Girls Gone Bible – "Fix Your Mind" w/ Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

Episode Date: October 31, 2025
Hosts: Angela Halili & Arielle Reitsma
Guests: Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott
Main Theme: Understanding and transforming "bad thoughts"—toxic self-talk patterns—and reclaiming your mind through grace, self-awareness, and Biblical principles.

Episode Overview

In this engaging conversation, Angela and Ari welcome back Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, respected Christian psychologists and authors, to discuss their new book "Bad Thoughts" (co-written with Judah Smith). The episode candidly explores the negative self-talk that shapes our lives, the five most common toxic thought patterns, and how faith and psychology work together to overcome them. With real-life stories, humor, and vulnerability, the discussion offers hope and practical wisdom for anyone seeking freedom from unhealthy mental patterns.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introduction & Book Background (02:00–06:42)

• The Parrotts' Return: The hosts warmly welcome Les and Leslie, with playful banter about being "frequent flyers" on the show.
• Book Origins: Les explains how his work counseling Judah Smith inspired the book—a blend of a preacher’s and a shrink’s perspectives on the mind.
• Book’s Core Premise:
  • The mind is shaped by self-talk, much of which is negative and automatic.
  • “This is kind of the book your brain doesn’t want you to read, because it’s going to dismantle the toxic lies that you tell yourself.” – Dr. Les Parrott (05:46)
• Vulnerability: The book is described as honest and open, sharing universally relatable struggles.

Structure & Research Behind the Book (06:56–09:58)

• Survey of 1,000 People: Les shares that a majority of people’s self-talk is negative (citing a UCLA study: ~92% negative on average).
• The Five Toxic Thought Patterns:
  1. Guilt ("Take your last guilt trip and discover the road to grace")
  2. The Disease to Please
  3. Self-Doubt
  4. Entitlement
  5. Earning Credit with God

“What we think is most personal to us is often the most universal thing that everybody struggles with.” – Leslie Parrott (09:53)

The Five Toxic Thoughts In-Depth

1. Guilt: Overcoming Self-Condemnation (10:03–20:40)

• Guilt as Selfish & Consuming:
  • “Guilt is just a poison in our system... It's like a toothache.” – Dr. Les Parrott (10:09)
• False Guilt vs. Godly Sorrow:
  • False guilt is homegrown from upbringing, not God; true change comes from ‘godly sorrow’ focused on future restoration.
  • “Guilt is all about the past and godly sorrow is about the future, how things are going to be different.” – Dr. Les Parrott (16:15)
• Grace as the Antidote:
  • Illustrations—such as the “guilt free drop” lesson during a juggling seminar—reinforce the liberating power of grace.
• Host Testimonies:
  • Both hosts share struggles with guilt rooted in childhood environments and how understanding grace has fostered healing.
• OCD & Guilt:
  • Ari connects obsessive-compulsive thinking with deep-seated guilt, sharing her own journey of healing (20:05).

2. The Disease to Please: People-Pleasing and Authenticity (20:57–38:53)

• Defining the Disease:
  • Difficulty in saying ‘no’, chronic boundary issues, and fear of rejection.
  • “When we have this disease to please, we are no longer authentic. We’re living in Pleasantville.” – Dr. Les Parrott (23:26)
• Pseudo vs. Authentic Relationships:
  • Surface-level relationships are safe but shallow; true intimacy requires risking conflict and being oneself.
  • “Conflict is the price we pay for a deeper relationship.” – Dr. Les Parrott (24:22)
• Attachment Styles:
  • Anxious attachments fuel people-pleasing due to fear of abandonment (24:34).
• Grace in Relationships:
  • Letting go of the need to change others often leads to unexpectedly deeper love.
• Real-Life Examples:
  • Humorous and endearing stories about personal quirks (like carrot-cutting and leaving caps off containers) depict how acceptance, not control, builds deeper bonds.

3. Self-Doubt: Breaking Learned Helplessness (39:01–50:20)

• Learned Helplessness:
  • Les recounts Martin Seligman’s experiment with dogs to illustrate how we internalize ‘helplessness’ and limit ourselves by negative beliefs (40:35).
  • “You take something personally, you believe it’s pervasive and it’s permanent—those are the makings for clinical depression.” – Dr. Les Parrott (43:36)
• The Antidote:
  • Reroute your thought grooves; use self-talk to challenge personal, pervasive, and permanent negative conclusions.
  • "Awareness is curative." – Angela (46:24)
• Biblical Integration:
  • Citing 2 Corinthians 10:5, the hosts highlight the importance of taking every thought captive to Christ.

