How OCD Took Over J Aubrey’s Creative Process

Summary

---

Get to Know OCD – Episode Summary

Episode Title: How OCD Took Over J Aubrey’s Creative Process

Podcast: Get to Know OCD
Host: Dr. Patrick McGrath (NOCD Chief Clinical Officer)
Guest: J Aubrey (YouTuber and video essayist)
Date: October 9, 2025

---

Overview

In this episode, renowned YouTube creator J Aubrey sits down with Dr. Patrick McGrath and NOCD clinicians to discuss his journey with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). The conversation explores how OCD infiltrated every aspect of his creative and personal life, the path to understanding and diagnosis, the unique challenges of finding effective treatment, and the transformative experience of exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy. The episode blends personal narrative, clinical insight, and hopeful encouragement for others facing OCD.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. J Aubrey's Creative Work and Early OCD Symptoms

• Introduction to J Aubrey ([03:12]):

  • J is known for in-depth video essays on controversial or interesting figures.
  • Describes his documentaries as “mini armchair documentaries… usually hour, hour-and-a-half long” ([03:38]).

• First Experience of OCD ([04:13]):

  • Symptoms began in sixth grade (around age 12).
  • Initial compulsions focused on hand washing to reduce anxiety:

    “I would get anxious about something, and to make myself feel less anxious, I… would just go and wash my hands a million times…” ([04:13])

  • Developed calluses and eczema from excessive hand washing.
  • Later, OCD expanded into intrusive thoughts and rituals (e.g., needing to do things to prevent “bad things” from happening).

• Long-Term Impact ([06:01]):

  • Struggled for years before understanding he had OCD.
  • Gained clarity at 18 after hearing about OCD’s clinical traits.
  • Realization brought relief but marked the start of a lengthy journey toward management.

---

2. The Internal Logic of OCD

• Emotion vs. Rationality ([07:24]):

  • Compulsions aren’t rational—doing something physical (hand washing, tapping) brings emotional comfort:

    “It’s less of a ration thing and it’s more of a feeling thing. …I don’t have control over this thing that I’m afraid of happening… but I can control washing my hands.” ([07:24])

• OCD’s Different Logic ([08:43]):

  • Discussed how OCD creates its own “logic” separate from what non-OCD people understand.
  • Example: How “washing your hands” is not a logical solution to most problems, but feels necessary with OCD.

• Temporary Relief, Not a Cure ([09:08]):

  • Compulsions bring momentary comfort—“maybe a brief second”—but don’t address the root of the obsessive fear.

---

3. Compulsions and Their Impact

• Nature and Function of Compulsions ([10:06]):

  • Compulsions like checking the oven, tapping doorknobs, etc., are attempts to relieve unrelated fears.
  • Aware there’s no real link, but feels compelled emotionally.

• Reinforcement Loop ([11:15]):

  • Compulsions momentarily lower anxiety but reinforce the belief that they prevent bad things:

    “When you do give in to those compulsions… it… reaffirms something in your mind where it’s like, oh, because this bad thing didn’t happen, it… was because I washed my hands.” ([11:15])

• The Underlying Fear of Blame ([12:51]):

  • Fear that if something bad happens and the compulsion is skipped, they’ll blame themselves:

    “I was so afraid of, like, well, if this bad thing does happen… and I didn’t do the ritual, I’m gonna blame myself.” ([12:51])

• Compulsions Never “Finish” OCD ([13:41]):

  • No one ever cures OCD by completing enough rituals:

    “We don’t know of anyone who’s ever done enough compulsions to the point where OCD has said, ‘Hey, we’re good now, everything’s fine.’” – Dr. McGrath ([13:41])

---

4. Diagnosis and Barriers to Treatment

• Delaying Treatment ([15:32]):

  • Researched ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) but put off seeking therapy.
  • Fear of being misunderstood, “crazy,” or improperly treated (since talk therapy isn’t always effective for OCD).

• Finding the Right Support ([17:03]):

  • Relief in reading others’ experiences online, especially via the NOCD app’s community feature.
  • Practiced self-ERP before entering formal therapy, but relapses common during high stress.

---

5. The Transformative Power of ERP Therapy

• What Prompted Treatment ([23:31]):

  • Entered therapy when OCD was more “manageable,” but wishes he’d gone sooner.
  • ERP involves facing fears and not performing compulsions, which is intentionally uncomfortable.

• Learning to Tolerate Discomfort ([26:05]):

  • First ERP sessions felt unnatural, “like a taboo… very uncomfortable,” with real physical panic symptoms.
  • Sticking with ERP allowed J to recognize the lack of real consequences for dropping compulsions.

• Shift in Perspective ([32:02]):

  • After treatment:

    “The way I described it to my therapist is like I feel a weight lifted off my brain. Feels like it works better.” ([32:02])

  • Life is easier, mind clearer, stress reduced.

• Acceptance & Uncertainty ([33:22]):

  • Therapist’s advice:

    “She didn’t tell me, like, it will not happen if you don’t do the compulsion. She just told me it could still happen. And you need to be okay with… the uncertainty that it may happen or it may not happen. But regardless… you will be okay.” ([33:22])

---

6. OCD’s Grip on the Creative Process

• How OCD Disrupted YouTube Work ([29:02]):

  • “Every little part of what I do was affected… from like the script writing process to when I’m recording and editing.”
  • Compulsions included rerecording lines multiple times, applying video filters “just right,” obsessive edits.
  • “It would just… There’d be times where I’d record the same line, like six times… infected every part of the video making process, frankly.” ([29:26])

• OCD threatens passions:

  “It made it hard to make videos, which is the thing I love doing more than anything… it stops you from doing the things you love.” ([30:56])

---

7. Destigmatization and Going Public

• Reasons for Speaking Out ([34:50]):

  • “It’s a little bit therapeutic for me to talk about it… I felt like it was kind of important to talk about publicly because so many people go through it silently…” ([34:50])

• Reactions from Others ([36:33]):

  • Overall positive.
  • J’s mother watched NOCD videos and recognized her own symptoms—shows how widespread, yet hidden, OCD can be in families.

• On OCD Stereotypes ([37:11]):

  • “I had heard of OCD as, like… the stereotypes… but I didn’t… understand that that was what I was experiencing… until I started doing more research.” ([37:11])

---

8. On Stigma, Acceptance, and Encouragement

• Harm in Minimizing OCD ([37:52]):

  • When people say, “I have a little OCD,” it downplays the severity and necessity of treatment.

• Advice for Early Awareness ([38:50]):

  • J missed early signs; only with awareness and accurate portrayal did things “click.”

