How to be an Instant Celebrity | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings - EP 319

Summary

Podcast Summary: "How to be an Instant Celebrity" | Good For You with Whitney Cummings – EP 319 (December 1, 2025)

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode captures Whitney Cummings' unique, comedic dissection of modern social dynamics—particularly around relationships, holiday gatherings, the urge to be "right," toxic generosity, family drama, and the futile quest to change others' minds. Whitney interweaves personal stories with sharp cultural commentary, ultimately sharing her method for maintaining peace during contentious times: treat people with unshakeable curiosity (like they’re celebrities) instead of trying to convert or outsmart them.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Modern Holiday Survival: Shrinking Circles and Toxic Generosity

• Whitney laments the exhausting sprawl of family Thanksgivings and how politics has conveniently "helped us trim the fat."
  • “Once you pull out the fourth mismatch chair up to the— the ping pong table, coffee table, up to the box the TV came in? Okay. You might have too many people at your Thanksgiving.” (03:34)
• The myth of ‘fashionably late’: Whitney rails against habitual latecomers, declaring that tardiness is a subconscious way to hog attention—"to be a celebrity."
  • “I don't believe anyone's ever been late by accident. I think it's always on purpose. I think people are late— even if it’s subconscious— cuz it's their way to be a celebrity.” (04:43)
• On ‘toxic generosity’: Some guests bring things just to earn excessive credit, making the gift-giving more about themselves.
  • “It turns into like actual harassment. But like with a bow on it… your gift is ruining the day!” (05:24)

2. Family Dynamics and Gifting Catastrophes

• The ‘Primal Hatch’ Toy Disaster: Whitney recounts guest Miranda Cosgrove’s attempt at bringing a thoughtful gift that instead traumatized her son (a baby dino that hatches from an egg).
  • “It was more horrifying than childbirth. We couldn’t even get it out. No one would go near it. Grown adults, like men in the house… everyone was like, scared of this toy.” (11:01)

3. How to Avoid Fights: Keep Everyone Occupied

• Whitney’s Life Hack: She hosts after Thanksgiving, merges holidays, and puts guests to work decorating for Christmas—keeping hands and minds busy to avoid arguments and YouTube ambushes.
  • “You have to put your guests to work. Otherwise you run the risk of one of your guests pulling out a YouTube video. I'm not doing impromptu YouTube videos at the holiday table.” (12:02)

4. The Age of Algorithmic Realities & Celebrity Syndrome

• Why We All Want to Be the Celebrity in the Room: Whitney illustrates how social media and the hungering for attention leads to performative, toxic behaviors.
  • “We have an epidemic of self-educating through watching guys on YouTube in beanies… If you say a smart person’s dumb, dumb people think you’re smart.” (36:28)
• Everyone Has Different Facts; No One Is “Smart” Anymore:
  • “No two people now get the same news. We're all just islands… No two people agree on the same thing anymore.” (36:58)

5. The “Instant Celebrity” Holiday Strategy:

• Don’t Argue; Become a Fan: Instead of correcting wrong or wild opinions, become their “biggest fan” and ask genuine follow-up questions.
  • “Whoever is at your holiday dinner or family thing is wrong. Wrong and strong. Become their biggest fan… Ask them every question.” (39:10)
• Disarming ‘Experts’: If you must poke holes, innocently ask where they got their facts—often their arguments unravel without confrontation.
  • “If you really want to win a holiday dinner… ask them where they read that… Is it Pew, U of A, B of O, B, O, A? Help them build the house of cards, and then with one question, watch it collapse.” (42:49)

6. On Parenting, Apologies, and Blame

• The Futility of Parental Apologies and Generational Blame:
  • “You can't get an apology from someone that doesn't think they did anything wrong. Learn to live with the apology that you've never gotten.” (53:35)
• Perspective on Generational Trauma: Whitney advocates for moving past blaming parents and towards understanding historical and contextual factors.
  • “If you're mad at your parents’ behavior, all you're doing is telling people… you haven't looked into what happened in the 40s and 50s to make your parents the way they were.” (60:16)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On being late as a bid for attention:
  • "I think people are late— even if it's subconscious— cause it's their way to be a celebrity. You get to walk in and everyone's like, ah…" (04:43)
• The toy disaster:
  • “It was more horrifying than childbirth. We couldn’t even get it out… Miranda Cosgrove is just like, she’s horrified and she’s like watching my son’s superhero origin story just unfold.” (11:01)
• The YouTube Video Ambush:
  • "No one has ever pulled out a YouTube [video] who didn't also have three ads that we all have to watch. I have to sit through ads based on your searches, and those tell me everything that I need to know about how seriously to take the video you're about to show me." (14:41)
• On parenting strategy (steering, not micromanaging):
  • “He told him what to do, not exactly how to do it. Like, Henry already knows how to go left and right. So he just needed the reminder… he just needed, like a, hey, focus. Do the thing you already know how to do.” (21:38)

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Important Timestamps

• 03:34 — Whitney on how politics trimmed her family gatherings (“Too many people at your Thanksgiving…”)
• 04:43 — The psychology of lateness: being late as a way to be the center of attention
• 10:58 – 11:01 — The ‘Primal Hatch’ dinosaur toy chaos and parenting adversity
• 12:02 — Why she puts guests to work at holidays (avoiding YouTube video ambushes)
• 20:14 — The pressure of “video homework” in relationships
• 21:38 — Parenting revelation: telling vs. reminding (the “steer” story)
• 36:28 – 36:58 — Riff on everyone wanting to be “the smartest in the room” and why nobody is
• 39:10 — Whitney’s “fan” technique: become a fan of your wrong relatives instead of arguing
• 42:49 — How to gently unravel a holiday dinner ‘expert’ (by asking gentle follow-ups)
• 53:35 — On the impossibility of getting useful apologies from parents
• 60:16 — Historical perspective: moving beyond blaming parents

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Tone & Delivery

Whitney’s delivery remains fast, sharp, and highly self-aware—mixing jokes, personal anecdotes, and social commentary. She balances empathy (especially for parents and young people) with snark, using humor to disarm the thorniness of family and social conflicts. The episode is peppered with punchlines and playful irreverence, yet carries clear, practical advice for navigating tough interpersonal moments.

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In Summary

Whitney’s advice for surviving divisive holidays, stubborn relatives, and moments of ego-driven attention seeking boils down to:

• Don’t try to “fix” or outsmart others.
• Treat everyone’s wild beliefs with the genuine curiosity you'd reserve for an A-list celebrity.
• Ask questions, let them talk, and stay entertained rather than triggered.
• Accept that nobody owes you closure, apology, or agreement.

A hilarious and actually useful guide to keeping the peace in today’s divided, performative, attention-seeking world—applicable in both holiday family rooms and far beyond.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

Really good.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yep. Traveled, got cold, had snow. Fun.

[A]

I love that Patches talks in bullet points. This. This is why we get along. Just. But, but, but like, you know, you know, my brain is like, home, safe.

[C]

Back safe.

