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A
Insurance isn't one size fits all. That's why customers have enjoyed Progressive's name your price tool for years now. With the name your price tool, you tell them what you want to pay and they'll show you options that fit your budget. So whether you're picking out your first policy or just looking for something that works better for you and your family, they make it easy to see your options. Visit progressive.com, find a rate that works for you with the name your price tool. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Price and coverage match limited by state law
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Everybody talked about it since I first moved to Oregon. The big one. The earthquake that trashed the whole West Coast. Total destruction.
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Officially calling it the largest natural disaster in American history.
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I just didn't know what would help me next. So I took it all. Even the gun.
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D
It was time cello see why American Afterlife is the number one fiction and drama podcast in America, presented by Pair of Thieves. Listen on Apple, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows available now. Hey, Garage Logic fans, Mishke here, slipping in ever so briefly to mention that I have a podcast that comes out every Wednesday and every Friday, twice a week now. The show is pretty much about everything you care about and are interested in and need in your life and want to know more about. I tailored the darn thing specifically to your liking. I tailored it to your loves, to your true passions. That took a long time. I I'm spent. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely wasted. Tooty tooty tooty rudy Tooty tooty tooty tooty tooty fruity Rudy Tooty tooty fruity abba lava dooba wama wama damma damma damma wing papa shop dopa ding dong ram mama lama dama ding a ring a dong a poma shoe a dab mishki that's a hiddle hootie hootie hoo.
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That's a hiddle hooty hooty hoo
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D
Coming to you from the bleak, barren tarmac. Hooty hooty hoot Here I am, ensconced in the old outpost, in that building that straddles the cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul. And we're gonna do a. There is a disturbing story in the news that I would like to pass along. Now, I don't pass along stories simply because they're disturbing. I pass along stories often because they're unusual, strange, somewhat mysterious, puzzling, and, yes, in this case, also disturbing. But I tend to find those stories that leave me with more questions than answers. And that certainly is the case here. Police have been investigating a McAllister College student's report that a professor at the college urinated on her backpack. She wasn't wearing it at the time, thank God. The student left the backpack unattended in a classroom for a few minutes, and apparently in those minutes, a professor urinated on it. Officers wrote up the report, and a professor at McAllister has been placed on leave. The crime here would be 4th degree intentional damage to property. But that makes it sound kind of harmless. The nature of this crime is so disturbing that. That I don't think that classification comes close to getting at how horrific this is. The investigation is ongoing. Police have not made an arrest, but that professor apparently sent away for a while. This poor student left her backpack in a classroom and several minutes later realized she had left it there. Returned her backpack was back where she had been sitting. It was right against the wall, but, well, someone had urinated on it. Now all the students had left. It was just the professor there. She went to campus security to report this. That would be an uncomfortable moment for. For everyone, that moment right there. First of all, on the way to campus security, you're saying to yourself, I can't believe I even have to do this. But you're also saying, I can't let this go. But you're also saying, how will I word this? Then again, you're saying, I'll just be matter of fact about it. After all, it's clear what happened. Hi, my name is Barb. I just wanted to stop by and mention that I left my backpack in my classroom last class of the day. And I realized it only when I was on my way back to the dorm. So I raced back, and I was so happy to find it still there. That was great. I mean, everything was in it. I didn't lose a thing, nothing stolen. But I think that the professor there peed on my backpack. There is a bathroom, of course, just outside the classroom door and down the hall, maybe about 30ft. But, yeah, I don't think he bothered to use the bathroom. I think he went with my backpack instead. And anyway, it's not as pleasurable to me now to use that backpack, you know what I'm saying? What with it being used as a toilet, you know, I bought it at a thrift store. It's not real expensive. I think I paid maybe 25 bucks for it at a thrift store. But it is my only backpack. And, you know, I don't know how many times I Could wash it and really feel good about ever carrying it around again. I don't think there is a number. I think hundreds of washes wouldn't do it. So I guess what I'm saying is, number one, I'm a freshman here. I'm new to the college. I know things are different when you get to college, certainly different from high school. So I don't want to, you know, shake things up. If this is the way things are done here. That's number one. Number two, if I could get another backpack, you know, a clean one, one the faculty here hasn't gotten anywhere near. I want a backpack that I could be guaranteed had never been in the possession of any. Any faculty members, that would be swell. And then, you know, if it's something you're not supposed to be doing, urinating on backpacks, if that is wrong, I'm thinking it might be. Oh, I don't know. I'm wondering if someone could talk to the professor on the off chance that someone else leaves a backpack in his classroom someday. Just tell him students are not leaving their backpacks there the way someone might leave out a litter box for a kitten. That's not why we're leaving them there. We're just forgetting about