Gone Medieval (History Hit)
Episode: Medieval Europe’s Most Evil Monarch
Date: December 30, 2025
Host: Dr. Eleanor Janega (History Hit, Gone Medieval)
Guests/Co-hosts: Matt Lewis, Anthony
Episode Overview
This lively episode of Gone Medieval (in collaboration with After Dark) is a spirited debate and irreverent exploration aiming to identify "Medieval Europe’s Most Evil Monarch." Host Dr. Eleanor Janega, joined by Matt Lewis and Anthony, brings a mix of dark humor, sharp historical analysis, and candid opinions to four notorious monarchs: Pedro the Cruel, Richard the Lionheart, Isabella the She-Wolf of France, and Vlad Dracul (aka Vlad the Impaler/Dracula). The group ranks their evilness by examining scandalous personal tales, political brutality, and the lasting perception of these rulers.
Key Discussion Points & Segments
1. Setting the Stage: What Makes a Monarch "Evil"?
[03:03]
- Matt Lewis previews the contenders: kings seeking revenge in bloody ways, monarchs killing en masse out of boredom, rulers renowned for impaling their enemies.
- Anthony jokes about the episode’s theme: “A lot of different ways to be a dickhead in history.”
- The hosts agree on examining not only historical atrocities, but motives and legacies.
2. Pedro the Cruel (Pedro I of Portugal)
Segment Starts: [03:55]
Narrative & Atrocities
- Pedro’s reign characterized by personal vendettas and violent retribution, particularly after his mistress (and possible secret wife), Ines de Castro, is murdered by order of his father, the king.
- In response, Pedro orchestrates a bloody revenge:
- Has two of Ines’ killers executed by reportedly tearing their hearts out (the sources are mixed, but “it’s poetic, we love” [09:49] - Matt Lewis).
- Anthony quips, “Do it for love, King” [09:47].
- Legendary (likely apocryphal) tale: Pedro exhumed Ines’ body, placed her on the throne, and forced the court to pay homage [10:18].
- “He does kind of like straight up serial killer violence, but it is revenge... It’s giving Mandy”—a reference to the 2018 Nic Cage film (Matt Lewis, [13:01]).
Analysis & Legacy
- Pedro’s actions are framed as the corruption of chivalric and romantic tradition, elevating courtly love to gruesome extremes.
- Hosts debate whether his violence is mitigated because it’s motivated by love and personal loss.
- “If I die and someone doesn’t cut out someone else’s heart for me, I’m not interested.” – Eleanor, [49:21].
Notable Quote
- “He tears their hearts out and he’s like, ‘this is what you did to me.’” – Matt Lewis [09:50]
- “I’d cut someone’s heart out if they killed my husband.” – Eleanor [12:24]
3. Richard the Lionheart
Segment Starts: [14:24]
Myth vs. Reality
- Richard is remembered as a legendary English king and crusader, but the hosts dismantle his reputation:
- “He does not care about this country at all whatsoever. He’s got no interest in England as anything other than a bank account.” – Matt Lewis [15:11]
- Barely visited England, didn’t speak English (“Frenchest guy who ever done did French” [15:39]), used England to finance his crusading ambitions.
- Imposed the “Saladin tithe”—a 25% property tax to fund the Crusades, seen as highly oppressive [16:21].
- Sold public offices for cash (“far be it for me to say the hereditary way is better, but you shouldn’t be able to sell offices” [17:22]).
Brutality
- During the Crusades, after besieging Acre, takes about 2,700 Muslim prisoners:
- “Eventually the management isn’t particularly great because he…just kills them all.” – Matt Lewis [18:56]
- “People don’t ordinarily just kill the entire population.” – Matt [19:08]
- Allegedly orders the assassination of Conrad, new King of Jerusalem, and is widely suspected of orchestrating political murders ([19:49]–[20:13]).
- Is captured and held for massive ransom. “His mom, Eleanor of Aquitaine, basically bankrupts the kingdom again” to free him [21:30–21:55].
Perceptions & Legacy
- Hated in continental Europe: “When he’s released, they send word: ‘the devil is loose; look to yourself’” [22:44].
- Never returns to England after his release; is indifferent to the country in life and death (“none of his body even comes here” [24:11]).
- The myth of Richard as a heroic king exists mainly because he was absent and thus became a blank canvas for legend.
Notable Quotes
- “Ask anyone else in Europe, and they’re like, ‘that man is a monster. He’s an awful person.’” – Matt Lewis [24:12]
- “The only good thing about Richard the Lionheart is his at least bisexuality. Like, a flexible king, very close with his boys, etc.” – Matt Lewis [15:23]
4. Isabella, the She-Wolf of France
Segment Starts: [25:59]
Background & Drama
- Isabella, French princess, marries Edward II of England, becomes embroiled in court intrigue involving her husband’s romantic interest in male favorites and the redistribution of her own lands to his boyfriends.
- “She’s such a messy. She is so messy.” – Matt Lewis [26:09]
- After being sidelined, Isabella allies with exiles (possibly begins an affair with Roger Mortimer) and stages a coup, deposing Edward II and ruling as regent for her young son, Edward III [28:09–30:17].
