Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 311

Summary

Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 311

Release Date: October 19, 2025
Host: Whitney Cummings
Guest/Co-host: Pat
Episode Summary by Podcast Summarizer

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Overview

In this candid and high-spirited solo episode, Whitney Cummings and her co-host Pat riff on internet outrage, changing beauty standards, the absurdity and evolution of advertising, social media’s effects on behavior and youth, the ongoing fascination with disaster events like Fyre Festival, and the debate around the public health impact of social media. With trademark self-deprecation, sharp cultural insight, and plenty of standout tangents, Whitney unpacks why everyone seems so mad, why ads now follow us everywhere (even the ocean), and whether banning social media would really solve any problems.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Internet Outrage: Seeing Only Parts of the Mosaic

Timestamps: [00:33]–[04:44]

• Whitney opens by reflecting on a recent internet backlash. She observes that social media outrage often stems from each person only seeing part of a fragmented narrative or algorithm:
  • “When someone is mad at you on the Internet… none of these are true, but like, they got you. …everyone’s having the reaction you would have given what they were being fed.” — Whitney [02:35]
• Social media exposure is likened to intoxication—with people reacting based on what they ‘consume’:
  • “We have to start looking at certain social media diets as, like, sugar or alcohol…” — Whitney [03:37]
• Internet anger is compared to kids acting out after too much sugar—a side effect of being steeped in manufactured content.

2. Beauty Standards: Body & Hair Trends

Timestamps: [05:03]–[14:59]

• Whitney hilariously deconstructs shifting ideals around body and hair, anchored by Kim Kardashian’s influence:
  • “Kim Kardashian… made it so women’s thighs can touch. The charges are dropped.” — Whitney [05:06]
• She satirizes the rise (and cyclical return) of pubic hair, referencing the newly-launched Skims thong with fake pubic hair.
  • “Some of us went a little overboard with the laser in our 20s because we were programmed to believe that it was our job as women to look as young as possible at all times.” — Whitney [06:18]
• Whitney paints the current “beauty look” as impossible and contradictory:
  • “All the hair on the head. No hair on the pits. Now we got hair on the undercarriage—it’s back. That’s the current look.” [09:56]
• She points out that men’s hair never goes out of style, while women’s trends are exhausting and ever-changing.

3. The Absurdity of Advertising: From Bikinis to Billboards in the Ocean

Timestamps: [17:44]–[34:19]

• Whitney discusses the new phenomenon of floating billboards at the beach and people’s outrage at them, mocking inconsistent standards:
  • “Sky flag billboard, fine. Ocean, not fine?” — Whitney [20:41]
• She notes the irony that people are surrounded by ads in every aspect of life, and that the things people get mad about are arbitrary.
• Whitney observes that advertising has always permeated culture, sometimes in ways people don’t even notice (e.g., Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade floats):
  • “The day I learned the magic of the Macy’s Parade was one big ad… every float is an ad.” [28:18]
• Pat suggests augmenting billboard boats with AR QR codes for even wilder advertising stunts.
• Whitney argues that algorithmic targeting makes ads hyper-personalized; when an ad isn’t relevant to someone, people get angry or feel left out:
  • “If the haters… saw their particular brand of blue hair dye [on a billboard boat], they’d be like, ‘Oh, it’s on sale!’” [31:41]
• She expresses nostalgia for seeing ads “in the wild” for things you didn’t know existed, as opposed to the constant feedback loop of personalized, algorithmic marketing.

4. Store & Brand Culture: It’s All the Same Now

Timestamps: [36:50]–[38:55]

• Whitney and Pat riff on the illusion of choice in modern retail—explaining that even though there seem to be endless brands and products, most are owned by the same handful of corporations.
  • “They don’t need to market variety to you. They want the sure thing… we own all the companies.” – Pat [36:55]

5. Fyre Festival & Disaster Schadenfreude

Timestamps: [39:00]–[44:35]

• The duo examines society’s obsession with watching high-profile disasters unfold (especially Fyre Festival), attributing it to the human drive for schadenfreude.
  • “We love disasters. …Your kink is like other people being embarrassed publicly. That’s our thing with Fyre Fest.” — Whitney [39:00]
• Whitney questions whether large music festivals are ever even profitable, musing on why people keep throwing them anyway.
• She delivers a pithy, memorable line about the social benefits of festival “victim stories”:
  • “The biggest thing a festival provides… is the victim story. If this [Fyre Festival] had gone well, that would have been so much worse.” [44:32]
  • “Going to music festivals is the only way rich white people can feel like victims. That’s what they’re paying for.” [44:45]

6. Social Media as Public Nuisance & Government Action

Timestamps: [47:22]–[58:31]

• Reacting to news about New York City and others suing major social media companies for creating a “mental health crisis,” Whitney explores the double-edged sword of tech regulation:
  • “Be careful what you wish for … ‘cause then what? We’re gonna have to go back to talking to people.” [47:27]
• Pat, more conspiratorially, frames the lawsuits as potential smokescreens for free speech suppression.
• Whitney reflects on the likely future of "mental fitness tests" for social media access, likening it to attitudes towards workplace smoking in the past.
• She touches on parallels between social and substance addiction and wonders whether social media brings out existing character traits or exacerbates people's worst impulses:
  • “Does social media bring out who you already are or like the worst version of your shadow self?” [51:27]

7. Social Media, Empathy & Documentation vs. Participation

Timestamps: [52:03]–[55:03]

• Whitney laments how people today often film crises instead of helping, describing a viral instance of people filming a kid trapped under a goalpost:
  • “To not drop the phone and try to help, even if you can’t, is so wild to me. …There’s a part of the brain that has deteriorated so much that we, like, lack this automatic compassion reaction.” [54:00]
• Pat points out new barriers to helping (“People get sued a lot for helping”), while both marvel at the new discipline people show when capturing viral moments.

8. Is Social Media Really Worse Than Before? Generational Risks & AI

Timestamps: [58:31]–[66:39]

• Whitney contends that young people have always done dangerous things, though the stakes and scale are now higher in the social media era (e.g., subway surfing deaths).
  • “Teenagers will find a way to ruin each other’s lives… Before social media, things were dicey too.” [58:30]
• She ties this back to human nature—technology exacerbates but doesn’t fundamentally change the desire for notoriety or rebellion.
• A lively exchange centers on the difficulty children have distinguishing reality from digital fakery (AI-generated videos, Photoshop controversies, etc.).
• Both agree kids need guidance sorting fake from real in the internet age—AI/media literacy is more crucial than ever.
  • “You need someone helping you discern… there’s almost like an AI literacy that you need.” — Whitney [64:44]

9. Everything Old is New: Diagnosing Modern Problems

Timestamps: [66:03]–[67:00]

• Whitney suggests that while things seem worse now, increased population and diagnosis capabilities partly explain the apparent rise in problems (like disease, danger, or mental health crises).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “When someone is mad at you on the Internet… none of these are true, but like, they got you.” — Whitney [02:35]
• “We have to start looking at certain social media diets as, like, sugar or alcohol…” — Whitney [03:37]
• “Kim Kardashian… made it so women’s thighs can touch. The charges are dropped.” — Whitney [05:06]
• “All the hair on the head. No hair on the pits. Now we got hair on the undercarriage—it’s back. That’s the current look.” — Whitney [09:56]
• “Billboards on the ocean? Yes. Honestly, least weird thing I’ve seen in the ocean in a while.” — Whitney [20:41]
• “If the haters… saw their particular brand of blue hair dye [on a billboard boat], they’d be like, ‘Oh, it’s on sale!’” — Whitney [31:41]
• “Going to music festivals is the only way rich white people can feel like victims. That’s what they’re paying for.” — Whitney [44:45]
• “Be careful what you wish for… ‘cause then what? We’re gonna have to go back to talking to people.” — Whitney [47:27]
• “Does social media bring out who you already are or like the worst version of your shadow self?” — Whitney [51:27]
• “There’s a part of the brain that has deteriorated so much that we, like, lack this automatic compassion reaction.” — Whitney [54:00]
• “Teenagers will find a way to ruin each other’s lives… Before social media, things were dicey too.” — Whitney [58:30]
• “You need someone helping you discern… there’s almost like an AI literacy that you need.” — Whitney [64:44]

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Tone & Style

Whitney’s style is signature: irreverent, self-aware, observational, and peppered with biting humor, rapid-fire analogies, and vivid pop-culture references. Pat’s asides often ground the bits with a dry, slightly conspiratorial edge, playing the perfect straight man and skeptic to Whitney’s riffing.

