Bodies, Bodies, Bodies | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 317

Summary

Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings

Episode 317: "Bodies, Bodies, Bodies"

Date: November 16, 2025
Guest: Pat Regan

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Episode Overview

In this lively and irreverent episode, comedian Whitney Cummings, joined by fellow comic Pat Regan, riff on everything from the existential threats posed by AI to the dangers of energy drinks, the weirdness of modern job security, the impact of AI on the arts, and the underwhelming letdown of major conspiracies getting exposed. As always, wit, self-deprecation, and sharp cultural observation are in full supply.

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Main Discussion Points

1. Comedy, Self-awareness, and the Podcast Vibe

• Intro Banter:
  • Whitney and Pat start off making fun of typical comedian openers (“is this thing on?”) and comment on conversational fatigue.
  • Both reflect on how little there actually is left to say.

    “I realized about 10 years ago, I think I kind of said it all...” – Pat Regan (01:41)

2. Snake Oil, Placebos, and Fake Jobs

• Whitney recounts a story about a friend whose dad invented citronella candles and laughs about the audacity of people who make careers from scamming or offering dubious advice.

  “If you are one of those creeps who found a way to get paid for being a hater... like, no one’s gonna miss you. But, like, props.” – Whitney Cummings (03:23)

• Whitney speculates about the future job market amidst AI proliferation, predicting a boom in “made-up jobs,” like aura consultants, that only exist to solve invented problems (04:55).
• The duo jokes about society’s shifting priorities and how grifters and “critics” might just be ahead of the curve.

3. Whitney's Caffeine Detox Confession

• Whitney candidly reveals she’s four days off energy drinks and feeling both dorky and physically off (07:05).
• She humorously details her spiral into energy drink addiction—including wild physical symptoms like eyelid droop, bleeding gums, and twitchy muscles, all delivered in an over-the-top, confessional style.
• She warns of a future where we’ll see a damning documentary on the health consequences of today’s energy drink craze:

  “This will be an explosive documentary of which we are all kind of part of, where all of these powders and energy drinks... We're the guinea pigs on these.” – Whitney Cummings (08:30)

• Riffing on cultural whiplash, Whitney mocks how everyone alternates between “300mg of caffeine for the grind” and “tea tree root to help you sleep,” and how our routines are a big game of “whack-a-mole with our adrenaline” (12:40).
• She suggests a “breathalyzer” for online engagement, so commenters have to prove they’re not jacked up on energy drinks before posting (14:13).

  “We have to do some kind of breathalyzer test with energy drinks before people go on the Internet to make comments.” – Whitney Cummings (14:13)

• Notable riff: Symmetry between past stimulants (like Coca-Cola with cocaine) and today’s beverage market, questioning why so little productivity comes from all this energy intake (15:32).

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4. AI, Art, and Human-ness

• Whitney dives into the latest panic about AI-generated content, specifically a country song reaching #1 on the charts (19:58).
• She notes the irony of journalists and critics mistaking memes and trends for genuine popularity, missing the humor in “so-bad-it’s-good” viral AI art.

  “It’s funny. These dork journalists... actually think it’s genuine. No, dude, this is funny. People being like, listen to this AI country song, right? That’s what they’re doing.” – Whitney Cummings (20:22)

• She posits that mass-produced, “Hallmark” art has always been a kind of proto-AI, and real art—valued for its flaws—will never be threatened by machines.
• Whitney discusses how humans are animals, essentially trying to “be” human and feel special, and how even describing oneself as an “empath” or “human” is a sort of self-flattery (21:55).
• AI can’t replicate the quirks that make people attractive or compelling—like scars, moles (Cindy Crawford’s), or “imperfections,” using cultural references to reinforce her point (23:17).

  “AI doesn’t yet get that when something is perfect or symmetrical, we’re actually repelled by it.” – Whitney Cummings (23:48)

• She references Shania Twain’s “That Don’t Impress Me Much” as a savage rebuke of perfection and envisions how odd it would be if men wrote songs rejecting beautiful celebrities by name.

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5. Which Jobs Will Survive (and Why)?

• The duo transitions to a recurring segment exploring jobs AI won’t replace, riffing on the arbitrary logic of such lists (31:32).
• Examples:
  • Phlebotomists / Needle People:
    • Whitney questions why drawing blood is so sacredly “human,” relates a personal horror story about “slippery veins,” and proposes we should pay dogs and rats, rather than try to replace their skills with machines (33:08).

    “Just treat dogs better and let them have a civilization and pay them. Stop trying to replace things that are working.” – Whitney Cummings (38:11)

  • Hazardous Material Removers, Roofers, Embalmers:
    • She’s baffled that the jobs most dangerous to humans (like hazardous materials) remain human, while less risky jobs are automated (35:12).
    • Discussion on how 'massaging the living and the dead' might be a future-proof combo skill as both require hands-on human contact (39:00).
  • Motorboat Operators:
    • Whitney connects this to high-profile cases (Epstein, Prince Andrew), noting the “need” for trusted, non-robotic boat operators to transport “important” people discretely (45:48).
• Overarching point: We’re automating for the wrong reasons and clinging to personal contact in odd ways.

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6. Conspiracies and the Fatigue of Truth

• Whitney addresses recent disclosures in the Epstein case and other international scandals (48:00).
• Observes society’s boredom and disappointment when conspiracies prove true; most enjoy speculating over learning the ugly details:

  “With this last batch of emails... it’s kind of like the dog caught the car and was like, ugh, why'd you stop?” – Whitney Cummings (52:44)

• The banter with Pat Regan lampoons how boring criminal correspondence is (“circling back about all the crimes”), draws analogies to mundane work emails, and wryly suggests society has become jaded to systemic wrongdoing (52:19 – 53:00).
• Conclusion: Actual resolution is unsatisfying and most would prefer the thrill of the chase to the anticlimax of reality.

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7. Social Anxiety and Manufactured Fears

• Whitney and Pat riff about phobias—particularly the cliché of “being afraid of clowns”—and suggest most phobias are contrived for effect (43:32).
• She argues fears are displaced (“You get an Uber every night... but say you’re afraid of clowns?”) and people are more threatened by unconventional adults (like men who work as clowns or minions) than the actual costumes (44:20).

