Richard. Very different thing going on there. And of course, they're both quite different from Dick. Anyway, I'm gonna take one last break and end this program by talking to listeners. That's where we're gonna wrap up. We're gon. I want you to think about your daily route, perhaps passing by one of six branches of North American Banking Company. You're passing a neighborhood bank. You thought those were gone, replaced by the big national chains. It's a beautiful thing they created with North American Banking Company. When you walk into North American Banking Company, they don't see you as a transaction. What they see is your goals, your family, your business, your dreams. Every loan, every personal loan, every business loan, every home loan is done in a personal way where it matters who you are, not what the numbers are on the page, who you are. I don't understand at all why anybody would go with a big national bank. All the bells and whistles don't amount to any services that you can't find at North American Banking Company. There's nothing special being offered by the big national chains. And more importantly, there's plenty they don't offer because they don't know you. And frankly, they're not that interested in knowing you. That's not what they're about. That's what North American Banking Company is about. Member fdic Equal Housing Lender

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[Mishke (Host)]

At the Wilshire Memory Care center in Bloomington and Medina, they don't spread themselves thin, something you see quite a bit at assisted living facilities or nursing homes. Trying to focus on too many things. At the well Shire, they decided to just focus on memory care and to really focus on it. Creating four distinct households, each designed for a different stage of memory support. And all of it happening with a town square environment, a vibrant daily life presented, a cinema, a library, salon, barbershop gardens, a staff that does not have turnover. They stay for a reason. They love what they do. They have reinvented what it means to be present in someone's life. They're not just caregivers. They're anchors of trust. They know their purpose. And these people are the finest you'll ever bring your loved one to. The well Shire of Bloomington and Medina.

[Rick (Caller)]

Hello.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Hello there, Rick

[Rick (Caller)]

Mishke.

[Mishke (Host)]

You nailed it. What am I catching you doing this

[Rick (Caller)]

is a nice surprise. I'm doing well.

[Mishke (Host)]

What's happening in your life?

[Rick (Caller)]

Well, I'm retired.

[Mishke (Host)]

Waiting around to die.

[James's Friend or Narrator]

Yeah.

[Mishke (Host)]

Retirement really is kind of God's waiting room, isn't it?

[Rick (Caller)]

Yeah, kind of. I retired about two years. Well, a year and a half ago now. And I decided I liked working and I like not working. So I'm flummoxed. I think after the summer, I might go back to looking part time at something.

[Mishke (Host)]

But the body craves comfort. The body wants to be comfortable, but the soul craves challenge in order to grow. So it's a conundrum all life long for everybody. Part of us just wants to collapse on a lawn chair on an island somewhere and do nothing except maybe sip a Mai Tai. But then our soul keeps bugging us to challenge ourselves, test ourselves, push ourselves, get uncomfortable.

[Rick (Caller)]

Yeah, I'm between those right now. One of my kids says that when you're retired, you should be doing about a thousand more things than I'm doing right now. You've got me in the middle of packing for a trip. Go back to junior. To senior high. Our junior year, there's a bunch of us that played sports together. Over Christmas break, we asked our parents if they would mind if we did a weekend fishing trip up to Lake Winnebagosh. Spearing. And they said yes. Yeah, they wouldn't mind. So we hopped into one car and went up there. And this next week I'm going up for our 57th year. But we stopped fishing in the wintertime after 20 years. And we've been going up to Canada ever since.

[Mishke (Host)]

You mean to tell me, you and some high school buddies, your junior year came up with a little spearfishing adventure and you got hooked on it to such a degree that for 57 straight years you've been doing it?

[Rick (Caller)]

Yeah, we were best friends back then. We've remained best friends now. Started with six, and one dropped out early because he went to the Marines. And another one stopped going about maybe 15 years ago. But the four of us have stayed tried and true.

[Mishke (Host)]

So there were originally six of you?

[Rick (Caller)]

Yeah, the Winnie Six.

[Mishke (Host)]

The Winnie Six, yeah, sure. It wasn't the whiny six, it was the Winnie six. And Winnie stood for Lake Winnipeg. Winnipeg. Winnipeg. I like saying that. Is that an old Ojibwe word?

[Rick (Caller)]

I think so.

[Mishke (Host)]

Winnibe.

[James's Friend or Narrator]

Gosh.

[Mishke (Host)]

Do you know what it means?

[Rick (Caller)]

Blonde hair.

[Mishke (Host)]

Does it really?

[Rick (Caller)]

No, I don't. I don't. I know. I don't know what it means. Something to do with the wind or Something, I imagine, or big open water.

