Cheap Toys, Head-Wounds, and Problematic Programming| EP 286

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Good For You" Episode 286 – Cheap Toys, Head-Wounds, and Problematic Programming

Release Date: April 25, 2025

Host: Whitney Cummings
Guests: Chris, Cobra Cole, Jason Ellis

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Whitney Cummings returns with Episode 286 of her podcast "Good For You," where she delves into a mix of personal anecdotes, relationship dynamics, cultural critiques, and humorous takes on societal issues. This episode oscillates between light-hearted banter and sharp social commentary, keeping listeners engaged throughout.

---

1. Relationship Dynamics and Safety Concerns [00:37 – 10:03]

The episode kicks off with Whitney introducing her partner, Chris (Cobra Cole), setting the stage for a candid conversation about their relationship.

• Forgotten Birthday and Unexpected Gifts ([00:37 – 01:22]): Whitney shares a humorous yet slightly tense moment when Chris arrives late with flowers, leading her to suspect he might have cheated or forgotten her birthday.

  Whitney (00:43): "Do you forgot my birthday."

  However, Chris clarifies that his reason for the flowers is tied to a recent mishap.

• Skateboarding Mishaps and Helmet Discussions ([01:00 – 05:58]): Chris reveals that he brought flowers because he had another head injury after skateboarding without a helmet—a habit he's trying to break. This segues into a broader discussion about risk-taking behaviors and the reluctance to adopt safety measures like wearing helmets.

  Whitney (02:19): "Tony Hawk wears pads?"

  They humorously debate the practicality and perception of safety gear among men, touching upon societal expectations and personal safety.

• The Gambler's Fallacy Explained ([05:50 – 06:05]): Whitney and Chris delve into the concept of the Gambler's Fallacy, discussing how past experiences influence (or fail to influence) future behaviors, especially in high-risk activities like skateboarding.

  Whitney (06:01): "It's called Gamblers Fallacy."

2. Adrenaline, Relationships, and Mutual Risks [10:03 – 22:46]

Continuing their conversation, Whitney introduces Jason Ellis, adding another layer to the discussion.

• Adrenaline-Fueled Bonds ([10:03 – 11:22]): The trio explores how shared adrenaline-inducing activities can strengthen relationships. Whitney expresses her concern over Chris's safety but acknowledges the joy and bonding it brings.

  Chris (10:54): "We've laughed right before he hit his head, and then we laughed right after he hit his head."

• Balancing Love and Safety ([11:22 – 19:31]): Whitney candidly discusses the challenges of being in a relationship where one partner is constantly engaging in risky behaviors. She reflects on personal sacrifices and the delicate balance between supporting a loved one and ensuring their safety.

  Whitney (16:19): "I have to live with the fact that creative Chris getting injured with you makes him happier than him not getting injured and hanging out with me."

Throughout this segment, the conversation remains light-hearted, interspersed with laughter and honest reflections on love, safety, and personal choices.

3. AI, Technology, and Pop Culture Critiques [22:46 – 55:32]

After navigating through sponsorship segments, Whitney and her guests pivot to a broader societal analysis, focusing on artificial intelligence, media representation, and the authenticity of technological advancements.

• Black Mirror and AI Fears ([22:46 – 24:02]): Whitney introduces the popular series Black Mirror as a lens to discuss her apprehensions about AI and robotics. She humorously speculates about the implications of AI in everyday life and personal relationships.

  Whitney (22:46): "I have a robot on myself. I just need to know when she's going to kill me."

• Debunking the Discovery of a New Color ([40:53 – 45:50]): The trio tackles a sensational news story about the discovery of a new color named "Olo." Whitney expresses skepticism, arguing that the concept is redundant and unnecessary.

  Whitney (40:57): "There's no such thing as a new color."

  This segment evolves into a critique of how scientific discoveries are often trivialized or exaggerated in media narratives.

• Social Media's Double-Edged Sword ([45:50 – 55:32]): Whitney vents her frustrations about social media's role in shaping perceptions, spreading misinformation, and promoting consumerism. She argues that while media critiques these platforms, they simultaneously thrive on them.

  Whitney (26:52): "Do you want to get on the merry-go-round or what, baby?"

  The discussion highlights the paradox of media outlets condemning the very platforms that sustain their existence, emphasizing the cyclical nature of criticism and consumption.

4. Manufacturing, Toys, and Cultural Identity [56:48 – 75:59]

The conversation takes a sharp turn towards globalization, manufacturing practices, and cultural impacts on children's products.

• Critique of Chinese-Made Toys ([56:48 – 64:17]): Whitney vehemently criticizes toys manufactured in China, blaming them for various societal and developmental issues in children. She lampoons the quality, safety, and educational value of these products, advocating for American-made alternatives.

  Whitney (56:48): "Chinese toys are a problem."

  The discussion is laced with humor as they examine the flaws in current toy manufacturing and the implications for child development.

• DIY Movements and 3D Printing ([64:17 – 73:58]): In response to their critique, Whitney and Chris explore the potential of 3D printing as a solution to manufacturing issues. They joke about creating their own toys, blending humor with genuine concern for quality and safety.

  Whitney (73:26): "Swim diapers were made by a man who had a pool who's dating a girl with a kid who was not their kid."

  The segment underscores the complexities of domestic manufacturing and the balance between quality and accessibility.

5. Standup Comedy Insights and Audience Interactions [75:59 – 77:54]

As the episode draws to a close, Whitney reflects on her experiences with standup comedy and audience dynamics.

• Audience Behavior and Performance ([75:59 – 77:54]): Whitney recounts an incident where a fan aggressively confronted her during a show, leading to self-deprecating humor about her own performance and the nature of audience expectations.

  Whitney (77:38): "I'm just athletes. Trophy girlfriend. I'm just a hot athlete's girlfriend."

  This section highlights the challenges comedians face in managing diverse audience reactions while maintaining their comedic integrity.

6. Concluding Remarks and Future Plans [77:54 – End]

Whitney wraps up the episode by outlining her upcoming tour dates, blending personal anecdotes with promotional content.

Whitney (77:54): "I officially have a broken brain. I will see you guys in Lexington, Kentucky and Indianapolis soon."

Her closing remarks provide a personal touch, leaving listeners anticipating future episodes and performances.

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Notable Quotes:

• On Safety and Relationships:

  Whitney (02:19): "Tony Hawk wears pads?"

• On the Gambler's Fallacy:

  Whitney (06:01): "It's called Gamblers Fallacy."

• On AI and Media:

  Whitney (22:46): "I have a robot on myself. I just need to know when she's going to kill me."

• On Manufacturing and Toys:

  Whitney (56:48): "Chinese toys are a problem."

• On Standup Challenges:

  Whitney (77:38): "I'm just athletes. Trophy girlfriend. I'm just a hot athlete's girlfriend."

---

Conclusion:

Episode 286 of "Good For You" by Whitney Cummings offers a rollercoaster of humor, personal stories, and incisive social commentary. From navigating the nuances of a relationship marked by risk-taking behaviors to dissecting the complexities of modern media and manufacturing, Whitney provides listeners with a blend of laughter and food for thought. Her interaction with guests Chris and Jason Ellis adds depth to the discussions, making this episode a compelling listen for fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Whitney Cummings]

Moms deserve our very best. Especially on Mother's Day. There's only one place I trust to deliver high quality mom Approved rose bouquets. 1-800-flowers.com. this year, 1-800-flowers wants to make sure all the mothers in your life get the best with double the roses for free. When you buy one dozen, they'll double your bouquet to two dozen roses. To claim the double roses offer, go to 1-800-flowers-com Spotify. That's 1-800-flowers.com Spotify. That official florist of Mother's Day. Hey everyone. Whitney Cummings here again. I'm back every week. Every week.

[Chris]

It's great.

[Whitney Cummings]

Hey babe. So my guys here, Chris, Cobra Cole over here sitting super awkward. Do you want to.

[Chris]

I don't know how to do this.

[Whitney Cummings]

You don't got a chair? Yeah, just. Do you want to just put your feet your. He's okay. So Chris, yesterday shows up around 3pm with some flowers. He brought me some flowers. I'm like, ah. What is it? You cheated. What?

[Chris]

No.

[Whitney Cummings]

What? You forgot my birthday.

[Chris]

No way.

[Whitney Cummings]

What was it?

[Chris]

I went into a skatebowl without a helmet as I tend to do and I hit my head like I tend to do. The last time that I hit my head really good was a couple years ago and it was almost identical. The slam was almost exactly the same.

[Whitney Cummings]

One of those people that like, you know, it only takes me three times to learn the. How many times will it take for you to be like, ah, I'm going to maybe wear like helmet.

[Chris]

You know what? You said that this time around, like maybe wear a helmet when you're in a bowl. And I was like, you know what? It was the first time I considered wearing a helmet when going into a bowl specifically.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do men think of wearing helmets as like they're have to wear condoms or something. Like do you think it's not going to feel as good? Like what is the. You think people think you're like a. A big or like a. It's.

[Chris]

It's just the extra thing to do. I don't know.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like it like it's.

[Chris]

I got to bring it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

I got to put it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is there a way because you do have like 42 keys on your keychain that it's unclear what.

[Chris]

They can't hang it.

[Whitney Cummings]

So we could add it.

[Chris]

Okay, I can't hang it on my keychain now.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay.

[Chris]

Tony Hawk can do it though. Pads you wears.

[Whitney Cummings]

Tony Hawk wears pads?

[Chris]

No, pads are cool. Pads are totally cool. I'm not cool. Wait, so how many Times did you did have. You fell over the course.