4. Entitlement: From Victimhood to Generosity (50:20–57:59)

• Defining Entitlement:
  • A victim mentality—the belief that “life owes me” (52:43).
• Faith as a Remedy:
  • The story of Joseph in the Old Testament illustrates moving from “I deserve” to “God redeems.”
• Happiness Experiment:
  • Les describes research showing that pleasure from self-indulgence fades quickly, but generosity and helping others lead to sustained joy.
  • “If you’re looking for the antidote to entitlement—that’s what it is. Start to give your life away.” – Dr. Les Parrott (57:41)
• Personal Reflection:
  • Ari shares struggles with entitlement in singleness and recognizes that serving others brings deeper fulfillment.

5. Earning God’s Love: Receiving vs. Proving (58:17–69:08)

• Performance-Based Spirituality:
  • Many subconsciously strive to earn God’s approval.
  • “Ultimately our love is not earned. And it’s not from somebody else, it’s from God.” – Dr. Les Parrott (58:43)
• Illustrations:
  • The “Daddy, watch me!” pool story and $100 bill anecdote reinforce our unchanging value to God.
• Widespread Struggle:
  • Even ministry students feel more aware of God’s disapproval than His love (65:25).
  • “God’s love is not connected to our performance…nothing has changed.” – Leslie Parrott (62:08)
• Healing the Mind:
  • The episode persists that love, not condemnation, is at the heart of the Gospel and real freedom.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Guilt and Grace:
  “Take your last guilt trip and discover the road to grace.” – Dr. Les Parrott (11:01)
• On People-Pleasing: “We’re living in Pleasantville…But you can’t have an authentic relationship because it’s only this deep.” – Dr. Les Parrott (23:26)
• On Learned Helplessness:
  “If you take something personal, believe it’s pervasive and permanent, you have the makings for clinical depression.” – Dr. Les Parrott (43:36)
• On Entitlement:
  “If you’re looking for the antidote to entitlement—that’s what it is. Start to give your life away.” – Dr. Les Parrott (57:41)
• On God’s Love:
  “God’s love is not connected to our performance…nothing has changed.” – Leslie Parrott (62:08)
• On Changing Self-Talk:
  “It begins with your thoughts. So many people think, ‘Oh, I need to feel a certain way, and then I’ll think differently.’ And that’s just not true. Your thoughts [are the] catalyst.” – Dr. Les Parrott (68:18)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Guests Introduction & Book Setup – 02:00–06:42
• Five Toxic Thoughts Overview – 06:56–09:58
• Guilt & Grace Discussion – 10:03–20:40
• People Pleasing & Authentic Relationships – 20:57–38:53
• Self-Doubt & Learned Helplessness – 39:01–50:20
• Entitlement vs. Generosity – 50:20–57:59
• Earning God's Love – 58:17–69:08
• Summary of Five Talks & Actionable Wisdom – 69:08–END

Takeaways & Action Points

• Awareness is Curative: Identity negative thought patterns, bringing them before God and challenging their truth.
• Grace Over Guilt: Receive God’s grace and let go of self-punishment.
• Seek Authenticity: Risk vulnerability for real relationships; let go of people-pleasing masks.
• Break the Cycle of Self-Doubt: Refuse to let “learned helplessness” define your possibilities.
• Choose Generosity: The path out of entitlement is serving and loving others.
• Rest in God’s Love: Stop striving to earn God’s approval—your value is secure and unchanging.

Final Thoughts

Angela and Ari, alongside the Parrotts, offer deep hope anchored in Scripture and psychology: with self-awareness, vulnerability, and a biblical worldview, anyone can “fix their mind” and walk in freedom. The episode is as practical as it is heartfelt. Listeners are encouraged to embrace grace and let the truth transform their lives, one thought at a time.

“When you know the truth, the truth will set you free.” – Leslie Parrott (68:03)

For more, check out "Bad Thoughts: A Preacher and a Shrink’s Guide to Reclaiming Your Mind" by Dr. Les Parrott & Judah Smith.