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Snake Oil and Placebos:

  “I am snake oil salesman. Respect. You have a deep understanding of the placebo effect. I appreciate you...” – Whitney Cummings (04:30)

• On Energy Drinks and Society:

  “We are playing whack a mole with our adrenaline in a way that is so wild.” – Whitney Cummings (12:40)

• On AI and Art:

  “Art will do very well as a joke, and that's okay.” – Whitney Cummings (20:59)

• On Human Imperfection:

  “AI doesn’t yet get that when something is perfect or symmetrical, we’re actually repelled by it.” – Whitney Cummings (23:48)

• On Job Security:

  “Don’t panic. Needle people... are not going to be replaced by robots. Though I’d rather a robot do it, because every time I get my blood taken, I get someone who’s... a lemon every time.” – Whitney Cummings (33:40)

• On Systemic Scandal:

  “The only good thing about the answers not all coming out is then you don’t have to deal with the horror show of watching nothing be done about it, because that’s going to be even more upsetting” – Whitney Cummings (51:15)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Comic Intro, Banter with Pat: 00:45 – 02:00
• Fake Jobs & Placebos: 03:23 – 05:30
• Energy Drink Detox: 07:00 – 15:00
  • Symptoms and societal riffs: 10:45 – 12:55
• Cultural Caffeine Obsession: 13:00 – 16:00
• AI and Country Music Panic: 19:58 – 24:00
• On Human Quirkiness and Art: 24:00 – 27:00
• Jobs Unaffected by AI: 31:32 – 39:30
• Phobias and Manufactured Fears: 43:32 – 45:10
• Epstein & Conspiracy Letdowns: 48:00 – 54:00
• Final Riff, Closing Thoughts: 54:00 – 56:00

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Tone and Style

Whitney maintains an energetic, confessional, and highly satirical tone, balancing cultural criticism with deeply personal admissions and off-the-cuff absurdity. Moments of sharp wit are punctuated by Pat’s understated, dry humor. The episode is rich with social commentary, observational humor, and broad cultural speculation, making it both relatable and edgy—classic Whitney Cummings.

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For New Listeners

If you missed this episode, expect Whitney’s signature blend of cultural analysis, self-deprecating honesty, and wild, digressive rants—tackling everything from caffeine culture, job anxiety, AI’s creative limits, and why people are more scared of clowns than of global conspiracies or energy drink withdrawal.
No elephants were ridden in the making of this episode.

Transcript

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[Whitney Cummings]

Wait. Okay. Like that?

[Pat Regan]

That's great.

[Whitney Cummings]

Good gosh. Is this. It's really. You know that that's the standard comedian equivalent to is this thing on? Like, is this thing on? That's what we're doing. And it is very true. Like, am I bombing? Pat, how are you?

[Pat Regan]

Oh, I'm doing quite well, thank you for.

[Whitney Cummings]

Why is your voice going. Why are you going through puberty? Why are you raising your voice like that, though?

[Pat Regan]

Well, I don't know. I guess. Normally, I don't really.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm accusing you of lying. Just FYI. I am accusing you of lying.

[Pat Regan]

I think it's the lack of talking. I'm usually not talking. Don't do a lot of talking myself.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, that's better. Smart. I need to. I wish. Me, too. Me either. I'm gonna work on that. Yeah, you seem. That seems healthy. What is there to say? Is there anything else to say?

[Pat Regan]

No. I realized about 10 years ago, I'm like. I think I kind of said it all. Maybe every now I'll answer a question.

[Whitney Cummings]

Sometimes it's what Howard Stern always ends with. Will, I think we've said it all. Maybe too much. Frankly, I don't even think we've said at all. I think we've said way more than that. Remember? And three amigos. We're fa. We're infamous. We're more than famous. We've said more than enough. But count on me to hit rock bottom and keep digging, because everyone did seem to like last week's episode, even though I seem to be shooting these in, like, bunkers full of random people's hair. Sorry. There's so much hair that is not on my head behind me in these. But I am very obsessed with this list that we got into last week. We didn't get to finish it, but last week we talked about the jobs that are going to be replaced by AI that might be fine to go. Jobs that, you know, some of them are going to be sad that we lose. But, you know, the people that use, like, fancy titles as an excuse to be a bully, you know, and have cultural control. Like these. Like, critics and political scientists and all these dorks. Like, that's. That's actually fine, right? But honestly, again, I would like to say respect. I. Here's the thing about me. I will give respect where respect is due. If you are one of those creeps who found a way to get paid for being a hater and in so doing, make everybody think that they're dumber than you, like, that is like, no one's gonna miss you. But, like, props. Like, you know the friend of mine that told me citronella candles aren't real? One time we were sitting outside, and I was like, oh, here's a citronella candle. I don't want you to get, you know, mosquitoes. And he's like, oh, that's not real. And I was like, what do you mean? This is citronella candle. This is. It's formulated specifically to repel bugs. He's like, it doesn't work. It's a scam. It's really more the smoke or sometimes the flames. Like. And I was like, excuse me. This is real science. It's a citronella candle. And he's like, I'm telling you, he's like, don't work. It's a scam. And I was like, how do you know? He's like, because my dad invented them. And I was like, dude, I have so much more respect for the person that was like, yeah, this works. Snake oil salesman. Than someone actually, like, what, were you gonna, like, set up a study on mosquitoes? Like, even if it does work, there's no proof. Like, there's no way of knowing. But also, the odds of citronella candles working is just as high as them. Not like you can't prove it either way. It's like, these work.

