396: Che Durena: Growing Up on a Serial Killer’s Land | The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #396

Summary

The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #396 — Che Durena: Growing Up on a Serial Killer’s Land (July 27, 2026)

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Overview

In this deeply personal and darkly humorous episode, comedian Che Durena joins host Ryan Sickler to share his life’s lowlights—ranging from childhood medical scares to family trauma, homelessness, and the truly chilling revelation: he grew up on land once owned by Canada’s most notorious serial killer. True to the HoneyDew ethos, the conversation balances pain, laughter, and hard-won insight.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Che’s Medical Origin Story: “How To Make Your Ball Bigger”

(02:28–07:15)

• Che was born with one undescended testicle, which was removed as an infant due to medical risks. “My entire, like, conscious life, I've only had one testicle.” (03:16, Che)
• Initially self-conscious in adolescence, Che considered getting a prosthetic but found most partners never noticed or cared.
• Che reflects on vulnerability and body image, noting society doesn’t pay much attention to men’s “low” insecurities.
• Memorable moment: Che laughs about his ball never “jumping over to the other side”: "He never fucking rules or moves over. But sometimes they'll go up inside us." (03:53, Sickler; 03:57, Che)

Family Dynamics and Growing Up

(12:46–18:47)

• Che describes a blended family with four siblings who never all lived together at once:
  • "No one was all living in the house at the same time altogether.” (13:29, Che)
• His parents’ relationship started well but deteriorated after heavy financial loss and ongoing stress.
• Notable quote about modern dating: “It's a different world these days. People don't approach in public as much.” (14:36, Che)

The Serial Killer Land Bombshell

(18:47–21:37)

• The land Che’s family bought in Port Coquitlam, BC, was formerly farmland belonging to Willie Pickton, Canada’s infamous “pig farmer” serial killer.
• Pickton fed his victims’ remains to pigs and was rumored to be involved with the Hell’s Angels. Discovery of human teeth in pig feces exposed him.
• Che’s parents feared the home would be unsellable, but local intrigue actually increased property values.
• Sickler’s reaction: “You guys are moving on this guy’s land… This poltergeist-type shit.” (20:47)

Working Class Struggles & Family Rift

(21:37–28:18)

• Che’s parents took on multiple jobs, delivering newspapers mornings and working “real” jobs by day (dad: railroad electrician; mom: packaging sales).
• Tension at home grew, with Che learning to eat fast from years of stressful dinner tables.
• Long-term effects: Che’s father developed Alzheimer’s suspected to be lifestyle- and sleep-deprivation related due to years of overnight work.

The Toll of Alzheimer's and Parental Estrangement

(28:18–51:50)

• Che’s parents’ affection faded; he describes manipulation and lack of trust in the home.
• After their divorce, Che’s father briefly flourished—traveling and pursuing hobbies—before his Alzheimer’s symptoms rapidly progressed.
  • “I really thought there'd be a point where me and my dad would connect as adults... now he can't communicate.” (34:34, Che)
• Che’s reflections on grieving a parent who is still alive but uncommunicative are raw and honest:
  • “You don't want your parent to die, but you also don't want them to live like that... I hope that it's just seamless and painless.” (52:35, Che)
• Che is estranged from his mother due to longstanding issues of manipulation and conflict:
  • “We never... There was always, like, a struggle in the house. A lot of lying, a lot of manipulating.” (52:15, Che)

Homelessness and Stand-Up Beginnings

(36:13–47:02)

• Che started comedy in Playa del Carmen, Mexico, inspired after his brother tried stand-up.
• Sold his belongings and moved to Toronto with almost no money, spending six months in a youth homeless shelter (Covenant House).
  • “A men's shelter compared to a youth shelter—much rougher. Diarrhea in here.” (38:37, Che)
• The shelter experience was a crash course in both Canada’s social safety net and the realities of generational poverty, addiction, and resilience.
• Che worked toward a security guard license while performing stand-up, eventually moving onward and upward.

Reflections on Suffering, Love, and Loss

(53:29–58:32)

• Che hasn’t lost a close human relative yet but shares the experience of losing a beloved dog as a formative loss.
• He and his family grieved together, witnessing how love and loss are intertwined.
  • “The part about loving something is you love in spite of... You love it knowing that there's going to be this suffering coming.” (58:18, Che)

Che’s Advice to His 16-Year-Old Self

(59:05–60:49)

• “Get into more fights.” Che argues that early adversity, resilience, and letting go of fear would have helped his confidence:
  • “Being punched in the face early and young... is one of the best things for you.” (60:16, Sickler)
  • “You also learn, like, I'm not made of glass. I can take that beating and get up.” (60:39, Che)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On living on serial killer land:
  “The land was recently purchased from a farmer whose name is Willie Pickton... I grew up on this fucking land.” (19:19, Che)
• Family tension at the dinner table:
  “That’s where you would get ambushed at the dinner table... that was where you were always under fire.” (27:12, Che)
• Reflection on sitcom families vs. his own:
  “I would watch TV and I would see how a family would interact... and I was like, well, something's wrong with what's going on in my house.” (30:12, Che)
• On homelessness:
  “There's really, really, really just good kids in there that just... their home life was fucked and they had nowhere else to go.” (41:07, Che)
• On love and loss:
  “Everything you love is... you love it knowing that there's going to be this suffering coming.” (58:18, Che)

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Important Timestamps

• 02:28: Born with one testicle, childhood medical story
• 13:29: Family blended dynamics
• 18:47: Buying a house from infamous serial killer’s land
• 21:37: Parents’ working-class hustle and marital tension
• 27:12: Lasting effects of family tension, early signs of Alzheimer’s
• 36:13: Becoming homeless, transitioning to Toronto
• 41:07: Realities of homelessness, youth shelter stories
• 47:02: Reconnecting with father before illness
• 53:29: Losing his family dog and processing loss
• 59:05: Advice for his teenage self

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Tone and Language

Che and Ryan’s rapport is marked by gallows humor and self-deprecation ("Kick him out. You got to spread your wings, kid."), but the episode is underscored by tenderness, vulnerability, and forthrightness about trauma.

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For more from Che Durena:

• Stand-up special: How To Make Your Balls Bigger (YouTube)
• Podcast: Two Goons
• Live dates: Barrie, Ontario (July 11); Plano, Texas (August 14–15)
• Socials and tour: @chedurena / chedurena.com

Host: Ryan Sickler (@RyanSickler)

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Summary prepared for those who want the raw, unvarnished stories—the humor, the heartbreak, and the humanity—behind every HoneyDew lowlight.

Transcript

[A]

The honeydew with ryan sickler.

[B]

Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'. All. We're over here doing it in the Night pants studios. I am Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler.com and Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Listen, I know you love this show. We've been doing it for years and we've been doing the Patreon for years. If you got to have more of this show, the best place to go is the Honeydew with y'. All. It's this show with you all, and it is the craziest shit you're going to hear anywhere on the Internet. Y' all got wild lives and wild stories. It is five bucks. That's it. It's been that way since day one. And we're not going to. We're not going to fucking raise it. All right? So if you or someone you know has a story that has to be heard, submit it to honeydewpodcastmail.com. don't send it anywhere else. Just there. If you sent it in before, please send it again. Bump it to the top. We get a lot. We would love to do your story. All right, that's it. That's the biz. You know what we're doing here? We highlight lowlights. These are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest with us here today. First time on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, China Reyna. Welcome to the Honeydew Chat.

