Multifaceted Muvas

Summary

Gettin’ Grown – “Multifaceted Muvas” Episode Summary Podcast: Gettin’ Grown
Hosts: Jade (“Jay”) and Dr. Keia (“Crystal Jean”)
Network: Loud Speakers
Episode: Multifaceted Muvas
Date: May 12, 2026

Overview: Main Theme and Purpose In this rich, candid episode, Jade and Keia gather around the “Kitchen Table” to reflect on the complexities of adulthood, Black womanhood, and—above all—motherhood. Taped just after Mother’s Day, they unpack layered feelings about finding joy in hard times, navigating grief, and honoring the many “mothers” who uphold their community. Balancing humor with vulnerability, they celebrate their village, reminisce about family, and advocate for radical self-care and intentional joy, all while centering Black women’s experiences.

Key Sections & Discussions

1. Check-In: The World is Heavy (03:25–10:46)
2. On Joy, Exhaustion, and Community – Met Gala, Sacred, and Content Creating (04:42–17:52)
3. Kitchen Table Talk: Multifaceted Mothers and Mother’s Day (22:15–51:43)
4. Lessons in Self Care & Whimsy (69:14–85:18)
5. Petty Peeves (86:11–93:16)

---

Check-In: The World is Heavy
(Timestamp: 03:25–10:46)

• Both hosts express emotional fatigue over current events: Supreme Court decisions, chaos in the world, and the ever-present heaviness on their minds.
• Jade: “I am struggling in all of the compounding, and it’s like concentric circles of chaos that I seem to be standing in the midst of… running on fumes.” (04:04)
• Keia: “Even the things I would get small joys from… now it comes with some sort of negotiation. Maybe that’s the wrong word… Everything’s tainted.” (04:42)
• Discussion of cultural events as distraction: Met Gala feels superficial during global crises, yet it used to be a thing to look forward to as Black women (“the small joys that we would get out of seeing Black women be trendsetters”) (07:31).
• Both acknowledge how exhausting it is “to work so hard to find joy nowadays” and describe the need to hold on to small things that still bring gratitude even as everything “is mired down.” (09:13)

Notable Quote:
“We can’t have nothing.” – Jade (08:03)

---

On Joy, Exhaustion, and Community – Met Gala, Sacred, and Content Creating
(Timestamp: 08:04–17:52)

• Keia recaps attending the “Magic Drops Party,” relishing Black joy, friendship, and wearing friend’s designs, yet feeling guilty amid global suffering (“damn, we deserve to enjoy ourselves... but damn, this is tainted.”) (08:26)
• Both marvel at Sacred hair products: “The capitalism are not. They are incredible. They are incredible.” – Keia (15:35)
• Laughter about being “aunties” in a sea of young content creators.
• Affirm the importance of collective joy, pockets of peace, and being intentional about community connections, even as joy feels hard to access.

Notable Moment:
Keia: “Everything I’ve said in the past, I still stand by. But… these products are good. The capitalism or not, they are incredible.” (15:35)

---

Kitchen Table Talk: Multifaceted Mothers and Mother’s Day
(Timestamp: 22:15–51:43)

Mother’s Day Plans & Family Traditions

• Jade is going to the Jodeci concert for Mother’s Day: “On Mother’s Day, I will be going to see Devonte.” (22:43)
• Keia—with a mix of humor—talks about helping her mom Rhonda get the purse she wants, though she doesn’t like it. “My mom just asked me to buy a purse that I don’t like...” (26:04)
• Conversation about the tension between wanting to give parents gifts they ask for versus what you’d personally choose. (27:34–29:27)

Grief and Complicated Feelings

• Both speak on the layered grief associated with Mother’s Day—having lost grandmothers, facing elder relatives’ declining health, and how holidays can hold both joy and sadness.
• Jade: “Grief is love… my grief feels like, you know. Yeah. Grief is love. I feel very much like it’s still very present with me. And… time continues to pass, but in my experience, the grief... you just grow around it.” (41:25)
• Keia: “It’s a complicated feeling because… you want to honor what it is that they want. And it’s just… a very challenging place to be.” (35:54)
• The concept that “grief is love with no place to go,” and the importance of keeping loved ones’ memories and traditions alive.

Building and Celebrating the Village

• Beyond biological mothers, both uplift the enormous role of aunties, chosen family, community mothers, and mentors: “Mothering exists in all forms… particularly in our culture, it’s a communal act.” – Jade (47:57)
• The influence of family, from practical lessons (how to stockpile jewelry, fashion tips, and boardroom exposure) to the irreplaceable sense of support from the village.

Notable Quotes:

• Jade: “Not let them succumb to the second death, which is letting their names not be spoken anymore.” (40:35)
• Keia: “Let’s just be the village. Lean into the village if you had a hard day. We’re hugging you. We’re holding you.” (68:20)

Memorable Story:
Keia shares a classic “auntie moment” from a party—telling a younger woman to expect better from her boyfriend (“You deserve so much better. And she’s like, ‘I’m so protective of him...’ Girl, you’re never gonna forget this.”) (64:34–66:52)

---

Lessons in Self Care & Whimsy
(Timestamp: 69:14–85:18)

• Both detail their recent approaches to self-care—a mix of celebrating friends, allowing whimsy, and embracing the spirit of “old head” day parties and brunches.
• Jade describes a rejuvenating solo day in Chicago—brunch, shopping, and catching “Devil Wears Prada 2” at the theater, basking in the vibe of having no set plan. (74:51–75:51)
• Keia recounts an “accidental” karaoke night, which turned into a chance to meet new people—example of the magic of spontaneous joy.

Notable Quote:
“A little whimsy is good for the spirit.” – Keia (79:54)

Movie Purse Culture

• Warm story exchange about sneaking food into movies, the concept of a “movie purse,” and family resourcefulness—intergenerational “Black girl ingenuity.” (82:03–84:51)

---

Petty Peeves
(Timestamp: 86:11–93:16)

• Jade’s Petty Peeve: Forced icebreakers at work meetings. “I am 43 years old… we don’t have to have an icebreaker. The ice is broke!” (86:11)
• Both take playful turns at sharing outlandish “fun facts”—notably, the rise of chlamydia among koalas (“Chlamydia runs rampant in koalas... And it’s causing blindness and all kinds of things.” – Keia, 89:13).
• Keia’s Petty Peeve: The “cloud bob” hairstyle rebranding – “It is never going to be a cloud bob. It is an afro.” (90:11)

Memorable Exchange:

• Jade: "Don’t ask me for a fun fact ever again. Thank you so much." (88:53)
• Keia: “Cloud bob? That’s so cute. I said, it’s not because it’s an afro. It’s not cute. Not cute at all.” (90:46)

---

Community Announcements & Closing
(Timestamps: 91:31–93:55)

• Call for graduation announcements from the audience—celebrating all varieties of accomplishments as a community.
• A reminder to check Patreon for full video episodes and bonus content.
• Encouragement to “mind your business, drink your water, and moisturize your skin”—the show’s signature sign-off.

Final Note: Throughout this episode, Keia and Jade offer laughter, real talk, cultural reckoning, and deep sisterhood. The throughline is about holding complexity—making space for both pain and celebration—and honoring all the women, biological or chosen, who mother and nurture our lives.

---

Highlighted Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps):

• “We have to work so hard to find joy nowadays.” – Jade (09:02)
• “Peak high capitalism. But she does it well. And you know, here we are.” – Jade on Sacred’s founder (16:20)
• “Damn, we deserve to enjoy ourselves. Damn, this is tainted.” – Keia (08:26)
• “Holidays have a way of holding joy and grief... it gets more and more complex the older that we get.” – Jade (30:58)
• “Grief is a part of my personality because it is. There’s a part of me that’s always going to be sad because my grandma…” – Jade (41:25)
• “We just want to talk about mothers. Mothers. Mothers Day. Mothers of all kinds. Multifaceted mothers.” – Keia (68:34)
• “Let’s just be the village… if you had a hard day, we’re hugging you. We’re holding you.” (68:20)

---

For listeners seeking honest reflection, practical wisdom, and plenty of laughs about adulting, parenting, grief, and Black joy, “Multifaceted Muvas” captures the spirit of Gettin’ Grown at its most generous and real.

Transcript

[Commercial Announcer]

America's best network just got bigger. Switch to T Mobile today and get built in benefits the other guys leave out. Plus our five year price guarantee. And now T Mobile is available in US Cellular stores. Best mobile network based on analysis by Oogle of speed test intelligence data 2H 2025. Bigger network the combination of T Mobile's and US cellular network footprints will enhance the T Mobile network's coverage price guarantee on talk, text and data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. See t mobile.com for details.

[Jay]

What if you could replace your windows and doors today and not pay a dime for two years? This May renewal by Andersen makes it happen. For a limited time, get beautiful new windows and doors with no money down, no monthly payments and no interest until May of 2028 with a minimum purchase of six. That's right. Install now and pay later. Way later. But this offer won't last. It ends May 31. Visit renewalbyandersonhome.com today and take advantage of this limited time.

[Crystal Jean]

Been now since you've been gone hey and that's too long so come back home can't live without you so I cry for you do anything that I can Come on to feel that touch from your hand Sorry that I hur you yes lady what I do Go ahead take it away See everything I yes keep going do what

[Jay]

I can't I can't forget it the I keep yeah I want to go to the

[Crystal Jean]

right to the hook oh I I know, I know wait hold on I will do okay go ahead take it away go ahead

[Jay]

would cry for you

[Crystal Jean]

tonight tonight tonight. For you tonight. Tonight baby I'm begging baby maybe I'm begging begging baby Devonte side Wow.

[Jay]

I mean, honestly. 1993, I was in the fifth grade having no business zero business singing that

[Crystal Jean]

song again I was singing Jodeci, Adina, Howard, Mercy, all of the things I didn't have any business singing. But it made me who I am today. Praise the Lord, niggas Praise the Lord we're still praising oh we because what else can we do? Listen, what else can we do?

[Jay]

Supreme Court I just. I am just, I am just this has been such a hard time. I don't even know. I feel like that's all we talk about. I. I hate this. What can we say? What can we say? Our things continually seem to get worse and worse. Every week we pull up to the kitchen table, it's like, hey guys, things are still burning. They're still bad.