• Message to those Considering Treatment ([42:27]):

  • “There’s no harm in trying… I wish I could go back in time and tell myself…”
  • “You will thank yourself later on for getting started. As soon as possible…” ([43:13])

• Advice to Families ([43:48]):

  • Family’s noticed positive change in J; his mother also recognized OCD in herself after learning more.

• Emphasizing Maintenance ([45:58]):

  • Recognizes ERP as ongoing: “It’s something you've got to keep working on and keep being aware of because… if something happens where my anxiety spikes… my compulsions really want me to give in…” ([45:58])

• Final Message of Hope ([46:42]):

  • “Treatment is so… like, going through professional treatment is so much more important than I may have realized… I am proof that treatment and recovery is very much possible… It’s worth going through…” ([47:25])

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It made it hard to make videos, which is the thing I love doing more than anything. It stops you from doing the things you love.”
  — J Aubrey, [00:00] & [30:56]

• “It’s just about feeling like I’m in control… Even though I know logically… there is no link … It’s just about feeling like I have some degree of control over something in my life.”
  — J Aubrey, [07:24]

• “We don’t know of anyone who’s ever done enough compulsions to the point where OCD has said, ‘Hey, we’re good now, everything’s fine.’”
  — Dr. McGrath, [13:41]

• “If something good happens or if the bad thing doesn’t happen, then yes, I do attribute that to the… compulsion. …It’s very weird.”
  — J Aubrey, [22:01]

• “The way I described it to my therapist is like I feel a weight lifted off my brain. Feels like it works better… my mind is clearer because I’m not being bogged down by all these distractions.”
  — J Aubrey, [32:02]

• “She just told me it could still happen. And you need to be okay with… the uncertainty that it may happen or it may not happen… you will be okay and you will be able to… deal with that situation when it comes.”
  — J Aubrey, quoting his therapist [33:22]

• “Compulsions never made anyone’s life easier.”
  — Dr. McGrath, [34:34]

• “I am proof that… treatment and recovery is very much possible… It’s worth going through the time and effort that it takes. You are going to be better off for it.”
  — J Aubrey, [47:25]

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

00:00 – How OCD affected J’s creative process
04:13 – J’s early OCD symptoms
07:24 – The feeling vs. rationality behind compulsions
13:41 – Compulsions never satisfy OCD
17:03 – Community support and self-ERP
23:31 – Starting therapy; reflection on treatment timeline
26:05 – First experience with ERP and its discomfort
29:02 – How OCD took over the script, record, and edit process
32:02 – Life after therapy
33:22 – Accepting uncertainty, therapist’s perspective
34:50 – Going public and the value of sharing
36:33 – The impact of J’s public discussion (family reactions)
37:52 – Danger of “a little OCD” stereotype
42:27 – Advice for those considering treatment
45:58 – Maintenance and relapse prevention
46:42 – Final message of hope

---

Takeaways

• OCD can stealthily infiltrate every area of one’s life, especially creative passions.
• Compulsions irrationally appear to control outcomes, but bring only fleeting relief.
• Real change happened when J sought proper ERP therapy and learned to tolerate discomfort and accept uncertainty.
• OCD thrives on secrecy and stigma; talking about it and connecting with others brings relief and hope.
• Treatment is not just possible—it’s transformative. Early intervention is encouraged.
• Families can play a key role in awareness, and there is a significant genetic component.
• Recovery is an ongoing process, but one that brings clarity, control, and renewed joy in passions once threatened by OCD.

---

Find J Aubrey:

• YouTube: J Aubrey
• Twitter: @JAubreyYT

For more episodes, resources, or treatment, visit:

• nocd.com

---

Transcript

[Jay Aubrey]

Every little part of what I do was affected in some way by ocd. From like the script writing process to when I'm recording like, and editing, especially whenever I would like record a line and then I would tell myself, oh, you, you said it a certain way, where now this bad thing is going to happen. So you need to record that. You need to say that line again. You need to feel right. It made it hard to to make videos, which is the thing that I love doing more than anything. It stops you from doing the things you love.

[NOCD Representative]

Whether you realize it or not. You probably know someone with obsessive Compulsive Disorder or maybe you love someone with ocd. And if those two don't fit, you might be the person with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Because of this, OCD awareness is so personal for all of us. We hope that raising awareness will bring hope to everyone and their friends and their families who are affected by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. When we recognize what OCD really is, it offers us a couple of options. We can see the signs in ourselves and others much quicker that can help to end a great deal of suffering. NOCD is the world's leading OCD treatment provider, and I'm honored to lead a team of licensed clinicians who are specially trained to accurately diagnose OCD and provide the treatment of choice, exposure and response prevention so that we know that we can give people the lives that they want to live and help them not live the lives that OCD wants them to live. In addition to that, for ocd, it means applying the work that we do to other conditions that often come along with obsessive Compulsive disorder, such as body focused, repetitive behaviors, tics hoarding, anxiety disorders, mood conditions, trauma, and even body dysmorphic disorder. If any of these are things that are affecting you or your loved ones or family, know that help is available. If you're looking for help, you can check us [e-mail] that's n o c d dot com. Our goal is simple. To make sure that nothing, not ocd, not stigma, not misconceptions, gets in the way of of you living the life you want. You deserve to focus on things that bring you joy and meaning. Helping you is just personal to us. It's what we do.

[Podcast Host]

Hi everyone and welcome to another episode of the get to Know OCD Podcast. As always, we're happy to have you here. And if you're looking for other episodes of the get to Know OCD Podcast, you can subscribe to the NOCD YouTube channel or. Or get it wherever you subscribe to your favorite podcast. Today, Jay Aubrey is here with me, and I'm excited to chat with Jay about OCD symptoms, diagnosis, and all the cool things that you do on YouTube as well. So, Jay, welcome. How are you?

[Jay Aubrey]

Thank you so much. I'm doing great. I really appreciate you having me.

[Therapist/Clinician]

This is great.

[Podcast Host]

Why don't you tell everybody a little bit about you and the fact that you have millions of followers? It appears so, which is impressive. Very nice.

[Jay Aubrey]

Well, thank you. I mean, I make video essays on YouTube. YouTube. I usually talk about people that I think are interesting. Maybe they've been in the news for one reason or another. I talk about people that are online figures. I talk about people in the mainstream as well. Just anyone that I think has an interesting or maybe controversial story to tell. I try and present it in a narrative form. You know, try to produce as holistic.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Of a picture of this person as.