[Pat Regan]

The devices that make a noise that humans can't hear but other things can hear.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's my favorite. Oh, no, no. Oh, you mean like. Like the virus that you could have and carry, but it doesn't show up in tests that we all thought we had during the pandemic, but maybe we did, but you don't have symptoms, but you could still have it, and it doesn't show up on the test? You mean the concept that broke us all mentally? That is so funny. Anyway, I. I am. I am snake oil salesman. Respect. Okay. You have a deep understanding of the placebo effect. I appreciate you and we have to make a job security, you know, good for somebody who is like, there is no need for the skills I have, right? In fact, the skills that I have actively or my proclivities actively deteriorate society, but I'm unwilling to learn a new skill. Hatred is my thing, is my. I am the paragon of hatred. Like, this is the only thing I'm willing to do. So I'm just going to gaslight people into believing it's an important job and I get a PhD. Like, good for, by the way, that is. We need to be following those people because as jobs start to dissolve with AI on the horizon, we are going to have to start making up fake jobs and fake problems that we are the solution to. Right? That's what we're going to have to start doing. Like, chiropractors, like, nailed it. We need more jobs like that. Like. Like aura consultant. Like, that's starting to be a thing where you can go get a photograph of your aura and then they'll tell you, like, what's wrong with you. Just make up a fake problem or a fake thing and then be the only person who can solve it. So that said, peace out critics, Peace out fake journalists and political scientists, but also do what they did because that's kind of like the only future we all maybe have. My brain's not working great at the moment, and I am going to come clean on why before we get into the nitty gritty of this Internet breaking episode, which is that I am currently kind of in the dts. Tremors. Detox. Tremors had. I'm. I'm breaking an addiction. I'm. I was on a bender.

[Pat Regan]

Hold your. Hold your hand up steady. Can you do it? Can you hold your hand?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, no, that's fine. It's a hand flat, Paul. What do you mean? What do you mean? I'm just going to say it. I am currently four days into being sober off energy drinks. The dorkiest thing I've ever said. Okay, I'm not going to tell you what energy drink it was. This energy drink will remain nameless. All right, first of all, it did render me manic and quivering, shaking for about two weeks. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. But I don't want to name the energy drink brand in case they want to do a partnership, in which case I will happily, proudly hold it up and say that it changed my life in a positive way. That said, I don't even think these should be legal like this. I do feel like, we refuse to learn a lesson. Remember when Four Loko was just around and then it became illegal? Like, we never think that we're going to be the generation that is trying out a product that is going to be pulled off the market. And it's funny when you're like, oh, this is how it starts. Like, I'm one of the. Remember all the vape people that the vapes were exploding in Chicago. Like, you never think that you're going to be one of the people. And I think I'm one of the people. I think I'm one of the people. Because when I tell you I was drinking these energy drinks, and, I mean, I was exhausted, but manic. I do think I was having an embolism. Like, my neck started throbbing. I was drinking it to try to be focused, right? And you know, I have not been focused. It doesn't make you focus. I have just been slowly watching my neck expand and contract for about two weeks straight. One of my eyelids, like, started drooping in a weird way. See this one? Like, it started kind of drooping. And yesterday my gums started bleeding when I was brushing my teeth. Blood was in the sink. Not kidding. And not even in like a. Like a fun, normal way. Like, not even. Like, you floss and you're like, oh, why am I hemorrhaging blood? Like, oh, right. But like, it was coming from not. It's. You guys know about bleeding gums, right? This is a relatable topic. I was like, why is. My face was like, sinking in. My inner thighs started hurting because I think I was just like, clench. Like, my whole body had been clenching. I was just doing like a keal for five days in a row. I. I became less flexible. I'm not even kidding. Like, after two weeks of drinking this, like, I. I couldn't touch my toes. Like, my whole body started contracting. It was. My piercing started to hurt, and they're not even new anymore. Like, the metal started to get hot. Like, I don't know. What is this? Just, like, paint thinner? What are we. I don't even. I won't even look at the ingredients. I don't want to know what number or color turpentine I have been ingesting. But it's over. It's over. For me, it was amount of caffeine when I looked at the back that I didn't realize was even legal. Like, because we get all these energy drinks and they all have different caffeine. And this one, you know, when it's like the extreme ones the packaging is like, like fire is on it and like, like big tire wheels, like monster truck wheels or there's like a gorilla or something. But this one's very demure and kind of minimalist packaging. Like you wouldn't think. You'd think, like, oh, this is like the chill one. You know, this is the, the, the breezy one. It's not like, like, you know, like the five hour energy drink. It's like there's nothing neon on it. Like you wouldn't know. There's like a elegant berry kind of on it and you kind of wouldn't know. And the title isn't like, you know, lightning head or whatever. So. But anyway, the point is I, I do believe that many of us are essentially in the middle of what will absolutely be a documentary in about 10 years on these energy