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For Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In

This episode offers an entertaining, insightful take on why we get mad online, why advertising is both omnipresent and weird, and what it means for a generation navigating a hyperconnected, hyper-filtered world. Whitney’s takes are layered with humor, empathy, and social commentary, making even serious subjects like mental health, technology, and cultural trends feel accessible and thought-provoking.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:33 – Internet outrage & fractured narratives
• 05:03 – Kim Kardashian/beauty trends/body hair
• 17:44 – Advertising absurdities & billboards at the beach
• 31:41 – Algorithmic ads and "rage-bait"
• 39:00 – Fyre Festival & loving to watch disaster
• 47:22 – Lawsuits against social media/public health debate
• 52:03 – Empathy, documentation, and social behavior shifts
• 58:31 – Youth risk-taking, AI reality confusion, and generational loops

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End note:
If you’re looking for a wry, deeply current, and laugh-out-loud kitchen-sink take on everything from TikTok rage to billboard boats to the meaning of empathy in a screen-based world, this episode is pure Whitney Cummings—funny, smart, and just chaotic enough to keep you hooked.

Transcript

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[Whitney Cummings]

When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans, send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom 60th and never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone. Learn [e-mail] welcome to the program. We're back. Our show's in the news this week. We really break news over here. Hey everyone. I just am going to start by saying I writer than I've ever been. Sorry. Look, I'm realizing when someone is mad at you on the Internet disagrees with you on the Internet, I'm not honestly, you haven't seen what I've seen and I haven't seen what you've seen. So there's no way either of us know who we're fighting or what set of beliefs and evidence we're fighting. Like I realized like, when, because last week, you know, I said what I said and, and I said and people like, how dare you say we're racist. I'm like, I didn't call you racist. Who are you? I'm talking about the messages I read. I don't think you were one of them. But did you see the message? If you saw the messages I read, you would have, I think said the same thing. But again, let me see your phone. I got to see your phone. I need to see what you saw about me because honestly, if I look at your, you know, the TikTok videos you've seen about, I might be like, oh, you are right to think that about me. None of these are true. But like, they got you. I know, exactly. But like actually we get along great because this is, I would have deduced the exact same thing if that's what I've seen. So we have no idea what like mosaic of stuff people are seeing about us. I'm realizing because like that like we used to be able to control what people knew about us in some reasonable, like I Would be like, I have this special this year and now you see that I'm engaged and these are my beliefs. Next year, not engaged anymore. Here. My current beliefs now it's just like, people watch a video from when you were. I was 22 being like, man. Or I used to complain like, oh, my God. My Comedy Central specialist. They're all like, on Viacom Edu now. Where are they? What chant are they on? They're down in the.

[Pat]

They're on VHS at videots.

[Whitney Cummings]

They're on Tik Tok. Someone got a. This is how much people. They got a VHS tape, recorded it. I uploaded it somehow went to the Ren fair, talked, got the, you know, Merlin the Saturday Witch. That's the real one, not the Friday morning one. The Saturday Witch figured out a way to put the film on tick tock. They FedExed it over to China and they uploaded it on the DeLorean. I don't. Whatever it is, I'm on your side. If you are mad at me, I'm on your side. If you're not mad at me, I'm on your. I. I'm on everyone's side. I actually think when people are like, oh, everyone's so crazy now. And everyone's so mad at everything. I'm like, no, I think they're having the reaction you would have given what they were being fed. And I. It. We don't know. It's like, when. When it's like, why is that kid acting so hyper? Well, they only had sugar. Oh, that makes sense. Like, why is that person so angry on the Internet? Well, they probably only got fed things to make them angry. Oh, got it. Like, we have to start looking at certain social media diets as, like, sugar or alcohol or something. You know, it's like, why is he freaking out? Well, he's had four drinks. He's been on the Internet for 40 minutes. Of course he's acting like that. You're showing up like, I'm not angry. Yeah, You've only been here for two minutes. Your Drake's not even here yet. I think it's kind of. It's a level of intoxication. Right. So when I see someone, like, coming at me mad on the Internet, I'm like, oh, so you've had a. You've been here a while, huh? Whereas people are like, hey, that was a funny thing. I'm like, so you just got here? No.

[Pat]

You can't find your way out.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. You were on a plane. No wi Fi today. The only people that are in good Moods were on a plane today and didn't have WI fi and were not allowed on the Internet and they watched. Bend it like beckham on a 5 by 5 inch postcard.

[Pat]

That's a good palette cleanser.

[Whitney Cummings]

But I would like to move on to other things that people are grouchy about. Kim Kardashian. I don't talk about her much. She brought butts back and that's all I really. That's all. That's it. Anything you're mad at Kim Kardashian about? She made it so women's thighs can touch. The charges are dropped. I don't know what she sells exactly. I do love the skim shapewear. I, they are so soft. I don't know what it is made out of. Don't tell me, don't tell me what it's made out of. Don't tell me who made it. Don't. I don't want to know what. Nursery school makes these as their home EC project. The skim shapewear. Oh, they just, they're, they're so tight. They are great for that girl who doesn't want to keep the baby. Now the point is Kim has, I love that she does not care. She is at a level of not caring. And I, I, I aspire to get at this level. I don't know if she sees that the backlash and she's like Marie Antoinette, like, let them eat cake or if she just has no idea if she has assistants that are like, yeah, no, it's going over great. No, it's great.

[Pat]

You can't start at the bottom with Merkins, people. You gotta. That's a top down release.

[Whitney Cummings]

She dropped a line of thongs with pubes on them. Now we're talking. Dude, things are turning around in 20, 25. All right, look, some of us went a little overboard with the laser hair removal in our 20s and now we look back in anger. I heard you say some of us went a little overboard with the laser in our 20s because we were programmed to believe that it was our job as women to look as young as possible at all times. Our all our whole bodies were supposed to look as young as possible as a requirement. No one thought that was weird. When women started just being like, oh, you know, the main thing that makes us look like we're over 18. We gotta get rid of it. We gotta get rid of it. We're gonna put hot wax on it. We're gonna burn. We're gonna laser. What? We will set you on fire if from the neck down you look over 18. So I completely lasered everything. And now, you know, because I guess I'm like, hey, like, ooh, you're into sexy chemo babies. Ooh, slippery aliens. Oh, here I am. Like, I did. Now you're just go back. Go those guys. I didn't realize if guys are into a lack of you just girl and we can be friends. We should have always been friends. All right. It's like, I'm. I can't keep up with the hair trends, and I'm not doing it. Like, now there's this whole thing where you have to have so much hair on your head. So. So it was no hair below the belt. Now it has to be hair. Like, it's kind of back. Because I feel like guys have just seen everything on, you know, or maybe they're worried about their Google searches and as they should.

[Pat]

Shaving your pubes is for photography purposes.

[Whitney Cummings]

And then. Yeah. And then guys saw it in porn, and then they expected all women to, like, have it.

[Pat]

Sure.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, I feel like there's a generation of teen boys who got, like, to see a naked woman for the first time ever and was like, ah, do you have Cushings?

[Pat]

Porn was such a small market before the Internet. Ladies were doing porn. They're like, nobody's gonna see this.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't like hair trends. Okay. I think that as a human, the success of your life insanity kind of is defined by how much hair that isn't yours is on your body at any given time. And as women, we now have to put such a wild amount of other people's hair on our heads. Like, the new trend in hair is to have such a shocking cartoon amount of, like, an amount of hair where you truly can't even hold your head up. Like, the. You end up looking like the. The. The dead girl and true detective. Like, you have to, like, you're hanging, like, it's a. Like, any girl, like, corpse head is what you guys want from our hair. You want it, like, so long that we're like, I can't even hold my hair. Like, Disney princess level and possibly long hair so that your neck is frozen. Maybe that's the. I don't know. So it's currently all the hair on the head. All of it. Right. All. No hair on the pits. And then now we got a hair on the undercarriage's back. That's the current look. I believe I can see myself defending that, because I believe currently my. My brand has evolved into defending the indefensible. But I have Found something indefensible enough to actually agree with someone on threads. Sorry. Being a woman is such a nightmare. Okay, you don't get to do this. I haven't done a men and women in a while. Built my house, but I stay away from it. Men's hair does not go in and out of style. Like there were. You remember? Okay, so women remember in, like, the 90s, like, late 90s, the cute look for a girl was like a pixie cut.