[Mishke (Host)]

You mean in all these years. All these years you haven't bothered to learn what it translates into?

[Rick (Caller)]

That's a fair question.

[Mishke (Host)]

I'll tell you what it means. Winnibagosh means filthy water.

[Rick (Caller)]

No, it doesn't.

[Mishke (Host)]

Yeah, it does.

[Rick (Caller)]

I know what malax means.

[Mishke (Host)]

Hey, it means filthy water. Winnipegash.

[Rick (Caller)]

Really?

[Mishke (Host)]

Yeah, it means filthy water. Tell that to the boys.

[Rick (Caller)]

Yeah, I will.

[Mishke (Host)]

It's a pejorative. It's not a kind word. They use that term negatively. Meaning, look at that water. It's just. It's just filthy. It's just Winnipeg.

[Rick (Caller)]

You know, there's a big lake right next to it that's called Leech Lake. I wonder where that name comes from.

[Mishke (Host)]

That came from a kid who kept wanting money from his dad. What are the names of the other five guys?

[Rick (Caller)]

Well, we've all got nicknames. All got nicknames.

[Mishke (Host)]

Of course you do. You gotta have nicknames. What's your nickname?

[Rick (Caller)]

Well, I'm the only one that doesn't really have one. My name is Rick. The long form is Richard. And I never liked the name Dick.

[Mishke (Host)]

Can't imagine why.

[Rick (Caller)]

Yeah, so that got affixed to me rather early. But Mark, his nickname is Nubs. Steve, his nickname is Willie. Dave is Pork Chop. The guy that stopped coping about 15 years ago, his name is Smoke. He always was responsible for lighting the fire when we went.

[Mishke (Host)]

Smoke's a good nickname. And the guy who was responsible for the fires bailed on you?

[Rick (Caller)]

He probably had the best nickname.

[Mishke (Host)]

If I were Nubs, I'd want to trade with him.

[Rick (Caller)]

I'll tell him that.

[Mishke (Host)]

Who else do we have?

[Rick (Caller)]

Well, there's one more. He's the one that left for the Marines. We called him Ochre.

[Mishke (Host)]

Ochre? What happened to the old jar head?

[Rick (Caller)]

Well, he went away for in the Marines for four years, and then he moved from Minnesota after that out to Pennsylvania. And Joe was always kind of a loner, so that just probably felt right for him and felt right for us.

[Mishke (Host)]

And none of you guys talk to him anymore?

[Rick (Caller)]

Rarely. Once every four or five years, I guess. He'll give. He'll give me probably closest to him. He'll give me a call or I'll give him a call.

[Mishke (Host)]

It's a funny thing to call a guy who was a buddy of yours, a close buddy, to call him every four or five years. I mean, you're getting dangerously close to it being every 40 years at that point, and then just saying, why do we bother?

[Rick (Caller)]

You don't want me to call him anymore? Or do you want me to call him more often?

[Mishke (Host)]

A little more often would seem more a way of honoring that. There was a friendship there.

[Rick (Caller)]

Yeah, you're right. You're right.

[Mishke (Host)]

So we're down to four guys. The guy who dropped out 15 years ago, Mr. Smoke. The Smoke Monster.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Why did he drop out?

[Rick (Caller)]

I'd rather not go into that on the radio.

[Mishke (Host)]

It got ugly.

[Rick (Caller)]

Yeah, he changed. He had some problems.

[Mishke (Host)]

So I take it you guys don't hang with him anymore.

[Rick (Caller)]

No, we don't. No, we don't.

[Mishke (Host)]

He's really on the outs. Yeah, Mr. Jarhead. He's a loner, but he still gets a call every four years. Smoke Monster is just Persona non grata. Wonder what happened to old Smoke Monster.

[Rick (Caller)]

I don't know. I feel like I'm in therapy right now.

[Mishke (Host)]

Well, sometimes. That's what these calls are all about. So the tight four. The four musketeers are Rick, Not Dick. Nubs Willie and the Chop Chop Willie. Nubs and Not Dick are the tight four.

[Rick (Caller)]

That's right.

[Mishke (Host)]

So you're going to go up there for the 57th year.

[Rick (Caller)]

Beer during the day and whiskey at night.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Beer during the day and whiskey at night.

[Mishke (Host)]

You take it easy during the day. Easy there, boys. Just the beer.

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

Okay?

[Co-host or Sidekick]

All right.

[Mishke (Host)]

Sun's down.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Hit it.

