Kia (3:24)

All right, so bet so team Typing Fast. Typing Fast and Taking Care DC was a really huge success and, um, it's time to move forward and looking toward what the next one will look like. So I guess a smart goal with, with regard to that specific goal is I would like to have a team a Typing Fast and Taking Care event in another city. I would. That's. That's the what the why is because I feel like, you know, like I said, like I said before, you know, the space, especially you, I don't know, you can kind of jake and confirm for you all who were not in attendance, but the space of Typing Fast and Taking Care of DC was really an awesome space. And the women who were present seem to be really hungry and really, really, really grateful and appreciative to have space to just kind of talk about what they want to do, why they want to do it, some of the challenges that they face in doing it, and to kind of also see that there are other women who are sharing in their experiences and offering to them advice, encouragement, feedback as they kind of navigate the different challenges that are specific to our experience as, you know, women of color in various academic, professional and, you know, corporate spaces. So that's the. That's the why. That's. That's why I want to do this. And I think that these spaces are, you know, you know, it's not only women in D.C. who would appreciate this space, but it's women in other cities who would appreciate it as well. So I am working on, you know, doing. Doing that. So the how is kind of, you know, where what I'm working on, like kind of teasing out more. My how is. It's really. I'm working right now building relationships, using relationships that I have in order to get access to information and, you know, whether that be sponsored, learning more about sponsorships, learning more about other venues, learning more about, you know, what, what it would, what is required in planning an event in another city or a city that I don' currently live in and then kind of fleshing out the team, you know, the team that I'm gonna have to put together in order to help to pull this off. So. Yep, that's what we're. That's my specific goals. My specific goal is that I'm going to have a type of fast and taking care event in another city this.

Jade (5:50)

Year and I'm gonna be at every single one. So. Hey.

Kia (5:56)

And I'm gonna be on your cooking show as well, eating and snacking, all the things.

Jade (6:00)

Okay, Absolutely. Like this is, listen, this is. We crisscross applesauce everywhere over here. So like I said, we have to be specific with these goals. If you have a goal of losing weight, we use that as an example because that's what everybody says they're going to do. But if we have a goal of losing weight, you need to break down how you're going to lose that weight. You need to break it down how you're going to change your eating, how you're going to change your exercise. If there's going to be a schedule, you need to be very specific and simplistic and clear in what you're going to do in your goal. The next of the smart goals is being measurable. Your goal should be measurable so that you have tangible evidence that you've accomplished the goal. You want to go Kia.

Kia (6:42)

Tangible evidence that you want to accomplish the goal and that your entire goal statement is a measure for the project. But there are usually several short term or smaller measurements built into the goal itself. So what is, what are in order? So your goal is like my goal is to have a team type and fast event in another city and that's the larger goal. But there are, there will be smaller things and short term things that I need to do before the actual event happens so that like, you know, measure measurable. How am I going, you know, how am I know that I'm making progress? I'm saying if I would like to, if I, if I know that I need sponsorships and I need to set a deadline, so I need to have a solid sponsor by this state, I need to have a venue by this state, I need to have cater in place by this date and these are the ways that I will know that I'm making progress toward actually putting the event together.

Jade (7:37)

Right. Exactly.

Kia (7:39)

What are measurable goals? What are some of the smaller, more measurable goals for you in terms of putting the cooking show together.

Jade (7:47)

It's kind of. It kind of ties in with. With the specific. I. But in order to execute, I have to have a location. If I don't have a location, I don't have a show. So I have to have a location. I have to have a team, because I can't do this on my own. I'm not recording this on an iPhone 7. And so therefore, I have to find somebody who's going to help me to produce my content, somebody who's going to actually record the show, somebody who's going to edit the show because it has to be put out at some point. So some of those. Those are some small measurable goals. Also, like I said, a clear defined plan of what that show is going to be about, which is, you know, that needs to be in place before I. Even before I even do anything else. But, yes, those are some of the measurable. Measurable aspects of my action, of my specific goal.

Kia (8:39)

Right. So moving on to achievable or attainable, your goals have to be achievable or attainable in that they should definitely be big enough so that they stretch you and challenge you, but they also have to be defined and specific in set in a way that you can still reach them. So, you know, an example of an unattainable goal for me is to be 120 pounds. Like, I don't have the weight. Like, physically to be £120. I do not. Because you know what I'm saying, she's a bigger girl, and that's okay. It's not an attainable goal. Like, it's not something that I can actually.

Jade (9:25)

Kia has body. Also has body.

Kia (9:27)

I do not. I have body dysmorphia. But I just.

Jade (9:30)

You're.

Kia (9:31)

I'm a tall woman. Yes, but I'm also. Exactly. I'm saying that my body shape, the way that my body is built and structured and put together, it is not feasible for me to be £120. I would look. I would not look well, right? I would not look well at that body weight. So. But that's what I'm saying. You want your goals to be attainable. So it is attainable for me to say that I want to be 150 pounds. Right. So there we go. See, I would. I paused and waited for you to judge me, and you didn't. That's fine.

Jade (10:06)

I went, No, I said. I just said. I. First of all, I never judge.

Kia (10:10)

That's a lie.

Jade (10:11)

Never judge. However, I was like, all right, listen, if you want to be £150?

Kia (10:16)

I mean, I'm not saying that I would want to be, but I'm just saying that I could be if I would have liked to be.

Jade (10:21)

Right.

Kia (10:22)

Thank you. Fair enough. So, yeah, so achievable goals, like I said, should stretch you slightly so you feel challenged, but they should be defined well enough so that you can still achieve them. And you have to possess the appropriate knowledge, skills, abilities, resources in order to achieve that goal so you can meet anymore school when you plan your steps wisely and establish a time frame that allows you to carry out those steps. So, yeah, if your goal is impossible to achieve, you may not even try to accomplish it. So you have to have, like, that's what I'm saying. The specificity that's required in the whole smart girls framework is really like the first critical step in making sure that you're actually setting a goal that you can reach. Because you know, you will.

Jade (11:11)

You will.

Kia (11:12)

Impossible goals are not motivating at all. They discourage you.

Jade (11:17)

Like, I want, I. I would love to have my show on Vice Lane, you know what I'm saying? But I gotta start small, you know what I'm saying? I gotta. I gotta figure out some of these smaller platforms. And again, with the. With the measurable quality of it. These like, like Kia said, these are tangible things. These have to be tangible. Tan it's a metric system, and it's tangible evidence that you've accomplished the goal. If it's. If it's something that's super outlandish, not saying that you're not going to get to it eventually, but it has to be something that, you know, that you can check off your list and say, hey, I did that part of it. So, yes, it has to be achievable and attainable goals. You have to start with things that you know are within your reach so that you can get to whatever that.

Kia (12:03)

I totally want to just say right here that, you know, it's important for us to be conscious of, like what we as individuals are responsible for with respect to our goals. So. And, you know, not really taking on things that are not within your control as far as, you know, figuring out all of that. So like I said, one of my goals is to get my manuscripts, you know, from my dissertation, to get some publications from them. My goal, all I'm responsible for is getting the manuscripts ready, filing my application, getting all the paperwork in on time. But once the. Once, you know, I'm responsible for getting it there. But once it's there, then, you know, it's out of my hands. I've done everything that I have said that I could do and I can still feel accomplished. Even if one of my manuscripts doesn't get accepted right away, if I have to revise and resubmit or if I get a flat out rejection, I can still say that I accomplished my goal of submitting my publication for me, for submitting my manuscript for publication because I've done all that I am responsible to do in order to reach that goal. So I said that to say, you know, for some of us there are things that we want to do and you know, you know, it requires us, you know, applying for funding, applying for opportunities, applying for jobs. You have to be conscious of the things that you're responsible for in those kind of goals and then whatever else you know, that you're not responsible for, you have to trust that you know, your process, your life, God, however you are, however you, you know, think about these things and what, what you know, essential to you and your peace and understanding. You have to let go of, you know, hold on to have goals and, you know, just not, don't, don't put. Whether or not like let. I'm trying to, can't get myself together. Just get myself together. Yeah. So the achievable, the achievability like attainability of the goal, just be conscious of it like, you know, that is something that is attainable for and you know, the things that are beyond your control, influence, you know, whether or not you've reached that goal, still don't allow that to discourage you from doing all that you can do to reach it.

Jade (14:27)

Right. If, if you, all right, so you, you, you have goals or whatever, right? And they have to, again, like he has said, they have to be within your reach. Don't do things, don't try to achieve things like she said, that are out of your control. Because what's going to happen is you'll stop yourself today. You're going to get, you're going to stop, you are going to get frustrated and it's going to be something that is completely not and not within your reach. You're going to get frustrated about things that you don't have any control of whatsoever. So when you're setting these goals, also when you're setting these goals, use your resources, but counter resources as part of your goals. Maybe part of your goals is finding those resources. Maybe it's finding people who can help you because people are going to need to help you to get to where you need to go, you know, What I'm saying, there are a lot of things you're going to have to do for yourself, but there's a lot of resources that you're going to have to hit as well. Like Kia said, she's got to find spaces. There are things that she has to write. She's got to send in for team type and fast. She has to find spaces. She's got to set the curriculum. But then after that, there are people that have to. That she's got to reach out to, a team of people that she's got to reach out to to help her to achieve that same thing on my end. So just know that A, you have resources that you can reach out to, but make sure those are resources that are within your reach. But use them. Always use.

Kia (15:49)

Show you're right. So we move on to the results. Focused. Yeah. So goals should measure outcomes, not activities. That's really the nuts and bolts of it. That's like what it means. So outcomes in terms of like. Like things that you can check off a list as done, not necessarily that you're doing them. So, like, you're right. Yeah. I don't know how else to say it. I think it's this. You have to.

Jade (16:20)

Goals are. Goals are one thing after another. They are. Okay, boom, done. Okay, so now I don't have to worry about that. Let's move on to the next thing. Okay, boom, done. Like Kia said, you make a list of things, but you need to be able to cross that off. That's what a list is for. A to do list is for you to look at so that it's a reminder of what you need to do and then you actually do it. You have to execute it and be able to cross it off. So when you set those goals, you need to make sure that you are focusing on one thing at a time, because that's another thing too. If you're trying to do too many things at once, you're also going to get flustered and confused. Focus on things that you know that you can get done and make those lists and organize yourself and cross that off.

Kia (17:00)

Right. And in terms of trying to define what you know, the what about your goal is, you know, focus on results. What are. These are some questions that you can ask yourself. What is the reason, purpose, or benefit for accomplishing the goal? What is the result of the goal? Not the activities that lead up to the result, but what is the result of the goal that you set? So if I say that I want to. If I want to have sponsorship for the next type of fast and taking care events. What is the result of that, of that goal? The result of that goal would be actually securing sponsorship one way or another. Not all the things that I'm doing to secure that sponsorship. Not necessarily, you know, reaching out to different contexts, writing pitches, you know, drafting, you know, paperwork, all the things that go into securing sponsorship. But what is the result of securing the sponsorship? Coins that's the result of the sponsorship is actual sponsorship. And you know, those are some of the things that you can kind of use to kind of say, okay, how, how do I know that this, this goal, how is is focused on the outcome and not necessarily the activity itself in a critical, critical way to kind of keep that, I mean a critical way of keep that in mind is, you know, to make sure that your goal is t the time bound, the time sensitive one. A good way to kind of focus on the outcome and not the activity is to say that you want to have something done by a certain, a certain time frame. Your goals should be, you know, give yourself a time frame that creates that, that is realistic, but also creates a practical sense of urgency. And you know, that gets you from, from vision to current to reality. Like, you know, this is what I want it to look like. How do I get it closer to actually being like an existing within the thing? So without having, you know, your goal is not likely to, to produce a relevant outcome if you don't have kind of like a timeline that specifies when you're gonna have it, when you're gonna have it done by, right?

Jade (19:11)

Maybe your goal is to save money. You know, you can, you can, there's a fit way. You can, there's a system you can come up with, you can figure out, you can start to bulk up or whatever. But let's say you want to save money for a vacation, you have to come up with a specific goal. You have to come up with a specific plan as to how you're going to save that money in a short amount of time because you're working towards something hard and fast. Treat that like all your goals. You know what I'm saying? Set a time frame. Be like, okay, this is the deadline of when I have to have this done. And then you put those smaller goals within that. Okay, I have to have this done by this date. I have to have this done by this date. I have to have this done by this date so that you can come to the overall finality.

Kia (19:52)

And I also feel like it's important to say here that life happens and a Lot of times, you know, when we make plans, the plans don't come out just as we had as. As we would have hoped them to. But don't allow that to discourage you from, you know, setting new deadlines. So, like, if I say that I want to have something in place by February 1st and I find that it's January 30th and I have not. I'm not in place, and I just push it back. You know, be conscious of how many times you push it back and. And, you know, just being, you know, don't allow yourself to just keep pushing things back until you just push them off and don't do them ever again. But I don't want you to feel like, yeah, I don't want you to feel like, you know, the deadlines or the time specific, you know, markers that you set for yourself in reaching your goals are written in concrete. A lot of times they will be written in pencil, pencil. And a lot of times it'll be for things that are beyond your control. Like, you get sick. You know, something that was supposed to be shipped to you by a certain date doesn't come on time. You just have to be flexible and adaptable. And I learned, I'm learning that when it comes to, you know, you know, putting on these kind of events, having these projects, doing these kinds of activities, you have to just go with the flow. I'll give you guys an example. At the teen type of fast. I mean, at the type of fast and taking care of DC event, we scheduled the venue at 5 o'. Clock. We got to the venue at 5 o' clock and started, you know, putting stuff into the room and finding that there was some sort of glitch or mix up with the paperwork and the person who we worked with wasn't there to help us. So we had to, like, navigate it. We had to take stuff back out of the room and wait till we got that situated. And we ended up, you know, getting things started and set up. Probably. We were probably about 35 to 40 minutes behind schedule. But it was just kind of one of those things. Everyone came together, all hands on deck, got things set up and situated. I had to kind of like, excuse myself because I was having a meltdown down. But, you know, while I was. That's why it's important to have a team, because while I was in the bathroom trying to put my lashes on and not cry, my team was in the room getting things situated. So when I came back out, everything was in place and we were able to make up for that lost time in the beginning. So time specific goals, yes, you should absolutely have them. But we have to be conscious of the fact that, you know, life happens and things happen and, you know, we just have to adjust. Doesn't mean that you have to stop. You just got to kind of figure out how we can work around whatever unexpected thing that has happened and keep moving forward.

