Transcript
A (0:01)
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B (0:31)
Everybody talked about it since I first moved to Oregon. The big one. The earthquake that trashed the whole West Coast. Total destruction.
C (0:40)
Officially calling it the largest natural disaster in American history.
B (0:44)
I just didn't know what would help me next. So I took it all. Even the gun.
D (0:49)
It was time cello see why American Afterlife is the number one fiction and drama podcast in America, presented by Pair of Thieves. Listen on Apple, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows available now. Hey, Garage Logic fans, Mishke here, slipping in ever so briefly to mention that I have a podcast that comes out every Wednesday and every Friday, twice a week now. The show is pretty much about everything you care about and are interested in and need in your life and want to know more about. I tailored the darn thing specifically to your liking. I tailored it to your loves, to your true passions. That took a long time. I I'm spent. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely wasted. Tooty tooty tooty rudy Tooty tooty tooty tooty tooty fruity Rudy Tooty tooty fruity abba lava dooba wama wama damma damma damma wing papa shop dopa ding dong ram mama lama dama ding a ring a dong a poma shoe a dab mishki that's a hiddle hootie hootie hoo.
E (1:58)
That's a hiddle hooty hooty hoo
D (2:03)
Coming to you from the bleak, barren tarmac. Hooty hooty hoot Here I am, ensconced in the old outpost, in that building that straddles the cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul. And we're gonna do a. There is a disturbing story in the news that I would like to pass along. Now, I don't pass along stories simply because they're disturbing. I pass along stories often because they're unusual, strange, somewhat mysterious, puzzling, and, yes, in this case, also disturbing. But I tend to find those stories that leave me with more questions than answers. And that certainly is the case here. Police have been investigating a McAllister College student's report that a professor at the college urinated on her backpack. She wasn't wearing it at the time, thank God. The student left the backpack unattended in a classroom for a few minutes, and apparently in those minutes, a professor urinated on it. Officers wrote up the report, and a professor at McAllister has been placed on leave. The crime here would be 4th degree intentional damage to property. But that makes it sound kind of harmless. The nature of this crime is so disturbing that. That I don't think that classification comes close to getting at how horrific this is. The investigation is ongoing. Police have not made an arrest, but that professor apparently sent away for a while. This poor student left her backpack in a classroom and several minutes later realized she had left it there. Returned her backpack was back where she had been sitting. It was right against the wall, but, well, someone had urinated on it. Now all the students had left. It was just the professor there. She went to campus security to report this. That would be an uncomfortable moment for. For everyone, that moment right there. First of all, on the way to campus security, you're saying to yourself, I can't believe I even have to do this. But you're also saying, I can't let this go. But you're also saying, how will I word this? Then again, you're saying, I'll just be matter of fact about it. After all, it's clear what happened. Hi, my name is Barb. I just wanted to stop by and mention that I left my backpack in my classroom last class of the day. And I realized it only when I was on my way back to the dorm. So I raced back, and I was so happy to find it still there. That was great. I mean, everything was in it. I didn't lose a thing, nothing stolen. But I think that the professor there peed on my backpack. There is a bathroom, of course, just outside the classroom door and down the hall, maybe about 30ft. But, yeah, I don't think he bothered to use the bathroom. I think he went with my backpack instead. And anyway, it's not as pleasurable to me now to use that backpack, you know what I'm saying? What with it being used as a toilet, you know, I bought it at a thrift store. It's not real expensive. I think I paid maybe 25 bucks for it at a thrift store. But it is my only backpack. And, you know, I don't know how many times I Could wash it and really feel good about ever carrying it around again. I don't think there is a number. I think hundreds of washes wouldn't do it. So I guess what I'm saying is, number one, I'm a freshman here. I'm new to the college. I know things are different when you get to college, certainly different from high school. So I don't want to, you know, shake things up. If this is the way things are done here. That's number one. Number two, if I could get another backpack, you know, a clean one, one the faculty here hasn't gotten anywhere near. I want a backpack that I could be guaranteed had never been in the possession of any. Any faculty members, that would be swell. And then, you know, if it's something you're not supposed to be doing, urinating on backpacks, if that is wrong, I'm thinking it might be. Oh, I don't know. I'm wondering if someone could talk to the