It Gets Greater Later

Summary

Gettin’ Grown – "It Gets Greater Later" (September 16, 2025)

Hosts: Jade & Keia (Loud Speakers Network)
Special Guest: Crystal Jean
Notable Guests (Segment): Michelle Obama & Craig Robinson

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Episode Overview

This episode of Gettin’ Grown revolves around birthdays, transitions, and personal growth—a joyful celebration of entering new decades, with Jade crossing into her 40s and Crystal on the verge of another year. The hosts share candid reflections on aging as Black women, the lessons of their 30s, and hopes for the future, all with their signature blend of humor, honesty, sisterhood, and self-care. Through stories of community, family, therapy, and self-discovery, the trio mines wisdom from their lives and those of Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson, who chime in with advice for navigating your 30s and 40s.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Birthday Celebrations & Live Tour Community

• Vibe Check: The episode opens with celebration—Jade and Crystal’s birthdays and the successful summer live tour run (03:02 – 04:28). Chicago, Memphis, LA, and NYC all get a loving shout-out for their unique Black communities and the energy experienced at each tour stop.
• Community Building: Listeners and guests are thanked for creating safe, honest, and vulnerable spaces (“community is a part of our DNA”—Kia, 05:13).
• Quote:
  • “You two really know how to cultivate the same atmosphere that you have on your show, which is rare. It really felt like community with strangers.” – Crystal Jean (04:28)
• Notable Mention: Dr. Wendy’s appearance in Chicago and the candid, sometimes intimate audience Q&A that typified the safe space of the shows (05:44 – 06:14).

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2. Reflections on Aging: It Gets Greater Later

• A Shift in Perspective: Drawing from Bevy Smith’s mantra (“It gets greater later”), the hosts lean into reimagining aging, challenging the idea that success should be achieved by a certain age or that one isn’t “doing it right” if milestones take longer (07:56 – 08:32).
• Themes for Entering 40s: What are you looking forward to? What are you grateful for as you approach this new chapter? (08:32 – 09:02)
• Notable Quote:
  • “There’s this convention around us feeling like we have to do things by a certain time… the older I get, the more I realize that’s some bull.” – Kia (08:08)

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3. Lessons from the 30s: Learning, Healing, and Unlearning

• The Wisdom Huddle: All three women pick a word or phrase to encapsulate their 30s, spinning personal stories and hard-won lessons:
  • Kia: "Learning" or “self-study”—the 30s shifted to deeper self-knowledge rather than just learning about the world (11:55 – 12:57).
  • Crystal Jean: "Healing in chaos"—the front half of her 30s was messy, but therapy and personal growth radically changed the second half (13:02 – 14:24).
  • Jade: "Unlearning"—moving away from inherited habits and patterns that no longer served her, and carving out boundaries and a new sense of self (15:21 – 16:41).
• Quote:
  • "It's okay to leave childish things... It's okay to leave destructive patterns... especially when you know peace." – Crystal Jean (14:28 – 15:01)
• Peace is Priceless: Trading chaos for peaceful sleep and mental health is framed as invaluable (“there is nothing you could offer me that I would say, okay, I’ll trade my peace of mind for that”—Crystal Jean, 15:09).

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4. Letters to Our Younger Selves

• Wisdom for the Past: The group revisits a favorite prompt: “What advice would you give to your 20- or 30-year-old self?” (16:41 – 19:40)
• Crystal’s Advice: Know your worth, go to therapy, and stop tolerating what you don’t deserve (18:08 – 19:40).
• Jade’s Advice: Tighten up the focus, invest in yourself, but also don’t rush—there’s time (32:14 – 32:53).

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5. Michelle Obama & Craig Robinson: Special Reflections

• Segment: What would you tell your 30-year-old self?
  • Michelle Obama: Don’t stress about being perfect; there is no right answer for most big life stuff. Be morally grounded but open to mistakes and lessons (“Be easier on yourselves as you enter this phase of life… Embrace challenges and grow from them”—Michelle Obama, 21:45 – 23:41).
  • Craig Robinson: Prioritize doing what you love over chasing money; don’t get too conservative with age—keep trying new things (23:41 – 25:33).
• Advice for 40s:
  • Craig: “Don’t stop working out, because it’s hard to get going again.”
  • Michelle: “Maintain your connections with friends in your 40s... Prioritize that.” (26:39 – 27:14)
• Hosts’ Reaction: Feeling affirmed by hearing that pressure can be off and that growth continues (“What a gift… it just takes the pressure off.”—Kia, 25:41).

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6. Reclaiming Agency in the 40s

• Choosing Your Standards: Jade, Keia, and Crystal revel in their 40s as a time when they get to set their own priorities, standards, and boundaries—especially as Black women raised with many rules (53:00 – 53:27).
• Agency & Self-Definition: No longer bound by others’ “shoulds,” they express the freedom of choosing what’s a big deal and what isn’t.
• Quote:
  • “I have complete agency. I can decide what I want my life to be—and that’s something that definitely has come with 40 and accepting it.” – Kia (53:09)

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7. Faith, Therapy, and Unlearning Programming

• Spiritual Growth: Conversation weaves through relationships with God, therapy, and moving beyond limiting “church” programming—framing faith as personal and freeing, not restrictive (53:40 – 55:10).
• Therapy and Mental Health: Crystal shares how therapy, antidepressants, and recovery from alcoholism transformed her life. All speak to the power of self-work and extending grace to the younger self and others (68:29 – 71:56).
• Quote:
  • “So many of us hurt people while also doing the best we could with what we knew... holding both those at the same time is hard.” – Crystal Jean (45:31)

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8. Parenting, Family, and Generational Growth

• Re-Parenting and Breaking Cycles: Jade shares about evolving relationships with her parents and setting healthy boundaries, as well as being a cheerleader for her daughter. Growth is noted both in her generation and in her parents (48:50 – 51:26).
• Body Image & Self-Acceptance: Funny and moving stories about realizing height/body differences in college (“I didn’t know I was tall until college”—Kia, 39:01), and teaching the next generation (Noah) to embrace their differences.

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9. Looking Forward: Hopes & Gratitude

• Jade: Inspired by an aunt embracing new love at 72, Jade looks forward to embracing life’s changes with openness and joy (65:09 – 68:06).
• Crystal: With her dog Laney grounding her, she’s prioritizing her own well-being, setting boundaries, and letting go of toxic relationships (68:22 – 73:24).
  • “Every time people are like, would you go back to your 20s?… No… only if I could go with everything I know right now” (71:56).
• Kia: Contentment, gratitude, and valuing the wisdom earned through struggle; celebrating self-knowledge and non-comparative living (73:40 – 76:13).

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10. The Power of Community & Chosen Family

• Emotional Wealth: The episode closes affirming the importance of chosen family, love for friends, and community as an essential resource—especially through life’s uncertainty and change (79:32 – 80:26).
• Quote:
  • "It’s beautiful to be in love with your friends… I walked into this birthday feeling wealthy in community, and I think that was the most beautiful feeling." – Jade (79:32)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• On letting go of old patterns:
  • “It’s okay to leave childish things… especially when you now know peace.” – Crystal Jean (14:28)
• Michelle Obama on 30s:
  • “There isn’t a right answer to most things... Be easier on yourselves as you enter this phase of life.” (21:45)
• Craig Robinson on 30s:
  • “Figure out what you love doing rather than how much you want to earn... Do not be afraid to try new things as you get older.” (23:41)
• On boundaries in adulthood:
  • "I have complete agency... I can decide what I want my life to be." – Kia (53:09)
• On chosen family:
  • "The entire concept of chosen family and who those people are to me is priceless. All of this can crumble and fall at any moment. You need people." – Crystal Jean (80:13)
• On generational cycles:
  • "It’s also beautiful to watch your parents develop... To see your parents also transition through different stages of life." – Jade (48:50)
• Crystal’s gratitude for therapy:
  • “I’m just feeling very grateful and excited to build on the momentum that I already started to establish.” (73:24)
• Jade on embracing change:
  • “I just want to be that comfortable in embracing that change.” (68:06)

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• 03:02-04:55: Birthday celebration, summer tour gratitude, reflections on community
• 07:56-09:00: Setting up “it gets greater later”—redefining aging and success
• 11:16-16:41: Lessons from the 30s—learning, chaos & healing, unlearning
• 21:35-25:33: Michelle Obama & Craig Robinson answer “What would you tell your 30-year-old self?”
• 26:39-27:14: Michelle Obama & Craig Robinson on advice for the 40s
• 39:01-43:49: Body image, self-acceptance, and family stories
• 53:00-55:10: Agency, rewriting rules, and redefining faith
• 68:22-76:13: Looking forward—what each host is excited about in new decades
• 79:32-80:26: The richness of chosen family and friendship

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Closing Notes

The episode is a warm, affirming hug for anyone feeling pressure about timelines, transitions, or expectations. Jade, Keia, and Crystal Jean offer wisdom won through therapy, setbacks, healing, and community, reminding listeners that growth isn’t linear, comparison is fruitless, and that it truly does get greater later—with love, laughter, and chosen family leading the way.

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End-of-Episode Self-Care Takeaways: (84:31 – 85:10)

• Moisturize your mind by minding your business.
• Moisturize your insides by drinking water daily.
• Moisturize your skin—'cause black will crack if it’s dry!

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[This summary omits ad reads and non-content banter.]

Transcript

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[Craig Robinson]

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[Crystal Jean]

Conida Corona Extra Pier in Portadapur.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Crown Imports, Chicago, Illinois.

[Crystal Jean]

You're here.

[Jade]

I'm pleased.

[Crystal Jean]

I really dig your company.

[Jade]

Your style, your smile.

[Kia]

Come on.

[Jade]

Your peace mentality. Lord have mercy on me.

[Crystal Jean]

Come on.

[Jade]

I was blind now I can see what a king supposed to be?

[Crystal Jean]

Baby, I feel free Come on and.

[Jade]

Roll baby let's take eight a long walk around the park. Not these bitches. Don't take them for a long walk. They'll complain about it on threads.

[Crystal Jean]

They're telling you it was cheap. It is cheap. It's not a fucking date.

[Jade]

It's not a first date.

[Crystal Jean]

You're not taking me on a walk in Central park after dark on a date. Then I won't make it home on a first date.

