Womanhood Defined

Summary

Gettin' Grown – “Womanhood Defined” (March 10, 2026)

Podcast: Gettin' Grown
Hosts: Keia (Takiya) & Jade
Network: Loud Speakers Network
Episode Theme: A reflective, honest, and often hilarious exploration of what it means to be a Black woman—how childhood ideas of “womanhood” evolved into the expansive, self-defined realities of the hosts.
Sections Covered: Kitchen Table Talk (main theme), Self Care, Petty Peeves

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Episode Overview

This episode kicks off Women’s History Month with an intimate, revealing conversation between hosts Keia and Jade, centered around “womanhood”—specifically, how their ideas and lived experiences as Black women have developed and expanded over time. The discussion traces their childhood notions of womanhood, confronts the roles and societal scripts placed upon Black women, and lands on a celebration of agency, self-definition, and infinite possibility. Throughout, the tone remains honest, witty, and distinctly “Gettin’ Grown.”

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Weight of the World & Emotional Fatigue

• The hosts begin by sharing their mental fog and exhaustion, attributing it partly to perimenopause and partly to the overwhelming state of the world—touching on recent tragic events and social unrest.
• Quote:
  • "[03:57] Jade: Oh, well, we're really contending against so much, you know what I'm saying? We trying to. There's so much happening at one time."
• Both admit the difficulty of managing daily responsibilities against the backdrop of political, social, and emotional chaos.
  • "[05:20] Takiya: ...contend with all of the things that are your usual normal responsibilities while the world is literally in a state of active self destruction."

2. Creating Black Women-Only Spaces for Reflection

• The show itself (especially the Kitchen Table Talk segment) is described as a much-needed place for Black women to sort through feelings, experiences, and identities—a space away from the noise and propaganda of the world.
  • "[09:20] Jade: Yeah. Yeah."
  • "[09:22] Takiya: ...create space. You know, these are the little pockets and containers where we can create space."

3. Childhood Understandings of Womanhood

• Both hosts look back on their younger selves and realize their conceptions of womanhood were limited, shaped primarily by the examples of women around them (mothers, grandmothers, TV characters like Claire Huxtable).
  • "[18:05] Jade: ...I never saw myself, like, it's not something I aspired to, you know what I'm saying? ...I never really saw a super clear vision for myself."
  • "[20:03] Takiya: ...my concept of womanhood was pretty limited to like. Like roles. I don't think I thought of womanhood beyond specific roles."
• Major roles imagined as essential to womanhood: wife, mother, caretaker, with “not getting pregnant” drilled in as the main message through adolescence.
  • "[22:58] Takiya: ...getting pregnant was always presented as the Worst possible outcome."
  • "[23:28] Jade: And that as a kid, you're like, well, damn, did I ruin—I ruined you niggas lives. Exactly."

4. Expanding and Redefining Womanhood

• As adults, both Keia and Jade realize womanhood is much broader than the “roles” they were sold as children.
  • "[24:42] Jade: ...I think what has actually happened as I have evolved ...it's really been more explorative than anything else I think has happened when I allowed myself to define womanhood beyond the conventional things..."
  • "[32:06] Takiya: ...I really think that that's something that a lot of women have, like, that's inherent in, in what it means to be a woman. Right."

Notable Reflection

• Jade on agency and feeling no shame for choices:
  • "[31:14] Jade: ...I feel guilty because I don't feel guilty."
• Takiya on unlearning shame and control:
  • "[32:06] Takiya: ...that shame lever, that tool of shame and like, what you supposed to do, like, that's something that is really, really heavy in my, like, unlearning work."

5. Femininity vs. Womanhood

• The difference between being “feminine” (presentation, dress, mannerism) and actual womanhood (agency, choices, humanity).
• Both reflect on their grandmothers and mothers as examples of a spectrum—ultra-feminine to practical and unconcerned with appearances.
  • "[38:40] Jade: Mimi, okay. She could dress her butt off. ...She was the one: you can't—no, you shouldn't..."
  • "[39:00] Jade: ...then there was my grandma ...she just did what made her feel good when it felt good."

6. Embracing Authenticity and Infinite Black Womanhood

• Both conclude that Black womanhood cannot (and should not) be contained by existing scripts or stereotypes.

  • "[51:08] Takiya: ...it's critical for us to think about womanhood as this broad thing and not something that is skewed and limited or finite. It is infinite."
  • "[51:30] Jade: ...if we were to put any symbol to black women, it would be the infinity symbol."
  • "[49:21] Jade: It's wild that you think this is wild."

• Calls for listeners to send their own stories and definitions of womanhood, emphasizing the open, expanding nature of the concept.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the social media/AI landscape:
  • Jade’s Rant:
    • "[10:20] Jade: ...all we can do is continue to speak our truths as best as possible and stay the fuck off of Chat GPT. But with that being said, because I'm fucking sick, do you hear me? Of these niggas in Chat GP Motherfucking T. Do you hear me?"
    • "[11:31] Takiya: With hands with six, seven, eight, nine fingers. Girl, come on. Here, four clavicles."
• On the performativity of femininity:
  • "[41:56] Jade: And that was—a long conversation with myself on acceptance of, like, you are just not that. ...Yes, you can put on a dress sometimes and stunt on these niggas, and I do love a mule. But a lot of that is due to comfort."
• On womanhood as legacy and further expansion:
  • "[46:26] Takiya: ...learning who Takiya is at this point, I think is why it matters for me to, for us to sit down and think about womanhood in this expansive way because it really is a full comprehensive experience in a journey and it honestly colors and gives a lot of context..."

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Perimenopause, exhaustion, and the state of the world: [03:06–07:00]
• Transition to womanhood conversation & intention for Women’s History Month: [09:22–14:00]
• Childhood and adolescent views of womanhood: [16:49–24:00]
• Defining womanhood as adults & breaking out of roles: [24:42–32:00]
• Femininity vs. Womanhood and family influences: [38:05–46:00]
• Authenticity, infinite definitions of Black womanhood: [51:08–53:30]
• Invitation for listener reflections/questions: [52:12–54:48]

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Self Care Segment [61:13–66:10]

• Jade’s Self Care: Dedicated a whole day to cooking multiple dishes and prepping food, emphasizing the importance of making time for oneself (and how freeing it can be to set aside all other obligations).
  • "[63:08] Jade: ...I was like, let me, you know, really get it in and plan whole days for myself where I don't give myself other obligations for things. ...it was so lovely."
• Takiya’s Self Care: Found a Black woman psychiatric nurse practitioner to support her with ADD; also learned to accept the help of home cleaners without pre-cleaning excessively ("hustling in reverse").
  • "[67:09] Takiya: ...this is someone who can sort of help me along that journey...I have been looking for a while for someone who was black and woman."
  • "[68:59] Jade: I was like, see, I've been hustling in reverse. Backwards. Okay, Backwards."

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Petty Peeves (Petty Peeps) [75:34–84:26]

• Takiya’s Petty Peeve: Influencers who ASMR-tap on beauty products in videos.
  • "[76:14] Takiya: ...I hate when y' all be tapping on them products in. ...It is the quickest way to get me off of your content."
• Jade’s Petty Peeve: People who wear jeans to the gym, and rage-baiting content on the internet.
  • "[79:57] Jade: What? That's a thing? ...I just don't understand denim in the gym."
  • "[82:11] Jade: Rage baiting is doing exactly what it is intended to do with me."

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The Takeaway: “Womanhood Defined”

• Womanhood, especially Black womanhood, is not a static or singular thing: it’s endlessly malleable, deeply personal, and grows with every experience, choice, and act of resistance.
• The hosts encourage listeners to challenge shame, question what doesn’t fit, and create space for their own stories and definitions.
• “If we were to put any symbol to Black women, it would be the infinity symbol.” [51:30]
• The episode closes with an invitation to share listener definitions of womanhood and questions for upcoming expert guests.

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How to Connect

• Share your thoughts: Email hellotandgrown.co or chime in via social media or comments.
• Upcoming roundtable: Submit your body, womanhood, or health questions for a special episode with Dr. Wendy and other experts.

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In Their Own Words

“I think what has actually happened as I have evolved and developed into my womanhood, it's really been more explorative than anything else...being a woman is actually being a full person.”
—Jade [24:42]

“It's critical for us to think about womanhood as this broad thing and not something that is skewed and limited or finite. It is infinite. And that's the beauty of it. And I think black women have embodied that so well...”
—Takiya [51:08]

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Listen for:

• Authentic, vulnerable conversations laced with laughter and truth-telling.
• Keen observations on Black womanhood, childhood, religion, and generational legacy.
• The freedom and fun of redefining what it means to be (Black) woman, on your terms.

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Summary prepared for Gettin’ Grown, “Womanhood Defined,” March 10, 2026.
Perfect for anyone seeking to explore, expand, or simply feel seen in their journey of adulting and Black womanhood.

Transcript

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[Takiya]

I don't know if you knew this but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today.

