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Angela
Foreign. Have you ever been in a relationship and kept having unwanted doubts like, do I love them enough? Am I really happy? What if God has someone better for me? And those questions felt impossible to ignore. And suddenly you're repeatedly praying for certainty or signs, constantly comparing your relationship to others and asking friends what they think over and over. But you can't find peace no matter what you try. Unwanted relationship doubts can feel so real and so scary. But here's what's important to know. Thoughts like these can be a sign of relationship ocd. Unlike the stereotypes about being organized, real OCD is a serious condition that can latch onto anything we care about. Relationship OCD creates this never ending loop of doubt and anxiety followed by behaviors you do to try and feel better. But the relief never lasts. But OCD doesn't have to take over your relationships because it's highly treatable with a type of specialized therapy called exposure and response prevention, or erp. And that's why we're excited to tell you about nocd. NOCD is the world's leading OCD treatment provider and all of their licensed Therapists specialize in ERP therapy with no CD is 100% virtual, covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans and includes support between sessions. Their therapists are extensively trained, deeply understanding and ready to help you reclaim your relationships. If any of this sounds like you or someone you care about, visit nocd.com and book a free 15 minute call to learn more about how NOCD can help. That's nocd.com this episode is brought to
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Angela
When you're done drinking that, can I have a little sip?
Ari
Yeah, you can have it.
Angela
Yeah, you can have it.
Ari
Yeah, your cahava. Ah, yokahava. We get a little funky at 8am eh.
Angela
Oh my gosh. Is there alcohol in this?
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
Yeah, yeah, there's alcohol in that.
Ari
Ang.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
There's a little.
Ari
I, I did a little shot of gin this morning just to really get. Get the day started. It's, it's. Is there alcohol in it?
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
I don't know.
Angela
There's something.
Ari
Are you out of your mind?
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
It's.
Angela
It.
Ari
What I hope you.
Angela
Is there lavender?
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
I hope you would bring me to a rehab if I came in at 8 in the morning putting alcohol in a coffee.
Angela
Okay, then what is.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
What kind of woman of God do you think I am?
Angela
What do you. What. What's in this?
Ari
I have become.
Angela
You did something interesting.
Ari
I have become a coffee connoisseur. So I have a routine. Not only has the Breville completely transformed and changed my life. Sure. I do a shot of the. It's like this vanilla. I don't know.
Angela
Is it lavender? No, this.
Ari
Vanilla. What is it called?
Angela
Vanilla. I put a little vanilla syrup.
Ari
Syrup. And then.
Angela
So. Why are you saying that?
Ari
Syrup, syrup. And then I do. And then I do a little bit of vanilla paste or honey.
Angela
Vanilla paste.
Ari
Yeah, it's like vanilla, and. And so I. And then I mix it together, and then I do the almond milk vanilla. That. And then I put some honey in it with cinnamon on top. Remember when I used to use seed oil? Oat milk.
Angela
I can't believe you used to drink,
Ari
and I was, like, blowing up like a balloon.
Angela
Well, oat milk is the worst thing for your body. By the way, you with gold shadow.
Ari
Do I have gold shadow on?
Angela
Yeah, you have gold eyeshadow. I was like, your eyes look insane.
Ari
Oh, really?
Angela
You look beautiful.
Ari
I was. I had. I. You know how you have to go like that so you can see? That was me getting ready this morning.
Angela
Well, I. I stayed at my friend's house and forgot all my makeup. And so, you know when you have to use somebody else's makeup, it's just, like, Russian.
Ari
Even the. Even the foundation.
Angela
Foundation concealer.
Ari
She's, like, not even the same color as you. She's Jamaican.
Angela
I know, I know. I literally can't even believe that I look okay.
Ari
Yeah, you look beautiful.
Angela
Thank you.
Ari
Did you wash your hair?
Angela
So I washed my hair yesterday. And you know when you don't. You know when you don't wash out all the conditioner?
Ari
Oh, that's the worst.
Angela
You have this, like, sticky hair, and you're trying to, like, curl it. Yeah, that was me this morning. Anyways, don't look at me like that.
Ari
Anyways, I slept on the. I was just telling Angela, but I slept on. Do you guys have a side of the bed that you just always sleep on? I slept on the opposite side last night, and I had the most demonic dreams that I'm not even gonna get into, but they were horrific.
Angela
I want to hear them.
Ari
No, it was horrific.
Angela
That's awful.
Ari
Oh, and by the way, you told me that you were moving to Japan.
Angela
Wait, that's prophetic. Because remember Doug? I was talking to Doug yesterday About going to Japan.
Ari
No way.
Angela
That's weird. That's, like, weirdly prophetic.
Ari
Oh, my gosh.
Angela
It's fine.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
Yeah.
Ari
And I said, maybe for the fashion, but other than that, no. And then I did. I was like, of course I would say that.
Angela
I don't think we would survive in Japan. So I am on the tail end of the flu. I'm going to talk as little as possible this episode because nobody wants to listen to this. Where going? Where going, friend? I preached this weekend with 101 fever. I don't know how I got through. It was literally the grace of God. The first night, my family and people in the audience said when I went out on stage, I had no voice. And within a couple of minutes, minutes, I was speaking with, like, a full voice, which is the supernatural grace of God.