[Jay Aubrey]

I can and try to, you know, put my commentary into it as well. You know, it just depends on the topic, but, you know, they usually end up being like, hour, hour and a half long. Like mini armchair documentaries is how I would describe them. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

In addition to that amazing work, no one comes on the get to Know OCD podcast usually without having something to do with ocd. So let's make just an assumption. There's a little bit of OCD going on in your life as well.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah, there's more than a little bit you can say.

[Podcast Host]

Good. I'm glad you caught my joke there.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah. Yeah.

[NOCD Representative]

Thank you.

[Podcast Host]

Thank you very much. That's great.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah, it's. It's been, you know, something that I've dealt with since I was maybe in sixth grade, I think, is when I started to notice symptoms. Everybody, you know, has their own OCD journey. But I know that one of the common traits associated with OCD is washing your hands. And that was something that. It. That's how it started for me. It was when I was like, you know, I guess, like 12 maybe. I just. I would get anxious about something, and to make myself feel less anxious, I, you know, I would just go and wash my hands a million times. And I didn't understand it at the time, but, like, that would help me feel better. And it got to the point where that was, like, what I would. It was like a coping mechanism almost. I would just wash my hands constantly. And I got to a point where I was washing my hands so much that I was developing, like, calluses and, like, Eczema on my. On my hands because they were so, like, dry from all of the hand washing. You know, it sounds ridiculous, but that was what I was like, really dealing with back then. And then it just kind of went from there. You know, there were other. Other, you know, intrusive thoughts that would come into my mind, and I would think, oh, my gosh, like, I don't want this bad thing to happen. And so I need to do this thing. I need to do this ritual in order to make these bad thoughts go away. And it just kind of would spiral from there and just get worse and worse over the years. And I would never talk about it because I never knew how to. To explain it to somebody who maybe didn't understand what it was. And I also didn't know what it really was for many years. It was only, I think when I turned 18, I remember hearing about OCD and hearing the symptoms and hearing what it was like to go through that. And I just was able to pinpoint immediately I was like, that's what I've been experiencing. And so that kind of changed everything when I could actually place a name to what it was that I was experiencing, you know, and then it was.

[Therapist/Clinician]

It's.

[Jay Aubrey]

It's still been very much a journey ever since then. But, you know, knowing what it is and understanding the different ways that you can go about mitigating these, you know, compulsions, that has really helped me get to a place where I feel like it's under control. And, you know, I do credit NOCD with that. Like, genuinely, like, you know, going through everything with NOCD has been fantastic as well.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Very helpful.

[Podcast Host]

Cool. Well, yeah, we'll get to treatment, but I think there's some interesting questions to ask you. And I haven't gone this in depth on this, but maybe if you wouldn't mind a little bit of. Of kind of exploring within the brain you had talked about, you know, there's something uncomfortable going on, so washing your hands feels better. And I think for people without ocd, that's. That's something odd, right, that I feel weird or off or bad or something emotionally, but I'm doing this physical behavior as a way to try to neutralize it.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

What. What was the link for you? And I don't know if you can even explain it or not, because sometimes these things just don't seem to have, obviously, a rational, quote unquote experience there. But what was the link for you? That you could be emotionally uncomfortable and then gain emotional comfort by doing a physical behavior like A hand wash or something like that.

[Jay Aubrey]

Oh, man. Yeah. That is something that I've wondered about, you know, because it's something that I've discovered along, you know, my journey of having OCD is like, you know, you. It's kind of. It's less of a ration thing and it's more of a feeling thing. So it's like, I just, I. It makes me feel better in situations where I maybe don't have control, to feel like I have control. So it's like, okay, I don't have control over this thing that I'm afraid of happening, you know, like, in my mind, I'm afraid that this thing is going to happen to, like, my loved ones or something. And so, like, I can't control that. So I can control washing my hands. And in my mind that is a way to keep them safer. Even though I know logically, completely that there is no link, you know, like, I'm very aware that there is no link. It's just about feeling like I'm in control. Like I have some degree of control over something in my life where I.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Have no control over, you know, and that's been.

[Jay Aubrey]

That's been difficult, you know, for sure.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. And that can be one of the hardest things for me to try to explain to people who don't understand ocd.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

That their OCD uses like a different logic.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yeah, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Than we use in non OCD world.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Right. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

In non OCD world, if you walked up to somebody was having a bad day and said, hey, I've got the cure for you. Just go wash your hands. I'll be. Well, they would look at you like, what? Yeah, my hands are fine. My, you know, someone's dying in my family, you know, I don't think that's going to stop that from happening.

[Jay Aubrey]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

But in ocd, that's suddenly it's like.

[Jay Aubrey]

Oh, yeah, what a fantastic idea. I feel much better for 5 second until now. I have to do something else. Because it doesn't make the feelings go away. It's just for maybe a brief second. You might feel satisfied and feel like things are going to be okay, but it's. It doesn't address the roots, like, thing that's driving the obsessive thoughts, you know, it's. It's just a way to feel better.

[Therapist/Clinician]

In that brief period of time, you know?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Difficult.

[Podcast Host]

And it's not an intelligence thing. It's. You know, sometimes people say, well, why don't they just stop it? Or just tell themselves to stop it? Aren't they smart enough to figure it out something? This has 0, 0 to do with that. This is all emotion driven.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

And emotional satisfaction driven.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

And emotional relief driven for people instead of an intelligence or rational kind of experience. Would you agree?

[Jay Aubrey]

I would completely agree with that. And it honestly took me so long to realize that because I. I just. There was. I just struggle. It's like, I. I know that this isn't, like, affecting anything in my life, you know, like the, the hand washing and, like, you know, I would, like, tap on, like, you know, like the doorknobs and stuff. You know, it's like. Or check the oven, like, over and over and over to make sure that it's like, actually off before I leave the house, you know, Like, I. I don't know, it's like just to make myself feel better about something that's totally unrelated. I know that there's like, no, like, you know, tangible link there. So I. It's. It's just coming to terms with that and understanding that it is an emotional thing. I mean, that has helped me so much.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

[Podcast Host]

Once you realize that, then I think maybe the treatment seems more palpable.

[Jay Aubrey]

Right.

[Podcast Host]

Like, this idea of you want me to face these fears and not tell me I'm going to be okay and.

[NOCD Representative]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

Because there's no amount of telling you you're going to be okay that's going to be satisfying to you anyway, right?