[A]

Thank you, man. I appreciate it, bringing you in strong. Big intro. I love it.

[B]

Thank you for being here. Before we get into your stories, right there. Plug it all.

[A]

You can check out my special how to make your balls bigger. It's on YouTube now. You can check out my podcast, Two Goons if you like. Only fan stars, porn stars, anything adult entertainment.

[B]

You'll love it.

[A]

And I'm on all platforms at chaedarayna. I've got a charity gig in Canada, Barry, Ontario, on July 11th. And then I'm also gonna be in Plano, Texas, August 14th and 15th.

[B]

All right, so let's get into your background. You're Canadian.

[A]

Yes, I am, yeah.

[B]

Born where?

[A]

I was born in New Westminster, Canada.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

In British Columbia. I grew up in Port Coquitlam for most.

[B]

You know what? That's where the comedy club is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The house of comedy that everybody would tell me is Vancouver. I'm like, how the hell we in Vancouver an hour outside of Vancouver.

[A]

Yeah, it's not Vancouver at all. That's why I'm.

[B]

That's it I've done that club. I. I remember New Westminster.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. New west has the house of comedy there. It's two rooms. I'm pretty sure I've never done it actually. Like, I've never done like a weekend there or anything, but I should get on that.

[B]

So we were talking before, and we're going to start at the beginning. You're born, and you're born with one testicle. For a guy who has a special

[A]

called how to make your ball out there.

[B]

So it should have been how to make your ball bigger.

[A]

So what do you.

[B]

What happens?

[A]

So what happened with me? I still have, like, a little scarf when I was born, I guess. Your testicles are supposed to not drop,

[B]

but it's supposed to move. So hard to talk about this shit. Go ahead.

[A]

They're supposed to. It was stuck in a weird spot in my body. And the concern was that if it doesn't move, that it could get infected, get sepsis, turned to a cyst or something like that. And I would die as a young infant. So they had to go in very early and remove it. And so my entire, like, conscious life, I've only had one testicle.

[B]

So they did this in the womb?

[A]

No, no, no, no. They did this, like, right after I was.

[B]

Soon you're born. They knew this was an issue. And they're like, we got to get that ball out.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And it's never been. That's one thing. Sometimes people.

[B]

Your balance.

[A]

No, does. If anything, I'm more streamlined, which. Yeah, you know what?

[B]

Now think about it. Just one nice centered one.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Which ball was it? They took on the left one.

[A]

So there is a difference. So your balls do pick a side. That's one thing. My ball is a right ball, and so he, like, stays up on the right side. I'm like, dude, the sack is yours. Put your feet up. Like it's.

[B]

He never fucking rules or moves over. But sometimes they'll go up inside us.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But he'll never jump over that left one just to see how the other side could live.

[A]

Exactly. Yeah.

[B]

A vacant lot right there. You don't jump over there.

[A]

Yeah. He just lets you force it. Can you squeeze.

[B]

Force it over there?

[A]

I could, but why, dude? Why would I do that? That just seems like crazy. He's happy where he is, you know? Force him into the other lot is nuts, man.

[B]

Just shove it him out of his house, dude.

[A]

Kick him out. You got to spread your wings, kid.

[B]

Can't wait. So can. Can you still have babies?

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Everything Is normal. I've never had my, like, sperm count tested, but I'm pretty sure it's all

[B]

like, well, even a low sperm count is still in the million.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? It's still in the millions.

[A]

But I. I think, yeah, everything down there is fully functioning, totally fine. I've never. When I was younger, like probably like 11, 12. When you start to be like interested in girls and stuff like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then I was concerned about it because

[B]

it's normal to you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Been your whole life. Is that what's the big deal? But to somebody else, it's like I would thought.

[A]

I thought it would be weird or something like that, but. But I. I remember I wanted to maybe get like an implant when I was around that age.

[B]

But the nexticle, what's it called?

[A]

The Next dude.

[B]

What do they call it?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

It's got a name, bro.

[A]

You know, it's some sort of phone testy or something. I do.

[B]

They like, how do. We'll get back into that first.

[A]

But I never looked into it because once for one, throughout my entire life, I would say less than five women have noticed or have brought it up. At least have brought it up. And there's even. When one girl, when I was. This is so.

[B]

You don't give him a heads up?

[A]

No, I don't give.

[B]

I was gonna ask, like, by the way.

[A]

By the way, there's one. One girl when I was 16. My girlfriend at 16, I remember her, like, checking. And she was a very expressive person. And it was very funny watching her, like, feel around. What, my balls? It was like a dog looking in a hole. And he's like, where's my ball?

[B]

Stuck on her account.

[A]

Yeah, she was feeling. And then she would look. She like pop up and look up at me and then go back and looking and she goes, there's one. And I think she was concerned because she's like, did I do something? Did I shoot it off? And I went, no, there's one. She went, oh, okay. Like, she was relieved. But I have even had women who I've been hooking up with a few times and then be like, yeah, you know, Because I have one testicle. And they're like, no, you don't. And I'm like, yeah, I do. And they're like, I've been down there. I'm like, what? You didn't care?

[B]

You didn't do your job? Exactly. You don't know that half of that bag is empty.

[A]

You're a selfish lover is what it is, it's. And also it is balls. Like they're not integral to the process, you know, other than getting pregnant, which there's no problem there. But they're not like, I don't know, they're, they're, they're not going in anywhere. They're just hanging there. Yeah, they're not. If one's missing, doesn't fuck up the pleasure center a lot, you know. Yeah. So it's, it's never been an issue for me.

[B]

Have you ever fucked around a little bit and acted like it was something they did and you need to get to the hospital.

[A]

Oh, I've never done anything like that. That would be crazy. Dude. You it up, dude. Once this.

[B]

What do you mean there's only one. You terrorize.

[A]

That's. Honestly, maybe that's something I could pull off now.

[B]

Yeah, it.

[A]

But yeah, it's. It's always, it's never been a big deal for me. I've always been kind of like, yeah, whatever about it. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And then when they figure out that they're like knobbing down there, then when they go down again, they start, oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But it's. Yeah, like I said, it's not. I, I don't know. It's not. I don't think women like miss it. They're not like, oh, I, I guess if a chick was like a ball

[B]

fanatic, I was going to say, what

[A]

if she's like, look, man, and some chicks are.

[B]

I bet there's something for every single one. There's a lady out there who loves balls and be the only thing. I don't care about this dick right here. Yeah.

[A]

She wants to get in on the balls. And I could see that if you're like a true ball lover, that this would be disappointing for you. But I haven't encountered that person.

[B]

And it didn't affect you like during puberty or anything?

[A]

No, no, nothing like that. No, I didn't have any like problems with like growth spurts or. I don't know, nothing. Yeah.

[B]

Do you give, as you're getting older, do you give primary care physicians a heads up or do you just let them see if they know what the they're doing?

[A]

I think I have them had them be like, is there, is this there normally one? Or like how long has there been one or something? There is that question that happens like, what, what's going on here? Why is there.

