I Wish I Had Space To Talk About It (Feat: T’Kea Blackman)

Summary

Gettin’ Grown — “I Wish I Had Space To Talk About It”

Release Date: October 21, 2025
Hosts: Jade & Kia (Loud Speakers Network)
Featured Guest: T’Kea Blackman

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Episode Overview

This episode of Gettin’ Grown dives deep into adulting as Black women—and more specifically, holds an honest, richly insightful “Kitchen Table Talk” about suicide prevention in the Black community. Hosts Jade and Kia are joined by T’Kea Blackman, an award-winning peer recovery specialist and suicide attempt/loss survivor. The conversation explores the unique stigmas, challenges, and need for culturally specific support for Black people navigating mental health and suicide. The episode balances heavy topics with moments of joy and real talk about self-care, community, and resilience.

Trigger warning: This episode features frank discussions about suicide and mental health.
Resource: All referenced support resources are listed in the episode description.

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Main Themes

• Addressing suicide and mental health stigma in Black communities
• The power of lived experience and peer support
• Building safe spaces for open conversation
• Language, myths, and best practices about suicide prevention
• Honoring joy, identity, and cultural connection despite hardship

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Episode Structure

• [00:00–06:58] Opening, personal & cultural losses
• [07:01–14:57] Social and political climate check-in
• [19:39–53:00] Kitchen Table Talk: T’Kea Blackman’s story & Black suicide prevention
• [56:41–83:47] Building community, peer support, and resources
• [86:14–99:37] Self-care & lighthearted Petty Peeves section
• [99:49–115:14] More Petty Peeves & closing affirmations

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Episode Breakdown

Acknowledging Cultural Loss & Current Events

[01:40–06:58]

• Jade & Kia open by reflecting on recent prominent deaths, focusing on d’Angelo (and his son, Michael) and others impacted by illness.
• They grieve the compounded pain for families who experience multiple losses in a short time.
• Touch on the constant barrage of sobering news in 2025, expressing fatigue:

  “20, 25. Fast hands. Okay, sister, we are fighting for our lives over here.” — Kia [06:12]

• Brief check-ins about personal well-being amid a tough political/social landscape, noting the normalization of loud, harmful rhetoric and the struggle to balance self-care with activism and awareness.

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Kitchen Table Talk: Navigating Suicide Prevention in the Black Community

[19:39–83:47]

Introducing T’Kea Blackman

[19:43–24:02]

• T’Kea Blackman is an award-winning peer recovery specialist, PhD student, and founder of Black People Die by Suicide Too and the Mental Health Empowerment Agency.
• Grounded in lived experience of suicide loss and attempt, T’Kea’s mission is to dismantle stigma and provide real support in the Black community.

  “I truly want to thank y’all for creating an amazing community… It has been a source of strength and encouragement in some of my most challenging moments.” — T’Kea Blackman [21:13]

T’Kea’s Story: From Silence to Advocacy

[25:48–32:04]

• T’Kea recounts her childhood in New Jersey, facing mental health challenges from a young age but lacking the language or safe space to discuss suicidal thoughts.
• Describes generational trauma, family substance abuse, and violence, connecting them to her emotional world as a child:

  “I didn’t feel like I had a space to talk about that because I always heard like therapy is for crazy white people…” — T’Kea [25:52]

• Attempted suicide in her twenties after both losing a cousin to suicide and feeling overwhelmed by unresolved childhood trauma.

  “It was truly a long journey starting from childhood that eventually led to attempt.” [29:19]

The Power and Process of Telling Your Story

[29:41–32:04]

• T’Kea reflects on how sharing her story, both anonymously and publicly, became a means of healing:

  “It is easier for me to share it now because I’ve done a lot of work… Hiding and acting like everything is okay is what nearly killed me.” [30:36]

• She encourages taking the mask off, choosing truth over pretending—acknowledging that seeing her progress today reminds her how far she’s come.

Honoring Joy and Fullness Beyond Survival

[33:48–36:57]

• T’Kea shares bringing joy back into her life through pageantry, specifically the Ms. Full Figured National Capital Region pageant, as a tribute to her grandmothers.
• Reaffirms the necessity of integrating joy and celebration into healing work:

  “Joy is truly our birthright.” [33:48]

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Suicide Prevention Language, Myths & Best Practices

[38:48–46:55]

• Language Matters: Moving away from “committed suicide” (stigmatizing, criminal connotations) to “died by suicide.”

  “If someone died from cancer, diabetes, a car accident, we would say they died by whatever that was… Many times it’s not that people are committed to their death. They want the pain to end.” — T’Kea [40:06]

• How to Talk: Be direct—ask people if they are thinking about suicide. You will not “put the idea in their head.”

  “If they’re thinking about it, they’re thinking about it. That’s a myth.” [41:11]

• Types of Suicidal Thoughts: Passive (“wish I could go to sleep and not wake up”) vs. active (has the means/plan).
• Offering Support: Validate feelings, don’t assume someone’s “lifeline,” and create safety (sometimes it’s just “come sit with me” or sending food).

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Supporting Individuals Making End-of-Life Decisions

[46:55–52:50]

• Discussion of medically-assisted death/euthanasia, the complexities of honoring autonomy, and the reality that sometimes people travel to access such services.
• T’Kea advises seeking to understand lifelines, future hopes, and providing companionship, while also knowing when emergency intervention is necessary (988, hospital).
• Key Quote:

  “How can I best support you? Let me know what that looks like for you. And if you don’t know, can we brainstorm something together?” [48:36]

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What Children (and Adults) Need: Safe Space to Talk

[52:24–54:52]

• T’Kea wishes, in childhood, she had a judgment-free space to express her darkest thoughts without fear of being dismissed or labeled “dramatic.”

  “I wish that I had space to just really say these are the thoughts that I’m feeling and I don’t really know what to do with these feelings or these thoughts.” [54:49]

• The power of simply having someone to talk to, outside of generational “what happens in this house stays in this house” overlays.

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The Central Role of Community & Peer Support

[56:40–63:07]

• T’Kea details the role of certified peer recovery specialists and lived experience as uniquely powerful tools, particularly in environments where there aren’t enough Black mental health clinicians.

  “I want to be able to show someone that better days can come…There was just no way you could have told me when I was at my lowest low that life would get better.” [58:44]

• Peer support groups—especially virtual ones—help fill the gap, letting people see examples of hope and reducing isolation.
• International reach: People from UK, Brazil, Canada, and beyond attend their groups.

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Resources from Black People Die by Suicide Too

[63:07–68:20]

• Peer support groups: Free, virtual (twice monthly), open regardless of location.
• Wellness Retreats: Specialized events, e.g., “Light After Loss” for suicide loss survivors, combine healing circles, skill-building, and creative activities.
• Training: QPR (Question, Persuade, Refer) and certified peer recovery specialist credentialing (with grants to make it accessible).
• Online resource list: Includes podcasts (Getting’ Grown among them!), articles, and more.

  “So many people sometimes think it’s just sitting. You have no idea how just sitting and actually listening to a podcast can help you feel less alone.” [68:45]

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How to Talk About, Spot & Navigate Suicide

[71:02–73:30]

• Risk Factors: Past attempts, trauma, stressful life events, feeling isolated, sudden mood changes, giving away treasured items, mental health diagnoses—be attentive to these.
• Training: Mental Health First Aid, QPR—available through Black People Die by Suicide Too and nationally.
• Limits:

  “Sometimes despite our best interests, we can’t save everybody. And that’s a hard pill to swallow.” — T’Kea [73:56]

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Supporting Suicide Loss Survivors

[74:43–79:33]

• Suggests resources such as NAMI, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and new support groups specifically for suicide loss survivors launching via Black People Die by Suicide Too.
• Most importantly:
  • Listen with empathy and compassion.
  • Don’t offer unsolicited advice.
  • Ask: “How can I best support you?”
  • Avoid repeatedly asking “what happened”—it retraumatizes and is rarely helpful:

    “Asking that does not change the circumstances. Does it bring the person back?” [79:13]

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The Importance of Language and Community

[79:13–83:47]

• Community and safe space are critical at all stages—for those struggling and for those left behind.
• T’Kea reiterates her gratitude:

  “Our Black youth have the fastest growing rates of suicide compared to their white counterparts…It was happening back in the day—we just weren’t talking about it.” [82:17]

• Points to generational trauma as a driving factor and the urgent need for healing and open dialogue.

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Quick Notable Quotes

• “It is exhausting as hell to wear a mask. And being able to talk about it now is truly how I take my power back.” — T’Kea [30:40]
• “Your lifeline could be their kids. Their kids could be the one that’s setting them over the edge. So also being mindful about that as well and creating that safe space.” — T’Kea [41:01]
• “Peer support is so vital because it helps to, not only when we’re talking about preventing suicide, but also making sure people have those safe spaces to talk about some of their darkest thoughts.” — T’Kea [63:02]
• “Sometimes just being in proximity to other people…that gives permission. Being honest is a big part…that gives other people permission to do the same.” — Kia [70:24]

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Additional Segments

Self Care Check-in

[86:14–92:32]

• Jade attends a joyful game night with friends (“community gathering as self-care”).
• Kia leans into rest and “potato days,” emphasizing the necessity of rest for productivity and well-being.

Petty Peeves

[99:49–109:52]

• Jade vents about NYC’s confusing emergency response bureaucracy and dealing with antagonistic authority figures (police, sanitation officers).
• Kia rants about the self-checkout scale misweighing her banana—petty citizenship struggles.

Closing & Affirmations

[114:13–115:14]

• Parting advice: mind your business, hydrate, moisturize (keep your mind and skin “moist and supple”), and invest in community for resilience.

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Key Takeaways

• Main Message: Black people experience suicide and suicidal thoughts, but a lack of open safe space makes these struggles more isolating and deadly. Healing, hope, and prevention are possible—with community, peer support, honest language, and validation.
• Resources exist: blackpeoplediebysuicide2.org provides virtual support, education, and ongoing community, regardless of insurance or location.
• Checking on people matters: Be direct, be safe, offer company and validation, know your limits, and take care of yourself too.
• Talk about it: Making space for these histories and truths makes them less deadly for future generations.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Grieving D’Angelo, loss, and 2025 fatigue: [01:40–06:58]
• Political rant & teacher misogyny clip: [07:13–12:05]
• Kitchen Table introduction of T’Kea Blackman: [19:43–24:02]
• T’Kea’s story: [25:48–32:04]
• Joy and pageantry: [33:48–36:57]
• Suicide language myths: [38:48–40:57]
• How to talk/support: [41:01–46:55]
• Euthanasia discussion: [46:55–52:50]
• What children need: [52:24–54:52]
• Importance of peer support: [56:41–63:07]
• Resources list: [63:07–68:20]
• Spotting warning signs: [71:02–73:30]
• Supporting suicide loss survivors: [74:43–79:33]
• Closing gratitude and generational trauma: [81:46–83:47]
• Self-care & Petty Peeves: [86:14–109:52]

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Closing

This candid, multi-layered episode offers not just visibility to Black survivors of suicide and loss, but practical guidance, affirmation, and hope. T’Kea Blackman’s testimony, Jade and Kia’s humor and authenticity, and a rich resource list make this one of the most powerful Gettin’ Grown conversations for anyone “just trying to learn how to adult—for real.”

