75. Giving you boundaries, childcare, and PDA

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: Give It To Me Straight
Episode: 75. Giving you boundaries, childcare, and PDA
Date: October 28, 2025
Hosts: Alex and John

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Episode Overview

In this lighthearted and candid episode, married duo Alex and John dive into new parenthood, navigating boundaries with family and friends, the realities of childcare (especially with grandparents), and how to negotiate mismatched desires around public displays of affection (PDA) in relationships. They answer listener questions on handling difficult family members, enforcing boundaries, and how to operate as a team when parenting and life get chaotic. The couple’s comedic banter, raw honesty, and genuine affection create a warm, relatable space for anyone navigating similar life stages.

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Main Conversations & Insights

Banter and Parenting Realities (00:00–09:00)

• The episode opens with playful banter about Halloween and the elusive pickleball schedule, seamlessly transitioning into gripes about gym cleanliness, old-school racquetball, and generational quirks.

• Alex discusses watching “The Perfect Neighbor” documentary during late-night feedings, reflecting on how parenthood now colors her reactions—particularly around problematic neighbors and true crime.

• John laments that films depicting bad parenting hit differently since becoming a dad:

  “Now when I see movies and it’s like, based off like, deadbeat parents, or deadbeat dads, I’m like, how can you be a piece of...” (04:22)

• The pair riff on the “weirdness” of acting and how, when you remember it’s all pretend, it can feel cringey—but agree that the magic still works when well done.

Adjusting to New Parenthood (08:00–13:00)

• Alex describes the fragmented nature of TV-watching as a new parent:

  “What’s hard about being a new parent is, you can only watch things in ten minute increments before you’re needed.” (08:08)

• Updates: Alex is cleared by her OB for all postpartum activities (including sex and lifting weights):

  “I just got back from my six week postpartum OB appointment, so I’m officially [cleared] for the vajayjay to fornicate again with you...I’m so scared.” (09:45)

• Both discuss the nighttime parenting shift, surviving on coffee, and household logistics.

Navigating Boundaries with Family & Childcare (16:04–23:10)

• Alex details her first solo outing away from their baby, leading to a bout with mastitis, and the mutual challenges of regaining independence as parents.
• John embarks on solo public transportation to NYC, a feat Alex gently teases him for.
• They candidly address the natural resentment and jealousy that can arise in even healthy partnerships, particularly around who gets more freedom and downtime:

  “It’s really hard for me to not be a little bit resentful that, like, you do get to just take longer time and longer periods. I’m not blaming you...but, damn, I’m jelly!” (17:47)

• On communication:

  Alex: “That’s where I had to come in and be like, is this because I actually don’t want him to go, or is it because I’m jealous I don’t have the freedom to?” (19:08)

Humor, Mishaps, and Supporting Each Other (20:58–26:27)

• Household chaos: muddy dog paws on white couches, wine spills, and baby messes.
• John’s nightly “turndown service” ritual—preparing the bedroom for Alex as an act of love (and for his own video-game time).

  Alex: “It feels like when the sheets are turned over so nicely and clean, like you got— they feel crispier. I feel more luxurious.” (24:48)

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Listener Questions & Advice (32:22–61:17)

Boundaries with Friends & Difficult People (32:22–38:24)

• Scenario: Handling a friend’s rude sibling and persistent drama.
  • Advice: Don’t feel bad for freezing in the moment; sometimes just being the bigger person is enough. Have an honest talk with your friend.

  “I would take a bird’s eye view and just be like, why is there tension here?” (36:05)

Defending Your Relationship Choices (38:24–40:23)

• Scenario: Navigating a parent’s critiques of one’s spouse, especially across religious and cultural divides.
  • Advice: Prioritize your marriage; don’t pass parental criticism to your spouse—address it directly with your family.

  “If anything, this shouldn’t be a conversation you bring up with your husband. It should be with your parents, and you literally say, ‘He is my family now, fudge off.’” (39:07)

Relationship Compromises: Maternity/Newborn Photos Dispute (41:08–43:22)

• Scenario: Husband refuses professional photo sessions for privacy/cost.
  • Advice: Your feelings are valid. Advocate for yourself; if cost isn’t the issue, schedule the session yourself (even solo with the baby).

  “Even looking back on my photos, I always wish I had more...they’re only little for so long.” (41:48)

Navigating Holidays & Family Dynamics (44:04–47:39)

• Scenario: Managing expectations and boundaries when a single mom wants to join all holiday celebrations.
  • Advice: Alternate holidays, but be compassionate since she’s alone.

  John: “Unless you want to go to hell...” (47:44, jokingly referencing always inviting her)

  • They reflect on how tricky this balance is: “As a mom, I would want my daughter to be happy... but I’d probably want to smother [her].”

Public Displays of Affection (PDA) Disagreements (49:18–51:24)

• Scenario: Partner rejects all PDA; the listener feels rejected.
  • Advice: Find a middle ground, clarify comfort levels, and discuss what small gestures would feel affirming.

  “You have to discuss with him what he is comfortable with...There are micro movements he could do that make you feel loved.” (50:28)

Childcare & Grandparent Boundaries (53:28–55:10)

• Scenario: A mother-in-law repeatedly ignores childcare instructions.
  • Advice: Shift to supervised visits and don’t label them as “probation” or “supervised.” Protect your kids, do what feels best, and let the in-law come around on her own.

  “If you don’t use your parents for childcare, aren’t all visits technically supervised?” (53:53)

Friendship After Betrayal and Honesty (57:07–60:24)

• Scenario: Listener is ostracized for urging a friend to leave her cheating boyfriend.
  • Advice: You weren’t wrong for being honest, but recognize people rarely listen until they’re ready.

  Alex: “You were being a good friend...but your advice, truly, doesn’t matter—they have to learn that lesson on their own.” (57:07)

Secret Confessions — Sugar Babies & Judgment (61:13–63:12)

• Anonymous confession: A single mom supports her family through three “sugar daddy” arrangements.
  • Alex: “Girl, get that bag.”
  • John: “There need to be more sugar mamas out there.”
  • Both treat the confession non-judgmentally, finding humor and solidarity:

    “You’re doing the Lord’s work.” (63:00)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On postpartum exhaustion:
  “At night is second shift. I have this vein on my eye that pops out when I’ve only slept like three hours.” (10:18)

• On mom resentment:
  “I just want to say, if anyone else gets a little bit resentful of their husbands and you’re in a very supportive relationship, it’s normal and rightfully so.” (18:57)

• On handling parents’ criticism:
  “Grow up. You need to have more of a backbone to protect your husband... against your family.” (40:06)

• On being the honest friend:
  “You were being a good friend, don’t give yourself a hard time. A real friend should tell the person when something is off.” (57:07)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Pickleball, parenting banter: 00:00–05:00
• Documentaries, acting, early parenthood: 05:00–10:00
• Postpartum recovery & couple dynamic: 09:45–13:00
• Leaving baby for first time, independence: 16:04–19:08
• Household mess, turndown service: 20:58–26:27
• Listener letters/advice begins: 32:22
• Friendship boundary scenario: 32:22–38:24
• Family boundaries & criticism: 38:24–40:23
• Photo disagreement: 41:08–43:22
• Holiday family dynamics: 44:04–47:39
• PDA negotiation: 49:18–51:24
• Childcare w/ in-laws: 53:28–55:10
• Honesty in friendships: 57:07–60:24
• Sugar baby confession: 61:13–63:12

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Final Thoughts & Recommendations

• Hydro Jug & Ember Mug: Useful products for new parents who crave warm drinks and next-level hydration.
• The tone throughout is humorous yet tender—balancing real struggles with playful support.

Takeaway:
Clear communication, mutual respect, and kindness (for yourself and loved ones) go a long way—whether you’re co-parenting, setting boundaries, or navigating awkward holiday logistics. And being honest, with love and firmness, is always the right move—even if it’s not immediately easy or well-received.

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For more candid advice and unfiltered laughs, listen to Alex and John every week on Give It To Me Straight!

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. My OB asked me today. She's like, how's John? And I'm like, oh my God, he's great. He cries every day. She goes, does he? Do we need to. Do we need to worry about postpartum depression? I was like, he's fine. He's just in love.

[B]

And welcome back to Give It To Me Straight.

[A]

I'm Alex.

[B]

And I'm John. And we're your gracious grace, Gracious, gracious host, John.

[A]

I just realized that by the time this episode comes out, it is Halloween and I forgot to make you dress up. So instead I have my spooky glass with skeletons playing pickleball on it, which.

[B]

I like the like felt fabric matted look. I just realized they're playing pickleball.

[A]

I know. I didn't realize that either until I looked at it closely when I was putting coffee in it.