Jade (22:28)

But figure out how to work around, like come up with a plan. If your goal is deterred and you're derailed a little bit, figure out a plan of how you can work around that. You know what I'm saying? Mama quiero life on web you don't make it Uno converizing nosiamos quatro iPhone 17. Adobe Acrobat Studio so brand new. Show me all the things PDFs can do. Do your work with ease and speed. PDF Spaces is all you need. Do hours of research in an instant with key insights from an AI assistant. Stick a template with a click now your preo looks super slick.

Kia (23:30)

Close that deal.

Jade (23:31)

Yeah, you won. Do that doing that, did that, done. Now you can do that. Do that with Acrobat. Now you can do that. Do that with the allnew Acrobat. It's time to do your best work with the all new Adobe Acrobat Studio.

Kia (23:45)

Starting the year with a wardrobe refresh. My Love Language Speaking my love language Quince has got you covered with luxe essentials that feel effortless and look polished. They're perfect for layering, mixing and building a wardrobe of pieces that last. Their versatile style makes it easy to reach for them day after day, and you can style them in all kinds of ways, from soft Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feel like designer pieces without the markup to 100% silk tops and skirts for easy dressing up to perfectly cut denim for everyday wear. Their wardrobe essentials are crafted to last season after season. I've told y' all before, I'll continue to tell you again. I have that 100 silk shirts and silk skirts tins across the board, honey. They wash well, they wear well. I reach for them often. Also the Mongolian cashmere sweaters. I have several colors, several cuts. I have the cardigan staples that you can dress up or down. This is how you curate a wardrobe, getting multiple wear out of your pieces and not having to break the bank. Also, Quince has home bath kitchen travel. I've heard great things about their carry on, which I look to pick up really soon because you know, I'll be traveling and I really love their bathrobes. Don't sleep on their bathrooms. They have beautiful cable knit bathrobes. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Don't wait. Go to quince.com grown for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com grown to get free shipping and 365 days returns terms quince.com grown. One lesson learned One major lesson that I learned in 2019 or 2018, sorry, that I'm carrying with me to 2019, is. I feel like I've learned that there is great value in messing up. I feel like I've had some roadblocks, some, some missteps sometimes that I dropped the ball this year. And while it was hurt, it hurt at the time. I learned that nothing is wasted.

Jade (26:15)

Right?

Kia (26:16)

So, And the quicker that I come to that perspective instead of, you know, I feel like you have to let yourself feel the grief of the mistake. Right? So I messed up. That sucks. You have to let yourself sit in that so that you, you know, can live it and know that you don't want to experience it again. But I feel like the quicker that I come to the realization that, you know, okay, this is a part of the process, this is a part of the plan. It wasn't a part of my plan, but it was a part of the plan. And as soon as I reconcile that and, you know, try to regroup and recalibrate after the mistake, the quicker that, you know, I can come to some peace about it and really be open to then receive whatever the lesson is that I'm supposed to learn. So whether it be, you know, I don't want to just run down all of my, all of my L's this year, but whether it be, you know, getting, you know, making a mistake at work or, you know, just honestly having an ignorant moment and just not knowing. So there was something that happened. I didn't realize that, you know, having a LLC in Maryland, you are supposed to fill out some sort of annual report court when you do your taxes. And I had no earthly idea why, because I ain't never had no LLC before. But it was just, it was just a moment of ignorance. And I got this paper saying that if I didn't do this, I was going to have to pay this big amount of money. And, and, you know, and I panicked. Legit, huh? Like what? I didn't know. Oh my God. But the sooner I was able to just kind of like, you know, okay, okay, I, I didn't know I accepted. I didn't know. I accepted. I made a mistake. I don't like it, but what do I do to move forward? Like, the quicker, the quick, you know, coming to that space, giving myself the room to have the emotion or reaction that I need to have. But. But being committed to not dwell there and learning that there is value. There's value. I messed up many times this year. I'm not even gonna hold y' all like, I messed up many times this year, but I can honestly look back, back and. And point out something that I have or identify something that I have learned through that mistake. So, you know, I guess the lesson that I learned is, you know, mistakes are par for the course. They're gonna come. We're not going to be able to run from them. Should. Should we avoid them at all costs? Yes. But, you know, there's always going to be something, so you just kind of, like, figure it out.

Jade (29:01)

There's always going to be something.

Kia (29:02)

There's always going to be something, but you have to like. And it's important to surround yourself with people who won't. Who won't let you spiral into that. Oh, my God. Every life is over place because that's a dangerous place and it's hard to get out of that once you're there. So. And. And being willing to ask for help. Nothing. There's no shame in that. There's no. There's no slate, shade, or slight to anybody saying, I didn't know that. Can you help me? There's nothing. I respect that. I respect that. I will respect that. I respect the polite, humble person who will own their ignorance over. Over someone who is incompetent but won't admit it. Like someone who, you know, looks apart and might talk the part, you know, and can keep up a good appearance, but at the core, they don't know nothing. I wouldn't much. Yes, I would much rather you own it. I don't know what I'm doing. I just can't. I have no idea. I will. I will respect that more than someone who fakes like they know it ain't no use in, like, us going out.

Jade (30:07)

In the woods and you pretending like you know where you going, and then we all get eaten by bears for what I'd rather you be like, you know what? I don't know anything about this. I respect it, so let's not do it.

Kia (30:17)

I respect it. I respect it so much all day. But, yeah, that's me.

Jade (30:23)

A great lesson I've learned in 2018 is to speak more positively in reference to manifesting certain things in my life. The way that I speak.

Kia (30:42)

The way.

Jade (30:42)

That I speak about myself and my circumstances and so forth are really important in how, like, in how I view myself and how certain things play out. And if I speak in a negative manner, that's not gonna do anything positive for my life.

Kia (31:02)

Yeah.

Jade (31:02)

But if I, I hope I'm making sense.

Kia (31:06)

Well, you are.

Jade (31:08)

If I, I can't say, I can't call myself broke. I don't need to say I'm broke. I can say that I'm working towards some other things, working towards being more financially comfortable.

Kia (31:22)

Or you can honestly say I don't have it right now, because that would be the truth.

Jade (31:25)

Right now, by calling myself broke, I'm sitting in a mindset.

Kia (31:29)

Yeah.

Jade (31:30)

That doesn't allow myself to evolve.

Kia (31:32)

Absolutely.

Jade (31:33)

And the way that you think about yourself and your entire mindset is very key and how you move in your own success. So if you sit in a certain mindset, you won't stay there. Right. But if you allow yourself to evolve in a positive direction, you'll find yourself gravitating in that positive direction through your actions and just how things happen to fall for you. But if you sit there in negativity, that's what you're going. That's what you're going to. That's what you're going to breed. So I've had to correct myself. And it started with, and my loved ones do the same thing, my friends. Kia does it, Crystal does it. Fran does it. Tristan does it. They don't allow me to speak about myself in certain ways because they know that that's not conducive to me getting to a better place for me to be sitting in that mindset. And it's now I've gotten reminded from my loved ones so much that I can now correct myself. If I say something that seems like I'm putting myself, what have you, I'll say, you know, I, I, I can recognize and be like, you know what? Let me not say it that way. I just need to do this differently or I'm going to move this way. And I find that just even thinking like that and speaking like that has completely changed how certain things have gone for me.

Kia (32:59)

Absolutely.

Jade (33:00)

You know, not saying that everything is always peachy and, and because it definitely is not, but that it's important. And then, you know, with that being said, look, look at all key. And I have been able to do, if I could sit there and say, oh, this showing like, the same. We ain't really doing nothing. What. What is that doing for us? Being, you know, what is that doing for us when we're getting, you know, conferences and, like, we're.

Kia (33:26)

We're.

Jade (33:27)

We're. We're promoting these live shows because we want you to come out and see us. And you guys are so supporting coming out and seeing us. No, by us manifesting that positivity, it's been able to manifest positivity in our lives and in our brands. And we're very grateful in. Yes. Hi, Kia.

Kia (33:45)

Hi, Noah. How are you? How are you?

Jade (33:50)

First up, I thought you had a.

Kia (33:52)

Bun in your hair. You thought I. Oh, because it's my hat. You see my hat that.

Jade (33:58)

Do you.

Kia (33:58)

Oh, first up, I thought it was a bun. I like your. Are those pajamas? Is this a shirt? I like your shirt. It's a Wakanda one. I see your Wakanda pajamas. Wakanda forever.

Jade (34:12)

All right, get out of here. I'm recording. Come on, man.

Kia (34:15)

Get out of here. Happy New Year. Happy New Year.

Jade (34:20)

Auntie Kia said Happy New Year.

Kia (34:23)

Oh, girl. Happy New Year. Happy New Year.

Jade (34:27)

All right, give this to me and stop doing that.

Kia (34:29)

Love you.

Jade (34:29)

Bye bye.

Kia (34:30)

Love you asap. Nowhere in the building.

Jade (34:36)

She came in to fart on me, son. Like, this is her new thing. And I'm. Close the door.

Kia (34:42)

Oh, my word. Oh, my God, she knows.

Jade (34:47)

Close it now. Where's your father? Close the door. I'm about to get my spoon if you don't close this door.

Kia (34:57)

Come on.

Jade (34:57)

Spoon? Why you make me do this in public?

Kia (35:05)

I'm about to get my spoon.

Jade (35:06)

You better get. That's. Look, there she does it. Shit. Anyway, that was so good. But yes, yes, I. So I'm. I'm watching how I speak about myself, and I'm noticing that it's. It has changed the trajectory of how certain things go just by me changing my mindset. And I like to keep that going in 2019.

Kia (35:27)

That's real. Yo, I was talking to my friend Nina about this other day just in terms of, like, you know, the importance of being focused not on. Not so much on our feelings, but on what we were talking about, on the promises of God. Because it's important. Like, it's so easy to. To really just.

Jade (35:43)

Because you feel what.

Kia (35:43)

You feel about a situation.

Jade (35:45)

Right?

Kia (35:45)

I hate that XYZ is happening and you get fixated on that one thing, and that is really all you're thinking about. And just when you obsess over that, that's all that's going to be like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's just never going to change. But if you change your perspective and your attention toward what, what you believe, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I know that. That, you know. Sure. Do I have all the money that I would like to have right now? No, but I could just. Just be fixated on the dollars leaving my account. But I. I could make the conscious choice and develop the practice to remind myself that I know what my bank account looks like right now. But I also know the promise is that I'm going to be okay. God's not going to play me. He's not gonna have me out here homeless and ashy and without nice things, because that's not. Not, you know, that's not what he promised me. So, like, to your point, it's definitely about cultivating the practice. That's something I've been working with my therapist on because I didn't even realize how much of a habit that was for me. How easy it is for me to just be like, oh, I ain't like. Like, you know, and it just really rolls off my tongue, like someone, guys, I mean, dudes compliment me, people compliment me. And I just be like, like, oh, no. You know, I'm just trying, like, I do that all the time. You do all the time. And I have to cut it out.

Jade (37:07)

Literally. We had a. Oh, God, they made me cry.

Kia (37:10)

They had. They made me cry. It was the most uncomfortable thing. And that. That's the sad part, right? It was literally a group of my closest friends sitting around me and affirming me, and it made me so uncomfortable that I cried.

Jade (37:24)

That's how. I wasn't even gonna say that part. I was just.

Kia (37:27)

No, but seriously, I mean, honestly, like, like, that's how. That's how deeply.

Jade (37:33)

Yeah.

Kia (37:33)

Entrenched the self hate. The negative self talk is. Is so much a part of who I am that me sitting, like, my friends, people who I love very dearly, sitting around me and affirming me and telling me, you know, good things about myself. I couldn't even, like. Like, it was so uncomfortable. I actually cried. And I wasn't even being dramatic, but I was genuinely uncomfortable, like, begging them to stop. And just the way that I reacted to that experience just taught me that I have a lot of work to do in that area. Because, you know, if I talk to you, I'm just. No, no, I'm just saying if I talked. If I heard somebody talking about Jade the way that I talk about myself, we would be boxing.

Jade (38:16)

Exactly. Often. Do you realize that if you were anybody other than you talking about you, I'd fight you. Right. Like, it's. It's just not. It's not okay. And I know, but the. The thing about it is, like he has said, it's so effortless and it happens so easy for so many of us to be able to do that. And we. It's just. It's just something we gotta break. It's something we gotta break because.

Kia (38:47)

Oh, sorry. Which is how. How kind of like there's this common narrative amongst black women, like, intergenerationally, generationally. I can't talk intergenerationally. Where it's like this constant, like, oh, you not special. We don't want anybody. Oh, she thinks she cute. She thinks she's special. She thinks she's. So that's just a part of how we talk about each other. And someone actually walking around like, yes, I do think I'm cute, is frowned upon in. In, you know, a lot of social circles in. In different contexts. So that's become so ingrained. And I mean, just speaking from personal experience, I remember my mother being so intentional about me kind of cultivating intellect and like, potential, you know, as it related to academics, my, you know, being in school and stuff, that it was always like, oh, girl, you know, being cute.

Jade (39:49)

That's.

Kia (39:49)

That you not saying it wasn't important because we. We. She definitely didn't want me out here just looking crazy. But it was not emphasized with the same intention as, like, you know, you got to be brilliant. And it was almost like I had to choose between being brilliant and being fly. Like, I couldn't. And I didn't have a lot of models for how you could be both. Both, because, you know, the super smart girls were always playing Jane and low key and, you know, and it was always like, you know, she's focused on her future in her life. And I'm like, yeah, but, you know, she could put a bump at the end of her. At the end of her ponytail too. You know, it wouldn't hurt nobody's feelings, you know? Yeah. And she could put some nail polish on, but, like, it's okay. You know, a little lip gloss, little eyebrow wouldn't hurt nobody.

Jade (40:37)

But all that to say, lip, like, whatever.

Kia (40:39)

Yeah, all that's to say. All that to say. I was just agreeing with you that a lesson learned is that we have to continue to cultivate the practice of speaking positively about ourselves and our lives. Because, you know, everything that we do, everything that we have starts first as. As a thought.

Jade (41:02)

Yep.

Kia (41:02)

And if, and if, you know, the, the root is negative, the rut. If the, if the rut is negative, then what flows from the root will be negative as well. Ain't nobody got time for that because this is our yonce year, 2019.

Jade (41:16)

This is it. Like we got work to do and we can't do it under, you know, the willow tree. That's so we got to do it. We. We need to do this. We got to put some pep in our step. That's all right. We gotta stay ready. So, sis, what do you have first on your list?