[A]

Did it. Thankful turkey home. I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. I hope nobody got in any relationship ending fights with too many of your relatives. But also, you know, keep your circle small.

[C]

You didn't get in a couple of fights. Did you really go home?

[A]

I could very easily make the argument that we all forced, forced this a little too long. Like growing up Thanksgiving, Wasn't it like 30 people? I remember so many people being there. Like, who are these be before the Internet and chat rooms and Facebook and everyone like saying their politics like it was too many people. Okay. I think that politics is helping us all trim the fat a little. We know once. Once you pull out the fourth mismatch chair up to the. The ping pong table, coffee table, up to the box, the TV that came in. Okay. You might have too many people at your Thanksgiving. Like, like, don't invite somebody on Thanksgiving and be like, hey, hold on, let me just. Let me. I'll get a cooler for you to sit on. It's like, can we not have the Vietnam vet sit on your child's toy teepee? Could we maybe pull like, it's too many people. All right. I don't need to sit. Filing cabinet. You know, I'll come back next year. I'll come back, you know, maybe Think this through more. My Thanksgiving was good. I had a really good Thanksgiving. It's actually kind of weird. And you know what the trick was?

[C]

You hosted.

[A]

It wasn't on Thanksgiving.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Hack. Well, okay, I had it the day after Thanksgiving. Also, what's up with being late to Thanksgiving? 2:30 call time, people rolling at 3:30. Are you that just. May I. Are you talking, like, cool on Thanksgiving? Just, like, fashionably late? Like, you're wearing orange. There's no. You just posted gobble gobble on your Instagram. You're not. That ship sailed. Because I'll tell you one thing. It's 2:30. 2:35 if you're. I'm sitting down. If everyone was on time, we can sit whenever. You can sit wherever. If someone is, like, late, like, we're sitting down, we're holding hands in prayer. Because I'm going to make sure you walk in when we are all sitting down. I want you to come in. We will. As my mom used to say, we will sit here. We got to stop accommodating this behavior. There is no excuse to be late at this point. Name one. Name one. Name one. Prove me wrong. Besides, obviously medical emergency or like, yeah.

[C]

You know, any excuse only asks the next question, which is, why did that happen?

[A]

Any reason that is fair to be late for means don't come at all. Okay, you used to be able to be late. We can't be late anymore. Right? You have an app that tells you if there's traffic. The rat. The. You have an alarm to go off for it. Like, there's no. There's no reason to be late. Hey, Whitney, I'm sorry. It's just that I need to be the center of attention. I am so sorry I am late. Like, I am so. And I'll be like, dude, no, me too. I can help. The holidays are, like, the one place I don't want. Like, you got this, dude. Like, I don't. You want to give a speech? Like, what do you want to do? You want to fall down those stairs? You want to fake an injury? Like, I will help you steal the show here. Okay, but I just. You know me. If you know me by now, you know that I don't believe. I don't believe anyone's ever been late by accident. I think it's always on purpose. I think people are late. Even it's, like, subconscious. Cause it's their way to be a celebrity. Like, you get to walk in and everyone's like, ah. Like, oh, tell us what happened. We're like, hey, like, no one wants to like, bother. Like, they're like, oh, someone's late. Like, it's like they're like, like, are you okay? Do you need the bathroom? Like, can I take your things? All of a sudden you have nine assistants who are like fluttering around you. Tell us. Well, there's traffic. Oh, right. Cuz we all took choppers here once. The fact that people still say like, traffic was crazy. How do you think we got here? Also, also. Oh gosh, this is. You know what? This is going to come off ungrateful, but something I noticed this year, toxic generosity. And it like, toxic generosity. The thing that frustrates me the most when I host is when someone brings you something. Because it's like I always say, bring nothing, please. Because some people, when they bring something you got, you have to. You owe them so much, right? They want so much credit for it that it stops being generous and it turns into like actual harassment. But like with a bow on it, someone comes in, they're like, here, I bought you, I got you some apples from my tree. You're like, oh, thank you so much. Thank you. Like, you're holding a platter of soup in one hand and like a baby in the other. And they're like, here's the here. And you're like, oh, cool. Can you just like throw it in the kitchen? And they're like, well, but I can't. But then what? Then I would just be giving you apples. That's not. They're fresh off the tree and they have no antibiotics and they're gonna change your life, these apples. And they're like, so amazing. I'm like, yeah, could you just like throw them in the kitchen? Just. And then you go to the kitchen a minute later do the thing you need to do. The gift they gave you is like on top of like the water glasses. Like, it's like somewhere where you're like, your gift is ruining the day. Like, it's like I trip over the apple. Like, I'm like, someone get this delightfully benevolent gesture away from me. Okay? Then it's. Then it's. You can't. The whole rest of the day is about the gift that you got. Like eating ice cream yesterday. She's like, you know what would be good with this ice cream? Like, the apples. Should I. What can I do to repay you? Can I just buy them? How can this just be a one way street? These apples, Can I give them back? You just can't get out of that apple vortex. People when they grow fruit, they treat it like, as if they had a baby. True. I mean, I see people that walk in with their bait, and I'm like, oh, your baby's here. I'd love to meet the baby. And they're like this out. These app I. These. This lettuce I grew in my yard. I'm like, you're a baby still in the car. People are so proud of their vegetables and fruit these days. I'm really just not. I'm not sure what to do with these fruit bearers. And. Oh, and then. Then by the time you're like, okay, I think we're past the fruit apple saga. And then you see. Then they're harassing everyone else. You see somebody like, I gotta give. Let me give you some apples to take with you. And my other friends, like, how do I. So you are not allowed to be late to a dinner that I host at my home, unless you are Miranda Cosgrove and you are late because you had to stop and pick up a toy for your godson, my actual son. That is called Primal Hatch. Okay? It's called Primal Hatch. I don't know who it's by. I don't know what. I just want to know who's about to sue me after I tell the story. Miranda Cosgrove, who is truly the nicest person. I mean, the nicest person I've ever met, that I've ever, ever will meet, shows up with this item, and it is a dinosaur, a baby dinosaur that hatches in an egg. I'm in the other. I get it. I'm like, oh, this is so great. We'll open this later. Whatever it does say, like, five plus. Five years plus. Okay? And I. I hear what can only be described as, like, a. What felt. I was like, oh, that's a hyena attack. Like, I was like, a hyena has attacked, like, my child. Like, I wasn't sure. There's some kind of, like, a homeless brawl. Women. Homeless women fighting. I'm not sure what's happening. And, you know those whistles? Are they the Aztec whistle? The death whistles? It was like that. It was like. I can't describe the feeling in my stomach when you hear your child. I was, like, in my pit. In my stomach. And then I was sweating, but I went right into, like, fight. And I, like, ran the other room, and my child's running at me, and he envelops me, and, like, his head, he's just like. He's trying to get back inside my body. Like, he's trying back. And I Look down and it is. This egg is hatched like this. The outside is opening. And the most horrifyingly terrifying baby dinosaur, for some reason it being small was scarier. I don't know why, starts coming out of this egg. Okay. And you look at it once and you're like, okay, okay, that's. I looked away to console. I look every time I turn my head back, this thing has escalated. So I look over, I'm like, you're okay. And I turn on. The eyes are like red. I'm like. And then I turn around, I turn around again. It's like its mouth has opened and there's like. I turn around again. There's veins. There's like veins and like blood coming. Miranda Cosgrove is just like, she's like horrified and she's like watching my son's superhero origin story just unfold. We're all just watching this unfold. And because she had said something to the effect of like, this is going to be your new friend. Like it was like we set it up like very like. And. And the egg will not. It won't stop. It's opening, it's cracking, it's making sounds.