[B]

If we ever had any sort of schedule, I would say, let's go. I have had it in my calendar. Go play pickleball.

[A]

Bring to the court how many pickleball paddles we have. Too unlimited. 6. Feels excessive for people who never play.

[B]

Yeah. I said I played pickleball once and everyone was like, here's your gift. Pickleball. Said like, thanks.

[A]

Twelve pickleball sets later, never played.

[B]

And I have a tennis racket. Cuz when I was in la, we.

[A]

Maybe also only have like two more weeks of decent weather to play.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Otherwise we have to wait until May next year.

[B]

We'll just have to go on a.

[A]

Trip just to go to la just to play pickleball. But then we won't get a spot.

[B]

You won't get a court. Because that's why I picked up tennis and I never got to play.

[A]

So forget it. See you next year. Pickleball.

[B]

If anyone has any rucks to. So fun fact, John, I was a legit racquetball player growing up. Like I. No, I'm. I'm decent. I'm decent.

[A]

You know, there was so many racquetball.

[B]

Courts in college back in the day and now. Where are they? Long Island. Where. Where is some rack?

[A]

They had some at LA Fitness. They did on Long Island.

[B]

Yeah. Not anymore.

[A]

No more.

[B]

No. Good workout.

[A]

Oh, well. Cuz you don't go there anymore. You go to the Y and you get.

[B]

Yeah, but I asked.

[A]

They don't.

[B]

They don't have it at the. The first off, the Y was actually the Y is pretty clean.

[A]

Is it? Oh, I thought that you were. I thought this whole time you were Talking about how people don't wash their poopy hands.

[B]

The people. But the facility itself is clean.

[A]

Yeah, that's good.

[B]

I mean, people are people.

[A]

They're gross no matter where you go.

[B]

It's mostly the geriatrics. The olders, the older, the elders. I'm like, watch. I just watched and I watched them.

[A]

They're like, ew, John.

[B]

I'm like, come on, dog.

[A]

I apologize to anyone who's watching on YouTube.

[B]

Just flap it away on that thing. I'm like, I think you drained it. I think you're good. Feel free to clean those Bilbo Baggin hands of yours.

[A]

I. Okay. I just watched. I know you didn't watch. It was me. Really? At 3:00am When I was feeding Lucy on like volume zero. Watched the perfect Neighbor on Netflix. I've never wanted to punch a geriatric woman in the face. More like who? You wouldn't know that I'm what I'm talking about. But like, this lady was just the worst fucking neighbor. And now that we do have kids, a kid. I'm like, whatever. Anyway, if you want to watch it, I won't spoil it. Go watch it. You'll also want to.

[B]

Was it her property that they were on or not?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, okay. Cuz I didn't watch it. I'm like, I get it. If it's your property and you're like, off. It's my law.

[A]

It was an open field and. And the guy's property who they were running on. Anyway, just go watch it if you want to be.

[B]

What I will say about that is all of it's like police footage. Basically. I'm like, I wish I could make a movie with other people's footage.

[A]

Right? Who.

[B]

When you. The person directing it, like, do they get the credits for directing this? When you.

[A]

John. I mean, it was a documentary and someone passed away. Like, it's not like this whole cinematic feature where they're like, yeah, let's make this a box office where we could really profit. But they. They did it. I think what's crazy is, like, they were able to do the majority of it based off of just body cam footage, which is crazy.

[B]

Was this person involved?

[A]

What person?

[B]

Like, the person who directed. Like, I would get it if it's somebody directing. Like, this person's not involved at all. I'm like, any of the money made should go to all those fam. The families.

[A]

I don't know. I have no idea. Just watch it. It was a. It was a good show. But you know what?

[B]

Speaking of Movies, by the way. I just like, hate now when I see movies and it's like, based off like, deadbeat parents or deadp dads. I'm like, how can you be a piece of any of those up and coming stories? Like, okay, like what? Blindside, for example. Remember, like Sandra Bullock movie. And like, I thought you were talking.

[A]

About, like.

[B]

Because he got adopted, but did his parents die or were they just, like, neglecting him?

[A]

I don't remember.

[B]

Just in general. It's like, how can you, like, be a piece of, you know, or anything we see in the news now like that what happened in Penn Station, I mean, it's just terrible.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, people are. People are pieces of.

[A]

So that's all that you wanted to talk about with movies or is this like real life? Because these are like real life stories.

[B]

Real life.

[A]

But, like, so was the Blind side. That was a real story.

[B]

Yeah. Well, yeah, I know that too.

[A]

It's not fiction.

[B]

I get that. Okay, so, yeah, it all correlates.

[A]

So like, real people in real life.

[B]

You don't like being.

[A]

You don't like when people in real life are pieces of shit to their kids.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Not people in just movies.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Of fiction.

[B]

I feel bad for all the characters who, like, have to pay play like pieces of shit because then no one likes them.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I just saw something on Internet. It's like Breaking Bad, the wife. Oh, and the sister. And the top 10 of most hated. Well, characters, I feel like.

[A]

And then you get Typecast Malfoy. It's hard to be put into anything else. Speaking of fiction. So fake. Fake entertainment. You know what. What is what I realized the other day? I don't remember exactly what I was watching. I don't think it was the Crown, because I just started watching that. It was. I don't remember.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

It might have been Peaky Blinders or something.

[B]

And again, are you about to bash Peaky Blinders?

[A]

No, not at all. All the acting in it is obviously so good. But when you. But when you realize that people are acting, it's really embarrassing to watch actors act, like, thinking about. And then it takes you out of it. Obviously. Like when they're really good, like, sometimes it doesn't take you out.

[B]

Sorry, you're like, way too deep. No, it doesn't take me out. I don't think. I just enjoy the fucking movie.

[A]

No, but sometimes when you're watching, I'm just like, these people are all pretending. Like everybody.

[B]

We're all living in an imaginary land.

[A]

Everybody's Pretending that they're living in the 30s or the 20s or like the 1800s. And it's like, come on. Yeah. Like you're getting out and you're going into your electric vehicle, driving down to Erewhon. I just think it's funny. It's. And it's kind of. Everybody's in on it. It's just a big play.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

It is cool. But I just also think it's a little bit like.

[B]

I feel like you're. You're just ruining movies and shows for yourself.

[A]

No, no, no. And it's not embarrassing. I guess that's like the. It's just. It's just funny like how everyone is in on like this play that you're filming because like Broadway, you're watching and you're like, yes, performance. Got it. But then like when people are filming, it's just. What do you mean?

[B]

That's performance?

[A]

No, no, it is. I just.

[B]

Coming from somebody who's been on a set before, it's pretty.

[A]

I mean, I guess, like we technically pretend in our skits too, but I don't know why.

[B]

I just think smaller. Way, way smaller function level.

[A]

No, John, it's feature film. Yeah. I don't know, it just. Sometimes it takes you out of it when you realize that the actors are acting and everyone is just in on it. They're all pretending.

[B]

I guess. So I don't want to look that deep into it because it'll just ruin watching stuff. I'm already too focused on trying to read the subtitles fast enough to be able to.

[A]

Subtitles are necessary, especially for a show like Peaky Blunders. I can't keep up with that.

[B]

Good show. You don't have enough attention. Spanish Peaky Blinders.

[A]

That's why it gets good. That's why I have too many things I need to watch. And what's hard about being a new parent is like you can only watch things in like 10 minute increments before you're needed. So it's like I have something on while I'm like, I have her on my boob and then immediately she's got.

[B]

A something's going on.

[A]

She shits her pants. Like some. Something is needed.

[B]

Poop man.

[A]

Yeah. And so I just feel like it's hard to watch something completely throughout without being interrupted. These days I get.

[B]

There's certain windows, which is why I just start. Certain windows where she's like asleep. Where it's like a deep sleep during the day. And then there's certain hours during the day where it's like she's up the whole time. So the video that we post on Instagram where it was us, your parents backyard, holding Lucy, kissing her and it was like.

[A]

Yeah, what about it?

[B]

What was that video? What was it, like a tribute or something?

[A]

Pregnancy and infant. Infant loss awareness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Remember, remember? I can't even speak. I can't.

[B]

Okay, anyway, so people in the comments, let me just. I need to give information. They're all like, you better get a gate around that pool. It's not our house.

[A]

Oh yeah, that's not our pool.

[B]

Everyone's like, pool cover. So you got a pool cover?

[A]

We do have a fence around our.

[B]

Pool and we do have a pool cover now. But just so everyone knows that that's where we got married, in her parents backyard.

[A]

Disclaimer. Oh, I didn't. Well, I don't read the comments. So maybe that's why people were like.

[B]

Oh my God, you don't have a gate around your pool. I'm like, it's. It's fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So don't worry.

