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Going Big! with Kevin Gentry
Turning Pain into Purpose with Amy Looney Heffernan (Travis Manion Foundation)
00:43:53
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- [00:00]
A
Honestly, I would wake up and really just dread the fact that I had another day and I was drinking at the time. I wasn't sleeping. There were just so many different variables that were playing a toll into me, just sort of relishing in my grief. And I feel like it was roughly around the three year mark that I finally had this shift in my mindset and I was just like, you know what? Brendan didn't get another day. And the least that I can do is live my life to the fullest in a way that he would be proud of.
- [00:35]
B
Welcome to the Going Big Podcast. I'm your host, Kevin Gentry, and this is the place where we celebrate bold moves and big ideas. Each week, I sit down with inspiring leaders, entrepreneurs, and change makers who are making a significant impact in their careers and and in their communities. Whether you're looking to level up your leadership, pursue your passion, or just get inspired to take your next big leap, this is where those stories come to life. Now, if you're listening on iTunes, YouTube, or anywhere else you tune into podcasts, be sure to hit that subscribe button so you'll never miss an episode. Now let's dive in to what it means to truly go big. Well, welcome back to another episode of the Going Big Podcast. I'm your host, Kevin Gentry, and. And my guest today is Amy Looney Heffernan, the president of the Travis Manion Foundation. When Amy's lost her husband, Navy SEAL Lieutenant Brendan Looney, who was killed in action in 2010, rather than step away, she chose to step further in service to our country. And it's a remarkable story. We've got a lot to talk about today. The organization she leads empowers tens of thousands of military veterans and families of the fallen, as well as hundreds of thousands of young people through service efforts in support of our country. Amy, it's really great to have you as our guest today on the Going Big Podcast.
- [02:11]
A
Thanks so much, Kevin. I'm honored to be here with you today.
- [02:15]
B
Well, when life suddenly just deals you something really unexpected, you know, there's a tendency, I think, for many people to shut down. In your judgment, how do you think there are those who see it as an opportunity even to do something bigger, which, in my judgment is what you've chosen to do.
- [02:39]
A
I've tried. I think that depending on the scenario, you know, I'm speaking from my experience in loss, but I think unfortunately, these experience shape. They shape us as they happen. So it's very hard to explain to someone how tragic grief and loss is or what A divorce could look like because, unfortunately, unless you're going through it, it's very hard for people to really feel the depths of what that feels like. So I. I often tell people when they ask me, like, how did you. You know, how did you try to find a way to move forward? I share just a couple things of the way that I chose to live my life before, and I've tried to even lean into more after Brennan's loss. And one of those, as cliche as it sounds, is really about gratitude. I think it's about your perspective and trying. I always look at life as there's got to be a situation and something here that it's. You gotta look optimistically about it. You know, you have to find the way that the glass is half full and not half empty. So I tried very hard, even after the loss of Brendan, to find the moments that we did have together and the experiences that he taught me and what I could be grateful for, for the time that we did have together. And I tried to continue to use that even in my own life, even, you know, further out from my loss. It was about finding things that, yes, this is a really hard situation, or, you know, other things have happened to me since the loss of Brendan and Travis. But what can I find that I can take with me that can make me look at this as an experience of something that life taught me through that? So I try to use that as one way, and I always try to continue to find ways to step outside of my comfort zone. And as silly and cliche as that may sound, it's also really about 2. Doing things that push you in ways that you may not want to go. But when you actually do those things, you feel so much more confident in what you've accomplished. You feel better about what's next, and it honestly pushes you to want to take on more. And I felt like just getting involved in Travis Manion foundation, even after Travis's loss. And then obviously, three and a half years after Travis was killed, Brendan was killed in Afghanistan. I just kept forcing myself to go out and be a part of this community. And in turn, while that was hard to put my experiences and emotions out there, I learned so much. And I was so grateful to have a community that just embraced the way that I wanted to keep Brennan's legacy alive, but in a way that was purposeful and meaningful today.
- [05:32]
B
Well, we're grateful for the decisions that you made along those lines. Take us back a little bit. My understanding is you grew up in Annapolis. How did the Military shape your life.