[Jade]

On a first date is ins.

[Crystal Jean]

No, that's something you said Y N you'll been with.

[Kia]

Not a date. Then we just walk. That's not a date.

[Crystal Jean]

That's not.

[Jade]

Well, it can be.

[Crystal Jean]

I think it can. Can be.

[Jade]

I don't think it's a first date or I don't think it's a sold first date. I think it's a continued part because we've been enjoying each other's company and.

[Kia]

We just want to spend more time. Yes. We've already had some sort of rapport with me.

[Jade]

I'm not going to lie the part.

[Crystal Jean]

After me up if I don't know.

[Kia]

You and I was. I wasn't necessarily mad at the coffee date discussion for that reason because I'm like I. I mean a co. I personally don't cough.

[Jade]

I would like less. I don't.

[Crystal Jean]

You know, I don't want to.

[Jade]

I don't want to have to spend as much time with you if I don't enjoy your company.

[Kia]

Understood. I get that. But I also feel like I need.

[Jade]

A nosh coffee shop need to have a little something. Just a little something. Just a little something.

[Kia]

A croissant.

[Crystal Jean]

I also don't drink coffee after 1pm.

[Kia]

So I don't really drink it at all.

[Crystal Jean]

It's a breakfast thing.

[Kia]

That's what I'm saying.

[Jade]

No, me and my dad will. We would be like you want to get a little espresso and then wonder why you.

[Kia]

Exactly.

[Crystal Jean]

The night 3:30. 3:30. I'll be like I didn't Go to bed.

[Kia]

Jade. Like your message.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay. But it's 3:47, 8:39am I thought you.

[Jade]

Had your phone on D and D.

[Kia]

Praise the Lord, niggas.

[Jade]

Praise the Lord, niggas.

[Kia]

Welcome back. Welcome blacks. We're here. We're celebrating a few different things. Okay. First and foremost, it's a real bitch birthday.

[Crystal Jean]

Happy birthday, Jade, my sister.

[Kia]

Happy birthday.

[Crystal Jean]

Also.

[Jade]

Also, as this episode comes out, fear, like on the. On the dia.

[Crystal Jean]

On the dia.

[Jade]

It is Crystal Jean's birthday.

[Crystal Jean]

Thank you. It's a celebrate. It's a celebration. Celebration. And we just ended our first summer.

[Jade]

Run, summer live tour run.

[Crystal Jean]

Oh, my God. How incredible is that?

[Kia]

Chicago was a time, let me tell you. It did not disappoint. Oh, Chicago.

[Jade]

Let me tell you, Chicago blacks.

[Crystal Jean]

I'm jealous.

[Kia]

Oh.

[Crystal Jean]

Locked in. I always have a good time. You know what I'm saying? The blackness in Chicago is special. Yeah.

[Jade]

Which was beautiful coming off the tales of Memphis, because Memphis is also.

[Crystal Jean]

Oh, yeah, country is.

[Jade]

It's like. But like, beautiful, rich. Not just black history, but, like, personalities, energy, you know, vibes, all the. They all like to use. Like, Memphis was all of that, and Chicago was like all of that with, you know, a metropolitan flair.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, yeah. It's in the big city, but them is.

[Jade]

But, you know, but the soul of Mississippi black people. Yeah, very much so. So thank you to Chicago.

[Kia]

Thank you, Chicago.

[Jade]

Memphis. Thank you to la. Thank you to home to New York. Thank you to everybody who came out and supported Crystal Jean was at the New York live show.

[Crystal Jean]

I didn't want to make it about me, but I was at your new show, you're a Human, and it was so great. I was so proud of y'. All. I ended up up sitting at, like, a. A random table with other people, and N was just talking, having a good time, chitting and chatting. Yes. It was just so much fun. And you two really know how to cultivate the same atmosphere that you have on your show, which is rare. So it was such a good time, and it really felt like community with strangers.

[Jade]

And I love the fact that you said that. That is literally the vibe that is going for energy. So I love that. That resonated.

[Crystal Jean]

I love that. Yes, it was a good time and I'm so proud of y'. All. Y really doing it.

[Jade]

We're so proud of you.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, I'm so proud of you.

[Kia]

No, community is a part of our DNA. It's something that comes very naturally when we feel safe to commune. Right, Exactly. It's about creating safe spaces for us to have honest, transparent, vulnerable conversation and to just enjoy each other. So every city experience was what it needed to be for that city, for everyone there. We co created like Jade and I are just there as, as hosts, but the conversation flows.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Kia]

And it's just such a gift.

[Jade]

And so we appreciate you, Dr. Wendy. Shout out to Dr. Wendy for coming through as our Chicago guest. She was just as effective and magical as she has been on the show. Dr. Wendy's an OB GYN who makes really relatable content. And she was so Wendy's video.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Oh yeah. So she, you already know she's a good time but also relatable, very relatable content. Shout out to all of you for your questions. No matter how intimate the things that you share, that's how you know the space was safe.

[Kia]

Exactly.

[Jade]

You know they like came out the gate like. Okay, so I'm going to tell all however many of y' all in this room. But I got a question for you, Dr. Williams.

[Crystal Jean]

What happens if my pussy lips.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Swollen. Exactly. I feel like I can feel my cervix percolating. What exactly do I do?

[Kia]

Should I not do that? I mean, is that a good thing?

[Crystal Jean]

Nobody says, jade, stop drinking espresso at 10:30pm that might help too. I have the espresso of martini. Sure, I'll take one more.

[Kia]

Sure, I'll take two Espresso martini.

[Crystal Jean]

This is my fourth espresso martini of the night. This is my fifth espresso on martini of the night. You wide awake and sleepy at the same time.

[Kia]

Exactly.

[Crystal Jean]

Chaos fighting sleep. Like go lay down. D. You did this to yourself.

[Kia]

Oh my God. But yes, we're grateful and we are thankful to our audience. We're thankful to our sister for joining us. We're celebrating all episode in the spirit of birthdays because this is a big birthday for Uncle Jeers and especially for women, black women more particularly. There's this tendency or a convention around us feeling like we have to do things by a certain time, like success has a certain deadline or if we haven't achieved certain things by certain ages, that we are not doing the right things or doing things in the right order. But the older that I get, the more I realize that that's some bull. So in the spirit of the episode we've done before around letters to our 20 year old selves.

[Jade]

Yes, we did that very early. Wow.

[Kia]

We thought that we would revisit a little bit and talk a little bit about our 30s as you are transitioning out. And then Krystal Jean and I, and all of us, we will sit and think about what we're looking forward to in our 40s, what we're enjoying about it, what Jade might be, what J. Hoping for in her 40s. Because we want to borrow from, you know, our good, good girlfriend, Bevy Smith of Harlem.

[Jade]

Oh, a good time. A good time.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay.

[Kia]

But, you know, one of her revelations is that it gets greater later, you.

[Jade]

Know, and, you know, that was my grandmother's name, so the fact that you. That was my grandmother's name.

[Kia]

Oh, that makes me feel good. Yes. So we are honoring. We're honoring her, but. And I do feel like we just want to talk about. We're going to. We're going to flip the conversation about aging a little bit and just talk about what we've learned so far, but also what we're looking forward to, what are the things we're appreciating, what are the things that we are grateful for and excited about in our 40s?

[Crystal Jean]

I'm very excited. Okay.

[Kia]

But tell me how. How are you feeling on this birthday?

[Crystal Jean]

What is.

[Kia]

What is what? And I know, you know, given all the things that are going on, just where are you?

[Crystal Jean]

There's a lot.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Going on in the world.

[Kia]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

The world is a life.

[Kia]

Hello.

[Crystal Jean]

Niggas getting popped that never got pop before. Hello. But you know, somehow are you feeling.

[Jade]

Stroking.

[Crystal Jean]

That's what I be doing.

[Jade]

I stroke it to the east, I stroke it to the west. I stroke it to the white that I hate best.

[Crystal Jean]

I be stroking.

[Jade]

Look at us being riding awful, soulless D. Jesus.

[Crystal Jean]

Lord have mercy that that one bitch deserved it. But anyway, we not focusing on him.

[Jade]

We not. Because I will go into a diatribe, deserved it.

[Crystal Jean]

It was that bitch.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Kia]

Out of his own mouth.

[Crystal Jean]

But listen and said it. So with all of that going on.

[Jade]

In this world, your body, my choice.

[Crystal Jean]

I'm sorry. Oh, Lord. And that's what the sniper said. That's what the sniper said. Your body, my.

[Jade]

That was the voice.

[Kia]

My.

[Crystal Jean]

My.

[Kia]

My voice.

[Jade]

How do I feel? Feel? I think with everything going on, I feel a tinge. Disheveled. I think I told you before, but I am trying to find my footing.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

And I feel good about finding that footing. You know, I feel good about, you know, saying no to things that I don't want to do with no guilt. Saying yes to things that I want to do, you know, because I also recognize that while I am not by any. I'm still a young woman. I also, you know, life is not promised and it does, it goes very quickly. It just goes so fast. So I could say, ah, you know, in 20 years I'll be 60. I'm like, God damn, in 20 years I'll be sixty. Because I feel like 20 years ago was just yesterday. Yeah. So I'm like, that gives me motivation to make sure that I enjoy and really am present for the pieces of my life that I have remaining and really, really be able to sit and know. So I think that's how I'm feeling.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay. Yeah, makes sense.

[Kia]

Yeah. I love that you are reflecting on sort of what's different? Because I want to ask all of us though, if we had to describe our 30s in one word or in one phrase. Oh, man, I'm thinking, you know what that would be because I mean, even in how you described how you're feeling, you was talking about things that you're going to do differently or the ways that you feel differently than you did. So just curious because the 30s are a wild ride, right? I don't. I think my 30s brought lots of unexpected.

[Jade]

Yeah, right. Yeah.

[Kia]

But I do feel like there was also lots of clarity. I feel like learning would probably be my word.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay.

