Get to Know OCD — Episode Summary

Episode Title: OCD Took Me From A Netflix Set Into A Psychiatric Ward
Podcast Host: Dr. Patrick McGrath (NOCD Chief Clinical Officer)
Guest: Rachel Imaraj (Filmmaker and OCD advocate)
Date: January 15, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the personal and professional journey of filmmaker Rachel Imaraj, who shares how obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) disrupted her flourishing career in the film industry—including a stint on a Netflix show—and plunged her into a psychiatric ward. Through an open and candid conversation with Dr. Patrick McGrath, Rachel discusses coming to terms with OCD, her path through specialized treatment, and how these experiences inspired her to direct the documentary "An Unquiet Mind." The discussion explores the nuanced realities of living with OCD, the hope found through effective treatment, and the power of storytelling in destigmatizing misunderstood forms of OCD.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Rachel’s Early Life and Onset of OCD

• Early Symptoms: Rachel’s OCD symptoms began at age 13, coinciding with a family move from Louisiana to Texas and puberty—a common onset period for OCD.
  • "I started experiencing OCD for the first time when I was 13... For me, the way that OCD first presented was through religious OCD or scrupulosity.” [05:16]
• Childhood Coping: Her initial compulsions were repetitive prayers, tapping, and mental rituals, which she kept private due to confusion and lack of awareness.
• OCD’s Evolution: Symptoms faded, then morphed in high school and college into perfectionism and existential OCD as her interests shifted.

OCD’s Impact on Personal and Professional Life

• College and Beyond: Rachel experimented with several career paths before discovering a passion for filmmaking, which appealed to her perfectionistic tendencies.
• Relationships as Triggers: A serious romantic relationship in her twenties reactivated OCD symptoms, prompting her to seek professional help for the first time.
• Misdiagnosis and Challenges: Her initial therapist lacked OCD specialization, inadvertently reinforcing compulsions and failing to provide the targeted support she needed.
  • "My therapist was great, but she wasn't specialized in OCD, which was a struggle.” [08:16]

Breaking Point and Recovery

• Crisis Point: By age 28, unable to manage spiraling symptoms (anxiety, depression, dissociation), she became suicidal and left her job on a Netflix production.
  • “I couldn't make sense of anything...I was working on a Netflix show at the time that I had to quit halfway through. Luckily, I was with my family...they ended up forcing me to go to the hospital.” [09:06]
• Hospitalization: A 10-day psychiatric stay led to participation in a residential OCD treatment program (ERP-based), marking the turning point in her recovery journey.
• ERP’s Challenges and Breakthroughs: Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) initially exacerbated symptoms but ultimately helped her accept uncertainty and rebuild her life.
  • “Things can get a lot harder before they get easier…with a lot of support...I was able to get better.” [10:34]

Embracing Uncertainty and Living with OCD

• Learning to Let Go: Rachel describes embracing uncertainty as the most vital skill she gained—a radical shift from seeking control to accepting doubt.
  • “The idea of embracing uncertainty...That was a really important part of therapy for me and reprogramming my brain.” [12:35]
• Control as Illusion: Dr. McGrath emphasizes the futility of total control, citing classic analogies (the pink elephant) to illustrate intrusive thoughts.
  • "Control's an illusion. This idea that we've created...that we can achieve it...there's never been anyone yet...that has been in total control of everything.” [13:57]

The Making of "An Unquiet Mind"

• Film Inspiration: Rachel was compelled to make the documentary to show the dark, misunderstood side of OCD, especially taboo subtypes like harm, postpartum, and pedophilia OCD.
  • “For me, struggling with mental compulsions and obsessions for almost my whole life and having the torture of living with that, I just wanted other people to understand how debilitating it could be.” [17:47]
• Story Selection: Intent on representing marginalized voices, Rachel focused on less-discussed OCD themes and recruited participants (Natasha Nasser and Vinay Krishnan) through OCD clinics and support groups.
  • “It was very important for me to find somebody who experiences that...We narrowed it down to Vinay Krishnan and Natasha Nasser.” [22:29]
• Authenticity Over Happy Endings: The film presents real-life complexity, showing how recovery isn’t a “rainbows and unicorns” story, but an authentic process of adaptation.
  • "It's a real life experience...not everything turns out perfect in all situations. That hit me really big when I was watching it...it's a true ending, a real ending.” [24:16]

