M.A.S.H.

Summary

Gettin' Grown – “M.A.S.H.”

Podcast: Gettin' Grown
Hosts: Jade & Dr. Keia
Date: February 25, 2025
Network: Loud Speakers Network

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Episode Overview

This episode of Gettin' Grown centers on how the concept of “family” has shifted for Black millennials, moving from traditional definitions to broader, more inclusive ideas rooted in community and chosen family. Through the signature warmth, wit, and candor that Jade and Keia deliver weekly, they reflect on millennial life’s changing landscapes, intergenerational values, self-care in turbulent times, and offer affirming, humorous wisdom about finding wealth in true connections.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Reflections & Setting the Tone (03:40-13:04)

• Weather, Sunflowers & Facing Each Other
  The hosts joke about gross NYC weather, finding comfort in home, and share a lesson from nature:

  “Sunflowers…when they can't find the sun…they face each other.” — Jade [02:27]

  • This becomes a metaphor, connecting how community helps us through dark times.
• Congratulating Family & The Read's Anniversary
  The hosts celebrate The Read podcast’s 12-year anniversary, emphasizing the value of chosen family and traditions.
• Global Awareness
  Jade points to the importance of staying informed about world events, specifically in Gaza, Congo, and Sudan, and encourages continued solidarity and support.

2. Millennial Realities & The Bare Minimum Baddie Era (05:02-13:04)

• Political Frustrations
  Discussion of political leaders’ ignorance, lack of critical thought, and the ongoing need for Black women to shoulder burdens in professional/social spheres.

  “Illiteracy and white nationalism is a dangerousness. It is so disgusting. It is dangerous.” — Keia [06:23]

• “Bare Minimum Baddie” Philosophy
  Keia promotes doing one's job—no more, no less—as self-preservation in exhausting, inequitable environments:

  “I'm in a bare minimum season because for so long I have worked with my... and my counterparts have done nothing, and I have done much of everything... But it is not easy.” — Keia [09:55]

  • Encouragement for Black women to stop overextending and let others do their own work.
• Self-Preservation & Self-Care
  The hosts emphasize closing laptops, going to bed on time, and prioritizing personal well-being—rejection of harmful meritocracy myths.

  “Everybody else been looking out for themselves. It's time for us to worry about ourselves.” — Keia [12:30] “I'm very Rosa Parks. I'm in my Rosa Parks era…I'm gonna sit down.” — Jade [12:37]

3. Kitchen Table Talk: Redefining Family & Community (18:49-59:22)

A. Evolving Definitions of Family (18:50-29:43)

• Childhood vs. Adulthood Understanding
  Jade describes her childhood view of family as “very binary Black...immediate family, lots of cousins, and family friends.”
  As adults, both hosts’ definitions have expanded:

  “My friends are my family…We assembled…because she is family, because we are family.” — Jade [21:45]

• Church as Community
  Both reflect on the significance of “church family” and how shifting church cultures (rise of megachurches, digital spaces) have impacted the concept of communal support.

B. Practicing & Living Family Now (29:43-41:10)

• Shared Values Over Blood
  The hosts describe forming meaningful connections with non-blood “family”—from Uber drivers to digital friends—through shared values and mutual aid.

  “If something were to happen…you want to be stuck in a car with a person like that and…that person would become family for sure.” — Jade [29:43]

• Complexity & Differences Enrich Connection
  They celebrate differences within their chosen family, embracing varied beliefs, habits, lifestyles:

  “I love and accept and respect them, and they love and accept and respect me…Their experience may be worlds different than mine…but it doesn't make me say I cannot be in community." — Keia [31:17]

• Millennial Shifts: Less Conventional, More Intentional
  Both express gratitude for communities formed across the internet and in real-life, through traditions like annual gatherings, Thanksgiving, and everyday mutual support.

C. Healing & Recognizing Chosen Family (41:10-51:05)

• Letting Go of Broken Blood Ties
  Keia discusses healing from estranged familial ties through the strength of chosen family:

  “There are relationships that you grow up thinking these are the people who are supposed to have your back…and for whatever reason, that might not be the case… I have safe spaces... I know what I need." [40:20]

• Measuring Wealth in Community
  Jade reflects on feeling “wealthy” because of the deep, practical, and emotional support she receives from her friend-family.

D. Advice on Building Community (43:53-49:31)

• For Listeners Seeking Their Tribe
  Jade insists it’s not always your fault if you’re still searching for community, but self-reflection, openness, and authenticity are key. Seasons of solitude and connection both have their place.

  “None of the real friendships that I have did I like…look at Jade and say, ‘Jade's gonna be my friend.’ We were in the same space, being ourselves, and found connection.” — Keia [46:56]

E. Childhood Dreams vs. Reality (Playing ‘M.A.S.H.’ Game) (51:05-59:06)

• The hosts reminisce about their childhood aspirations versus adult realities, using the classic game M.A.S.H. as a metaphor for changing dreams, priorities, and acceptance:

  “When I was young, I used to play M.A.S.H….thought I was gonna have a house… and however many kids I put down…My dream car was a 95 black Honda Civic.” — Jade [51:05]
  “I wouldn't do anything to change it now.” — Jade [53:44]
  There’s acceptance and gratitude for the journey, however it unfolded.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“Sunflowers…when they can't find the sun…they face each other.” — Jade [02:27]

“Illiteracy and white nationalism is a dangerousness. It is so disgusting. It is dangerous.” — Keia [06:23]

“I'm in a bare minimum season because for so long I have worked with my... and my counterparts have done nothing, and I have done much of everything... But it is not easy.” — Keia [09:55]

“I'm very Rosa Parks. I'm in my Rosa Parks era…I'm gonna sit down.” — Jade [12:37]

“My friends are my family…We assembled…because she is family, because we are family.” — Jade [21:45]

“I love and accept and respect them, and they love and accept and respect me…Their experience may be worlds different than mine…but it doesn't make me say I cannot be in community." — Keia [31:17]

“I don't feel like I've missed out on anything and...I feel wealthy for that reason.” — Keia [57:11]

“Six words to carry with you: Suck my dick, go to hell.” — Jade [81:37]

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Important Timestamps

• Bare Minimum Baddie / Black Women Labor: 06:32–13:04
• Kitchen Table Talk Starts – Redefining Family: 18:49
• Value of Church Community / Shifts in Church Culture: 23:55–26:41
• Building Chosen Family / Digital Community: 35:40–36:23
• Healing Through Chosen Family: 40:20–41:10
• Advice for Seeking Community / Authentic Friendships: 43:53–49:31
• M.A.S.H. & Childhood Dreams: 51:05–54:54
• Celebrating Graduation Announcements: 60:44–67:53
• Petty Peeve: White Women Critiquing Kamala: 77:10–81:37
• Self-Care Segment: 69:05–73:59

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Tone & Style Notes

• The exchange is warm, honest, and playful, brimming with millennial Black women’s cultural references, in-jokes, and practical wisdom.
• There’s both levity and seriousness—politics, self-care, and community interwoven with laughter and affectionate ribbing.

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Conclusion

This episode of Gettin’ Grown amplifies the richness and necessity of chosen community for Black millennials, urging listeners to honor how their own definitions of “family” have broadened. Jade and Keia model resilience, humor, and vulnerability, reinforcing that adulting is messy but communal support—and a bit of “bare minimum baddie” energy—can make the journey more beautiful.

Call to Action:
Listeners are invited to share how their own definitions of family and community have evolved ([59:08]), and to reflect on gratitude, authenticity, and the radical possibility of connection beyond blood.

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“You have to really show up, and you have to really be grateful for what you have.” — Jade [49:12]

Transcript

[A]

I' ma put you on, nephew. All right, unc. Welcome to McDonald's.

[B]

Can I take your order, miss?

[A]

I've been hitting up McDonald's for years. Now it's back. We need snack wraps. What's a snack wrap? It's the return of something great. Snack wrap is back.

[B]

New vitamin water, zero sugar. Pineapple Passion fruit is packed with vitamins. Just like the amount of peas we packed. In that sentence, it's packed. Like your tote bag, the one you stole from your ex. Or you're overpriced at a studio apartment. Or extra rushed rush hour traffic packed. Like your calendar, triple booked at 5. Of course. Grab a vitamin water. Did we mention it's packed with vitamins? Million.

[A]

For things to stay the same, they have to change again.

[B]

Hello, my old friend.

[A]

You change your ways when I. The way you play pretend.

[B]

Come on, American. Oh, my.

[A]

The big idea.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Married here.

[B]

Yeah. Wow.

[A]

Praise the Lord, niggas.

[B]

Praise the Lord. N. I mean, we've got a spiritual.