[Crystal Jean]

But here we are. Praise the Lord and you know, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jay]

I'm fully sa.

[Crystal Jean]

I feel the same.

[Jay]

I'm fully sad. I feel like there's chaos going on all over the place, and I. I am struggling in all of the compounding, and it's like concentric circles of chaos that I seem to be standing in the midst of. And I'm just really having a hard time. I don't know what I need to do to sort of find my feet, but it is getting. It's been a day. I'll just say maybe it's just today. I have had a day today, but I'm grateful to spend some time with my sister night, because I need that. I'm really running on fumes.

[Crystal Jean]

I feel like even the things I would get small joys from once upon a time, it come with some sort of, like, you know, some sort of. Some. Some sort of negotiation or something. I don't know. Maybe that's the wrong word. I'm thinking. I'm like. I'm thinking about the Met Gala, right? And it's like, oh, we watch the Met Gala, and. And, you know, we used to like to look at the outfits and wa, wa, wa, wa, wa. And I couldn't look at this one without being like, ah, but this murderer,

[Jay]

you know, and this is the thing. I, too, was. You know, because here's the thing that I. The. The tension that I found myself in on the night of the Met Gala, because the event is one thing. And no, like, you know, it is just a huge spend of resources during a time where people are losing jobs, prices are high. Like, it feels like such an irresponsible exercise in that way. And.

[Crystal Jean]

And hold on. Before you continue, if I may. I'm so sorry to cut you off. But just to piggyback and add in, they always use events like that as well. Yes. Exclamation mark. But they use that to distract.

[Jay]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

So they're still bombing people.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

While everybody's like, beautiful gowns, Aretha Franklin. And it's just. And it didn't feel. And then it feels so unfair because it's like, damn, I really want to enjoy this. And y' all are on some nefarious shit.

[Jay]

It's wild.

[Crystal Jean]

I'm sorry.

[Jay]

Continue all of that. I think it's just a distraction of what's going on globally, what's going on right here in our country, what's going on in our local communities. And I think I saw a content creator, you know, also talking about, like, you know, don't be deceived. Like, the Met Gala. Buzz that happened, you know, was not as big as it usually is. It was not as.

[Crystal Jean]

That was true.

[Jay]

Yeah. And. And, and that could be attributed to the huge layoffs that have happened across, you know, the entertainment industry, you know, in. In how black and brown people and queer people are the most impacted in that. And so all of that thing. All of those things. Absolutely. You know, we cannot not name those things. We cannot not feel those things. But like you said, like, you know, the small joys that we would get out of seeing black women be trendsetters, you know, black women, you know, and those that showed up could eat everybody else up on the carpet.

[Crystal Jean]

I mean, what else are we.

[Jay]

What else are we going to do? You know what I'm saying? But, you know, you know, we want to see Blue Ivy's on her first met gala red carpet and say, oh, my God. Right?

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah. And not be like, oh, my God.

[Jay]

Yeah, exactly. Blue Ivy and Balenciaga first met at gala. It's just like, okay, like, you know, like all of this is just, you

[Crystal Jean]

know, just have to taint everything you taint. Yeah. Like. And I feel. And I think I feel so exhausted because I feel like everything is tainted and I wanna.

[Jay]

Yeah, we can't have nothing.

[Crystal Jean]

Enjoy this life and be present. You know what I'm saying? I. I went to the. I went to the magical hair drops party.

[Jay]

Okay.

[Crystal Jean]

You know what I'm saying? Over the weekend. Yeah, it was lovely.

[Jay]

I saw your content and all of them.

[Crystal Jean]

Beautiful. Thank you. It was all. It was all for you.

[Jay]

It just gave me what I needed that day.

[Crystal Jean]

I want you all to know there was a post on my page and you all can 1 million percent thank Takiya because she is the only reason for the season. Okay, listen. And I got to wear my friend's designs. Like, you know, and it's like. And then it's like, you're, like, murderous. You know? You know, I'm just like, I hate it. And it's not, you know, I'm not. Not to make a light, but I'm like, I really. I feel so, so conflicted all the time. And it's like, damn, we deserve to enjoy ourselves. Damn, this is tainted.

[Jay]

And we have to figure that out. That's something I want to figure out and process together, to talk to talk to somebody about. Because I feel like we have to work so hard to find joy nowadays.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah. Yes.

[Jay]

Or hold on to the joys that we have in our lives and, you know, practice gratitude. But everything is just mired down, weighed down by all of this other stuff that's going on around us, like, how could we not. I feel like it's very human to acknowledge the ways that this is impacting us, but, you know, we still want to find hope and faith and inspiration and all the things that we need to keep us moving throughout this and to keep us in a place of action and not helplessness. I really. Because this is starting to feel like, dang, we can't do what. But like, honestly, what. What is happening.

[Crystal Jean]

And it feels unfair. It feels.

[Jay]

It is unfair. It's not. It's not that it feels unfair. It is unfair.

[Crystal Jean]

And then I feel like a. I feel like a 13 year old. I'm like, it's unfair.

[Jay]

I can't have fun.

[Crystal Jean]

You know, so. So, you know, but we. But this space is here so that we can process all those things and talk about them and also find ways to. To pivot and figure out how to exist within circumstances that are truly out of our control at this point, but to really focus on the things that we can control and to remind ourselves of that. And so I am grateful for it. But you said you had a week.

[Jay]

Oh, yes.

[Crystal Jean]

You all right over there?

[Jay]

I think it's just. Yeah. I mean, I'm moving, I'm safe, I have what I need. But moving through, just moving through a lot at work and just in life generally, it's. It is the height of sort of spring work travel season. Yesterday I got home from my third city in 10 days, and I'll be home for another three or four days before I have to go back to Seattle. Thankfully, after the Seattle trip. Yeah, Hope, thankfully after the Seattle trip, I have a couple of weeks of respite and then I get to go to Portland. So hopefully I can hook up with Franiqua when I get there. Yeah, next month.

[Crystal Jean]

Oh, that's gonna be lovely. Yes, you have some sister time.

[Jay]

Yes, yes.

[Crystal Jean]

But, yes, you are. I know you tired, because I know I don't want a motherfucking.

[Jay]

I'm just wiped, Sis. I think I like what we were saying last week. Like, you know, having to do your job as if everything is normal while everything all around you is not at all normal and. And heavy and hard and difficult and painful, and there's just so much grief and heaviness and just working through that every day is. Is work.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

And then, you know, today just feel like I'm reaching a point of saturation. Okay. I think I need to. I need to work in some. I think I need a day off or So I feel like that's what this Seattle trip, I feel like I deserve.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah. A little pto.

[Jay]

I think I do.

[Crystal Jean]

You do?

[Jay]

I think I do.

[Crystal Jean]

What it does. There's a lady online, she used to do workout videos, but now she kind of just puts on her clothes every day and walks in her hallway. Have you seen her?

[Jay]

What?

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah. I love her.

[Jay]

I love it.

[Crystal Jean]

She has. She, She. I, I. It's like I hear my people, but I don't see my people. But I think she's just, like, deeply biracial.

[Jay]

Oh, yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

She does these, and she dresses up in her clothes, and she wears. She's like, day 36 of my apocalyptic fashion.

[Jay]

And.

[Crystal Jean]

But there's a. I realized the vocal stems, those are a thing. And so there's one I got from her that she said in one of her videos, it should be like, I'm overstimulated. When you said you're saturated, I thought about her. I'm overstimulating.

[Jay]

Very much the same. Very much the same.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Same, same, same. I think I am also enjoying. I think that there is a surge of older content creators, and I've been finding my way to. To them, and I really am enjoying. I really am enjoying. Maybe because I'm becoming one of them, but, like, just seeing them take joy in the things, you know, and continue to sort of, like, do things like, you know, put on some perfume or just, you know, watering their plants and just, you know, putting on music and shaking their shoulders. I think this is like, I love this. That's. But I love it. I really do.

[Crystal Jean]

I actually, I would do.

[Jay]

So

[Crystal Jean]

I want to make sure I. So like I said, I had a blast at this magic drops party. You know what I'm saying? Sacred. You can invite me anytime. Go ahead and shoot me a little bit of that hydrating and. And a clarifying shampoo. It works Wonder on me and my child's locks. But anyway, shameless plug. So. But I'm. I was like, I'm laughing because I was there. And when I tell you that is. These were the biggest sacred supporters. Right? So this is Content Creation Ville.

[Jay]

All right?

[Crystal Jean]

And I am the Grinch of Whoville. So I'm in there to truly enjoy the.

[Jay]

The.

[Crystal Jean]

The perks of the prize that there's product. I get this a beautiful engraved bottle. You know what I'm saying?

[Jay]

I saw that.

[Crystal Jean]

I drink. I love drops.

[Jay]

I love the restoring drops. I'm on my third or fourth bottle myself.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes, I was out and I was on a mission.

[Jay]

Yes, I have Been spending so much money on sacred. I love their products and you would think I laugh every time I buy them because I'm like, look at me buying these products for this half a teaspoon of hair I got on my head. But here we are, here we are. And I mean I have no.

[Crystal Jean]

Everything I've said in the past, I still stand by but I will also say in the, in, in the spirit of truth, these products are good. The capitalism are not. They are incredible. They are incredible.

[Jay]

Very good.

[Crystal Jean]

The shampoo, you know, I don't, I can't use everything on us because build up. But these shampoos, these hair drops, the

[Jay]

hair oil like I also enjoy the mask, the, the moisturizing mask.

[Crystal Jean]

Oh and the rice water.

[Jay]

Stuff the rice. Yes, yes, very good.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes. No complaints, no 10 out of 10. But.

[Jay]

And I would say the same about the Sir Davis and that's what we say about our.

[Crystal Jean]

Listen, listen.

[Jay]

Whatever that lady decides to do, she finds a way to do it well.

[Crystal Jean]

She does it.

[Jay]

She finds a way.

