Good Life Project: "A Guide to Living Fully After Loss | Spotlight Convo"

Host: Jonathan Fields
Guests: Alua Arthur, Claire Bidwell Smith, Cindy Spiegel
Release Date: November 27, 2025

Episode Overview

This special "Spotlight Convo" episode of the Good Life Project dives into profound questions about what it means to live a good life in the aftermath of loss. Host Jonathan Fields sits down with three compassionate guides—death doula Alua Arthur, grief therapist Claire Bidwell Smith, and speaker/writer Cindy Spiegel—each of whom brings unique experience and wisdom on navigating grief, mortality, and renewal. Through candid stories and practical insights, the conversation explores how embracing grief and mortality can lead us to more meaningful, present, and even joyful lives.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Facing Loss and Mortality as a Path to Meaning

Guest: Alua Arthur (Death Doula, Founder of Going with Grace)
Segments: [03:02]–[30:17]

• Alua’s Journey to Death Work ([04:04]):

  • Transitioned from legal aid to death doula after profound depression and contemplating the meaning of her life in the face of mortality.

  • Personal loss (her brother-in-law’s illness and passing) became both a crucible of grief and transformation, leading her to serve as a “death doula” before she had a name for it.

    “Through viewing myself on my deathbed, through the lens of my mortality, was I able to start realizing that I needed to make a massive shift.” – Alua Arthur [04:04]

• Defining the Death Doula Role ([05:32]):

  • Death doulas provide holistic, non-medical support for the dying and their circles, both in practical matters (planning, rituals, logistics) and in emotional presence.

    “To serve as a death doula ... means I ran a lot of errands, compiled questions, researched everything... I took as much of the burden off [the family] so that they could be with what they needed to be with.” – Alua Arthur [05:32]

• Rituals and Boundaries for Helpers ([11:27]):

  • Importance of rituals for emotional separation—e.g., eating potato chips as a grounding mechanism, bathing to wash off others’ burdens, and literally marking entry/exit at threshold of homes.

    “The sharpness of the vinegar, the salt, the crunch, the fat... Something about it really soothes me and I feel really alive. ... It grounds me.” – Alua Arthur [11:27]

• Cultural Taboo and the Fear of Death ([13:47]):

  • Death is universal, but widely avoided in conversation due to fear, lack of control, and discomfort with bodily fragility.

    “It is the actual only thing, the only thing. ... It’s terrifying. We feel powerful in these bodies... but they’re also very fragile.” – Alua Arthur [13:47]

• The Notion of the “Good Death” and Agency ([17:29]):

  • Moves beyond value-laden judgments of “good” or “bad” deaths, focusing instead on “the most ideal death under the circumstances.” Core elements: agency, informed choices, values-based planning.

    “I’m talking about informed decision making. ... Agency is a key component in helping people prepare for death.” – Alua Arthur [20:47]

• The Practice of 'Finding Your Feet' ([25:54]):

  • Anchoring in physical presence (e.g., feeling your toes) as a tool for managing anticipatory grief and returning to the present moment.

• Impact and Motivation ([28:02]):

  • Alua’s intention is to be of service—directly, through one-on-one work and by training others to support more families.

    “My hope is always to have been of service, to support somebody, to help somebody have a little bit of an easier ride while we’re here. It’s hard enough already, you know.” – Alua Arthur [28:02]

• A Good Life According to Alua Arthur ([29:37]):

  • A vision of joyful connection, sensory delight, and being present with loved ones.

    “A hammock and sunshine and people who I love... ease of being, champagne bubbles in my blood, in awe of life. That feels like a good life.” – Alua Arthur [29:37]

2. Understanding and Transforming Grief

Guest: Claire Bidwell Smith (Grief Therapist, Author)
Segments: [32:22]–[56:54]

• What is Grief? Expanding the Definition ([33:16]):

  • Grief is a spectrum of emotions triggered by change and loss—death, but also transitions (moving, changing jobs, etc.).

  • The pandemic brought collective and individual grief, challenging our sense of safety and predictability.