Transcript

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[Kia]

You're my lady.

[Jade]

Oh, oh, my lady My defy might. You're my lady.

[Kia]

Oh, I can tell that.

[Jade]

Yes. Oh, d', Angelo, I am bereaved. I am upset. Sister. Sister.

[Kia]

I mean, this. You know, this man did not see this coming at all.

[Jade]

Yeah. Yeah. Oof. It's. This is.

[Kia]

This is.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

Wow. This was not on my radar in any way. So.

[Jade]

No, just.

[Kia]

We are celebrating the life, the legacy. We are honoring the person and praying for the family of d'. Angelo.

[Jade]

Oh, especially. Especially the son. Yeah. Michael, man. Oh, I'm so, so, so sad for him.

[Kia]

Losing both his parents in one year is.

[Jade]

In one year. First of all, this has been the last year ever, because I. I didn't realize Angie passed this year. I'm thinking it was last year. It's this year.

[Kia]

March. That's what I'm saying. Like, yeah, within. What is it, six months? Not even.

[Jade]

Yeah. Jesus. Seven months. That's. That's. That's the toughest pill.

[Kia]

Michael Shorter. Michael Shorter.

[Jade]

Michael Eugene Shorter. I thought it was Archer.

[Kia]

Is it Archer?

[Jade]

I think it's Archer.

[Kia]

Yeah. Right.

[Jade]

You had to. You had to.

[Kia]

You know, I looked it up today, too, so I just was all the way wrong. But. Yes, Mike, Yes.

[Jade]

Passed away from pancreatic cancer. Something that I know is. I know from personal experience can really. Is really a tumultuous. Can really be tumultuous on the body. So we pray that he is no longer suffering or in any pain. We pray for their son and you.

[Kia]

Know, what a cultural icon. Yes.

[Jade]

Oh, yeah. All you're Right. All of the children. All of the children. I and I just have a little extra in there for the. Yeah. For his, for their son who lost all of his. Both of his parents in, in a short amount of time. Nobody. Nobody deserves to, to deal with that. So. Yeah, man, that's tough. I also saw Montel Jordan has, has, you know, the cancer, you know, the one prostate. I do. And it came back. I did not know that came back. Yeah, it came back. So we're going to, you know, pray for him as well and you know, that things work out better for him.

[Kia]

Oh, wow.

[Jade]

What? You know, it's just so crazy, cuz these are all the people that we like grew up. Well, I remember when d' Angelo was grown and I wasn't. Yeah. When I. For Lady, I used to sing instead of Mighty Fine for like a hot second, I used to sing Mardi Gras.

[Kia]

Oh, man, what a time. And y' all know that me and me and Brian used to say 78, 72.

[Jade]

So I know I always think about that when I. When I sing that song.

[Kia]

Because if you listen to it, it really, it really sounds like it. Listen every time. Next time you listen to send it on, you're gonn. 78, 72. 70.

[Jade]

I and I have 72.

[Kia]

Oh my gosh. Oh yeah.

[Jade]

We honor his also, you know, I would be remiss, especially at the top of the season, my Lord, to not mention the life loss of Diane Keaton. Oh, we are free. Oh, Diane was the queen of sweater weather couture. Okay. A Diane Keaton sweater at the top of fall, when, you know, the weather starts getting crispy, we don't. We think of that. We go straight to Diane. So I just, I. We have to also. We also have to mention the life of Diane. Cuz what a loss. What a great. What some great losses this week. Oh, praise the Lord. So long in.

[Kia]

Yeah. 20, 25. Fast hands. Okay, sister, we are fighting for our lives over here.

[Jade]

Thanos hands. Thanos hands, cuz. The Luki was sworn in, sister. Literally. Not like nine, ten months ago. Like, it hasn't even been a full year. It's felt like years. No, it's real. 12 years of Negro.

[Kia]

12, 12 years of 2025 is what it feels like. But yes, praise the Lord, I'm safe. I have what I need. We're. We're fighting for our lives over here, but we gonna be all right. You know what I'm saying? We're gonna be all right. We're gonna be all right.

[Jade]

Yeah. Yeah, that's what I keep saying.

[Kia]

I think. Listen, listen. That's why it's important for us to take care of ourselves and one another. How are you doing, sis?

[Jade]

You know, I too, am safe. I have what I need. You know, all that. All that and all that jazz. I am trying to reconcile with these people just saying all of the extremely quiet parts very loudly. There was a video of what looked like a roast is what it looked like. And the loogie was up there talking to Bibi and. And. And said out loud, you got the weapons. You use them very well. And I was like, are you. If you're gonna. And Bibi called me and said, I need you to send me more weapons. And I was like, is this like, what kind? What? Like, where am I living? What part of hell is this? I'd like to move neighborhoods. I do not understand. Then I saw another clip of a teacher out of Georgia. You know what? Let me pull up this nigga's name because you deserve to be shamed publicly. You deserve to be shamed. There's a teacher out of Georgia. Hold on. I'm about to tell you exactly his name and where he is. And this is not an alleged. Because there is video captured by a student in the class highly uncomfortable with what was being spewed. All right, so out of Lovejoy High school in Hampton, Georgia, there was a teacher by the name of Charles McCant. And Charles McCant told the students that the worst thing to ever happen to education was allowing women to partake in it. Oh, yeah, I didn't know anything. Said he don't want his woman educated. He wants her to know just enough to take care of what she needs to take care of, and after that, she don't need to know anymore. He is saying all of these things in a classroom out loud in 2025. And there are multiple students disagreeing with him.

[Kia]

His woman is crazy. What?

[Jade]

Including. Hold on, I'm about to play the clip for you. Education of women. Don't you think that was the worst thing ever to happen when we started educating women? How? What you guys think? Was it good or bad to educate women? Good.

[Kia]

Why?

[Jade]

Why?

[Kia]

Really.

[Jade]

For the good or bad to educate women Bad. Why? Cuz we all need this. I don't know, but this is a man's world.

[Kia]

Can.

[Jade]

And women not supposed to know no more than we let them know. Yeah, this man is unwell. Are you crazy? Anyway, there's more, but you can hear. There are students who are like, yo, what the is wrong with this? But then There, there is one student who I did hear who was agreeing with this rhetoric. And when you have somebody in these positions, in all of these positions of power spewing this dangerous nonsense and rhetoric to, to use, which is what's also happening throughout the country as well, it just is a. It is a perfect storm. It is a perfect storm. And we have seen this storm brewing. We have seen this storm carried out in other parts of the world. We see the storm being carried out here with ice and so forth and so on. So, you know, you ask me how I am. I am doing the best that I can because people like that exist and I wish I didn't know that they existed. I know it's disgusting. So sorry to expose you to such.

[Kia]

Like, first of all, let me shut.

[Jade]

Up because I'm getting right Uncle Ruckus over there like, yeah, like what?

[Kia]

Who is this man? And there's no way he what?

[Jade]

Yeah. So many things are happening.

[Kia]

We are living in an episode of Boondocks. What in the world.

[Jade]

We are living in a, in a, a season of Boondocks. Like they could literally, this could be. And I'm talking, I'm talking about shows from the 90s when there were 22 episodes in a season. Like they got content for years. They can do multiple seasons off of everything that has happened in the last 10 months alone.

[Kia]

Truly, truly, truly.

[Jade]

So God bless us as a people. God, you all already know. I very quickly, there was a ceasefire announced. We already discussed last week some of the parameters around that cease fire, which we knew were not going to be honored, respected, acknowledged or any of those things. They are still bombing, they are still shooting. They are. And they are doing execution style things in the street. It is awful. It is awful. All of this was all so that this person can continue to put themselves up on a pedestal and attach something else to their names that brings them some sort of reverence and honor, but we all know is a dupe and a trick because they're not honest people. They have no integrity or anything. So, you know, stuff is still happening. Stay woke. Keep your eyes open. Keep your eyes open. Still going down in Chicago, D.C. all Portland, all around the country. All around the world. All around the world. Rebels coming for me. Who knows how much I love. Yeah, Damn, I haven't heard. I hate that song. God, why did that even come to my mind? Anywho, we have, we have a very pointed, important conversation for the kitchen table this week. We want to offer a disclaimer ahead of time, a trigger warning that this is a conversation around suicide but is a conversation and from the lens of suicide within the black community, ways to identify, support, etc very important tips and tools and we're very grateful and we have the added bonus of having another Takiya. I just didn't I'm just was surrounded by Takias. How blessed am I. Oh my Lord. You know. And we're really grateful for Takiya coming with such a beautiful energy to have such a heavy conversation. And so we hope that this conversation is helpful to those who may be listening, informative etc and please remember that all resources mentioned will be listed in the description box. And before we get into that kitchen table, we also want to remind you all if you are looking for ways to support getting grown, you can tune into the Patreon, Kia and I, you know, shout out, shout out to to the team, really putting together different strategies and things so that Kia and I can bring you all more content, more conversation and so forth and so on. So make sure you all check out the Patreon. If you do not have the means to support via Patreon, we just ask that you like subscribe and comment about the podcast. You can also subscribe to us on YouTube. It's very helpful. You can comment on there as well. And with that being said, let's get into this kitchen table.

[Kia]

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Of Follow every twist and turn as Virginia and her miracle son Joshua flee from Detroit pursued by the sinister Luther Bell, played by Giancarlo Esposito and his Morning Stars cult.

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[Kia]

As natural disasters erupt, Virginia must embrace her role as both mother and chosen protector.

[Jade]

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[Jade]

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[Kia]

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[Jade]

That's it.

[Kia]

That's it.

[Jade]

Maybe that'll be.

[Kia]

Maybe that'll be the episode title.

[Jade]

I don't know. They remind me of a black girl story.

[Kia]

So we're excited to welcome to the kitchen table Takiya Blackman, who is a nationally recognized and multi award winning peer recovery specialist, social entrepreneur, speaker and authority. Black men transform her lived experience as a suicide attempt and lost survivor into a powerful force of change, challenging stigma and advancing equity in mental health. Takiya serves as the co founder and executive director of Black People die by Suicide 2, a nonprofit dedicated to suicide prevention within the black community. She's the founder of the mental health Empowerment Agency, a consulting firm that strengthens organizational community wellness through transformative training workshops and strategic communications. She is also a professor and a PhD student, also from the home team of University of Maryland, College park, where I too and an alum. So her research focused on black suicide prevention with an aim to influence policy, practice and funding toward mental health equity. We're here to have a very necessary conversation about suicide in black communities. And we have the honor of welcoming Takiya Blackman to the kitchen table. Welcome, Takiya girl. Welcome.

[Jade]

Y'.

[Kia]

All.

[Takiya Blackman]

Thank you so much. This is probably going to be my joy for the rest of the year, y'. All.

[Kia]

Not the rest of the year.

[Takiya Blackman]

The rest of y'.

[Kia]

All.