Ari
Yeah.
Angela
Heck, yeah.
Ari
We've become such dorks.
Angela
We are such dorks. And then. So we're in Ontario and you want to tell them your story?
Ari
Oh, yeah. Does anybody have the video of me telling the Bonjour story? It was such a cute little moment. And I want that to send to my mom. She keeps asking me about it, but basically, like, I always travel with Ange everywhere, so I have no brain cells when I travel now. I've been traveling since I was a kid. Like, I've been on my own since I was a kid. And now I'm like a child. Like, I have no idea what I'm doing in airports.
Angela
I check in for her.
Ari
I turn off my brain completely when I'm with her.
Angela
I'm so in my masculine.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
I just can't do it anymore.
Angela
Keep going.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
I really act like a princess when I'm with you.
Angela
Oh, a princess. You guys have no idea. She doesn't open doors for herself anymore. We get to a door, and if she's in front of me, she stops and waits for me to open it for her. And I love it for her. But, like, I need.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
I need a man.
Angela
Okay, keep going. No, I don't. We're de Centering men.
Ari
Don't get me started on men.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
Don't get me started. I am in this. I have to come out of this negative mindset of men right now.
Angela
You do.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
Oh, yeah, you do.
Angela
You need to go on dates.
Ari
Oh, please. I'm like, now I'm in a different country. I land and I'm just. I, like, panic. I'm like, oh, my gosh. I'm in a different country. What am I going to do? Am I like. I was just panicking. I'M like, I can't believe I'm in this position where I am like this when I travel now. So I'm on the phone with my girlfriend and I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm in a different country. I was, I'm so stupid.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
This is so stupid.
Ari
But I was like, I'm in a different country now. They don't have cars. No one speaks English. Because I always would go to Quebec when I was a kid and everyone was French. And so I land, I go up to this guy at the airport and I'm like.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
And I was like, bonjour. I was like, do you guys have cars?
Ari
And he looks at me and he was like, yeah. He's like, the Uber's downstairs. I didn't think that they had Ubers because I was in a different country.
Angela
We were in a third world country. We were in, in Ontario, Canada.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
But if anybody has that video, can
Ari
you please DM it to me? I really want.
Angela
And then another funny part was, you know, we talk about mental health a lot on the podcast and sometimes, you know, Jesus is also joy. He's not just depression and saving you from depression, even though that is a lot of people's story. And I are on the plane, what
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
are you going to say?
Angela
I, I, we're on the plane on the way back and it's like a, almost a six hour flight. It was so far. We had just preached two nights in a row. I'm still like getting over the flu, so I'm super sick. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about anything spiritual. I was fried. I just wanted to like zone out and have a good time and just like watch YouTube and just chill out. And Ari looks at me and go, hey. And like taps on me. I take out my headphones. She goes, this week we should talk about depression.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
I said, no. I said, no. I said, what do you think about?
Ari
I go, what do you think about next week? I go, what do you think about next week's episode? God restores those who are too far gone.
Angela
No, no, no. That was after first it was, first it was, what do you think we need to talk about depression? And I look at her and I
Ari
go, she has her hair in a top notch.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
She's so frazzled and gone, so gone.
Angela
And I look at her, I go, I don't want to talk about depression. I want to be happy. I don't want to talk about depression anymore. I just want to be happy. And, and then later on, and then she's like, dying laughing because of my response. And then later on, she goes, hey, what do you think we do? God restores what's been lost. And I'm like, for the love of
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
God, just leave me alone. Just leave me alone.
Angela
I don't want to.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
I was like, yeah, you're right. God is joy. Let's just have a fun episode.
Angela
So. So what we landed on after saying let's have a fun episode is hope deferred makes the heart sick. So here we are again with sick hearts. And if I'm being honest, I could learn a little lesson on what to do when hope deferred makes the heart sick. So take it away, sister.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
And honestly, I was thinking about, like, what's my hope deferred right now in my season? And I'm like,
Ari
men.
Angela
Yeah, I've decentered men. I don't know what that means.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
Sorry, I just looked at you like an owl. I'm just like, what is de center?
Angela
Decentering men means that they're no longer the center of your life. You know, we're decentering.
Ari
Oh. They haven't been the center of my life in years. Thank you, God.
Angela
But I'm just. I love love. It's really hard for me.
Ari
I love love, too, but I'm just. Okay, like, you know what? No, I'm gonna stop.
Angela
Go ahead.
Ari
No, because it's just so. I hate speaking death, but I'm sure. Girls, can you relate to me at all? Do you guys sometimes wonder, like, where are the men? Like, like, where are the strong men? Where are those men that, yeah. Are really just strong?
Angela
Yeah.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
We're the strongest men of God. And where are you?
Ari
I feel for women right now.
Angela
Yeah.
Ari
I feel like there's this. We've got to be in the end times.
Angela
No, that's. That's what it is.
Ari
That's what it is. Right. Because I'm looking around and I'm like, this can't be right.
Angela
There really are great men out there.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
There is such.
Angela
There's such good memories. I know there is.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
Yeah, there's great.