    “Grief, I really think, is a series of emotions that come with change. ... The entry point is change.” – Claire Bidwell Smith [33:16]

• Anxiety and Loss—Parallel to the Pandemic ([35:12]):

  • Drawing from personal loss at 18 and pandemic experiences, Claire discusses the destabilizing effects of grief and how it reshapes our understanding of safety and self.

    “Safety and certainty can go out the window a lot of times with a big loss. And that causes anxiety.” – Claire Bidwell Smith [35:12]

• Varieties of Grief ([40:44]):

  • Anticipatory Grief: grief for an oncoming, expected loss
  • Ambiguous/Disenfranchised Grief: associated with losses not widely recognized (pets, divorce, societal issues)
  • Complicated Grief: when relationships and losses are layered or unresolved
  • Collective Grief arises in broader social context
  • Insight: Grief must be witnessed and named to be processed; unacknowledged grief can intensify or become prolonged.

• Making Space for Grief ([44:39]):

  • Everyone can access healing modalities—journaling, scheduled grief time, community support—even amid busy or resourced-limited circumstances.

    “Making space for it is talking about it, acknowledging it, trying not to just carry it without ever talking about it.” – Claire Bidwell Smith [44:39]

• Transformation Through Grief ([51:03]):

  • Grief is not just suffering but a process that can transform us, foster self-understanding, and recalibrate priorities.

    “I think for a long time we’ve looked at grief as this horrible thing... But I think that there is a lot of really beautiful things to find within grief. I think it teaches us a lot about ourselves.” – Claire Bidwell Smith [51:03]

• Continuing the Relationship ([54:09]):

  • The relationship with loved ones can persist internally and through legacy—even after death. Connecting to lost loved ones through memories, stories, and embodying their values is healthy and meaningful.

    “When we have had somebody in our lives that we were close to, there’s an internal version of them that we keep. ... We can still lean on them.” – Claire Bidwell Smith [54:09]

• A Good Life According to Claire Bidwell Smith ([56:23]):

  • Appreciating impermanence and the sweetness of life.

    “To live a good life means to appreciate that at one point it comes to an end.” – Claire Bidwell Smith [56:23]

3. Finding Micro Joys Amid Grief

Guest: Cindy Spiegel (Speaker, Author of "Micro Joys")
Segments: [59:14]–[82:13]

• Origin of “Micro Joys” ([60:51]):

  • Stemming from a period of intense losses (her nephew’s murder, her mother’s death, her cancer diagnosis), Cindy realized she couldn’t maintain “big happy,” but found that fleeting, small moments of joy persisted amid grief.

    “The foundation of micro joys is about learning to hold joy in one hand and grief in the other at any particular moment.” – Cindy Spiegel [60:51]

• Rejecting Toxic Positivity ([60:51], [63:52]):

  • Micro joys are not about forcing happiness or ignoring pain; they’re about accepting complexity, feeling all emotions fully, and letting both sorrow and delight coexist.

    “Because that outdated belief and toxic positivity like this good vibes only bullshit like, that’s just not it.” – Cindy Spiegel [60:51]

• Shame and the Permission for Joy ([64:56]):

  • Shame can block access to joy during grief; healing involves collectively allowing joy even amid pain, as well as letting others see that both are possible and valid.

• Cindy’s Personal Losses and Adaptation ([66:47]):

  • She recounts the “impossible piling on” of loss: family trauma and cancer within the pandemic, the challenges of coping, caretaking, and advocating for presence in hardship.

• The Practice of Presence ([72:26]):

  • For Cindy, vivid joy often emerges in moments of full presence—like shopping at a Brooklyn spice market post-loss, or revisiting her mother’s handwritten recipes.
  • Encourages others to tap into memory, storytelling, and sensory engagement to anchor micro joys.

• The Importance of Community Memory & Tradition ([72:26]):

  • Family and friends help keep memories and joy alive when it’s hard to find it yourself.