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[Jade]

No sleep at night been dreaming of

[Commercial Announcer]

you

[Jade]

Please hold me tight Cause I can't help the way that I feel Come on, come on yeah I just can't help the way that I feel Thief in the night you took my heart no dangers inside cause I can't help the way that I feel I just can't help the way that I feel Take it. Okay now take it. Baby. You make my love come I'm sorry

[Takiya]

you make my love.

[Jade]

Kia said that's brain diarrhea apart. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is perimenopause.

[Takiya]

Yes. The brains are foggy over here, honey. Foggy bottom, huh? Yeah, it's bad.

[Jade]

It's real bad. Woo. Praise the Lord, niggas. Praise the Lord.

[Takiya]

Literally snatched right out of my consciousness. I was dancing.

[Jade]

It did. I saw it. No, I saw you had it. And then, and then it just left.

[Takiya]

That, ladies and gentlemen, happens at least six times a day. Literally.

[Jade]

Same same, actually. Same.

[Takiya]

I'll be in the meeting at work and I raise my hand, they'd be like, yeah, Takiya. I'll be like, you know what, girl? Gone. I'll let you know if you come back, girl.

[Jade]

I forgot. So sorry. Well, you know, the state of the world will absolutely contribute, isn't it? Chewed up.

[Takiya]

That mind is eight.

[Jade]

Oh, well, we're really contending against so much, you know what I'm saying? We trying to. There's so much happening at one time

[Takiya]

fighting for our lives.

[Jade]

So it's, it's only, it's only right that your brain is probably not operating at 100 capacity.

[Takiya]

We're doing the best we can, sister. We are doing the best we can. Pray, Lord. Welcome back. Welcome blacks. We are here at the kitchen table yet again. Women's history month.

[Jade]

It is Women's history month. It is. War history month. It is. Jesus.

[Takiya]

Yeah, we're continuing our, our celebration of blackness by talking about black.

[Jade]

Yeah, here we are. Yeah, we are. But I do have to, I do have to say prayers over those 160 plus babies that were.

[Takiya]

Girl.

[Jade]

Killed in that strike in Iran, girl, You know, I, I exerted a lot of energy last week. I don't know what you all heard. I know it was probably edited in a specific way and you know, that's fine, you know. Yeah.

[Takiya]

With high y', all, this.

[Jade]

It's really hard, man. It's really hard to get up every

[Takiya]

day and have to contend with all of the things that are your usual normal responsibilities while the world is literally in a state of active self destruction

[Jade]

like, and in every, every single pocket, you know what I'm saying?

[Takiya]

Like so many ways.

[Jade]

Politically, environmentally, environmentally, all of the socially, because you all are broken. Some of y' all are broken.

[Takiya]

We are in a state, aren't we? My word. Oh my gosh, we are in a state. I was telling Chris, I say, girl, it's like I called my therapist, like, can we bump up? We need to bump up.

[Jade]

She'd have a chat and a chance. She probably was like, I did the same thing with my therapist and here we are dominoes.

[Takiya]

Just let me know what you need. Everyone's doing the best we can, but yeah, ultimately, yeah, very sad. Heartbreaking. Heart wrenching to hear such heavy news, especially the. Yeah, all those young girls schools, huh? I'm so sick of it.

[Jade]

Like, I'm like, I'm disgusted with you all. I'm disgusted with you all. You don't even try to hide your evil at this point.

[Takiya]

It's hard. It's hard.

[Jade]

It's very hard, you know, disgusting with you and all. And all these systems are connected, as we have continued to say now for years. You know the young man in Cobb County, Kyle. Kyle Bastinga, who was found hanging, you know what I'm saying? And then a video surfaced of him having an interaction with a cop earlier in the day. And it's like, we all know about Cop City in Atlanta and we all know how all of that is connected with the training of the idf. And we all know how the IDF is conn. Connected to the US Military and, and. And will not stay the fuck up out of other people's business at all. And I in. In it. And who pays the cost for all of this stuff? Literal civilians. And it's just. It's not right. It's not fucking right. But I don't know how else to talk about it. You know what I mean? I don't know what, what do you. I don't know what to say except to just keep saying that it's. This is fucked up, you know, so that it's not painted in history as being okay, as they continue to try to do. But anyway, in light of trying to figure out how to function in a world that is literally ripping at the seams, we're going to talk about being black women. Because that is what we know. And the rest.

[Takiya]

Right? I think, you know, shout out to our good sis, Brittany Packnet Cunningham. She said in a post earlier this week, she was like, you know, class, we're not doing our reading, you know,

[Jade]

and it's absolutely true.

[Takiya]

And it's absolutely true, right? And I think. I think that. I think it is very important for us to remember that they. That is a. That is by design, right? They're moving us so fast so that we're feeling like. That we're reeling all of the time. They want us to feel disoriented and helpless. But the truth of the matter is there are blueprints available to us that we might leverage to figure out how best to take care for ourselves, take care of ourselves and each Other in times like these. And so, you know, I think we'll have to deal with that more. But in addition to those conversations getting grown, we want to be always reflective and intentional about ourselves and. And create space. You know, these are the little pockets and containers where we can create space. Spaces that are just for us and. And where we can sort of work through and think about our individual thoughts and practices and ways, how we show up in the world, you know?

[Jade]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Takiya]

And I thought it would be cool for us to talk a little bit about womanhood. Right. As a concept and. And what shaped our conceptions of womanhood and how. How they may look different. Right. You know, if we think about what we thought womanhood was when we were little girls, how has that expanded or evolved since we have actually become women?

[Jade]

Yes. Actual living, breathing women.

[Takiya]

Yeah. And so, like, I just thought it would be cool for us to talk about that, to remind us and reground us and sort of who we are so that as we take on all of the foolishness of the world, we could at least be clear about, you know, at least what we're doing, about what we're. Right, because they're going to lie. They're going to say all of these things about, you know, all this propaganda, and you know what I'm saying? They're going to continue to lie on us. And it's like, no, no, you can't lie to me if I'm very clear about who I am, Booky.

[Jade]

And they're gonna lie. They're gonna lie to you in so many ways. They're gonna lie to you through the AI because that's what they. When they have black women up there talking to you all in the camera and, like, consuming ribs whole bone meat like gristle and not in the. Not just like. Like, dinosaur is gone. So I just. They're gonna lie in so many ways. And all we can do is continue to speak our truths as best as possible and stay the fuck off of Chat GPT. But with that being said, because I'm fucking sick, do you hear me? Of these niggas in chat GP Motherfucking T. Do you hear me?

[Takiya]

Y' all gotta stop.

[Jade]

You are Gregory Heinzing on my nerves with Chat GPT.

[Takiya]

Y' all are doing too much with these images. It's the images for me.

[Jade]

Okay, Stop with these.

[Takiya]

Stop with these images. These photos, these videos, these memes, these dancing babies, these talking babies with those

[Jade]

weird knees, like, I'm so so.

[Takiya]

With hands with six, seven, eight, nine fingers. Girl, come on. Here, four clavicles.

[Jade]

Like, I'm tired. But then it's also getting good. It's getting too good. Right. As well. And let me tell you something. Jesse Jackson is not in heaven right now with Takeoff. They are not sitting down, having a conversation together right this very second. Like, y' all have got to stop this.

[Takiya]

I saw with Tupac. I didn't know they'd have put Takeoff in the industry.

[Jade]

I want to say I saw one. I don't know if Jesse Jackson was in it yet, but it was Takeoff. And it was. It was Martin Luther King. And it was all. They were at the US Open. I'm just tired of you all. I'm so tired.

[Takiya]

It was Malcolm, Martin. They were, like, welcoming Jesse. And Tupac was just randomly in the.

[Jade]

Yes, I saw that one, too. Why is Tupac there? Respectfully, he would not be a part of this conversation.

[Takiya]

It was like, y'. All. And I just wonder. I immediately think, like, what kind of prompt did you put down in the chat GPT to produce this photograph here? Like, are you not exactly Martin Luther

[Jade]

King, Tupac and take off at the US Open? Take off. Having a. Having a Doucet. Like, I don't know what y' all are putting, but I'm tired head. It is wearing on my last bit of my spirit.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

And also, I could imagine that Tupac spirit is exhausted. Tupac has had rumors.

[Takiya]

Please.

[Jade]

Since before the Internet was running rampant. Okay. When we were young, were saying that Tupac was in the Bahamas. You remember, he was in the Bermuda Triangle. He was in Cuba with Asada. Like, they. Tupac has been everywhere. He was in the Caribbean for, like, 25 years. According to you. He was all over YouTube and a slew of conspiracy theory videos.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

It's tired and it wants to rest.

[Takiya]

Give him free. Please leave him alone.

[Jade]

Yeah, give him free. But this is women's history month, and so we're gonna have to put Mr. Shakur on the back burner so we can have a real conversation.

[Takiya]

Dear Mama.

[Jade]

So let's head to the kitchen table. Brenda's got a baby. Okay. Serious.

[Pharmaceutical Narrator]

Eczema is unpredictable. But you can flare less with ebglis, a once monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema. After an initial four month or longer dosing phase, about four in ten people taking empglis achieved itch relief and clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks. And most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year.

[Commercial Announcer]

With monthly dosing, Empglis, Lebricizumab, LBKZ a 250mg per 2ml injection is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis, that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals, or who cannot use topical therapies. EBGLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to ecglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with ebglis. Before starting Epglis, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection.

