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- [00:00]
Mishke
Hey, Garage Logic fans. I do a podcast on the Garage Logic Network that comes out every Wednesday and Friday. Now twice a week. But here's an important caveat. There is zero logic available in my show. In the formal definition of logic, of course, life is a yin and yang kind of thing. There's the logic side, and then there's the what the hell? Side, which needs to get its exercise. So come for the what the hell? And stay for the. You've got to be kidding me. Mishki. Now, Wednesdays and Fridays, twice a week. What can 160 years of experience teach you about the future? When it comes to protecting what matters, Pacific Life provides life insurance, retirement income, and employee benefits for people and businesses building a more confident tomorrow. Strategies rooted in strength and backed by experience. Ask a financial professional how Pacific Life can help you today. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska. And in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona. Well, I am absolutely ready to do another show. I am fired up and I'm geared up. I'm psyched up and I'm pumped up to do another show. Can you feel it? My name's Mishke. I'm a podcaster. I remember when I was a little kid, my dad saying to me, you're probably going to be a podcaster when you get older. I said, dad, you have no idea what a podcaster is. And he hit me pretty hard that afternoon. It left a mark, but it didn't change the fact that dad had no idea what he was talking about. I said, look up the word podcast in a dictionary, dad. See if you find anything. There's nothing there. Well, he hit me again, harder this time. I was in an induced coma for over a month. Well, well, welly, Willy. Well, well, well, Christmas will be here soon, won't it? It's that time of year. It's called the most wonderful time of the year. That's what they call it. I've heard it in song. It's the most wonderful time of the year. That's what they say. But anytime I bring this up, there will be some killjoy in the room who will say to me, well, Mishki, it's also when suicide rates are at their highest. So it ain't that great a time of year for everyone. While you're smiling around those glowing embers with your hot toddy, looking at the falling snow outside the window, sipping in the lovely glow of your little Christmas tree, people out there are leaping off buildings, tying a rope to ceiling pipes in their basements, or starting Their cars inside their garages and breathing their last in the driver's seat next to a goodbye note. Boy, I hate it when people respond to my most wonderful time of the year pitch with that stuff. Just brings me down. It's the most wonderful time of the year when those killjoys do that to me. I fantasize about attending their wedding and giving a toast at the reception where I say, while all you yahoos are smiling and dancing, people are starving in Botswana. Hope you're proud of yourselves, you sick, callous bastards. Oh, and all the happiness in the world. To the newlyweds. You two look great. Here's something I want you people to know and to remember. The next time someone jumps on you for saying this is the most wonderful time of the year, you tell them. Contrary to popular opinion, suicide rates are actually at their lowest point in in the United States during the holidays. From Thanksgiving through New Year's, suicide rates are at the lowest point of the year in this country. The lowest point. Hello, you tell these people the average daily suicide rate peaks in late spring and summer. May, June, July and August are the rough months for suicides. That's when the rates skyrocket. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. You summer people think that others should be so happy in the warm months. They're not, no more than I am. I'm happy now. I'm a northerner. I'm a winter person. I'm from the land of snow and I'm happy. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Many experts believe the reason this is the time of year with the lowest suicide rates is the increased social support and connectedness with family and friends. Well, doesn't that make sense? I also think it's the snow. Snow makes you happy so people don't kick yourself for being joyful and feeling serenity and peace this time of year. Know that this time of year helps others feel that way as well. My favorite Christmas carol is Silver Bells because it captures my life growing up in the city. There's country Christmas songs and city Christmas songs and I grew up in the city. And when they say in silver bells City sidewalks, busy sidewalks dressed in holiday style in the air there's a feeling of Christmas Children laughing, people passing, meeting smile after smile and on every street corner you hear silver bells Silver bells It's Christmas time in the city Ring a ling, hear em sing soon it will be Christmas day that captures life in the city when I was growing up. Life in December in the city. That's what it Felt like the sidewalks were busy. They were dressed in holiday style. In the air there was that feeling. Children were laughing, people were passing, smiling, wishing each other well. And on the street corners you could hear the sounds of Christmas. Silver Bells captures it perfectly. Like so many songs, they just nailed the first verse. How many times in life do you find that the first verse really gets it? But the guys writing the song say, I gotta come up with a second verse. What am I gonna do? Well, in the case of Silver Bells, they phoned it in. They phoned it in. Strings of street lights, even stoplights blink a bright red and green as the shoppers rush home with their treasures. Hear the snow crunch, see the kids bunch. This is Santa's big scene. Yeah, they struggled there. You don't have to go to the stop and go lights to find the Christmas feeling. I don't think people are looking at those stop and go lights and saying, hey, I kind of get the feeling looking at them. Don't you look at those things? It's kinda like Christmas when we're stopping here. Wow, it's green. Let's go. And as we go, let's feel it. Christmas time. Wait, that guy's running a red light. No, you could have removed the utilities from the song. Hear the snow crunch, see the kids bunch. Brutal. Brutal line. How many people come Christmas time, wake up in the morning and say, I think the kids are going to be bunching today. This is a kid bunching day. Hey honey, look outside. It's kid bunch city, isn't it? Why, it sure is. Look at them. Bunch of. No, that was a bad verse. But again, it's a second verse. People often struggle with those. I don't know if you people are aware of the second verse curse. It's a real thing. You see this phenomenon all over and people talk about the second verse curse. You can find people who try to help you get away from the second verse curse. As a songwriter, there are people out there who actually get hired. They come to your house, they help you with the second verse.
