Why Nothing Ever Feels "Just Right" with OCD - Get to know OCD

Podcast Summary: "Why Nothing Ever Feels 'Just Right' with OCD"

Podcast: Get to know OCD
Host: Dr. Patrick McGrath, Chief Clinical Officer, NOCD
Date: June 15, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Patrick McGrath explores the “just right” experience in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), a phenomenon where individuals are driven to perform actions or think in certain ways until achieving a subjective sense of completeness or correctness. Dr. McGrath provides real-world examples, delves into the compulsive cycle, and shares effective clinical strategies—especially Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)—for coping with these challenges. The episode is both educational and compassionate, designed to empower listeners grappling with OCD and their loved ones.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining the "Just Right" OCD Experience

[00:10] Dr. McGrath begins by distinguishing the “just right” feeling as a broad and common presentation within OCD, closely related to perfectionism but not always identical.
- “People with OCD, of course, would like things to be just right. We can see this with perfectionism...but just right doesn’t have to be so global as perfectionism. It could be a very internalized kind of experience for ourselves.”
The “just right” feeling is often internal and subjective, affecting everything from prayers to routine tasks.

2. Analogy: Darts and Archery

[01:06] Dr. McGrath uses the analogy of playing darts or archery to explain how “just right” works for someone with OCD.
- “If you’re defining perfection as the very center middle slot on the bullseye…anywhere else, even though it would be potentially good enough to get you to the Olympics, is just wrong.”
This analogy reinforces how, for someone with OCD, anything short of absolute perfection is not merely “not good enough”—it’s considered completely unacceptable.

3. Just Right in Everyday Life

[03:20] The experience can pervade all aspects of life—not just obvious rituals, but small actions:
- Re-parking a car until it feels perfect
- Re-closing a door until it “sounds” just right
These repetitive actions stem from the unresolvable sense of incompleteness.

4. OCD’s Trap: The Unending Cycle

[06:10] Even when a compulsion is performed, satisfaction is transient.
- “Satisfaction is usually only for a few milliseconds to a couple of minutes and then the cycle starts all over again.”
OCD exploits doubts and finds flaws everywhere, keeping individuals perpetually stuck, searching for a fleeting sense of relief.

5. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) in Treatment

[07:10] Dr. McGrath details ERP, the gold-standard treatment:
- Expose oneself to discomfort (e.g. a prayer not said “perfectly”)
- Prevent the typical compulsive response (e.g. do not repeat the prayer)
- Purposely include mistakes or statements of doubt to break the cycle
- “OCD eats compulsions for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If you want OCD to grow, do more compulsions. If you want OCD to go away, do less compulsions.”
Living with, and not avoiding, discomfort is crucial (“sit with the uncertainty”).

6. Letting Go of Perfection as a Goal

[15:00] No one has ever “out-perfected” OCD.
- “No one with OCD has ever, as far as we know, in the history of OCD done something so absolutely just right that OCD has said, congratulations, that was it…That has just never happened.”
Acceptance of imperfection is key. Aim to learn and grow, not to “arrive” at a flawless endpoint.

7. Supportive Approach in Learning

[17:40] Dr. McGrath cautions against negative self-talk and perfectionist pressure.
- “Never once have I suggested to someone a negative kind of motivation where you see yourself do something that wasn’t just right and go, hmm, let’s beat ourselves up over that for the next 25 hours.”
- He emphasizes encouraging learning from mistakes rather than self-criticism.