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah. And you really just have to, you know, show to yourself. You have to prove to yourself that, like, you know, you can. You can deal with the uncomfortable feelings, you know, for, like, you know, however long they last. Sometimes it can be maybe five minutes. Sometimes it could be 15 or 20 or 30 minutes. It really just depends on how intense those feelings are. But you can withstand that and you can. You have to prove to yourself that this thing that you're afraid of happening, it really has no connection. I think you have to show yourself that there is no connection there sometimes. You know what I mean? Because unfortunately, when you do give in to those compulsions and you do like, you know, oh, you wash your hands to make yourself feel better. It does. I feel like in my experience that, like, reaffirms something in your mind where it's like, oh, because this bad thing didn't happen, it. It was because I washed my hands, you know, and so I. I better just keep doing that, you know, and then it just gets to a point where you're so afraid of this bad thing over here happening that it's just. It almost becomes easier to just like, I'll just wash my hands just to be. Just to be sure that everything's okay, you know, And. But you don't realize that that is. That you are. You are sending yourself deeper into a spiral that it's going to be hard to. To come out of.

[Therapist/Clinician]

You know, like, getting into that.

[Podcast Host]

I joke sometimes that I have a new product coming out called Block of Wood.

[Jay Aubrey]

It's.

[Podcast Host]

It will sell for 19.99, and you just need to keep it in your pocket, and when you need it, you just take it out and knock on it and all will be well. Nothing. Nothing bad will happen in your life, and everything will be fine.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

You know, and. And that's kind of what OCD is like, though, in a way, right?

[Jay Aubrey]

For sure.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

This makes no sense, but. But why not do it anyway, just.

[Jay Aubrey]

In case, just to be sure, you know? Because I. I was so afraid of, like, well, if this bad thing does happen, if. And I didn't do the ritual, I'm gonna blame myself. You know, I'm gonna. I'm gonna feel like it was my fault somehow. That's what I'm always like. That's. You know, I do have it more under control now, but, like, at the peak of my, like, you know, ocd, like, it was. It would. That would be at the front of my mind. So I'm like, okay, I better just. Just to be safe, might as well do this so that I don't have these feelings of, like, guilt if the bad thing does happen. You know, that was, like, a big.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Thing that drove my, you know, compulsions as well, I would say.

[Podcast Host]

And OCD being kind of the jerk that it is, it'll be like, oh, you found a way to circumvent me. I will circumvent your circumventing of me. And then.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Now there's more to do. Right?

[Jay Aubrey]

Exactly.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Exactly.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah. It can be a hard thing to.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Really break loose from sometimes.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. We don't know of anyone who's ever done enough compulsions to the point where OCD has said, hey, we're good now, Everything's fine.

[Jay Aubrey]

Exactly.

[NOCD Representative]

Nice work.

[Podcast Host]

You finally did.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah. Yeah. I've had it for, you know, years and years, and I've never gotten to the. That point where it's like, yeah, it's like, you're good now.

[Therapist/Clinician]

You're totally.

[Jay Aubrey]

No more compulsions. You know, You've done all of them.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I think the hardest thing then, for a lot of people and When I do my Wednesday webinars, this comes up all the time, is that fully acceptance of it doesn't matter what OCD throws in your head. Whatever thought, whatever image, whatever urge that you just don't need to do anything about it. And. And the. And is important here. It doesn't say anything about you or your moral character or anything of that nature that you've decided to just let that thing be there and move on from it.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yes, definitely.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah. And I think that was something that I had struggled with a lot, too.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Where it's like, if I.

[Jay Aubrey]

If I don't address this thing that's.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Like, really, like, you know, at the.

[Jay Aubrey]

Front of my mind, I. I am somehow like, you know, you know, treating it without the gravity that it deserves. Maybe, like the thing that I'm afraid of happening, but really, it's. It's. It's the opposite.

[Therapist/Clinician]

You know, it's like, it's.

[Jay Aubrey]

You want to help yourself out by not, like, really. Really doing everything you can to not do the compulsion. It doesn't mean that you don't care about. You're not afraid of this thing happening.

[Therapist/Clinician]

It doesn't make you any less, like, you know, I guess.

[Jay Aubrey]

Sincere. It's just. But I. I can understand that.

[Therapist/Clinician]

That feeling, for sure, you know? Yeah, I get that it's tough.

[Podcast Host]

Definitely. Definitely. So you. You figure this out, you learn what OCD is. But it sounds like treatment might have waited a little while for you before.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah, for sure. I really did not seek out treatment itself until more recently because I just, you know, I've done enough research. I've done enough research to know that, like, it. ERP therapy, which is what's needed to treat ocd, is a lot different than traditional talk therapy and how talk therapy.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Doesn'T always, you know, treat OCD in.

[Jay Aubrey]

The way that it.

[Therapist/Clinician]

It needs to be treated.

[Jay Aubrey]

And so that always kind of, like, I guess put me off of looking for. For a therapist, you know, because I just didn't want to go through the trouble of finding someone who could, like, really understand what I was experiencing. I felt like it would just be so hard to explain to someone and that. I mean, I. I had thoughts, you know, like, you know, that, like, maybe I would explain all of these feelings to somebody to, like, a therapist or a professional, and they would think I was, like, crazy and, like, try to get me admitted. That was something that I was, like, afraid of. So I just didn't seek out therapy for the longest time. You know, it was a daunting thing to really Think about.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

If only there was a company out.

[Jay Aubrey]

There that specialized in it.

[NOCD Representative]

I know.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah.

[Therapist/Clinician]

It's crazy.

[Podcast Host]

So weird. I don't know. Yeah. What leads you to finally decide I. I can't do this anymore this way? I need. I need to. I need to take the risk. I need to.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah. I mean, there would be times where it would just get so bad, where I could. I could barely function, you know, like, throughout the day. So I would be trying to look for any sort of relief that I could. And I would. I would search up, you know, the symptoms that I was feeling and, like, you know, try to see if other people were experiencing that. And through those, like, you know, I would just read other people's experiences, and that would, like, help ground me because it would let me know that I'm not going through this alone.

[Podcast Host]

Sure.

[Jay Aubrey]

That that was really helpful. And through that searching, I found no cd. And I. Years ago that I found it and I downloaded the app on my phone and what I used all the time, I didn't contribute to it, but I did use the community feature on the app. I would, like, whenever I would. My symptoms would get really bad, and I needed some way to ground myself. I would just go and read what other people were saying, and I could see all these people that also were going through similar things. And it just made me feel like, okay, this is not, like, you know, incredibly abnormal. This is. This is something that other people experience. And that means to me that. That made it seem like it was easier to tackle and easier to, like, push back against, you know, and so before I was doing ERP with a therapist through nocd, I was trying to integrate elements of ERP in my own life myself, which I know is not ideal, but that was. That was what I was doing for a long time, because I knew that. And even before doing a ton of research, I understood that, like, the only way to really stop these thoughts is to stop giving them credence and to stop, like, you know, or to stop the compulsions. I mean, like, it was to stop, like, treating them as if they are the.