[Kia]

I feel like I'm more. And learning. I'll even add a layer because I think in my 20s, in my teens and 20s, it was about learning, learning the world, educating myself, figuring out what I'm gonna do. I feel like in my 30s, particularly like after 35, the focus of my learning shifted more to me. I feel like it became about me getting clearer about who I am and who I'm not and having that kind of self awareness. So I feel like a lot of that work initiated in my. My 30s and it's still ongoing. I'm not saying that I know right now, but I'm just. If I had to describe would be sort of like, you know, learning, but even more so like self study maybe. Self study is what I want to say.

[Jade]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kia]

So either one, either one of you, whoever wants to go next.

[Crystal Jean]

Well, I think if I were to describe my 30s, it's similar. I think my words are different, but the underlying theme of learning is still there because immediately I thought healing in chaos. Because, you know, I started my 30s the same way I ended my 20s, which was a mess. And you know, around 34, 35 was when things really started to shift. Then a lot changed for me. I went to therapy and so this, the back half of my 30s is.

[Jade]

Completely different than the front half for sure.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

That girl is night and day really And I think that, you know, part of that is, you know, quite naturally, as you age, you hit that point of like, am I gonna keep acting the way I acted when I was 17, or am I finally gonna grow up?

[Jade]

God, I hope not.

[Crystal Jean]

And.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

And so much of that for me has been going to therapy and realizing how the ways in which I was. Was stuck in old patterns.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

And not even knowing it. And had it not been for really terrible, traumatic things that happened to me, I maybe never would have gotten it right. And I shuddered to think of me being in my 40s and still acting the way I did when I was 25. You know, that.

[Jade]

Yuck.

[Crystal Jean]

I would write. Yeah. Literally. Yuck.

[Kia]

Like you.

[Crystal Jean]

I think some of us are hesitant to. To grow up or mature because this. There's this idea of, like, well, that's not really me, or I'm not gonna be myself anymore. And it's like, it's okay to leave childish things.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

It's okay to leave destructive patterns that really don't serve you and were only useful when you were. When you were literally stuck in a situation that was unhealthy or harmful or chaotic. It's okay to grow out of that and not be that same person anymore, especially when you now know peace. Peace.

[Jade]

Yeah, exactly.

[Crystal Jean]

Like, as. As someone who used to have trouble going to sleep at night, not having that problem anymore is priceless.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

And I do mean priceless. There is nothing you could offer me that I would say, okay, I'll trade my peace of mind for that. Not one thing.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

And. And that was really the lesson of.

[Jade]

My 30s I would probably have to go with. And kind of piggybacking off of you both is unlearning. You know what I mean? Because there's so many things that you develop and you learn and you figure out are your boundaries.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

But you also figure a lot. Figure out a lot of what doesn't work for you, especially because you're coming out of childhood, teenhood, adolescence, all those things. And then, you know that little baby fawn stage that I like to call your early 20s where you just popped out the adult puss, you know what I'm saying? And you're stumbling like a little deer.

[Crystal Jean]

So you did say that. That's what you said.

[Jade]

That's what I said. You know what I'm saying? Like Mr. Tumnus, you know, stumbling through life. So. Okay, so that's what I. That's also how people look when they used to leave the club in high heels. But. Oh, I Think lots of unlearning also.

[Kia]

Me also.

[Jade]

But I think it's a lot of unlearning. You're like, I don't want to move like this anymore. This was chaotic. This shit did not feel good.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

You know. Yes. Okay. I did, did develop these habits in my household because I observe these things. But this is not what I want to carry on. So I think there is a lot of learning about who you are and developing into that new person. And I think there's a lot of unlearning.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

And settling and that being okay.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jade]

And I think that's how I would.

[Crystal Jean]

Wrap that up too.

[Kia]

Yeah. It's like a firm. I think you, you in all of our responses you hear like a decision. Right. It's like I'm deciding that I don't. I want to move through life differently or I'm deciding that at the ways and the traditions and the cultural norms or values that have been going on around me, that's not what I want to do. So I'm going to move differently. And I do feel like that is probably pretty characteristic of the 30s. Right. So it's like the lights come on in a way for sure. Right. And you see yourself in ways that you haven't ever. But you also start to see yourself in relationship to the world, in relationship to others. And you can start to test it and see whether, is this how I want to show up? Is this who I want to be? Even in like the episode where we did, where we wrote letters to our 20 year old self, like, what kind of advice would you give that girl? Like not there's advice for everyone. But if you could say something to 32 year old crystal, what would 42 year old, almost 43 year old crystal say? To 40, 32 year old crystal?

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

God, you know, that's so crazy because that was the read was happening when I was 32.

[Kia]

Wow.

[Crystal Jean]

Wild and crazy. What? But we were still just a couple of years in, I was probably still at MTV at that point, so I probably would have said, you know what? And I feel like go to therapy is constantly what I will be saying to my younger self. But some, some version of like this what you're tolerating, you don't deserve to have to tolerate. And you don't understand that about yourself. You have, you are really lacking in a fundamental positive sense of self worth and you don't even know it because you can, you can see the good about yourself. You can recite it, you know, you know, in which areas you're really sharp, but you are completely ignorant to the ways that you're failing and you don't see how much you're really hurting. And so I, and I would, I would love to sit her down and be like, let me just. You love to read. Let me, let me show you something about yourself, Miss Girl. You're really like, you're lacking in these fundamental ways, and it's showing up in what you tolerate from other people and the conditions that you remain in.

[Jade]

So.

[Crystal Jean]

I would probably say something like, bitch, learn to love yourself. And then she would be like, bitch, I do love myself. Knowing Crystal 10 years ago, yes, you might have. Bitch, you don't love yourself. Bitch. You just mad whole time. Old me was right. Yeah as hell. But you know, you life, I really do believe life comes for all of us. And whether you listen.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

And say, you know what, this is hard, this is scary, this is new, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Or you're showing me some new information and I can't argue with it, but I'm gonna just call you wrong and dismiss you anyway because I'm too scared to confront it. You really, you pick one or the other. And I'm very GR that I chose to do the hard thing.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Michelle, Maibel and Craig.

[Jade]

Oh my gosh.

[Kia]

First of all, what an honor. Being grown is super excited to be connecting with the IMO podcast featuring the legendary one and only our fave and my play cousin, Michelle Lavar Robinson Obama.

[Crystal Jean]

And her brother Craig.

[Jade]

Everybody's. Who's Black's cousin, Craig Robinson. Because I feel like everybody Black has a cousin named Craig. I certainly do, period. We're here to ask you all two questions that we think would be very beneficial to our audience and to yours. You want to give them a little context, sis?

[Crystal Jean]

Sure.

[Kia]

So a few years back when we first started our podcast, I believe it was like 2018, we had an episode entitled Letters to Our 20 Year Old Selves and it was a hit. People really enjoyed the opportunity to reflect and think back on the advice. We wish somebody would have told us. So we thought it would be cool to pose the question to you guys, but we're gonna do it with a bit of a twist.

[Jade]

We want to know what advice you would give to your 30 year old self.

[Michelle Obama]

Hey, Kia and Jade. Oh, thanks for the question. We get this question a lot.

[Jade]

What?

[Michelle Obama]

What is one piece of advice that I give my 30 year old self. I'd be like, the main thing would be is, okay, girl, you can get a whole lot wrong. You know, do not be afraid of, of having the right answer. Because guess what y', all, there isn't a right answer to most things. I mean there are right answers to the basics. You know, yes, it is important not to be a liar. Yes, it is important to be loyal. It's important to work hard. It's important to lead a, with compassion and empathy. I mean, I think that there are some big overarching, moral based kind of things that if you, if you don't practice that stuff, I think it, it doesn't serve you. But when it comes to just basic stuff, you know, like what your major is in college, whether you're on the perfect career track, whether the person you are dating right now is the right person, all of that, you know, there, there's room to, for error in a lot of life's challenges that we face. And I tell my girls to be easier on yourselves as you enter this phase of life, you, you are just getting started. There are many, many chapters and you're going to learn a lot from your failures and, and, and, and, and your challenges. Just don't back down from them, embrace them and then grow from them. You try to make mistakes a couple of times, but try not to repeat the same patterns. Those would be some of the pieces of advice that I would give myself and I'm still trying to live by those, those pieces of advice right now. What does my big brother have to say who is far older and wiser than me?

[Craig Robinson]

First of all, Kia J, thanks for the question and congrats on all your success and really happy for you. And if I had to go back in time and talk to my 30 year old self, I would be first and foremost happy to be able to go back in time and be my 30 year old self. That would be fantastic. But what I would tell my 30 year old self is a couple of things. First, figure out what you love doing rather than how much you want to earn. Because if you can figure out something you love doing and find that the earlier you find that out, the better it'll be for you emotionally and psychologically as well as financially. And then the second thing which is sort of connected to the first thing is do not, and I repeat, do not be afraid to try new things as you get older. Because we are programmed as humans as we get older to get more conservative and to figure out, all right, we need to figure out what we're doing, what we want to do and then stick with that. And if I was talking to my 30 year old self. I would say try as many things as you can. If you are a hard worker and a successful person, you'll be able to bounce back from any kind of change or any kind of altering that comes in your life. And I'm happy to say I've learned that. It took me a while, it took me being a little bit older to learn that but if I could have done that earlier, I think it would have benefited me greatly. So really appreciate the question and keep up the good work.

[Jade]

Michelle, this is why you are who you are. Craig. This is why you are who you are. Because I don't have anything figured out and how.

[Kia]

What a gift, right. To know like that. It just takes the pressure off.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

Because there is that constant expectation that you are finished and settled and that's just not.

[Jade]

I'm okay. I don't have to be a fully formed project. I'm more like a loft, you know what I mean? With concrete floors and slightly construction.

[Kia]

Lots of possibilities.

[Jade]

Exactly.

[Crystal Jean]

The room can go in any direction.

[Jade]

But thank you all for that.

[Kia]

And since my sis Jade is turning the big four zero this year and since I'm already in my 40s, pow, pow, pow. It's a bit of a different era for the girls and our listening audience includes those girlies too.

[Crystal Jean]

So we also would love if you.

[Kia]

Can think, what advice would you give your 40 year old self? What are some of the things that you wish you would have somebody would have told you as you were on the precipice of your 40 year old.

[Jade]

My mother said it was the best time of her life. But I'd like to know what Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson have to say about that.

[Kia]

Absolutely.