- [05:47]
A
So it's interesting. My grandfather served in the Navy at a different generation than our post 9 11. He was part of the World War II era, and he didn't really talk about his military service. You know, they were not welcomed home and received the way that our nation, I believe, values our men and women that serve our military. So it wasn't something that I was really exposed to very much early on. No one in my immediate family outside of my grandfather had ever served. But Brendan was really my first exposure to the military. And, you know, I didn't know anyone that attended a service academy. I didn't really understand what those rules and regulations and the discipline and the grit and resilience that you have to possess in order to be a part of that. And I think there's something that, you know, there's 1% of the country experiences the opportunity and volunteers to step up and serve. So I think that there's something really unique about those individuals that it was very interesting to learn more about that, and I think it's taught me a lot of life lessons, learning those from Brendan along the way that have continued to stay with me even after his death.
- [07:02]
B
Well, in marrying Brendan, you married a Navy seal, and so there's a lot of unpredictability about that. It's almost the norm for someone who, you know, prefers more planning or stability. How did that affect you?
- [07:21]
A
Yeah, it was a learning curve. I'll be honest. You know, I'm a very type A personality. I like to know what's coming my way. I like to have a plan for it and then execute the plan. The military is very agile. They are not. They don't operate with the Type A personalities in mind. And it makes sense. You know, they're operating on the demands of what's happening in the world. So it's something that is forever changing. I can't even tell you the amount of times that his training schedule changed while he was, you know, training to be a Navy seal. He was actually in the intelligence community before he transferred into the SEAL community prior. So there was always a lot of shifts, demands. You didn't even know where you were going to be stationed at until a certain period of time prior to you leaving. He spent a year in Korea when he was in the intelligence community. Didn't really know he was going to be going to Korea for probably a few months prior to him leaving for a year. So I learned to adapt because you want to value the time that you have with that individual. So it taught Me a lot of life lessons that I can't. There are situations that are out of my control and that's okay. And you have to learn to embrace and live in the moment and be present. And that was something that Bremen taught me very well.
- [08:43]
B
Okay. Well, along those lines. So I've heard you say before that he lived by two sort of mottos, be prepared and be present. How, how did he live that out and what, and what can we take from that?
- [08:57]
A
Yeah, he, you know, for anything that he was aware of, he tried to prepare in advance, but he always tried to live in the moment as well. And you know, one story that comes to mind that just kind of always makes me laugh when I think about it is I think many people can imagine that Navy SEAL training is very physically and mentally challenging to a level that most people can't even relate to. And Brendan had, and I only heard this story from a couple of his teammates after he was killed and they shared that, you know, there was some sort of a long ruck that came up and you had to have your plates that went with your rucksack and Brendan traditionally had those packed. But on that specific day when a ruck wasn't expected for many, many miles, he didn't have the plates that he needed to, to complete the ruck. So he grabbed a rock that was nearby in Coronado, had no idea what the weight was, but seemed large enough and heavy enough, threw it in his rucksack, put it on, did the multi mile ruck, which I don't think was just a walk, it was probably a very aggressive terrain and run that was incorporated in that finished it in record time. And I guess they decided afterwards like, well, let's just weigh that rock to see what you actually did ruck with. And I think it was almost three times the standard weight that everyone else in his training class was, was using. So he tried to be prepared, but in that scenario he was able to be present and just complete the task at hand. But just like Brendan, he always wanted to give 110%, so he just went with it.
- [10:36]
B
Well, as you say, you know, many of us don't encounter the sort of things that you've gone through. So if I could, I mean, that day when everything changed, can you help us just sort of what were the first several days, the time after that,
- [10:53]
A
like, you know, Kevin, it's a great question question because I think most people, when you experience a very sudden and traumatic event, your body goes into shock and honestly denial. I, I genuinely think it almost Took me until we went to Dover, which was probably three or four days after Brendan was killed, hit. His team was still in Afghanistan at the time, so his whole entire platoon had to return back to the States. We were living in San Diego and anytime a body is received, it comes through Dover. So we had to fly from San Diego to Dover. But I'll be honest, I genuinely believe that it was someone else or it couldn't have been Brendan because in my mind he was so well trained and skilled and prepared for what any task or mission that came his way that I think for me it was unfathomable that he was not able to get himself out of a situation that he didn't have control of. And I realized in helicopter crash you don't have any control of what happens. So I didn't really believe that he had died until I actually physically saw his body come back. And I think for most people, like I said, who experience trauma, loss or anything, that just completely comes up out of, out of the blue, very unexpected, it, denial. And I honestly think my brain shut down for days. I couldn't tell you who was at my house. I couldn't tell you some of the things that got said to me. Things that, you know, know we're talking about benefits, we're talking about next steps. You know, I was 29 years old, I was planning a funeral for my 29 year old husband. It was just things that are not comprehensible at that time and at that place in my life and in my journey. So it was very, it's very hard to even take my mind back to those moments because it's just so scattered and it's just something I can't, I can't even remember if that makes any sort of sense.