[A]

This morning and everything for Pastor J. Deacon S. Yeesh. Dutchington.

[B]

Oh, my word.

[A]

Whatever else they say in church, I'm that Dutchington.

[B]

Yikes.

[A]

Praise the Lord, niggas. Praise the Lord, niggas.

[B]

Okay, we know that church is a place that you frequent.

[A]

President Number One. President of the Fair Club. I love that for all of us. I'm always in church. I'm always at a Lionel Richie concert.

[B]

Correct. These things are too true at the same time.

[A]

Yes. Thank you.

[B]

How are you, sister?

[A]

I'm well. On this disgusting day. What? This is a day we should not be outside.

[B]

Wow. It is a day for warm socks and weighted blankets.

[A]

But I'm grateful. Did you. Can I tell you a fun fact?

[B]

Please.

[A]

So, sunflowers, obviously, you know, they sunk. You know what I'm saying? But when they can't find the sun.

[B]

What do they do?

[A]

They face each other. Oh, wow. So when you know it's nasty as fuck outside right now. Like, y' all don't even understand. This is truly a day that you shouldn't. You should not leave.

[B]

It's the wintry mix. Yeah.

[A]

You should even go run a tamarind. Like, you should be in the house with something warm in a bowl. And the coziest thing you got.

[B]

Binge watching a good chili.

[A]

Bmf.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Which Crystal Jean does not stand for? Big Meech Family or Big Meech Freedom?

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

Graham Fury was like. Fury was like, you ghetto bitches. She doesn't need to know what BMF is. I was like, it's Black mafia family.

[B]

I mean. I mean, it was so perfect.

[A]

It was.

[B]

It was very crystal G. Absolutely spot on.

[A]

I was like, why would you know what BMF is?

[B]

It's only. I'm very shocked that I knew.

[A]

Why wouldn't I know what BMF is? You know what I'm saying? Shout out to money and violence on YouTube. This is my ilk. You know what I'm saying? So.

[B]

But yes, we.

[A]

How are you?

[B]

I am well. I'm grateful to be here in person in the studio with my sis.

[A]

That's what I was saying about the sunflower.

[B]

Yes. We'll face each other, period, and forget all of the nastiness outside.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

In more ways than one.

[B]

Oh. I was gonna say our show is kind of about that today, but we'll get there. I'm doing okay. I'm well. I'm safe. I have what I need. I'm grateful to. Grateful to be in the city. We convene to celebrate the Reid on their anniversary every year.

[A]

Yeah. Shout out to our brother and sister.

[B]

Absolutely. Congratulations on 12 years of amazing hard work.

[A]

I'm not farting. It's the chair.

[B]

Same. But, you know, I'm grateful to see and spend time with family, and we need that more than ever.

[A]

Yeah, we do. Very much.

[B]

And evil days, but.

[A]

We do.

[B]

But yes.

[A]

So in lieu of news this week, I want you all to make sure that you check out the links to continue to see what's happening on the ground in Gaza. Remember the last time that I reported the ceasefire, they were not honoring the ceasefire, and so Hamas was not honoring the hostage deals. And so at this point. And now what do we want to call him? Because I don't want to refer to him on our show, but in the event that we have to.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

The loogie. The orange loogie.

[B]

Yikes.

[A]

The orange loogie is now is saying that they need to relocate everybody in Gaza to Jordan and Egypt. And, you know, I just.

[B]

I'm stunned. I grow more and more stunned by the lack of intellectual capacity that. I mean, that's. That's really what I continue to be astounded every day in engaging the news and listening to the people who are in positions of power who literally read at a third grade level. I don't know how else to feel other than alarmed. But if you really just sit and listen to them, they truly have no idea, like, it's giving.

[A]

They don't know anything.

[B]

I mean, there are tumbleweeds between their ears. It is wild to me I don't know how else to. I listen to the Daily Show. The Kid Rock was talking about Kendrick Lamar's oh, God.

[A]

Performance.

[B]

And I mean, honestly, if it is a third grade level education, I would be stunned.

[A]

I don't think it is because my grandpa Perry had a third grade educational level and he did not think like these ignorant nuts out here.

[B]

I said, like, you know, illiteracy and white nationalism is a dangerousness. It is so disgusting. It is dangerous.

[A]

It is dangerous. Dangerous. It's dangerous.

[B]

And I don't know if we are really, really dealing with what that actually means, but if we just listen. I'm doing more listening than talking these days in my bare minimum baddie season. I feel like I've discussed this on social media.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, bare minimum baddies.

[B]

Bare minimum baddie.

[A]

Because it's found for me. Please.

[B]

Let me tell you, let me tell you, because we said the 92%, we said that we were going to let these people do their own work. We were not going to be sitting around the table and contributing to the reactive, the reactions and the responses to what is happening in the climate. And, you know, a lot of us who are negotiating corporate spaces, academic spaces, you know, people are sort of fledgling, flailing right now, like, what do we do? What do we do? And in all of the ways that we try to tell y' all that this would happen, in all of the ways that we warned and literally gave information, resources, options, we did all the things we strategized, we told you how, we explained what we demonstrated, you know, all of the things that were necessary for us to work our way out of where we were. And y' all decided to do nothing.

[A]

Fuck your one legged, one eyed grandma in the sticks of fucking Florida who needs her fucking food stamps and her Medicare and whatever the fuck for her diabetes and her dialysis. Fuck your grandma. Fuck your great. Everybody in your family for voting against everybody's best interest.

[B]

And now.

[A]

And now y' all want to cry because the eggs at the dollar tree are $11. You never thought that would happen. My Kraft Mac and cheese is 8.75 a box now. It used to be one. And now, like. And I don't give a about her. I will push her down a hill in her nasty rotted wheelchair.

[B]

That. Yes, I. I'm just. Yes, all of that. I just feel like we have tried so hard.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And those of us, you know, you know, it's what goes without saying at this point, but black women are the most educated and oftentimes most experienced People in the room. And our wisdom has consistently been discounted.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And so disrespect, disrespected, you know, not taken seriously. And so I am encouraging. I'm admonishing all of us, my. Our sister, and you know what I'm saying, to let these people do the work. We're going to work or we're going to do the bare minimum. We're going to do what is outlining our job descriptions and nothing further.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because so many of us are carrying the load.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Like this. This. And they want to. This is what I'm saying. The gaslighting around the DEI rhetoric that suggests that we don't earn things or that we are handed things when in actuality, if we are to look at who is actually doing the work, who has actually been contributing the labor, the ideas, the strategies, the leadership, who is it that's actually doing that? And it is often, often black women.

[A]

And also, who was DEI who actually benefited the most off.

[B]

White women.

[A]

White women.

[B]

So. So this is why I'm saying I want all of us to. To work every day and look amazing and do the very bare minimum.

[A]

Yeah. Wear your clothes.

[B]

That's. Wear your clothes.

[A]

Wear your clothes. Smell good. Yeah. Look good.

[B]

And, you know, wash your face and put your. Your eyebrows on and. And pump through the hallways and wave and speak to everyone. And when they get to the meeting and everyone is just, you know, sweating and nervous and wringing their hands, I want you to sit there and take your notes and say nothing. That's what I want. That's what I want. I'm in a bare minimum season because for so long I have worked with my. And my counterparts have done nothing, and I have done much of everything. Or, you know, we do our jobs and everyone else's, and we look good doing it. Okay. We make it look easy. But it is not easy.

[A]

It's not.

[B]

And so I am leaning back. We're no longer leaning in. We're leaning back and letting the girls do their own work in this season. You know what I'm saying? Remy Ma told us a long time ago to lean back. Her infat Joseph. Okay? She said lean back.

[A]

That's exactly my n. Don't dance.

[B]

We just pull up our pants and do the rock. Away. You see what I'm saying? Away. That's where we are. This is our season. This is our time. And I told the girls to get their wintertime wigs straight and step into the bare minimum baddie season of your life.

[A]

Step into the dark Side.

[B]

That's it. And I'm not saying, you know, do your job.

[A]

Yeah, do your job.

[B]

I'm not saying, ooh, long.

[A]

But just that.

[B]

But just that. Don't take on any additional task. And, you know, they love to do that. Well, would you mind? Could you just. No, girl, I'm not. I don't have the capacity for that. I don't have the bandwidth because I've got to go home and take care of my family, my community, my loved ones. I've got to go home and, you know, figure out how to. To grow and generate my own wealth because I cannot rely on these things. True. And these people. I'm worried about myself. I'm minding my business, and I'm in my bare minimum season. And that's okay because for so long, we have burned the candle at both ends. So I think we, more than anybody deserve to sit back, take breath, and go to bed on time for once in our lives. Okay. I'm closing my laptop on time. I'm not opening it from Friday to Monday morning. I. I'm in.