Ethical and Personal Challenges in Filmmaking

• Perfectionism and Doubt: Rachel describes ongoing perfectionistic tendencies, fears about representing OCD accurately, protecting participant dignity, and worrying about public misinterpretation.
  • “My job is to rise above the doubt and be true to my role...I need to portray OCD in this perfect way...There's going to be people who don't agree.” [27:44]
• Letting Go: She quotes a fellow editor:
  • “Documentaries are never finished, they're just abandoned. And I really like that, that's helpful for a perfectionist.” [28:58]

A Lifesaving Support System – Facing Suicidality

• Pivotal Moment: Reflecting on a suicide attempt at a parking garage, Rachel credits her survival to a “parade of external voices”: family, friends, medical staff, faith, and even a beloved nephew.
  • “What stopped me from making that decision was this parade of external voices all around me, continuing to motivate me.” [31:06]
  • "It was just atom sized, but it was still there...even if you have that atom sized amount of hope, that's enough to pull you back.” [36:07]
• Destigmatizing Suicidality: Dr. McGrath underscores the importance of discussing this aspect openly, acknowledging that tragically, suicidality sometimes claims those with OCD.

Bravery, Fear, and Moving Forward

• Bravery as Continued Effort:
  • “The goal isn’t to be fearless, it’s to be brave.” [36:52]
  • Rachel and Dr. McGrath agree that genuine bravery is not about conquering or eradicating OCD, but about living with it—and moving forward despite fear, setbacks, and imperfection.
  • Rachel shares a skateboarding story as a metaphor: sometimes things are harder than expected, but growth comes from confronting, not avoiding, difficulty.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the nature of OCD:
  “It was almost...an obsession about obsession, if that makes sense.” [12:08] — Rachel

• On ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention):
  “At first doing ERP was very scary because who wants to think those thoughts, you know? And it's not fun, it's hard...but in the end, it's a lot more helpful in the long term.” [16:36] — Rachel

• On hope and recovery:
  “Even if you have that atom sized amount of hope, that's enough to like pull you back. And it might not seem like it in the moment, but it is… it will keep on growing.” [36:07] — Rachel

• On the illusion of control:
  “Control's an illusion...this notion in our head...every time we grasp for it, it's just slightly out of reach...to be in control of everything means you're in control of your thoughts and your feelings and your behaviors.” [13:57] — Dr. McGrath

• On perfectionism in art:
  “There's always going to be people who don't agree with this movie...but...documentaries are never finished, they're just abandoned.” [29:10 / 28:58] — Rachel

• On stigma and representation:
  “Bringing that cultural piece into it...the face of OCD needs to be the face of everybody, right? And so you've...helped to broaden that with the work you've done.” [42:27] — Dr. McGrath

Important Segments & Timestamps

• Rachel’s first symptoms and religious OCD: [05:16–07:01]
• OCD progression and first therapy experiences: [07:10–09:06]
• Crisis, hospitalization, and ERP treatment: [09:06–11:27]
• Living with uncertainty and releasing control: [12:15–13:57]
• ERP vs. non-specific therapy: [15:21–17:28]
• Origins and purpose of the documentary: [17:47–20:29]
• Finding stories and participants: [20:40–22:29]
• Handling perfectionism in filmmaking: [26:12–29:27]
• Addressing suicidality, support systems: [29:27–36:52]
• Discussion of bravery and moving forward: [36:52–41:02]
• How to watch "An Unquiet Mind" and connect with Rachel: [41:12–43:47]

How to Watch "An Unquiet Mind"

The documentary is currently on the film festival circuit (early 2026).

• Website: anunquietmind.com
• Instagram: @anunquietmindfilm
  Screenings and campaign updates will be posted online; streaming release is forthcoming.

Episode Close

The episode is a rich, relatable depiction of OCD beyond common stereotypes, offering hope and solidarity. Rachel’s journey—marked by adversity, connection, and creativity—is both a beacon for those struggling and a guide for understanding the realities of OCD. The conversation is unvarnished, supportive, and, above all, a testament to the power of resilience—even when that hope is "atom sized."

Final Reminders:

• If you’re struggling with OCD, specialized help is available via NOCD (nocd.com).
• Follow the podcast for future inspiring stories and expert advice.
• "Be better to yourself than your OCD ever will be."