Girls Gotta Eat Podcast Summary

Episode: What is Healthy Dependency in a Relationship and How Do We Find It?
Guest: Nedra Glover Tawwab
Hosts: Ashley Hesseltine & Rayna Greenberg
Date: February 2, 2026

Overview

In this episode, Ashley and Rayna welcome back beloved guest, therapist and bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab, for an in-depth, candid, and often hilarious conversation about healthy dependency in relationships. Nedra unpacks her upcoming book The Balancing Act, explaining how we can navigate between independence and connection—personally, romantically, and within friendships— without losing ourselves or becoming over-boundaried. The trio dives into codependency, enmeshment, and how to build meaningful villages, all with practical advice and their signature blend of insight and humor.

Episode Structure & Key Segments

1. Opening Banter & Catch-Up (00:27–16:00)

• Casual updates, hilarious text miscommunication story, thoughts on modern texting etiquette, and audience engagement questions.
• Notable comedic segment: Rayna receives a series of breakfast-related texts from a guy she dated 15 years ago, eventually realizing he thinks she’s his kid’s school. The hosts riff on how to send a “wrong number” text kindly.

Memorable Quote:
Rayna (16:27): “I’ve never seen you try to do this. You’re trying to keep the mic between your tits. Raina’s titty fucking the mic while she texts this guy back. Lol.”
(Ashley, 16:39)

2. Listener Email: Early Birds v. Night Owls in Relationships (17:31–27:53)

• Audience question: Is it wrong for one partner to be a morning person and the other to sleep in?
• Hosts and Nedra discuss if this is a real problem or just a normal compatibility issue.
• Advice: Reframe solo morning time as beneficial; don’t expect total similarity but focus on overall compatibility and respect.

Insightful Moment:
Ashley (22:17): “He can totally be a person that loves life. He just wants to start life at 10am. Like, it doesn’t necessarily mean that.”

3. Introducing Nedra Glover Tawwab: Her Impact & New Book (33:16–34:49)

• Warm introduction and genuine appreciation for Nedra’s prior influence—her work on boundaries cited as life-changing for both hosts and listeners.
• Nedra introduces The Balancing Act as an integration of boundaries with healthy dependency—a timely pivot toward relational balance.

Nedra’s Core Message:
Nedra (34:51): “There are actually healthy ways to be dependent… We are in a loneliness epidemic… I want to help people feel better connected without the stress of ‘I don’t know how I’m going to be in this relationship because I either go in with no boundaries or I’m codependent.’ You can do it, I’m rooting for you.”

Main Discussion & Key Insights

4. Setting Boundaries: Healthy v. Over-Boundaried (36:29–43:41)

• Discussion of the “everyone wants a village, but no one wants to be a villager” paradox.
• Nedra explains that while boundaries are powerful, people sometimes overcorrect (become “over-boundaried”), leading to missed connections and loneliness.
• Shows the difference between an actual boundary (a need to safeguard well-being), a preference, and an excuse for bad behavior.

Advice:
If you can’t make a friend’s event, communicate clearly and make reparative gestures (e.g., offer to celebrate another time).
Nedra (38:48): “You have to keep your people in the fold. You have to keep them in the loop. These are not toxic relationships.”

Memorable story:
Nedra describes a friend who always “was on her way” but never showed—eventually losing her invite privilege, leading to a direct (but non-relationship-ending) conversation.

5. Healthy Dependency, Codependency, & Enmeshment (43:42–56:10)

• Healthy Dependency: Leaning on others appropriately and maintaining give-and-take in relationships.
• Codependency: Originating from addiction recovery circles, it means “helping in a counterproductive way,” enabling another’s unhealthy patterns, or being unable to set necessary limits.
• Enmeshment: Blurring of boundaries in relationships (e.g., family, close friends), which only becomes problematic when someone wants to pull away or when a third party is affected (think partner with clingy parent).

Nedra’s Definition of Codependency:
Nedra (44:07): “When you are helping in a counterproductive way to another person, there is some emotional tie that really gets in the way of your growth and the other person’s growth.”

Enmeshment Example:
Nedra (46:20): “It’s not until one of the folks decides, I want something different… and it’s like, what am I watching?”

The Risk of Hyper-Independence:
Nedra (47:31): “When we do not accept help, we do not ask for help… When you actually need someone, you struggle to find anybody because you have disconnected so much.”

6. Codependency & Attachment Styles (54:50–56:10)

• Attachment styles are fluid—not fixed. The same person can show up differently depending on their partner or friendship context.
• Anxious attachments may lean codependent; avoidants may lean hyper-independent.
• Self-awareness and relationship reflection crucial for finding a healthy middle ground (“secure attachment”).