[B]

You ever have a doctor not ask? No, they all, hey, bro, you missed that whole one. Nothing.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

No, no, they're all, like, for the hernia and.

[A]

And all that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, it was. It's never been a huge deal in my life. I don't think chicks really give a shit about nuts. Yeah.

[B]

Not yours, at least.

[A]

Not mine.

[B]

No.

[A]

Maybe that's just that, like, the people I'm attracting cosmically or also maybe if

[B]

you had none, it would be a problem. Yeah. One is some elbow skin.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Elbow skin hanging down there.

[A]

Like, I. There was this chick I dated who was missing half of one of her thumbs and it never came up. Dude, I remember.

[B]

What do you mean it never came up? One time. Did you look that. Like, all right?

[A]

No, for a year.

[B]

What the.

[A]

I knew why, but it didn't. Like, I never. It wasn't something I was constantly thinking about, like, oh, she's got one thumb. The only thing was, I love playing video games.

[B]

Doing this shit around your dick and. Yeah,

[A]

But she. I wanted to teach her how to play video games because I love video games. And she's like, well, I can't. Like my. I can't reach the buttons. So that was kind of a bummer. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

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[A]

Yes.

[B]

You're one of how many kids again?

[A]

I'm one of four and.

[B]

But you're the only one from your. Both your parents.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Everyone else is a big blended family.

[A]

Exactly. So my mom was married before, had a daughter. My dad was married before, had a son and a daughter, and then they. And had me and all my siblings about 10 years older than me and. Yeah. And so I grew up mostly with my sister on my mom's side, and then my brother came over when I was about 6 and then my sister on my dad's side came over when I was like 12 or 13. Like I was. I was older. I might even been like 16. But by that point my sister and brother had moved out like it was. Everyone got introduced at different times and no one was all living in the house at the same time altogether.

[B]

Never once?

[A]

Never once. No. No. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

Why? You have room for people to come over, things like that?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And go ahead. No, no, no, please go, go.

[B]

How'd your parents meet?

[A]

I honestly. Oh, no, I do know this. So they were. My. My dad was at a party and he saw my mom and my mom was with My sister. And he. I think what he said is he liked the way that she parented how she was like how she wrangled.

[B]

Oh yeah. She's already has kids seeing that and

[A]

I think she might have even been watching her. My. My cousins. So it appeared that she had three kids, but she only had one kid. And I think he liked the way that she like wrangled these kids. And he went up and he asked her to dance and he was like hitting on her and I think she turned him down like multiple times. And he just was persistent. And then he. Yeah, they started dating. Yeah.

[B]

Isn't that interesting?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's when you were. Had to be somewhere.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That lady had to be in vicinity. Not across the world on the Internet.

[A]

You had.

[B]

And then you had to walk up to a woman with kids too, by the way, and try to shoot your shot.

[A]

I.

[B]

It's a different world these days.

[A]

It's a different world and people don't approach in public as much. I think it's the. It's the best way. Not because I think it's better like, oh, you're gonna get a better connection or something. It's just more exhilarating. It is, it's fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like it is. There's something exciting about going up to a person and risking yourself and like risking the. I don't know if you would call it humiliation, but there is like.

[B]

Yeah, but that is what I think. More men or younger boys need that today. Like when we would all be at a bar and we were like, that girl's so cute and go, go get her number. Go get her number. Yeah. And you know damn well you're not only you risking being shot down by her and all her friends. This whole group here is not sympathetic.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

Dying laughing.

[A]

They want you to.

[B]

Want you to fail.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's a lose, lose.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No matter what. And it does build character. Sooner or later you get to the point where like, listen, I don't give a. If you turn me down or not. They're all gonna make fun of you. Maybe it's when it hits.

[A]

What's your. If you're shooting from the hip, you're trying to pick up a chick back in the day. What's. Are you ever.

[B]

You know, you've had to move? Never had a move. The only thing I would do is if. If it was a one on one thing. Yeah, I would. I didn't really have a move. I guess if we're one on one, I would just. Honestly just introduce myself and then say something flattering or, you know, whatever. But we're in a group just being funny. Stood out enough that they would be safe enough to come and approach and I could just start talking. I never had to have, like, a line.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? I've never had that.

[A]

I. Okay, I have no line or anything, but, yeah, I just. I'm always just ultra direct. Go up, be like, hey, like, if she's in a group, be like, hey, I'm so sorry to interrupt. I think you're so beautiful. Could I buy you a drink? I would love to grab your number. If you're not seeing anyone. If. If not totally fine. Like, just shoot straight at them.

[B]

It's a human being.

[A]

The only thing I can do. Dude, I saw this video of a guy walking past this girl in the street, and he goes, like. He goes, oh, fine, I'll give it to you. And she's like, what? He's like, I'll give you my number. It's totally fine. Like, he. I was like, oh, that's like a play. Like, he play down his head. And it worked. But I don't have any plays like that. No, but I find just shooting directly is your best.

[B]

That's the best move.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. 100 direct.

[B]

Also, you got to remember, like, if you find that woman attractive, hundreds of men do as well.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, hundreds.

[B]

And the. She must have heard already.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That probably a direct, real conversation enough to. Even if it doesn't become something, it's enough to go, you know what? I'll go have a coffee with you or something. This. This is much nicer than, hey, your tits look great in that. Yeah, you and your girlfriend want to

[A]

come or whatever, you know, or some dudes being an. They try to nag you, they try to put you down or whatever, like, scheme they're trying to pull. It's like, I just want to be direct with you and tell you what's up. And, like, that's all I got. That's all I have, dude. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. All right. So growing up in a household like that, what's it like? Are you.

[A]

I mean, our house was okay. Like, my parents, we. We were like, lower middle class when I was younger.

[B]

And are they more hands off now that you're the baby and they've already had their kids?

[A]

Yeah, I think they were. I think they were just exhausted at this point. Like I say, up until I was about five, it was good. And then after that, they really started to hate each other. They really just did not like each other. There was a whole thing where they lost a ton of money. So they had put, like $60,000 down on a house, and then the contractor ran away with the money, and he did this to, like, multiple people. And he was being sued by, like, 80 people or something like that. And my parents are never going to get their money. Exactly. I think my parents didn't even proceed with suing him because they're like, what the fuck's the point? He, like, ran off to, like, another part of the country or something like that. And so they really got fucked. And they were really in a hole financially. And we were renting this place. And this is where I think the rift happened. And me and my sister have talked about this, where I think this is where my parents really started to resent each other. My dad wanted to stay in the place. He was like, let's just rent this place. It's totally fine. We'll just build up from here. Or we'll just run this place forever. Who cares? We don't need to own a home. And my mom was like, I want to own a home. And so they took out more money and they bought this home. And then they were under, like, a huge amount of financial pressure.

[B]

And after being 60 grand in a hole.

[A]

Yeah. And then they. They did get a house. And to be fair, the house was in. It ended up being a great area. Oh, this is. Okay, we can. Well, let's table this. We can sidetrack this, because if you want just like, a crazy story about where I grew up, I. I grew up on this area that was reach recently purchased farmland. And if anyone who knows B.C. and Port Coquitlam, they might know where this story's going. But it was just my street, and it was all under construction.

