82. Giving you elf on the shelf, gift giving, and thoughtfulness

Summary

Episode Overview

Podcast: Give It To Me Straight
Hosts: Alex & John
Episode: 82 - "Giving you elf on the shelf, gift giving, and thoughtfulness"
Date: December 16, 2025

This lively episode explores the joys and headaches of the holiday season, focusing on the pressure-filled rituals of gift giving, the infamous Elf on the Shelf tradition, and the never-ending struggle for thoughtful gestures in relationships and families. New parents Alex and John use their trademark candid banter to share stories, debate customs, and answer listener questions on everything from gifting etiquette to the emotional labor that too often falls on one partner.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Transitioning into Holiday Parenting Life

• Opening Riff & Google’s Holiday 100
  • Alex introduces the chaos of being first-time parents during the holidays, mentioning less time for thoughtful shopping.
  • She highlights Google’s Holiday 100 list as a resource to streamline gift selection, joking, “I wanted to get [John] something... so we could prioritize time together as new parents” (00:31).
  • The segment naturally segues into questioning why parents add extra holiday tasks to an already full plate.

The Relentless Addition of Holiday Tasks

• Why Do We Pile on More?
  • John bluntly questions the proliferation of celebrations: “Why do bachelorette parties have seven different events? Why do people have baby showers? Why do people have birthday parties? Why do people give gifts?” (01:24).
  • Alex agrees with the exhaustion, signaling this is the episode’s central theme.

Relationship Dynamics: Banter & Tolerance

• Playful Bickering & Realness
  • The couple’s signature playful argument style is on display—about gum, coffee, and chores (02:00–11:42).
  • John admits, “Forgets immediately. Anything I ever ask Alex to do that’s not high level, immediately forget,” referencing Alex’s scattered memory for minor household tasks (09:35).
  • Alex responds: “I have so much going on in my brain... I don’t have enough space for extra things” (09:57).

Generational & Fashion Observations

• Nostalgic Fashion Talk
  • John and Alex reminisce about early 2000s style, “puka shells, pop collars, and studded belts” and how fashion phases shift over time (04:45–06:25).
  • Playful teasing about being a “poser” in their youth: “Back in the day, being called a poser was like a death sentence” (06:05).

The Banality and Pressure of Gift Giving

• Consumerism and Gifting

  • John sighs, “Consumerism. Consumerism. Consumerism,” as they discuss the societal drive behind gift giving (35:59).
  • Alex: “I just, I don’t know if this is a hot take or not… I would not expect anybody to get [our daughter] anything” (47:54).

• Thoughtful vs. Obligatory Gift Giving

  • They stress the importance of thoughtful, meaningful gifts over expensive or obligatory ones.
  • Listener advice: For big families, consider giving “a holistic gift for each family... what can I get that household?” (47:19).

• Gift Giver Frustrations

  • One listener laments spending years giving gifts and getting no acknowledgement. Alex’s response: “Friendship is a two-way street... sometimes you have to look at a bird’s eye view and say, how much energy am I actually investing over this period of time, is it worth still investing into this relationship...” (55:56).

Gifting & Emotional Labor in Relationships

• Classic Gift Disparity in Couples

  • Alex expresses the burden of planning all gifts and activities, sending John links for things she wants, only to be told to buy it herself: “Sent me into orbit because I just felt like this is another thing on my already long holiday to-do list” (72:11).
  • John concedes: “That’s something you want, your partner should concede a little bit. You could still be like, this is stupid, but for you, I’ll do it” (73:19).

• Husbands Who Don’t Engage

  • The pair relate stories from their own family—like John’s dad being clueless about gifts—which underscores the frustration and recurring lesson: emotional effort matters more than the price (73:44–74:22).

Elf on the Shelf: Magical or Maddening?

• Debating 'Elf on the Shelf'

  • Alex questions: “Is there anyone out there who doesn’t do it? Because I’m like, you have enough to do as a parent... why are we adding things to do?” (32:47).
  • John jokes about keeping it simple and their inability to maintain “continuous commitment” traditions.

• Boundary Setting with Grandparents & Santa

  • Listener Q: Should grandparents give gifts from Santa? Debate ensues: John, “What the fuck’s the difference? They’re from Santa...” (69:47), while Alex empathizes with parents wanting to control the magical narrative (70:33).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Emotional Labor:

  • “It’s just the lack of effort here. The fact that you’re doing literally all the legwork, sending him a link, and he’s saying, all right, you order it. There’s nothing special or romantic about that at all.” —Alex (73:30)

• On Parenting Survival:

  • “I feel like we’re just surviving sometimes at this point.” —Alex (19:04)
  • “To have a kid, it is a 24/7 job. Mentally, it’s exhausting.” —John (19:48)

• On Social Pressures:

  • “Why does bachelorette parties have seven different events? Why do people have baby showers? Why do people have birthday parties? Why do people give gifts?” —John (01:24)

• On Thoughtful Gifts:

  • “I would so much rather get something, and this is me personally, something that is less expensive, that has more thought behind it.” —Alex (51:15)

• On the Magic (or Myth) of Couples Not Fighting:

  • “Married to Taylor Swift, I too would not fight with her.” —Alex, on public personas claiming to never fight (21:13)

• On Crying for Kids:

  • “I just, like, can’t. I cannot. I can’t handle it. I have to look away. And, like, yesterday, I was actually crying. And I haven’t cried like that since Leo.” —John, discussing the vulnerability of being a new dad (24:08)
  • “When I saw you cry, it made me cry.” —Alex (24:42)

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Listener Q&A (Timestamps for Selected Segments)

[47:02] – Gift Giving for Large Families:
Alex and John recommend “holistic” household gifts or simple, thoughtful small gifts—don’t overspend or overthink.

[49:21] – Early Relationship Gift Giving:
Don’t go overboard—thoughtful, low-cost gestures like a favorite bottle of wine suffice.

[50:10] – Inexpensive Gifts for Teachers:
Homemade items or practical gifts (cookies, ornaments, classroom supplies) are more than enough.

[52:45] – Feeling Undervalued as the Extra-Aunt/Uncle:
Alex: “Friendship is a two-way street... take inventory of your relationships.”

[56:53] – Avoiding Holidays with the In-Laws:
Communication and creative compromise are key. Don’t be afraid to gently raise boundaries and alternatives.

[61:01] – Dealing with Too Many Unwanted Gifts:
Alex and John offer solidarity, suggesting “just take it and donate it,” while lamenting the futility of trying to deter persistent gifters.

[69:29] – Santa Gifts: Who Gets Credit?
The hosts downplay the significance, but acknowledge parental preferences for directing the magic.

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Additional Fun Segments

• Holiday Party & “White Elephant” Recap (82:05)—John revels in Alex’s newfound preference for staying in over socializing as parents.
• Sunglasses Debate (31:13)—Alex: “I have never worn a pair of sunglasses and been like, these help me see better... it’s for fashion.”
• Comedic Business Ideas (29:31)—Dreaming of opening a coffee shop together, despite zero barista skills.

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Highlights by Segment (Timestamps)

• Gift-Giving Pressure in the Holidays: 01:24–12:00, 35:49–37:10, 47:02–48:57
• Relationship Banter over Chores, Sleep, and Parenting: 02:00–11:42
• Elf on the Shelf & Holiday Rituals: 32:47–38:22, 69:29–71:35
• Listener Questions: 47:02–80:20
• Emotional Parenting Moments: 24:08–26:57
• Grandparent Boundaries: 69:29–71:35

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Tone

Candid, irreverent, unfiltered, and affectionate. Alex and John balance humor and vulnerability, using their real-life experiences as a couple and new parents to expose the sometimes ridiculous expectations of modern family life.

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Final Thoughts

The episode playfully skewers holiday consumerism and the pressure to perform rituals—whether that’s elaborate gift giving or maintaining mythical traditions like the Elf on the Shelf. At its core, this episode affirms: meaning and effort in relationships matter far more than money or spectacle—even if, as new parents, Alex and John admit they’re “just surviving sometimes at this point.”

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Recommendations (From Alex & John)

• Sheertex unbreakable tights (84:23)
• Burt’s Bees lip balm (85:02)
• Holiday Gifting: Focus on one meaningful household gift, or opt for experiences over material things
• Handling Persistent Gifters: Donate, re-gift, or (only if bold) give the gift straight back

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Closing

For new and veteran parents, couples, and anyone overwhelmed by the “to-do list” of modern holidays, Alex and John remind us: Embrace imperfection, skip what doesn’t bring you joy, and prioritize the small moments of thoughtfulness and connection.

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media Production. Thank you so much to Google Shopping for sponsoring this episode. We're coming up on our first holiday season since becoming parents, which is so exciting. But honestly, we have less time than ever to go gift shop for our friends and family. Enter the Google holiday 100. Have you guys heard of this before? Each holiday season, Google puts together the list of the top 100 holiday products of the year based on search trends, which makes it so much easier because I feel like you're like, what? What are people actually looking up?

[B]

Right?

[A]

Google makes it easy for you. It's broken out into categories like apparel, accessory, electronics, toys, etc. Which massively helps when you're gifting for all the different types of people in your life. I even scrolled through it for John because this year I wanted to get him something that could be an activity for both of us so we could prioritize time together as new parents. And also just because John said that he wasn't giving me a gift. And then he told me that this year he actually is.

[B]

So I'll be looking for that gift under the tree.

[A]

So I went to the holiday 100 and found him this really cool TV projector under the electronics category. John, don't listen to that.

[B]

Excuse me.

[A]

Perfect for an at home date night when we put Lucy to bed. For help with all your holiday shopping this year, head over to GCO Shop Holiday 100. Trust us, it'll make your holiday shopping a breeze. My point being is why are we introducing these extra tasks to do? Aren't parents busy enough? Like what?

[B]

Why does bachelorette parties have seven different fucking events? Why do people have baby showers? Why do people have birthday parties? Why do people give gifts?

[A]

You're talking about birthday. Great segue, John. Today we're talking about gift giving. And welcome back to Give it to Me Straight. I'm Alex.

[B]

And I'm John. And we're your gracious, gracious, gracious host. You're not gonna put the gum back in your mouth?

[A]

I'm gonna do whatever the I want.

[B]

John, you're one of those people.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

When you were a kid, did you put it under the table and then save it for the night, pull it back off and put it in your mouth?

[A]

Ew. I would never put it under a table, but I would leave my gum. Like places like that's so. And then eat it after. If it's a fresh piece of gum, burn it. Why?

[B]

You put it on a surface, it gets cold and hard and you put it back in your mouth and you chew that whole. That spit.

[A]

I don't do it as much now because, like, whatever, I have more. I have more access to.

[B]

You probably picked your nose and ate your boogers.

