A (2:31)

You betcha.

A (2:42)

Play their thing.

A (2:49)

Bring it on hold.

A (2:54)

Thank you. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Mishke, what are you doing? You're alone in a room. A little room. There is nobody listening you're just by yourself in the closet. What is wrong with you?

A (3:14)

I don't know. I was made this way. It's not my fault. There was a problem at the factory. I heard rumor all my life about it, but never had the whole thing detailed. I know it was late on a Friday and the workers were drinking. They had a few more people they needed to make and I was the second to the last. The last one is really a mess. You ought to see that guy. I actually thank my lucky stars I'm not him. No, I know I'm a little messed up, but. You spend 30 years talking to yourself in a little room, see what happens to you. They've done studies on solitary. You know, people go mad.

A (4:04)

I love being with you. Folks we don't know there are folks there. Gotta be. Hubbard's wouldn't let me do this show if no one was listening. How do we know the joke isn't on you? It could be an elaborate prank to get back at you. Remember, they fired you. This could be a way of humiliating you. Forcing you to come into a closet every day and talk to nobody. Well, it may be a practical joke, but they did make the coffee today, so I still feel I owe em. Let's see how this is gonna taste.

A (4:42)

Mmm.

A (4:44)

That was made with old Vietnam army socks.

B (4:49)

Mmm.

A (4:51)

Good coffee. Hi, everybody. What should we talk about? There is no we. Lighten up.

A (5:01)

How about if we just go to the news? A 15 year old Belgian prodigy named Laurent Simmons. I'll call him Larry and humanize. The man has earned a PhD in Quantum Physics, making global headlines. 15 years old. According to the Brussels Times, Larry successfully defended his doctoral thesis at the University of Antwerp in November, making him one of the youngest people in the world ever, ever to hold a doctorate. His academic journey has been extraordinary. He received his high school diploma at 8 years of age, completed a bachelor degree in physics by 12, and has now reached the pinnacle of academic achievement long before most students finish secondary school. His doctoral research explored some of the most advanced areas of quantum science. His thesis covered quantum entanglement, multi qubit systems, Bose, Einstein, condensations and information theory. He even studied analogies between quantum black holes and condensed matter systems, contributing new insights to the field again at the age of 15. In an unrelated story, a 15 year old in Gary, Indiana named Ken Schoenberg dropped out of high school this week and got a job at a car wash where he'll work the remainder of his years, rarely saying anything interesting. Just collecting his paycheck and paying rent. On a tiny apartment where he'll watch a tremendous amount of television. There won't be a single article written about him ever. Now, there are a lot more Kens out there than there are Larry's, of course. And sometimes the trick with the Kens of this world is is to find the interesting thing that can be said about them to balance out all the wonderful things we say about Larry. Larry is going to have many wonderful things said about him in the coming years, and there will be many an admirer talking about Larry. What a miracle Larry is. Ken will have a tougher row to hoe. A boss at the car wash will say something nice to him. About six or eight months from now. His exact words will be, nice job, Ken. After seeing Ken clean a customer's Chevy, not quite the same as the pat on the back Larry gets for his thesis covering quantum entanglement and Bose Einstein information theory. But each guy is giving this life a decent go, putting in an effort and hoping things work out, which is all any of us can do. You take what you're given and you give it a go. Hey, hey, you give it a go. This is life. This is the big show. You start out, and by the end, some will be Larry and some will be Kim. I read a story in a business magazine this week that said Texas is luring Wall Street. They're trying to get Wall street, which is New York City, to Texas. And they're luring people with the idea of y' all Street. Not Wall Street, Yall Street. That's Y apostrophe, A L, L, as in you all get it. There's Wall street, and that's an actual street. Says right there on the street sign, Wall. But down in Texas, it does not say y' all Street. They're having some fun there. They're saying Texas is shaping up to be a financial center as well. How about we call it y' all Street? Now, me personally, I'm into small street. That's just a narrow little road in Huberville, Mississippi. It's right on the edge of town. Goes for just a couple of blocks before hitting a dead end. Small street. Two cars can't even pass each other without one of them pulling into someone's driveway or backing all the way down the street. There are only 16 houses down there on small street in Huberville, but each house has a mattress with some cash under it, making it one of Mississippi's financial hubs. Edgar Mertz says he has grabbed a sawbuck or two from time to time, and Loaned it out to a cousin of his and the cousin says he's come to view small street as his go to financial center. Thanks to cousin Edgar. Edgar's cousin says I wanted a 12 pack last week and Edgar came through. In the past I would have shoplifted, but I've been trying to clean up my act, make my mama proud. My goal is to get an article written about me. Like Larry got. You know Larry the 15 year old genius. See, I never got no doctorate at 15. I went to a doctor at 15. Yeah, I had fallen off my dirt bike riding through a shopping mall after hours. My buddy and I broke into the shopping mall, thought it would be fun to ride our dirt bikes through the mall. Well, I ended up crashing into a skincare kiosk and I broke my arm.