[B]

Oh, you guys are like the first people. Everyone on the streets the first people on this new land.

[A]

Yeah. And there was like. If you drove, like, five minutes away, there's some more houses and stuff. But it was, like, all under development, and it ended up being a big suburban area. But the land was recently purchased from a farmer whose name is Willie Pickton. Do you know Willie Pickton? Is Willie Pickton ended up getting arrested because someone came to inspect his farm and they found human teeth in pig shit.

[B]

Okay. I was going to say, is this the pig guy? Why do I know that? Is there a Netflix thing on it? Why do I do know that name?

[A]

There might be a Netflix thing on it, but it's like our most famous serial killer, so his. We. I Grew up.

[B]

Wait, they just simply come to do an inspection for him to sell this land?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I find human teeth in the pigs.

[A]

I don't know if it was doing for to sell the land or if it was to inspect, like, the quality of the farm because he's selling meat and all this kind of stuff. And so then a big investigation happens, and apparently he. This had been going on for years and years and years. A lot of the sex workers in downtown Vancouver had been complaining to the. The cops are not complaining, telling them some guy keeps coming down here, girls get in his car, and they don't come back. But because they're prostitutes, they're like, we don't give a. And I guess he had been killing them and then feeding them to the pigs. And there's also some connections between him and the Hell's Angels. The Hell's Angels could have been using his farm as a body dump to dump these bodies. And so.

[B]

And you guys are moving on this guy's land. Yeah. This poltergeist type.

[A]

Exactly. Dude. Dude. And so my parents were mortified when this happened.

[B]

How long had you been living there when they find out?

[A]

I think maybe like a year, six months. Not long.

[B]

This is fresh off the heels of losing 60,000.

[A]

Exactly. And so they're like. Are like, this is gonna. The whole area. No one's gonna want to buy something that is, like, in walking distance from the biggest serial killer in the country.

[B]

Country.

[A]

Yeah. But actually did the opposite. Everyone came and saw this. Yeah. All these people came to look in this area. They saw this new developed land, and the. The whole area blew up. And so they're. By the time they sold their house, it ended up tripling in value. Okay. But they. They sacrificed a lot to make that work. They were working two jobs for a long time. Yeah.

[B]

What were they? What's dad and mom doing?

[A]

So my parents would deliver newspapers in the morning, and then they would.

[B]

I did that.

[A]

Yeah. You did the newspapers for a long time.

[B]

I would. I would go to school. I'd do soccer. I get out of soccer around 8pm this is. This is college.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I would go and deliver papers overnight.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I delivered the New York Times in Maryland.

[A]

But I had to drive.

[B]

It was a big chunk of land I had to cover all the way down from the city to Annapolis.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And at first, I got so sick from all the ink.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you don't realize you're smelling that fresh ink and you're just. I was so nauseous. Took me a Long time. I had a, I had a fucking car load of these New York Times. But yeah, man, that's not an easy job. And you're up with, with the donut people.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

And the fucking, you know, the bakers and bakers and the police and the people, the gym rats. Like there's not a lot of people to mail. There's not a lot of people, not even the mail these days.

[A]

I did it a few times with them just to earn a few bucks. Like when I was young, when I was, I must have been like 8 or 9. And I would get up and I would get in the car with them and then just be like, okay. We'd hit a cul de sac. They'd be like, you drop at these, these houses and we drop at these houses and they would pay me a little money. And that was actually one of my first jobs as a paper route.

[B]

That's their side hustle.

[A]

Yeah, that's their side hustle.

[B]

So what are they doing?

[A]

And then my mom, she worked in sales. She sold corrugated packaging. I told you this. Like, yeah, cardboard boxes. Yeah, corrugated packaging.

[B]

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[A]

My mom's a very, like, keeping up appearances kind of person, and so she loves that kind of. My dad worked.

[B]

Why y' all going to the grocery store? I got corrugated packaging in my place. I got it here every time I move. That's where I went. The grocery store.

[A]

Oh, you went to the grocery store to get boxes?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, again, I'm. I'm moving forever in the. In the 80s and the 90s. Yeah. So someone told us we had friends that work there. Hey, we just throw all our boxes away. If you just go to the grocery store and you ask them, can I take the banana? The banana ones are the sturdy ones. Yeah, just like, can I get some of those banana boxes? They're like, yeah, meet me around back and I'll just give them to you.

[A]

That's.

[B]

I mean, up until. I mean, I was doing that in my 30s and 40s. I'll go get boxes at the grocery store. The banana box, that was also before. What are the box companies? What are those stores now you can go to, you know.

[A]

Oh, I don't even.

[B]

Stuff. But there used to be like a. Boxes and something more or something where you could go buy that kind of.

[A]

And then my dad, he worked for the railroad. He was an electrician. And so.

[B]

Amtrak.

[A]

No, I work Canada. So this CP Rail, this is like more. This isn't. What's it not resident commercial. Like, this isn't for public use. This is like transporting like goods kind of railroad. So he was a union guy, worked there for years and years and years. Overnights, tons of stuff. And yeah, they just grinded for a long time. And then there was just like, riffs. They would fight a lot in the house. The house was like. I didn't realize a lot of shit. Like, a lot of tendencies I had until I got older. Like, one thing I. I'm still. I'm always very conscious of is when I eat. I eat very fast and my shoulders are up.

[B]

Me, too.

[A]

Because that's when you would get. You get ambushed at the dinner table. You're sitting there, and then you get your report card brought out or you get something to get screamed at. That was where you were always under fire. And so there's a ton of tension in the house. And, yeah, my dad, his schedule, that was the worst thing that happened because my dad has Alzheimer's now. And so it was. What we found out was it wasn't. It wasn't genetic. It was all like, lifestyle. So he worked overnights for years and years and years and years, and he just never slept well. He would sleep like, four hours here, three hours there. Very broken sleep. And he ended up getting this, like, plaque built up in the back of his head

[B]

from lack of sleep.

[A]

Yeah. And it's. It's a type of way you can get Alzheimer's. If anyone's concerned of this, you can take, like, a glutathione or. Or glutathione. I can't remember how to say it. Or there's multiple different supplements. Fish oil and stuff are really good to help prevent this and just getting good sleep.

[B]

Does he have a CPAP now?

[A]

No, no, he. He's pretty far now. He's, like, uncommunicative.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

But the worst part about it was he, him and my mom, I feel like they never. Like there was a time where for sure, they loved each other.

[B]

For sure. I was gonna ask you, did you ever see affection between them in the home? Hugs or anything kind or.

[A]

I think when I was younger. When I was much younger.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I was so young. And then, yeah, they just kind of drifted apart and they talked about getting divorced. When I remember when I was like. Like 11 or 12 or something, I

[B]

talk to you about it. He just yelling around you?

[A]

No, they brought it up. They had like a sit down. And I remember I was like. My mom was, like, on crutches at the time or something like that because she had broken her ankle, and I was just around with her crutches, and they're like, he's not paying attention. And they went like, he's. I think they said, oh, he's coping, or something like that. And I remember this conversation. I remember this. Yeah. And I remember being like, I Was like, no, I just don't care because you guys don't. Like there's. It's not like there's some were. Oh, if you. If you guys split, it's going to ruin my world or something. I'm like, you guys don't like each other. I think I even knew that at that age. I couldn't. I don't think I could vocalize it.