[Craig Robinson]

If I had one piece of advice to give my 40 year old self, it would be don't stop working out because it's hard to get going again once you stop. So no matter what's going on with life, keep the workout routine going.

[Michelle Obama]

I would say maintain your connections with friends in your 40s. You're probably at the time of life where you're starting a family. Maybe you're in the peak of your career and it's easy to let relationships with friends and family slip.

[Kia]

So prioritize that beautiful listen again.

[Jade]

Major keys, spot on advice.

[Kia]

The best of advice. And it's so true, especially for women. Strength training as you age becomes more and more critical. We heard Dr. Wendy say that when we were in Chicago.

[Jade]

Absolutely.

[Kia]

And it's something that's very true and current like you can't forget to move your body. You can't forget to build your muscles and also prioritizing your friendships.

[Jade]

I love that you said that, Michelle, because you already know how we feel about friendship and sisterhood. Chosen family friendships are. They're chosen. This is sacred. So I really appreciate that. That's something that I would have given and so to receive it from somebody, somebody's as great as we did, I'm just, I'm over the moon.

[Kia]

It would be great.

[Jade]

All so much. What a flex.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay.

[Kia]

Love it. For us. Make sure you check out the IMO podcast everywhere you get your podcast and make sure you keep checking out getting grown.

[Jade]

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[Kia]

I absolutely love it.

[Jade]

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[Jade]

Oh, what would I say to 30 year old Jade?

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

30 year old. Never mind.

[Kia]

Let me.

[Crystal Jean]

Shut up. J was doing.

[Jade]

What was I doing?

[Crystal Jean]

Going around telling people that you just met that you was gonna get pregnant because you wasn't using condoms with your.

[Jade]

I already had a baby.

[Crystal Jean]

But oh my God, why is she that old?

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay, so you had calmed that down.

[Jade]

Yeah. No, no. At 32, I had a 4 year old.

[Crystal Jean]

I was about to say, Whoa, no.

[Jade]

Oh, 32.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay. Yes, 30.

[Jade]

Okay, 32 at a four year old.

[Crystal Jean]

So 30 year old Jade. Never mind. She was 30 year old Jade. Yeah, just a chilliness a little bit.

[Jade]

But also still, I respect the boundaries that I still held at that age. I feel like I've stayed pretty true in those and they've probably just developed more.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah. Oh, God. My, my God.

[Jade]

I think I would probably tell 30 year old J to just like tighten up a little bit on the focus on what figuring out, like leaning into knowing what you want to do and actually investing in that. But also. Yeah, there's no rush. You'll do it when it's time as well, if that makes sense. Like Maya Angelou when she said, I'll tell my daughter to laugh a lot and be very, very serious. You know what I'm saying? I think you can do both. So I think I would tell myself, just tighten up a little bit.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jade]

You know, just. Just a tinge.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Because the end of the world is.

[Crystal Jean]

Coming in 12 years. Right. I would tell myself, girl, invest in peloton.

[Kia]

And there you go. There you go.

[Jade]

Go outside and breathe as much as possible because you already hate niggas and it's going to get worse.

[Crystal Jean]

Get that road rage under control. Yes, I probably. The way everybody's like, okay, Jade, if.

[Jade]

Niggas weren't so stupid. No, I would. I probably would not throw any bananas at any cars.

[Kia]

You know, kicking with more like chick fil a full of soda.

[Jade]

No, chick fil a sweet tea. Sweet tea. I would not be doing that either. And I'd probably pivot that into some boxing.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes.

[Jade]

Channeling.

[Crystal Jean]

Channeling that. Yes. Cause Jade took her anger out on whoever pissed her off on the road at this moment. Sorry to you.

[Jade]

And rightfully so.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, and rightfully so. Not rightfully so, Jayfully so. No, baby, that's the whole point of what I'm saying. You have to learn to manage that anger.

[Jade]

I actually have.

[Crystal Jean]

I know. That's what I'm saying.

[Jade]

We so much better.

[Crystal Jean]

30 year old J. Is it worth it?

[Kia]

Is it worth it?

[Crystal Jean]

I'm like, after you broke your foot, after I said, you know what if.

[Jade]

I broke my foot?

[Crystal Jean]

Or we had get and grow.

[Kia]

We sure did.

[Crystal Jean]

And you said, you know what I did?

[Jade]

I said I should have stomped that bike instead of kicked it is what I should have done.

[Kia]

And that little boy said, I know your foot hurt.

[Jade]

He said, I know your foot hurts. I'm just glad I didn't kick that bike at 40, cuz my foot would have healed a lot stronger.

[Kia]

I mean, first of all, the foot would have been split in three parts in the street. Are you kidding me?

[Crystal Jean]

I would have shattered. Shattered like glass. Are you serious?

[Jade]

Broken glass everywhere.

[Crystal Jean]

Old Jade would throw something at you from the car.

[Jade]

30 year old Jade would have absolutely. I would have absolutely thrown something at you. I was not.

[Kia]

We know it in the car with no.

[Jade]

Okay, in hindsight, that's insane.

[Crystal Jean]

Exactly. That's insanely so. No, bitch, no, no, no.

[Jade]

I say rightfully so. You deserve this. You deserve this anger. Howsomever I. It's not worth.

[Crystal Jean]

It's not worth.

[Jade]

Not worth the risk because other niggas are looser.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

You know what I'm Saying you never.

[Kia]

Know who have less to lose.

[Jade]

Yeah. So probably in hindsight, I wouldn't do that.

[Kia]

Hello.

[Jade]

I still would have fought that at the Old Navy. That wouldn't have changed. She could be here now. In this day, I probably would have fought her worse.

[Kia]

Okay. Come on.

[Jade]

But that's picking your battles, right?

[Crystal Jean]

You know, I mean, Kendrick Lamar did say he went to therapy and came out learning how to hate more efficiently. This is what I saw more, actually.

[Jade]

Exactly. That's exactly what it is.

[Kia]

And I'm like, every breathing on me, like, I don't have to be the.

[Jade]

Loan on my spirit.

[Crystal Jean]

It's like I really.

[Jade]

Now I drive and the minute I feel myself start getting hot inside, I'm like aneurysm. And I'll just like, aneurysm, bitch.

[Crystal Jean]

And then I'll just, you know, turn.

[Jade]

The Anita Baker up and hurry up and get back to the crib. So gross.

[Crystal Jean]

40 year old J vs 30 year old Fierce lessons. She's learned something.

[Kia]

Oh, my God.

[Crystal Jean]

She's learning.

[Kia]

Learning is the growth for me. I mean, just shouting.

[Jade]

Yeah, that's. And that. I'm sure there's so many other things.

[Crystal Jean]

But that is a.

[Jade]

That is a good one.

[Crystal Jean]

Thank you. I mean, because. Because I forgot Noah's grown.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

I'm like, oh, 10 years ago you had. No, she definitely is.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Oh, we don't have to talk about it.

[Kia]

She's gonna be a tall.

[Jade]

She's gonna be a tall. And look, auntie can be over here, like.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

But she'll never meet me.

[Crystal Jean]

She might. She might, she might, she might. I think Noah will be five, eight and a half. Five, nine.

[Jade]

Okay with them? Never mind.

[Kia]

Yeah, she got big feet.

[Crystal Jean]

Come on.

[Jade]

Test size tenses.

[Crystal Jean]

And was so proud. What?

[Kia]

I'm just saying if she gets here and stays, like, if she's in an 11 next year, then it'll, you know, o.

[Jade]

Maybe. Hopefully it stays. I mean, just for the sake of sourcing, I just.

[Kia]

I'm like, fair.

[Jade]

Just for the sake of sourcing.

[Crystal Jean]

That's been harder than. Not impossible.

[Jade]

Not impossible. Not by any means. But I just. I just pray. But anyway. Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

Every time we go overseas and go shopping, Kia finds a beautiful pair of shoes and be like, they won't have a black and nine times out of 10, they do.

[Jade]

Happened in Spain.

[Crystal Jean]

It happened in France too. I said, sister, they.

[Kia]

Well, because over here, they just make you feel like, you know, you are.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

You know big is a curse word.

[Crystal Jean]

Right? You know what I'm saying?

[Kia]

They do act like Especially for women.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

You know, you're so large. It's like.

[Jade]

Okay, I do love how that has shifted.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Like, I love, like, you stand in your tallness, but you're a grown lady now. But I do love how Noah knows. She's like, she towers over all her friends. Her feet are tower over mine. And she's like, yeah, I'm tall and I wear a tannin.

[Crystal Jean]

Fuck y'. All. She's so proud of it.

[Jade]

And I love that. The awkwardness that we have, you know, they're still gonna have that. That's just a part of. Of this stage of life. But there seems to be more of a comfort that I love watching.

[Kia]

I tell you all the time that I think it's very much the way you and Tristan parent her. I think, you know, watching Noah be the free little girl I never knew I could be.

[Jade]

Ooh.

[Kia]

I'm just tearing up everything. I'm sorry. Watching Noah be the free little girl I never knew I could be. Help freeze me.

[Jade]

Yeah, and me too.

[Crystal Jean]

Shit. I love it, though.

[Kia]

I love it.

[Crystal Jean]

It's so good to me because there is.

[Kia]

I think what I would tell my 30 year old self is that you are enough.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

You know, all the ways I feel like I was conditioned to believe that I had to earn love, recognition, you know, even visibility. I felt like I had to do something. And I feel like in my 30s, I realized that it's not what I do, it's who I am.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes.

[Kia]

There's never enough that I can do until I own it, until I am me. Because I was telling my friend, I was telling Felicia the other day, we were talking about college. Now, I. And I told the story on the show before, but I didn't know I was tall until I went to college because I grew up in a family of big people. But when I got to college and I came across, you know, I had friends who were like five foot. That's it. And had like size zero pants. Double zero. And I remember, I remember distinctly going to my dorm room and calling my mama and saying, why didn't you tell me that we were big? I just don't understand why you would. Why you would keep that from me.

[Crystal Jean]

I'm just walking like.

[Kia]

She was like, I don't understand. I was like, well, technically I'm five' ten and I'm the shortest person in the house.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

So she also was like, I don't know what you're saying.

[Jade]

Oh, you're small to me. Yeah.

[Kia]

She was like.