[Pat]

And Heche.

[Whitney Cummings]

And Heche, who was dating Jim Carrey. Lauren. Holly Lauren. It was like a little mullet. It was like a pixie cut with, like, a little mullet. Was. It's truly my son's haircut. Like a bowl cut with, like, a swoop, silky swoop down. Okay. It was like a puffy working girl mullet. You know, it was like a. Can I speak to a manager? Bowl cut with, like, a. Like a little. Little under flip in the back. Wynonna Ryder, she had a cute little. That was less. We should have just called it then as women, we should be like, this stays. This stays. Because, guys, hair does not go in and out of style. Beards always in. Always in, always been in. Mustache always been in. I mean, if you're incarcerated for downloading weird stuff, but bare face has never been in. Not once. Grace double. I'll stand for it. My childhood was that bad. But, like, full, shaved face. No, dude, no, don't. What are we. No. My dad was not around enough for me to be into a man who shaves his face. Are you out of your mind? Like, what, you just, like, shave every day? Like, excuse me, you need the bathroom. Like, what with what time? If a. A guy shaving his whole face. To me, it's like a woman putting on armpit hair every morning. Like, why would you change the thing that the person you're trying to attract is into? That's like me being like, let me wear my fart panties because I'm doing some farting today around my crush. Like, it is truly.

[Pat]

Don't give Kim any more ideas.

[Whitney Cummings]

I mean, that's truly, like, what you're doing. Shaving your beard off as a guy. I don't know. I guess. I don't know. I guess it's good if you need help not cheating on your wife. Mustaches are in, though. Weirdly. This is like, okay, so whenever I do shows and it's. It's with Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino and, like, Theo and stuff like that. The young dudes do have mustache. Like, handlebar mustaches. This is like, kind of a new sort of thing. I don't know about a mustache. I don't know the point of that. Like, to me, all this means is dermatitis for me. Your mustache is rubbing onto my delicate, raw skin on my upper lip because I just shaved my mustache. Can we both just keep our mustaches and call it a. Anyway, the point is, I am all for fake pube panties is if gas stations sell hats with ponytails attached to them so a man can just go in disguise on a ring camera. Lynn. Women should be able to have these as well. I would like to be able to have a sex tape leaked and be like, see? Not me. Not me.

[Pat]

Couldn't be.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, couldn't be. Oh, what? Oh, no.

[Pat]

Too warm down too.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, gosh. I don't. I can't. I love to get a mergen, but it seems like a very tricky adhesive situation. My son already pulls off every sticker he sees. I can't really risk that. All right. I just. I like it. You know what I like? I like. Here's the fake thing. Not going to try to get anything past you. Why don't we just do that to begin with? That would have solved this entire body hair sort of nightmare. Instead of lasering off pubes in the first place, we should have all just had bald caps. You're in the mood for that. Oh, really? Watched Hannah Montana reruns. All right, I'll go get the bald cap. Better than setting your outer uterus on fire once a month for six straight months. And laser places always close. They always close. They've never. None of them have ever lasted six months. That's the scam. You buy six sessions, and you go back for the fourth session, and they're like, sorry, we're a jama Juice now. And you're like, they just hope that, like, instead of tearing your hair out, you just tear your own hair out. You're so mad. Human hair tells us everything you need to know about the sanity of the people. In the time. In the 1600s, they put on wigs to cover sores. Not as weird as doing it to look hot. If chimpanzees started doing that in zoos, you'd be like, we might need to put them down. They've started ripping each other's hair off and wearing it, like, for fun. Hair is so gross. When you think about it, it really is the great equal. Like, it really is. Like. Like, when you see hair in a shower, you know, you're like, rose. But Then when you buy it off TikTok and, you know, stapling in your head, you're like, oh, my God, I'm such a beautiful angel. To me, this is important because it highlights our. The cognitive dissonance we are capable of in a very deep way. Like, we are capable of looking at lasered undercarriages and just being like, yeah. Thank you, Kim Kardashian. Thank you. I never thought I'd say this. Thank you, Kim Kardashian, for making it so women no longer have to be worried that their guy is into JonBenet Ramsey. Thank you.

[Pat]

Have we gotten to the point where, like, the way people dress in public has been so skimped down.

[Whitney Cummings]

Ah.

[Pat]

That this will actually pass as underwear. Like outerwear, Like a beach where you. Where it looks like you're naked because you've got a hairy vagina, but it's actually underwear. So technically, legally, you're covered up.

[Whitney Cummings]

I like where you're going with this. There is a book called super sad True Love Story by Gary Steingart, the penultimate dystopian satirical writer of our time. And this book is about in 2030, which it was written like 10 years ago, so it felt much further off, but everyone was an influencer and streaming their life at all times. And all the women are in something called onion skin genes, which is like just see through jeans. And that's just the main default apparel. I'm for them as long as I can get on the ground floor. So if I'm an investor, I love them. If I'm not, I hate them. That's literally how people's value systems go at this point. Like, whenever someone in Hollywood is like, yeah, we gotta go after this app, it's like, oh, didn't get in on the first round, huh? Ashton Kutcher didn't call you, let you buy stock. Okay. You were pretty quiet about all those other shady ones that you managed to invest in. You know when life piles up and you need your money to just work? I use Cash app because it makes money work, makes day to day money stuff. Simple, fast to set up, easy to use. It's been clutch when I want to keep things moving without surprise fees or hassle. If you are paid by direct deposit and you use the cash app card, they have a perk that is actually useful. Cash app does more than you think when it comes to having your back and making sure that your money money stays your money. If you direct deposit at least 300 in paychecks each month and use the cash app card for purchases, you can unlock up to 200 bones in fret was me, not him in free oversight coverage if you overdraft unexpectedly, there's no hidden fees. Let's go manage your money on your terms and take advantage of free overdraft coverage to 200 on Cash App today. It's one less thing to stress about when the timing is tight. For a limited time, new Cash App Customers can earn $10 if they use the code CASH APP10 in their profile at sign up and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash Apps Bank Partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank member FDIC over raft Overdraft coverage provided by Cash App a Block Inc. Brand. Visit cash app.com legal podcast for full disclosures. Look, I I am a very good cook. I'm gonna say it.

[Pat]

I cook.

[Whitney Cummings]

I cook. My cooking works. My food works for me.

[Pat]

My cook dinner.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm good at cooking. Okay. I actually have a theory. Everybody is good at cooking. But my friend Alex, who's a chef, got so mad at me when I was like anyone could do this if they spent the time, you know what I mean to do the storchiometry. Is that what like what was that in chemistry class? Remember Stoichiometry nightmare. So I am a very good. I just what with what time, with what pots and with how God lord knows how many pans here. It's not the cooking that takes a long time. It's the moving around the pans with scalding hot oil. Scalding hot surfaces which I don't like scalding hot surfaces near my toddler. I pay my dermatologist to put them on my face. Home chef saved my sanity. The ingredients show up fresh because your little. Your little creepy digits aren't on them. Recipes are straightforward.

[Pat]

Unlike you, they're not pre grubbed by baby.

[Whitney Cummings]

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[Pat]

Yeah, those have been at the beach.