them. Well, first of all, young lady, thank you for bringing this to the administration's attention. That's number one. This particular professor you're talking about is well known to this administration. He's in a furry club. Do you know what a furry club is, young lady? A furry is somebody who likes to think of themselves as. As an animal. They often create a personal animal based character known as a fursona to represent themselves within a creative, supportive, Furry community. At McAllister College, we like to provide a supportive community for all kinds of folks. Now, your chemistry professor has created a fursona called doggy Dog. That's what he calls himself. Doggy dog. At home, he wears a costume and. And no doubt his wife Angela is very supportive of this. Leaves out dishes of water and food for him on the kitchen floor near his sleeping pad. The whole furry fandom thing is global. It's a diverse community that shares a love for role play, creative expression, often acting as a supportive chosen family for its members. It's an extraordinary thing. Now, our dear Professor Doggy Dug thinks of himself as a dog. And at the close of the classroom day, he often relieves himself just as a dog would. Now, of course, normally every one of our professors would use a bathroom, but doggy dog has asked the administration to honor his Furry fursona and allow him to act as a dog would act. We try to honor that here at McAllister. Now, we'll gladly get you a new backpack, but we're not going to be talking to Doug, because what he did is what dogs do. What I want to ask you as a favor to me is to take this little plastic bag and this tiny scooper and go back to that classroom and see if that's all he did was urinate or if he possibly did more than that. And if so, I wonder if you'd scoop it up, put it in the little plastic bag, and toss it in the garbage can for us. As a little favor, we'll gladly get you the new backpack. But we do something for you, you do something for us. Okay, little lady? I would like to dovetail seamlessly, just smoothly, into a story about Helen Keller. Now, there hardly even needs to be any formal transition. We're almost talking about the same story. McAllister backpack peed on by professor. Okay, and now on to Helen Keller. You with me? Of course, there is no smooth transition here, and there cannot be. So let's just acknowledge there isn't one and move on to the story about Helen Keller. In June of 1946, an airplane traveled from Rome to Paris, crossing over the Mediterranean. Nothing unusual about the flight, except for one thing. For 20 minutes of that plane's journey, one of the passengers became the pilot, and the passenger was Helen Keller. Helen Keller, American author, educator, activist, who since childhood had been both blind and deaf. Yes, she flew the plane. This is a story I missed in my growing up years. No one passed this one along to me. I've looked into this, and it's a true story. It's not clear if the other passengers on the plane were informed of a pilot switch. Some, of course, would have been frightened to learn that the pilot of the plane was now unable to see and unable to hear, but that they should consider themselves in safe hands nonetheless and should simply relax and enjoy the flight. Personally, I would have had a tough time relaxing. I'm not saying I would have yanked Helen Keller out of the pilot seat. I'm just saying I would have had a hard time relaxing and simply enjoying the flight. Of course, I would have a hard time relaxing and enjoying a flight. Looking at the year alone, 1946, I often think about this. I don't think I'd be comfortable flying in 1946. I really feel like commercial planes did not become the kind of safe thing to mess around with until closer to the late 60s. But in 1946, to be in a passenger plane mechanically, how sound were these things really? Weren't we still kind of figuring out commercial flight? And then to be told the person flying it is both deaf and blind. You almost want to hear she's paralyzed as well, just to nail the trifecta. Anyway, I read when this commercial plane crossed the Mediterranean, Keller took over the pilot's controls, and the plane's crew said they were amazed at her sensitive touch on the controls. There was no shaking or vibrating. They said she just sat there and flew the plane calmly and steadily. Keller said that as pilot, she felt the delicate movement of the airplane better than ever before. Being in the pilot's seat, she really understood the delicate movement. She got a feel for it. But then she said something while at the controls that concerned all on board. Reports are that she said, anyone up for a barrel roll? No, she didn't say that. But what strange fun to be up in the air, in a plane and to close your eyes and say to yourself, helen Keller. Is my pilot Carrie Underwood saying, jesus, take the wheel. That's too easy. That's taking the easy way out. I'm sure he would be a fine pilot. I want to sing Helen Keller. Take the wheel.
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Helen, take the wheel. Take it from my hands. Can you do this on your own? I sure hope this plane lands. Come on, take the wheel. You are blind and deaf, and I'm out there hurling, hurling to my death. Can't you hear me yelling? You're gonna kill me, Helen. Helen, take the wheel.
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D
You hear about cases where a pilot on a plane dies and a person who doesn't know how to fly the plane has to be talked through a safe landing by someone in an air traffic control tower. But imagine if the pilot dies and it's just Helen sitting there. The tower would be unable to really communicate with her. Helen, I know you can't hear me, but pull back to decrease the thrust. Will you pull back? Pull back on the stick, Helen. Helen, I realize you can't hear me, but. Helen, pull back on the stick. My God, all those people are going to die. Helen. Wait. Hold on, Carl. She's flying by feel. We have eyes on the plane from the ground, and she appears to be handling things skillfully just by getting a vague sense of how to fly from the feel of it. Extraordinary. She's sort of winging it. Pardon the pun. Actually, that might be where we got the term winging it. Though, to be quite honest, if I was making a movie about Helen Keller working for the airlines. I'd have her be a baggage handler.