A (10:13)

Y'. All. Street and small street, two options if you're looking for an alternative to Wall Street. Yalls street and small Street. Alternatives to Wall Street. Try to avoid Squall street though. The money there is swirling in the gusting winds and is almost impossible to grab. Brawl street ain't much better. The money's there, but you gotta fight for it. Dull street is a little creepy. I steer clear of dull street altogether. It feels like those mannequins or whatever the hell they are are gonna come to life and roll you. Take you for everything you have. I'm not sure what's going on there. Now I mentioned small street. That's not far away from Paul Street. Paul of course a first name given to many men in this world. I know a lot of Paul's. Interestingly, Paul comes from the Roman word paulus which means small. So Paul street is just another kind of small street. Paulus was a very common Roman family name. And of course Saul, the guy who would later become Paul the Apostle, he would take the name Paul when he became a Christian and he'd make it quite popular as a first name. I mean, you have Saul, take another name besides Paul. And man, hardly anyone these days would be named Paul. Saul single handedly made Paul a go to name for millions upon millions. Had he called himself Crazy Jed, imagine the different world we'd be living in today. Crazy Jed would live on Drawl street where everyone had such a thick accent, Northerners couldn't even engage in commerce there. The financial district would remain solely for Southerners, much like y' all street was going to had someone not suggested. The people down there learn the King's English. Now on Paul street you'll find Paul Revere, Paul Simon and Paul Bunyan dining together. Very unusual. One of the more astonishing dinner gatherings you'll ever encounter. Imagine the conversation between Paul Simon, Paul Bunyan and Paul Revere. Bunyan would be saying to the fellows, anyone want more ox meat? And Paul Simon would be saying, hey, that's really above and beyond the call there, butchering your faithful blue ox. Thanks a lot. I was so hungry earlier, I thought of eating Revere's horse. And they'd all have a good laugh hearing Paul Simon say that. As Revere's horse shuddered violently, breaking free and racing off into the nearby wilderness, leaving Revere without a ride. Bunyan would say, simon, you went and scared Revere's horse. Revere, aren't you supposed to be riding that pony at midnight tonight? And Paul Revere would say, damn it, you're right. I had forgotten. And Paul Simon would say, don't worry. There's got to be 50 ways to warn the colonists. Send up a flare, Jer. Ring a big bell, Dell. Fire a gun, son. Just get those colonists free.

A (13:11)

We have lawyers for everything. Divorces, taxes. That thing you signed without ever reading it because you're illiterate. Heck, it's worse than that. You are in a persistent vegetative state, but you're still fun at parties. Anyway, we have lawyers for everything, but there's only one type of lawyer whose entire job is basically, someone wronged you. Let's make them cry about it. Financially, that's personal injury law. Bradshaw and Bryant does this for a living, and they're insanely good at it. Personal injury law is essentially professional revenge. You got hurt, someone needs to pay. And Bradshaw and Bryant are the human equivalent of a very polite battering ram. Relentless. Like a pit bull on meth. They know every trick, every loophole, every excuse the insurance companies will throw at you. And they genuinely seem to enjoy crushing them. It's almost concerning. So if you've been injured, car crash, workplace accident, attacked by aggressive poultry, whatever, call Brad, Shawn, Bryant. They seek justice for the injured. And they get it or you don't pay.

A (14:31)

I went to a Reddit site yesterday where someone was asking this question. Does anyone know of a decent place for memory care? What I'm finding is that the great independent living places get worse and worse ratings, the more care a person needs. Even the places that look super nice get bad reviews for their memory care units, Very poor staff to resident ratios, staff playing on their phones, residents being parked in a common room in front of TVs and abandoned. If that is what's out there, people. My God. You got to get yourselves to the well shire of Bloomington and Medina. It is a 180 degree different story. It is Shangri La for people with dementia and Alzheimer's. If this is what's out there, the Welsh shire should be packed to the gills and it's waiting there for your loved one. I promise you, if you tour it, that's where you'll place them and they will live out their days with joy and serenity. The well shire of Bloomington and Medina.

A (15:50)

I want to spin the listener wheel, see if we actually have listeners. Best way to test it is to make a call randomly to a listener. I like to do that by spinning the magic wheel and having it land on a random name. The name of someone out there in listener land. Then I like to call them and see if they're around. And if they are, I like to talk to them about their lives, their loves, their hopes and their dreams. Let's do it.

A (16:25)

Steve.

B (16:50)

The Steve.

A (16:50)

Well, hello, Steve Mishke. Good old Steve. Who came up with a name like that?

B (16:58)

You know, it was my dad's name and he passed it on to me.

A (17:01)

Where did his dad come up with that name? Steve? When a beautiful boy comes bouncing into your world, why is it the first thing you think is, that's gotta be a Steve, by God. You think of all the names, just endless. The number, all of them. Somebody looks at that new kid, maybe the only kid they're ever going to have, and says, we'll call him Steve. Why?

B (17:27)

That's a pretty standard, solid one syllable name, I think.

A (17:32)

As solid as Joe, Steve or Tom.