[Crystal Jean]

She does it well. Peak high capitalism. But she does it well. And you know, here we are. And so you know, I, I was in there and I was literally drinking the liquor and I was eating all the bites, you know what I'm saying? There was a hamachi crudo, you guys did that. I had at least eight every night. Fabulous mini desserts, little cacio pepe pastas being passed, you know what I'm saying? A dj, a woman with a backed up by a live band, you know what I'm saying?

[Jay]

My type of time.

[Crystal Jean]

So auntie was there to like I was enjoying what the party was offering and. But all around me I see little mini lights coming out of person with phones and people are lip singing songs.

[Jay]

Yeah, it was an event. That's where you were in that, that was the spaces. Yeah, we're invited there to do just that.

[Crystal Jean]

So you all bring me back and I'm going to give you real auntie content and I'm going to dance on your dance floor and I'm going to drink your liquor still. I'm going to eat your snacks.

[Jay]

I would love to come. I would love to come.

[Crystal Jean]

Let's in getting grown would love to be. We'll be at the parties, you know what I'm saying? Because we deserve a piece of joy in this world. We deserve a piece of joy.

[Jay]

Absolutely.

[Crystal Jean]

So no, I had a blast. I had a good time and. And again, pocket of joy. But we have, you know, a conversation for you all as we are two days past Mother's Day.

[Jay]

Yes, Happy Mother's Day, Sisd. Well, we're recording this before Mother's Day, but by the time y' all hear, it will be post Mother's Day. So let me ask you before we get into the kitchen table. Well, maybe we should leave that until we get to the kitchen table. But I was going to ask you if you have any plans.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes, I do. Oh.

[Jay]

So let's go to the kitchen table and tell me all about it.

[Crystal Jean]

All right, let's do that. It's spring in New York, which personally to me is the real new year. It's when everything comes alive awake and I start going outside. And as I have been having to put on outfits recently, my God, I realize I need a little refresh and I want quality without paying all that quantity. You feel me? So this is where Poshmark swoops in with the save. Literally and figuratively. Poshmark is the leading fashion resale marketplace shaped by real people and real style. Millions of new and pre loved items from daily wardrobe staples to vintage and luxury fashion archive worthy pieces you thought you missed forever. Current Essentials 1 of 1 Vintage finds it's all there. I have been searching for a few pair of universal standard pants that fit like I need them to and I've really been able to find a good variety on Poshmark. I found a red pair that was really cute and my personal gem, my personal like treasure find was a navy blue wide leg corduroy pair. All right, you just, just try to stick with me on the vision because when you're ready for a closet refresh, you can earn real money selling the pieces you're ready to part with. Reaching more than 80 million users on the platform. Find what feels like you shop and share your style on Poshmark today. New deals and styles are listed every day, so don't wait. Download the Poshmark app and use code Grown when you sign up to get $10 off your first purchase or shop [e-mail] grown and get $10 off your first purchase. That's P O S H M A

[Commercial Announcer]

R K.com grown America's Best Network just got bigger. Switch to T mobile today and get built in benefits the other guys leave out. Plus our five year price guarantee. And now T Mobile is available in US Cellular stores. Best Mobile Network Based on analysis by Google of speed test intelligence data 2H 2025 bigger network the combination of T mobiles and US cellular network footprints will enhance the T Mobile network's coverage Price guarantee on talk text message in data exclusions like taxes and fees. Apply CT mobile.com for details.

[Crystal Jean]

You trying to be more intentional about what you wear on a day to day? Quint's got you. They've got pieces that feel easy, comfortable and still put together. Quint uses premium materials like 100% European linen, organic cotton and ultra soft denim. Their lightweight linen pants, dresses and tops start at $30 and are effortless, breathable and easy to wear on repeat. You can mix and match with the best of them. Okay. Everything at quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands and they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality and craftsmanship, not brand markup. Now y' all know I love sharing my latest Quince finds. And I think I just found my favorite pants for the season. The Bella Stretch wide leg jeans. First of all, I am a child of the seventies in my mind. And the way these are high waisted but hug the hips really makes you feel very bologna, you know, a la good times. They're also organic cotton and they feel really good. They're very soft, like I would wear them on the plane. Good. And you know I don't believe in jeans on a flight. Oh, and I got them in coffee bean brown. I am the after party. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.com grown for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N c e.com grown for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com grown.

[Jay]

All right, we're going to talk about moms and Mother's Day and all of the ways that that can land with us. But as we were, as we were seeing just before the break. Sis, what are your Mother's Day plans? Do you know of them already or will you be surprised?

[Crystal Jean]

Well, I don't know what these diggers have planned.

[Jay]

Okay. Period.

[Crystal Jean]

I know I want a face.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Even if it doesn't happen. One Mother's Day and a massage.

[Jay]

Right.

[Crystal Jean]

I want that. Those two things, it's long overdue and no shame in them. But a while back I ran across a random advertisement for Jodeci performing live at King's Theater. And so really I didn't realize it was Mother's Day. And so I just sent it to Tristan and was like, I want to go to this. And he bought the tickets and we realized it was Mother's Day. So for on Mother's Day, I will be going to see devonte say, and you're gonna be.

[Jay]

And you're gonna be singing Cry for your so excited.

[Crystal Jean]

Live and direct. I just pray everybody is, you know, well. And yes, you know, it's. We're not getting a genuine esque before.

[Jay]

Oh, Lord.

[Crystal Jean]

I'm just glad I saw that in his prime. Oh, that's a good question actually. Let's look. Let's see Jodeci. Jodeci at King's Theater.

[Jay]

We love.

[Crystal Jean]

I love that live on Mother's Day. All right. The bad boys of R B are back. And live in concert.

[Jay]

Oh, that's right.

[Crystal Jean]

Now, do you all have. Okay. Oh, okay. We have Casey, Devonte Swing, JoJo and Mr. Dalvin. They're all going to be there. How exciting. And I do not see anybody else on this billing. Okay. But that's all right for me.

[Jay]

That's gonna be good, sis.

[Crystal Jean]

I'm. I'm excited to. I'm excited to go see them perform. So I actually haven't seen them since I saw Casey and JoJo at the ladies Night out tour with genuine Casey and JoJo Ideal and Donnell Jones.

[Jay]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes.

[Jay]

Come on. I do.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, I know. Whenever you want to tell.

[Jay]

I do.

[Crystal Jean]

Do we. We sing that?

[Jay]

I D, Y, L, L. That's how they spell them.

[Crystal Jean]

Wait, is that how you spell it? Wait, no. Didn't they.

[Jay]

There was somebody who. They spelled it regular. There was someone who spelled it.

[Crystal Jean]

Apparently some. A lot of those young men are not doing well right now.

[Jay]

Oh, really?

[Crystal Jean]

Oh, no, they spelled it properly. They spelled it. They spelled it according to the addiction, you know. But what are you doing for my homegirl for Mother's Day? I know this, this particular Mother's Day is probably maybe. How are you feeling?

[Jay]

Actually, I want to make sure that Rhonda has a good day because of work and work travel and things are just so hectic right now. I can't take the time to go and see her. But I will be seeing her by the end of the month. But, you know, she, I. She asks for a purse if you. On my Instagram today. I was talking about that.

[Crystal Jean]

Oh, I have to look.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

What kind of person.

[Jay]

I did not post it. Okay, so here's the thing we can talk about. Well, I don't really care for it.

[Crystal Jean]

Oh,

[Jay]

No. Say I came to Instagram for us because I needed a safe space. I was like, my mom just asked me to buy a purse that I don't like.

[Crystal Jean]

And I don't what kind of person is it? A Dooney and Burke girl.

[Jay]

It's not even girl. Something. She. This is. This is. This is something we need to deal with as a community because my mom is spending all of her time on Facebook. Some Facebook ad popped up to the side of her phone.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay.

[Jay]

And she comes sending me a screenshot. Talk about, I would love to have this. And so I'm like, girl, can you send me a link? And she was like, I don't know how to do that. It was on Facebook. So I search it, and I find it, and it is not. I mean, I guess it's a. It's a standard bag. It's not like. I just feel like if I buy my mom a purse. I know.

[Crystal Jean]

Let me look at it. Let me see it.

[Jay]

Okay.

[Crystal Jean]

So I can give a live analysis of this purse. I mean, let me just say I might, like.

[Jay]

Okay.

[Crystal Jean]

Who knows?

[Jay]

You know? I don't know. To me, if y' all are gonna

[Crystal Jean]

see it at the same time. Let me look.

[Jay]

Yeah, it's not. It's not like you're gonna see it and be like, here. It's not that bad. But I. I just feel like this is not what I want my mama to have. If I want to buy my mama a purse, I know what kind of purse I want to buy her. This is not it. But it's. It's like, okay, I'm waiting.

[Crystal Jean]

I'm waiting for it. Here we go. It's a mob back.

[Jay]

It is. But I feel like there are so many better ones.

[Crystal Jean]

There are just.

[Jay]

There are many.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jay]

It's like, you know, like. And let me tell you what. I wanted to see her.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, Let me see.

[Jay]

Because.

[Crystal Jean]

Because let me tell you what I want. I don't give a What any of the girls say. I want one of them new coach bags. They're cute.

[Jay]

Look.

[Crystal Jean]

Look.

[Jay]

And see what I just put in the thing? That's what I want to buy her.

[Crystal Jean]

That is the better version. You should have just bought that.

[Jay]

You should have just bought the.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, that's the.

[Jay]

Yeah, buy her the one she want, but buy her the one you want her to have, too.

[Crystal Jean]

Dustin is excessive. Don't listen to him. He's a capitalist.

[Jay]

I'm just like, my mom is going to be like,

[Crystal Jean]

no, you should buy her the one. You buy her the nicer one. Because that's the other thing.

[Jay]

See, Shariel said, buy her the one she wants. Everyone I know.

[Crystal Jean]

I know.

[Jay]

I was like, oh, blah, blah, blah.

[Crystal Jean]

Dr. Joy will probably say But I try to think about Dr. Joy when I make decisions, you know, that I'm like, what would I do? And what would wwjd

[Jay]

I try to say? Like, I would want my mama to buy me what she want me to have, so I should not buy her.