drinks. This will be an explosive documentary of which we are all kind of part of, where all of these powders and energy drinks and infusions that we're like, what are we do. We don't even know what these are. Like, there's. We're the guinea pigs on these. And I said that the other day. I was like, I feel like we're the guinea pigs on these energy drinks. And then I was like, hold on, let's ask him. You saw a guinea pig? That's why they call it a guinea pig. Because you haven't seen them since. It was a whole species that was gone after it was pested on. They've gone extinct. For local. That was outlawed. Right. And the fact that this one hasn't is. Is shocking. So I'm a little bit, A little bit groggy. I did have headaches when I was going off it, which tells you like everything you need to know. And then I sort of like zoomed out. I was like, what is this energy drink obsession that we're all. Why are we all drinking this much? What do we. Was it always like this? Because I look at like guilty pleasures or like all of this. What is it? Mind altering things that we consume? It's always been like to relax and wind down. Now it's like, let's go. Like, what year was it that we decided was. You know what? It might have been the P tape. It might have been the P tape. Everything goes back to the Trump P tape. I feel like that was the year we were all like, not, we're on our own. That was the year everyone was like, we are on our own. The meteor, the drones, the aliens, the war, the P tape. We are going to consume, we need energy. Now, we used to relax, but there is once there was a pee tape. It was. We all had to take matters into our own hands. So I don't know, I just feel like my whole feed is like, how to breathe deeply and relax and to stop having anxiety. And then the whole other half of my feed is like 800 milligrams of caffeine. Vein. Atomic vein bomb. Like, atomic vein bomb energy drink. Like, for what exactly? Like, what are we. What are y' all doing out there? I just. Everything we consume at this point cancels the other thing out. Right? Like, I will say, like, everyone I know is like, here's something to sleep and here's something to wake up in. Here it's like, here's some tea tree root to help you fall asleep. And then here's some propane for hustle in your millionaire mindset after you wake up from your tea tree root. Like, we are playing whack a mole with our adrenaline in a way that is so wild. I don't know. I'm just. I don't know If I need 300 milligrams of caffeine first. I'm just trying to be able to write stand up jokes and perform comedy and not drop my kid. Like, what drink is that? What? What drink? If it's water, no, thank you. Not interested. But I'm looking for a beverage that just kind of does that. We all need this much energy. What. What is it for? It's also, I do think it's part of the reason we're online all day. Just like. Like fascism. Like, it's. When you have that much caffeine. Like, truly, everything does feel like fascism. And everyone just feels like online, they're so hopped up on caffeine. Truly. At a job where they send, like, emails all day, like, people are just like, looping back, circling back, bumping. Like, that's most of our jobs at this point. And we have 300 milligrams of caffeine. It is so wild. Like, I think we have to do some kind of breathalyzer test with energy drinks before people go on the Internet to make comments. Because it's just I post a video of my engagement and people like, but did you see what's happening in the Sudan? It's like, huh? Why are you using your platform to talk about the Congo? Like, we got to. We got to use this energy on things that actually require energy. Okay. It's also funny because every time something that would require this level of manic, superhuman Energy happens. No one uses it. Like, when the drones came in New Jersey, no one was like, like, no one used. Everyone just took a selfie and were like, I'm gonna head back inside and post it. No one is actually using this energy. Like, wouldn't you go like, ah, we've got the 300 milligram caffeine in the fridge for when the drones come. The drones came and everyone was like, nah, dude, Paris, filter, post it. Partnership. It's like, I think energy drinks should be regulated. This is a hot take. It should be for like construction workers, marathon runners. Why does a 14 year old boy playing a video game need 500 milligrams of caffeine in his body? Like, we're gonna, we're gonna look back on this, be like thinking about it the same way. Remember when Coca Cola had the agar? We're gonna be like, that was weird. Everyone's just like hopped up on caffeine. Yet none of the planes could stay in the sky. That's what's wild to me. Does anyone else feel like nothing's getting done when you're like, okay, I'm watching you drink that energy drink? How come you haven't been able to stick the landing on that hole? Punching? Tyler, Tyler, I just. I need you to print two pieces of paper. You have 400 milligrams of caffeine in your body. Like, where is it? All right, guys, let's talk about upgrading your SCX life like adults for a second. If performance anxiety has ever gotten in your head or things just aren't as predictable as they used to be, maybe you're dehydrated, I don't know. Bluetooth is basically the upgrade button that you have been looking for. They're chewable tablets that deliver longer, harder, longer lasting. You know what's without all the hoops and the awkward errands, here's how simple it is. No waiting rooms, no pharmacy lines, no what brings you in today. And you have to like explain it. You're just going to go online, answer a few questions. Once you're approved by licensed medical provider, Bluechew will send you chewable tablets straight to your door. Discreet packaging. Bluetooth tablets help with longer and stronger. Are we allowed to say this? Pat erections and everything is made in the usa, prepared and shipped directly to you. 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[Whitney Cummings]