A (17:40)

Let's find out why on earth anyone would call a person that, shall we? It comes from the word crown or garland. It's been around for a long time in English speaking countries. Yep.

B (17:52)

You know, I always get the. When I tell my name Steve. Especially like at the driver's, the DMV or whatever. Like, is it Steven? What? I don't know, it's just Steve. So I always kind of like to say I'm just Steve.

A (18:02)

Automatically there's somebody gonna come along and say, can I call you Steve O? How about Steve O? You've gotten that, I've gotten that. And you want to say to him, nope, it's not Steve O. It's Steve. I know, I know it's Steve. I just like to call you Steve O. Kind of a term of endearment, Steve O. I just wish they'd call you Captain America. Talk about a name with some heft.

B (18:25)

That is a name with heft. For sure.

A (18:27)

I don't know if you know this, but Steve Rogers was the original name of Captain America.

B (18:33)

I did know that.

A (18:33)

You did?

B (18:34)

I still have all my comic books from my childhood.

A (18:37)

Mishke, what was your favorite?

B (18:38)

I was a Marvel guy, so I enjoyed a lot of the Marvels. The Thor, Hulk, Spider Man, Captain America, the Avengers, Defenders, that kind of stuff.

A (18:48)

I never liked any of that bs, that Marvel comic nonsense. I'd look at it and say, that would never happen. That couldn't possibly happen. Nope, nope, nope. You know what I went and bought down at the Five and Dime for my comic books? Archie. Archie, Jughead, Veronica, Betty.

B (19:05)

Oh, my gosh.

A (19:05)

Yeah, I loved it because those were real people. They were my friends. They were in high school. And I really, really, really liked Veronica. A lot of guys didn't. They thought she was a little dark. I said, that's exactly right.

B (19:20)

I hear you.

A (19:21)

What was the deal with Jughead, though?

B (19:23)

He was kind of a mascot for the rest of the Riverdale group, wasn't he?

A (19:27)

I think he was abused. I think that was the one part of the Archies they never really got into. It was layered and it was also dark. No, I didn't really like Veronica. She was a rich girl. I couldn't relate. There were rich girls when I was going to school, and they had nothing to do with me. They all lived down by the Mississippi in beautiful mansions. They'd hang out at fancy country clubs. You know what I used to do with Betty? I'm not saying this is something you should do or was right to do, but I'd get Silly Putty and, you know, Silly Putty, you could push it down on a comic and have the comic appear on the Silly Putty. I'd put it on Betty and then I'd. You know, then you could. You could move her around however you wanted to.

B (20:07)

I remember doing that to the Sunday comic section. We got the newspaper.

A (20:11)

Sick, twisted freak.

B (20:13)

You're the one who's stretching Betty on the Silly Putty, Tommy. I'm not.

A (20:17)

I was stretching her in a different way. I was doing a Spanish Inquisition thing. I was saying, tell me, do you believe in the Lord? And when she wouldn't say yes, I'd stretch her out. My mom would eventually ground me, but I'd say, it's your fault. You sent me to Catholic schools.

B (20:32)

There you go. Me, too.

A (20:34)

What's your background?

B (20:36)

Grew up in Duluth. I went to Catholic school up there and college up there and moved down here and just kind of worked corporate jobs. Yeah, just kind Of a Steve from Duluth is kind of how I talk about it.

A (20:49)

Just Steve from Duluth. Are you right now doing anything interesting? What are you doing with your life these days?

B (20:56)

I am working for a local company on a branded line of products and kind of marketing and sales. And it's a lot of fun, and it's what I enjoy. I like to build and fix things. So kind of building and fixing some brands here.

A (21:09)

You know what's strange about that is I don't understand the word you just said. I don't know one thing you just said. So can you tell me when you get up in the morning and head to work, what you do?

B (21:19)

I get up and I try to design and position our products in a way that will attract the shopper or the retailer to buy the product.

A (21:30)

So you're trying to get the retailer to stock it.

B (21:33)

But I also work with the consumer side of it, too.

A (21:35)

I understand the consumer side because I believe I work on the consumer side, don't I? Don't I work on the consumer side?

B (21:41)

For sure, yeah.

A (21:42)

Okay, So I get that. The retail side. So you gotta say to them, I know what you're thinking, pal. No one's gonna buy this. Here's why. Your customers are gonna buy this. Here are some of the other things you sell at your operation. And we've done research that people who buy that will buy this. Now if you'll just give us 13 months to prove ourselves. Do you have to say something like that?

B (22:03)

You've pretty much hit the nail on the head.

A (22:05)

Here's what's crazy about that. You love it. You said you love that.

B (22:09)

I do.

A (22:10)

Help me understand. Cause I understand someone playing baseball and saying, I love it. I can understand someone else saying, I'm the sprinkler monitor and I love it. Because what are you doing as the sprinkler monitor? You're reading Archie comics. But what are you doing that you love it?

B (22:24)

It's the challenge of finding that benefit that people haven't articulated and articulated in a way that retailer and or consumer now recognizes the benefit.