[B]

You feel it?

[A]

Yeah. You feel it? Like, I remember going over to one of my buddy's house. This is when I'm older. I'm probably my 20s. One of my buddies, his. He has like a really good family home and his parents like watching them interact with each other and they like love each other.

[B]

And you're.

[A]

I was being like, like, what the. What the is going on here?

[B]

Right? They like 20 years later and you're all still hugging.

[A]

Hugging kiss. Yeah. I'm like, whoa, whoa. I'm like, this is a. You're lying. There's no way you guys. Ren is like, no, they're just healthy.

[B]

That's all it is with you, dude. Like, when I saw that, I was like, this is fake.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And that's how up we are watching this every day. That you can't even fathom that that could be real.

[A]

Exactly, exactly. That's Disney. That was one thing when I was growing up that I knew something was off because that was a big thing that would happen in our house was if you. You couldn't be honest because there was a lot of manipulation that would go on in the house and shit would be get. You would get turned and used against you very quickly. So you learned to like, lie and hold everything close to your chest. And I would watch TV and I would see how a family would interact. Like one of these sitcom families or something. And that they all can trust each other and count on each other. And I was like. I knew. I was like, well, something's wrong with what's going on in my house. Because I'm like, you guys all trust. I was like, we're supposed to have each other's back. And I was like, and I don't trust any folks.

[B]

No.

[A]

This is what I'm thinking in my head is like a 14 year old. But yeah, my dad, he. I feel like when him and my mom got divorced, he really started living his life because I. They wanted.

[B]

In what ways? Like, what's he doing?

[A]

He. He did a bunch of stuff. I mean, he retired. He started traveling a ton. My mom's very scared of the world and so she would, like. There's a memory I have from much. I'm probably, like, 60, and my parents coming back from a concert, and my dad would, like, really try to play. He tried to get my mom to do different things. Like, he'd be like, let's go out and, like, let's do this, let's do that. And she was like, no. She wanted to be in her comfort zone. So they went out to do a. To a concert, and then they came back with some, like, reggae concert. And my mom's just complaining. She's like, you know, just because it's reggae, they don't have to. You don't have to smoke weed. And she's just. It's like, she had the worst time. And I know that was the whole conversation in the ride there, the whole time there, and the whole conversation on the way back, but. But, yeah, that. So they should have just split up way earlier. And then when they got divorced, my dad was doing all these things that he wasn't doing before.

[B]

He.

[A]

He went back to Haiti. He. He went to Cuba. He was traveling all over. He was on, like, a radio show for a little bit. Yeah, yeah. There was, like, some radio show about, like, people from different. Like, black people with different backgrounds living in Canada that he was, like, guesting

[B]

on frequently, coming on regular.

[A]

It was like, some Am Ra. No idea, dude. And so he's just doing all this different stuff. He met a new lady. And then I did remarry. He didn't remarry. No. They never got married again.

[B]

Your mom. Your mom didn't either?

[A]

She did. She did eventually.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And I feel like he was finally doing what he wanted to do. He went to Bali and stuff. And then he got about, like, four years of that, and then he got sick.

[B]

Four years?

[A]

Yeah. And I.

[B]

Nothing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What are the first signs of him, like, not being well?

[A]

He got lost at one point. And I remember my. My. Because I was. I was. I was living in Mexico, then I moved to Toronto, and then I moved to New York. And so I wasn't. I was barely back. And even when I went back, I'd be like, I'm gonna go hang out with my friends and stuff. I wasn't super excited to, like, chill with my dad or something, which I wish. I kind of had that time a little bit more now, but.

[B]

He got lost. Where?

[A]

He got lost not far from his house.

[B]

Was he walking, driving something?

[A]

He was walking, and then the police brought him home, and that was the bottom. And that was the first Sign.

[B]

Did he confess to you guys at that point? Like, for a while, this shit's been happening.

[A]

He was never open about that kind of stuff. That's another thing, too.

[B]

It's like, I imagine that's not just day one of it.

[A]

No, it's not day one.

[B]

Going through forever a minute. If he's.

[A]

He's always been like a. Oh, it's fine. You know, it's so. It's whatever. He never was super open about what he was feeling, how he was feeling, any of that kind of stuff. He would be open about, like, his past. If he had, like, a bunch of chicks or something, that's. That's what he would be open about. But personal stuff, struggling, anything like that? Nothing. And not in a way of, like, you got to be strong and hold together. He was just like, oh, I don't want to bother anyone kind of person. And so we never really got the details on that. And that's something that I think about a lot, too, is that I had a lot of questions for him. I really thought there'd be a point where me and my dad would connect as adults, because I didn't get to know him super well as a kid.

[B]

Right.

[A]

My mom would lie a lot, and so I don't. There's a bunch of shit I don't know. And I was hoping that I would get answers. And now he can't communicate or remember. So I.

[B]

Can I ask you that how quickly from the diagnosis to this point where you don't have a lot of time to even sit and talk with them or.

[A]

Not long. Not long. It was. It was about three years before he couldn't take care of himself anymore.

[B]

And they're able to tell him, like, this is what's going on, this plaque, and this is why. Yeah, but your mom wasn't sleeping either, I guess then, huh?

[A]

Well, she.

[B]

She's out with the car doing the papers and stuff, too.

[A]

But this. But the. They stopped doing the papers probably when I was about 10 or 11.

[B]

And he kept going like this.

[A]

Well, yeah, he started working overnights at. And shift work at the railroad. And I think part of it was because he just wanted to avoid my mom. And. And then she was on a different schedule, and so, yeah, I think that was. There was a huge, huge part of it was the lack of sleep, the lifestyle. Yeah. And I just. I really. There's. I mean, there's so many things you want to be able to ask a ton of questions. I wish I got to know him better. There was a Time. There's one time. So when I moved to Toronto, I had nothing. So I moved to Toronto. I was homeless.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I. I was living in Mexico. Started doing stand up. Loved in Mexico. I was living in Mexico. Yeah.

[B]

That's where you started doing stand up?

[A]

Yeah. No.

[B]

Yeah, you did.

[A]

So I was.

[B]

The scene, like down there, it was

[A]

just a few guys who had like one room and they do shows once a week. I don't know if there's like, there's for sure a bigger scene, like Mexico City and stuff. But we were in Playa del Carmen and I. I started doing comedy there. I just like, I wanted to start doing stand up. My brother told me he had started doing stand up and that made me realize. I was like, how'd you start? He's like, oh, you just go to open mics. I didn't know. I thought your brother did this.

[B]

Yeah, okay.

