Peas and Kombucha (Feat: Hey Fran Hey)

Summary

Gettin’ Grown – "Peas and Kombucha" (Feat. Hey Fran Hey)

Release date: December 23, 2025
Hosts: Jade & Dr. Kia, Loud Speakers Network
Guest: Hey Fran Hey (“Fran”)

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Episode Overview

In this reflective and sisterly episode, Jade and Dr. Kia welcome their beloved friend and podcast favorite, Hey Fran Hey, to join them for a deep Kitchen Table Talk. As 2025 draws to a close, the trio processes what they describe as a “muddy” year—one that demanded collective and personal resilience—and discuss the evolving meaning of success, the necessity of boundaries, and the power of intentional rest and reflection. The conversation brings out laughter, deep insights, and even a little prepping talk as the hosts (and Fran) consider new realities for Black women, adulting, and navigating a persistently wild world.

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Main Themes

• Collective Burnout & Introspection: Processing a challenging, “molasses-thick” year that forced everyone to slow down.
• Redefining Success & Self-Worth: Moving from external validation (numbers, campaigns) to intrinsic measures.
• Setting Boundaries & Personal Development: Creating limits for self-care, not depletion.
• Purpose, Not Just Productivity: Unlearning grind-culture and embracing being—especially as Black women.
• Practical Safety & New Realities: From dealing with unwell people to buying a Mossberg and discussing concealed carry.
• Community, Connection, & Reclaiming Joy: Volunteering, reading more, savoring the little things.
• Black Nostalgia: Missing the Huxtables and classic sitcoms, and reckoning with the tainted legacy of beloved shows.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Moments

1. Holiday Vibes & Burning Out

[03:30]

• Jade and Kia admit to being right up against a “hard deadline” for holiday prep—recording just before Christmas.
• Both hosts stress the importance of intentionally carving out rest after a draining year.
  Quote:
  Jade: "I smushed everything in to make sure there was a hard boundary, a hard deadline...so that I could have intentional rest and rejuvenation." (03:30)
• Dr. Kia appreciates gifting each other “the next couple of days.”

2. Kitchen Table Talk: Hey Fran Hey Joins

[18:18]

• Fran reflects on a “quiet” and “interesting” year in the Pacific Northwest (PNW).
• Weather woes, random Portland news, and Black girl joy on local TV are discussed.
• Driving anxieties in the rain and the “exposure therapy” of new experiences.

3. Road Rage & Safety for Black Women

[22:06]

• The women dive into recent personal experiences with reckless and aggressive drivers.
• Fran shares a harrowing incident being followed home and verbally assaulted over an imagined car accident.
  Quote:
  Fran: “My heart drops because I didn’t even know what was happening...I’m just here with my bag of kombucha and peas.” (23:46)
• The group reflects on the unpredictable ways stress shows up on the road and praises the grounding practice of praying before and during drives.
  Quote:
  Jade: “I might need to pray, actually. I never thought about praying in the car. That’s crazy.” (29:34)

4. The “Muddy Year” – Burnout & Re-Assessment

[37:50]

• All admit 2025 felt like “muddy,” “molasses,” “sticky”—forced slow-down, hard to move, but “rich” with lessons.
  Quote:
  Fran: “It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good, if that makes sense…It felt muddy.” (40:27)
  Kia: "Molasses is thick, it’s sticky, but it’s rich...such a sign of our own resilience.” (43:51)

5. Redefining Success, Productivity, and Purpose

[41:05]

• Both Fran and Dr. Kia talk about stepping away from hustle culture, questioning if (fewer) numbers mean failure, and the dangers of external validation.
• Volunteering and community work brings “real fulfillment.”
• Focus shifts from proving worth through work to finding purpose that honors their full selves.
  Quotes:
  Dr. Kia: “What if we were to invest all of that [energy] into really learning who we are and unlearning who we’re not?” (54:22)
  Jade: “I do these things because I love them. I don’t do them for what I receive from them.” (45:41)

6. Growth, Unlearning, and Self-Parenting

[57:03]

• The trio discusses lessons unlearned: overextending service to others, perfectionism, self-imposed busyness, and glorification of multitasking.
• Emphasize the necessity of strong boundaries to prevent self-depletion.
  Quotes:
  Jade: “You can show up for people, but you’ve got to show up in a way where you are not depleting yourself.” (58:01)
  Fran: “Who is putting this pressure on you? ...It’s me setting the schedule!” (58:54)
  Kia: “Nothing about our cognitive function is designed to be fragmented.” (67:14)

7. Structure, Regulation, and Spiritual Practices

[68:46]

• Structure is described as love—especially for kids, but also adults.
• Reading, nightly kitchen rituals, and focused presence as tools for regulating anxiety in a fast world.
• Fran offers the wisdom of parenting yourself with compassion and structure during hard times.

8. Doing vs. Consuming – It’s About Application

[72:49]

• They discuss the dangers of overconsuming self-help but never applying it: “There’s some people that I know that are so well-read...but their life is a mess because there’s no application.” (73:08)
• Emphasis on doing, not just knowing (or praying, or theorizing).

9. "Do Better" Energy & Boundaries for 2026

[77:38]

• The sense that 2025 was the year to get “sick of yourself” and prep for collective and personal action in 2026—a “do something year.”
  Quote:
  Fran: “Something about this year felt like you had to be tired of yourself…Next year, it’s really a year where we just have to be like, I need to step into the new.” (78:49)

10. Personal Safety & Black Women Protecting Themselves

[79:37]

• Fran shares buying a Mossberg pump shotgun and prepping for a concealed carry class—reluctantly but pragmatically.
  Quote:
  Fran: “It was so funny because I’ve been against guns…Something about the unhinged nature of someone being able to come into my bubble, I was like, you know what? ...It needs to be able to be handled.” (79:38)
• The trio discusses how “people are not well these days” and the new world of armament and even archery as essential skills for Black women’s safety.

11. Joy, Rest & Reading Resolutions

[89:31]

• A collective aim to read more physical books in 2026; inspired by their friend Claude, who reads 100+ per year.
• Reflection on the importance of cultivating attention span and slowing down.
  Quote:
  Fran: "What better way than to sit your ass down and slow your heart rate down, slow your mind down?" (91:10)

12. Collective, Nostalgia & Legacy

[08:14 - 15:10]

• Nostalgia for The Cosby Show (“I miss the Huxtables, Theo and Denise...Rudy, Pam...”), with a sober reckoning over Bill Cosby’s crimes—“Millennials need a refund.”
• The generational grief of learning so many ‘90s/2000s icons were problematic.
• Laughter about ‘Y2K’ fashion and the unique burdens and joys of growing up Black in the '90s/2000s.

13. Closing—Community & Compassion

[105:31+]

• Rather than closing with their usual “Petty Peeves,” the hosts choose to end with a message of gratitude and encouragement to rest—and a reminder to show compassion and awareness for those worldwide who cannot rest this season.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “I’m burnt and I’m, you know, I’m now like defrosting...You know what I mean?” — Jade [03:30]
• “This was a weird year...It still felt like a weird year. Like, I won't say it was bad, but it wasn't good, if that makes sense.” — Fran [40:32]
• “Molasses is thick, it’s sticky, but it’s rich...such a sign of our own resilience.” — Jade [43:51]
• “What if we pour and invest all the energy and the time that we invest in sort of education and building skill sets for a career?...What if we were to invest all of that into really learning who we are and unlearning who we’re not?” — Dr. Kia [54:22]
• “I do these things because I love them. I don't do them for what I receive from them.” — Jade [45:41]
• “You can show up for people, but you've got to show up in a way where you are not depleting yourself.” — Jade [58:01]
• “There's no bigger metric than your human development.” — Fran [46:51]
• “Structure is love.” — Dr. Kia [68:46]
• “Something about this year felt like you had to be tired of yourself…Next year, it’s really a year where we just have to be like, I need to step into the new.” — Fran [78:49]
• “I'm a gargoyle. I'm a perch on top of an suv.” — Jade [84:59]
• “What better way than to sit your ass down and slow your heart rate down, slow your mind down?” — Fran [91:10]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:30] Holiday burnout, intentional rest, holiday check-in
• [18:18] Fran joins, weather chat, Portland randomness
• [22:06] Road rage & PNW driving horror, self-protection wisdom
• [37:50] “Muddy”/“Molasses” year, collective struggle
• [41:05] Redefining productivity, success, and fulfillment
• [57:03] Unlearning unhealthy habits (boundaries, self-pressure, multitasking)
• [68:46] Structure as love, nervous system regulation, reading
• [72:49] Doing vs. just reading/consuming; applying knowledge
• [77:38] Preparing for action in 2026, “do something” energy
• [79:37] Concealed carry, Mossberg pump, self-protection shift
• [89:31] Reading goals for new year, inspiration from the community
• [105:31] Closing with global compassion, not petty peeves

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Tone & Style

The conversation is warm, irreverent, humorous, and deeply real. At times, it’s philosophical and meditative; at others, it’s unfiltered and laugh-out-loud funny. The language and cultural references are vibrant, distinctly Black, millennial, and woman-centered.

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For Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In

• This episode is a masterclass in grace and resilience—a safe space for Black women navigating modern mess.
• It’s about giving yourself permission to rest, re-evaluate, and move at your own (not hustle-culture) pace.
• The episode brims with practical wisdom, laughter, petty/sweet shade, and the hard-won freedom to say “enough” to old patterns.
• Whether you’re reflecting on your own year or just need to feel seen, heard, and connected, this one is for you.

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Final Blessing from the Hosts

“We hope you have a beautiful holiday week. …remember all the people…around the world who don’t get the moments sometimes to…rest and celebrate and, you know, rejuvenate…We love y’all.”
— Jade & Dr. Kia [106:35]

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Next episode: Year-end wrap-up, “just a little something so that we all walk away thinking about each other, thinking about ourselves, thinking about what’s important.”

Transcript

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[Jade]

2 step 2 step 2 step 2 step 2 Step.

[Dr. Kia]

2 step.

[Jade]

I don't know how love.

[Dr. Kia]

Could do this to me Yes, I.

[Jade]

Waited and waited for someone I never see But I'm sentimental and so you'll be every Every year Every Christmas Sing, Auntie, because you know we don't ever be knowing the words.

[Dr. Kia]

I know.

[Jade]

Luther said I'm here every year every Christmas that is one of the prettiest songs.

[Dr. Kia]

Luther is Christmas. What? Oh, that whole album, sister.

[Jade]

Because let me tell you something. Give Mariah stuff. But y' all don't give enough no, never did. Y' all don't give enough to Luther. Okay, Cuz that is one of the most beautiful songs.

[Dr. Kia]

I mean. I mean, the tone. I mean, it's just the formula. We don't deal with that enough. We don't silk the classics. It's no matter where. It's ageless, timeless holiday music.

[Jade]

Yeah, yeah. I put Luther right there with Donnie. Honestly.

[Dr. Kia]

Absolutely.

[Jade]

You know what I'm saying? And I play them both before I play the Jackson Fives.

[Dr. Kia]

I think I would also join you there, you know?

[Jade]

Cause young Michael, Young Michael, I love you. You had a voice on you. But sometimes I'd be in the middle of cooking and it'd be, I saw Mommy kissing Sard. Praise the Lord. Hi, guys.

[Dr. Kia]

Oh, so happy to be back.

[Jade]

Holiday time. Did you all expect to see us the exact week of Christmas? You know, just. We're here every year, every Christmas. How are you, sister? Oh, you know, I mean, let's act.

[Dr. Kia]

Like it's the holidays. And how is your holiday week?

[Jade]

Yeah. Because, you know, we're not recording weeks before Christmas. Who does that? My holiday is lovely because I smushed everything in to make sure there was a hard boundary, a hard deadline of a cutoff so that I could have intentional rest and rejuvenation and, and, you know, regeneration renegade in this dancery. So I, I'm feeling good because I'm burnt and I'm, you know, I'm. I'm now like defrosting or that's not. You know what I mean?

[Dr. Kia]

Burnt out.

[Jade]

Yeah. And.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

How you doing? How you doing on this holiday?

[Dr. Kia]

I am very grateful that we both had the presence of mind to plan, to record and pre record things so that we can really celebrate with some stillness. Yeah. This holiday season, it has been a long and grueling year for the both of us, for you. And I'm grateful that we have given each other the gift of e next couple of days.