[C]

Alien, R rated, terrifying, sci fi.

[A]

It's worse than childbirth. It was more horrifying than child. We couldn't even get it out. No one would go near it. Like, no one. Grown adults, like men in the house, like, Chris was like, like everyone was like scared of this toy. It was. I couldn't laugh about it yesterday cuz my son was scared. But I am now, now completely obsessed. And now I just want to get more of these and give them to my friends kids. Cuz I do believe that, you know, look, I think we have an epidemic of kids who didn't have enough adversity as kids. So I looked at this thing and I was like Miranda. As she was horrified, she's like, oh my God. Like. And I was like, no, no, you did the best thing you could have done for my. You gave my son a little bit of adversity, but like safe adversity. You know, we needed this. We needed this. So here's my new tradition. I don't do Thanksgiving on the day. I do. Thanks. Christmas on the day after. One room is Thanksgiving dinner pumpkins from cost plus the beaded pumpkins. I go all out. But the other room is Christmas not yet decorated. So you're going to have Thanksgiving dinner and then you go in the other room and. And you're now my employee and you're going to decorate the thing, right? It's a thing to do. You decorate my tree. I like to put my guests to work. Okay? Because. No. No one starts talking about politics. No one starts. You know, no one has. Is able to. You gotta keep people's hands busy now with the phones, okay? You have to put your guests to work. Otherwise you run the risk of one of your guests pulling out a YouTube video. I'm not doing impromptu YouTube videos at the holiday table. At the holiday. You don't get to ambush the group with a YouTube video just because you can't describe the video. Well, I'm like, no, just keep describing it. We'll get it. No, let me just. I'm like, nope. I keep. Keep going. I will sit here as long as you need me to describe this car chase. What? I'll get. Wait. It was cake. It was. It was. Tell me what was. What it looked like. Like, I will play Pictionary instead of wanting to see your YouTube video. When has anyone ever. Because, by the way, they never bust out a YouTube video to show you the video. That's never what you. You never end up seeing the video. First of all, have it in horizontal. I don't know how to always have it so that it turns to horizontal right away, but you certainly should. Okay, firstly, secondly, no one has ever pulled out a YouTube. Held everyone captive to watch a mini screening of a YouTube video. Who had YouTube Premium. Not one person. Never. The person that doesn't have YouTube Premium yet. I'm not. I don't want to know what video they have queued up to show me. Okay? No one does that. No one has ever done that. Who doesn't also have three ads that we all have to watch. I have to sit, and I have to sit through ads based on your searches. And those tell me everything that I need to know about how seriously to take the video you're about to show me. Like, I'm not going to keep watching your video if the two ads before it are axe in legal zoom. Good wipes, Flushable booty wipes. We take care of our skin, our nails, our hair. Can we please include our. Our butt is your skin. It's just. It's a big part. You don't. You don't really realize how important it is. Take care of your butt until you fly middle seat coach after a swampy weekend where you didn't and you realize, oh, I use this thing a lot. I upgraded my bathroom routine with good wipes. Well, I'm engaged now and I have a man living in My house. So I have to have them in pretty much every room. Toilet paper is just. It's out, it's canceled. Good wipes are flushable plant based wipes for the restroom that actually leave you feeling fresh and clean, not scratchy and itchy and. And like you made a huge mistake. They're 40% bigger and stronger than the average wipe so you're not dealing with flimsy little tissues that fall apart. I don't, I don't have to sell. This is obvious. Just go do this. They're soft. They feel like a little, little cloud. It looks, it's like a hug for your butt. Clean scent. Not overwhelmingly scent though. No one's like, what just happened in there. No one. It just isn't like, are you. Are you covering up a even bigger mistake than the other one I just mentioned? No harsh chemicals, no parabens, no dyes. They're safe for sensitive skin. They're infused with soothing ingredients. Aloe, chamomile, vitamin E. Just buy the things I love. I use the rose water one. I like the. It's a botanical one that's just delicious. I have them. I have a child now, so they're just truly in my pockets at all times and inside my other. All the pockets. Here's the best part. Good wipes is giving away free wipes. You want to try a free pack? Just go try a pack at Target, Walmart, Kroger or your local store. Then go to good wipes.com Whitney text them your receipt. You will get reimbursed. Goodwipes.com Whitney get your free wipes. Good wipes. Because butts deserve better. I restore the IRA store mask is in my luggage because I was just in Atlanta for a month and I was using it there. That. What does it want me to talk about? The holidays are here, which means a lot of photos are happening. Makeup, a lot of pretending we've slept. In the last decade, I've been using iris store aluminum face mask at home. Yes, I think this is all lovely. Whoever wrote this copy, it's different over here, okay? This isn't like I just want to look like I've slept. This is like I now finally have romance in my life. Something that caresses my face. It's called the IRA store mask, okay? And I'm about to sneeze. But this isn't, this isn't optional for someone like me, okay? I'm out in the streets. 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This holiday season I Restore is running huge Black Friday savings all month long. Use code [e-mail] whitney for a little something extra on the Illumina face mask. That's code whitneyrestore.com Whitney for yourself. It doesn't help you read better though. I look amazing, but it doesn't help you read a sentence. Treat yourself or someone you love to glowing, healthier skin. Used to be able to just like, hang out and like talk and look at the conversation's bad. Fine. People tell stories you've already heard. Fine, fine, fine. But this thing, right? It's like. And now we pull out the phone and you're gonna watch all these videos that I think are funny. It's like, oh, my God, what did I do to deserve this? Like, like, DM them to me. Just get them. First of all, if I haven't seen him, I don't want to see them. No one's. No one. There's no videos out there we haven't all seen if we wanted to. You're not going to blow my mind with the video. Like, it's like. It's also now, every night before I go to bed, Chris, I get quizzed on the videos he sent me all day via Instagram. And I. He's like, into the. He'll bomb with some joke. And I'm like, yeah. And he's like, oh, you didn't see the. I'm like, no, I. Yeah, no, I saw it. No. Yeah, no, no, no. I see. Yeah. He's like, did you not. And then I have the only thing worse than having to watch a bunch of videos that my guy sent me that I have to watch. That's like Phil Collins with, like, the Elmo theme song under it. And it matches perfectly for some reason, whatever the thing is. Or the. The goose skateboarding. Then if I haven't watched it during the day, these are my options. Watch it during the day and get distracted and be bored. And then because I've watched them now my algorithm is a wreck. Okay. Or wait till the end of the night next to him in bed where he watches me watch them.