[A]

And so that was a huge inspiration to start stand up. And I remember I wrote jokes with the intention of sending him the jokes. And then I was like, oh, I'll just. If I can write them, I can just do it. And so then I just started doing it. Loved it. It decided I was going to move to Toronto. I had nothing saved. Sold my scuba gear, got ripped off. I made like 450 bucks on like thousands of dollars of gear. Bought a plane ticket, went to Toronto. One of the wildest things that happened was where they dropped me off. They were like, oh, there's a hostel around the corner. I thought I had enough money for one night at the hostel. I didn't even have enough for that. I had like 20 something bucks in my account at this point. And the hostel had a comedy show in the basement. And there was two comics I knew about in Toronto. One of them is Tricks. He's a big comic now he's in Vegas. And another guy was this guy, Mark Dabonis, very funny guy. He's still in Canada. He does more editing and directing stuff now. I go into this hostel to get a room. In the basement of the hostel there's a show. Both these comics are standing outside front. And I go, oh, my God, your tricks. You're marked a bonus. What the fuck? They're like, I'm like. I was like, I just moved here to do comedy and Tricks was like, yeah, you know, like, you let me know if you need any help or anything like that. It was just a crazy happenstance. Then I had no cash, so I went to a Starbucks and I had this little shitty laptop. I googled Toronto Homeless shelters. And then I found a youth shelter close by. I was like walking up and down the street trying to find a way in. Someone comes out and is like, hey, are you looking for this place? And I was like, yeah, yeah. They let me in. They let me know. They go, well, you can't stay here tonight. We have no beds. But we can give you an address for a men's shelter, which. A men's shelter compared to a youth shelter, much rougher diarrhea here.

[B]

In this.

[A]

I would risk.

[B]

What year, time of year is this?

[A]

This is summertime. Because I remember I was like, if I knew the one of the.

[B]

I'm risking sleeping at the park.

[A]

That's the thing. I was like, I could sleep in the streets if I have.

[B]

Toronto is cold, but it's the summer.

[A]

It's the summer. You. I would have been fine. But when I'm sitting there, they gave me something to eat, which was great. This. This kid comes back, he's probably like maybe 20 something. He's drunk. They have a zero tolerance policy on any alcohol use and. Or any substance use at all. So they're like, hey, he can't stay here tonight. You get a bed. And so then I got to stay here.

[B]

Timing's everything.

[A]

Timing's everything, dude. And I stayed there for like six months.

[B]

Months.

[A]

Months. Yeah.

[B]

You're living at this place?

[A]

I lived at place for.

[B]

What is it like? Describe. Is it a big open room with cots or.

[A]

It was like a big, I guess like facility. It was like a refurbished like school almost. So there's like a big common area where they had a TV and we would have like PlayStation on the weekends. There was a whole cafeteria area where we could go eat. So I got three squares a day. There was a.

[B]

What kind of food are we talking? Is someone in back there cooking it or is it just like.

[A]

Oh yeah, it was like cafeteria style, but it was, was. It was good. Some.

[B]

Yeah. Some days you're not getting pre packaged from wherever someone's back there making you a burger or whatever.

[A]

Yeah. And some days are like, ah, this one kind of sucks. Some days you're like, oh, this is. This rips. But it was free. Free. And that was one thing.

[B]

One, three a day.

[A]

Three. Not starving. That's the not starving, dude. I knew I was like, I was like, I. I had no money in Mexico and I was getting by. I was like, I'll be fine in Canada. I was like, they don't let you die in Canada. I was like, I'll be fine. And I. I happenstance found this place and I was staying in a room. The room I stayed in for the first little bit. I had a roommate and then I moved into a son. Just one roommate. And then I moved into a solo room. And it opened my eyes a lot about homelessness and people on the streets because a lot of these. This was. It's a youth shelter. So it was 24 and I think it was 16 to 24. You had to be in that age range to be in there. And there was one guy co ed. Yeah, but you wouldn't, you wouldn't room coed one. My first roommate was this guy who's like, yeah, I'm just happy to be in here. I've been on the street since I was 12. And I was like, what? He's like, yeah, my parents are drug addicts. You know, I've just been bouncing around different places. I sleep on the streets a lot. A huge thing I noticed was like a lot of these people just like it's from an early age, you didn't have a chance.

[B]

Chance.

[A]

One girl in there, she was super bright. Her name was Mimi. I think she, she did really well because I ran into her later. She was working at this barber shop at the front desk. And she was really, really smart. Her mom was like an alcoholic and abusive and she just was like, I

[B]

don't have anywhere to go.

[A]

She would. And she was, she'd just be in the main area every day studying, working. She was a super smart girl. There were some really, really, really like just good kids in there that just the. Their home life was. And they had nowhere else to go. And so that's where I stayed for a while and I.

[B]

Six months. Are you seeing mental illness in there too or these all people just down on their luck and had a bad,

[A]

I think some, a little bit of mental illness and stuff in there. There was one time, I remember there's this kid in there who seemed kind of violent and I don't know what happened, but I saw all the people talking to each other. All the people run the place and they're being like, we gotta do something. And he was gone the next day. And I don't know where he went, but he was like. I remember him like we're all sitting in the main area and he's like standing in the back like shadow boxing and just. They were like, we got to do something about this guy.

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

yeah, like that. This one's a problem. And I, I got my. A certificate to be a security guard. That was how I was like. I was like, I just need to get a job. I need a job that allows me to do standup. Another thing I told them that was like, I moved here to do stand up, up. And they were like, okay. And they would let me go out and break curfew because there was a curfew. You had to be back by. I would break curfew and to do open mics and then I would come back and they would.

[B]

Not drinking at the shows. You're not drinking legit.

[A]

I was sober the entire time.

[B]

So you're doing stand up and getting a what, a security guard?

[A]

Yeah, I got my security guard license.

[B]

While you're homeless?

[A]

While I'm homeless, yeah. And after about six months, I moved to this other place. It was. It was called Phoenix Rising. I think the first place was Covenant House. Then I went to Phoenix Rising. Phoenix Rising was like intermediate house.

[B]

Can I stop you for a second?

[A]

Are they clean?

[B]

What are the toilets like?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

They're not discussed.

[A]

No, the places were clean.

[B]

Do you have your own toilet in your room or. We're all sharing.

[A]

There was like a communal space that had like multiple showers, multiple stalls, multiple toilets and stuff.

[B]

And they kept it clean.

[A]

They kept it clean. It was clean. It was. Everything was put together. Beds, clean sheets, sheets. Like they would come in, they would change your sheets. There's like somebody would come in. Yeah, yeah. And Canada, bro. Yeah, it was, it was, it was great. It was great to see like our social programs working really, really well.

[B]

You weren't scared to sleep there?

[A]

No, never, never, Never was scared.

[B]

Safety, nothing like that, dude.

[A]

They kept it really safe. There was like a counselor and stuff you would meet with who would like ask you how your progress and everything is going. They would make sure help you're getting back up on your feet and you had to be out during the day, if you like, during the day you had to be at work or looking for a job, handing out resumes. You had to be out doing stuff. And so that was what we were like. Everyone was on the hustle doing something. So like I'd be gone during the day doing this like program to get my security guard license.

[B]

So at the six month point, do you what, save enough money to get out of there or what? What happened?

[A]

I had enough saved up where I could go to this intermediate housing place where still, still could. Wasn't. They were giving me a room. Wasn't paying rent or anything, but now I had. I could. There's no curfew. You Come and go when you want. It was like more freedoms and you have your own room. You have like. You get stuff in your room. So I couldn't like set up a TV and stuff.