[A]

Yeah. Very good. Good. I'm so glad to hear that.

[B]

I mean, because I. There's so much. And this lie of meritocracy that's been pushed down our throats for so long, telling us if we work hard, we'll have nice things. Clearly.

[A]

And that's not true at all. 40 acres and a mule.

[B]

The 40 acres and a lie. The rules don't apply to everyone in the same in. So I just feel like we create our own rules. We do things in ways that we got to worry about ourselves.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Everybody else been looking out for themselves. It's time for us to worry about ourselves. That's just where my head is now.

[A]

I'm very Rosa Parks. I'm in my Rosa Parks era. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm seated. I'm not going to be marching with y' all in the streets because I'm too old for that. I'm going to sit down on this bus in the place that I'm not supposed to, and then do what you will with that. And also, I'll sue you niggas for using my name in a rap song later.

[B]

Litigation. We are in an era.

[A]

I'm of my litigious era.

[B]

Okay, I'm calling my attorney, and that's it.

[A]

But, you know, we want to please check out the links. There is. If you are watching this anywhere, there is a digital panel that you can scan. There's also links in the description box in our bios on our website. Please continue to check out the news of what's happening in Congo and what's happening in Sudan and what's happening in Gaza and around the world, and also ways that we can contribute if we have the means to do so. And let's keep our brothers and our sisters in our prayers as they continue to deal with unspeakable levels of atrocities. Always. And with that, we're gonna take a little break and head on over to the kitchen table.

[B]

Purr. That's what the kids say, right?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Purr. Big purr. Not the little one.

[A]

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[B]

Welcome back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At the kitchen table today, Jade and I are going to talk about, you know, in the spirit of community and, and what we've been saying, that's going to be the only thing that's going to sustain us and carry us forward and keep us safe, given where we are in the world, in our society and our culture. I want to talk about family and how our conceptualizations of family have evolved over time. And I feel like millennials are in a unique position, as we always have been. Right. I guess every generation probably feels this, but you know how it seems like it's just been one sort of catastrophic event after the other.

[A]

Yes. For us millennials, whole lives, literally.

[B]

I mean, from Columbine all the way up 9, 11, the girls. Like, we have just been negotiating the worst of times.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For.

[A]

For it was the worst of times. It was the worst.

[B]

A large part of our existence has been, you know, and, and I know that I'm not saying that we are the only generation that probably feels that way. I'm just sort of speaking that from, you know, my personal experience. But in that, I feel like the. How I have defined family is something that has taken shape. Taken a different shape than what I would have intended.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And if I think about who is my family or how I would define family, what I would say at 12 or 18 or 25 would probably be a lot different than how I would describe that now. So I just thought it would be cool for us to wrap a taste.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

About how our current context is sort of calling for us to broaden how we conceptualize the word family and how we live the word family, how we practice building and sustaining family.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So, sister, let me ask you, when you, if you were to define the word family, what does family mean to you?

[A]

Huh? What does it mean to me now? What did it mean maybe before?

[B]

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Let's start with how maybe a conventional or traditional definition of family. How did young Jade think about family? If young Jay, if 12 year old Jay was asked, what does family mean to her? What would she say?

[A]

I would say it was very binary black, the way I thought about it. So I had my family in my house, my immediate family. I had a rack of cousins. Again, I have 26 first cousins. On my mother's side, as you know. And then I have a lot of cousins on my father's side, too. And then I say binary black, because then there were family friends where you grew up with them, and those were your cousins, even though y' all were not blood.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So that's how I would have defined family. That's how young Jade defined family. And I think that grown Jade does not define family much different than that. My friends, I think I hold it. I cherish it even more, and I hold it even closer to heart. My friends are my family. So the other day, my girl, you know, a couple girlfriends and I, one of our homegirls hit us and she was like, I need y', all. Mind you, she's uptown. We in Brooklyn. You already know that's going out of town. I mean, so a long distance. But we assembled and, you know, those who were available, you know, because people can go at different times, but we assembled those who could, went up there and knocked some shit out in a couple of hours because she made the bat signal. And we did that because she is family, because we are family. And so I think I don't define family much different now. I got my blood family, but I don't look at you or anybody in my community any different than I look at my blood family.

[B]

Right, right. I would agree. I think they're the degrees. There are levels and there are degrees. And I feel like over time, you know, there are some distinctions, and I think over time, those distinctions have added complexity. And I'm learning to embrace complexity as a good and valuable thing. I think sometimes we rush to just oversimplify things, but like you, I think 12 year old Kia would characterize family as the people I'm related to by blood, but also the people I'm related to by proximity and by, like, shared values. Because when I say that, I know very, and I can say very plainly and like, like, you know, with full assurance. I grew up situated within a community, and I remember we used this term church family. It was not something that was just sort of said by a couple of people, but like, oh, no, that's church family.

[A]

Like, we know.

[B]

And this was a community of people, of parents, of peers, like other kids, just adults. And we were connected under shared values, shared beliefs, shared identities, shared experiences. And there was also this, like, currency of care that showed up in so many different ways. So it was like, you know, these are the people. There was a level of trust there. There was a level of safety there. And even when you didn't know people as well or as personally by virtue of that connection. So I say, like, you know, and there was a respect. If there were a group of kids of us in one part of the building, any adult could ask us, like, what y' all doing? And it wouldn't be like, I don't have to answer her. It would be like, oh, no, that's. That's an adult. I don't know. But that. That lady might know my mama, so I might not want to be like, you know, do too much here. But there. There was that sort of shared camaraderie and respect now that I'm older, I see, you know, and I feel like church culture has changed or shifted in. In where I am, because I feel like.

[A]

I think it has in general from what it once was.

[B]

So, like, there's less. Less, like, community churches. I wouldn't say, like, it doesn't exist anymore, but it's not as popular as it used to be.

[A]

No.

[B]

But, like, I feel like now there's more. Mega church.

[A]

Yeah, sort of. And digital.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so, like, technology and also sort of like corporate or even capitalistic infrastructure has shifted.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What that family dynamic looks like?

[A]

Cause why the fuck you got an ATM in here?

[B]

That's crazy work.

[A]

Why is there ATM in here? Why is this held in a place where people once upon a time played basketball games for the National Basketball Association?

[B]

So, okay, there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes. Okay. I wasn't going there, but no. So I do.

[A]

Talking to you, Joel Osteen.

[B]

I feel like. And I saw this really. I'm rambling, but I saw this clip, this really. This clip on Instagram where this white theologian came from someplace in Europe to America. And I can't think of his name right now, but he wrote years ago, he said the black church is the reason why there is sort of a church culture in America.

[A]

Very true.

[B]

He said, because, you know, there was a time that white church spaces got into. They function much more like theology departments at universities and lost that personal connection or cults. Well, yes. So he was saying that black churches were able to maintain that deep intellectual study of the Word, but also had. Were able to evoke feeling and community and shared space.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I think that, you know, I do feel like I don't have. As the church family experience that I grew up with. I'm not saying that I don't have people that I've connected with through church that I'm now close to, but just the whole economy of church culture.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Feels different now. And I 12 year old Kia would not have been thought that that would be the case.

[A]

That's really interesting. And I like your point about value systems also being a part of how you consider somebody family. I've told you, you know, me and my Uber drivers be chatting.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Even my one on the way here. You know what I'm saying? Iqbar shout out to you.

[B]

Iqbar, he from Pakistan.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

I am not about to talk about Onijah Robinson.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm not.

[B]

I didn't even bring it with.

[A]

Iqbar said he was from Pakistan. I was like, no, no. Okay. But anyway, she said, inshallah.

[B]

And, you know, I was like, oh, Najah, I hope she not my cousin out here acting like this.

[A]

Oh, no, she's not, because she's from. She's from Brooklyn. She's from Pickett Avenue. So you don't even have to worry about it. You don't have to worry about it.

[B]

I don't know, it could be.

[A]

But see, I did not even mean to derail this the way that we've.

[B]

Been all over the place. No, but this is good. Yes. You were talking to Iqbar.

[A]

So I was talking to iqbar last night. I was talking to Givi, you know, on the way home from Crystal's house, and I had another driver. I can't remember his name. The. The first one. The one whose name I can't remember. How awful. We got into a whole conversation about humanity, and by the end of the trip, he pulled up to my building and he was like, I love you, my sister.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

I love you. Because we shared the same values and the same outlook for human beings. Iqbar, when I got here today, iqbar said, it was such a pleasure talking to you. And I was like, it was such a pleasure talking to you. Like, Givi, last night from Georgia. Shout out to Givi.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, like, we have good conversations and I find. And we'll get to, like, closer connections in a moment. But I find if. If something were to happen, listen, God forbid there's an emergency on the street and you're stuck in the car. I want to be stuck in a car with a person like that and in an experience, having those shared values.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And maybe having a traumatic experience, that person would become family for sure. So family can look so many different.