- “She has deposed and killed a king … Ruling with her out-of-wedlock boyfriend, which is such a power move.” – Matt Lewis [30:17]
Schemes & Reputation
- Launches the Tour de Nesle Affair in France: exposes her sisters-in-law for adultery by identifying purses she gave them being worn by their alleged lovers. The scandal results in imprisonment and deaths, affecting the French succession [31:27–32:09].
- Eventually, Edward III comes of age, has Mortimer killed, and puts Isabella under luxurious house arrest, “hunting and living with endless money” [33:14].
Analysis & Legacy
- Notorious in her day; dubbed “the she-wolf of France.”
- Matt: “She faces absolutely no consequences in her lifetime. … Sometimes rich people do not face consequences for their actions, you know, which is interesting because her husband certainly did.” [33:15, 34:20]
- Admired by hosts for cunning and audacity, but ultimately considered less “evil” than the others.
Notable Quotes
- “The girl has receipts. She notices everything. She’s incredibly smart, and she will call you out. I love that for her.” – Matt Lewis [32:54]
5. Vlad the Impaler (Vlad Dracul)
Segment Starts: [35:57]
Atrocities & Methods
- “You think you have a way in through horror films and Dracula, but sometimes it’s even bloody worse than you might have imagined.” – Anthony [36:12]
- Ruthless leader of Wallachia, famous for impaling tens of thousands (both Saxons/Germans and Ottomans), not for drinking blood as legend suggests but for brutality as “a visionary innovator” of terror [39:17–39:32].
- The impalements, described in gory woodcuts, involved slow, torturous deaths; widely considered an intentional campaign to terrify opponents [37:44–40:50].
- Not even his own people spared: tales (possibly apocryphal) of inviting the poor to a banquet and burning them alive highlight his disregard for human life and ruler’s moral responsibility [44:21–45:32].
Political Context & Folk Legacy
- Seen by Romanians as a folk hero for resisting invaders, but even at the time “everyone else is like, damn, bitch, you live like this” [41:55].
- The scale and intensity of violence often exceed even the norms of late medieval warfare.
Modern Perceptions
- The hosts debate whether Vlad’s notoriety is owed to literary reinterpretation as Dracula. Conclusion: history alone would make him stand out, but Bram Stoker’s Dracula turned him into a global myth [46:04–47:47].
Notable Quotes
- “What are his motivations? … Does he just have a fetish for sticking people on sticks?” – Eleanor [41:55]
- “The kill count is just too high. … He’s statted out the goat in terms of random people that are killed.” – Matt Lewis [48:47]
Final Ranking & Reflections
[48:41 – 50:16]
- Matt Lewis’ evilness ranking: 1. Vlad, 2. Richard, 3. Isabella, 4. Pedro.
- “For me, Pedro shouldn’t even be on this list. If I die and someone doesn’t cut out someone else’s heart for me, I’m not interested.” – Eleanor [49:21]
- All agree Vlad’s sheer numbers and “how horribly it’s done” make his case unparalleled.
- Richard the Lionheart receives a reputational reckoning: “He’s a real, real scumbag.” – Eleanor [50:14]
- Listeners are encouraged to submit rankings and share whether they find Pedro’s violent devotion romantic.
Notable Quotes & Moments (by Timestamp)
- “There’s like a lot of different ways to be a dickhead.” – Matt Lewis [03:39]
- “Do it for love, King.” – Anthony [09:47]
- “He does not care about this country at all whatsoever. … He’s got no interest in England as anything other than a bank account.” – Matt Lewis [15:11]
- “When he’s released, they send word: ‘the devil is loose; look to yourself.’” – Matt Lewis [22:44]
- “She faces absolutely no consequences in her lifetime.” – Matt Lewis [33:15]
- “The kill count is just too high. … He’s statted out the goat in terms of random people that are killed.” – Matt Lewis [48:47]
Timestamps for Important Segments
- [03:55] — Pedro the Cruel
- [14:24] — Richard the Lionheart
- [25:59] — Isabella the She-Wolf of France
- [35:57] — Vlad the Impaler
- [48:41] — Hosts debate and rank the worst monarchs
Episode Tone & Style
The episode is irreverent, witty, and fast-paced, with frank asides and banter, but never at the expense of historical accuracy. The hosts balance entertaining hyperbole (“there’s a lot of different ways to be a dickhead” [03:41]) with genuine historical insight and nuanced takes on the complexities of rule, power, and legacy.
Conclusion
A sharp, darkly funny, and insightful episode that dismantles royal myths and explores whether power inevitably corrupts—or just reveals the worst “dickhead” tendencies in medieval monarchs. Vlad the Impaler takes the dubious crown, but every contender offers lessons on brutality, reputation, and how history remembers—or excuses—the powerful.
For listeners:
- You’ll learn both infamous and lesser-known stories of royal villainy.
- Expect lots of laughter along with serious reflections on historical myth-making.
- Pedro wins for “most romantic,” Vlad for sheer horror, and Richard for being the most overrated hero.
- Tune in if you like your history frank, full of personality, and not afraid to call Richard the Lionheart a “scumbag.”