Kia (41:36)

There are things that we just share, need to kind of keep in mind as adults. We need to be ready, operating in the event of power outages. Any kind of things like that. One of the things that I've been. I did some research online and found, you know, kind of like things that we need to be doing. Making sure that we have gas in our vehicles at all times. Making sure that we have. Have some cash on us at all times. Not like an absorbent amount, but enough to move things around. Have your passport readily available, having ID on you and you know, having a plan, that's really the most important thing. Not leaving anything to happenstance, but having a plan between for yourself and for your loved ones of what steps to take and what things to do. You know, meeting with your family members to discuss the dangers of the emergency and discuss how you and your family will respond to each kind of emergency. So knowing how to contact everyone, knowing how, you know, if there's going to be a meeting place, you know, what that's going to look like, et cetera, et cetera, what to do in case of power outages, having batteries and flashlights. I did read one resource that says that we should kind of keep change of clothes with us at all times. Just having like a gym bag with some other things. Selecting two places to meet, a spot outside your home for an emergency such, you know, and then, and then a place away from your neighborhood in case you cannot return home. And just having like those kind of meeting grounds. Identifying people out of town or relatives that will be your emergency family check in contact for everyone to call if the family gets separated. So, you know, that would be the equivalent of like, you know, you and Tristan agreeing to contact me if you can't reach each other, like you can try to contact me or something like that. Right? Yeah. And knowing where things are in your home. Like if you are home and things hit the fan, knowing where things are in your home. Like fuse boxes. Like you know, this thing said like landlines, but many of us don't have landlines anymore. But yeah, it's like you know, just having things on the ready. You don't want to have to like look for like batteries and candles and things. But having those things prepared, keeping your family records in waterproof or fireproof kind.

Jade (44:29)

Of, you can purchase them online. Yeah, there's also emergency backpacks that you can purchase online. Amazon has them, Bed, Bath and Beyond. There's a few different websites that you can contact and there's different, different tiers and prices of the backpacks that you can purchase. They've got some that are like 30 something dollars and they've got some that are 300 and something and they're 72 hour backpacks with emergency supplies in them which are always good to have on hand.

Kia (44:59)

Having your insurance policies, like information if you, for whatever insurance that you have, health, home, you know, car, those kinds of things. Having access to that, you know, such that you know you, you can get it if you need it. Let's see this thing. I don't know if we have any homeowners but like thinking about making sure you know how to turn off your water, gas and electricity like the main switches and if, if for any reason you need to turn off like your natural gas service with, you know, don't Drissa says here, don't attempt to restore gas service yourself. And if you have pets, always make arrangements for your pets as most shelters do not allow pets. Right. So prior to the emergency, contact your local emergency management office. Ask them for resources regarding what you can and should do for your, your pets and animals.

Jade (46:09)

You mentioned it, but I, I have to emphasize you damn. Get your passports updated and if you don't have them, get them.

Kia (46:18)

And this was a thing like, you know, because like I said, I just spent a significant amount of time with my mom and my family and my grandparents and they don't have passports. So we've been trying to navigate what the process like, you know, trying to get those things in place for them and even having conversations. And my mom was like what do I need a passport for? I'm like, because girl, if we need to get the tf, we will like asap. But, but you know, just thinking through these things and having an emergency kit kit prepared and these are some things we have also a list of things that should be included in the emergency kit. And this is something I need to do because I don't have any of this stuff in my house at all bottled water, 1 gallon per person per day. Like Jesus, ready to eat canned foods. They said powdered milk, which I'm not. Not. I just. What? What? Yeah, but having these kinds of things, I guess pet food. If you have pet specialty foods for elderly and people on special diets. High energy foods like peanut butter, jelly, nuts, dried meats like jerky, granola, trail mix, energy bars. Making sure that your prescriptions are up to date and you have at least one week supply of your medications at all times. Toilet paper, Costco has a lot we have got to. I mean first things first. Also like you might want to also add to that, you know, some wet wipes.

Jade (48:05)

Yes.

Kia (48:07)

You know, baby wipes and on hand deodorant. Absolutely. Hand sanitizer, toilet toiletries, toothpaste, deodorant, feminine hygiene supplies, a list of family physicians or important medical information. And if you have things like pacemakers, make sure that you have the style and the serial number on hand such that if the American Red Cross needs to get these things for you, you'll have that information for them. Personal supplies like a change of clothes, having rain gear, sturdy closed toe shoes for each family, family member. Sleeping bags or bedding if you have them for each family member. Extra pair of glasses or contact lenses and like the document holder with your id, credit cards, travelers checks, cash, photocopies of important family documents including home insurance information, health insurance information, etc. They said if you do have like you should have one gallon of liquid chlorine bleach available. Flashlights, one for each room in your house. LED lights, glow sticks, extra fresh batteries. Whistles are good. Gasoline if you plan to use a generator. Charcoal if you plan to have a grill situation. Disposable tableware including paper towels and napkins. A manual can opener, plastic bags charged up, external usb. Yeah. Or like a battery pack and those kinds of things and emergency first aid kits, you know, but these are just the things that we should be thinking about. We're praying that we won't need or there won't be any sort of. But I guess in these things like you just never ever know you got.

Jade (49:54)

And it's good to have these things ready anyway just in the case of any emergency. Emergency whether it be because listen, if it's not these idiots in in government, it's Mother Earth is purging us. I don't know if y'.

Kia (50:05)

All. There was an earthquake in Puerto Rico.

Jade (50:07)

Today there was an earthquake in Puerto Rico, which I didn't find out until. Until later on.

Kia (50:13)

Yeah. And Australia is on fire.

Jade (50:15)

Australia is on fire. We knew about the Amazon weeks ago when the Amazon was on fire. Like the Earth is purging us because we have not been good to to she. And so with that being said, you need to be ready at all times regardless. Now if the Earth's purging you, there's really no hope period. Like, you know what I'm saying? She's gonna open up and we're all gonna fall in.

Kia (50:37)

But no, or like I think, I think it's good because I mean, you know, I'll speak for myself. These were things that I was used to my parents or other adults in my life taking care of for me. But now I have have to not only be responsible for these things.

Jade (50:53)

What the is going on? Oh my, it's just siren after siren.

Kia (50:59)

Oh, I not only have to be responsible for these things for myself, but I now have to consider what these things mean for my parents and my grandparents. So I mean I definitely with the, especially this past holiday season, felt the weight of the shift in responsibility in my household. And so I, I, I, I think about things in very different ways. So I, I thought it would be cool for us to talk about them at the kitchen table because there may be others of us who are, you know, 20 somethings and 30 somethings and may be dealing with the very same things.

Jade (51:35)

Absolutely. And like you said, and, and I think it's a lot of things we take for granted. Even I have to speak very candidly as a parent. There's a lot of things that, that creep up on me every single day that I'm like, oh shit, I didn't think about that. Life insurance is so important, so important. Something happens. You gotta make sure your family's taken care of. You are the sole responsibility of those who are under you. And like Kia said, whether it be older people in your family or if you have children, that's when it really starts hitting us. I didn't realize until recently I was like, you know what? I need to get a fire safety box and put all the documents in that box. Like I have an area where I keep everything, but I need to be able to have that so I can snatch it at any given moment and go on. And we have everything we need and it's just good to have your thing centrally located and protected anyway, regardless, so key and I just thought this was a good important conversation to have in light of everything that's going on. But just in general, some of those reminders that we ourselves need as well. On, you know, getting all of our documents and all of our things in order so that we can have as seamless of a transition as possible if we are faced in an emergency.

Kia (52:54)

Totes McGoats, man. But the world as we know it is just like in a clusterfuck. I don't even understand. I don't even know if there are words to really. We've all lived through it, right? So I'm sure that nobody's listening to this that doesn't know all that transpired on January 6th. But, you know, we are real live experiencing like a 2021 reprise of the War of 1812 in this country.

Jade (53:32)

Yeah, we are.

Kia (53:33)

And our democracy is under attack. Right? Our democracy. I say that with the air quotes. Our democracy. Right. Because these famed principles of equity and equality, inclusion that this country is allegedly rooted in continue to be proven false. I mean, day after day. And just here lately, you know, as everybody knows, there was a group of seditionists who attacked the US Capitol building and just climbed the walls and shit all over the floor and stole property and people have died as a result of their negligence and complete disregard for humanity, order and decency. And all of this was done in the name of justice and revolution and American patriotism and all of that. But when in actuality, it's just been a broad scale demonstration of the flawed foundation that this country was established in. And that flaw is white supremacy. And how, you know, there's been a dehumanization of anybody who is not white and. Or male in this country. And you know, you cannot found. You can. That those cannot be your founding principles. And then. And then you have an expect expectation for anything other than that to. To happen. So, you know, we just keep seeing, you know, there's been countless demonstrations of that. And it's like, you know, for me, it's been really distracting to like work and carry on business as usual when, you know, all of our. All of our lives and livelihoods and our safety is just in question right now.

Jade (55:49)

Yeah. Yeah.

Kia (55:52)

So, yeah, all of America is in the trash this week on. On getting grown. All of us. We are in the trash. And the trash is on fire.

Jade (56:05)

Yeah. Like Kia said, everybody knows what happened on January 6th.

Kia (56:09)

My Lord, I don't even know.

Jade (56:12)

I saw some tweets and some things from people. I can't wait for getting grown.

Kia (56:16)

I know I. I felt a little pressure from y' all because I just.

Jade (56:21)

Was like, I don't really know what to tell you. Like the things that I would like to say. I Cannot say here on this microphone for it to be stamped for all eternity in the history of the worldwide Internet. I just, you know, I. Honkies. Was honking.

Kia (56:44)

I don't, like, I don't know, I feel really, really bad because I, I, as much as I would love to have a thoughtful and, you know, facilitated, clear, comprehensive conversation about what is going on, I don't have the rank.

Jade (57:07)

Y' all can go watch Brittany Packnet cumming him.

Kia (57:10)

I don't have the rank. I feel like, and I mean, honestly, I saw today on her social media that she needed to take some time for herself because I feel like, what. How else can we survive, like, if we. If we don't? Because it is like, you know, as I, as I've always believed, like, you cannot make sense out of nonsense when you have sense. Right? And I think those of us who are trying to wrap our minds and wrap rational thought around what is going on right now, our struggle is that that is not possible. And so my quest, my aim, my objective for these last few days is like, what do I need to do to get through today? I don't have the bandwidth, the range to think about anything beyond bedtime today. And so I just have to ask you all to forgive me and grant me grace because I'm not in a good place where I can just kind of, you know, wax poetic about all of these things I am feeling and experiencing, you know, right now. I mean, we are the trash. This is the segment of the trash today. We are the trash.

Jade (58:32)

What? Okay, so let me ask you this. On the day that everything was amok and going down, what was going through your. What were you doing? What was going through your head? What were you like?

Kia (58:44)

I was working and, you know, my practice, when I'm at work, I mean, when I'm working from home, like we have been because of the pandemic. Because, I mean, let us all not forget that while in addition to all this other stuff that's going on, we are still in the throes of a global pandemic. There are like, I think, you know, I think over 4,000 people died yesterday. Like, the. The numbers are continuing to rise. So, you know, as I was saying, I'm sorry, I got a little distracted. Distracted, but no, you're good.

Jade (59:22)

I'm glad you please continue to say it. Please, because n are forgetting.

Kia (59:25)

I want us to know that. I mean, as I. As we continue to Field invitations and events keep happening right in this pandemic. But I was working in my practice while I'M working from home is to usually have the TV on mute or have my music on or something. But I like to have the TV on just because I don't know about anybody else. But I live alone. I have been alone for the last. Last 11 months. And, you know, being in this house by myself, I miss movement. I mean, still stillness is great stillness and quietness. I appreciate it. I appreciate the space where I am. I'm very grateful for it. But, like, I miss movement and, like, sound and, like, you know, I mean, I hear that. I mean, you know, this is just me talking. I'm not. I fully acknowledge that my situation is not like everybody else's.

Jade (60:25)

Uh, no, no, no, no, you're fine.

Kia (60:27)

But I say, so all that to say, I know I'm rambling. Please forgive me. The TV was on mute, but it was on. And I think I was just ending a call. And I went to check my phone, I went to check my messages, I got text messages, a couple of my group chats, and people were just kind of. I knew, you know, kind of know when things are going crazy, people are not really saying what's what, but everyone's reacting. So there. There's all these emojis and GIFs and what's going on. And so I'm like, okay, I've missed something. And then I just take the TV off a mute, and I turn to MSNBC, and the first image that I see on MSNBC are people climbing the walls of the U.S. capitol building. I see human beings scaling the walls of the U. S. And I'm just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Somebody's gonna get shot in the head. Like, Like. Like, that was literally just like, oh, my gosh.

Jade (61:31)

Okay.

Kia (61:33)

So I'm watching this, and I'm trying to get caught up in what's going on. And I. You know, one of my co workers sends me a Skype, and she's like, well, and we just leaving the same meeting. So we. I'm. I'm like, girl, what's. What's happening here? And she was like, evidently, you know, know, this Trump rally that was going on in the Capitol, it's gotten out of control. And they are now, you know, sieging. The Capitol building is under siege. They have removed the Congress people. And I'm like, what? So, you know, I was literally. So I started. I started. My emotions were all over the place. I was confused. And at first I was just waiting because I was like, you know, it's only a matter of time before they get to shooting. And Everybody, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, rationally thinking, like, you know, it's. At what point are they going to.

Jade (62:20)

One would think, when are they going.

Kia (62:22)

To let the chopper spray? Because we cannot have this. Like, what is happening? Right? So I keep thinking, like, what is going on? What is going on? And the more that I watch it, and I'm like, well, this. I mean, I have never seen. This is the most casual attack I've ever seen. Like, you know, everybody. Everybody seems to be laid back. There's no. No urgency. And I'm just like, well, what is happening? I was. I mean, and then my confusion quickly became. At first, I was disappointed, hurt. When I started to really put the pieces together, noticing that, you know, white people are allowed to do anything. There's nothing that they cannot do. They get away with. With everything. And, you know, just watching it all unfold. I got into Twitter, seeing people there talking about it, listening to folks as, you know, walk past, the journalists as they are there on site, saying all kinds of things, and I'm just like, yo, we are. Of course my phone is going crazy because everybody who knows that I live within, you know, a few miles of D.C. is like, are you okay? And I'm like, now why in the world would I be down there with them crazy white people? I know you don't think that I'm high.

Jade (63:41)

I didn't even text you because I knew you. I knew exactly where you were.

Kia (63:44)

Everyone. I was really. I was like, okay, guys, I'm not. I'm not there. But, like, everyone in my family, all of my aunts, uncles, everyone, they wanted to know if I was okay. And I'm like, well, girl, I have not left unless they are coming here. I'm okay. They're not gonna knock on my door. At least I don't think. But the alarm is on. We're all good. Everybody's here. You know, duh, duh. So it's just like, man. And then I was, like, distracted at that point. It was the car wreck that I could not turn away from. So any work or anything that I had planned for the rest of the week, hell was just down the toilet because I just was trying to make sense out of this nonsense.