[Whitney Cummings]

Forever for a while now. Why is that, like, cute and funny. But then the billboards is annoying. People baffle me with stuff like this. So it's like a sky flag billboard, fine. But the ocean not fine. So up here, fine. Down here. It's the difference between leaning back in an airplane seat of your posture. Like, okay, not okay, cool. No. 2 inches of their view makes all the difference. Also, take the win. You're bringing your daughters and kids there. Buy one, take one out and make them see something that they need to see because they won't listen to you. You will save money if you go spend three grand on a billboard on the beach. Your daughter is out with her friends and put the rehab number. This is the only way you communicate with your kids at this point. I just find it so fascinating, like when people decide they're done, when people don't try to sell me things when I'm at the beach surrounded by things I bought that I don't need. And yes, it takes longer for a boat to go by than a plane to go by. Fine, Fine. I mean planes, if it goes by at all. Planes are having a tough time staying up there these days. Billboards on the ocean? Yes. Honestly, least weird thing I've seen in the ocean in a while. You think billboards in the ocean are weird? Remember billionaires in the ocean just imploding with their sun? The ocean is chock full of things that should not be in the ocean. If you think that what's on top of the ocean is bad, google what's on the bottom of the ocean. If you are mad at what's on top of the. Wait till you see what's down there. Down there, down there. There's like rows of teeth with legs just walking around. Just a chainsaw on a spring. Like. Like they did a camera that went all the way down into the big base. There's a starfish holding a gun. Someone is complaining about a billboard in an ocean. And in front of that billboard is a girl standing in a Gucci bathing suit with the brands in their canal, decorating our actual canal with a brand. Remember when women were wearing Juicy on our butts?

[Pat]

I think you're talking about the good old days.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's weird, but it's not weirder than all of us gathering around to watch super bowl commercials. I gotta get home. The Super Bowls commercials are on. If I'm gonna watch an ad, it's gonna be in my house in front of my child's face, not my sunset. I grew up where on our local NBC news, there was a guy named Willard Scott, and every morning he would do birthdays of the oldest people in the country. And it was brought to you by Smuckers. It was like, estelle, Happy birthday. She's 103 today. Brought to you by Smuckers. Like, what? I was like, smuckers, dude, take the 10% less you're making based on this awareness. Instead of being the almost dead Jelly, take a hit on the brand awareness. Instead of being like, hey, Dottie, I know you're about to go down. Brought to you by Smuckers. I know. It's so me to not be mad at these billboards, especially since I don't really go to the beach, because we all know that the beach, it is covered in sand, which is blonde dirt. And you know I'm right. I feel like if I were going to be a thing on tv, I'd be a commercial. I ended up being in television shows somehow. And I'm like, how did I get in this? I want to die. I'm in the thing in between the commercials. The commercials is where they're just you don't. You get to be a. Try hard. I'm more of a commercial, frankly, than a TV show. Because in TV shows, they're like, yeah, I mean, if you laugh, it's fine, but, like, I'm just kind of here to, like, speak my truth and, like, try to, like, I don't know, like, tell a story that would make people vote. Different commercials. I'm like, try my. Like, like me. You're gonna love me. I will make you love me at all costs. You can't shut me up, dude. When I moved to la, the trend in ads was wrapping cars with us. Big sticker of the brand. I tried to do it because they gave you, like, 10 grand to drive around with, like, a Pepsi car. And they said no to my car because it basically technically was not even a car. So. But I remember a lot of people would get it. You're like, oh, man, he got the wrap. Like, he's got Taco Bell in his car for two weeks. Like, he's like, sad. They were doing that. And I guess looking back, you're like, that's such a crazy thing, because you can't control what the drivers are going to do. I guess you can't give someone who wants to have a giant sticker of your fast food chain on their car and then expect them to be able to handle a quick five grand. Well, ads been wild to me. A billboard in the ocean is so much less. Remember when Chelsea Clinton did a news segment brought to you by Geico where she interviewed a cartoon lizard? I'll take Times Square in the ocean before I'll take our former president's daughter talking to a cartoon lizard. The movie Castaway. I have bad news for you. That was not a movie. That was an ad for Wilson Volleyballs. It was a very long commercial, and at the end, it was about, like, a FedEx. I have such bad news for you guys. That was an ad. Every time you see a car go by in a movie, you're watching an ad like, no one needs to know a car went from one thing to the other in a movie. Everyone knows how they got there. No one's like, whoa, what are they doing in this building? James Bond is an ad for Aston Martins and Kegels. Probably Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. This genius. It's a. It's a movie about going to a commercial. Top Gun is an ad for Scientology. I think you're just spoiled because they've all been kind of COVID Ads were embedded in movies and in tv, but now you guys don't go to movies or watch TV anymore, and no one watches. So advertisers are just like, what do we do? How do we get them to see us?

[Pat]

You know, there's no skip button on the boat.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's it. But also. Well, I mean, if there is, if you're an orca, the orca is the skip button of the ocean. I'm just saying, advertisers are literally sitting around tables now being like, all right, I guess we should just project our brand via their endoscopy in their gastrointestinal tunnel. But most Americans don't have health insurance, so we're gonna have to get creative. Imagine if my sonogram just had, like, brought to you by Pampers. They're sitting around, they're like, how do we. Where do people look anymore? How do we get people's attention? And some genius was like, you guys, they don't look anywhere. They look at themselves. So how do we get an ad in the place where they're looking at themselves? The beach. They take photos of themselves at the beach. So getting in the background of their photo is our only hope. For them to see our brand as they are going into the photo to erase out our billboard, they will see that Taco Tuesdays is back with 30% off, and then they will erase it, but they will have read it.

[Pat]

I'm gonna hand out a billion dollar idea right now.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, God, Pat, you really do have some of the most amazing ideas I've heard.

[Pat]

So if you're on a slow boat going across the ocean, is there such.

[Whitney Cummings]

Thing as a slow boat or is it just any boat going slow?

[Pat]

I mean, they're gonna take their time like a tugboat.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, it's the.

[Pat]

Okay, the billboard boat.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay.

[Pat]

Instead of the billboat, instead of putting, you know, McFry's on the billboard, just put a QR code. You don't know what it is for augmented reality. And then you can hold up your phone and then you can animate like a sea monster and a 300 foot wave crashing on you and, like, you know, have some fun.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do you guys know how rich Pat would be if he didn't spend all his time cutting out my flubs in this podcast? If he actually had time to act on any of his ideas, if he didn't spend most of his time trying to cobble together an inkling of a cohesive thought from me in the. From the very little footage I provide to him? It's like, you know, when a dj, it's like, it's just. It's more like if you were to see me do this in person, it's like a DJ set. It's just like, you know, the hypnotic, like, saying the same lyric 46 times. It's like, like a loop. Rudel soul. What's the thing? Like, why waste your time, you know, such a jam? So I just want to remind everyone when everyone is in this, like, victim state of like, oh, my God, this is. We have to look at Bell bar on the B. This isn't new. It's always been this way. I. I find comfort in that. Maybe most people, like, why would you tell me that? I was finding comfort in the fact that this is just about me and that the universe just wants to make my life hard. Dude, the Macy's Parade. The day I learned the magic of the Macy's parade was one big ad. It's all ads. Every float is an ad. We take our kids to watch actual Ronald McDonald scrape his pelvis against the gutters in New York City. It's truly fast food, mascots and whatever movie is coming out characters that week. It's like Yoda and like, the Kroger turkey and like, spongebob. We're like, oh, my God, the magic of Thanksgiving. Whereas, like, 19 CEOs are screaming at their assistance because the turkey's head's flaccid and it looks like he's, you know, blow the Statue of Liberty. And it's. By the way, it's good. It's good. Everyone is always trying to get your attention except your crush. That's just math. But you got to get ready for, like, the attention Olympics. This is about to get so much worse because now they're doping. They used to play by the rules. They're not playing by the rules. Is it even legal to put an advertisement on a boat? This dude was like, I'm not paying for primetime real estate for my billboard. I'm going on to international Walters. I'm gonna borrow my friend's Scientology ship and promote my tiki bar, fool. Like, also, by the way, the one ad that I looked at, it's actually sort of wild. Like, I used to always kind of focus group test myself in a way. Like, before we were really living in the comments. You found out who you were or how you were perceived based on the commercials that would buy ads in your standup specials. And I remember watching my stand up social Comedy Central for the first time, and it was like AdamAndEve.com like, it was just all the ads were like, oh, man. It was like, hooked on phonics work for me. I was like, okay.