Practical Strategies & Real-Life Applications

7. How to Maintain Independence within Healthy Dependency (56:11–63:11)

• Advice for not “losing yourself” in a relationship, even when routines become comfortable.
• Proactive suggestions: Schedule solo time, see friends, maintain hobbies/activities separate from your partner.
• Lifelong friendships and romantic relationships thrive on both togetherness and separate interests.

Inconvenience as Necessary in Real Relationships:
Nedra (64:42): “A part of most relationships is inconvenience. If you’re not being inconvenienced, you might be the problem.”

8. Changing Friendship Seasons & Making Space for New Dynamics (66:51–68:38)

• Friendships may shift to “once-a-year” or “check-in-texts-only” phases without ending.
• It’s important to seek out new connections if the old ones don’t meet your needs for a certain kind of companionship or support, especially during different life stages.

9. Family Enmeshment, Parental Dependency, and Setting New Norms (69:42–77:27)

• Childless friends, friends with kids, and matched/unmatched expectations in friendships.
• Navigating family enmeshment in dating—curiosity first, gentle questions about parental roles, avoiding judgment.
• Handling friends or partners who are “always attached”—when it’s healthy, when it’s a red flag.

Healthy Approach Advice:
Nedra (76:25): “Tread lightly… you have to really get into the system to understand what that is. Sometimes our initial reaction—especially if you’re hyper-independent—is to see family closeness as a problem, but is it healthy love?”

10. Enmeshed Friendships: Wanting/Needing Space (77:28–83:24)

• How to ask for space: Use “I statements” and focus on your own needs rather than rejecting the other person.
• Friendships inevitably ebb and flow; sometimes we need to fold in new people or rework existing routines.
• Acknowledge what the friendship can and can’t offer at each stage.

11. Building & Maintaining a Healthy Village (83:25–85:50)

• Reinforce both offering and accepting help/support—healthy dependency is mutual.
• The goal isn’t the most friends, but deeper, more meaningful ones.

Nedra’s Closing Message:
Nedra (84:54): “We have to have care in our relationships. We have to accept help. We have to also offer it. We have to be willing to support people and we will need support… Deeper connections [is the goal].”

Notable Quotes

• On Over-Boundaried Culture:
  “Some people are over-boundaried… when we haven’t practiced something, we go at it really hard and then smooth out… sometimes we’re doing it aggressively and not assertively.” (Nedra, 36:59)

• On Maintaining Self in Relationships:
  “You have to make time for it. Even when it feels like it’s no time… If you never had that stuff and you feel lost, you have to figure out what those things are. Sometimes we’re doing it to ourselves.” (Nedra, 58:57)

• On Inconvenience in Relationships:
  “If you’re not being inconvenienced, you might be the problem.” (Nedra, 64:42)

• On Shifting Friendships:
  “Maybe this is now the friend who you speak to by text four times a year… It doesn’t mean we have to completely lose the connection. It’s just in a different place.” (Nedra, 67:58)

• On Evolving Attachments:
  “Different relationship, different me… there’s some flexibility in how we show up in spaces.” (Nedra, 54:50)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:27 – Hosts' banter, vacation recaps, breakfast text misadventure
• 17:31 – Listener email: early-riser vs. night owl partner
• 33:16 – Nedra’s re-introduction; book discussion begins
• 36:29 – Boundaries: “village vs. villager,” overcorrecting with boundaries
• 43:42 – Definition of healthy dependency
• 47:31 – Hyper-independence and its costs
• 54:50 – Attachment styles and relationship dynamics
• 58:57 – Strategies for maintaining self in partnership
• 64:42 – The necessity of inconvenience
• 67:58 – Allowing for new friendship seasons
• 69:42 – Navigating differences over kids and relationships in friendships
• 74:11 – Handling family enmeshment
• 77:28 – Asking for and navigating space in friendships
• 83:25 – Reinforcing mutual support; healthy dependency
• 84:54 – Nedra’s closing message

Closing

As always, Ashley and Rayna blend razor-sharp advice with vulnerability and wit. Nedra Glover Tawwab’s wisdom guides listeners through the nuances of healthy dependency, helping us all strive for balance—between self and others, independence and connection, boundaries and showing up for our communities.

Find Nedra:

• Website: nedratwab.com
• Instagram/Threads: @nedratwab

Find the hosts:

• Girls Gotta Eat
• Insta & TikTok: @girlsgottaeatpodcast
• Ashley: @ashhess
• Rayna: @raina.greenberg

Buy Nedra’s new book: The Balancing Act (out now!)