[B]

Ways and we can share values, but have different approaches or different even rationales or, you know, there could be differences in how we practice and live and walk out our lives.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I feel like those differences make Us better. I think that we're moving to sort of a cultural norm where we have allowed difference to, you know, we judge each other by our differences. And we. And we. We use difference to eliminate connection rather than foster and cultivate connection.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so there is. I feel like there are things that. Yeah, I get and I say all the time. I've ignored it for years and years and years, but people ask me, you know, how do you hang out with this person? They don't believe what you believe or they don't do what you do.

[A]

And I'm like, I know you ask about me. Bitching my nieces. No, they're not asking about you.

[B]

They are not asking about you.

[A]

Are you nuts? You hang out with that godless. No. Yacht.

[B]

No, but. But seriously.

[A]

No. Yes. Sorry.

[B]

I think, you know, I connect with who I connect with, and there's a love there.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Whereas I don't have any desire to change who they are.

[A]

It's true.

[B]

I love and accept and respect them, and they love and accept and respect me. And we are able to sit and I'm able to learn about who they are. And their experience may be worlds different than mine, but it doesn't make me say, I cannot be in community or share space or not love that person.

[A]

Because we're not the same.

[B]

Because we're not exactly the same. Even if we, like, we differ on a lot of things, me and you, but we are also the same and directly aligned in a lot of things.

[A]

Yes, very much so.

[B]

Very much so. And I think that's the beauty of our relationship. I don't have the desire for you. You don't have to be exactly like me.

[A]

No.

[B]

For you to be a part of.

[A]

My family, it actually makes the overall experience fuller.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? Like, the fact that I know Kia, she's such a church girl that she can pull out a tambourine at any given moment, any given moment, that if.

[B]

I had one right now, takes me.

[A]

To a place, I swear to God, I don't need a tambourine because I know Kia's gonna have a tambourine period. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

I'm gonna have it in my pocket.

[A]

And if Kia needs to take a toke off a blunt, I got that period. If I ever need it.

[B]

So I know exactly who to call.

[A]

Hello?

[B]

But that does not mean. You know, I think, like you said before, when we need each other.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. We show up, we show up, we show up. We're actually so. It's so funny. Kia, don't drink coffee. I'm a tried and true coffee down girl. Kia is a tea girl.

[B]

I'm a tea drinker.

[A]

And I think that is representative in so many ways. Not just in the beverage, but it's lovely. I think it makes our experience fuller. I think, I think it helps us to learn more.

[B]

For sure.

[A]

I told you, I've been open. I've been open to so many conversations with people that otherwise I would not have been exactly if it wasn't for this space.

[B]

And I feel like that is one way that we as millennials or folks in our age, I think there's a willingness to embrace difference in ways that I don't know. I struggled to get my mom and my grandfather to be open to difference in that way. And I see that as something that we are doing differently. We're redefining what it means to be family. Because honestly, 12 year old Kia thought that she would have, my brother would still be here and I might have some nieces and nephews or I might be partnered, I might have a child of my own, but life hasn't worked out that way. And I have a host of first cousins on my, my mom's side and my dad's side. And, you know, life has worked out in a way where those connections are not as tight as they once were or even as I would like them to be. And, you know, for whatever reason that is, you know, that's just the way it is. But I'm grateful that my family or my definition of family has expanded absolutely. To include people who don't share DNA with me, but have been there and have shown up for me in the moments when I needed them to literally be there for me. And I think that that is, I think that's a beautiful thing. And I just want us to pause and think about sort of like in this time we should know and be able to, you know, name who our family is and want so that I think we should do that, so that we can strengthen and cultivate those relationships and be intentional about spending time. So I was telling Jade, I think our family, our friends and our family, even though it is really non conventional how we came together, you know, like me and Toya, we're best friends. But, you know, I met XD online and we, you know, I chat and, you know, we sort of developed community digitally and I met Tay and I met you and I met Crystal and I met Naldo and Shariel and, you.

[A]

Know, and Shari and I Didn't even meet through this friend circle.

[B]

Right. Exactly.

[A]

I met XD because Shari was already my friend who ended up growing up a couple blocks away from my cousin, who I would visit in Atlanta. So, like, it's. But we just all ended up coming, and it's really become a family because we've created our own traditions.

[B]

Absolutely. Absolutely.

[A]

I was thinking about this past super bowl, and I was like, I've spent probably at least the last 10 Super Bowls with Krystal. Like, it's without question. It's like, all right, what we doing? You know, she knows when the super bowl is. I generally don't same. But when I first went to. I'm like, oh, I know where we're convenient. You know, everybody knows that they can come to my house on Thanksgiving.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, if you're gonna be in New York, you come to my house on Thanksgiving. I'm gonna cook. It's been that way for, like, 15 years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? And. Or even this weekend with the show, how our. Our out of town friends, including yourself now, which is so crazy, all convene and come together for the anniversary show of the re. Shout out to our brother and sister. But we come together with family dysfunction, with, like, laughter, with tears, with pure joy. You know what I'm saying? But it really is a family experience for sure. And it's beautiful.

[B]

Yeah. And I just wanted us to talk a little bit about that in hopes that folks will take stock in all the ways that community exists in their lives.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And to not feel like you're limited only to the family that you were born into. Of course, love and cherish and, you know, spend time and honor those relationships. But there is so much more.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Available to us if we only sort of just, you know, open our eyes to it and be intentional about how we integrate that into our daily lives.

[A]

I told Tristan the other day, I said, you know what? Like, I'm wealthy. Like, I am wealthy because my. My friends are. Are my sisters, are my brothers. Like, I don't have to want for anything. Mary has come over to help me clean my room. You know what I'm saying? Like, she's come over to help me clean my room. We repot plants. I go to Kia's house. I slept in her bed. I'm gonna save the next. That last part. I had it. It's not for y', all, but she knows what it is. I slept in her bed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I sent a picture to somebody and said, boo D. But these are just natural Things like Toya came over yesterday and said, I know you have deodorant in your bag. And I did, and she used it. And we are family. This is true life, family. If I need you all to come and help me paint my kitchen, I know that I have somebody come help paint my kitchen. If my building burns down, I'll call Kia and be like, I'm about to inconvenience your life. But me, Tristan and Noah are coming, and I know that we can. And I think that as I've evolved, as I've grown, you know, as I've just aged, seeing your friends as your family and truly treating them as such and also taking stock of how people show up in your life as well, you know what I'm saying? Because sometimes we place value in relationships that absolutely just don't deserve it. Deserve that?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You know, I. I find that to be a pertinent thing at this point.

[B]

And that is. I'm glad you said that, because that, like, you know, there are relationships that I have with family members that I'm related to by blood that are broken. And I think our friendship, family, you know, the friends, the family that I have found in you and Crystal and Tay and Toya has helped me to accept that there are some relationships. The relationships that you, you know, you grow up thinking that these are the people who are supposed to be there for you, who are supposed to have your back, and for whatever reason, that might not be the case. And, you know, I've spent so much time sort of wondering why and trying to figure out what I need to do to fix this, to mend this. All the while, you know, this has helped me to accept that I cannot fix it on my own. And that, you know, does not mean that I, you know, those relationships will completely dissolve. And they're not irreparable, but I. I have safe spaces.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Even though I don't have them in places where I thought I would have them, I can say, you know, I don't have this, but, you know, I wish that I was closer with these people, but I know that what I need, you know, I can call Crystal, I can call Jade, I can call the Nikki's. I can call. So. So that has helped to help me heal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, from the hurt that has. Has happened when relationships have shifted.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In my blood, family. And so it's a matter of perspective.

[A]

Shifting perspective oftentimes, you know, because we can get bogged down and caught up. It's natural as humans to get caught up in the negative. And I think if you really take stock of the people in your life, even if they are not your blood, if they are showing up for you, that is your family.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you've got to say thank you and recognize that and realize the wealth that you have around you in community because it is a priceless thing.

[B]

Oh good.

[A]

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[C]

Oh my gosh. Have you been to Marshalls lately? They have all the brand name and designer pieces you love, but without the jaw dropping price tags. Alright, so here's the should never have to compromise between quality and price. And at Marshalls you don't have to. Marshalls believes everyone deserves access to the good stuff and that's why their buyers Hustle around the clock to make it happen for you. Visit a Marshalls store near you or shop [e-mail] I'm gonna put you on, nephew.