8. Encouragement and Resources

[19:05] Dr. McGrath encourages listeners to seek support and emphasizes the importance of having trained therapists guide the ERP process.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the futility of chasing perfection:
“If we could truly get something done just right, well, then, guess what? We wouldn’t have to keep doing compulsions over and over again.” – Dr. McGrath, [05:50]
On the role of compulsions in OCD:
“Compulsions do not work. They keep people stuck. And it is the reason why people with OCD do come to treatment.” – Dr. McGrath, [11:25]
On the importance of acceptance:
“Your goal is not perfection. Your goal is not to do things just right. Your goal is to hopefully learn and grow and move toward something. But to me, the point of this journey is not to arrive because anything can happen and you have to be able to handle that.” – Dr. McGrath, [18:15]

Timestamps for Key Segments

[00:10] – What is the “just right” experience in OCD?
[01:06] – Darts analogy and the impossibility of perfection
[03:20] – Everyday life examples: car parking, doors, and daily rituals
[06:10] – Compulsions and the never-ending search for “rightness”
[07:10] – Introduction and explanation of Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)
[15:00] – The myth of attaining “just right” and acceptance
[17:40] – Building a supportive, growth-focused mindset

Takeaways

The “just right” subtype of OCD revolves around an unattainable sense of perfection or completeness, often manifesting in compulsive rituals.
Satisfaction from compulsions is fleeting, perpetuating a cycle of distress.
Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is essential—learning to tolerate discomfort, resist compulsions, and accept imperfection.
Compassion and learning, not relentless self-criticism, pave the way for progress.
Listeners seeking help are encouraged to reach out for specialized treatment.

This episode is a comprehensive, relatable guide for understanding why OCD often makes “nothing feel just right”—and how healing is found not in perfection, but in accepting life’s inevitable imperfections.

Transcript

A (0:00)