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Who'd believe she could fly? Helen, take my bag. I know the job's a drag, but do the best you can. I hope you make a friend. Helen, take my bag from the conveyor belt. That's the weird moving thing you recently felt, trying to see with your hands as on top of you, the plane lands, the wheels landing on your back instead of the tarmac. Helen, you need another job.
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D
By the way, I always thought when Helen Keller broke down the door for blind and deaf people, waking the world up to what they're capable of, I thought we'd see a bunch more blind and deaf people becoming famous and doing amazing things. But I realized today that I don't really know of any other blind and deaf people who are famous. What the hell? I thought Helen Keller paved the way for others to live these full, meaningful lives. Do wondrous things become famous? The way she became famous, wasn't she supposed to be a pioneer who made it easier for the deaf and blind? I mean, if I were to ask you folks, who's on the Mount Rushmore of deaf and blind people? Helen Keller. And Helen Keller's up there. Okay. And who else? Who are you adding? What gives? Turns out all the other people said, I guess I'm not going to Harvard. I guess I'm not becoming an activist. I guess I'm not authoring books. I'm gonna lie here in this corner and I'm gonna scream. That's what my life is going to be, screaming. What do you mean, blind and deaf? Doc, are you kidding me? I'm blind and I'm deaf. Why don't you just yank my sense of smell while you're at it? No, I am not going to be famous. I am not going to leave this house. I'm blind and deaf. I actually think Helen Keller was faking it, frankly. Just like Stevie Wonder fakes it. You guys know about that, right? That was a shocker to me when I learned Stevie Wonder fakes being blind. I'm serious. Stevie Wonder isn't really blind. You may call that sacrilege, but you can research it.
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Stevie, take the wheel. It's okay with me. I know you can see. No need to make a fuss. The joke has been on us for so many years. Dear God, you have been a fraud. We're cutting your pay in half. If it wasn't so sick, we'd laugh. We're obviously the gullible kind. Cause, Stevie, you're not blind.
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D
No, Stevie's not blind. Go do your research. Because I know a lot of you are still thinking I'm making it up and I am not. I did a little bit for you here. The evidence coming your way. After this break. Brad Shaw and Bryant would like you to know if you're in a plane crash and learn later that the pilot was blind and deaf, you got a pretty good case for a lawsuit. They'll take that on. You don't got to worry about having the money for it. It doesn't cost you anything. They just take a percentage if they win. Is that a great setup or what? And all you had to do to enjoy it is fly in a plane with a blind and deaf pilot. I mean, it was a risk, sure, I understand. But all the great things in life seem to come from some kind of a risk. I go to a psychotherapist regularly who's in a persistent vegetative state. Some people say I should sue. I say, why? I always come out of the session feeling better than when I went in. Just that silence. The quiet time for that hour listening to them breathe. It's soothing. So, no, I'm not going to sue. But you, on the other hand, you really have to sue after all. Here, now in a persistent vegetative state. Could have told you that was going to happen when you went with a blind and deaf pilot. But that's neither here nor there. Go with Bradshaw and Bryant, Minnesota personal
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injury.com@vrbo, we understand that even the best of plans sometimes need a little support. So we plan for the plot twists. Every booking is automatically backed by our VRBO Care guarantee, giving you confidence from the very start. Whenever you need help, it's ready before your stay, through the moments in between and after your trip. Because a great trip starts with peace of mind and maybe a good playlist. But we've got the peace of mind part covered.
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D
People often ask me mishke American pressure. That's not a real company, is it? I understand their incredulity. I mean, when I was growing up, you went down to the hardware store, you went to the five and dime. Ma went grocery shopping. Dad went to the TV repair guy. But you couldn't find the guy in the neighborhood who was heading off to the pressure washing operation. But I'm here to tell you, the world of pressure washers is more vast than any of those other operations. It's an extraordinary world. So much to know, so many different kinds of pressure washers for different businesses. The world of pressure washers is like another planet you visit and you Say to yourself, I had no idea. Look at all of this. And I'm not even getting into the repair part of it. The service trucks that come out, the repair stations, they have on site in Robbinsdale thousands of parts that are sent out all over the country. The world of pressure washing. Learning about that is like Europeans learning about the New World. Columbus discovered what American pressure of Robbinsdale. Okay, let's get to it here. We'll start with Anthony Anderson, who lost in a free throw contest to Stevie Wonder, something that would be difficult to do if Stevie were actually blind. I want to make sure I have this right. Did you challenge Stevie Wonder to a basketball game?
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Stevie can see it's just an act. I did challenge him to a game of one on one basketball for a charity event that he does for his son. And he said, you know what, Anthony? I don't want to embarrass you one on one, so let's just do it. Free throws. And he won. Stevie won to one.
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D
So it's a long con.
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Yes.