[Therapist/Clinician]

The cure to these thoughts that I was experiencing.

[Jay Aubrey]

And so I would. I would try practicing that, and I would start small with, like, little small, you know, obsessions that I had that maybe weren't so earth shattering. You know, I would just resist the compulsions that were associated with those, and I would notice myself feeling a little bit more like I could, you know, take on the day and, like, not have to go through all these monotonous, like, Rituals, you know, And I felt my mind could be clearer, but there would always be times where something would happen in my life. I'd feel some heightened anxiety, and then they'd all come back, and it would.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Be hard to fight against. You know what I mean?

[Jay Aubrey]

And so having that, like, treatment with a therapist where we can sit down and I can tell my therapist about what I'm feeling, my specific obsessions and compulsions, and then finding new ways to look at them, you know, like, that. That helped me so much to just talk to another person so that it's not internal, you know, it. You really, like. I can't emphasize enough to people that are experiencing OCD that, like, it helps so much to just talk to someone and have someone else there that can hold you accountable and make sure that, like, you're not giving these compulsions anymore credence.

[Therapist/Clinician]

You know what I mean?

[Podcast Host]

Yes. Yeah, I use the word credence a lot, too. It's a. It's a great. It's a great word to describe. Right. That OCD just. Just wants credibility.

[Jay Aubrey]

Exactly.

[Podcast Host]

Yes. You know, look at the. By having done this now, horrible things have not happened.

[Therapist/Clinician]

It.

[Podcast Host]

It must be related, right?

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Or. Or that thing was not going to happen anyway, but OCD took credit for it. And. And, yeah, that's.

[Jay Aubrey]

That's horrible. Yeah, exactly. That's what. That's what keeps you in that loop is because you're like, well, I gotta keep doing it. I got. Because it's worked in the past, you know, Like, I. But it's like, you still know. It's so weird, like you said, it's like two different tracks of, like, reason, you know, it's like two different tracks of thinking. Because it's like.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Jay Aubrey]

Rationally, I know there's no connection, but at the same time, I don't know, I've been doing all these compulsions and this bad thing hasn't happened yet, so I might as well, you know, just keep doing it. What's the harm in that? And then before you know it, it's.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Just taking over your entire life.

[Podcast Host]

So, yeah, OCD takes credit for all of the good things that have gone on in your life. And I'm going to bet that I'm right on this next statement. It took no blame for any bad thing that went on in your life. You were to blame, but OCD was never to blame for anything that went wrong or the way you didn't want it to go. Is that correct?

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah, that's completely correct. And it's so interesting that it works that way. It's something that I've noticed over the years where it's like, oh, if this bad thing that I was afraid of happening happens, I'm not thinking about, oh, this is because I didn't do the compulsion. I'm thinking, you know, of whatever it was that led to the bad thing happening. I'm not thinking about, like, I don't know, the build up to it in.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Terms of, like my ocd.

[Jay Aubrey]

But if something good happens or if the bad thing doesn't happen, then yes, I do.

[Therapist/Clinician]

I do attribute that to the, you know, going through with the compulsion for sure.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah, it's very weird.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, it's really a fascinating condition in the sense that, that it can. So without anybody really noticing it, creep in and take over your life. And one day, and tell me if this happened to you, one day you kind of look around and go, how the hell did I get here? You know, just where did that come from? Right, that kind of thing.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jay Aubrey]

Before you know it, you have this whole routine that's maybe built around compulsions that you have to do or else you don't feel right. That was something that I was experiencing at the height of it as well, where I was noticing like, oh, wait, I have to do all these things exactly right before I go to sleep, you know, or else I don't feel like I'm going to have a good.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Day the next day.

[Jay Aubrey]

And that was something that kind of built up over time without me being totally aware of how much they were piling up. Until you, until they're all there and you get to that point, it's like.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Oh my gosh, you know, it's overwhelming. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. All right, so you make the decision. It's time to go to treatment. Was there kind of a kicker for that? That it was just like, I'm done with this, or was it just the buildup finally got there? I'm always interested in what's that tipping point for someone to finally decide it's time to talk to somebody.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah, for me, I feel like I waited until it was a little bit more manageable, actually, because I feel like it would have been a much more difficult experience for me if I was at the, at the height of it almost. And so like, I, I, I, I just happened to go at a time where my compulsions were not as bad. And so tackling it through therapy was, was just a little bit easier because of that. But I absolutely wish that I had gone through it much earlier on because that would have saved me so much time and so much stress. You know, that would have saved me years worth of stress if I had gone and started, like, actual therapy much sooner. You know, I really wish that I had done it at the height of it, because in therapy they teach you to just tackle it head on. You know, you just. You just attack. You attack it. And it was difficult at the beginning. I think it was uncomfortable. Like, ERP therapy is meant to make you uncomfortable, but I'm so better off because of it. And so. But it was just a little bit easier for me because it was not just. It just happened to be. Not at a time when I was.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Like, experiencing the worst of it, I guess.

[Jay Aubrey]

Like, that's just. Just been my experience.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. And there is sometimes a natural ebb and flow that. Oh, for sure have. Right. That, you know, it's a little easier, but. But it's not like it just goes away or. No, but.

[Jay Aubrey]

No, because even after I started therapy the next week, it just. It flared up. And so I was so thankful that I was in therapy already and that it was only, you know, days after that I could go and talk to my therapist about it and just kind of like, mitigate those.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Those compulsions right there. Like, it really. It was a huge resource to have.

[Podcast Host]

You know, a favorite phrase I heard, and I don't know who to attribute it to, but is you can only be brave if you're first afraid. And. Yeah, so I wonder about that because you're now presented with erp, right? You're. You're going to be asked to live in the discomfort of whatever your obsessions are not. Do the compulsion, allow it to be there. And that's a brave step. Right. Because you've been taught all along that if you don't do this compulsion, bad things will occur. Right. And so what was it like doing those first couple of ERP exercises and not giving in to ocd? And how did OCD react to no longer being listened to then?

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah, it was. I guess the only. The best way that I can describe it is it honestly felt unnatural because, like, I was so, like, used to doing these compulsions and so used to this specific, like, structure, this routine that to break that felt like a taboo. Like, it felt like I should not be doing this. And it did feel very uncomfortable.

[Therapist/Clinician]

I felt vulnerable.