I do think that we're going to look back and go, like, remember when humans were drinking 400 milligrams of caffeine a day working from their bed? I blame podcasters for glamorizing this whole thing. Like, we don't need caffeine. Like, what are you. Like, you're sitting on a couch in shorts talking about the pyramids incorrectly. Like, it's. You don't even know the answer. You're not even proving anything. You're just, like, musing, we don't need this much caffeine. Like, we're not. You're talking about the pyramids, which, by the way, they built without energy drinks. You guys need energy drinks to talk about the pyramids. They just built them with none of it. So something's backwards here, is all I'm saying. And I just feel like my adrenals are so shot. So I'm off energy drinks. I am doing a little bit of. Because I'm very international, and I'm just doing, like, tea, so I know nobody cares what I'm ingesting for energy. It annoys me when people go on and on about their, like, caffeine journey. But I just think all of us. I'm worried that the more caffeine we drink, the more tired we are. And maybe we're just evolving to have a higher tolerance for it. Like, you know how rattlesnakes are evolving to not rattle, because that's what's getting them killed. And cows are evolving to not make milk. And that could also be, like, their interference with antibiotics, whatever. But we might be evolving to just be kind of, you know, people that drink coffee and just, like, go to bed. That's not normal. Anyway. So I am withdrawing from caffeine, a very high amount of it. So I can only see out of one eye as I read my bullet points. And if I do repeat myself six times in a row, just go with it. This is. This is part of my healing. This is part of my sobriety journey with caffeine. All right, I also want to talk about the country music chart. Okay, so I guess an AI song is number one on the country music chart charts. And people are, like, up in arms. Like, I'm obsessed with when people get upset about AI when they're like, that was going to be AI Music. Like, what do you guys think music has been recently? Yes, of course we're going to lose some music to AI Fine. But we're not going to be losing, like, wildly original music. The music we do lose. You won't notice it's AI because most music has been sounding AI for a minute now. And also like this song. It's not number one for real. It's not. Because people are like, I love this. Dorks and journalists, they can't tell the difference between something like trending or being number one. Whether it's for the right reasons or for the wrong reasons. They assume it's all in a positive way, which is ironic because they're haters and they can't fathom that other people might be haters too. Being like, this is stupid. Like, it's funny. These dork journalists, because they have no friends, they haven't had friends be like, hey, listen to this AI country song. They actually think that it's genuine. Genuine. No, dude, this is funny. People being like, listen to this AI country song, right? That's what they're doing. They don't like it. They don't think it's better than other music. It's just funny to listen to a computer be for Western. It's funny. It's funny. Art will do very well as a joke, and that's okay. Like, we've always had AI Art, right? There's always like, been that, right? Like, and I use AI as a form of like generic or, you know, kind of mass produced and amalgam of everything that has ever worked. Like, like art wise, like Hallmark cards is like AI. It's always been like AI. I just don't think AI is going to replace art if the art is original. And I don't think in general AI is going to replace humans because like, humans is a concept, right? Human is almost already AI if that makes any sense. Like human is how we identify. But we're not humans, we're animals. We're animals who identify as humans. So I don't think AI is going to replace humans because humans are actually animals and I don't think AI can replace animals. So human is just. We're trying to pretend we're special. It's like the idea of like, I'm human. You know, when people like, he's my favorite human. Like, like what? You know when people say that, like, this is my favorite human. Like, this is like, he is the best. Or like, I. Me and my human. Like, you don't have to say that if you're that thing Jim saying, you know, people like, just me and my human, like, what it dog and they're human. Like human to me is an insult at this point. But it's such a Weird. It's us trying to pretend like we're special. It's truly, you know, when you call yourself human, it's just as sort of arrogant is saying like, well, I'm an empath. I think that we are using words that we all have different definitions of, or we're not using the proper word. Or is AI going to replace humans? Is AI going to replace our. Like define art. It's. Is it going to replace good art? Is going to replace bad art? Like, what even is art? We don't have a definition for what that is. Someone taped a banana to a wall and called it art. Like, AI can go ahead and replace that whenever you want. You can replace like dumb nonsense, truly begging you. But I don't think we have to worry about music or AI images at all. Because AI doesn't yet get that when something is perfect or symmetrical, we're actually repelled by it. And that's why I can replace whatever humans, whatever that genre of species is. But you know what it is? This is it. We think we're human. And then when you go online, you go, oh, wow, people are monsters. No, it's just we're animals and we've always been animals and we show our animal instincts behind closed doors online, but not face to face, right? So maybe that's the proof I'm looking for. Going like, no, the way people behave online, that's normal. That's how. That's normal. The way we behave in person, that's what's weird. Like people now go, oh my God. Online people are just like such monsters. It should be the other way. It should be like, I just saw someone and they were like so nice and cordial. That was weird. Also, AI is never going to be able to account for the fact that we find attractive things that symbolize at least women dominance. Whereas guys, it's fertility. AI would never think like, oh, put the hot guy should have like a scar. Like the hot guy should have a. Every hot guy in every move, there's a scar like through his eyebrow. Like, that's hotter than a guy who's perfect looking. And like guys, you guys like freckles. Every guy I know is like, freckles are so hot, you know, which is also remember Cindy Crawford, the most beautiful model of all time. Just straight up mole, mole under her nose, just. I'm shocked they didn't just let a hair come out of it. The whole, like, there was nothing you could do to make her less hot, right? So I think that that is something that AI is never going to account for. Right? Is we don't want perfection and certainly not in art or music or any of that. Like, Shania Twain said it. Remember Brad Pitt? That don't impress me much. She said it's not attractive when someone is too attractive. Right. It's just not. I don't. Which, by the way, when you think about that song, it is so savage. Looking back, can you imagine just ran like random jab. Like, imagine if a guy had a song that was like, hey Zendaya. Hard pass. Like, how if Benson Boone just had a song that was like, Sydney Sweeney. No thanks. Not my type. Like, I'm just gonna say it. I. I hire a lot of people to help me because I. This, this kid, man, it's who I need. I need. I need gals in every city to come help me with this child. Okay? I'm using Cash App to pay babysitters to pay nannies to pay people to come clean the house in Atlanta because, you know, I thought it would be a good idea to get the paint that goes in the bathtub. But it's. It's not. It says washable and that's not true. So I am paying people out the wazoo on Cash App and they make it so easy. Even if you do try to offer a different app, they're like, do you have Cash App like. Like, this is the one that works. Cash App does more than you think when it comes to having your back and making sure that your money stays your money. If you direct deposit at least $300 in paychecks each month and use the Cash App card for your purchases, you can unlock up to $200 in free overdraft coverage if you overdraft unexpectedly. No hidden fees. Love that. Manage your money on your terms and take advantage of free overdraft coverage. Up to $200 on cash app today for a limited time, new Cash App Customers can earn $10 if they use the code CASH APP10 in their profile at signup and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App Bank Partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank member fdic. Overdraft coverage provided by Cash App, a Block Inc. Brand. Visit cashapp.com legal podcast for full disclosures. Jones Road Beauty. I am completely upset. First of all, look at me. I am just like a dewy, like, fairy. What would you even call this? Pat? Like hot jellyfish. Like, what is going on with my skin? I started Using Jones Road Beauty. And it's like, you can use these bomb. It's like a balm that you put on. First of all, that is. I can't even. It's like a dewy central. It's velvety. That's what it is. And then there's like a blush that you just use with your fingers. And then you can also use it on your lips. So you're all kind of in the same movie. Like, there's this thing where someone's eyelids are a different color than their cheeks. A different color in their lips. And it's just kind of like, I don't know, like, is it Halloween or we, like at work? What are we doing? You know? So I love Jones Road Beauty because they have these palettes and it just all it makes. I'm able to put makeup on like I'm a professional makeup artist, and I am not. Okay. I love Jones Road Beauty also. The packaging is amazing. It is. The balm is called Miracle Balm. I have it with me wherever I go. It enhances your skin instead of, like, covering it up and making you break out so it's glowy, makes you feel pulled together. Miracle Balm. It is a true, like, multitask. Or you can put it in as a tint, a blush, a bronzer, a highlight you can put on your lips. You can put it everywhere. Even there? Yes, even there. With all the holiday events coming up, you can go from errands to party ready in minutes with Miracle Bomb. And their new limited edition holiday collection is full of effortless party ready trios. That's the one that I have. The trios that make amazing gifts. Oh, that's a good idea. I should give it to all my friends. This holiday season, simplify your routine with makeup that's clean, strategic, and multifunctional. Don't miss out on their limited edition holiday set. Ooh, I don't have one of those. So as a treat for our listeners, you'll get a free cool gloss on your first purchase. When you use code Whitney at checkout, you can just head to Jonesroadbeauty.com use Whitney at checkout. After your purchase, they will ask where you heard about him and you're going to say, this guy. Whitney.