[Pharmaceutical Narrator]

Ask your doctor about ebgliss and visit epgliss.lily.com or call 1-800-lilyrx or 1-800-545-5979.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Jade]

It's the clean that boosts your confidence

[Commercial Announcer]

and keeps you feeling fresh all day.

[Takiya]

I wanted us to sit and reflect a bit about womanhood, right? And so like, you know a lot of the words, we use them. We don't always think about how we know what they mean, how we practice them, how we demonstrate and embody them. And so I thought about getting grown. We talk about what does it mean to be grown? How do we sort of reflect on what it means to be a grown woman? And we want to ground our Women's History Month celebration and impersonal reflection on how our understanding of Black womanhood has evolved over time and why. Expanding, right? Because I would argue that they have expanded. I know mine has expanded quite a bit since I have actually stepped into womanhood. And why that is critical right now from a perspective of both resistance and celebration. So where did it all start? So when you think about yourself as a a child and what it meant to be a woman, how do you think?

[Jade]

Like I'm just playing.

[Takiya]

Oh my God,

[Jade]

That's 60.

[Takiya]

What do you think? No who or what? First of all, what. What do you think womanhood was like if you had to describe what you thought a woman, what it meant to be a woman. Like how your child self might have described what it meant to be a woman. Yeah, let's.

[Jade]

Let me. Oh, let me think as a child.

[Takiya]

Yeah, as a child.

[Jade]

You know what's so interesting? I think that when I was a kid, you know, I've always been fiercely independent, and I think I just didn't want anybody dictating, telling me what to do, you know what I'm saying? I think that. I think I didn't really want anybody telling me what to do. And I thought at a certain point that I would probably get to a point where, like, nobody can tell me what to do. And that's wholly not factual. There's always somebody telling you what to do.

[Takiya]

He's always going to be able to do it.

[Jade]

Also, if I'm being transparent, you know how I told you I never. Despite me being a mother and a wife, I never saw myself, like, it's not something I aspired to, you know what I'm saying? If anything, I was more deathly afraid of having one of these niggas babies for so long that I was like, by any means necessary, it's not happening. Like. But I don't know if I actually really thought about what it meant to be a woman. I know I saw so many different examples of women in front of me, right? I had my mother and I had my grandmothers, and they were. They were drastically different people, right. I had so many examples of women in front of me that I didn't really have a clear vision of what I was going to look. I would actually often wonder that, like, what I'm gonna be like as a grown woman, because I have no clue. And it's funny, here I am now as a really grown woman, and I'm like, what am I gonna be like as a grown woman? So if I'm be. Yeah, if I. As. I'm like, thinking about this out loud. So you all are processing with me, but I think I. I think outside of, like, regular life's responsibilities, like, I knew I would always have to work in whatever capacity that is. I never really saw a super clear vision for myself.

[Takiya]

Fair.

[Jade]

What about you?

[Takiya]

I would say similarly, I would say my concept of womanhood was pretty limited to like. Like roles. I don't think I thought of womanhood beyond specific roles.

[Jade]

Yeah, right.

[Takiya]

So women, you know, were wives, they were mothers, and, you know, sort of what was encompassed in that, Whether that be, you know, housekeeping, chores, cooking, cleaning, versus, you know, you know, having like decision making, autonomy in. In partnership or in relationship to men. I felt like I did not. I don't know that I had a lot of rich examples of what it meant to be a woman outside of operating within those roles or dressing a certain way or looking a certain way. You know, and when I think about who and. And who or what shaped that picture for me, it was the women. You know, of course I was close, most proximate to, like, in my mother, my grandmother, my aunts. I also like, you know, you know, TV moms and. And that kind of thing. But no, I, I think you're. I think you're right. And I would. I. I would agree. And you're right. I think you. I would agree with you that a lot of what it meant to be a woman was very tied to, like, motherhood and, and marriage in a very particular.

[Jade]

Yeah. And because I didn't.

[Takiya]

And because I did not aspire to that either.

[Jade]

Yeah. I didn't picture my child and I didn't picture myself holding a baby, and I didn picture myself in a wedding dress.

[Takiya]

I never. I didn't plan a wedding. And I know that was something. That's something that I have. Even throughout my 20s, I felt like I have, like, not connected with women. Like, you know, there's some women who. There's some women who have very, like, very described detailed visions and plans for their wedding, for their marriages, for how they would. Mother. I don't. I. I had, you know, I didn't think about those things with that level of detail. I think there was a part of me that assumed that. That it would happen, it would happen at some point.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Takiya]

But it was not something that I felt like I ever wanted to pursue, so to speak, or felt like I needed to inspire, to use your word. I don't think I aspired that toward that. And I think, honestly, if I'm being real candid, I think it was drilled into me. Like, not getting pregnant was drilled into me so much that it never really turned over. Same.

[Jade]

Actually. I didn't have the mother who was like, when I have a grandbaby now, is my mom like the ultimate grandmother now?

[Takiya]

Yes, yes, yes, for sure. But.

[Jade]

But I didn't. Yeah. She was so. She was so anti sex.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

That. You know what I'm saying? That it was like, all right, girl. Was it? Damn. I don't. Yeah. I don't want the responsibility.

[Takiya]

Yes. And getting pregnant was always. Particularly through my pre. Teen and adolescent years, Even into my 20s, getting pregnant was always presented as the Worst possible outcome.

[Jade]

Yes. Yeah.

[Takiya]

And so.

[Jade]

Yeah. And so it wasn't like STDs or.

[Takiya]

Yeah, it wasn't. It was. Or even like anything. Like, it was literally like the worst thing. Your life will be ruined. I remember like, not just my mom, but people saying like, or. Or talking about pregnancy as if it would ruin your life.

[Jade]

And that as a kid, you're like, well, damn, did I ruin. I ruined you niggas lives. Exactly.

[Takiya]

Like, okay, but a little bit.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Takiya]

But I think, you know, that's. That's very real. And when I think about it, like, just. I don't think that. I think that's very telling. Right. So I think what has actually happened as I have evolved and developed into my womanhood, it's really been more explorative than anything else I think has happened in the bloom started to happen when I allowed myself to define womanhood beyond the conventional things of life. Like being a woman is actually being a full person. Like, like, you can be a wife, you can be a mother, but that is not the full extent of what it means to be a woman. And I'm not saying this like in a pejorative way or like blaming or dragging anybody. I'm just being honest. Like, you know, it was. I. And. And I don't think it was intentional. And I think it's because people did not walk around talking about like womanhood. It was not.

[Jade]

No. Outside of certain pictures that were.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Were painted for. Okay. So you know what? I would have thought the clothes. Closest thing to maybe. Well outside of traditional roles. Because I do agree with that. You just kind of assume maybe that that will. That'll be the thing. I also, you know, it's. It's like living single and girlfriends.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

You know what I'm saying? Where it was like, Claire. Okay. And then when I zoom out.

[Takiya]

See.

[Jade]

Okay. It's funny you bring up Claire Huxtable, because one thing that I did realize pretty early and then really started settling in as I was settling into my womanhood was really understanding what was not for me and what I didn't like.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

And not saying I didn't like Claire Huxtable. What I'm saying is I think I was like, I started to become clear certain roles or certain. Certain tropes were not me. So I didn't need to try to lean into those even if they were what was, you know, the most acceptable or whatever the case is.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

You know, and for a long time that was considered going against the grain and like, pretty stupid in A lot of people's eyes. But I. I was. I. I think as I started to settle into my womanhood, I started to become more and more clear. Like, all right, this is what they said, woman. But that. That's not me. So, yeah, what's the next thing? Because I'm not going to try to lean into something that's not that. That. That is not my. My way. Am I being clear?

[Takiya]

Yeah, I understand what you're saying fully, because I. I think. I think you do get exposed to different characters. Right. You relate to some, and you. You don't relate.

[Jade]

Yeah. Yeah. And, yeah.

[Takiya]

But I think. I think it's interesting that you knew pretty sure, like, what was. You knew and felt sure of what was for you and what wasn't. I don't know. I don't think that happened for me. I don't think I realized that I had a choice.

[Jade]

I think it was less about. Because I don't want to sound like, yes, I have been confident since I was 8 years old, and it never went away. I. But I do think that in my belly, yeah, it would resonate when something was like, I know this is what I should be doing, but it's not what I want to do.

[Takiya]

What I want to be.

[Jade]

Not on some, like, I just want to travel the world, but also on some, like, no, that don't. So even as I. If I would have friends who would go into biochemistry or go into any, you know, and they did have more secure routes, I would be like, I know that, but that doesn't do anything. Like, I don't. I don't feel called to go in. In whatever that particular direction is.