[Jay Aubrey]

I felt like something bad could happen. It honestly even led to some physical, like, symptoms. My chest would, like, tighten up and I would just start to, like, feel panicked. Maybe that that might be too extreme of a Word. Because I, I knew that this was, like, the key to overcoming, you know, the debilitating compulsions. But I did, I did for sure feel in the moment, very uncomfortable, very, you know, just on guard, you know, that something might happen, and it might be because I broke my, you know, rituals, you know, like, something like that might happen and it'll be my fault. That's what I was, like, really afraid of, you know, when we first started doing erp.

[Therapist/Clinician]

For sure.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And then you start to realize that OCD has done nothing but lie to you the entire time.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Exactly.

[Podcast Host]

There's got to be some amazing liberation in that recognition. And at the same time, still this pull to always go back to the ocd too, just in case it might be right this time, even though it was not right ever before.

[Jay Aubrey]

Right, yeah, for sure, for sure. You know, I, I, that's why, I mean, my compulsions would kind of come up throughout the day, you know, like, it would just be like anything, like, I'm afraid of. It could just be anything, like, happening, any bad thing happening. And then whatever it is that I'm doing at that time, it would manifest that way. So it's like, oh, if I'm driving, I need to tap on my steering wheel. I need to touch this thing. A lot of it. Mine was, like, touching things, I guess. And, you know, so it was about resisting that. And so I would just make sure to keep doing that throughout the day. You have to, like, stick with it. And then, because it's so easy to fall back into, you know, if you just do, like, well, I'll just do this one. Then you're starting to tell yourself that, oh, you need to do all the.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Other ones too, you know, because if.

[Jay Aubrey]

If you already did this thing, what, you know, you're telling yourself that it's real and that you have to do the other ones too. So you just have to get into a mindset, I guess, where you can fully accept that there is no link and that you will feel better in the long run not giving into them, even if you are totally uncomfortable in the moment. You know, that's what I've learned with ERP is like, you just, it's, it's okay.

[Therapist/Clinician]

And it's beneficial to feel uncomfortable for a little bit.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, yeah. How did it affect your work?

[Jay Aubrey]

Like, like the peak of, like, my ocd, like, when did that. Oh, my gosh. Like, I, like, every little thing, every little part of what I do was affected in some way by OCD from, like, the script writing process. Of, like, when I'm, you know, writing my videos to when I'm recording, like, and editing. Especially when I'm recording and editing is.

[Therapist/Clinician]

When they were the.

[Jay Aubrey]

Like, it was the most present. I would tell myself I would, like, record a line, and then I would tell myself, oh, you. You said it a certain way. Where now this bad thing is going to happen. So you need to record that. You need to say that line again and make it sound like you need to feel right. You know, you need to record it again and feel right. Even though the line was perfectly fine. I wasn't rerecording it because I didn't like how I sounded. It was just about how in my brain it was. It just felt wrong. You know what I mean? Like, it was a very difficult thing to pinpoint. And so I'd just be like, okay, you know, I'm here, I'm recording, so I'll rerecord the line again. And sometimes that wouldn't feel right. So I'd have to do it again and again. And it would just. There'd be times where I'd record the same line, like six times, and it'd just be in the audio file, like, over and over and over. And then when I went back to edit it, I would just know, oh.

[Therapist/Clinician]

I recorded this a million times. I need to cut all this out, you know?

[Jay Aubrey]

And then even when I'm editing the video, it's like, okay, you need to use this filter on this clip or else x bad things to happen. Or you need to click on this thing or before you do this task, or else this bad thing will happen. It infected, like, every part of the video making process, frankly. And so it became a thing where I was like, kind of. It made it hard to. To make videos, which is the thing that I love doing more than anything. And that's where I've heard from other, you know, my friends who have OCD who have said, like, it just does get. It stops you from doing the things you love.

[Therapist/Clinician]

You know, it takes that away from you.

[Podcast Host]

As you look back now, do you think those bad things didn't happen because of all the compulsions you did or just that they probably weren't going.

[Jay Aubrey]

They just weren't going to happen. Okay, I'm very, very aware of that. And I was aware of it at the time, too, you know, but it's just. I just would feel better. I just. I would rather at the time. I would rather that than to feel that anxiety and feel like I'm doing something wrong that's what it was when I was, like, starting to really fight.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Back against these compulsions with ERP is I just.

[Jay Aubrey]

I felt like I was doing something wrong, you know, it was. It was tough.

[Podcast Host]

I think of it like this. I could know it or I could know it and I could feel it. And isn't that even better than just knowing it? Right.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yeah, exactly.

[Podcast Host]

Once you do that compulsion, then you. Then you feel it too.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yes.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yes, exactly.

[Jay Aubrey]

It's horrible.

[Podcast Host]

You know, it's just such an ass of a disorder.

[Jay Aubrey]

It totally is.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, I know.

[Jay Aubrey]

It just takes. It can take over everything. It really can.

[Podcast Host]

What's different now that you've gone through treatment? How's your life different?

[Jay Aubrey]

I. The way I described it to my therapist is like I feel a weight lifted off my brain. Feels like it works better, you know, like, I feel my. Like my mind is clearer because I'm not being bogged down by all these distractions. That's how I would categorize my compulsions before is. It was just like a distraction. It was like an. An unnecessary stress next to all the other stresses that I was having. It's just like this other thing that I need to do, you know, in.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Order to feel a little bit better.

[Jay Aubrey]

And. But then, of course, in the long run, it just makes me feel worse.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Because it's like giving me more to.

[Jay Aubrey]

Do and, you know, would take over my thoughts. And so now I feel like I can think clearer. I. I don't have to. I feel. I just feel like my life is easier now because I don't have to go through all these, like, annoying rituals anymore, you know, And I still do get the thought occasionally to like, oh, I better do this thing or else X bad thing will happen. But I'm so much. I feel much more equipped to tune that out now. You know, I. I think of what my therapist told me, and this was a. Something that I had never really. I hadn't looked at it this way, but, you know, my therapist told me, you know, this bad thing that you're afraid of happening.

[Therapist/Clinician]

It. She.

[Jay Aubrey]

She didn't tell me, like, it will.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Not happen if you don't do the compulsion.

[Jay Aubrey]

She just told me it could still happen. And you need to be okay with.

[Therapist/Clinician]

With knowing.

[Jay Aubrey]

With the uncertainty that it may happen or it may not happen. But regardless of what happens, you will be okay and you will be able to, you know, deal with that situation when it comes, if it comes, you know, and letting go in that sense and just kind of accepting that, yeah, this thing that I Have no control over it could go either way. But, Mike, whatever I do here, whether I wash my hands or do whatever, like, that's not going to have any bearing on whether or not it happens. I might as well just not do it, you know, I might as well just deal with the negative thing if it comes. And looking at it from that perspective has really helped me just kind of like, be like, okay, you know, whatever happens happens in a way, you know, and it's like, I'll be able to navigate the situation regardless, no matter what happens. But I might as well just not make things harder for myself by doing all these compulsions throughout the entire day just because I'm afraid of this thing happening, you know?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I've not met anyone who said compulsions made their life easier.