Angela
I've met them. We've met. Guys, I want to introduce you to something that I think you're really gonna love. It's an app called Noda. Noda helps you dig into who God created you to be, grow your faith, and uncover the unique purpose he has for your life. It's perfect. If you're looking for real, practical ways to live out your faith daily with challenges and reflections tailored just for. What's so beautiful about Noda is how it encourages you to be honest with yourself and with God to explore what really matters, your values, relationships, and your calling. And the app has friendly interactive guides that feel like a chat with someone who gets you and wants to help you grow. If you want to get serious about living your faith in a way that's true to who God made you, check out Noda. It's available now in the App Store and it's a great companion on your journey. One step at a time. All right guys, we have officially entered the I want to be comfortable but still look like I care era. We want soft fabrics, flattering fits and pieces that make sense for real life. Honey Love sent us their sleepwear, loungewear and leggings and it's giving cozy without looking careless like you can wear it for a slow morning, a reset day, getting ready, winding down at night, or just being at home and still wanting to feel like yourself. And the leggings are so good, so comfortable, supportive, flattering and easy to move in the kind of leggings that you put on and immediately know they're going into the regular rotation. Honey Love is an independent female founded brand and you can tell their pieces are designed by women who actually understand how women want to feel in their clothes. Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Use our exclusive link to save 20% off honeylove@honeylove.com GGB that's honeylove.com GGB after you check out, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support GGB and tell them we sent you. Experience the new standard in comfort and support with Honey Love. All right guys, before we get back into the episode, we want to tell you about Haya. And listen, we don't have kids of our own, but we do have nieces and nephews and little ones in our lives that we love so much. And when you start paying attention to what kids are eating, it's honestly a little scary. So many kids are growing up on ultr processed foods and even a lot of children's vitamins are basically candy. Some kids vitamins have sugar, gummy additives, artificial dyes, all the things you're trying to avoid. And that's why we love what Haya is doing. Haya makes clean, chewable kids vitamins with zero sugar, zero gummy additives and real nutrition. They're made with a blend of 12 organic fruits and vegetables plus 15 essential vitamins and minerals like vitamin D, B, 12C, zinc and folate. They're also non GMO vegan, dairy free, allergy free, gelatin free and nut free. And Haya is a third party tested which we love. Also. Haiya is designed for kids two and up and shipped straight to your door. You get this cute reusable bottle with your first order and then they send refills every month. When my niece got her first order, she was immediately obsessed. Watching her decorate the bottle brought her so much joy. And here's something every parent needs to hear. If getting your kids to eat vegetables feels like an impossible daily battle, hias New kids Daily Greens and Superfoods is a total game changer. It's basically chocolate milk stuffed with veggies. It's a greens powder designed specifically for kids that's packed with over 55 whole food source ingredients. Just mix one scoop with milk or a milk alternative and watch them actually enjoy something that's secretly fueling their growing bodies. We've worked out a special deal with Haya for their best selling children's vitamin. Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal you must go to hiahealth.com ggb this deal is not available on regular website. Go to h I y a h E-A-L.com cgb and get your kids the full body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults. Met them. We know them.
Ari
We do.
Angela
I It's so funny. And are there any girls like me? I'm such a hopeless romantic. There's really nothing that can happen that gets me to give up on love. No, I love love. I believe in true love. I think love is amazing. I think there are amazing men out there. They're fighting.
Ari
I love Jesus. That's it.
Angela
I'm like, I love Jesus too. And you need to get out there. You've gotten a little too comfortable being alone.
Ari
You know what, Ang, do you agree? He who finds a good thing, he
Angela
finds it for sure.
Ari
He who finds a good thing.
Angela
Yeah, but what if the good thing is at home in feeding hummingbirds and like.
Ari
You guys, can I just tell this story real quick?
Angela
I would love nothing more.
Ari
Listen, I have to tell you this story real quick. So I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and I have this dream, okay? And I'm like in the sun and I have my head laying down on my shoulder and this hummingbird comes and sits on the end of my arm and he like lays on my arm and. And I'm all of a sudden I'm washed with complete peace and I'm just smiling and this bird is just Laying on the end of my arm. And so I wake up, and I'm just in complete peace. And you know those dreams where it was just so you could feel it, it was so vivid. And so I start looking up, like the significance of a hummingbird. And it means peace, and then it signifies the Holy Spirit. And so I was like, this is insane. And so every time I would have anxiety, I would think about that dream, and it would just completely put me in peace. So probably about two weeks later, I decide to bring my chair up to my window. Because I just wanted sun on my face, and I wanted that to kind of be my secret place. So I bring my chair up to my window, and I'm sitting on my chair, and I'm looking out the window, and I have all these trees. And all of a sudden, that hummingbird comes.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
It's crazy.
Ari
And sits right at my window. And I was like. I just start crying, and I couldn't believe it. Every day, that hummingbird comes by my window. And so I go and get it. A bird feeder.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
I watch it every morning, and it's like my. I'm on the phone with my mom the other day, and I'm like, mom, I gotta call you back. Bombing my baby today. I, like, literally call my baby.
Angela
So cute. Does he know you?
Ari
Yes. I'm like his mom. I feel like his mom. And so he has a little nest right by the tree in my window. And I go, hi, baby.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
And he wiggles his little butt.
Ari
I'm gonna put a video up right now. Look, we. I sent you the video, and you don't. I. I talked to her about my bird. I named him Shalom.