A (22:34)

Are you able to tell me right here and now, your biggest win, your biggest victory, best day of your life.

B (22:39)

Your working life, The Pillsbury Company. A long time ago, I worked on Gino's pizza rolls, of all things. I don't know if you ever remember those.

A (22:46)

Remember them? I lived off them. Friday nights. I used to eat those and watch the Brady Bunch.

B (22:51)

So did I. Well, I worked on that and redesign, refresh, repackaging, repricing, reformulated them. Doubled the business. We had a lot of success with it. Oh, it was just fun. It was just fun. I grew up at Duluth, so I knew all about Gino. I even knew him as a person.

A (23:07)

I was at a party one time and just sort of bored staring at the wallpaper because I swore it looked like a duck. And a guy was telling me, nope, that's a flower. It just looks like a duck. That's how interesting the party was. And a third guy comes over and says, what you guys talking about? And I said, well, you're not going to believe it. I thought I saw a duck here. This guy's telling me it's just floral patterns. And this third guy who came over, we ended up talking to him, and he casually passes along that he invented Fruit Roll Ups.

B (23:37)

Ooh.

A (23:39)

I turned to him and I said, we got a celebrity in our midst. I gotta introduce you to a fellow across the room I talked to earlier who invented Post it Notes. Ended up getting those two guys together, and it wasn't too long before you could eat Post it Notes.

A (23:58)

What do you do in your free time?

B (24:00)

Play some golf, do some yoga.

A (24:02)

Wait a minute. I didn't see those things being put together. I play a little golf. I do a little yoga.

B (24:08)

The yoga keeps me flexible so I can swing the golf club.

A (24:11)

And for you, it's the good old American yoga, isn't it? There's zero, absolutely zero. As in zilch. Spirituality to it. It is solely glorified stretching.

B (24:21)

It's 90% physical and maybe 10% spiritual. I do kind of relax a little bit. It does kind of de stress me, and I try to take a little time to be thankful for things. When I do a series or a.

A (24:31)

Class, well, that's a ticket straight to heaven. God, I gave my body 90% and you 10%. Sorry.

B (24:39)

Oh, wow, that hurts.

A (24:40)

That's all right. You're going to hell. You are going to hell. And they will not have Marvel comic books there. You know what you'll have to read in hell? How to Win Friends and Influence People. Dale Carnegie over and over and over again.

B (24:54)

That would be hell.

A (24:55)

And listen to Ray Khan if eight tracks.

A (24:58)

You and I have never spoken before, right?

B (25:00)

Correct. When I saw this call, I had to pick up. Even though I'm supposed to be in a meeting, I had to pick up and I wanted to talk.

A (25:06)

Well, I'm glad you did.

B (25:07)

Thank you.

A (25:08)

I'll continue on my way. I'm making some calls during the show, but I delighted in visiting with you. And all the best to you.

B (25:15)

It was an absolute pleasure, and I enjoy your show. And keep it up, Tom.

A (25:19)

Thank you kindly.

B (25:19)

Thank you so much.

A (25:20)

Bye. Bye.

B (25:20)

Bye. Bye.

A (25:21)

You know what? That's a good old Steve. That's Steve from Duluth. He comes across as Steve from Duluth. I'd like to research how many Steves have ever been serial killers. My guess, None. I might look that up right now. I don't think it goes with a name. Can you imagine some guy saying to his 18th victim, I know this is gonna surprise you, but my name is Steve. I can tell you because you won't live to report it, but, yeah, I'm Steve. Really? I might have a chance of getting out of this. I think we could talk and maybe find an alternative to you stabbing me 18 times. You say your name's Steve? Have there been any serial killers named Steve?

A (26:09)

Several.

A (26:16)

It's the opposite. It's because it's a Steve that they're able to lure the people into the basement. Steve Wright, also known as the Suffolk Strangler. Steve. Brian pinell, the Route 40 killer. Steve Morin, an American serial killer suspected of being responsible for numerous murders of young girls across the U.S. stephen Caitlin, American. Murdered two wives and his adoptive mother. Mm. Stephen Gordon, an American serial killer who killed at least four sex workers in California between 2013 and 2014. Stephen Port, known as the Grinder Killer. I wouldn't want to be called that. If I ever do become a killer, I'm just hoping to avoid being called the Grinder. I don't want to know what he did. I don't want to get that far. I just don't want that nickname. Here come the Grinder Here come the Grinder Right down my old street look out, he's got a knife and he's got an axe and pretty soon we will meet he'll take me into his basement. Stephen Port, the Grinder. You know what name I meant. When I was thinking of names where they could never be serial killers, the name I meant was Craig. Craig is never a serial killer. Let me see if that's true. Have there ever been any serial killers named Craig?

A (27:43)

Oh, boy. Didn't know about old Craig Price.