[A]

Was never a booger eater. I was a nose picker. Still am. But I would eat. I would still eat a cold piece of gum. But no, I would say I do that. Probably less because I have more gum. Anyway, the reason we're bringing this up is because I just put a piece of gum on a surface. We don't have a garbage can here. I literally said before we started, do we have a garbage can? I'm not swallowing gum and I'm not going to put it here. So I found a piece of paper and I put it on. In a piece of paper.

[B]

Is it. Or is it on the battery?

[A]

No, it's on that, like, bobby pin thing. So sue me, John, for putting it in the most appropriate place.

[B]

Speaking of sue me. Sorry, everyone, for coughing and clearing my throat in the mic.

[A]

I try living with him.

[B]

Someone in the comments can, like, john, shut the up.

[A]

No, please.

[B]

So I'll try to, you know, turn away. Turn away. You know, that's me.

[A]

You know, how's it going?

[B]

I got that short neck stuff gets stuck in there, you know, you don't.

[A]

Have a short neck. It's just thick.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's what she said. Yeah, that's right.

[A]

That's what who said? Your doctor said.

[B]

Yeah, she said about, you know, if I gain any weight, I'll have problems breathing.

[A]

Yeah. And my mom told me that I was born, like, e. T with a really long neck.

[B]

I was looking at your outfit today. Love the sweater. But I just think it's so funny going from, like, you know, our early 2000s of, like, tight, sexy clothes, and now it's like mom jeans and sweatshirts and baggy clothes.

[A]

It's just I've always been like, I'm.

[B]

Wearing a baggy sweatshirt, but I'm comfortable type of person.

[A]

I don't know. You still will whip out your tight t shirts.

[B]

Yeah, but that's because I don't want to buy any, you know?

[A]

Yeah. I also just think it depends on what day it is. You know, like, catch me on a Friday vibing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Going out. I'm putting on a bandage dress. Just kidding.

[B]

I like the vibe of, like, baggy pants, like a tight top. I think the rock.

[A]

I think, though, that the younger generation is wearing more baggy clothes. Like, they. They don't wear the tight bandage dresses that we Used to wear out to the club, right?

[B]

No. Well, they don't go to the club.

[A]

Or like did you ever wear a rhinestone shirt? Remember Ed Hardy?

[B]

I remember Ed Hardy. No, I never wore Ed Hardy and I never wore the pedazzled jeans. But I did have the studded belt.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I was more punky, you know, you.

[A]

Were never like the Jersey Shore.

[B]

Also, I need to say something because last episode we're talking about pop collars and I'm pretty sure I actually won best dress in my high school flex and superlatives.

[A]

Oh, you're talking about the guy who.

[B]

Bullied you who wore double pop collars in my superlative. Is that what it's called?

[A]

I could never pronounce that picture of best dress.

[B]

I have a pop collar.

[A]

Is it double?

[B]

No, I never pulled a double.

[A]

You also had puka shells, so. No, I'm saying like you went through.

[B]

A few different dyed hair.

[A]

A puka shell pop collar dude is not someone who also is like punk and wears a studded belt. But like you go through phases.

[B]

I was, I was transitioning. I had my like punk, not goth, but I like, I was hitting the heavy metal.

[A]

I hate though transitioning into this idea that like you can't wear different styles.

[B]

You can as an adult. Do you care what anyone else? I don't give a shit.

[A]

But as a kid I. I could wear this. But tomorrow I'm going to look like a hoe.

[B]

The last thing you want to be called day.

[A]

I'm going to look like a homeless person. Oh my God, don't cancel me for that.

[B]

The last thing you want to be is a poser. Back in the day, being called a poser was like a death sentence. Cuz it always be like, oh, you wearing that, that Metallica shirt. Name the song. Name a song. Give me some lyrics. When was that album? When did it come out? What's one of the bandmates names? I'm like, what the fuck? I just like the shirt. Can't do that.

[A]

That's the hard part about growing up. You just want to fit in. How do we raise Lucy?

[B]

So I don't want to fit in. I just didn't want to get beat up.

[A]

Did you get beat up often?

[B]

A couple times.

[A]

People, kids beat you up like twice. For what?

[B]

I didn't like me.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I didn't know what I was. I was like the only Italian kid.

[A]

Can't imagine why anyone wouldn't like you.

[B]

It's like the only Italian kid in this country town.

[A]

Speaking of Jersey Shore. So I feel like John and I run a pretty tight ship when it comes to our business. Not necessarily the podcast. We don't know what the we're doing here, but in social media, I feel like we've been doing it for many years. We're. I. I think we're very good at making ads, but sometimes things slip through the cracks. So there was this video that we shot vertically for social media purposes, but. But we forgot that one of the deliverables was to shoot the same content horizontally. And if, you know, once you shoot a video vertically, unless you want it cropped in to see your pores, you can't just, like, make it horizontal. You have to shoot it specifically horizontally. So John and I were like, like, how are we gonna. How are we gonna work around this so we don't have to, like, go back and reshoot this whole thing because we forgot, and that's on us. And so I was like, you know what? AI is a thing now. People make full videos of animals saving babies, and people believe it. So maybe we can make a horizontal fill in the space. You know, like, let's see what AI can do. So I purchased this AI software and put in our video the way in which AI can. Can do great things, also horrible things, but it just does. Does whatever it wants. It's.

[B]

So basically, we need the picture to be longer. We're using the same original clips, and we're trying to extend it out to make.

[A]

And one of the video clips is John and I in bed together. But, like, we're not like, under the covers where we have face masks on and we're like, sitting in bed. And it added a CGI version of what I thought looked like Pauly D with a clown face.

[B]

Not even close. Like the little kid from the Grudge. I don't know why it was Pauly D. No, it was this little kid from the Grudge. They added a child behind Alex for no reason.

[A]

It wasn't a child. It was a. It was Pauly D. And it was.

[B]

Oh, you know what? The. The painting on their face because I.

[A]

Think because of the face mask, but.

[B]

It looked like Insane Clown Posse. Have you know that group? I don't know. They had, like, their faces, like, clown face. It was so fudgeing weird. What you say poser.

[A]

I just said I'm a poser. I don't know. So we will insert it and you guys could let us know if you think it's Pauly D or was Asian kid from the Grudge.

[B]

They made my tattoos colored it was like all different. It was wild.

[A]

So anyway, AI is not stealing our jobs yet because it still didn't do a good job and we had to reshoot the whole video and that's on us. But anyway, I just thought of that because we were talking about Jersey Shore.

[B]

Speaking of that, are you getting reimbursed for that?

[A]

I guess, yeah, I paid for the year, but I can, I'll. I could probably just because it's less if you pay for the year.

[B]

What?

[A]

Like, you know how like programs. If you pass, I'll put it in my phone. Alex, I'll, I'll get a refund. Cuz. Cuz.

[B]

No, no, because I know you won't. And because little things Alex doesn't like to remember. I can ask Alex. Hey, I'll bring, I'll. I'll like bring the trash down, down to the stairs. And she's like working out and I don't have my shoes. Like, hey, can you. Do you mind just taking the trash out later when you're done? No problem. Forgets immediately. Anything I ever ask Alex to do that's like not high level for her, immediately forget.

[A]

I don't know, I. I don't know why. Like, I think I have so much going on in my brain. I'm thinking of everything else that has to be done that I don't have enough space for extra things.

[B]

Here's the difference between us. Because I have such bad ocd, it. I right now am typing Alex, get reimbursed for AI program because I know I will forget and I'm going to put it in my phone. So the calendar in my phone is like if I lost that, it's over.

[A]

Yeah, but like I'll look at the day and it's like, like clean up toothpaste from the counter.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Cuz I don't want to leave it for you. Speaking of that lost teeth literacy goes a long way. Alex. For the love of God. I don't even talk about your clothes anymore. Because that's just a failed, failed thing. It's never going to work.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

I. No you don't.

[A]

I always, I never do things inside out anymore.

[B]

Yes, you do. The coffee machine. Just fill the water up.

[A]

Dude, I always feel the water.

[B]

No, you don't. You know how much I fill up the water all the time.

[A]

You drink way more coffee than I do.

[B]

I still fill the beans. I still put the water in the thing. Just put the, put the water in the coffee machine.

[A]

I'm feeding my child I can't.

[B]

Oh, my God. This happened before we had a child. Do you want to put it in?

[A]

And when I was pregnant, I had, what, one cup of coffee a day? And so you had.

[B]

Before that, John, before that.

[A]

I'm not out here tit for tat in you, okay? We're both here trying to make each other's lives easier. Like, relax, okay? Like, if I. If I went through and made a list of all the things needed to do, like, we would just be going back and forth forever. Okay, I'll try harder. No, I will. I'm sorry that I don't refill the water.

[B]

Just the little things.

[A]

It is little things. Like clean up. Like, clean down the toilet when you pee on it. I don't yell at you for that. Every time I try to. But you. You see. You try.

[B]

We can go down.

[A]

That's my problem. Why are you doing this?

[B]

Another update. Oh, my God. Since last podcast, you didn't believe me. I didn't eat hot sauce until last night.

[A]

Okay, so you didn't make it a full week.

[B]

No, today's Tuesday, so. Yeah, because we shot last Monday, so technically, I did make a full week. It didn't help.

[A]

Feel better?

[B]

No, I had. I had even worse agita. I'm saying that wrong, Gerd. Whatever. You know what I think it is?

[A]

What?

[B]

I'm drinking a seltzer before bed.

[A]

Could be that. But you've done that before.

[B]

I think it's just catching up. Instead of, like, drinking alcohol, I'm cranking out seltzers.

[A]

You're gonna have to do, like, an elimination diet. Something like that.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Anyways, should we do Whole 30 again? Remember when we did that 100 years?

[B]

No. Why don't you? What? I have, like, such a triggering thing with Whole 30 is because we did that woman's Madeline moves at the same time.

[A]

No, we didn't.

[B]

Yeah, we did.

[A]

No, we didn't. We did them separately. And that sometimes scares me a little bit about you, is that, like, you just make things. You draw connections in your brain that, like, never happened and don't exist.

[B]

See, John, who didn't sleep, which is probably just fight you right now, but I had some decent sleep last night, and I think that's the cure to all, you know, sleep.

[A]

Good sleep.

[B]

Yeah, good sleep. Like, I haven't been annoyed with anyone today so far. Even you. I've been okay. You know, I just think sleep. Sleep helps out a lot.

[A]

It does.

[B]

This podcast is sponsored by ORA Frames. All right, guys, quick Break. Because if you are that last minute shopper like me and you're still trying to figure out what to get parents, grandparents in laws, literally anyone who loves pictures of your kids more than they love seeing you or frames is the last minute lifesaver. It's one of those gifts that actually feels personal even when you buy it at the buzzer. Alex and I got one a while back and let me tell you, my entire family is now obsessed. My parents don't want more stuff. They want pictures of Lucy. That is a fact.