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[Whitney Cummings]

Wayfair's big sale is returning. Get ready for way day. For four days only, score up to 80% off all things home with free shipping on everything from October 26th through 29th. Score Wayfair's best deals like up to 80% off area rugs, up to 60 off mattresses, up to 60% off bedroom furniture, and more exclusive door buster deals. So mark your calendar and shop Wayday starting October 26th at Wayfair.com Wayfair Every style, every home okay, as promised, we are going to go through a list of jobs that are less impacted by artificial intelligence based on the list that we had last week. Phlebotomists, you're safe. The people who take blood, you're safe. Needle people, that's going to be left, right? Don't panic. Needles are, you know, not going to be put in our veins by robots. All right? They, however, they're cutting the top layer of our eyeball off for LASIK surgery. But this is where we draw the line. I don't know if I get it. Why not? Why can't robots put needles in our. Like, I would rather a robot do this every time I get my blood taken. I get someone who's. I get a lemon every time. I'm telling you, last time a woman missed my vein four times and she told me I had slippery veins, like, you have slippery veins. I was like, that's not a. That's not true. That's not a medical term. Firstly. Second, she's like, your veins are just real slippery. I've thought a lot about this because needles have been in the zeitgeist quite a bit, right? Like, needle people being around despite AI is, is, I think, good news. I think most people want a human being to kind of do that. Except Elizabeth Holmes, who, by the way, I'm sure she's got another Easy Bake Oven coming down the pike to get our blood in her grubby hands. I. I do think she's working on another bloodsucker business. Did you hear about this? Like, she's getting out of jail and she's like, got another. The thing that's fishy to me about humans doing needles is like, these people in Silicon Valley, they want our blood. They want it and they want it bad. And I think I'd rather a human take my blood, even if it takes six tries, because they just. There's These people that are just making apps, they want our blood, they want our periods. When are you on your period? When's that blood? I want to know where that period blood is at all times. I need that blood from inside your veins. Like, well, first of all, I. I do. God, I. Thinking about blood. I'm trying to articulate myself, but my brain always shuts down when I talk about blood because I just don't think we talk about blood enough. I think more people also have to come to terms with the fact that, like, we are Ziploc bags made of blood. Like, Like. Like, like truly tiptoeing through the world, just trying to keep our bloods inside our bodies. Like, it's hard for me to think about needle people and the future of needles and robots because it's like, you know, we. I think this part of the reason we're all so angry and defensive, because it is. We are. We are just like a. Like a Kool Aid man with a hat on, Just. Just sloshing through the world, barely surviving at every point. I mean, all we're doing is trying to keep our blood in the container that we have, right? Like, whenever you, you know, are biking and there's a branch, you're like, when you duck and you're like, oh, God, okay, the blood still kept the blood in. Like, it's. It's not, oh, no, I didn't hit my head. It's, oh, no, the. I kept the blood in the bag. You know, we have all these words instead of kept the blood in, but really, we're just trying to keep the blood in. Okay, I'm just. We're just. If you trip and fall, you're like, oh, God, thank God I didn't fall. No. Like, oh, thank God the blood didn't spill out. Don't get me started on blood banks because twice a week I, like, spiral into a panic going, like, what's up with all the blood in those blood banks? Like, is there a generator? What's the plan for all that blood? And, like, how is it stored? Like, I just have a lot of questions about blood banks, and I do think that it is just worth thinking about what we're going to do about the needle situation moving forward. Because it seems like getting blood out of our bodies does solve a lot of problems because you can study it and stuff, assuming all these blood tests are real. But we talk a lot about solving problems of how to get blood out of our bodies. Are we doing it with Theranos? Are we doing it with A machine. Are we doing it with this? I just for me to get blood out of my body, all I have to do is brush my teeth at this point. But I think we need to focus more about how to keep the blood inside. Our great example, the next job that is still going to be available after AI, Hazardous material remover workers. The whole point of robots and AI was that humans weren't going to have to do super dangerous jobs. Right? Firefighters weren't going to have to go into burning buildings if they had kids. You're going to send a robot in. Why is hazardous material removal workers. Why is that on this list? You're telling me that drones are being used by Amazon to deliver people their blue hair dye in three hours so that they have it for their what their. The anime convention. But when it comes to carcinogenic waste, we're going to send someone's son. Like, if I confused. Like, is this just because we need something to make documentaries about? Like, what is. I'm very confused about this. Okay? We don't want to harm our fancy machines. We, we don't want to. We can't send a machine into Chernobyl. It could rust our machine. I'm just telling you, this is why I defend robots and AI because they're going to go in to places that humans shouldn't go in. But then these lists come out and people. It hasn't been solved. Like, what do we do? Why, why is this? Why don't they have landmine robots to go get the landmines? We're not even using. Robots aren't good. We're using rats for that. Rats are the ones that go in and deactivate landmines. Now it's not even robots. Like, what are we talking about? See, and this to me is a big problem of how they're developing these machines. Rats can do it, but robots can't. Why not, Pat? Why not?

[Pat Regan]

Rats are cheap.

[Whitney Cummings]