[Crystal Jean]

She was like big. What are you?

[Kia]

Whatever do you mean?

[Crystal Jean]

Please kids get petite. She was like, you're a little short, actually. I don't understand what you're talking. I don't know what you're talking about. You're not six feet, right? It's like, grow up.

[Jade]

So I was like, david the gnome over here.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay?

[Kia]

I'm like, mom, did you know that there are. There are grown people who are. I'm like, there are girls here my age who have a zero. I mean, a size zero pants.

[Crystal Jean]

That means they wear no pants. I said, mom, I said, I've never.

[Kia]

Seen a zero on a size label without a one in front of it. My mind was blown away.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, but I feel like.

[Kia]

And I remember my friend Shantae. She was on campus, and she pulled me to the side one time, and she was like, I know you hang out and your friends are short, and I see you. She was like, but you try to be small like them, and you're not small. And I first did the same thing.

[Crystal Jean]

Like, what? I'm sorry.

[Kia]

She said, I see you. When y' all take pictures, you crouch.

[Jade]

Yeah. She said, straighten up that back mispertance.

[Kia]

You lean, you get down in the front. And she was like, stand up. And she said, I don't ever want to see you slouching in the picture. I don't ever want to see you squat. She was like, you are big, and that's okay. She was like, you trying to be small like them? It's okay for them to be small. You're not small.

[Jade]

Meanwhile, I was in the school pictures. Like, can you put me in the back row?

[Crystal Jean]

Same. Oh, me too. I'll be like, yo, playing with me. I'm just.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

I'll be in the row like this every time. They be like. And you already know, get in the front and stop fucking playing with us. Then you don't have to crouch down, and you know that we'll put you in the middle so you don't try to stand up taller. My God. I will always.

[Kia]

I'd never. I would always look externally. I never, like, received that it was me. I thought I had to be like somebody in order to get attention to. And I think when I realized it took a long time, like, Shantae told me that when I was 19. But it didn't click until much later, probably because I, too, started therapy in my 30s. But not just, like, physical stuff. I also feel like proving like, you know, getting good grades, having a good job, doing the best at things, and it's like, that becomes what your identity is. And then you stand, you look up and you realize it's like, I am more than what I. Yes, I can do this very well, but that's not who I am. I would not say, this is who I am. And then the question became, so who are you? Yeah, right. So I think I would tell, I would tell 32 year old Kia that you, even without all of that, without, without the degrees, without the good behavior, without, you know, without any of that, the good, the nice clothes, the nice shoes, the, you know, however you, whatever you do to dress yourself up and make you feel worthy, you are enough. Without all of that.

[Jade]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kia]

And it feels so simple to say that now. Like, man, I wish I would have known that a lot sooner. But like you said, if it had not been for some of the traumas and some of the things that I had to go through and grow through, some of the ways I had to look at myself and, and unlearn and reprogram, you know, and talk back to some of those voices, you know, that were hypercritical and say like, no, actually I don't have to. You know, it's actually not that, like, you know, like that, you know. And I think that would be what I would. It's okay for you to disagree. It's okay for you to like what you like and it's okay for you to be you. Just, just without anything else, Just enough.

[Crystal Jean]

You know what's so interesting, sis? This. What you just said made me think of this. Somebody probably did say those things to me at 32, but one random flash of good sense going up against decades of conditioning is probably not going to land. So like you said, your friend said something at 19 and it took more than 10 years later for it to really click. And you'd be like, oh, I see what she was saying. Probably somebody did try to help me. Probably somebody said like, okay, you funny, but something's kind of fucked up underneath the surface, girl. Like, you might want to go talk to somebody. What the fuck you talk about? You know, some of it is having grace and compassion for the younger version of me who was operating from a certain place mentally because that's what she was taught to do. And breaking out of that is extremely difficult. If it was easy, easy, you would not see so many grown ass people who are mentally 13, 14 years for sure. If it was easy to grow up, more people would do it, for sure. It's not easy to mature. It's not easy to look at your life and be really honest and say, wow, I am a up person in these ways and I've legitimately hurt people I care about from the, from this belief system and this way that I act. And you know, being really mindful about changing that and doing that work, it is hard. So there's I, I love this giving advice and kind of looking back at who we used to be. But also like so many of us hurt people while also doing the best we could with what we knew.

[Kia]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

And holding both those at the same time is hard.

[Kia]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

But it is important and it's especially important to remember that that's our job to do.

[Kia]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

It's not Jade's job job to take into account. Oh well, Crystal did say this thing that really hurt my feelings, but she had a rough childhood. You don't have to hold all of that. Right. I have to hold all of that because that's my journey, that's my life and those are the things I have to change about me.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

No matter what I went through, I still owe you kindness, you know, and compassion and generosity. I don't get to take my hurt and hurt you with it. And that's okay because I've been hurt. Right. So it's all of these things. This dialectical way of thinking is so important because a lot of us are taught to see things in black and white and that the gray area doesn't exist but life happens in gray area.

[Kia]

In the gray area and stays. It's not like you stays and the gray area. And honestly I would argue that it is better. I feel like, you know, being able to embrace and understand and engage with complexity enhances life, not limits it.

[Jade]

Exactly.

[Kia]

And so to your point, you have to have on.

[Crystal Jean]

Exactly.

[Kia]

And to your point of it is hard work, it's worth it.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Kia]

To your point of extending grace, I would tell 32 year old kid it's hard and it's going to get harder. It's not going to stop being hard.

[Jade]

And it's going to get harder in different ways.

[Kia]

It's going to get worse. But I wouldn't trade it.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes. I'm grateful she listed three things.

[Kia]

Oh my God.

[Crystal Jean]

Looking jealous or crazy. You know what? No. Cause she does this every time. She does this every time and she thinks it's funny. It's hilarious.

[Jade]

What's worse?

[Crystal Jean]

Or like being walked all over lately. What's worst of the three? What's worst? Yes, but see, she does. Beyonce's almost worse than. She looks at two things. No, she listens to three things.

[Jade]

You See, I only do it. Cause it's this.

[Kia]

Yes, she's a troll. She was a troll when she was.

[Crystal Jean]

30, and she's a troll right now. We just said about growing up. Everybody doesn't do it. I love. This is a level of cons. Some people love to say. I like to see things consistent, if nothing else. Jay likes to say things to. That's okay, cuz I called her and said, buenos birthday to you, just to piss her off.

[Jade]

My mother wrote a birthday post. And she goes, I know you'll roll your eyes. And I said, and I most certainly.

[Crystal Jean]

Did, so I'm glad you knew me in it.

[Kia]

She tagged.

[Jade]

My mother tagged everybody.

[Crystal Jean]

I feel like I'm not supposed to be reading. This is so sweet.

[Jade]

It was very sweet. It was sweet.

[Crystal Jean]

And I said, everybody, everybody.

[Jade]

She tagged the Kennedy Center.

[Crystal Jean]

I was like, all right, open. It's Instagram. Half my Instagram notifications is this essay that Jade's mother wrote for her. I was like, this is beautiful.

[Kia]

I love it.

[Crystal Jean]

It was really sweet.

[Jade]

It was sweet.

[Crystal Jean]

Your mother loves you.

[Jade]

She does, she does. She really does. And we've. We've. That's. I've. We've worked through a lot over the years. Yeah, y' all have. We have worked through.

[Crystal Jean]

She has come away.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

I think some. If somebody said, let's have a conversation with you about your 50s, she'd be like, oh, child, I had to relinquish control.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jade]

But it's a bit beautiful lesson to see your parents also develop, like, as you are transitioning through different stages of life. It's also something to watch them transition through different stages of life. And that I can see. It's very indicative of our relationship, where we are, how we communicate. So I'm really grateful for that growth and that shift that we've had over the last 15 years or so. Like that. It's. It's been a journey. Yeah, it's been a journey.

[Crystal Jean]

I cannot relate. My parents are not growing up. But that sounds amazing. It does. Yeah.

[Kia]

I about to say, when you say it's a. A lesson, I say it's also a gift. Oh, yeah, everybody.

[Crystal Jean]

It is a gift.

[Jade]

And I recognize that too. Especially like with my relationships with my friends, and I know their relationships with their parents. I'm like, you know what? You are all right.

[Crystal Jean]

Respect. Jay said, everybody I know got mama or daddy or both.

[Jade]

Call it things.

[Crystal Jean]

She's an outlier. You outlier. You're giving us hope out here. Y' all might have been young, but y' all Wasn't. You may be young, but you're ready.

[Kia]

They were way more ready.

[Crystal Jean]

They were way more ready. Exactly.

[Jade]

I have to give now I gotta give them their just. Do I have to give my parents their just due for at least the. The. The try? Yeah, like, they attempt. You know what I'm saying? They put forth an effort. You know, they. They don't mind a mirror being held up to them. They still got some of them old black parent tendencies too, but they don't mind a mirror being held up, you know, and they will take some kind of accountability. My mom is my cheerleader. That I do know. You know, I don't have any question about that. She may not agree with everything I do, but she's going.

[Crystal Jean]

She.

[Jade]

She is my cheerleader. She's like, that move was shaky, but go, girl. Like, you know what?

[Crystal Jean]

You're right. In the Instagram caption, she's listing all the things that she.

[Jade]

Period, I didn't know she knew. And that's. I said, you went through a whole screenshot fest, didn't you, there, girl?

[Kia]

But.

[Crystal Jean]

Damn, Jay let her out.

[Jade]

My mom also booked all of our.

[Crystal Jean]

You know, getting grand travel with Mary.

[Jade]

And, like, was really proud to do it. Like, she was really excited to do that. And she's like, you've got some stars.

[Crystal Jean]

Coming to your hotel.

[Jade]

I would like to set up some amenities. I got you all amenities. I'm like, thanks for the free cookies, Ma.

[Kia]

I appreciate that. But she.

[Jade]

It just brings her pride, and it's really sweet to see her be prideful in that way.

[Crystal Jean]

Way.

[Jade]

And it's also a nice reminder of me, like, show Noah that you are her cheerleader at every step of the way so that she never has to question whether or not.

[Crystal Jean]

I don't think Noah questions it.

[Kia]

No.

[Jade]

No, I don't think so.

[Crystal Jean]

I don't in no way.