[Mishke (Host)]

I wonder if when you come home afterward, you guys will tell your wives that you talked about your feelings with one another, your emotional lives. They must wonder what you guys talk about. And they must wonder why. When you come home, when they ask what you talked about, you say, I can't remember. Or you say, nothing. The wives say, what'd you talk about during the trip? Nothing. Come on, there's got to be something you talked about. And you say, I can't remember.

[Rick (Caller)]

One of them is a lifelong motivational speaker.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

A lifelong motivational speaker. What the heck is it like to go on a trip with a guy like that? How many times do people tell him to shut up?

[Rick (Caller)]

He's the one that sends out the newsletter every year.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Of course he does. He's on top of that.

[Mishke (Host)]

He's the word Smith. What would he possibly have to offer the world as a motivational speaker? I always think of motivational speakers as first walking the walk before talking the talk. Did he lose a couple of limbs somewhere along the line?

[Rick (Caller)]

No, no, no. He's fully functional. He started off doing a lot of high schools and now he's doing mostly corporate stuff.

[Mishke (Host)]

I wonder what he says.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Beer during the day. Saved a whiskey for the nighttime.

[Mishke (Host)]

Yeah, now there's A speech I'd listen to.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Listen, everybody sit down.

[Mishke (Host)]

You don't have whiskey in the morning.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

That's beer time.

[Mishke (Host)]

Whiskey's for after the sun goes down.

[Rick (Caller)]

Yeah, the beer's for the boat.

[Mishke (Host)]

Beers for the boat. Whiskey's for the fire. Is this Nubs or Willie? Which one's this?

[Rick (Caller)]

No, I'm not gonna say.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

It's a nickname. We'll never be able to look it up. It's a nickname.

[Rick (Caller)]

That's Nubs.

[Mishke (Host)]

Nubs the motivational speaker.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Hi, everybody.

[Mishke (Host)]

I'm Nubs and I'm a motivational speaker. First of all, I'm gonna tell you to get off your ass.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

I mean, now you people sitting down. Stand up. Lazy sobs. Think you're just gonna sit there and fall asleep while I'm talking? We're starting out with jumping jacks.

[Mishke (Host)]

You're in your 70s now. You made it. First of all, there were 150 different ways y' all could have died in those 57 years. It's astounding that you're even still alive. And then. Are y' all normal?

[Rick (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Mishke (Host)]

You're all going to be sitting around together. Sitting around the fire late night. And of course, the whiskey will be out. That can be dangerous. What if politics comes up?

[Rick (Caller)]

I don't want to get into that. There's a difference of opinion in our politics.

[Mishke (Host)]

Yeah. So you're going to have to try and avoid that topic, which is going to be hard when the hooch is starting to have its effect.

[Rick (Caller)]

We probably spoke more about that 10 years ago and before that, but it's kind of off limits now, these last 10 years.

[Mishke (Host)]

Yeah.

[Rick (Caller)]

Someone in America has polarized us somewhat.

[Mishke (Host)]

Yeah. It's probably best to just take that off the table entirely.

[Rick (Caller)]

One of the questions in the newsletter that came out. One of the questions I want to raise this year with the guys is are they going cremation or regular burial? I'm kind of interested to see where they're going on that stuff. That's not a. That's not funny.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Yes, it is. Yes, it is. I got an arrangement with smoke. Are you going to be buried or cremated? That'll be interesting.

[Mishke (Host)]

I wonder how long that conversation will go and what the different takes will be. I suspect the very same things have been said about this topic since time immemorial. No one brings any fresh perspective. It's the same discussion over and over and over again endlessly. What more is there to say? There's the guy who says, I'm just uncomfortable about the flames just torching Me, you know, my face getting all burned up. And, I mean, I did. My whole body burned out, like. And another guy saying, I like the

[Co-host or Sidekick]

idea of the body under the ground,

[Mishke (Host)]

just kind of rotting, getting more rotted, rotted, rotted. And someone else will say, you know, I think the graveyard should be given over to kids. We should make them into parks with ball fields. We should all be cremated. And someone else will say, I like the idea of my relatives being able to visit my grave. I mean, it's the same thing. What are you going to have done?

[Rick (Caller)]

I think I'm leaning towards cremation.

[Mishke (Host)]

You ought to observe a cremation maybe before you decide, you know, you can actually watch the flames burn the person. Did you know that?

[Rick (Caller)]

No, I didn't.