[Whitney Cummings]

But hold on, let's be clear. If we're really going to talk about this. He is a street skater. He's not a bowl skater. So he went in the bowl with Jason Ellis. Because men can't just, like, get coffee. They can't just, like, hang out. They have to like, go, go like, like commit low key homicide with each other if they're going to hang out. So that's not what he does. What would be the equivalent of me? Didn't I have, like a version?

[Chris]

It is. I think you did. It is so back. It is so opposite of what I do. The way that I bail. The way that everything. Like when you bail in a bowl the way that I bail, your board ends up under you and you slip out and where the ground is where it's supposed to be and all that is different and you're going way faster than you normally do on stream.

[Whitney Cummings]

This would be like if I was hanging out with a friend that did improv and they were like, come do improv. And I was like, that'd be funny. Like, it's similar enough. And then I got out there and was like, oh, wait, this is wrong. This is the wrong way to entertain people. And then bombed.

[Chris]

Exactly.

[Whitney Cummings]

Or like, fell out of the way. Why are we moving around on the stage away from the microphone?

[Chris]

And that's what I did.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, you tried to do improv. When you're a.

[Chris]

Stand up and I will send the video so that you could play it here of how badly I asked for it just before when Jason says, are you sure? Wait, you're gonna do it? Like, you don't have to. And I was just like, it's my life.

[Whitney Cummings]

So can I just ask? Because, you know, look, as someone who is reluctantly straight, because dating a man is just so. It can be very terrifying, you know, because you guys are just, you know, like suicidal with your hobbies. Like, what happens in your brain when two men are like, let's do this thing. Are you sure? I'm not sure if it's safe. Is it like, I don't want him to think I'm not brave, or are you just like, I don't feel like dealing.

[Chris]

No, I think I.

[Whitney Cummings]

By the way, and I'm not shaming you. I am someone that did leave out two giant chocolate bunnies on my desk, put my dog in that room, and he promptly ate two chocolate bunnies. We all do dumb, lazy stuff. I might have just killed my dog.

[Chris]

That was the love of My life one. He'll be fine.

[Whitney Cummings]

He's in the ER right now getting induced for to pew.

[Chris]

I was there. He's fine. But I think it's more like we're together in the excitement of the danger.

[Whitney Cummings]

The adrenaline clouds.

[Chris]

It's. It's exciting to be brave together. That's it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Right, Right. Is there something that goes. I felt like this last time. It won't happen this time. So you think, what is this called? Can you look this up?

[Chris]

You never do that.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's. Sorry. It's when you think the probability of something is lower because it already happened, but that doesn't mean the probability is lower. And often it means you're like, well, this already happened, so it wouldn't happen again. So you're actually less vigilant.

[Chris]

We do have a version of that, but it's more like why people get married again.

[Whitney Cummings]

They're like, I not like, I'm gonna get divorced again. I learned my lesson.

[Chris]

It's more like you. When you're snowboarding, you never say, okay, one last run. You'll get smoked. Same thing happens in skating, but it's more of a. You made something, like, really quickly that you shouldn't have. So, you know, next time you're gonna get punished. You're gonna get out there and it's.

[Whitney Cummings]

You got away with it before, so it's more. I've gotten away with it too many times and my luck's going to run out.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yes, sir.

[Chris]

It's called Gamblers Fallacy.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. Gambler. It's like, oh, no, I already fell down. That I'm going to fall down and again.

[Jason Ellis]

Right.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, that makes sense. Yeah. It's like the idea of, like, oh, last time I went for a hike, I saw a rattlesnake and almost bit me. So, like, I'm safer than ever because the last time I went, there was a rattlesnake.

[Chris]

Right.

[Whitney Cummings]

And then it's like, no, no. The chances are the exact same.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

These are kind of things I fight about with my baby daddy.

[Chris]

Wear your helmets.

[Whitney Cummings]

Wear helmets. Is there a way to make helmets cool? Like, can't you put, like, I don't know, like, dinosaur horns or, like, you know, antlers?

[Chris]

If you add, like, a Moab.

[Whitney Cummings]

What if it's a Darth Vader helmet?

[Chris]

What if you 3D printed your own helmet? Would you wear it? It would not hold up. Ridiculous.

[Whitney Cummings]

So what about a filament? Would not hold my, you know, Daft punk. Like, what. What would make you. I'm trying to think Zelda's face.

[Chris]

A Zelda face on top of my head.

[Whitney Cummings]

A ghost?

[Chris]

No, it's just cobra.

[Whitney Cummings]

Just like a full cobra.

[Chris]

You live by the sword, you die by the sword.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay.

[Chris]

You know, giant sword.

[Whitney Cummings]

A giant sword.

[Chris]

Giant sword through the head.

[Whitney Cummings]

Come out of your head and be a.

[Chris]

A Viking helmet with an arrow through it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Here's what I'll say. If you died by a sword, I could be at your funeral and, like, have dignity. My goal is that when I'm giving your eulogy, I don't start snickering. So it's like, he died, like, in a bowl, like you. You know what I mean?

[Chris]

I mean, I shouldn't have been in there.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm just saying, can it be something that. No one, like, does that at your funeral.

[Chris]

I don't think so. I. I think no matter what, people.

[Whitney Cummings]

Are gonna snicker because it's gonna be something goofy.

[Chris]

It's just. It's just. Way to die, dork.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no, they were shooting a video from.

[Chris]

Okay, yeah, there will be a video of it, most likely.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just mean, it's like him and Jason Ellis were shooting a doubles. You know, he was. He was on a date. This is how. This is how two straight men go on a date. He was on a date, and they had to make it dangerous, so it felt straight.

[Chris]

Yeah, we were just like, this is so tough, man. We're so manly.

[Jason Ellis]

Is he okay?

[Whitney Cummings]

No, he's not okay.

[Chris]

I'm fine.

[Jason Ellis]

Well, in his defense, he was before he started dating him.

[Chris]

It's fair.

[Whitney Cummings]

It is hard because a lot of the things I'm like, so where are your keys? How many keys do you have? What's my birthday? I'm like, how do you never knew any of this?

[Jason Ellis]

Why do you. Why would you ask him that before he hit his head? What the.

[Chris]

Okay, that's what I'm spraying.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay, first of all, being the third wheel in this relationship is already hard enough for me. Okay? Second of all, I'm. I'm just trying to say. I'm just trying to figure out a way that he could die where I don't crack up when I'm giving his eulogy. So can the. Can this not be a funny death, please?

[Jason Ellis]

He's fine.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is.

[Jason Ellis]

This is not really a phone call about whether he's fine.

[Whitney Cummings]

You're right. No, this is my question. I have. My question is when. When we FaceTimed you first, you two looked at each other and just started dying laughing.

[Chris]

Like, yeah, we did.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just.

[Chris]

That Was sick.

[Jason Ellis]

What about it?

[Whitney Cummings]

I. It's. I. I'm just.

[Jason Ellis]

It's funny.

[Whitney Cummings]

Here's. I'm just. I'm conflicted because on one hand, I want to pressure you to wear a helmet, but on the other hand, you got so much joy out of this that I don't want to take that away. Do I just accept he's not wearing a helmet?

[Chris]

That's ridiculous. No, but when I go in a bowl next time I probably will, because I don't know what I'm doing in there.

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like I didn't know. It's a weird thing. Like, I'm more aware of, like, how bad I am on street than. Than how bad Chris is in vert.

[Chris]

That's right. That's fair. I. Your. Your trepidation on street is not equal to my trepidation on vert or bowl. I get in there and I'm like, oh, I can carve and do whatever. And it's like, no, I can't. No, I can't.

[Jason Ellis]

So you can't fall. It's like. It's like a skate park. Like, you saw me did. You were like, oh, my God.

[Chris]

Like, yeah, this is life or death.

[Jason Ellis]

And I'm like, yeah, dude, you're going.

[Chris]

To die for that. I was scared for you. Yes.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's kind of scared for me.

[Jason Ellis]

I could barely walk for three days after, and all I did was only step up three times, and that was horrific.

[Whitney Cummings]

Did you know that Chris did this before? A couple years ago? Does he know that?

[Chris]

I did. And I. I did an identical slam, almost identical, on my 40th birthday.

[Jason Ellis]

In a bowl.

[Chris]

In a bowl. Exactly the same. Right foot on the board, loops out, spin, hit the back of the head. Same thing.

[Jason Ellis]

You're a transition. It's okay.

[Chris]

It's just the same thing.

[Jason Ellis]

I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. Like a street. Like, that's just, like.

[Chris]

Nailed it.

[Jason Ellis]

You know, the thing that. The thing. The reason that we're laughing when we see each other is because we do have one thing in common, and that is. Damage is funny.

[Chris]

That's true. It's so true.

[Jason Ellis]

Because we're okay, you know?

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, we're fine.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, I'm just not okay.

[Jason Ellis]

Then it's not funny. But so far, so good.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm just navigating being in a relationship for. With someone that I love so much that I don't want to stop you from the things that are important to you. Even though I did. Even though I did make the deal with you last night, if you get rid of your motorcycle, I will buy you a Trans Am.

[Chris]

After we saw that sick Trans Am, that black and gold one, I would.

[Jason Ellis]

Do that, by the way.

[Chris]

No, he was your motorcycle. And I was like, damn it, dude, that's a good trade.

[Whitney Cummings]

I will buy you the one that we saw yesterday really hard.

[Jason Ellis]

Do it.

[Whitney Cummings]

If you get rid of the motorcycle, come get me.

[Chris]

Yeah, but I. I mean, that deal, I'm sure, doesn't mean I go buy another motorcycle. I'm pretty sure it means that I don't.