[Takiya Blackman]

Y' all don't understand before we even get into the conversation, but I truly want to thank y' all for creating an amazing community. Like I said, I'm an OG listener. I've been listening since the beginning. I've been to lots live shows. Yeah, yeah. Being here is truly a dream come true. And let me tell you so much that I call my mama like, mom, guess what? Just. Just thank you. The work that you're doing is so vital. I just want to give y' all, y' all flowers and just truly say thank you. It has been a source of strength and encouragement in some of my most challenging moments. And so I really want to thank y' all for what you're doing.

[Jade]

Oh, my gosh. Thank you. See, we wouldn't even have this community if it wasn't for people like you all. Because like I said, as far as I'm concerned, me and kid be sitting Here, talking to each other. We don't know.

[Kia]

Literally. Literally. So.

[Jade]

So thank you for that. Thank you for that. Beautiful, beautiful confirmation.

[Kia]

Yes.

[Jade]

And affirming of. Of what is very important to us, which is community.

[Kia]

Absolutely.

[Jade]

Well, Kia. We have Takiya Blackman. Kia, too. We have so many things to take a squared. Yes.

[Kia]

Period.

[Jade]

We have so much to get into, but I think we should start with, you know, we like to let our guests introduce themselves and tell everybody, you know, if there's something that we missed or something that you want the audience to know before we get into your particular journey. So can you. Can you introduce the. The world to yourself? You're in the way that you would like to be introduced.

[Takiya Blackman]

Sure. So I am a Jersey girl, but down in the dmv.

[Jade]

Okay.

[Takiya Blackman]

I am a proud Howard University graduate.

[Kia]

All right.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Takiya Blackman]

I am a fellow Virgo. Okay.

[Kia]

Okay. Wow.

[Jade]

You're just like a piece of both of us and all of us. I love you.

[Kia]

I am.

[Takiya Blackman]

I am. I am the oldest of seven children.

[Jade]

Come on.

[Kia]

Seven.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Kia]

I, I.

[Takiya Blackman]

Those are my babies.

[Kia]

Daughter.

[Takiya Blackman]

My favorite. It's not a color, but I say it's a color. Is anything leopard or cheetah print? You always see me with something.

[Jade]

She's in her auntie area. Carol Baskin over here.

[Kia]

I mean, it's like black Auntie Cor. Okay.

[Jade]

It is. It is.

[Kia]

I love, love that. Yes.

[Takiya Blackman]

Those are the fun things about me. And I like to say I live by the Toni Payne quotes. I'd rather be living my truth than living a lie miserably.

[Kia]

Yeah, I know that's right. Yes. Yes, I know that's right. We're excited to have you for a number of reasons, and we appreciate you being a part of our community. Just goes to show sort of the depth of brilliance and expertise that is among us at the kitchen table every week. Because I literally, as we were sort of producing the show and thinking about our scheduling, I recognized that September is suicide prevention month, and suicide prevention, like, awareness day is September 10th. And so wanted to have a show where we talked about that and started to do some research and came across the website for your organization, black People die by suicide, too, and was just really like, what. What you have built resonated with me because, you know, this is. This is a part of life that we don't spend enough time really talking about out loud. This is not something that is new, but it is something that I think has become more. We are creating more socially acceptable places for us to have these discussions. And I think you and Your organization are sort of leading charge in that regard. So wanted to have you at the kitchen table to talk a little bit about this and you know, feel free to just sort of share your story and would just love to hear this because I want us to start to talk about how we can broach this topic amongst our friends and loved ones. But you know, you know, would just help us to know what brought you to this work.

[Takiya Blackman]

Yes. That is such a loaded question.

[Kia]

It is, yes.

[Takiya Blackman]

So when I think about baby Kia when she was in middle school in the 90s, having these thoughts now as a child I couldn't say suicide because I didn't have that language. But as a child I did have thoughts of not wanting to be alive and often thinking of ways to end my life just in middle school and I didn't feel like I had a space to talk about that because I always heard like therapy is for crazy white people. Well, I don't, didn't feel like I fit into either of those categories, so. And then I also heard that eventually suicide is a white people thing and anything surrounding mental health was always, as we know, negative. And a lot of that stemmed from so many things. So when I think about the relationship that I have or lack thereof with my father who struggled with drug and substance use growing up in New Jersey in public housing, I think about eventually watching my mom be verbally and physically abused by my sibling's dad. All of that had a play. Also I was born to two teenage parents, so my mom was 18, my dad was 19. So we're talking about a lot of stuff happening at this time. And I often remember as a child, anytime my mom would get into a argument or fight with my siblings dad, that's often when those thoughts would come up for me, like I don't want to be here or I wish I was dead. And I just kept them on the inside throughout my childhood. Didn't tell anybody. It wasn't until I was about in my early 20s and I had just graduated maybe 24ish. So I had just graduated with my master's and I just felt like my childhood and then transitioning into adulthood were colliding. Like it just felt so overwhelming trying to manage all of those feelings and I had just recently lost my 13 year old cousin to suicide that I too, I was like I don't want to be here anymore. And that's what led me to attempting. But it was truly a long journey starting from childhood that eventually led to attempt. And at that time I just text a Friend. I told her it would be so much better if I wasn't here. That friend did not know that I had taken substances, and I was hoping that I would just honestly die in my sleep. And the police officers came to my house, broke through the window, and essentially I was forced into the hospital. And that's what really started my mental health journey before starting the organization, anything like that. But that was like my own lived experience that really propelled me into the work that I'm doing now.

[Jade]

Thank you for sharing that.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

How do you feel when you. Because you're just so. You're so measured. So how do you feel, especially because you're doing this work constantly, when you have to recount your story time and time again, how does that make you feel?

[Takiya Blackman]

Wow, Jade, I don't think anyone has ever asked me that question.

[Jade]

I didn't even think about that until literally right now.

[Kia]

So.

[Jade]

But I'm just. I can imagine that that's got to be. You know, I don't know. It can go so many. I really. I'm just curious.

[Takiya Blackman]

Yes. So. Because I have. Let's say this prior to sharing my story, which I'm still in therapy. Right. I. Me and my therapist, Dr. T, we just made 10 years, so we locked in.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Takiya Blackman]

So I will say that it is easier for me to share it now because I've done a lot of work. It wasn't something I was always vocal about. It started from writing articles that I would share under alias name Joy Green. Joy. Because I ain't have it. Green is the color of the mental health ribbon.

[Jade]

You like straight like that under these.

[Takiya Blackman]

But then I started seeing people would comment under the blog and say, like, oh, I can relate. Because initially I had a diagnosis of major depressive and generalized anxiety disorder. But when Covid happened, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. And I was like, oh, other people are going through these things too. And it made me feel less alone. And then, not only that, I eventually said, I don't want to hide anymore, because hiding and acting like everything is okay is what nearly killed me. So you either accept me for how I show up, or we just go our separate ways. Because I felt like I could no longer just walk around wearing a mask. It is exhausting as hell to wear a mask. And being able to talk about it now is truly how I take my power back. So sharing my story also, Jay, it allows me to remember how far I've come. So I think about, from not wanting to exist anymore to being able to look at all the things that I'm doing right now truly blows my mind because I'm like, wow, I really did not see myself. I didn't think I would make it to my 30s. So that's. I hope I kind of answered your question.

[Jade]

No, you absolutely did. And I, and I, I thank you for that. I, I'm key and I are both very grateful for your transparency because like you said, these are conversations that were had in problematic ways if they were had when we. I, I think I experienced my first loss by suicide in, in middle school in sixth grade. One of my classmates, you know, committed suicide. And so it was that. It was. And then nobody knew how to talk about it. None of the adults knew how to talk about it. You know, there was a lot of problematic rhetoric I learned later on in life around, yeah, people being selfish, etc. And so I'm grateful that we're having this conversation. I think about when we had Dr. Kelly rugless. So many things going on. Well, we had Dr. Kelly rugless on the show to talk about eating disorders within the black community. That's not something that we commonly think about within our community, but it is something that needs to be addressed because it is. And, and, and just like this, before we pivot and before we continue on, you know, to talking about this and talking about how we can help within our community, I want to kind of shine a light on some of those beautiful, joyful things that you are partaking in now in your life. You recently were crowned, I believe, title. You know what I'm saying? So let's talk a little bit about that and some of the things that have brought you joy before we get back into the actual.

[Takiya Blackman]

Thank you, Jay, for asking that question, because joy is truly our birthright. Right? And I entered the Ms. Full Figured National Capital Region pageant as a way to honor. At the end of 2024, I lost both of my grandmothers, and one was my paternal grandmother. She used to put on community fashion shows. My maternal grandmother, when I did pageants as a child in New Jersey, used to make my costumes. And I was really trying to find a way to reconnect. I was truly devastated. Devastated. I, you know, my maternal grandmother was. That was my girl. Like, we would travel places when I would speak. I know y' all know, so.

[Kia]

I.

[Takiya Blackman]

Realized that I had to find something because I lost my zest and I was struggling at the top of this year where I was like, man, I don't know how I'm going to move forward. And we'll get into. I know the topic of suicide. But even earlier this year, those thoughts came back. For me, it is an ongoing battle, and so we'll talk about that. But I entered the pageant as a way to do something, to be around other women. We're talking about full figure women. I have always been of the big butt community USA pageant as space for us.

[Jade]

So I said, sign me up if I do. Don't mind if I do, and I.

[Takiya Blackman]

Walked away with the crown. I also got Miss Swimwear. I got more Miss.

[Kia]

I know, community service. So. Okay, come on.

[Jade]

1010S across the board.

[Kia]

Yes.

[Takiya Blackman]

So, yes, it was. It's a great experience. And I get to go back home in April of next year to compete for nationals. Nationals is in Jersey, so I get to go back home where it all started, where, you know, my grandmothers took their last breath, and I believe it is a full circle moment to honor both of them. So, yes, congratulations to you.

[Jade]

Yes, very much so.

[Kia]

I love that. And I think, you know, the three of us. I'm just sitting here as I'm listening to you, realizing that you're talking. We are three eldest daughters. Right? And so there is a bond that. There's a bond between grandmothers and eldest daughters, right?

[Jade]

Yeah, there is.

[Kia]

I don't know what that's about, but your. Your grandmother is essentially your first good, good girlfriend. Okay.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Kia]

You know what I'm saying? In a lot of ways. And so that completely resonates with. With me in terms of, you know, we lose our grandmothers, you lose, you know what I'm saying? Like, there's a sense of home, and we have to be intentional about. About carrying that with us after they transition. So I'm so. I absolutely love the way that you were able to sort of hold on to that little piece of all of, you know, they invested important to you as a child and, you know, to come away with the crowns, period. Okay.

[Jade]

Very Sankofa. It's very Sankofa. You know what I mean?

[Kia]

Exactly.

[Jade]

I love that. I love that.

[Kia]

I love a very full circle moment. But as Jade was saying, you are very intentional about investing in sustaining your joy and sort of moving through the highs and lows and ups and downs of life, you know, even given some of the things that you've negotiated and let's talk about these. This. You know, how to broach this conversation in our communities. Because, like Jade, I was also introduced to suicide in middle school. It was one of the young ladies in my class. Her dad. This was traumatic. Her father, you know, died by suicide in a very public Way, like, he. He. I don't want to be too morbid, but, like, you know, he went to one of our elementary school playgrounds, and that's where he did it. Wow. Yeah. And so, you know, kids literally coming to school and finding this. So again, like Jay said, the parents didn't know how to talk about it. My mom did not address it at all. But you. But you had, like, these little pockets, you know, little sixth and seventh grade gossip about it. And I just think about, you know, he had five kids, and at the time, four of them were in our school, and we were just thinking about what that was like. So that was my first introduction. You know, you read about it in books, but that was my first time sort of being that close to within my community. And I. What, you know, if you had to advise parents or anyone that is, you know, how do we have these conversations in our families? How do. How do we.