[C]

That's the best way to do it. It is.

[A]

What is this new video homework that your person makes you. What? Because it's like you. You have to have seen all the videos that they've seen, or else you're, like, not compatible anymore. Yeah, it's tricky because I know I need to watch them so that we can continue to know who each other is. Because it used to be like, if you're in a relationship, you go to the same movie together, you watch it. Like, it's so rare that you would consume a lot of media. Like, we're going to go see Zootopia together. We're going to watch whatever movie. Now it's like, all day, you can both be watching different things and evolve into completely different people away from each other. So I guess I have to be in on his newest personality update or his newest hobby he just discovered. And Just hope that it's Tori Amos singing acapella in the 90s or odd couples of animals hunting together. But sometimes it's like people on bikes, on doing wheelies. Okay, so I went to the ranch where my horse is, and I like to just be quiet on holidays. I just. I don't know why. I just. I like to do, like, some kind of software update and just go, like, what are holidays for? They're like, to reflect. Let me just change. Change me somehow. And I was changed. God, I don't know how to say this, Pat, but I've been chosen by God. Message came through card, and the antidote is this. Henry and I were at the ranch, and Johnny, his godfather, the best cowboy, gave him a tractor. Like a toy, like, tractor that he can drive. And it wasn't plugged in, so I'd, like, push him around. Okay. It is a tractor. Specifically, it is a front loader. I'm an expert now in John Deere, which was founded in 1837. Not wild. My first crush was John Deere. I could never find a man in LA who understood how any farm vehicles work. So I just. I just birthed one. I just had to make one for myself. So. My son, thankfully, is obsessed with tractors. And he's not two yet. I mean, he's gonna be two in, like, a couple weeks. And he's very good at driving. Like, not. Because I'm not. Like, my child is so smart. I let him drive my car. You should call child Services. That is. He is good at driving for all the wrong reasons. So I'm pushing him on this tractor, and it's like this windy dirt road, and he knows left and right. And I keep saying to him, like, go left. And he's, like, not doing it. And I'm like, go right. And he's just. It's. It's not. I'm like, what is the. We've learned this. We know this. Three steps forward, two steps back. I can't do this parenting thing if you're not gonna. Like, you have to do your. We've been through this. And I kind of was like, what is going on? Like, am I gaslighting myself into believing that my son knows things they don't know? How does parenting work? Like, is he tired? Is he mad? Like, I'm trying to read his cues. Like, I don't know what's happening because he's like. Keeps going into these, like, you know, like, ravines, and I'm having to, you know, there's, like, a delay right And I'm. Because when something like that happens as a parent, like, first time parent, you start to go like, wait, he knew this before. Did. Is there something developmentally wrong? Like, did he swallow la tap water in the bathroom and now his brain is like applesauce? Did I. What do I do? So then I'm like, we're not doing this anymore. I'm like, I'm not. If you're not gonna have cumulative knowledge, I'm not. I'm taking my toys and going home. Okay. And then Johnny, his cowboy godfather, comes over and then start. And then starts pushing him the same way I was. And all of a sudden, left, right? Like, no problems, like going down the whirly, the zigzags, right? And I'm like, what is he doing? Like, of course my son is sexist. And. And I'm like, hovering behind them to see what's going on. And when my son would, like, go towards a ditch instead of saying, go left, Johnny. And he didn't hear what I was doing, he just said, steer. Okay? So he was going, steer, Henry, steer. And then Henry would turn left, steer. And then he would turn right. He wasn't saying, go left, go right. He told him what to do, not exactly how to do it. Like, Henry already knows how to go left and right. So he just needed the reminder. He's two, right. To do something. He just needed, like a, hey, focus. Do the thing you already know how to do. And I realized something about myself, because kids, I mean, they really do hold up a mirror to how annoying you are as a person. Yeah. When they shut down and you can't control them, you're just like, oh, you've tuned me out. When someone confirms something with me that I already know. Like, I. I'm out. I'm out. Like, I don't. I will call the police. Because now you're just like, stealing my time. Like, I'm not. Because then I have to question so many things, right? So if you say to me, like, hey, Whitney, make sure to put the. Whatever the thing, the microphone faces your mouth. Sure. But if you just said, whitney, microphone. I go, okay, I know to do this. But if you're like, can you just hold it up to your mouth? I'm like, because now I can't focus on your. And by the way, I probably won't. Because then I can't think straight. The more you tell me what I already know, I'm gonna be like. Cause in that I'm now questioning, like, did I ever know this in the first place. Like, I have to process the fact that you think I'm dumb. Like, I have to go. Like, how dumb does this. I have to wonder why you forgot that I knew. Like, are you okay? Like, then I'm like, am I a bad communicator that they don't know that? Like, I don't do well? I think most people don't do well with extraneous communication for no reason. And I feel like we're all doing that constantly. Like, I will take awkward silence or honestly, weird small talk. I don't care. Ingrown hairs, anything. At this point, I'll talk about your divorce. As long as you have before. I want you to just recap things we already know, because this is what people are doing out there. This cancel culture. Now you know, you can't say anything anymore. And it's like. Like, do you not think I've been outside, like, before? Like, it. It. We're all, I think, feeling so patronized, right? Because also when you come from alcoholics repeat something. Someone repeating something a lot. That's like, very alcoholic thing. Because you have to, like, remind, like, did you sign the permission slip? Like, do I have the $10 check I need? You know, in the quarters for the school photo? Like. Like, you have to, like, repeat a lot of things when your parents were, like, drunk and, like, remind them, like, hey, like, mom, like, stop calling me Jean. My name is Whitney. Like, you can't. You can't just change someone's name. Okay? I just need to remember that when I'm worried that I'm not a good parent, my mom just started calling me Jean. Like, half. I like it. Did you, like, change your mind? Like, I don't. Is it. First I think it was Amanda. My name was Amanda. That was on the birth certificate. And then they went with Whitney. And then that was like, not. It didn't take. Then my mom's just started calling me Gene. I'm like, you can't. You do you see why I am the way that I am? I was raised by people who could not commit to a reality to save their life. It was like, gene, Like, I don't. The point is, when I told Henry to do something he was already gonna do, he froze. Like, why are you, like, are you okay? Like, now I have to worry about your mental state. Okay? He just needed me to remind him to do the thing I already know how to do. So now that the holidays are coming up and you're gonna have a lot of opinions thrown at you about how to Live and how to vote, and you should have another kid. And how are you not married yet? And why don't you move to Texas and da, ba, da, da. You know what you need? So you're not doing the ice bath. You're dumb. You're a dumb person. What do you mean? You're not snorting turmeric? What kind of idiot are you? This medicine plant. You're not doing the medicine that we're currently pretending isn't ruining people's lives. Okay. You know a podcast you should listen to? Look, this charlatan who regurgitates AA quotes, pretending it's their idea. It's actually not even the holidays anymore. This is all the time now, all the time. So even better that I have learned how to navigate this and I can help you. I really figured this out. I feel like this holiday season, when you tell someone something they already want to do, they lean out. Everyone wants to be correct, right? So if you tell them to be correct with your. Then they freeze. Like, why would you tell me the thing I'm so. All of our conversations. I'm. I'm gonna talk to Pat. I am correct in my. Everyone's correct in there. No one wakes people that don't dress well, don't wake up, look in the mirror and go, like, I'm gonna dress like an idiot today. I'm gonna look cringe today. No one. Everyone thinks they're nailing it. We all move through the world as if people like, oh, my God, I don't. Am I. I don't know. I don't know if I voted right. What am I going to do? Like, everyone thinks they're nailing it. All right? So you and I both think we're nailing it. So then when I go, hey, Pat, here's how to nail it, you're like, I'm nailing it. How? You're the one.