[A]

Don't worry. Pool gate is other updates.

[B]

Talk to me.

[A]

Oh, well, I just got back from my six week postpartum OB appointment, so I'm officially for the vajayjay to fornicate again with you. If I want.

[B]

If I want.

[A]

So excited. No, literally. I'm so scared. Whatever. It'll be figured out, right?

[B]

We'll figure it out.

[A]

But I'm also cleared to lift weights, do all the things, just do everything. So, I mean, but it just, it feels like time is flying really. Except when it's 3am then I'm like so exhausted.

[B]

At night is second shift. It's still the same thing every day.

[A]

I have this like vein on my eye that pops out when I've only slept like three hours. And I feel like it's been.

[B]

Last night was rough. I think it's because I'm getting air bubbles in the bottle. Probably.

[A]

I know. Well, again, I could tell the difference between when she's like, only on my birthday for the day versus when we. But like, according to my friends who have children, they get used to it. Like it's just. Currently her digestive system is still just like developing. It's so teeny and little.

[B]

I like our energy level today. I feel like the last two episodes I was pretty much dead. People think I was high or dead. So, you know, I'm trying to today. Did you shower?

[A]

Coffee. Oh, that's good.

[B]

I showered. I didn't work out yet, so all my energy has been reserved solely for this podcast. And this podcast is sponsored by no cd. So Alex loves to say I have OCD because I can't sit down until every pillow is perfectly fluffed, every cabinet is closed, and the thermostat ends in an even number. And okay, maybe she's right about the thermostat thing. But here's the thing. Real OCD isn't just liking your home a certain way. OCD is when intrusive thoughts, unwanted, distressing thoughts, get stuck on repeat in your brain. You can't just shake them off or distract yourself. They loop, they spiral, and they make you feel like you have to do certain things or avoid certain situations just to find relief. It's exhausting. That's why I want to shout out nocd. It's the world's leading provider of OCD treatment. Their licensed therapists are trained by top experts and specialize in something called ERP therapy, Exposure and response prevention. It's proven to help people take the power away from intrusive thoughts so they don't control your life. The best part, therapy with no CD is completely virtual. It's covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans, and you even get support between sessions, so you're never dealing with OCD alone. If you're struggling with intrusive thoughts or obsessive behaviors that are running your day, go to nocd.com that's no c d.com to book a free 50 minute call and see how therapy can help.

[A]

This episode is also sponsored by Nature's Sunshine Brain Edge. You know that moment in the day when your body is still moving but your brain has completely clocked out? Yeah, well, that's been me every day, especially since becoming a mom. By 3pm I'm running on cold coffee, which who knows, maybe not forever since John. John has a solution to this now and wishful thinking. And when you're that tired, it's so tempting to grab another caffeine fix. But then you get the jitters, crash later and then you still feel foggy. That's why I started using Nature's Sunshine Brain Edge. It's a clean plant powered drink mix that combines wild harvested yerba mate with nootropics to support focus, memory and mental stamina without the crash. I'll mix it up in the morning or early afternoon. Helps me feel clear headed and steady and not wired. Plus like extra hydrated which we all, we all need that this these days. I love that it gives me smooth energy like my thoughts Actually keep up with my to do list, whether I'm recording or editing or just trying to remember where I left my phone for the fifth time. Because I can't carry a million things at once.

[B]

Not the only thing she ever loses it.

[A]

Okay, okay, John, relax. It gives me that extra edge to get through the day. And the best part, it's made by Nature Sunshine, a brand that's been around for over 50 years, sourcing pure, potent ingredients from nature. Even the yerba mate is wild, harvested by indigenous communities in the South American rainforest. So if you're fighting through fatigue and that midday brain fog, ignite your mental performance. With Brain Edge, Nature Sunshine is offering 20% off your first order, plus free shipping. Go to naturesunshine.com and use code straight at checkout. That is code straight. S T R A I G H [e-mail] this episode is also sponsored by Face Foundry. I used to treat facials like a once a year luxury. Maybe even less than that. Like I would probably go, I don't know, like once every three years or maybe, I don't know, really never that often.

[B]

When do I get to go?

[A]

But now regular facials are part of my actual routine. I book them like I do my hair appointments or workouts because keeping up with my skin shouldn't feel like a special occasion. You know, your sister actually got me onto that. She was the one who was like, what?

[B]

Doing what?

[A]

Scheduled facials?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And that's why I'm obsessed with Face Foundry. That's F A C E F O U n D R I e. It's an open concept facial bar that makes self care, approachable, affordable and actually doable. You could get results driven facials in just under an hour. Perfect for anyone who wants glowing skin on their lunch break without breaking the bank. Their estheticians are total pros. They don't just treat your skin, they help you understand it. Whether you're dealing with dryness, acne, or just want that lifted, sculpted look which John just displayed for you, they've got you covered with options like cryofacials, dermaplaning, lash lifts and brow laminations. And here's the best part. They make it easy to stay consistent. With over 65 locations nationwide, you can keep up with your facial routine no matter where life takes you. Work, trips, events, mom life, you name it. I love scheduling mine regularly. It's my non negotiable me time. It keeps my skin glowing, my stress low, and honestly makes me feel a little bit more put Together when life feels chaotic. So if you've been waiting for a sign to start treating your skin like it deserves this, this is it. Visit face foundry.com and use code GITMS at checkout for 20% off your first service. That's face foundry.com f a c e f o-u n d R-I-E.com code g I t m s for 20% off your first service. Well, speaking of other life updates, I left Lulu for the first time this past weekend and I cried.

[B]

And we did find. And luckily she slept the whole time for me.

[A]

So, yeah. And then I got mastitis in my boob, which for those of you who don't know, it's a clogged milk duck that gets infected. And so I left for the first time without her not thinking, let me bring a pump in case my boobs get engorged. And then they did. And I was like, oh, it's fine. I'll just feed her when I get home then. Got a clogged duck. The next day, John's in the city. I feel like I got hit by a bus.

[B]

I said I would suck it out. Off. Suck it off. Suck it out.

[A]

What? But you didn't. I.

[B]

Let me know I'm not gonna forcefully.

[A]

No, I just did it myself, I think I didn't suck it out myself.

[B]

She's like, I just did it.

[A]

I think, just like I just did all the things you're supposed to do, but it came on really quick. I was like, oh, is this what I get for leaving my child for the first time? Yeah, that is what I get.

[B]

You just gotta. You gotta milk yourself.

[A]

No, I mean, I just. I didn't realize that I would have to probably bring pumps with me, places that we go.

[B]

So Alex and I did a trade off. So she went out east or somewhere. On Saturday and Sunday, I went into the city for the first time by myself. I think it was a good experience for me to go there and experience it for myself. I got a new outlook on New York City.

[A]

I'm glad that you were able to take the train in public transportation on your own because I feel like it's been a long time coming. Every time. You're like, no, no, no, you have to come with me into the city. And I'm like, you could do this on your own. Like, you navigate it. But this weekend was good. A good learning curve for us on both ends. Me, like, trying to get a little bit of independence back again, but then also leaving you with Lucy a little Bit longer on your own and then you going into the city on your own. But, you know, the thing that I am trying, though, which is really tough, and I've talked about in therapy, but other people listening might relate. It's really hard for me to not be a little bit resentful that, like, you do get to just take longer time and longer periods.

[B]

And, like, don't blame me, but I get it.

[A]

I'm not blaming you. But, like, I do. Like, Even, like, again, when you were able to, like, just go to la.

[B]

I'm like, oh, here we go again. I went to LA for a paid op for us and you over here. I said I didn't have to go.

[A]

No, it's not a matter of you staying home. It's a matter of, like, two things can be true at once. I'm, like, happy that you get to go to those things, but I'm also like, damn, I'm jelly, because I don't. And that's just, like, the sacrifices that you have to make as a mom. And I think also, like, because I'm specifically breastfeeding, but I also just feel so connected to her and she's still so, like, little that I don't want to leave her. But again, I think it's just a natural. I just want to say, if anyone else gets a little bit resentful of their husbands and you're in a very healthy, supportive relationship where your husband is there for you, it's normal and rightfully.

[B]

So, I don't blame you. And your time will come when you're not doing that. Like, I get that. Like, I will take a back seat or we'll do things together, preferably. I, I, we love going together to things. Unfortunately, sometimes it doesn't work out, like, right now.

[A]

And that's where I think, like, communication comes in. But I think it's just natural. Like, and that's where I had to come in to. I had to have a moment for myself and be like, is this because I actually don't want him to go? Because, like, I knew I was fine handling Lucy? Or is it because I'm just, like, jealous that I can't go? Like, I don't have the freedom to.