Angela
Wait, that's so cute.
Ari
And I sent you a video, and
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
she doesn't even respond to it anymore. She doesn't even. I send her video of my. My all day.
Ari
This is what my life has come to. I go, mom, I thought by this
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
time I would have be having kids. And I'm calling you about the bird every day, okay?
Angela
Its butt is wagging.
Ari
I say, hi, baby.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
And he wiggles his bum.
Angela
Look at that beak. I love the beak.
Ari
All right, we're gonna get started, but I just need to show you this at the end real quick. So. So I'm saying hi to him, okay? Yeah, but look at this, Ang. Just watch, please. You're gonna love this. Watch, look.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
Look.
Ari
Like. I'm not kidding. I'm not crazy. I'm not like a bird lady.
Angela
No, the bird loves you.
Ari
He loves it.
Angela
Shalom.
Ari
I named him Shalom. Which means peace, cutie.
Angela
You.
Ari
You.
Angela
You are so.
Ari
Everyone's. So everyone's been dming me saying that
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
I'm real life Cinderella. I'm a Disney princess.
Angela
You really are.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
Yes.
Angela
You're also so good at romanticizing life.
Ari
Really? Yeah. Except men. Yeah. Stop telling me. I have to get out there, Ang.
Angela
Or don't. Whatever you feel God calling you to do, in my professional opinion, you've gotten a little comfortable being alone.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
Did you ever think that would happen?
Angela
No.
Ari
So we're going to talk about a verse in Proverbs, Hope deferred makes the heart. Heart sick. This verse is brutally honest. When what you're hoping for keeps getting delayed, it can actually make your heart feel heavy, discouraged, even numb. And so we want to talk about that today.
Angela
I'm excited to talk about this because I think there's always a conversation around the waiting and, like, how to wait. Well, and what waiting produces and how waiting is a good thing. But I just don't think anyone talks about the fact that waiting can. Can. It can genuinely make your heart sick. Yeah. It can make you bitter. It can make you depressed. Even when you know biblical truths that God has a good plan for your life, plans to prosper you, not to harm you sometimes, that still doesn't keep you from getting sick. So, like, what do we do genuinely to keep our hearts from getting sick?
Ari
Yeah. Yeah. And it's. And it's a season that I was in four years ago when everything got stripped for me, when I was hoping for certain things in my life, like, I wanted to get married. I wanted to. I wanted certain things to work out, and it just didn't. That made me so sick to the point where, like, it manifested physically.
Angela
Yeah.
Ari
Like, it's a real thing. Like, a sick heart is no joke. And so. And God sees that, too. Blessed are those who mourn. He's. He. He understands sickness. He experienced that in the Garden of Gethsemane when he was literally sweating blood. So it's a real thing. And I experienced that when I was in my 30s and everything got to. I mean, you know, my story. I was so heartsick. So when a promise is delayed, whether it be a heartbreak or a purpose or just a loss. And so we wanted to talk about that today. I just finished reading the Story of Joseph. I've read it so many times, but it really hit home for me again after just reading it. And he's a perfect example of hope deferred makes the heart sick.
Angela
Yeah. What?
Ari
I just love you.
Angela
Why?
Ari
I just Do.
Angela
Did I do something?
Ari
Yeah, I was thinking about. I don't know what it is, and I wish we could get the meme and put it up real quick. But there's this meme that if I had to. If I had to think of any meme that would show Ange, it would be this man or is. Maybe it's a woman. And. And it's like when your friend's wrong.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
When your friend's wrong, but. But she will, like, always. And she's in the bag and she's like, do you have that meme? Yeah, we'll put it up.
Angela
Literally.
Ari
If you haven't studied the story of Joseph, please study it. It is one of my favorite stories, and it's probably one of the stories that I relate to personally the most. Yeah, but God gives Joseph a dream that he was going to be in a position of authority, that he. That his family would literally bow down to him. And then the opposite happens to him. He gets betrayed by his brothers. He gets thrown into a ditch. He gets sold into slavery. He gets falsely accused. He gets thrown into a prison. Prison. And then he gets forgotten by the very person that he helped. And so he's in prison every year that goes by that he's forgotten. Heart sick. And Joseph wasn't in prison for, like a week. He was in prison for years. We forget, like, how even David, David, Joseph, how many years they were on the run or in prison, like, and we.
Angela
They look like little stories. I know, but it's like real life situations.
Ari
And I even think about my own situation. Like, oh, my gosh, it's been so many years and I haven't gotten what I want. And then you think about these stories of, like, Joseph, he was in prison. Picture this. He's in prison for years. Can you imagine how emotionally sick he was? The uncertainties that he carried, the weariness that he carried in his heart. I can't even imagine what he went through. But what I love is that through that he didn't let his sick heart be the very thing that made him give up. What did he do in prison? He kept showing up with integrity. He kept serving. He kept using the gifts that God gave him. Interpreting dreams.
Angela
He kept using the dreams.
Ari
That's Galatians 6, 9. Don't grow weary. What does that mean? It's okay to feel uncertain. It's okay to feel your feelings. Like I said, those who mourn are blessed. And God doesn't expect us to be superhumans. Joseph wasn't a superhuman. But through that weariness There's a difference between being tired and growing weary. To the point where you say, I don't want to do this anymore. I give up. So it's through your weariness, you don't give up. Because what does it say next on the other side? There is a harvest when you don't give up.