[Crystal Jean]

I want her to let me tell. Donna's gonna go down the cost plus World or Marshalls, and she may hit, but she will possibly miss. And so I would prefer that she buy what I want. But also, my mom likes what I pick for her because she knows it's going to be nicer than what she picks. And my mother's also a capitalist, so.

[Jay]

Go ahead, daughter.

[Crystal Jean]

So, so I, I, so I bought

[Jay]

her the bag she wants. I will probably, you know, send her flowers as well. I just, I just will. I think I will need to sort of, you know, keep in close contact with her on that day. Yeah, yeah. And so that's sort of, that's sort of my plan. So, you know, I'll. I'll talk to her and keep her post posted. I actually have to fly to Seattle that evening. And so, you know, you know, she likes. I, I, we tend to, like, sort of stay on the phone on travel days. Like, you know, she sort of talks to me while I'm on my way to the airport, and then I'll call her when I get through tsa. And we just sort of like, so, you know, that's our, that's our kind of routine. And we'll, we'll do that in the spirit of that, you know, oh, maybe send her dinner.

[Crystal Jean]

You should doordash her some food and send her the flowers. And then, you know, y' all would just spend some time later.

[Jay]

Yeah, I was thinking about doing that. I was thinking about. Because my mom and my aunt Fuss are there together, and so I'm like, I'm just thinking about, what do y' all want? And I'll just order some food and send it to the house for them.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

So that they don't have to cook.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jay]

Why am I saying my cousin Ebony. Ebony, if you are listening.

[Crystal Jean]

No, this is coming out after. You have to. Do you have to call.

[Jay]

Oh, yes, I will call Ebony and tell her to take her talents. I said, go ahead.

[Crystal Jean]

Go ahead and.

[Jay]

Go ahead and get this and, and take it over to my mama's house on Sunday. Yes, yes, I thought I probably will do that, but, you know, just Mother's Day is complicated, and I feel like it gets more and more complex the older that we get it. Holidays have A way of holding joy and grief. And it's not just for those who've lost mothers or don't have relationships with their moms for whatever reason. I also think about mothers who've lost their children or don't have. You know, those relationships are. Are broken. Yeah. Anyone whose relationship with the day is complicated, you know, I just want to name that and acknowledge that. And I know recently I wanted to have the conversation. Well, I wanted to talk to you, sis, because I know, you know, you've recently lost a grandma. You know, I've lost a grandma. And so that's what I'm talking about.

[Crystal Jean]

Like.

[Jay]

Like, grief can come with Mother's Day. And so, you know, what. Is that what I mean, given your day and what you have planned for yourself and your mom, what are you thinking as. As it relates, you know, what are your. What are your complex or complicated feelings about Mother's Day if you have them?

[Crystal Jean]

You know, I think right now, presently, my mom. We're pretty good right now. She's. We just spent some time this weekend. It felt like being with a teenager. I was like, get off that phone.

[Jay]

Oh, there. Oh, girl, don't get me started. Because I'm like, okay, Rhonda. Hello. Excuse me. I'm talking to you.

[Crystal Jean]

And my mother is trying to work her business, kind of, you know, situation. So she's, you know, it's always, I'm on a call. I'm like, yeah, get off the call. We're at Korea barbecue.

[Jay]

Like, I'm on a call, girl.

[Crystal Jean]

I just. That lady is so. And then she won't stop using AI. Like, it's really stressful, but using it

[Jay]

like Gemini on her phone or something. She got like a chat.

[Crystal Jean]

Chat g. Chat GPT. Like, I am. So when I tell you, I'm like, I am it. I feel like I'm raising people. They just spit chat GPT out. They like, yeah, I'll just check chat. I'm like, stop it. Use Google. Like, I. I just. And I don't know if. What if one is better than the other. Oh, my mother uses. She makes. She makes things with it. She makes flyers. Oh, no, it's I, you.

[Jay]

So, yeah, that tracks.

[Crystal Jean]

And y' all know. Y' all know. Y' all know how I am. So to have my mother just so deeply entrenched, and all of the things that. That earthquake. My spirit. Those are my complicated feelings. Earthquakes. Like, my. Every time she says chat GPT, I get bubble guts. It stresses me out. But then I'm like, stop saying that. In front of your grandchild. Like, yes, but no, my real complicated feelings are I did lose a grandmother, and we're still negotiating all. All of the stuff around that. But, you know, at the same time, my maternal Grandmother is. Is 90, and she is facing some health challenges and she's slowing down, and she has verbally expressed that she's just tired and that, you know, she would like to peacefully go in her sleep. And that. That is complicated because, you know, that's.

[Jay]

It's so hard, girl. Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

Down boots. Like, that's.

[Jay]

I remember that good as Judy.

[Crystal Jean]

And.

[Jay]

And that's so hard when they get to that place, because it's a complicated feeling because it's like, you don't want them to be tired. You don't want. You, like, you know, like, with Grandma and with D, I was like, they don't know. They deserve their rest, for sure. They absolutely deserve it. They do. And you see them, you know, uncomfortable and even in pain, and you see it, but it also is just, like, what you mean,

[Crystal Jean]

and you're negotiating your own. It's like, you know, your own selfish longing for them and never having no life without them, while also, you know, wanting to honor what it is that they want. And it's just. It's like, oh, this is a very challenging place to. To be.

[Jay]

Oh, sister.

[Crystal Jean]

So I think that is probably. So I'm just trying to, like. And then you're like, I don't know.

[Jay]

When's the last time is, you know, the anticipatory grief. You know, my God, by the time

[Crystal Jean]

you all are listening to this, I'm. I'm about to go to Cleveland to go be with my kids. And then you already know that, that, that is always time with my grandmother. But, you know, I'm. Now I'm constantly like, is this going to be my last time with my grandmother? Or, you know, is she going to be, you know, And I don't want to think. I just want to be president, be with her. And when I am with her, I am. But I also. Those thoughts are running constantly when I'm not.

[Jay]

Oh, absolutely.

[Crystal Jean]

And it's. It's a little relentless. So I think that is probably my child. My most challenging feelings right now around Mother's Day.

[Jay]

That's real. And, yeah, my gram, you know, I miss my gram, and I. I miss my gram every day. And I feel like you hear that idiom every time, like, a lot around, like, grief being love with no place to go. And I'm not gonna say I disagree with that. But I. I feel like my grief feels like, you know. Yeah. Grief is love. I feel very much like it's still very present with me. And when I. When I miss my people, I miss them every day. It's not like I. You know what I mean? And time continues to pass, but in my experience, the grief. I don't know that it, like, decreases in size. I think. I think you just grow around it. You grow with. Becomes a part of who you are. Like when Tracey May was here, and I was saying, sometimes I feel like grief is a part of my personality because it is. Because there's a part of me that's always going to be sad because my grandma. Grandma all the way to the end.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

She grandma'd me from the time I got here to the end of her life. I can't. There was, like. There was never any debating. There was never any wondering, you know? And that's what I love about both of my grandparents. And I said. I feel like I've said this before, but it's. It's true. I. I knew that they loved me, but I also knew that they liked me.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

And my grandma was very clear. She liked me. She liked to spend time with me.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

She liked to talk to me. I like to talk to her. And she would say there would be times where she would be like, I enjoy Yalls company. I enjoy my children. I enjoy my grandchildren. I enjoy being with y'. All.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah. That's my grandchildren.

[Jay]

And that felt good. That feels good. It feels good. Her love was. Her love was demonstrated. There was a level of care that was very palpable and tangible. You could point to it. And the complication is, I miss that so much. But I am also so grateful to have had it.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Yeah. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful to have had it. I'm so grateful because I feel like I know what that love feels like. And when I miss her, I can go there. When I miss her, I can go there. Like. But I want to talk to her. Like, I had a terrible day at work, and I wanted to call her immediately because there was just a way that talking to her made hard days easier. And it was very simple, but it was very real.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

And I don't know. Like, I think Mother's Day and holidays are like. Like we said, complicated days, but I don't know. I just. I miss her every day. I miss her every day. And I think about her so, so much. And so I feel like what I try to do to honor her and keep her present, is to let myself think about her, talk about her as much as I need to, and, you know, talk to my mom about her and just miss her out loud and often. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

I think that's. That's. That's the best we can do, and you know what I'm saying, Not let them. Not let them succumb to the second death, which is letting their names not be spoken anymore. You know what I mean?

[Jay]

Yeah. I just feel like grief, you know, one of the misconceptions of grief, and I have to. I feel like I. I know it's a misconception because I struggle with it. It's like, you know, there's this pressure to feel like it has to have a term. Like, it has to, like, you grow to a certain point and you don't feel it anymore. But what I know to be the truth is that, like you said, we're not supposed to stop talking about them.

[Crystal Jean]

We can't.

[Jay]

We're not supposed to. Yeah, you can't.

[Crystal Jean]

You can't.

[Jay]

You can't. You have to carry all the lessons. All the things she used to say. Yeah, all the things. And, you know, it's weird. Not weird. Maybe not. But, you know, me and my mom even talk about. We don't. We've never talked about these things. Like, it's not like we. It's like my mom would tell me that she does something and be like, oh, I do that, too. Like, there'll be something when. When I am in the kitchen cooking something, and in the times when I would call my grandma to make sure I'm doing something right or to just talk, talk. Like, let me talk, girl. Let me. Let me talk you through what I have done with this meatloaf. You know, I still do that. I can't call her on the phone, but, like, when I was making that tuna Mac, I said, all right, Grandma, let's get in here and make this tuna Mac. It was like. And I've said this to you before, sometimes when I want to feel like I'm spending time with her, I'll go cook. I'll do something like that. And that makes me feel like I'm with her. And my mom just will tell me, oh, yeah, I do that, too. She used to say for Christmas, that first Christmas without Grandma, I think Mommy felt a lot of pressure because she didn't want ddot to, like, feel like the food tastes different or, you know, like she wanted to make it feel still like. And we all Was just in the kitchen just talking to grandma, like, she was still there. And it felt. It feels weird to say that, but it didn't feel weird in the moment. And until he passed, he knew. Did I knew that. And he would, like, affirm, I think, about Christmas this past Christmas, when we were all together at the home and we cooked and brought him the food, and he was just eating and having a good time. And he finished, he says, just like grandma. And he just. And he just, like. Just like your mama. And she just. You could see all of them. My mama, all her sisters, they just lit up because it's like, that's what we wanted. That was the standard. You know what I'm saying? Grandma was the standard for dressing. We have to get to dress like grandmas.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah. And you know what? Good on you all for also holding those recipes, for making sure that you maintain those traditions so that you can honor her and remember her in those ways and continue to do so. Right. Like, oftentimes, I think when we're younger, we forget to get certain information or to really sit and. And really be present with our elders. Some of us did. And then some of us, you know, we was just being young and right. And then you don't realize until a certain point just how. How precious and fragile that time.