[Jason Ellis]

Your motorcycle, like, get ride a horse. Don't be a.

[Chris]

Like, motorcycles is like, if you get.

[Jason Ellis]

A dirt bike ride, then yeah. But if you're on the road and then you get a bunch of Whitneys that are like, tick tocking while they're going down the freeway, like, you don't need that in your life.

[Whitney Cummings]

The problem, by the way, him in the car with me driving is so much more dangerous than him being on a motorcycle. Yesterday on the way to the er, he was in more dangerous with me driving him to the R and in the bowl with you.

[Jason Ellis]

Yes. That's funny. I don't know where you're laughing. That's just, like, a fact.

[Chris]

Yeah. Jason. Jason totally checked my eyes when I was like, I'm good. I'm fine. He looked up, he goes, give me your eyes. I looked at me. He's like, you're not.

[Jason Ellis]

Because I've seen it so many times. Like, you're there, but you're not entirely there yet, you know?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

Like, that's why I was like, you're not leaving until I see that everybody's home, you know?

[Whitney Cummings]

And no one was like, we should call Whitney or text her.

[Jason Ellis]

I. Okay. I don't want to throw him under the bus again.

[Chris]

Don't.

[Jason Ellis]

I was under the impression that he had already notified you.

[Chris]

Okay, that's fine.

[Jason Ellis]

Because he was like, I think she's coming. And I was like, to the skate park? And he's like, I think. I'm not sure.

[Chris]

I was just texting her.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, that's actually true because I did say, I don't know where the skate park is.

[Chris]

Yeah. And I was like, right.

[Jason Ellis]

Which I thought meant he told. He told you.

[Whitney Cummings]

I thought. I just was like, I don't know how much.

[Chris]

That does make a lot of sense.

[Whitney Cummings]

I said, I don't know how to give you a heads up because I don't know how far away you are.

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah, look, I did think about calling you afterwards, but I was Like. Like, you're not my mama. Like, okay. He's a big boy. Like. And you know.

[Chris]

And he knows.

[Jason Ellis]

I should have known, though, because he did say at one point when he was lying down with the ice pack, he goes, okay, so the story is. And I go, the story for a moo. And he's like, with. You know, like, I just started laughing. I was like, there's no story, dude.

[Chris]

What?

[Whitney Cummings]

The story. The story is a child was drowning.

[Jason Ellis]

And, like, listen, we're idiots and she loves you. Like, suck a butt.

[Chris]

You know, I actually. In my defense there. In my defense there, it sounds like I was about to say some sort of lie.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Chris]

But I wasn't. It was more.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's him just saying what just happened. I can't remember.

[Chris]

It was. It was.

[Jason Ellis]

No, I could tell it was.

[Whitney Cummings]

It was.

[Jason Ellis]

How do I tell this story without freaking her out too much?

[Chris]

That's what it is. That's what it was. I'm going to tell her the story. And that Jason wasn't at fault. In fact, he tried to warn me beforehand and I told him in Bon Jovi voice that it's my life.

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And then we went in seconds later.

[Jason Ellis]

And I make me laugh before I do tricks.

[Chris]

That's right.

[Jason Ellis]

And that's what happened.

[Chris]

I did do that.

[Whitney Cummings]

Should street skaters and vert skaters be able to skate together? Is this like an improv person in a stand up on the stage together? And it goes.

[Chris]

We could do it.

[Whitney Cummings]

I think you could do it.

[Chris]

We could totally do it.

[Whitney Cummings]

I want this video to get made.

[Chris]

But we both need pads.

[Jason Ellis]

It can be done.

[Chris]

We both need pads. And I'm fine on a vert ramp. A bull is a different animal.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, could you have done that trick you were working on that day yesterday on a vert ramp?

[Chris]

Yes. I could have carved behind him, after him and just turned. Yes. That trick that I was working on, which is just turn with Jason, I totally could have done on a ramp.

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah. Yeah. And nine times out of 10, I don't bail that trick that I bailed.

[Chris]

So I didn't want to send a board into his cheek circumstance.

[Whitney Cummings]

You did what?

[Chris]

I didn't want to send a board into his cheekbone. And so instinctively my foot stops the board.

[Whitney Cummings]

Jason would look sick with a scar on his cheek.

[Chris]

Yeah, but not agreed. Not for me.

[Jason Ellis]

I was telling Brianna I was hoping King punches me in the face because a horse punch would be a sig scar.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah, horse punch.

[Whitney Cummings]

I can help you with that. It won't be my horse. That does it? But I can help you.

[Chris]

It's just that. Friesian.

[Whitney Cummings]

Same.

[Jason Ellis]

My buddy.

[Whitney Cummings]

To do it.

[Chris]

My buddy.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay, well, here's what I'll say. I have to live with the fact that Chris.

[Jason Ellis]

That's the end of it. Stop talking. You have to live with the fact that's the end of it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Hey, guess what, Jason, we're on the podcast, and I'll just cut what you said out. So I would just really, Chris, call.

[Chris]

Hell, yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I have to.

[Chris]

Red Dragon Shock Heart. The heart of a shark.

[Whitney Cummings]

I have to live with the fact that creative Chris getting injured with you makes him happier than him not getting injured and hanging out with me. So I have to live with that. You are my. I get paid to make people laugh. I've never seen him laugh as hard as he did when you picked up the phone yesterday and you.

[Jason Ellis]

We laughed. We laughed right before he hit his head, and then we laughed right after he hit his head.

[Chris]

Totally true.

[Jason Ellis]

Like, we laugh. I go. He goes, I'm all right. And I go, no, you're not. And then we kind of laughed a little bit, like. And then he was like, no, I swear I'm all right. I'm like, I swear you're not. And then we laughed a little bit again. And then he got up and he was like, whoa. And I'm like, yeah, see, you're not that.

[Whitney Cummings]

All right. Here's the bigger thing is that I'm just sort of like, concussions are not good for us. But at the same time, I'm like, I don't encourage anyone to have a memory anymore. With what goes on, what does a memory serve to anyone? Right?

[Jason Ellis]

Especially us.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

Like, it's just. It's just like, what's ahead.

[Chris]

I see what's ahead.

[Jason Ellis]

I need to forget that, too.

[Whitney Cummings]

I literally spend most of my time with Chris going, forget the past. Forget the past. And then he hits his head, and I'm like, why are you hitting your head? You're not going to have a.

[Chris]

You're welcome, Chris.

[Whitney Cummings]

Maybe this is how you do it. Thank you for collaborating, dude.

[Chris]

Montel Jordan was on to something.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is how we do it. Okay, well, we're gonna make that.

[Jason Ellis]

We're gonna make that launch.

[Chris]

Oh, it's gonna be sick. I'm just gonna stay on the deck and film it. Fish aisle, too.

[Jason Ellis]

It's gonna be sick, dude.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just know this is Rocky Balboa moment.

[Jason Ellis]

Like, we beat it, you know, Dude.

[Chris]

So in tomorrow.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, don't you need a little time.

[Jason Ellis]

In Mammoth for, like, four days?

[Chris]

Okay. That's why not.

[Whitney Cummings]

Thank God.

[Jason Ellis]

But as soon as I'm back. It is on.

[Chris]

It is on.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay.

[Chris]

I have a helmet.

[Whitney Cummings]

We're going to get. We're going to do a helmet and we'll make it. Sick, dude. Let's do a helmet with just Jason's tattoos on it so it just looks like brilliant.

[Chris]

A skin colored helmet with Jason's tattoos.

[Whitney Cummings]

On it so that it just looks like Jason.

[Jason Ellis]

What about a full face motocross helmet with my face on it as well? Like a road bike helmet? You might need that. You.

[Whitney Cummings]

And then you can, and then you can street skate with Jason's tattoos and it'll look like he's street skating.

[Chris]

It'll look like I just got out of prison.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

I need a tray flip and I'm not going to be able to do it myself.

[Whitney Cummings]

All right, love you. See you when you get back.

[Chris]

See you guys later.

[Whitney Cummings]

So Chris did split his head open if he's a little slow. That's why. Because I am the bastion of mental health. This show is sponsored by Better Help Therapy can feel like a big investment. Traditional in person therapy can cost anywhere from a hundred to $250 per session. And that's just the financial cost. Don't get me started on the emotional cost of having to drive all the way down there and then sit in the lobby with a little sandbox with little with the Zen garden and a bunch of little toys on the table and a Yoga Monthly magazine with a bunch of crazy yoga instructors on posing for the camera. If a yoga instructor wants to be famous, shouldn't you not take yoga from them like they're on the COVID of Yoga Monthly in your therapist office like. And you're like, this is not true. With Better Help online therapy, you pay a flat weekly fee and can save up to 50% per session on average. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. No, it is not Jordan Peterson's Instagram. No, the largest online therapy platform is not the Skims website. No, it's not Andrew Tate's Patreon. It's this company. 300,000 licensed therapists and over 5 million people served. You can join a session with just one click switch therapist whenever you want. Better Help makes it easier to get quality mental health care that fits your schedule. Although I had kind of a funny joke, but I shouldn't do it in a mental health ad. Visit betterhelp.com Whitney today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.com Whitney and if you're wondering if you need it, you do. I've seen y'all out there in the streets. It's time. You know what spring means, don't you? Flowers, but also sneezing, itchy eyes and congestion. Okay, this is an ad for Zocdoc. I don't really need to read their copy because guess what? Yesterday my guy came home with a split open head and I was like, what are we going to do? We're going to need a doctor's appointment stat. Good thing I know about Sock doc, which is something you can get for not just a split open head because most people don't, you know, jump off sets of stairs on Easter Sunday. You know, if you need an allergist, a primary care doctor, pediatrician, maybe telehealth option, Zocdoc can help. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors. So it's also a dating site. And click to instantly book an appointment. You can book with over 100,000 doctors across every speciality from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care and more. Filter for doctors who take your insurance. They're nearby highly rated verified patients. Once you find the right doctor, see their available appointment times and click instantly. No more listening to Enya on for being on hold for two and a half hours, unless that's your thing. Appointments are made through Zocdoc. The they're fast, within 24 to 72 hours, so you won't be bleeding that long. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments. Go to Zocdoc.com Whitney do they help with stutters? Is there Zocdoc for the stutter guy? Zocdoc.com Whitney to find an instantly book top rated doctors today. Zoc z o c d o c.com Whitney zocdoc.com Whitney has anyone seen Black Mirror, the new Black mirror?