[C]

Are we questioning whether or not I'm nailing it?

[A]

Because no one has a modicum of humility anymore. I don't show up to see Pat go, hey, Like, I'm not sure if I'm nailing it or not. But, like, this is my thought on that. That's how we used to have conversations, right? Now it's just like, you're an idiot. Everyone's an idiot except me. This is how people walk into holidays. People walk into holidays now. Like, I have to go give my TED Talk to these morons. Like, I cannot believe these morons. I just have to go and teach sociology, psychiatry, astrology, and Socioeconomics and Middle Eastern politics to these losers. That's how people are driving to a holiday. That's what they're thinking in their car. Your best friend thinks that about you, so maybe this seems obvious, okay? I just. I don't think it is based on how people are ruining relationships over fights about, like, politics and stuff. Okay. And so this is really what the liberty horsemanship is what I do with animals. As you see, I'm dressed like Temple Grandin. When. When you try to get an animal to do something that it already wants to do, thinks you're a pre. An enemy, right? Like, if a horse wants to drink. What? You can't make a horse drink water, right? Same thing. They're like, now, I'm definitely not drinking this water. There's something up with this. Why do you want me to drink this water so bad? Right? But if you. If you tell me to do something I already want to do, now I'm not. When someone can't mind their own business on a, like, molecular level, we believe they're a threat. When you first start parenting, you realize how many battles you should not have signed up for that you had no business signing up that were unwinnable. Because what we do as parents is, I'm gonna put you in a dangerous situation and then say, be careful. Be careful. Just don't be in it at all. We're not doing that slide at all. So if I need to go into a conversation with an aunt, an uncle, a relative, a sister or brother, and if I need to tell this. Lecture this person how to think and be, I. We shouldn't be here at all. We've lost the plot on not only who we should be convincing, why we should be convincing. We are addicted to convincing people to think like us. Even though the. The people I know. Sorry. That are the most obsessed with, like, getting everyone to think like them and have their opinion and vote like them, they're, like, crying on TikTok because they have depression. I mean, these are not. We have gotten so sloppy and entitled, right? In terms of, like, just assuming. Everyone needs to, like, think like this all the time. Not with not one modicum of a fact. You used to present facts, and you didn't. And if someone was sold, they'd be convinced. There's no foreplay anymore. It's just like, you know that the chemtrails specifically went down to, you know, where Queen Elizabeth moved that body. You're like, can we slow down? Can we back up? I'm not an idiot. If I'M not in you. I'm allowed to ask a couple follow up questions here. No, I'm not going back to your house yet. Can I, like, where are you from? Like, let's flirt a little more. There's things you try for years to change about yourself or get clarity on. And then sometimes one thing at the right time, when you're ready to change, it will change your whole brain. Like, this is it for me. I realized on like a cellular level, you cannot get someone to do something by telling them to do it. In fact, when you tell someone they're wrong, they just believe more strongly. When you tell someone what to do or think, they're not being convinced about what you're telling them. All they're thinking about is, why do you need this so bad? Like, what are you, what's in it for you? Like the first reaction is always resistance, right? Like when you push someone, there's an automatic, like, you know, like an automatic reaction when someone, My default when someone's like, hey, can I tell you about this? My default is like, even if this is all true, I'm gonna be suspect just because you are pushing it. I don't think anyone realizes how repellent the need to convert someone to your ideology or get someone to is. Like when someone is seatin' comes up to you at a bar, hey, here, here, have a drink. You're like, oh, thanks, thank you. And the person like drink it. You're like, I'm never touching that drink. In fact, I honestly could get you like put in jail. Like in jail. Like just that. Have no habit. The second offering is all you need to go. I can put your face on like a wanted like a app that says who's a creep and ruin your life because of the no tap, tap some. Why do we do that with beliefs. Hey, so global warming is, you know, global warming like that. Just because we have the Internet in our pocket doesn't mean we know what's in. We have a false sense of intelligence because we believe that because we have access to information that it's already in our head. People think they can Google something fast, right? You Google fast and then you know it, but it's not in your brain. You didn't know it. You don't get to drive to my house and go, I just ran 50 miles an hour. The car did the got you there. Okay, you're. I just got here really fast. Your car got here really fast. Thinking you know things because the Internet just told you you need to have known it before, if we were fighting 20 years ago, and you're like, well, this is what happened in World War II. And I was like, well, how do you know? They'd be like, I got to run in the library. I'll be right back. I'd be like, you lost that argument. Everyone just wants to be the smartest person in the room, right? Because everyone now can kind of pull it off. Because you got that machine in your pocket, you can corroborate it. You can kind of. Whatever. Everyone's scrolling, scrolling. No one thinks you're smart. Okay. Couple new sort of dynamics going on. I've said it before, I'll say it again. It's 2025. It's almost 2026. Nothing normal will ever happen again. And addendum to that, no one thinks you're smart. No one. People will hear Brett Weinstein or Eric Weinstein on Rogan and be like this guy, entitled mansplaining. If you can find someone smarter than those dudes, I would love to get their names. Okay? Malcolm Gladwell is a hack. Excuse me? The level of disrespect for people that are definitely smart. Learned, learned erudite. There's no shot at anyone thinking you're smart. So we can all just stop trying, okay? Because we have this. We have an epidemic of self educating through watching guys on YouTube in beanies. You know, people have found their leader and they've decided that that's who's smart. And if you don't and they really gravitate towards people who call famously smart people dumb, well, I mean, Neil Der Tyson's an idiot. I'm like, well, you must hold on. When's your next. Live from the Chipotle parking lot where you work. You must know some stuff if you think he's dumb. If you say a smart person's dumb, dumb people think you're smart. So people have decided that they. That this is their leader. If you don't follow the same cult brought to you by bluechew, you're an idiot. So I. So that's over. Stop trying to make people think you're smart. It's not going to happen. No two people now get the same news. We're all just islands trying to coexist without committing any crimes against each other. So we just got to find a way to get through this next 50 years. All right? We used to be like a school of fish. Now we're just like sharks. We got to just stay in our own areas. No two people agree on the same thing anymore. I Haven't seen it happen. I mean, I have friends, truly, who, I mean, believe Avril Lavigne is no longer with us and has been replaced by a girl named Melissa. I know Avril Lavigne quite like I've.