- [13:16]
B
Well, sure. I mean, it seems totally reasonable that you, you know, physically, mentally, psychologically, emotionally shut down at a moment like that. What, when, when did it hit that you wanted to actually move forward?
- [13:34]
A
You know, it, I think it's different for everyone. For me, it, it really, I sort of hit this, I guess you could call it a fork in the road. Probably about three years after Brendan's loss, I just felt like I wasn't, I wasn't living life to its fullest. I was just sort of surviving day by day was really a challenge. And honestly I would wake up and really just dread the fact that I had another day. And you know, there were other, you know, I was drinking at the time. There were, you know, I wasn't sleeping. There were just so many different Variables that were playing a toll into me, just sort of relishing in my grief. And I feel like at the. It was roughly around the three year mark that I finally had this shift in my mindset. And I was just like, you know what? Brennan didn't get another day. And the least that I can do is live my life to the fullest in a way that he would be proud of. And, I don't know, something just changed inside of me that I had to start making really hard decisions, you know, and that included leaving San Diego, going back and deciding to pursue. You know, I was working at the Travis Manion foundation at the time. I wanted to get my master's and learn a little bit more about the nonprofit sector. So I was trying to push myself in ways that I felt were more positive versus just sitting and relishing in the cards that I had been dealt with. And I think once I mentally shifted my mindset to try to make more of an impact, I started to just embrace that and start to do that every single day. And that's why when some of the things that I talked about earlier with learning to be grateful for the time that I did have together and for the experiences that we shared and to start to step out of my comfort zone more, that's when I started to notice positive changes. And I knew I could still live life in a way that was meaningful, but still keep Brendan's legacy and memory alive in a very tangible way.
- [15:45]
B
Well, thank you for your willingness to share all of this. I mean, I think it's helpful for all of us listening to process this and apply it in different ways. I've heard you talk about a trip to Peru that I think you made with some other service widows. What happened there that hadn't happened before, you know, I.
- [16:10]
A
So when I started working with the foundation, I led our programming for surviving families. And we used to. We still host them today, but they're called expeditions. And we would take families of the fallen for about five to seven days in different locations across the country. Now we are geared more towards service based expeditions so you can go and build a home for a family that may have never had a home before and do that in memory. Like, we'll do a plaque that lists all the loved ones that the families are there to honor and remember. At that time, this was probably back in like 2014, 2015, we did a more of a physically challenging expedition. So it was myself and I think nine other widows that had joined me on this expedition. But we went all through we hiked through the Inca Trail and went down into Machu Picchu. Just having that community of other women that understood what that process of grief was like, but also coming together to really step out of our comfort zone. You know, that was a very physically exhausting, demanding trip. But we were doing it for the sake and the legacy and honor that our loved ones live by. So for us, it was really empowering to just, you know, even leave the States and do something that was so physically taxing and demanding. But we knew that our loved ones would be proud for what we were doing and how we were living our life and doing that.
- [17:44]
B
Well, now you're leading the national organization, a big national organization. What had to change for you that put you in a position where you could step forward in this kind of leadership?