Angela
Yeah.
Ari
What is before a harvest? You have to plant it, you have to water it, you have to wait, because there is unseen growth in the waiting. And so when I think about Joseph, if God would have given him everything in that moment when he gave him that dream, he wouldn't have had the character to sustain it.
Angela
Yes.
Ari
So it was through all of these years of what he went through that built him, that strengthened him, that built his humility. And so when he was handed the call that God had for him in his life, he was able to sustain it. And not only that, but you have to understand, your life is connected to so much more than you. And what does Joseph say at the end? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done for the saving of many lives.
Angela
Yeah.
Ari
I love that. His life was connected to so much more than him. And as you read Joseph's story, it also built this dependency on God. And I think that of my own life, all of the things that I wanted for myself, I wanted to be a mother, I wanted to be a wife. And while, yes, that's a good desire that I have, God had other plans for me. And I say this all the time, but I'm so grateful that God doesn't give us what we want when we want it, because I did not have the character to be able to be a mother yet.
Angela
Yeah.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
Yeah.
Ari
Like I have been able. God has been working on my character and me and building me as a woman for the past coming on four years. And I look back and I'm like, thank you that you didn't give me what I wanted at the time when I wanted it, because I can't believe the woman that I am. And now I. He's worked on me so much as a woman, I've. I've been able to break things, generations of things that have been embedded in me. He's been working on my character. And I'm so glad he didn't. He didn't give me what I wanted at the time because I can't believe who I am now. And I still have a quiet ache of wanting these things. There's things that I still don't have yet. Hope deferred I have a longing for certain things in my life. But what I do know is God's timing is not good. It's perfect. And. And when you don't have something, it truly is because he's doing something in you. One thing that I know, even though I don't have it yet, is that God is good and he's faithful. And so before where I would let it make me bedridden and so depressed and depleted. Through him building my faith through these years and the track record of my life, I know that if I don't have something yet, God is still good and he's still faithful. And the plan that he has for my life life is the very best plan. Whether he doesn't bring me what I want or not. I know at the end of the day that I have Jesus. I truly do. That doesn't mean that I don't hurt, but I still keep going. I don't let that be the very thing that keeps me bedridden and depressed.
Angela
And so you're not, you're not letting your life pass by waiting for something. You are living in the waiting.
Ari
Yes. And so what do we do in this time? I'm so grateful that my pain and the heart sick. It motivated me to be dependent on God, activated a faith to keep going, to keep serving. Look at what I've done with my life. Look at what God had for me on the other side of me wanting to have that marriage and that relationship. I kept going and learning and been consecrated to God and look at what he's done in my life. There's a purpose for every single one of us. I love that you say that we just can't let our life pass us by. Know how hard it is when you're longing for something and you are. It's like this grief that makes you feel like, will I ever be okay again? And that when you are dealing with such grief, it really makes you never want to get out of bed. I know that feeling. But you have to understand that God is so faithful and that he love
Angela
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Ari
CVS loves you and then he sees you and that he's working behind the scenes. So let that motivate you to keep serving and keep going. Because it's then when the harvest comes, when you keep going, it's then when you be when he's developing your character in this time of the unknown and the sickness, he works through that and that's what he did for me.
Angela
And just constantly submitting your waiting in your heart back to Jesus constantly. Like the only way to keep your heart from getting sick is to continuously give it back to him every single day in the secret place. Back to the basics I feel like we just can't get away from As I walked through a situation where my heart got sick even recently, the I remember thinking like I need some sort of magical Jesus remedy to get me better, to get me past this, to get me through this, to make my heart not sick anymore. And actually what I need needed was the very thing that I did when I first met him, which is wake up in the morning, read the Bible, pray, let Jesus love me and do the things that I did in the beginning. We never graduate from those basics. I just feel like the longer you walk with Jesus, the more simple it should be getting. That's what I've discovered the most. Like if there's not some like magical thing to do to wait well or get your heart back in a good place, the only thing you can do is Spend time with Jesus. The only thing you can do is soak and bask in the goodness of God in the presence of Jesus. That's what I've learned for me and something that I want to say when it comes to, like, waiting, two stories in the Bible that I love so much. We have Elizabeth, who gives birth to John the Baptist. She has to wait a long time. She has a long waiting season. And I imagine her heart got sick in her waiting. Elizabeth had to give birth to John the Baptist at the time that she did so that he could prepare the way for Jesus to come. That was divinely connected to the life of Jesus. We have Hannah in the Old Testament. She had to wait to give birth to Samuel so that he could then be at the right time, in the right place to anoint David as king. Like Ari said, our lives are not just for ourselves. We are one little. What is it called? What do they say? We're like one little thread in the tapestry of God. We're one little part of a massive story we cannot try to figure out with our own physical eyes and understanding how God should move in our lives when we are connected to something so much bigger than us. And that always encourages me so much that, like, sure, I have all these plans, sure, I think I know the way that things should go, but I have no idea what God is doing. I have no idea what my children are going to be connected to. And then one last thing that I want to say, like Ari talked about developing your character. This is what should be getting your heart unsick the most, is that if God hasn't brought you something yet, he truly is developing you. And I just want to give you guys an example. Ari and I began in Girls Gone Bible, and I believe it was the will of God that things happen the way that they happened. But the way things happen for us in ministry with the podcast is not conventional and it's not the way that God typically does things. He typ. He developed Jesus in obscurity before Jesus ever started his ministry. The Lord developed us in front of people. And there's so much beauty in that because look what people got to witness. Two girls on a true sanctification journey. It was amazing. It was beautiful. And also our character was not prepared for it. And do you know what it's been like behind the scenes, stumbling our way through this?