- [09:53]
Female Listener
You finish the chorus in the first.
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Brian Sarge
Verse and you feel stuck.
- [09:57]
Mishke
You don't know what else to say, you don't know what to write about.
- [10:01]
Brian Sarge
And you start feeling like you won't finish your song. I'll show you how to solve second verse curse.
- [10:07]
Female Listener
I'll show you how to avoid it.
- [10:08]
Brian Sarge
Entirely in the future so you don't have this problem ever again. The chorus is usually about emotions. What does the song make the audience feel? Or what is the singer or narrator of the song feeling and the verse is where you write details of the story. The second verse, curse hits you when you don't have a story figured out. You're just faking your way through, hoping to find some ideas that fall into place.
- [10:34]
Mishke
Now, a lot of times, people who enjoy songs don't even care about going beyond the first verse. Take Twinkle, twinkle, little star. Twinkle, twinkle, little star How I wonder what you are up above the world so high Like a diamond in the sky Twinkle, twinkle, little star How I wonder what you are I've heard that sung all of my life. I don't recall the second verse being sung by anyone, ever. When the blazing sun is set and the grass with dew is wet Then you show your little light Twinkle, twinkle all the night Growing up, I would hear people sing Baa, baa, black sheep Ba, baa, black sheep have you any wool? Yes, sir. Yes, sir, three bags full. One for the master, one for the dame and one for the little boy who runs down the lane. I don't recall anybody moving to the second verse, which was. Cluck, cluck, red hen. Have you any eggs? Yes, sir. Yes, sir, as many as your legs. One for your breakfast, one for your lunch. Come back tomorrow and I'll have another bunch. There's that bunch word again. It's a favorite word of second verse. People, they love the word bunch. Now, bunch was in the first verse of the Brady Bunch theme song. That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch. Suddenly, I'm very interested in the word bunch in American music. Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch, the Four Tops, they were obsessed with that word as well. How about that song, Deo? Beautiful bunch of a ripe banana Daylight come and me want to go home Beautiful bunch of ripe banana. Daylight come and me want to go home. Carol and Mike and the pretty badge. Daylight come, we turn the television off. Anyway, back to Silver Bells. So. So Silver Bells was your city song with the bells. And your country song was Jingle Bells. Dashing through the snow One horse open Sleigh over the hills you go Laughing all the way the bells on the bobtails ring and they make spirits bright and it sure is fun to ride and sing a sleighing song at night. Yeah, they're riding around at night. They're enjoying themselves in the country, while in the city, it's a completely different scene. They got the silver bells going and a totally different vibe. There's no horse in the city. Christmas, that's your country Christmas. That's your Jingle Bells Christmas. You get the country horse, too. With Thanksgiving. Over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go. The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh through the white and drifted snow. Now to be fair, that was written by a woman in the mid 19th century and she was talking about her childhood much earlier in that century. Everybody was getting around that way back then. By the way, in the original song, it's to grandfather's house we go. Why did they change it later to grandmother's house? Well, it was the general feeling that with old people the guy dies and the woman's stuck kind of hanging around. That's why they were going to grandma's house. She's alone. There weren't as many grandpas, but everybody could relate to grandma's house. So they changed it. But they never changed the horse to a car. Why, it would have got stuck. The white and drifted snow would have been too much for it. They could have gone with snowmobile, but it loses a little of the charm. By the way, that's a Thanksgiving song and it was written in New England. And a lot of people say, hold on just a second. Is there that much snow at Thanksgiving in New England? Interestingly, the early 19th century had a mini ice age. This is true. You can look it up. There were a lot of rough early winters season after season in the early 19th century. So yeah, a lot of people dealt with winter weather at Thanksgiving time. Even out east, I looked all that up. The Little Ice Age, which lasted to 1850, had widespread effects across North America. I'm not winging it here. In the 1973 TV special a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, the characters ride in the back of Charlie's parents station wagon to his grandmother's house. And they're singing over the river and through the Woods. And as they finish that song, Charlie Brown says, and I'm serious about this, there's one problem with that. My grandmother lives in a condominium. He actually says that Charlie needed a city song. Out of the alley and down the street to grandmother's house we go My Chevrolet is it knows the way and I'm doing a line of blow. Grandma lives in a dingy flat above the liquor store Mama died so we don't go to Mama's anymore. It's a little gritty Thanksgiving in the city but hey, what you gonna do? Grandma will get sick having too many cheese sticks and really bad beef stew and there will be a fight at some point tonight and the dinner will be charred. But this is the city and yeah, it's a pity but this ain't no Hallmark card. I've been doing ads for Bradshaw and Bryant for years. I've been trying to get people to understand that when it comes to personal injury attorneys, these are the best in the state. It's not just me who says this. They're recognized as such by their peers. They've won many awards. Now, I've traveled quite a bit and I see these ridiculous billboards, injured question mark. And you look at the photo and it's some guy who looks like he's a bartender at night. And by day hangs a personal injury attorney shingle. It's just embarrassing. There are people who are true professionals in this field, the best at what they do. What I love about Bradshaw and Bryant is you call them up, you make your case over the phone, they'll tell you whether or not they think you have a case. You're out. Nothing. If you think you've been injured unfairly, recklessly, callously, that someone is to blame for what's happened to you and there should be compensation. Contact Bradshaw and Bryant. Go to Minnesota personal injury dot com. Stop me if you've heard this one before. Your father thinks it's 1952 or your mother doesn't recognize your face and there's a 22 year old in scrubs at some senior facility, frustrated, trying to redirect them back to their room. It's not a pretty picture. At this place.