[B]

Sure, I'd be jealous, too. I get it. Like, I, I get where you're coming from.

[A]

So. Yeah, it's not. It's not. Don't take it personal. Even though I'm sure you do. I'm sorry.

[B]

It's hard. It's hard not to.

[A]

I'm tired.

[B]

I'm I know, I know.

[A]

So this is. I don't know if I talked about this last time, because I feel like we bring Kobe up on every episode, which is fine, but, like, coming home from. I think I was taking, like, Lulu to the park or something. I'd come home. She needed her diaper changed. Kobe. And this is on us for having white couches. Kobe stomped with his muddy paws on all of our white couches. He's never done that. I've never come home and seen muddy paws.

[B]

First thing Alex does calls, you didn't wipe his paws.

[A]

I go, yeah, you didn't wipe his paws, did you?

[B]

So we had to clean every single cushion on the couch. Lucy threw up on the couch.

[A]

But this is on us. So I'm like, hmm, Are we gonna just. I really do have. I. I do love.

[B]

We should have gotten white couches.

[A]

But, like, we got white couches before.

[B]

Shouldn't have gotten it then, because how much wine have you dumped on the couch, dude?

[A]

But, like.

[B]

And then I ruined it.

[A]

It's so easy to clean those cushions because they're white. You just bleach them. Either way, couches were dirty. We washed them. They needed to be washed. And they're just going to continue to get dirty and stained from having.

[B]

We shouldn't get anything new for, like, the next three years.

[A]

Probably longer. I feel like toddlers are worse. They like color on shit and put stickers everywhere.

[B]

Your toddler up to, what, four or five?

[A]

Yeah. Like, when? What are the.

[B]

I should know this. This is my peds class.

[A]

Like, what's the age range of, like, an infant to a baby to a toddler to a kid?

[B]

Like, six? Adolescent, dude. It's adolescent, then teen.

[A]

I feel like our brains just became developed.

[B]

I didn't pass that class. Oh, wait, I got, like, a C min.

[A]

I just thought of this, and I want to circle back to when you went to the city for the first time. And again, very proud of you. Good for you. I'm so happy for you. But when we were dropping you off, me and Lulu, this isn't the first time you've done this, and I think you were probably a little bit flustered because there's a lot going on. But this happened earlier, and I think we spoke about it on this podcast where I dropped you off once before. I had the car, and you take the keys with you, so. So you're on a mission to make your train, and I'm like, the car is dinging. Cause it's like, key fob no longer in Car like you're stalled. And I'm like, guess we're walking home, Lucy. And so I'm calling you. You're not answering. And I'm like just watching you beeline it to like the. To make your train. And I'm just thinking here, planning what, what we're going to do. Thankfully, you answered only because I had put my contact on a loud ringer. Like you can, you know how if.

[B]

You have your emergency.

[A]

Yeah. So I was like, I'm putting my, my number to bypass.

[B]

I don't know how I heard it because the volume was all the way down on my phone. I think I was going to pull my MTA ticket because I'm a nerd like that. I was like, let me see. And luckily I.

[A]

Your first day at school.

[B]

I know I had, I had the, the ticket ready for the lady of like. That's so funny. Oh my God.

[A]

Yeah. So you forgot. You took the keys with you forgot them in your pocket and you almost left a stranded.

[B]

You have the app on your phone though.

[A]

I don't think I could drive with the app. It's not a Tesla.

[B]

You might be right. I don't know.

[A]

I am right. You need the key.

[B]

That's true. Well, anyways, you got the key, so we're fine. It could have been a disaster though.

[A]

Yeah. We made it home.

[B]

You had something else you want to say?

[A]

No, I do, but I was going to finish out with it. Or you want to go last?

[B]

You know, Alex has been bashing me a lot this episode.

[A]

No, I haven't.

[B]

I'm going to get it. I'm going to tap myself on the shoulder. Lately I've been doing the throwdown service for Alex.

[A]

That's what I was going to talk about. I was gonna say like, so is it throw down, turn down.

[B]

But if you want, I turn down and then I throw down.

[A]

Now you can throw it down. We can officially throw things down. No, I was gonna actually bring that up because every night again, like, there are certain things that just mom can do when caring for baby. But every night and like, you really are the most supportive and the most supportive and like helpful partner. And just you, you do think ahead. And so like if I'm hungry or Lucy needs something, but going to bed at night, I try to go to bed a little bit earlier knowing that I'm going to wake up more frequently. So it's like every time around 7:30, 8:00', clock, John's like, he knows that I'm getting. Get ready for bed. So he'll grab my giant water bottle, he'll go into the room, like, turn on the. Not the mood light, like the hatch.

[B]

Actually, I don't know how to turn the hatch on. I turn on your, like, side light.

[A]

My side lamp is a hatchling.

[B]

From your phone, I think I don't.

[A]

Know how to work it, like, from the actual thing, which is another annoying thing. Like, do things just all need apps? So when I go to bed now, I feel like I'm walking into a hotel room because the sheets are always pulled over as if I had turn down service. The only thing that's missing is a chocolate on my pillow. But I feel so luxurious going in. It feels like when the sheets are turned over so nicely and clean, like you got.

[B]

They feel crisp.

[A]

They feel crispier and just. I feel more luxurious, like getting into bed when it's like, already everything's like, nice and prepared. So I want to say thank you.

[B]

You got it.

[A]

Being on my team and I may.

[B]

Or may not have an ulterior motive to that.

[A]

You're like, I'm going to play Call of Duty for the rest of the night.

[B]

No, I've bypassed it's Battlefield now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, We've made a shift to Battlefield.

[A]

See, I don't mind.

[B]

I. Because the reason I do it, I want to get all my ducks in a row. I want everything done. So you're not going to ask me for anything. I got. I got your water bed. Lucy's good, changed, good to go. Because I know that I have like a two hour. We have no. This is funny. We actually have no schedule at all. The only. Only schedule we have is like this two hour window at night where I'm like, okay, Alex, going to bed at like eight. I have at least an hour and a half, two hours to play, to just unwind.

[A]

And then you come up for a.

[B]

Diaper change and I come up for a diaper change. Because she's.

[A]

Yeah, no, but I feel like that's at least a start.

[B]

Start. That's a start.

[A]

It's a start. It's a little bit of a bedtime routine. I don't know, I'm just like, until. Who knows? Until I feel like she's a little bit older. When do people start routines?

[B]

Take a little win. We're gonna take that little win, people.

[A]

I have seen books where it's like, you know, start in the first six weeks or the first eight weeks. And I'm looking at them and I'm like, we tried to implement them and maybe we just weren't strict enough. But I'm like there's just a lot crying.

[B]

I can't help it.

[A]

I'm going to variables that go into it that I just feel like each his own schedule. But anyway, thank you for turning thank you for bedtime night down turn down service.

[B]

It's very thank you for keeping Lulu alive. All right, let's get to it.

[A]

Oh, should we jump into questions?

[B]

Jump in.

[A]

This episode is also sponsored by Clean Safe Products, the green mitt kit. You know that moment when guests are about to come over and you suddenly notice that your couch has personality like mystery stains from the dog?

[B]

Been there.

[A]

Yeah, a few times. Or the baby. But in this house, we always blame the dog, obviously with our white couches. And John likes to blame me spilling the wine on the couch. But listen, everybody has their moments. We made this choice with white couches, but that's okay because we have the green mitt from Clean Safe Products and it truly is the easiest way to make your fabrics look brand new in five minutes or less. If you could wipe a kitchen counter, you can clean your couch. Here's how it works. You just spray the solution, wipe, rinse the mitt and repeat. It works on everything. Carpets, couches, car seats, rugs. Even those dry clean only fabrics that make you panic when you read the tag. And unlike harsh sprays that leave a sticky film or a weird chemical smell, the green mitt kit is a non toxic fragrance free and made with only three ingredients. No bleach, no soap and no residue. So stains don't magically reappear the next day like hey, miss me? No, no we don't. We never miss stains. It's safe for kids, pets, and every service you love plus one bottle of concentrate makes 16 full size bottles of cleaner. So it lasts forever.

[B]

Holy cow.

[A]

Honestly, it saved me so much time and stress. My couch is clean, my rugs don't smell like dog and regret. And I no longer need to apologize for having people sit down. Try it. Risk free. Clean Safe products offers a 30 day money back guarantee, no questions asked. Go to Clean SafeProducts.com straight to get $15 off the green mitt kit. That's Clean SafeProducts.com straight for $15 off the world's easiest soft surface cleaning solution.

[B]

And this podcast is also sponsored by Branch Basics. I don't think I fully understood what mess meant until we had a baby. It's like every surface in our house is a potential disaster zone. Bottles spit up mystery stains that somehow multiply Overnight. And I used to grab whatever cleaning spray was under the sink until one day I looked at the label and couldn't pronounce half the ingredients.