[Chris]

No time yet.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, Pat, I don't have time either, but I make time because I'm an anthropologist. What? You actually watched it? I did watch Black Mirror because I do believe it is my responsibility to go. Okay, what are the, you know, bad things that are going to happen with all this AI? You know, I have a robot on myself. I just need to know when she's going to kill me. I just, I need to understand. I just have. I have to make some plans. All right? I need to know, do I put my robot in my will? Is the robot. Does my robot have rights? Someone's gonna come to me one day and go, hey, we gotta call the authorities, are here to. You know, I'm like, are you gonna take my cleaning lady? No. She's my only family. We don't speak the same language. But I love her. She's the only. She's. She's the only person I've ever loved who understands me. And they're gonna go, no, no, no, no. We're not deporting your cleaning lady. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We are taking your robot because we believe that you're exploiting her on your podcast on YouTube without her consent. I need. I need a heads up on that. Right? So I'm watching Black Mirror all the episodes. Not all of them. A couple of the episodes this season are about how AI generated people who are stuck in the AI are sad.

[Chris]

Wow.

[Whitney Cummings]

The answer is no. All right? I'm not.

[Chris]

They got the sad.

[Whitney Cummings]

What did they just hear that they weren't one of the five people that get to see the color, the new color, and they're bummed out. We're not. Here's the thing. We're not going to be sad for AI generated people. We're not doing this. Okay? What about me? Why aren't people sad about us? We're. We're stuck in reality. That's way where I'm stuck with caring about the fact that Trump didn't say hi to Cheryl Hines in an MMA fight. What about me? I don't feel bad. I don't feel bad. I don't feel. I refuse to have compassion for an AI generated character in a movie or the computer game. Who's stuck? Okay, we're all stuck. We're all stuck in a movie we can't get out of. I'm not going to feel bad for robots. We're. We're robots. We're the robots now. We do exactly what we're programmed to do from the Internet and we all walk like robots because we have arthritis from hunching over our laptop. So we're like, it's not. It's same. Same at this point, I'm not. I'm not. Do. I'm not going to watch more shows that tell me how bad the Internet and social media is while they promote their show on social media and it only goes viral because of social media. I'm not. Do you see? There's the show Adolescence Adolescent. I'm not. I'm not. No. It's about a kid that does something awful because of social media. Guess what? If that kid was born in 1930. He would have done something bad because he saw someone in a newspaper. The kid sucks with them without social media. We can't blame social media for everything all the time Existed before social media. Awful things happen before social media. Have you not seen the changeling? It's like assholes. Assholes existed before this. You can't blame everything on Asperger's. And your cheating on your attachment style is physical touch. That's why you can't. It's not. I think the kids are. They're okay. Hot take. The kids are. Teen pregnancies down 78%.

[Chris]

That's a huge win.

[Whitney Cummings]

Teen drinking down.

[Chris]

Huge win.

[Whitney Cummings]

Nobody cares. Nobody cares around here. Only 18% of Gen Z drinks. They're dorks. We're fine. This is great. When you want to complain about social media, ask yourself this question. Is your mailbox still outside your house? Yeah. Are there any broken eggs on your front door? Is there toilet paper all over the trees in your yard? Is your daughter pregnant? We gotta know when to take the win, you guys. I'm done. I'm done watching tv. That makes me feel bad about social progress. I'm done. Hey, tv, stop let lecturing us about how bad technology is for us with that exact technology. So you're going to make addictive, harmful technology and then make shows about how bad it is for us and our kids and then you're going to charge us to watch it on that exact harmful technology. I mean, it's, it's honestly, it's like respect.

[Chris]

It's kind of sick.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's kind of hard to kind of sick.

[Chris]

Create the problem, create the solution.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do you want to get on the merry go round or what, baby?

[Chris]

Pretty sick.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just. I don't know, man. And it. And when you go see, okay, adolescence is. Is on the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 of the Netflix top right. And then that's about a kid that did something horrible. And then number 2, 3, 4, 5 in the top 10 are documentaries about people that did things that were horrible before social media.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

So. Ow. Just hit my elbow. Look.

[Chris]

And that didn't happen.

[Whitney Cummings]

Virtually the only time I make a good point. I do have to hurt myself physically. But I'm not do. I don't, don't. I'm not going to feel bad. I don't feel bad about the eyes. And I'll say it and I'll say it now. And we're not going to do this. I'm not going to do this thing that's like, you know, we have someone protecting the guy in the computer, and they have rights.

[Chris]

Yeah, well, you know what? That's why those, like, whatever, the little food delivery guys, they have eyes on the front so that people don't just kick them over because they're like little food delivery bots, but they're taking people's jobs. They're, like, cruising around their little eyeballs, blinking, acting like they're cute. They do that on purpose. Because if you remember, when bird scooters came out, at least in Portland, everybody just threw them in the river.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm glad you brought that up, babe, because there is a long tradition in my family of terrible choices. One of our main family stories is that my grandfather passed on investing in McDonald's because he said, like, who would want to, you know, 10 cent hamburger, you want to go out, you want to eat? So I'm having to, you know, yell on YouTube for money. I don't. You know, I miss my chance to be a Nepo baby. But I love my grandfather, admired him a ton. And I did inherit this from him. I did invest in lime scooters, or what is it? Birds.

[Chris]

Bird, lime.

[Whitney Cummings]

What was they first birds invested in? Lyme disease, the bioweapon, whatever. The scooter. I invested in the scooters and I'm like, all right, I'm not going to be my grandfather. I'm going to. I'm going to be on the edge. I'm going to be ahead of things. And I invest in lime scooters. One of my first investments. Really? I'm so excited. And within a week, ER emergency room visits in Los Angeles went up 67%. Is that blood on my hands? Is that so funny? Honestly, this is part of why you get such quick treatment when we go to the er, they're like, she invested in the thing that paid for all of our vacation. Yeah.

[Chris]

They're like, she's here. Who cares who she's bringing?

[Whitney Cummings]

So, yeah, I don't know what to invest in. I don't get it. I don't get it. But bird scooters are still out there. I think most of the injuries on the scooters are just from tripping over them because they're just in the middle of the sidewalk. It's actually from being on a bike and hitting a bird scooter that's just in the middle of the road.

[Chris]

They're a brilliant idea.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't think anyone's on them anymore. I think that they're just.

[Chris]

They're just everywhere.

[Whitney Cummings]

They're just littered every Time I find a news story that I want to talk about. Sorry. On the podcast, I get really into it, and then I check the, like, Internet the next day, and then it says it was fake news. It'll say this was AI generated. Did you guys see that? Like, it was like artificial colors were banned from candy. And I was like, oh, I'm talking about. And then it said, this looks like an AI story. So I don't. I. I don't know what to do, but.

[Chris]

Infuriating.

[Whitney Cummings]

Good news, my friend Dan did just tell me that Scott Peterson is now innocent all of a sudden. I don't know. I didn't follow all that. Do you guys. Did anyone follow that, Pat? No, I did not see that. No, no, See, that's a man that loves his wife. Everyone following the Scott Peterson thing is like, I just need to see what you can get away with. I just need to know if, even if I do this, there will be a documentary made about me 20 years later. Like, every guy I know that is obsessed with documentaries about men killing their.

[Chris]

Wives, they need sympathizers.

[Whitney Cummings]