[Takiya]

Yeah. And that's fair. I think that that resonates. I think. I think for me, I think similarly, I'll say I had lots of questions. Now, I know I didn't always feel, like, safe enough to pose my questions. A lot of my questions, you know, I held inside for a long time. But like you, I knew that something about this didn't quite add up. And then when I think about spaces that I was in, whether it be like, you know, I was a Girl Scout, there was a youth affiliate group for one of the sororities that, you know, my grandmother had a friend in a sorority that had a youth affiliate group. And so I participated in a lot of that programming. And so I remember spaces and going to luncheons where, like, on the program, it would be like, the finer womanhood luncheon. And it's like, okay, I understand that this is a Space that will likely be all women. But, like, what does that mean outside of, you know, it's a bunch of y' all in white suits.

[Jade]

But.

[Takiya]

And, like, you know, and like, the questions I would have, like, is it so? You know, when I would come into spaces, especially with women, like, in community, there was this expectation, you know, of, you know, similar behavior and, like, we walk similar. Similar interests. There was not a lot of space for women to have, you know, for diversity with within group. And that was always something that I was very curious about. Similarly, like, in church, a lot of the messages that you receive about, like, you know, good woman, like, what it means to be a good woman, you know, you know, in proximity to a man, you know, you know, I don't even want to get into it, but, like, you know, what we talk about being obedient or being submissive or being service, right? And, you know, these were things that I remember growing up as a little girl, hearing them, having questions, not really knowing where it would be appropriate for me to ask these questions. Particularly because curiosity is something that is, like, Is frowned upon whether we want to receive it or not. In a lot of homes, curiosity is frowned upon. It's very.

[Jade]

No, it is. Like, stop asking those damn questions now. I'm laughing as you're saying this, because I'm going to be. I don't know if I've ever said this out loud. Maybe if I have. Forgive me, but I remember and I told you because of the way my mother would paint sex and she would paint just anything in that nature relatable. I remember being. I remember at one point being a teenager and being like, I feel guilty because I don't feel guilty. Like, so I knew that her messaging was not. It did not resonate with me and anything. Like, I didn't lose my virginity early, right? But, like, I think I lost my virginity at, like, probably 18. I didn't lose it. Or in hindsight now, but for, you know, as we have spoken society for so long, you see what I'm saying? I didn't lose it earlier in my adolescence, right? And it wasn't because of her programming. It was because I didn't want to. I was like, oh, okay, I'm not doing this until I want to do it. And then when I was ready to do it, I was like, all right, all right, let's do it. Like, it wasn't even, like, a special flower moment or I'm waiting for this nigga. Like, I remember the nigga who I lost it to, but I Was just like, okay, now's the time. Yeah, let's go ahead. You know, and, and I, and I. And. But even before that, I used to literally have conversations with myself where I was like, are you. Is something wrong with you because you don't feel bad for the shit that you've been told you're supposed to feel bad for?

[Takiya]

That's.

[Jade]

But this.

[Takiya]

I love that we're here. Like, I, I. Because I think so much. To me, it, it reveals how much we have, like, certain spaces have leveraged identity to enforce. I want to say. How do you want to say? Like, rules or expected behavior? Like, you know, they try to, I think shame. And that kind of is used as a tool to, to control people's behavior and their actions and their decisions in a certain way. And it's so interesting that we're here in a. Like, we started out having a conversation of womanhood, but we've landed here because I really think that that's something that a lot of women have, like, that's inherent in, in what it means to be a woman. Right.

[Jade]

Being.

[Takiya]

Being controlled, people wanting you to behave in certain ways, and all the different tools that are, Are leveraged to do that. And I love that because I think, conversely, that shame lever, that tool of shame and like, what you supposed to do, like, that's something that is really, really heavy in my, like, unlearning work. And I think that. I think that I would have to attribute it to all of the messaging, like, growing up in church and all the messaging that you receive, that, that really made you feel like, I'll speak for myself. It made me feel like things were transactional. Like, every, every thing that I did was a, you know, everything that I got was a. Was a reflection or a function of a decision that I made. So if I didn't have something or if I had something, it was because I did something right or, or I didn't do, do something right. And so all those spaces, I, I feel like, have contributed to messaging where women are told, if they do this, then they'll get that, or if you don't do this, then you'll have this outcome. And when you say, like, you know, I didn't feel bad, and then you even questioning, like, is it bad that I don't feel bad? To me just, like, validates that. Like, so much of it is like, you know, we were, we were programmed and like, you know, to be controlled and to, and to perform. Yeah, Very contrived ways. And that happens from a very early age.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Takiya]

We were talking about in the pre show, like, you know, how a girl dresses. It's the kind of attention that she receives. And it's not that, like, you know, you. She should not be objectified. It's not. She should not be objectified or. No, people should not be commenting on her body because she's a human and a child. And.

[Jade]

Yeah, girl.

[Takiya]

But it's like, oh, no, she shouldn't be dressing that way. She shouldn't wear, you know, her skirt that way.

[Jade]

People feel entitled to put this claim on you. And I'm like, you. And so I will say that. I will say, now, what did that. Did that then cause, like, an unhealthy dynamic with maybe being a little sneaky?

[Takiya]

Yeah, sure.

[Jade]

And that sneakiness again. But I can say that sneaky was not because I felt bad. It was like, well, I just don't want to hear your mouth about it. So. But I. And I. But I remember, like, I. When I used to work at Foot Action, I had a co. You know, we were all a company. Foot Action, Foot Locker and champs.

[Takiya]

Yes.

[Jade]

And so it was this little nigga who would come down to the Foot Action from the Foot Locker, and we would chat. You know what I'm saying? And. And clearly there was an attraction there. Not enough to go on a date. It was just purely physical. It was all carnal. So we. We set it up. You know, we set up the setup. You know what I'm saying? I remember that was one of the moments we did the do. And then I was like, all right, I'm out and on my way. I was like, well, that was great. And I said. And that was one of the times where I was like, should I be feeling bad, really? And then I said, but I just don't. And I don't know why that was one. But I just. I just didn't. I just did it. And I was like, I just don't. Just don't feel bad. And I think the coming into my womanhood was more of being more vocal about that. While there was always a spirit of what they would like to call a spirit of rebellion, I personally don't call it a spirit of rebellion, but. But my elders probably would have called it that at the time. I don't. There was more agency. And they would say other things because they knew that my mother was always very much like, she called. My mother stayed calling me sister Soldier. She stayed calling me Sister Soldier. Here comes Sister Soulja. Like, she's about to preach to us about something else. That white people are doing in the

[Takiya]

world,

[Jade]

you know, so it was like they knew there were ways that they could not control my spirit. But I think coming into my womanhood was being even more expressive, including the things that I knew would make them uncomfortable.

[Takiya]

Yeah, I think, you know, I think this is so good because I feel like to me, I hear the difference between, like, womanhood, like, in sort of you owning who you are, embodying, like, your humanity, your agency, your identity, in a way. And that is so full. When I think about as a child, I feel like I wasn't thinking about womanhood as much as I was thinking about, like, femininity. And those are.

[Jade]

Oh, no, we can have that conversation. Yes.

[Takiya]

But I think when I was younger, my understanding of what it meant to be a woman was just kind of limited to sort of like feminine presenting things, behavior. But I hear in our conversation it has become much more about owning who you are and being fearless and unashamed of your choices and your ideas and what you think. And I think that is much more expansive and necessary conversation about womanhood. Like, it is not just, you know, wearing dresses in high heel shoes or, or, you know, being the matriarch or, you know, those kinds of things, you know, because I think that's sort of what, how I thought about it. But I think now I am, now that I am living it, I'm realizing that, like, what does it mean to be a woman? Anything I want. Anything so that I want.

[Jade]

It's funny you say that. Yes. Now, if you want to talk about womanhood and femininity, that was also. It was all tied in, in the same way, but it also. That had to become. Okay. So I had. I talk about my two very different grandmothers often, right. My Mimi, who just passed was the societal epitome of femininity.

[Takiya]

Okay.

[Jade]

You know, and vanity.

[Takiya]

Come on, Mimi.

[Jade]

Mimi, okay. She could dress her butt off.

[Takiya]

Okay.

[Jade]

She's a baddie. She was a baddie. She was a dancer, so she was scary. Like, she was hyper, obsessed with weight and body image,

[Takiya]

going.

[Jade]

There were so many things, right? She was the one. You can't. No, you shouldn't. And you should not wear it because you're hippie, Jade. You can't wear things on the bias and like, you know, that kind of shit, right? You know, she's you, Jade. You put your, your watch on your left wrist, always. Your watch stays on your left, okay? Then there was my grandma, my, you know, my girl who I still go see, period. My grandma ain't never Been one for fashion. Like, she's never been a fashion queen. She never really cared to be a fashion queen. She was happy to be a mother. She raised her eight kids. So she was happy to get dirty and sloppy. And when she did put on her little. It wasn't about names or brands. It was just like, I like this hat in this necklace and earring set and I'm gonna wear this. But it wasn't like she didn't have. She was not what you would consider, I guess, hyper feminine, Right. She just did what made her feel good when it felt good. When she went to church on Sunday, she put her clothes on, but she would go get her shoes from Payless.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Like, she was not above any of that, right? And I think and then my mom was a happy medium between both grandmas. Like she had her respectability politics too. Was like, jade, you need to put some earrings. Go get your hair done. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. But also, my mom was not hypervanity focused either. And then I told you in the pre show, you all have to go listen to the additional bonus content on. On the Patreon where we have more of an in depth conversation. But my mother. So I was always, I always was my father's child and I've always had this spirit, okay, the spirit that you all love to call whatever you want to call it. I've always had this, right? So I remember my mother when I was younger was always asking me all the time, jade, are you a lesbian? Jade, are you a lesbian? Are you a lesbian, Jade? I wore fittings and sneakers and you know what I'm saying? So then, and then, as I was coming into my womanhood physically, right, you know, and I always had this wagon and shit. I was like, well, then we'll try these little boot cut jeans and we'll try this little shit. But then I was like, but that doesn't always feel good to me, right? This doesn't feel like myself. And so then, you know, I would still try. And then you go into the club and you go into the necessary. You go into the Mystique boutique and to the easy pickings to get your little, you know, before she in was a thing and before Fashion Nova was a thing, you know, a little club gear. But even in club gear, I'd be like, yo, I hate hills. Like, I'm not standing in this all day. Y' all are gonna get a nasty sneaker or boots out of the girl.