    “Our friends and our family become our memory keepers. ... They made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt, even in the midst of everything.” – Cindy Spiegel [72:26]

• Concept of Freudenfreude ([79:18]):

  • Experiencing joy through the joy of others; a tool for accessing positive emotion even when personal joy feels out of reach.

    “If you can’t find it in your own, well, that’s okay, that’s temporary. But borrow someone else’s and allow yourself to feel joy for the joy of others.” – Cindy Spiegel [79:57]

• A Good Life According to Cindy Spiegel ([82:02]):

  • Giving oneself permission for both quiet and exuberant living.

    “To live a good life means allowing yourself to be quiet when you need to and, and joyful and loud and over the top when you want to.” – Cindy Spiegel [82:02]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Confronting Mortality:

  “Viewing myself on my deathbed through the lens of my mortality... I needed to make a massive shift.”
  —Alua Arthur [04:04]

• On Agency at the End of Life:

  “You get to have it how you want it. This is your death.”
  —Alua Arthur [20:47]

• On The Value of Presence:

  “Presence is really the foundation of micro joys. ... When we allow ourselves the grace of being present in any moment, the way I did that day... it becomes so tangible.”
  —Cindy Spiegel [72:26]

• On Grief and Transformation:

  “There is a place we can get to down the road that really does—we look back and think, wow, I have grown so much and I have changed so much.”
  —Claire Bidwell Smith [51:03]

• On Belonging and Continuing Bonds:

  “We can still lean on them, ask them things, listen for the answer. ... That is the most beautiful version of the afterlife I can think of.”
  —Claire Bidwell Smith [54:09]

• On Joy During Grief:

  “Micro joys ... are about honing the ability to find joy in spite of everything else.”
  —Cindy Spiegel [60:51]

• On Impermanence:

  “Life wouldn’t be so sweet if it had no ending.”
  —Claire Bidwell Smith, quoting her father [56:23]

Timestamps — Key Segments

• [03:02] Introduction to Alua Arthur and death doula work
• [11:27] Managing boundaries through rituals
• [13:47] Why death is culturally taboo
• [17:29] Rethinking the “good death” and agency
• [20:47] Informed choice and agency at end of life
• [25:54] “Finding your feet”—an exercise in presence
• [28:02] Alua’s motivations and teaching death doulas
• [29:37] Alua’s definition of a good life
• [32:22] Introduction to Claire Bidwell Smith and defining grief
• [35:12] Anxiety after loss and the pandemic parallel
• [40:44] The five types of grief
• [44:39] Who has access to “good grief”?
• [51:03] The transforming power of grief
• [54:09] Continuing the relationship with loved ones after loss
• [56:23] Claire’s definition of a good life
• [59:14] Introduction to Cindy Spiegel and “micro joys”
• [60:51] How micro joys differ from small joys & toxic positivity
• [63:52] The role of shame in accessing joy during grief
• [66:47] Cindy’s personal story of family loss and illness in the pandemic
• [72:26] The power of presence in creating micro joy
• [79:18] Introduction of ‘Freudenfreude’
• [82:02] Cindy’s definition of a good life

Tone & Style

Throughout the episode, Jonathan fosters open, heartfelt, and sometimes witty discussions. All three guests are candid, compassionate, practical, and gently encouraging. Each approaches the topic of loss with a blend of sober realism and hope, emphasizing personal agency, acceptance, and gentle presence with oneself and others.

Takeaways

• Grief is a universal, complex, and deeply transformative experience—one that can deepen meaning and presence if fully felt and acknowledged.
• Facing mortality can enhance life, leading to richer relationships and clarity of values.
• End-of-life planning, rituals, and open conversations about death enhance agency and support for all involved.
• Joy and grief are not mutually exclusive; skilled practice, community, and self-awareness allow us to “hold both.”
• Legacy, memory, and presence matter far more than any prescribed ideal of “moving on.”
• Permission, ritual, and storytelling open the path to healing, connection, and genuine happiness, even through the hardest seasons.

For those navigating loss or supporting others, this conversation offers wisdom, strategies, and a gentle invitation to both honor pain and embrace moments of light, every step of the way.