[Jade]

How do we start communities in general?

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Takiya Blackman]

Yeah. So before I answer that, I also want. I think we're talking about language surrounding suicide, too.

[Jade]

That was my next. Because I'm like, you hear us over here dancing? We're like, no, no, it's okay.

[Takiya Blackman]

So. No, it's okay. It's okay. That's why we here.

[Kia]

Right?

[Takiya Blackman]

We here.

[Kia]

I want to learn.

[Takiya Blackman]

Yes. So this is just. And this is like something I learned, too, once I got into the field. So we have typically heard the language that saying, like, committed suicide. And that's been the language for as long as I can remember, even when I had my attempt almost 10 years ago. So now, and I'm in public health, so we are really moving away from that language and saying the person died by suicide. And part of that, because we think about committed a sin. Right. Or committed a crime, it places that wrongdoing, you know?

[Jade]

Yes. Which is some of the language that I heard around that initially, which was.

[Kia]

Right.

[Jade]

I knew, even in youth, I was like, this person is not going to hell because they. Because they were struggling. Like, that doesn't go well together. But please. I'm sorry.

[Takiya Blackman]

No, you're right. And you think about if someone died from cancer, diabetes, a car accident, we would say they died by whatever that was. People who are struggling with their mental health and they get to a point of suicidal desperation. Many times it's not. And this is not for everyone, but many times it's not that people. It's not that they're committed to their death. They want the pain to end. And if you have never been in that place, consider yourself Blessed, lucky, et cetera.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Takiya Blackman]

And so when we think about. So that's why the first thing in terms of language, so die by suicide. If someone is a loss survivor, like I lost my cousin, so a suicide loss survivor. And so really we just want to make sure that we're not perpetuating the stigma or shame or making anyone feel worse.

[Kia]

So for sure. Thank you.

[Jade]

Thank you for that reminder. Thank you for that.

[Takiya Blackman]

Yes. And so to answer your question in terms of how do you have the conversation? So I think about if you suspect someone is considering suicide, as hard as it is, I know it's hard. The best thing you can do is ask them. So if I had a friend who was considering it, I would go to them and say, hey, Jade, these are some of the things that I have been noticing. You've been canceling plans. I noticed you haven't been eaten, you haven't been. Whatever those changes are, bring it up to them. And if they, because some people, it may not be a. It may not be something where they have said it, because we'll talk about that too. But let's say if it's just something you might suspect because somebody got financial issues going on, et cetera, and say, these are the things that I'm noticing. Is everything okay? Now if it's an instance where, like, because I used to work as a Crisis phone counselor for 9 8. So like, if it's an instance where I would talk to someone on the phone and they would say like, oh, I just broke up with my boyfriend, I'm at risk for being evicted, I would say that sounds like that's very difficult to go through someone in your situation, they may consider suicide. Is that something that you're thinking about? Because that way it's like, and let me say this too, you're not going to put the idea in somebody's head. If they thinking about it, they thinking about it. That's a myth. And people think, I don't want to ask them because I'm going to give them that idea. So I just want to dispel that too. And also there are different types of suicidal thoughts, right? So you have the passive thoughts. The passive thoughts are because most people, anytime it comes up in terms of suicide, people automatically, oh my gosh, they got to go to the hospital. That may not always be the case. So if you're assisting, providing support to someone, and let's say you say you see something on social media or text message, those passive thoughts are like, I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. Or if I'm walking outside and a car jumps the curb, I'm not going to do anything to get out of the way, but I'm not going to actively do anything to end my life. That's more of a passive. If it's active. Active means the person has the means. They know the time, the place, the date, whatever that is. And the reason why I share that is because how you hit, they're both serious, right? But how you handle one may not be how you handle the other. So if you are bringing this up to. If someone says to you, let's say for instance, they give you something that is very. Because I know we'll talk about science too. But like, let's say they give you something that, you know, they really, really cherish and they say something like, I won't need this where I'm going. That's your key to broach. Ask a question and say, what do you mean by. Like, what do you mean by that? And asking them, are you suicidal? Are you thinking about killing yourself? And trying and being direct as possible? Because saying, are you thinking about hurting yourself? That could be pinching, cutting, scratching, biting oneself. That could be the like self harm, right? And so it's best when you having these conversations with loved ones to be direct. Because if we say things like hurt or harm people sometimes when they are considering suicide, they see ending their life as them having a sense of peace. I'm no longer in pain, right? Just like when somebody dies from cancer, it's like, oh, they're no longer in pain. And so even having those conversations, it could be a missed opportunity if we're not direct, even though it's very hard. And also when you're having these conversations, letting people know it's okay to feel like this and really validating them. And also going into the conversation with your loved one and not assuming that what's a lifeline for you is a lifeline for them. Your lifeline could be their kids. Their kids could be the one that's setting them over the edge. So also being mindful about that as well and creating that safe space to have the conversation saying, it's okay to have these feelings. I want to. How, you know, even asking that family member, how can I best support you? How can I best support you? And it may mean, you know, helping them find a therapist. It may mean driving them to the hospital, it really asking them. And sometimes, right. I have been in the instance where I was forced into the hospital because at that point I was Already a threat to myself. But sometimes it may not be that. There have been instances I had a friend where anytime I was struggling, she would ask me, is it passive or is it active? And if it was passive, it's like, oh, can you just come sit with me for a couple hours? Or can I stay over your house for a couple days? And really asking them. And then in that time she would say, okay, did you have anything to eat? Or sometimes people would send edible arrangements to let them know, think they're thinking of me. Kind of those things that you would do if somebody was even physically ill, but just really having those conversation and just validating people because there is so much shame and guilt and even fear of going to hell just for having those thoughts. So I hope I answered your question because I know I said a lot.

[Jade]

No, no, absolutely. I. It's interesting you brought up hurting yourself and. And also how you support those who have suicidal ideations because we've recently come into more conversation around, I don't know what the language is. Self euthanization, maybe people who are opting to opt in their life. Yes. And so where I've seen accounts online where I don't know how legit that is, down to knowing people whose family members have actually opted to do it and gone through with it.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

How does the support look in terms of those different scenarios and situations? Because I don't know where the line is of honoring what somebody chooses to do when it comes to suicide. So. Yeah. If you could. I don't know if I'm asking this very clearly.

[Takiya Blackman]

No, you are asking it clearly.

[Kia]

Okay.

[Takiya Blackman]

It's very clear. So I know in this. I believe in the United States. I don't. I. Correct. I mean, I'm not sure because this is not a bit up my alley, but I know in. In the States, I don't know anywhere that it's legal to do it. I know in other countries.

[Jade]

Yeah. That's the tricky. That's the, that's the loophole there. Because I know sometimes people travel, so. But the last person I know was in the state, so I. Maybe I'm gonna look that up while you talk. I'm listening.

[Kia]

Yes.

[Takiya Blackman]

So. And that's the thing. Right. Because ultimately, if that is something someone wants, I. While. Yes. You want to honor the person and what it is that they want. My thing is, if I had someone who was considering that and I'm going to say persuade. And air quotes. Persuaded, air quotes. And really having the conversation with this person and seeing what is their lifeline so I can try to support them. Because through those. I've never had a situation where someone has gone through. Through with. With ending their life, like medically. So I can't speak exactly to that. But I would really see what they're to have the conversation to see what their lifeline is asking about their. If they have future goals or plans, it doesn't matter. Just looking for that small silver lining. And I would pull, you know, pull that and have a conversation about that because there have been. I have been on the phone with people who have said like, I'm going to do it. And I have talked them out of it in the sense of I would let them know how much I value them, how much I love them. But I didn't. But I also tread the line of, or teeded the line of not necessarily making it because I don't want to make it about myself, but also still reminding them that they are important and that they are valuable, that they are loved. And how is it? Can I best support you? Let me know what that looks like for you. And if you don't know, can we brainstorm something together? If they're not like, if they're in immediate danger and they're saying I'm going to kill myself and I got. Then yeah, we're gonna dial 988 because they need to go to the hospital, right? But I'm speaking more in terms of if the person don't, they don't actively have a plan and they are just struggling with saying like, I don't know if I still want to be here. Can we work together to figure out what supports we can get? And so I have driven people to the hospital, I have went to people's house to actually sit with them and coming up with a safety plan, whatever that is. Like, there's even this deck of cars that I have and it's like 52 reasons to stay and being able to actually, you know, sit, whatever that, whatever it is for one person, it was literally just hearing a song that soothed them and just got them, you know, got us through the night, whatever, whatever that is. But it's also realizing that when we're talking about like being in community too, right? Ways to help to prevent suicide is also being in community. Oftentimes people feel alone, isolated, nobody understands. So also working with that person to say like, okay, if they don't have community, how can I support you to help you build community? Because one person can't be your community, right? You gotta have multiple people and so even having conversations surrounding that. I don't know if you founded Jade about.

[Jade]

I did, actually. It is legal in 11 states. California, Colorado, Delaware, Hawaii, Maine, Montana, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Vermont, D.C. and Washington state.

[Takiya Blackman]

Oh, wow.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Takiya Blackman]

I didn't know that.

[Jade]

That's. That's interesting because I don't feel like we were exposed to as much of that coming up again. We did. We hardly had healthy conversations around. I don't. There's no such thing as standard suicide, but you know what I mean.

[Takiya Blackman]

No, I know what you mean.

[Jade]

I know what you mean. You know what? Non metal, non medically induced produced. What do you wish you would have had as a child? What do you. What do. What kind? Like what is. What would that have Support. Your ideal support. Thinking about it now, just in hindsight, as an adult, what do you wish you would have had at the time?

[Kia]

Wow.

[Takiya Blackman]

Let me get my tissue over here just in case I need it.

[Jade]

I'm so sorry.

[Takiya Blackman]

No, it's okay.

[Jade]

We should have put a trigger warning up at the top of this episode. I mean, you knew what you was coming to talk about, but everybody else.

[Takiya Blackman]

Yes, yes. So when I think about. Let me just say this. And I. And I know this is something you both can relate to. My parents did the best they could with what they had. Right. So I'm giving them grace. They didn't know what they didn't know. But for me, I would have liked to have a space to actually just talk about these thoughts without fear of being judged or like something was wrong with me because I used to feel like something was wrong. I was like, I can't control these thoughts. It's not that I'm wanting to think these thoughts. They're here, and I don't know what to do with these thoughts. And then the feelings associated with those thoughts. And it would have been helpful to be able to talk to an adult. I think that's part of the biggest thing that would have helped me because hearing the language of Slight Cyber, even like for my talent for the pageant, I did a monologue on suicide prevention. And the three characters were based upon three different versions of myself from Back from the Little Girl. And I think about the messaging that I heard in the monologue I talk about. There's a line that says, like, mama says what happens in this house stays in this house. And if I say I want to die, she'll say, I'm being dramatic. And I was also known as the dramatic kid. You know, I did theater. I was just always loud. And you know, so I'm like, oh, they're gonna say, oh, kids, just being dramatic. So I just wish that I had space to just really say these are the thoughts that I'm feeling and I don't really know what to do with these feelings or these thoughts.