[B]

People aren't stealing your nothing. Wow.

[A]

It was really.

[B]

This is unheard of. I feel like it was.

[A]

I mean I'm sure other people had weird happen, but I. My experience was incredible. Covenant House treated me incredibly and I wouldn't have been able to get back up on my feet as quickly without it. And I stayed at this intermediate housing place for two months and then I moved into a comic house where it was myself, two other comics and a musician.

[B]

I see.

[A]

And that was this like run down.

[B]

Yeah, the fucking homeless shelter. Nicer than the comic.

[A]

Way nicer, dude.

[B]

I want to go back to being homeless, dude.

[A]

This place, the.

[B]

Of course it is.

[A]

The crazy part about it. Oh was it was in one of the mo. Like nicer areas of Toronto. It was right for. People know Toronto. Was it right at King, at Bathurst, which is like downtown central core. King, King Street, King West. That's where like all the nightclubs and shit are. That's where like people from out of town come to go party. We were like around the corner from that. Our area was like nice. But these houses, there were all these kind of rundown, shitty homes that these. They were all owned by this one old Portuguese dude. His name was Armando. Armando was deaf. And he would come to the house and the guy who was like the. The elder comic in the house was this guy, Dan Guyry. He. He would pay the rent. So we give the money Dan. He would pay Armando. So Armando would show up and he would just yell and go, Danielle, Danielle. You just yell. And then Dan come down, pay the rent. Sometimes if he was your job. I never did this, but two other comics had done it. You would go to his house to pay the rent and then he would give you this wine that he made in the basement and it would like you up.

[B]

I'll bet he's got moonshine going on down there.

[A]

Moonshine is picking in his basement. Just this old Portuguese dude and he owned multiple properties. They were all full of comics. He never raised the rent. It was like 1200 bucks. 1200 something. And there's four of us living there. So to like live in downtown Toronto. Four or something bucks a month was like thing, dude. And so we lived there for a while and. Okay, I'll finish that story. I want to get back to the one thing I wanted to say before was when. When I was Homeless. My dad came to visit me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I didn't really think much of it because in my head, I'm like, I'm actually. I'm chasing my dream. I have a focus, probably for the first time in my life, a goal.

[B]

And coming to see you, to visit you, or does he know you're homeless and he's coming to check on you?

[A]

I think it was a little both. But this. He. This is. He had divorced my mom, and we were like.

[B]

He was like, he's probably got to lay over on the way to Bali.

[A]

He's taking off somewhere else after this. Dude.

[B]

I'm here for about a day and

[A]

a half, but that was the first time, I think, ever me and my dad, like, really connected and were really honest with each other, and we really grew closer there. And then not long after that, he got sick. And so that moment where we got that little bit of time together was actually really nice. And my uncle told me that when he came home, he had, like, dinner with my dad. My dad cried because he's like, you know, he's going through his struggle. I went through my struggle when I moved to Canada, and I didn't see it that way. I was like, I'm Jason, but this is great. I was like, I got a place to. Give me three squares, dude. I get to do comedy.

[B]

If you've seen that comic House, he'd have been like, we gotta get this out of here. We gotta go save my son. Yeah.

[A]

But.

[B]

Oh, man. So where is dad now? Is he home? Is.

[A]

He's in a facility now. He was. He was staying with his partner for a long time, but the. The stress of taking care of him because he started getting up multiple times a night, and he wasn't able to. He, like, he was. He needed more, like, constant surveillance or. I don't. Surveillance the right term. Constant care.

[B]

Yeah. And.

[A]

And now he's at a point where, like, he can't walk, he doesn't talk. He. Last time I visited him, he said. I think he said yes or okay or something like that. And that was the only really, thing we got out of it.

[B]

Does he understand what you're saying? Even if he can't verbally communicate back, can he give you cues or.

[A]

There's sometimes where you're like, oh, he's. He is listening. He's here. But it comes and goes, and it's. Yeah, there's not a. It's. It's very hard to tell. I just hope that he's not suffering or anything right now. But it is sporadic. His, like, communication, his ability to, like, pay attention.

[B]

And I don't want to get super dark, but have they. When someone's in this type of situation, is there a timeline on this? And do you feel like you need to get back there and at least be there, see him?

[A]

I do. I. Every time I go back, I go see him.

[B]

He's in Toronto.

[A]

No, he's in Vancouver. But I. We don't know. That's the thing is, like, it. We were supposed to actually have more time before it progressed, I tell you that. And it progressed much quicker. And yeah, now it's. It's gotten so far that they took him off of his Alzheimer's medication and. Yeah, you just don't know. You now it's just kind of waiting.

[B]

And he can't even physically get up and walk around or do anything like that.

[A]

No, not like that. And it is kind of like. Like there it was a few visits ago where, like, I had to change his diaper and stuff. And having that experience, honestly, it was at least nice to be like, I can at least contribute something here because we can't really talk right now. It's really hard for us to communicate. You. I want to spend time with you when I'm here, but I have. I don't know if you're. If you can hear me clearly, if you can understand me clearly.

[B]

I don't know, saying these things to him. No, you're not.

[A]

No, I think he can recognize me, I think. But that at least felt nice to be able to, like, do that and, like, cut his fingernails and, like, moisturize his hands and his feet and just like, at least I can do something for you. And there was one thing that was kind of funny, was one. One time when I went to visit him, Arsenal was really far in the UEFA Cup. He's big soccer fan. Me too, bro. And we watched the Arsenal highlights from why I think Arsenal played, like, Barcelona or one team and they three nothing or something. And then my brother came to visit him not long after, and I was talking to him about visiting and he's like, oh, yeah, we're watching the highlights. I was like, I watch the highlights with them too. Yeah, but, yeah, you. We. The thing is, you don't know. You don't know. You don't know how much longer it is. You don't know how much time's left.

[B]

His mom. Is your mom in good health?

[A]

She's in good health as far I know. I don't talk to her anymore. I haven't talked to her in years.

[B]

Oh, you don't speak with your mom?

[A]

No, I don't talk to my mom. We had a falling out a long time ago. It's been quite. Quite a while, but. But as far as I know, she still talks to my sister and stuff, so she's in good health. As far as I know. Yeah.

[B]

Do you want to tell us why you don't talk to Mom?

[A]

It's. It.

[B]

The.

[A]

We never. There was always, like a struggle in the house. A lot of lying, a lot of manipulating. And then so once I was able to kind of go and do my own thing, I. I really cut off communication. And then I just made a decision to, like, never open up that door again.

[B]

And she doesn't want to either?

[A]

Oh, no, she wants to, but I wouldn't.

[B]

I hear. Yeah.

[A]

But I'm like, I don't think it would benefit either of us if we did. But. Yeah, that's where now you. Yeah. You just kind of wait. It is weird because I'm like, I don't want him to suffer anymore. You don't want your parent to die, but you also don't want them to live like that, you know? And so you're like, I hope that it's just seamless and painless and.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That he just.

[B]

Swift and painless.

[A]

Yeah, it is. It's a. Yeah. It's hard to watch someone go through

[B]

that is his partner. Does she come over there and help out? Okay.

[A]

All the time.

[B]

All right. So he's got some love in the room, at least for them. And your siblings up there as well.