- [17:58]
A
I think so much of it when I started at the foundation was based on my own grief journey in the loss of Brendan. And three and a half years prior, losing Brendan's one of his best friends and Naval Academy roommate, Travis Banion. It was really about my personal connection to honoring the two of them and ensuring that their sacrifice and the way that they lived their life would never be forgotten. But as time has gone on, you know, next year will be 20 years since Travis was killed, and this year will be 16 years since Brendan's death. And so what they set out to represent has now grown into a national movement. And I feel like now it's taken grief and emotion from when I first started to really understanding how to run a national organization. And. And I think even, you know, your experience within the nonprofit sector, you're running a business, you know, you're making tough decisions. We have over 100 staff members across the country working with people. We're working with volunteers that are dealing with, you know, challenging issues from mental health, suicide prevention, drinking. I mean, you name it. There are definitely challenges that anyone coming out of the military or that has lost a loved one that they are facing in this day and age. And as we continue to grow our footprint and really embody Travis's ethos of if not me, then who, and putting that into communities through programming, you have to be very mindful about how that's done. You know, you're working with humans, you're working with staff, and you're also trying to scale and ensure that all the great programming that we offer is available to these individuals where they need it and when they need it. And I think that's really what shifted over the years.
- [19:59]
B
Well, I actually want to get into more about what the Travis Manion foundation is doing, which is in itself really quite remarkable. It's certainly much more than a veteran support organization, as I think, you know, I had Ryan Manion as a guest here on the Going Big podcast last year around Veterans Day, where she and her family founded the Travis Manion Foundation. You and her come at this in a different way, different elements of loss. Travis was her brother. How have those differences, do you think, helped you both step forward in leadership together? I mean, how does that approach, do you think, strengthen your efforts?
- [20:44]
A
You know, I think even though we're. We grieved very differently in the way that we approached it, and, you know, she's grieving the loss of her brother, and I was grieving the loss of a spouse, yes, they may be different relationships, but I actually think there was more in common between this that helped elevate what the work that we do and the connectivity that we have with our members in a very meaningful way. You know, I think that she and I are both very relational people. And what's always been important to me is the fact that, like at Travis Manual foundation, we are a community. We are led by veterans and families of the fallen. But we believe that those individuals are worth making an investment into. We believe that by investing in them through training, resources, and programming that we offer, they then go out and be servant leaders within their community, paying it forward through different community service activations, youth mentorship opportunities, and even athletic events across the country. So I think the fact that she and I have always focused because at the end of the day, our volunteers and our staff are what make Travis Mania foundation what they are. And I think all of us come together and we connectively want to serve in a way that's so powerful that it connects with those that didn't wear a uniform or don't necessarily want to step up and volunteer to serve. And I think that there's something important about helping bridge that gap between the 1% of men and women that volunteer to step up and serve in the military and the 99% of the rest of the population that needs to recognize that these individuals, they're in your grocery stores, they're in your small businesses, they're working at your companies, they're very much wanting to step up and be leaders within their communities, just the way that everyone else sees that. And I think if we can recognize the value add that our military community can bring to our networks and our larger communities as a whole, I think we will realize that we're much more alike than we are different.
- [22:52]
B
Yeah, well, I want to dive into that more, as I say, because you all are asking people to step up in leadership beyond those who have served in the US Military. By the way, our street is generally closed one Sunday morning each year for the run that you all do in the fall. I have to confess, the first time I saw it as an inconvenience and then I felt really badly about that because what you all are doing is really providing opportunities for so many people to serve in different ways. How intentional has that been in what you all are building at Travis Manion Foundation? Because what you're doing is really remarkable, is a much bigger and consequential effort, I think, than you would immediately think on the surface.
- [23:45]
A
Yeah, absolutely. At the end of the day, if you remember anything about Travis Manion foundation, it's our ethos. It's Travis's words that he spoke before that last and final deployment. If not me, then who? And while we may activate in many different ways through service, mentorship or athletic events, it's very important that you can live that mantra in your life each and every day. And we always talk about learning to be big in the little things. Helps you when you go to really face hard problems, challenges, obstacles. That mantra can really be something that can guide us in a positive way. And I know from my own personal experiences and story that keeping that ethos at top of mind is something that we want the country, military and non military, to connect with and help them, inspire them to be the leaders that our communities need across the country.
- [24:41]
B
Well, on that point, what do you think that a lot of people miss from for military service? Family members, families of the fallen, Gold Star families, that when the headlines fade. We're having this conversation in the lead up to Memorial Day in the United States. And I want to touch on that a good bit because I think it's so easy for those of us that are not directly affected to just forget or not grasp the seriousness. What would you say to those of us that we're missing and we're misunderstanding?