[Takiya]

Like, you're welcome. And that's all I got. Amen.

[Jade]

And I. And that was. That was a. That was a long time, a long conversation with myself on acceptance of, like, you are just not that. Right, right. You are just not you. Yes, you can put on a dress sometimes and stunt on these niggas, and I do love a mule. But a lot of that is due to comfort.

[Takiya]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jade]

You know what I'm saying? And also, yes, I may have a more conventionally masculine presenting spirit. You know what I'm saying? I don't know. But I think that is just. I think I just. I don't know. I don't like. I think that's okay.

[Takiya]

And all of that is womanhood. Right? I love that.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Takiya]

You were talking about your grandmother's being on those two extremes, but all of that is encompassed in womanhood. And I think growing up, my understanding of womanhood was limited to that. That very skewed perspective on femininity. But now we understand that womanhood can be much more expansive, and it should. It's. It should be much more expansive of a conversation. And I love that you had to come to. You know, and I think we're all like. We all sort of do the things that we feel like we're supposed to do.

[Jade]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Takiya]

Whether it be dressing a certain way, wearing certain sort of trends, doing certain things, certain hairstyles, wanting to present. I remember. And then like, you know, like. Like your grandma. Mine too. Like, you know, so it was. I remember being like, you know, them always being on me about my posture or how I speech and, you know, things like that. I think also my grandma was very. My grandma was not to me. She was all like. She was a baddie, much like your grandma. Okay. She liked her things. She liked to look good. Okay. And she very much believed in things like getting your hair done very regularly. That was our time. You know, Grandma would get her hair.

[Commercial Announcer]

We.

[Takiya]

We had standing appointments on Fridays. Hers was at 3. Mine was at 3:30. And that was our time together. And so, like, very much like her, you know, I still have my routines where I get my hair done every weekend. So those are the things that, you know, embody. But I would not characterize her. She was feminine, but she wasn't, like, dainty or like, you know.

[Jade]

You know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Takiya]

That sort of. That sort of, you know, what is it?

[Jade]

I think that's probably my. My maternal grandma. She's like. She was feminine in the sense where, like, she liked her lipstick, but she was. But that lipstick was gonna come from the beauty supply store. She didn't Give a. And it might not have been applied in the most pristine way, you know what I'm saying? Like for sure it was it. And it wasn't an emphasis on looks, it was an emphasis on feeling good. She was around her. She didn't put any pressure on you about weight gain or weight loss or like on herself even.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

And so yeah, I think those varying examples and then also having those examples taught me I was like, oh, I don't like this way of operating. Actually it does not sit well with me. But then I don't fully agree with this either. Okay, what's the, what's the happy medium there? It's not like I was overtly asking myself those questions at 15. But yeah, I think that shaped a lot of me being okay with who I was for sure and continuing to learn how to be okay.

[Takiya]

And I think that's still like we're still doing that. Right. And so I think as we grow and evolve and you know, even, you know, we laugh and joke, but like being in this phase, like being in my 40s, learning who to who Takiya is at this point, I think is why it matters for me to, for us to sit down and think about womanhood in this expansive way because it really is a full comprehensive experience in a journey and it honestly colors and gives a lot of context to when I think about my mom when she was my age and it helps me see her humanity again in another way and see my grandmother. It helps me to know them now differently.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Takiya]

And that is so that has been. So it has expanded everything. It is not only expand, it expanded our relationship and, and how we connect. Right. So particularly with me and my mom, like there are, there are conversations that I can have now with my mom that I probably would have never been able to have as a teen. But you know, there's a relatability and I think she's actually coming to understand it and recognize it as well. So. Yeah, I don't know. I just think that I just wanted to. I feel like it would be cool for us to sort of practice this like open reflection. I didn't really have like, I didn't really think that it would sort of resolve into some perfect. And this is how we define womanhood. But.

[Jade]

Well, I don't think that that's one that wouldn't be a fair. There, there. I think if anything it's an open ended definition, which for sure the lovely part of it. You know what I'm saying?

[Takiya]

Yeah. I just thought. I just want us to Sort of demonstrate the practice and the utility and like, why it is fun and useful and necessary for us.

[Jade]

Just.

[Takiya]

And think about this, like, what does it mean to be a black woman? Like, to me, being a black woman, when I think about how I am operating in the spaces where I operate now, like, it, I feel comfortable, compelled to be authentic, compelled to tell my truth. I, I feel like I am not only doing myself a disservice, but I'm doing a disservice to any other black woman who could come into the space behind me or with me if I show up as anything other than myself. Like, all of the expectations and conventions of society be damned. Like, I have to be me in here. Like, and, and that feels like something that, you know, 20 year old Takiya would have been scared to do. 20 year old Takiya would have, would not have felt certain or sure, yeah, it was okay for me to show up and ask questions. But you know, I was telling Jay before we started recording at work, we are having some really serious consequential conversations about the feature. And while I am in a lot of these rooms and spaces and it's hard and exhausting for me to have to be the person in there that says, but what about us? Or what about these kinds of institutions or what about those students? I cringe when I think about what would happen if I wasn't here. And so, like, I know that I make people uncomfortable. I know that, you know, there are certain spaces where they don't, you know, I. It still wild to see somebody who looks like me coming in this space. But that's wild.

[Jade]

It's wild that you think this is wild.

[Takiya]

Exactly. But you know, I feel like that it, this is what it means. Like that all informs what my womanhood. It is all of the, all of the, like not fully acknowledging our human experience, all the intersections therein, all the lenses that we see the world through and all the places and standpoints where we do our best work from. Like this. These are the spaces where we can come back and encourage each other and lift each other.

[Jade]

Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. And I do think this is a, this is a good reflection, right? Because even when you first presented it, I was like, well, damn, what did I think? I don't know if I thought what womanhood looked like, you know, and I, and I think that's an important conversation too, because there are also people out there who had very clear pictures of what they thought. And I'd be curious to talk to them. Like, okay, you had a very clear Picture of what you thought this was going to look like. What. How. What's that? What's resonating for you now? Right. You know, did that lead to, like, lots of disappointment? Or, like, you know, did it just make you more determined to carry out, to see the things through that you knew that you wanted? Young. I'm. I would love to expand this and have this conversation with more women.

[Takiya]

Same. Because I. I would love.

[Jade]

Of all experiences.

[Takiya]

Of all experiences of all walks of life, every. Like, every. Even all identities and intersection.

[Jade]

Absolutely, absolutely.

[Takiya]

It's critical for us to think about womanhood as this broad thing and not something that is skewed and limited or finite. It is infinite. And that's. That's the beauty of it. And I think black women have embodied that so well, because we will never conform to what you think we will be, but we will always.

[Jade]

Honestly, if we were to put any symbol to black women, it would be the infinity symbol. I feel like.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Because we are constantly overlapping, crossing each other. And again, it is expands. It just keeps going in so many different ways. And there are no two people who are just alike. There may be prototypes, but no two people are just. Oh, all right. Oops, apologies. Nobody told me as a grown woman that I was going to be negotiating so much communication.

[Takiya]

Everybody's calling me all of the time.

[Jade]

So. So, yeah, I want to continue to have this conversation, and I would love to have it with more. I just kind of want to get, you know, an idea of where everybody's heads are at.

[Takiya]

Yeah. How do you. And I mean, chime in? Let us know on socials or in the comments, wherever you're listening to the show.

[Commercial Announcer]

What.

[Jade]

Email us. We want to hear from you. We'll read it. Let us know what you thought womanhood looked like.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Versus what it's looking like.

[Takiya]

Yes. Like, let's. Let's get into it, because I think.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Takiya]

I just feel like we need to, like, you know, every. Every. I would. I would argue. And I could be wrong. You're. I would argue that everyone's definition has expanded or changed in some way, and I would just be curious to know what that has looked. Looked like for each of you, given where you are in the world. So, yeah, let us know. Let's continue to have the conversation. We. Let's. Like, how do you define womanhood? Defined? What does that mean? And let's. Let's keep talking about it. And I mean, even if we have, you know, as guests come or as we continue the conversation, let's continue to Riff on this and see sort of where we land. Like, you know what?