Jade (64:28)

And I'm sure employers were trying to act like, oh, yeah, they didn't see nothing. See nothing, say nothing, hear nothing. They was like, keep on working. Which is really just like.

Kia (64:39)

I was like, guys, no.

Jade (64:40)

And I mean, inhumane and disgusting.

Kia (64:42)

We just had to have that conversation on Thursday during our staff meeting. And I was just like, I got to tell you, like my supervisor did like a check in. She was like, you know, I just to want where everyone was at. And nobody said anything. And I said, well, I've got to tell you, I've done nothing and I won't be able to do anything, like, because my mind is just distracted and I don't know that you should expect anything from me. And that's just the bottom line, girl. Because what. What is happening? What. What is happening?

Jade (65:09)

And I hope her black ass understood.

Kia (65:13)

And I mean, we did, had, did some collective processing, but like, I'm just. I mean, just far and away throughout this entire last few months. I feel like my criticism of US Capitalism is that I think it's an unreasonable expectation for us to just carry on business as usual. And any of us that are being required to produce and meet the same deliverables and do the same things that we did in prior years, I think that's just. I don't think that that is a reasonable expectation for any of us. But who am I? You know, who am I?

Jade (65:57)

You know, I saw them people acting up and I know a lot of us had a lot of the same responses, well, why they not dead yet? Because this shit is crazy. And we know why they not dead. Soon as I asked the question to myself, I didn't ask it no more, and I ain't asked it no more since, because I know exactly why they weren't dead. We know all about white supremacy, white power, all of that. These people are out there fighting for.

Kia (66:26)

Absolutely nothing about an election that was maintained white supremacy. Absolutely. That's what we're saying.

Jade (66:34)

They're out there fighting for their whiteness. They have no cause while we're out here. And they love. And then on top of that, they're under unoriginal. They co opt all. All BLM phrases and you know, other phrases that have been. The Million Man March, they turned it into. They pinked it up. They took the. Say her name. They pinked it up. They took. They took all kinds of things and pinked it up. And we know exactly why. And let me be clear. I don't have no desire to be like them people. I don't need y' all to treat me equal in the sense where if I climb the Capitol wall getting ready to bust some, how will I. I fully expect what's getting ready to happen. And I'm not shocked nor surprised that it didn't happen to them. I was waiting on the bodies. And then when they weren't happening. And we see people taking selfies and posing and, you know, stealing, helping.

Kia (67:25)

I mean, the police were assisting and aiding and helping and accommodating the insurrectionist. I mean, we saw little old ladies being helped down the stairs and we saw folks who had been tear gas being assisted with water and all kinds of first aid. There were. There were. All of that happened, and only 52 people were arrested in the city of D.C. that day. Like, and most. Most of those were violations of the 6pm curfew folks.

Jade (67:59)

And I'm sure some of them. I'm sure a good bunch of them.

Kia (68:01)

Well, yeah, and I feel like most, you know, most of them just went on back to. To, you know, the Omni and sat down in the lobby.

Jade (68:09)

They went to the Holiday. They went to the Holiday Inn. Like, not Anderson Park. Anderson Cooper said they went to the Holiday Inn and they went to the Olive Garden and to the Home Depot and wherever else they frequent. Oh, man.

Kia (68:20)

I mean, oh, they made a weekend out of it. They all stayed here over the weekend.

Jade (68:30)

Spread their Covid. Spread their evil.

Kia (68:33)

Now they're being arrested in their home states as they deport their planes.

Jade (68:38)

Well, not enough of them.

Kia (68:39)

See, not enough of them. But what has been fascinating to me is like, you know that you can't tell me that white privilege is not a thing when you can break. When you feel like you can break into the capital of the United States of America without a mask on and be shocked and dismayed when the people come and get you.

Jade (69:04)

You stole one of them stole mail out of Nancy Pelosi. They stole Nancy Pelosi. They stole her laptop.

Kia (69:10)

They stole her gavel.

Jade (69:12)

Her gavel.

Kia (69:12)

Her laptop.

Jade (69:13)

They stole podiums, nigga. But you all have federal mail in laptops and you think they not gonna come after that.

Kia (69:20)

They defecated into their hands and wiped that mess all on the walls and the chairs. And I mean, I mean, with no.

Jade (69:30)

Mask, you walking through the motherless pink.

Kia (69:34)

Rats I've just never seen. And I mean, these are the people who fix their face to call other.

Jade (69:40)

Other.

Kia (69:41)

Other folks uncivilized, these animals and unpatriotic.

Jade (69:45)

And all kinds of things. These are. I. I love the. I love the thing that's that brought out that said these are the same people who said that Colin Kaepernick was unpatriotic.

Kia (69:56)

Yeah.

Jade (69:57)

And they. And let's be clear. We not standing up for patriots. No, no, no. I'm not standing up for that.

Kia (70:02)

I'm just saying.

Jade (70:03)

But I'm just being.

Kia (70:04)

We're just saying that words have meanings and people have totally, exactly, totally disregarded. You know what? You know, it's just like, what? Either way, the whole. Well, what were you doing?

Jade (70:15)

I have no night.

Kia (70:16)

Just rambled on.

Jade (70:17)

I was drinking. I was drinking wine. I immediately saw what was happening. I popped my wine in that fridge, ordered me some lamb. I ordered me some empanadas. And I sat there, and when I tell you, I laughed like Raven Simone when she was eating that peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I sat there and I just cackled and got drunk and ate empanadas. That is what I did.

Kia (70:45)

And I had to get me some.

Jade (70:47)

I said, well, look at y'. All.

Kia (70:49)

I had to find.

Jade (70:50)

Listen as you deserve.

Kia (70:51)

I had to find. And I said. I said, black people need to do what it is that brings you peace today, okay? We cannot wrap our brains around this. We cannot wrap our minds around this. We must do what it is that gives us peace today. And I found peace in some honey barbecue wings. Yes, I did as you deserve to.

Jade (71:12)

Ooh, honey barbecue. And I would add a little spice to them, but I did. I sat here, I pulled me out a notebook and a pen, and I said, well, let's make tally marks of the bodies. I chilled the wine. I ordered the empanadas. And then there were, like, two bodies. There was the heifer who got shot in the neck.

Kia (71:30)

The criminal who got shot in the neck. Criminal.

Jade (71:34)

Criminal. What's her name? Babs? Bunny? Whatever her name is. It doesn't even matter. I can't. I actually don't even want to say it. She got shot in the neck for trying to climb up in the office, and these niggas got her. And these white people have co opted say her name, and they want us to feel bad for this bitch, and we don't.

Kia (71:54)

She was in active treason as a us. As an officer of the US Military. She took an oath not to overthrow the government. She completely disregarded that oath, was engaged in a criminal act, was climbing the walls, and was stopped. Don't. The comparison to her or between her and Breonna Taylor or her or any of the women that had been unjustly killed by police officers is completely. It's bull, swanky. It's offensive.

Jade (72:26)

Bitch, that is chicken soup. And I mean, like, it's offensive.

Kia (72:29)

This woman was doing something wrong. She was engaged in criminal activity. She was warned to stop, and she did not. So she was shot. And I'm not saying that I was vying for or hoping for her to die. But these are the facts, okay? Breonna Taylor was sleeping in her bed, minding her African American business.

Jade (72:50)

Was not engaged.

Kia (72:52)

Not engaged in anything other than REM sleep. What are we talking about here?

Jade (72:58)

Mm. Deep in the cycles. And they shot her. But this lady was climbing like a.

Kia (73:04)

Fucking spider monkey, like Kim Possible. And, sis, I'm not dealing with it, okay? I'm not dealing with it.

Jade (73:12)

I'm not. And I'm not feeling bad. Don't write me no emails. Don't send me no DMs. Don't tell me nothing about. Well, it's a human life loss. No, like Keith said, she was in the middle of committing treason and didn't even have no damn cause. I do not feel bad. I will not feel bad. You know, there's the video floating around. I got my good laughs. Because black people are unmatched in comedy.

Kia (73:39)

We know how to make. You know what I'm saying? We laugh to get through. This is what we've done. I think that it is a gift that we have been given by God that we can. We can apply humor in things that are horrendous.

Jade (73:51)

Absolutely.

Kia (73:52)

It is the only way that we are able to survive the heinous things that we've experienced as a people in this country. And so, listen, we out here making memes. Leave us alone, period. Don't ask me nothing.

Jade (74:04)

If you've seen them townhouse buttercrackers climbing the wall, that shit is hilarious. Only thing y' all should have done was made them like, some T table water crackers, something with no salt or flavor. You know what I'm saying? Those things. The Animaniacs with the bitch who had the onion. And I know some people. Oh, it was fake. She staged it. Why she would stage it, I have no clue whether she was faking or not. It's still funny.

Kia (74:38)

I mean, all of these things. All of these things.

Jade (74:40)

All I'm funny. The busted challenge with the girl who had. Who did it and then had the falling off the wall as the second part of it. Just unmatched in humor. Unmatched. And so I used this opportunity to relish with my people and to convene and laugh.

Kia (75:01)

You know what I'm saying? That's one thing.

Jade (75:03)

This is white people's problem.

Kia (75:06)

This is not a. I mess to clean up. It's not. This is not my bag to carry. I'm not, you know, this is not my table to bust. This is not. He's not my dirty dishes. It's like this, period.

Jade (75:19)

And that's all. I kept yelling at my TV with my bottle of wine. I literally had a mason jar in the bottle just sitting right here. And I was screaming, this is white people's problem. Like, go talk to your cousins, go talk to your homegirls. Go talk to your co workers. Go talk to your fellow white people. And let if they have any thinking that's in align in alignment with any of the events that took place, even on a very small level. This is your responsibility and your job to talk to them, not ours. We're tired. It's not, it's not our business. It's not our job. Yalls orange mucus loogie of a homeboy is the one who sent them people out there in the first goddamn place. This was all inside. They let them people in there. Like we said, there was cops taking selfies with them. They were standing to the side, opening up barricades, opening barricades. I mean they were a part of it. The number of, of off duty officers who participated in rallies and other things that were in alignment with this. This is the world we live in and we shouldn't be shocked. This is the world we've been living in.

Kia (76:39)

Agreed.

Jade (76:40)

And I'm just grateful that these uneducated pink toes are showing me exactly who the fuck they are. Keep showing me who the you are so I can make sure that I have my archery skills as I continue to say in line, and if you come anywhere near me, I'm popping that ass and that's that. But I'm not having no conversations with nobody about how you need to think. That's not my job to air a.

Kia (77:14)

Couple of people around. Like, you know, you know, people have tried to, you know, people who didn't want, who were blind to the fact that it's not an accident that no one was shot. It's not an accident that only one when one or two people were shot, you know, people who are blind to that, you know, making excuses for that kind of stuff. And I'm like, there's no way around it. There's no way around. We have to call this what it is. If we ever are going to get close, close to, you know, making a change. We cannot solve problems that we don't state we don't. If we don't own up to this and call it what it is, that we're never going to get around it. Like, this is not. This is not a case of a few bad apples here. This is not. This is not what.

Jade (78:01)

No, it's not.

Kia (78:03)

And I, I don't know. Like, I, I think, I think it just demonstrates the amount of work that is going to be required for us to move forward in any appreciable way. Yeah. And I don't know, I wish, I wish that. I don't know, I hope that we can find something. It's just hard to, I don't know. It's hard, it's hard to be hopeful. It's hard to, to, to have high expectations. Because I was also bothered by the fact that Congress just carried on with their business and all them Congress men and women making those speeches about how America, how great America is, and how it's the greatest country in the world. I mean, there were those who called the insurrection out for what it was, but by and large, folks were saying some real kind of, you know, bogus things.

Jade (79:09)

Well, if they said anything crazy, I'm gonna tell you who got them together. The Terminator.

Kia (79:14)

Oh, I didn't see, I saw a little bit of his, of his thing on the Shade Room, I think, but I know I was, I said I was going to look for the full video, but I didn't get a chance to do that today.

Jade (79:27)

I think you should. It's actually, I was ready to sit up here and be like, this is about to be some, some utter bullshit. And he got up there and he talked real shit. He talked about, you know, being a baby born and born at two years after the war and watching the effects of the war and how it played a part on family, including his own, how all the fathers and the husbands had drinking problems and they, you know, this was all rooted in physical pain, emotional pain and trauma. And he talked about how there's people who have very nasty evil intentions and then there are people who are just as dangerous because they go along. He's like, not every soldier in the war that was out here to try to kill Jews were Nazis or, you know, hard Gestapo or whatever. He was like, some of them were just people who joined the war and was trying to get along, and that's dangerous. And he was like. And then he called out all the shit that happened on January 6 and called them people exactly what they were and said exactly what it was. And he called out the orange loogie and said exactly, exactly the, the complicit part that he played in this happening. Why he is a dangerous, dangerous person to society. And it, I just, it's, it was a very interesting video that I, I, I'm glad that I watch.

Kia (81:11)

I'm going have to look for it.

Jade (81:13)

Yeah, but that's all we have to really say about that particular.

Kia (81:23)

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Jade (82:28)

It is a new year, but we are in the same pandemic.

Kia (82:37)

So, I mean, the same ghettos. The same ghettos are still navigating. The ghettos of adulting and staying alive. Isn't that terrible?

Jade (82:49)

As spikes happens, you know, everybody and their mother who continues to. To get sick and. And I don't say that nasty in a nasty way. I'm just. It's just factual. It's hard a man. Did you see that meme where it had, like, you know, them last four people in a zombie apocalypse movie, and they all got their backs to each other facing out while they're just, like, trying to try to stay alive. And they were like, we haven't caught Covid.

Kia (83:21)

Yeah, it's, like, ominous. Oh, my God. It's scary. As you can see, I'm still out here in these panic streets taking these covet. I'm taking these rapid tests.

Jade (83:34)

Like, let me tell you something. In my closet, I got a stack of them. I'm just, okay, it's time to swap these nostrils.

Kia (83:44)

I just be like, what? What's happening? Okay?

Jade (83:46)

I'm like, is it a headache? What's this headache from? Oh, no, bitch, you didn't eat. You're dehydrated. Okay, do better. So I tell him, like, gotta make sure. So, yeah, we navigating, but we back in this new year. We'll celebrate another new year when we get the spring equinox. But in the meantime, in between time. Would you like to. What are we? The test. The tribulations.

Kia (84:13)

We are in the. We are still navigating and negotiating the test, the trials, the twists, the turns, the temptations, the taxes of being in the turds, and the turds of being a real live adult in the year of our Lord 20. 20. 22. 2.