[C]

She's just getting started.

[A]

And I know, look, you're listening to this and going, whitney, you're dumb. Agree. Based on your algorithm, you're right. I know truly nothing. But I'm also. I'm also correct in my algorithm, right? So what I learned with Henry is when you tell someone what to do, what you're actually doing. Because we can all get any information we want at any time. So it's no longer about, are you smart? Are you stupid? Are you learning? It's about what, of all the things you've seen, have you decided to believe? So you're no longer coming for my intelligence or what I. You're coming for my taste in facts. You're coming for my choices in which history I prefer. So it's more personal now because we all could know everything or have had all the options presented to us what could be true. But the one I've chosen is the one. You're right. So if I have to wear a uniform to work and you're like, that's ugly. I'm like, yeah, I didn't pick it. But if you say, like, your outfit's ugly, I'm like, excuse me. I ordered this off Etsy and it arrived in a diaper, thank you very much. Okay, so it's become more personal when you tell someone they're wrong because they've chosen this belief. So at my. Thanks. Christmas this year, I had the best time. I didn't try to convert anyone. I didn't argue with anyone. I didn't. I didn't tell anyone. Like, you know, have you listened to a full episode of Joe Rogan? I didn't have to even say that. We didn't talk about the pyramids. We didn't. We didn't argue. Is Biden alive or not? Are his ears in different places? And all these photos. We did none of it. Instead, this year, I just turned the person that I think was incorrect about something into a celebrity. Like, when you see a celebrity, like, on the street, you're like, wow, that's something you never like, I never. I don't see that every day. Someone that believes, I'm like, there you are in person. Oh, my God, that's it. Whoever is at your holiday dinner or family thing is wrong. Wrong and strong. Become their biggest fan. Like, Ask them every question. You are never gonna change their mind. Just enter into their reality. It's kind of amazing. I was like, oh, my God. Tell me more about why we haven't gone to the moon in 60 years. I wanna know everything. They wait. They called the White House on a landline from the moon. Tell me space is fake. I'm on the edge of my seat. It was actually so fun. We sign up to see fiction movies all the time. We pay money to go watch fiction. And then you have someone in your house. Why do holidays have to be nonfiction? Who cares? Why do you care if someone's wrong? You know how boring it is if everyone. If someone's right about anything. We used to call those nerds, okay? We used to be okay with people being stupid. Now it's threatening to us, like. Cause it shakes the foundation that we base our entire identity on, you know? I'm telling you, when you think someone else is dumb, you look dumb. The person at the table, and there was one who was like, no, no, no. That's not the person that's here. When did we all aspire to become the know it all brownnoser? When none of us like that person in high school. We have now started to aspire to become the most annoying person in the room. Be the fan. Like, it's. It works so much better. Ask them questions because side effect, unintentional side effect is that they will unravel, okay? Because no one has actually asked them questions because they're scared of it. Like, they're like, okay. They'll either fight with them and they don't want to look down, but if you're just like, tell me everything. You will learn about 8chan. You will learn a lot about what goes on on the real Internet. The 8chan. I learned about Silk Road. Yeah. And then if you really want to win a holiday dinner of someone who is lecturing everybody on something they know nothing about, ask them where they read that. Like. Like, I would love to learn more about this. Like, where did you read it? You have to be. You can't be sarcastic, though. If that doesn't make them completely unravel, then ask them like, oh, because you know people that make up fake statistics. There's always that person. And you can't argue that it's not true because there's no. They did, like, a 74. And you're like.

[C]

How am I going to fact check how?

[A]

Like, that was dirty. That was 74% of Americans actually. Never.

[C]

You're like, no links.

[A]

Okay? No bitly here. Just be like, what is that? Oh my God. What study is that from? Like, can you. Is it. What is it? Pew, pew. U of A, B of O, B, O, A. Help them, help them build the house of cards. And then with one question, watch it collapse. Babble, babble, babble, babble, babble. Look, so many of us say we want to learn a new language. I was talking about this yesterday. I was like, do you know how embarrassing it is that I only know one language? I'm talking about myself. I am so embarrassed that I don't fully know other languages. I have tried. But normally when you try to learn a new language, they like, you go in there and it's just like, it's like, I don't. This is ableist. The way you're teaching me this, this is like I. This just feels discriminatory. I guess 90, 70 to 90% of people, when they start trying to learn a language, they give up. But Babbel is built for normal people learning real world conversations, not just like little grids. And I don't, I don't know who that was ever for. Babel's lessons. They're bite sized. 10 minutes. So they fit into your day when you're waiting in line, if you're running to the bathroom or pretending to answer an email. Whatever you people do in your offices, their courses are created by over 200 language experts, actual human beings. Because also that's the other thing is sometimes when you learn a language and you like think you know it, like when I learned French, and then you talk to a French person and they're like, what are you saying? I'm like, I would like to pee at the discotheque horse man. They're like, this is not. Where did you learn any of this? Let's not. So they actually make it so that you can have a conversation. It's useful phrases. You can start speaking with more confidence in as little as three weeks. So if you have faked your death, if you are have a new identity, if you have a secret family, this is a service that you cannot live without. Okay, maybe it's for travel, for family, for work, or you just feel like being a more interesting person at dinner. Babbel gets that people learn differently. You can take interactive lessons, listen to Babbel podcasts, practice speaking out loud, build a custom review right in the app. They also give you personalized learning plans, real time feedback and progress tracking. Can it help me speak English so you actually see how far you've come instead of just guessing. 14 languages to choose from. Over 25 million subscriptions sold worldwide and every course comes with a 20 day money back guarantee. So special limited time deal for our listeners. Get up to 60% off your Babel subscription at babble.com Whitney babble.com Whitney spelled B A, B, B, E L.com Whitney rules and restrictions apply. Okay, so here's the thing. I. I'm going to say this the only way I know how. You're making. You're wrong. Everything you put in your mouth is wrong. Your brain's broken. I'm here to fix this, okay? Row nutrition, nad. You know about nad? You've heard about it? Okay, I can't do pills because of, I don't know, it's a genetic gag reflex. This is an ancestral cycle that I'm not going to be the one to break. But I cannot live without nad. It is basically. I mean, I feel like I have so much energy when I use nad, but this one, Row nutrition, it's. I'm not even reading their copy. Okay? I'm a mom. I'm working. I'm planning a wedding. Oh, thanks. Oh, my God, you guys googled me. Thank you. I am planning a wedding. I have a child. There's a lot going on. I have nad Keeps me alive. Okay? RO has helped me feel like I can actually function. I just squirted it in my mouth every day. What is all this copy saying? So ROW is clean, steady energy. It's not buzzy, it's not jittery. You know me, I just quit the caffeine drink that I was drinking. That is terrible for you. Unless they want to sponsor the podcast. This stuff is incredible. Okay? I've tried everything for energy, but I'm sober now. We can't do that anymore, right? I need natural energy. I feel like I'm sharper. My brain works better. I can actually remember things. I recover better. In addition to nad, I also do glutathione. Supports GLOW overall wellness. Their creatine, I also do as well because we were finding that that is a really good for your. Especially if you are trying to not feel like an elderly raccoon when you work out. If you want to feel like you're a little more alive, emotionally, spiritually, on a cellular level, go to roadnutrition.com, use code Whitney for 20% off. That's whitneyownutrition.com and you're going to get 20% off everything. And if you forget the code, welcome to adulthood. But I forgive you.