[A]

All right, unc.

[B]

Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order, miss?

[A]

I've been hitting up McDonald's for years now. It's back. We need snack wraps. What's a snack wrap? It's the return of something great. Snack rap is back.

[B]

What would you say to the person? Because I know we've been friends for a long time, and I think time is also a huge factor in sort of cultivating this level of closeness amongst the friends group. What would you say to the person who is just starting to build their friend circle or is still trying to find their tribe, so to speak? What would you say to that person to encourage them to know that, you know, where. Where they are is okay, too?

[A]

What would I say to the person who's struggling, like, who's struggling to find their tribe, their community?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what? It's not your fault. It's not your fault. You know, I say thank you because I am grateful. I recognize what I have around me. I think that oftentimes, if we don't have that around us, it. It's for a few different reasons. Maybe you are just in a place physically, like you're physically in a place where it is harder to find community. Doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So maybe it's a change of perspective of the. The few people who are around you. Sometimes it requires us to take stock of ourselves and how we're showing up within community. Because you might be the problem.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, and that is. It is something you have to assess. You know what I mean? I have to constantly assess myself within my family, friend groups to make sure that I am showing up in the way that I want to be shown up for. And so you have to make sure that you're putting yourself out there in that way. And I think another thing, too, is to release. Oftentimes people get caught up in. They get heady. And I think a lot of my. When I think about my more recent friendships, like my friend Chanel, for instance, she's been my friend now for a few years, but she's probably on the newer end of the people that I hang around. But Chanel is 1 million percent herself.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I am 1 million percent myself within the group that we are in. And I think that freedom to be that, you know, and just to naturally love that other person for who they Are, you know, and not put expectations or anything. I think that's part of it too. So there's many reasons why somebody could feel isolated in this time. And I think people are where they're supposed to be at, when they supposed to be there. But there are things that we need to just assess, look in the mirror, ask ourselves, you know, but it's not always your fault. Sometimes it's just the circumstances.

[B]

Every season has its place.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And there will be seasons of solitude, just like there will be seasons of connection.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I love what you said about being authentically yourself, because there's none of the real friendships that I have. Did I like, I didn't look at Jade and say, jay's gonna be my friend.

[A]

No.

[B]

Let me figure out how I like, you know, I'm saying it wasn't like I'm going to approach Jay on be my friend, but we were in the same space, being ourselves and found connection.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We were in our own lives, living our own lives, doing things that we love, and that's what brought us together.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was not something that we. There was no strategy, no master plan. And I. And I feel like we all cringe when, you know, the Super Friends thing is said because it makes it feel like it was curated.

[A]

It wasn't, but it was. It was very authentic.

[B]

It was not. I mean, in no way. And I think it was also like, you know, we. We got it out the mud together. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. When Crystal was talking about at the re last night, when she was talking about just transitioning into the city and pawning that laptop.

[A]

And I remember all of that.

[B]

I remember when she did that. I remember when she was renting that room on 190th.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because I was living on 140.

[A]

And then when she leveled up and then she got that. That railroad apartment with that weird bathtub.

[B]

Lord Jesus. No, but we got it out the mud. You know what I'm saying? You know, when I had my. I was the only one with my little, you know, me and you were the only ones that had little cars.

[A]

Yes. We were the only ones. We were the only ones.

[B]

You know, I remember, you know, all of that. We grinded it out together.

[A]

I remember when Ken had told us that she applied. Applied to the doctorate program in Maryland. And I was like, maryland? And I remember when you got accepted and it was like, you're moving, but it was pre Dr. Kia.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, it. It really. It really. When you zoom out, I think, and like I said that's why. I said sometimes it's about changing your perspective, too, when you think you're alone, because oftentimes.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

You are not.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and I don't think people are. Realize the wealth that they have around them and to really lean into that community and show up for each other in every sense of what that word really means. Not just to go to the club, not just to. Or whatever the fuck kids do. I don't know, the soda shop.

[B]

I don't know what.

[A]

I don't know what y' all do now, but whatever you do, it's not just for that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? You gotta really show up, and you have to really be grateful for what you have.

[B]

And that is what. That is what feeds the connection. That's what sustains it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, we show up now out of love and out of appreciation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm willing to come up here every year at this time because this time is going to feed me up. The time that I'm spending with y' all this weekend is going to literally be what I draw from when I got to be back in Maryland by myself figuring things out. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Our friend Siobhan does a. She does a gratitude jar, and when she gets home, she got a bunch of sticky notes, and she writes down all the beautiful things of the day that, like, filled her up and she puts it in the jar. And so she'll send us pictures of her notes if she's had a rough day and she need to pull if that note correlated to something that, you know, an experience that we had together or a memory. And. And I. That's such an important practice. I find friends and family and community to almost be like furniture. You got your home.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And a lot of times, you know, sometimes we will. You know, we'll. We'll be like, I want to do this, and I want to do this, and I wish I had more of this, and I wish I had more rugs, and I wish I had an updated version of this, and I wish I had this. And we don't realize that, really, we have everything that we need if we change our perspective on how we look at it. And I think it is literally the same thing with community. If y' all are just doing this one thing together, then sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But if you're really looking at them and what community really means, then you will really take stock of how wealthy you actually are. And I And, yeah, that's how. That's how I feel about it.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

Mash. You know what I'm saying? When I was young, I used to play mash. I thought I was gonna have a house. I thought I was gonna have however many kids I put down in an apartment. I never put more than four kids. Cause I knew that was not my trajectory.

[B]

Yeah, I'm certain. I did not.

[A]

I thought I was gonna be driving a Honda Civic at this age. You know what I'm saying? That was my dream car.

[B]

I wanted a green. A forest green Toyota Camry.

[A]

My dream car was a 95 black Honda Civic.

[B]

You know the. Yes. I had the forest green Toyota Camry and it had the gold. It was the gold Camry sign.

[A]

Yes. I was like, oh.

[B]

Oh, that is nice.

[A]

That's what little Jade thought she was gonna be with. Maybe two.

[B]

Actually.

[A]

I didn't even know if kids were in the.

[B]

I was like, I guess it'd be coming. Yeah. I would have to be very honest. Kids were not. I did not sit around and dream about kids.

[A]

No.

[B]

I felt like, if. If anything, it was something I just thought would have happened by function of.

[A]

About marriage. That's never one of the little girls with. Oh, my wedding.

[B]

Big same. Big same. I remember in college, we used to. Remember TLC used to have a wedding story and a baby story.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

We would sit and watch a baby story and a wedding story. And even in those moments, I would love to watch those shows. But I was never the girl that had, like, a scrapbook. I remember one time I had a roommate that asked me. I was dating this guy, and she was like, do you know what kind of ring you want? And I was like, what? Like. She was like, you need to know what kind of ring you want. I was like, I don't want to marry him. I don't know, but I don't want to marry him, number one. Number two, like, a ring. I don't know. Whatever. He.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Like, you need to know.

[A]

She was like, you need to know.

[B]

What kind of ring you want. And I was like, do I like for what? I mean. And then I realized that there are, you know, people have, like, scrapbooks and whole, like, spreadsheets of things that they want. And no dig, no shade. But I'm just saying, that's never been. I've never planned out that, you know, if I plan out things that, you know, I. My goals and aspirations, but I've never planned out a wedding.

[A]

Never in that way. I didn't plan out a wedding when I had one fair. You know what I'm saying? It was like, oh, well, we're doing this in three months.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But I just never aspired for the. But when I would play the mash and I would think about my life, it was. It was in those very, very specific ways. I will have this house. I. Maybe I'll have. Maybe I won't. I. I didn't even know I wanted to be a backup dancer. Come on. You know, that was my. That's what I wanted to do. My career.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

But I didn't picture it to be here, and I. And I wouldn't do anything to change it now.

[B]

Same my. I remember my mom went.

[A]

Except hawk the loogie in office.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

But I remember when. When my parents divorced and I took it really. And my dad, like, was gone. I took it really hard. My mom took me to the. This black psychologist in Harlem. His name was Dr. Reese. And we would go to Dr. Reese's office, and he just was this cool guy, and I could talk to him about. And I was like, oh, my God.

[A]

Shout out to your mother for doing that.

[B]

I mean, it's interesting we should talk about that, because, like, when I. In adulthood, I talked to her about what prompted that decision, and it was really interesting, and it did not. What she said was kind of like, that's why you took me to Dr. Reese. But, okay. Either way, I went, and it was good.

[A]

Okay. So.