- [18:21]
Female Listener
You.
- [18:21]
Mishke
You're not happy. Here's what you need to know. There's a place that only handles memory care. It's not assisted living with a memory wing, not a nursing home that also handles dementia. It's the Wellshire of Bloomington and Medina. The Wellshire built four separate environments for the four stages of Alzheimer's or dementia. Because your mother in stage two does not belong in the same space as someone in Stage four. At the Wellshire, they have a town square vibe with an ice cream parlor, cinema, salon, barbershop courtyards. Professional musicians on staff, not volunteers. Professionals paid to be there. The Wellshire of Bloomington and Medina. When the person you love deserves more than a hallway with a handrail. You guys ever hear the song the Marvelous Toy? When I was a kid, people would sing this tune. When I was just a wee little lad full of health and joy My father homeward came one night and gave to me a toy a wonder to behold it was with many colors bright and the moment I laid eyes on it it became my heart's delight. It went zip when it moved, pop when it stopped whirr when it Stood still I never knew just what it was and I guess I never will Kid didn't know what the toy was. At the end of that song, the lyrics go, the years have gone too quickly it seems I now have my own little boy and yesterday I gave to him my marvelous little toy his eyes nearly popped right out of his head and he gave a squeal of glee Neither one of us knows just what it is but he loves it just like me and it still goes zip when it moves and bop when it stops and whirr when it stands still Neither one of us knows just what it is and I guess we never will I always thought when I was a kid that not knowing what it was seemed weird. What do you mean, you don't know what it is? Didn't you say dad brought the toy home one night? Well, he bought it at a store. What did it say? It was on the package. What do you mean you don't know what it is? Why would dad even buy the thing? And for a child to actually go his entire life without knowing ever what the thing is. Having to endlessly answer questions when people ask, what is that? By saying, I don't know. My dad got it for me, and he never told me what it was. He said he didn't know. What is that? What is that? What the is that? What is that? I don't need. I don't even understand what I'm seeing. I have no idea what I'm seeing. Oh, my God. What is that? Oh, my God. What is that? What is that? What the hell is that? What the hell is that? Come over here and look at this deal. What is that? And then to get old and to become a father yourself, and to have a child and give him that very same toy and still be unable to tell him what the devil that thing is. There was plenty of time in those years to find out what it is. Why didn't you find out? What is it, dad? What is it? I have no idea, son. I have been trying to figure that out for years. Well, dad, do you think it's safe to even play with? What? With not knowing what the heck it is. So far, so good, son. I mean, that was my toy when I was a kid. I think you're gonna be fine. Dad, here's a question for you. If you have no idea what this thing is, how do you even know it's a toy? You call it a marvelous little toy. What business do you have saying that, dad, you don't know what this thing is? Where exactly did you get it? Pop, we know absolutely nothing about this, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. Do you have anything else you could give me to play with instead of that? That damn thing gives me anxiety. I'll tell you what worries me, dad. You came out of a time when you were a kid when kids didn't have a lot of toys to play with when you were growing up. What? You played with sticks? Called them guns. You played in the mud. You had imaginary friends. Isn't that what your childhood was like? I'm not sure you even were aware what a toy really is. I'm gonna ask you to put away that marvelous little toy and give me something else for Christmas. What else do you have to play with? Anything? Well, son, I just have this. And what is that, dad? Do you at least know what that is? Oh, yes, now I do know about that. That's something I can name, Son. That's a live hand grenade. Does it go zip when it moves, dad, or bop when it stops? No, son, it does not. It's silent as it sails through the air, but when it stops, it doesn't go bop as much as it goes kaboom. Can I take it to the park, dad? Sure you can, Billy. If any of the parents ask you, tell em it's mine and that I said you could play with it. Tell him I brought it home from Vietnam, had it with me at Khe Sanh, didn't end up using it. Can I blow something up with it, dad? Sure you can, son. It'll take care of business for you. What are you thinking of blowing up, Dad? I was thinking about blowing up playground equipment. Do it, son. It'll take care of the playground equipment. We used to blow up the playground equipment of the Viet Cong. The lieutenant said we take away their fun, they'll wave a white flag. Just make sure the other kids are behind you when you toss that thing, okay? Pull the pin and then throw it like a baseball. It didn't go zip when it flew, nor bop when it stopped. It simply went kaboom. The police were called, and now I'm in a juvenile detention room. They asked where I got a hand grenade as they phoned my mom. I said it was a gift from my old man and it came from Vietnam. But it didn't go zip when it moved or bop when it stopped. It only went ka pow. And I was sent to Boys Town. And it's where I'm living now. Well, let's spin the big listener wheel and find out who we're Going to call today. Somebody out there in listener land. What is it like in listener land? You people should let me know sometime. You can text the show at 651-321-8949. That's 651-321.89.49. You can also email the show mishkebardradio.com. that's mishkeubardradio.com. i like hearing from you people. Let's see who's next on the docket. Spin the big wheel. Okay, I'll make that call. Very good. Very good.