A (27:50)

Four victims. He was nicknamed the Warwick Slasher. The Warwick Slasher. That sounds like a WWF name. Ladies and gentlemen, in this corner, the Warwick Slasher. And in the other corner, Jughead. Hey, Jughead, where are you? All right, there's gotta be a name where you would never be a serial killer. Let's think of the name real quick, okay? How about Kenny? Kenny has There ever been a serial killer named Kenny? No way. Several individuals. Oh, God. Kenny McDuff. The Broomstick Killer. The Broomstick Killer. I don't even want to read where he put that. Kenny Bonacci. Hillside Strangler. Kenneth Williams. Oh, come on. Kenneth Erskine. The Giggler. The Giggler. Kenneth Erskine was a British serial killer who killed several elderly people in London in the 80s and he was nicknamed the Giggler. I have to find out why.

A (29:07)

Why was Kenneth called the Giggler? I'm afraid I already know. Because he would often laugh or giggle during his criminal activities or when recalling them. I was afraid that was the reason. I was really hoping it wasn't that he giggled. There's something worse about that than even laughing or howling. Guffawing. It's really tough to process such things. I don't ever want to talk to you again the rest of my life. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way.

A (29:50)

Dustin.

A (30:09)

Hello, good old Dustin.

B (30:13)

Yeah. Who's this?

A (30:15)

Come on.

A (30:19)

I don't know.

B (30:20)

Who's this?

A (30:21)

No idea whatsoever.

B (30:24)

Hey, Misky.

A (30:25)

What you doing?

B (30:27)

I am at work eating a bowl of ramen noodles.

A (30:31)

You're gonna live to be 46, you lucky stiff.

B (30:34)

Got a few years left then might.

A (30:36)

As well keep eating them. What are in ramen noodles? Do we know? Does anybody know preservatives?

B (30:41)

So I assume that'll keep me healthy.

A (30:43)

Definitely. Afterward, you'll be the best looking corpse in the cemetery. I am wondering, when you put your name on the list, did you have anything at all you wanted to ask me? Or was it not related at all to anything you wanted to express in my direction?

B (30:56)

Nothing in particular I want to ask you. Just kind of grew up listening to you.

A (31:01)

So how old were you when you started listening?

B (31:03)

Oh, let's see. I'm 37 now.

A (31:07)

Dear God. You were in Utrom.

B (31:10)

Oh, I'm sure my late mother was a huge fan of yours. And so it was always late night, car rides up to the cabin with Mishke on the radio.

A (31:18)

I had nothing to do with her death, right?

B (31:21)

No.

A (31:21)

Okay. There was one guy, one time who claimed that I caused an accident when he was driving his car when I was on the radio and he said it was a close call. He was in the hospital when he gave me a ring. And I thought, you know, the guys who die are never gonna call me. I won't know who I took out.

B (31:39)

Yes, that's pretty true.

A (31:40)

And the only reason I'm bringing this up is I've had serial killers on my mind. The last 20 minutes, I talked to a fellow named Steve. And I thought, a name like Steve, you're never going to be a serial killer. So I looked it up, and I found out every serial killer has been a Steve. Every serial killer has been named Steve. It's the opposite of what I thought. Now your name's Dustin. You think there have been serial killers named Dustin? Probably not. Just because I'd like to know, and I think you'd like to know, have there been any serial killers named Dustin? Please, God, no. Come on. Yes, Dustin Honkin. The guy's last name was Honkin. Convicted of the 1993 murders of five people in Iowa. March 22, 1968. He came out, this beautiful little baby boy, cute as a button. And they said, we're gonna call you Dustin. Hope you don't become a serial killer. We're hoping with a name like Dustin, you won't. Wouldn't you like to know at what age you can turn them around? Like at 6? Was it already too late? Personalities established pretty much by then. Is it too late to turn them around? And if it is too late, how weird to be on the baseball team with them and saying, well, can't stop them. Might as well just let them play left field. One day it's gonna get ugly. But for now, I don't know. He's got a good glove.

B (33:01)

I guess they hope it's just a phase.

A (33:04)

The serial killing. Never do. They stick with it for eternity. It almost always ends.

B (33:08)

That's a good point.

A (33:09)

What do you do?

B (33:11)

I am a tow truck operator in the Twin Cities. Here.

A (33:15)

Got something I want to ask you about. Tow trucks. Have you ever towed a vehicle where the person whose vehicle you were towing said to you, hey, could I ride along with you? And you said, yes, and afterward, we're sorry. You did?

B (33:28)

Yes. I towed a car because we were doing a program with the city where if you were too drunk, the city would take the bill and you could call and get your car towed home for free. Go to the bar, drink too much.

A (33:41)

Wait a minute. That used to be a thing For.

B (33:43)

A very short while.

A (33:45)

A week.

B (33:46)

About a week. People took advantage of it. Well, one time, a frequent flyer of this program used our services. And while I'm driving down the road, I have the occupants in the truck with me, but I did not account for the person in the van. And while I'm going down Main Street, I see in my mirror somebody hops out of the van and starts peeing off the side of the truck.

A (34:12)

So I imagine there are some days when people see you as sort of a savior. Not in the religious sense, but really sort of a superhero.