[B]

But Dr. Reese and that. That exposure. I did want to be a psychologist. I knew after going to Dr. Reese that that was what I wanted to do. And I did end up going to college and majoring in psychology, and it didn't work out exactly that way. But when I. That that's what. When Kia was playing mash, it was there.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

You've always been Dr. P. I also.

[B]

Felt like I did, like I said, kids. I felt like I would have kids because adults have kids. It was not something like, oh, man, I want to be a mom. I can't wait to mom.

[A]

Well, I was sexually active, and I also was very, like, I am not getting pregnant by these niggas. No, no, no. It's not happening.

[B]

And I was not sexually active. But I will say that. And I'm not. No, I'm not saying that as a judgment, but I felt like. I felt like there was this narrative, and we should talk about that, because I felt like I was very heavily socialized. Like, pregnancy was the worst Possible outcome.

[A]

No, same.

[B]

And so then, you know, you become, like, 25, and people start asking you, when you gonna have a baby? And it's like, what? I have been actively working on not having a baby all of my life. And now you niggas want me to have a baby.

[A]

And I knew I would. That's how I knew Tristan was the one. Cause I said, I let you get me pregnant. I never let these. Let me be careful. There are no accidents over there.

[B]

And that's what I'm saying. That's why I say Glorilla is wise beyond her years. Oh, I love it, cuz. She be telling the girl, I don't want your sperm.

[A]

Please, Gloria. Hallelujah, Woods. I root for you, niece. Always.

[B]

I said, girl, this girl, this is.

[A]

Yes, cuz. She's got an old soul. That's what it is. I do.

[B]

But no, seriously, same. Same circumstance, though. It was actively about not having a baby. And so the switch never flipped back in the other direction from me. No.

[A]

You remember when I met Tristan?

[B]

I do.

[A]

Nose was wide the fuck open.

[B]

Yeah, I do.

[A]

And I was like, well, I guess, you know, this is what happened. And I love that, you know, that's what. But that I knew that was the reason why.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And that's how he became my community.

[B]

Listen. And that's why I said, you know, at one point, there may be somebody who changes my mind about it. Cause that's. That's. You know, but if that's. If not, then I'm cool. You know what I'm saying? And I have come to accept. Accept that in. In my life. And I'm grateful. Like you said, nothing happens by, like, every season have its place. And I feel like I am where I'm supposed to be, and I have exactly what I'm supposed to have right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't feel like I've missed out on anything and that. Like, you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel wealthy for that reason. Like, there's same. I do not sit in my house and wonder, ah, I wish that it would have gone.

[A]

I got sad when this administration. When I knew that that was the nail in the coffin for, like, I'm not gonna have another kid.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then also, I was like, I'm not gonna have another kid for many reasons, not just the medical reasons, for what y' all are doing financially, et cetera, et cetera. And now at this. I'm okay. I'm okay. I wanna lean into who I have. I wanna lean into who's around. I won't be Grateful for that. We should call this episode Mad Mash.

[B]

Oh yeah. I'm down.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

Mansion. Apartment. Shack. House.

[B]

Shack.

[A]

We should play mash for the pre show.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh my God. My options are gonna be so different.

[A]

I can't wait. We need to see if we're gonna play in the in the mentality of little Jade and Kia or play the battalion Big Jade and kia. How many kids?

[B]

000 000. But I will say this. DD was a twin.

[A]

Oh yeah, you have said that.

[B]

So I remember when I learned that Dee dad was a twin. I thought that twins were cool. And I said I've always said if I was ever to be pregnant like you know, I would want to have twins because I would only want to be pregnant once in life. I don't have any aspirations. I'm not mad at that because my mom. It was so. I grew up when my mama never called him like she always said big and pregnant. She always preceded pregnant with big.

[A]

You know she was like.

[B]

Because I mean big and pregnant. Like so I think in my mind.

[A]

That'S you're like big and pregnant.

[B]

I don't want to be big and pregnant. I mean for. No, because I mean, you know women. There were women in our church, in our community that would just get pregnant and it seemed like they were pregnant for 10 years straight just being pregnant.

[A]

My grandma was. My grandma was too pregnant for 10 years straight. Just about Lord Jesus Christ. That was not what I ever pictured for my life. And here we are. And I still don't.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

But yes, we want to hear from you all. Chime in, in the. In the comments, in the emails. Where did. How your views of family, your views of community, how have they changed? We would love to hear your thoughts.

[B]

Expanded, broaden, right?

[A]

Shifted, transitioned. And I think we should have an episode where we hear from you all. So you can send that into hellotngrown Co and we're going to move along to two little special announcements. Okay. Yeah.

[C]

Oh my gosh. Have you been to Marshall's lately? They have all the brand name and designer pieces you love but without the jaw dropping price tags. Alright, so here's the. You should never have to compromise between quality and price. And at Marshalls you don't have to. Marshalls believes everyone deserves access to the good stuff stuff. And that's why their buyers hustle around the clock to make it happen for you. Visit a Marshalls store near you or shop [e-mail] did you know Tide has been upgraded to provide an even better clean in cold water. Tide is specifically designed to fight any stain you throw at it, Even in cold butter. Yep. Chocolate ice cream. Sure thing. Barbecue sauce. Tide's got you covered. You don't need to use warm water. Additionally, Tide pods let you confidently fight tough stains with new coldzyme technology. Just remember, if it's gotta be clean, it's gotta be tide.

[A]

Okay, so we don't have honesty boxes this week. Howsomever?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We do have two midwinter graduation announcements. Oh, I know we don't normally do graduation announcements, but these got lost somewhere in the sauce, and we want to make sure that every single human is honored here getting grown. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

We take that very seriously.

[A]

We are human beings. And so we wanted to honor these two midwinter announcements that got lost in the sauce beforehand for our honesty box. So we have an original one, and then we have an update.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. And this is.

[B]

Give it to me now.

[A]

This is from Give it to Me Now Mecca. Oh, Robinson.

[B]

Hey, cousin.

[A]

Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson. Jesus loves you more than you will know.

[B]

That's right. He sure does.

[A]

Oh, okay. Praise the Lord.

[B]

Praise him.

[A]

I'm gonna try and not be long winded. I'm so excited to finally be able to send you my graduation announcement. First things first. Your show has taught me so much. Jade and Kia, you've been the older sisters I've always wished I had.

[B]

See?

[A]

Family.

[B]

Love that.

[A]

Community.

[B]

Yay.

[A]

From teaching me how to curse someone.

[B]

All right, that's it.

[A]

Cause it's a skill. It is. It's a skill. To shaming me for not cleaning behind my stove. Shame works, honey. Good in the best of ways. I got another one for you. I need y' all to start getting eye level with your counters because people are not cleaning their counters properly. You don't know how to filthy your counter is until you get eye level. Okay, Sorry.

[B]

I mean, especially after you feel like you've cleaned it.

[A]

Get down there. You gotta get down like this.

[B]

You'll be like, my God.

[A]

And you're like, oh, no. You're gonna see behind those. Mecca. Shout out to you for listening. Yes. Anywho, I graduated from Mount Washiset. Oh, Wash. Washuset. Washuset. W a set. Wash. U S, E, T, T. Wachuset.

[B]

Wachusett.

[A]

Wachuset. Wachusett. There's no e at the end. It's not French. You're right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Wachusett Community College in Massachusetts with an associate of science and biology. I did this while working full time and being a non traditional student. I know that's right. It's taken me close to 10 years, but I made it and will transfer to Fitchburg State University and master Massachusetts to earn my bachelor's in biology and chemistry.

[B]

You better go ahead.

[A]

I can't wait to write again to discuss the next steps. Will a PhD be on the horizon? Stay tuned. Perhaps. Thank you so much for your wisdom and excellence. That's from Mecca Taylor Robinson.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Mecca Taylor Robinson sent a beautiful photograph.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

But then we got an update.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because we forgot to read it originally.

[B]

My bad. Sorry, Mecca.

[A]

So Mecca says hello. Thank you so much for reaching out to me and I definitely understand. Thank you so much for grace. This means. Means so much. I do have an update that you all can add as well. September of 2024. Shortly after graduating, I was able to land my first job in the industry working on the microbiology department of a major pharmaceutical company, as well as attending a four year university full time to complete my bachelor's. Go ahead, Mecca.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

Shout out to you, Mecca.

[B]

Been typing fast.

[A]

Okay. Working hard.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

I love to see that. I love to see that. And then our next one that we forgot. We're so proud of you. Hello, chef Jade and Dr. Takiya Robinson.

[B]

All right, give me the pool name.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Correctly.

[A]

I hear that I want to shout out.

[B]

Me.