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And then there's Elton John. He owns a winter cabin in the Northeast, and he had Stevie Wonder up to visit one January as a guest. And Stevie took out one of Elton John's snowmobiles.
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You let Stevie Wonder drive your snowmobile?
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Stevie wanted to go out in the snowmobile by himself.
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By himself.
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Here's Anthony Anderson again, talking about being on a stage and watching Stevie walk without help onto the stage, right over to him, as if he knew Anthony Anderson was standing there.
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Stevie walks on stage, walks to me, looks me dead in my eye and says, anthony, get me to a piano.
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Anthony said to him, stevie, if you could find me this easily, you can find the piano over there. He actually said that to him. Shaquille o' Neal walks through a lobby of a hotel in la, gets on an elevator, and before the door closes, Stevie Wonder walks up to the elevator, presses the button to keep the door open, walks on and greets Shaquille o'. Neal. Shaquille o' Neal had said nothing, nor had he seen Stevie Wonder at all on this day. Coming through the lobby door opens, there's Stevie Wonder. He comes in, says, what's up, Shaq? Presses the button. Got other things. What's up, Shaq? How you doing, big dog? And then there's the mic stand that fell over on stage in front of Paul McCartney. And Stevie Wonder was on stage, and he saw the mic stand falling, and he reached out and caught it before it hit the ground. This stuff is all real, folks.
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The incident of Stevie Wonder catching the mic was caught on camera. There's a video of it. He really did catch it before it fell. So as you may remember, we talked about how one of the reasons why people thought maybe Stevie Wonder wasn't blind is because he caught this microphone stand. Paul's jogging back, hits the mic. Stevie Wonder grabs it. He clearly did catch that microphone stand. I mean, he caught it better than I could. And I can see.
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So Stevie Wonder has a lot of famous friends, as you might imagine. And they have some, some tales to tell about the man. And a lot of them say that he can flat out see Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney performed in the White House East Room. Stevie Wonder is doing his thing. He's on the mic. Paul McCartney leaves his mic for a sec, and as he does that, he knocks a mic stand over and Stevie Wonder reaches out and catches it before it hits the ground. How did he do that? As the man cannot see, Stevie Wonder has been known to use a camera and look through its lens. He's seen doing it actually at the Motown Museum. He took a picture of Michael Jackson. Lionel Richie tells a story about going over to Stevie's house one time. So, hey, come out to the car. I'm gonna a new tape I got for you. So they went out there, Stevie Wonder got in the driver's seat, turns the car on, throws it in reverse, turns his head around and starts backing out of the driveway.
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He says, you sit on the passenger side, I'll sit on the driver's side. He goes in, he cranks the car up, and then he does this driving back down the driveway. I'm gonna tell you something. He can see.
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D
So I don't know. I think it's time to re evaluate famous people who are supposedly blind. I'm just saying that there's a building list of evidence that maybe Stevie ain't blind. Clearly the blind thing helps as a marketing tool. But what if it's partly a ruse? You and I have never been able to verify much of this blindness business. We just accept what we're told. And now we know Helen Keller flew a plane. What are we to make of that? There just comes a time when it gets harder and harder to know what's real. Just some food for thought. Next time you see a celebrity celebrated for their handicap, what if all the guys who play wheelchair basketball really can walk? But would anyone come to watch them play basketball if they were just perfectly able bodied, it would just be guys playing a pickup game. The cool thing is watching them excel in wheelchairs, right but what if they're laughing all the way to the bank like Stevie is? And Helen Keller must have been? You know the reason we haven't had more deaf and blind celebrities like Helen Keller? Because Helen Keller wasn't even a deaf and blind celebrity. Are you starting to get it? Why do you think it is that we haven't had 10, 12 other blind and deaf celebrities following Helen Keller's fame? Connect the dots. It's right in front of you. It's sad to have to think this way. I don't like it. But once you learn we never landed on the moon, isn't everything up for grabs? Yeah. Yeah, right. You know where I go when I want to get a little taste of reality? Real, honest to God reality, grounding reality. I go to my listeners. I spin the big listener wheel that allows me to check out of this world of news reports, stories from the past, interviews with people I find online. There's a lot that comes at me via the media on my phone, on my laptop. Where I like to go to really settle down into something real is listenerville. I like to spin the big wheel, have it land on a name. Call the number associated with that name, see who's out there. Real human beings. I've told people in the past to hang on to this phone number. This is the phone number for the show. Yes. You can call and leave a message or you can just text 6513-2189-4965-1321-8949. Throw it on your fridge next to the number you call for emergencies. A lot of people on the refrigerator have a 9 and a 1 and a 1 to help them remember what number to call when there's big trouble. But mine can be right next to that. If you want to contact the show for any reason, 651321, 8949. And you can also put my email there. Or you can set up potted plants on your patio. And in a way that spells out my email address, mishkebardradio.com. that's another way to get a hold of me. A third way is to just go out at night, looking, just looking around, driving down alleys, walking through woods, just seeing if you can spot me. Some people use that approach. I like that. It's old school. Anyway, at this point in the program, I'm feeling the need to talk to a listener. So I'm going to take my last break of this program and get a hold of somebody. I want to thank you people for showing kindness to My advertisers, they're the only reason I'm able to do this show. One last break and it's listener time.