[Jade]

The other day, she tried for a hot second. She was like. She said something, and I said, that didn't land. And she was like. And I said, let me tell you something. I was like, I am your biggest cheerleader, but I'm not getting ready to let you out here looking crazy.

[Crystal Jean]

Absolutely. You know, you gotta tell your kids when they. Joke's not funny.

[Jade]

That's exactly what it was.

[Crystal Jean]

You gotta tell your kids when they're.

[Jade]

Doing, girl, that one was not good.

[Crystal Jean]

The rest of us not gonna give you a pity laugh.

[Jade]

Absolutely not. No. And your classmates, for damn sure. Or not.

[Kia]

You gotta go back to the drawing board on that one, baby.

[Jade]

Nope, nope.

[Crystal Jean]

That one. That wasn't it?

[Jade]

That wasn't the one.

[Crystal Jean]

She said.

[Jade]

She was like, this was funny, huh? And I said, nah, it wasn't.

[Kia]

Not too much.

[Jade]

That one wasn't good.

[Crystal Jean]

No, you've had good ones before. That's how I know you got a.

[Jade]

Lot of good ones.

[Crystal Jean]

That's how I know you can do it. She goes, mama.

[Jade]

And I said, no, I support you, girl, but not, not, not to your detriment.

[Crystal Jean]

Exactly.

[Jade]

But yeah. And that is with. I love this stage of parenting, and I'm loving this stage of, like, re parenting with my parents and myself and, you know, setting boundaries with them and also realizing, like, that's not that big of a deal. You niggas are. Will be bad, but you'll get over it.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jade]

You know, and I. And I. I'm grateful for that space because like I said, it hasn't always been that.

[Crystal Jean]

One thing I love about my 40s is getting to decide what's a big deal to me. Yes.

[Jade]

Yes. Rewriting the rules, literally.

[Kia]

Like, I don't have to chase nobody else's standard.

[Crystal Jean]

Nope.

[Kia]

I don't have to do what other people think I should do.

[Crystal Jean]

Right.

[Kia]

I have complete agency.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes.

[Kia]

And I can decide what I want my life to be. And I think that that's something that. That definitely has with 40 and accepting it. Right. So I think especially like growing up in church and you hear all this messaging about how life is supposed to be.

[Crystal Jean]

Right. And who we're supposed to be.

[Kia]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

Especially as women.

[Kia]

Exactly.

[Crystal Jean]

Somehow we always end up with extra rules and restrictions that the men just don't have to follow. It's so funny how that works.

[Jade]

No, no, no.

[Kia]

I think you're absolutely right. I think it's more like. I think it's been reclaiming and redefining and not letting people. Because I think to your point, going back to what you were saying about black and white, like, people love to put you in an all or nothing sort of place, especially when it comes to faith. And I have found the ability or the space where I can. I feel like, you know, my relationship with God is a relationship. And there should be no relationships where you can't ask questions. There should be no relationships where you. Where you cannot express how things are landing with you. What you feel you can't ask questions and expect answers. And so I think just this new.

[Crystal Jean]

It's giving me a new lens for.

[Kia]

Thinking about a relationship with God and Jesus outside of sort of the programming that I felt like I was steeped in. And not to say that it was all bad, but it definitely wasn't all good.

[Jade]

Exactly.

[Crystal Jean]

Same.

[Kia]

But I'm able to now choose, make choices. I don't have to, to do what is just told to me. But I think, as the word says, we supposed to try the spirit by the spirit. I can test things against what I know about who God is. And I feel like I've given myself permission to do that and reframe and redefine what it means for me to be a believer. It doesn't have to line up with what is in your church covenant or what your pastor says, but this is my relationship with God and I get to know him for myself.

[Crystal Jean]

Right.

[Kia]

So I feel like I've heard people say that all my life, but I think now I'm actually practicing it in a way that feels freeing.

[Crystal Jean]

Right.

[Kia]

And I think that's what. That's what it's designed. Right. Because I feel like the programming makes you feel more limited than free.

[Crystal Jean]

Right.

[Kia]

But I think the intention, if you actually read for understanding, was never that. Like, I think people have leveraged church space, places to control other people.

[Jade]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Kia]

Absolutely.

[Crystal Jean]

One thing men gonna do, it also.

[Jade]

Encourages men to be mediocre as hell. But that's another conversation.

[Crystal Jean]

Because we'll let anybody lead a church.

[Jade]

Let me tell you, I'm like, me.

[Crystal Jean]

That nigga's a loser in the streets.

[Jade]

But, yeah, they are putting up pedestals.

[Crystal Jean]

No credentials, nothing.

[Jade]

Yeah, anything.

[Crystal Jean]

I used to be out here sinning, and then one day after I went to jail for the ninth time, no credibility.

[Kia]

What did I do? Literally?

[Crystal Jean]

And you. And we will be like, all right, Pastor, here's 10% of my check.

[Jade]

Yes, like, or which one of the hoes do I get a pick of everybody, because I'm a church drummer.

[Crystal Jean]

So the people who have been the most critical of me, and I mean, like, I. Before I moved to New York, I was in church twice a week and was constantly pushing back on the things I heard. Especially because I was hearing stuff like, now, granted, I was in Oklahoma. I went to a concert, conservative church. But they were saying things like, you know, if you feel like you have mental health issues, going to see a therapist or a psychiatrist is crazy when God is right there. And I said, let me stop y'.

[Jade]

All right there to say that about therapy.

[Crystal Jean]

I said, now your daddy, who is the pastor of this church, has about 93 different health issues that we can see and. And without any. And we know about it because y' all constantly. Congregation's prayers.

[Jade]

Exactly.

[Crystal Jean]

And yet he goes to see specialists after specialist and that's fine. Sometimes there is something going on with our brains. Sometimes there's something wrong with the way we think.

[Kia]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

Now that is. That could be a brain problem. It's usually a conditioning problem. It's usually a what we were taught problem.

[Jade]

It's usually a nurture.

[Crystal Jean]

If it's wrong to see a psychiatrist, it's wrong to see a cardiologist. And your daddy would have been dead 22 years ago.

[Jade]

Hello, in his gout, would have taken his leg all.

[Kia]

Quite literally. That.

[Jade]

Child. As my 40th birthday just passed, I had to set some intentions to make sure I really tighten up and focus on my health. So I made some much needed doctor's appointments I set and I'm sticking to a realistic workout routine. Okay, Emphasis on the realistic. I'm eating breakfast because of said, well workout routine because I realize that's completely null and void if I'm not fueled. But I invested in my sleep health as well with my Leesa hybrid mattress because it's just as essential as nourishing my body and exercising. Leesa has a lineup of beautifully crafted mattresses tailored to how you sleep without the luxury price tag. Okay, do we not need to hear that right now? Each mattress is designed with specific sleep positions and fill preferences in mind. From night one, you'll feel the difference. Premium materials that deliver serious comfort and full body support no matter how you sleep. Leesa mattresses are meticulously designed and assembled in the United States for exceptional quality. Plus they back it all up with free shipping, easy returns, and a 100 night sleep trial. Leesa's been tested and awarded best hybrid mattress by New York Times Wirecutter and is exclusively featured by west as their go to mattress partner. Leesa isn't just about sleep. It's about impact. They donate thousands of mattresses each year to those in need, while also partnering with organizations like Clean Hub to help remove harmful plastic waste from our Oceans. Go to Lisa.com for 25% off plus get an extra $50 off with promo code grown exclusive for our listeners. That's L EE E S a.com, promo code grown for 25% off plus an extra $50 off. Be sure to enter our show name after checkout so they know that we sent you Lisa.com promo code grown.

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[Jade]

Whoa. When did I get here?

[Narrator/Advertiser]

What do you mean?

[Jade]

I swear it was just moments ago that I accepted a great offer from Carvana online. I must have Time traveled to the future.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

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[Jade]

It is the future.

[Crystal Jean]

It's. It's the present.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

And just the convenience of Carvana. Sorry to blow your mind.

[Crystal Jean]

It's all good.

[Kia]

Happens all the time.

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[Crystal Jean]

So you know, I definitely used to be that person where they'd be like, oh, I hate to see her coming because whatever we preach, she finna argue. But like, yes, but also, how do.

[Jade]

You not check yourself on why you get exasperated by somebody's pushback, you know what I'm saying?

[Crystal Jean]

And the people who had the biggest problem with me was violating at least, least two of the commandments at any given time. Always two is generous, criticizing, criticizing me, questioning what y' all say, but also trying to cheat on your wife with me.

[Jade]

Exactly. Hello.

[Kia]

Good morning.

[Jade]

All right, sorry.

[Crystal Jean]

I don't know.

[Kia]

We didn't mean to get.

[Crystal Jean]

We. I'm sorry.

[Kia]

I'm so sorry. No.

[Jade]

Cause you about to send me down another path. Niggas who pretend to be good niggas. And they're not.

[Kia]

Well, absolutely.

[Crystal Jean]

You don't have to be in church for that.

[Kia]

Hello.

[Jade]

You don't.

[Kia]

Yeah. I think that's the reclaiming. So when I think about like when you were talking about like, I get to do these things on my own terms, not what society says, not what my family thinks. I get to make choices.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Kia]

And that feels like something that should be normal, but it's not for me.

[Crystal Jean]

Most.

[Jade]

Most women, yeah.

[Kia]

But we get to make a choice. Like we get to choose. No, actually I don't want to do that.

[Crystal Jean]

So, yeah, I'm not going to.

[Jade]

And you feel A lot more settled in doing that as I started inching along. And I'm sure it will only get more. I'm like, oh, I'm really cool with saying I don't want to do that. I really. I'm very good with.

[Crystal Jean]

You don't want to.

[Jade]

And I don't feel like I'm gonna lose anything by saying I'm weighing the pros and cons.

[Crystal Jean]

Because sometimes I don't want to, but I go anyway because I can see the benefit.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

If I don't have to leave the house, but if I know I should. Yeah. Yeah. That's where should.

[Jade]

Should be.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes, exactly. You got it.

[Jade]

The right way to use the should for sure. What else you got?

[Crystal Jean]

Well, you know, Jade's 40, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually, she's been in her 60s for as long as I've known technology. Please ask Jade to do anything other than plug in an iPhone. She will melt down.