[A]

I bring me. My name is Jay and I'm graduate. Last name Creighton. Optional. Okay, well, we're gonna say your whole name. And I'm graduating with my MBA this December from Louisiana State University in Shreveport. I decided to go back to school to get another master's degree last year. After working as an engineer for many years. I'm newer to getting grown, but Dr. Takia has inspired me to go ahead and pursue a doctorate degree. And Jade has inspired me to continue to raise hell.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Give it to him. Viva la revolucion. Love you both and the work that you do. And that's from Jay.

[B]

Thank you, Jay.

[A]

Congratulations. Congratulations. I love that. I love that so much. I love that. Let me inspire you all to be the demons that you can.

[B]

No, it's important. Balance, duality. We have to have both. I just. I love that. And I love that we are not allowing what's going on currently to deter us from our goals. We're still moving forward despite all the people who want to, you know, say that this is not important work. It's not valuable. It's a waste I love that we are paying them no mind.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because what we have to always remember is that it is like, just like we dubois said all those years ago, and we've been hearing, you know, there's knowledge is power.

[A]

It is.

[B]

It really is. It's not. It's not. Don't let them dismiss that, you know, us being the most educated demographic. Like, don't let them just sweep over that.

[A]

Unless we forget Ronald, nasty, hateful ass Reagan took away free education with the community colleges when he was in office. And we have still continued to educate ourselves in whatever form or facet that is. And so we will never let them deter us.

[B]

We can't. And it's so important because it is true in repressed societies. They want us to. They want. They want us to not be free thinking. They want us to not be critical. They want. Because then they will just blindly listen.

[A]

To whatever because they're not critical.

[B]

Exactly. And we'll just blindly listen to and accept what the dominant narrative is. You know, what you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And know what you know. And what you know can nobody take from you. So. So work on knowing that. Like, work on. Just sort of cultivate. I want to make sure, you know, that's you combat. I combat the anxiety and the chaos that this, you know, administration is trying to force us all into. You combat that by resting in what you know, what the facts are. Information and knowledge are two different things. Shout out to Brittney Cooper. I said that a couple of weeks ago. Having access to a lot of information doesn't make you more knowledgeable.

[A]

Not at all.

[B]

Knowledge is generated in communities of learners, communities of people who come together and process information thoughtfully, strategically, and for a purpose. So don't be inundated with this information that you fail to generate the knowledge that you need to learn how to do what you supposed to do with it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I love that y' all are still out here doing that work. Don't stop, no matter what. Make that investment in yourself, because it is really what's going to be the difference between what you know, haves and have nots. You know what I'm saying? So I love that. Congrats.

[A]

A scholar by the name of Lucas, and he had a very profound statement. Don't stop. Get it? Get it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So if you take that with you for a scholar of our time, one.

[B]

Of the most prolific thinkers.

[A]

Very much so. Yes. He said head. Head and mohead.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? Luke. Luke is. He is. He is a philosopher. Don't stop. Get it. Get it. So head.

[B]

Don't forget that.

[A]

Take that with you. You could take that as knowledge or fellatio. All of it is great.

[B]

All of it. All of it.

[A]

Get more. Exactly the basis, the foundation of the message is MA is better.

[B]

Yes. Get more. I love it.

[A]

Yes. So shout out to you all, congratulations. I can't wait for the graduation announcements to come back.

[B]

We need joy.

[A]

We do.

[B]

We need joy.

[A]

Joy. We need it may come. May June coming soon. Yes, we'll be doing more graduation announcements.

[B]

And I have a self care.

[A]

Okay, let's do a self care then. I deserve a.

[B]

My self care is I made a playlist. I feel like I have underestimated the power of a playlist. You know and like we were saying before being inundated with information doom scrolling and just one of the things that I've been trying to that have been using to help me to not get swept away in all of that is the go on back can make me a good old playlist.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I've made a couple this week. You know what I'm saying? And I try to be, you know, I have a themes, you know I want. When I want to be in this particular space when I'm waking up in the morning, how I wanna start my day. Gratitude big. I have one, I made one on Apple Music called He promised. I put together all these songs that are about who God is and what his promises are to me. So no matter what these things are going on all around me, I just listen to what he promised.

[A]

Oh I love a theme too.

[B]

I love a theme. Right. And so like in my self care and I'm gonna try to get back to doing that more often but you know I used to make working playlists. I'm gonna get back to that too. Cause while we're doing our bare minimum at the office we should have some amazing tunes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To sort of keep us moving throughout the day. Absolutely. So yeah, making a playlist was my self care for the week. It's been a game changer. Never underestimate the power of a good old playlist child.

[A]

I love that actually. That's like one of those simple but big pleasures. Big pleasure. Yeah, I like that. Cause I do need to get off of my friends playlist at this point.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I do need to make some for my own happy feel.

[B]

And when you decide to do it like you know you get to make. You get to think the songs you like you. You get to just. Oh yeah.

[A]

And what like resonates with you.

[B]

And when you hear it, like I just put it on shuffle and then you hear it, it's like, oh, I do love this song.

[A]

I do. I love that idea.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's my self care this week? What did I do to take care of myself? Hmm. So I was supposed to meet my friends on the earlier side of yesterday, but I decided to take my sweet time getting ready. I. I took three hours to get ready, which I never do. I love that, like I'm actually like a get ready, like get in the shower, get it done, get out of the door person. And I was like, I'm not going to be late to the show and I'm still going to see my friends ahead of time. But as I got into it, I said, I don't feel like rushing, especially in this weather. No. And I put the TV on.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you know, set up my little makeup and rolled my blunt and I like slowly. I took my, my time getting ready and I was like, I think I want to do this more often. I don't have to get ready a lot, but when I do, that's what I'm saying.

[B]

Ease.

[A]

I want it to be easeful.

[B]

And to be honest, a lot of times I have more fun getting ready than I have going out.

[A]

No. Like 99.7% of the time. What do you.

[B]

Cause you know, like, you know, I have my. Exactly. It's like I'm dressed and I could just go to bed. Now I feel like the work of getting ready was really all I needed.

[A]

Yeah. Never. What did Beyonce say? Never made it to the function.

[B]

Never made it to the function or whatever.

[A]

Like, yeah, it's very, it's.

[B]

But child. Yes. And I love a good take your time where you can take your shower. And I love to do my skincare and then do my makeup, get my clothes together. You know, I'm old school, so, you know, I'll iron my, you know, I'm just my iron my things. But it's just about getting ready and just, I don't know, it makes me feel like, you know, I remember watching my grandma get ready for church and.

[A]

They didn't rush to get ready.

[B]

That was like a thing. Like, you know, grandma's getting ready for church.

[A]

Like by the time you got up, they already showered and they'd have on that, that full slip. Full slip while they make the breakfast. It had to be the full slip with the rollers already.

[B]

Put a little fashion fair rouge on already and things were ready. Right. But it to was time. Time for us to get ready. And a lot of times I would get ready and literally sit in the corner and just watch grandma get ready. I would sit in the corner and watch her like get her jewelry and get her suits and her hat and her shoes.

[A]

Cuz your grandma be shy. What I told you. My grandma dressed like Carol Bass. She just be picking out and putting it on. And I dressed the same so it's not far off. I'd be like that feels good to me.

[B]

My grandma always like she really. And I've watched her. I emulated that. She loved to look nice.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

And I too. And we went through some of our bonding time. On Fridays we had standing hair appointments. My Friday her appointment was at 3. Mine was at 3:30.

[A]

Oh, that is precious.

[B]

And we would go get our hair done on Friday after school.

[A]

That is, that is like really? That's a sweet memory.

[B]

Oh, that's my girl.

[A]

That's a sweet memory.

[B]

And I just love her. I loved watching her. She was like, like that girl to me.

[A]

I love. My grandmother used to own a beauty supply store. I realized.

[B]

Oh, my grandmother was a cosmetologist.

[A]

Look, see, look. Black women. Connect tech. I love it. Stem steam, steam.

[B]

And my grandma used to. Yes. Because she was trying to teach my mom how to use the Marcels.

[A]

Please girls.

[B]

Because she was just like the recipes will not die.

[A]

I need.

[B]

Who's still clicking?

[A]

Please chime in. Who's still using Marcel irons? I want to know. I want to.

[B]

To see. I know a few stylists who still use them.

[A]

They're in Detroit.

[B]

No, Tania knows how to use them.

[A]

I know Tania look like she know how to use the Marcel iron in the proper way.

[B]

I also think I have a one of my. We used to call cuz sister. We used to call. She was like my cousin's sister. And she's a stylist. She now lives in South Carolina. But she still use the Marcel.