[B]

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast. Smart move. Being financially savvy. Smart move. Another smart move. Having State Farm help you create a competitive price when you choose to bundle home and auto bundling. Just another way to save with a personal price plan like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.

[C]

This episode is brought to you by Netflix.

[A]

Global superstar and comedy sensation Kevin Hart returns for his fifth Netflix special. Acting My Age. I'm not the same man that I used to be. I go down the stairs sideways. Go ahead, you in a rush. Go around with a fresh perspective on life, family and getting older. Older you get, the less you can have. Is this sesame seeds on that bun? Get it out of here.

[C]

Kevin's bringing his signature high energy humor.

[A]

And physical comedy and a true return to his stand up origins. Watch Kevin Hart, Acting My Age now streaming only on Netflix. Hopefully that will take you into your holiday season or honestly, this is all the time now. Fighting with your relatives is not just for November and December anymore. This is a year round thing. And frankly, it's not even next year and it's already. I'm already new Year, new me. I want to get back into a more structured version of the podcast and until I change my mind. And this week I would like to start a segment where I emotionally prepare everyone for a nightmare that is on the horizon. This week it is of course, no surprise, an AI thing. There is an AI animator app where you can take a photo from like of a dead family member and it will talk to you. It will bring an old photo of a dead person to life. Finally, AI has done something I want make my dead mom apologize. And I, I don't really know how to feel about all this. It's going to be more about how it's used. But I, I will say that if you have photos of your dead parents that died when you were five and now you're making them talk with AI to heal your grief, you're fine. You have photos of your childhood. Stop bragging, all right? Someone knew you existed and documented you, you and your dad playing in the yard, you have no problems. Okay? There's like three photos of me as a kid and in two of them, it is not me. Did you see the changeling? I'm telling you, my parents tried to sell me on this photo. It's a bathtub full of like four kids and one is Supposedly me. And I'm like, I don't. I tried to match the moles. They didn't match. But why are there so many photos of us in bathtubs with other kids as kids? I just think if we're bringing AI photos back to life, we gotta have this, like, overseen by therapists, maybe psychiatrists, something we can't just have. We can't use this to become more entitled people. Being. Being angry at your parents right now is. Is. Is very fashionable. It's very, you know, in right now to be mad at your parents. I. I believe you have till 30, and I feel like I'm being generous. 30 and then you got to drop the charges, right? You're embarrassing yourself. This new thing where everyone just blames their parents, all of their choices on their dad, it's a little bit like. It's pretty cringe. Okay, the. Okay, I. All the wrong people are going to therapy. I think we can all agree on that. The ones who go now use it. They use the therapist to justify their whack behavior or to bully people. They're like, well, my therapist told me that I have PTSD. So that's, you know, that's why I made a YouTube video about you saying that you were mean to me. You know, it's like, what do you. Does anyone hear what they said? Like, I say something. I'm like, that was stupid. Pretty much every time I say something, I was like, that was dumb. I don't think anyone else has that these days. At least people talk. I'm like, did you? Do I. I've had someone literally say to my. Try to shake me down for money and say, well, you didn't text me back, so I made a YouTube video trying to destroy you. I'm like, I don't know. I've never heard of this method of. My therapist said I have ptsd, so that's why I did it. I don't think. I'm not a mathlete, but I'm pretty sure that makes you a parasite. People use therapy to bully other people. My. My therapist said I should set a boundary with you. That's weird. That's a weird text, given it's in a string of texts that you've been sending me for two months that I haven't responded to in truly two years. You need to set a boundary with me. I only unblocked you so that I have all your texts in case I need to show them in court.

[C]

It's odd that your therapist took your side.

[A]

How? When you're still texting me your therapy, Your therapist diagnosis doesn't scare me. Okay, if you're trying to steal money from me, I have a feeling you aren't coughing up the cash to get your mental health tip top. The point is, there is an epidemic of us, I think, blaming other people for our problems. And mom dad is like, just the E. There's men who are 50 who were like, yeah, my dad worked late. He only loved me when I achieved in sports. Okay, well, you're Tiger woods now. Honestly, he should invoice you for his time. He didn't have to coach you. He could have just been your dad. If he didn't push you to golf all day, you'd be just another entrepreneur slash art director on Raya. I think Tiger woods literally tried to do that. Like, he just made me work so hard, and that's why I have 18 girlfriends. You're like, huh? I can see how this might be therapeutic, but if we make old photos come to life, the dead parents should only make honest apologies that don't enable people with a victim mentality. You know, it should. It should. It should make this generation who blames their parents for everything have some perspective on how good their lives actually are. Like, the AI photo of the dead dad coming to life should be like, hey, son, I'm sorry that I worked in a factory all day with the nubs I used to call fingers in order to pay for you to go to school so you could learn to read instead of playing bob and weave with forklifts all day the way I do for a living. So sorry I drank whiskey and pulled my own teeth out instead of going to a dentist so I could save money for you to go to college where you decided to join a fraternity and do kind of gay stuff. Stuff want to send you to college so you could do pranks on other guys instead of learn how to make a computer work. So instead of being able to get a job when I found out I had cancer, I couldn't get treatment. Sorry I didn't tell you about my cancer. I just knew it would be too hard on you. Sorry I didn't tell you I was going to die soon. I was too worried that you'd come home and tell me about your day in front of another person and that I die of embarrassment before the cancer could get me. Sorry I didn't throw the ball with you more. It's just that I knew you wouldn't catch it. I tried a couple times, and it was clear that you. You were cut out for different things, like pretending to be an art director on dating apps. Sorry I didn't give you more adversity so you'd be a winner. Sorry I worked hard to give you opportunities when I should have been ignoring you and creating adversity so you actually had talents or a personality. Good luck out there. I love you. I mean, I don't know what love is, but if I did, I would love you. People started getting their money back if it didn't say that at the end. Mom's apologies. Like that's gonna be the other thing. Because I did. Really? I said to my therapist like a while ago when I was in like a trauma therapist for some reason she was like, what do you want from her? And I was like, an apology. And she's like, that's the craziest thing to want. You can't get an apology from someone that doesn't think they did anything wrong. Like you can't. There's no. It was learn to live with the apology that you've never gotten. And I was like, oh, thank you. I need we forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, because they deserve peace. Like I don't someone. If someone needs to apologize for what they did to a kid, they wouldn't have done. No one does. No one. You either apologize all the time or zero times. There's no in between.

[C]

And even if you got the thing that you wanted, that would make you even more angry.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, that's gonna.