[A]

Well, when we talk about like clutter, this is actually what's helpful. You don't need like a million frames. You don't need a. Like this puts it all into one.

[B]

All in one, not a single frame photo from six months ago. They want all the new pictures all the time. So they're getting an aura frame this year. Instead of sending a dozen texts or trying to keep up a shared album, no one checks. Alex and I just send photos straight to their aura frame instantly. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, I could just send it to them like it's.

[A]

Yeah, it just go. You could send it straight to the frame. So if like we do something with Lucy, it just like can pop up.

[B]

That is so sick.

[A]

I know. Love it.

[B]

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[A]

For all you last minute, the gifters.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Interesting.

[A]

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[B]

And this episode is also sponsored by ADT.

[A]

Woo.

[B]

It's that time of year again when you start arranging pumpkins on the stoop.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

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[A]

But the hardest part also because I saw a lot of comments saying that you can develop allergies too, after being pregnant. Certain things that are dairy don't hurt my stomach, so I don't really know what. What are you laughing at already?

[B]

I. Another thing I wrote down. I felt really bad that I made you breakfast the other day. I felt like. Like a beaten puppy. I made Alex breakfast and she was like, oh, I don't want this.

[A]

Oh, number one did not react like that. I just go, oh.

[B]

And I was like, well, you had wide eyed. And I get it. Because that was. We didn't sleep. Oh, like, I'm just hungry. And I made her something with cold cuts in it. She's like, I don't want this.

[A]

It was just one of those things. I was just like, John's like, I'm making us breakfast. What do you want? I'm very clear. I'm like, plain eggs. That's it.

[B]

And then I didn't say, no. No. I didn't ask you, what do you want? I go, I'll make breakfast because I'm making all the eggs in one thing. I just can't eat scrambled eggs with fudgeing nothing in it.

[A]

I love scrambled eggs, which is salt and pepper. Done. Mm.

[B]

And spinach.

[A]

No. But, like, I can just have a scrambled egg with salt and pepper anyway. It doesn't matter. So wait, you just. You fell back?

[B]

I made her a nice little, like, quesadilla thing because I just wanted to use some stuff up and she didn't even take a bite of it.

[A]

You make it sound like I was mean about it. I wasn't. I was like, no, no.

[B]

I feel bad because I'm like, I made you something that you've said multiple times you don't want. But I was like, maybe if I don't put that much in it, she'll be okay.

[A]

You go just pick everything out. And I'm like, that's all right. I'm just gonna have toast with peanut butter. I'm good. Yeah. I mean, I feel like we're just surviving sometimes at this point where I was thinking of this the other day too, that working out when I was pregnant. I remember working out and it being really hard and feeling like, okay, if I could do this now, like, I'm going to. It's going to be even easier postpartum, like, when I don't have all this extra weight on me and like, I'm not pregnant anymore. Working out now is so much harder than work. And this is probably a hot take. Working out now, I feel like, is way harder than it was when I was pregnant. I think it's because of the time, like, I'm spending so much time with Lucy that, that training.

[B]

I mean, we talked about this morning. That to have a kid, it is a 247 job. Mentally, mentally, it's exhausting. And like, it's mentally hard to even work out before a kid.

[A]

But food is on top of that, too. Like, it's mentally exhausting to think about, like, what to eat. I just, like, need food prepared.

[B]

Right. Well, you are picky, so.

[A]

I'm not picky. There's just certain things that. You know what? Fine, whatever. I'm picky. You're way more picky than I am with food. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Are you crazy? I'll literally eat anything.

[A]

But you always have to have it. Like, if you don't have hot sauce, you're not eating it.

[B]

This whole week I ate food without hot sauce. What are you talking. I can battle you on. I'll eat anything. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Speaking. Speaking of fighting, Travis Kelce and Jason Kelsey on their podcast. Did you see this? Travis says him and Taylor have not fought in two years.

[A]

I don't believe that.

[B]

Never fought once. Even more so. George Clooney is on there, and George Clooney said that he hasn't fought with his wife in 10 years.

[A]

But what do they consider fights? Like yelling at each other or banter? Because you and I banter, but we rarely get in fights. I don't even know, like, when was our last fight.

[B]

No, I mean, we. What's a fight? What's a fight? What's. I know the difference. What's a fight and what's an argument.

[A]

Married to Taylor Swift. I too would not fight with her.

[B]

Somebody so many call. It's like, yeah, would Taylor's worth 2 billion, right?

[A]

I'm not. I would never chat.

[B]

When you get comfortable with somebody, right, there's going to be some sort of beef or tension or whatever. But there's a difference between, like fighting and. And arguing and debating. And it's like I categorize.

[A]

Also, George Clooney's wife is a lawyer. I wouldn't fight her either. Like, she's going to win every time.

[B]

I thought he almost got divorced.

[A]

I just, I don't always believe when people are like, you know, people say.

[B]

Shit like that is like people who also post on social media how much they love their. Their significant other. Like, people who post more about their significant others are the ones each other every day. That's our job. It's not by choice.

[A]

Well, I also Think that sometimes people do think we're too mean to each other. And I'm like, no, this is just also. Different couples have different personalities. This is completely segueing off of, like, what we're talking about today. But, like, I just think that some couples are more mellow and they don't need to banter back and forth. Like, I need to do that. If I was with someone who was too nice, I would probably. It wouldn't work out.

[B]

The difference is not holding a grudge.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

Like, then it's. You can argue as much as you want. Who cares if you guys resolve it? But if you're two people who, when they fight and they. They resent and they hold it, then you're fucked.

[A]

It all just depends on how you feel in your soul too. Like, at the end of the day, are you happy?

[B]

What? So are you, John, what soul are you talking about?

[A]

Like, the other night, I was. I don't want to say I was testing you, but Lucy was asleep on my lap. Or maybe. Maybe she wasn't asleep on my lap. Maybe she. I'd put her down for bed. This was one of the nights where, like, she actually went down at bedtime. So I had like an hour on the couch before I was going to meet her for bed. And I'm just scrolling TikTok and you're down here doing your own thing and I'm sending you like 18 different. And I responded and I was like, going to see if he's going to respond to this one and if you actually watch it. And I was very surprised that you actually watched every single.

[B]

It was annoying. I'm like, I don't like. Because I. I was like, I thought you were with her. I'm like, I'm not going to, like, ignore her if she's like, in the trenches with Lucy. But I was getting. I was like, God, all these fucking videos. I hate watching videos.

[A]

Certain people you can't watch videos from because you just know that they're going to be the same thing. AKA our parents. Yeah, Dog videos, AI videos.

[B]

Lucy. We went to the pediatrician yesterday and I forgot her diaper bag. Again.

[A]

Yeah. How?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

You can't even say, like. But what about you, Alex?

[B]

Well, I dropped you and her off at the front door and I went parked and I ran in because I was like, I don't want to leave you.

[A]

It's fine. It's not like we ever need anything anyway, except for a diaper and.

[B]

Guys, I need to stop crying. I don't know what my deal is. Go to the pediatrician getting stuff done with the pediatrician. Seeing Lucy cry is. I just, like, can't. I cannot. I can't handle it. I can't handle it. I have to look away. And, like, yesterday, I was actually crying. And I haven't cried like that since Leo. I know, but I'm like, what the is going on? Then we got home, and I'm just, like, making sure she's okay. And, like, her mom was over helping out, and she's watching her. I'm like, is she okay? And then I started crying again.

[A]

I. When I saw you cry, it made me cry. And the nurse, I think, because I was like, we're like, we're fine, thank you. Like, she turned around and, like, laughed and walked off. But I had not seen you cry that much since losing Leo.

[B]

I can give two about anything else besides you.

[A]

But, like, you said that to your sister on the phone because you're like, I don't know what's wrong with me. And she was like, how? Like, why? What do you think triggers it? And you were like, I don't know. Maybe because the only two people I like in this world are Alex and Lucy. That's why I make me cry.

[B]

That's why. Why I don't open up. I don't like. I don't like that feeling. I don't like that feeling. Don't like it. Don't.

[A]

You don't feel, like, a little bit of a relief, like, once you get the emotion out? Tears out now.

[B]

It's horrible. I hate it. Oh, I hate it. I hate it.

[A]

But I. I think. I think it's good to cry, John.

[B]

No, it's not. No, it's good.

[A]

It's probably again because you hold it all inside. A lot of stress moving on for this.

[B]

I don't want to talk about people. People saying that to calm their kids down, they bring them in the car and they drive around.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I have such respect for them. I couldn't fathom doing that. Say it's like, three in the morning, you're half awake. You're like, all right, putting the kid in the car. We're gonna drive around. I. I just.

[A]

But if you are at your width 20 degrees outside, nothing is working. Like, you're gonna do whatever it takes.

[B]

Like, I think I'll just keep pacing around the house, praying, like, we're lucky.

[A]

That Lucy just chills as soon as I stick my boob in her mouth.

[B]

You know, we're lucky that we don't have a neighbor sharing a wall with us. Hearing her scream, she's fine.

[A]

Like, I really feel like she's chill. I don't know.

[B]

I feel like as long as you're giving her what she wants, which sounds like we're gonna, you know, who knows? Hopefully she's not spoiled as she gets older.

[A]

Just. What do you mean?

[B]

Cause and effect. She's crying. Immediate boob.

[A]

Well, she's gonna get cut off eventually, so.

[B]

Getting off from that tap.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I guess maybe one we start solids. That's when, like, parents are like, here's a cookie. I don't know. Who knows? We're just figuring it out like this. Who cares? We love her. She is. She's in a safe home in a loving environment. God forbid. We love her too much.

[B]

Some doctor said that she goes, 90% of the job is just loving household.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Having a roof over the head. All the other stuff is fluff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so look at us. We're doing great. That's it. That's all I got.

[A]

I think I also do want to say thank you to whoever suggested that we add some music in before our ads. I know other podcasts do that, but, like, you guys are kind of like on the product production team team with us, you know, like, we do see your comments and your suggestions.

[B]

The little tweaks are good.

[A]

Yeah. And we're like, oh, let's try it. And so our editor put it in. Thanks. You guys are really sounded great.

[B]

You guys are really elevating this podcast.

[A]

Yeah. No, I just want to say, like, thank you. And, like, you're a part of this journey with us because, like, we said, like, we. We don't know what we're doing here. We're just here for fun. Well, I don't want to say we're just here for fun. We are getting paid as well. This is our job.

[B]

This is our job. Oh, yeah. No, there was no fun. Maybe for you there's some fun part.

[A]

You have fun. That's why we do this. Cause it is fun.

[B]

Absolutely not.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Fun for you and you. Maybe a little therapeutic for me.

[A]

John, you've literally said before, I said, I'm having fun. No, no, no. Not before.