- [25:24]
A
I think once the headlines fade away, I think it's just recognizing that I'll say after those first few months when Brendan's death was very public and then the services happened and everyone else goes back to their normal life except for the families, Um, I felt like my day to day, my normal life was completely different. And I think just recognizing that while everyone else can continue to go about their day to day, that there are ways that you can help step up and show that you Continue to care about our military community. Maybe it is going out and taking your family and completing a service project in honor of a fallen hero. Maybe it is just simply thanking someone for their loved one's service. You know, I know that there's always a lot of back and forth on people, you know, military veterans not necessarily wanting someone to say thank you for your service, but I feel like at the same time, that's okay to say, because typically the military population is just. They're very humble. They don't. They're doing this for something so much bigger than themselves. And I think if people can just recognize that this is. This is bigger than us and it's bigger than them. But there are small gestures that you can do to really show how you care and how you want to support. And I think just finding what works for you in your own environment is what's going to be the best suited way to go forward.
- [27:01]
B
Well, you know, I love the fact that, for example, you know, when you're flying, some airlines invite military service members, active duty to come forward first. I have a number of friends who, particularly in airports, when service members are wearing the uniform, they'll buy them, you know, they see them standing in line at Chick Fil A or something and buy them the meal or, or pay for the meal somewhere else, which I think is really awesome. You'll have a particular program, as I understand it, that reaches out to young people about why character really counts. Tell us a little bit more about what you're trying to do with that and how that's working out.
- [27:47]
A
Yeah, so character does matter is really our, what I always call our keystone program at Travis Manion Foundation. You know, we're very uniquely positioned where we actually leverage the military community to play a mentorship role in a. In a young student's life. And we do that by leveraging the experiences that the military have gone through. You know, the. The character, the leadership qualities, the values that they live by and how those young adults can incorporate that into their life. And we really feel like the military can be, you know, great mentors. You know, there's a really kind of staggering statistic that one in three young adults across this country do not have a positive role model. And 55% of veterans who have transitioned out of the military report that they are missing that sense of meaning and purpose. And so for us at Travis Manion foundation, we leveraged kind of those two problems that our communities face. And we thought, why not demonstrate the importance that mentorship plays? But why not look to our families of the fallen, our service members, to really step up and play a role. And while there's clearly a direct benefit to the students that are receiving that message, it's also a great benefit to the veterans and the families of the fallen who are playing that mentor role for them. They know that they're filling that gap, that that young person may not have that individual in their life that they can really look up to. I mean, I'm sure you can say the same, Kevin. Like, we can all look back at different teachers, coaches, neighbors that have played such an instrumental part in developing the individuals and the people that we are today. And we feel like there needs to be more of that. And. And I think it helps really connect the military community with young adults that we don't expect them. If. If they want to step up and volunteer to serve in the military, great. But if not, that's not what we're trying to accomplish. We're trying to ensure that they understand how to leverage those experiences of leadership, grit, determination, values, and help those young adults pay that forward in their own life. And I think that is just something very unique that you don't really see the military population getting to play a part in for our youth in our country.
- [30:13]
B
Yeah. Well, Amy, you hit on a great point. You know, I think it's easy in the nonprofit space to say, okay, this nonprofit is doing this. Support us in doing this so we can continue to have this effect in people's lives. But what you're doing is really engaging and inviting everybody into this. So I'm kind of curious when, you know, there are those that can admire the mission of an organization, but you really want us to come in and own it. I mean, did that thinking come about at some point? How do you all think about that? Because I think that's what, again, is another aspect of what makes what you're doing so special.
- [30:56]
A
Yeah, we. We. There's a phrase out there, and I'm sure you've heard it before, Kevin, that you. You teach a man to fish and he'll have food for a lifetime. And, you know, we're not. There are plenty of organizations that are supporting military that maybe you are supporting a direct need. You're helping pay for someone's mortgage. You're helping them with the transition and getting a new job. There are great organizations that do that, and that's very, very much needed. But at Travis Manion foundation, like, we genuinely believe that this population deserves our time and resources. And if we teach them how to, you know, feel empowered and to go out and make a difference in others lives and change their communities and deal with some of the biggest problems that are being faced in their own networks, their own work communities. And, you know, just dealing with that within their own schools. We're giving them the tools that they need to go out and have those skills and those resources that can help shape the trajectory of their life and the way that they move forward for the rest of their life. And that can help them on the job front, that can help them with future relationships, it can help them in their marriage, it can help them with their kids. I mean, there's so many ways that are tangible that can help them overall improve their mental health, their physical health, and their overall well being.