[Jade]

Here you go.

[Dr. Kia]

And I, I'm going to. I'm grateful. I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful. You know, we're continuing to learn and grow through this thing, and we're still at it. And we're appreciative of all the ways that y' all tune in to, to, to live and grow and figure this out with us. And we're excited. We also have another gift for you this day. We're going to bless you with a presence of another one of our faves. Our sister is joining us.

[Fran]

Yes.

[Jade]

And it's going to be a joyous time because, you know, we always come with the good convos. We haven't had good sister time in a while.

[Dr. Kia]

I know we're. We're a little backed up.

[Jade]

Just a little. A little.

[Dr. Kia]

We gotta get that right. Yeah.

[Jade]

Have you ever gotta get that right? Do you remember the first time you ever got constipated? I've.

[Dr. Kia]

I think I, I don't, but I think I remember the first time I knew. What, like, you know, I don't know. I feel.

[Jade]

Oh, yeah, that's a better. I guess that's a better way because you probably was constipated as a baby.

[Dr. Kia]

I was constipated. I can't remember the first time I knew or thought like, wow, I haven't gone to the bathroom in a really long time. That. That can't be good.

[Jade]

Oh, you wanna, you wanna hear my story?

[Dr. Kia]

Please.

[Jade]

Okay. Ty, give me some. Give me Some sleep. Sleigh bells for my story.

[Dr. Kia]

Oh, my gosh. We love it.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Dr. Kia]

A soundtrack.

[Jade]

Sleigh bells ring Are you listening? It was the night before Christmas.

[Dr. Kia]

Oh, yeah.

[Jade]

And my father. Okay, now, I want you all to picture it. It's the 90s, so disciplinary actions were different than what they are now. Okay?

[Dr. Kia]

Very different. Very different.

[Jade]

And my father just. He was really the Michael Kyle of everything. He just loved to be innovative in the way that he disappointed. So I told you all the story about how he made me walk around the house with the doll baby. But this is the story of. I don't remember what I did, but I was invited to a sleepover that I did not want to go to. Okay? I didn't want to go. I was like, nah. I was like, it's like. It's ghetto over here. It's really ghetto over here. I was like, I don't feel.

[Dr. Kia]

I don't feel like it. Ye.

[Fran]

So.

[Jade]

Oh, my God. He was. So I did whatever I did. And my father was like, all right, so listen, like, you gotta. You gotta. You gotta be disciplined. So you wanna skip the sleepover or you wanna go to the sleepover? You get a whooping? I said, you know, I'll skip the sleepover. Cause I just. Yeah. Like, I'll be sad, but it's okay. He was like, nah, you going. I did not get the whooping.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah. How you want to give an option?

[Jade]

He gave an option. Business. Okay? That's crazy. I was raised by Cabron 50 Cent Jackson. So if you want to spank it or what? Or you would go to the sleepover at this house. And so I go to the sleep.

[Dr. Kia]

And whatever you chose. He chose the opposite.

[Jade]

He chose the opposite. So terrible, right? Isn't that like. It's. I told you. It's very. My wife and kids. You know, it's like that time they made Theo. You know, they designed the apartment and made him pay rent, like, you know, just. Because here at Furniture.

[Dr. Kia]

Because here at Furniture City, we accept all personal checks.

[Jade]

All personal checks.

[Dr. Kia]

Because you are in luck. Because here at Furniture City, we accept.

[Jade]

All major credit cards. I haven't. We gotta have that. We're gonna have that conversation because I. I miss the Cosby show, man.

[Dr. Kia]

Save every time. And I would say this every time I think it is bounce tv. One of those.

[Jade]

TV one.

[Dr. Kia]

One of those people networks. I feel like every Saturday from like, 12 to 6, they play a Cosby show episode.

[Jade]

And when I catch it, only once.

[Dr. Kia]

When I catch it, I'm always thrilled I'm relieved, sister. And I mean, I get it, because.

[Jade]

This will never be.

[Dr. Kia]

Like, we will never cape for.

[Jade]

No. What? Absolutely never.

[Dr. Kia]

Literally never.

[Jade]

I don't think he's having the day that he deserves.

[Dr. Kia]

I tell my mom all the time, like, you know, I mean, not like a. Like a no on Bill Cosby, but Heathcliff Huxtable. Like, I miss him.

[Jade]

Like, and not like, honestly, you can. We can not even really mention him. I miss the Huxtables. I miss Claire. I miss the Huxtables, Theo and Denise and even Sandra with her salt and pepper self. Like, I miss Rudy. I mean, I miss Pam. Cousin. Cousin. Because also, sister, let's talk about it. Also, you know how so many shows fall off in their later seasons. Like, almost every single show falls off later season. We don't talk about Martin. Season five.

[Dr. Kia]

Like, it got better.

[Jade]

It was not even better. It was consistently good, but it was different. And I loved how it flowed with the times. I love the introduction of characters.

[Dr. Kia]

Lance, the flow. Yeah. The show evolved as we did, so. It did. It felt like it was growing up with us.

[Jade]

Yes. Yes.

[Dr. Kia]

And it felt like organic. It wasn't like, too crazy of a change. Other shows, like, you had too crazy of a change. Like, you know, the Family Matters, it was three kids, then it was just two.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Dr. Kia]

What happened to Judy? She went upstairs, never came back.

[Jade]

Family Matters, all the same.

[Dr. Kia]

All of those things. Right. But. But I felt like the nuances and the additions to the show that were added over time.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Dr. Kia]

Like, felt cumulative in ways that felt familiar and felt like as we were growing up, the show was growing with us. So it didn't feel like. It didn't feel like. I don't know, it just felt like a very natural progression.

[Jade]

It wasn't giant leaps and bounds. I think the largest leap and bound Cosby show took was when Denise got. Went away to Africa because she was actually pregnant in real life and came back with Maria and Olivia.

[Dr. Kia]

She came back fully married.

[Jade]

It was like with a stepchild with a bonus child life. And then, you know, I don't remember what happened to. I don't remember where Olivia's mother was. I can't remember if she passed away or. No.

[Dr. Kia]

Kendall, he. They were divorced. Cause remember, she came for Thanksgiving.

[Jade]

It was kindu. Right.

[Dr. Kia]

No. Kenu. Kenu, Wayne's girlfriend.

[Fran]

Yes.

[Jade]

But who played Olivia's mother?

[Dr. Kia]

Oh, I can see her face, but I can't. Let me. Let me look it up. I can see her face. I know exactly who it is on the show.

[Jade]

But I just don't feel like everybody should be punished because he was a horrible. And again, we never are taking emphasis off of his grave, deep, disgusting atrocities and that he committed on other people. Like, we will never take away from that. But I just feel like all the others. Paula. Paula.

[Dr. Kia]

And it was played by Candy Alexander.

[Jade]

Hold on, let me look this up.

[Dr. Kia]

Candy Alexander. She only appeared on a few episodes.

[Jade]

Candy Alexander was her.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah. Isn't that crazy that Olivia's mom was Scandal and Olivia's mom on the Cosby show is played by the same.

[Jade]

By the same person? I. I wonder if that's next. And I wonder if that was.

[Dr. Kia]

That's kind of crazy. I'm like Shonda Rhimes.

[Jade]

Did you do something?

[Dr. Kia]

I think you might have did something.

[Jade]

Listen, if y' all did that on purpose, you better give Reagan. You better give Reagan support.

[Dr. Kia]

That's kind of crazy. I never thought about that.

[Jade]

That was definitely Olivia's.

[Dr. Kia]

But yeah, her name was Paula. And remember, she was Martin's ex wife.

[Jade]

Yes, you're absolutely correct.

[Fran]

She came. She came.

[Jade]

Absolutely correct. You're absolutely. That was. That. Was that the Thanksgiving episode?

[Dr. Kia]

That was a Thanksgiving episode where he kept.

[Jade]

We had to keep going out. Had to keep leaving. Yep. Yes. Okay. Yes.

[Fran]

Yeah.

[Jade]

I missed the Cosby Show.

[Dr. Kia]

Have no sweet potatoes without no nutmeg.

[Jade]

And he's like, in the bag. Which is the egg.

[Dr. Kia]

Yes, with the egg. That's what I'm saying. We missed them.

[Jade]

We missed.

[Dr. Kia]

We missed. We missed the Huxtables for sure.

[Jade]

It's. It's. It's what we grew up with, you know?

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

We could talk about all the nuances, but I missed the show itself. I just miss the show. You know what I mean?

[Fran]

Yeah.

[Dr. Kia]

And I just hate that there's so much scandal and horrible things connected to the. The relics of our cha. Of our nostalgia. Like, you know what I'm saying?

[Jade]

Like, I feel like all of the.

[Dr. Kia]

Staple things millennials really need a refund.

[Jade]

Can we talk about that, sister?

[Dr. Kia]

We. We were told by AppleCare.

[Jade]

No, truly. Hello. Literally. Okay.

[Dr. Kia]

Many of our, like, the staples and core elements of our childhood and adolescence, we later learned that they were horrible, terrible, awful, psychotic people.

[Jade]

You had us in full fear all of 1999 because we didn't know what was going to happen at 12 o' clock in 2000. You know what I mean? We were all wearing charcoal silver jeans. Y2K charcoal. Do you like Beyonce?

[Dr. Kia]

Count your days. We love you.

[Jade]

But Beyonce. Yes. Renaissance didn't have nothing on 1999 in Charlotte Russe and 579 and wherever else the you were going. Temple Casual Y2K merch.

[Dr. Kia]

The bakers. He was all at Baker street wearing.

[Jade]

Silver shoes with silver jeans and white baby tees with silver writing.

[Dr. Kia]

What a mess. I mean, what a tragic man and a choker.

[Jade]

So, yeah, no, we deserve. We. Oh, we deserve. We deserve.

[Dr. Kia]

We deserve a refund.

[Jade]

We deserve a refund. We deserve a refund.

[Dr. Kia]

Deserve.

[Jade]

Well, I think it's time for us to get to our.

[Dr. Kia]

Did we talk about how you are? Yeah, I said I'm excited to have some rest.

[Jade]

That's what we're gonna.

[Commercial Announcer]

Okay.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

All I have to make sure. I had to make sure. All right. Well, we will see you all for this kitchen table. It's going to be a good month because we are joined by familia Familiar.

[Dr. Kia]

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[Jade]

Back for the first time, it's we are here at the kitchen table and y' all already know it's standard every single time. But that's just because we are so intentional with who we have in our space. And it's more special this week cuz we are joined by our sister. Hey Franny.

[Fran]

Hey.

[Dr. Kia]

We are so happy to have you back at the kitchen table. We have missed you.

[Fran]

I'm so happy to be here. I don't even know when the last time was, but I know that I'm excited. I didn't get a chance to do the meetup we had in New York with our sisterhood, but I'm glad that I could be here now before the new year comes. So.

[Jade]

And we've. We're closing it out with now we've had all our sisters this year.

[Fran]

Perfect.

[Jade]

And we're closing it out in the best and most perfect way. How are you?

[Fran]

I'm good. I mean, you know, it's cold and a little gloomy out here in the pnw, but it is still very beautiful. It's been an interesting year. I'm actually happy to talk about it today.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah.

[Fran]

Do some processing and reflecting. But honestly, today I'm good. Today I'm good.

[Dr. Kia]

My mom called because we're in. Remember, I spend about a week or so every quarter in Seattle. And so this quarter, so this quarter though, they decided to do it in D.C. so I've been, you know, going to the office. Yeah, it's worked out. But my mom called. You know, all she does is watch weather all over the nation. So she was, she was like, I'm so glad you're not in Seattle because it's like terrible rain. I'm like, it's always terrible rain every day, Mom.

[Fran]

That's everywhere.

[Dr. Kia]

She was like, no, no, this made the news. It's real bad. And I'm like, I had not heard that.

[Fran]

I had not heard that.

[Dr. Kia]

I said, well, I'm gonna Talk to Fran later. I have to ask her if the.

[Jade]

Weather is bad there, what it is about PNW news. Because it reaches me now, friend. So, yeah, you know, as we're getting ready to talk about interesting years.

[Fran]

Right?

[Jade]

I don't know. Portland had a. They had a dress for the 80s protest outside the Ice Center. I saw that.

[Dr. Kia]

Portland is really helping us bringing the levity to this tragedy, tragic stage of our history.