[B]

I never said I am. When was the last time you heard.

[A]

Me say I'm having fun thing? Like, it can mean 10 different things. So when you said. You said the other day, like, I'm so glad that we do the podcast. To me, that said, I have so much fucking fun doing the podcast with my wife. Alex, who I love so much. That's exactly what.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Earlier we were talking about working out and how, like, it's. We just don't have energy to do it. Or I don't. Like, I've just. I do the bare minimum now. Like, I used to be like, let me squat all this way. Blah, blah, blah. I'm bringing this up because we were watching Landman the other day, and one of the characters in the show, this girl who's a lawyer, she was working out and I'm like, get it, girl. Lift those weights. She's going to squat. We're doing the math. I'm counting. This girl, apparently on the show, is squatting 300 pounds.

[B]

Outrageous. No, you would have fucking tree trunk legs. She's the hot lawyer in Landman episode I just two or three.

[A]

I need people on these sets to be like, fact checking, to be like, hey, how much can you actually squash?

[B]

She like a call at one point. She like this.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or was doing something.

[B]

She's on the rack. Get out of here.

[A]

What? £300?

[B]

Put me in the hospital.

[A]

I'm like, I. My max is like 205 athlete now. I'm just like, lucky to squat the bar.

[B]

Same.

[A]

No energy in my chicken legs now.

[B]

Okay, last thing before we go. Nespresso. Espresso. By the way, everyone, this isn't the last thing.

[A]

I have other things to bring up, but. What?

[B]

I just think it's funny that Alex and I always talk about, like, these new business ventures we want to go on or, like, things we want to do. Goals are great.

[A]

And we're talking Goals are great.

[B]

We're talking about, like, making our own coffee shop. We've talked about it before, and I just think it's so ironic that I'm like, yeah, let's make our own coffee shop. Like we know anything about coffee besides, like, drip coffee, right?

[A]

Like I know anything about running a restaurant except for when I worked at PF Changs. You know what? I worked at other restaurants, too.

[B]

But you're not. There's not. You're not a waitress at a coffee shop.

[A]

But it's customer service, and we started.

[B]

A business before you get the cashier. And I'll be the bus boy. I'll be the bus boy. I bus tables.

[A]

I feel like as long as the product is good and, like, we're just friendly to our customers. Recipe for success.

[B]

We're like, front of house or back of house?

[A]

I'll be front of house.

[B]

Like, I used to do but people.

[A]

Would probably enjoy seeing your face, too.

[B]

As long as I don't have to do the cash register numbers. I can never do that. So I used to work, like, the soup kitchens back in the day. I used to love, you know, volunteering in the soup kitchen, but I only want to pour the soup or make the sandwich. Don't put me on the cash register. I will have a fucking panic attack. So, sure, back house or I'll bust. Yeah, I can make some coffees.

[A]

The thing is, we just, like, don't have the time. But why are we. So why are we, like, let's do it maybe down the road.

[B]

Fine. It looks fun. Because. Because I know we have an eye for, like, interior design and layout.

[A]

That's it. That's the only. The only reason, again, that we'd think of, like, opening up a coffee shop.

[B]

Smoosh people.

[A]

It's gonna be a place that we want to go to. That's why.

[B]

Yeah. So. Yeah. What should we call our coffee shop?

[A]

I don't know. Let's cross that bridge. When we got there, AJ's Alex and John.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

I was thinking of this the other day. I saw you put on sunglasses on a cloudy day, and I was like, I know that John has very sensitive eyes. I wonder if anyone has the same experience as me, though. I have never worn a pair of sunglasses and been like this. These help me see better. Like, when I put on sunglasses, even if it's a sunny day, it. I feel like I can't see shit. Like, I just can't see if I'm.

[B]

Wearing sunglasses on the lens.

[A]

But no matter what, it's going to be for the look, my sunglasses have to be clear. And at that point, they're glasses. And so I just feel like. And maybe because I grew up wearing glasses and I've been blind until I had Lasik a few years ago. Like, having glasses on my face, unless they're clear, I'm just like, where I can't see anything. And so if I'm wearing sunglasses, it's for fashion. Does anyone else have that problem where.

[B]

They want to know when. We'll know when. How much Lucy could see because you're blind as. So I wonder if she's blind.

[A]

Yeah. When do you figure that out? Because I didn't know until I was, like, 10. But I think it's because my vision got, like, worse throughout the years.

[B]

As far as sunglasses go. Like, if they're wide, I like, if they're, like, teeny and obscure, my vision, I don't like it.

[A]

But you can wear sunglasses for hours because they help see better. For me, I.

[B]

It's called photo sensitive.

[A]

But yeah, I just was curious if anybody else has that experience where, like, they can't. When they put on sunglasses, they don't actually help them see better. They. They're more in the way. Yeah, they're just in the way.

[B]

Cool. Yeah. I can't answer that. I mean, for me, it helps me, so.

[A]

But anyway, we're in the holiday season. You like my sweater? Oh, the other question I want to ask you is Elf on the Shelf. Parents, is there anyone out there who doesn't do it? Because I'm like, you have enough to do as a parent. Why. Why are we adding things to do each his own.

[B]

Keep shit simple. Like, also, bath time. When I see people with all the toys in the tub, like, this will be fun. Like, do this. Like, no, you're. We're getting Lucy. You're going in and out, in and out.

[A]

For kids who don't like the bath or whatever. Who cares? Or you're just killing time with your kid.

[B]

I'm just saying.

[A]

No, Johnny, there's a lot of extra to kill time.

[B]

No, no, I like this better to kill time. Because now we're having an issue trying to keep Lucy up from like 5 to 7:30 or whatever. Because we want her to sleep later through the night instead of just like walking around with her. Our new thing is task time. So last night, for example, we brought her around. Like, I had to fold laundry. So we put her down on the bed and we did the laundry.

[A]

She did not want to fold.

[B]

She didn't like that. No. She did like, though, when we did.

[A]

Band, when we started a band for her.

[B]

She loved that band time.

[A]

Yeah, that's because we were singing to her.

[B]

Through the window, through the wall. T pain gets you going.

[A]

Yeah, for bedtime. T pain's actually great. He's so many bangers. But no, I really want to get back to Elf on the Shelf. Bath time, I think, is like, you're not gonna. If Lucy's having fun in the bath, you're not gonna take away her joy. You're not a piece of like that.

[B]

I'm just saying it kills my back to bend over the tub. You don't have to. I could play with her outside of the tub. It doesn't have to be.

[A]

When are you ever giving her a bath anyway? I'm giving her a bath.

[B]

I'm cleanup crew. I clean the. The temperature.

[A]

It takes you two seconds.

[B]

Unless she poops. On it.

[A]

Whatever. So elf on the shelf. Elf on the shelf. I just. Or is it. Can you get away with not doing it? Because I feel like if other people. Let's say your kids are in class and you're like, my elf Llewellyn, she spilled all the flour. And then what if Lucy's like, what do you mean I don't have an elf? And she's like, llewellyn is like, well, tell Lucy it's.

[B]

That's not real. To tell her friends it's not real. I don't even know what elf on the shelf is. We never did it. So you just. Every night the elf something up in.

[A]

Your house tactic to keep your kids well behaved. It's like, oh, this elf is well beh. Is misbehaving. And if you misbehave, this elf is going to go tell Santa that you were little twats and you're not going to get anything for Christmas, I think. I don't know.

[B]

Anyway, what if we did like Devil on the level? I'd be like, like.

[A]

And you can't see them.

[B]

And the devil's. No, the devil's always watching.

[A]

Well, that.

[B]

Watching her.

[A]

And it's depending on your religion.

[B]

You up.

[A]

Depending on your religion that exists. The devil. God.

[B]

No. But there's an actual physical little devil stuffed animal.

[A]

My point being is why are we introducing these extra tasks to do? Aren't parents busy enough? Like what?

[B]

Why does bachelorette parties have seven different events? Why do people have baby showers? Why do people have birthday parties? Why do people give gifts?

[A]

You're talking about birthday. Great segue, John. Today we're talking about gift giving, love, languages. More holiday drama. But no, I just, I would.

[B]

Consumerism. Consumerism, Consumerism.

[A]

I know it's. It's over the top, but that's how I feel about Elf on the Shelf. I'm just like, this is exhausting. Are we going to have to do this? Maybe. Maybe when you're a parent though, you're like anything else, any type of magic or joy that I could bring into my kid's life, I'm gonna do it. And so maybe that's where it comes from. I was the type of kid that didn't believe in anything.

[B]

Nevermind. What like those people own their own company.

[A]

They fucking like they're off at 5 and then they're off at 5.

[B]

We decorated for Christmas a month and a half ago and we haven't.

[A]

We had to.

[B]

We. But we don't touch us. That's our thing, is we'll do something, and then it's there until the duration of time. We don't adjust. You know what I mean? Like, say, like, we set up for Halloween. We didn't move a pumpkin until. Like, why would we. I'm just saying there's. There's no elf on the shelf. Is constant movement of this elf. We don't do stuff like that. We'll do it all. We'll commit to making something. Doing something. We don't alter after.

[A]

Oh, you mean. Yeah, but that. Those are two different concepts. Like decorating your house.

[B]

Decorating with the elf.

[A]

You're not decorating, though.

[B]

Kind of.

[A]

I guess.

[B]

You don't flour. You dump some beer bottles next to the drunk elf.

[A]

What is decorating our house have to do with elf on the shelf?

[B]

Because it's a continuous commitment. And the continuous commitment we can. We won't do.

[A]

You make food every day.

[B]

I know. We have enough going on. We take care of our daughter.

[A]

Decorating our house literally has nothing to do with Elv on the shelf. Ellen, the shelf, no matter what you're doing, is an extra task to do. That's why I brought it up.

[B]

That's why we won't do decorating your.

[A]

House have to do with it.

[B]

Because I'm just saying for, like, holidays, we'll do something and that's it. Like, we don't continuously. You know what I'm. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

You know what I feel, like, pressure to understand what you're saying, even though I don't, because I got hate in the comments where people are like, I get it. Because people.

[B]

Yeah, because, like, they. They break it down layman terms. Don't think, like, so, so much into it. Christmas. We decorate for Christmas, but, like, in one day, we're done. This elf thing is part of the Christmas holiday. You continuously have to put somewhere new, have to set the stage, set the scene. We don't do that. That's not in our vocabulary of things. Thank you. Ted Talk over.

[A]

Are you mad at me?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, well, I'm not trying to bring elf in the shelf.

[B]

The minute. The minute Lucy goes, where's the Alpha mc? We're gonna do the elf on the shelf.

[A]

You would. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, though. Like, do you just bend and you're.

[B]

Like, that's why I only have you and Lucy. Because I will just fall apart on everything.