Jade (84:38)

You realize that kids don't say. They don't say turd anymore? What? I don't know. Kids say turd. Well, I mean, I've never heard no say turd. I don't think I've seen nerd. Ponty. TikTok.

Kia (84:50)

Well, have we? Have we? Is that a word that we used to say all the time?

Jade (84:54)

Not really, no. But you know how you would still hear more things than what you hear now? I just. I realized I don't ever hear the word turd.

Kia (85:05)

That is really a striking realization. I don't know what to say other than. I mean, hey, you're. You're always welcome to just bring your musings. The things that just happen stands across your consciousness are always.

Jade (85:22)

I can't roll my eyes at my child anymore. I can't. Now that I. I just had the moment, it just hit me. This is where she gets it from. She was doing her math the other day. I had to tweet it because she was doing her math, her multiplication, and out of nowhere she goes, mommy. I said, what's up? Who would win in a battle between a bear and a shark? And I was like, huh? Probably a bear, because bears can swim, but sharks can't run. Okay, well, what if it was a land shark? I was like, all right, a land shark. Who would win? I said, mystical. Up the bath. So you gotta. Go back to this math and stop asking me these questions. I mean, I've been saying for a.

Kia (86:20)

Long time that Noah trolls you the way that you troll the rest of us.

Jade (86:24)

It's true. It hit me right now, actually. Like, what you say with that. It just hit me as I had that random thought about turkey words.

Kia (86:34)

You really said that, like, with a.

Jade (86:36)

Straight face or about kids not learning cursive no more child.

Kia (86:42)

Okay, first of all, somebody said on Twitter yesterday that they was old school because they wrote things down on a piece of paper. I'm so old school, I wrote it down in a notebook. That's so old school. I was like, are the children not even writing anymore?

Jade (86:56)

They're. No, they're. They're not. Oh, no, because XD said that they all speak in hieroglyphics and emoticons and they don't know how. They don't know how to write, honestly. I'll be real honest with you. They don't. Even my own child, she can write, obviously. You know, she's smart, and she reads like a. Like a whippersnapper. But that handwriting is terrible. And I was like, it's because y' all not getting as much practice. No, me neither. Is mine, however, it. Hers is, like, really bad? But I remember my little sister also had, like. You know how it's. It'd be bad, and then it's like, okay, they evolve into this. Whatever. No, my sister's handwriting.

Kia (87:37)

We.

Jade (87:37)

Me and my mom used to be like, God damn, my handwriting is so bad.

Kia (87:41)

Mine is terrible. But I remember ruining. I remember ruining my handwriting because when I went to public school for the first. And I don't think that I'm not blaming public school for this. It's just literally the time stamp for me. But when I went to public school, I remember sitting. You know how they had the desk. I was in fifth grade. They had the desk in, like, the quads. Like, four desks facing each other. And I was writing something down, doing my work. And the girl next to me was like, yo, you write like a white girl. And I was like, what? Like, I remember being like, I don't know what that. What that means.

Jade (88:22)

I have a story for that, but I'm gonna hold that.

Kia (88:24)

But she was like, you write like a white girl. And then I looked at her handwriting, and of course it was big and.

Jade (88:31)

Bubbly, big bubble, ghetto letters.

Kia (88:35)

And I was just like, oh, I gotta write like that. And I remember, like, intentionally, like, changing your handwriting. My handwriting, because I wanted it to be more bubbly. Like, more bubbly and black girl, like. Cause I thought that that's what she was talking about. She told me I wrote like a white girl. And I was like, well, what does that mean?

Jade (88:58)

And it's so fascinating.

Kia (88:59)

I never asked, though. I wondered if I would have. If I would have asked her, like, what does that mean in that time? But for whatever reason, I just sort of internalized it. Like, okay, my handwriting as it is right now, needs to be more like hers. And I remember distinctly changing it and even, like, getting heat. Like, my mother was like, what is this? And I was like, girl, that's how I write now. And she was like, I don't know.

Jade (89:31)

I hated that bubble handwriting.

Kia (89:33)

But over the years, right? So over the. I think what I have now is some, like, hybrid fusion. And it just looks awful. It Just not good.

Jade (89:41)

Look at my handwriting. What's my.

Kia (89:43)

It's not good. I have master. I can write my name really well because, I mean, I write that a lot. But if I were to just show you my. My notes and stuff, it's really shameful. It's just like, ew.

Jade (89:55)

I write like a mom. I think you probably do.

Kia (90:00)

And I just know. I always said that, even as a child. I remember saying that when I.

Jade (90:06)

Well, let me write something down.

Kia (90:08)

I'm all right.

Jade (90:08)

Let's write something down. What should we write down?

Kia (90:11)

I don't know.

Jade (90:12)

Should we write Getting grown?

Kia (90:14)

Oh, my God. It's going to be terrible because my G's are the worst. Okay.

Jade (90:17)

Okay. So what do you want to.

Kia (90:18)

What? I don't know. We just write something. Let me see. Okay, write.

Jade (90:25)

My name is Taki. Dr. Takia in Robinson. And I'll write, my name is Jade Verrett.

Kia (90:32)

I'm just gonna write.

Jade (90:34)

Okay.

Kia (90:37)

Look at.

Jade (90:38)

Don't you laugh at this laugh because it looks dumb. Okay, let me see.

Kia (90:45)

It's backwards.

Jade (90:48)

It's like. It's like robust.

Kia (90:51)

Very smooshy. And it's very. Right. See, your name is very clear. You can see that. You can't even make out what mine is.

Jade (91:00)

But I realize I'd be writing in capitals and lowercases.

Kia (91:03)

But it's very much like, let me make my child these flashcards. And I write very much like, don't nobody gotta see this but me.

Jade (91:13)

But I have arthritis. So when I be doing my. When I do my essay questions at school, I noticed I was like. Like the top half of my test.

Kia (91:21)

Yeah, you get tired.

Jade (91:22)

And then I got tired and it starts looking crazy. It looks crazy.

Kia (91:28)

I'm not proud of it. My handwriting is trash. If there was a way that I could, like, get a handwriting bbl, I totally would.

Jade (91:36)

There's nothing. I don't think your handwriting is trash, though. It's a hybrid of cursive and it's not cursive and bubbles. It's slightly bubbly and robust.

Kia (91:45)

It's a hybrid of dumb and stupid. That's what it's.

Jade (91:48)

With two Cs. It's right.

Kia (91:56)

My name. Very good. My T's and my R's are lit.

Jade (91:59)

Okay.

Kia (92:00)

But the rest of it is giving. No, thank you. That's okay, though.

Jade (92:07)

It's interesting you told that story because it. That reminded me of a time. I think it was like seven, seventh grade, and this girl told me I would always get random stuff. I would. I would always get random Stuff. But this girl, she just didn't like me for whatever reason. And she was like, you got feet like a white girl. So when you said that, that's. It literally clicked in my mind. I forgot about that. And I was like, chantel, what the are you talking about? What does that even mean? I was like, what the fuck does a white girl's feet look like? She was like. Like that. And I was like. So when you said I should have asked, what does that mean? The whole story triggered that moment with Chantel. It was six or seventh grade.

Kia (92:56)

I feel like I don't. I'm trying to remember because I think it was definitely when I got to public school. That's why I said it was fifth grade. I think it was fifth grade. Cause I can see the classroom.

Jade (93:06)

I mean, that's all the wretched you years. Fifth to like eighth grade, maybe even ninth. You're a demon of a human being.

Kia (93:13)

Yeah, but she.

Jade (93:15)

And Chantel was a specific type of demon as well. But also. And she was always trying to. She was always trying to do something. But I do remember asking her, I said, chantel, what the does that even mean?

Kia (93:28)

I wish that I would have had the presence of mine to. Because I honestly. And it really says a lot to like, sort of like what my pattern is now. She said it, and I immediately went inside, like, whoa, what's wrong with it? Like. And I never. I never. I never. I mean, the signs were there in my youth, but I don't think you.

Jade (93:49)

Would have gotten adequate answers what I'm.

Kia (93:51)

Trying to say to you.

Jade (93:52)

Because I asked her what that meant. I said, what the. Does a white girl's feet look like? And Chantel said that. So what are you like at that point? What do you. I'm like, this is the. Get the out of here. Chantel, I would love to know.

Kia (94:05)

I would love if our listening audience, if our family. How many times in your life have you been told that you do something like a white person, you talk, you dress, you write, or something stupid that doesn't make sense. Like your feet like. Or you have the appearance of. Or someone has give compared your likeness. This too. I'm curious because I feel like that's something that's probably very common to the black childhood experience.

Jade (94:32)

That's right. When you said it, that's why I was like, what that. I guess it is random ass. Because handwriting and feet are so. That's so random stupid.

Kia (94:43)

But she said it, and I totally was just like, whoa, what does that mean? And I started looking at the other black girls in my class and was like, oh, I got to switch it up. Clearly, I am on. On the wrong side of this thing. Okay. I got to get right.

Jade (95:01)

No, no, you were on the right side of right. But it's fine.

Kia (95:04)

And I regret it. I have nothing but regret.

Jade (95:06)

You found a beautiful hybrid friend. It's fine.

Kia (95:08)

Cuz my mama saying, riding is some boss. Slept like I've never been able to. I could never, ever forge my mother's name because it would be a joke. It would be like, what? Takia, you wrote this? Get out of my face. Like, it's like, there's no way, Donna.

Jade (95:26)

And she has a very specific D that she used to make. And when I tell you I used to practice. Let me show you what this.

Kia (95:32)

I've tried. I have tried to, like, trace my mama's name and still didn't get it right.

Jade (95:38)

My mom does like this.

Kia (95:41)

My mom, she used to do like this.

Jade (95:43)

She.

Kia (95:44)

She used to do this. I mean, it's very nice.

Jade (95:46)

It was. I can't remember how this.

Kia (95:49)

My mom is ours, and you know her name is Rhonda, right? So the R was very. It's very. It's a big titty doll. You see that?

Jade (95:58)

Oh, it looks like. It looks like Wendy Williams.

Kia (96:01)

Yes. And when I'm laughing, because I'm laughing, because I remember on Instagram one time somebody had commented about Wendy Williams. It was a picture. She had said that she looked like the letter P. Did I?

Jade (96:13)

Yeah.

Kia (96:14)

I have never been able to unsee it. But my mom, she didn't write her name. Like, when my mom wrote her her signature. Hold on, let me fix it.

Jade (96:25)

She didn't write my mother's signature.

Kia (96:29)

This is like a joke. This is not her signature. But this is just, I guess, my ghetto interpretation I'm trying to do.

Jade (96:35)

My.

Kia (96:36)

My mama did not write her. She did not write like, her. You know how I wrote my name? Like, you know, in a horizontal line, like, straight up. My mom was fancy, and she always wrote. She wrote her signature like that. Like. Like she stacked it, and it was like. It was like the R's on top of the R's.

Jade (96:59)

And my mom's middle name is Renee, so she. Okay, so that was like my mom.

Kia (97:04)

Oh, that's so fancy.

Jade (97:05)

This was my father, which was a squiggle of a T and a J with this.

Kia (97:10)

The one time, the one time in my entire academic life that my father signed something. It was like I had a test or something. It was like, get your parents signature. It Was one random, like, Tuesday night, my daddy just was there and he signed. My teacher thought it was me. My father's handwriting was so childish. She was like, takia, first of all, who is this? I'm sorry.

Jade (97:49)

Because I'm wondering now, since we came up in a generation where everybody wrote them stupid ass bubble letters, how many assignments and look, look dumb as when you sit at a mom with your kids.

Kia (98:02)

Ooh, the tasia. She was so offended. She was like, who is this? I don't know anything about this. Who is this? And I was like, it's my dad.

Jade (98:14)

I'm sorry.

Kia (98:18)

Oh, no.

Jade (98:19)

I was like, first of all, ma', am, it's my dad.

Kia (98:23)

That's my father. And that is, in fact his signature.

Jade (98:27)

Oh, my God. The fact that it's his signature, you.

Kia (98:29)

Just gonna have to deal with it. It's very childish. And it's not good because the handwriting itself is childish. And then my father's name is very childish. He has a nickname for a first name.

Jade (98:44)

What's his name? Cause Mickey. Oh, Tristan's daddy's name is Bunny and that's his name.

Kia (98:52)

But yes, my father's name is Mickey. So. So people is like, it's not a grown man name. So he literally wrote it on. And my teacher was like, first of all, who is this? Who is this? Takiya? Who is it? And how dare you bring this non. Like, I was just like, wait, wait, wait.

Jade (99:13)

I can't imagine you coming in and look like an eight year old saying.

Kia (99:17)

That was Nikki Robinson. Yes. And I was so panicked, right? I was so panicked in my mind.

Jade (99:24)

Because I turned in the color of my shirt.

Kia (99:26)

I was so panicked because I was a child and I was telling the truth, but I didn't know how to make my case. Like, how can I prove, like, she doesn't know who my daddy is? How do I make this right? I was panicked. I was probably 8 or 9 years old at that time. And I was like, do you want to call my mom? I mean, I promise that that is my dad. Like, I promise I don't. I just. That's who it is. And I know you've never met him, but you're just gonna have to take my word. I was stressed. This is why we need culturally. I don't even want to say that's cultural competence. It's not a cultural competence issue. We just need. We need our teachers to have certain awareness, absolute content for human interaction. You know, just certain awarenesses.

Jade (100:18)

But that emotional intelligence.

Kia (100:20)

She was looking at me like, cut the Crap. Takiyah. Who is this? And I was like, I don't know. What do you have me saying?

Jade (100:28)

It's Mickey Robinson.

Kia (100:29)

It's my dad. That's his name. Like stress. What. What is it that.

Jade (100:39)

She thought you.

Kia (100:40)

And I went home, probably told my mom, and she was like, that's what you get for having them sign it. I told you, I sign everything in here. Don't you ever.

Jade (100:48)

Not it being your fault.

Kia (100:50)

She was right. I probably. I went to her to try to get some compassion. Sis was like, that is what you get because I told you.

Jade (100:56)

Oh, my God. Woo. That was a story for the books. That was amazing.

Kia (101:02)

She was fit. Is. But I will never forget that as long as I live.

Jade (101:06)

Oh, my God.

Kia (101:06)

First of all, who is this? Okay. What? Don't be coming here making up no names. What is this? And I was like, wait, wait. Oh, God.

Jade (101:17)

We haven't even got to the trash yet.

Kia (101:19)

Okay.

Jade (101:20)

That is amazing.

Kia (101:20)

We just been carrying on, but we miss y'. All. We back.

Jade (101:24)

We are clearly. We are back. Losing my voice because I'm never gonna.