B (34:23)

Yes. Sometimes. Till they get the bill.

A (34:25)

You know, the one time you don't see that, and I think you should, someone will have a heart attack. Say, on a basketball court, little pickup game, or maybe even on a. On a beach, someone will have a heart attack, and someone will do CPR and save their life. Later on, the person whose life was saved wants to find these people and thank them. There's a golden opportunity to give the guy a bill. A golden opportunity. And it would be fine if it were way, way more expensive than the bills you hand people. And yet they would be offended. How about a little something for the effort? What? I think that's the one time that you should get out a checkbook and say, you name it, pal. What's your dream? What have you wanted your whole life? If I could pay for it, you got it. But instead, people would look down on that person. Or someone runs out with a defibrillator, saves the life. I happen to have one of these because we paid for one to keep in our store. I mean, I feel like you should cover the cost of that thing, because the one time we've had to use it, it was to sa. How about you pay for a defibrillator?

B (35:27)

Yeah.

A (35:28)

Or maybe they could say this to him. I tell you what, pal. Next time you collapse, I'm gonna call a tow truck. We'll just drag your ass to the hospital. How do you like them apples? Now you're saying to yourself, what's wrong with Mishke? That he would tow a guy down a street, skipping over speed bumps, bouncing off the curb, taking turns, sharp right into a mailbox. God help me. Well, I've enjoyed talking to you. I just wanted to check in and say howdy. Howdy. Hosky.

B (35:53)

Heidi. Heidi Hoski.

A (35:54)

I'll let you get back to your day. Hope you have a joyful holiday season and a happy new Year. And hope you keep listening.

B (36:01)

I will do, Mischie. Thank you so much for calling.

A (36:10)

I invented a time machine. Last week, I went forward about 40 years to see how my investments turned out. It wasn't that great. Apparently, somewhere along the line, I take financial advice from a cousin named Kevin who once tried to pay his mortgage in cryptocurrency. Called it Kevin Coin. So I came back to the present. I called Josh Arnold. He's been doing this investment thing for, interestingly, 40 years. Mutual funds, IRAs, 401ks retirement plans. Basically, he's actually been to the financial future. Forty years ago he started, and now he's doing great because it turned out he was smart as hell and he knew how to help other people. And he did help him. You can spend 48 minutes on the phone with Josh Arnold for nothing, and you can find out what it's like to see your Future. He's at 952-925-5608. Investment services offered by Josh Arnold Investment Consultant, LLC. A security and investment advisor. Past performance is no guarantee of future results. All investments involve risk. Tommy Miske is a paid endorser. I got a weird thing going on in my house right now. When I'm on the second floor, everything's jake. I go to the main floor, little chilly. I get down to the basement. Yeah, that means it's really cold down there. I don't understand why it's that way. So I'm calling my guys at MSP Minneapolis St. Paul Plumbing, Heating and Air. I'm going to have them come over and figure out what I'm doing wrong. I know one thing. When they leave, everything will be great. The temperature will be great everywhere. I'll be happy because I'll go into this lovely holiday season feeling the warm embrace of home. That wonderful feeling when you come in from the cold and feel the warm embrace of home. What Minneapolis St. Paul plumbing, heating and Air do for people all over this region this time of year is give them back their warm embrace. Their plumbing department gives them back their water. When those pipes freeze, as they will, they come with the metaphorical hug, the hug of home. Doctors envy them. Lawyers want to be them. Find them. Minneapolis St. Paul Plumbing, Heating and Air.

A (38:38)

I gotta get off this serial killer jag.

A (38:42)

I wanna go just like the gal who married dear old dad.

A (38:52)

That probably was the most disturbing song ever written. I want a gal just like the gal who married dear old dad.

A (39:07)

Do you want to have a child who, when he's 18 or 19 or 20, is looking at their mother and saying, I gotta get me a girl like her?

A (39:19)

No, no, no. Talk about someone who's a potential serial killer. You may accidentally end up with someone like your mom. Because they say we often look for traits in women that are similar to the traits in the first woman we ever had any relationship with. But you're not consciously going out saying, where's somebody who looks like ma? Hey, you dress a little like my ma. Norman Bates went looking for that sort of thing. Now I gotta know about that song. Mishke could we pause a minute and acknowledge that you were actually singing the song? I was trying to put other thoughts in my head besides serial killers, and that's what came up. And it would have worked, except all of a sudden I thought, well, there's your serial killer, the guy who wants to date Mom. Hang on. I gotta find the origins of this song. I wanna go just like the gal who married dear old Dan. There it is. What's the story on this song? Let's find out. How you people doing? You enjoying the show so far?