[A]

Yeah. Then they come visit as well.

[B]

I asked people before they come on about any of the things and. And I asked you outside and you said you had never really dealt with a significant death.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you did lose a dog.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And I'm. I know people. Big. Whatever. No, that's a thing that.

[A]

That.

[B]

It's also like, a lot of times our pets are the gateway to what the hell's coming next.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? So what happened with your dog?

[A]

So my dog, he. He didn't live. I mean, he lived pretty long. He nine or 10, but he was a pit bull. Staffy kind of cross. It's kind of as long as they go. He was kind of a chunk, chunky dude. He had a big fat bulge on his side. When he passed, he just out of nowhere one day, he just started having seizures. Just like clusters. They. That's what they called them.

[B]

And was this your personal, like, you're living on your own at this point. Is this a family dog?

[A]

I'm about. I think I'm maybe like 14.

[B]

Okay, you're home still. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

And, yeah, he was. Yeah, he was just having seizure after seizure. And this was. And it was where. He started acting strange. Like, he's obviously in. Like. We don't know what to do really. We're trying to help him. I think the. We brought him to the vet. The vet give him some medication. He keeps having these clusters of seizures. And then you would go into the room and he would like, like, start growling at you and like, like. And. Because he's probably confused. And then it seemed like it died down. And I remember I had to work. I worked at McDonald's. I had to work the next morning. And so I'm at McDonald's and then my sister comes to McDonald's and is like, hey, we gotta go. Hey, we gotta put him down. Like, he's not. It's not stopping. And the vets are like, he's just

[B]

was affecting his brain or something. It's not who he was anymore.

[A]

It was not who he was anymore. And. And it's like he's just going to keep. Basically, he's going to keep having seizures till he dies. Or we can put him down and kind of put him out of his suffering.

[B]

He's not growling and ready to attack someone. It's just not stop.

[A]

Yeah. And so, yeah, so then we went to the vet and we put him down. And yeah, it's like the first time I saw my dad cry. Everyone. Yeah, everyone was really broken by that. And, yeah, it was. It's. It's awful having your dog die. And it just. It was so quick, too. We didn't get the. Like, a lot of people when they put their dog down, they get like the, oh, you know, your dog has cancer. He has something. Like, it's not going to live very long. Okay, let's do the. You know, and take them out. Get him a McDonald's. Like, it just was like, one day he was doing pretty good. He had seizures a couple times before, but it wasn't. It didn't seem like it was going to be out of control. It's like he's just getting older. You know, things happen. And then it was just like one day, just like, this is happening over and over and over again. And then I even. Yeah, I went to work the next morning being like, we kind of solved this. We got some medication for him. It's working and it's like it wasn't working.

[B]

Yeah. And you're in the room there and yo. Yeah, it's fast.

[A]

Yeah, it's fast.

[B]

What did they tell you what it ultimately was?

[A]

I. They just. All I remember from what them telling us was he's having clusters. That's what I remember them saying. And it was like, it's not going

[B]

to stop and communication is going to fix this.

[A]

No. And it's potentially going to get worse.

[B]

Oh, now you're making them suffer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It's just cruel at that point.

[A]

Yeah. And so, yeah, I think about her

[B]

out there now, too. She's about to be five and I'm

[A]

like, yeah, dude, it is something my sister said. So my sister sisters her, like her dog that was her baby. Lived till about 14, I think. Yeah. She was a beagle pug, Chihuahua mix. Yeah.

[B]

I can't even see what that looks like.

[A]

It's like.

[B]

What was the face?

[A]

Mostly it looks like picture a pug, but has, like, more snout.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And she's this little, like, yappy little potato.

[B]

Her.

[A]

Her name was Fiona. And she got like a doggy Alzheimer's. And she was. Same thing. She was good and then she wasn't. And then she was, like lost and walking around and bumping into stuff and barking at people and scared and like, then it just was getting worse and worse and worse. And eventually it's like, hey, you got to put your dog down. And it really hit my sister really, really hard. And I was there. I was visiting at the time, so it was nice that I was able to be with her. But something my sister told me after was that, you know, the part about. Sorry. Part about loving something is you love in spite of love is. Is you. Everything you love is. You love it. Knowing that there's going to be this suffering coming. And you love something in spite of the suffering. It doesn't matter if it's a relationship, if it's your parents, if it's a dog or whatever. You love things knowing that.

[B]

That.

[A]

That suffering is part of it, that you are going to feel that. Yeah.

[B]

The deal. That's true love. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And it's not about avoiding it. It's about that. That. That is part of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

None of us get out alive.

[A]

No, no, no. Everyone dies.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you for doing this. I know it's not easy to talk about and you're going through this right now.

[A]

Now. Yeah.

[B]

I genuinely appreciate you opening up as much as you even did.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I think it's good that we did them in the opposite order. Because yesterday was like fun and goofy

[B]

and usually we go heavy, then we go out there and it's like a therapy session. Yeah. Feeling good. Not. Not like you're gonna leave feeling today. Before we wrap up though, I would like to hear advice you'd give the 16 year old Jay.

[A]

Okay, yeah, one thing, one advice. I think I would say get into. To fights. Get into more fights. Yeah. I never got into like street fights when I was young.

[B]

But you could have.

[A]

I think I could have. The opportunity was there and I never took it. I boxed, but I should have. I think it's good for like your confidence. And also now I'm. I can't fight in the street. Like, you can't from like. Yeah, from the time you're like 16 to like, I don't know what, 22, it's like acceptable. And I'm 33. I can't.

[B]

If you're still fist fighting in the street in your 30s and 40s, you

[A]

gotta check your, like, what the, what are you doing?

[B]

And now there's MMA that was around, you might have had a guy knew some karate back then. Maybe.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now these will kick your leg out. I mean, break it in half.

[A]

Exactly, exactly. But I think it would have been, I definitely a struggle for me for a long time was like, every stage that I've gone through something big in my life, I've learned to be more confident in myself. And I think that's normal for a lot of people. But I think I would have been able to embrace that earlier if I had had let go a lot of that stress of like worrying what other people think, being afraid, worrying about conflict. And I think that getting just into some scraps would have mitigated a lot of that.

[B]

There's no doubt. I think for at least most men in this world, being punched in the face early and young.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is one of the best things for you. Oh, yeah. And I don't just mean by a family member, I mean by a person out there that doesn't give a. Whether you live, doesn't know. You don't like, oh, you all are you. Yeah. There ain't nothing like that to be like, all right, there's some resistance out here.

[A]

Yeah, exactly, there's resistance. But you also learn, like, I'm not made of glass. Like, there's like, I can take that

[B]

beating and get up. I could give one too if I need.

[A]

Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's great advice. Thank you. Thank you for doing this one more time. Plug it all please.

[A]

You can check out my new special, how to make your balls bigger. It's on YouTube 2 goons podcast. If you like anything adult, it's all over there. You can find [e-mail] tour dates. I'm going to be in Barry, Ontario for a charity gig on July 11th. And I'm also going to be in Plano, Texas, August 14th and 15th. You can go check it out.

[B]

Hell, yeah. Thank you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you very much.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to y' all next week.

[A]

Sam.