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[Takiya Blackman]

91 1, what is your emergency?

[Jade]

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[Takiya Blackman]

Mission control, do you copy?

[Jade]

9 All new Thursdays, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Kia]

It's so interesting your response. I don't know what, what that brings up for me is I feel like in thinking about your work and what, what you've built through the organization and the resources, like, you know, all of it hinges around peer support and you know, listening to you talk about how you have personally sat with people and held space for people and talked to people in different phases of sort of, you know, them processing these thoughts. It seems that in addition to therapy, medication, you know, other forms of cultivating our care, peer support seems to be sort of very central to what you do. So was curious around what, what about, why is that support such an impactful component of this work? Because you've spoken in every response. There's a central running theme of community.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Kia]

Talk about how and why community has been sort of central to what you are doing as an activist and advocate and sort of leader in this space.

[Takiya Blackman]

Yes. So when I, I didn't even know specifically when I got into this as I transitioned into the field because my undergraduate degree is communications. And I remember I'm going somewhere with this.

[Kia]

No, take your time.

[Jade]

Yes, please, we wish you. Yes, we are we in for the ride.

[Takiya Blackman]

And I remember after having my attempt and having this new passion for mental health and suicide prevention, feeling like, oh my God, I got this degree in communications and I worked at, I did prior to mental health. I worked at like TV1. I did a lot of award shows like Black Girls Rock, all these fun things that I felt like when I was in college, you couldn't tell me that I wasn't going to be the next Kathy Hughes. Right. So, and I was And I felt like, dang, did I just get this, get both of these degrees for nothing? But then I realized, girl, you can literally use communication as a vehicle to raise awareness in public health. There's a whole communications sector in public health. So I transitioned into the media. From media, television, entertainment, corporate side to public health. And peer support came into play. I was working at a organization and I learned about certified peer recovery specialists. Because I said, I am not going back to. For one. I was like, I don't want to be a therapist. I was like, I'm not going back to school unless somebody gonna pay for it. And I'm getting a PhD and that's what's happening now.

[Jade]

But.

[Takiya Blackman]

And so I discovered peer recovery specialists. So Maryland is, has a huge peer workforce. And so certified peer recovery specialists are individuals, depending on the state that you in, they may be called a recovery coach, it may be a certified peer recovery specialist. Consumer advocate, community health workers, they go by different names. But ultimately there are people who use their lived experience to provide hope, connect them to resources. People who have been where someone is so similar to someone who may have a sponsor for struggle with substance use challenges. And there are peers in substance use space in the substance use field too. And so for me, I'm like, I want to be able to, to use my ex. My lived experience. And I went through a two year training. It's very similar to. In Maryland is very similar to as if someone was a social worker. So we do have to take trainings, we do have to do supervision, et cetera, as a whole credentialing process. And I was like, I want to be able to show someone that better days can come. Because you could not tell me when I was in my lowest of low that life would get better. There was just no way. And I noticed that there was this community of peer support. Essentially we have it already, right? This is peer support, this is community. But in terms of like credentialed, if you will. I was like, this is great. And I remember when I was leading a peer support group at a behavioral health unit, there was a young lady who was also black, who also grew up in a church like me. And I will never forget these words she said after attending this support group because she had just got out of the hospital for attempting to end her life, also grew up in the church. And she said, attending this, this group allow me to see that I can recover. And you provided me the hope that I didn't even know I could gain again. That literally, like just I hold on to those. On to those words. Because I know how hard and dark life can get for a lot of us. And so peer support is great because at the end of the day, clinicians cannot shoulder this work alone, especially if you're black. It's not enough black clinicians, because most of us prefer to see black clinicians anyway. And peer support is truly us, even outside of those who are even tapping into, like our friends, right? And making sure that even if they do feel alone, to remind them that they are not, you know, that they're not alone. Peer support specialists. There have been tons of research and studies showing that peer support is helping to. And when people are, it's minimizing the time in terms of them going to the hospital. So like sometimes people, of course, when they have, like, because I went into inpatient. But peer support, like for instance, even what we do at the organization, we have these peer support groups and people are saying they may not be ready to see a therapist yet, or they may be on a waiting list for a therapist, but what can they do? And the interim. And it's so important to be able to not just know that people love and care about you, but to see that there are people who've been through similar situations and have gotten through to the other side. And that's why peer support has been so vital even to the organization. We have people who have attended our peer support groups from Canada, United Kingdom, Brazil, black people literally all over and saying, I've never had a space to talk about this. This is the first time in my life I felt seen, heard, validated. I don't have to worry about shame. And so peer support is so vital because it helps to, not only when we're talking about preventing suicide, but also making sure people have those safe spaces to talk about some of their darkest thoughts.

[Kia]

I feel like this is just a good lead up for you to talk more about your website. You know, I feel like there are resources and ways that people can plug in to access this kind of peer support, whether locally or beyond this area in the dmv. But, you know, talk to us a little bit about black people. Diebysuicide2.org and all of the resources and things that are available there that people may be able to access if they need some help or to access the peer support we've been talking about.

[Takiya Blackman]

Our peer support groups are free. Any of the events that we do, we do our best to make them free and low cost because we want to remove the barriers. We know some people don't have insurance or they're underinsured or they have a high co pay. So our goal is to make sure that we can remove as many barriers as we can. So our peer support groups, they're offered twice a month. Majority of them are held virtually on zoom, so you can log in anywhere. We also host last month for, you know, Suicide prevention Month, we had our first wellness retreat. And everybody's asking for us to. To do it, like, annually or biannually. But it was called Light after Loss for black people who have lost loved ones to suicide. And it was a wellness retreat.

[Jade]

Okay.

[Takiya Blackman]

It was.

[Jade]

That was my next question.

[Takiya Blackman]

So it was so beautiful. It was like just thinking about it and reflecting back on that time. For people who lost loved ones to suicide, they were saying, I never had a space to talk about my loss because losing someone, Somebody to a car accident or.

[Kia]

Yeah, it's.

[Takiya Blackman]

It's very different for, you know, for suicide.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Takiya Blackman]

And so our wellness retreat provided people with the opportunity to also be trained in qpr, which is question, persuade and refer is a suicide prevention training. So also providing them with the skills to recognize the signs, best ways to support. We also had a healing circle. A healing circle where people had the opportunity to talk about their loved ones, to honor their loved ones. They had made candles in honors of their loved one. Then we, like, closed it off with the sound bath. And it was the day we went through a range of motions. Lots of tears, but there was some laughing too. And so even though, yes, suicide is a very hard and morbid, can be morbid topic, I think we do a great job in the organization of still balancing it with making sure people have hope and talking about joy and talking about community. Because those are. When you're thinking about how do I prevent suicide? It's. Well, that's another conversation. I'm thinking, systematically, we got a lot of stuff to fix in this country.

[Jade]

Listen, that would be a whole nother to seven episodes.

[Takiya Blackman]

Right, Right. Systematically. It's a lot. But in terms of our corner, in terms of what we do community wide. And so we also host workshops. Many of our workshops, they're either online or they're in person. So we host our. There's a workshop that we have called it's not a white Thing. Black people die by suicide too. And we talk specifically about, of course, all things black suicide prevention for them to have those safe space. So we go out a lot and do a lot of, like, mental health literacy, suicide prevention education trainings in the community as well as. And so those Are at least for the ways that we. Between the peer support groups, and then also because our goal is to meet, or I could say help with the shortage, because there is a shortage of clinicians. So we also train people, specifically in the state of Maryland, who want to go through the certified peer recovery specialist training and get that. And get that credential. Because some people may say, like, I have this lived experience. I want to use it. But you also want to make sure you're not just speaking from your own lived experience, but making sure you have the education and the knowledge prior to helping someone. So we got a grant that it has allowed us to provide free trainings to peers and helping them pay if they have a financial barrier to pay for the. For the state test, because you have to pay for the test, and then every two years, you have to recertify. So we're also helping peers as well. So we can help the shortage of clinicians. Help with the shortage of clinicians in Maryland by also making sure that there are more peer specialists to meet the demands, because peer specialists, they're in hospitals now. They're in transitional. They're in the emergency room. They're literally all over. And so that's some of the ways that we're helping. And in terms of resources, there's tons on the. On the website, if you go to blackpeople.suicide2.org resources, you can look, we even got y' all as a resource up there. Did y' all know that?

[Kia]

I did see that. There's a.

[Jade]

No. I had not a single solitary clue.

[Kia]

On the resource list. I love that, though. There are on the resource list, you list podcasts, I guess, where people can listen and feel community and get and grow in the friend zone, are showing up on there, baby.

[Jade]

I love that. Thank you so much. Because I'm like, don't have people coming over here. And then I'm screaming about genocide.

[Kia]

Yes.

[Takiya Blackman]

Because it's so. Because so many people sometimes think it's just sitting. Someone you know, you have no idea how just sitting and actually listening to a podcast can help you feel less alone. There are so many things that y' all have talked about that made me feel less alone.

[Jade]

That's beautiful. Yeah, that's beautiful. And it's so affirming. Yeah. Like I said earlier, you know, we're KIA and I'd be like, we just talking to each other. It's so affirming because community is so important to us, so to know that we can be a source for others in that way. Is. Is motivation to continue doing this work when it feels difficult and hard and tiresome and whatever the case is.

[Kia]

Yes. And people often think that community or building community is challenging or difficult. But I think what I'm hearing is that it is not as hard as one might think. Sometimes just being in proximity to other people who are, you know, talking out loud and doing life together, you know, that's what we aim to do. Like, we want people to feel apart.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

So, you know, I do think there is something to that. Like for those of us who sometimes struggle or get in our heads about whether or not we should start something or connect with something. Like what? What I'm taking away from this conversation is even though it feels like, oh, I don't know how to do that, you actually do. Like you actually, you actually do all you have, like showing up and being your authentic self, telling the truth, being honest, like that gives permission.

[Jade]

Being honest is a big part.

[Kia]

Yeah. Giving other people permission to do the same. Like all we do at getting grown is talk about how hard life is because it's hard, period. Like not. And that doesn't mean that we are weak or incapable, but it's just telling the truth about, you know, it's a lot of stuff that you got to figure out that ain't nobody told you how to do. And that is a challenge.

[Takiya Blackman]

Yes. And can I add something to that?

[Jade]

Please, please.

[Takiya Blackman]

I wanted to also make sure that I added because I wrote some. And I know we just is free flowing, but I wrote some notes because there are some things I want to make sure that I hit on.

[Kia]

Oh yes, please.

[Jade]

Absolutely. Carry on.

[Takiya Blackman]

So when we're talking about even like what to look for. Right. Some of the signs. So thinking if someone had a previous suicide attempt, if they have a family history of suicide, history of trauma, any sort of stressful life event, job loss, divorce, loss of a loved one, feeling like isolated, no social support. If they are living with the mental health condition. Right. Because most people assume not every person who considers suicide is dealing with the mental health condition. So we'd like to assume that that's only it. But just, just want to let people know that as well.