[A]

Not just because.

[B]

Because I can't spell and I'm dyslexic. That's when we switched to Branch Basics. And honestly, it's been a game changer. Everything they make is plant and mineral based, human, safe, and totally free of the junk you don't want around your kid. The premium starter kit comes with one concentrate that does it all. I'm talking kitchen counters, high chair, laundry, bathroom, even baby toys. One bottle replaces the 10 random cleaners.

[A]

We used to have, which is nice storage. We need it.

[B]

We do need that. And the best part, it actually works. No sticky residue, no chemical smell, just clean. I use it multiple times a day because, well, babies are unpredictable. I've wiped down the crib, the play mat, and even the car seat all with the same product. Now it's just part of our routine. It feels good knowing that when I'm cleaning up after our little tornado, I'm not spraying something toxic into the air she's breathing. So you like that? That effect?

[A]

I did. And then I also envisioned breathing in.

[B]

Toxic things like my deodorant. So if you're in the baby mess stage, bottles, burp, cloths, chaos everywhere. Trust me, Branch Basics will your sanity. Head to branch basics.com and use code straight for 15% off your starter kit. Again, that's branch basics.com code straight for 50% off your first order. Start fresh this season with products that are safe, simple, and actually work.

[A]

This episode is also sponsored by AG1. Most mornings I'm running on coffee. Dry shampoo. Actually, no. Like, my head is currently full of so much dry shampoo and sheer willpower. I used to tell myself I'd start taking my vitamins tomorrow and then tomorrow would turn into next season. It's just because I.

[B]

Sounds about right. Yeah.

[A]

There's a lot of things day to day. It's not that I just like. I honestly forget. But recently I started using AG1 and it's the first healthy habit that is actually easy to stick. One scoop once a day. And I finally feel like I have my life together, at least nutritionally. It's got 75 vitamins and minerals, five probiotic strains, and it supports gut, healthy energy and focus, which, let's be honest, are the three things every parent is desperately chasing. And it's replaced all the random bottles cluttering up our cabinet. Now just one scoop. Water, shake, drink. Done. I love that it's clinically backed, made with high quality ingredients, and it actually tastes good.

[B]

That's important.

[A]

And I swear by the time I've finished it, I've convinced myself I can handle whatever the day throws at me. Spit ups, emails, emotional damage from scrolling Instagram. It's all good. And the best part, for less than $3 a day with a subscription, you're getting over $7 worth of daily nutritional support. So it's like a personal health upgrade that doesn't break the bank or require remembering to swallow six horse pills before breakfast. I'm gonna be honest.

[B]

Like that horse pills are the worst.

[A]

Easiest, no, because I went from having like eight different supplements to just one scoop. It just simplifies it. And again, easier to remember.

[B]

Also shaking. I'd rather do that than swallow a pill.

[A]

So if you're looking for an easy way to actually feel human again before 9am, this is it. Head to drink ag1.com straight to get a free welcome kit including a bottle of vitamin D and free AG1 travel packs when you first subscribe. That's DrinkAG1.com straight one scoop once a day, every day. Because survival mode deserves some nutrients. So I feel like a common theme of just being new parents and just life in general has been boundaries. So today, across all categories, we're going to discuss the topic up boundaries. I don't know why. That just gave me like stepbrother vibes where you just come in and you're like, boundaries.

[B]

Did they say that in there? No, but it just like gave you the boundaries.

[A]

You were like, we're gonna say this at the same time. Okay, question number one. I've been friends with this girl since childhood. We've been through it all, even stopped talking for two years, but made up and got close again. Recently we went on a girls trip with her sister. Everything was fun until her sister snapped at me in a super rude, condescending way. Everyone noticed it and I was honestly shocked. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to ruin the trip or risk my friendship. But now I feel awful for not standing up for myself. I've been working on setting boundaries and not letting people disrespect me. But my friend and her sister are super close and always together. My question is, should I have said something at that moment? And how can I protect my peace and still keep this friendship knowing that her sister will always be around? How do I keep this friendship without dealing with that kind of energy again?

[B]

Did her friend step in for her or say anything.

[A]

Why did she snap? Like, what happened?

[B]

And why did you guys initially not.

[A]

Yeah, why did you. Yeah, like, why did you stop talking?

[B]

Seems like strike two.

[A]

What is strike three gonna be? I don't know, John, you love coming up with scenarios. Make one up.

[B]

Make one up.

[A]

Strike three, set the scene.

[B]

It's a. A baby shower.

[A]

Damn, I thought you were gonna say.

[B]

A fall day and then baby shower in the summer. And her friend's sister was like. She walks in with the gift. And then the sister's like. Sister's friends like, oh, he like that.

[A]

I'm invested. I'm invested.

[B]

So she comes in, walks in, and the sister's like, what are you doing here?

[A]

Why isn't she allowed there?

[B]

I know. She got an invitation.

[A]

Didn't get it.

[B]

No, she did.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

She's like, I was invited.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she's like, that wasn't meant for you.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And then she goes to her friend and is like, I. I got a gift for you. You invited me. And then she doesn't say anything. She just, like, lets it play out because she's a passive twat.

[A]

I'm so lost.

[B]

And then a fight ensues. Okay, strike three and the friendship.

[A]

Wait, but why wasn't she invited to the baby shower to begin with?

[B]

No, she got an invitation.

[A]

I know, but why shouldn't she? You said that invite wasn't for her.

[B]

The sister who snapped at her, she's the one who, like, comes to the door to open the door to let the person.

[A]

She's like, I can't believe.

[B]

What are you doing here?

[A]

Got it. But there's no, like, reason for the.

[B]

But the sister, her friend actually did invite her so that she's not saying anything. That's why it's strike three. Because she's just, like, freezes, you know, she doesn't, like, stick up for a friend. And she's like, oh, well, got it.

[A]

Her sister's rude again. She doesn't stand up for her again. God. I think this just, like, is a friendship that is going down. And if. If you're going to listen to anyone, it should be us just. And that friendship. Because John's not just a love doctor, he's a fortune teller.

[B]

I am. Yeah, I am. There's going to be a third strike, I'm telling you. Probably not that specific scenario, but something's going to happen.

[A]

I don't know. Okay, but actually, getting back to the question, I don't think that you should really feel that bad about yourself for not standing up for yourself in the moment. Sometimes you. Things to shock you, and you're like, wait, what? And then you think of really good comebacks later also.

[B]

Well, did everyone else wish you could have done? When she says, everyone saw it, like, do you look like the winner in that situation by not saying anything? You know, was everyone, like, taken back by this crazy chick yelling at you?

[A]

Does she look like the dumb.

[B]

Yeah, because you already won if she does.

[A]

Yeah. And sometimes it's just better to be the bigger person and just let things.

[B]

Sometimes.

[A]

Sometimes. And just let things settle as opposed to just, you know, hitting back. But I would take. I would. I would look at your friendship from a bird's eye view and just be like, what? Why is there tension here? Why is there tension with this sister?

[B]

Jealousy. Jealousy that.

[A]

That's always the answer. It's not always jealousy between the sister.

[B]

I mean, she's so close with her sister, she's like, no, I don't want this.

[A]

No. Even the friend. Even with the friend. Like, why did you stop talking to your friend?

[B]

Probably the sister. It's. It seems like maybe the sister doesn't like her. So she's like, I don't know. She's like, hey, me and my sister are like this. Don't be kind of stepping in here and trying to get involved in this relationship. She's my sister.

[A]

I think you have a conversation with your friend and you just tell her, yeah, next question. That's it.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I gave all the scenarios.

[A]

You gave the scenarios. You didn't give any advice. She said, should I have said something in that moment that's not.

[B]

Well, I guess the main thing.

[A]

How can she protect her piece?

[B]

I want to know how she looked in that situation. Like, what actually happened? Do you look. Did you look good? Like, were everyone, like, appalled by what that chick said? Because if so, you're good. Like, you. You don't have to step up for yourself because you already were the bigger person in that situation.

[A]

I would say something to your friend and be like, hey, are me and your sister good? And then if she has anything to say, like, she would be the one to know. Know if there's, like, a reason or like, hey, what's going on there? I don't want there to be tension with your sister. Should I talk to your sister? That's how I would do it. I would approach my friend and be like, what. What's this? What's the situation happening with your sister? Do we need to have a separate conversation? Is there. Is there Unspoken beef there. Next question. My husband and I are very honest and real with each other. He's had a bit of a harder time fitting in with my very conservative immediate family. I left a very high demand religion, but they are still active in it. He has felt much more accepted over the years, though he is still slightly criticized at times. Recently, my mom mentioned some concerns she has about my husband that he's not open to feedback and just needs to go with the flow more. I told her I didn't think that was accurate and that we simply expect people to respect our boundaries and let us live our lives the way we want. My question is, should I bring this conversation up with my husband, or would that deepen the divide that is already there between my family members and him and us?