Ari
Crying, screaming. Not only. Yeah, not only trying to learn, but even. It was our together.
Angela
It was our character. Like, we did not have what it took to sustain what we were Walking in and like, by the grace of God, we had people around us, mentors, pastors, leaders, and the spirit of God walking us through. Thank God we did it with each other because it's been really messy. Thank God we both are doing this with someone who accepts the other person. It's been the hardest thing we've ever walked through. Through is trying to carry this platform and being in ministry and all the insecurity that comes up and all the weird stuff and all the yucky stuff that had to be purged out of us. It's been brutal. So I say that to say, I'm so happy it happened the way that it did because there's been so much fruit that's come from it. But it's been hard. We've seen firsthand what it's like to be given something before having the character to sustain it. Even now, I want to be a mom more than anything. I am currently going through so much therapy and doing work with Jesus because I've been made aware of things that I do not want transferred onto my kids. I know there are ways, even a year ago that I would have parented that. I'm so grateful. I don't have children yet. There are things that I've adopted from my lineage that I'm like, I want this to be different.
Ari
Yeah.
Angela
I want it to be different for my kids. I don't want to react in this way. I don't want to respond in this way. So while I want to have children, truly, more than anything, more than anything, I want to be a mom. I've got work to do.
Ari
Yeah.
Angela
There's work currently, as of right now, that I'm doing because I want to be a better parent. So, yes, while I have this desire, what helps my heart not be sick is knowing that there's so much work to be done right now. And I didn't know that before. Before I was kind of like, life is meant to be fun and have kids and. And just have a good life and blah, blah, blah. No, there's work to be done.
Ari
Yeah.
Angela
And I'm grateful that Jesus has me in the place that I'm in right now where I'm alone and I'm doing really, really hard work that I've never had to do before.
Ari
It's, you know, it's the greatest blessing. And in the moment, you think you're being punished.
Angela
Yes.
Ari
And it's like, no, it is the love of God that He took that person away or he hasn't given you that purpose yet. Because it's in that time where you would not be able to learn and sustain the character and be the person you are without this time. Yeah, my singleness season, I have gone through so much, but I am just like, thank you, God. Thank you, Jesus, that I wasn't doing this with another person. I wouldn't have been able to do it. And I just even think about, you know. Yeah. Like, how would I have. How would I have been into ministry? How would I have learned and been on tour and done all these things if I would have had kids and a husband? And so if you're in a. Even in a waiting season right now, one thing I love you read about Paul when he says it is better to be single because you can focus more on the things of God. And so sometimes when I'm even with Jesus, like, I have tears in my prayer time because I'm like. Like, it's so sweet that the Lord has you just with him.
Angela
Yeah.
Ari
How like, he wants you to himself right now. You should. Don't look at it as, oh, my gosh, everyone's married and I'm alone. No, look at this time as the. A precious time that God wants you for himself. God has truly wanted me for himself. I know that for all these years because he. I. I've been with him and I've gotten to learn about him and I've gotten to really understand his love, and I've gotten to really love his people and be a. A serv. His people. That's so beautiful. And so if you're in the waiting season right now, this is the most precious time of your life, even if it has been years, because everybody in the Bible, it wasn't a year or two, it was years. But to become the person that God is developing you into isn't overnight. Just like when you see a harvest planting, it's not overnight. It takes time. And so I just know that he is good, he is faithful, and his time really is perfect. And so every time you start to get weary, bring it to him. Partner with him in that way, you know, but don't let it get you to the point where. It's where you say, I'm throwing the towel and I'm giving him, I'm giving up, because it's in this place where he does his best work. But at the end, it says, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. What I learned is that even if that desire is different, it might be different from what you think it is. And mine was. I thought my life was going to be so different. I thought I was going to be an actress. I thought I was going to, you know, have this whole different life than what I pictured. But what God gave me, I am more fulfilled with the plan he had for me. So it might look different. Different. It's just every day I always talk about of the opening of the hands of your will be done. Just like Jesus after he was sweating blood, he said, but nevertheless, not my will be done. Your will be done. And so it's that constant of I know my heart is sick right now. I know there's these things that I want so bad, but your will be done. I give it to you. What are you trying to teach me in this season? How can I keep serving you? And it's just you keep bringing that pain to him every single day. And that's in the, in the moments where you literally see, like you see him, you see him in that sick heart moment. That's where he meets you. That's where he. You cultivate this trust and faith. It is in the moments of your deepest sickness in your heart where you feel the comfort of God, the love of God and the faithfulness of God.