[Pat]

Dumb and horny.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. Actually, truly family court specialist. So that kind of companies, they're like, yeah, we want to buy on that, like, maybe Legal Boat. The guy, the fisherman who's just, like, made a, like, a little side hustle. Busch Gardens is one of them, which is so funny to me, because what if it's just trolling the women on the beach? They're like, no, this isn't for the amusement park. It's just. This is what the boat sees. Just a giant Busch Garden. We have encouraged rage bait by being obsessed with, like, trying to shut things down. The American Eagle ad with Siddon Sydney Sweeney changed everything. I think every ad executive after that was like, you guys, what are we. Why are we. Oh, my God. You guys are all fired. You're trying to make people like our product. Why are you doing. Why are you doing this? Casting all these likable people. All of the things are one entendre. The little sentences are one entendre in the poster. People aren't even posting about it. No one's trying to sue us. You're fired. You've offended nobody. I'm getting no letters. I forgot about American Eagle until everybody started hating them. Angel Reese was like, it's. It's her or me. And I was like, oh, those are cute. I mean, even if a company messes up, we're like, ah, so okay. But all right, they messed up. Everyone has a rough day at work. You know, no one wants to get fired. No one shows up at work and is like, I'm gonna get fired today and ruin this entire company's brand. The Cracker Barrel woman. I mean, if she did, that's so funny. But, like, I don't think. And, like, I. I am kind of obsessed with people who are like. Like, if she was, like, 64 and, like, about to retire and just. You know what? This. This company I've given my life to. You had the audacity to not give me a raise in 2004, but paid for Mick to come to the team building retreat. He didn't even catch me in the trust fall. You didn't even. You know what I'm saying? Like, there is some of that. And then the idea of just, like, sabotaging a company. You know my theory about all the ads I read? It's everyone's last day of work. I'm like, oh, this guy's. This guy's quitting tomorrow. Okay, let's read this ad, the outrage machine. You guys don't realize you help the people in the companies that you're lashing out against. The engagement in comments is what gets them in the algorithm. I don't know. I love seeing ads in the wild. Like, I actually love, like, a billboard in the ocean. A bill, but I love it because if it's out on a boat, it's not just for me. If they. Okay, if the haters who hate this billboard sock go by and it was their brand, their particular brand of blue hair dye, they'd be like, oh, it's on sale. Oh, my God, look at the billboard of the ocean. Oh, my God. So good to know. If it was for you, you'd be fine. Okay, you're so used to every ad you see being completely catered to you that it's just like, oh, my God, people buy things that I don't buy. Everyone was mad about pop up ads until they were the exact thing that you wanted, custom made for the person that you are or are trying to be. Remember, we were like, these pop up ads. Get them out of here. Wait, it is raining and I do need an umbrella.

[Pat]

Now you're like, I'm really good at finding things.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, thank you, AI Bot, for serving me the exact product that I need. Now I'm going to resume my rant on threads about how bad AI is. And how about how I want no one to have my data? Okay, I want to see ads that were not for me or El. How am I going to know what's going on in the world? You know, I need to know when is the Ren Fair? No one will tell me. My algorithm won't let me. I follow. I unfollowed them when they kept me on red after I asked to be the queen for a year. I want out of my bubble. I want. I fish want out. I want to know about things that I don't already actively seek out. Like our Twinkies back. No one can tell me, and I can't seem to find out. When I Google it, I get marketed so many things that I want that I can't get past the links to get to the core of the Reddit forum. On it. Okay. I'm like, our Twinkies back, right? And then they're like, oh, look at this bedazzled horse invisalign retainer. I'm like, why didn't I know that Dolly Parton was in the hospital? Why didn't I get marketed? The Oasis tour tickets. I make fun of them all the time my phone should have heard that. Why didn't they put the ticket link in my thing? I just. I would like to buy a shirt without a horse on it. How do I find a website where I can go buy shirts without horses on it? I am an Eagles fan. All. Every dude, every. Everything I see is a horse shirt or an Eagles jersey. Do they make mugs and hats without Eagles logos? I don't even know anymore. It feels like it's only that because you. Even if you go to a store that has other things, they'll send you the thing that you are going to buy anyway. I'm confused. I truly have no idea what's out there. And I'm starting to feel so digitally sequestered that when I see a billboard that is not for me, I'm like, hello? Hello? I'm like one of those girls who lived in the basement in the cold all those years and, like, didn't know there was a world outside. I'm like, smoke signal. What is that? Carl's Jr. Is that a real billboard? My feet is only canes. Okay, We've all put ourselves in the movie 28 days later, like, mentally and digitally, or like Handmaid's Tale, but it's just our algorithm. You know, we're like, oh, God, the Boston Herald is gone. Shut down. Costco gone. Sephora is just replaced by Ulta. Then you have lunch with a friend, and she's like, hey, check out my jeans. I got them at Costco. And we're like, what? Honey, they've been dead for 40 years. No, you just shop at Target too much. Target won't let you out of the culture. They won't let you know we exist. Target wants you to think it's the only store, and it's working.

[Pat]

They're all owned by the same company.

[Whitney Cummings]

But doesn't it feel like it's like a.

[Pat]

They don't need to market variety to it. They want the sure thing. So they say, everybody's gonna shop twice a day, and if I know it's a sure thing every time I show you whatever, I don't need to show you things from all the other companies that we own, because we own all the companies.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's all good. So even this. Like, I go to Sephora, not Ulta August. The same.

[Pat]

It's all the same.

[Whitney Cummings]

Whoa. That's, like, in makeup, where, like, all the. The counters in the department stores are the same brand.

[Pat]

Yeah. Why would they confuse you?

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like, you see all these new little brands pop up You've never heard of that are just like, sparkle cowgirl, and just like, rustic lady or whatever? And I'm like, what are all these new brands I've never heard of? And they're all just little tentacles. The narcissism. We all believe that if something's not actively marketing to us, it must be over. Like, I see Costco and I'm like, haven't got an ad in a while. Embarrassing. Like, I'm just like, oh, no, tight on cash, guys. Like, I don't want to go by Costco. What if they ask me for money? It's like looking at a homeless person trying to not make eye contact. Like, I don't know. I'm just saying. I would. I would. I would like to see a billboard for something. I do not know. It's honestly culture. It's like going to another country. I'm like, I would just like to explore what other options are out there. Colgate, you're still a thing. Anyway, can we talk more about stores? It's like, what do female podcasters want to talk about? Stores? Shabbat. Have you been to the. The Amazon thumbprint kiosk yet where you.

[Pat]

Use your hand to check out for groceries?

[Whitney Cummings]

I have not done that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hmm. Where you get to be like. They truly bank on the fact that every man's dream is to be a magician. Just like. Okay, so now when I'm coming up with the topics for the podcast, I asked Pat what I should talk about as well. He sent me a linky poo about the fire. Is it fire festival? Oh, yeah. It's spelled fire. It's fire, not fi.

[Pat]

Like fire fire. Like fire spelled wrong, you know, Cuz it's cool.

[Whitney Cummings]

Here's the thing. We're obsessed with Fyre Festival for some reason. We love disasters. You know that Germany has. Or Germans have a. A saying for this. It's called schadenfreude, which is like, your kink is like, other people being embarrassed publicly. That's our thing with Fyre Fest, where we're like, look at these idiots.

[Pat]

Look.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like the dorks that didn't get invited to prom watching the prom, like, catch on fire.