[Jay]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

You know, and so it's beautiful that you're even able to do that. I told you, Maddie Mae can't cook worth a damn, but that lady can make a tea cake. And so I love that, you know, I. I know that I will. And she's here still with me. You know what I'm saying?

[Jay]

So, yes.

[Crystal Jean]

My one hope is that we can make a batch of tea cakes together before she decides to go to sleep. Or even when I was thinking about it, when you were talking about Dita when my Mimi passed. You know, one thing Mimi and papa like to do was. Was have a cocktail, honey. Yeah, they like. They love a cocktail.

[Jay]

Make Mimi a dream.

[Crystal Jean]

Mimi had 11 bottles of Bombay Sapphire in her closet.

[Jay]

I mean, come on. Surplus. That's what d. Was we did. It was a surplus. Used to put something up. He said, I'm putting this away for hard times.

[Crystal Jean]

We just kept finding new bottles as we continue to. Girl, she put up how many hard times. My dad was like, is this possible?

[Jay]

I will not go without them.

[Crystal Jean]

You certainly won't.

[Jay]

I will not be without you. I will not be without my Bombay Sapphire.

[Crystal Jean]

Sapphire. Go without it. It outlived you, sis. It outlived you by lifetimes. You had you had 11 lifetimes of Bombay Sapphire.

[Jay]

Listen, what we will buy is something to drink, period.

[Crystal Jean]

When. When she passed, you know, you could see how lost Papa was again.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

He. That they've been together since he was 13, you know, and so crazy. And that's insane. And so. And so you could see how lost he looked. And the one thing I tried to. I wanted to make sure he ate. I wanted to make sure he drank water. And when he would have his. His dinner, I would. I would ask him, do you want a cocktail? And he was like, yes.

[Jay]

And then.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah. Asking, can I have a cocktail? And I'm like, yeah, I'll make you a cocktail. And I knew that gave him some sense of normalcy, you know what I'm saying? Because that's what them like to do today. I like to drink.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

So and so, you know.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

I just. We gotta keep doing things like that. I think even on the mother's days where we can't be with one. A matriarch, a mother, or whoever the case is. Maybe you find one little way to honor them. You know what I'm saying? Find a bakery that makes some tea cakes or whatever it is that you all's thing is. You know what I mean?

[Jay]

Yeah. And there will be things, right? Yeah. And I think that's the beautiful thing about relationship. Like, you know, whatever the things are that connect you and kept that connection strong, however small or simple or grand or elaborate, like, it all counts. And that is. That is what you hold on to. And that's how you keep the people that were a part of you, people that are central to who you are. That's how you keep their presence alive even after they have transitioned.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

And I also feel like the gift is this. There's also a gift in that mothering exists in all forms in. In a lot of ways, particularly in our culture. It's a communal act. What has been. What has become very clear to me is, you know, there are women who mother us who aren't our biological parents or grandparents, but they are other mother figures. We talk a lot about chosen family and community care. There are women who. Mothers be mother us beyond our mothers.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Grandmothers, aunties. And I just also am grateful that I can celebrate them. Yeah. I think about people like Dr. Freeze, Brit. I think about Queen, you know, Mrs. O', Connor, Queen. You know what I'm saying? People who see you and nurture you.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Wherever you are.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

The Oconnors have opened their home to me.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

And made me feel welcome and apart. They look for me when I'm not there. They check on me and that and. And they care. They offer advice and counsel and share of themselves and their resources and just everything.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

And they're. That's real community. My mom, when she was visiting, one of the first times she came and, you know, we went over to the Oconnors for dinner, and, you know, we also hung out with Dr. Friesbridge. And she said to me, she was like, I'm grateful, you know, you found. You have found people here. And she thanked them, like, you know, she went to Mrs. O' Connor and, you know, thank you for looking after my child. There are times, you know, thank you. And I know that my child is an adult, but, you know, I feel. I feel like she's safe here. I feel like, you know, if she needs somebody, she has somebody she can call that's close by. And it's true. It's very true. When I lost Brian, I was at Keisha's house.

[Crystal Jean]

Listen.

[Jay]

And DDoS did. I spoke with. With Reverend O', Connor, you know, and they worked that out. You know what I'm saying? Like, and I don't think that was accidental. I think that, you know, I believe God set it up that way. I'm grateful.

[Crystal Jean]

I agree with you. Like, especially in the. In the ordained, since, first of all, I told you. Ms. O', Connor, she said. I said, I got 11 of my cousins. I can't come over there to eat. She said, bring them all. And we went over there.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

And there was no shortage of food. No. Okay, whatever. Jamaican. What's we? Let's go Jamaican. Fishes and loaves, Festivals and escalations galore. Okay. They just kept showing up. And even. Even Nakia o' Connor being no God. Mom. And then when. When you moved to Maryland, the fact that the Oconnors are who you linked up with.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Was not.

[Jay]

Not an accident. That's what I'm saying.

[Crystal Jean]

Right. And, like, we did not. I did not introduce you. You did not.

[Jay]

It was.

[Crystal Jean]

This was like, all by happenstance.

[Jay]

No.

[Crystal Jean]

So village is really, like, you know, spirit really got their hand on. On how. How we have our villages and. And how we show up within our village. And I'm really grateful for that because it's.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

It's so necessary, you know what I'm saying? To have that and then to also evolve into being that as well. You know what I mean?

[Jay]

Yes. Yes. And there are ways that, you know, you and Crystal and Fran and Toya, my friend Leslie, they're They're Nikki, both the Nickies. Shari, you know, these like there are ways in which our. Our friend group, our family. Yeah. Has been a nurturing space. You know, we sit around and take care of each other. The. There are ways in which we show up for each other and it's a blessing. It's Keisha, Nikia, like, you know, there. It's. It's something that I don't take for granted. And I feel like the gift of that is continues to expand. I'm thinking about last week when I told you Lillian,

[Crystal Jean]

her

[Jay]

network has also embraced and made space for me. And it just feels natural all of us linking up. Rj, you know, is having a procedure and we gonna go pray and we in the room and I may not have met, you know, this person but standing, you know, it just felt like this is. This is the larger network.

[Crystal Jean]

It's like mindedness and like, like heartedness.

[Jay]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

You know what I'm saying?

[Jay]

Exactly.

[Crystal Jean]

And.

[Jay]

And I'm. That's something that is. Is. It is. I don't take for granted. It is not an accident.

[Commercial Announcer]

America's best network just got bigger. Switch to T Mobile today and get built in benefits the other guys leave out. Plus our five year price guarantee. And now T Mobile is available in US Cellular stores. Best mobile network based on analysis by Oogle of speed test intelligence data 2H 2025 bigger network. The combination of T Mobile's and US cellular network footprints will enhance the T mobile network's coverage price guarantee on talk text and data exclusions like taxes and fees. Apply CT mobile.com for details. And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Jay]

Hey everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this your friend first date? Oh, no.

[Commercial Announcer]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Jay]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Commercial Announcer]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Crystal Jean]

Liberty. Liberty.

[Jay]

Liberty.

[Crystal Jean]

Liberty.

[Jay]

But yeah, we've been talking all about my network. Are there women who mothered you beyond your mother that you. That you would name? Yeah, just, you know, in this. In this.

[Crystal Jean]

Mom, I told you my grandma Queen. Yeah, my Mimi, you know, she. With her. Her ways are so particular. It's so funny. But I guess what I'll never do, put a toilet paper roll on a. On the thing from the bottom. Okay. It goes over top.

[Jay]

Because you hear her voice. You hear her voice?

[Crystal Jean]

I do.

[Jay]

It's like, girl, I. And you know better than that.

[Crystal Jean]

I do. I hear it and I'm like, it's such a necessary voice. I laugh at it, but it's. It's such a necessary voice. You know, my aunts, like, I have so many aunts because I have so many uncles.

[Jay]

Me too.

[Crystal Jean]

So my mom had six brothers and all of them. One. One. Yes, most. I got a lot of aunts and. And they have all been very present. You know, my other. My aunt on my dad's side, that lady, she's taught me so much. She's one of the biggest boosters I've ever known in my life. And let me tell you, she taught me everything.

[Jay]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

You know what I'm saying? If I wanted something fly, I remember I had a nasty pair of chocolate suede timbs that were like so there and N was like, yo, where did you come get those?

[Jay]

And I was like, chocolate brown with the brown tea.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, that's right.

[Jay]

The.

[Crystal Jean]

All chocolate brown with the brown. She used to get me the flyest. The flyest things, you know what I'm saying? She the first. She. She the one taught me about Hermes and all of that. So come on. You know, I like and I love all my aunt Charlotte who used to be on drugs and then she got clean and she became a church lady. And every piece of her would match her shoes, match her outfit, eyeshadow. Mother Charlotte, she worked at Macy's. She was the baddest salesperson you would know. And Charlotte would take me to rent horror movies and she would buy us a 40 of some sort of like malt liquor and be like, now you only drink that at my house. And we would go to her house and we would watch Children of the Corn and be drinking, I don't know, Smirnoff. 40 ounce Smirnoff, the big joint. And. And you know, but it was like what we did. My mother just brought that up the other day, funny enough, you know, and, and I. All of these women play. I love them, you know, and I would go sometimes to Macy's and kick it with Charlotte while she was at work or. Yeah, when my grandmother had her beauty supply store, I was in the back, I was playing with the stuff, you know what I'm saying? I. Yeah, you know, my grandmother to used. Used to clean houses and used to clean office buildings. And I would go with her when I would visit her to do that. And so I am just grateful to. And then I have my corporate auntie who worked at Merrill lynch, and yes, bring your child to work day. She would be like, I don't have one of those, but I do have nieces. And she would bring. Bring, you know, bring me for bring your child to work day. So, like, I love the exposure. You know, I can boost. I can show up in your boardroom.