[Jade]

Yes.

[Takiya]

Let's. Let's think broadly about womanhood, shall we?

[Jade]

You can send Those responses to hellotandgrown.co. and also while we're here, toward the end of the month, we will be having a very important conversation. You already know that Dr. Wendy is a regular at the kitchen table, and she's coming back as Dr. Wendy this time. Last time, she was here as Wendy. Wendy. Next up coming back is Dr. Wendy, along with another esteemed gynecologist, who actually is. I got some years on Dr. Wendy as well, and we're gonna do a little round table. So we would love if you all compiled your questions. If there were things that were not covered in the first few episodes that we had with Dr. Wendy, if there are things you've uncovered with your. Your body as you are continuing to transition and we are in puberty 2.0, send those to helloitgrown.co. i say it all the time. Noah's in puberty. I'm in puberty 2.0. You're in 2.0. You're in 2.0. Like, nobody told us as the youth, you was going to go through puberty twice in different ways. And I understand puberty. That is not the definition of the word, but you know what I mean.

[Takiya]

Yes. Well, the body continues to evolve and change. So, yes. Looking forward to our round table. And I can't wait. I love. I love those kinds of conversations. I remember when Dr. Wendy was at our live show in Chicago, we just had a time.

[Jade]

We did, because I think, you know,

[Takiya]

like, we talk about people be having the questions. Okay. We really are all just figuring it out. So let's figure it out together. Okay?

[Jade]

Yes. Okay. So send those questions as well as your womanhood thoughts.

[Takiya]

Yes.

[Jade]

And definitions to hellottengrown co. And we'll be reading those throughout the month so that we can continue to have this conversation. I think Women's History Month was a white woman thing, but we don't have to make it a white woman thing, like. Reclaiming our time. See, I would love to be a Maxine Waters, but I knew young I was never going to be a Maxine Waters. I was like, I just don't like suits like that. You know what I'm saying? So that's why I couldn't be a Claire Huxtable. I wasn't that refined. I was never refined enough. So I knew early I was not refined enough to be a particular product.

[Takiya]

I don't think Refined I don't think anybody is refined all the time.

[Jade]

No, I don't think anybody's refined all the time. But I just didn't feel like I was refined most of the time. You know what I'm saying? Like, and I still feel that way.

[Takiya]

I don't. Like, I don't think I'm a suits girl, either. I have suits, but I'm not most comfortable in them. I will wear them. I remember we had a conversation. One of my former bosses kind of challenged me on this, because she was a suits person, and I wore dresses, and her position was, you know, in these spaces where we are, you know, most predominantly male spaces to, you know. You know, being feminine is not. And I'm just like. But I'm not finna be wearing no boxy, uncomfortable suit. I would rather be myself. And so this pencil skirt, and you're gonna deal. But. But, you know, I also now can put on a Nike. Nike tech sweatsuit and some Jordans and go toe to toe. But.

[Jade]

So I can absolutely even like you. Your natural inclination, obviously, you're not gonna do it all is to beat your face. Right? And that's something you enjoy.

[Takiya]

Yes.

[Jade]

Doing. You know what I'm saying? Like, you love doing it. It feeds your spirit. You're good at it.

[Takiya]

I wish I had time.

[Jade]

And there are people like me who are like, I love that. And I will never, ever, ever do that. Like that. Like, I will never have more than one set of eyeshadows at this point. I figured out I'm allergic to makeup, so I've got to refigure my whole life out.

[Takiya]

We do need to get. We do need to get that under wraps. We need to figure out exactly what it is, though, because I'm not convinced it is the foundation.

[Jade]

I think I might have to. I might have to go mineral. I might have to go mineral.

[Takiya]

I'm not convinced it's the foundation, though. I feel like it's got to be something else. I feel like. Is it powder? I don't know. Know, but we got. We're gonna.

[Jade]

I don't know. We got to. Any. A dermatologist who wants to test on me, I'm down about J.

[Takiya]

Something about Jay gets clock. She gets congested. Literally congested when she wears makeup.

[Jade]

Yeah. And then I. And then my cheeks get bumpy, and it's like I'm allergic to makeup. That's crazy.

[Takiya]

I would. I would tell you guys. I've seen it with my own eyes. Like, you can see the hives forming on her face. It's like, what is going on?

[Jade]

Yeah, and that's where I always had it up, that I had completely textured skin and it was like, I actually.

[Takiya]

You actually don't.

[Jade]

Skin's pretty decent, actually. It's pretty, you know, it does what it needs to do for all intents and purposes, but it just don't cooperate in the makeup. It says, I don't like that. My look, my skin is me. I don't want it. You keep trying to make me do it. I don't want to do it.

[Takiya]

Very relatable. The skin is me.

[Jade]

It is kid is me. That's what you call this episode. The skin is me. All right, send your emails. Hello again Grown co. Let's head on over to this self care.

[Pharmaceutical Narrator]

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[Commercial Announcer]

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[Pharmaceutical Narrator]

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[Takiya]

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[Takiya]

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[Pharmaceutical Narrator]

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[Jade]

All right, you all. I had to dig deep, deep, deep, deep down in my vagina purse for the self care.

[Takiya]

All right, Come on.

[Jade]

Vagina in my pocketbook. Get your pocketbook in. These trying times. But this week, I set aside a day where I planned several things I wanted to do in the kitchen. And I have done this before and fulfilled maybe one to two of those things. But I gave myself a full day and I really. I was like, you. I got in the kitchen, I roasted a whole chicken. Yeah. For chicken salad. And then I actually made the chicken salad.

[Takiya]

Come on.

[Jade]

I made a batch of kimchi, you know, because for my kimchi and eggs in the morning and, you know, my bone broth, I made some lentils with lamb. You know what I'm saying? And a little cucumber, tomato, feta salad situation on the side.

[Takiya]

Yes.

[Jade]

I prepped dough because I'm trying out some pastries.

[Takiya]

Come on.

[Jade]

So I prepped this dough so that I can test that out tomorrow.

[Takiya]

It's proofing.

[Jade]

There will be some savory and some sweet. And I was like, okay, that in. That made me feel good. I think oftentimes I'm like, trying to cook dinner and do some laundry, and then, you know, I have a recording. I gotta stop by this time because I got a recording. And then by the time I'm done, like. And it's. It doesn't allow me to really enjoy the time. So as I've been trying to prepare, like, what am I gonna give these niggas for content?

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

As far as food is concerned.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

I was like, let me, you know, really get it in and plan whole days for myself where I don't give myself other obligations for things.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

And it was so lovely. And it also just like tonight we're recording, and I don't have to think about dinner. I don't have to think about any of that. These niggas can just go heat up their lentils and lamb, put their little salad on the side. Boom, done. Pita, done. So. So I'll let you all know how the pastries come out. They're called kolache. They are.

[Takiya]

Oh, yes.

[Jade]

I don't think Czechoslovakia. I've had a kolache before, and they're fantastic. So I'm doing Like I said, some savory with a sausage and a cheese. And then I'm doing. I'm gonna get some ham and do some ham and cheese ones. Then I'm also doing a blueberry cream cheese, a raspberry cream cheese, an apple, you know, with a baked apple. Come on. So, yeah, I'm in my bag. As well as a homemade orange cranberry coffee cake. So I'm just testing out all kinds. I've been making Vietnamese food. I've been doing all kinds of things in here. And I was like, this feels good and this is what my spirit needs to settle itself while keeping abreast of the awful ass news. You know what I'm saying?

[Takiya]

I really do love to see it. I really, sister.

[Jade]

It made me feel good.

[Takiya]

Yes. I was one of the. Somebody I follow posted a video this week saying, like, somebody asked her how she manages her time, and she was like, I tell my time where to go. Like, you know, and it was. She was like, I give myself grace that I don't lock myself into a schedule. But I like, like you said, I designate days and times where I'm going to do this, and I try to hold those boundaries.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Takiya]

And she said, you know, you can be flexible if you really need to, but, like, you know, it really does just free up. She was like, whether it is, like, work or even personal, like, I'm going to do that on this day.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Takiya]

And she was like, yeah. I thought about it because it's like, you know, I tend to get overwhelmed when I make, like a regimented schedule because if I, if I miss one thing, it's like, oh, girl, I crashed.

[Jade]

No, I think the other side to that, too is outside of just like the very regimented schedule, also not trying to cram too much.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Into a day. You know what I'm saying? Or like I told you before, and it wasn't like I didn't think about it in terms of cramming. It was more like, I have so many things to get done.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

And so it's. It's refiguring how I schedule that. Okay. This will be my, my personal admin time. So during that time, I'll answer my emails, I'll plan out my blah. This is my writing time. This is my so like. And so when I set that designated food time, I was like, that's all I'm going to do. Therefore, I don't feel the pressure of going throwing a load in the laundry, trying to go and do this too. And I was doing too Much of that to myself. So that felt good.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

What about you? What's your self care this week?