[Pat]

I risked nothing and I was proven right.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, totally. You know, so, like, we. I get a little weird about, like, being into watching people fail and, like, lose money. Like, I just. Well, I don't. It makes me really uncomfortable. It's like, Chris, Chris can't watch other people dance, so I really want to learn the end of Dirty Dancing when Patrick Swayze is going down at the end and he, like, does that thing. So I'm like, punishing Chris and making him learn it with me. And so we're going on, like, TikTok and watching people do it, and he's like, I can't look. I can't. I can't watch this girl do it because what if she knows I'm watching her? Like, he, like, can. I'm like that with. When people are going through a rough thing, I just. I'm like, I don't want to look. Whenever I'm embarrassed, I'm like, just don't look at me. So when it comes to the fyre festival, I cannot believe I'm defending the fire festival. Has any company that does a. Has any. How about this? Has any music festival ever made money? No, because. Hold on. If you made money, why would you do it again next year? If any festival made money, they'd be like, we did it. We made money. I'm never doing that. Okay, we made money. Let's just call it, okay? That's just called a big concert. Remember, Live Aid is you make it and you move on. The only reason to do something that is much of a nightmare again, it's like, all right, well, we're in the hole. We're in the whole 500 grand. Now. Next year, we got. We just got to do it again next year. And we'll just charge $18 for water. Okay? Like, the reason they're able to get out of the hole is they promise better placement for the hair pomade. The crew hair pomade tent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's just. We got a couple lawsuits. The parking attendants, the emotional pt, they have PTSD from all the teenage girls screaming at them and calling ice on them. So we'll get you next year. Next year. Full billboard. Like, the only reason there's a next year is to try to compensate for what went wrong last year. Okay, no. Okay, let me back up even more. No. Most companies don't make money, right? Most companies don't make money. The companies that make money, you don't hear about. They don't have festivals. They mind their business. They know. They're like, we made money. We're just going to shut up. I'm talking post its. I'm talking Campbell soup. I'm talking Tampax. They. You don't hear from them, they know the only companies you hear from are the ones losing money. Okay? Who. You know who's not making money? The Teemu Great Gatsby. Guy who is throwing a party so that hot girls will talk to him. Someone thought that was a good business model. That's truly every festival. Okay? And look, I'm not slamming festivals. I was a festival guy. Okay? Guess how many times I went to Lilith Fair? Yes. Well, I was there in spirit for everyone, but in person.

[Pat]

3.

[Whitney Cummings]

8. 8. 8.

[Pat]

Wow. I didn't even know they had 8.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

8.

[Whitney Cummings]

That does sound high.

[Pat]

Yeah. That's impressive.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, well, it's like four.

[Pat]

What was her name?

[Whitney Cummings]

I did a lot. I did because I went to, like, Texas. I went to, let's just say, six. Two of them might have been imagined. Well, because there was, like, these little offshoot festivals because Tori Amos actually do Lilith Fair because she didn't think that lilithaire was, like, a good way to, like, present what she does. So I went into. I followed Tori Amos around for a while. I also went to a fish concert, which I don't. I don't. Calling it a concert is honestly a lie. Lollapalooza. I think Chicago. I went to Coachella, maybe when who was. Axl Rose was there. When Guns n Roses was there, I went. I want to see those biking shorts in person. Mia Coachella. Can you imagine? Mia Coachella?

[Pat]

Not for more than, like, three hours.

[Whitney Cummings]

I was fully. I was rescuing. I was the guy at the strip club. Like, you're coming home with me. We're in love. Like, I was just like, do you need a water? Do you need a water? Do you have a water? What's going on? Like, I was. Look at me. Like, I was trying to take care of everyone. I'd be like, with the guys, I'm like, hey, can you give the ladies some room to dance, please? Can you please back up your dreamcatcher headband? Feathers are hitting them in the face. Fake feathers and fake eyelashes do not mix, bucko. I'm sure they're like, hey, guys, just FYI, hope you're having a good time. But you know that hand sanitizer has alcohol in it. And, like, not, like, the bacteria is actually better for you than, like, the alcohol, so. But I'll be. Enjoy the show. Like, I'm just like, I just need. Too many problems I feel like I need to fix. You know, I don't do well with two bands playing at once. I already have both Soundgarden and Iron Maiden simultaneously fighting as my default inner monologue. I'm like, why are they both going at the same time? Can we just stretch this out a couple days? Sometimes it takes, like, a dumb Outsider to say something really smart. Hey, maybe you guys are big money. If you just did one artist at a time over a couple days instead of 30 in 20 minutes. The biggest thing a festival provides, the festival goer, let's be honest, is. Is the victim story. If this is gone well, that would have been so much worse.

[Pat]

They wouldn't have made two documentaries about it if it went well.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do you know what I'm saying? I'm just saying, you. Every time you come back from a festival, you don't want people to be like, oh, I saw Gaga. Changed my life. They're like, it rained. We couldn't park. Got my head stuck in the porta potty. Like, people love the adversity. Going to music festivals is the only way rich white people can feel like victims. That's what they're paying for, right? They, they. I ruined my golden goose. White cowboy boots in a puddle while yo Lola Young was collapsing on stage. The Fyre festival is, you know, I don't know. We got it. We gotta take the win on some of these. There's like a thousand white people who have finally have stories. It's the best thing that ever happened to them. You know, they get to say they were on the same island as Ja Rule and they call him Ja. And it's brutal. Music festivals are how annoying. People get herd immunity. And if these people get sick, you're going to be hearing about it for months. So just let them go out there. They're not going to get the flu shot because RFK is their doctor. If you went to one of these festivals and it went badly, you should be thanking them. No one's liking your photos of a festival that went well. Like, oh, cool, look, Cindy's in her, like, cowboy boots made in China look. Oh, no one had to pee in a Sun Chips bag. Swipe blocked. Dude. Muted. Bye. The only thing worth paying for at this point is the opportunity to have a photographical misfortune. Photographical misery is the only thing any company can really provide for you. If you want to be likable, it makes us root for you. All right? Since everyone now is a main character in their movie, this is how main characters work. This is how the main character arc works. All right? No one's going to watch a movie where everything goes right, all right? Festivals, they'll always. They'll always be a smash and grab. Because why? Because they're planned by people who love festivals. It's people who couldn't figure out how to be a dj and they're like, all right, I guess I'll just host the DJs. I do like a. I do like a music festival, though, because it's like, what better way do you get to find out who your friend is? It's like a gender reveal party for people's personalities. It's like a personality reveal for adults. You know when like, a co worker or like, a friend goes to a music festival and you're like, I have fun. And then their Instagram, they're suddenly poly with, like, a custom blazer made of chains. You're like, huh. Wait, this is you outside of work. Like, IRL. Yeah. Matt in accounting can ride a tricycle that's 30ft tall. Like, oh, he's the prime lord of LARPing in Tennessee. Wait a second. John on the weekends makes bottle cap mosaics of topless women on TikTok Shop. Now I have to sue social media. Amazing segue. New York is suing social media for being a public nuisance, but the rats everywhere are fine.

[Pat]

Nobody can spot a public nuisance like New York City.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay, this is real from Reuters. New York City filed a lawsuit accusing Facebook, Google, Snapchat, TikTok, and other online platforms of fueling a mental health. Not threads. Threads. You're fine. You're hanging by a threads. Everyone on that is a mental health crisis among children. By addicting them to social media, the city joins government, school districts, and individuals. Okay, name them. That's the list I want released. It's approximately 2,050 other lawsuits nationwide. Litigation in Oakland, California as well. Okay, well, look, okay, fine, fine. I'm just saying this. This. This is a good idea first, firstly, but let's just be prepared for what will happen when social media does go away. Be careful what you wish for, okay? Because then what? We are gonna have to go back to talking to people. Fine. If you want to go back to in person talking, I don't know what to tell. Like, I. I'm just saying, just be prepared for. Now, when you ask someone how their kid is, you're gonna wait for them to pull out their wallet. You're gonna have to look people's desks. Now, if social media goes away, what are we? We have to go back to what, seeing magic shows?

[Pat]

Yeah. So free speech on social media is fully under government attack, and they're going to say, like, hey, let's make it tricky. Let's call it all bad.

[Whitney Cummings]

I. Oh, is that it? Oh, okay. Pat always knows the truth. Can I do my thing? That's not true. First, can I Give my take that. Can I give my take where I didn't even notice the obvious thing. I just. And then you'll tell me how the deep state is using this. Can I just take the headline seriously? Even though it's a psyop? It's so my ball back. It is just so weird to be around Pat and feel naive. Like, it's. Very few people make me feel naive. Does that make sense?

[Pat]

I don't mean to do it.

[Whitney Cummings]

You're like, oh, Whitney actually thinks there's lawsuits against social media.

[Pat]

No, there are. No, what I'm saying is, like, if free speech on social media is under attack.

[Whitney Cummings]

Uh huh.

[Pat]

Filing a lawsuit against social media in general is not helping the situation.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, no, no, no.