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For me.
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D
Peace of mind in certain categories makes for a happier life, a life with more contentment. If I know who my attorney is, if I know that I have a go to person as an attorney, if I know who my doctor is, if I know my banker, if I have these bases covered, people in these categories, I trust, people in these categories who are very knowledgeable, people who like me, who want to help me, life is just easier. Do you have a plumber you trust? If you don't trust them, it's a mess. You worry that they're overcharging you. You worry they're doing work that isn't necessary. You worry that they're flat out BSing you some of the time. So you got to find a plumber. That's another category. That's why I'm with MSP. Minneapolis St. Paul Plumbing, Heating and air. You should have a furnace guy. This is the north country. Who's your furnace guy again? Minneapolis St. Paul plumbing, heating and air. Who's your air conditioning guy? I'm covering your bases right here with one operation. Minneapolis St. Paul Plumbing, Heating and air. Booking a verbo vacation rental means you
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F
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D
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B
I just booked my VRBO because there
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D
was a sweet wine fridge. We all have our reasons. If you know you've terms, apply seeverbo.com trust for details. I got a call from someone recently who was upset with me because they had placed their grandfather in the well shire. And the people there didn't know anything about memory care. Nothing. This guy said to me, mishke, you promised the most amazing staff that any memory care center has ever presented. You talked about these four wonderful quadrants, this well appointed operation architecture designed with memory care in mind. You said there was nothing better for someone's loved one dealing with Alzheimer's or dementia. Mishki, not only was it insanely expensive, nobody there knew how to handle my grandfather. No one knew what to do with them, how to deal with them. Well, I looked into it as I will look into any complaint any of you folks ever have count on me. And the mistake was on their end. They place their grandfather in the Wilshire. The Wilshire is a hotel in Beverly Hills and a five star hotel. Very expensive hotel. But no, no one there knows anything about memory care. The Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills is spelled W I l S H I R E. The well, shire of Medina and Bloomington is W E A L
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S H I R E. Sam.
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Tommy.
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Hey there, Dan.
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Oh, we finally connect.
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D
There are a lot of tries. For every time I get a hold
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C
of somebody, I feel like I just won the lottery.
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D
I wonder if it's like that in any way at all. I'm trying to think if there's any way it could possibly be like that. I'm not finding any.
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C
Is there a cash prize involved in this or.
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D
No, there's nothing. In fact, it's going to cost you money because, as you know, time is money. Are you still okay with the call? Because it's looking a lot rougher right now.
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I'm just gonna play it out. We'll see where it goes.
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D
All right, well, let's play it out. What do you do with your life?
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C
Well, Tom, I'm actually happily retired. I was long term resident of Minnesota for the vast majority of my life. And my wife and I and our youngest daughter actually moved down to South Carolina about four years ago.
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D
South Carolina is a lovely state.
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C
It is lovely.
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D
So what do you do with your days?
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C
Well, it varies. Today in fact, we just got home. Both my wife and I volunteer through our church. We're members of our St. Vincent DePaul Council. We do a weekly food pantry for low income folks that need some help. Do that four or five hours every Wednesday. So that's always kind of a fun thing. And I do some other volunteer work through that same group, in fact, helping deliver a bed to someone tomorrow that apparently needs a bed. So we're not doing that. My two primary hobbies are car restoration and golf, which you can't do at the same time. You have to do those separately, generally. And my wife is an avid gardener.
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D
Car restoration, golf, and gardening. In your retirement. There's almost a central casting type image there. It's so extraordinarily conventional that I'm dying to find out your weirdnesses.
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My weirdnesses, man.
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D
For instance, the noise in the background. What is that?
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That was actually a bird. That's our little cockatiel. They say the average cockatiel lives between 12 and 15 years. Ours is 21 years old and still going strong.
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D
Do you think he likes you?
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He does not, actually. When we first brought him home, he liked me. He would. He'd come out of his cage, he'd sit on my finger, he'd sit on my shoulder and walk around the house with me. And now I Take his little cover off his cage. Every morning we open the door, he can come out anytime he wants. And he just pecks at me, pecks at me. He does not like me, but he loves my wife. I'm nice to him. I say, how you doing this morning? And what's going on? And he just pecks at me. So I say, okay, have a nice day.
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D
Are you able to take pleasure in a creature that, you know, doesn't like you?
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C
I have conversations sometimes, lengthy conversations. I kind of bare my soul to them on occasion, but I say, look, you know, at the end of the day, I feel bad. I can't blame you for pecking at me. I put you in this cage 21 years ago. And does any creature really belong in a cage? So the fact that you're mad at me, I get it. If I had it to do over again, I would have wished you just would have probably stayed out in the wild and had a. A good life for a bird, you know, I just don't resent the fact that he. He hates me.