[Jade]

They really, like.

[Dr. Kia]

We can always costume.

[Fran]

I'm sorry. I know there was a lot of discourse around how people felt that it was making light of such a serious situation. Situation. But I personally love seeing the frogs twerking on the ice. Agents. It just did it for me.

[Jade]

Arrest me, Daddy. I'm sorry. That's horrible. That's horrible. It's Christmas and we've got to be light, guys.

[Fran]

Oh, but.

[Jade]

And also recently, there was a black girl on the news in Portland.

[Fran]

Oh.

[Jade]

Who performed. Oh, she was performing a Christmas jam. You all want to see? Really?

[Fran]

You know what? I did get tagged to that, and people were asking me if I knew.

[Dr. Kia]

Her.

[Fran]

Because, you know, it's only three of us here, but are you, like, ironically?

[Dr. Kia]

I do.

[Fran]

I don't know what was going on there.

[Jade]

I don't know what's going on in Portland in general, but I'm so curious to find out.

[Fran]

I will say this, with all the rain, y' all know I was still a baby driver. One of the things I was working on because it mortifies me is driving in the rain.

[Dr. Kia]

Driving in the rain.

[Fran]

And when you live in a city like this, yeah, it's like exposure therapy. I have no choice but to just get in the car and drive in the rain. And it's actually. I've been, like, working through it, and then the combination of rain and highway.

[Jade]

And then a white crackhead might jump out from anywhere. Oh, so many things to contend with.

[Fran]

God be with. You hear me? But I've been working through it. I've been working through it. I'm gonna be a pro.

[Jade]

As three drivers here.

[Dr. Kia]

Okay.

[Jade]

Look at us as three drivers. Are you all finding that people's brain fry honey them up on the road?

[Dr. Kia]

Let me tell you, I have never witnessed more reckless. I. I told my mom. I don't know if I'm just getting older, but I feel like the way that these people drive.

[Fran]

I tell y' all hitting it for me, little too close to home. Just yesterday. Oh, wait, Go ahead, go ahead.

[Jade]

No, no, no, no, no. I just said he calls them idiot assholes because they're Stupid and belligerent. But please continue.

[Fran]

I just shared on friendzone. So that's why it's trippy that you're bringing it up. I just shared that. I went to the store to grab some groceries. Some like little quick things. I realized I needed jump. Really a local market didn't. Car. I'm on my way back home. I park in front of my house. I come out grabbing the bag and this car that clearly had been following me. So I was sick because I didn't notice. And that really scared me.

[Jade]

Oh, no.

[Fran]

Slows down, comes in front and starts cursing me out. And his bumper is like hanging. I know I didn't hit him because my car has the sensor that you can't even get close to a person without. Yeah, it's like beefing, beeping, beeping. Jerk. Like, I don't have a car where I could have done anything to you and not know about it. And he's cursing when I tell you. He's cursing me the hell out. He's like, you stupid bitch. You bitch. You stupid. He's like so angry. And my heart drops because I didn't even know what was happening. Like it caught me so off guard. I'm just here with my bag of kombucha and peas.

[Jade]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Fran]

I was saying it on the show. I was like, my leafy greens.

[Jade]

I was like, what the hell were you about to eat that night, friend?

[Fran]

I was like, what? To see him?

[Dr. Kia]

I could just imagine your face.

[Fran]

I was stood there for a second because I was still trying to process. Like, is he's only talking to me. Cause my neighborhood only has like three, four houses. And the way he slowed in front of me. And it was just that panic of like, I don't know how crazy he is. He just followed me home. He followed me home. And whether he thinks I hit him, whether whatever it is that he thinks thinks I did, I know I didn't. And that to me is the even scarier part because, like, you're getting followed and verbally attacked for something that you did not do. Wow.

[Jade]

You never found out what his problem was.

[Fran]

Because that's the even weirder part. He did all that follow me home, curses me out and then drives off.

[Jade]

See Portland and those.

[Fran]

And my thing was, if you were gonna stop, like, he shouldn't have followed me, period.

[Jade]

Of course.

[Fran]

Because that's just crazy. Especially when you see a woman coming out. Like, come on. This was a young black dude. And it just killed me because the way he Went crazy on me. I was like, ew, bro. There's not that many of us out here. For you to be talking to, black dude.

[Dr. Kia]

Exactly.

[Jade]

For you to be talking to me like that, you stupid fucking bitch. Like, that's so aggressive.

[Fran]

It was so aggressive and unhinged. And the way he was yelling, it just seemed like an anger that was beyond whatever he has happened. You know what I'm saying? That's the part that's scary because it activates something about driving and the roads and cars. Just activates people in ways that as a new driver, I still don't understand. I'm like. I'm still learning, and it's like, jarring for me, baby. Like, just because I'm driving, what is it? I'm driving the. The street. What is it? This thank you is not coming out.

[Dr. Kia]

I'm driving.

[Fran]

I say the miles per hour.

[Dr. Kia]

Just.

[Fran]

Because I'm driving the street limit. And I get it. People don't like that. They want you to be driving 20 and 30 above it. I'm not there yet. I do a little five, maybe a 10 on a good day. People giving me the finger, cursing me out. Like, driving in front of me and yelling. And I'm like, you're crazy. You're shot out. You're shot out. And you need to go rest because you should not be yelling.

[Dr. Kia]

Seriously.

[Fran]

Because someone is. Look at Jade. But, Jade, I've never seen you cursing someone out for, like, little shit like that.

[Jade]

Oh, little. Oh, no.

[Dr. Kia]

Okay.

[Fran]

I've seen you get active, but it's usually it's something crazy because they just.

[Jade]

It's always. I'm never an instigator, but I give a fetish.

[Dr. Kia]

I can confirm that, whatever.

[Jade]

And if I'm in the wrong, which I've done a couple stupid things because. Human, right?

[Fran]

Yeah.

[Jade]

I mean, if I'm in the wrong, I'll throw a hand up, be like, my bad. Like I. I wild right there. I didn't realize.

[Dr. Kia]

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

[Jade]

I'm a good driver and I like a good driver. I'm a good driver. I'm a defensive driver. I'm an offensive driver. Like, I'm a good driver. So do I yell in the car, perhaps? Is it wor you're like.

[Fran]

Mostly.

[Dr. Kia]

Mostly I'm laughing because this morning I was driving. I had to drive into. Into the. Into the office for work, and I had to be there really early, and so I had to fight with traffic. So I was literally in the car for an hour and I just wanted to talk. I know. It was like, you know how. First of all, can we just pause for a minute? Because you know how hard it is to fight traffic or be in the car for an hour and then have to work for eight hours after that. Like, that imagine I've yet.

[Fran]

I mean, with, like, long traffic, but I can't even imagine sitting there for an hour.

[Dr. Kia]

I mean, it's. I feel like, oof. And I feel like I'm getting older. So I feel, like, my tolerance and my patience and just, like, my spirit. And I was trying this morning. You know, it's a heavy week because it's, like, full of meetings, lots of change at the office, and just negotiating a lot of different things. And so I feel like I had a lot on my mind. So this morning, I was really trying to be intentional as I was getting ready. And when I got in the car, it was just on my heart to pray. I was like, I'm gonna pray. Like, I'm just gonna talk to God while I drive into work. I wasn't gonna turn on no music or a podcast or nothing. Like, I just was gonna talk and listen and, like, you know, just sort of ground my day in sort of like, trying to start, right? So I'm talking to God, right? This car cuts me off, and I literally felt myself like I want. I wanted to say something, and it was like I heard God say, you supposed to be talking to me.

[Fran]

Because I was like.

[Dr. Kia]

But God cut me off, and I wanted to be like, I hate you. Like, I really wanted to, like, oh.

[Jade]

That'S one of my favorites.

[Dr. Kia]

But God was.

[Jade]

I was like, look at this.

[Fran]

I hate him.

[Dr. Kia]

I hate him. And God was like, you supposed to be talking to me. Excuse me? And I was like, you. Right?

[Jade]

You know what? You all just. As we're getting ready to talk about the lessons of 2025, you all both gave me one because. Okay, Fred, I know you have talked often about, in this new driving phase, praying before you pull off.

[Fran]

I have to.

[Jade]

And, Kia, you just talked about praying like, you, like, all right, I'm gonna. I'm gonna hone in. We're gonna talk, me and my homeboy.

[Dr. Kia]

I'm a stillness. Yes, indeed.

[Jade]

I have never. You know, when I am stressed, I. I just, like, turn on Elton John or, like, yeah, you know, a horse with no name. You know what I mean? I'm like, let me put on some easy listening, but I might need to pray, actually. You all just gave me. I'm like, oh, man, I never thought about praying in the car. That's crazy.

[Fran]

I need to. Especially as someone that is still stepping into this newness of it. It's something that I still am a little. I'm not gonna say I'm nervous, because I feel like I've gotten comfortable. It's about. It's gonna be two years now that I'm driving, which is pretty cool. In April, it'll be two years. And so it's like, you know, I'm getting the hang of it. I'm feeling comfortable. All the things that used to kind of scam me, but I still feel that praying is also for the drivers around me. You know what I mean? It's like I gotta, like, cover all of us in this thing that we are strangely doing together in this. In these cars, on these roads. And it's almost like I have to, like, put that blessing over the experience and just pray. Because, like we said, there's people following people home. There's cutting people off. I just saw the. Where two guys were arguing on the highway. Maybe he cut him off. I don't know what it was that happened. But the guy just trying to scare the other one, shoots into the back of his car. But he purposely, like, shot towards the back, thinking that that was. I don't know, better. But there was a kid back there.

[Jade]

See, that's why you. Yeah.

[Fran]

And the kid that's. And this. They showed the dad crying, screaming on the highway. And in my mind, I'm like, that's the point. It's like, it's never, ever that serious to me.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Fran]

Even. Even when the guy. Even with the guy slowing down in front of my house, my partner ran out and was about to jump in the car, and I was, like, holding him, begging him, listen, don't do that. Don't do that. We don't need to escalate this. What are you gonna do if you catch it? You know what I mean? We don't know who he is. Like, I just didn't feel like it's just never worth it because niggas don't.

[Jade]

Fight like that anymore.

[Fran]

And that's what I told him. If y' all were just gonna fight, then that'd be different. But people don't do that anymore.

[Dr. Kia]

You know what I'm saying?

[Fran]

And I just. It didn't seem worth it. And that's not my life. And that's not my life. I came with my peas and kombucha. I was in a whole different energy. That's that guy pulling me in to whatever he had going on. And one thing I've learned is you cannot let people control how your day goes because you will be all over the place if you do that. You know what I'm saying?

[Jade]

These peas and kombucha keep taking me. I don't know why that combination is really.

[Fran]

I was just. My little back was shaking.

[Jade]

I'm like, I really just keep going. Like, man, what the fuck were you making?

[Dr. Kia]

Very randomly, like, I need to go get some peas.

[Jade]

I just keep going. And I'm like, I've never just run off of peas.

[Fran]

No. You know what? I'm randomly shrugging off. I've randomly just been eating.

[Dr. Kia]

Are you making a pot pie?

[Fran]

No, I've been eating like the gym bros when they just do ground beef with peas and rice.

[Jade]

Oh, that stresses me. No, friend, I don't. Your five. Your five container meal plants.

[Fran]

It's just great and easy and protein heavier.

[Jade]

Today I'm having a half a sweet potato, a gram of broccoli. That's a gram what I just ate. I know what the. I used to meal prep those gym bro meals. They stress me out. Did Dustin tell you what happened to me when I was on the phone with him?

[Fran]

So it was you? Cause he said on the show when I was telling the story, he said one of our friends and then he was like, let's talk after. Just experienced something similar. But he didn't say what it was. So now I'm thinking, okay, was it you?

[Jade]

So it wasn't. This is not car, but it's, you know, in vein of people being crazy.

[Fran]

Oh, shit.

[Dr. Kia]

Are we wearing the same shirt?

[Jade]

No, I have one. I have on Prospect, but it does. We have on pocket tees.

[Dr. Kia]

Yes.

[Fran]

Okay.

[Jade]

Look at us in sync. No Judg destin. Oh, look at that. It keeps coming up, doesn't it? So I'm pulling up. Oh Lord, come coming back home from. From being out. And we got this dude in my building who he not well, right?

[Fran]

Oh boy.