[Pat]

You're saying, like, it's not even worth saving because it's a problem.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Who, who do you work for?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, look, I just, I don't, I don't know the answer yet who's.

[Pat]

Supposed to pay that bill, but I.

[Whitney Cummings]

Will, I will know the answer. And you know this about me. Okay, But I just have a initial reaction which is just like, okay, this whole thing where it's like, teenagers shouldn't be on phones and they shouldn't be on social media. Like, okay, take the phones out, they're gonna be hanging out in person. Just curious, have you met a teenager recently that you'd be fine with getting pregnant by accident? I just want you to just think through this. That's all I'm saying. I, I. Social media will absolutely be what smoking was like 30 or 20 years ago, right? Like, I think we're look back in 20 years and be like, remember when you could just like, go on social media at restaurants and like at work whenever you wanted? Like when you watch Mad Men and you're like, people just drink at work. You know, I think it's gonna be the same thing with social media, but I think we'll be like, remember when you could just, like, get on social media and not take a mental fitness quiz before going on it? Like, remember before your child had to say, yes, you can, they tried to.

[Pat]

Do the mental health quizzes. Do you remember all those buzzfeed quizzes?

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, I do.

[Pat]

The article was like, take a personality test. Yeah, yeah, they were kind of doing that.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just think we might have to look at social media, like, drinking. Like, you know, some people when they drink, they can't stop. And some people can, like, and what do you think about, do you think that when someone drinks it Brings out more of who they already are or brings out a different side or it's case by case.

[Pat]

It's just base urges that are constantly regulated because you're sober. Because it's like, leash is off.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, does social media bring out who you already are or like the worst version of your shadow self? Because to me, like, I don't know if I want to go back to in person bullying in high school. Dude, that was a brutal.

[Pat]

If you want to get rid of social media, you better love boat billboards because that's the only place they're going to be able to advertise.

[Whitney Cummings]

Also, we used to basically spend every day after school just looking for some guy in an oily T shirt to buy us beer.

[Pat]

I like those odds.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just mean. Okay, so with social media, does it bring out. Is it breaking our brains? Is it not? I'm sure there's neuroscientists will know the answer to this, but I do believe that there is something very wrong with the fact that our brains are not wiring anymore. For immediate, do a thing. It's like, how do I document this thing instead of participating in the thing? I sent you that video of Colorado beat Iowa in this college football game and this kid got stuck under a goalpost. You saw this. The filmer does not stop filming it. What would this have happened before social media? If someone saw it, would they just be like, oh, the guy fell. Okay, this guy fell. Would they like, someone start. Would that same person 200 years ago just start painting it?

[Pat]

Like, well, okay, so I've noticed a trend. When people first started carrying phones or cameras around in their pockets, they. They didn't have the discipline to keep the subject in frame. When something totally crazy, the camera's going like this, they're running around, and then when it's all over, then they put the camera back on. They've missed it. But all those people have been disappointed so many times. Like, oh, you missed the shot.

[Whitney Cummings]

They know how to do the money shot.

[Pat]

Totally ingrained in their head right now. Like, if something crazy goes on, just disconnect.

[Whitney Cummings]

And could that person filming have taken that off of the child, the kid? Could that person have started helping lift the thing or no, I don't know the answer.

[Pat]

Well, that's like the train tracks.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just. What's that?

[Pat]

Like, do you save the kid or do you record it so everybody can learn a lesson about it?

[Whitney Cummings]

You save the kid and go, I saved the. Yeah, I think you saved the kid. I would not sleep it. I mean, oh, Sorry about that. So every time you close your eyes, you just want to see him on the train track for the rest of your life.

[Pat]

Cool.

[Whitney Cummings]

Cool.

[Pat]

When that kid gets up, is he going to ask you if you got the shot because it's cool and he wants a copy? He's probably going to say, did you get.

[Whitney Cummings]

God, I have a podcast. What would I be doing for attention? I don't know. You know what, I take it back. Everyone's have a podcast. Start your own podcast. The things people are doing to be heard and listened to and seen is just. I just. I'm curious if this guy continued filming because he knew, like, I have to get it for social media or something. Like, did this kid stay under a goal post longer than he should have so that there could be this. I mean, because at this point, if you're still filming it, you're just filming a smut video. You're just to not drop the phone and try to help, even if you can't, is so wild to me. So is this something that social media is making it so that we see humans as like, sub human now and basically just vessels for our entertainment? Does he value the shocking video more than the human life? I don't know. Maybe it was an Eagles fan. The guy under it was a Dallas fan. I don't know. The point is, can we. I do feel like we should pass a law that if you're filming something awful and not doing something about it, you can't be out in the world if your reaction isn't to help.

[Pat]

Two things.

[Whitney Cummings]

Drop the phone.

[Pat]

People get sued a lot for helping.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'll go to court any day for to help.

[Pat]

And everyone has the discipline of a war cinematographer now because of. Yeah, the way things are.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if he went and helped the thing, the mom could be like, if you didn't help him, it wouldn't have crashed.

[Pat]

If. Yeah, if. If they stopped filming and went to help, they would have not documented for their own safety how they touched an injured person.

[Whitney Cummings]

Then do that. I'm not helping. I have video documentation of me not helping.

[Pat]

You need the play by play.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's the new litigious world. Yeah, Just, you know, I'm not helping. I want to be. Maybe he did it so that he didn't get sued later. I just. I think that there's a weird instinct to not help. I don't know, to keep filming. That, to me is like, there's a part of the brain that has deteriorated so much that we, like, lack this automatic compassion. Reaction. So is social media public nuisance? Yeah. But also they're calling in the lawsuit a public nuisance, which is kind of interesting because the main thought that I had last time I was in New York a couple weeks ago was like, this city's so much prettier. And I think it's because of social media, because now cities are just turning into sets, right? And everything just looks like icarly now. Like, New York has, like, wings on all the walls and there's flowers on, like, arches everywhere. It looks like a wedding. Everywhere just looks like a wedding set so that people will come and take pictures in front of your thing. So it's actually really pretty. You have to be a cute restaurant for people to come to, like, take photos. Right. So it's like cities are now getting cuter so that they can be like, the background of the pumpkin spice latte post or whatever. I'm not saying it's good. I'm just saying it is what it is. But the complaint is saying that 77.3 fake statistic of New York City high school students and 82 fine. 82% of the girls admitted to spending three or more hours a day on screen time, including TV, computers, and smartphones. And it was contributing to loss of sleep in chronic school absences. Okay. Nah. Why'd you gotta throw a statistic in there? Ah, things were going so well. High school girls have never slept. They were losing sleep before. It was from being physically bullied at school. I don't know if you ever had someone you barely know in the grade above you give you a wedgie. Now the bullying is in comments and like, Snapchat trolling. We used to get shanked. Our underwear would get pulled down in front of the teachers. Okay, Pre Kim pube thongs. We get ignored by our best friend. When the new girl transferred into school one day and had to spend the next three months trying to figure out what we did wrong. We lost sleep because we didn't have zit stickers with little adorable stars to cover up our cystic pimples. Some of us had to squeeze them. Yes, it's bad. But stop pretending that teenagers ever had any modicum of mental health when they're going to school. Okay. What? The things we did before social media, it's just like, hey, you want to go jump off that thing? Let's go. Never ended well. Not once. We used to play doctor in a treehouse with the boys from the other public school. New York also blamed social media for the increase in subway surfing or Riding atop the sides of moving trains. At least 16 subway surfers have died since 20. 23. Including two girls.

[Pat]

Ooh.

[Whitney Cummings]

Young. All right, fine. Okay.