Kia (101:32)

Let me drink my water, child.

Jade (101:36)

We posed two questions on Twitter just to kind of ease back into the new year. One of them being, what have you all been doing to take care of yourselves during this time? And have you used this time to want to reflect on what no longer serves you and what will positively assist you? You and your personal journey going forward? And what are you taking with you and what are you leaving? So I thought it would be nice for us to kind of just discuss those two questions. And, you know, we like to set our intentions and things at the top of the new calendar year. You know, personally and all of my hotel, that I think the real new year is the spring equinox. But also I do recognize that we are stepping into a new calendar year. And that is a time to, to, you know, maybe kind of reset, you know, maybe it's not a new year. New you. I love how I'm not seeing a lot of those, but I was like, oh, the girls are shooketh. Everybody wants.

Kia (102:30)

What's the.

Jade (102:30)

What's the stupid. I keep saying I want a what.

Kia (102:33)

Life.

Jade (102:37)

Again, Your terms give me gas.

Kia (102:40)

But anyway, so.

Jade (102:45)

So, sister, I'm going to ask you first, first and foremost, what did you do over this, this little period of time to take care of yourself? I don't want to say a vacation because not everybody got got that. But I, I. What did you do over this little period, this holiday period?

Kia (102:59)

I did a lot of pausing, listening and reflecting, thinking very deeply. So the holidays were preceded by. By. By a milestone birthday for me. I know y' all gonna get sick of me saying that, that, that stuff is fine, but it's big ages. Small big ages. Little weight gonna be my mantra going into the. For the rest of 20, 23. Big age is little waist, though.

Jade (103:29)

I know that's right.

Kia (103:30)

Be little. Okay. But I thought a lot about sort of where I am, you know, juxtaposed against where I envisioned I might be and, and thinking about. And make. And. And really being at peace. I want to say, like, you know, I'm in a place where I don't want. You know what I'm saying? This the thing. I am content. And I think for a long time I was sort of. Of desiring contentment or, you know, aspiring toward it. But I feel like now I'm really settled in appreciation for the fact that I don't want nobody else's nothing. I just want what is, what is mine, what is for me. And I am literally, when I say I'm safe and I have what I need, that's not just a catchphrase or anything like that. I have what I need. And the Lord has just been so gracious and kind and faithful. And when I look around my life, I see his hand everywhere. And so I am just at a place where I am clear about who I am. I am clear that I. I am where I am supposed to be. And I. Going forward, I am hopeful and expectant that I will continue to. To grow deeper in this. This contentment and satisfaction with who I am. In a way. Like I. I said before my birthday, I. And what I was hoping to get out of this season is like security. Like, I am secure. I am sure. Assurance. I am sure in who I am. I'm not trying to be nobody else. And, you know, making peace, receiving peace about. About that. And the holidays were challenging for me because it was my first holiday without my grandmother.

Jade (105:35)

Yeah.

Kia (105:37)

And you know, that's always hard. And I sort of expected it to be difficult, but sort of it experiencing the difficulty of. It hit me in a way that I didn't anticipate, but the way that I got through it was just sort of accepting I was in a place where I was like, you know, I pray to ask God. I knew that it was going to be a challenge in few days. And I just asked him, you know, I trust whatever he's doing. And so when things started happening, like, I had a little covet. Scare, not. Not that I Was I didn't never test positive, but I was. Was exposed to Covid just a few days before I was supposed to go to be with my mother and my grandfather and the rest of my family. And so, out of caution, I decided to delay my trip a couple of days just to make sure that I was good. And at first it was disappointing because, you know, you had a plan and you wanted to do things according to that plan. But I really made peace with the decision. I was clear that I was making the right decision and prioritizing everyone's health and safety. That was something that I wanted to do. And once I got there, I was grateful. I was like, you know, God does all things well, and everything happens the way that it's supposed to, because that sort of buffer allowed me, you know, I was able to sort of be here for Christmas and appreciate, you know, myself and my space and. And have, like, some personal time to process my grief before having to be with my mother and grandparents and support them in processing their grief. And so I thought a lot about that and been thinking a lot about the ghetto that is grief. But, you know, it is like real ghettos, you know, a condition that all of us have to negotiate. Many of us have to negotiate whether we want to or not. And if we lean into it and fully embrace it, I think that there is this transformative power. It reveals a lot about who we are and for me, who God is. And so I did a lot of thinking and praying and sitting still and being okay with stillness to sort of get through these few days. And I did a lot of sleeping, and I did things that I wanted to do. I ate what I wanted to eat. You know, we just was okay with. With in past times. I've was, you know, begrudgingly. Didn't like the holidays because I was comparing it to what it was and in acknowledging that I missed what it was. But I feel like this year I was able to miss what it was, but appreciate what it is. It's different. And also appreciate that it may not always be what it is. Like, it will be something. Something different in the future. And all of these things are okay.

Jade (108:53)

Yes.

Kia (108:55)

And so there was lots of sleeping, lots of exercise, lots of good food, but also lots of sort of being. I've been so content with just being in his house, being quiet, listening to my music when I want to, watching my TV when I want to. I. You know, y' all remember. I. I've watched great Grey's Anatomy a few times, the series. This time I'M watching Private Practice. I'm about halfway through. Okay, but that's been. And I think, you know, we gonna have to. And I, I was gonna mention this to you cause I talked about it on Twitter. I'm like, that's one of the, one of those Shonda Rhimes show that I don't feel I ever got. It's. It's flowers. But there is a lot of sort of adulting come of age scene, coming of age scenes. And I was wondering like, like, would y' all be down to talk about that? That's another. That's an aside. But just put that in your back pocket. But there's lots, cuz Dr. Addison Montgomery and her mama.

Jade (109:49)

Okay. I have never seen, but I know the show, so I think maybe it would be a nice revisit for you.

Kia (109:57)

And generationally, yes, I think generationally, a lot of us were raised by boomers and Xers, and boomers and Xers are so. We're so consumed with appearances and performance and status and, and presenting a certain way. Right. There was no authenticity or authenticity was only welcomed behind closed doors in the house. And so what that does to a generation of people who want nothing but.

Jade (110:29)

Like, we just want to be real. We just want to be honest.

Kia (110:32)

This, we just want to tell the truth. But everything around us is like, oh, no, you can't do that. That's not right.

Jade (110:38)

People, what will people think?

Kia (110:40)

What will people say? And you know, seeing that play out. And Shonda Rhimes always does a good job of, of taking these broad sort of humanity themes and, and looking at them through different racial and socioeconomic lenses. Because like, Addison was rich and wealthy, but she, she dealt with it. Right? And then you have how black people deal with it. So it's like, but yeah, that's an aside. I watch tv.

Jade (111:05)

I'm curious. I've, I've never, you know, I've never watched the Shonda Rhimes show. Really.

Kia (111:09)

I know that. I remember we talked about that when we, when I, when I tell you that I'd be watching Grey's Anatomy every day. But.

Jade (111:17)

Yes, I would be, I would be curious to, to dive into the. Some of those conversations.

Kia (111:23)

Yes, but that was my very long winded answer. Or I apologize. You tell me what you did over this holiday too. Over these.

Jade (111:29)

No apologies necessary.

Kia (111:31)

Yes, indeed.

Jade (111:32)

Well, our households were dealing with the same thing.

Kia (111:34)

Yes. Unfortunately.

Jade (111:37)

I did not get coveted, but Tristan got Covid. And so therefore that put a little separation with our family for the holiday season. So. But it was it was, you know, and obviously I cook every year and a couple of people come over with some of the, our close closest ones and that couldn't happen this year. And, and I still cooked cuz he, he wasn't down too bad, but I still cooked. You know, we opened the gifts with mask on. You know, we ate where he's sat in the living room and we sat over in the dining room and tried to watch a movie from different places in the room. And it was nice also, as you were talking about being quiet, you know, it was nice. We, we brought in New Year's together and we did, you know, in Christmas and it was just the three of us for both and it was nice to have that time. As much as I love cooking and I love hosting and it's something I've been doing for so long at this point that it's just, it's just natural. I, it was nice to have that, just the kind of, that quiet time with my family and also some of that quiet time with myself. Because when, you know, when you're, when you're not engaging and you can't engage for a good period of time during a holiday break, you have a lot of time to sit and think. And I think even after that, we've had some really pointed conversations. We had a pretty stressful New Year's Eve just trying to clean up the house and get things in, purging things, and you already know how that goes. And jumping, trying to, you know, clean your bodies and jump in the shower and be ready to set some intentions at 12. And Tristan said a beautiful thing this year. He was like, all right, this is later for that. He was like, I respect tradition. He goes, but I don't, I don't need tradition over, over ease. He's like, and that's not to say that you shouldn't have moments where things shouldn't be challenging. He's like, but we, if we're doing all of this stuff to, to feel good going forward and we don't feel good going in, it defeats the purpose. And I fully agreed. I was like, yeah, because this doesn't feel like what's the point of purging and cleaning and doing all these things? And then you go in and stressed because you trying to beat a time clock.

Kia (113:48)

Yeah. And it's about honoring tradition without feeling beholden to it or like bound by it.

Jade (113:53)

Exactly.

Kia (113:54)

It's like, I fully respect that this is what we do, this is who we are. But if, right, if it has to work out differently that doesn't make me any less me or any less right or wrong. Right.

Jade (114:08)

And also some tradition is, is toxic and terrible. It used to be traditional to marry a 14 year old girl.

Kia (114:15)

Oh Lord.

Jade (114:15)

You know what I'm saying? That is not a tradition we need to take going forward. And so I appreciate while that is an extreme example, I appreciated his sentiments.

Kia (114:25)

And it really I'm going to write that down.

Jade (114:27)

Was a beautiful reminder for us going forward on how we want to switch things up. And then we've also had other conversations that have been really great mirrors for the both of us in clear communication and hey, this doesn't work for me or when you do this it makes it like just really clear. And it's been a really nice period of communication, communication and clarity and self reflection and and just kind of sitting down for a second. And I also did work all through.

Kia (114:59)

This but yeah but it's a different kind like your, your approach to it. It's not I mean it is work but like you know, it doesn't feel like oh I don't I have to do this right now, blah blah blah. I think that there's a way that we can sort of have some agency over it and sort of reclaim it recognizing that it is a part of our lives. But it doesn't have be to to rule how we spend our time, exactly how we feel in our bodies or anything like that. But it seems like that is the trends like we said some as we tweeted this week understanding you know and and asking you all to chime in. Many of you talked about that self isolation sitting still at King Jazzy said I isolated myself and rested. It was much needed. Aelavi718 said resting, being still working out. Did I mention resting? Yes. @ Amber White 682-462-9194 I have watched movies, isolated myself, cleaned my home, analyzed myself as a mom, teacher, wife so that self reflection mostly practice gratitude for where I am and where I see myself going at Deborah's child says moving very slowly, not looking at email, sitting in the sunshine, reading, traveling, making sure to drink enough water and still eat food that is good for my body exploring art and music, dancing, journalism at is it cook? It's like it's like cooks with mad O's, K's and E's and S's. She says nothing but I have found myself passing out from exhaustion these past few weeks. I need a real vacation that's.

Jade (116:45)

Valid because I found myself not being I've said this before. I'm Not a good.

Kia (116:49)

Resting. Yeah. Because, I mean, it is the practice that we have to cultivate. We don't do it. Yeah. We don't know how to do it, so it feels like. But yeah, I love that, you know, so many of. Of you, so many of us recognize that, you know, the last two weeks of the year was a time for us not to be so consumed with the expected things of the holidays, like, you know, all of the ripping and running.

Jade (117:20)

That. Running holiday parties, holiday.

Kia (117:23)

Party. You know, all of that. You know, really reclaiming that time as time to sort of pause and stop and think about where we are, what we want and what we're doing. To sort of to. To live the life that we want to live. So I love this for.

Jade (117:43)

Us. I love, love, love this for.

Kia (117:46)

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Jade (118:21)

Com. I have a question for.

Kia (118:27)

You. For you.

Jade (118:27)

Okay. And I have my answer for this already. So we. But I want to ask you first, put yourself in an evacuation emergency.

Kia (118:37)

Situation.

Jade (118:38)

Right? What's the most sentimental item for you to grab for yourself? A family sentimental item, Family heirloom. Is there something that you absolutely feel like you, You. You must.

Kia (118:52)

Grab? I guess it would be like the things that I have that belong to Brian. Those things sort of. And my grandma, like, you know, the last sort of things that. That they gave me are probably the things that sort of come to mind most immediately. But you know, there are some photos and, you know, I have some of my grandma's clothes. Like there are those kinds of things that, you know, or just come to the top of my mind if I, If I were to think like in an immediate situation, those would be the things that I. That I reach.

Jade (119:26)

For. Yes. It's interesting because, you know, you. I think you all have figured me out well enough, you know, you know, enough. Tristan and I have a few items in the crib that we have just kind of of started accumulating over the last several months. We do have a solar panel. We also, my home girls will be like you. And we're like, hey, that's right, that's right. We have a solar panel. We always keep at least eight additional five gallon bottles of.

Kia (120:06)

Water. Yikes. I'm so, I feel so inadequate. Quit listening to.

Jade (120:11)

You. We have a generator that we have already charged up and just put into a corner. And we have two gas tanks that are ready that you cannot keep in a storage unit that are ready to be taken to a gas station and filled, you know, at the blink of an eye, should we need them. But when that tried to set my building on fire last week, no, every, every chance I get. Every chance I get, you know, and we were, you know, scrambling around the house at almost 4:00 in the morning. You don't realize if you're not already prepared what you would grab and when, you know, once we were, thank God, safe and, you know, did not lose what we had, which, you know, made me even more empathetic to the loss that's happening, especially in California, but across the world from people who have been displaced from their homes, I. And across the country too, because you got North Carolina, you've got la, you know, Katrina, when it happened, many disasters across the board. But I realized I was like, I have a lot of original pictures from my great great grandmother. My grandmother, I have a blanket, it from my great grandmother that she knit that nobody has ever used. And I keep it in a, in a mattress safe, plastic kind of situation. But I would hate, I would, I would be devastated to lose those things. And so I thought to myself, I said, okay, as we are preparing, I also, I already have a fire safety box for our documents. We've been had that, but I'm like that. It can't be the only thing that we grab. My grandmother wrote her life story into a short, a short book and got it bound and laminated. I would never want to lose a copy of that. And so after that happened, I said, okay, not only do I need to have my fire safety documents, I need to make sure that these items are easily accessible. And I also realized I need to keep my emergency things in a very particular area because should we need to run, should we need to leave for any given reason or even just hold on to things. I don't want to be going to eight different places in the, in the house when we're, and won't have the time to do that, you know, in the case of an emergency. So those are things for you to think about what kind of sentimental items and how do you have them stored? How do you have these Things set up in your home in the event that you do have to. To evacuate. So that's. That's something I just thought that we should all kind of think about. All right, so you're two weeks or a couple months into an emergency, and you're in a temp in temporary housing. What do you imagine that you would want to have with.