- [26:50]
Brian Sarge
Hello, Brian Sarge.
- [26:54]
Mishke
Yes, Mishke here.
- [26:56]
Brian Sarge
Hey, Mishke, how you doing?
- [26:58]
Mishke
Doing all right. What are you up to?
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Brian Sarge
Well, I'll tell you what. It's my wife's 50th birthday, so I'm at Exitwald. Yeah, it's 50 years old. Holy buckets. I got two birthday people.
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Mishke
I'm just confused as hell. Number one, the connection isn't great. Number two, is there a third party involved here? I hear another voice.
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Brian Sarge
That is the cashier. It's her birthday too. You want to wish her a happy birthday?
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Mishke
I'd like to speak with her. Yes.
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Brian Sarge
Hello.
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Mishke
Hi. It's your birthday today. And this fellow's wife is also 50 years old today.
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Female Listener
Yeah.
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Mishke
And the two of you don't know each other?
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Female Listener
No.
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Mishke
I'd like to fly both of you to Costa Rica for free. A two week vacation.
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Female Listener
Are you serious?
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Mishke
I never lie. You and this other gal. I'd like to put on a plane. I don't know what you got going later today.
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Female Listener
I'm going to Costa Rica. It's my birthday. Yeah, your wife. I'm going to call me her. Going to go to Costa Rica.
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Mishke
He can't go. You got to let him know that he has to stay home. But the two of you are going to have the time of your lives. Do you know anything about the young handsome fellows down there in Costa Rica who offer their services to traveling gals looking for a good time?
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Female Listener
No.
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Mishke
Oh, yeah. It's quite something. I'm gonna pay for them as well.
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Female Listener
Okay, I'll let you go. Okay. I'll let you go. Okay.
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Mishke
You mean I'm letting you go. I'm letting you go to Costa Rica for free.
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Female Listener
Okay, I'll talk to you later. I don't want to go.
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Brian Sarge
Misty.
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Mishke
She doesn't want to go. What happened between when she was so excited?
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Brian Sarge
Does she have windows in her house? Does she not see what's going on outside?
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Mishke
I take it you're not next to her any longer.
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Brian Sarge
I had to walk around and snore.
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Mishke
Was it getting a little weird?
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Brian Sarge
It was getting just a little weird. But that was okay because I'm actually on layover driving bus. And. Oh, and you know what? Two weeks ago, me and my daughter, she just turned eight. We went and visited somebody by the name of Father Jerry Mishke.
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Mishke
Father Jerry Mishke, A relative of mine. My brother Jerry is named after him. I know Father Jerry. Where'd you run into him?
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Brian Sarge
I kept in contact with him over the years because he had fixed one of my late wife's relics, an old rosary. And so I kept in touch with them over the years.
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Mishke
Wait a minute. You went to a priest for a rosary repair? There are priests out there that offer their services in rosary repair?
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Brian Sarge
Well, yeah. I was at this bookshop in St. Cloud, and there was this little phone number on there, rosary pair. And then it said, father Jerry Mischke. And I'm like, I think he might actually help me out in this situation. Then I asked him, I said, are you related to a Tom Mishke? He said, well, yeah, that's my nephew, I think, is what he said. I think he said nephew. And I talked to him every now and then.
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Mishke
He said, how old is he?