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D
Well, I like that honesty. I like that heart to heart. I don't know that it provides any solace for the creature, but I like the fact that you have come to terms with this notion that really, what was in it for the bird?
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C
Absolutely. It's. We've got a lot of wild birds. In fact, I'm standing at a window looking out. My wife again, gardening, but she also does a lot of birding, if you will. A lot of bird feeders out the window. I'm looking at little woodpeckers. I'm looking at bluebirds, blue jays, Carolina wrens. They're happy. They're just eating the free food and flying around and having a grand old time.
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D
And the cockatiel gets to see those other birds enjoying themselves as well.
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Sadly, I guess I don't know what he's thinking. I've asked. He never really shares with me, but yeah, he does. Yeah, I think he's aware. Can hear the. The songs of the other birds. And I'm not quite sure what he's thinking, but I guess he pecks at me every morning, so maybe that's a clue.
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D
What does that remind you of? The bird caged. Hearing those other birds knowing they're enjoying themselves.
- [38:24]
C
Well, I'm not sure what you're getting at there, other than he's probably envious.
- [38:28]
D
The lyrics would go as, I bet there's rich folks eating in a fancy dining car. They're probably drinking coffee and smoking big cigars. Those people keep em movin' and that's what tortures me.
- [38:47]
C
Ooh, that's dark. I vaguely recognize that, but I'm not as much of a musicologist as you are, apparently. Who penned that, Tom?
- [38:57]
D
That's Folsom Prison Blues, my friend.
- [39:00]
C
Oh, my God.
- [39:02]
D
There was a guy in prison imagining the people in that train. He could hear that train a coming, coming round the bend. But he hadn't seen the sunshine since God knows when. That is the story of your bird hearing those other free birds enjoying life, celebrating existence. And he pecks at you. And he pecks at you.
- [39:26]
C
Well, now I feel really bad.
- [39:28]
D
I'm wondering, and I know it would hurt your wife. What about letting it go?
- [39:35]
C
You know, I have to be honest. I've kind of thought about what would it be like. I'm afraid this poor little bird probably wouldn't survive long in the wild. But at the end of the day, it may give its last day or two ones of freedom.
- [39:50]
D
Think of all the creatures out there that don't survive a day. Every day there are creatures being taken out left and right every single day. Horrible endings to lives. That's just the story of life out there. But before that happens, Freedom. Freedom. As sure as Mel Gibson and Braveheart experienced freedom, it can all end right now. Just say it. Cry out,
- [40:21]
C
Freedom.
- [40:32]
D
Why not let him have it? And your wife will be sad. But I bet you, I bet you if it comes by maybe 24, 48 hours later, it'll give you a little something that says, you're all right, fella. And it'll give your wife a little something that says, he did what you should have done a long time ago, sweetheart. We were never that close, you and I.
- [40:58]
C
Wow, you've given me a lot to think about here. So does that. Would you extend that same thought process, like walk up to Como Zoo and somehow let all the poor chimps out?
- [41:11]
D
Every single creature in a zoo should be released 100 years from now. They will look back and think of us as twisted. That's one of the things we're doing that we don't realize we're doing. Every generation does something they think is normal, that years later is determined to be sick. You can find it throughout history.
- [41:37]
C
Freedom. I'm not a fan of zoos. I think one of the sadder things I experienced, I was in Mexico on a tourist trip and went on one of those little dolphin experiences where they got these poor dolphins in these big pools and they basically train them to do silly things, including pushing people with their noses across the water. And I thought, these poor dolphins, what do they think of us as people?
- [42:12]
D
You picked the right animal to feel sorry for. Because when you read about them, not only are they extraordinarily bright and have rich emotional lives and extraordinary inner lives, but they are so willing to aid human beings. They have a true, compassionate side. They have done wondrous things for people over the years. There are so many stories where they've appeared when needed and really saved lives in certain cases. They're a creature that when we fully, truly understand them, we will not put them in the same category as any old animal. But again, I don't think a lot of us today are aware of how foolish we are. We won't learn this until way later. But it's a common philosophical question when you're sitting around with people to ask the question 200 years from now, what will people looking back on us today say about us in this area? Those morons, those lunkheads, those dunces. How could they have done A, B or C? And it was because we didn't know any better.
- [43:18]
C
I think you're right.
