GOOD GUYS PODCAST – EPISODE SUMMARY

Podcast: Good Guys (Dear Media)
Episode: Swole, Sensitive & Sick of People Pleasing
Date: October 2, 2025
Hosts: Josh Peck & Ben Soffer
Guest Collaborators: Olivia (producer), plus several listener call-ins

EPISODE OVERVIEW

In this lively and heartfelt episode, Josh and Ben dive into the intersecting themes of fitness, self-improvement, people-pleasing, and the struggles of setting healthy boundaries in relationships and friendships. Their trademark humor is on full display as personal anecdotes and listener questions spark discussion about body image, online criticism, generosity and reciprocity, people-pleasing pitfalls, intimate relationship ruts, and their own working dynamic. Throughout, the hosts offer unfiltered advice, memorable stories, and highlight the evolving cultural conversation around masculinity and self-care.

KEY DISCUSSION POINTS & INSIGHTS

Fitness, Body Image, and Wellness Culture

• Josh’s Gym Milestone: Josh opens by sharing a compliment he received at the gym—he’s looking swole. Ben and Claudia (via text) previously commented on his 'enormous' arms, sparking friendly ribbing over who is fitter.

  “If you're not watching on YouTube, you're missing an actual gun show." (Ben, [00:56])

• Physical Therapy & Posture: Ben gives a shoutout to his physical therapy routine, noting improvement in mobility and posture.
• Bettering Ourselves – A Generational Shift:
  Both hosts discuss how today’s self-improvement obsession—whether through exercise, supplements, therapy, or lifestyle tweaks—is a marked shift from previous generations. They see it as a positive.

  "Wellness is cool. It wasn’t always cool, especially for men...times are changing.” (Ben, [09:20])

• Humor Amid the Hustle: Ben pokes fun at supplement fads, confessing he likes “taking a supplement that I think will make me feel better, even though...the core way is just running on the treadmill.” [08:36]

Handling Criticism: Online & IRL

• Avoiding the Comments: Josh admits a bit of “tech phobia” shields him from Reddit hate, while Ben is adamant about not seeking out criticism from friends or strangers—“I don’t like to self-inflict pain.”

  “If you're talking about me behind my back, it was behind my back for a reason. I don’t want to hear it.” (Ben, [03:18])

• Validation & Insecurity: Producer Olivia chimes in wanting to know what’s said behind her back, identifying with the impulse to validate worst fears—Josh reassures her “Welcome to the human race,” and Ben reflects that most people would still want to read the negative comments despite the pain (“I think 99% of people would read it.” – Ben, [06:02])
• Willingness to Improve vs. Being ‘Fully Cooked’: Josh highlights how continuous self-awareness and work on one’s flaws, even at 38, is rare:

  “A lot of people just go, I'm fully cooked. I'm baked. Take it or leave it...And I'm like, no, we can still, you know, throw me back in. I might need a couple more minutes.” (Josh, [07:20])

The Double-Edged Sword of Self-Improvement

• From Self-Betterment to Narcissism: Josh recalls two impactful ideas from a 12-step meeting:
  1. “You're the love of your life. You're everything you've been searching for. You're the fish you've been trying to catch.”
  2. The tricky challenge of letting go even of traits, jobs, or relationships that might actually stand between you and joy.

  “After you’ve done that stuff [worked on negative habits], you might go deeper and start to see things that aren’t—you don’t think they’re defects. You just think they are who you are.” (Josh, [14:10])

• Being Gentle With Yourself and Others: Josh notes, “I’m very hard on myself, but I can be very hard on other people, and that doesn’t fly.”

Friendship, Boundaries & People-Pleasing

• Losing vs. Growing Apart: Ben says, “As we get older we have less friends. We realize people we thought were friends were really just drinking buddies or social buddies…friendships that grow with you through every life stage are the real ones.” [16:20]
• The People Pleaser’s Dilemma: Ben details his lifelong compulsion to prioritize friends’ needs over his own, even at expense to himself:

  "When you're a constant doer, you do recognize…the leeches in your life that don't do, just take." (Ben, [17:24])
  "I can't be as available as I once was...the fact that the people in my life allowed me to be that available was selfish on their end." (Ben, [18:09])

• Turning Point: Ben describes the liberation in finally setting boundaries, even if it leads to potentially disappointing others:

  “I swear on my life, I don’t know what happened. I do not care at all…And it’s freeing. It’s very freeing to not care.” (Ben, [23:31])

• People-Pleasing as Control: Josh challenges Ben with the idea that unchecked people-pleasing can actually become a way of controlling situations and others’ perceptions. Ben agrees to an extent, but anchors his own example in the joy of giving—until it tips into being taken for granted.