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Brian Sarge
84. He's losing his eyesight, but otherwise he's doing really well.
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Mishke
How'd he do on the rosary repair?
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Brian Sarge
He did a magnificent job. And of course, that would have been about 15 years ago. So now he's living in a house just for retired priests. When I was over there, he had a house cleaner there cleaning his apartment.
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Mishke
I always remember growing up when I'd visit my uncles who were priests, and I had a lot of them. There was Jerry, there was Father Fritz, there was Father Bernard, Father Benno. I always remembered their cleaning people. I'd be at their place, and there'd be a woman cleaning, and I'd say to them, that's all that's going on here, right? You know, and they kept finding more things for her to clean. It got ridiculous after a while. I mean, all of a sudden, they're in the attic grabbing old knives and forks to polish just to keep her around. But they were lonely.
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Brian Sarge
I do kind of catch on to that loneliness, you know? And I guess that's why I pop in and visit them from time to time.
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Mishke
So what are you doing with your life?
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Brian Sarge
I'm driving transit bus for St. Cloud. Metro bus. That means I pick people up and I drop them off in a safe and friendly manner.
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Mishke
Are you Driving a city bus.
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Brian Sarge
Yep.
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Mishke
Now you go way back. I remember you from the early days at kstp. When did you start listening?
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Brian Sarge
That would have had to been probably right around the year 2000, maybe, maybe 1999. I was driving in the squad car there in Dassault, Minnesota.
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Mishke
And you were a small town cop. Yup.
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Brian Sarge
I was a deputy sheriff out in South Dakota before that and then after Dassault, then went down to the big cities, St. Louis Park. I was there for 13 years.
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Mishke
You were a cop in St. Louis park for close to 13 years.
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Brian Sarge
Yep.
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Mishke
Now, as I recall, you were connected also with the military.
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Brian Sarge
Went over to Iraq in 2004, in the fall 2004, and then came back in late November of 2005. So we were there over there in Big time Baghdad, I think I called it.
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Mishke
What was Big time Baghdad like for you?
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Brian Sarge
A little bomby, if you remember. Yeah, there's bombs always going off, you know, and helicopters flying over. We did have three of ours. February 21, 2005, they got killed off the same explosion. An IED.
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Mishke
Three of your fellow soldiers?
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Brian Sarge
Yep. One of them I worked with, actually, on the St. Louis Park Police Department. David Day. David Frederick Day. In fact, in Sartel, they even have some sort of apartment complex named after him, which is right across from the Boy Scout troop, which makes sense because he was big in the Boy Scouts. It must be connected somehow. And then it was Lieutenant Timmerman and Staff Sergeant Jesse Latka.
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Mishke
Any close calls for you?
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Brian Sarge
I think the closest call was when the mortars. There was two mortars that came in and one it was getting closer and closer. I'm like, I think that one's gonna miss. And it did. And then I heard another one coming. I'm like, oh, that one's gonna be kind of in our area. And sure enough, it was. And you know what? It actually penetrated the shelter that we're supposed to run into when the mortars were coming in. And nobody went there. They all just kind of hunkered down where they were at. Nobody went there. And it blew a big hole in probably 6 inch concrete and rebar the mortar did. Oh, it was just horrendous, but nobody got hurt, nobody was there. It just kind of shook our geological jurisdiction there.
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Mishke
So had you gone into that shelter, you could have been killed.
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Brian Sarge
Oh, yeah. Yep. But Mishy, I gotta jump back on the bus before. Well, so I still have a job.
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Mishke
No, I don't want to keep you from your work. It's just great talking to you again.
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Brian Sarge
Yeah, thanks. For calling. I didn't recognize the number and I thought, gee, do I answer? Could it be an old girlfriend? I don't know. I was a little apprehensive in answering it. So when you said Mishki, I'm like, oh, thank God.
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Mishke
Tell your wife Mishki wished her a happy birthday.
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Brian Sarge
I will tell her that. I'll say happy birthday from Mishke. In fact, if you want, I can text her your number. I'm having. That's what I'm doing all day today, is I'm having everybody that I can think of on my phone list text her happy birthday because she was crying this morning because she didn't feel loved enough.
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Mishke
Oh, well, I tell you what you do. Give me your number. I'll edit this so people don't get her number, but give me your number so I can text her. All right. All right. What's her name?
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Brian Sarge
Marianne. It's M A R I A N.
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Mishke
N E. All right, Sarge, great talking to you. I'll let you go.
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Brian Sarge
Thanks, Mishki. All right, thanks.
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Female Listener
Take care.
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Brian Sarge
Merry Christmas.
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Mishke
So long. Merry Christmas to.
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Female Listener
Hello.
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Mishke
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Marianne Happy birthday to you.
- [35:05]
Female Listener
Thank you.
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Mishke
I've been meaning to call you for 50 years. Finally got around to it.
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Female Listener
Okay.
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Mishke
What you doing?