[B]

Your grown adults. Live your life the way you want to live your life. Don't let other people meddle in that. And like I always say, when you're. When you get married, your immediate family now is your partner, your kids, whatever. So that being said, like, your parents need to respect decisions you guys make, whatever religion you want to follow or whatever views you have. I just do. I want to go deep with it with them. Because if you do, like, if they're. They're very stuck in their ways, it's not going to be good. You just be like, hey, shut the up.

[A]

Yeah, I think, if anything, this shouldn't be a conversation that you bring up with your husband. It should be a conversation that you bring up with your parents. And you literally say, why would you bring it up?

[B]

Why would you bring it up to him? To just event.

[A]

Yeah, because that's not gonna fix anything to feedback. Like, that's just gonna make him feel more weird towards your family. And I think it will deepen the divide. If anything, you need to do a hard stop with your family.

[B]

Are they open to feedback?

[A]

Exactly. I would say, hey, he is my family now. Fudge off. Why are you giving. Why are you even giving feedback?

[B]

Alex, get in there. Get in there.

[A]

No, I'm not.

[B]

I'm drained off. My scenarios don't go down.

[A]

I need to relax. Next question. I don't know. That shit just pisses me off. It's like, your husband should be your partner in crime, your one true love, he is your teammate. And, like, you're now being like, oh, my God. My mom said he's not open to feedback.

[B]

Some people really no.

[A]

Stand up for your husband.

[B]

Some people would just have. It's a hard attachment with their parents.

[A]

Grow up.

[B]

Yeah, I agree. But, like, sometimes they just have, like, a death grip on their kids and. And kids are.

[A]

If you don't know how to detach from your parents in a healthy way when you get married, then you shouldn't be getting. Then maybe you're not ready to get married. I'm not coming at you, listener. But I do think that you need to have more of a backbone to protect your husband, to protect your marriage, your relationship against your family.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Next question. My husband and I are expecting our first baby, and there's been one topic we can't seem to agree on. He rarely posts on social media for privacy reasons. While I like to share the occasional life update. Nothing excessive. I asked a photographer about newborn photos, but he's completely against it. His arguments are we could just take them ourselves and he's not comfortable sharing the baby online. I agree. I don't want to post the baby's face, and I want them to have that choice later. But I also feel robbed of a special experience. I just want beautiful photos for albums, frames, and family, not just iPhone shots. If I love a few, I might share them privately. He also has no interest in maternity photos, which I accepted, but I'm really upset about the newborn ones. Am I being unreasonable or are my feelings valid?

[B]

Your feelings are valid. I don't know. Is he just being cheap? You know?

[A]

Yeah, true.

[B]

Is he being lazy? I know a lot of guys who just, like, don't want to take photos. But again, you know, dude, you need to. The fact that you didn't get to.

[A]

Do maternity, if you're still pregnant, go take them yourself. Like, I would hire a photographer on my own if it's not a money thing.

[B]

Again, it needs to be give and take. The fact that you didn't get to do, like, get to have that moment.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because what if you're one and done and you never have that again?

[A]

So again, like, even looking back on my photos, I always wish I had more. I'm like, that's why the second pregnancy, I was like, unlimited. I always was setting up our tripod again. We're in a place that, like, we have our own camera.

[B]

And I also didn't want to fudgeing do that.

[A]

No, but you did it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm a partner. But look at you should be like.

[A]

But even the photos that we took when she was born, aren't you so glad we have those? It's like a moment in time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you can lie, John.

[B]

No, but, like, I'd be real. Like, what I Don't really care. I really don't care. But you want it, that's fine. It doesn't bother me. But I'm not going to. Like it seemed like it's really important to her and even giving give and take. Like you didn't do the maternity shoot because he didn't want to and now he's not going to even let you do that.

[A]

Like just like imagine nobody took like photos. There would be no history. Yeah. Like again iPhone photos aside. Like imagine your grandparents or even your parents were like no, we don't need wedding photos. It's just like whatever. Like they don't have that captured.

[B]

It's just like history of your family tree.

[A]

Who. You're not being unreasonable. I understand the compromise of not posting baby online or like maybe not doing a million like a whole glam shoot but like to do something casual. Have like a 30 minute session with a photographer to do a family cell phone.

[B]

Like put a little fucking effort in guy.

[A]

Yeah. Especially when again they're only little for so long. Your feelings are valid. Um, but again I think just have trying to have that conversation that it's really important to you and it's part of your family history and you would regret if you didn't get them done or just do them with you and your baby. Don't do them with your husband. Then I would. I feel like bye then I'm going to go do.

[B]

Then he's going to look like an asshole. Yeah. So maybe he'll do it then. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Next question. I recently got married and both of our families get along really well. With the holidays coming up, we're visiting my dad and stepmom for Christmas, then going skiing, a yearly tradition with my husband's parents and his sister. The past few years my mom has joined us and it's been great. But I don't want his family to feel like they have to host her every year. And I don't want her to feel left out or lonely because she's single, she's not close with her family and since I'm her only child, she wants to be with me constantly. I've had to set some boundaries because she could be smothering. How do married couples navigate holiday plans? How can I talk to my husband so we can make our own traditions while managing my mom's expectations and separate needs from my people? Pleasing alternate.

[B]

Just alternate. One year I always. It's Thanksgiving and Christmas, right. Are like the biggest ones. I guess Easter, but like east. Well for us Easter is Whatever. But Thanksgiving and Christmas, it's like, okay, we'll do mine Thanksgiving, then yours, you know, and just switch it up. Why did. That was so hard for me to say?

[A]

Hold on, because you're thinking, like, math wise.

[B]

No, I'm just saying the words.

[A]

Oh, like Thanksgiving is with your family one year, my family, the next year, Christmas, the opposite year is my family one year. Your.

[B]

I honestly was just, like, too lazy to say that whole sentence out.

[A]

No, but I understand your people pleasing this, especially, like, with your mom being alone. Like, you don't want her to. Like, you don't. You don't want your husband's family to feel like she has to, like, tag along. You also want a little bit of your independence. But I do think that you also have to give yourself grace. That, like, you are the child. You don't have to, like, take care of your mom necessarily in that way for every holiday. I think that alternating holidays is fine.

[B]

I don't agree with that. She has nobody. Wow. Alex is heartless. She has no one in her. She doesn't get along with her family, and she's her only daughter. Oh, I'm about to shine here, baby.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

Yeah, no, yeah, that's right. Well, unlike Alex, I think you should definitely have your mother at all holidays. So she's not alone and by herself.

[A]

No, I just mean that, like, Alex.

[B]

Would be like, no. She could scratch at the door in the snow all she wants. I'm not opening.

[A]

I guess I'm trying to think from, like, a perspective of me. If Lucy, for example, like, you die, I'm alone. Lucy doesn't want me at every. At her husband's family's thing every year. Like, I feel like I have to be okay with that because, like, she wants a little bit of alone time from me.

[B]

We're gonna. We're gonna raise Lucy way better than that. Come on.

[A]

I guess I'm just trying to, like, be understanding.

[B]

You're a terrible person.

[A]

I'd be like. Like, okay, like, I miss you.

[B]

Did I ever sell a story that makes you so sad? I don't hear again this. Did I tell you what my dad used to say to me all the time? Made me cry?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So terrible.

[A]

You've told you. Probably.

[B]

I'll say it again.

[A]

Music on this podcast.

[B]

My dad, when I was young, he'd be like, john, on Christmas, I'm all alone and you're inside eating turkey and stuff with your family by the fire. And I start. I got just, like, a blanket on. I'm scratching at the window.

[A]

Hi. No tapping in the window. Will you let me in?

[B]

Will you let me in? I would fucking bawl my eyes out. I'm about to cry now. It's so sad. Like, why the fuck would you say that to me?

[A]

My OB asked me today. She's like, how's John? And I'm like, oh, my God, he's great. He cries every day. She goes, does he. Do we need to. Do we need to worry about postpartum depression? I was like, he's fine. He's just in love. I was like, they're happy tears, but this is a sad tear.

[B]

That is sad. I mean, I think it's sad.

[A]

No, I guess again, when I initially read this question, I. I thought of Lucy, and I was like, I wouldn't want her to feel smothered by me.

[B]

Too bad, Lucy.

[A]

So that's where I was thinking, because I was like, if she's our one and only, something happens to you. Like, of course I'm going to want to spend every holiday with her.