[A]

I thought you were gonna say, like, that's why we can't, like, hang out with other people so that she can no, no.

[B]

I'm friends with other people, but, like, the only people that are inside you two. So if Lucy's like, dad, where's the elf?

[A]

I'm like, I gotta do the elf.

[B]

Gotta go do the Elf on the shelf.

[A]

What would you name it?

[B]

Harry. And then the Tooth Fairy. Look, I dress up like the goddamn tooth fairy.

[A]

Did you believe in those things when you were a kid?

[B]

I don't remember. I don't remember. I just don't remember.

[A]

You don't remember, like, ever finding out that Santa wasn't real?

[B]

I remember. I remember my dad wiggling my tooth out for me at night for, like, hours. And then one time, my mom just, like, ripping it out. The difference between parenting.

[A]

Yeah, my dad, too. He would take pliers and rip it out.

[B]

Wires.

[A]

I wanted it. I was like, I'm meeting the fucking tooth fairy. Take these pliers out. But I stayed awake the first time I lost a tooth.

[B]

A weird thing that your teeth fall out.

[A]

It is. So when you actually think about it, like, you have baby teeth, and then they grow.

[B]

And that's why you have those dreams about your teeth falling off, because you remember. I remember the feeling of a tooth coming out in that gaping hole.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Remember, like, nasty, Sticking your tongue in there, like in the air, noise that it would make.

[A]

Yeah. But the first tooth I lost, I remember I was so excited to meet the tooth fairy.

[B]

Please don't tell a story again. Everyone. Everyone's heard the story. You've told the story. You pretended to sleep. The tooth fairy was your parents. I know everybody's gonna be like, let her speak. But she's told this story. This is like her talking about PF Changs. I've heard this. And everyone else, I can tell you.

[A]

A different story from PF Changs that I probably haven't told before.

[B]

No, there's no way. Tell me one.

[A]

One time my ex boyfriend came to visit me in PF Changs, and he ordered Mongolian beef. That's it. And then this other time, actually, I had these two really nice ladies come, and they were at my table at PF Chang's, and. And they're like, what do you want to. Like, what do you want to do after this? And I was like, that's a great question. Like, I would love to get into film. And they were like, listen, you could do whatever you put your mind to.

[B]

Here's a dollar tip, okay.

[A]

No, they tip me really nice. Oh, this one lady, actually. See, this is a third story. She tipped me $100. And that was the Biggest tip that I ever got. And it was on like a 30 bill, which. Do math, John. 20%. How much should she have tipped?

[B]

Don't call me out like that.

[A]

$6. She gave me a hundred. That was really nice.

[B]

Yeah. $6.

[A]

All right, should we just get into questions? This episode is also sponsored by Face Foundry. Okay, let's be honest. Post pregnancy skin is its own journey. My routine changed, my skin goals change, and the amount of time I have non existent. Between the sleepless nights, the puffy eyes, and trying to remember the last time I did anything more than splash water on my face, I needed help.

[B]

Real help.

[A]

So I finally tried Face Foundry. That's F A C E F O U N D R I E And you guys, I'm obsessed. Face Foundry is an open concept facial bar that focuses on efficient, effective services for all things face. Facials, lashes, brows, all results driven and actually affordable. What I love is how approachable and accessible it is. You can literally get glowing on your lunch break without having to break the bank. They also have locations everywhere, which is very convenient. No robes, no cucumber slices over your eyes, just high end results in an hour. Which is perfect because the last thing I had time for right now is a three hour spa day. Even though that sounds kind of nice. Sounds lovely, but nobody has time for that. We were just saying we don't even have time to think about food.

[B]

Nobody got time for that.

[A]

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[B]

And this podcast is also sponsored by Vital Vitamins. I'VE been pretty good lately about trying to eat healthy and getting my workouts in, but that doesn't matter much if I'm not also staying on top of my vitamins. You can eat clean, lift weights and still feel like your routine is missing something. So I've been trying Vital Vitamins Age Defying Bundle and honestly, it's made keeping up with everything so much easier. It's just three simple supplements, all third party tested, made in the USA and absolutely no nonsense which I appreciate. First up, it's the Multi Collagen Complex plus. And look, I'm not a beauty routine guy, but I am a my body shouldn't feel 97 years old after a workout kind of guy. This one's a supports my joints and recovery in a way I can actually feel. It's five types of collagen plus vitamin C, Hyaluronic acid and biotin and for me it's helped with those post workout aches I pretend don't bother me. Then there's Brain Booster plus, which I love because it's caffeine free so I get focus and clarity without turning into a jittery mess. It's got things like lion's mane and B vitamins, basically everything my brain wishes I discovered back in school. I should feel sharper and more locked in.

[A]

And it's delicious.

[B]

And the one that I was most curious about NAD plus it supports cellular energy and healthy aging. I know celebrities swear by it and take it through IV drips, but I'll happily take the capsule version instead of sitting in a chair with a needle in my arm. Yeah, same same same. My rule this holiday season? Make the healthy choice the easy choice. And this bundle is exactly that. Six capsules, one habit, all the boxes checked, no messy powders, and no weird smoothies that taste like long clippings. Vital Vitamins is offering our listeners 20% off all orders with Code Straight at my vital vitamins. Com. It's simple, it's clean, it's easy to stick to. So if you're trying to feel better, stay sharp, age slower, or just get consistent, this is your sign. That's 20% off with code [e-mail] this.

[A]

Episode is also sponsored by the RealReal. It's that time of year again. Gift panic season. And honestly, nothing stresses me out faster than trying to find a holiday gift that doesn't end up in the return immediately pile. That's where the RealReal comes in. Literally what we're talking about this entire episode. You don't Want to be that gift giver. Okay. The RealReal is the most trusted name in authenticated luxury resale. And it has become my secret weapon for finding real thoughtful gifts, the ones that people actually cherish. And the best part? It's sustainable. Instead of buying something new that might end up in a landfill, you can give something unique, pre loved and special. You know that moment when someone opens a gift and says how did you even find this? That's actually the best feeling. When someone you could tell on their face. That's exactly what the real real is for. Whether it's the exact pair of earrings someone mentioned months ago or a bag they've been stalking but would never buy for themselves. Like if you have a friend who is YSL obsessed the way that I am, the RealReal always has the best selection. And it's such a relief knowing that everything is authenticated in person by luxury experts. Plus, with thousands of pre loved designer items dropping daily, I could shop my favorite luxury brands from my couch, usually in sweatpants at night when Lulu is asleep for just the few hours that we get. So yes, sustainable, thoughtful and luxe. That is a holiday win. The RealReal is the world's largest and most trusted resource for authenticated luxury resale with thousands of pre loved luxury arrivals daily. No one does resale like the RealReal and no one makes the holiday shine brighter than the RealReal. And now you could get $25 off your first purchase when you go to therealreal.com straight that's therealreal.com straight to get your $25 off. Start shopping now at therealreal.com straight? Number one. I come from a large family and each family member has a few kids of their own, making it a total of 28 nieces and nephews. Where does one draw the line at gift giving for Christmas? Especially when you have friends to buy for as well and are on a tight budget.

[B]

Why are friends buying each other fucking gifts? You buy gifts for your siblings and their kids if you're gonna have to do it.

[A]

But if you're from a large family, she's saying or he's saying 28 nieces and nephews. Those are nieces and nephews. Are your siblings kids?

[B]

Maybe figure out how to like get a holistic gift for each family. Like if your brother or sister has like five kids, like what can I get that household?

[A]

One thing that's a good idea.

[B]

They also can't expect you to get a gift individually for each kid.

[A]

And maybe just again, I don't think that this is a hot take, but us having a daughter, Please don't get us anything. Please don't get Lucy. I don't. I would not judge anyone for not getting Lucy.

[B]

Everyone's in a different stage of life. We don't need anything.

[A]

That's my point. It's like, I don't know if this is a hot take or not. Yeah. Like, I just feel like I would not expect anybody to get her anything.

[B]

But gift giving's tough because there's a lot of guessing in it unless you just ask the person.

[A]

But we had talked about this before where parents for kids birthday parties create an Amazon wish list.

[B]

Yeah, I vote for that. But there's no surprise when you're a kid, though.

[A]

Like, I mean, I remember, you know, as a former kid myself, I remember getting presents from people that were just like little knickknacks. And I still thought it was the coolest thing, like a rubber bracelet or bouncy balls or just a yo yo and thinking, oh, my fucking God. Like, I just wanted to open something and this is so cool. So maybe just go to the dollar store and get little things. The parents will probably hate you.

[B]

I rather everyone who got me a gofundme $1 each so I can get like, golden eye and 65 for. I don't need anything else. It's just like the game.

[A]

Just like, even you as a kid, you were like, I don't need anything.

[B]

I don't want any of that. I just wanted a game I loved.

[A]

Like Tamagotchis.

[B]

Yeah. I remember I didn't understand them, but they looked cool.

[A]

I always killed them. Next question. I have been going out with this guy for a month now, and things are getting relatively serious. We are both big fans of Christmas and are starting to do all the festivities that surround it. I love gift giving. It's one of my love languages. So. So my question is, do I get him a gift? And if so, what type of price range?

[B]

Are you going to be upset if he doesn't get you a gift? Base it off of that.

[A]

I think when you're first starting out in a relationship. Yeah, it is tricky. So that's where I would not do something lavish. I would get something more thoughtful, like his favorite bottle of wine or his favorite dessert. Like, I would do something low lift. Yes. Where it's like, it's not a huge investment and it's more meaningful.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Next question. My kids go to a private school and every year most parents go all out with gift giving for the teachers this year has been especially tough for us financially. But for some reason, I still feel embarrassed that we won't be able to gift the staff the way I'd like to. I also feel judged by the other parents if ours isn't huge and lavish advice, gift ideas that aren't so freaking expensive. I just don't think it's necessary to break the bank just to make yourself look good.

[B]

I agree. You shouldn't have to. I think we're dealing with that kind of too, like, between. Like, we have a landscaper. Because I don't want to do it. Do I get them a gift? You know, it's like thinking of all the people. I mean, if you get any service, are you giving? I don't know. I just think gift giving and tip culture and there's just. I think it gets overwhelming.

[A]

I don't think that anyone expects a gift, though. You know, Like, I just think if you want to give someone something, give because you want to. And on the other end, I don't think people just expect things like, does your teacher expect something? But even so, if you don't want to break the bank, bake some cookies, or have your kid who's their student make something handmade, like an ornament that says Mrs. Doubtfire 2025.

[B]

You know, like, that's the tough thing. Is it anything when. When money is involved and you're strapped for cash, switching it over to, like, what's meaningful. Yeah, but that's always. That's so hard.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I mean, that's the route to go. But it's so hard to think about that. Like, it just puts a lot more, like, makes you think a lot harder. Try to figure out what's meaningful for.