[Takiya]

A couple of things. So I have identified a D.C. based black woman psychiatric nurse practitioner. Oh yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Say more. Because, you know, I've been diagnosed with add, right. And so this is someone who can sort of help me along that journey and to think about the best ways to sort of manage that, the specific way that my brain works, whether it be medication or other, other forms of treatment. And so I'm just sort of starting that journey, doing it in conjunction with sort of the talk therapy I've been doing with my therapist. But I have been looking for a while for someone who was black and woman. But also I needed someone because what I, my therapist is great, love her down. But like Ms. Sharon still sort of gives me that older woman vibe,

[Commercial Announcer]

which,

[Takiya]

which is, which is good, which I need because I think that does help me sort of process certain parts of, you know, the work. And it's good perspective for some of the work that I need to do. But I also feel like I could use a perspective that's closer in age to my own. I'm looking for someone who is a little bit more millennial and so I was able to find that. And so I'm looking forward to sort of setting up our first interaction and I'll keep you guys posted on how that goes.

[Jade]

Yes, please do.

[Takiya]

But I'm excited about that. And another thing, it's not as nice, intense, but a step. Right. So you know, the cleaning, the cleaners came this week and you know, I, I, my tendency is to spend so much time cleaning before the cleaners come and I found myself doing a bit of that. But then I just got to the point and it was just like, I'm done. So like, yeah, like I put the things away. So you know, I did, you know, I did due diligence, but I didn't. Crazy. And that, yes, for me, because I would literally clean the house before the cleaners come. And I felt myself, I felt myself like being like girl, I, I felt myself going there. And then I like, remember I looked at the time and it was like, girl, girl, go to bed. Like, I literally said that to myself, go to bed, go to bed, go to bed, Joseph, go to bed, go to bed. My closet, there was a whole big bunch of like hangers and things. You know, I bagged up the clothes I was going to donate and, but it was like, you know, it's like, I gotta bag this, I gotta put this and then so when she came in, I was just like, yeah, there's some hangers in the closet. Don't throw them away. If you could just help me. And she was like, oh, no problem. And when I came back, she had arranged them and put them all in piles.

[Jade]

I was like, see, I've been hustling in reverse. Backwards. Okay, Backwards.

[Takiya]

I have been hustling in reverse. All this help was available to me the whole time.

[Jade]

I feel like that was a feat within itself, actually. Not cleaning before the cleaners get the hair. That is a black woman's way.

[Takiya]

It is, it is. And I feel like I'm going to get more help because I started purging my closet, and I've done very well. But I think I've also realized that I need help.

[Jade]

Help, Right. So.

[Takiya]

So there's. There's, you know, I'm willing to do it, but, you know, I need support.

[Jade]

I wish I was close.

[Takiya]

I know, I know.

[Jade]

As you know, I would come in there and regulate us. I feel like you would judge me

[Takiya]

because I think I, you know, I just. I judge myself because it's like, oh, my God, it's so much stuff. When did I get so much stuff? Oh, my God.

[Jade]

Yeah. No, it happens. No, it fully happens. You should see, like, I'll come across things right now betwixt 2020, from 2020. And I'm like, what the were you on?

[Takiya]

It's like, girl, all of these things, sister. From when I was working, like, 2017. Like, work clothes from, like, 2017. It's like, girl, you're not even this size anymore. What I was throwing away size six, size eight. It's been years.

[Jade]

A lot of. But a lot of life has happened. Yes. And it was in. It was a blessing that it's in a room you don't even have to think about most of the time. So please, like, that happened. If I had more space probably to store more shit and didn't have to do regular clean outs, that I probably would. Don't let me get a garage, okay? I'm not gonna know what to do with myself.

[Takiya]

So true. And I feel, like, compelled to do this now because, you know, I mean, even though the world is crazy, I still am asking God, believing God for things, right? And so it's like, I do want to. This house has been wonderful. It is my house. It will always probably be my house. But I feel like, you know, what would it look like to expand? And I want to sort of demonstrate that I am a good steward over what I have now so that I can be a good steward over the. More that is for me. So it's like, I want to sort of get the practice of, you know, just taking better care of my things. And I think I do sort of struggle with, like, girl, you should have been doing this. It's like, well, no.

[Jade]

There's this lady on the Internet that does these videos. And I know that you can tell that she started doing them or she does them basically as accountability to herself, but she'd be like, I'm gonna show you how long it takes me to do a project I've been putting off for four years or two days or four months. And oftentimes the projects are 15 minutes, 13 minutes, 27 minutes. You know what I'm saying? And she. Then she'll also go through the scientific stuff of why your brain procrastinates and. But. And I know she's holding herself accountable doing those things, but also it's comforting because I now, like, the other day, something I've been putting off for, like, several weeks now. I just, like, rammed and did it in, like, an hour. And I thought about. And my first thought was to be like, damn. Like, really? And then I thought about that lady, and I said, no. So many people were just, like, so good. I needed this where we're way down very much. So much, even. Not always, like, cognitively, like it was. Sometimes we don't even realize our spirits are so much more holy, how much we're holding. Yeah. And how that plays out in your everyday life. You know what I'm saying? Like, I did not do these baseboards for a month. And it's like, girl, because you've literally been watching children die. You've been watching people do whatever they want and pretend that laws don't exist. You watched Melania get up there and read something for the. For the. The security.

[Takiya]

Don't get me.

[Jade]

Don't get me. Don't get me started with her fucking finger. You know, what if I put this project off for.

[Takiya]

For a few weeks?

[Jade]

That's. Oh, motherfucking care.

[Takiya]

This is good. I need. I needed this because I think. You know, I don't know. You're right. You're right. I think about it. I moved in this house right before COVID and then we literally lived through a whole pandemic. And so you got them, right. I put everything in that closet in the guest room and closed the door.

[Jade]

Like, exactly. Exactly. We have been in a cloud for, like, literally. We lost years of our lives. And while we do have money. There are clearly episodes that show that Kia and I lived through.

[Takiya]

Covid.

[Jade]

You guys have. Have family pictures and all kinds of things in your own memories. And yet there's a good chunk of time where all of us are like, now what? Wait, I don't remember.

[Takiya]

I'm sorry.

[Jade]

What year was that? Okay. Oh, okay. 2022. That one's tricky. You know, like, we just have to sister. And again, these people are doing whatever they want.

[Takiya]

Yeah. And the best you can is the best you can sometimes.

[Jade]

That's it. That's it.

[Takiya]

The best you can. So self care. Yes. We're cleaning. We. I. I did not clean before the cleaners come.

[Jade]

Very good.

[Takiya]

Yay me.

[Jade]

Very good. Very good.

[Takiya]

I know my mama's gonna come in here tomorrow and start opening up drawers and cabinets, and I'm just gonna have to let her see what's in there because I just don't have the strength.

[Jade]

No, I don't. And if she says, what is that? You say, it's a junk drawer. Yeah, girl, what's your next question?

[Takiya]

That's right.

[Jade]

What's your next question?

[Takiya]

That's right. That's right, girl.

[Jade]

You know, I just started answering my mother's like, why do you smoke weed, Jay? Because I'm stressed and it makes me feel good. What else do you want to know any next time? Like, you don't stop asking me stuff that you don't want the real answer for.

[Takiya]

Next question. Girl, how can I help you? I know that's right.

[Jade]

Love ya.

[Takiya]

Ready to get petty?

[Jade]

Yeah, let's get petty.

[Pharmaceutical Narrator]

Country.

[Takiya]

Petty, petty, petty. All the same to me. Playing jeans spaghetti. All right, let's get petty. I am here. I told you that. I started a note in my phone where I chronicle the petty peeps as I think about them.

[Jade]

So let me just.

[Takiya]

Let me just pull up the beautiful bean footage. Okay.

[Jade]

Okay, here we go.

[Takiya]

I'm ready. This is. This is my Petty piece. I understand on Tick Tock on Instagram. The influencers, particularly the beauty girls, they're the most. The guilty. I hate when y' all be tapping on them products in. In.

[Jade]

Oh, my God.

[Takiya]

Oh, well, y' all be. Girl, that thing makes me want to don't understand.

[Jade]

What is the purpose?

[Takiya]

What?

[Jade]

What is the purpose?

[Takiya]

What is the reason? I understand that there are some people, I guess, in the world. The ASMR roll up with me. It's everything. The girls would be like, here are my probiotics.

[Jade]

It's like, why do y' all do that? Help me.

[Takiya]

What is the reason. What is the reason? I understand maybe in the world of asmr, that there are people who like the sound of that kind of tapping thing. It is. It is the quickest way to get me off of your content. It is the quick. I ain't never scrolled up so fast in all my life. When y' all get to it makes me want to scream.

[Jade]

Like, at least get creative with it. Pretend it's a maracas or something. But, like, I mean.

[Takiya]

And maybe I'm missing something, right?

[Jade]

I don't think so.

[Takiya]

Maybe in the world of tick tock that. That it has some other significance. And if so, y' all can feel

[Jade]

free to let me know.

[Takiya]

I don't think it will change my position, but I'm just offering that maybe I'm just an angsty millennial because I don't know why y' all do it. I really don't. I don't. I don't get it. I don't know.