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Female Listener
Just relaxing here with Stella.
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Mishke
Relaxing with Stella. Mm. Stella. Let me guess, is your hermit crab?
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Female Listener
No, he's the youngest daughter.
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Mishke
Oh. How old is Stella?
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Brian Sarge
She's five.
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Female Listener
She's not yet going to school.
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Mishke
You've got a five year old boy? I wish I were you, man, I want a 5 year old. I used to have one of those. What's the greatest thing you're gonna do this? Your 50th birthday?
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Female Listener
Just be happy that I reached my 50th birthday.
- [35:56]
Mishke
Well, I spoke earlier with your husband and he passed along your number. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.
- [36:02]
Female Listener
Thank you so much, Tom.
- [36:04]
Mishke
You're very welcome.
- [36:05]
Female Listener
Have a wonderful day.
- [36:07]
Mishke
Thank you. Maybe I'll talk to you again some other time.
- [36:10]
Female Listener
Yeah, that was great.
- [36:12]
Mishke
Bye. Bye.
- [36:12]
Female Listener
Bye bye.
- [36:19]
Mishke
Okay, I want you guys to do me a favor. I'm serious here. If you have called Josh Arnold, will you text me? I'm quite serious. I've been doing ads for Josh Arnold for several months. Josh Arnold, the investment advisor. I'm going to ask a favor of you. In all of the ads I have suggested you give him a call, that he offers people 48 minutes free on the phone to talk about their retirement plans or their Investments or their IRA or their 401k or their mutual funds, whatever. No obligation, no strings attached. Just a phone call to talk to Josh. And if you like what you hear, maybe you'll talk to him about ways he could help you further. But you're certainly not obligated to do that. What I want and what I'm asking you, I want to know if you've dialed up 952-925-5608. Would you text me and let me know if you've done that? I am trying to find out about your experience. My number, if you text me 6513-2189-4965-1321-8949. Would you let me know? If you don't want to text me, you can email me mishkeubardradio.com but after a while of doing ads, I like to hear back from people about their experiences. So please text me. I've talked to you guys for a While now about MSP, Minneapolis St. Paul Plumbing, heating and Air. I've let you know that my best pal, who I've been friends with since I was 7 years old, is a big shot over there. And I have delighted over the years in using all the hard working people in the furnace area, the boiler area, the air conditioning area, the plumbing area. I'll tell you one thing my pal has done. He's made sure that all the people who work with him know how to arrive at your front door as a professional, as a warm blooded, decent human being. That all the people who work for him have skills that are second to no one else in this industry. He wants his workers to impress you, not just get the job done, but have you saying to yourself, wow, that guy is something else. That's the bar. The bar is High at MSP at Minneapolis St. Paul Plumbing, Heating and Air. They want to leave afterward with you saying, oh, gotta remember to hang on to that number. Minneapolis St. Paul Plumbing, Heating and Air. Foreign. Folks, if you would like to get on the listener call list, I'd sure appreciate you adding your name. All you need to do is text me your first name and I'll put you on the list. Obviously I'll have your number from your text, so just shoot me your name and let me know you're open to a phone call. My listener list is dominated by men and I understand women not wanting to give some strange guy their phone number. I get it, but I'm telling you, all I do is occasionally try you on the show to see if you're around. That's it. I'm not going to show up with Jehovah's Witness pamphlets or anything like that. I'm not going to try to sell you Amway products. If you want to be on the list, just text me a name. You can make up a first name. Of course. I'll take the fellas, too. But I'm just saying there sure are a lot of guys on that list. And there sure aren't a lot of women. 651-33-2189-4965-1321-8949. If you want to be on the list, man or woman or child. I like kids numbers, too. I like to call them. Art Linkletter said one time. Kids say the darndest things. Boy, was he right. You folks remember Art Linkletter? He had a show where he just talked to kids. Very low stress job. He was a happy man. Lived to be 127. That's what happens when you just talk to kids all the time. At one point in life, I wanted to do kids radio. I've written a bunch of songs just for kids. Crazy, ridiculous songs. I've always wanted to record them and get them to the children. Test them out, you know, See how the kids like them. I have a feeling they'd be appreciated. Very different from your average kids songs. One song is called Smash An Egg on My Head. And I sing about wanting to have kids. Smash eggs on my head. Kids love that kind of stuff. Hello. Well, hi there, kitty.
- [41:32]
Female Listener
Who am I speaking to, please?
- [41:34]
Mishke
Mishki.
- [41:38]
Female Listener
I knew that.
- [41:40]
Mishke
Oh, you had me fooled. There was a tone in your voice that suggested I was the last thing you wanted to hear.
- [41:48]
Female Listener
I can bring that back at any moment, so watch it.
- [41:51]
Mishke
That's scary. So you kind of have those two different sides of your personality.
- [41:56]
Female Listener
For sure.