[Jay Aubrey]

Right. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Not.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Definitely not. Yeah.

[NOCD Representative]

So for sure, now, you didn't have.

[Podcast Host]

To go public about this. Part of you. What inspired you to talk about it?

[Jay Aubrey]

I think I have just. If it's a few reasons, part of it is I have. I feel like it's a little bit therapeutic for me to talk about it because for years and years and years, I felt like I couldn't talk about it or I didn't feel a reason to talk about it. It's like I. It was such a normal part of my life that I didn't even feel like it was worth, like.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Remark.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah, I didn't feel like it was worth bringing up because it was like, such a normal. It's like eating and drinking, you know, it's like. It's just like a normal part of life. And so I didn't feel like it was worth. Worth talking about for a long time. But after talking to some of my friends who. Who like, learning how many other people in my life had ocd, that for the longest time I didn't know they had ocd, that kind of made me realize it's like, okay. And I always knew this. It's like people with OCD are very good at hiding the fact that they have ocd. Because, yes, as we've touched on, like, it's a difficult thing to bring up, you know, because you just assume it's so crazy that other people are not going to know what you're talking about, but if they've experienced it, they completely.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Know what you're talking about.

[Jay Aubrey]

And talking to several of my friends who have experienced the same thing, that made me feel more comfortable to talk about it publicly. And I felt like it was kind of important to talk about publicly because so many people Go through it silently and, like, just don't feel a need for one reason or another to. To reach out. But I cannot emphasize enough how. How important it is it is to talk to someone else about it. Like, when I started talking to people about it, that's when things really changed.

[Therapist/Clinician]

For me for sure, you know, So I think it's important.

[Podcast Host]

How's the response been to talking about.

[Jay Aubrey]

It's been very positive, and I have had people reach out to me and say that they've also dealt with similar feelings. I even just touched. You know, personally speaking, my mom actually watched one of your videos on. On the. No cd. I know. On the channel.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yeah.

[Jay Aubrey]

After I talked about. After I had talked about it on my channel, she went in and looked at your video. I'm not kidding. And she said that a lot of what you said really resonated with her. And I think there are so many people out there that maybe don't know that they have this thing.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Jay Aubrey]

Because it's. For the longest time for me, I didn't know what to call it. I didn't know what I had heard of OCD as, like. Of course, we all know the stereotypes. You know, I had heard of it in that sense, but I didn't. I didn't understand that that was what I was experiencing, you know, in the more clinical sense, you know, until I started doing more research. And so I think awareness is incredibly important because it will help people seek.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Treatment and it can show them that, you know, treatment is possible, recovery is possible.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, well, you caught my little intro fun when I said a little ocd, because how many people, when you now say you have ocd, say, oh, I have a little ocd.

[Jay Aubrey]

I know, I know. It's like, oh, I just have to have things neat and organized, and that's that stigma.

[NOCD Representative]

Right.

[Podcast Host]

That's the thing, you see, and you think, well, I must not have OCD because I'm not like the. That what you see on TV or. What I think the unfortunate piece is is that when. When you hear that everyone has a little ocd, then it must not be a big deal to have OCD if everybody has a little ocd.

[Jay Aubrey]

Exactly.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yeah.

[Jay Aubrey]

It's like, why seek treatment for this thing that everybody experiences? You know, It's. It can't be that bad, you know? And, yeah, you start to downplay it to yourself, and that can be really.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Dangerous as well, you know? Yeah, definitely.

[Podcast Host]

Now that you're here, you know, and you look back on the development of the OCD over time, what did you miss, like, early on? What. What do you think?

[Jay Aubrey]

Like, before I really knew what OCD was?

[NOCD Representative]

Yeah.

[Jay Aubrey]

Oh, my gosh. Like, everything, you know, Like, I just. Like, I just thought. I didn't even know what to call it back then. I was just like, I gotta. I gotta do this thing or else, you know, horrible thing will happen, you know, and so I. I didn't. I feel like I just overlooked everything. I just missed, like, all of the signs until it just hit me. Like, I remember specifically I was watching, like, an episode of a show, and this. It was like more of a documentary. This person had ocd and it was showing, like, how severe it was, and I was like, that's. That's how I feel, you know, like, that's exactly what it's like. And it was scary. And it was also like, you know, it just. I don't know, things clicked, you know, it was. It was relieving in a way, because I was like, okay, I can. I. I know what this is. I can. I can maybe address it a little easier now. But it was also scary to see how severe it could get. Get, you know, and so I was. I was always afraid of, you know, what would happen if I did not.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Seek in some kind of treatment, you know? Yeah, there's. That, too.

[Podcast Host]

Might be an interesting show for you in the future of the mis portrayal of OCD in the media or something.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah. Oh, for sure. No, there's definitely something there to talk about.

[Therapist/Clinician]

There's a lot to talk about there. Yes.

[Podcast Host]

Now that you're out about OCD and what's going on, people sometimes fear taking the risk to even say, you know, the. That mental health phrase. Right. And I appreciate you saying it because it helps to break down the stigma that we still kind of hold that it's okay to have a physical problem, but it's not okay to have a mental health problem. And.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Right.

[Podcast Host]

There are such good treatments out now for mental health issues.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Just like there are for physical health issues. And hopefully people will come around more and more to the notion that none of us are in total control of our brain, just like none of us are in total control of our body.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yes, exactly. Yeah.

[Jay Aubrey]

I think that's such an important thing for people to.

[Therapist/Clinician]

To come to terms with.

[Jay Aubrey]

It's just like treating a mental illness the same way you would treat a physical ailments, you know, treating it with that same degree of, like, seriousness and, you know, the same.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Like, you.

[Jay Aubrey]

You really want to attack it. You really want to do everything you can to like, like, treat it in any, like. Because you can't just let that go, like, on untreated, because then it's like you just. You let us spiral out of control. It's the same with, like, a physical ailment. You can't just ignore it. You know, you're not going to be able to function. If you ignore a mental ailment, you know, a disorder, then. Then you are going to get to a point where it's. It becomes harder for you to get through the day, and you're going to have to. I think you just have to seek treatment eventually, you know, you, like, for me, it's like I was just, like, looking for any sort of, like, opening, like, any sort of out, you know, like, just to breathe a little bit. And that's why I was like, reading other people, you know, their testimonies and everything like that. That was kind of a way for.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Me to, like, you know, breathe and.