[Jade]

He not well. But like, you know, most of the time it's fine. You can do it. This particular time he's super drunk. Like in this. Like this was on everything. Liquor probably drugs and bullshit. He was on everything, so.

[Fran]

And in your building, girl.

[Jade]

A floor below me at that. So I pull up, I'm on the phone with Dustin and I knew Tristan and Noah were also on their way back home and almost home, I just didn't know where they were. So I'm on the phone with Dustin. You know, we're laughing. I'm about to go in my building. And he comes and he's like, let me in the building. He was harassing a UPS man when I pulled up.

[Fran]

Oh, boy.

[Jade]

And he's like, let me in the building. I was like, like, nah, nah, nah. He's like, I live here. And I was like, yeah, I know you do, but you're doing too much right now. Like, no, I'm not letting you in the building. So now I'm like, now I'm stuck out here because if I go in, this nigga's gonna come behind me. So damn. At that moment, Tristan and Noah are about to pull up.

[Fran]

Oh, God.

[Jade]

And he's like, let me in the building. And he pulls his ID out and he waves it in my face like this. And I'm on the phone with Dustin, and all Dustin hears me saying is like, yo, don't walk up on me like that. Like, get away from me. Because he's coming into my space. Like, I'm backing up, and he's coming in my space. So now I'm like, I' ma have to smack this old. Like, I don't know what's about it. I don't know what he's on. Like. So Tristan and Noah pull up, which then gives me a different anxiety. Of course.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Now it's baby.

[Fran]

And then you don't want Tristan involved.

[Jade]

Involved, Exactly. I'm not on some imma call my brother type of time. You know what I mean?

[Fran]

You don't want to put your people in those positions in those.

[Jade]

And you don't want to do that. But he and he. And so Tristan can see something is wrong, and he's like, yo, what are you on right now? Like, you need to move around. He's like, ah, you know, brother, you never talk to me like that. You never talk to me like that. TR is like, yeah, move around. Like, move around. And when you see me next time, Patrick, me straight. Like, move around. So the dude keeps coming. So then he squares up, but it's drunk old fight stance with you. With Tristan, girl, it was a whole to do. Ultimately, we ended up being fine because he wasn't really on. He wasn't really getting ready. Yeah, but people are not well these days. They not.

[Fran]

And it's. I think the jarring part is how easily you can just be pulled into some shit.

[Dr. Kia]

You know what I mean?

[Fran]

Like, you're not even thinking about that. Your mind is on God knows what. And here comes people with. That's the part that I think is the most mind blowing, because it's just so quick and so easy how your day can just turn. And that's the part that I was like, God, let me get inside my Life.

[Jade]

It's like 2025, 2025 felt like, like it just took a nastier shift.

[Dr. Kia]

No. And in, in that vein, I feel like, you know, know this has been one of the years. I don't know, I think not to say that other years have been just like smooth sailing and just amazing in every way. Right. But there was something about this year, particularly with how it started and just sort of like that go fast and break things mentality that, that, that we were experiencing through like policy and government and all of that and all the trickle down, all the things started it because that literally started has felt like, you know, so much of this year has felt surreal to me. Like it's just like, is this really happening? And I feel like now that we are at the end of it, I still can't believe that I was just like, wow, we really did that. Like, woo, man. Can you imagine?

[Jade]

No, I can't think about January.

[Dr. Kia]

Exactly.

[Jade]

I hate it.

[Dr. Kia]

Like, can you imagine? Actually I can because I lived every day of this year and wow, what a ride.

[Fran]

Whoa.

[Jade]

Like a history book. And also a collective frustration I, I felt from a lot of my peers, you know, which, which was like comforting and not comforting. Right. You don't want to see everybody around you having a hard year and you're like, all right, I know this is not a personal attack because everybody's having a hard time. And that's. That was like a huge theme that I saw for this year. What you see, Fran?

[Fran]

Yeah, I mean, this was a weird year. It was like a quiet year. Personally, like, as far as like, you know, business. Right. Let's start with business. I every, I mean, I'm what, 16, 17 years in, I don't even know at this point on the Internet. And this was probably the first year where I didn't participate in any campaigns, I didn't work with any partnerships. I just didn't do anything. I completely took a step back and I felt like, and I've talked about this before, where it's like every year you finish the year burnt out and exhausted and have nothing left to give. And I was like, why am I going to keep ending the year that way and taking off one week or two weeks or whatever it is that we do. You never feel like you catch up with yourself. Like it's just not enough. And so I had to do like a complete overhaul of the year itself. But one thing that happens that I don't think people talk about enough is, like. Like, once you do take that step back, and I'm thankful that I could do that, you also get a lot of anxiety over it. Like, you don't rest in the ease of it either. You're like, okay, but I should be. But I should be. But I need to. But. And then it's like, relax, girl. Like, you need to take this time. Look at why that's kicking up for you. And so it was a lot of that for me, a lot of, like, personal reflection on, like, what I've deemed to be markers of success for my life, and also trying not to, like, adjust my timeline with how the world was feeling, because I was going through my own shit, too. You know, it's like my own mental health, things I was figuring out. But then you go online and it's a new policy that is ravaged. Like, you know, making the world unravel, and you're just like, oh, my God, it's one thing after the other and trying to take care of yourself, but also be aware of what's going on. And the guilt of, like, not wanting to look away because you have the ability to look away, and then you feel guilty about that. It's just so much.

[Jade]

You are strumming my pain with your fingers.

[Fran]

It was just a very layered. Right. A very layered year. It still felt like a weird year. Like, I won't say it was bad, but it wasn't good, if that makes sense.

[Jade]

It wasn't great. I hear what you're saying, because I don't think I'm.

[Fran]

Yeah, I felt like we've had worse.

[Jade]

Challenging.

[Fran]

Yeah. Muddy. It felt muddy. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jade]

It felt, like, mucky and. And, you know, like, your boots. You know how when your boots step in mud and it's hard to lift them?

[Dr. Kia]

Sticky.

[Fran]

Like molasses. It was. Yeah. Sticky.

[Dr. Kia]

Forcing you to slow down. I love that you said that. You were reflecting, friend. And I think life has a way of doing that, I think, particularly, you know, especially around, like, business. I feel like. I think also personally and with the show. Right. I think this year has been about sort of stepping back and remembering and measuring, like, you know, how I measure success and what is success to me, Because I think I realize the landscape is changing. I think I'm realizing some distance between, you know, distance between. And I think for a while, like, numbers, views, ads, you know, those are the things that. Like, conventional benchmarks that help you to know that you're doing well when those things go away, you know. You know, do you internalize that and sort of, you know, it's not that we're doing anything wrong, but it's just that things are different now.

[Fran]

Yeah.

[Dr. Kia]

And so, like, how do you. Like, what do we do with this different. How do we meet this moment and does it mean that we push through and keep doing what we've been doing, or do we slow down and think about how to pivot, if. To pivot what, you know, what needs to change, if anything? I think it. I think that has been a lot of what this year has represented for me.

[Fran]

Absolutely.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Dr. Kia]

For sure. In a lot of ways, as an educator, them dismantling education in a lot of ways and devaluing, you know, all the attacks on. On the things. And, you know, we could. I don't want to go there in this conversation, but, like, it seems like all the things that black people have done well are now being disqualified, discredited, reverse. Devalued, Reversed.

[Fran]

Yeah.

[Dr. Kia]

Right. And so then it's like, how do you dig down and remember that despite what they're saying, like, you know, none of this changes how much effort you've invested, you know, how much time. So I've been trying to think about how to keep myself in this way because I realized that a lot of the things that I used to look to. To affirm and validate me were external. And I don't like that. I need to learn how to Internally. Yeah, I needed to learn how to internally steady myself and know that what I'm doing is good and right and valuable and necessary. Even though people. Even though know the conventional things that people with affirm or validate what you're doing, like, those things are changing. And so, like, the slowdown, the stickiness, it feels heavy. But some of that slowdown I'm learning is necessary.

[Jade]

And it's funny, you both said something that I think I took away from this year in different ways. And also that's really relevant. When we said muddy and mucky friend, you said Malacca molasses. And molasses is thick, it's sticky, but it's rich. And it's also such a sign of our own resilience. And, you know, it's got. It's. We use it in, you know, different bovedas has lots, you know, lots of vitamin. All kinds of things and a lot of ancestral relevance as well. You know what I mean?

[Fran]

Fortifying. Right?

[Jade]

It's fortifying. It's nutrition. Delicious. It's rich, it's Sweet.

[Dr. Kia]

And so I love that it's anti inflammatory.

[Jade]

It's anti inflammatory. It's what makes brown sugar brown sugar. So I love that you used molasses and then Kia, you spoke about stepping back. And I think that's a big part of what I pulled from this year was because of the campaigns not coming like they were. And every, every company, you know, saying, we don't need you as pawns anymore. You know, we don't give a. Not give publicly. Like, you know, with all of that, I said, well, you know what? I think it's time to revisit the love of the things that I do in their different ways. And I think it's important to lean into that because when we, when we start getting paid for things and you. You're making a certain amount off them, they do become a job. And sometimes you. You lose sight of the foundation of why you fell in love with that thing and wanted to do that thing in the first place and left a corporate position or whatever the case was, something that didn't. It didn't fulfill you. So I think I. This year I had to reflect on lot. A lot on, like, I do these things because I love them. I don't do them for what I receive from them. Obviously, I got to take care of myself, my family. Yeah, exactly. But also that's important to not lose sight of that as well. So.

[Fran]

Yeah.

[Jade]

And I think that was a great lesson.

[Fran]

And one thing that I like now, you know, when it's the end of the year, you kind of look back at it and reflect. A lot of people, most of us should be anyway, reflecting on, like, what parts of the year worked, what parts didn't, you know, what are some things you might want to shift or modify for next year? You know, just really processing. One thing I will say is that I am appreciative of my, like, growth on a personal level as a human being. And I. And I don't think that people take enough time to, like, put that on a pedestal for the year. When people say, oh, what's your plan? Or what was your year like? Like Kia said, they're looking at very specific metrics, but there's like, no bigger metric than your human development. And when I see the types of conversations I've had this year, the breakthroughs I've had on childhood, things that you work through, relationship with your parents, the.

[Dr. Kia]

Way that character level.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Fran]

The way communication has grown so beautifully between me and my friends and the different chapters life that we're in now and Us trying to figure out where we fit in each other's lives as beautifully as possible. The ways that, you know, in partnership, that's where you really walk through the fire, right? You see so much of yourself. It's such a mirror of where you are, what you are. It's. It brings out so much. So proud in my household, how we have fought, you know, for peace and to really just do things different. You know, it's like there's so much growth and so much blooming as a human. And I realized that I hadn't taken enough time, first of all, to make space for that, because work will run you ragged before you have time to develop anything. That's why you meet wealthy men, and they're so stunted because they have poured so much. Or wealthy people. Let me not even put it on.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah, seriously.

[Fran]

They've poured so much of their life into work that they have neglected the other parts of their human development. And I feel like that's where I am now. And maybe that's something that comes with your 40s. I'm headed into my mid-40s. Where you start looking back, like, yeah, that's good that I made this much money. I have this much saved. You know, have these specific goals, Want to still work on a few things. But, like, am I, like, a good friend?

[Jade]

Right?

[Fran]

Am I, like, a good friend?

[Jade]

Am I a good person?

[Fran]

Am I a good person? Like, when I interact with my family, how do I make them feel? How do they make me feel? Like, I'm looking at. I'm kind of shifting those markers as of late. And this was a year that. That was hard because it almost feels like you're swimming against the current when you don't focus on productivity. You know what I mean? And it's. You almost have to reprogram yourself as a person. You really do. To not feel like you're, like, failing or missing out or, you know, and it's like, I. One thing about me is I've always done things on my own terms, which I do appreciate about being a tourist. That bull will always move when it's ready, and I like that, you know? But at the same time, I'm still human, and I still have those moments where I'm like, ooh, but I'm not gonna be this age forever, and I have a platform. I need to take advantage of it. It's like, relax, little girl.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah, go take a walk.

[Fran]

Go buy some ice cream. It's.

[Jade]

I felt the same way because I did so much volunteering this year. I know.

[Fran]

Which is my. Been so dope. It's so incredible the lives that you're impacting.

[Jade]

No, I got kids, man. I thought. I just thought I was a mother of one.