[Kia]

Yes. Frustrating.

[Crystal Jean]

Act like she's never read English words before.

[Jade]

The rage instructions are hard.

[Kia]

The rage.

[Crystal Jean]

They're really not. Is the thing.

[Kia]

I used to.

[Crystal Jean]

I took a technical writing class. It's where you learn to write instruction manuals and things like that. That. And they quite literally taught us to write these at a third or fourth grade reading level because that's about where most people can understand being pre K. No, I'm saying we're not typing it like we do research papers. We're not using big words. You just won't even read the directions.

[Kia]

It's more the. It's more the. Like, she wants to skip the steps and then get mad when the steps are skipped. But it's also the pain. It's like, why do you feel like you need to do this in two seconds? Let's just take a beat. Because I did not.

[Jade]

I did not go to. To what? Trade school.

[Crystal Jean]

You don't take trade school. And don't take that. I didn't either.

[Kia]

Me neither.

[Crystal Jean]

I didn't go to trade school either. And yet I know how to hook up your router. And you.

[Jade]

And you did. And that's.

[Crystal Jean]

And I'm grateful for that.

[Jade]

And I know who to call.

[Crystal Jean]

What's your stuff with anything to do with technology, child? If it's more intricate than charging the device, don't ask Jade to do that.

[Jade]

Why would I burn up the sage and light the candles in the house and pray and do all the things. What I could just call the Ghostbusters to do it for me. You see what I'm saying?

[Crystal Jean]

No, you lost me What? Stop. Okay.

[Kia]

She said somebody else can do the technical, so she don't have. Have to do it.

[Jade]

I got my strengths. That's another thing. I'm like, lean into your strengths.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

I got to do everything.

[Kia]

We call Jay. We need fierce defending.

[Jade]

My father just called me the Enforcer.

[Crystal Jean]

Exactly. Well, that's tr. You know what I'm saying?

[Jade]

It's okay to not be able to do everything, but here's the thing.

[Crystal Jean]

You can do it. You do not.

[Jade]

We're getting off track of the foundation of this.

[Crystal Jean]

I was going to ask you if.

[Kia]

There was anything that you're looking forward to as you enter this new phase.

[Jade]

Oh, you know what? It's so funny. You do ask me that. I'm looking forward to getting to. So, my aunt. I talked to my aunt today. You know, all my family called me yesterday, and in my aunt, my mom's only sister, she hit me. And then. So today, she hits. I'm sorry.

[Kia]

Be tickled.

[Jade]

So, first, my grandmother called me Jade. Where did your mother write that story about you?

[Crystal Jean]

Where. Where is that?

[Jade]

Where can I find it? I say it's on.

[Crystal Jean]

Oh, my God.

[Jade]

She said, specifically, I say, it's on Instagram. Grandma. Instagram.

[Crystal Jean]

Your aunt asked me, and I have.

[Jade]

To tell her exactly where it is. I said, okay, no problem. So I told my aunt. My aunt creates an Instagram account just to see this.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay, it's hereditary.

[Jade]

But wait. So my aunt. My uncle, My. My aunt's husband passed in 2020, and they'd been together. My aunt is 73. They'd been together at the time, since she was 18.

[Crystal Jean]

Wow.

[Jade]

So, like 50 years. Long, long, long, long time. Like, he was there when my mother was a child.

[Crystal Jean]

You know what I mean?

[Jade]

So he passed away, and my girl. No, I'm sorry, she's 72 right now. My girl has a boo now. Okay? She got a mommy.

[Crystal Jean]

It's been five years. She green. I got a man. I know. That's right.

[Jade]

And so her first picture is her and her man, and it's this red light, and it's like they selfie and they happy and they content. And she was like, look at Auntie's. Just look at this and tell me what you think. So I open it, and it's her first picture Instagram.

[Crystal Jean]

And I said, I thought she was having you review her nudes. Like, which one of these should I.

[Jade]

Send to this nigga?

[Crystal Jean]

Why would that be the thing? Well, I don't know, girl. J, your stories about your family go in so many directions.

[Jade]

But to nudes.

[Crystal Jean]

My bad. To my 72 year old aunt N. You don't know this about the aging elder community. They topless pictures.

[Jade]

They are out here. My aunt's not part of the loofah community.

[Crystal Jean]

When she moves to Florida, then I'll start asking questions.

[Kia]

Oh my God.

[Crystal Jean]

Cuz let me tell you, the sti rate is skyrocketing.

[Jade]

Sunnyvale, Florida. Cleveland, where they put their different color loofahs in their car to tell you.

[Crystal Jean]

What kind of freaky shit they like to get. I mean they do the cruise ship.

[Kia]

Stuff in the street. Like in general.

[Jade]

72 don't mean yes on every door.

[Crystal Jean]

72 don't mean nothing.

[Jade]

It don't mean shit.

[Kia]

But I love, I'm in my prime.

[Jade]

That she is like I say auntie, I love that you just started your account and she was like girl, I'm having a good time. Yeah, I'm having a good time. And I, I'm like, you know what? I aspire.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

You know what I'm saying? Like I can't wait. Wait to be just skedaddling and whatnot through life. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I think I would. I look, I really look forward to that. And I love the way that she's embraced that and a couple of other older women I know have like completely embraced the change of their life. And I just want to be that comfortable in embracing that change. So I think that's what I'm looking forward to.

[Kia]

Nice.

[Jade]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay.

[Kia]

Your birthday is coming, sis.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes, mine is.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

Your birthday's coming. And this is not, it's not necessarily a milestone own birthday, but every birthday is a gift, right?

[Jade]

Yeah, exactly.

[Crystal Jean]

In this world. Yes.

[Kia]

Is there anything that you are looking forward to as you enter your new year?

[Crystal Jean]

Oh, you know. Yes, I am. Finally. I feel like for the first time in my life truly in a healthy place. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Like all of that is clicking.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

I have my daughter I gave birth to last year. Nice nieces pieces. And, and having sister gave birth to. I gave birth to this dog.

[Kia]

Did.

[Crystal Jean]

And she came out of my womb.

[Jade]

Science. Yes, correct.

[Crystal Jean]

And so having my daughter really grounded me and it made me, it helped me shift like what really matters. It put some things into perspective for me because now it's, it's much easier for me to take care of myself because I want to be here to take care of Laney. So lots of self destructive things I used to do, I just don't anymore because I want to outlive Laney. You Know, this is the great thing about dogs, is you are supposed to outlive. They live short lives. And I want. She doesn't know, you know, pain in that way. She doesn't know abuse, mistreatment. She. I want her to only experience the hard parts of life that she has to experience. I want her to have a beautiful time on this earth, and so I want to be here for that. And. And having her helps me prioritize myself in those ways. And, you know, I lost a very close friend around Christmas, and that really just helped solidify for me. I'm definitely in this era of, like, people who continuously fuck with me, continuously hurt me, like, and I've just given you chance after chance, and I've tried so hard to be understanding of where you come from and what you've been dealing with. And it's multiple people like that in my life, and. And that's over for every last one of them, you know, from parents on down. You just cannot continue to hurt me and have the same access to me. So I'm. I'm very much looking forward to continuing in this new space. I'm back on antidepressants. Amen. Come on.

[Kia]

The drugs don't work.

[Crystal Jean]

I took a. The nuts and the. Yeah, it's been great because I have really gotten my drinking under control. Everybody knows I've had issues with alcoholism, and, you know, I've gone from drinking multiple times a week to drinking once or twice a month.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

So, okay, Jade, you know, bitch, I am chilling in. You bitch. Jade has seen me pretty. Pretty much at my worst.

[Kia]

So.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay, y' all know, y' all have seen me.

[Kia]

Y' all have seen.

[Crystal Jean]

See me struggle with. Coping with my feelings with alcohol. And so I stopped taking antidepressants then because I was like, I'm. They're not. Yeah, I'm spending all this money on drugs, and then I'm drinking to counter out the. Counteract the drugs, you know, so finally getting my drinking under control and going back on these meds. I've been back on my meds for several months now, and it really feels like they're kicking in. And, you know, I. I have new ventures that I'm working on that are. Are hopefully going to be out soon. And it just feels good to be in this place where I am really putting me first in all ways. Every single way. I am my top priority. And that. Yeah, baby, you cannot take it away.

[Kia]

Exactly.

[Crystal Jean]

Every time people are like, would you go back to your 20s? Would you go back to your teeth? I Mean, no, genuinely, only if I could go with everything I know right now.

[Jade]

Okay. That's that. Yes. And that's.

[Crystal Jean]

But that defeats the purpose of life.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

You're supposed to not.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Imagine being 16 and knowing the things, you know, at 42. You're not supposed to.

[Kia]

You're not supposed to. Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

The kind of weirdest teenager that is.

[Kia]

That would be wild.

[Crystal Jean]

It'd be like something is wrong.

[Jade]

She's a. She's the orphan, that lady is.

[Crystal Jean]

Actually, I'm going back to 16. Like, I have this idea. It's called the iPhone.

[Jade]

Be studied by the government. She's not really a child.

[Crystal Jean]

Right, Exactly. It wouldn't be long before the FBI came to got me.

[Jade]

This is from Russia. She's scamming us.

[Kia]

Like, let me see her dental record.

[Crystal Jean]

When I see one. Excuse me.

[Jade]

Smile.

[Crystal Jean]

Let me see your pro line. Because this don't make no sense. But, yeah, I think there's a. There's a big, big benefit in. In being able to look back and say, I can see exactly how my life led me to this place. And I'm just so grateful. I can be sad that, you know, I didn't start therapy until my 30s. Like, damn, I wish I went to therapy when I was 18, 19. I'm sad that I went, you know, in my third 30s, and I'm grateful I went in my 30s. I could have never gone.

[Kia]

Right.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

I could have never actually done that work, and I would not have the life that I have now. So I'm just feeling very grateful and excited to. To build on the momentum that I already started to establish.

[Jade]

I love that.

[Crystal Jean]

What about you? Because yours is just a few months after mine. Hello.