Because humans are basing the robots on humans instead of animals. Idiots. Whenever you see these robots, you're like, it's like, it's like mocking how dumb humans are. Humans could never deactivate landlines. So why would you make a human robot? Go deactivate a landmine. That's why it's not working. You gotta do a rat do. I'm saying don't kill the rat, but also just use a rat. Just use a rat. Just use a rat. We don't need to replace the rat. Like, why not Just embrace. Pay the rat. That's it. We don't need Robots, we need to just start paying, hiring animals. Hear me out because you know, like we still can't make a machine that smells as, as well as a dog. We still have bomb sniffing dogs. We don't have bomb sniffing machines because they can't make a machine that's as good as the dog. Just treat dogs better and let them have a civilization and pay them. Stop trying to replace things that are working do. I'm saying like that's it. Well, we knew every time I talked about this last week, every time we go to the airport there's a new machine to help us. Put a tag on the bag and there's five people trying to make the machine work. You know, roofers aren't going to go away, is it? Why am I, Why don't I get this roofers? Isn't AI supposed to take that dangerous job? Why are the most dangerous jobs still going to be around according to this list? I'm so confused. Like how about this? How about AI robot people? How about I drive my own car myself and you have your machine go up on my slippery roof so that I don't die falling off a roof in front of my kid, collapsing onto a snowman and breaking my neck. Can we get like where, what's the priority list of what's replacing what? You know, I mean embalmers is another one. A lot to look forward to, guys. Yeah, AI might take some jobs, but you can absolutely rub formaldehyde all over a corpse, which there will be a plenty of them because people are going to be removing hazardous materials and falling off roofs. Right. Like massage therapists is another one. Great, great. I mean, look, if you can do embalming, you can also. Same, same, you know, like same skill set. So just learn how to rub bodies. Alive, dead. You know, that's, that's kind of the way to go. Touching other people's bodies will again, isn't the whole point of AI and robots to make it so you never have to touch another human truly, ever? I need AI to replace hugging. I'm not even germaphobic. I just like I saw you yesterday. Like I can't. I don't have time for this. Why am I in your armpit? Like I don't. You're married. I don't know you that well. Why is my lip gloss on your hoodie? And why are you wearing a hoodie? You're 45 year old man. But the point is I'm confused about these lists, about what jobs are going to be replaced and what aren't I don't know what's going up on in Silicon Valley. I do know they're on a lot of mind altering substances to try to become human. And you know that I have a difficult relationship with that word. Like, you know all these guys in Silicon Valley, they're going on these retreats and they're doing like plant medicine because, like, money wasn't enough and like, models weren't enough. And now that they're rich, they're like, but, but are we all connected? Well, by the way, that's the other. When you do like, plant medicine, the thing is always like, we're all connected. Silicon Valley people are like, we're all connected. No, we're not. No, we're not. Nope, nope. I am not connected to those pores. I am. It's me and God. Like the Silicon Valley guys always say they saw God and then people that are broke do plant medicine and they're like, we're all connect, we're all one. And then they're like, no, I hung out with God. No one. Because everyone else already thinks that. They're like, yeah, we go to church when God is like the only reason we're surviving life. Like, honestly, they're like, oh, I did plant medicine. Realize I'm not God, but he's my friend. Like, oh, my son's birthday's coming up two years old. People really want to like pitch what to do when you're. I'm not a big birthday party person for a kid. Like every day is his birthday, he always, every, every. He gets new stuff all day. You know, it's like a thing, a thing. Like, I don't know what to do. I do know that there's like a clown, like a birthday clown that'll come and do, I don't know, like balloons or something that everybody I know kind of uses that's like funny and kind of a magician. And I was talking to somebody about, I was like, oh, shall I have this person come? And they were like little clowns. Like, oh, I'm scared of clowns. I was like, huh? What? You're 35 years old. What do you mean you're scared of clowns? Like, who are these? Like, that's like a thing now where people like, I'm scared. Clowns are real spooky. Like, you're, I'm afraid of clowns. You are? Then you. Then, then you should be in an institution. First of all, hold on, you're scared of clowns? First of all, no, you're not. How about that like, you're not afraid of clowns. You're homophobic. A man in makeup is upsetting to you. Just say it. I am annoyed when someone has to make a fake fear because it's like in the zeitgeist. Like, I'm afraid of clowns. Like, no, you're not. You get an Uber every night with a complete stranger, and you have zero fear in your heart at all. I'm afraid of clowns. Like, no, you're not. You're. If anything, you're afraid of the kind of man who, in their 50s, is desperate enough to dress up as a clown and go to a kids party. That's what you should be afraid of. People are afraid of the wrong things. I feel like. Like, I'm afraid of clowns. Like, no, you should be afraid of the man that signed up to make balloons for kids. Don't let him in your house. Don't let that person. And don't let the man in. The clown's fine. It's like, it's like a guy in a minion's costume. Like, I'm afraid of minions. It's like, no, there's a. You're afraid of the guy that's dressed as a minion to get your kid to go to the car with him. What? I'm afraid of clowns. People want to be twee so bad. People want to be awkward so bad. Don't you think? It's like, I'm afraid of clowns. Like, I have such a cool, quirky fear. Okay, well, you know that we're running out of fertilizer. But I'm afraid not of clowns. Of people who decorate their Christmas tree where some of the strands are blinking and some aren't. And I have to drive by that every time I go into my house. That's what. If you're going to be afraid of anything, it's person who just went. Wrapped it and was like, that's enough. You know those trees that are just like three? It's like, not even symmetrical. Not. It was no attempt to be so just like. Like, do you. Do you need more time? Like, you don't have to do. It's not even Thanksgiving yet. You don't have to do this yet. I asked my neighbors last year, there was one that was like, off and, like, one of the strands was dead. And I was like, can I fix this? They were like. Like, I can't drive by this every day. Like, it shakes me to my core that you're just fine with it. Like, just don't decorate it at all. Just don't put it on. Just don't do it.

[Pat Regan]

They get a knock on the door and they're like, oh, look, Whitney stop by and you're just like, can you guys cut this?

[Whitney Cummings]

I think they open the door and I'm like, are you guys in or you out? Like, what are we doing? Colored lights just all crazy. That. That. Oh, I just realized, like, that takes me back. Like, alcoholic Christmas. Like, everything's just like Rasta thrown together. Fine, here's your Christmas tray. Like, why does Santa have your handwriting, dad? Like, just don't do it. Then why am I rushing you for this magic. Another job that will be left. Don't fret. Motor and boat operators. This is. This seemed very random to me. And then I realized exactly what it meant. Of course motorboat operators are going to be a job that's left after AI because we can't trust AI and robots to whisk politicians from island to island. We can't risk that they. That politicians would have even a week without getting to talk to an international tween who tells them how important they are. You do what for a living? God forbid AI take a wrong turn driving a politician on a motorboat while shuffling a prince out to an island to show his teddy bear collection to an Italian teenager who collects Labubus. He's like, I own the official Princess Diana Beanie Baby. Cool. Cool. That would only impress an actual child. Okay. Which, by the way, I do believe Prince Andrew has been kicked out of the Royal Court or whatever, which is just so funny to me that they waited this long to do it because they, like, waited till it was a slow week. They didn't want. Meghan Markle is every week in the news. Let's wait, because we want people to see that we kicked this guy out. Like, we need everybody to know that. It was just. We don't even have proof yet. But this guy's just too embarrassing because also, like, he kept saying, like, there's no proof that I was on the island. There's no. It was Photoshopped. That photo with me and whatever, Gus the girl, it's Photoshopped, dude. Even if you're getting photoshopped in a photo like that, you've done something wrong. No one else is getting photoshopped in those photos. But you, like, you flew too close to the sun that. Why are you even getting blackmailed Then when someone's like, everyone's attacking me, you're like, why is everyone attacking you and not everyone else? Something's up. You're up to something. Something's fishy with you. Do you know the people who always say, well, this person is attacking me. This person Photoshopped me. This person photoshopped that message about me. It's like, why are all these people going out of their way to destroy your life? Why do they care at all? I don't know. I'm not bringing. I'm. I'm procrastinating a little bit because there was a big Epstein island update. And, like, you know what? Ah, it's the reaction to the Epstein island drop of these emails and stuff that kind of incriminate Trump. The hardest part is just no one cares. Like, I knew this would happen. As soon as actual things started dropping that were incriminating, no one would care. It's about the chase. When you actually. When you actually see proof, you're like, no, no, this is a bummer. We liked it better when we knew something was up but didn't know. And, like, I like it better when.