[Kia]

Absolutely.

[Takiya Blackman]

So financial challenges, if they're talking about they want to die or they're feeling hopeless, if they are withdrawing, you know, you notice a drastic change in their mood. Like there have been cases where people, you know, that, let's say for example, they are struggling with depression and then one moment randomly, you notice that they are, they seem really happy. Like there's a drastic change in a short time period. Looking for those signs because sometimes it's that people made peace with the decision too. So looking for those drastic mood changes and if they're giving away any sort of prized possessions. So I just kind of wanted to share that. So people know what signs, because I know we talked about how to have the conversations, what, you know, language, but also like, what are you actually looking for and encouraging people. There are tons of trainings that you can take, such as mental health, first aid. They have youth, adult, teen. You can do qpr, question, persuade and refer. That's a training that we offer in the organization. So if there's an organization that wants to hire us to teach that training, but we also offer them to the community, there are times when we do them for free, given what grant funding looks like, or there are times where it's the low cost associated. So we do those trainings question, persuade and refer qpr, which can be done virtually or in person. So that is the opportunity where it really just goes through like asking the question, persuading someone to stay, and then referring them to a resource and what that actually looks like. So we go through scenarios and we do these different scenarios for people to really act out. Like, okay, if this happened, how would you best respond? Or what are the best ways to support them and also for yourself. Right. It is hard supporting someone who's struggling with thoughts of suicide. So for you to make sure that you're taking care of yourself and get the help that you need too, because you can't neglect yourself. So also making sure that you're taking care of yourself and know that sometimes despite our best interests, we, we can't save everybody. And that's a hard pill to swallow.

[Jade]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, very much so. I thank you for saying that because I think one of my last questions actually is in worst case scenario, you're. You're trying to support a loved one who has lost a loved one to sue us by suicide. Not all the time, but oftentimes losing someone by suicide comes with a lot of unanswered questions and unresolved feelings and emotions and things like that. What are some of the best ways or helpful ways that you found are. Are there to help support somebody who's lost somebody by suicide? Yes.

[Takiya Blackman]

For one, people. There are also outside of black people die by suicide too.

[Jade]

Right.

[Takiya Blackman]

You know, we only been around for two years, so we a baby.

[Jade]

No, but y' all are important though, important words.

[Takiya Blackman]

Some of the resources too that comes to mind, like nami the national alliance on Mental Illness. They have specifically a family support group that helps individuals who are like, caregivers or loved ones supporting individuals. The American foundation for Suicide Prevention also offers. They also have support groups as well. Black people die by suicide, too. We actually, just because of our wellness retreat last month, we. Because most of our support groups have been designed specifically for people who struggle with the thoughts. And so now we're getting ready to start, too, because of a new. A recent grant that we got to offer support groups for lost survivors as well. Because there have been lost survivors who have come to the support groups and they're like, well, this group is helpful because it helped me to understand maybe what my loved one was going through. They found that helpful, but we found that they didn't have a specific space for. For. So we're getting ready to launch those groups as well.

[Jade]

Okay.

[Takiya Blackman]

But in terms of ways to support someone, you know, listen with empathy and compassion, refrain from giving any order. Sort of unsolicited advice that could go for somebody who lost someone or who. Somebody's struggling with. The thoughts.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Takiya Blackman]

And it goes back to really asking them, how can I best support you? And it could be sometimes, depending on what you're noticing. If you're noticing that person has been isolated and they're not really coming out, it might mean sending them some flowers. It might mean you notice they haven't been eaten. It might mean instacarting them, door dashing them, you know, something.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Takiya Blackman]

And just really, it's those small acts to remind people that they're not alone and then also ask, asking them, you know, would you. Would you like me to support you in finding a particular resource, whatever that resource might be? It may be a support group. It may be therapy. It may mean, sis, I want to go on a little quick trip somewhere, whatever that looks like for them, and just really encouraging them and reminding them that you're there to support them. Because a lot of times people. I have heard when they've lost a loved one, y'.

[Kia]

All.

[Takiya Blackman]

Y' all gotta refrain from asking people what happened.

[Jade]

Oh, oh, my God, Please say it again. Oh, and stop writing it like you putting it on social media in the comment section. You have ample time to think about.

[Kia]

Yeah, I want us to stop doing.

[Jade]

That.

[Kia]

For lost under every circumstance. I want. Yes, stop doing.

[Jade]

Yes, that, please.

[Kia]

And I'm. I'm triggered. I'm triggered. I'm triggered. Right. I think a lot when I think back to when we lost Brian. People were talking on the Internet before we. I Had an opportunity to sort of get all the information. So it was, it, it was, that was one of the most challenging parts because we don't have all the information. Right. So asking questions, speculating, you have to think about what that means for the people who are most proximate to the law.

[Takiya Blackman]

Right.

[Kia]

It is in no way helpful. So even if you don't know, you're not supposed to know yet. So just.

[Takiya Blackman]

Right, wait.

[Kia]

Yeah, just wait.

[Jade]

Just wait. It's not altering anything about your life to find out. I get so triggered outside, even today.

[Kia]

In hearing about the untimely passing of d'. Angelo. I, I, you know, I've just, my position now is that you don't comment until you, until you have something to comment about. Right. So even seeing another post should not prompt questions. It should just be like, oh my God, wow, more information is always coming. You don't have to seek it out. Yes, I'm sorry, forgive my rant.

[Takiya Blackman]

No, you don't have to. No need to apologize. We are on the same page with that.

[Kia]

It just wears me down.

[Takiya Blackman]

Yes. No need to ask the person. If the person wants to talk about it, then you can open the door, the space to have that conversation. But going in at the end of the day, asking that does not change the circumstances. Does it bring the person back?

[Jade]

No. No.

[Takiya Blackman]

Also thinking about how many other people are also asking them that question and then they have to keep repeating it over and over. So just don't, don't ask. So if you are wanting to help someone, it is important. And make sure that if you do happen to find a resource for a person. Right. Make sure that you also vet the resource first, check it out. Because, yes, you don't want to create more stress and roadblocks for another person in terms of the best way to support them.

[Kia]

And not just family, Anyone, anyone can be triggered. So we should just be more mindful. We should just be more mindful moving forward. So we really. Yeah, this has been, this has been such an illuminating conversation about a topic that we all in some way have had some exposure to at some level, one way or another. But don't. As you said, as you pointed out, we are struggling in terms of appropriate language and, and tools for starting and sustaining the necessary information sharing and conversation that, you know, gives everyone the support that they need. So just wanted to acknowledge you for all of your work and just for the power that's in your story. Thank you for being here and being so honest and transparent about your story and how you are leveraging Your story, to offer support and healing for other people, that's not a small thing. So I wanted to thank you for that work and acknowledge you and thank you for just being an awesome member of the Kitchen Table community here at Getting Grown. We're so grateful to have you.

[Jade]

Yeah. Our little gronies.

[Kia]

I know.

[Jade]

I just. I actually think I might hate gronies. So we have to.

[Takiya Blackman]

Go ahead and trademark that. Okay.

[Kia]

It's kind of like Goonies, but.

[Jade]

Right? Or cronies. I don't know. We're gonna think about it.

[Kia]

We gotta work on that. Gotta work on that.

[Takiya Blackman]

But I wanted to thank, you know, thank y', all, too, for. For providing an opportunity for me to come and share y'.

[Jade]

All.

[Takiya Blackman]

It really is a dream come true. And in addition to winning a pageant, this is the highlight. You know, I'm gonna say y' all up there with the pageant. Okay. Neck and neck. Okay.

[Kia]

No.

[Jade]

Yes. I love it. Miss Big Buddy Girl 2025.

[Takiya Blackman]

So thank y', all, you know, so much. This conversation, it is so important, especially because our black youth, Black youth has. Our community for youth have the fastest growing rates of suicide compared to their.

[Kia]

White counterparts, any other demographic.

[Takiya Blackman]

Honestly, our babies are struggling, and people are asking, like, why do you think? Somebody asked me. I remember it was an older lady. Why do you think is. She said, it seemed like it's just happening. That didn't happen back in my day. I said, auntie, yes, it did. It was happening. We weren't talking about it. And I said, now. I said, I believe there are multiple reasons.

[Kia]

Right?

[Takiya Blackman]

Because suicide is so complex. It's not one thing, one way, one form. Right, Right. And realizing that, I said, I believe our children can no longer carry the weight of previous generations. And it is time.

[Kia]

We should talk about that. Yeah. Healing generational trauma. We need a whole deep dive because, baby. Yes. Yes.

[Takiya Blackman]

Thank y'. All. Thank y'. All.

[Jade]

Takia, thank you. Thank you for all of the work that you continue to do in such a heavy field, you know, but very necessary because it happens. So we need support around it. So thank you for. For holding that torch and carrying that forward. And you. You know it. This reminds me very much. Not me. Sorry. This is. That's a terrible way. Place to put a giggle. This reminds me of aa. I'm sorry. Highly inappropriate. Okay.

[Takiya Blackman]

It's okay.

[Jade]

But it does. It reminds me a lot of AA and, like, also addicts, you know, where it's like, it's always a thing, and you just have to find means of support and. And how to live, you know, with either these ideologies or, you know, these underlying feelings and, and learn how to exist within those. So it's beautiful for you to shine a light in these ways on all of the ways that we can support loved ones, support ourselves if we're having these and just the space to be able to talk about it since we previously haven't had that. So thank you so much. Thank you. We're gonna have all of Takiya's resources, all of black people die by suicides resources in the description box for you all to click yourselves and, you know, and for you to have in your lexicon because it's very, very important. And Takiya, you have to come back. Oh, yeah.

[Takiya Blackman]

I mean, my show went in the.

[Jade]

Dmv, so yeah, you know, you just sit tight for that, that it's coming soon. And we, we look and we thank you for your continued support throughout the years and for you coming and sharing space with us.

[Kia]

For sure.

[Jade]

All right, y' all make sure you sit tight for the next segment. We'll see you in a moment.

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[Takiya Blackman]

91 1, what is your emergency?

[Jade]

Get off the field. 911 has faced nearly every emergency on earth. ABC Thursdays. They will go where no first responders have gone before. Five everyday heroes were launched into space. All contact with the spacecraft was lost due to a sudden geomagnetic storm. Mission control, do you coughing 911 all new Thursdays 87 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu. I deserve. Okay, it is time for the celebration. Self care. Oh, and self care. This week was actually a community gathering.

[Kia]

Nice.

[Jade]

Our dear friend Jasmine to the show who also if you all were in Chicago and came to the merch table. Jasmine so graciously donated her time and efforts and energy and organization tools to help facilitate that merch. So we're so grateful.

[Kia]

Grateful for her.

[Jade]

If also if you're in the New York City area, you can check out Jazz Imani. She has an incredible eyelash studio where she does tinting and lifting and eyelash care. If you are looking to enhance your your very own eyelashes, she's a multifaceted queen. But it was Jasmine's birthday and so she did a little game night at the house and we sat around and played poker. Sister. It was such a good I Hadn't played poker in so long, you know, Tristan, Tristan didn't come with me initially, but they were like, call him, call Tristan, tell Tristan to come over. We about to, we about to play poker and blackjack and. And so I called Tristan. I was like, we about to play poker. You know, that was skinning and grinning. Immediately I'm on my way.