[A]

That person that's more special. I would so much rather get something, and this is me personally, something that is less expensive, that has more thought behind it.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Than something that is.

[B]

I'm not agreeing with you. I mean, I'm not not agreeing with you. I just think it's. I just. It's hard to try to think of what's meaningful, especially, like, if you don't know the teacher.

[A]

I just gave you an idea. Like, have your student or have your child make a Christmas ornament.

[B]

Sure. That's what they want.

[A]

Or set frame a class photo of the teacher with her students. You know, there's other things that you could do.

[B]

And there's a difference between us. You're so creative. Like, it's easy for you to come up with stuff just like that. You just ripped off five things. I had not thought of one thing. Okay, my son's. My daughter's got a teacher. What's her name? Ms. Smith. I know nothing about her second grade teacher. What should we get her? Crayons.

[A]

But you would probably appreciate crayons too, I think. I guess I just, I don't think that in. In a world in which a lot of people, if they want something, they're just like buying it for themselves. Or a teacher, for example, probably would really appreciate extra supplies for her classroom or just like a gift card. I don't know. Anyway, my point being is I don't think that anyone expects anything from people. So if like you get anything as a, as a human, you should just be appreciative, right?

[B]

You should, right? You should. But not everyone's gonna be appreciative.

[A]

Well then those people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If they're not going to be appreciative, like that's their problem. Fuck. Next question. Every year at Christmas time, I make sure to buy presents for all of the kids in my life. Three presents for my cousin's kids and two for my best friend's kids. I also get kids birthday gifts and Halloween treats. I don't have kids myself, so I've had time to visit these little ones, babysit, go to games, recitals, take them to movies, etc. I used to get a thank you from both parents, but not for the last few years. I don't know if it's just because they have busy lives with their kids or if I'm being overly sensitive. I put a lot of thought into what I buy and spend a lot of time being active in their lives. I've been a part of their village from day one. Am I the asshole for being peeved? I don't do these things for recognition, of course, but I do feel underappreciated at times. The moms and I are very close. And on top of that, I've asked to go to lunch or dinner with them one on one, and they never make the time. They've only ever made the time for my bridal shower and wedding in the last eight years. Well, it just sounds like these are.

[B]

Shitty friends and novelty ward wore off for sure. They're just so used to you being around now that they're like, oh, Linda, Linda will be there, whatever. I just. And that's shitty that people.

[A]

Friendship is a two way street.

[B]

That's like being unproblematic child. Right? Think about it. Your parents.

[A]

Oh, like, because you're not like yelling for attention you're not like, I'm having a kid come over here. I don't have problems. I need attention. Yeah. It's like, because you are just not in the same stage of life as them, you're able to be more present, but that's because you want to be. But I think if, you know this is annoying, you, you have to take inventory of your relationships and I think it's okay to do every year. And if they're not able to reciprocate in the way that you want and you need, that's okay to.

[B]

You're not in the wrong at all. I'd be right there. I'd be fudgeing peeved too. For sure. I would say something.

[A]

And I get that, like, parents, especially us, go through different seasons of life where things are busier, but it's similar to dating. If they wanted to, they would like if they wanted to or just.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Thank you. Just to say thank you, your mom.

[B]

Helping out every single day. I'm like, thank you so much for helping. Like, and she comes all the time and that's not like. So it's not like once in a while the novelty is not worn off for me that she's helping all the time. I just think if you're so present in their lives, the only thing I can think of is like, these people are just taking advantage, are just so used to you being around or doing things for them that they just assume that you're going to keep doing that.

[A]

Right. Which isn't like taking the time to, you know, do a one on one lunch or dinner with you. Like, that's where I'm saying if they wanted to, they would. People make time for the things that are important to them. And right now, yeah, maybe they don't have the time for friendships, but like you're telling me over the past eight years, they can't get a babysitter one night to grab a lunch with you or coffee. And so I just think that, like, sometimes you do have to look at a bird's eye view and say, how much energy am I actually investing over this period of time? Is it worth still investing into this relationship when I'm not getting it back?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Next question. How do I tell my wife I don't want to spend every holiday with her family? My wife And I, both 28, are going into our second year of marriage. She is my world and I wouldn't change a single thing about our life. However, she grew up in a very different family dynamic than I did. She Grew up doing every little event and holiday with every single cousin and extended family member. Me, I have cousins that I've never met. My wife has said that we don't need to spend every holiday with her cousins, but she wants to spend every holiday with her parents and her sister. I personally do not care for her dad. He's annoying, immature, and quite frankly, rude to anyone. I've told her before that this behavior bothers me, but she brushed it off because it means she gets to spend more time with her mom if she turns y I. If it ever gets addressed, her mom puts on a poor me pity party and whines about how her family is a mess and how we live too far apart apart. And we only live within an hour drive. With the holidays coming up, I do not want to spend them with her family. I am okay with one or two holidays a year, but how do I convey this to my wife?

[B]

It sounds like you're gonna have a miserable rest of your life.

[A]

Why do you have to say that?

[B]

Because it's like, you're stuck with these people. You're stuck with these people, especially if she loves them. But besides that, you're saying you've only been married, you're coming up on your second year, you don't want to spend every holiday with them. Like, how long have you guys been together? Has it only been one year of holidays?

[A]

I'm sure they dated for a little bit before that. Maybe two, three years, who knows?

[B]

And off of that, what about. You didn't say anything in there about you spending time with your family? I know your cousins that you haven't met. But what about, like, your parents? Do you have a good relationship with them or siblings? Maybe suggest hanging out with your family? Unless you don't want to hang out with your family. Then if you're free, it looks like you're going to hang out with her family. You know, you're not. What's. What was your suggestion that you gave besides you just saying you don't want.

[A]

To hang out with her family unless there's compromise. And like, let's say you don't have family either that you don't want to spend time with. And so, like, you're not doing one holiday with your family, one holiday with her family. I mean, you then would have to have the conversation that you just don't want to spend the holidays, like four Christmases.

[B]

You want to go on a trip? Yeah, I think you, you need to come up with some suggestions or some other ideas on what you could do on holidays. Besides just saying you don't want to spend time with her family, like, what's the.

[A]

Because that's the thing as well here. In any relationship, when you're choosing to be with someone, you're marrying into the family. And while they're not in your immediate family and you don't have to see them all the time, like they are going to be a part of your life. And yes, your wife is your now immediate family, she is also yours. So she needs to prioritize you. But it is impossible. It's not like you guys live on an island together. So like your families do blend in in that sense. And if her. And if it's important to her, like unless she also is like annoyed with her family and doesn't want to hang out with them, but like if family is important to her. You knew this before getting married. Like, did you, did you not think that you guys would be doing holidays together?

[B]

I feel like I would be defending him way more if he just suggested anything in what he wrote because it's hard to like, I would be like, yo, this chick's in the wrong. If she. Did she ever say like, we can't.

[A]

Spend holidays with your family?

[B]

Yeah, you know, like, did you or did you not suggest anything else because you just saying I don't want to spend time with your family and then being like, I just want to sit home with you. Like, I'd be like, fudge, no. Well, we're going to either hang out my family or like are you suggesting we go or like something I go.

[A]

On my own and you want to stay back. Like, and if that's, if she's fine with that, that's great. But a lot of couples like want to do things together.

[B]

Now going back, if hypothetically you did say I want to spend time with my family and she's like, no, I want to spend all these holidays with my parents. And I'd be like, no, she needs to, you know, give some on this.

[A]

But based on this question, I think it's hard to really say, but obviously communication is necessary.

[B]

Communication.

[A]

Next question. I'm a new mom of seven month old twins entering their first holidays and I'm also dreading it a tiny bit. I don't want to sound ungrateful, but just about everyone in mine and my husband families seems to be gift givers even when it isn't a holiday. Now we are entering a season when it is expected and they go wild. No matter how much I say the girls have a lot of Things. We have a small home with not a lot of storage. Or if you want to get them something, please donate to their 529s or get us a gift card for Costco diapers. Nobody listens. They're not even one year old yet and I would like to just get them things that they need since they won't remember anyway. My grandma even went as far as to give them Thanksgiving presents. She got me a food processor to make them baby food when I already told her that I've been using the blender as if I needed more appliances in my small crowded kitchen. I'm very happy and don't need more things and I feel like I only accept gifts to make gift givers feel loved. I feel like I'm screaming into the void because I don't have the time or energy to return things or deal with Facebook market drama. My hands are full. My house is full of crap. How do I make people see their version of helping me isn't helpful at all?

[B]

I think we're actually both dealing with the same thing. Currently I in my head was thinking, well, what I'm going to do is take a video of said item and me throwing it in the trash and sending to him be like, I've told you multiple times, we have way too much stuff. I, I can't have this in my house.

[A]

I do think that, and again, this is speaking from a place of privilege.

[B]

And whether it's privilege or you live in a house that you have no apartment, you have any fudgeing room and clutter affects you.

[A]

Like, not just that, but I'm saying like in a place where Amazon purchases are so quick, immediate and right there, people are buying like what they need when they need it. And I think when it comes to gift giving to other people, it's like people get trigger, like trigger happy where it's just like, oh my God, this purchase, purchase, purchase without actually thinking like about the other person. And that's why I do think thoughtful gifts are more meaningful and more appreciated than these items. Because when people, if someone were to get me a food processor too, I'd be like, I don't need it. Like, I, I use a blender. Like I have other things that we just live in a consumerism world where it just is a lot people are.

[B]

Just assume that's something you want.

[A]

That's like again, being content creators, we get a lot of pr. We donate. You're probably donating, whether it's at a homeless shelter, helping hand center every week you're Going by. But when we get things, sometimes we'll be like, does someone need this? And we'll have to think. And I'm like, this will probably just be. And we'll usually ask like, hey, do you need an extra blender or do you need xyz? And the majority of times people say no, like, because they just don't have the counter space or they just don't need the extra clutter. And I just think that that's very common for the day and age that we live in right now, where it's very accessible to get things immediately shipped to you.

[B]

It's so annoying. Her resonates with me so, so much when she was just yelling into the void. Like, people don't listen.

[A]

No, they don't.

[B]

My dad just my. I'm sure I'll probably get on for this from my mom. But, like, my dad goes, yeah, because they're coming to visit this week or next week, whenever. And he's like, yeah, I got like, six bags of stuff for you. I'm like, dad, we don't need anything. So I got stuff for you guys. I got stuff for Lucy. I. Stuff for her grandmother. Your grandmother and parents are like, nobody wants anything, but nobody needs stuff.

[A]

I think she nailed it in this question by saying, like, it makes them feel. Like it makes them feel good.

[B]

Is that so fucking ass backward? It's like you're giving someone else a gift, but it's not really for them, it's for you. Isn't that just fucking weird? Does this make any sense to me?