I know. They go into the. They want to find all the Instagram feeds of people that were like, I knew it, man. I just. I don't know what's going on with that. I didn't follow any of that. I just. I will say, if your pregnant wife disappears, Ian, and you didn't cause it, you're still guilty of something. If you let your eight month pregnant wife out of your sight for long enough for something bad to happen. Like, you still, you know, you still didn't nail it. So I'll only talk about things that I can actually totally speak with authority about because you don't have no idea what's AI anymore. I can speak because I was a first person witness of this event at my Seattle show last weekend. Show is going great. And look, this new hour I'm doing on tour, it is intense. Like, it's. It's kind of a lot about how I'm too left for the right. I'm too right for the left. I don't know where I belong. I'm a mom now, so I'm talking. Look, I did six standup specials about sex and porn and dating. I've done. I've done that. I. You. I have to move on to other things, you know, I'm talking about, you know, other top. It is scary to me, you know, because, I don't know, maybe you guys still want me to. Do you really want me to be talking about squirting like, are we still. You would think that was sad, but the point is, most people are letting me grow, and I really appreciate that, but one guy this past weekend in Seattle was not. I will start by saying, if you are a man coming to my standup show, we have no problems, no matter how you behave. As far as I'm concerned, you are a radical feminist. Even if you hate the show and ruin the show, you get. You gave me. You. You gave me a shot. You paid money to listen to a girl you have no chance of sleeping with talk for two hours. You are a radical feminist. There's no pressure on you to like it. That is just asking too much. I realize. And look, I'm sure that he brought a girl to get points, to get laid, but that. That also counts. All right? But this guy yelled. It was around the time that. I don't know, I was talking about, like, the CNN New Year's Eve thing, when I went on CNN and was saying, like, what establishment media should cover or whatever, and he yelled out, you need to know your audience better. Know my audience better? Oh, my. Okay, everybody calm down. This is gonna be his rock bottom. And I am honored that in every Narcotics Anonymous meeting in Seattle for the next 20 years, he will say so. When I yelled out at Whitney Cummings, a comedian who just talks about dicks and conspiracy theories, and I had the audacity to imply that she gave a. About what I thought, that's when I realized that I had to stop taking meth and that the cocaine I did indeed had in it. Because I said, know your audience when in fact, I didn't know shit about my comedian. So here's the thing. It. It did make me think, okay, but how could I know my. Like, how. How could I know anyone? I don't even know. I don't know. I don't know anything. I don't. Much less my. I don't know what algorithm Russia put me in. I don't even know. I don't even know what you know about me. There are AI ads of me promoting products I've never even heard of. When people like you had bad plastic surgery, I'm like, I think you saw the ad that animated my face talking about how much I love a sunscreen that I haven't even heard of. I'm like, that's not. I don't. I don't get Botox anymore. If I look crazy, it's because the Internet did some bad AI that didn't rebuff her stream totally. So I'm just saying, like, I don't know what you know about me. I don't know anything about you. So we're all just gonna get together and do some comedy and feel free to yell whatever you want because I do appreciate it. Makes me think. That said, if you would like to come yell at me in person at my shows on May 2, I'll be in Lexington, Kentucky, at the Lexington Opera House. May 3rd, I'll be in Indianapolis, Indiana, at the Egyptian Room. Can we still say that? May 9, I'll be in Chattanooga, Tennessee, at the Walker Theater. May 10, I'll be in Knoxville, Tennessee.

[Chris]

Maybe.

[Whitney Cummings]

May 25, I'll be in Las Vegas at the Venetian. July 18, I'm going to be in Canada, I believe, with Bert Kreischer for some reason. Then I'm going to be in Halifax, Canada. August 9th. Oh, that's what it is, the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival. Yeah, There you go. The 24th, I'll be in Calgary at the Great Outdoors Comedy festival as well. September 5th, I'll be in Ridgefield, Connecticut. September 6th, Huntington, New York, at the Bear Mount. September 12th, Vancouver, Canada, another Great Outdoors Festival, Richmond. I'll be there. September 19th, Norfolk, the 20th of September, Toronto, Ontario. I'm going to be there October 3rd. Wait, Toronto. I think Drake might come to that show. We may or may not have DMed about it on Instagram. October 4th, I'll be in Baltimore. October 20th, you. If you skip these dates, you just skipped some good tea. October 24th, I'll be in Arkansas and Fayetteville, and then I'm going to be in Hot Springs and then Reading, Pennsylvania, and then Philly and on and on and on. Another thing I will say about my reaction to this guy and yelling things at my shows, for those of you who are new here, right, or new to my live shows or new to this YouTube situation because I yelled about fluoride on CNN. I want to be very clear with you. I've been a standup comic for 20 years. I also had my ear bitten off by a pit bull and I drove myself to the hospital. I broke my shoulder and I didn't notice for three days. Just to. I just want you to know the kind of person I am. Also, I do have rabies. And I just want you to know that when you do yell something out at a show, I had a raccoon run up my leg. Which, by the way, I'm also the kind of person that raccoons feel comfortable fighting with. You know, raccoons come to me. Raccoons go trash like raccoons home. Raccoons think I'm one of them. Like, I need you to remember. I need to remember this. Okay? Raccoon runs up my leg. I have to go to Tarzana to the emergency room. I have to, over two months, get Monte Carlo antibodies of rabies. I went in, and most places don't even have it. No one had. And no one survives rabies. I had five shots of the vaccine, so it is in my bloodstream, So I don't even. I don't even know how I'm going to react half the time. Okay. I don't know how it hits with the Prozac. They haven't done that study. They haven't done a study yet with. They haven't done a study of how the rabies vaccine interacts with my thyroid medication. Now that I. We don't. We don't know what I'm capable. I don't know what I'm capable of.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You guys, I stopped wearing bras recently on the podcast. I don't know myself anymore. Okay. Babe and I were arguing the other day. It wasn't an argument. You weren't arguing. I was having super historical feelings about something, and I got so mad. Wasn't I in a trench coat?

[Chris]

I don't argue.

[Whitney Cummings]

Did I make that up? You don't argue. No, he doesn't argue. You were so patient and so.

[Chris]

Thank you.

[Whitney Cummings]

So loving and so kind, and you were just like. Like, letting me lose my mind over something. Well, also, my dog was in the hospital, and I was just sad. I was sad.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

But I was like. I was crying. And when your dog is about to. Is maybe gonna die, and you don't know what it is. Like, I was just so hysterical. And then I just remembered, like. Because I'm like, is this pms? Is this this? Am I. And then I was like, oh, right, I have rabies. So if you want to come at me at a live show, you are more than welcome to. I just maybe wear a mask. Maybe at least a turtleneck, because I cannot promise I will not bite you at a show. It's anyone's guess where my personality is going to go from here.

[Chris]

You better bring rabies yourself.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay? Because we're also apparently full of roundup. There's a lot of chemicals inside. I put makeup on. Like, who knows what's going on in here? So just heckle at your own risk. And I'm sorry in advance for my rabid response. Okay, onto the topic. So let's just start with the most disturbing one, I was trying to figure out, you know, what to talk about, and I did look at Twitter and threads, and I was ambushed by a news story that is so upsetting, I can't even believe I'm bringing it up. This might even get us kicked out of the YouTube algorithm. You know, it's. Honestly, I can't even believe it. I don't know why there aren't parental controls about something like this. It's. I do think it's something the government should keep a secret. You know, people are really torn on that. Like, should we release this? Can people handle it? I. I think it's really irresponsible to release it, but I'm just going to cover it. And I might even take this part out of the podcast because I think it's irresponsible to even repeat. You know, I don't. It might get us demonetized for traumatic content, but here we go. I don't even know how to say it. So scientists have discovered a new color. I know. Sick, sick stuff. They, like, they just put this on the Internet. Like, is that responsible? It's called olo. They say it's only been seen by five people.

[Chris]

All your questions are legit.

[Whitney Cummings]

Look, first of all, I would just like to speak on behalf of everyone by saying. You. Okay, number one. Number two. What? The door. Someone's. We have to start go back to bullying the dorks. You guys, this. Didn't. We have to split the difference on the bullying the dorks like we like. I think some of them do need to stay in lockers because this is just like, they're cluttering and distracting. First of all, this isn't even true. Only some dork scientist who's never done LSD or smoked weed or gone to a rave thinks no one has seen this color. It's like turquoise, okay? If you guys ever went outside with humans, you would know. This color is everywhere. It's. We've all seen this color 20,000 times on bogey boards in Fort Lauderdale on a divorce guy's Oakley strap. This is not a new color, first of all. And if it was, you don't know that.

[Chris]

Yeah, well, they. They said it was super saturated, right? Which sounds like if you were on mushrooms, all the colors apparently go super saturated.

[Whitney Cummings]

There's no such thing as a new color. And there's no such thing as a scientist who can see color because they're mostly men and you guys are all colorblind. So I'm not doing this. I won't I can't. I'm not doing this. This is. Honestly, this is making. How did these scientists make me feel bad for boomers? The fact that you've made me have. Imagine calling your parents who are what, 70, who paid for you to get a doctorate or whatever science have to get. I don't even know what they need anymore. They just need to have, like, been on Rogan once or listened to Rogan in order to be a scientist. I don't even know the qualification to be a scientist at this point. But they went into debt for you to become a scientist, and you're, like, at home for the holidays, and they're like, hey, so what are you working on? Cancer, Child leukemia. What are you doing with that diploma? What is it called? The doctorate degree? I don't know. What are you doing with your degree? And they're like, child leukemia. Cancer better. We just discovered a new color so that the children who are passing away from leukemia, they'll have another crayon in their Crayola box to look at. Like, what are you doing?

[Chris]

Your father takes a bite out of his hat.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know why I'm really stressed out about this, right?

[Chris]

Why is that?

[Whitney Cummings]

It's because, well, besides the fact that I have rabies. It's because. Another reminder that we don't know anything. And it. I don't like when people chip away at the illusion that we know something. Can we just know something, right, for good? Can something just be like, we got the color. Like, we got the Roy G. Biv. We got it. Yeah, right. Look, can you just let us just only know that for. Can we only release new information every, like, 10 years when it comes to, like, periodic table? Like, it's just. We don't all need to just be throwing. Thrown this. Like, can you just let us live in the illusion that we know colors, galaxy history that, like, can we just please live under the delusion that discoveries are just locked. That's. That's also how they present it. Do you remember when they looked us straight in the face and they said, soy milk is good for you. Unflinching, straight in the eye. They looked at us. And now half my guy friends have tits, and half my girlfriends had their tits cut off. And I'm pretty sure when they were in the hospital, their gowns were this color. Every 10 years, science and history goes, hey, guys, guys, we were wrong about that. That wasn't true.

[Chris]

How do you think they keep a job? They roll over the job. Exactly. Everything's wrong. We gotta investigate.