Kia (123:03)

You? I mean, clearly, like, my flight identification documents. So like birth certificates, Social Security cards. I would like to have any sort of insurance policies and things that I have that. Having that paperwork. I'm also thinking about, like, my. I have like, an external hard drive that also has, like, electronic copies of certain documents. My estate plan, my mama's estate plan, and, you know, just account information, you know, those kinds of records and.

Jade (123:40)

Things. For.

Kia (123:41)

Sure. Aside from that and my sentimental things that I have picked, you know, already. Already described, you know, as it would like, you know, thinking about essentials, medications, Keys, house keys, whether it be to my house. I have keys, like to my mom's house, you know, having those things with me. But yeah, those are the things that are coming to mind in the immediate, if I had to. To sort of think about that. So, yeah, my medications and then sort of those important identity documents and sort of like my personal financial.

Jade (124:31)

Business.

Kia (124:33)

Those. Those documents as. As.

Jade (124:35)

Well. I agree we have a. Not. It's not an exhaustive list, but it is a list of several items to have in a go bag in the case that you need to.

Kia (124:49)

Evacuate.

Jade (124:50)

Yeah. A small toiletries bag, a disaster plan and manual with emergency. Emergency contacts. That's another thing that we take for granted. If we lose our phones or access to our phones or anything for whatever reason, do we have ways of contacting one another if we lose all of our contacts, but we do have access to our phones. Do we have our phone numbers written down somewhere where we know how to access people within our community? There was a time when I used to. Remember, I used to memorize phone numbers like nobody's.

Kia (125:20)

Business. Okay, you.

Jade (125:22)

Had. Was a math wizard. We did, and we. I've lost that. I realize I've completely lost that. I had to go and look at Tristan's phone number the other day, and I said, that's a problem. Yeah, that's something that I have to take stock of, like exercise that. That muscle yet.

Kia (125:42)

Again. And I mean, that's important, especially for kids, like, to making sure that not only you know those numbers, but does Noah know those numbers by heart? Exactly. I think that's sort of born into us as millennials. Because remember the time when we did not have sort of like phones or devices on us that would help us to keep track of these things. But like we was hyped when.

Jade (126:00)

We got all the.

Kia (126:01)

Id. Exactly waiting like you know, how many do you, can you and your children like readily recall names and addresses? I think that that's, that's critically important. But also I'm thinking about like current medications, allergies, even names to your, your doctor's offices, healthcare, healthcare providers, those kinds of things. And the one that I miss that I should never ever forget personally. Contacts, glasses. Because without.

Jade (126:32)

Them. Ah yes. I'm not seeing.

Kia (126:35)

Nothing. So I gotta make sure that that is in my. That's got to be something that I prioritize. Absolutely. For.

Jade (126:42)

Sure.

Kia (126:43)

Absolutely.

Jade (126:44)

Yeah. There's also there, there. I know this is not Kia's, this is not Kia's jam, this is not your lane. But important for us to note because I also was not prepared for this. I have a travel bag for Trill when I need to take her to the vet. But I didn't think about until that tried to light my building on fire. I didn't think. I'm like we have to evacuate her and then what? So I bought a collapsible travel litter box that carries scooper and all of those in a collapsible bowl in it. And I need to. And I have food now in her carrier bag. So in the event that we need to scoop up and scoop, scoop out, her stuff is also ready to go. And we're not, you know, trying to scramble and figure out. I did a couple, couple of duffel bags, I'm not gonna lie to you. And put two plain outfits in it. Sweatsuits, panties, undershirts, toiletries. Because you know, people have it. Yeah. People have, have left the crib and they don't have anything but the clothes that they have on their back. So I'm like in my emergency corner we're gonna have our duffel bags along with our documents along with those things that we can just grab as.

Kia (128:00)

Well. This makes me wanna. Because I don't have like, I know where things are but I don't have like a bag packed or I don't have sort of that.

Jade (128:07)

Was.

Kia (128:07)

Yeah. Things ready. And so this, this is a good sort of reminder because I mean when. Because just because I travel for work so much, I tend to keep my like toiletry bag packed and stocked with like travel sized items or. But you know, it probably wouldn't take that much for me to just have A set of stuff that is ready should I need to sort of just hold my tail out of here at any given point. I don't have to be scrambling around. But this is also why. And I was thinking about this as my cleaners were at the house this week. Like, you know, I keep things. I try to keep things organized in my home, but as I was sort of putting away some things in my office, thinking about chargers, cord cables, you know, you know, how much time would it take me to get all of that together? Would it make sense for me to just sort of have a set of things that exist? I could put it up in the shelf in the.

Jade (129:00)

Closet.

Kia (129:01)

Yep. Such that if it's time for me to go, I know where it is. Or if something happened to me and I need to send somebody in here to get my stuff, I know exactly where to tell them to put it. Because I had to have that conversation with my mom as she gave me a copy of her estate plan when I was there for Christmas. I had her walk me through, like, where are the policies? Where. Where. Where are the bank accounts? How do I get access to this? Am I on your. Am I on. It's like, you know, making sure my name was on stuff, because anything could happen at any time. And, you know, it's just about. It's just about having things in place. And I know that these conversations are not comfortable to.

Jade (129:38)

Have. No, no.

Kia (129:40)

They'Re. But. But not having them. Not having them. Yeah. Is, you know, you. You will be worse off. I. You know, I'm going to be in Nashville at the end of this month. One of the things I'm going to do while I'm there is I'm going to take my mother to. To the DMV and make sure that she has the right id. I'm going to get her passport situated because these things just need to be.

Jade (130:03)

Done. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Without question. As we've been talking about community also. And we've been talking about it. We talk about it all the time. We always talk about. About how we are a community and how we really need to lean into community. Part of that, too, is disaster planning with your community and not just your household. Yeah. So take stock of who does have a generator, who has additional water, who has what. So you know that there is a hub, there is somewhere for you all to go, to go together if need be, and that somebody has those things in place. But it's conversations that we need to have. Have, especially as we enter into even more unknown times. Sure. I really love what you said about medications. We don't think about those things either. It also makes us stop and take stock of how we keep things in the.

Kia (130:55)

Crib. Exactly. Because that drawer in the kitchen.

Jade (130:58)

Needs some crazy, crazy.

Kia (131:00)

Cabinet. Crazy. And I just have to be honest about that and stop, you know? You know, it's the.

Jade (131:07)

Truth.

Kia (131:07)

Truth. Like, just. I'm gonna spend. I'm gonna spend some time or take a couple of hours out of my Saturday or Sunday and just give that cabinet and that drawer in the kitchen some attention because it's in this.

Jade (131:18)

State right now, literally every.

Kia (131:20)

Corner. I would be embarrassed if someone had to go in there and get my stuff. I would be embarrassed at how it looks. So let's just.

Jade (131:26)

Get. Very much. So let's just get it together now.

Kia (131:28)

Yeah.

Jade (131:29)

Yeah. As you are planning, set yourself up. And I think that's a. A good way for us to also take stock of what's in the crib. Not overc. Consuming. Also, you know, those chargers and everything. Keep those in one area all the.

Kia (131:42)

Time. Or a bag and a Amazon. I mean, and this is not a plug for certain websites or what have you. But I'm just saying that there are lots of. There are lots of organization tools and themes available to us. Like, yes. He's like, I have tons, sister. You know that I have tons of these little pouches. Pouches and things all over the place. And inside this pouch, it's just like, you know, a USBC cord. A USB cord, some headphones, an external battery, like, you know, just keep some.

Jade (132:17)

Stuff. You know what I'm saying? This. This is my electronics.

Kia (132:21)

Case.

Jade (132:22)

Right. If you're on Patreon, you can see. And so it has different compartments. So I know there's different things for, you know, external chargers for different things up here, and it, you know, different cords there. But this is where I keep all of my electronic stuff. Need. I need to grab it. I grab it. My computer, my iPad live on top of that. And then I just keep it pushing. And that's one of the ways that I keep myself organized. But I really realize that I'm not there in every.

Kia (132:51)

Aspect.

Jade (132:52)

Right. Like I said, if I lost those pictures, if I lost that book my grandmother wrote, if I lost that blanket, I would be.

Kia (133:00)

Heartbroken.

Jade (133:01)

Heartbroken. And so I know that there are things that we cannot control, but for the things that are within our control, such as keeping those things in safe spaces, such as organizing our homes in a way where things are not a mess, there is not a hazard you know what I'm saying? You can't easily grab and go. We take those things for granted until disaster actually.

Kia (133:22)

Strikes. Another thing that I did this weekend, just, you know, as we were even getting ready to have this conversation, just reviewing this list helped me to sort of get some things together. So, you know, just making sure that I got enough batteries that I have, you know. You know, that things. You know, I check the batteries like, you know, I have electronic locks in my home. Are those batteries a. About to go out? Smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detectors, these kinds of things. You also want to make sure. And I think Covid helped us with this a lot, but having a little. I have a little go bag that also has, you know, a thing of. Of wipes and some. And some. Some. A little Lysol spray. Yeah. You know, some. Some rubbing alcohol. Just, you know, if I need to get it to a place where I can have some disinfection. Disinfecting.

Jade (134:06)

Products. Yeah. First aid kits, for.

Kia (134:08)

Sure. Yeah. First aid kids also, like, whether it be ibuprofen, band aids, you know, these kinds of things. And one of the things that I did not have, and I'm almost ashamed to say this for as long as I've been in this house, but I re upped on, like, flashlights, shovels. Yep. Making sure my fire extinguishers were fire extinguishers where they needed to be and in. In compliance, all. All of that. And I also ordered. It's not here yet, but one of those fire extinguishers proof blankets for the kitchen or like, you know, because, you know, I don't know, like, if I can't get to the fire extinguisher, just have it. Having things, and we don't. And especially as someone who does not. Like, I live alone, so it's like, it's important for me to be able to put my hands on these things.

Jade (134:50)

Immediately.

Kia (134:51)

Yeah. Because there's nobody else in here to help. Also making sure that my tools are working, whether it be pliers, a screwdriver, you know, just having, you know, if I need. If I need to get into something or to do something, in addition to having things like, you know, clothes and toiletries, like, we never know where we're gonna end up and what the conditions will need to be when we get there. Another thing that really, I wasn't ready for maps. Okay. What paper maps. I was like, wait a.

Jade (135:18)

Second. Hello. We got to go back to the days of.

Kia (135:21)

Atlas.

Jade (135:22)

Okay. My grandpa used to keep an act atlas in the. In the.

Kia (135:26)

Car? Yes. Did I used to have like, Matt, like a map of the highways and byways. And it's been a long time, but it was like, okay, maybe I need to order me a map because I don't know if I needed to hop in the car and get somewhere.

Jade (135:40)

Quick. Do you know that one time I was driving to Atlanta, Georgia and this was before GPS, so we had MapQuest. This was MapQuest days. And I was driving and an exit was closed. That was, that was listed in the map quest. So I got lost somewhere in Ala.

Kia (136:02)

Bama. Oh.

Jade (136:03)

God. Yeah. Yeah, very.

Kia (136:05)

Scary. You see how I was about to laugh but stopped like still not.

Jade (136:08)

As, still not as scary as Indiana, but I got lost somewhere in Alabama. Didn't know what the. I was like, what the is exists. And it was because, you know, I'm relying off this thing. Had I had a map map, see, then I would have known how to reroute myself. But we've become so reliant on technology that we need to go back to some of those other things. Another thing too, you thought you mentioned with COVID And that has also taught us again with, or given us an example with the fires in la are the proper mats mess should you end up in hazardous environments. And you need to put those on. That needs to be a part of your emergency pack duct tape. You know, we've watched and, and, and, and tarps. We've watched people in, in Gaza for the last year, year and change, year and a half, have to build tents to live in at the last minute. Think about if you literally had to live in a tent, what would you need in that? I know you're not going to have everything, but we have to, we have to really flush our brains out and think about every I and T that we might for sure possibly.

Kia (137:17)

Need. And we're not raising this because, you know, if you're anything like me and you start to hear this conversation and you start thinking about all the ways in which you are not to cause alarm. It's not to, you know, make you worry or panic. Thankfully, we are, you know, hopefully you're not negotiating an emergency situation as you listen to this. And this is just encouragement for all of us to think about, you know, how we can ensure that should we have to come up and come against something that we don't expect, that we are prepared to be positioned to make good choices. And I knowing that, like knowing that I'm a person who can't be anxious, it actually makes me feel better to know that you know, I have a plan, I have things in place, I have people I can call, I have information. Because when you don't have that, that makes the anxiety all the more difficult to navigate. And so absolutely not to scare you. This is not to rile up your anxiety, but this is to give you some things that you can think about as you're getting ready and just because as we say all the time, if you stay ready, you don't have.

Jade (138:27)

To get ready, get.

Kia (138:28)

Ready. And that applies in so many ways and to many things. But I think it would be unwise for us to look around and see what's going on in the world because it's not always going to be somebody else else.

Jade (138:40)

Unfortunately. And put our heads in the.

Kia (138:41)

Sand. Yeah. Like, it's just, it's just about being responsible. And this is all adults.

Jade (138:46)

In. We don't know what we're doing.

Kia (138:47)

Either. We had to do some research and look it up and we are making. You know what I'm saying? Like we're all figuring out together. So don't be shame. Okay. I. Yeah, I should take. I should take the camera down there so y' all can see how my kitchen is looking and things like.

Jade (139:01)

That. I've thought about this because I realized as the. That nigga was trying to set my building on fire that I was not. I was some prepared for in place.

Kia (139:13)

Emergency. A little.

Jade (139:14)

Bit. A little bit. Not even all the way there, but I realized how. How much more preparing I have to do. And that was part of like you. That was part of my grounding. Right. That was. I didn't go into that mode in panic mode. It was just like, I'm not ready. But thank God. Thank you. I have the opportunity to get ready.

Kia (139:34)

Already.

Jade (139:35)

Yes. And so. Yes. And everybody has not had that opportunity. We want to be very clear. We're not trying to.

Kia (139:41)

Be. And that's not a shame. That's not your.

Jade (139:43)

Fault. No, no, no, no, we're.

Kia (139:47)

Not. You know, we just want given. We want to learn with you and.

Jade (139:50)

Grow.