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Ari
you that's why I can sit up here and boldly talk to you. Not because I've been doing this thing for years, but because I lived it. And I have seen the wonders of God through my pain and through my sick heart. And so don't give up. Don't let this time of what has been delayed, of what you want that hasn't come to fruition be the Very thing that makes you give up. Because it is in this time where he is developing you and working in your life.
Angela
Life. I don't even know if we should, like, have anything, like, have anything called a waiting season. What are we waiting for? We're not waiting.
Ari
We already have everything we need. Yeah.
Angela
And he's currently doing something always at all times. It's like, it actually doesn't even make sense. We're not freaking waiting. We're being developed. We're living. We're living. Okay. How. How many years do we waste in a waiting season? Because we're just letting our life pass us by. Wa. Waiting for the next thing to come. No, we need to be radically anti waiting seasons because then you got that. Just live.
Ari
And then you get that marriage and then you want something else.
Angela
It's never ending. It's. Me and my friend were talking the other day. She basically was like. She was like, you know, I'm always. I get sad when I don't have something to look forward to. Like, I get sad. Like, I had Stagecoach, and so I was really excited for that. And then before that, I had this to look forward to. Now I don't have any like. Like trips coming up or anything planned. And I'm like, that's such a normal feeling. And it's also sad.
Ari
Yeah.
Angela
Like, we should be happy right now, you know, not always just waiting for something. Waiting for the next fun thing to happen. The next. Like, today is the day the Lord has made, and today we will rejoice and be glad in it. Truly, like, I love that.
Ari
Ang.
Angela
We just shouldn't be waiting all the time.
Ari
Because you're never fulfilled. No, that's why you have to be. And that's why Jesus probably might have you in this season. Because you're constantly looking for the next high. And you need to find that in Jesus to where you are completely content on your own. That's one thing I had to learn. I can relate to that. If I didn't have something, if I didn't have that next high, I was miserable. Now put me in my bed with some. Just let me lay down and look
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
at the trees of my bird, and I'm good.
Ari
But at the same time, we are human. We do have desires, of course. And it's okay too. So it's like I. I do have that quiet ache sometimes. I desire intimacy. I desire love. I said. I said yesterday, I said, I just want someone to hold me. I want love. So I get it. But yeah. Yeah. Guys, do you want, like, should we do a fun episode?
Angela
I. Well, I.
Ari
What do you think?
Angela
Well, you guys tell me what you think about this. I said we should do Fridays. Be Fridays, be like a normal GGB episode. And then maybe on like Tuesdays we release like a funny episode where we. I said we should do a cooking, a baking show where we bake food and just like. Like have fun and just be normal. Just be angen r Like I say
Ari
just sit here on Fridays and just shoot the sheep.
Angela
Okay, let's do it. What do you guys think about a second episode a week? But, like, we might get cancelled if we, like, let all the walls down and we're our truest selves.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
I'm like, loving this.
Ari
This raspy voice, by the way.
Angela
Oh my gosh, it's.
Ari
I wish I permanently had it. It's giving Miley Cyrus.
Angela
I wish it was, but it's, like, not cute. I. I feel like it's not cute
Ari
or, like, nice to listen. I love it.
Angela
Thank you.
Ari
It's giving you a little bit of edge
Angela
to that.
Ari
But we're like sitting there for like 10 minutes and at Starbucks and she looks at me and she goes, ari, we're not in line.
Angela
I go, I. I go, ari, we're not in line.
Ari
And she goes, oh, okay.
Angela
No, we sat for 10 minutes not in line at Starbucks, and neither of us says like, no, what is that?
Ari
We've done that before when we've sat behind a parked car and we thought we were at a red light.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
Oh, yeah.
Ari
And we sat there for 10 minutes and I think you were like, we're behind a parked car.
Angela
That is so diabolical. You mean that word?
Ari
I just don't get it.
Angela
It's diabolical. It means, like, evil, like, ridiculous. What do you mean you don't get it? Diabolical?
Ari
It's just a big word. No, there's another word that you talk about and it just reminds me too much of something.
Angela
Hyperbolic. Guys, do you think I'm hyperbolic? I've had people tell me I'm hyperbolic and I don't know, I'm just like, a little traumatized.
Ari
I'm traumatized.
Angela
Do you guys think I'm hyperbolic? Cuz I say, like, every piece of pizza is the best piece of pizza I've ever had. Or like, this is the best day I've ever had.
Ari
I don't know. But that domino's flatbread pizza was amazing.
Angela
Yeah, we. I. Oh, by the way, eating disorder. Who? I had donuts and she literally eats. But not in like a binging way. Just like, Like I can have a bite, like free. Okay. Anyways, guys, thank you for joining us on Girls Gone Beblay.
Ari
We, by the way, we had so much fun on tour. It was so beautiful. Toronto and Buffalo were unbelievable. It was. Shut up. It was.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
Honestly, it was beautiful.
Ari
Yeah. And we're going to be coming to Connect. Connecticut. We're going to Connecticut and Pennsylvania.
Angela
Pennsylvania. You know, I grew up in Connecticut. I grew up in Newtown, Connecticut. So we'll see you Hartford, Connecticut, in York, Pennsylvania.
Ari
Just in the comments. Write to us if you're gonna be coming to the show. It's just awesome to be with you guys in person. It really is so special. I. It's everything.