[Dr. Kia]

I got kids.

[Jade]

Like one of the last two times I went to. I went to the center, they was like, man, I want you to be my mom. And I was like, don't even worry about it.

[Fran]

Like that's the highest compliment. Like, I don't. I just got chills. I really did. Because it's like you don't even know the life altering impact and that's what I mean about the things that we use as metrics. You know, business and finances are important. Let's not play about that. But at the same time, there's so much more that we need to do out here.

[Jade]

Absolutely. I don't think I've done anything where I felt as fulfilled.

[Fran]

I bet.

[Jade]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I get to play with food. I get to be. This is amazing community with these kids who.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah.

[Jade]

You know, we're dealt with really awful hands. You know what I'm saying? Some of them have done awful things and some of them, you know, are just victims of circumstances in general and circumstance and. But it allows me to connect with them on a human level. And I. It is, it is one of my most fulfilling experiences.

[Dr. Kia]

It represents what a blessing. It represents you in so many ways. Like it's all. All the parts that make jj all her intersections. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fran]

You'Re right.

[Jade]

I can't smoke in there. But, you know.

[Dr. Kia]

No, but it's really beautiful to see. And I've been thinking a lot about purpose. Right. And how it is often, I think a lot of times people conflate sort of your purpose with what you do.

[Fran]

Whereas. And God didn't put me down here to work. Work.

[Jade]

Hello.

[Dr. Kia]

Not for. Not for these white folks.

[Jade]

I'm coming back.

[Dr. Kia]

It's got to be more. It's got to be more than that. Now when he designed, like I think about it like, like I would. I imagine God saying, I'm going to design me a friend one day. I'm gonna make her like this, you.

[Jade]

Know, can you do this?

[Dr. Kia]

And you know, he got like a notebook and he's just writing down, I'm gonna make of Fran Equa and she's.

[Jade]

Going to do blah, blah, blah, spoonful of sugar makes.

[Dr. Kia]

When he was writing your recipe, he was like, and friend will work. I don't think that was in the equation.

[Fran]

God wasn't like. And these are taxes and W2s and 1099s.

[Jade]

And then you said this is an ottoman and here's a plushy blanket and a Moroccan rug.

[Dr. Kia]

There will be peace and come Kombucha.

[Jade]

We're calling this episode Peas and Kombucha.

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[Dr. Kia]

Purpose and so much and I am. I am reframing. I talked to Jade about this. I feel like this year has really brought me into a different space with thinking about my relationship to work and productivity and I've been thinking about, you know, Teen Top and fast is community of practice is something that I you know never really planned to do but just sort of happened by virtue of the season of my life that I was in in and then, you know, we were doing those in person events and I think the premise is still the same but I feel like the center or what it is. I feel a change in my relationship toward building community around work because I don't see our work as sort of like just the things that pay us. I feel like, what if we pour and invest all the energy and the time that we invest in sort of education and building skill sets for a career? What if we were to invest all of that into really learning who we are and unlearning who we're not? Because a lot of the years, you know what I'm saying? Like, what. And what does that look like and learning and what does that require? And so I'm thinking a lot about pivoting because I feel like. Like I recognized that a lot of what I had been doing was not about purpose, it was about proving. And I am moving from proving into purpose. And that's sort of the direction of where I want to take Team typing fast. Right. As I think about what that looks like, it's not just typing fast to make money, to start businesses, to do to get degrees for the sake of having them, but, like, what are we doing with the skills that we've been blessed to acquire?

[Fran]

Yeah.

[Dr. Kia]

And how. How do we leverage those for the purpose that God has planted in us? Not just to get the job, because getting the job is cool. But that's not it. Like you said, when God designed us, it wasn't just to work where we work.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Dr. Kia]

That can't be it. So I feel like one of the things that, to your point, friend, has been about not just what I'm learning, but what I'm unlearning.

[Jade]

Y.

[Dr. Kia]

And what I am. What I am reframing and sort of. Right. Sizing. I think I'm recognizing some of the patterns and how. Just like my habits of mind, like, why do I think that? Like, what is. What is. Why is. Why is this my default?

[Fran]

Yeah, right.

[Dr. Kia]

And exploring and getting to the. To the root of that. And I feel like the stickiness of this year, the slowdown of this year, without that, we still would have been going full speed ahead, working and doing all that we were doing, and would have never sat down or sat back or slowed down to sort of recalibrate around some of those other things.

[Fran]

Yeah.

[Dr. Kia]

So I curious to just ask the both of you, are there any other things that. Not that you've not just learned this year, but you've unlearned.

[Fran]

Hmm. Unlearned.

[Jade]

I think for me, probably boundary setting to the point, like, okay, so you all know I. I love to be of service, you know, and whether that be with my loved ones or in community or whatever the case is, but particularly especially in this little pocket of time, I burnt myself Completely out doing too many things, being of service to the point where the things that really served me, I was almost too exhausted to do. Like, I almost canceled one of my trips to the center because I had done too much to help other people that I love that I. And listen, I would not change that. But I realized I have to pivot in the way that I exert that energy. Because if I exert it so much where then I am depleting myself, where I can't regenerate in the way that is good for me. Me. And I'm working against myself.

[Dr. Kia]

Right.

[Jade]

And so that was. That was probably a big thing that I had to unlearn this year is like, you can show up for people, but you've got to show up in a way where you are not depleting yourself. So that was a big one for me.

[Fran]

That's a big one. Just that not you not being the cost of all. You know, like, why do you always have to be the cost? That's something that I.

[Dr. Kia]

Your experience.

[Fran]

Yeah.

[Dr. Kia]

It's just.

[Fran]

Yeah. I think for me, I am someone that I just try to be. So I don't know if it's a perfectionism issue or I just. Everything has to be done a specific way. And, like, even I'm like, oh, my God, I have to clean the house. I have to do this. And then sometimes I'll stop myself and be like, who is putting this pressure on you? You ever do that where you sit.

[Dr. Kia]

Back and be like, why are you so faint?

[Fran]

Like, my heart will be beating fast and I'll be saying all these things? I do, but mind you, it's me.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Fran]

Setting the schedule. There's no one depending on me to do any of this. And then I'm like, it's the same way how the people say. You ever catch yourself walking really fast, but you're not even going anywhere.

[Jade]

Where are you going?

[Fran]

It's this constant state of rush, and I just. For no reason. And I feel like I've been working on that. That the same way you have to catch yourself and fix your face sometimes. And you'd be like, fix your face. You know, you notice you're frown or maybe you're clenching your butt sometimes.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah. You ever started hitting the nostrils?

[Jade]

The forehead?

[Fran]

Yeah, the forehead.

[Dr. Kia]

I have to put my shoulders down. The shoulders be like, yeah, yeah, I.

[Jade]

Gotta deflate my nostrils. No, y'.

[Fran]

All, this is so real. Sometimes you have to feel how your belly is so tight in the middle of the day for no reason. Sometimes my butt Will be clenched, and I'll unclench it and be like, girl, I'll be brushing my teeth in my butt clutch.

[Dr. Kia]

It's like, girl, what?

[Fran]

Relax.

[Jade]

You want to know? So crazy about that. Me and Tristan, because my butt is so big. Tristan, like, we'll play. We'll play the butt clinch game. And so he'll be like, clinch it, and I'll clinch it. He'll be like, that don't feel no different.

[Dr. Kia]

That is.

[Jade]

People like, clincher. Unclutch it, clinch it.

[Fran]

Y' all feel me, right?

[Dr. Kia]

It's like, yeah, absolutely.

[Fran]

I feel like it's an awareness.

[Dr. Kia]

I think that's all.

[Fran]

That's the word. It's an awareness that I've tapped into a lot more this year. And a lot of that did come from making space for myself this year with the work life, because it's like I'm noticing how I breathe throughout the day, what I'm clenching, what's tight, my face, my. You know how I stress about certain things. Like, I have a night routine. Right. Where I have to clean the kitchen. Like, I have to sweep the hoe downstairs. Clean the kitchen, naturally.

[Dr. Kia]

It's just daughter.

[Fran]

Yeah. It's like, I can't sleep if I don't do it.

[Dr. Kia]

Correct.

[Fran]

And I'm okay with that in a way, because I think that helps me stay in a better place. But I also told myself, if there's a day where you can't do it, it guess what.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Fran]

Go lay down.

[Jade]

Yeah. Nothing's gonna blow up. Nothing's gonna go lay down.

[Fran]

You know what I'm saying? And it's that feeling of, like, why am I stressing myself out? Like, we have enough people on our necks in the world, and, like, I don't have to add to that number. That's kind of what I think the unlearning was for me. A lot of that for me this year. Because we'd be the ones on our own necks half the time.

[Dr. Kia]

Seriously. I think we've been conditioned to be, though, because I think when my therapist was working with me on sort of self shame and sort of where that. Where that originates. Because, like, you know, my default setting is to just be critical versus to be encouraging, particularly to myself. Like, it's never like, wow, I did that. It's like, oh, I could have did that better. Like, that's like, just how my mind automatically. Right. So, yeah, in unpacking that, you know, just has been a lot of stuff. Like, it comes down to, like. Like, legalism and, like, you know, Transactional, like, you know, like looking, experiencing things in a transactional way. How that has showed up in, like, you know, my family upbringing, family dynamics, those kinds of things. And you internalize that, you know, and then you realize that you are now you're this adult person out in the world operating under the conditioning that other people have given you.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Dr. Kia]

And you have to start to recondition yourself. And I think I tell people all the time, I've said to Fran, I think that Fran is. Fran is always an inspiration when it comes to sort of the way that she cares for herself. And I also. Also see you parent or reparent yourself in a way that I think about often in. Right. Because like, when you said, like, little girl, go take a walk.

[Jade]

That's so Black woman. Sometimes.

[Dr. Kia]

No, but sometimes it is like, you just. What? The little girl within you is wound up.

[Jade]

And it's like, you know, it's so funny because I was on the phone with Whitney the other day, and she had worked herself up about something, and I. And while we're on the phone, she talks to herself, and she's like. Like, whitney, my love. That's how she. That's how she talks to her. And I was like, this is great. Yeah, you have to do that because that voice that you were raised with will completely take over.

[Fran]

And honesty is really helpful. That's something I will say, my internal voice. And I can't really pinpoint, like, when it started or how long it's been, but I know that my internal voice is very kind, and I'm thankful for that because the way that it talks to me, it's very like, hey, hey, hey, hey. You know what I mean? It's like, let's be easy or don't do that. Don't do that. And it's very, like, grounding and will tell me to step back. And I think that's what helps me. But I am very stern with how I parent myself. Like, there was a couple of months where I wasn't feeling too great mentally. I just felt like every day felt like Groundhog Day. You ever feel like you wake up and it's just this, like, blahness, And I just felt uninspired and just, like, weird. It was like just this dullness almost to the world. And so I was like, okay, I need to tighten up. And that's when I. You. I feel like you become a strict parent. I gave myself a bedtime. I had a time. I had to wake up. My meals were programmed at very specific times of the day. I had to be at the gym at a specific time. And I noticed it was like, not giving myself too much room for error, if that makes sense. There was so much structure that I just had to pour myself into whatever I had scheduled for that time of day. And I noticed as I kept doing was like my emotions just like, breathed and regulated. Yeah. And it just regulated. And I was like, oh, my God. I just needed. I just needed structure. Like, I just needed. I just needed my day to feel like it was moving, you know, and getting me out of my head. And it was so useful. And I'm grateful like. Like to be able to know how to parent in that way, you know? And now I've loosened up the reins a little, cuz now I feel better, you know? And it's like. And then if I start slipping again, I know how to go right back into that mode. And just like, knowing how to have that relationship with yourself has been really helpful. Yeah.

[Jade]

I had to do the same with myself with multitasking.

[Fran]

Oh, that's a big one.

[Jade]

You know, I was like, people glorify.

[Fran]

Multitasking, and I think it's terrible.

[Jade]

And I probably have glorified multitasking. And I. I actually retract all of those statements, guys. I retract all of that.

[Fran]

I always been against it. Always.

[Jade]

Let me tell you, over the last couple months, it is very jade. One thing at a time.

[Fran]

That's it.

[Jade]

And I literally. And it has brought me so much more ease by doing one thing at a time and being able to focus on one thing at a time. I'm like, why?

[Fran]

What?