[Kia]

Skinning and go running.

[Jade]

Get it? And grinning. But it was a good time. And I was like, I forgot how much I like just enjoy this. Especially when you're not playing for actual money, just chips. Like it's just a good time. And so it was, it was nice to be around a group of people who were open in conversation, were open to having a good time without any pretenses. It was a nice mix of people. Not necessarily everybody was familiar with one another, but you know, when you. It's just one of those things where it's like, that was a good night. So. And I was also really tired. I didn't realize the rain was getting ready to come and so was my period. So I was so, I was exhausted. I was like, I'm gonna be out by 10:30, I'm gonna be back in my bed. I was not. But I also was not mad that I went out. Like I had a good time. So shout out to our Jasmine. Happy birthday to you and thank you for providing like just a, just a fun space. Especially in times where everything feels so ugh. It's nice to, to have moments where you're like, that was nice. Like, that was just nice. So yeah, I needed that. That was my self care this week, what you had going on.

[Kia]

I too, I have been exploring like, you know, I'm home from work travel for literally this was like my last. This week is my last full week at home for a long time. So. I know, but I have been, you know, fully in my ADHD bag. I've been reading a lot about sort of, you know, all of the, you know, neuro spicy tendencies that I had for all my life. But I was recently looking at some content about potato days. Potato days are when you just lay around like a potato and do nothing. And so the content was around how a lot of times especially hyper productive people feel like they need to be productive every day when they don't, you know, they feel, you know, like, oh my God, I'm useless. And you know, she. The cycle was like, you know, allowing and embracing, you know, recognizing that potato days are useful. They're not. It's not a sign that you're doing something wrong or that you've done something. Like your potato days are what give you the fuel, the energy to have your hyper productive days. So it's not about running from them, it's about embracing them. Yes, I have been fully in that bag and I'm, I think I am enjoying, you know, I was really intentional about like I'm going to enjoy my home. I'm having, I am, I'm going to be away from home for a long time. Well, not a long time continuously. But like, you know, I'm going to have to be doing a lot of things outside of my home over the next couple of weeks. And so this is, I should, I should, there's nothing wrong with me just enjoying my home and having a potato day. So I've had, I've had potato days this weekend. And like you, you know, we always synced up. So it's not to be, you know, not it's tmi but like, you know, my cycle was coming. It was very much like I don't feel like it. So I let myself that it's my.

[Jade]

Period, I'm on my period. I'm bleeding like a. Yeah, I don't care. It's not tmi. No, it is what it is.

[Kia]

Truly, Truly, truly. And the older I get, I feel like it just, I need more like you know, Dr. Fries with told me a while ago, she was like, the older you get, you need more rest, not less.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

So stop shaming yourself. When you need rest, you're supposed to need rest. Like that means that you're, when you expend a lot of energy, you need a lot of rest, you have to replenish. So you know, I'm just trying to lean into really allowing my body, you know, space to recalibrate, you know, turning my mind off. I'm reading more books for leisure, I'm playing more games on my phone, you know, just doing things also to escape the news cycle. You know, I'm just trying to lean in and reconnect to myself and my body. So those are the practices that I've been employing in, in, in, in self care this week. And I really do feel like they are helping me to manage all of the crazy.

[Jade]

Yeah, I, I, I'm, I can get with that. I had, it was also like a Nora. So I did also have a potato day. You know what I'm saying? I was like, let's make cobbler and, and you know, comfort foods and just kind of lounge and it did, I was more productive the next day. You're absolutely correct. I was more productive. Productive.

[Kia]

Exactly, exactly. That really does set you up. Like, she was like, you know, embrace the potato day. Don't fight it and don't beat yourself up about it like you need it, so take it.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

And I'm just like, yeah, say less. Is say that.

[Jade]

Absolutely correct. Oh, and we're about to get into some fall television, you know what I'm saying? So the shows. Oh, my God, please, Matlock be coming back soon. I just.

[Kia]

I think it is back soon.

[Jade]

Is it back?

[Kia]

I think so. You know what else? You know what else is back? Our good sister, Elspeth Tassiano.

[Jade]

I. Oh, see, I have television to watch. I'm very excited about that. Okay.

[Kia]

And I have also started watching. Did you watch the Good Fight?

[Jade]

Yes, I did. Yeah. Oh, I watched the Good Wife and the Good Fight.

[Kia]

I, I just now. And in fairness, Toya been trying to get me to watch the Good Fight for years now, and I just like, okay, girl. But I.

[Jade]

You have to do it.

[Kia]

Yeah, yeah. I very randomly got into it this weekend. First of all, I love Christine Baranski.

[Jade]

Hello. You know, she's one of my favorite white women. It's a short, potent list.

[Kia]

I love her.

[Jade]

Yes, same.

[Kia]

I love her. So I have been. I mean, I'm just about waist deep into season two now, and I literally. It has been such a gift.

[Takiya Blackman]

Who knew?

[Kia]

I did not know. I will stand corrected. I should have been started watching the Good Fight. Well, it's really good tv.

[Jade]

For one. Alicia was not a super compelling main character from the Good Wife. That's true. You know what I'm saying? Like, she was not the best part of the show. It was all of the things around. And. But oftentimes when you have a spin off and you use other characters, like, sometimes it works, but oftentimes it doesn't. So it was nice to see an expansion of more characters. I really, like. I said I love. Same as you. I love Christine Baranski. She was a lot more interesting than Alicia. I love her. She's funny to me. Like, she has, you know, I love her. Yeah, I love her laugh.

[Kia]

I love her laugh. Yes. I love her laugh. And I, I, Yeah, I think she's. She's the real deal. And like, we talk even when we think about people like Diane Keaton. I think I put Christine Baranski in that. In that same category in terms of, like, real character building. Like, you know, we.

[Jade]

In their acting.

[Kia]

No, in their acting. Like, I feel like she gave such, like, the There's a depth and layer to the character that you, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's like, oh, okay. I, I don't, yeah. So I don't know. I feel like I sound like my mother, but I'm just like.

[Jade]

No, I, I, I appreciate it. If Christine Baranski's in it, I'm gonna try to watch it. Like, I need to go back to the Gilded Age.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Because I fell off from the Gilded Age, but I really, I just enjoy her. The Grinch. I just enjoy her.

[Kia]

Yes.

[Jade]

And the Good Fight. I also, I also appreciated how they tried to take what was going on politically at the time and put it in the show. I don't, I, I do now. I want to be clear that as I went back and re. Watched the Good Wife and watched a Good Fight, I realized there were a lot of little Israel propaganda.

[Kia]

Oh, really?

[Jade]

Just little, just little things that were inserted.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Even down to. I don't. Let me. I'm trying to think. You're on season two, so you've already met what's his face's daughter, Alan Cummings. Daughter. Alan Cummings. Not Alan Cummings, character's daughter. What was his character again?

[Kia]

Alan Cummings. I don't know who that is.

[Jade]

He's the. Alan Cummings was the assistant to Alicia's husband that, he was snarky and he has a lot more.

[Kia]

Okay. Yes, I think I know you're talking about his daughter.

[Jade]

Yeah. Like the curly head girl. She, you know, they, they, they threw some propaganda in there, but that's, It's Hollywood, so to be expected.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

I'm going to pay attention. I enjoyed the shows.

[Kia]

Yes. I am a fan. I am, I am a fan. I enjoy, I enjoy the show. I really. Yeah, no complaints for me.

[Jade]

What was Alan Cumming's cat? Hold on. That's about to drive me crazy. I'm going have to look that up right now. Allan Cummings in the Good Wife. Eli Gold. That's what his name was. Eli Gold is what it was. Yes. Eli was a character I also love because the Good Fight, I believe. I feel like the Good Fight aired it either streamed or aired on, like, cable. Cable. So they were allowed to curse and like, yes. You know, they were allowed to do more than they were in the Good Wife life, which was network tv. So I, I loved. When Eli first came back, they had him say. And he was like, you've never heard me curse before, have you? I was like, okay, yeah, that's funny. So, yeah. But yeah. Yes. As it continues on, I'd Be curious to hear your commentary around it because it also gets a little. It's realistic because we know everything that was going on, but also just like a sensationalized in a bit. So I'm curious to hear your thoughts as it continues to go on.

[Kia]

Yeah, we should definitely talk about that because I, I actually am. I'm, I, I'm enjoying it, particularly around thinking. I, I think they do such a good job of. I was actually impressed with sort of like, given the time that it came out and what was going on, like, politically, like, they were really able to keep us up with the time.

[Jade]

Yeah, yeah, they were. Yes.

[Kia]

It's not exactly like, retrospective, but, you know, they were just very attuned to what was happening in the political climate. And I feel like, like, that's the kind of writing that I enjoy because I feel like, you know, it's very thoughtful.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

I think there's a lot of sort of like, race and gender dynamics that are at play.

[Jade]

Yes. And they do it very. Have you, has Delroy come in yet? That.

[Kia]

Yes.

[Jade]

Okay. So it's very interesting also that they're having race and gender. Yeah. With a black man and a white. It's very interesting.

[Kia]

I, I, Yeah, we should chat about that. We should chat about that maybe.

[Jade]

Yes, we will. We'll take that to Patreon after you're done.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Because I want to say the Good Fight only had, like, four or five seasons.

[Kia]

I feel like it was six, but.

[Jade]

Yes, it might be. It might be six. It might be six, actually.

[Kia]

Yeah, that.

[Jade]

It might be.

[Kia]

But no, I, I'll let you know. I should be finishing up season two pretty soon, so. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, okay.

[Jade]

At the end of every, at the end of every season, we'll have a little conversation on Patreon.

[Kia]

Love that. Let's do it.

[Jade]

Okay, wonderful. Well, let's close this out with our petty peeves. Remember, we're not going to do it this week, but you all can continue to send your I know. That's rights, your self cares, your honesty box box questions to hello getting grown co. Hello, at GettingGrown co. And we're gonna move on to these petty peeves.

[Kia]

Let's zoom in.

[Takiya Blackman]

Spaghetti.

[Jade]

Okay, so petty peep time. So, you know, we were supposed to be having this grand nor' easter that was going to just, just. It was. I mean, listen, I'm grateful. It could have been worse, you know? Yes. You know, in practical terms, I'm like, I'm glad, you know, that could have been. There are people who live on the street, like, so I'm glad it wasn't worse than what it was, but what it was a lot of wind, right? So it was a lot of. It was con. It was consistent rain, and it was.

[Takiya Blackman]

A lot of wind.