Reciprocity & Generosity: Listener Dilemma

• Listener Q1 ([39:58]):
  A listener whose friend plans an expensive birthday spa day ($1000) wonders if she now owes a similarly extravagant gesture for her friend’s birthday.
• Ben’s Take: There’s no need to match dollar-for-dollar. “Overly generous people aren’t expecting reciprocation in the same way. You just need to prioritize her and make her feel special.”
• Josh’s Anecdote: Shares a personal story about receiving an over-the-top gift/trip from friends that could never be matched—ultimately, a heartfelt gesture (e.g., a $600 gift or nice dinner) is more about thoughtfulness than financial value:

  “If you reciprocate dollar-for-dollar, it then diminishes what they just did and almost makes it feel like you’re now in a competition...That’s not a friendship.” (Ben, [43:31])

Relationships & Intimacy: Breaking the Sex Funk

• Listener Q2 ([45:10]):
  Listener asks for advice about fiancé’s performance anxiety and their dwindling sex life.
• Ben’s Advice: Try to spice things up but don’t over-fixate on sex itself; go on trips or dates to reignite the spark and relieve pressure.
  Memorable Quote: "Your wife loves you. Pull it together." (Ben, [47:23])
• Josh’s Perspective: Suggests considering medical, stress, or hormonal causes, but also floating the utility of “microdosing a little Viagra” as recommended by a friend. He also discusses male performance anxiety and the importance of reading nonverbal cues.

  “For better or for worse, men have to show up...in a way that can feel a little more [like] performance anxiety.” (Josh, [48:12]) “If you have a good dude, they’re going as much off cues...as words.” (Josh, [50:38])

• Ben’s Final Take: Communication and empathy are the main solutions; not everything needs to be taken as personal or catastrophic in the relationship.

Mutual Admiration & Positive Vibes

• Favorite Traits (Listener Q3, [52:21]):
  Listener asks what character or personality traits Josh and Ben most admire in each other.
  • Josh about Ben: His optimism, glass-half-full mindset, and willingness to answer the emails Josh himself doesn’t want to answer.
  • Ben about Josh: The consistently warm and kind way he treats people he doesn’t know, from service staff to fans, making people feel special and heard.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

• “Wellness is cool. It wasn’t always cool, especially for men...times are changing.” — Ben [09:20]
• “Welcome to the human race...She wants to read the bad things people wrote about her to validate her worst fears, which is she isn’t enough. Which—join the party.” — Josh [05:26]
• "I'm working on it. And I think at 38, that's rare. I think a lot of people just go, I'm fully cooked. I'm baked. Take it or leave it...And I'm like, no, we can still, you know, throw me back in. I might need a couple more minutes." — Josh [07:20]
• “When you’re a constant doer, you do recognize…the leeches in your life that don't do, just take.” — Ben [17:24]
• “It’s freeing. It’s very freeing to not care. Because when you’re constantly thinking about what other people think of you, that is a terrible way to live. Because I’ve lived that way and it’s no good.” — Ben [23:31]
• “If you reciprocate dollar-for-dollar, it then diminishes what they just did and almost makes it feel like you’re now in a competition...That’s not a friendship.” — Ben [43:31]
• “For better or for worse, men have to show up...in a way that can feel a little more [like] performance anxiety.” — Josh [48:12]

TIMESTAMPS FOR IMPORTANT SEGMENTS

• Fitness banter, self-improvement, and posture: [00:26]–[01:56]
• Coping with criticism & self-image: [02:55]–[06:47]
• People-pleasing & boundaries: [17:22]–[23:31]
• Listener dilemma—Expensive birthday reciprocity: [39:50]–[44:15]
• Listener dilemma—Sex funk in a relationship: [45:10]–[52:14]
• Mutual admiration (traits they value in each other): [52:21]–[55:00]
• Woody Nuts Moment of the Week—Funny gripes about car ads and brooms: [55:29]–[57:28]

TONE, HUMOR, & MEMORABLE MOMENTS

• The episode is candid, self-deprecating, and full of quick-witted banter as the hosts toggle between hilarious takes (“You’re a Nissan in Nordstrom’s”) and genuine advice.
• Running jokes include persistent reminders to watch the podcast on YouTube (“You’re missing an actual gun show!”), Ben’s healthy skepticism toward tech (“I’m weirdly tech-phobic”), and plenty of “what are you nuts?” reactions to absurd scenarios.
• The “Our Flowers” segment reading glowing listener reviews adds a burst of positivity, culminating in their signature sign-off inviting more “grossly positive” five-star submissions.

TAKEAWAYS & USEFUL ADVICE

• Don’t stress about matching acts of generosity—authentic, thoughtful gestures matter most.
• People-pleasing can morph into resentment if you don’t honor your own needs.
• Online or private criticism rarely helps; don’t seek it out or self-inflict pain.
• Midlife growth is possible—keep working on yourself, don’t just accept your bad habits as fixed.
• Intimate ruts are normal and can be overcome with empathy, communication, and sometimes a little extra help (medically or otherwise).
• Prioritize being kind to strangers and friends alike—a little positivity goes a long way.

Summary Written in the Original Tone of the Hosts — full of warmth, laughter, self-honesty, and just the right amount of “What are you, nuts?”