- [41:57]
Mishke
I think of serial killers when I think of that.
- [42:00]
Female Listener
You don't run into a lot of female serial killers.
- [42:04]
Mishke
I've made the mistake of finding out the differences. Between male and female serial killers. I've actually found research done at the University of Pennsylvania. And let's start with motives. For females, the most common motive is financial gain. For men, it's sexual gain. The ways in which they kill also differ. Women's primary means are poison. Whereas men's are asphyxiation. Men are far more likely to target a stranger. And to have stalked the victim. Women, more likely to target somebody familiar to them. They tend to target the vulnerable. Elderly people, ill people, or children. Well, now, that's sick.
- [42:50]
Female Listener
I think you Better keep an eye out.
- [42:53]
Mishke
Females tend to have been married at least once. Males tend to be single. Males tend to have a high school education or less. Females tend to have some college or more in the way of education.
- [43:07]
Female Listener
They know what they're doing.
- [43:08]
Mishke
In other words, there is something for me, more terrifying about a woman serial killer. I don't know why. I think it's the same thing that happens in horror movies when the evil force is a child. There's just something more twisted about that.
- [43:24]
Female Listener
Yeah, that's true, that's true.
- [43:27]
Mishke
But the last thing I'm going to do is another serial killer show. Get me away from this topic. Kitty.
- [43:33]
Female Listener
Well, the sad thing is it was my voice that inspired this. That's what worries me more than anything that we're talking about here, was that my voice made you think of a serial killer.
- [43:43]
Mishke
It wasn't just the voice. It was the voice. And then you admitting to these two different sides of your personality. And when I thought of that and put that together with your voice, I did think that was the voice of a killer.
- [43:55]
Female Listener
Yeah, I'm gonna have to use that more often. Like maybe when people call me for surveys and such, I'm gonna bring out my serial killer voice.
- [44:06]
Mishke
Yeah, it would be fun. Just if you're getting any kind of random calls to just ask them. Would you like to hear my serial killer voice? Hell yeah. I wanna hear your serial killer voice. And could I have your number to hear it again later tonight?
- [44:18]
Female Listener
It's funny cause my husband sells. God. Now this is a whole nother topic for another show of yours, but Italian funeral home equipment.
- [44:29]
Mishke
Italian funeral home equipment.
- [44:31]
Female Listener
It's the latest and greatest thing and he's got a partner and they're selling it together and they're just having an absolute blast doing it. These stretchers that go up and down like magic and oh my God, there's all these things. And one of their products now is a portable morgue. And I said, you guys are missing a huge market here with not sending these things out to serial killers because you have body bags, you've got the portable morgue. What better market do you have? And so they came up with the idea that if they did market it to serial killers, their loyalty program would just be fantastic for these guys.
- [45:11]
Mishke
All I want to know is why Italian? Are they the go to people now for this stuff?
- [45:16]
Female Listener
Evidently they are. I don't want to slur anyone, but they do have a history, I guess, of hiding bodies and such.
- [45:25]
Mishke
I never even put that together. Portable morgue, the Big advantage there is what?
- [45:30]
Female Listener
Again, it's portable, it's kind of inflatable and if.
- [45:34]
Mishke
Wait, inflatable? It sounds like it's for kids parties.
- [45:39]
Female Listener
Instead of the bouncy house kids line up. We have a new thing we're going to try. I think it's sadly designed for disastrous things that happen.
- [45:56]
Mishke
So the items were the stretcher that rises up and down and the portable morgue. Anything else?
- [46:02]
Female Listener
Body bags.
- [46:04]
Mishke
Oh, body bags.
- [46:05]
Female Listener
I don't know what's so great about these particular body bags. I haven't heard the pitch on that.
- [46:12]
Mishke
I bet the smaller ones you can use for leftover pasta and just store it in the fridge. Body bags.
- [46:21]
Female Listener
These guys, they just have the right idea because they're just not taking it seriously. And funeral profession is historically just so stuffy and you know, they're just having fun.
- [46:34]
Mishke
Just to have body bags and fun in the same sentence excites me. You have a business that needs industrial pressure washers. You need wash based systems or mobile wash systems, or hot water pressure washers, or cold water pressure washers or hydro excavating tools. I have tried to get across to people over the months that American Pressure of Robbinsdale is the only place anyone who uses pressure washers should ever need to have as their go to pressure washing operation. Sometimes it's just about parts. You need valves, you need pumps, you need nozzles, you need hoses. Sometimes it's a revamping of your whole system. You need advice, you need ideas. Sometimes it's as simple as having a service van come out to your place and do a simple repair. And sometimes it's about having people come out and show you how to redo this whole operation. When it comes to pressure washing, save yourself tons of money, work happier, work more efficiently, and American Pressure will train your people on how to use this revamped system. They're problem solvers and they have been in this business since pressure washers first were invented. American pressure. You know, when I flashed on, when we were talking about this, I was flashing on cremation. I found myself wondering if there aren't some people who say, you know, I like cremation. Kind of not completely, but I sorta am okay with it. Could I cremate 80% of my deceased husband? By that I mean could someone say, how about from feet to neck and we hang onto the head? Has anyone at a crematorium ever had that question posed? And I'm serious here, why would you want their head? You know what a lot of people say is they have problems with the person being burned up because they love that person and they want to feel that that person is in some way still around somehow. Well, the face is really the part that they connect with. I mean, when you lose an arm, rarely do you hear a spouse where a husband loses an arm, say, you're just not the same person I married or a leg. But you lose a head. There's no connection to that person anymore. So I'm thinking you go to a crematorium and say, not only do I want to preserve the head, I should be getting a deal on that.