- [32:23]
B
Well, you know, I had Arthur Brooks on recently on the podcast and he's talking a lot about his new book about how to live a life of meaning. I wish I'd had this conversation ahead of time because I would have loved to brought this example up to him. Although I expect he's already well aware of what you all are doing. It's really, again, I applaud it so much because it's, it's much bigger than I think, certainly the typical nonprofit, but also what people realize. All right, so what's next? What's another big plan for the Travis Manion foundation that maybe it's more than a big plan. Maybe you're going to have to step out in faith because you always seem to keep going forward.
- [33:04]
A
We have our program model. We know exactly what we're doing. We're certainly not changing that. But what we are trying to do is be more present in more communities. So right now we operate under a chapter model where we have a volunteer group in those areas in 55 different locations across the US who are leading our service efforts, they're leading our athletic events, and they're leading our youth mentorship programming in their communities. So for us, we want to continue investing in those volunteers because they are actually helping SK scale our footprint as an organization. And so for us, we have, you know, the programming that we need. We just want to be able to train and develop more volunteers who want to incorporate TMF into their community. So for us, it's really about scale and continuing to expand the work that we're doing, but in a meaningful way in communities that really need that right now in our country. And I think what I often hear from people who are a part of Travis Manning foundation is they just want to be a part of something that makes them feel connected and I think sometimes in our society, things can be so negative and feel heavy and very divisive, regardless of how you feel about what's going on in the country. And they just want to be a part of something that feels inspirational. Inspirational, that's easy and relatable, that they can do and say, you know what? I made a positive impact in. In this person's life today. And I really believe that we possess the resources to do that. And the more that we can get that narrative out in our country, I genuinely believe the better off we'll be as a nation.
- [34:49]
B
All right, so as I say this is coming out just before Memorial Day, I've got to say, you know, and I'm just as guilty of this as the criticism I'm about to make that Memorial Day weekend is in many ways the official start of summer. And it's a three day weekend, and it's a time for barbecuing and being outside. And I think it's really easy to lose sight of the purpose and the meaning of the holiday. The time to commemorate those who've made the ultimate sacrifice for our country. You all have something in particular called the Honor Project, I believe. Tell us a little bit about that and how people listening can themselves become engaged in a meaningful way.
- [35:41]
A
Yeah, absolutely. So I talked about a lot of our service campaigns that we host throughout the course of the year. One of the ones that we run on a national basis is for Memorial Day, and it's called the Honor Project. And this year, we are in 80 national cemeteries across the country. Wow. I'll tell you about what this is, and then I'll give you a little backstory on how this actually started to become one of our annual programs that we run under our service initiatives. So this was developed because we really believe that everything that you said, Kevin, you know, we want people to remember that. Memorial Day. Yes. It's the kickoff to summer. We want you to go to your barbecues. We want you to have a good time. That's what people like Travis and Brendan would have wanted. But on the same time, we want to educate and make sure that people are aware of why you have that day off and what that day signifies. And for families, Gold star families, families of the fallen like myself, we want to make sure that our loved ones, that their names and their stories continue to live on. And I think for us being able to have an opportunity where you can come out and you don't have to be military connected to join the Honor Project, you can go on our website@travismanion.org and register to volunteer or participate in any honor project in your area. And again, there's 80 cemeteries that this has taken place around Memorial Day weekend. But we go out and families have submitted names of fallen heroes all over the country that they may not be able to be there to sit down and spend time with their loved ones at the cemetery. And to know that another family is going to a cemetery, we place tokens on the grave site just to show that someone was there, they paid respect, they learned a little bit about who that individual was and how they lived their life. That goes a long way. For families like myself to know that someone took time on that day to spend time with their loved one and talk about who they were and how they lived their life, that's incredibly important. And I think the more that we can teach our young kids about that and how to live a life of character and let those individuals let their sacrifice represent something I think is really incredibly important. So I would encourage you to join us. Like I said, go on the website. You can sign up to volunteer at any of our sites, but you can bring your families out. You can go by yourself. But just knowing that you're out there doing something tangible on that day, that helps families like myself really understand that people do care about the service and sacrifice of our men and women who wore the uniform.