[Jay]

I can

[Crystal Jean]

build something. Like, I. And I love every piece of it. And I'm. I'm grateful for all of multifaceted black women in my life.

[Jay]

Absolutely.

[Crystal Jean]

A couple of Mexicans,

[Jay]

yo. Thank you. You reminded me. I was remiss in not naming the aunties. The aunties have been pivotal in the development. I was talking to just one example. Who was I talking to? I think I was talking to my. My friend, my colleague at work. Her name is also Latoya. Okay.

[Crystal Jean]

Look at all the Latoyas.

[Jay]

It's always what hd. HD be like. It's always a named toy.

[Crystal Jean]

It's always a look. I got one of my cousins. Latoya got the same birthday as Noah, by the way.

[Commercial Announcer]

Period.

[Jay]

Exactly. So we were talking about aunts, and I used to tell her, I said, my aunt Puss, you know, when I screenshot the. Sometimes I screenshot the family group chat when they be putting those glittery bitmojis in there.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes, yes.

[Jay]

Toya always responds. And she's like, you know, aunt Puss is my favorite because she's always. Hers is always, you know, a little spicier than everybody else. And so we was talking about. I said, my aunt Fuss, we was talking about bracelet stack. And I said, the reason why I have a bracelet stack is because in the 80s and 90s, Aunt Fuss had about 30 gold. Like, she would go to Fordham roll and get all of the gold, like Figaro, Cuban carrot bone. Like, it would be about 30 of those on her wrist.

[Crystal Jean]

And she would like me a good herringbone bracelet.

[Jay]

Yes. Aunt Fuss was also. Aunt Fuss was also the one who wore long nails.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

And I think, personality wise, Aunt Fuss and I are much more similar than me and my mom. And so when I was a kid, on Fuss would be like, he is my child. And so. And so the relationship that we have has grown, and she has because of some of the ways in which we are more similar than me and my mom, she's been able to mother me and support me through things that I couldn't always talk to my mom about. And now that she's there with my mom, there's a Way in which she and I partner in terms of making sure that my mom is good. And especially when there were things going on. On with DDI and I couldn't get there. You know, Anfus would be like, I got. I got your mom. And I believed her. You know what I'm saying? Like, I felt like that would give me comfort, that would give me some sense of. Of ease.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Because I believed her. Like, you know, my mom's the oldest office is the baby. And so their. Their connection is also special.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay.

[Jay]

So I. Yeah, yeah. So I'm first. Has absolutely been a part of. Of mother and Amus doesn't have children of her own. You know, she never had her own kids, but she was so involved in all of us. Anfus worked at the children's place, which was like a kids clothing store.

[Crystal Jean]

Uhhuh.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Still around.

[Jay]

And when we. I remember we. When we were all kids, we had went to Sesame. Sesame Place. We were all kids. And Anfus got us all matching oshkosh Bigash. Like it was like the red. The red overalls and a red striped shirt.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

I mean, all of us. It was like all me and all my cousins, it was like.

[Crystal Jean]

Let me ask you.

[Jay]

Matching.

[Crystal Jean]

Was it the matching solid or was it the oshkosh bagash, little thin pinstripe, seersucker type? You know which one I'm talking about?

[Jay]

Solid. Okay, so. So here we go. Listen. No, no, the overalls was solid, but the shirt underneath was the seersucker.

[Crystal Jean]

Was the seersucker. Okay, okay, okay. Because, you know, there's always so.

[Jay]

And we was dressed. And we was dressed down one time. We went to great adventures. Then she bought us all Simpsons. We all had Bart Simpson outfits together. Now, the gag was my mama wouldn't even let us watch the Simpsons.

[Crystal Jean]

But see, and this is where my young heathen, My parents come in and be like, yeah, let's watch it together.

[Jay]

I don't be like, that cartoon is not for children, child.

[Crystal Jean]

When. When south park came out, me and my father would be planted. What they doing this week?

[Jay]

I love. I love. I love that. I love that. But yeah, so, yeah, mothers. Other mothers. Aunties. The village is so strong.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

And so I. I just thought we should we. You know, in reflecting on Mother's. Mother's Day, I hope that in. As the day. As the day passed, for those of you who may have dealt with complicated feelings on the day, you know, there's ways in which we can think about how our villages and our networks are Expanding or have the potential to expand. Yeah. These relationships bloom.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

In life when we need them the most. And so I pray that you find some comfort in. In that. In your own garden. Amen.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes.

[Jay]

And we. And we. We appreciate the way that this community continues to grow.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

And all of the ways in which y' all love on each other and support each other. And so.

[Crystal Jean]

And be the. Be the. Be the mothers, too, in spirit, you know what I'm saying? When we were at the. At the Magic hair Drops party.

[Jay]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

It was a young lady. She was very young, I come to find out.

[Jay]

Oh, yes.

[Crystal Jean]

20 years our junior.

[Jay]

Wow.

[Crystal Jean]

And so her and her man walk up to the table, and they're like, somebody sitting here. So we were like, yeah, but I don't know if she coming back. You know, we don't know the situation. They're like, okay, we'll sit until she comes back. And the. And the boy sits down.

[Jay]

You see my face? Wait, wait, wait.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, the boy sits down. So she's standing. And so then I turn to Crystal and I'm like, scoot into this booth. Like, let's scoot over and let her sit here at the end the. Of this booth. So we scoot in and, you know, lovely energy she has. And he's like, I'm gonna go get a drink. And she's like, okay. And as soon as he walked away, you know, I immediately. I said, hands clamped together, down on the table. I said, that's your man. And she was like, yeah. And I said, girl. So you. You peeped out how? He asked about that seat, and then he sat down, but you were standing up. And then, you know, she was like, here you go.

[Jay]

Be somebody, M.

[Crystal Jean]

I was like, I am somebody's mother. Hope this right. And it's a biracial girl. This a white boy. I was like, listen.

[Jay]

Oh, hell no.

[Crystal Jean]

See, now I'm mad. I said, a need never, ever, ever even inch towards sitting down before you sit down. And especially no white boy. I mean, honestly, I said, but no man, period. I said, they shouldn't even want to sit down without very telling. Offering you.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

I don't know how I say so. I just want you to just know that you deserve so much better. And she's like, I'm so protective of him. And. And I was like, yeah, just. You're never gonna forget this. Okay? You're never going to forget this. If it happens again, you're gonna remember it.

[Jay]

What a time to be alive.

[Crystal Jean]

And she will. She'll remember it. And I don't know what. When she will. I don't know when it will like, you know, kick in that, hey, I deserve to sit down first. But eventually. Exactly. But, but one day it will. And she gonna be like that old abrasive lady at that party who was rolling weed at the table, told me about this.

[Jay]

She said it and she was not wrong. That's what you're gonna say. She said it and she was not wrong.

[Crystal Jean]

Cause I'm a cigarette auntie and I, and I love the role.

[Jay]

Absolutely. Jade is the auntie that said, run around that corner and go get me Pepsi.

[Crystal Jean]

Go real quick and a pack of Duchess and, and hurry back and bring me my change. And then you come back and I'm gonna give you great stories, you know what I'm saying? And we'll have great tales and we'll. And we'll have good times and, you know, I'll tell you things that'll help you to survive. Because my friends used to meet off of MySpace, so I, you know, I got a lot of.

[Jay]

We have been through so much and someone needs to. To benefit from our poor decision making. We're here for.

[Crystal Jean]

They do. I used to take IDs until they got done. I'm dead ass. I used to be like, you going have.

[Jay]

Well, and this. Especially in the age before you could like share locations.

[Crystal Jean]

Ex. Hello, Excuse me. Some people that have phones still paid your.

[Jay]

Exactly.

[Crystal Jean]

You know what I'm saying?

[Jay]

What?

[Crystal Jean]

And I used. If my home girls were going to go, you know, be. Be just another girl on the IRT, I would take the IDs and be like, let me hold that until we link up again. You know what I mean?

[Jay]

Because I have taken. When we used to carry them digital cameras to the club. I have taken pictures of license plates and everything else.

[Crystal Jean]

Mine was purple.

[Jay]

Mine was hot pink.

[Crystal Jean]

What a time to be alive. Oh, my God. Yeah. You know, let's just be the village. Lean into the village if you had a hard day. We're hugging you. We're holding you.

[Jay]

Yes. We love you.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah. And we just want to talk about. We just want to talk about mothers. Mothers. Mother's Day.

[Jay]

Mothers of all kinds.

[Crystal Jean]

All kinds of all ilks. Multifaceted mothers.

[Jay]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

Oh, that's what we should call the episode Multifaceted Mothers.

[Jay]

I' ma say mothers like, like D.C. girls say it.

[Crystal Jean]

Mother. Mother.

[Jay]

Mothers. Mother.

[Crystal Jean]

All right, well, thank you all for listening to this foolishness at the end. Let's move on to this next segment. I deserve.

[Jay]

All right. Self care. Let's Talk self care. So after the Philadelphia meeting I had, I came home for a day. And then I think I shared this last episode. I was headed to Chicago because Dr. Leonard Taylor was celebrating his 40th birthday.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes, he did. Happy birthday, Leonard.

[Jay]

Birthday, Leonard. Yes, we had a beautiful time. I was saying to my. To my friend, I said, I'm so grateful that as we are all transitioning into our 40s and through our 40s, all the birthday festivities really, really center around day parties and brunches. Okay. We have. We go hard for a couple hours in the middle of the day, and then we're all back home in a good, reasonable hour in our. In our respective skincare and bathrobes house. It's a wonderful, wonderful time. But I also got the opportunity. So in addition to celebrating with Leonard and all, you know, all of my. All of my academic fam, I also got a chance to hang out with Tracy.