A (40:32)

1911. Composed by Harry Von Tilzer and William Dylan. Now, the two had never written a song before, but finding themselves on the same vaudeville bill one day, one of the fellas suggested they might collaborate on some songs while they're on the road together. Dylan had had some success with what he called girl songs, such as I'd Rather have a Girl Than An Automobile. Wait, that's a real song. Tilzer suggested they try another one. In that vein, the song was one of the most popular songs of 1911. The song sold over 5 million score sheets and recordings. That's how you know we're going back a ways. How many score sheets did you sell with that baby? What, you mean records? No, score sheets. The lyrics go. When I was a boy my ma often said to me, get married, boy. See how happy you will be. Well, I've looked all over but no girl can I find who seems to be just like that girl I have in mind Hubba hubba. I will have to look around until the right one I have found. Cause I want a gal just like that gal that married dear old dad. She was a pearl and the only girl that Daddy ever had.

A (41:57)

At the end of the song, he says, by the old mill stream Sit a couple old and gray Though years have rolled away Their hearts are young today Mother dear looks up at dad with love light in her eye he steals a kiss, a fond embrace While evening breezes sigh they're as happy as can be so that's the kind of love for me. Now, if he had just said that. If he had said, I'm looking for the kind of love these two have. All of a sudden it's a different song. Wonderful. I want the kind of love my parents had. They deeply cared for each other. Perfect. I get that. Say that, don't say, dad, are you done with Mom? Cause I can't find any like her. I just am gonna have to go with Ma. I'll fight you for her. Have a son and father ever fought over the same mother. Wait, no, I don't want to ask that question. For some odd reason, while I was searching around for this song, I came upon another one called Just a Girl that Men Forget. I gotta read the lyrics to this one. This is from the twenties. Dear little girl, they call you a vamp. A flapper with up to date ways. You may shine brightly, but just like a lamp you'll burn out one of these days. Then your old fashioned sister will come into view. With a husband and kiddies. But what about you? What about you? Here's the chorus. You're the kind of girl that men forget. Just a toy to enjoy for a while. For when men settle down, they get an old fashioned girl. A girl with an old fashioned smile. And you'll soon realize you're not so wise. When the years bring you tears of regret. When they play Here Comes the Bride, you'll stand outside the girl that men forget. But wallflower girl, you won't be left alone. A man will reach for you and place you upon a throne. Queen of a sweet little home. And you gay little flapper, you'll learn and you'll go down a pathway that has no.

A (44:21)

That's the way they tried to keep him in line back then in the 1920s with these morality songs. I wonder if they worked. Just a Girl that men forget. 1923.

A (44:37)

I've got to stop. I got to do something else with this show. Sometimes the show just runs away with me, takes me places. I never intended to go back after this.

A (44:55)

You know what I want to do one day? I want to go to a company that uses pressure washers. And I want to say, I know this company called American Pressure in Robbinsdale, and they sell pressure washers. And they have since. Well, since pressure washers were invented. And they repair pressure washers. I've spent time out there talking to them about pressure washers. And it's like talking to Albert Einstein about physics. They know everything there is to know about pressure washers, people call them with pressure washer concerns, breakdowns, wanting to upgrade pressure washer systems, wondering what'll work best. They solve problems. They set up new pressure washer operations, train companies on how to work the system, and they show people how to improve their efficiency, how to expedite the process, how to improve the bottom line. And I want to go to some company that uses pressure washers and say, there can't be a company you're using more impressive than American pressure. I refuse to believe that I've just spent enough time with them to Think. There cannot be another company like them in town. So what are you other people doing? American pressure.

A (46:27)

Hello? Will Hance.

B (46:31)

Hey, Misky. How are you?

A (46:33)

I found you.

A (46:38)

How many calls have I made over the months?

B (46:41)

30,000 or 35,000?

A (46:43)

Feels like it.

A (46:47)

Hans. Where'd she get a name like that? And is there a serial killer with that name?

B (46:52)

German parents. So, German name.

A (46:55)

Serial killers named Hans. Forgive me for this. It's been a thing today. I can't shake it. I don't know why serial killers named Hans. Well, Hans Reisner. Hans Reisner, an American computer programmer, entrepreneur and serial killer. The poor guy, he was doing so well with his Wikipedia page. It was just fine. He was an American computer programmer. He was an entrepreneur. Oh, damn it. And he's also a serial killer.

B (47:26)

In parentheses.

A (47:27)

What do you do, Hans?

B (47:29)

I'm an engineer.

A (47:31)

An engineer. Do you know any good engineer jokes?

B (47:34)

Just off the top of my head, a German engineer joke. So, you know, family being German, we like to make fun of the. The French a lot. And so we say there's. There's the right way, there's the wrong way, and then there's the French way.

A (47:49)

What is it with you guys and the French? When did it all go south? Was it even before World War I?

B (47:55)

Way before that.

A (47:56)

Well, here's a joke that only an engineer would find funny. A uniform beam walks into a bar. The barman asks, what would you like, good sir? The beam replies, just give me a moment.

B (48:13)

That is actually pretty funny. I'm going to tell that to my brother here as soon as I hang up, because he'd get a laugh out of that, too.

A (48:20)

I don't know what I just said.

A (48:24)

What did I say?