[Jay Aubrey]

And realize it was going to be okay. But it was not like the real treatment that I got later, that has.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Helped me more than anything else. So.

[NOCD Representative]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. What's your advice for people who are thinking about treatment? They're kind of on the fence, and should I do it or not?

[Jay Aubrey]

I would just say there's no harm in trying, you know, because, like, I wish I had tried it much sooner. I would just, I would tell. I used to tell myself, like, it's not worth the time. Like, it's going to be stressful. It's going to be, like, hard to find the right person, the right treatment plan. But with ocd, I mean, it is, ERP is the way to go. It's, it's, you know, it's. It has helped me feel so much better. And going through the treatment has helped me in ways that I, I. It's transformed my life. And so, like, I wish I could go back in time and tell myself five years ago, like, hey, you know, get treatment now, and in five years, you're going to be at a much better place. You know, it's like you could start your treatment plan. I wish I had started it much earlier. So it's like, it's never too late to start, but it's like you will thank yourself later on for getting started.

[Therapist/Clinician]

As soon as possible. You know, I think it's just.

[Jay Aubrey]

You might as well just see what it's like, because it's not fun to have ocd. And I can guarantee that going through the treatment and being able to reach out and talk to another person who actually understands what it is you're going through. That's going to be better than just going through it in silence and having to deal with the compulsions by yourself. It will be better than that, so I can promise.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

How about on the family side? I'm kind of interested in your mom's reaction to the video. You know, have they seen a difference? And what do they, what do they say?

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah, they definitely, I think they see that I'm like less on edge, you know, that I'm like less stressed out about things, you know, that like I said, like, I'm just, I feel like I'm more present now. And that is something that I'm sure.

[Therapist/Clinician]

They'Ve picked up on.

[Jay Aubrey]

We've talked about it, you know, and it's, it's just, it's transforms so many.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Parts of my life, you know, So I, I definitely think that that's something they've noticed.

[Jay Aubrey]

And in my, in like as far as it goes with my mom, like, she, I think this the same thing where it's like she didn't maybe know what the feelings of like what OCD was like without the stigma. Like, she didn't know what it actually, actually was, you know, similar to how I was. And hearing it from like the actual perspective, like hearing about what it really is has made her maybe look at the way that she goes about certain.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Things in her life. Like, she told me about some of.

[Jay Aubrey]

The compulsions that she has that she didn't under. She didn't know were like OCD until she heard me talk about it more. And also when she watched your video, I mean, like that, that is, that's, that was one thing I wanted to bring up in this, in this podcast is that she did. Hi mom. Yeah, and she was like, that video is just like, you know, amazing. It did. It, it made her think about the.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Way that she sees certain things too.

[Podcast Host]

So that's awesome because there is a genetic component potentially.

[Jay Aubrey]

That's what I've heard. That's what I've seen online.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Jay Aubrey]

I, My sister has it as well.

[Therapist/Clinician]

So I mean, you know, it's, it's. I can definitely understand that.

[Podcast Host]

Well, yeah, well, I'm thrilled that you got treatment and that we were able to help you through ocd. I think that that's amazing. And of course, treatment is not just a one time thing, right? There's, there's the ability for maintenance work and just to be there and to have support with your therapist for years to come. Knowing that OCD is a chronic condition. And we at NOCD want to be helpful to people throughout the rest of their life.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yes, exactly.

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah. It's something you gotta keep working on and keep being aware of because, you know, if something happens where my anxiety spikes, because all of my compulsions were very much related to my anxiety. I'm sure that's the case for many other people that have ocd. If my anxiety spikes, my compulsions really want me to give in, you know, and so to continue going to therapy and to continue working on it, even when you feel like you've improved so much, it is important. The maintenance is so important so that.

[Therapist/Clinician]

You don't slip back into the same way ways. For sure.

[NOCD Representative]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Well, what's your last message of hope to people out there who are listening? And here's your chance to inspire.

[Jay Aubrey]

I would really just say that, like, treatment is so, like, going through professional treatment is so much more important than I may have realized, like, five years ago. It is necessary, I think, in order to move forward. And just being able to talk to somebody can make a huge difference. A huge difference. Because if I was still going through it without telling anybody how I felt, I don't know how I would, like, continue, like, with the, like, I would just. It just eats away. And so, like, I would say reach out to anyone, definitely look into professional help and erp. And, you know, I would say that I am proof that, like, treatment and recovery is very much possible.

[Therapist/Clinician]

And it's worth it.

[Jay Aubrey]

It's worth going through the. The time, you know, the. The time and effort that it takes. It is so worth it. You are going to be better off for it. You're going to feel lighter. You're going to. Your life is just going to become easier if you can, like, if you are dedicated and you're willing to take the time and, you know, just. Just work with someone about it, talk.

[Therapist/Clinician]

To somebody about it. I. I would say it's completely necessary and worth it. So, yeah.

[NOCD Representative]

Awesome.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Definitely.

[Podcast Host]

Well, Jay, thank you for being here today on the OCD podcast. It's been a great chat and hopefully very inspiring to people to realize that you can get help. You can live the life you want to live and not the life that OCD wants you to live. And you can be a productive, wonderful member of society even. And this is the shocker for some, even if you have ocd, right? Because some people are like, no, no, I can't have this. It has to go away. I have to be cured. We never once have we said we've cured anyone. We've taught people how to live with ocd. And once you learn how to do that, you live the life you want.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Yes, exactly. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Awesome. Well, it's been another great episode. Thank you all for joining today. I really appreciate it. Thank you, Jay. This has been amazing. And where can they find you? Jay, if anybody wants to see some of your stuff, where will they go?

[Jay Aubrey]

Yeah, my channel is just J. Aubrey Aubrey on YouTube, the letter J and then Aubrey and then my. I. I am active on Twitter. It's just J. Aubrey yt for YouTube.

[Therapist/Clinician]

Because J. Aubrey was taken, so.

[Jay Aubrey]

Oh, well, that's where people can find me.

[NOCD Representative]

Awesome.

[Therapist/Clinician]

But yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And if you're looking for more of the get to know OCD podcast episodes, check us [e-mail] or go to the NOCD YouTube channel and you can subscribe there. If you're also looking for help for OCD or other related conditions because we work with body focused repetitive behaviors and hoarding tics and trauma and anxiety disorders and mood conditions. Also go to nocd.com for that. That's nocd.com until next time. Take care of yourselves and be better to yourselves than OCD ever would be. Thanks, everyone.