[Crystal Jean]

Mary, I was gonna ask you if you saw our sister.

[Jay]

I invited Tracy to be my plus one to the party.

[Crystal Jean]

Oh, that sense makes me so happy. That makes me so.

[Jay]

And we had a great time. We had a great time. And it's always a good time to hang out with Tracy. We watched the Kentucky Derby. It just happened to be on the TVs at the. And it was so fascinating because we never really paid attention to this event before, but. But we're completely enthralled in this year's race. Because when I tell you this year, did you know there was a. I got to think of what his name was. Golden Something. The horse was named Golden Something, Golden Hour or something like that. But when I tell you that horse was in absolutely last place. Oh, and on the last stretch, like, past all the other horses in one. Oh, it was riveting.

[Crystal Jean]

I don't.

[Jay]

I. I have to find it. I'm sure I could find a video and send it to you. But, I mean, I tell you, Jay, the. The hot.

[Crystal Jean]

The.

[Jay]

The horse was in last place. Winner of Kentucky Derby. And it was sort of Golden Tempo is the name. I'm gonna. Golden Tempo. It was such a historic finish, and it was. It was also pivotal because this was the first winner that had a female horse trainer.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay. Okay.

[Jay]

You know, the girls are up. I don't know nothing about horses. I don't know anything about what that means.

[Crystal Jean]

So fascinating.

[Jay]

But it was something. Yeah, it was something. So fascinating, but it was. I just have never seen anything like that. It was. I don't even know what this means, but the odds were 23 to 1. And that. That's not good. People thought that this horse was going to come in close to last. I guess when I tell you, I mean, I mean, sis, you could. They played the replay over and over again because at the last stretch, the horse was in the back, I mean, very, very back, and came around, I mean, and dusted all of the rug rest of the horses.

[Crystal Jean]

What motivates the horses to, like, like,

[Jay]

I wanted to do a deep mess into that. I, I feel like. So I, I. As we were watching, we were all sort of shaping our perspectives around this whole exercise because none of us in the group had any understanding of this sport, but. And we say we're shaping our understandings because it seems very much that the horses are very much against this. You see the horses resisting.

[Crystal Jean]

So that was my other question. Like, you know, not to be one of Peter about it, but.

[Jay]

No, seriously, seriously. One of the horses, they turn. They turn. So they. They lead the horses in, and then they have to turn them around and get them into the thing. One of the horses. Yeah, they were trying to get the horses into the thing, like, where they begin. When I tell you that horse, like, did a flip and kicked the kick the jockey off. I mean, the horse was like, hell, no, I'm not going.

[Crystal Jean]

You see?

[Jay]

And it was just like, listen. I was just like, I am all for the revolution. I think that the horse does not want to do it. We should not make the horse do it.

[Crystal Jean]

The horse do it now. That doesn't mean we won't watch it if it's on there. Now. I did a quick Google search that said. I said, what makes a horse pick up speed in a race? And they say that they. They pick up speed by increasing its stride frequency. Okay. Yes, yes. They have. They are herd animals, so they have a natural instinct to be dominant and, like, want to be to the front. And so I think that with the adrenaline is what makes them to go fast. Yes. Yeah.

[Jay]

So they're like, I'm not gonna be last.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, essentially, because they get. They get into that stride with the rest of the herd because it's all the running at the same time.

[Jay]

I mean, going off Golden Tempo was like, actually, hold my beer. Huh? Came from behind on Golden Tempo, said, actually, let me do it.

[Crystal Jean]

Came right up. Okay. She's famous.

[Jay]

Golden Temple was made history. And I think the favorite there was a favorite horse to win. And Golden Temple said, actually, I got this one. Thank you so much.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay. Shout out to you.

[Jay]

Yeah. It was so much fun to hang out with my friends. And to conclude a very easeful I was able. I had to fly to New Orleans that following Monday. But on Sunday, because everyone was old and washed, the Sunday plans were kind of canceled and I was able to sort of have a very easy springtime Sunday in Chicago. I had brunch with my sister Candace and then I did a little window shopping on Michigan Avenue. I took myself to the movies to see a Devil Wears Prada too. And I was in the bed. It was good. It was good. Now it felt like, it felt like you were catching up with old friends.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay.

[Jay]

It did.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay.

[Jay]

You know, it picked up on the storyline in a way that was, you know, right where it needed to be. And it was just interesting enough to keep you engaged and not bored.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay.

[Jay]

But it was not like too much going on, you know what I'm saying?

[Crystal Jean]

Good, good.

[Jay]

So I enjoyed it. And like I said, I went to, I took myself to the movie and, and was in bed by 9pm it was a great day.

[Crystal Jean]

Oh, that's a wonderful day. That's in Chicago.

[Jay]

Fantastic.

[Crystal Jean]

Is just.

[Jay]

Yes, yes. I had an excellent. We went to, we went to a restaurant on Michigan Avenue for, for brunch. They had, they, they had.

[Crystal Jean]

It was a beignet brunch.

[Jay]

Yes.

[Crystal Jean]

Do you remember the name of the place?

[Jay]

Yes. The Eevee E V I E the Y. Oh no. Ebi. I just said that.

[Crystal Jean]

Then you just.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Really spelled that, didn't you? Ah, there it goes.

[Jay]

Yeah, it was really good. I enjoyed myself. I had a truffle fry and salmon Caesar and you know, from my app, you know, you know I love a bacon. They had a thick cut bacon.

[Crystal Jean]

I love a thick cut bacon.

[Jay]

Oh girl, you know, I was, yeah, it's never a thick cut bacon that I'm going to be able to say no thank you to. That's just the truth.

[Crystal Jean]

Who I am Style pressed sushi.

[Jay]

Yes, they had sushi. They had all the things, all of the wonderful things that. It was a good time. I had a Hugo Spritz. It was great.

[Crystal Jean]

Yes, I love that. I love a good spring day in Chicago. A good summer day in Chicago. Well, what is my my self care this week? So Crystal Jean and I were invited to a friend's birthday karaoke and realized so there. So you know we go. She hits me on medicatering and she's like, we still going for the birthday tomorrow? I was like, yeah, yeah, we're going for, for the birthday. And the next day I recorded with XD and had to do some Stuff. And then I was like, all right. Oh, I got to power through to get. Go to this birthday during the week, but I'm gonna go celebrate my friend and get dressed. And we go. We get there, and I see nobody that I recognize. And we look at the flyer and realize, oh, Lord, it's next week. So, you know, my immediate thought, because I'm never shy to go home, but Crystal Jean wanted to. You know, she wanted to let loose a little bit. And so we stayed and we met wonderful people. We literally just. We just. We sat there, and one young lady came up, and she was chatting with us, and she just ended up chatting with us the rest of the night. Another group of young ladies came, and, you know, the both of us. That's not really our forte, but.

[Jay]

Right.

[Crystal Jean]

A group of young ladies came. We ended up exchanging, changing phone numbers. Like, it. What? We met lovely strangers, wonderful women of the Diaspora, and Nice. And it was like, okay. This was. We weren't even supposed to be here, but maybe we were supposed to be here. So I think it was good. It was good for the spirit. I did want to immediately turn around and go home, but by the end of it, I was glad that I did it. Especially when I called the birthday girl and was like, where are you? And she was like, in bed, bitch. It's not tonight. And then I felt like. And then I was my biggest pet peeve because I failed to read that flyer effectively.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

And I. I'm like, I just. I'm disappointed in myself. You know, I'm disappointed in myself. But we were supposed to be there, apparently, to meet these lovely, wonderful people and have a random, you know, great Tuesday night.

[Jay]

I love that. And I'm very. You know, that's the kind of whimsy I need more of in my life.

[Crystal Jean]

Exactly. I literally just. I said, you know, your girl used to be in the streets. Like. And I get it now.

[Jay]

I have a kid.

[Crystal Jean]

And, like, you know, I gotta let this. And she lost the keys, you know, all these kind of things. Right. Make her dinner. I guess she's got to eat. But I used to be out here, and I just bop from one place to the next, and it would be a good time, and I'd go to work and I go have a drink hereafter. And while I don't need to do that all the time and I have no desire to. A little whimsy is good for the spirit.

[Jay]

Yeah, I. I don't feel like I've had enough whimsy. I think I've like, if I'm honest, I've always been anxious. So I don't know that I've ever let myself be as whimsical as I might have, as you could be. As I could have been. And so I pray that I will have some opportunity to really just.

[Crystal Jean]

I think you. Your day in Chicago, though, seems whimsical.

[Jay]

It was. That was. That was whimsical. I did not have a plan. I did some walking up and down the street. There was. Sister. Could you believe that a young man. I mean, he couldn't have been no more than 19 years old. I believe that he calls himself flirting with me down into the Mango. I was in the Mango. He was like, oh, my God. He was like, first of all, he was like, oh, my God. I thought I had the flyest hair in the building, but look at you. And I was like. So I said, thank you. I kept on perusing the clothing and, you know, moving about the store, and he was like, you know, I'm saying, can I get your Instagram? I said, is that how the young men are hollering at the young women these days?

[Crystal Jean]

Oh, my God. It's so crazy you say that, because a young man came up to me in the train station and was like, what's your ig? And I said.

[Jay]

He said, can I get your Instagram? I'm like, first of all, no. I know for a fact that I went. Me and this boy's mama probably graduated high school the very same year. I probably would put money on that.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jay]

But I was like, you know, he seemed nice enough and, well, manners. I'm like, okay. I said, that boy is going to look at my. He going to look and my Instagram and know immediately that I'm old as hell and unfollow me by close business.

[Crystal Jean]

Okay?

[Jay]

So I wasn't too much worried about it, but I. I said, well, look at that. I'm just. Look at that. I didn't have a plan. I just was going in and out of whatever store I wanted to. Only thing was, like, I just need to get to the movie on time because I bought my ticket in advance. Hello. You like, I'm going to do that. I'm gonna. I'm not gonna miss in the movie. Now I need to get down so I can get my little blue icy and get to my seat. Get my blue icy and get to my seat. I had. Now. Now, that's the plan. That's the program I'm sticking to.