[A]

I don't think the gift giver thinks that, like, when your love language is gift giving. And, like, I love to give gifts, okay?

[B]

Gift, give, meaningful. Then don't give. Give just to give something that no one gives a shit about.

[A]

Like, for example, in my group of girlfriends, we're all long distance, and we all, like, still want to show that, like, we love each other and whatnot. One of my friends, she got us. I don't want to say it like it's a rock, but she got, like, a little stone, and they all had, like, little faces painted on them. They were cute. She took a picture of all of them together. So she gave us the little stone with the picture of these stones, these stone friends hanging out, so it looks like, oh, my God, like, they're all in this picture together, and we're long distance, so we all have our little stuff.

[B]

Charm bracelet.

[A]

No, no, no. But that was another thoughtful gift about just, like, certain things anyway.

[B]

You mention, guys, I'm going to get my group of guys. I'm going to get them a bunch of charm bracelets. I would get shit on.

[A]

Okay. That's because you have toxic male energy over there. And, like, we all just love each other anyway. So I thought that that was a cute and a thoughtful gift for long distance friends because it's like, you don't have to give it. Like, we don't need anything. But it was just a thoughtful, cute little, like, gesture. It's not this, like, big grandiose thing that's gonna take up space anyway, I think. But what do you. But what would you say to someone, like a parent or a friend?

[B]

They still do it.

[A]

And so nothing.

[B]

Nothing. You say it's gonna go one in one ear, out the other, like, the void.

[A]

Like, maybe. Unless, like, when you get it, you say, oh, thank you, we're gonna donate this. Like, maybe that's just what you say. Oh, but like, then that's still a job for you to do. Isn't there a curb episode about that?

[B]

I think the trash things. I mean, like, hey, I. I don't want this. I told you I don't want this. I'm not gonna waste my time with it.

[A]

I think.

[B]

Would I do that to my mom giving me stuff? Here's the other thing my mom and I do to each other. We are such re gifters, both my mom and I. So I'm just. Just. I'll just gift it back to her. Like, my mom will get stuff, like, for a job.

[A]

Okay. But re gifting is getting a gift and giving it to someone else. You're saying you just will give it back to your mom?

[B]

Not the same gift. Oh, but, but, yeah, but, like, yeah, re gifting. I'll get something and I'll give it to her. She does the same thing to me, like, with her company, whatever she does.

[A]

The amount of, like, merch that we have from your mom's company, I'm like, why do we need this for this.

[B]

Pharmaceutical, but you do that to other people.

[A]

Like, if we get something from a brand, you're like, I'm going to give this. I'm like, no one wants said brand name on a T shirt, John.

[B]

You want something new?

[A]

Okay, I. You're part of the problem.

[B]

You're literally part of the problem. I don't just give it to him. Like, hey, do you want this?

[A]

This? That's a lie. You've. You have not. You don't do that.

[B]

You. L. I never. I don't just give somebody something. I'm like, hey, do you want this? If you don't, I'm throwing it in the trash. I do that all the time. Who do I give? Who do I just give stuff to?

[A]

I just feel like you always are. Like you put a pile of things together. Because I've been the one to say, hey, see if they actually do want it. Because I don't know why someone would want these slippers with this brand name just like plastered all over it anyways.

[B]

Throw it out. Take a video, say this, don't throw it out.

[A]

Donate it. Like, there's so many shelters that need.

[B]

To be again, but again with that. That's putting more work on you. That is putting work on you. So it's like, yeah, we donate because I feel guilty, but at the same time they're not listening to you. It's added work on you.

[A]

But that's where I think, yeah, give it back to them then and say, oh, thank you so much. Can you donate it? We don't need it. Like that I feel like would stop someone in their tracks from giving you something. What else are you going to do? Like you're just going to have a job now of going on Facebook, Marketplace or like driving things to donation bins like it is. It's creating extra work on you. So if you really want to send the message home, give it back to them in the moment. Just be like, oh, thank you so much. We actually don't need it. Give it to donate. Bring it to the church.

[B]

As much shit as I talk, I don't think I'd have the balls to do that to my mom.

[A]

I mean, I definitely would not have the balls.

[B]

So we're just talking out of our ass. Good luck.

[A]

I don't think that there is an actual answer to this unless unfortunately the.

[B]

Answer is just, just take it. Just take it to the face and then go donate it. So it's a little added work on you. Sorry, none of us are going to get out of this.

[A]

We're all in this together.

[B]

Next question.

[A]

Growing up, my mother always had a remarkable talent for creating holiday magic. Whether it was birthdays, Halloween celebrations, or Christmas traditions, those memories have inspired me to bring that same sense of joy and special meaning to my own children's holidays. Currently, we live with my in laws and during my son's first Christmas, my mother in law gave him gifts labeled from Santa. At the time, I let it go since he was too young to fully understand the concept. However, by his third Christmas, I kindly communicated a boundary. My husband and I would be the ones providing and labeling any gifts from Santa. And if she chose to get presents, they should be labeled for from Nana. She respected that request last year. As we approach his fourth Christmas, I've noticed her making remarks to my son such as, maybe Santa will get you that despite having already purchased the gift herself. This has left me feeling uncertain. Am I just being paranoid or would it be appropriate to gently revisit and reinforce the boundary that we set regarding Santa gifts? Also, what are your thoughts about from Santa gifts? Should they be just for parents or should grandparents be allowed to play the role as well?

[B]

What is she but heard about her grandmother saying from Santa, my mother in.

[A]

Law is purchasing gifts for her son and saying that they're from Santa. But she said, hey, me and my husband, your son, are going to be the ones who are going to give the gifts from Santa. If you give my son something, it's, it's going to be for you.

[B]

What the fuck's the difference? They're from Santa. It's not like she's doing more gifts from Nana than the parents. They're all from Santa. Who cares?

[A]

But not necessarily like, you know, your gifts from Santa are from Santa. I think it you run into.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. I would be more pissed if like they're okay like four Christmases. I was just about to say that. And Nana gives them a Xbox. You know what I'm saying? But if it's from Santa, it could have been from any of us.

[A]

Did Santa, Santa's cheap too.

[B]

How the hell did you get an Xbox under $5? $20.

[A]

The $10 limit, $20 problem. So, I mean, I, I understand that like they want to be the ones who are providing them like the magic from Santa.

[B]

How would the kid know?

[A]

He's getting old. He's four.

[B]

I'm done with this. I don't worry about it. You're good. Yeah, I think you're just.

[A]

I think if you don't want Nana to be involved as a gift giver, move out.

[B]

What? Would you be more mad? Would you be more Nana giving the kid all the good gifts and Santa not or Santa doing all the good gifts and then the kid, you know, just love Santa. He's not like he's gonna love Nana more.

[A]

That's, that's actually a good point.

[B]

That's what I've been saying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like if it's not Nana getting the Xbox, it's Santa and is there a.

[A]

Way in which you could compromise and like come together and just. But I don't know I'm trying to think, like, would I be annoyed if my mom was like, this is from Santa now? I'd be like, thank you.

[B]

And then when Santa fizzles away, then all the Christmas gifts just could be from mom, dad, and Nana together. Problem solved. John the problem solver.

[A]

I don't know. I mean, I guess it's just like a boundary, you know?

[B]

Some it's an imaginary boundary because the kid doesn't know. Am I wrong here?

[A]

I'm, like, just too tired for this. Like, I just. I'm thinking about having to do Elf on the Shelf one day and stressing me out. Next question. I'm planning all the Christmas gifts, stocking stuffers, activities, the whole thing. My husband asked what do I want for Christmas? And I told him twice. I even sent him the exact link and told him it was on sale and he still told me to just order it myself and that he'd wrap. Sent me into orbit because I just felt like this is another thing on my already long holiday to do list.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just go ahead and order it. I'll just wrap it up and I'm sure you'll wrap it like shit. Sean wrapped it.

[A]

He would just use tin foil and plastic bags.

[B]

Paper towels. I've done a gift before in paper towels.

[A]

Newspaper?

[B]

No. No paper towels.

[A]

I know. I've seen it all, John. I'm adding to the list of paper.

[B]

Towels and electrical tape. It's a thought that counts with this guy. There's no thought, though.

[A]

Okay, I'll continue. The bigger issue is that my husband genuinely hates gift giving, while my love language is gifts. Christmases, birthdays, anniversaries, all of it. He's not sentimental at all. And it causes arguments because he says gift gifts aren't everything and that I'm too materialistic. We're financially comfortable, so it's not about money. I've even made Amazon wish lists that he's never looked at. He's also never been a gift person, even with his own family. For birthdays, we usually just pick out our own things, but for Christmas, I've tried to make it special because I love the surprise of it. Meanwhile, he'll order me things on Amazon that I end up picking up. Then he wraps the box it came in. He'll even go through my phone trying to guess what I got him. How do we get to a place where we could both be happy with gifts? Am I the asshole for wanting a thoughtful present every once in a while?

[B]

No, you're not. I mean, listen, he. That's something that you want. Your partner should concede a little bit. You could still be like, this is stupid, but for you, I'll do it.

[A]

I think it's just the lack of effort here. The fact that you're. You're doing literally all the legwork, sending him a link, and he's saying, all right, you order it. There's nothing special or romantic about that at all.

[B]

Would you even. That's the other thing. Would you even enjoy that gift? My mom actually has done that with my dad.

[A]

Oh, my God. I do remember her opening up, like, the series of Wildlander. And she goes, thanks, Dave. And he's like, what is that? And she's like, exactly what I wanted. Because she loves gaming.

[B]

Is that a wild concept? My mom bought her own gift from my dad and wrapped it, but that. And then opened it and said thank you to my dad, who did not know that that was a g gift from him to my mother.

[A]

Yeah, but your mom, though, that would make her happy rather than getting a gift that your dad chose that she doesn't like.

[B]

That's why my dad always leaves the receipt with whatever thing he gives her. I just feel like if you're telling your husband what you want, do you even. I guess you're a person of. That wants gift giving. That sounds so stupid to me. So you're gonna like that gift. There's no surprise to the gift at all. There's no meaning. It's just something that you picked out that you want your husband to wrap. So then you unwrap it.

[A]

She's saying, because he doesn't, like, care at all.

[B]

No, he needs to do more. I get that. But, like, is that even an option that you'd want? Like, I'm genuinely asking, do you see someone actually liking that?

[A]

I'm trying to think for myself. I just feel like maybe there's like a little bit of a lesson here that your husband can learn that over. Over the year before Christmas, he can start picking up on context clues. Like, if you just start talking about things.