[Mishke (Host)]

Yeah, my wife, when her brother died, she actually watched the cremation. You can look through a little window, and then where would your ashes be thrown? We take it to Winnebagosh and we make the water really filthy. I had a father die and get buried. I had a mother die and get buried. I had a sister die and get buried. I've never once visited their burial sites, not once. I have no sense whatsoever that that's representative of their lives, who they were. I don't have any sense whatsoever that that would be where I would go to, quote, unquote, be with them. That is such a foreign concept to me. I don't grasp it at all. Not at all. If I wanted to feel my dad, I think I'd go to a ball game or a newspaper office, some for my sister. Maybe I'd go to some bowling alley for my mother. I think I just listened to someone sing.

[Rick (Caller)]

You know what I do where I go with that? I live part of my life overseas and at a time when there wasn't any email or that stuff. So I got a packet of letters from my dad and a packet of letters from my mom that were sent. And I love going through those again.

[Mishke (Host)]

Yeah, one of the wonderful things about going through a letter that the old man wrote. I have all the letters that my old man wrote back home from World War II to his family. And it's. It's actually looking at the handwriting, it's knowing that his hand did that. I also found a note, a note one time that he wrote to my mother after one of their fights, apologizing, saying he's going to do better, and was actually well written. Of course, he was a writer, but it was fascinating to hear how he approached making up with a woman versus, say, what I Would do. I can't say I took any tips from him. He used a lot of big words, but I'm not sure they went over well with my mother.

[Rick (Caller)]

He was a newspaper man, right?

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Yep.

[Mishke (Host)]

He was a newspaper man. I tell you what I'd like to do. I'd like to be a motivational speaker for guys who are on the outs with their women for screwing up in one way or another. Guys in the doghouse. I'd like to be the motivational speaker for fellas in the doghouse with their gals or with their guys. If they're in the doghouse. I could help. I'd take them to the filthy waters of Winnebagosh, gather them around the flames. First, we do some weird drumming stuff, a la Robert Blythe. Then we pull out the whiskey, which I don't think Robert Bly did. And that may have been his fatal mistake.

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

All right, gentlemen, I'm glad we're gathered here. Every one of you has, in the last few days, said the sentence, I don't see what the big deal is, honey. And then. You've watched a woman's soul leave her body in real time, haven't you? We've all seen that. You are the Doghouse Boys. I'm not here to fix you. Nobody fixes a man who thought the words, you look tired was a compliment. You didn't end up in the doghouse because you're bad men. You ended up in the doghouse because you're idiots with good intentions. And good intentions are worth exactly nothing at 11pm when you're eating cereal for dinner. Some of you are gathered here because of an anniversary. One you missed. Some of you are here because you said, relax to a woman who was at that moment incapable of relaxing because of the thing you just said. One of you, and you know who you are, is here because you treated her mother in law like she was part of a Yelp review, gave her one star and used words I'm not gonna repeat here. But here's the good news. The doghouse is not a life sentence.

[Mishke (Host)]

It's a timeout.

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

And timeouts end when you stop being the reason you're in one. Let's talk strategy, fellas. Not the apology where you say, I'm sorry you feel that way. And no lies, either. No saying, I didn't forget our anniversary. I was saving the real celebration for later. Stop negotiating. This is not a hostage situation where you get her back with good behavior. Nobody wants a man who's nice strategically. It's time for the grand gesture. And no, I don't mean flowers. The grand gesture is listening for longer

[Mishke (Host)]

than four minutes without checking the watch

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

to see if the game started. You are here because you love somebody enough to sit around a fire taking advice from a stranger about your emotional incompetence. What is that incompetence about? It's not that you don't have emotions. You have emotions. Three of them. You've been running your entire romantic life on the emotional range of a vending machine boys. She comes to you upset, and she's not asking you to fix anything. She just wants you to feel bad with her for just a few minutes.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

That's it.

[Mishke (Host)]

That's the whole request.

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

And what do you do? You go into what I call diagnostic mode. It's not that you don't care. It's that your emotional vocabulary doesn't peaked around age 11. Nobody has updated the software.

[Mishke (Host)]

So here's your homework, fellas.

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

Feel the thing, say the thing. Don't fix, don't diagnose.

[Mishke (Host)]

Don't disappear into the garage like the emotion's gonna evaporate if you just wait

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

it out with a socket wrench in your hand.

[Storyteller or Guest]

Go home.

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

Say a real sentence, one with heart, and mean it. And for the love of God, put down your damn phone while she's talking. Now get out of the doghouse and

[Mishke (Host)]

go build yourself a love shack.

[Doghouse Boys Speaker]

A love shack?

[Co-host or Sidekick]

What have you.

[Mishke (Host)]

What have you taken from these trips? One day you're going to be on your deathbed. What will it all have meant? What will it all have been about?

[Rick (Caller)]

Friendships.