[Crystal Jean]

I love to carry a meal in my Purse person.

[Jay]

Oh, I didn't have my movie. You know, I was traveling, so I didn't have my materials if I had time.

[Crystal Jean]

Girl, let me tell you, I remember once, I'll never forget, when my father took me to the movie to see Jurassic Park.

[Jay]

Yes, the original.

[Crystal Jean]

And he got. He. He got us McDonald's, and we get to the movies, and I don't. This. I don't like. I get it. You're not a woman. You don't know about a movie bag. But can you have a little discretion to yourself here? He goes to buy the tickets and sets the McDonald's right on the counter. Boom. Three for the dinosaur movie. And they're like, sir, you can't bring that in here. He's like, my kids have to eat. So I don't. He's like, they're gonna eat their food. And this was the one. I have never seen a Bogard.

[Jay]

Oh, my God.

[Crystal Jean]

Walk past with the fast food in the. In the arms all willy nilly. They didn't even try to argue it. He was like, my kids.

[Jay]

I mean. Because they can't argue with that. My Aunt Cheryl. Speaking of aunt, My Aunt Cheryl was the first person to introduce me to the concept of a movie purse. Oh, I don't remember what. Now my Aunt Cheryl is the one who is. She is the aunt that is the most cost conscious, right? So Aunt Cheryl is never going to spend a coin she don't got to spend.

[Crystal Jean]

That's me. Me.

[Jay]

So she's like, why in the world would I purchase things at the movies when I have, you know. So she filled up her movie purse with a bunch of canned sodas and some snacks, right? And so she. Is she. She fussing, like, handing us the. So handing us the sodas. And she's like, be quiet. I'm like, how do you open the can? Quietly, right?

[Crystal Jean]

So we like, look, you're pulling it up all slow. It's like, girl, I can't still gonna do it.

[Jay]

And I just moved. My cousin Marcel finished his soda, put it on the floor, kicked his can, and it rolled. Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. All the way down. I said, we about to get kicked out of here. Oh, Marcel, man.

[Crystal Jean]

No. My mother. My grandmothers were always like, bring your snacks in your bag type girlies. My mother was the bring your meal in your bag type girly. She was like, we having pizza?

[Jay]

Hello.

[Crystal Jean]

Now that is egregious. And there's a thin line between love and hate.

[Jay]

Okay.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, I don't agree with crap crab legs in the movie theater like we've got. We just always have to take it a step too far. I don't mind a chipotle burrito. I don't even care if you have a fajita plate. But crab legs like you can't be up here cracking and we're all like we're watching Precious. I don't like you can't do that.

[Jay]

So

[Crystal Jean]

no. No. I don't know. No. Then you might trigger somebody's food allergies. There's a reason why they don't sell crab legs at the movie theater. Somebody might be severely allergic. So many bad. But anyway that was my self care. I had a whimsical Tuesday evening that I. I love that and I'm glad that that I allowed the whimsy to to whims.

[Jay]

I love that.

[Crystal Jean]

Shall we move on to these petty peeves?

[Jay]

Yes. Let's do it.

[Crystal Jean]

Let's do it. Let's do it.

[Commercial Announcer]

America's best network just got bigger. Switch to T mobile today and get built in benefits the other guys leave out plus our five year price guarantee. And now T mobile is available in US cellular stores. Best mobile network based on analysis by Google of speed test intelligence data 2H 2025 bigger network. The combination of T Mobile's and US cellular network footprints will enhance the T mobile network's coverage price guarantee on talk text and data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. CT mobile.com for details.

[Jay]

Country Petty, petty, petty. All the same to me playing James Spaghetti. My petty peevesis very straightforward. Very petty. Here's the thing. I am 43 years old. I've been working for a very long time. Okay? And I also have a lot of meetings and this is what I want to say. We don't have to have a meeting opener. We don't have to have. We don't have to have an icebreaker. The ice is broke. I've been working with you people for a very long time. We do every, every meeting does not require a meeting opener. And let me tell you one thing. I'm fresh out of fun facts. I don't have no, no more fun facts about myself. I don't have one more.

[Crystal Jean]

I have one for you for your next meeting. I have one more for you. One more. One more.

[Jay]

Okay.

[Crystal Jean]

You tell them that chlamydia runs rampant in koalas. I bet you they'll never ask another fun fact again. That's a fact.

[Jay]

Today my colleague was like share a fun fact about a sheriff. Anyone have like A fun AI fact. I was like, I do not have a fun AI. What does that even mean? Communities.

[Crystal Jean]

And. And that's what I was.

[Jay]

This is what I'm thinking.

[Crystal Jean]

Indiana fun fact.

[Jay]

Like native centers are disproportionately, you know, marginalizing and destroying black and brown communities, rural communities, suburban communities. What. What's your hot take on data centers? That they are terrible and ruining people's lives. That's a hot take, girl. Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

They have three thousand dollar electric bills and can't afford to pay them and getting their cut off.

[Jay]

Excuse me, the water bills. The water bills are going crazy.

[Crystal Jean]

Insanity. And I told you, people have had to close their businesses because they could no longer afford the overhead. That is absolutely insane. All because of these data centers that. You want a fun fact about AI? There's your fun fact.

[Jay]

What's your hot take? She was like, what's your hot take on a data center? The data centers that are destroying people's lives.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Like quite literally. The data centers that are the reason why people don't have any running water in their homes in 2020.

[Crystal Jean]

Data centers are part of the reason why they laid off a million Amazon workers. Like, huh? Funding war.

[Jay]

Not good. Not good. And I feel bad. I don't know, I just. I just like, man, I don't got no fun fact, man. Because I just had to be quiet because I was like. I don't know if y' all want me to say what I think.

[Crystal Jean]

The data centers that are employing the tech bros that are going to Dubai to do nefarious things. And also that is funding a genocide in Sudan. What else would you like to know

[Jay]

about our data center? Yeah, okay. Well, fun facts. I'm out of fun facts. Don't ask me for a fun fact ever again. Thank you so much.

[Crystal Jean]

Well, there's your koala fun fact. And here's another one which is. That happens to be my petty peeve.

[Jay]

Chlamydia runs rampant in koalas.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah, It's. It's destroying the koalan community. Honestly.

[Jay]

What? We can't get them on like penicillin or something. There's got to be an animator.

[Crystal Jean]

It then it. With their gut health. It's crazy. I know. It's causing blindness and all kinds of things.

[Jay]

Oh my God. How did they get. What is going on?

[Crystal Jean]

I don't. It's not funny. It's just. It's not funny at all. It's just so random. I just learned that and I was like, so koalas, they like chlamydia Is really. It's an epidemic with koalas and. And also white people. It will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever be called a cloud Bob. It will never be called a cloud Bob.

[Jay]

Oh, please.

[Crystal Jean]

It is an afro. There was an entire hair care line designed and named after that is still in business called Afro Sheen. There was a song that went along with it. Beautiful people use Afro Sheen. It is never going to be a cloud Bob.

[Jay]

I mean, it's just plain offensive. It's just plate of offensive. I don't know what else.

[Crystal Jean]

It's stressful.

[Jay]

I don't know how else we might characterize.

[Crystal Jean]

I was going off about cloud cloud Bob to my friend while we were eating, Erica. I was going off to her about cloud Bob and our server walks up and she's like, oh my God. Like cloud Bob. That's so cute. I said, it's not because it's an afro. She's like, it's not cute. Not cute at all. Like, not cute. No, it's not. Why are you always trying to take something and rename it? That's my petty peeve this week. Because I saw a cloud Bob and I and I got hot from the inside. You know what I mean? And it rose in my body, up into my face.

[Jay]

Lord have mercy.

[Crystal Jean]

Yeah. So that's another episode of getting grown. Thank you all so much for tuning in. Make sure you are presenting.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Oh, we must tell you, it's graduation season.

[Jay]

As we said, they're coming in.

[Crystal Jean]

They're coming in. So get your graduation announcements in. We're reading them every week for four weeks. I don't know if I said next, next week last week, but I was wrong. It is actually next week. We always record a little ahead of time. I'd be all up. You know what I'm saying? So we are reading. As you are listening to this episode, we will be reading graduation announcements the following episodes. So make sure you're getting your graduation announcements in over the next month to hear or. Or your loved ones graduation announcements. You all know we love to celebrate everybody across the board. Higher education.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Crystal Jean]

Elementary school, pre kindergarten, beauty school, culinary school. Whatever. Whatever accomplishment you got, make sure you're sending it in so that we can get it read on the air and celebrate you as a community. Make sure you check the Patreon where you get the full video version of this episode with additional add ins of Kia and I talking in between segments. It is awesome.

[Jay]

We've had such a time tonight.

[Crystal Jean]

We really have had a good time. It is really the Best way to support getting grown. We have. Yeah, we had a lot of. Of additional fun facts outside of koalas having chlamydia tonight. In between. In between.

[Jay]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna read up on that because I just want to know. Maybe I don't. Maybe I don't want to know because I have so many questions.

[Crystal Jean]

No, you should go look it up. I. I love. Look, I just love knowing, you know, random things and. Sis, take. Take us out.

[Jay]

Make sure that you all are taking care of yourselves by attending to the business. No, wait. Let me get it together. Hold on. I told y' all I was tired.

[Crystal Jean]

It's 10:21.

[Jay]

Make sure that you are taking care of yourself and attended to your business. You minded your business. What do I say, Jay?

[Crystal Jean]

You said a titty to your business Attending.

[Jay]

I meant to say attending. Y', all. Listen, mind your business, drink your water and moisturize your skin. Yeah, okay. And I need to take a nap. I need to go to bed.

[Crystal Jean]

You need to go to bed. You have to pack. Bye, you all get your graduation announcement.

[Jay]

I love y' all so much, and we'll see y' all next week. Bye.

[Crystal Jean]

Bye.

[Jay]

Girl, I can't even remember what I be saying to people. What?

[Commercial Announcer]

And, Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone custom customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Jay]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date? Oh, no.

[Commercial Announcer]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Jay]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Commercial Announcer]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Crystal Jean]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.