[Pat Regan]

I'm right and you're wrong.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I don't want to. Like, oh, guys, don't. Don't draw proof that it actually happened. We were kind of enjoying, like, being dramatic and, like, also being able to say what was true without being wrong. Yeah. Like, no one could argue with. No one could tell you you were wrong because they didn't know either. Here's what's probably happening. We want to be able to go like, well, here's what. Here's what it is. Now you dropped it. We're like, oh, man, these are just kind of boring emails. After. I don't even read my own emails, but I literally looked at the emails, and I was like, I can. You can't make me read. You will not make me. Honestly, you are. You are forcing a woman to do something she doesn't want to do. Read an email. Will it ever end with these creeps? I can't do it. And also the truth. When the truth does finally come, which, by the way, if we think this is the truth, then the truth is something totally different. Right? It's like right now, if the government was like, hey, guys, we're just gonna let you know the moon landing was fake. We did it, you know, because we were at, you know, in this cold war with Russia. We wanted them to think we had dominance. We'd be like, what are you doing? You can't just admit that. Are you insane? Don't admit that the moon landing was fake. What are you doing? Like, no conspiracy theorists would be, like, psyched. You were just like. Or they go, well, if they're admitting that, then that means there's no moon at all. You know what I'm saying? We don't. No one wants to think they're right. If you're like, conspiracy theorist, the worst news is that, oh, you were right. I kind of liked being a kook. That's what was fun about that. But also, then what? Then everyone's looking for these Epstein island answers. The only good thing about the answers, not all coming out, is then you don't have to deal with the horror show of watching nothing be done about it, because that's going to be even more upsetting is when it's like, it was this person and this person and this leader and this president and this, you know, whatever, the prime minister, and this. And nothing's gonna happen to them. And then you're just gonna get more dribbled. It's like, well, we're, you know, putting together an investigation, and we're like, what's. What are we gonna do? Okay, it's that person. Cool. What are we gonna do? A citizen's arrest? We're all gonna storm their castle. They're. They're gonna go, no, I didn't. And then they're gonna pretend to investigate for 15 years, and then all of their friends are gonna drown in a paddleboarding accident. Like, we. It's almost like we're forgetting that that edging is the win. With this last batch of emails. It's kind of like the dog caught the car and was like, ugh, why'd you stop? Like, we don't really know what to do about this. We kind of wanted, like, photos and videos. This is kind of just like a Rorschach test of emails that we all have to kind of read. And why don't any of these emails have punctuation? We're allowed to email like this. They're not like, I hope this finds you well. Like, it's just like, you're allowed to just be this direct. No wonder they got so much stuff done. I don't know.

[Pat Regan]

Hey, Ghislaine, it's Jeffrey. Just circling back about all the crimes.

[Whitney Cummings]

Hey, bumping, bumping, bumping to the top of your inbox.

[Pat Regan]

Bumping this blackmail this week.

[Whitney Cummings]

Bumping this bumping, blackmail, bumping, blackmail. There's something kind of underwhelming about criminals correspondence. You want it to be like, hey, just committed a felony. Attached is the video of the international traffic. Like, it's.

[Pat Regan]

You Know how do you spell more?

[Whitney Cummings]

Just like a mode, like, knife emoji. Like, it's. It's not as sexy as I think we wanted a sex crime to look. It is pretty boring correspondence, which is probably how they get away with it, frankly. Like the FBI. That's like, watching them is just like, oh, my God, this is, like, so boring. Like, we can't read all these emails, right? Like, I. I haven't looked through all of them, but there is something kind of depressing about all of a sudden when it actually starts to come out or it's kind of. Everyone's like, ah, snore. This is nothing I can really repost. Like an Abercrombie and Fitch model. Because, you know, Abercrombie and Fitch is owned by the guy that started Victoria's Secret, who was Epstein's, you know, main. The money guy. And. And he was sort of putting all these pieces together, going, like, now's not the time to stop caring, you know? And that's exactly what was happening. It was sort of like we're at this fatigue of, like, we would have to see something so extreme to care anymore, because I think we all have surrendered of going like, this is just how it is. And I'm sure the powers that be are like, how far can we push them to and distract them until they'll just, like, give up asking? And it was this far. And they go, okay, good. Good to know. If we want to do international sex crimes, like, with minors, like, we just have to spend, like, what, five years. It was like, been like five years. Like five years distracting them. Hold. They'll get. They'll. We'll wear them down eventually, don't you think? And then by the time we actually drop it, AI will have taken over. So we can say everything's AI. All right, I've been rambling for a long time, and I hope you guys forgive my uncaffeinated brain. I hope I made some sense. I love you guys. Don't ride elephants. Which, by the way, I might need to change my sign off because I'm doing a show. I can't tell you what it is, but in the unscripted world, and there was this really serious moment that I had to do with someone who's like, a contestant. And he came up to me in this live moment. Live. By that, I mean, like, we're filming, but you only can get it once because, you know, we get one take. How about that? And he came up to me and we, like, stared at each other, and he just went, don't ride elephants. I was like. It threw me. Okay, I love you guys. Don't ride elephants. Goodbye.

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[Whitney Cummings]

Uh, limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

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[Whitney Cummings]

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