Hello, My name is Dr. Patrick McGrath and I'm the Chief Clinical Officer for NOCD. If you're looking for help for OCD or related conditions, check us out@nocd.com that's no c d dot com. Today I wanted to talk about one of the subtypes of OCD that can be a standalone, but we can often talk about it ranging through many of the different experience of ocd, and that is the just right feeling or experience. People with ocd, of course, would like things to be just right. We can see this with perfectionism, where they have to do things in an absolutely certain way where there could be no judgment of it being negative whatsoever. Of course we know this to be an impossibility, because I don't think there's ever been anything done that all of the billions of people on the planet looked at at the same time and went, yep, couldn't have been done any better than that. That was perfect. So the second we attempt to be perfect or to do something just right, well, it probably falls short. Now, just right doesn't have to be so global as perfectionism. It could be a very internalized kind of experience for ourselves. For example, if I'm religious in saying a prayer, if I don't feel like I said it just right, and therefore it could be rejected by the higher power that I worship, I might want to say it again until it feels like I have actually done it the just right way. Because if it's not just right, guess what? It's just wrong. And I liken it to this notion of throwing darts, right? So let's play, say we're playing a game of darts, right? And we. We throw the dart and it hits a triple 20. That's great, right? Highest score you can get. But if you're defining perfection as the very center middle slot on the bullseye, that triple 20 was pretty darn good. But it wasn't just right, and therefore it was actually just wrong. The just right experience doesn't allow for any wafering whatsoever. It is that one pinpoint that is the thing and everything else is not correct. So I love that imagery of shooting archery or throwing darts or something like that, where if the arrow hits the middle, you've done it anywhere else, even though it would be potentially good enough to get you to the Olympics, is just wrong. And it's a hard life to live if you are a just right person. Because ocd, being the doubting disorder, being the thing that will always find the flaw, will always look for the fly in the soup or in the ointment. Right. It will always find something that you could have done better, which always means you did not do it just right. Pull your car in the garage. Did it feel just right now? No, maybe not. Take it out, Pull it back in again. That didn't feel just right either. Close the car door. Did that sound just right? No, it didn't have that dunk kind of feeling. It was a little bit different maybe. Maybe it didn't quite latch the right way. I'm going to take it out and I'm going to shut it again and see if maybe this time is the time that it actually does it. So it doesn't matter. The subtype of ocd, you can find a just right experience in there. Does this relationship feel just right? Did I keep my hands in my pocket at just the right time? In order to be sure that I didn't grab somebody or punch somebody or stab somebody or something of that nature? There would be, I would be hard pressed, I would say, to find an instance where I couldn't find some kind of just right experience in the OCD world. If your goal is, is to do things just right, then I'm willing to bet lots and lots of money that there's a lot of compulsions that are going on in your life and you're going to keep doing those compulsions until you finally satisfy the ocd. But when I say the word satisfy, I don't want you to be fooled. That satisfaction is usually only for a few milliseconds to a couple of minutes and then the cycle starts all over again. If we could truly get something done just right, well, then, guess what? We wouldn't have to keep doing compulsions over and over again. We would have satisfied the experience and would have been just right. It was not, though, just right, unfortunately, it was just wrong. And that is where OCD keeps people trapped over and over and over. This therefore becomes a big place that we want to focus on in therapy when we're doing exposure and response prevention therapy. There are two parts to that. Part one is we're exposing you to things that are uncomfortable, that are parts of your obsessions, whatever those thoughts, those images or those urges are. So let's go back to the prayer. If your thought is, I didn't say that prayer just right, and now it will be rejected by a higher power that I worship. And because of that, I will be spending an afterlife in a place that I don't really want to go. You could do a compulsion and say, the prayer over again. Or you could do response prevention, which might mean not saying the prayer again, or if you do say it again, adding a statement of doubt to it at the end. So after you say, you know, amen, then you could say, and I don't think I did that quite well enough, but I'll just leave it that way. Or you could even purposely put a mistake into a prayer and leave it there as you're offering to your higher power. You have numerous ways to approach this, but what we don't want to do is ever just end on a compulsion. Because if we end on a compulsion, what we've done is we've fed ocd. OCD eats compulsions for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If you want OCD to grow, do more compulsions. If you want OCD to go away, do less compulsions. So we have to really get people to be in the discomfort, right? Live with that discomfort. Learn that they can handle the discomfort that comes about by not doing whatever the compulsions are. If compulsions worked, people with OCD wouldn't need therapy. They would be doing great. Compulsions do not work. They keep people stuck. And it is the reason why people with OCD do come to treatment. Some people will approach treatment and say, I never want to have one of these thoughts or images or urges ever again, because they don't feel right at all. And what I say to people is, I wish I knew how to do that, but I don't. We haven't figured out yet how to stop a thought or an image or an urge. So it isn't about not having it. It's about knowing that you can handle it. And once you've learned that you can handle it, even if it's uncomfortable, your life can start to go toward the way you want it to live and move away from the way that OCD wants it to be lived. I hope that's been helpful for you as you understand that influence of the just right experience. No one with OCD has ever, as far as we know, in the history of OCD done something so absolutely just right that OCD has said, congratulations, that was it. You did it. All is well. I'm gonna go now. That has just never happened. And we don't think that it ever will. So here's what we're really looking at. How do I live with being a person, A human, A person who's flawed, who isn't perfect, who is like everybody else and just goes through their day, hopefully trying the best that they can and acknowledging where things might not have gone well and hopefully learning from those experiences instead of beating themselves up over those experiences as a way to try to make themselves be better. Never once have I suggested to someone a negative kind of motivation where you see yourself do something that wasn't just right and go, hmm, let's beat ourselves up over that for the next 25 hours. Because I think that that would help us. It's not where we want to go. If you've got a kid playing in a sport and they goof up, my hope is that you don't berate them for it. My hope is that you say to them, what can we learn from this? So that next time will be better. That's how I would want you to approach things as well. Your goal is not perfection. Your goal is not to do things just right. Your goal is to hopefully learn and grow and move toward something. But to me, the point of this journey is not to arrive because anything can happen and you have to be able to handle that. I hope that's been helpful. And if you're looking for somebody to treat you for ocd, especially if there's some just right experiences going on and you want the help in learning how to handle not living life the way OCD wants in this just right way, well, then reach out to us@nocd.com that's nocd.com we'd be happy to work with you and get you hooked up with a expertly trained therapist who can help you do exposure and response prevention therapy for your specific OCD needs. We hope to hear from you soon.