- [38:34]
B
Awesome. Well, I'm going to put this in the show notes, too, so that people can check it out. So you hinted at the backstory. I did not appreciate the backstory until I did a little research a few days ago. And I'm really embarrassed because as I understand, this project was launched as an idea by Emily Dominic. And I know Emily. I've known her family for decades. Decades. And I did not know the backstory until I read about it. So for the benefit of those listings, share how this came about.
- [39:05]
A
Yeah, so, Interestingly enough, in 2020, during the height of the pandemic, May of 2020, when everything was shut down, Arlington National Cemetery was also included in that shutdown. Families could not go and visit their loved ones on Memorial Day. And she had made her way into the cemetery and actually put out a tweet saying, I'm here at Arlington National Cemetery. I know that, you know, there are restrictions in place. Does anyone have a loved one that they would like me to pay my respects to here today? And that tweet went viral. I can't tell you about the thousands of people that responded that were just so grateful that even. Even though they couldn't be there, someone was there honoring and remembering what that day meant. And so we always like to say Emily really kicked off the honor project. I don't think she thought her walk during, you know, Memorial Day of 2020, during the height of the pandemic was probably going to mean something as what it has inspired today. But now 80 cemeteries have adopted that model, and volunteers come and fill up all kinds of spots throughout that weekend, making sure that they're honoring, putting that token down and remembering the sacrifice. So she really inspired a movement. I will give her that for sure.
- [40:30]
B
Indeed. Well, she's actually perfect for the theme of the Going Big podcast. That's terrific. I'm glad we could essentially end on that. Amy, here's the last question I would ask. For those who just might be dealing with grief or just great disappointment, what would you say to encourage those to think about how to just step into something bigger as you have to really find that deeper purpose and meaning?
- [41:04]
A
I think, you know, everyone, if you're not there yet, you're going to face challenges at some point in your life and it's going to look different for everyone. But I think you have to take a step back and realize that I don't, I, I, I really don't like the phrase that everything happens for a reason. That's certainly not what I'm trying to say. But I think you have to take that experience and figure out what you can learn about yourself and how you can make changes in a positive way in your life. Know, I, I talked a lot about in the beginning about finding gratitude and how important that was for me to be able to look at something as the half glass full versus half glass empty. And to, you know, for my scenario with loss, remember Brendan for the way that he lived his life, not in the tragic moments of his death. And I think everybody can find what is important to them and what is going to resonate for them to pick themselves up and realize that there is something you are supposed to learn from this experience. But how can you shape that into something that can actually help you in the future? And I really, I mean, as simple as it sounds, I really looked at Travis's ethos of if not me, then who as a way to constantly pick myself up time and time again. And for me, it was about finding a community that I connected with. You know, maybe it is about building relationships with someone who understands the situation that you're in, but find that community that is going to embrace you and help lift you up during these times. And obviously for me. I found that with everyone that I'm surrounded by at Travis Manion Foundation.
- [42:52]
B
Amy Looney Heffern, thank you so much for your leadership the Travis Manion foundation foundation, all that you're doing. We'll think about you at Memorial Day 2026 and for many months and years to come. Thank you again for all that you're doing and thanks for joining us today.
- [43:08]
A
Absolutely, Kevin. Thanks so much for having me.
- [43:10]
B
Thanks for tuning in to the Going Big Podcast. I hope today's conversation left you feeling energized and ready to tackle your biggest goals. Don't forget to subscribe and leave us a review on on iTunes, YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts. It really helps spread the word and it gets these inspiring stories out to more people. You can also find more content, resources and updates at our website, goingbigpodcast.com Remember, the only limits are the ones you don't challenge, the limits that you impose on yourself. Keep pushing, keep growing, and above all, keep going big. See you next time on the Going Big Podcast.