Girls Gotta Eat – "The Relationships You Never Get Over" with Josie Balka

Podcast: Girls Gotta Eat (Dear Media)
Episode Date: May 12, 2025
Hosts: Ashley Hesseltine & Raina Greenberg
Guest: Josie Balka
Theme: Navigating the relationships—romantic, friendly, and with oneself—that are hardest to move on from, with candid discussion, poetry, humor, and vulnerability.

Episode Overview

This episode explores the lingering impact of certain relationships—particularly those that don’t work out, those that are cut short, or those marked by one-sided longing. With poet and broadcaster Josie Balka, the hosts dig deep into why we get hung up on the people we don’t end up with, the emotional maze of friendship breakups, body image, and learning to love oneself. The episode blends serious insight, heartfelt reflection, and comedic confessions, delivering both laughter and catharsis.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Certain Relationships Linger

• Josie Balka opens with:

  “There's just something about the people that didn't want you that, like, really lingers with you versus the people who really did love you.” [00:00]

• The group agrees: we tend to ruminate on unrequited love or toxic relationships, more so than mutual, healthy ones.
• Josie: Even years later, the relationships that never truly happened or that ended with ambiguity leave the strongest marks.

2. Body Image and Self-Perception

• Discussion of Josie's viral poem on body image:

  “I've never seen someone at a public pool with such a memorable body that I think about it ever again … I've never remembered anybody else. I don't think people are looking at me.” [29:50]

• Ashley and Raina share their own body image struggles, particularly the way social media and photo memories keep old insecurities front-of-mind.
• Reflection on the freedom felt when letting go of pre-vacation body stress and how confidence is more memorable than appearance.

  “When somebody can be so mid—no, I'm just kidding—but when somebody's just like, I'm in a bikini, I just had lunch, and I'm gonna go have fun, you know? That really stuck with me.” – Ashley [34:25]

3. Self-Love and Romanticizing Being Single

• Josie romanticizes her "single girl" days:

  “I really, really romanticize my life when I was living in my little apartment. I had like, one cup, and I, like, loved that time … I was poor, but it was really fun.” [67:46]

• All agree: the singledom years, while sometimes lonely or fraught, are formative and foundational.

4. Healthy Love is ‘Boring’—And That’s Good

• On her fiancé, Josie reflects:

  “Being in love, like, for real, with the right person who's, like, good for you is really boring in the same way as, like, falling asleep in a car when someone's driving that you trust …” [48:49]

• The discussion normalizes that healthy relationships may lack the adrenaline-filled ‘highs and lows’ of toxic ones, but provide needed safety.

5. Why Friend Breakups Are So Hard

• Josie shares a poem:

  “I was making a close friends list … I scrolled past your name, and I didn't add you to my list of close friends. I had to stop for a moment in disbelief to come to terms with the fact that you and I are not close friends anymore. … How a piece of you can die with a friendship.” [70:07]

• Friends are typically imagined as forever; when those bonds break, the pain can be as sharp—or sharper—than romantic loss.
• Discussion on the evolving nature of friendships, contextual friends, and the grief of growing apart with age.

6. Personal Growth After Heartbreak

• The panel wrestles with how relationships—and their endings—change us.

  “We are different people in every relationship … And it's okay to look back and give yourself grace and say, I didn't feel safe in my body with this person, and I acted out of an anxiety …” – Raina [56:44]

• Josie suggests we become the people our partners make us believe we are, and escaping unhealthy dynamics can take a long time and much self-forgiveness.

7. The ‘Other Woman’ Complex & Social Media Pain

• The group unpacks the pain of watching an ex treat a new partner “better”:

  “I do think that we all live this deep seated fear that, like, somebody's gonna treat the next person better. … I cannot believe I have to watch this unfold on Instagram …” – Ashley [61:17]

• Josie recognizes: sometimes, the change is real—people grow up, circumstances shift—and releasing the question of “Why her, not me?” is vital for healing.

8. Women’s Friendship: Making and Keeping Friends at Every Age

• Stories of adult friendships formed via the internet, work, or random encounters (meeting over blinds repair!) [75:48], and how these new bonds can be as important as longstanding ones.
• Acknowledgement that men’s friendships, in contrast, often stagnate or remain ‘surface-level’ beyond early life.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On overthinking rejections:

  “There's just something about the people that didn't want you that, like, really lingers with you versus the people who really did love you.” – Josie [00:00]

• On body image at the pool:

  “I've never remembered anybody else. I don't think people are looking at me.” – Josie [29:50]

• On self-love:

  “If you're not the love of your own life, what's the point?” – Josie [66:55]

• On healthy love:

  “Being in love, like, for real, with the right person … is really boring in the same way as, like, falling asleep in a car when someone's driving that you trust.” – Josie [48:49]

• On friendship loss:

  “How a piece of you can die with a friendship.” – Josie [70:07]

• On growth and changing attachment styles:

  “We are different people in every relationship … And it's okay to look back and give yourself grace …” – Raina [56:44]

• On the pain of watching an ex move on:

  “You can expect it, but you can't be sure. And you're not evil to hope the pattern … so you can have more proof that it was them and not you.” – Josie [60:51]

Timestamps for Major Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Summary | |---------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Josie’s opening thought on relationships that linger | | 29:50 | Body image, swimming pool poem, and public perception | | 48:49 | The ‘boring’ safety of healthy love | | 54:45 | Why rejections and ambiguous endings haunt us | | 56:44 | Giving yourself grace: Different selves in different relationships | | 60:51 | The pain of seeing an ex treat a new partner better | | 66:55 | The ‘love of your life’ poem and the power of singlehood | | 70:07 | Friendship breakups – poetry and reflection | | 75:48 | Making adult friendships in unexpected ways | | 87:26 | Josie’s imposter syndrome on writing/publishing her poetry book | | 89:34 | Book structure (“I hope you remember”) and reading poetry for self-reflection |

Flow and Tone

The episode is richly conversational and intimate, balancing raw honesty with irreverence and wit. Personal stories of embarrassing texts, horny massages, and DMs from a “micropenis guy” (21:00) provide comic relief and authenticity, while Josie’s poetry invites listeners to pause and reflect on deeper wounds and what it takes to heal. The hosts are candid, warm, and supportive, offering listeners not just entertainment but genuine commiseration and advice.

Final Thoughts

• Josie’s book, I Hope You Remember, is recommended reading—albeit with tissues.
• The trio reminds listeners that deep, sometimes uncomfortable self-reflection is part of moving forward, and that joy, confidence, and friendship are accessible at every stage.
• “You’re the love of your life. Don’t ever forget.” – Josie [66:55]

Connect with the Cast

• Josie Balka: @josiebalka on all platforms. Book out now.
• Hosts: @ashhess, @rayna.greenberg, @girlsgottaeatpodcast (Instagram & TikTok)
• Podcast: Girls Gotta Eat – New episodes every Monday and “The Snack” Thursday.