[Whitney Cummings]

But can you not be like, hey, guys, this is true? And then 10 years later you go, it's not true. Yes, we did make it a requirement from your insurance company that you eat the certain thing that we said was true and then we found out later it does cause cancer. But we need you to trust us on this one. For real this time. It's probiotics that needs to be refrigerated for it to stay intact. Is now in powder form and it is a scam, but we need you to use it. It's only about 80 bucks a month. How about you just subscribe so you know you don't forget to order it so that we can just keep taking money from you forever? We're like a gym membership for your fake gut bacteria issue. But look, look, look, look, look. There's nothing you could really do about this scam because we will win in court if you try to sue us because the placebo effect is an effect. So if you think it's working, it'll work. So if it's not working, seems like that's a you problem. You just don't believe in it enough. We did our part in making sure you believed all this. We put on the package, we put it right there that it worked. We made a fake study saying it worked. We broke laws to make sure that you had believable fake proof to trigger the placebo effect and you still couldn't do your part. We even overcharged you so you thought it must really be something real. How would they ever get away with it if it wasn't? I bet you also half assed writing the letter to your kids from Santa Claus. You're that guy. I bet you don't even sell it to your kids. I bet you don't even change your handwriting to create a magical lie for your family.

[Chris]

I like magical lie. I like that.

[Whitney Cummings]

A magical lie. Holidays are, by the way, so hilarious to me at this point now that nobody knows what's true and all anyone does is fight about what's true while they're like, oh, yeah, they're following around an imaginary bunny hunt. Like every holiday is just families arguing about whether or not the election was fake. The girls in the spaceship footage was big, the events in the world are real or fake, all while telling their kids the Easter bunny hid eggs from them and that Santa Claus is bringing them gifts in the middle of the night from another planet in a sleigh with reindeer flying through the sky at Easter. It's like the adults are like, yeah, no, no, No, I mean, the moon landing couldn't have been real because, you know, they made a phone call afterwards and they're like, hey, yeah, yeah, so go find the eggs that the big giant bunny left for you. Yeah, no. Okay, but then you're saying the CIA documents. Well, where. Where's the footage then? Yeah, go look for the little eggs that the big giant bunny came and left you. Like, I don't. The tooth fairy. A friend of mine just had to deal with that. It's like, do I tell my kid about that the tooth fairy is fake? I was like, do you tell him that money's fake? What's more fake? The tooth fairy or the money you left under the pillow? At this point, I don't know. Like, the kid's gonna be like, could you have left me some hot to a coin? Does the tooth fairy have a coinbase connect or something?

[Chris]

Like, and who wants to potentially wake up their kid? You put that under your pillow. I gotta move you in your sleep.

[Whitney Cummings]

Did you do the tooth fairy with your kids?

[Chris]

Totally.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. And how did it. How much did you leave?

[Chris]

It worked out. I think it was a fiver. I think that was the move.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like five bucks.

[Chris]

Yeah, we actually used the idea. I have a tooth fairy pillow that I had as a kid.

[Whitney Cummings]

Aww.

[Chris]

Yeah. Still have it.

[Whitney Cummings]

What do you mean?

[Chris]

Like, it's a little pillow with a little pocket on it that says for the tooth fairy. And I had it from when I was a kid, and then my kids got to use it too.

[Whitney Cummings]

And then my question is, did you wash that pillowcase?

[Chris]

Look, firstly, you put the tooth in a bag. Then you put the bag in the thing.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's just so wild to me that no one sees the connection between adults and conspiracy theories and kids just being lie believing the most insane thing. Of course people think the earth is flat. Their parents told them it was round. We now just. Kids just think the opposite of what their parents told them. Remember when our parents were like, you need to sit next to the pool for 30 minutes. You can't go in after you ate. Like, we just learned the opposite of what your parents said is what is true. Families are arguing with family members. Like, I can't believe you thought that photo of Kamala Harris in McDonald's uniform was fake. As they have an imaginary tea party with their daughter being like, like, I don't. We teach kids that fake things are real. They don't even know what fake is. Fake isn't even a concept. Fake and real are the same thing at this point. Honestly, I do believe the truth is over. It's just not it. That. Which is fine. It's not about the truth. It's about your truth. It's about what you think is true. That notion. It's. It's. It won't. We all saw it. We saw that it won. It's my truth. We're like, okay, that's actually just the case because our algorithms only give us things that we know, and no one else knows them. So it truly is our. All the lies that you have been fed are true. So I'm not going to argue with your true. This is. See, this is why we're supposed to be in tribes of 150 people. We aren't supposed to, like, talk to this many people.

[Chris]

Right.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's confusing. It's like the first settlers, like, in America, crossing paths, you know, just out on a hike or whatever, and they, like, end up in Indiana. And the group from Atlanta runs into, like, people from Massachusetts. And the Atlanta ones are like, oh, God, I just. We came out here because it's, like, so hot all the time, and the humidity and it's based on sweat. And the ones from Massachusetts are like, huh, it's freezing. It's freezing in America. What are you talking about? Like, each think the other's crazy, but that's just because they didn't know what the other had lived. They didn't know what they didn't know. So we all just assume. We all get the same news, we all have the same weather, we all have the same.

[Chris]

And we believe stuff so simply. Actually, one of my favorite things is as a grown adult, telling a story and hearing myself tell it, but it's a story from childhood. And I go, wait, that's not what happened at all. And it's my first time realizing that. Wait, no, that was. That was definitely a lie. I was definitely told a lie that never happened. What?

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like when I told my therapist once about when I took a. I was told that I took an OxyContin, a painkiller, at a neighbor's house when they had back surgery. And I'm like, telling the whole story. And my therapist went, yeah, that's not what happened. I was like, God damn.

[Chris]

Yeah, that's not what happened.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's what was told to me. That's a completely different thing. But. Yeah, but my parents told me some crazy lie about it.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, so I wouldn't.

[Chris]

Same thing, though, because you just go, oh, yeah, this one thing happened when I was a Kid.

[Whitney Cummings]

And it's like, no, that's why my parents told me that's you going, so here's the story with Jason Ellis.

[Chris]

Totally.

[Whitney Cummings]

The point is, I don't care about your color. I don't care. I'm not doing this. Russia has nukes, and we have a new color. How does that look on the world stage?

[Chris]

Bad.

[Whitney Cummings]

Shouldn't this news just be, like, on the wall at a nursery school? Why is it in the Wall Street Journal we have a new color? Okay, so the Epstein list. Not out all. Who cares? We have a new color. You guys. They. They do. They think this is gonna satiate us. Like, hey, guys, we need to buy some time. We need to release a new color that'll buy it. Remember when they released the new ocean? A couple. There's a new ocean. We're like, what? There's a new theory about the pyramids. Now they're like, oh, God, there's a new color. Also, to be clear, I am the target audience for the new color drop, and I don't even care. Well, also, my Asperger's was built in a lab for this very piece of news. I live for the Devil Wears Prada Cerulean monologue. I will argue about the difference between chartreuse and pistachio the way a guy will argue about, like, would a bear be able to beat five wolves? Like, this is my kink and I don't care. Oh, my gosh. Blue Chew. Bluechew is something I needed. My relationship. This isn't even an ad. I just want to share it, you know, with everybody because it's just been such an important part of my relationship, you know? Bluechew. You know what it does? It undoes the effects on men that occur from a personality like mine. All right? It cancels annoying women out. And now they've introduced Bluechew. Max. Maybe because women now want to talk about politics, they had to up the ante and make it even stronger. A chewable that combines the active ingredients of both Viagra and Cialis into one fast acting, long lasting tablet. Are women, like, becoming so opinionated? You guys have to now combine Viagra and Cialis. Plutu tablets are made in the usa. They're shipped directly to your door. You don't have to go to a doctor's office. No awkward pharmacy lines. Just head to the website, consult with. I mean, how awkward is the pharmacy line if you're waiting for Bluecher? It's not like you can get a boner if you see a hot girl like how awkward is it if you're, like, standing in a pharmacy line or, like, buying Blue Chew somewhere? I'm not like, what a weirdo. I'm like, that guy. It's not that he can't. He just wants to go for a while. Just head to the website, consult with a licensed medical provider, and if approved, your prescription ships in just a few days. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your [e-mail] and we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try your first month bluechew free. And then you use promo code Whitney. Just pay $5 shipping. That's promo code dot com, Whitney. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. If it works for my man, it's going to work for you. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring this podcast and making my relationship possible.

[Chris]

Are you going to explain how they got the new color? Because that is even more batshit crazy.

[Whitney Cummings]

I didn't see it.

[Chris]

So here's the thing.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, I didn't read the article.

[Chris]

Oh, I read it. Here's the thing. So they got a new color, but they have to fire lasers into the user's retina to stimulate and not stimulate specific cones that then will trigger them to be able to see this new color.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just want you to know how petty I am. Cause I know they're watching, like, what we're scrolling and how long we're reading things. When I saw this article, I. I wouldn't scroll because I didn't want the metrics to say, someone's reading this article, so I'll screen grab it so that they're not having some false idea that I. Because then I'm gonna get 90 things about like, there's a new color. I guess the point is this is what you guys, like, does no one care? I guess it's. Here's the thing. Maybe I should just shut up because I believe that this is the crux of what's wrong with society. What men choose to study in science labs to. To move our species forward. But maybe I'm just being annoying, okay? Like, it's just wild to me that now that scientists were able to prove that girls mature faster than boys, they've got that. They've got that on lock to justify their creepy choices. Now you want to move on to who discovered a new color so creeps have something to talk to the kids about.

[Chris]

We don't know what's causing everybody to have cancer yet.

[Whitney Cummings]

This news, the stress from. From discovering a new color. I Am getting cancer just thinking about this right now. So is the new color literally like. Like giving out to creeps? Icebreakers. When you go up to kids in parks. Hey, did you hear about the new color? Like, what?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

No saying, like, that's the only thing I can think of.