Kia (139:51)

Absolutely. You know, from this experience alongside you. And hopefully this will, you know, help us all be in a. Be better position given any way that our circumstances may change moving.

Jade (140:05)

Forward. Absolutely. And one last thing I wanted to bring up before we move on those who live with disabilities, as we talk about community, we really do need to take stock and remember that those with disabilities are some of the first people that are forgotten in the case of emergency, emergencies. And so take stock of those in your community who, who might be living with disabilities. So that. And set up a. And set up a plan with them so that they are not forgotten in these.

Kia (140:38)

Instances.

Jade (140:39)

Yeah. That's something so important that is really a part of our community.

Kia (140:43)

Work.

Jade (140:43)

Absolutely. And so and I myself, even as I was thinking to myself, you know, we're in a. I guess a countrywide freeze or whatever the case is. Right. Right now are many areas of the country are in a free. Snowed in Atlanta. It snowed in Alabama. Snowed in New Orleans. In New.

Kia (140:59)

Orleans.

Jade (141:00)

Yes. My sister. My sister sent me up, showed me the FaceTime me and I'm. It was my niece's very first time ever seeing snow. So that was crazy for her. But it was also like this is not the normal. And so I But what it also meant. But here, you know, in New York, this is. This ain't.

Kia (141:19)

Nothing.

Jade (141:20)

Yeah. But it also felt like four today. And all I could think about was all of those people who don't have. All those houseless people who do not have shelter and are trying to battle this weather. So we want to. We don't want to forget about those in the case of emergencies that may not have the resources or have the help. And we need to be the community that we always talk about being. As we talked about in the link tree with ways for. For you to support. We have several links, including the. The general list for the displaced black Families Mutual Aid. So it has a list of all of those black families in the Altadena, Pasadena and LA area that have lost their homes, lost all of their belongings that we can support. The Los Angeles Food Bank, LA Works, World Central Kitchen, the American Red Cross Wildfire Relief, Baby to Baby Music Cares, California Fire foundation, the California Community Foundation's Wildfire Recovery Fund. All of those are listed in our support links in our leak tree along with all of the links that we talked about earlier. And this list that we have for ourselves, we're sharing it with you all as well, just for things for you to think about. It is not an exhaustive list, but it is somewhere for you to start so that you can gather yourself together. And again, like Kia said, this is not to put extra stress on anybody. This is not to make anybody anxious, but this is just for us more so to ground ourselves so that like you said, when. When it is us, because it is not always somebody else. We can be prepared as best as we can. Absolutely. And so I hope that this did not rile anybody up in any way. I hope you're able to take a step back and if you do just breathe and come back to.

Kia (142:58)

It. Yeah. I mean, it's totally fair. Attention and, you know, fear. Thank you. Shout out to Inside out. Because I've been watching Inside out because, you know, part of my escape is to sort of, you know, make sure that I'm ingesting content and. And media that also, you know, is affirming. Right. So I've been watching Inside out and got a healthy reminder that our emotions, you know, are not things that we need to suppress, but rather they are signal. Right. And so fear is a natural. Your. Your body's natural, natural response to let you know that something. There's imminent danger or there could be some potential danger of some.

Jade (143:34)

Sort.

Kia (143:34)

Yeah. So it's more than natural and fair and healthy for you to have some nerves or even some fear about all that is happening around you. When you can know what it is and call it that thing, you can't. You sort of take the control back. So. Yeah, I too. Okay. I said on. I wrote on the threads another cheat code. I've been swaddling myself in my weighted blanket because that, I mean, every day just rocking and.

Jade (144:01)

Just. Because that is sort of what helps me and leaning. You know what I'm.

Kia (144:04)

Saying? Because it gives like, you know, because the truth of the matter is this does set my body into a.

Jade (144:11)

Place where it's like, no, absolutely, sister. I know people be like virgo queen. I'm like, no, inside, I'm melting. I'm melting. And anxiety and inside out. She worked my goddamn nerves. I mean, thoroughly and comprehensively wrecked my nerves. My nerves. But you know what I realized? She has been living inside me for the last year, wrecking my nerves. What I'm saying, that's why she was so.

Kia (144:42)

Triggering. Watching that goddamn all of the emotions, anxiety. Just wanted to keep Riley safe in her own way. So, yes, like all of. But it's about getting. Keeping these things in balance and recognize that they all can coexist and not letting any one anxiety in any one emotion have control of the board.

Jade (144:58)

Right.

Kia (144:59)

Absolutely. Heavily leaning into that inside out reference. If you haven't seen the movies, go see them. They're.

Jade (145:03)

Really. Please watch the.

Kia (145:05)

Movies. They're really good. But. But truthfully, I'm just. I just want to name and call out and. And affirm you and let you know that I too am.

Jade (145:17)

Terrified. Like, please. Absolutely, absolutely.

Kia (145:20)

Terrified. But I'm trying to stay steady and grounded in knowing who I am and whose I am and knowing that, you know, this is not the first time that I have we We've had to negotiate on, you know, unimaginable circumstances and, and we're going to be.

Jade (145:39)

Okay. We're going to be.

Kia (145:40)

Okay. Absolutely. It's going to be, be. There will be some challenge, but there will be some light and there will be some joy and there will be some ease and there will be love. And all of the things, all of these things will, you know, are to come. But I just want to name that it's okay to be anxious about what's happening because we are in anxiety inducing circumstances and conditions. So please, I just wanted to say, say that out loud for anyone who is, who's also sort of been working really hard to keep your shoulders down. You are not alone. But this is, this is how we come together. Yes. We're just naming it. We're all in the same space and we're trying to help each other. We're trying to model what we've been encouraging you to do and be in community with one another. So help us. If there are things that, that we left out, if there are other things that we need to add to the list, jump in the comments, help us to, you know, share this information. It's not just for me and Jade, but, but everyone who comes across the episode should have available resources to them. That's the only way we're gonna get.

Jade (146:45)

Back. Yes. And in the words of a black American princess, steady. Are you.

Kia (146:52)

Ready? Are you.

Jade (146:53)

Ready? What's going.

Kia (146:56)

On? That's gonna be that so title.

Jade (146:59)

Steady. Are you ready? What's going on? So, yes, this list is not exhaustive, but it does live in our link tree. Please check it out. It It's Disaster Planning 2025 with Go Bag and disaster supplies list things to set in place beforehand. Resource links. The FEMA resource links on 10 items you should include inside your emergency kit and it's somewhere to start. And again, like Kia said, if you have additions or things that you think we should add to the list, please don't hesitate to share.

Kia (147:28)

Them. 2025 did not put her purse down or nothing. She just immediately got, I mean, she just got.

Jade (147:38)

Busy. Oh my.

Kia (147:39)

God. And we are all trying to manage and figure out just what we're doing. And so that is what this episode is going to be. In it all, I'm still safe and I have what I need. We're going to process this together. We're going to try to just have some community. So grab a snack, sit with us. Yeah. We're going to talk about some things. We're going to check in and catch up. We're. We're praying that your holidays season was restful, restorative, safe and that as we are, as you are listening to to this episode, you are safe and you have what you need as well. But we're just gonna, just gonna sit. Sit together and, and catch up a.

Jade (148:24)

Bit.

Kia (148:25)

Yeah. Because what in the world is.

Jade (148:26)

Happening?

Kia (148:27)

Happening. What in the world is.

Jade (148:29)

Happening? So many things. Well, first and foremost, they. There is still an ongoing. There are still multiple ongoing genocides like holidays, New Year, whatever. There are still ongoing genocides and they are not stopping. In this new year. There will be a space because there are so many things going on and because we always talk about community, there will be a space for those who still have the means and the capability to be able to contribute however you can to our global community. There will be a space outside of the description box for you all to go and access on where to do that. Domestic, domestically, we. I don't think sending love prayers. That's not enough. I'm sorry. Is not enough. But I actually don't really have the words for the fires that have happened in Southern California, in LA and some of the surrounding areas. I think that hit potential particularly different because not just knowing people from Altadena, but knowing their, their, the generations that have existed in. In particular communities, especially Altadena. I know that I have friends from Altadena specifically born, raised, I mean, grandmother, mother's.

Kia (150:10)

Homes. Yes.

Jade (150:11)

Yeah. I have a, like both her grandmother's maternal and paternal schools. Yes. And so to know, to know that everything in your life, it's not even just about material loss, but memories, it's quick and.

Kia (150:23)

It'S. And how quickly. How quickly. I think that's what has been so triggering for me is that, you know, in an instant and there's no way that, you know, how do you prepare? How do you. And you know, like you say, you know, feel inadequate, insufficient, there's, you know, completely helpless because you want to do something to help, you want to do something to support. But what can you do? What can you say? Generational? Like, there's such a generational cultural imprint for black and brown families in some of these areas. And it feels like a blow to our history. A blow. You know, you know, that imprint, that footprint is literally charred. Not to be graphic, but like, you know, it's just like, what do you do? What do you say? And it, and is it. And it feels hard and heavy. I, I was telling Jay, like, you know, I've been trying to wrap my mind around all of this. And I, I feel even crazy saying that because, you know, I'm.

Jade (151:28)

The.

Kia (151:28)

The. I have this. A great deal of distance between my life, absolutely the impact of it, but, you know, still just trying to process and figure out how to hold space. And, you know, it does feel like, you know, thoughts and prayers are inadequate or insufficient. I know that I was telling Jade prayer is sort of how I process through things. And so I have literally, not even to be funny, but like, literally been walking around my house talking to God out loud. Because how else do you have the tools to process this, to move through this, to have perspective through this? And it is not all that I am sending, but it is my way of trying to send love and support to the people that are impacted. But, you know, we will continue to do research to identify ways that we might contribute our resources, whatever that looks like, to helping the people who, you know, have lost everything. And another thing I kind of want to say that has been hard because, you know, the right wing and the Republicans, they don't, they don't let any crisis go to waste. Right. And so, no, one of the things that, you know, I've said on threads, I think is, you know, I'm trying to be intentional about unplugging because, you know, the misinformation continues to exist. And we have to be careful about the narratives that folks are aiming to frame around this and placing blame on people of color, leaders of color, black and brown people, LGBTQ people, you know, saying, you know, all of this, all of this is happening, but let's not lose sight. Okay? And I'm just gonna say flat footed, let's not lose sight. Like, you know, there are no party of persons that are responsible for these fires. This is because of climate change. This is because of hurricane force winds. And let's not make no mistake, there is some arson. There's lots of arson wrapped up in this. There are people who have been arrested actually setting bushes and trees and things on fire, exacerbating this already terrible situation. Pure evil. Exactly what it is. That's. That's exactly what it is. So let's not lose sight. And, you know, I think we have to be diligent about not letting people sway the narrative. Okay. Away from the things that we should be focusing.

Jade (154:00)

On.

Kia (154:01)

Yeah. So I'm not gonna get, I'm not gonna give this a lot of time, but I did just want to call out that we see what is happening and the allegations, people are trying to point fingers. The, you know, African American woman mayor of la, Karen Bass. You know, I believe that la, in the fire leadership, there's a lgbt. The first LGBTQ fire chief, which has been named is someone that's, you know, there are women fire people in leadership and everyone has been saying, all of the people have been saying, oh, do they know what they're doing? Are they qualified? Louisiana focused on DEI hires and now they are ill equipped to handle this. This, you know, you can't, you.

Jade (154:39)

Know, you know, listen, I can't even with any of that. I, you know what? I just keep trying to focus on the fact that people have lost.

Kia (154:50)

Everything.

Jade (154:51)

Everything. And, and they have to rebuild their entire lives. And, and also, in addition to that, like, they're using slave labor in order to, also putting people's lives at risk in order to do. And this is, and it's just, it's just evil all.

Kia (155:10)

Around.

Jade (155:10)

Yeah. You know, the people who have, where this is, this is what they had. This was their community. This was their community. Like, that is devastating. So I agree with you. I do. I, I, I, I pray for you all, all through the day. Every day I think about you all and I, you know, we're gonna continue my, you know, we're gonna continue to, to share resources on how to help families directly affected by these devast. By this giant great devastation. I mean, think about the, just the, the, the land mass, like it's bigger than Manhattan. Manhattan. That's how much was.

Kia (155:56)

Lost. No, no, seriously. And I mean, not even we talk about homes, but let's think about.

Jade (156:01)

It. Schools, hospitals, businesses, like people's family.

Kia (156:08)

Businesses. You know, like, I mean, they're.

Jade (156:10)

This, there's just a lot animals, innocent animal. There's so, you know, there's so much, like, there's so many ranches and.

Kia (156:17)

So much farmland, places of worship even to think like, you know, like, like you said, like, you know, I was Melissa Rivers, Joan Rivers daughter, lost her home, all of her mother's memorabilia, her clothing, the things that she kept, those things, you know, can't be.

Jade (156:36)

Replaced. No, they can't. And, and that was, and I know that there's been many conversations too, around, well, you know, rich people. This is their, their fourth home. And I, and yes, a lot of it is their mult. This is, this is, they have multiple homes, they have spaces to go to, which is another layer, you know what I mean? On a human level. In general, loss is loss and like loss of, of memorabilia and memories spans and does not discriminate against any, any financial clap class or, or race or whatever the case is. But I am particularly devastated and invested in those who did, do, did not and do not have the means to just up and go to their second and third home and rebuild in such a quick way. Or, you know, there's so many layers. There's just so many layers to this. And then obviously the ultimate layer being you all have gone, you have lost sight of the plot so far that the earth is literally screaming to get us off of it because of, of just a greed and hoarding and. But that's not even like you can't even zoom out to that, to that point just yet because you're literally trying to focus on, on helping the communities that need it right now and being present in that right now. This. And it's, it's just a lot to wrap. Yeah. Head in mind around and I.

Kia (158:15)

Think there's more to come. More that will continue to come out because I don't know, I don't have a lot of information and so I don't, I'm, I'm cautious of sort of speaking about it at length right now, but I think there more will be revealed as it relates, relates to insurance companies in these.

Jade (158:33)

Homes. I think that's another.

Kia (158:35)

Conversation. I've read that there have been several people's insurance companies just randomly drop them, Fire insurance randomly dropped them literally weeks or days before this happened. And so it makes you wonder, makes you think. So again, all of these things, I don't, I don't have any, you know, I've seen the stories. Families that have been living in California for decades and decades always had fire insurance, home insurance. Out of nowhere, their insurance companies changing policies, dropping policies, and then something like this happens. I think more will be revealed as time plays on, plays, you know, as things play out. But it's just like, like, wow, right? It's just like, whoa. But again, all that we do.

Jade (159:32)

We pray every, all of our listeners.

Kia (159:35)

And everyone impacting all of our.

Jade (159:36)

Supporters.

Kia (159:37)

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