professor on the off chance that someone else leaves a backpack in his classroom someday. Just tell him students are not leaving their backpacks there the way someone might leave out a litter box for a kitten. That's not why we're leaving them there. We're just forgetting about them. Well, first of all, young lady, thank you for bringing this to the administration's attention. That's number one. This particular professor you're talking about is well known to this administration. He's in a furry club. Do you know what a furry club is, young lady? A furry is somebody who likes to think of themselves as. As an animal. They often create a personal animal based character known as a fursona to represent themselves within a creative, supportive, Furry community. At McAllister College, we like to provide a supportive community for all kinds of folks. Now, your chemistry professor has created a fursona called doggy Dog. That's what he calls himself. Doggy dog. At home, he wears a costume and. And no doubt his wife Angela is very supportive of this. Leaves out dishes of water and food for him on the kitchen floor near his sleeping pad. The whole furry fandom thing is global. It's a diverse community that shares a love for role play, creative expression, often acting as a supportive chosen family for its members. It's an extraordinary thing. Now, our dear Professor Doggy Dug thinks of himself as a dog. And at the close of the classroom day, he often relieves himself just as a dog would. Now, of course, normally every one of our professors would use a bathroom, but doggy dog has asked the administration to honor his Furry fursona and allow him to act as a dog would act. We try to honor that here at McAllister. Now, we'll gladly get you a new backpack, but we're not going to be talking to Doug, because what he did is what dogs do. What I want to ask you as a favor to me is to take this little plastic bag and this tiny scooper and go back to that classroom and see if that's all he did was urinate or if he possibly did more than that. And if so, I wonder if you'd scoop it up, put it in the little plastic bag, and toss it in the garbage can for us. As a little favor, we'll gladly get you the new backpack. But we do something for you, you do something for us. Okay, little lady? I would like to dovetail seamlessly, just smoothly, into a story about Helen Keller. Now, there hardly even needs to be any formal transition. We're almost talking about the same story. McAllister backpack peed on by professor. Okay, and now on to Helen Keller. You with me? Of course, there is no smooth transition here, and there cannot be. So let's just acknowledge there isn't one and move on to the story about Helen Keller. In June of 1946, an airplane traveled from Rome to Paris, crossing over the Mediterranean. Nothing unusual about the flight, except for one thing. For 20 minutes of that plane's journey, one of the passengers became the pilot, and the passenger was Helen Keller. Helen Keller, American author, educator, activist, who since childhood had been both blind and deaf. Yes, she flew the plane. This is a story I missed in my growing up years. No one passed this one along to me. I've looked into this, and it's a true story. It's not clear if the other passengers on the plane were informed of a pilot switch. Some, of course, would have been frightened to learn that the pilot of the plane was now unable to see and unable to hear, but that they should consider themselves in safe hands nonetheless and should simply relax and enjoy the flight. Personally, I would have had a tough time relaxing. I'm not saying I would have yanked Helen Keller out of the pilot seat. I'm just saying I would have had a hard time relaxing and simply enjoying the flight. Of course, I would have a hard time relaxing and enjoying a flight. Looking at the year alone, 1946, I often think about this. I don't think I'd be comfortable flying in 1946. I really feel like commercial planes did not become the kind of safe thing to mess around with until closer to the late 60s. But in 1946, to be in a passenger plane mechanically, how sound were these things really? Weren't we still kind of figuring out commercial flight? And then to be told the person flying it is both deaf and blind. You almost want to hear she's paralyzed as well, just to nail the trifecta. Anyway, I read when this commercial plane crossed the Mediterranean, Keller took over the pilot's controls, and the plane's crew said they were amazed at her sensitive touch on the controls. There was no shaking or vibrating. They said she just sat there and flew the plane calmly and steadily. Keller said that as pilot, she felt the delicate movement of the airplane better than ever before. Being in the pilot's seat, she really understood the delicate movement. She got a feel for it. But then she said something while at the controls that concerned all on board. Reports are that she said, anyone up for a barrel roll? No, she didn't say that. But what strange fun to be up in the air, in a plane and to close your eyes and say to yourself, helen Keller. Is my pilot Carrie Underwood saying, jesus, take the wheel. That's too easy. That's taking the easy way out. I'm sure he would be a fine pilot. I want to sing Helen Keller. Take the wheel.