Angela
We've been loving the east coast coast.
Ari
Yeah. Yeah. Well, Toronto isn't the east coast, but it's like on that side, kind of.
Angela
It felt like the east coast, though. It's on like that side of the world. So many Albanians.
Ari
Tell me, why Toronto? Like, I felt safe. I'm like, okay, I can eat whatever, cuz I'm not in America.
Angela
Yeah.
Ari
It was so clean. The food was so good. The fashion. Everybody was put together. And then you come to America and everybody looks. I'm sorry, Jesus, that's negative.
Angela
But it's like, we love America, but
Ari
it's like you go to different countries and everybody's so put together.
Angela
Yeah, they.
Ari
And everything is just cleaner.
Angela
Yeah, they don't wear sweatpants like I'm wearing today. Anyways, we love you guys so much.
Ari
Don't give up. Keep going.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
Don't give up. I'm going to try not to give up. I'm going to try not to be negative.
Angela
Me too. Don't give up. I'm not giving up. Even through this flu. Even through, you know, all the garbage that the world. I got nothing.
Ari
No, seriously, don't give up. Yeah, don't give up. Don't let depression plague your.
Guest or Co-host (possibly a close friend of Angela and Ari)
Don't.
Ari
Don't let depression plague your life. I'm serious. And I'm going to say one more thing, because on the shows I kept hearing like, but I'm so depressed. And I'm the. And I get it. Because I can really get into that mindset. I even just got into that mindset when we first started the podcast saying, where's the man? Blah, blah. But don't. Can you please don't speak death over your life. Don't speak depression constantly over your life. You are not stuck. You are not. It's just a feeling. The heart is deceitful. Keep going. Keep speaking life over you. How do you speak life over yourself? You saturate yourself in the Word. There's no way that you can sit in your depression when you are reading God's love letters to yourself. Keep reading. Keep soaking in his presence in His Word. Let him speak to you and minister to your heart through the Bible. I'm telling you there are times where I can't get out of bed and I. I force myself. Sometimes you have to for your Force yourself to open the Word of God and read the Psalms and saturate yourself in prayer. Tell him how you're feeling. And then you'll notice that you can to get up and you can start to wash your face. And I'm. You, you. We have to stay close to Jesus, but don't speak death over your life. You are not depressed. You are not plagued by your. Your. Your delay, by your singleness. You are not forgotten. He sees you where he sees you and he's with you and he's working in you. And you are chosen and you are called and you have a purpose for your life. Take it from someone who thought my life was literally over and it's just begun.
Angela
Yeah.
Ari
We love you.
Angela
We love you so much. We love you. We love you. May the Lord. Oh, sorry. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May he make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May he turn his face towards you and give you peace. Shalom. Shalom. We love you like a little hummingbird named Shalom. Love you guys so much.
Girls Gone Bible – "Hope Deferred Makes the Heart Sick" (May 8, 2026)
Podcast hosted by Angela Halili and Arielle Reitsma
This episode centers around the biblical proverb "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" (Proverbs 13:12), and explores how delays and unmet desires can lead to emotional, spiritual, and even physical heaviness. Angela and Arielle discuss their personal experiences with seasons of waiting, how those seasons have shaped their faith, and the importance of remaining joyful, faithful, and present in the face of deferred hope. The conversation is candid, warmly humorous, and deeply rooted in the realities of walking with God through longing, disappointment, and growth.
“When what you’re hoping for keeps getting delayed, it can actually make your heart feel heavy, discouraged—even numb.” – Arielle (21:32)
“I talked to her about my bird. I named him Shalom.” – Ari (20:06)
“You’re also so good at romanticizing life…except men.” – Angela (21:09)
“I feel for women right now…where are the strong men of God?” – Ari (12:18)
“I’m such a hopeless romantic. There’s really nothing that can happen that gets me to give up on love.” – Angela (16:58)
“If God would have given him everything when he gave him that dream, he wouldn’t have had the character to sustain it.” – Ari (27:13)
“You are not letting your life pass by waiting for something. You are living in the waiting.” – Angela (29:58)
“We need to be radically anti-waiting seasons…just live.” – Angela (47:17)
“If you’re in a waiting season right now, this is the most precious time of your life, even if it has been years… it takes time.” – Ari (43:02)
"Don’t speak death over your life. You are not stuck. You are not. It’s just a feeling…the heart is deceitful. Keep going." – Ari (54:20)
Angela and Ari keep an uplifting, down-to-earth tone, blending humor (from coffee talks and travel mishaps) with raw, vulnerable insights on faith and emotional health. They offer practical, faith-driven tools for battling disappointment, waiting well, and embracing joy in every life season—reminding listeners of God's presence in heartache and His faithfulness in every delay.
A life of faith is filled with waiting, but hope deferred doesn't have to mean despair. Seasons of delay are sacred opportunities for growth, intimacy with God, and character formation. Instead of remaining stuck in longing for the next thing, Angela and Ari urge listeners to live in the now, pursue Jesus, and always believe that God is at work—even (and especially) in the waiting.
“Don’t give up. Keep going. Don’t speak death over your life. Speak the Word. Stay close to Jesus—He’s working in you and you are chosen.” – Ari (54:20–56:01)