[Kia]

I. Yeah, I'm. I'm also grateful, like, just really appreciative for, like you said, really being content feeling like, you know, content not. Not in the place that, like, I don't want anything or I don't have things that I'm aspiring for, but again, just feeling really secure and content in who I am in the life that I've been blessed to build for myself and that. That life is not tied to or connected or dependent upon. Upon anybody else.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Kia]

That is something that I had to earn. And I feel like, you know, meaning, like, you know, I paid for it. Like, it.

[Crystal Jean]

It.

[Kia]

I went through things to get it. And so that's why I have, like, you know, when you had to. The more you pay for something, the more value, you know, saying, like, it had it cost me something. So I cherish it in a different way. And so I'm just. I'm just grateful as well. And like you said I would. I wouldn't change anything because, you know, nothing is wasted. God uses it all. And I'm. Even the really super hard, terrible, tragic, awful things that of course I wish would have never happened to me or to my family. But I still feel like more is coming and I'm clearer about who I am, more clear than I've ever been.

[Jade]

Been.

[Kia]

And that's something that I really, really am grateful for. Because when I look at older women, even my mom, and it's not a dig, but, you know, sometimes looking at. I don't know that she's gotten the opportunity to cultivate herself, invest in herself in this way because she was raising her kids and taking care of her mother and her father and everyone else.

[Jade]

Else.

[Kia]

And I do feel like there is a gift in the way my life has been set up. And that's not to say it's been easeful or easy, but I'm. I'm feeling clear in ways that I value.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

And everything doesn't have to be perfect, but I know myself and I feel like I know God in ways that. That I have never. And the good thing is I don't feel like there's still more. There's still more ways for me to learn how to be.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

A better sister, a better friend, a better. You know. You know, I'm not finished. That feels exciting.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes.

[Jade]

Yeah. And it's nice to look back too, and see horrible things, good things. Things that. All the things that I've done and things that have happened are things that should have happened. They should have at the time that they did. You know what I'm saying? Even when I went to culinary school, I'm like, oh, I'm going. I'm. I'm older than everybody here. I'm glad I went when I went, you know, because now I'm like, okay, I appreciated that. You know what I'm saying? I was able to use that in a different way. I don't know if I would have appreciated that as much as I was.

[Crystal Jean]

Right.

[Jade]

Still figuring.

[Kia]

Exactly.

[Jade]

Stumbling. So. So it's really beautiful to also see, like everything that you did happened when it should have happened and happened the way that it should have happened for you as well. And that's going to just continue to. And it also leaves you more open to receiving as more shift keeps coming. So I'm looking forward to that as well.

[Crystal Jean]

I feel the same way about grad school, going to and Getting that master's degree in counseling, it was like, okay, I'm older than most people here. And also, I'm a better therapist than most of the people here here, because I've lived 20 years longer than they have. And so there's just a certain amount of wisdom that comes with making it through the years on this planet that cannot be duplicated for sure. It is not something. You know, you're not getting that from your instructors or your textbooks. There is so much you will only learn through living. So I'm grateful to be here. I know many people who did not make it to this age, so I'm grateful.

[Kia]

Yeah, you need wisdom and knowledge. Knowledge.

[Jade]

Yes, it is. And experience.

[Kia]

Not one or the other. It's about getting both.

[Crystal Jean]

And nobody in the White House has any mighty God. So that's really crazy.

[Jade]

Can't make sense out of nonsense.

[Crystal Jean]

You cannot.

[Jade]

No. You know what?

[Kia]

Let's.

[Jade]

Let's cover the whole White House in Mr. Goodbar rapping.

[Crystal Jean]

Y' all know that had a stroke, bro. I just.

[Jade]

I just showed y' all burnt toast sister.

[Crystal Jean]

Burnt mouth is. Go.

[Jade]

And listen. Call me soulless or whatever y' all want to. I feel great about how I feel about everything.

[Crystal Jean]

Get the girl here. Stay tuned.

[Kia]

It has been so. It's been so. You know, I said community building is in our DNA. The thing we find connection over watching all people connect over that has.

[Crystal Jean]

It's just a joy.

[Jade]

It is. It is.

[Kia]

Everyone's like, well, Lord, in their own way. Well, Lord, I don't want to get.

[Crystal Jean]

In your business, but any way you.

[Kia]

Want to bless me, any way you bless me, I'll be satisfied.

[Jade]

Because Let me. Anyway, another thing I've learned as I just continue, I'm like, I see why old black people get more and more. More hateful. I was looking for the worst.

[Crystal Jean]

I just thought of something my. My ride share driver said to me, but I gotta wait till the cameras are cut. I can't say that.

[Jade]

Damn. I was like.

[Crystal Jean]

You would identify strongly.

[Jade]

Soulmate, are you out there? I've met so many soulmates.

[Crystal Jean]

Oh, my God, I bet you have. I bet you have.

[Jade]

You know what else the last thing I think I would say, especially in. Mary and I were talking about this the other day and sitting here with you all, I think it's beautiful to be in love with your friends, you know, and to be intentional about, like, really being in love with the people that are around you because they are a big part of how you continue to function. And I would not. I'm so grateful for the way that all of my relationships have progressed or developed in this last decade. And I'm like, okay, I'm sitting solid in community. I feel rich. I walked into this birthday feeling wealthy in community, and I think that was the most beautiful feeling.

[Crystal Jean]

I love that.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, I agree. I feel that same way. Yeah. That, you know, I. The. The entire concept of chosen family and who those people are to me is priceless.

[Kia]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

It means so much.

[Jade]

So much. Absolutely.

[Crystal Jean]

Because all of this, as we can see, all of this can crumble and fall at any moment. Hello.

[Jade]

And it's literally crumbling.

[Crystal Jean]

Update, Update. You need. You need people. We do. Good to keep going. It's her birthday. Win it all. Yes.

[Jade]

I'm sorry.

[Kia]

Listen, sister, we just wanted to celebrate you.

[Crystal Jean]

Well. Yes.

[Jade]

Happy.

[Crystal Jean]

It's you, girl.

[Kia]

It's your birthday.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah. Yeah. Was your stuff you.

[Kia]

The both of you.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

It's our.

[Kia]

I'm grateful. Thank you for joining us. This. We're always.

[Crystal Jean]

We're always so grateful.

[Kia]

Every time you join us at the.

[Crystal Jean]

Kitchen table, I'm always so grateful to be here. I love you all so much.

[Kia]

And y' all are. Y' all are my chosen family for sure.

[Jade]

Absolutely. I called this the other day to pick up my child. I said, can you pick her up and take her to school? I gotta go to the airport.

[Crystal Jean]

What a ride. That was us.

[Jade]

Yep.

[Crystal Jean]

Noah, look. No, we'll talk about it. She is wild.

[Kia]

One of my favorite people. She is.

[Crystal Jean]

She is such a pre team. My God, she cracks me up.

[Kia]

She's.

[Crystal Jean]

I pray, your strength, cuz.

[Jade]

Literally these years, I'm going a CrossFit.

[Crystal Jean]

What you mean? You need to get your weight up.

[Jade]

When you get to a certain size.

[Crystal Jean]

I see. She made CrossFit like she was getting ready to box. No, she's not doing that.

[Kia]

Fair game.

[Jade]

I'm like, you strong little nigga.

[Crystal Jean]

So when you turn 50, we'll play this back and be like, so what would you tell your 40 year old self?

[Jade]

Well, well, let. Let's.

[Crystal Jean]

Let's see. Let's see if we're still here. Jesus. Anyway, thank you all for having me.

[Kia]

It's always such a special part of the part.

[Crystal Jean]

Thank you for being here.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

Community.

[Crystal Jean]

And you know, I love you all so much.

[Jade]

We love you. And we cannot wait to see all of the things that are coming, coming.

[Crystal Jean]

Because we've seen all of the ideas.

[Jade]

That have come for you and I'm.

[Kia]

Proud of both of y'.

[Crystal Jean]

All.

[Jade]

Yeah. Same.

[Kia]

I'm proud of y'. All.

[Crystal Jean]

I'M proud of you too. You know, I. I share your PhD.

[Jade]

Yeah, same.

[Kia]

It's communal.

[Jade]

We are lettered.

[Crystal Jean]

All right. Well, I mean, yes.

[Jade]

All right.

[Crystal Jean]

I actually do have letters. Y don't have those letters.

[Jade]

Me do.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes, you do. I know that Uncle J. M.S.C.D. phD, Ms. RSVP BR.

[Kia]

She the nation's.

[Jade]

Number one pit master.

[Crystal Jean]

Tip nachos. Yes.

[Kia]

Oh, my God. Don't threaten her with a good time, please.

[Jade]

The exact words that were in my.

[Crystal Jean]

Head and shout out to fr. Was meant to be supposed to be here with us. We love you, friend. We love you, friend.

[Jade]

Love you. I think I want this to just be the episode.

[Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

I don't want any petty peeves. This was a self care within itself and cha cha cha.

[Crystal Jean]

We f to go celebrate Jeff all weekend.

[Jade]

That is a holiday.

[Crystal Jean]

Thank you so much. You're welcome, world.

[Jade]

And thank you to everybody who came out to our live show. We appreciate everybody who continues to listen. Maybe make sure you tune into the Patreon for the video version of this podcast.

[Kia]

Yes.

[Jade]

Other things that may or may not come or if you just want to support getting grown and I think that's it.

[Kia]

That's it.

[Jade]

I think that's it. You want to take them out with the.

[Kia]

Oh, yes. Make sure that you are moisturizing your mind by minding your business. That's how you do that.

[Jade]

That's right.

[Kia]

You keep your mind lubricated when you are focused on what is your business.

[Jade]

Lotion, your cranium.

[Kia]

Lotion your cranium. You also want to moisturize your insides by drinking just as much water as your body can sustain every day.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Kia]

Okay. Not once a week, not twice a week. Every day. You got to do it. And finally you want to, Right? Finally you want to moisturize your skin because that's your largest organ. And your black will crack if it's dry.

[Jade]

Lots of examples on tv, huh? Bye. Bye.

[Kia]

On Instagram too.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Kia]

Bye, y'.

[Jade]

All.

[Craig Robinson]

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[Crystal Jean]

I need a coffee.

[Craig Robinson]

And you need Lifelock because your info is in endless places. It only takes one mistake to expose you to identity theft. Lifelock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second.

[Jade]

Second.

[Craig Robinson]

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