[Jade]

Why was I doing? What was I doing all that time?

[Fran]

It's crazy, though, how people talk about multitasking. Like it's something that. Like, it's a muscle that we need to build. And in my mind, it works against your regulation. Right. Because you feel so anxious trying to do so many things. You rarely do all the things that you need to do, and you rarely do it well. Right, Exactly. There's a presence that's missing.

[Jade]

Exactly.

[Fran]

When you're fragmented into all these pieces. And so that's why I've never understood that. I've always.

[Jade]

You don't get to dot I and cross T's when you're trying to literally do eight months.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah. Nothing about our cognitive function is designed to be fragmented.

[Fran]

Okay.

[Jade]

Right.

[Dr. Kia]

Like, I think it is more about focus and I think structure. When you talking about structure, friend. I remember my brother was, you know, he was a teacher, he worked with kids. He was a Gym teacher and a coach. And all his, all his life life, kids just gravitated to him. Even though he was so big, he's just gravitated to him. And it was kind of fascinating because he did not fuss in the way that you think about, like, adults and people who were kids. Like, there's a lot of, like, not a lot of like, but, like, especially, well, where I grew up, it was like he didn't have to fuss at the children or beg them to do anything. They just listened to. And he would always say. He would say, like, like his classroom management. Like, we would ask him, like, you know, how do you keep track? Like, you got a gym class of 40 screaming middle schoolers. That sounds like the worst thing ever. But he would say all the time. And he was like, kids like structure. He was like, you just. He was like, you don't have to beat it. Like, he said, we go, we air too far. Like, they don't like, control. They don't want you to tell, like, you know, control them and not give them choice. But they respond well to structure. And he would say, structure is love. When we are. When we were growing up, up, when we had structured routines, like grandma cooked food, like you said, meal schedule, meals, we. Our clothes were clean. There's a security and a safety.

[Fran]

There's a reliability of what's next. And that's so calming.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Fran]

Yes.

[Dr. Kia]

It helps your nervous system. You feel at ease, you feel secure, and that opens up your capacity to have fun, to create, to imagine and to do all the things that kids are supposed to do. Absolutely. And I just remember him saying that it was like, you know, because Jim is supposed to be fun. Like, why would I be in here yelling at the kids? And it made all the sense. And he was like, I don't have to yell at them because they're having fun. Like, you know, like, they're having fun. So I think, I love that. And I think as I'm listening, I hear, like. And then, you know, I work in a corporate job and there's always this, like, rush and there's always this, like, we have to do it now and this, like all of that programming. And I wasn't always aware of the. Or attentive to sort of how that gets into your normal. Right?

[Fran]

Yeah. Every day.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah. You have to really push into it. And I, Because I. I study, like, you know, the work that we do at work is about transformation. And I fight every day just trying to explain to these people that transformation is not something that happened. Nothing Transforms in a week. Nothing transforms in a year. Nothing.

[Jade]

No, no, not at all.

[Dr. Kia]

Nothing. Like, it could change, and it could change temporarily. It'll change. And just as fast as it changed, it'll change back. If you want transformation, it is about deep, like, core fundamental. It's radical overhaul.

[Jade]

Think about.

[Dr. Kia]

About, like, nothing about that happens quickly. Like I told Jay, nothing about that. Like, you know when you cook in a pot roast, you could cook it in a microwave, but it's gonna be gross. It's gonna be nasty.

[Jade]

Yes. Or, like, made those green beans in the microwave.

[Dr. Kia]

Exactly.

[Commercial Announcer]

Gross.

[Jade]

Oh, you remember when we were in Vegas and. And y' all were watching the Thanksgiving food and. Let me stop saying names. I act like I don't want to work in this industry. A lady on the Food Network.

[Dr. Kia]

She did, though. She did. You sat there and watched that horror case.

[Jade]

No, I'm about to be. They're gonna blackball me on every part of, like, don't let her run.

[Dr. Kia]

No, but I just feel like the slowdown. I think what this year has taught me is that there is utility. Like, everything don't have to be fast and right now, and everything don't have to be three things at once once. It's okay to focus. It's not just okay, but it is preferred. And it is what's best to focus on cultivating and growing something. And that takes time and investment. And that's okay. It doesn't have to be. I got a business and a job and three jobs and two side hustles and all of this. That's like that.

[Jade]

We wake up at 5am they grind. We grind hard. You can have all.

[Fran]

Keep it.

[Jade]

I'm. I don't want none of it being.

[Fran]

Drinking tea on my couch by the time you at the gym.

[Jade]

I'm currently binging the Steve Harvey show.

[Fran]

And you know what's another thing, too, in the vein of, like, the, like, we grind and all this thing. I know for me, I've never really been in that world, but more so like, even spiritually, Right. I was always reading books about self help and how can I improve and how can I do this? And this is like. Like, need to fix, fix, fix, and grind, grind, grind. Even in that way. Right. And there was a time where I was like, how many more books can I read? How many more concepts do I have to take in? How many conversations? Yeah.

[Dr. Kia]

It's not just quantity. It's not like that. I read eight books. Yeah, you read eight books, but did you read any of them? Like, you remembered Any of them.

[Fran]

And not only that, but, like, where's the part where you apply?

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah.

[Fran]

And there's some people that I know that are so well read, they can tell you about every concept. They are so brilliant. You can talk to them for hours about shit that you will be like, whoa. But their life is a mess because there's no application. There's just intellectualizing the information. But then the part where they have to feel through, like, okay, how do I. I transmute this, Right? How do I apply this? How do I bring. How do I anchor this down into my situation, into my reality? There's. That's the work that I feel like I also had to do this year was like, hey, enough reading. I think you're good as far as, like, taking in. And it's also a lot of other people's thoughts, other people's theories synthesize. You know what I mean? Like, it's. Now it's time for you to, like, experience, try some things on, take some things off, apply the things. And I think that's another thing that I did this year where it was like, trust that you know what you know and that, like, you know best about the things that you have to work through, how to process them. And it was a lot of, like, living, if that makes sense. And it kind of doing your. Yeah. With taking a step back from, like. Like, those metrics we talked about, while it does leave space for ease and rest and all those words we love, but it also, like, allowed you to just be a person.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah.

[Fran]

And I just needed to be a person this year. Like, I just needed to be a person that wasn't being measured by how many books I've read or how many this or what I worked on. It was like, I just want to see where I'm at. Like, let me see where I'm at. You know what I mean?

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Fran]

Like, stripped away. Where am I at?

[Jade]

That's the year, like, for real, for real, for real, for real. Juju. Shout out to Juju, babe. I went to Juju's podcast event, and, you know, she started off and honored the ancestors and so forth. And she was like, let me pull some messages in. And one of them started off. She was like, half of y' all in this room got dirty altars. And the ancestors said, girl, forget that altar. Like, don't worry about that altar. Y' all just dismantle these altars and focus on. On the work that you like. It's not about setting your altar. It's about what you. You Think that altar is going to do for you or do for you spiritually? And it's the same thing as praying. You can pray all day long. You can pray and pray and pray and pray. But what are you actually applying.

[Fran]

Yeah.

[Dr. Kia]

You know, to how you move is just. And doing is how you build that trust in what you know. Right. That's how you build that trust in your, like, practice. And you know, again, even as a. We talk about at work and just all these other things, it's just like. It's not just a scholarship like, or we think of scholarship as like the things. Right. How many papers do I publish? How many presentations have I done? But it's like, yeah, again, these are things that you can count. But like, what about your practice? What about what you studied has actually changed the way that you do your work or other people do their work or how we all be. How we all.

[Jade]

Or maybe the way you're doing your work that you've been doing, it doesn't work anymore and you have to find ways to rejuvenate how you work. Exactly. That's not a failure.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah, it's not. It's not. It's not a failure at all. And I just think that it is. I love that. I love slowing down. And to your point, even about prayer, like, people think that prayer is just about talking. I feel like this year has taught me that it's also about listening with me.

[Fran]

Okay. Sometimes you need to be quiet to do that.

[Dr. Kia]

You got to shut your jibs up.

[Fran]

And just sit still for a minute, you know?

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Fran]

I don't know this feeling the next year. And this is maybe the woo wooness, the way that I felt about this year in comparison to next year. Right. And Lord only knows because I remember in 2019, we had no idea what 2020 was.

[Jade]

Bring not that mercy.

[Fran]

Oh, but. But just on an intuitive, like, human level, something about this year felt like we really had to reflect on our patterns of behavior. Right. We really had to look at how much more complaining can you do about your circumstances and your situations. Where's the part where you take accountability for the role that you're playing in sustaining the life that you have? Right. What are you pouring in that's keeping it going? And if you want to change it, what do we need to do? Like, this is the last year where we're going to keep talking about these things. You got to do something. Because something about next year feels like a very do something year.

[Jade]

Like this year, it's a one year.

[Fran]

It's a one year. It's a rebirth. It's a restart. It's a new shift, and. But this year felt like we got to wrap those things up. Like, there's bus so much talking about. You know what I mean? And this goes for people that have been trying to get their health together. Every year is the same thing. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna start next month. Oh, yeah, next month it is. It's like, no, but where's the part where you actually say, if I start now, this time next year, my life's gonna be different? Like, in a real way. Like, you know what I'm saying? Something about this year felt like you had to have, like, be tired of yourself. I don't know. That's just how I felt. Like, be tired. Are you tired of yourself yet?

[Jade]

You know how I feel about getting sick of yourself. I mean, it's the catalyst for change.

[Dr. Kia]

It's the only way.

[Fran]

Because you could be dragged through for years. We've seen it with our moms, our parents. They'll be dragged through with the same story. And it's like, yo, when's the part where you be like, I can actually do something about this.

[Jade]

I don't want to hear any more about this. Like, don't say that to me anymore.

[Fran]

Like, girl, you know what I'm saying? It's the same story for 40, 50, 60 years. It's like, I just want. I feel something about this year. I don't know. It just was a very tired of yourself ass year.

[Dr. Kia]

Absolutely.

[Fran]

And I feel like next year, it's really a year where we just have to be like, I need to step into the new.

[Dr. Kia]

Like, yes.

[Fran]

If I have an idea of what it is that I want my life to feel like, then it's time that I set those things in motion.

[Jade]

Like, absolutely.

[Fran]

Enough is enough. Really?

[Jade]

Absolutely. Absolutely.

[Dr. Kia]

Broken systems, I think broken systems. Recognizing that patterns and things that we've been doing is not working.

[Fran]

Yeah.

[Jade]

And we see it.

[Fran]

We see it with the government. Right. How exhausting is it to watch exactly the same. The same patterns, the same conversation, and we're just sitting here watching it. It's just like, no, we got to.

[Jade]

Get, like, those in Ohio who said, we're gonna guard our own neighborhood, right? I mean, Mossbergs.

[Commercial Announcer]

Oh, my God.

[Fran]

I just bought one.

[Jade]

You bought a Mossberg?

[Fran]

I bought a Mossberg pump. Yeah. After yesterday, I said it was so funny because I've been against guns. You know me. It's me. I'm like, no, that's not my reality. Like. Like I hang out with hummingbirds in my backyard. And then when I. Something about the unhinged nature of someone being able to come into my bubble, I was like, you know what? I will never want to call that in, but if it comes to me, it needs to. It needs to be able to be handled. And something about that really switched in me. And we went. I signed up for the concealed carry class. You have to do four hours. He's going to teach me how to use it. All the things. And that's it. That's it.

[Jade]

Let me tell you.

[Dr. Kia]

I'll go full red hat on you all.

[Jade]

The second protects the first.

[Dr. Kia]

My class is the schedule for February. You too.

[Fran]

Yo. How funny is this? The fact that this is happening at the same time. I wonder what kick, like, kicked up in us, because I've never been interested. My partner's really big on that. You know, he's very big on being able to protect the family in the house. And so that's been his world, but I've stayed away. I just feel like it's just, like. It's just too edgy for me. I just don't want to call in that world those.

[Jade]

No, but I. And listen, but I understand the reality.

[Fran]

And I understand the reality of the world we live in. Right.

[Jade]

That's the thing.

[Fran]

Just know how to handle right now. Right?

[Jade]

I. We. People are insane out here, and so I will have to be insaner. You know what I mean?

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah. I just. And I just feel like there's a. Like we talked about when we had a special.

[Jade]

What is this name?