[B]

Better pull a chair up for me, baby.

[A]

When she gets married again, like. Or married again once she gets married, like, that's her family and she could do whatever she wants.

[B]

So that's all the advice I give about immediate family is hypocritical, because I'm the immediate family.

[A]

What?

[B]

You know, I'm always like, your media families, like your husband. And, like, you're like, your kids or whatever. Now I'm. I'm taking that back and like, oh, no, I'm immediate family. I'm. I'm involved in everything.

[A]

Oh, like the kids?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know why that wasn't clear to me. Again, I don't know.

[B]

I'm like, next question, next question.

[A]

So wait, what is your. You think that she should just. Just invite her mom to everything?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, unless you want to go to hell.

[A]

I mean, especially for the holidays, too. It's not like. It's not like she's joining you guys on family vacation.

[B]

I mean, I would draw boundaries for, like, weekly visits. I'm like, that's enough.

[A]

Right?

[B]

We're good here.

[A]

Yeah. But, yeah, no holidays. I don't know. I guess just from putting myself in, like, the mom's shoes, I would still want my daughter to be happy, but, like, I would probably want to smother Lucy. I'd be like, yeah, I'm fucking spending all my time with you. You're my only. You're the love of my life. Like, if you died, John. Like, if you weren't around. Oh, my God. Next question. We gave you no advice. We gave you the opposite advice of what you were looking for. I'm 29 and my boyfriend is 30. We've been dating for over two years and now live together. He's perfect in every way except for one reason. I'm writing in. He hates pda, but it's something I love. I'm not saying he needs to be shoving his tongue down my throat in the middle of a bar or on a sidewalk, but an occasional short kiss or holding hands while walking would mean the world to me. The issue is I always have to grab his hand or lean in if I want these things. Recently, we were out at a bar with his friends, and I leaned in for a peck and he pulled back and smiled. This has officially started the longest disagreement we've ever had in our relationship. He is very affectionate and private, but he feels very uncomfortable showing any PDA in public. I want to respect his boundaries, but when this happens, I feel rejected and unwanted. Do you two have different beliefs about pda? How do you think I should handle the situation and communicate to meet in the middle?

[B]

I think you and I are very similar. It's awkward. We're never, like, aligned when our parents are around. It's always when we're going to say goodbye to each other.

[A]

Sometimes I think I've gone and, like, kissed you on the cheek and I'm like, bye.

[B]

We kiss each other. And then like, how many times have you, like, almost kissed your parents on the lips when Jen was here? We're like, bye was like, so close to. We will go, oh, what the fuck?

[A]

It's just like. Probably because we all look like siblings and we all married people who look.

[B]

Like siblings just like that. Awkward hello and goodbyes are always.

[A]

I don't know though. Like, I think our pda. I've never been an overly PDA person, but I think, like, normal, like, holding hands.

[B]

We don't really hold hands.

[A]

It's more from, like, I actually don't like. Well, because it's uncomfortable. Not as in, like, oh, I'm embarrassed.

[B]

It's like our hands, those giraffe arms. So I'm going to, like, go down here to hold your hand or like.

[A]

When you put your arm on me, it's like I have to, like, lean down a little bit and it's just, like, heavy. None of our intimacy is comfortable except, you know, behind the scenes, even.

[B]

That's funny.

[A]

We still can't even do that without laughing. I don't know I think that you have to discuss with him what he is comfortable with in person. Like meeting in the middle. Is that hand holding like this? Is a hand holding like this cupped or laced? You know those are different. Is it a kiss on the mouth, a kiss on the cheek? Like hugging? Being close. Because you want to feel. You want to feel close and connected. Yeah. Or like an arm around your arm, around your waist. Like there are little micro things, micro movements that he could do.

[B]

Throw punch.

[A]

Yeah. That make you feel loved.

[B]

So talk about it.

[A]

Talk about it. We.

[B]

But he can meet you a little bit. It can't just be nothing. I mean, come on.

[A]

But you also don't want to be resentful if he doesn't make you feel wanted in public. So yeah, you have to find that middle ground.

[B]

Couple hugs, couple pecks. You got it.

[A]

Next question. We've been struggling to set and maintain boundaries with my mother in law around child care. We have two kids under three and I work part time. My mom and my mother in law each watch them one day a week. It took a while to get everyone aligned on feedings, naps and routines. My mom eventually got on board, but my mother in law, not so much. She's a loving grandma and genuinely wants to help, but she's scatterbrained, forgetful and doesn't follow directions. We ever watch the kids at our house while my husband works from home because she's just not the most reliable. When she went away for a month, my mom covered both days and our kids naps and overall routines improved dramatically. But once my mother in law came back, things regressed and she's since shown up sick without warning, getting everyone else sick too. Ignored written schedules, started naps late or too late or for too long and let them sleep in clothes that weren't appropriate even though I packed pajamas is. We've sat her down multiple times to set clear expectations. No TV while watching them. Come rested, communicate throughout the day, follow the routine we provide. She always seems agreeable in the moment, but quickly slips back into old habits when we've tried to reiterate boundaries. She ambushed my husband and said that she'd be taking our toddler to her house instead, unprepared and without essentials. Later she told us she felt she'd been on probation and asked for a written schedule, which I'd already given her more than once. To make matters worse, she dismissed our concerns, laughed things off, and even gaslit my husband by saying that I need therapy because my mental health isn't good. We've now decided that she won't be alone with the kids. My husband has offered to visit her on his day off so she could still spend time with them, but she refused, saying she's not having supervised visitation. We don't want to cut her off, but we can't keep having her disregard boundaries and create setbacks for our kids. How do we get her to respect the structure and rules we've put in place? Or is it time to step back completely from letting her provide childcare again?

[B]

If somebody's offering you free services and it's just not working out for you, I'm not going to put that against them. Just like, okay, we're just not going to do that anymore.

[A]

Which sounds like what you're doing, right?

[B]

As far as like trying to just give her time. She's pissed right now. Like, she'll, she'll come around eventually when she wants to see the grandkids.

[A]

My question is, like, if you're. And a lot of people don't use their parents for childcare. If you don't use your parents or your in laws for childcare, aren't all visits technically supervised? Supervised visits? You know what I mean?

[B]

Like, you're there, don't title it as babysitting. It's like we're just coming to see. Yeah.

[A]

Like grandma and grandpa lunch together. Like, we're going to the park together. It's not a supervised visit. Like in. I don't remember ever just being like, here's playtime. Like, unless, you know, my parents had to go do something. So I just, I think it's maybe the labeling of a supervised visit or child care that is, is creating the tension here. But I don't think you have to cut her out completely. But I think most people, most relationships in your life who are spending time with your children, you're there. Unless like you're off doing something else. So don't, don't label it like that and maybe it will be fine. Just like, hey, you want to go grab lunch? Exactly. Go to the park. Like, let's do something. Or we're going here if you want to meet us here.

[B]

Like, but if she's saying, like, I don't need some scheduled visits, like, just wait, let her calm the down.

[A]

Yeah. Like, then that's, then that's her choosing to not see the kids because you're around. And then that's even weird in itself. It's like, you don't want to spend time with my kids when I'm around. Why that's Weird.

[B]

Do you want to spend time with me? I'm your son, right?

[A]

Yeah. I think you're doing. You're following your gut. You're doing what is important to you as parents, and that's all that you can do.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Next question. About three years ago, my best friend called me crying because her longtime boyfriend had cheated on her. I left my house immediately to be there for her. Even though I had a newborn baby and was running on no sleep, she made it clear she was leaving him and putting their house up for sale. The next day, I went to help her pack all of his stuff. This wasn't the first time he had cheated. He was calculated about it too. Long story short, he blamed his mental state and even threatened to kill himself. I called bs. My friends and I all agreed he was a piece of shit, but I was the only one honest enough to say it to her. Then she texted me saying she was staying with him to work things out. I told her respectfully that I didn't support it. I had dropped everything for her with my newborn and even prepared for her to move in with me, buying things for her and her dog. I was completely shut out by our friends who said I was too harsh. Guess what? She got pregnant by him. Am I the asshole for being honest? Now she's married to him, and everyone she called when he cheated still went to her wedding. It's hard when you invest so heavily into a friendship and, like, because it's coming from a good place. Like, you love this person, you want to, like, care for them, and then they don't actually hear you and go and just do what they want to do. But what I've learned over the years now, being in my early to mid-30s, is that when it comes to relationships, people are going to do what they want to do. Like, your advice coming from the best place truly doesn't matter. Like, you could be saying the most logical thing, but that person needs to learn that lesson on their own. The person who you're speaking to, your friend, your sister, your roommate, your boyfriend, your cousin, it doesn't matter. Your boyfriend, it doesn't matter. That person has to be able to do the work and make those. Take. Take those steps on their own. So, again, I think that you were doing the best that you could at the moment by, like, showing off.