[Pat]

Gruesome.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. Bad. We're going backward. We're going back to Amish. No social media. Pubes. Let's go. Have you seen Amish men Build a barn in 45 minutes? Dude, I'm in. I think we all just go fully Amish and start over from the beginning, get rid of all the technology and be like, given what we did, should we do that again? Do you know what I mean? Like, what's another time you, like, start over like that from scratch? It's like, after you get a divorce, you're like, I'm gonna go back out there. And you're like, but should I, like, be this. Like, should I. Last time, maybe we would invent other things. All I'm saying is, my running theme, I feel like always in this podcast, is humans will find a way. Human nature, they will find a way. Yeah, you know, gun control. There's. I don't want to. Like, when you take away guns, stabbings go up. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's just humans will find a way. Teenagers will find a way to ruin each other's lives, okay? With that many hormones going through your body. And our sort of artificially synthetic life that we live in, even though we're designed to be in a tribe, we're designed to meet, like, seven people in our life, the fact that we meet more than that is always gonna put us in a constant state of fight or flight. Okay. I'm just saying, before social media, things were dicey too. Okay? We got weird. We didn't jump on subway cars, though. That's where it gets too apocalyptic for me. Like, we got. We got. We did risky things. We made out with braces on. You know, we played bloody knuckles. We hid in refrigerators. You know, kids are gonna do dangerous things, but climbing onto a speeding train, I don't remember having that temptation. I don't remember having that temptation. And I do think that if you're only growing up on AI or, like, seeing invincible stuff, you're not. What? We knew how gravity worked because we saw people fall off stuff. But when you're looking at social media, you're only seeing the wins. You're only seeing Jacques gone. Claude Van Damme on that commercial, Member where he stood on the two trucks. You're only seeing the. You're not seeing the misses. Maybe there's this concept of, like, oh, I could do that or you just see. Do the math in your head with how desperate people are getting. Why wouldn't you going like, he got a million views off that. So if I can just jump off a train, I'll be able to pay my rent next month. I have a question that's. You're not gonna like the person that does that today for TikTok and parishes. That person is born in 1910. How do they die at the same age? Is the same person going to do something? That is the 2010 version of that. Anyway.

[Pat]

Tall tale. Their cousin tells them that some kid.

[Whitney Cummings]

Two town they're gonna ride someone else's horse.

[Pat]

Rode a horse off a cliff to make a joke.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do you know what? I'm saying something. It's like, I'm going to jump on this horse. It's not mine. And get kicked off and break. Like, is this person their nature, their, you know, genetics, their toxoplasmosis, whatever it is, does every generation kill? Teenagers die in horrible ways. It just looks different. And we think it's new because of social media.

[Pat]

Well, there's a level of Darwinism involved for sure, but like the acceleration of somebody seeing something that you couldn't convince them is possible. But then they see it and two seconds.

[Whitney Cummings]

Don't you think a kid in 1910 saw his uncle do it was like, that's cool. I'm gonna try it. He saw someone do it. It just wasn't on.

[Pat]

Oh yeah. They just didn't.

[Whitney Cummings]

Or heard about it or you would have heard about it. Oh, did you hear the lore of that?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, person who jumped on the horse.

[Pat]

I get a lot of questions. My kids are. Are four and five. And I get a lot of questions about like reality.

[Whitney Cummings]

Lol.

[Pat]

Is it possible can't. Can. Can a person fly? Is like a genuine question. When you're five years old, can a person fly if they see. If they see a video of somebody jumping off the balcony and flying.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And it. And they caught it on somebody's phone on, you know, waiting in line at whatever to get into the whatever. And somebody's on their phone and they catch a video on somebody's phone. Oh, it looked like a person jumped off a balcony and they flew and it looked real and I'm fine.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is.

[Pat]

I'm asking you if. If a person can fly. When I get home, I might climb up the railing on the balcony because I saw somebody fly on a video.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like you saw someone right before they died.

[Pat]

No, no. You saw an AI video of a person Seating in flight. Because you've ah. A five year old saw a video on a grownup's phone in passing in public and it happened to have a person flying.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is. I don't even show Henry cartoons because you'll see Peter Pan just be like foo. And he's like, oh. And I'm like, I can't. Gravity. Only real things only because that it's. I think we've always had a version of that because we've had fairy tales, we've had cartoons, we've had, you know, you would see Richie Rich do like a backflip down there like Tom and Jerry.

[Pat]

Oh, they're smacking each other over the head.

[Whitney Cummings]

So we've always had a version.

[Pat]

Cartoons are so much different than seeing like literally your friend video of your next door neighbor. You're crying.

[Whitney Cummings]

You're right.

[Pat]

And now you're five and you're like.

[Whitney Cummings]

Someone you know that's very.

[Pat]

That's what.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm different. I understand now. Dude. I don't know. Dude, we gotta get out of here. If we had to get in the boat business. Boat billboard. Billboard business.

[Pat]

Yeah, I wanna live on the other side of the boat billboard.

[Whitney Cummings]

But I also think that like the new Darwinism is gonna be like, are your parents talking to you about this stuff or is someone spending time with you that's gonna help you differentiate reality, what's fake and real?

[Pat]

Because it's gonna speed up really like way faster than the last 25 years of the Internet. The next five years of the Internet, it's going to take a group of, yeah. 5 to 15 year olds and it's going to ring them out.

[Whitney Cummings]

You need someone helping you discern. So I have nieces and nephews that are teenagers and they'll be like, look at this video. And I'm like, that's fake. And they're like, no, no, I don't think. I'm like, why does the guy have six fingers in the video holding the praying mantis? Like there's almost like a, a literacy, like an AI literacy that you need or some kind of way to like fact check it. It's so weird to be like right in the purgatory of before that, you know. But again, hold on. I remember reading about when Photoshop first came out, National Geographic got in a bunch of trouble. Cause they photoshopped the pyramids just to like make them closer so that they.

[Pat]

Would fit to get rid of the city in the, in the nearby area. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And it was like there was ethical questions about Photoshop. Like, is that real? Isn't. You know? So I think that my brain always just goes, like, this has always existed. This has always existed. And then before that, it was just stories that were lies. Like, Alexander Hamilton jumped off a horse and got shot through the arm and survived. And then you're like, I can get shot. Shoot me through the arm. You know?

[Pat]

Oh, yeah. People were doing the I'll put an apple on my head and shoot me with an arrow trick. Like in poke. It was lore often.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't know, man. There's a lot of jumping off boats for TikTok and not making it. But I gotta be. I mean, I went to Smith Mountain Lake growing up in Virginia, and there was a lot of stupid kids jumping off boats for not TikTok.

[Pat]

Mm.

[Whitney Cummings]

We probably just didn't hear about them because their parents were already ashamed of them.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

So I'm just big on, like. It's like when people are like, cancer's going up, which I'm sure it is. But, like, well, what if there was a ton of it in the 1930s? We just couldn't diagnose it as that because we weren't able to diagnose it.

[Pat]

Well, everything's going up because there's more.

[Whitney Cummings]

People and the ability to diagnose it. Well, that Pat.

[Pat]

Hey, there's three times more people. Why are there more problems?

[Whitney Cummings]

But if it's percent, it's not right.

[Pat]

If it's gone 30%, we're just experiencing more cases.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. And we have the technology to detect it.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Before, we just said, like, he's got a devil in him walking.

[Pat]

Have you been to church?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, exactly. She's a trollop.

[Pat]

So you're not praying.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. There were a lot of heathens back then. And, like, it's so weird to go like, oh, my God. All those deaths that happened before that they thought was one thing. Like, what if it was all this other thing that we now think is, like, so new. Knew.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Because we just, like, weren't able to diagnose it.

[Pat]

I mean, I. Yeah. There's probably been medical breakthroughs where they're just like, miss it by a mile.

[Whitney Cummings]

I love you guys with all my heart. You are the closest people to me. Thank you for weathering this past week of this conversation. If I made a statement and it wasn't about you, it wasn't about you, I promise you'll know. You will know if it's about you. So the people who that was said to know, it's about them. And ironically, those are probably the ones who are like, she was just talking about everybody. Like. No, I was talking like three people. Three people. But if you want to chat like, there's other ways to get my attention.

[Pat]

Yeah. Dms aren't locked.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know what I'm saying? Okay. Love you guys madly. Don't ride elephants. And I'm about to go to Atlanta for a month, so we're gonna have to shoot the podcast down there. Get ready for a weird set. Get weird. Get ready for some stuttery zoom episodes.

[Pat]

Get ready for podcast from the club. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Love you, Sam and Doug.

[Pat]

Here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.

[Whitney Cummings]

Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us.

[Pat]

Cut the camera. They see us.

[Whitney Cummings]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Savings Fairy underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company affiliates, excludes Massachusetts.