[Dr. Kia]

We had someone on the show that helped us with that.

[Jade]

Sylvester.

[Dr. Kia]

Sylvester come and I. I remember I have a healthy fear of. I think, you know, of guns and all that stuff and just not really feeling.

[Jade]

And rightfully so, because they're.

[Dr. Kia]

And rightfully so. Right. Because they are awful things.

[Fran]

Yeah. How ever.

[Dr. Kia]

You know, he said something that changed my perspective a bit when he was like, you know, you're afraid of something because you don't understand how it works.

[Fran]

That's.

[Dr. Kia]

You have training.

[Fran]

That's it.

[Dr. Kia]

You'll feel more comfortable and you'll feel prepared.

[Fran]

That's it.

[Dr. Kia]

Not saying that you will have. There's a difference between, like, I want to use this versus I'm prepared to use this if I have.

[Fran]

I have to.

[Dr. Kia]

And I think that's.

[Fran]

That's what clicked for me. It's like, I never wanted to hurt that guy, but if, God forbid, he would have taken it there, I would have been able to. To God willing, protect myself, you know what I'm saying? And something about that was really empowering because you really are at the mercy of people. And you know what? Even when I went to go buy it, it amazed me because the white dude was like, oh. Like, he was showing me all the different ones. And then he was like, yeah, this is one of the ones that's my favorite because, like, I've been training with it since I was a child. And it just really, when he said it, it was like, damn. Like, this really is their world in that way with white men, like, since they were little, they' to clean and take care of it and reset. And I'm just like, wow. Meanwhile, I'm like, keep it away from.

[Jade]

Me and I'm gonna live in this world. I'm a shoe, you with a broom. Like when you're over here working with artillery.

[Fran]

You know, I don't, I don't believe.

[Jade]

In running up in schools and killing kids. I don't believe in policies where people it should be. So that is something to do that. And also, I don't believe on pussy and back and sitting while somebody is out here fully locked and loaded.

[Fran]

You know what I'm saying? And it did freak me out, though, though, because this is new for me as well. I didn't know it was that easy.

[Dr. Kia]

Very easy.

[Fran]

All I did was go to the store, they did a background check. It took less than 24 hours. I went back, got it, and that's it. And I was like, that's it? That's it. Just that easy?

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah, that easy.

[Jade]

Which is frightening.

[Fran]

I mean, mortifying that it's just that easy.

[Jade]

Also, you're dealing with people's morals and who they are as a person. So let's say, yeah, they run a background check, but if they not, if they not, I don't have right policies themselves, they gonna let their homeboy slide, you know what I mean? So, no, we do need control, but I absolutely, absolutely advocate for protecting yourself.

[Fran]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jade]

Sorry, UK listeners, this is just the reality.

[Fran]

I know they're like these.

[Jade]

I just don't understand. It's not Sweden. Like, I got a gun pulled on me one. I was 11 for the first time.

[Fran]

You in my own elevator, my building. Like, come on now.

[Jade]

In the building.

[Fran]

What the hell?

[Jade]

So I just, I'm like, you can save it.

[Fran]

Yeah, this is, this is part of the doing too, right? It's like, this is something that is just the reality. And I'm going to be at the gun range, I'm going To take that four hour training for the concealed carry, like, it's just something that. That is. It's like me stepping into the reality of where we're at. It just is what it is. You know what I mean? And I just feel like that's what next year is about. We have to face some things, step into some things, and just really get it moving out here in a lot of ways.

[Jade]

Archery classes are coming, y'.

[Dr. Kia]

All. Oh, my God.

[Fran]

Archery. That is so classy.

[Jade]

I was just great in the middle.

[Dr. Kia]

Of the street with a coming out.

[Fran]

Of the car like, you bitch.

[Jade]

I'm a gargoyle. I'm a perch on top of an suv. I told my cousin, funny enough, I went to my cousin's house. My cousin lives in Ohio, and he taught his daughter, his son and his daughter how to hunt. His daughter is his age, important. She knows. She'd been hunting since she was like, four. Right?

[Fran]

That's so cool.

[Jade]

And I went there this last time, and they got all their pictures in their camo and, you know, and they. They do this ethically. They eat animals. Like, this is not for sports.

[Fran]

It's a skill set. It's not like, yeah, but guess what.

[Jade]

That little girl can do. She can back flip, she can bust a split, and she can bust your gut. The wide open need be so important. So he pulls out his bow and arrow, and I was like, my time has come. I have been talking about this for years.

[Dr. Kia]

Archery.

[Jade]

Archery.

[Fran]

I would love to region.

[Jade]

Just you wait.

[Dr. Kia]

Okay.

[Jade]

Ax throw.

[Dr. Kia]

What in the world? I just see Jay in the forest with the bow and arrows. I can't wait.

[Jade]

That's what I'm have to be the way with the way everything is going.

[Fran]

We might all be in the forest.

[Dr. Kia]

The way this, like, what y' all.

[Jade]

Want for dinner tonight? France? Like, I got it.

[Fran]

Come in with my little cans. My cans of peas that I've been saving.

[Jade]

Your peas and your Mossberg. God, she's like, tonight we're having venison and peas.

[Fran]

Oh, my gosh.

[Jade]

No. I needed this conversation. This was you guys.

[Fran]

Me too. Thank. I always love talking to y'. All. It's always like. I always love seeing where you guys are at and seeing the ways that even if we haven't discussed this, there's always alignment in some way. And that's reassuring, right, because it just shows, like, as a collective how much more connected we are than we realize sometimes.

[Jade]

Absolutely.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah. We've lost.

[Jade]

No. No closeness in just distance. You know what I mean?

[Fran]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jade]

And we still Just as locked as ever, and it's. It's really. Just really good to my soul. That's one thing that will not change.

[Fran]

I love y'. All.

[Dr. Kia]

It's such a blessing. I think this is the. This is what I. I need this as someone who can be a bit of a Auditory processor. So much swirling around in this. In the multiple tabs in my brain.

[Jade]

Oh, you do. Talking through Kia Kia Safari is wild. It's like, whoa. Pages, book box. I love it, though. They're very useful. That's why we have the. The. The episode that we have today. And so, you know, I'm just glad you get to shut them down and rest them for a little while. I do.

[Dr. Kia]

I'm gonna close my tabs for a little while. But, friend, you're always, always, always, always welcome at the kitchen table. We love having you.

[Fran]

We can't wait to have you back. I love y' all so much.

[Jade]

Y' all are the gear.

[Fran]

I'mma send y' all a picture with my Mossberg pump. You hear me?

[Dr. Kia]

I can't wait. What's.

[Jade]

What's her name?

[Fran]

You know, I haven't named her yet.

[Jade]

You gotta name.

[Fran]

Give me some time, right? Yeah. Still familiarizing right now.

[Jade]

Just call her baby girl, like the birth certificate until she has a name.

[Fran]

Dustin was like, I know you already put Os and crystals around the.

[Jade]

I charged her in the moonlight. You keep talking. Oh, God.

[Fran]

What an intersection. What?

[Jade]

This has been a year of growth.

[Dr. Kia]

Oh, my word.

[Jade]

Well, you all have a beautiful, beautiful holiday. Holiday.

[Fran]

You too. I hope you guys get rest.

[Dr. Kia]

Most importantly.

[Fran]

Right?

[Jade]

That's number one, please. That's number one. That's number one. This comes out Christmas week, so actually, as you all are listening to that, I am fully resting.

[Fran]

I love that. I have a stack of books that I'd like to get through. I'm praying that's the one goal I have for break. And. And it's inspired by Claude and his book talk.

[Jade]

I have that.

[Dr. Kia]

See, I'm such a fan.

[Jade]

Okay.

[Fran]

Such. He is phenomenal. And did y' all see his new bookshelf he got made. He got a customized bookshelf.

[Dr. Kia]

It's outrageous.

[Fran]

It is so beautiful. And he FaceTimed me when they were putting it up and they finished, and I was like, claude, that is so cool. It even has the ladder that slides. It's a dream.

[Jade]

He got a Beauty and the Beast.

[Dr. Kia]

A Beauty and the Beast library.

[Fran]

It is a dream, and I know.

[Dr. Kia]

It must get out of a magazine. It looks like, to get out of Magazine.

[Jade]

You finally put Sick of me.

[Fran]

He finally put all the books, books up so it just looks so beautiful. And so he inspired me. I told him, I was like, you know what, the fact that you single handedly one day, just like we said, you just decided to make this change or he said, I want to watch less tv. I want to pour more of my time into reading and like learning more. And he loves like history books and you know, like he's just really been in that bag and he reads. Yeah, y', all, he reads 100 plus books a year now.

[Jade]

Now that's crazy.

[Fran]

And barely watches tv and it's just so impressive. And I noticed the difference in his conversation. Like when we talk, there's, there's like so much more he has to offer now because he has so much to talk about. And I'm like, that's so cool.

[Jade]

Like, I also love the diversity of what he reads. Fantasy. Like you said history. I, I love the diversity of it and I.

[Fran]

So inspiring.

[Jade]

That's a beautiful, that's, that's a possibility model, honestly.

[Fran]

And I think in a time where we're looking for ways to regulate. Right. What better way than to sit your ass down and slow your heart rate down, slow your mind down? Because even reading can't wait. I see how like I want to grab my phone three or four times in the middle of the chapter. Or like I have to reread the page because I just looked at the words. Yeah. It's such a study of your mind and your attention span and just your ability to be present and sit for a second. And so I told him, he inspired me. And I got a stack of four books from his recommendations. And my goal is by the end of December or even maybe the end of January when we're back. I have read at least four or five books. Like, I can do that. I think like a book a week. Like, I think that's a great idea. You can do a. Yeah.

[Jade]

Think about how we used to finish sometimes books in a day.

[Fran]

Cuz what happened to that kid that would be at home reading everything.

[Jade]

I know the, the Internet. And it's so funny because even in the vein of all of this, you know, Gen Z and all these kids are vying for real experiences. That's why they're latching on to millennial experience. This is not a generational war thing. This is literally like, damn, we see the way y' all are out here living and we realize how we have been robbed of that.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah, it's an absolutely, absolutely they are so sick of me at work because I just feel like in this age of, like, automation, and I'm just like, listen, don't let the machine. Like, you have to use your brain. Like, y' all have stopped using your brain.

[Fran]

That's so true.

[Dr. Kia]

And, yeah.

[Fran]

And I've made it a point.

[Dr. Kia]

Yes.

[Fran]

I've made it a point, too, to just, like, have certain blocks in the day where my phone needs to be away from me.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Fran]

And even the books. Like, you know, and we have our reading club with friend Zone. And. And, you know, the guys will sometimes be like, oh, I listened on audible. And yes, that's always an option, and I think it's still valuable, obviously, but I actually need to sit down and be able to read a book, and I need to.

[Dr. Kia]

I need to turn pages when I listen on audible. I listen to audible maybe, like, when I'm in the car, but even I. If I am, it encourages multitasking if I listen on audible, because usually that's what it's for.

[Fran]

It's so that you can free up to do something else. And that's why I'm like, I prefer to have to sit my ass down.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah.

[Fran]

Get through these chapters. And I think there has to be. And I know there is. I just don't know the science. But your brain slowly.

[Dr. Kia]

Your.

[Fran]

Your eyes slowly scanning. Like, there's something about that that's helping you regulate. I just know it because you can feel it.

[Dr. Kia]

I know it does because it's. It helps. It's a part of my nighttime routine. Like, I take my cortisol and my magnesium.

[Fran]

Okay.

[Dr. Kia]

And then I. I put my devices away and I will read. And that is what helps to slow my brain down so that I can sleep 1000. I'm a part of my. Yeah, for sure.

[Fran]

Yeah. And so that's. That's my personal goal for break, is to get a ton of rest and to read a lot. Like, I would love to. I. I think Claude is so inspiring. I would love to be able to say, like, I read a book a week for the whole year. Like, that would be so cool. I'm gonna try that. That's one of my personal goals.

[Jade]

Maybe we make it a collective goal.

[Dr. Kia]

That would be down.

[Fran]

Good. Let's just read more books next year.

[Jade]

Okay. I'll report back in the group chat.

[Fran]

That'd be so cute. I love it.

[Dr. Kia]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. A book club.

[Fran]

Our own little book club.

[Jade]

What we reading? I'm gonna pick, and we're gonna be read American Gods. First be my sixth time.