[B]

You were being a good friend. So, like, don't. Don't give yourself a hard time. I think you were. You did right.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, a real friend should tell the person when something is off.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The Other friends, I wouldn't consider them real friends. If you're not going to, like, the guy cheated on her, like, you're not going to support your friend and like, hello, tell your friend to me. Come on.

[A]

I mean, the thing that is shitty in these friendship relationship dynamics is that, like, when you're still there for your friend at the end, when it does turn to shit, whether it's now or down the road, you don't want to get shit on. Well, no, no, no, not even that. You just don't want to be the person who's like, I told you so. So I saw from a million miles away you do. You called it. And I think that that's. You can only control your own actions in this situation. So it's kind of like your choice here. Like, how involved do you want to be with this friend? So it's like, are you. Do you want to be around this friend who doesn't take your advice or who's like, making these shitty decisions? Or do you want to cut her out or are you willing to, like, let her fuck up on her own and still be there for her? It's kind of like really up to you. Like, the ball is in your court is what I'm saying.

[B]

Seems like a lot of mental space. Space to have right now. Like, if you're getting cut out, like, guess you're cut out for now and let her come to you when he cheats again, because he will.

[A]

But are you the. For being honest? No. No.

[B]

I think you're never an. For being honest.

[A]

I mean, I guess there's certain relationships that I have with people that, like. I know.

[B]

I'm just saying if you're being honest, if you're just in general, if you're being honest. If it is an honest fact. Yeah.

[A]

No.

[B]

Are you an.

[A]

I'm definitely. I. I'm more of an honest person than most people, but I. I wish everyone was honest.

[B]

You're so passive. What are you talking about? I'm the honest person.

[A]

I think it really depends on your relationship with the person. Because there are people who I'm more honest with, and there's some people who I'm like, you would crumble if I was as honest with you as like.

[B]

Okay, are you being and honest intentionally to like a stronger threshold to like, hurt them? No, I'm just saying in general, like, broad brass tacks. Honest. If you're speaking honest truths, you're not an asshole because you're. You're saying you're stating an actual fact.

[A]

I Think if the person does not want advice, you know, like, the person has to be open to feedback in order to like. And that's where you say, do you want me to listen? Do you want me to be here for you? Or do you want my honest opinion here? Do you want my honest advice? And then say, like, how brutally honest do you want me to be?

[B]

Fine.

[A]

I just think it depends. Some people can handle it. Some people fucking crumble. And then it goes back on you also where you're just like, okay, if they didn't listen to you, do you still stick around? Or do you say, fuck you, you're dumb, bitch?

[B]

By I would stick around because I want to watch it implode. Like, oh, yeah, and that's right, that coming.

[A]

This also isn't about you. Like, this. You're not living her shitty life. She's dating the guy or married to the guy and has a kid with the guy who's cheating on her.

[B]

Tune in.

[A]

So that's. Yeah. And then you could just keep that friendship more at an arm's length. You don't have to. The next time she cries and shows up, you could just be like, no, sorry.

[B]

You know, tune in. Turn that volume up.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, but again, falls in your core here. But I don't think you're an asshole for being honest. It just. The cookie crumbles out. All right, well, that's all she wrote for Spooky Season. So I do have a secret that I love. Ready?

[B]

Ready.

[A]

I always, like, prepare to say next question, but, like, it's not. But I do want to give advice. Yeah, but like, there's no advice.

[B]

I mean, this is a good. We just talk about it.

[A]

Okay. I'm a single mom who's 29 years old. I have an amazing career in the medical sales field and have always been well respected. I don't live a lavish lifestyle, but my family has noticed all the trips I take and that I'm able to take them to nice dinners and how I spoil the heck out of my nieces. They have been questioning how I afford all of this since they know my bills and they know how much I make. I typically just say I had a good month with sales. The truth is, I have three regular sugar daddies.

[B]

Called it. I knew it in my head.

[A]

Each one gives me one to three, $3,000 a month. I only have sexual relations with one. He's in his 40s. And the other two, just like my company. Most of the money I get goes into my son's college fund. And I also pay my utility bills and car payment with it, so my paychecks are fun money at this point. I've been a sugar baby for three years now, and they have no clue. My family would kill me if they knew, since they are very religious. It is what it is, though, and I don't plan on changing anytime soon. Girl, get that bag.

[B]

What do you claim it as on your taxes or, like, these gifts that you're getting? Are you, like, business expense?

[A]

I don't know. Like, I mean, like, if you're not. Not that you're doing only fans, but even if you're doing only fans, like, you do still pay taxes on that. Strippers do when they, like, pay taxes on their cash.

[B]

There needs to be more sugar mamas out there.

[A]

I bet that there will be more as, like, millennials.

[B]

Only, like her company. Like, you're gonna just take me out to dinner.

[A]

We could talk armor. Think about my grandma. My grandma's friends.

[B]

I'm sure they can take me out to dinner. I'll talk to them.

[A]

You already really were a sugar baby for them. I feel like when we lived in my grandma's basement, they didn't get paid. Yeah, but they paid you in, like, drinks and food and, like, compliments.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

And, like, your words of affirmation. So, like, they still pay you back the car out for me? Do you see him? He's such a good dad.

[B]

Wow, look at y'. All.

[A]

Cleaning dishes. Exactly.

[B]

I'm like, yeah, I'm a good little boy, so.

[A]

Wow, girl. Proud of you. And again, like, you're really just doing it to support your family, so.

[B]

And honestly, you're. You're helping these men through a crisis.

[A]

Yeah. Like, what are they? What's currently going on? The lonely men epidemic. Like, we don't need any more mass shooters out there. Like, you're doing the Lord's work. That's it.

[B]

Wrecks. I got mine. Okay, I'm gonna go way back to my wreck is the ember mug. Yo, some lady said that too. You should get the ember mug. I'm like, I should now? This is when I need it. I'm heating. I'm reheating my coffee all the time. I should get the ember mug now.

[A]

Are you?

[B]

I didn't need it back then.

[A]

I didn't need it back then because I had all the time in the world to microwave my coffee every five seconds.

[B]

Now as soon as she's on my chest, I'm sitting on the couch. I can't move. I'M like, the coffee's cold.

[A]

You really won't drink cold coffee.

[B]

That's disgusting.

[A]

I drink it cold.

[B]

Still nitro. Like, what's a nitro? Cold brewers. Like those kind of coffees that are supposed to be cold.

[A]

Sure, John, the fact that I already bought you an ember mug back in 2022.

[B]

Damn it.

[A]

Where'd you put it?

[B]

Oh, I threw it out. I gave it away.

[A]

Donated it.

[B]

Donated for a better cause.

[A]

To a very good cause. Okay, what's your wreck? My wreck is a hydro jug. Let me be a basic. It's not a Stanley, it's a hydro jug because they don't spill. And it is great because when the.

[B]

Difference between that and a Stanley, I honestly don't know.

[A]

I've never owned a Stanley, so. Well, our team gifted us a hydro jug and I've never used one before. Cuz again, I'm just like, I don't. I'm a dehydrated bitch. And so when they gave it to me, I was like, wait, like, you could travel with this? And like close it up and it really doesn't spill. And so I got one when I got. When I got Lucy when I found her.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

And at 3:00am when, like, I need to hydrate my body, I don't have to worry about it. But it is a weapon. And I just saw another video online where this guy, it wasn't a hydro jug, but he did knock out some intruders coming into his house with one of his stainless steel water that he was drinking. It was like dented. But a hydro jug, I feel like, could be a good weapon too. So if you're a new mom, a new dad, and you want to stay hydrated and potentially have a weapon with you.

[B]

Hydro mug.

[A]

It's like a hydro jug. Hydro jug doesn't leak and could potentially harm an intruder or someone who's trying to hurt you or your baby.

[B]

You heard it here, folks.

[A]

Doubles up.

[B]

And on that note, we are done. Guys, like, subscribe. Email comment, do all the things.

[A]

Please, everyone, have a safe Halloween.

[B]

Yes, safe. Trick or treating.

[A]

Dress up as. I can't wait for you guys to see what we dress up as.

[B]

Can't wait.

[A]

Yay. All right, well, anyway, we will chat with you guys next week. If you want to follow us, you can find us everywhere. I give it to me straight podcast. If you want to email us, you could reach us at hello, demetri podcast.com. and if you want to send us an anonymous email, you could do or not. An anonymous email. If you want to send us anonymous question, you could do so in our show notes or on our website. Yay. We'll see you next week.

[B]

Ciao. Ciao. Bye.

[A]

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