[A]

Well, that's my favorite. That's my favorite. No apology has ever landed on anyone. If you won't, you're not going to accept it anyway. She's right not to apologize. It's not enough. Apologizing isn't enough. That for if she did something. Same thing if you were late for dinner because of that, you shouldn't have come. If you owe me that big of an apology, 20 years later, an apology is not going to cut it. And if she can apologize, that means she's capable of self awareness. And it's even worse. All the stuff I'd rather the person be like, oh, well, you're just in denial. So you don't even know what you were doing. People don't become self aware at the buzzer at 72. Let them. Just let them. Now you're being a bully. Let them live in denial forever. Okay, so I if. Imagine thinking your mom owes you an apology. What a dork. Okay, I've been in al Anon for 12 years to overcome codependence from my mom. I Had to take care of this woman for 10 years out of pocket. No insurance, because after she had a stroke and couldn't move. Not only. Not only. Never said thank you or sorry for the. Told me truly, truly. Every time I started to wear more lip gloss. And then I looked tired, and she told me that my armpits were creepy. I pay for her. All of her care 10 years out of pocket. Which is why I'll see you soon. Casino Pechanga. Two shows literally blame my mom for why I performed in Saudi Arabia. If you're mad about that, I will give you the address of her grave. If you would like to give a Yelp review. I have every reason to be mad at my mom, but there's a point where you just go, like, yeah, you know what? I feel like she kind of nailed it, given the circumstances. Like, I can look at this differently now. The women of that generation, truly, all of their friends died in childbirth. Like, they. They had. My mom's generation had to wear shoulder pads to work. We don't. Shoulder pads? What, can we just date for sure? Shoulder pads were a prank, right? To make women's heads look smaller. As soon as they enter the workforce and try to, like, be respected by men, they're just like, big guy. Like, shoulder pads is truly the craziest fashion craze of all time. Women go into the workforce in the 80s. Designers are like, here we are. I'm a big balls lady. Like, what was the logic? Like, they're going into work, they're gonna need bigger shoulders. Women were like, yeah, okay, if. I guess. If I. I guess if I just look like a linebacker at the office, Men won't smack our butts when we walk by to do the same job they're doing. Like, how. What was the logic of that? Why would you want to try and convince people that women are smart? And then we, like, dress them in a way that makes their head look shrunken? It's a way. It makes women look like a kid who's dressing up in her mom's clothes. Like, playing dress up to go to, like, a fake job is what they. In the 80s, they all came in and were like. Like, the two long sleeves, like, just shrunken heads and giant blazers. Like, look at me. I'm doing a meeting in my daddy's blazer. Boss lady here. Listen, I need those papers tonight on my desk or you're fired. Like, shoulder pads are even weirder than corsets. Corsets at least had a purpose, like, to protect you from Stabbings and to make you thinner and probably stop pregnancies. But, like, shoulder pads were just to make women look like they were dressed up as a man in a man costume. Like, just the idea of, like, I'm going to work, I'm a paralegal, and I'm just. No, no one's going to notice that I'm a leader. It's like in movies in the 90s, when a girl wanted to, like, play football, it was just all they needed were like two lines of black on their cheeks and it was like, oh, come on, bro. It's like, that's not. I'm just saying our moms were messes. The fact that we are alive at all is truly a miracle. And. Cause here's the other thing. When stuff was really touch and go, you weren't there. How do you know they were like, my mom didn't take care. Now that I have a toddler, I'm like, someone was there. I mean, I did. Look, I did get drove to school drunk quite a bit in high school, but honestly, that was probably safer than me driving. Airbags were fixed by that. Like, I did almost die as a kid swallowing a random pill on the floor. And I did almost die catching on fire. Operative word, almost. Okay. A kid is always about to perish. I now know that. And if your parent is at least just playing whack a mole with your bad decisions till you're five or six, pretty good if you got the lawn darts that weren't as sharp because they got to fought the sail rack. Thank your lucky stars giraffes have babies and keep walking. Male lions, they try to eat their cubs when their cubs annoy them. They just try to imagine being our moms who gave birth to us before anyone knew about how to get a pelvic floor. Back before Andrew Huberman was doing episodes on Kegels before Beyonce. Try, try. You know what? I just think everyone should try blaming yourself for like two weeks. Everything just need experiment and see what happens. It used to be kind of like, oh, cool. Like, we put together the pieces that I inherited this ancestral trauma and I got this from my mom. And like, now it's like, hacky. Like, we know this is like thinking soy milk is good for you. Like, we're past this. You're mad at your mom. Okay, cool. Do you also recycle? Cool. At this point, if you're mad at your parents, all you're doing is admitting how bad you are at history. We're past blaming them. We're now on to blaming circumstances they were in and pitying our parents. They did the best they could with the tools they had. We're there now. All right. If you are mad at your parents behavior, all you're doing is telling people that you. You're like, oh, cool. So you haven't looked into what happened in the 40s and the 50s to make your parents the way they were. All you're doing is admitting that you have not looked into epigenetic imprinting. You're really admitting that you don't subscribe to my podcast, frankly. But if you really study history and science. I do. But history and quotes. But you will quickly realize that no one owes you an apology. No one. You should have known. You should have known. You should have been like, well, of course they're like that. We're now at a point that we should be like, of course they did that. Okay, 2026. Everything's your fault. New angle. 2026. Maybe it's you if everyone else is the problem. Common denominator. You if everyone else is an idiot. Is everyone an idiot? That's what I. Everyone's an idiot. You know that. Those people. Everyone's an idiot. My parents failed me. Everyone's an idiot. Is everyone an idiot? Then why do we have so many buildings? If everyone's such an idiot, why do you get a package four hours after you order it magically? The problem is the smart You're. Most people aren't being exposed to the smart people because they're not online. They're not talking to you. Dumb people only talk to dumb people. The smart people aren't online. They're in a lab somewhere trying to figure out how to get more sand because we're running out of someone's. They're dealing with the sand shortage. They're not on Facebook being like, why are Ariana Grande and Cynthia or wherever always making out? I didn't. Wicked. Is it? Is wicked ever gonna stop coming out? I can't do this. Wouldn't. The Shirley Temple am I looking at? And why are women's thighs not touching again all of a sudden? I knew Khloe Kardashian losing weight was gonna be a setback. But the point is, the smart people are not on Twitter. They're trying to figure out how to sort out the fact that we're running out of helium. Why does no one care about this? How did everyone just sit and watch the Macy's Day Parade and not panic about how we're running out of helium? Why does no one care do you know that? It's finite. This is a finite resource. MRI machines, Internet hard drives, airbags, but no one cares. It's fine. Party balloons. Non renewable resource. I sound the alarm. If you guys don't listen. I'm not gonna. I don't. It comes from natural gas deposits, but. Yeah. No, make it a Pokemon float. That feels like a good use of the helium. The only other place that we can get it besides the United States is Qatar. Fine. Fine. That we. That always goes well. So check me out next year at the Qatar Comedy Festival. We'll all be getting paid in helium. All right, guys. Love you. Don't write. Was that a podcast?

[C]

Was it?

[A]

Did we just make a podcast? Don't ride elephants, everybody. Love you. Mean it. Sa.