- [49:17]
Female Listener
One of our friends worked in a. Well, several of them do, but worked in a crematorium. And during the process, there is something that you have to clamp down before you turn it on. And he didn't clamp that down properly and it flew off and the ashes went all over the room that he was in. There's a long story about how he had to clean that up and make it look like nothing had happened. But the punchline is, the guy originally had died in a fire.
- [49:46]
Mishke
What if you do die in a fire and at the funeral home they say, you know, you could do cremation. And the family says, no, we're against.
- [49:54]
Female Listener
That, dude, he's already cremated. You can't charge me to do it again.
- [49:58]
Mishke
Well, there's another good point. People who die in house fires, are you able to say, can I just take the ashes that are there? That's kind of like being able to dress a deer on the side of the road that's dead without having to go through the process of getting a hunting license.
- [50:15]
Female Listener
We're bordering on offensive now.
- [50:17]
Mishke
I think we are bordering, but as someone said once many years ago, a wise man, if you don't risk going too far, you will never go far enough. And that is the rule in any kind of humor. Otherwise you end up with this bland vanilla humor. You gotta walk it up to the line. You just have to make sure you don't go over. And of course, we all know comedians where we've seen them go over and there's a little bit of a. That went a little far there, but right up until that point, they were killing it, just killing it.
- [50:48]
Female Listener
We were too little while ago. We were there before we were talking about head.
- [50:56]
Mishke
Well, you just hope the people most offended turn this off long ago. And let's face it, they probably don't listen to me anyway. What are you doing with yourself these days?
- [51:07]
Female Listener
Well, we're going to go back to the death profession. I write obituaries. I've been doing that for probably 10 years, though.
- [51:13]
Mishke
Is there a particular obituary that you have written that stands out in your mind as the most interesting and entertaining?
- [51:22]
Female Listener
Oh, wow. There's so many that are so meaningful, it's funny. What happens with the interview questions that I ask. I get these incredible stories out of people and. And then they say, but don't put that in the obituary. Of course, I call it the shadow obituary because that's the funny one.
- [51:44]
Mishke
Well, I've delighted in visiting with you. I'm glad I finally got a hold of you. Although I will say there's hardly anybody I've gotten a hold of that. It wasn't several calls before they finally answered. And in some cases, there remain people I've been calling since March who still have not answered.
- [52:00]
Female Listener
Yeah, well, I'm super glad you did, too, because I have to represent my gender on your podcast. I know there are other women that are fans of your show, and so I hope they get on your call list. I think the problem is the cell phones. If you have it turned off and it doesn't ring through or I don't have you in my list.
- [52:22]
Mishke
I don't know the number I'm calling you from. I always forget the station number here. What shows up? What is the number?
- [52:28]
Female Listener
651-642-4100.
- [52:31]
Mishke
There you go. If you see someone calling from 651-64-24100. That's Ol Misko. And if you don't answer it when you see it's me, then I would really like it if you just text me and tell me you want to be off the list because you're never gonna answer.
- [52:46]
Female Listener
And when you do answer, do not make your voice sound frightening. Don't scare poor Tommy.
- [52:52]
Mishke
Don't scare poor Tommy. Unless you want to go down the road of some fun serial killer talk, I'm always up for it. It's all the way. We make peace with the horror out there. We have fun with it. That's what Halloween's all about. Come on.
- [53:06]
Female Listener
Exactly.
- [53:07]
Mishke
Well, all right. You be well. Wonderful talking to you. Have yourself a merry Christmas.
- [53:12]
Female Listener
Same to you, Tommy. Thanks for calling.
- [53:14]
Mishke
Bye. Bye, kitty.
- [53:15]
Female Listener
Bye.
- [53:29]
Mishke
So we actually tracked down a female list listener. They're rare, but they're out there. It's like tracking down. I don't know. Well, when they first didn't believe the panda bear existed, you know, they weren't sure there really was a panda bear. That's what it's like sometimes, trying to find a woman out there who listens to this show. So again, get on the list. 6, 5, 1, 3, 2, 1, 8, 9, 4, 9. Sam.