[Mishke (Host)]

I've been thinking about friendship lately. You know, the word friend is tossed around for a lot of different people. You can introduce a guy who you work with to somebody you meet on the street. Hey, is a friend of mine. And then it can be a guy who you've been hanging out with for 57 years. And you can say, yeah, this is a friend of mine. And then you can get some new friend, he's been with you about six months, and you introduce him to somebody as a friend of mine. The term is the same, but it means so many different things. It almost should have degrees with it. There's a friend of mine to the third degree. This is a first degree friend of mine here. Now, these fellows that you're gathering with, you're all together after all these years. But what is friendship? What is it really? I mean, what does it mean in the case of these guys? Is it giving each other pleasurable experiences?

[Rick (Caller)]

Yeah, I think. I think it's that it's the enjoyment of being around them.

[Mishke (Host)]

The majority of friendships I've seen in life are about mutual pleasure. I'm enjoying myself when I'm with you. You're enjoying yourself when you're with me. That would be a pretty easy friendship to have because you're happy around that person and they're happy around you. So selfishly, you're both getting something. Your happiness is going up. But that can't be friendship at its deepest. That actually should be the shallowest form. Mutual pleasure. Just the enjoyment of being with someone. That's how you make a friend when you're six years old. This guy's fun to be around. I think I'll hang out with him. You haven't had anything happen with these guys yet where one of them's become a quadriplegic. Or one had a stroke and can't talk again for the rest of his life. And now it's who's going to visit him every month. It's interesting to think of what friendship is ultimately. Is it you will be there no matter what for this person?

[Rick (Caller)]

I think we all share that feeling to a great degree. Which is probably one of the major strings that holds us together. The fact that we came from a mutual beginning. That's a strong part of it.

[Mishke (Host)]

How much of the time sitting around that fire, are you guys going to be talking about the seventies?

[Rick (Caller)]

All the time.

[Mishke (Host)]

Isn't that funny? You won't talk much about the 90s. You won't talk much about the first decade of the 2000s. You'll skip over a huge number of years. Really, you won't even entertain those eras. And you'll go back to high school. I often think about that. What is it about that?

[Rick (Caller)]

Well, I guess a big part is nostalgia. But the fact that we constantly rehash English class. When Mr. Lawrence used to talk, we'd laugh at his socks and all during our senior year at the cafeteria. We would sit around and plan our trip for the next year. And we had lots of people sitting around us cheering us on or giving us tips. It was kind of fun. It was a big deal. We had Marquis at filling station. Good luck when he's six.

[Mishke (Host)]

Really?

[Rick (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Mishke (Host)]

Well, I wish you a lovely trip. I hope this one actually is the most interesting of them all. That will involve something bizarre happening. Something that you might not wish for but that your souls may need. And that'll make this one of the more interesting times with the fellas. I always like to hope for that because then you'll Text me afterward and I'll get a story out of it.

[Rick (Caller)]

I'll let you know how it goes afterwards. I'll send you a line.

[Mishke (Host)]

Please do. I'd love to hear. Thanks again.

[Rick (Caller)]

Thanks for the call, Misky.

[Mishke (Host)]

Appreciate it. Absolutely. So long.

[Rick (Caller)]

Bye.

[Narrator or Closing Speaker]

Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together. Friends are the family you choose. Everyone has a friend during each stage of life. But only lucky ones have the same friend in all stages of life. A man's friendships are one of the best measures of his worth. It takes a long time to grow an old friend. Long time.

[Mishke (Host)]

Well, that's about going to do it for this show. Thank you so much for listening. Mishke here letting you know that messy hair is in style. I read that yesterday in my eye doctor's waiting room. He had a magazine there and I was paging through it and I learned that this year, messy hair is in. Now, guys who do podcasts like mine, we don't have to care about this. We don't have the video option. But those of you who do video podcasts, what a break, huh? Messy hair is in style. That's right. The unkempt look is big. And just being generally untidy across the board, I guess, is pretty hip. Just looking flat out disheveled, sloppy is really the thing. Now, I've been working on something called look what the Cat Dragged In. Yeah, I'm working on a fashion book called Bedraggled. The utterly chaotic presentation on runways near you. Would you like to appear as though you're a walking delicatessen after a bomb has gone off? Winifred, come in here. Look at this slovenly sob.

[Co-host or Sidekick]

Is she hot or what?

[Mishke (Host)]

Just a little FYI for you folks, messy is in. Pass that along to your spouse. When it's time to do the dishes tonight, let the spouse know. No, no, no, no. Messy is in. Talk to you next time.