- [43:20]
D
I want to ask you something about this St. Vincent de Paul operation which involves getting food to low income people. Years and years ago, I showed up at a hospice center to do some volunteer work and the woman who was the director at the hospice said, what are you doing this for? The question threw me because it really did seem like she was a little bit annoyed. In other words, I didn't feel appreciated and I just said, oh, I, I just wanted to help. And she said, help? You want to help. You are here to help. You have things to offer the people here. You are going to deign to spend time here offering us your gifts. Now, I am being a little extreme here, but this is roughly what she was saying. She handed me a book, a three ring binder with some pages in it. And clearly what was happening to me is what happens to all volunteers who show up there. It's very humbling. The book had one page under the heading helping and another page under the heading serving. I won't go into a long description of these pages, but the gist of it was helpers are not what the world needs. They need people to serve. Helpers come a little bit above everyone else. All the people, they're there to help. And there's a weird power dynamic there. The helper has the help, they're bringing it, they have it. They have the power to make this person's life better. So that person looks up to them with gratitude. And the helper gets what is called the help juice. And the help juice is the good feeling when you help somebody. And it's a lovely little feeling that your ego likes. And this woman was trying to tell me that I needed to change my entire mindset, that the world is filled with helpers who are ultimately in it for themselves to feel good about themselves. When what we need in this world is people who will serve. And she says, as soon as you switch it to serve, now you're slightly below the person you're giving the food to and you're serving them. You're actually grateful that they're allowing you to serve them. You are able to experience life as life should be lived as this selfless person, void of ego, grateful to even be able to offer these people something. And they don't owe you any thanks. You thank them for letting you serve them. She said to me, that's what we want here. We want people willing to serve. It blew up my mind. It changed my whole perception of volunteer work in general and almost anything that I did in life after that that I thought was quote unquote, helping. I don't know who this woman was, and I don't know if this happens at any other hospice place or any other volunteer place. But I have since done a little research on it. It's a very sophisticated idea, theological, spiritual, philosophical idea. But I brought it up because I wanted to throw that at you when I heard about your work with these folks who are low income.
- [47:07]
C
Well, I think that is the right way to look at any volunteer experience. I think the woman that challenged you in that way, we see that a little bit in our group as well. As you see people that come in, they'll be there and volunteer for a relative short period of time. And they're there for the right reason. They do want to contribute, they do want to give something back, but they don't really last. I mean, they may do it for three, four, five, six weeks and then you never see them again. And it's like, well, what changed? I think a lot of people that run charitable organizations like that, they do see a lot of people come and go through the door as volunteers and they're probably feeling they're not there for the right reason. And I think to your point, it isn't about being above anyone. It is really serving. I mean, you know, there's the whole image of Jesus washing the disciples feet. I mean, it was that kind of thing. The true servant is there to serve the People. And you're right, it's probably more of a subservient position to who you are serving.
- [48:09]
D
Let me just read something I found when I just researched this right now. Here's something that popped up right away. And it turns out you can find this stuff all over. Serving is different from helping. Helping is based on inequality. It's not a relationship between equals. When you help, you use your own strength to help those of lesser strength. If I'm attentive to what's going on inside of me when I'm helping, I find that I'm always helping someone who's not as strong as I am, who's needier than I am. People feel this inequality. When we help, we may inadvertently take away from people more than we could ever give them. We may diminish them somehow. When I help, I'm aware of my own strength. But we don't serve with our strength. We serve with ourselves. We draw from all of our experiences. Our limitations serve. Our wounds serve. Even our darkness can serve. The wholeness in us serves the wholeness in others and the wholeness in life. The wholeness in you is the same as the wholeness in me. Service is a relationship between equals. Helping incurs debt. When you help someone, they feel they owe you one. But serving, like healing, is mutual. There is no debt. I am as served as the person I am serving.
- [49:28]
C
Yeah, I think that's fair. At the same time, call it helping or serving. For a person that has more willing to step into a situation where they're helping or serving, you have to have something the other person doesn't have, be it something physical or spiritual or psychological or whatever the case may be. So if you can, that's generally the way it's going to work. I mean, you don't see too many homeless people volunteering to help other people, per se. Not that they couldn't or they wouldn't, but it's just the dynamic of you've got something someone else needs, so it kind of has to start there. But then, yeah. Well, how does that relationship evolve over time?
- [50:18]
D
Well, so I would turn it this way. I would turn it this way. Here's how it would play out. Practically, there's someone out there with a cardboard sign at an intersection. Now imagine this. Now, there are people who are going to be listening saying, you're out of your mind. But I think this is very real. Imagine going up to them and saying, boy, am I glad you're here today because you are going to do me the greatest favor by Allowing me to serve you. This is what I'm here on this earth to do. And you're allowing me to do what is the purest form of being, a true human being. And I want to be that so badly. And please tell me what I can do. And by all means, please accept my gratitude, because this is allowing me to live today the way I need to live. And all that's left is this pure, loving force operating in the world as it should, like water finding its natural course.
- [51:20]
C
That would be very hard for the typical person to start there. I think it's an evolution for people, right? So they start somewhere doing something, and if you stick with it long enough and maybe you do different types of work with people, that eventually, if you're sincere about it and your heart's in the right place, then, yes, I think you could certainly evolve to that. And ideally, if we all did, the world would be a much better place.