[A]

It's very good black, sturdy black areas where they're still using.

[B]

Like I want a set and I'm bald headed. But I just want to sell my house.

[A]

I want to cut my locs off per my hair just so I give me a shortcut with the little curls.

[B]

Oh a pixie.

[A]

Where they take the. But where they take the little one.

[B]

And they lay it a little curl.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? It'd be nasty for like two years.

[B]

I love it. Listen. And that's why I said if I ever won the lottery or if I became like a Multimillionaire. I might not tell y', all, but there will be signs. And the first sign would be, I would have someone do my pixie every other day. Day. I would have a pixie. You know what I'm saying? Because when I think about all the it girls, Tamara Hall, Fantasia, all the it girls that have pixies, their hair be looking amazing, but it's also somebody that's able to, you know, follow them around and do their hair every day.

[A]

If I won the lottery, how would you all know?

[B]

How would.

[A]

I wouldn't tell you because my clothes would still be the same. I'd probably still be driving, you know, my two face. Because I. That's my. That's my girl. She gets me to and fro every day. I. One day, I would just have a food video, and you all would see me in the most ignorant kitchen known to men.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And it would be mine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It would not be a set. I think that would be the sign.

[B]

I would also have, like, a house. House. Like a house.

[A]

Yeah. And I might have me like a tiger because, you know, love exotic pets.

[B]

That's so random.

[A]

I would like to have an exotic pet.

[B]

Maybe it would totally be like, actually.

[A]

I want a pig.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. I don't want that. I do feel like I want a dog now, though.

[A]

Speaking of, you know what? No, I'll just. You ready to go into the petty peeves? Let's do it. All right.

[B]

Oh, Gekko, I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico app. Could you sign a sign?

[A]

What?

[B]

The app? Yeah, sure. Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it. Could you sign it again? Anything to help, I suppose. Get more than just savings.

[A]

Get more with Geico. And I want to be very responsible.

[B]

Of the things I say to my sister because everybody know I can be real petty.

[A]

P E to the TTY Honey, I don't know if you're. Jade's petty peeve has been redacted this week for the good of the community. Woo. Okay. What's your petty peeve?

[B]

My petty peeve is for the host of white women who are. Who commented under Kamala's most recent post. I think she posted a photo of her and her husband on Valentine's Day. Okay. And there was a host, I mean, droves of white women in the comments saying that I guess she shouldn't love her husband or saying that her Valentine's Day post was tone deaf given sort of the state of the country right now. And so this is.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

[B]

Wait.

[A]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. The orange loogie has. If you look on every map except for shout out to you MapQuest, I re downloaded MapQuest, and I don't even care if it doesn't work properly because they're the only ones where it still says the Gulf of Mexico. But. So you got this motherfucker name trying to rename shit the Gulf of America, saying asinine things like, Canada should be our 51st state, and we're going to take over parts of Greenland and whatever else that. It's all kinds of nonsense going on RF Suck my dick. K Is Is in there rasping through whatever the fuck he's saying of nonsense. And then you've got Elon Musk in his big moon cookie fucking face and everything. And you're not even an elected official. The actual elected officials are fucking idiots. And you mean to tell me to. That they decided that they wanted to go talk to Kamala?

[B]

Yes, they are saying that Kamala should be doing something right now. Kamala? How dare.

[A]

What the is she supposed to do?

[B]

Well, they say it's tone deaf, given the state of the world. How dare you sort of celebrate Valentine's Day when the world is falling apart. And let me just help you. All right? Quick. Because if this isn't a classic case of, number one, blaming black women for everything, okay? Expecting black women to work for free. When. And when. And in what universe does a person not get hired and then still be expected to perform the duties of the job of the. And the duties of the. Of the. You know, the duties of the role? Girl, get somewhere and get the hell out of my face with that foolishness. And let me tell you something. White women notoriously sit around and do nothing while expecting black women to do everything.

[A]

No, all the time, Ashley.

[B]

And it's like, this is a mess of your making, okay? You made this mess, and you have to sit in it, but you expect this black woman to do something about it now, when you could have positioned her to do something about it. And now you want to come back and say that she cannot be somewhere off with her husband kicking up her heels and minding her business. You cannot.

[A]

Girl, go to hell.

[B]

Exactly. Go to hell and stay there.

[A]

Wait, so you know what? One of my favorite. Like, my new favorite, very small. It's a. It's a free activity. It's a free form of entertainment. But it's wonderful. I. When I go to the store, on the rare occasions that I do I always ask a couple random white women. Like, I talk to them as if they're employees, and I'm like, excuse me, where's the blah, blah, blah? And I know they don't work there, but this is just my own personal form of entertainment.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so, like, I'm gonna treat you all the same way. Way that you treat us. Like that's it. That's what we about to start doing with each other. Just because you look like you should be working at Cracker Barrel doesn't mean I come up to you and ask you to make me pancakes, bitch. So why the fuck should we be expected to be doing. Kamala is not in fucking office anymore. And, you know, I wasn't even a great big giant Kamala fan. She's not even in office. This doesn't even make sense. Not only is it hateful, it's stupid. It's also stupid. It's idiotic for you to expect something from. Why don't you go talk. Why don't you go talk to them.

[B]

Or talk to your husbands.

[A]

Talk to your husbands who support them. Talk to your hateful fucking husbands.

[B]

So this is what I'm saying. So that was my petty pee. My petty peeve is about that. And I just want all of those women to do their own work and get the hell out of every black woman's face. We do not, you know, it is not our job to coddle you and care for your feelings at this time. It is not our place. It is not our responsibility. It is not our cross to bed. That's not our bag to carry. You got to carry your own bag yourself. And we tried to tell you, and you didn't listen. And so now this is the bed of bullshit that you must lie in. Yeah, get cozy, betty.

[A]

I'm carrying six words with me through all of 2025. Suck my dick, Go to hell. That's it.

[B]

I am in a very. I said this on threads the other day. This is my go to hell era.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm telling no less than six people to go to hell every day.

[A]

Every.

[B]

Go to hell. Get out of here. Out of here.

[A]

Yeah. I'm not outside enough to be able to tell them six times a day.

[B]

But I say it to them, like, not. I'm just saying, like, you know, you.

[A]

Saying it's a personal goal to. For them to understand that this is directed at them specifically.

[B]

I mean, and get away from me with this craziness right now, now.

[A]

Because that's another episode of getting grown so good yes. Get away with us with your craziness.

[B]

I mean, out of here again.

[A]

Six words, guys, to carry it with you. Except for the young people. Actually. No. Y' all do it, too. Auntie Jade gives you permission. So, anyway, thank you all so much for listening to another episode of Getting Grown. Make sure you all check out the Patreon, where you get this video version of this show every single week. And this particular week, Kia and I are together. Together. So make sure you all go check that out. There'll be a little additional content there for you as well. And take them out. S. Tell them what to do.

[B]

Make sure that you are taking care of yourself and each other.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Keeping yourself safe and practicing gratitude. You also want to make sure that you are moisturizing your mind by attending to the business that is yours and yours long. Don't be out here with an ashy brain worried about what somebody else is dealing with. Worry about yourself and keep your mind moisturized. You also want to keep your insides moisturized. You want to drink just as much water as your body can sustain every day. Okay. Your urine should be running clear.

[A]

Yeah. Or very, very light.

[B]

Very, very light. Y' all out here with this chartreuse pee. And I'm praying for your kidney.

[A]

Yeah. Which means your vitamins must be really weird, right?

[B]

Oh, you might not be getting any if you're not taking a supplement. We digress.

[A]

And finally, your Baja Blast.

[B]

Yours, Mountain Dew.

[A]

Disgusting. I know. It stinks in that bathroom.

[B]

Finally, you want to moisturize your skin, honey, because you're gonna be out here looking like those dreadful white women that work at the White House, okay? Looking like 40 miles of room up road.

[A]

40 days and 40 nights.

[B]

40 days and 40 nights, honey. We be watching these white women on TV, and you learned that you older than them, and they look like.

[A]

Oh, my God, Mrs. Trunchbill from Matilda. Sarah Huckabee was up there. And I was like, this is not 29.

[B]

No, seriously, Sarah Huckabee was born in the same. She was born in the same year as me.

[A]

No, she wasn't.

[B]

Yes, she was.

[A]

Civil rights era.

[B]

Yes, she was.

[A]

No, she.

[B]

Yes, she was. It looked like she was on the bus with Rosa, but she went to high school with me. We graduated the same year.

[A]

You know, that makes sense. She look like this. Anyway.

[B]

Yeah. Drink your water. We got. Love, y'. All. Bye.

[A]

Love you. Bye.