[B]

No, the bottom line is he doesn't care. He doesn't care at all. So the lesson to be learned.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. Like, that's what. Where. Like the place that you get to both be happy is throughout the year. He needs to start listening to you more. And as you talk about the things that, like, you would like or that are important to you, he can just. It's simple. Keep a notes up in your phone, write it down. And then when you get to birthdays when you get to these things. Because I do this with you. I, like, listen to, like, what you talk about, and I'm like, write that down. Write that down. The only list that I keep in my phone. And when these things come up, I'm like, okay, let me reference my list for gifts. And I do this with, like, your family. My family. It makes it easier as, like, if you're. If you write things down as you go.

[B]

I think for us, I mean, this year's a little different, but we don't want to do gifts. We get whatever we want. We want to do an experience, and I think if we just both go in on an experience together that we want to do. I'd rather do that, because gift giving is stressful. Then you don't know, like, I don't know how much what I. Because you always want to know. What's the price range?

[A]

Hold on, everybody. I have actually. Hot off the press. Remember when John said, we're not doing gifts this year? Guess who broke and was the first one to buy me a Christmas present?

[B]

How do you know I got you a Christmas present?

[A]

Number one, it's under the tree, and it says al.

[B]

But number two, it's part of. For Lucy.

[A]

No, because you said. You go, oh, by the way, I got you something. You were like, it's small, but I got you something. So you're. You broke the rule, even though you said no gifts. Just. I just wanted to say that. That I said. I literally said, I think I learned.

[B]

My lesson from when we were in LA and we did Christmas and, like, you, like, you got me way better gifts than I got you.

[A]

Well, that's because I listened to you and I got John a recorder because he said he loved playing the recorder as a kid.

[B]

She got me a legit recorder. Like, this is the.

[A]

We definitely still have it. You should play it. We should play it for Lucy in our band at night.

[B]

So pumped.

[A]

You don't want to play them?

[B]

We're Segway. You were. You really want to teach him a lesson? Christmas day comes, setting the scene. It's snowing outside. You. Do they have a kid?

[A]

Shouldn't say.

[B]

You and your imaginary kids and maybe imaginary animals are all around the fireplace in the tree. You're drinking your coffee, and it's gift time. There's 30 gifts under the tree, and they're all to your husband. You never said anything. And you just sit there and you watch him unwrap every goddamn present for an hour, just staring at him. Be Blissful. And then he has a come to Jesus moment. Or he doesn't if he's stupid, but he's like, wow, I didn't wrap 30 gifts. Oh, shit. She doesn't have a single gift if he doesn't feel like shit in that moment. So you're gonna maybe eat it on this Christmas, but, like, that's a good learning experience.

[A]

I hate to say it. I don't think that a lot of men, like, catch on.

[B]

There's no way. If you have all these gifts for this guy and he doesn't give you a single gift.

[A]

I mean, yeah, I just think that they're like, oh, nothing for you. Oh, well, you should have bought yourself something. I'm telling you. I think that it literally goes over. And it's not even, like it goes over their head. It just. There's. There's not that energy there that I don't want to say, like, selfish. It's just like, no, it's definitely selfish.

[B]

Yeah, but they don't think you're opening 30 gifts for yourself. You don't think of the one gift.

[A]

That's why people aren't getting married, because they're sick.

[B]

I don't fucking blame you.

[A]

Exactly. It's like you're having the mental load of having to purchase gifts for.

[B]

Oh, it goes way past the gift giving.

[A]

He's not even like, I'm just talking about holidays.

[B]

He's not doing that.

[A]

He's probably not considering, but that's like, what she's saying. She's like, I'm planning all the gifts, stocking stuffers, the activities, and it's like, why is it all on her? And then, like, he's. You're still doing the work, telling him what you want. He can't put in an ounce of effort for one person. We actually made a joke about that. We did, like, a fake holiday ad, me and you. And we actually lost a partnership with the jewelry company because I. We made it. And it was a spoof on. It was a spoof on Jewel. Like, men during holidays. And I put on my, like, ad voice. And I go, are you trying to. Are you. What did I do? It was years ago. We were living in la, and I was like, are you trying to think of, like, what to get your wife for the holidays? She's planning gifts for everyone on your list, and you only have one person, her. Don't drop the ball. Because I was like. And it's like the clips of the wife, like, stressing out, like, buying gifts for everyone else, and it's like, get her something that she's going to love. Heart shaped jewelry.

[B]

Get something that she's never going to wear or something like that.

[A]

But like the joke was she's. Yeah, so anyway, that's a joke because it actually happens in marriages. I think that we've seen it. I've seen it. People live it every day and don't marry that person. I'm sorry that you're with this person. I hope he makes up for it in different ways, but it does boil down to just a lack of effort and you just feel disrespected, I think.

[B]

Yeah, I feel you on that. Okay, best of luck.

[A]

Wait, did we give a. Yeah, I.

[B]

Think you do what I do. I think you, you commit to the act of getting them all these gifts for Christmas and just see if it. And if it doesn't, that's such a. A sign.

[A]

It's got to be like an SNL skit on that. I'm sure that already exists where it's like the kids wake up, they're like, what'd you get mom from Santa? And the dad's just sitting there because he has no clue what he bought. What? The mom got any of the kids from Santa and she's standing there just like had curated this whole morning, but I'm sure some dick hole in the say. Oh, but does she work? He makes the money.

[B]

You could still get her a fucking gift.

[A]

He makes the magic. Exactly. If he makes the money, then he should be the one buying her a present.

[B]

No, maybe she's not making the money, but she's raising kids that aren't serial killers. So shut the up. Get the gift.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Also, there's probably opposite. There's probably guys out there too that are doing everything and the woman's not doing, you know, it's whatever.

[A]

Just everybody just put a little bit of effort in for.

[B]

Just appreciate your partner.

[A]

A little goes a long way. A little goes a long way. And on that note, gifts, gifts. But that's the thing. You have to get to a place like where you're both actually saying, like, we're not doing gifts or like, find out like what the other person actually wants. Is it dinner? Is it quality time? Is it a walk? Is it, I don't know, a coffee mug with my face on it?

[B]

Oh, that's it.

[A]

Yeah. I don't have a secret.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Do you have a wreck?

[B]

No, I don't have a rack. I don't have a secret.

[A]

Shoot. I did have a wreck. Oh, you know what? My wreck is. I remember because I wore it this weekend, which we didn't even talk about that. We, like, had a holiday party this weekend. We went into the city. Oh, my gosh. We had, like, our first night out.

[B]

With Lucy at home.

[A]

At home. My mom babysat. That was.

[B]

Alex has come a long way, and I've definitely rubbed off. Rubbed one. I've rubbed off on her, mentally.

[A]

Yeah, you really have.

[B]

So we. We went out with people we had. Then we went to the bar first, had a couple drinks, then we went to dinner. And I'm just so proud of Alex because we're at dinner. She's, like, sitting at the other side of the table. I'm hanging with the guys. And at one point she's like, hey, we gotta go. She said, we gotta go. Not me. We didn't get the train. We ended up having to.

[A]

Because I'm looking. I'm like, if we need to make back. I just. I think again, having Lucy at home, which I didn't think I would be this type of mom. Like, I want to spend more time with her. Like, I don't like leaving her.

[B]

I love it. This. This new shift in who you are.

[A]

I thought that I'd be like, oh, my God, Mom's night out. Like, let's. Let's go party and do other things. And like, this is. We have a babysitter. Great. I'm counting down the clock. I'm like, I. I gotta get home to my girl.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

And so I was looking at the train and I was like, okay, we gotta leave now if we want to make the train. We just ended up taking the Uber home. But then we hosted Friends over the following day. We had a holiday party.

[B]

And similarly, so we do, like, White Elephant, which. Another stupid fucking thing. I didn't.

[A]

I loved it.

[B]

But we're trying to put Lucy down, and I have her, and I'm. We took turns, but, like, later in the night, after White Elephant, I went and grabbed Lucy, and I'm trying to put her down to sleep. And I can hear Alex. They're finishing up this game we were playing, and it was like the last round and ends. And then at one point, Alex says, okay, well, that's it. You guys could leave. Joking, but not actually joking. It was so funny. Oh, my God. That she is me. I am her.

[A]

We are like, everyone kind of. They kind of wanted to go anyway.

[B]

They got there at 2. It's 7:30.

[A]

I mean, come on.

[B]

I'm like, we're older.

[A]

Game. I was giving Everyone, permission to leave. So if anything, I feel like you're welcome, as opposed to it being awkward and being like, all right, should we head back onto the train? Like, I'm giving you the out. So I'm like, go. Get out of my house.

[B]

I love it. I love this. I love this new stage these days.

[A]

And it's just always bedtime whenever we.

[B]

What was the wreck?

[A]

Oh, my wreck. Anyway, because holiday party, I wore these tights that I got years ago and I've had them for years. They don't rip. Sheer tax. Again, not sponsored, but they are just. I don't know what. What type of material they use that they don't rip. And I have, like, generally. Well, my nails are not in almond shape right now, but usually they're sharp and you can destroy. You could go through hundreds of pairs of tights just like in the holiday season, because, like, you just, like, poke holes in them. Not these, not these. They're great. Sheer tax. That's my rack.

[B]

Wait, my wreck is. Just found this in my pocket. Birds, bees, beeswax, lip balm.

[A]

You know, the other day you go, hey, we don't have to rehash. No, no, we are. Because, like, you just made me think of it, and it annoyed me because you were, like, so sure about it. John sees this chapstick in my purse, and he goes, can you hold this? Or, like, I had it in my bag. And he was like, I'm gonna need that when we're out. And I was like, okay. He goes, yeah, you took that from me. And I go, no, I didn't. Like, this was. This has been in my purse for literally months. He goes, no, I just had that out on the counter. And I'm like, okay, whatever. Then I'm wrong. You open it up to go use it. What is it covered in? All of my lipstick.

[B]

Grody lipstick.

[A]

But, like, you know when you have a chapstick that has been in there for months, that's what this chapstick looked like. Because it was my chapstick that had.

[B]

Been it off or anything.

[A]

No, you know, because if it's old, like, because I like to still put chapstick over. Also, our color hurt.

[B]

Her girlfriend's, like, share lipstick and lip balm and stuff. That's fucking gross.

[A]

I mean, it's called girlhood, John. Try it. You wear your mom's lipstick.

[B]

That's not actually her lipstick?

[A]

Looks like it.

[B]

You might as well just be on Love island swapping spit.

[A]

Maybe I will. I'm too old at this point.

[B]

But the old fart. So yeah, that's it. That's it, guys.

[A]

Happy holidays.

[B]

Like, subscribe Email Comment do all the things things. Thanks for listening.

[A]

If you want to follow us, you can find us everywhere. Give to me Straight Podcast on the socials. If you want to send us an anonymous question, you could do so in our show notes or on our website. And if you want to email us, you can reach us@hello, givetom straight podcast.com and we will see you guys next week.

[B]

Ciao. Ciao. Bye.

[A]

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