[Chris]

Free candy bars. Everybody that owns a van.

[Whitney Cummings]

Exactly. It's just like, hey, did you hear about the new color? Like. Like, kids are like, what? It's weird. I was just like, it's weird. It's like when something new comes along to be added to the bible of things. I don't. I'm not taking this on. That's our. We don't need the new ocean. It doesn't apply to me right now. I don't need to know this. This is like when they told us we all have bugs in our eyelashes. Like, microscopic bugs. Like, how is this helpful? I'm at capacity. I didn't hate school. I liked school because I was under the impression it would be done by the time I got out. I don't want to learn anything that kids learn in school. As an adult, I don't want to discover anything else. I can. Once you're out of school, can you just stay dumb? Like, I don't even. I'm still trying to figure out if Trader Joe's discontinue snacks or not or if I have to go to another store. Because when I do go there now, they don't have the peanut butter chocolate things. And that was the one thing that was holding me together emotionally today. So we just. I just can't take on all of this. Just put the new Olio crown in the box. We don't even know all this. I'm not taking on a new color. Right. Get ready for a sick segue. Speaking of toys for kids, all this tariff rigmarole has really sparked discussion about Chinese toys.

[Chris]

Sure has.

[Whitney Cummings]

Kids toys, strollers. These are all going to get more expensive because they are made in China and we're in a terraform with China now. I just had a child. I feel like I can speak on this with authority. Chinese toys are a problem. Okay? Not Chinese make American kids toys. Is this good? If you don't agree with war with China, fine. What is true is that for the past year, I have been in a war with Chinese toys personally. Okay, first of all, you know, they don't let their own kids play with the toys that they send to America. Like, they don't. They're not this. It kind of feels like the modern day smallpox blankets. Like imagine the 1800s if the north and the south were at war and the south was like, hey, hey, hey, hey. I know we're fighting and we're both trying to, you know, destroy the other person, but you know what? Like, we. We're happy to make your kids toys for you. Like, for how cheap? Very cheap. For half of. Of what you would make it, you know? And they're like, but will it give them a torn Achilles and give our children add? If not. I'm not listening. They're like, oh, we can do that. Will the toys be covered in chemicals that cause cancer? And will they be exactly toddler throat sized? We can do that. Sold. Like, how do you not trust someone with nukes, but you trust them with designing the toys that form the brain of the children that are the future of the country? Does no one think this is crazy? We talk about how, you know, China is going to take trade secrets and. And chemical warfare. I can't weigh in on that. But I will tell you right now, I know that China. This is how they destroy us. I'll show you right now. They make our kids toys. Look at this toy. Look at this toy. You see this right now? This is a. It's a turntable for kids, okay? For toddlers. They're training. They're training our children to be DJs. This is how they win. Training them to just play other people's music and be a total douchebag with no skills except protect. This is how mediocre they want our kids to be. You don't even have to touch it for it to do this. It just goes. It's kind of a jam. It's kind of a jam. I might be in Stockholm syndrome with that toy, but the music is not terrible. But why are they training our kids to be douchebags with no skills except pretending you're good at something because you play Stop and play for a bunch of people on drugs. Why are they making instruments for our kids that don't show them how to play instruments? Don't even. Look at this. Look at this. This guitar, kids guitar made in China. There's a button to play the guitar. Okay? This is what my nightmares sound like, by the way.

[Chris]

Me bar green thing.

[Whitney Cummings]

The point is. Make it stop. The point is. The point is that this has a button to play the strings. Okay? The strings do work. I did not know that.

[Chris]

Yeah, but hit the frets. The numbers. These are the letters.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm just saying, why do these buttons play music? Okay, they don't. This isn't a real guitar. Yeah. This toy teaches a kid to press a button on an instrument. Why won't China make real instruments for our kids that require them to play it and learn how to play it and have an actual talent instead of just pressing a button. Playing an instrument requires the instrument and your brain developing, whereas becoming a DJ requires you to just go buy a bunch of equipment that's made where. Where to be a dj, you need to buy speakers and a turntable and a laptop and the earphones and the microphone and the sunglasses to wear inside even though it's dark and there's no sun. And the fake diamond chain and the hat that they keep the price tag on. And the Magnum condoms they pretend that they need for that they for sure don't need. And the bleach to dye their hair and the tips. Okay, so they're making us kids want to be DJs so they have to buy a bunch of more stuff. It's genius. Okay, first of all, I don't even know why DJs are even cool at all. All they do is play other people's music. Like, how do we. Why do we think that's cool? Why do girls think that's hot? That's like dating a valet because he has a nice car. Like, can we move on past the DJ thing now? You know what really, really grinds my gears? I heard a baseball bat for my son. Where was it made?

[Jason Ellis]

Louisville.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, China.

[Chris]

Weird.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's a plot. Why wouldn't a kid's baseball bat be made in America? At least this is our thing. No other culture would be insane enough to invent baseball. America is the only place that would come up with a sport where the athletes can be fat. That's us. You don't get to pretend that you would ever allow that in China. They jump off a building if they get a baby. Plus, like, we're not buying that this is something you would ever make for your own kids. There's no way that China kids are playing with these toys. Like, Chinese kids are playing with like 20 sided dyes. And kites.

[Chris]

And kites. Lots of kites.

[Whitney Cummings]

They play with kites. And DNA, by the way, I did look this up. I went to see if baseball was made in America. It is considered America's national pastime, but was not entirely invented in the United States. It was invented in England, like cricket or something. I'm just scanning this. And then North America, it was played in Canada. But I got this as an AI overview. And AI is made where so who knows? Who knows what's true? There are toys that are made in America for kids. The last one that Chris assembled, he's helping me right now. Am I helping me? I mean, completely assembling. Chris is on the floor helping me assemble this thing for my son. So this is actually made in America?

[Chris]

Yes.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, we have this now because the last thing that we assembled for my son that was made in China was a, like a choo choo train. And it had these. And I got it because I had these two arms that held them in. And then the arms didn't work. That's what, what?

[Chris]

They didn't at all.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't think they want our kids to survive these toys. They don't. All the toys are also bright and blinky. And then the kid gets addicted to it. If my kid sees his scooter that was made in China, it's all blinky, and then I take it away.

[Chris]

He sees a new color.

[Whitney Cummings]

He, he's great. He gets so upset. They're driving a wedge between us and our kids. They want our kids to hate us. And it's working. They make these toys in China that, that are so dangerous for our kids. Also, by the way, I'm actually glad that I gave some thought to this because I no longer feel guilty about this idea that, like, kids in China are making toys and they're getting injured. No, they're not. They're not lifting a finger, much less getting one cut off. I don't think that's happening because that would require the toy to be made at all. These aren't being made. They're not being made. I don't think they're on assembly lines. I don't know what, I don't know how they do it. I, I, I unclear. These, these are mere suggestions of a ghost of a toy's past. These are not being built, you know, by kids really tight. Or being built on an assembly line. They send them to us and then we have to build them. They're not cutting their fingers off. Assembling them. We're getting divorces assembling them. Okay. Chris is now assembling something that was made in America. Is this easier to assemble?

[Chris]

This is great.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, this is, it's definitely.

[Chris]

It has a, it's a car.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like a mini car.

[Chris]

And it has a seat belt.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's how you know it's made in America. Seatbelt, actually, some. It keeps the kids safe.

[Chris]

And it also has a cup holder for the parents.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's how you know, is Made in America. There's a cup holder for the kid to put his Big Gulp in his gigantic. So this looks better because the last one that was made in China, we. We could not assemble. And once we did, I was ready to call child services on ourselves. Also, when I get toys made in China, you can see the seam from the mold.

[Chris]

True.

[Whitney Cummings]

Am I saying that right? Like, you know how, like, the edge of the toy has, like, a sharp little corner? That's. It didn't cut all the way. So my question is, was the machine in China that makes the toys for kids made by a Chinese toy for kids? Like, when they're making these toys because they don't have them for themselves and they're on the assembly line, are they, like, you know, do they think that these are being made for, like, monkeys in a zoo? Like, this is what you would literally see. Can you imagine? They're like, oh, are these for, like, dolphins in an amusement park in my. Like, what do you guys do with these? Because they can't. It's like, when Russia was part of the ussr, Friend of mine who lived in Russia at the time, he's like, we didn't even know about other toys. We didn't know about Ninja Turtles. Like, there's no. They know not. So they're making things that they're not allowed to know about. So what do they tell them? This is, like. What do they. What do they think this is? Oh, this is for the panda bear in the American zoo? Like, I don't. This is a microphone that doesn't even work. The fact that China made a microphone that got to my house, that doesn't work. So that I have to say, does this microphone work? Do you know how triggering that is for a comedian? This aquarium is my child's current favorite toy. This is not a normal amount of stimulation for an infant. The baby brain is not designed for this level of mania. Why is this good? This isn't how fish swim. They don't swim in circles. This is not. I don't know. Maybe in China they do because they're a bit closer to the Fukushima League. But why is this fun? Why are we doing fun music? This isn't what the ocean sounds like. This is exactly why people grow up and go scuba diving and cave diving and lose their heads to boat propellers because of this exact. They think the ocean's like a magical, peaceful, cute place. Okay. The ocean's not. The ocean. To be clear, is the house and True Detective Season one just underwater? It's a Reddit chat room about female comedians. But the comments are animals that are see through except that their skeletons show and they're underwater. The ocean is the Scientology center, but the beliefs are floating carnivores that can see in the dark and you can't. This is how China gets us. We don't have to go to war. They get us by getting us to want to go on the water. They get our military age boys thinking the water is a place they'll be welcomed by adorable fish who are going to be happy to see him. 4,000Americans drown a year in the ocean. People talk about propaganda only in terms of making something look bad. Propaganda can also make something look good. Just as damaging when it portrays something to be good or safe when it is. Can we just chill with taking books out of schools for five minutes if an old person was ignorant with the way that they wrote it And I don't know, maybe just let kids know. The ocean is hell. Can we just take a day off and just.