B (48:25)

Going through engineering school, one thing we learned to do as engineers is calculate what happens to a beam under loading or stress. When you put a force away from the center of the beam or a central point, you create a moment. A moment is a measurement of torque, essentially. So you have a distance and a level of force. So like when you say, I'm tightening this screw or my lug nuts on a tire down to 75 foot pounds or newtons, that's actually. You're putting a moment on those nuts.

A (48:57)

It is so strange to tell a joke, have the person laugh, which normally.

B (49:02)

Makes all the fun out of it.

A (49:03)

Well, normally makes a guy feel great. You know when you tell a joke and someone laughs. Well, but it's so strange to be telling a joke that the joke teller himself doesn't understand and then the guy laughs. I was Expecting you to pause and say, I don't get it. I actually found this under a list of jokes only engineers get.

B (49:23)

That certainly applies.

A (49:24)

How German are your kin?

B (49:27)

My parents aren't from Germany, but my grandparents are. So they spoke German as kids in the house, but they speak English. I don't speak a whole lot of German, but I can go to a town in the Black Forest or Schwarzwald and knock on the door and say, hey, it's me. And they let me in.

A (49:43)

We have that in common. My father, English is a second language. But he was born here in the United States. It was just that he was in a family where they spoke German. My great grandfather came over from Germany. And it was just the case that everybody just kept speaking German here today. They'd hang you for that. But he spoke German, the old man. And then he learned English in school. And I also could go to Germany and knock on a door and be welcomed.

B (50:09)

Named like Mishke, for sure.

A (50:10)

Well, there are relatives there I could find in the wine country there along the Moselle River. My dad was a guard at a POW camp for German prisoners. And one day a Mishki came in and the old man got to talking to him in German. Found out how they were related. And then my dad hanged him. At Nuremberg? No. Then my dad said, well, sorry. I'm gonna have to make sure you never escape. And if you do, I'm gonna shoot you.

B (50:36)

Rules of the game kind of thing.

A (50:37)

At that same POW camp. I'm not joking. Italians were given day passes to go into town. That's how much they worried about Italian soldiers.

B (50:45)

Is there such a thing?

A (50:47)

And I thought the Germans had trouble with the French. A shot at the Italians, man. Just cause their tanks had one gear in forward and three in reverse. You don't have to beat up on them like that. What do you do with your life? I just did a sharp right turn.

B (51:04)

That's why I signed up to be called for this exact experience. I like to build a lot of things. So I'm working on my house constantly working on the cabin that I put my dishes on. I got two dogs that we take care of, my wife and I.

A (51:19)

Your wife? Where'd you meet her?

B (51:21)

High school.

A (51:23)

A high school sweetheart. Those never work.

B (51:26)

Well, this one's been working for about 20, 25 years.

A (51:30)

Let me guess. Let me guess. Sadie Hawkins. She took you to the dance.

B (51:34)

She did, yeah. Twice, actually. So it worked out.

A (51:38)

When you were first dancing with her, did you say to yourself at all in any way, shape or form? This might be the one.

B (51:45)

Did I say to myself, I'm going to marry this girl? I don't know.

A (51:48)

Wouldn't it be cool if while you were dancing, you just said, you're the one, young one.

B (51:54)

You're the one, you're the one, young girl.

A (51:59)

I mean, that would have been great. You might have lost her, though, if you whispered in her ear, you're the one, you're the one, you're the one, you're the one.

B (52:05)

Yeah, not a lot of teenage girls probably like to hear that.

A (52:09)

Well, we don't know. No one has ever surveyed teenage girls to learn what they want to hear. And isn't that indicative of our failure to be interested in the thoughts of teenage girls? How many of us have bothered to ever go up to a group and say, what would you like a boy to say to you one day? I used to ask. I was a teenager who'd go up to young women and say, hi. What would you like a boy to say that would get you excited right now? And she'd tell me, and I write it, my little notebook. And I'd spit it out then and there. I'd say that exact phrase.

B (52:41)

Well, that's handy. That's convenient.

A (52:43)

I would have gotten this gal, too, if I'd have repeated what she said in English. I was in this German rut for a while and I just said to her.

B (52:58)

That's hilarious. You know what reminds me the German word for butterfly is?

A (53:02)

What?

B (53:02)

Schmetterling. They take a beautiful name like butterfly and turn it in.

A (53:06)

Hold on a minute. Hold on a minute. What beautiful word out there. Have the Germans not taken and made worse?

B (53:12)

Oh, well, I guess that's a good point. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair.

A (53:15)

Let me ask AI here. What is the German translation for gentle evening rain? Senster abendleagen. Senster abendlegen.

A (53:30)

How did the Germans win over a girl when they sent her poetry? Well, I've enjoyed visiting with you.

B (53:39)

All right, Sounds good, Mishke. You be safe. And thanks for giving me a call and being persistent. Persistence is a. Is a virtue. So thank you for finally connecting.

A (53:46)

I'm glad I did. You be well. Have a lovely holiday and a happy new year.

B (53:51)

You too, sir.

A (53:51)

Thank you so much.

B (53:52)

Bye now.