[Fran]

I love that. I've seen the show.

[Dr. Kia]

It's gonna be my sixth time now.

[Jade]

The show don't do nothing. The book, although Neil Gaiman is disgusting now, I learned. And yeah, he's a nasty man. He's a nasty man. Yeah, exactly. He's a nasty man.

[Dr. Kia]

We were just talking about how all of the people, like there's so many. All so much is ruined by this terrible people in the world. World.

[Jade]

Terrible people. I wanna. I wanna read some. Ya. I'm gonna be honest with y'.

[Fran]

All. You can't even read doctor Suits. Because I already. He was trash.

[Dr. Kia]

He was absolutely trash.

[Jade]

I don't know, but he was right. A horrible person. No. I'm about to read Black. Oh, there's this. I. I have mentioned her so many times on the show, but I love her for the young people. Eden Royce, like, she paints, I look into. I'm like, you know, Neil Gaiman, you're great. You don't know how to tie up a story to save your life, but you're great. Like, I see all the visions throughout while I'm reading it. But I. I love. I want to shift that into. I got some black mermaid lore up here.

[Fran]

Put me on.

[Jade]

I will. I love you all and we love you all. Audience so much.

[Fran]

Thank you. Getting grown audiences. Oh, always a. It's pure bliss hanging out. Well, I can't even speak. Look at that. Hanging out with y'. All. That's how you know it's late. That's why we gotta read. It's always pure bliss hanging out with y'.

[Jade]

All.

[Fran]

That's all them tik toks. My brain is on 2.5. Feeding through everything. Also, can we stop speeding through these?

[Dr. Kia]

I don't speed through.

[Jade]

No, I don't either. I don't either. I don't speed.

[Dr. Kia]

I don't speed anything up.

[Fran]

And we're so shout out, actually. We're so shout out, y'. All.

[Dr. Kia]

I'm actually appalled when I learned that y' all Speed things up 2.5.

[Fran]

I'm just like, all listeners said that to us. They were like. Cuz we had a convo body. They were like, oh, I definitely speed up all the podcasts I listen to. I'm like, that's crazy, y'. All. We're gonna be shot out.

[Jade]

Oh, work on your attention span. You've got to. You gotta slow down. I can't. You think. Imagine speeding up. A song.

[Fran]

Song.

[Jade]

Imagine listening to Every Year, Every Christmas by Luther on 2.5. I'll be here every year. Like, that's so ugly because people don't have.

[Fran]

And I see it too, in the comments. You have seen the comments where people be like, get to the point. This is too long. And It'll be a 30 second video. And they're telling the person to get to the point.

[Jade]

I sped up. I sped up. Russetessa. That was the first.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah, but that was also like 83, 75, 50 episodes.

[Jade]

And she talks, she's like, listen.

[Dr. Kia]

She talks slow. She did talk slow.

[Jade]

But I like it.

[Dr. Kia]

I didn't mind it. I didn't mind it. I didn't mind it. I mean, I watched Reese's Sister, so I remember I was on a plane. I paid for WI fi so I could watch Recent.

[Fran]

Oh, no, I believe you. Because it was that good.

[Jade]

It was.

[Fran]

It really was. And she changed the game.

[Jade]

She did.

[Fran]

Because now everybody listen.

[Dr. Kia]

I was like, is the WI fi working?

[Fran]

Hello? Is it up?

[Dr. Kia]

I need to pay for the WI fi.

[Jade]

Is it up yet?

[Dr. Kia]

Ok, when the doors close, close the doors. I need the WI Fi.

[Jade]

It can't sit on the plane like this.

[Fran]

Exactly.

[Jade]

I'm on the plane like now.

[Fran]

Now on TikTok, everyone's like, here's part five of the Danish deception. Or here's part three.

[Dr. Kia]

Yeah, the Danish. Isn't there like a Swedish swindler?

[Fran]

Yes. Of the black lady he swindled. I was like, not you.

[Jade]

The Swedish sw. Don't bring nothing else up in my heart because I'm already being bombarded. Started by Dutch. By Dutch, I don't know, propaganda.

[Dr. Kia]

He told her that he was some sort of Welsh king, prince or something. She believed him and was like, yeah, here's $7,000. What? Why the.

[Fran]

Every time women talk about these men, I'm like, was he that charming? No, because I have never met someone that charming. Personally.

[Dr. Kia]

Never met anybody.

[Jade]

I helped a nigga pay a hundred dollar T mobile bill and I was irritated about that. I. I immediately, I was like, hey, you need to. To give me my money back. Like, what should. What's the date look like?

[Dr. Kia]

$100.

[Fran]

$100 t. I was like, you know.

[Jade]

That was a loan, right? That wasn't a gift.

[Dr. Kia]

Let me hold, Let me hold $100. Absolutely not. What? Let me hold $100.

[Fran]

The Bronx deception.

[Jade]

Oh, my God. He was from the Bronx.

[Dr. Kia]

He was from, from Soundview. Had to be, had to be.

[Fran]

Had to be.

[Jade]

We must end here. The Bronx. You will always catch the stray.

[Dr. Kia]

Oh, God. Oh.

[Jade]

Stay tuned for one more episode. Coming from Getting grown and for the end of the episode. Friend, we love you.

[Fran]

Love you so much.

[Jade]

Deep and wide like what you can do to a nigga's gut. When you pull out that Mossberg. Holidays, guys.

[Fran]

It's gonna be my mouse coming out that good.

[Jade]

Friends like, do you want to feel the mother?

[Fran]

The hummingbirds will come around me like we got your back. Exactly.

[Dr. Kia]

They gonna be like. They could be like, oh, okay, okay. You better move around this.

[Fran]

This is dark over here.

[Jade]

Do we want to call the episode Disney after America, Kucha and Peace? I'm so confused.

[Dr. Kia]

I just envision like six hummingbirds circling.

[Jade]

Fred like I do like Cinderella.

[Fran]

I'm spinning with the gun. They're just like my flowy pants are like flowing with the bracelet.

[Jade]

Woo. Oh, we'll see y' all later.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Jade]

How much do we love our sister Fran?

[Dr. Kia]

Oh my gosh, Fran.

[Jade]

We actually wanted to do a little something special that is generally reserved for a very particular time of year, but we said, why not gift one of our beautiful listeners the. It's Christmas. It's Christmas time. And. And you know, we're going to bring graduation season to December. December. With a special shout out.

[Dr. Kia]

You know, they're. They do have December graduations.

[Jade]

Absolutely.

[Dr. Kia]

Well, yeah, let's let it run.

[Jade]

Let's let it ride. Yeah, why not? At the university of Getting Grown, she writes. Hello, Jade and Dr. Kia. My name is Melanie Prudham and I have been listening to getting grown since 2017, when I first moved to Houston by myself and started my PhD program.

[Dr. Kia]

Period.

[Jade]

I remember listening to the show and hearing the graduation announcement announcements. And I always said that when I finally finish, I would submit mine. I am proud to say that after eight years and on July 31, to be exact, I officially graduated with my PhD in juvenile justice from Prayer View A M University.

[Fran]

Yay.

[Jade]

Yes. Y' all know how. You know how we feel about juvenile justice. Okay.

[Dr. Kia]

Period.

[Jade]

My dissertation topic was the impact of higher education among previously incarcerated youth.

[Dr. Kia]

Come on.

[Jade]

Even if you do not read this on the pod, which we are right now on the holiday week now, I still wanted to share that you both were one of the things I look forward to throughout my PhD journey. Thank you for everything. And that's from Melanie Prudhomme. P.H D. Dr. Melanie Prude Home.

[Dr. Kia]

We are proud of you, girl.

[Jade]

Yes, we are. And I hope you are more than proud of your. Myself, like.

[Dr. Kia]

Yes.

[Jade]

Eight years. God damn.

[Dr. Kia]

Listen, sometimes it be a bit.

[Jade]

No, no, I know. I went through my program when I was writing my dissertation on higher education, period. And so it was grueling, treacherous. But you did it. I did.

[Dr. Kia]

And it's done. And can't nobody ever take you back.

[Jade]

Okay.

[Dr. Kia]

And you're doing critical work every week. I mean, work that is, Work that, that is so timely and so necessary in this age.

[Jade]

Thank you.

[Dr. Kia]

So a shout out to you. Thank you. Thank you. We appreciate you.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Dr. Kia]

Look at you over there.

[Jade]

Yeah, just look at you over there. Me, Dr. Kia, we just, we are so important and scholar. Okay, see you at the Ash. I keep threatening y' all with a good time. No, Melanie, Melanie, this one is for you. You.

[Dr. Kia]

Next year's ash is in Puerto Rico, so you should pop out.

[Jade]

Suave. Okay. I'm bringing a plate of Pernil to the Ash. I cannot wait. Hopefully you'll meet Dr. Melanie at the next ASH conference. Oh, I would love that.

[Dr. Kia]

So let me know if you're going and say hi and all that jazz, girl.

[Jade]

Yeah. You have to connect. You have to connect.

[Dr. Kia]

Proud of you.

[Jade]

We're a small world. And with that being said, I think we should close. Are we closing out our, our.

[Dr. Kia]

We close. Do you have a Pete Peep? Do you want to close our holiday show with the petsy peeves? Do you have a Christmas petty peeve?

[Jade]

What?

[Dr. Kia]

I'm trying to think.

[Jade]

Do I have a crema?

[Dr. Kia]

I don't really have one. I don't know if I have one on. Like, that's, I mean, you know, people in airports are, are nasty. I say that every year. Awfully true.

[Jade]

Horrible and awful. Horrible. I think, honestly, no, I, I, I don't want to close with a petty peeve. I want you all.

[Dr. Kia]

Let's close with the joy.

[Jade]

Let's go close with joy. You know, remember all the people around the world who don't, who don't get the moments sometimes to, to, to rest and celebrate and, you know, rejuvenate or, you know, whatever you're doing for yourself on this break, there's a lot of people who don't get to do that. And I, that would probably be my biggest petty peeve, you know what I'm saying? So remember. Remember all of our brothers and sisters all around the world. The world in Sudan and in Palestine and in Congo and in Haiti and in Tigray and in Puerto Rico and here. Just remember, you know, all our everybody around the whole wide world who is. Who is suffering. Yeah, I think that's.

[Fran]

That.

[Jade]

That would be my last thoughts.

[Dr. Kia]

I will. I don't have anything to add to that. As we said in. You know, I share those sentiments and as always, just am grateful for this space, this community. You know, doing this show with you, sis, it's always something that I am grateful for every day. But, you know, especially during this season where we are trying to hold on to one another as the world changes around us, I especially feel just. Just grateful. So thank y' all for being a part of our community, however your holidays needed to be. I hope that you hand the day in whatever way made you feel safe and loved and secure and. And knowing that Jade and I are thinking about you and you're not alone. And we're grateful for all the ways that you participate in our tribe.

[Fran]

Yes.

[Dr. Kia]

And we love y' all down.

[Jade]

Yes, we do. We love you all and we hope you have a beautiful holiday week. You do indeed have one final episode coming of the year.

[Dr. Kia]

Oh, boy.

[Jade]

Okay. Where key and I sit around the kitch table and we just, you know, we sit around the bar stools. We keep it cash.

[Fran]

Yeah.

[Jade]

You know, very cash. So you will have one final episode.

[Dr. Kia]

For the quick close out.

[Jade]

Just a little. Just a little something, you know, so that we all walk away thinking about each other, thinking about ourselves, thinking about what's important. And we will see you all for that final episode of the year.

[Dr. Kia]

All right. Love y'. All. Happy holiday.

[Jade]

Yes. Good. Ribbons.

[Dr. Kia]

2025.

[Jade]

All right. Bye.

[Dr. Kia]

Bye.

[Jade]

The 2026 Chevy Equinox is more than an SUV. It's your Sunday tailgate and your parking.

[Commercial Announcer]

Lot snack bar, your lucky jersey, your chairs and your big cooler fit perfectly in your receipt.

[Dr. Kia]

Even bigger cargo space.

[Commercial Announcer]

And when it's go time, your 11.3-inch.

[Jade]

Diagonal touchscreen's got the playbook, the playlist.

[Dr. Kia]

And the tech to stay a step ahead.

[Jade]

It's more than an suv. It's your Equinox Chevrolet together. Let's drive.