- [51:46]
D
Yeah. In the end, it's a philosophical discussion, which is a wonderful thing, but I will say in its essence, what is happening there is, instead of being a loving person, you are love in that act. It's the switch from being a quote, unquote loving person to. To love moving through you. You are the love. The person disappears. You are the force itself. The ego vanishes or at least shrinks, and something far more powerful that some people call God, other people call consciousness, other people call the spiritual force the Holy Spirit, whatever people call it. Different names all over the world. The great mystery, you're opening up to something there in that switch in the mind, I think that lets something very, very powerful through, and it makes you want to play with this force. And sometimes those little gateways you need to open are opened through these little games you play with your mind, where you say, I'm not gonna be Mr. Helper. Every time I say Mr. Helper, I'm picturing Sam Kinison, Little Helper. I'll tell you something that's really a closing to the story. I did end up staying on. She shook me up quite a bit, and I did stay on. But I'll tell you something, my first person. This was why this is such an incredible test. This really tests. Tests you. My first person, I thought he'd be sitting with people dying. I'd be talking about, you know, life and, you know, their kids and what they did with their lives, and they'd be kind of weak and lying in bed and saying, oh, thanks for being here, and, yeah, it's been a good run. And I know I'M going to a better place. And we just kind of talk. And then after a while, I'd go home feeling so damn good. Not even close. Not even close. Here was the experience. You relieved families who were exhausted at the bedsides of their dying loved ones, who needed a break, who needed to get out of there. You came in to give them a break so they could walk out, take a walk, go down, get something to drink somewhere, go to a cafeteria. But their loved one needed someone by them. So I relieve my first woman and her husband cannot get a sentence out without coughing so violently that I honestly expected him to die while I was there and to die in an awful manner. He tried to talk to me, and he couldn't get three words out without coughing and coughing and coughing. I assume he was dying of lung cancer or something. I don't know. It was horrible. But he kept wanting to visit with me. I just wanted him to be quiet. But of course, that was for me. I wanted him to be quiet. He didn't want to be quiet. And he would say to me, I
- [54:50]
E
used to be a basketball coach in high school.
- [54:59]
D
It was utter torture for me to sit with him. The minutes went by like hours. I was sweating, and it's Jesus, can someone help this man? And at the end of the day, I found that woman that I had first talked to, and she said, how'd it go? And I said, is this normal? Is this a typical day? And I'll tell you something. I never went back. I never went back. I went to volunteer. And this tells you a lot. The improvement was I went to volunteer for the center for the Victims of Torture in Minneapolis, where people come from all over the world after being horribly, horribly tortured. And that was a much, much easier gig. And I was obviously looking, looking to make things easy on myself. I didn't have it. I didn't have it. I was so out of my league. I was so out of my league in terms of real service. I was putting myself in a situation thinking I had it all figured out. And I left there feeling like I had nothing figured out in this world.
- [56:15]
C
Well, what can you say that's. Not everyone has the same gifts, the same outlooks on the world, and we're all better suited for different things. So you found what worked for you.
- [56:29]
D
Absolutely. And my general take is everybody's doing about the best they can anyway. I mean, that's my general take on humanity. I think people are doing about the best they can with the tools they have. I'd like to just start A movement where people say hi to each other on the sidewalk. If I could get there, I'd be a happy man. I still struggle with the times I say hi to someone and they don't say hi back. That can ruin my day.
- [56:50]
C
I tell my kids when they're dealing with difficult people that you don't know what that other person's going through. Be sensitive, give them space, and just make the best of what you can. Because you just don't know what other people are going through. I think people that don't say hi when you pass them on the street either, or they're zoned out. But a lot of people are just plain shy and they feel like they're being judged constantly.
- [57:14]
D
You're absolutely right. And actually, I need to tell myself that what you advise your kids is advice I need to give myself. The town I live in, St. Paul, Minnesota, is small enough in my mind where you still say hi to people you pass on the sidewalk. Now, in New York City, that'd be a little rough, but I still consider it just basic humanity. 101. But I gotta lay off that. Everybody has to think that. Why don't I just say it and leave it at that?
- [57:43]
C
Exactly.
- [57:45]
D
I am going to. I am going to let you go just because. I don't know how long we've talked, but it's a long time.
- [57:52]
C
Well, it was a pleasure. Finally got a chance to connect. I think you called me a couple times. I was on the golf course and they didn't even know my phone was ringing. So I'm glad we finally connected and
- [58:02]
D
I appreciate you hanging out with me as long as you did. I hope to speak to you again sometime, Tom.
- [58:07]
C
Have a good night.
- [58:08]
D
All right, Dan. Thank you. Bye. Bye.
- [58:10]
C
Bye. Bye.
- [58:11]
D
Mr. Helper. I didn't know you wanted to get involved with the discussion, Mr. Helper. Say it. Say it.
- [58:25]
C
Sa.