[Jade]

Yeah, there's much that's getting past me. I'm. I had to actually curb myself. When people set up their cameras and then walk back into rooms, I was like, is nobody else thinking about this? They really. Because, like, the phone's still there. They gotta come back. Like, they'd be taking pictures. You know, they're in the park and they walk by the camera and I'm like, you just set your phone up and tree. Did you see

[Takiya]

the girl that, like, put her phone on the train so she could film herself going on the train and then the doors closed. To record herself boarded the train and could not get back on the train, so her phone was just on the train.

[Jade]

You see, you're not even using good sense and sensibility when you all are doing this at time the same at this point. And I'm trying not to be a about it.

[Commercial Announcer]

Right.

[Jade]

Because there's many content creators that I think are fantastic at what they do, and they do have to do that.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

It's my brain being like, get ready with me.

[Takiya]

I feel myself leaving the room and I have to come back and turn

[Jade]

it off, which I don't. I think that's funny. And also, like, I. I love when they acknowledge, like, I gotta. They show the bloopers and where they're like, oh, I gotta set this up. So I don't. Like, I'm not really annoyed by it. I just also cannot help but think about. I'm like, when they're in public, where is this phone right now?

[Takiya]

It's the waking up.

[Jade]

Oh, the Waking up stresses me. Now that sends me. Stop it with your funky ass breath. Stop that. Stop that question.

[Takiya]

It's like, they be like, girl, you got up and cut that second wrong one you did.

[Jade]

And where did you put it? Where is it? Again? My mind always goes to, where is this phone? Like, what you. Where. You got this right now?

[Takiya]

Where is this at?

[Jade]

Oh, I don't even know. My. My petty peeve is the world. What is my petty peeve this week? People who wear jeans to the gym.

[Takiya]

What? That's a thing?

[Jade]

Yes. I did not know that was a thing. You know, I hate the gym. And I have been to the gym in e upon eons. And I remember one of the last time that went many years ago when I went. I was at the ywca and it was some old Chinese men. It was working out in jeans. I said, okay, they old. I will let them rock. I went recently, me and Antoinette went to the gym, and somebody was in denim shorts, and I was like, a, it's snowing outside. B, I just don't understand denim in the gym. Like, I will never get denim in the gym. And truth be told, I think part of my personal problem is anything that's not gym attire stresses me out. I'm like, how come you didn't put on real workout clothes? Like, you just. Was this an accidental visit? Like, what was the reason for what you got on right now? Like, this is not gym attire. So I think I. But again, that's a me problem. But because it. Because it don't have to do with me. And this is why we say at the end of the show, you need to mind your own business. Because oftentimes we stress ourselves out because we. Because we don't agree with something. Maybe that was perfectly happy chafing his dick in those jean shorts at the gym, but it was making me uncomfortable. And if I would invited my business, it's just not.

[Takiya]

Jeans are very heavy. They're not forgiving.

[Jade]

Most of them. Them don't move with you. No.

[Takiya]

And I find that the older I get, just the. They're just not comfortable. They're just not comfortable. On most days, I find myself. Like, if I had a preference, I'm not reaching for some jeans.

[Jade]

No, no, not generally.

[Takiya]

You know what I'm saying?

[Jade]

Not generally. I put jeans on when I am gonna go outside, and I'm like, well, I guess I've got to put on something that looks like clothes, so I'll put on some. You know, it's not sweatpants appropriate. I'LL put on some jeans. You know what else gets on my nerves these days? I realized that I have, like, the lowest tolerance for. And again, it's probably the state of the world, so it just seems so frivolous and stupid. Rage baiting on the Internet. Rage baiting is doing exactly what it

[Takiya]

is intended to do with me.

[Jade]

I am your. I am your key to the.

[Takiya]

It's working.

[Jade]

It is pissing me off, but it's also great for me because it's a great reminder that, like, you know what? Turn this off right now. You could be reorganizing your Tupperware or making Danishes.

[Takiya]

Yeah. And it's getting worse. Now that we're in this age of, like, red pill content and misinformation, all the people. I think people are willfully being divisive and chaotic. You know, I totally.

[Jade]

My Hill is hosting Rachel Dolezal on his show. You know, again, I'm not letting that go. I'm not letting that go. Violent.

[Takiya]

What was the reason? Like, you asked.

[Jade]

Call him and ask him. XD told me, you know him. Call him. Call him and ask him what it was. Ask him if he wants to come on getting grown, because I'm happy to ask him what the. Was the.

[Takiya]

I don't know him. I took a class with him when I was at Columbia. We are not like. We don't.

[Jade]

Oh, that's when you had a doobie.

[Takiya]

Yeah.

[Jade]

That was many moons ago. That was many womanhoods ago.

[Takiya]

I was giving across a long time.

[Jade]

A long what? She's giving a long.

[Pharmaceutical Narrator]

Honey.

[Jade]

I was giving a girl and a white jean.

[Takiya]

Period.

[Jade]

Period. Okay, I live. I live.

[Takiya]

I was down to the Dominican faithfully, regularly. Okay. Getting my whole entire life.

[Jade]

When I would get my. I can tell you the very last doobie I ever got, though, it was a few days before my wedding because I was getting my haircut and I went. So they gave me a little. And I. And Tristan had never, never seen my hair straight. And I came and he said, mm.

[Takiya]

You know, Joseph had a similar reaction to Keisha in straight hair. And I will never forget it. I'll never forget it. He was like, when you gonna. Okay, how long is this gonna be a thing?

[Jade]

Because his. His views. See, my mother always told me, if a nigga comments on your skin color, you know, you. If he says any, you, then you know that there is a clear issue there. Run. And when this was like, I don't like it. You look too. I don't. I don't like the adjacence. Adjacent. He's like, you already light as. I can't with the adjacence in this. It's so good in this blowout. So.

[Takiya]

Oh, my God.

[Jade]

You know, that's the last doobie I ever got in my life as a

[Takiya]

New Yorker, you know, the doobie was very much like a. It was a time, you know, And

[Jade]

I'm not gonna be. I'm not going to hold you. I still appreciate a good, nasty doobie.

[Takiya]

When I say. First of all, let's be very clear,

[Jade]

because if you were to go down

[Takiya]

to my YouTube subscriptions, you will see that I watch. Watch so much hair content. I'd be. I got about a quarter teaspoon worth of hair, but I'd be watching the girls do the blowouts down to the YouTube because I just love the artistry.

[Jade]

You see, I up and lock this, but when I see some Marcel Irons fly across my screen, you better know that I'm gonna stop and watch the video.

[Takiya]

It is just so core. And I mean, you know. Yeah, you New Yorkers and doobies, we went together real bad for a.

[Jade]

Real bad. Real bad with your pins.

[Takiya]

Real bad.

[Jade]

When you do your rap, like, it was real bad.

[Pharmaceutical Narrator]

What?

[Takiya]

Excuse me.

[Jade]

And I feel like. Noah, get your ass out. She is so annoying.

[Takiya]

Hey, Noah.

[Jade]

Girls, you better wave at me. She did. She came. Huh? Okay, I'm almost done. Get out. You can't be serious, right? Right now. Get out of here. Don't fart at me. Close that door. That's why the whole world knows you just farted at me. And I'm not editing it out.

[Takiya]

These weaponized farts are always going to take me out.

[Jade]

And she's mad that she can't burp on command. And I'm like, no, that is. That was. No, because you can't do both. Like, what do you mean? And I would argue you got the worst of the two.

[Takiya]

Yeah, most people can burp on command, but not far on command. So, I mean, I.

[Jade]

She was trying the other day. She was like, I just want to burp.

[Takiya]

And I was like, she need a good Pepsi. Like, my grandma used to drink a good Pepsi.

[Jade]

She had a salsa. And she's like. She's like. It just. I said stop before you make yourself gag.

[Takiya]

It's not gagging.

[Jade]

It's not gagging.

[Takiya]

It didn't eat. What a mess.

[Jade]

Oh, God. Raising a preteen is so fun. It's so fun. They're so fun. Well, thank you all so much for listening to another episode of Getting Grown thank you to everybody who has donated to the PayPal for the funds for the children. I am, I'm just so overwhelmed. It continues to be in the description box. So if you care to throw a couple of dollars or have the ability to. I know we are in very trying times. Know that this money is going towards reconnecting these children with their mother who I can also tell you all was recently released from the deportation center. So now it's a matter of getting her to the country where her mother is so that her children can actually be welcomed by their mother grandmother. So I, I just wanted to give you all a little update in the safest way as possible. As always. Ice. Okay. And sis, take them out and tell them what to do.

[Takiya]

Make sure that you are moisturizing your mind always by attending to the business that is yours and yours alone. Mind your business out here. Keep yourself safe, okay? A lot of times that's what we. This was the first step in keeping yourself safe. Is really considering. Is this my business? Secondly, you want to moisturize your insides by drinking just as much water as your body can sustain every day. Okay. Hydration is key. It's important not only to your physical health but also to just, you know, just your overall well being emotionally as well. And finally, you want to make sure that you are moisturizing your skin. Okay. Because your black will crack if it's dry.

[Jade]

Yes. Or allergic to makeup.

[Takiya]

Bye bye bye.

[Pharmaceutical Narrator]

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[Commercial Announcer]

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[Pharmaceutical Narrator]

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