[Chris]

The ocean is people hell for sure.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's. I can't breathe.

[Chris]

Everything's nightmare.

[Whitney Cummings]

I am definitely making this my cause because I do not want to have to take my son to the beach because it stresses me out. It's. It's sand is based dirt. You cannot change my mind. You will never change my mind. I will take being tarred and feathered any day over being sanded in my crevices for four months after going to the beach. The only good thing about the beach is trying to put a beach towel down on the beach. I think it's important. It's one of life's great humiliations. Besides this thing constantly going off. Well, I think I do, honestly. People are way too confident now and they don't get punched in the face anymore that you don't get in physical fights. The beach is the only thing left to humble people who are too confident when they're trying to put. That is the only time someone will be reminded that at the end of the day, we're all just still losers who can't put a towel down at the beach without it blowing away and getting sand on it.

[Chris]

I love China. Got all the best skate spots.

[Whitney Cummings]

But also, by the way, hold on, hold on, hold on. I am coming for Chinese toys. But. But we're not anti China over here, Chris. You. We. We love China because you go skating there.

[Chris]

Love China.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay.

[Chris]

Shenzhen, Guangzhou. Love China.

[Whitney Cummings]

And you have went skating over there.

[Chris]

Yeah. Their natural resource is granite, marble. And. And obviously they have a lot of people that Will do stuff. So they build these. They'll. They'll build a city and then wait for people to inhabit it. So we went to Nanjing, and the city was, like, brand new and, like, barely any people live there. And there was just high rises and malls and just nobody there.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm gonna reject a lot of toys in general for my kid because it's just too much stimulation. We're definitely not doing the fish floating around in the fake ocean. Whatever happened to just having goldfish that died every couple weeks? That's what kids need. Giving a kid, like, a fake aquarium with so adorable. That's like giving a kid a grape runt before you ever give them an actual grape. Eating a grape flavored candy and then eating a grape after that is a form of child abuse, I believe. All right. When I. I had a bowl of beta fish growing up. Remember Betta fish?

[Chris]

Oh, yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is that what you call we. We called them Chinese fighting fish. Are even the fish made in China? Our fish are made in China for our kids. It's weird because I used to put them in a bowl with other fish. Why did the pet store person let me do that? Why do they even sell them to me? That's so crazy. Because you're not. I would wake up the next morning, and then the others would be dead. Right? But. Yeah, but. But isn't it crazy? They'd wait. They never did it in front of me. It's like the Beta fish knew. They knew it would only happen at night. How did they know that? Like, they didn't want me to see it.

[Chris]

That's interesting.

[Whitney Cummings]

Why did anyone even sell that? Why are fish that kill other fish even available to purchase? Like, how is this a good. But the point is. You know what? Never mind. I'm glad. It taught me about life. It made me very. It made me very humble about the ocean and things that I don't understand. And I think we. I think we just need to get kid fish, fish tanks and Chinese fighting fish and let them know what's up earlier. All right. You know what is made in America, though, for kids? Swim diapers. This is how you motivate an American businessman. You threaten that a kid will shit in their pool. Like, no man is okay with this. Like, they were like, we need to make a swim diaper. We don't have time. This is what America makes for kids. Like, we got to get to Joanne's fabrics, get some elastic. We're making these right here in America. Right? We don't have time for them to come From China. We need them now. I feel like swim diapers were definitely made by a man who had a pool who's dating a girl with a kid who was not their kid. Like, who cares about a kid pooping in a pool? Like, you're not. You're going to just take it out right away. Look, men treat their step kids very differently than their actual kids. That is true. And that is where swim diapers came from. I'm not doing any more toys made other places for my son. I told my boyfriend, who is a woodworker, in addition to professional offing himself on a skateboard, he is a woodworker. He will be making my son toys. All right? I said, I want you to make my son toys. And he used the table saw to make toys for my son. Pretty much only during my son's nap time, which almost felt intentional. But he did make them. They are mostly weapons. I should have been more clear in that directive. That is my bad.

[Chris]

I know what the kids want.

[Whitney Cummings]

I didn't think I would have to say, please don't make him a wooden sword, but here we are. We are. Here we are. I'll take this over the delusional fish tank any day of the week. I didn't think I'd have to say, please don't make a wooden Thor hammer, but here we are. I thought that I will be more specific next time. Now, we do have a bunch of American made toys in the house. Now, I did get Chris a 3D printer. I highly recommend buying one of these for your boyfriend or husband if you have run out of things to talk about. It will keep him occupied for hours, and he finally gets to live his dream of being a magician. It's like sleight of hand for four hours. There's a big delay between the start of the trick and the ta da at the end, but you finally get a thing no one's ever needed. So with 3D printers, we don't need our kids toys to be made in China. We just need China to keep making the 3D printers, because I'm pretty sure that they do.

[Chris]

Okay, we're bringing the manufacturing back to the United States.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's what I'm saying. For example, treat yourself to this item Chris recently made for my son. Okay? A super sharp plastic snake. And look, I know what you're thinking. We should call cps. Adversity is good for kids. Is it sharp? Yes, it is. Am I gonna let Henry have it for more than 20 seconds? Absolutely not.

[Chris]

Will he step on it?

[Whitney Cummings]

Of Course. And look, is this super sharp, all the little corners?

[Chris]

Yeah, you know it is.

[Whitney Cummings]

It probably made out of. What is it made out of?

[Chris]

What are the classic filament. Great pla.

[Whitney Cummings]

Here's the thing, look. You want to be science people? I'll be a science person. Studies show adversity is good for kids. That also is probably creeps.

[Chris]

Yes. People that just want to be mean to kids.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, totally are.

[Chris]

Like, adversity is good.

[Whitney Cummings]

Adversity is good for them. Like, okay. Or also treat yourself to this thing that doesn't have a name. It's a thing that goes up. It's like a fidgeter.

[Chris]

Up and down, it goes all the way through.

[Whitney Cummings]

What would you call this? It's a john.

[Chris]

Spiral pass through.

[Whitney Cummings]

Look at this John.

[Chris]

It is a john. It is a person, place or thing.

[Whitney Cummings]

Check this out. It's a thing for your kids to fidget with because they have no attention span anymore because all of the things that they had in their, you know, brain forming years were made in China.

[Chris]

The brain forming year.

[Whitney Cummings]

Uh huh.

[Chris]

We know it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Also, check this out. An astronaut. Very cool. However, I have notes on this one, babe. I do think toys need a face the same way I think robots should not have a face. This feels more like an adult man's toy than a boy's toy. This is like what like a tech guy would like put on his desk in his office to make sure girls never talk to him. I just. No face toys. It's like how grown men make figurines. More like adults. Like how they make hoodies. Like sweater hoodies now. So it's like not a hoodie. It's like, it's a hoodie.

[Chris]

But the no face thing is sick. Think Phantom of the Opera. Think blank and Dick Tracy.

[Whitney Cummings]

Cool. He's, he's one and a half. You know what I mean?

[Chris]

It's fair.

[Whitney Cummings]

So we're not doing this anymore. What is this? What is this? We're not doing this nightmare anymore. Right. We're doing 3D printed toys and this American made. What is this? A car? This is a vehicle.

[Chris]

Sick car.

[Whitney Cummings]

So the problem with this is he's going to go, I love this car. He's going to grow up and he's going to want this car. And the tariffs are going to make it a million dollars.

[Chris]

But by then expensive because it's red.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, by then he'll be working for Waymo. So I guess it doesn't matter, right? Oh, by the way, sorry, I did bring this to. God damn it. Made in China. Let's end on this. This. I wanted my son to play golf. Okay. Learn how to play golf. It's this thing up here. And it doesn't even stand up right. See this? Look at this thing. Look at this. You think you guys are gonna stop us from making great golfers? You think. You think you can get in the way of us and golfing? You had something else coming. Where's golf made? Where is it invented? Like Scotland or something?

[Jason Ellis]

Yep.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay. We not even. Tiger woods driving into a sign and breaking both of his legs. Which is weird. We don't all talk about more is gonna stop us. Okay. His little prenup with that Swedish lady didn't even get in the way. Okay. You think that. That obviously. Are you just looking at the camera going, I'm really glad we weren't together when Tiger woods cheated and that scandal came out.

[Chris]

Why? Because you were talking mad shit about athlete.

[Whitney Cummings]

Was I? Well, no, because guys that were like, well, he's an athlete. What do you expect?

[Chris]

Kidding. That was one of the first things we talked about when we hung out.

[Whitney Cummings]

Really? Tiger Woods?

[Chris]

No. Just you saying how much you shouldn't date pro athletes.

[Whitney Cummings]

I do have a hard and fast rule to not date pro athletes. That's always been a. But we always become what we hate, don't we?

[Chris]

I'm just long enough.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm just athletes. Trophy girlfriend. I'm just a hot athlete's girlfriend.

[Chris]

Whatever you'd call.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, a girlfriend. No, an athlete's hot girlfriend. Damn.

[Chris]

Damn.

[Whitney Cummings]

Damn it. All right. I officially have a broken brain. I will see you guys in Lexington, Kentucky and Indianapolis soon. And I love you guys. Don't ride elephants. You know what to do. You know what not what to ride.