[Jade]

And there is a power line outside my building that was swinging in a. Or in a branch was swinging, too, and they kept hitting each other. And I remember seeing it from my window. I saw the light flash and I heard the pop. And I knew it wasn't a firework pop. It sounded for a hot second like a gun pop. And I was like, I know they're not out here shooting. I was like, did somebody just do a one? I waited for sirens to come. Everything right. Then Tristan comes in. Did you hear that? Did you see that? I was like, yeah. He goes, that was that power line in that branch. So I said, oh, hell no. So it happens again because the wind is pretty heavy. And then it happens again. So I call our landlord, and then I call 31 1. I call our super, and then I call 311 and I report it to 31 1. They connect me to the fire department. Fire. They say they're going to send the fire department out. I'm like, I keep telling these people it's not a fire, but it is a branch knocking against a electrical wire, and it is creating a spark that you can see. It is visible in a. In a. In an audible pop. These don't listen. Multiple times. They're like, where's the fire? There's no fire. I have to keep explaining it. Finally, they say they're going to send the fire department out. So I talked to the soda super calls me back. That's what he goes, did you hear the fire truck this morning? Yes. He goes, I'd already called because your other neighbor saw and heard the same thing and reported it at 3 o' clock in the morning. I'm like, so then I get a call back because, remember, I did all this through 31 1. It's the police. This is NYPD. You had a 311 call. Where's. What. What's the emergency? I said, do y' all not like, what. What's the communication line here? Are we playing a game of telephone and stuff? Keeps getting lost in translation. I said, I don't even know why you all are calling me, because this has nothing to do with you. And the man is talking to me like I am the dumbest individual on the planet. Well, you called about a fire. No, the. I didn't. You can go Back and play a recording if you want to. And I said to him, I said, I don't even know who got the police involved in this. I said, but you all can go about your merry way. I was like, because this is not your business. Well, you need to call Con Edison then. I said, I've already done that. I said, but honestly, I don't need to call Con Edison. The fire department needs to call. Call Con Edison if they've been called out of here. Out here multiple times for the same issue. I was like, and what you need to do is learn how to talk to people on the phone. This is crazy. He checks himself. But. So I have multiple. So my petty peeve here is why the. Do y' all always get these involved in. They don't need to be involved in. They don't need to be involved in domestic all issues all the time, because oftentimes they come in escalating situations. They don't need to be involved in anything that has to do with Con Edison or national grid, gas, electricity, Nothing like that. Because y' all don't. Let me. Let me. Let me rein it in. I was about to say, what.

[Kia]

Where are we?

[Jade]

Because I. We were about to go to a place because they're all on my nerves. Between them, I have another petty peeve. This sanitation cop this morning ran a stop sign, cut me off running the stop sign, and then proceeded to drive. Sister, I. You not 18 miles per hour, because I'm driving right behind him. This is driving. No. No higher than speed limits. 25 was driving 18 miles an hour. So finally we get to a point where I honked the horn at him. I'm like, drive the speed limit. He drives slower. He makes the turn. Do you know this? Tried to pull. Oh, he pulls over. So I pulled over behind him. Sanitation.

[Kia]

Are you in the car?

[Jade]

Are you in.

[Kia]

In the car by yourself?

[Jade]

Yeah, but I pulled over on a very public street, okay? It's a very, very busy street. And so I pulled behind him, and I said, you. You pulled over for a reason. And he was like, why are you honking your horn at me? I said, why are you driving 18 miles per hour on 25 mile per hour street? And why are you trying to antagonize me instead of just speeding up and driving like a. Like a civil human being? I was like, instead, you trying to put your balls on the dashboard and talk to me like I'm crazy when you really could have actually just driven the speed limit and taken accountability for not driving the speed limit. This starts pulling his little phone out to take pictures. I said, now, you go write me a false ticket. I'm gonna take a picture of your license plate, too. And I promise you, if I end up with a false ticket on my record because of a sanitation worker, because I know I also don't park on. On street cleaning sites, so I know if I get a sanitation ticket, I have the evidence in my phone as well that you gave a false ticket. And I think there's probably some sort of penalty for you falsely ticketing people for being a. He put that phone in his pocket real quick and got back in his car. Play with your mother's. Don't play with me.

[Kia]

Oh, gosh.

[Jade]

Anyway, those were my two petty peeves. All of them were for people in. In places of authority who abuse it and don't. And don't know how to deal with people. Y'. All. They're like, it's really not difficult for you all not to be pompous. Like, it's. It really is. It's not challenging. It's not difficult. It takes no concerted effort. It actually takes more effort for y' all to be the. That you are. That's what it takes. So you met the wrong one, cuz. I'm over it, and I'm taking documentation. I'm also not stupid. I'm not pulling over on no side streets. There will be around. I will get you. So play with me, and I'll play with you.

[Kia]

Get you is crazy.

[Jade]

I'll get you. What's your.

[Kia]

Oh, my God. My petty p. My petty peeps be so petty compared to yours.

[Jade]

I know I'll be out here at war.

[Kia]

Jade be out here going to war with the sanitation police.

[Jade]

Okay? Jade's an army. Better yet, a navy. Like, stop playing with me.

[Kia]

I'd be like, you know, I'd be like, you know, it really grinds my gears to win. You know, I be at the self checkout as a giant, and Jay be.

[Jade]

Over here like, I was leading a battalion.

[Kia]

I will get you. And I'm over here like.

[Jade]

And I mean it. I mean it with my whole ass.

[Kia]

I be upset when, like, I was literally at the Giant other week trying to buy a banana and the. The produce. Like, you know how when you trying to weigh it, like, yeah, it was literally one banana, sis. And something was wrong with the scale. It was one banana. I put the thing on there and punched bananas. It was like, $1. I was like, ain't no way in the world is banana cost a dollar.

[Jade]

It's not.

[Kia]

So I'm trying to tell the lady, she was like, you gotta click bananas. I'm like, I did click bananas. Don't you see the bananas is click. I'm telling you it's something wrong with the scale. I said, girl, you can see that bananas is selected. So shut up talking to me crazy. I'm telling you there's something wrong with the scale. Like are you crazy? Are you dumb?

[Jade]

And you know how I know that your bananas weren't a dollar? Because even with inflation, I just bought two bananas from Wagman's. They were 59 cents.

[Kia]

That's what I'm saying. Like when I went to the other because I had her, I was like void out all this other stuff. I got to go to the other register. When I went over there, the one banana was like 39 cents. That's how I know she crazy. Yeah, like so that's my petty pee. Like why I hate. First of all, I don't like to self checkout because I don't work here. Hello. I do not work here. But I will use it to get out. You know what I'm saying? I will use it. I'm not above it. But it's just like annoying because I would just prefer. But I'm not going to delay my time in the store. But when I get over there, you gonna put me to work, make sure that I got the equipment, you know what I'm saying? You gonna put me to work, make sure that the things are working, working.

[Jade]

It depends on how much stuff I have and you know, what the checkout lines are looking like and how many reparations I feel like I deserve for the day.

[Kia]

I get it, I get it. I, I, I, I can fully, fully accept that I am lazy and unreasonable. And most of the time I would.

[Jade]

Call you that, you know what I'm saying? I wouldn't call you lazy and unreasonable.

[Kia]

Go over to the self checkout and, and I mean it literally takes two seconds. But you know, when I don't feel like it, I will stand on the line and just let the people do it. But you know, I, I just get annoyed.

[Jade]

People employed, right?

[Kia]

If I make myself, if I make myself go to the self checkout and now I got more work to do because the machinist broke. I got an attitude is what I'm saying.

[Jade]

Bananas. 4311. Is it 4311? I'm like, I used to be a cashier, me.

[Kia]

Are they universal?

[Jade]

So the codes I don't everywhere. Let me See, what are. What. What is the grocery code for bananas? That would.

[Kia]

That would make sense, though, if they were.

[Jade]

Whoa. I was only one number off.

[Kia]

They are. So they are universal. Wow.

[Jade]

Well, yeah. Or national. Whatever. The code for conventional bananas. 4011. While organic bananas use the code for 994011. Whereas we didn't have organic produce when I was the cashier at a supermarket. So there was no differentiation. The fact that I said 4311 and it's 4011. It's crazy how our memories work. That always fascinates me.

[Kia]

Do you still remember your home phone number when you were a child? I do, yeah.

[Jade]

Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Wow. My home phone number. Alicia Keys cell phone number. Mike Jones. 281-330-8004. That's number. You can hit me up when you call, ask for Mike Jones. And then there was Alicia Keys. 46, 08. And I'll be. And I want to say it was a 347 area code, if I remember correctly. And then.

[Kia]

Yeah, and then.

[Jade]

And then obviously. 777-931-1-777, 93, 11. And I don't remember if there were any other. Huh. I don't know if they remember phone numbers anymore. They don't have to. That's crazy. Oh, did you ever.

[Kia]

Did you make.

[Takiya Blackman]

Because.

[Kia]

Does Noah have a reason to memorize the phone number? Does she have anybody's number memorized?

[Jade]

Yes, she memorizes Tristan's in my phone number.

[Kia]

Okay.

[Jade]

Yeah, she does. But outside of that, even I. I used to have an amazing phone memory for phone numbers, and I'm so sorry. Hold on. My. I used to have an amazing memory. I. Now, obviously, the phone is a crutch, and I weirdly keep. I remember Tristan's old number even though he's had this number for some years. Like, the number from when we first got together is the number that I have memorized.

[Kia]

I remember my mom's cell phone number, but that's about it. I remember my grandma's cell phone number. I remember Brian's number, but I can't think. Anybody else's number I remember by heart.

[Jade]

No, no. And like, I. A lot. There's a lot of people who memorize numbers. Like, Antonio knows my number right off because I don't change my phone phone number, so.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Because I don't believe in blocking people. You're gonna stop calling me. I'm not like, you're. I'm gonna make sure you stop calling me. I'm not inconveniencing myself by changing my phone number every couple of years or whatever the case is every time one of you.

[Kia]

No, I've never wanted.

[Jade]

It's on my nerves. No.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

I've never.

[Kia]

Yeah. Never felt compelled.

[Jade]

No, it's just like you don't talk where I am. Yeah. We don't talk about Bruno.

[Kia]

Ah. Exactly.

[Jade]

Thank you. This is a show about real life and we are so grateful that you all choose to tune in every single week. Make sure you are sitting your odyssey box questions, your I know that's right, your shout outs, your self care and everything to hello at getting grown co and make sure you all are checking out the Patreon for additional content as well as the video versions. Ad free of this main episode. Subscribe to the YouTube. You know what I'm saying? It helps your girls out. Like rate and subscribe and sis, take us out and tell us what to do.

[Kia]

Make sure that you are taking care of yourselves always in the. One of the, one of the most essential ways that you do that, critical ways that you do that. That is by minding your business. That's how you keep your mind moisturized. Okay?

[Jade]

Yes.

[Kia]

You know, yes. If people out here, they want to, they want to make your mind dry with all of their personal business and mess and foolishness, you don't have to be a party to that. You can keep yourself moist and supple. Keep your mind moist and supple by focusing on yourself, worrying about yourself.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Kia]

Truthfully, you also want to make sure that you're drinking just as much water as your body can sustain every day. Hydration is important. It is central to our health. So make sure you're drinking your water. Okay?

[Jade]

Yes.

[Kia]

All of the old dried up people that you see on the Internet every day, they're thirsty. That's why they're mad. And finally, you want to make sure that you are moisturizing your skin because your black will crack if it's dry. We love y'.

[Jade]

All. Toodaloo. Bye bye. A tootaloo.

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[Jade]

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