← Good Life Project
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- [00:00]
Jonathan Fields
What would happen if you took the world's major religions, set aside the theology for a moment, and studied just the rituals, the meditation, the chanting, the prayers of gratitude, the contemplation of death, the communal meals, the morning practices. Study them as technologies. Technology is designed to work on your mind and body in specific measurable ways. That's what my guest today, David Destano, has done. He's a professor of psychology at Northeastern and the author of How God Works. And he runs a social emotions group where his lab studies the mechanics behind compassion, gratitude, moral behavior, and increasingly, why. The data on people who are engaged in spiritual practice and often who believe in God are so striking. We're talking a 30% lower, all cause mortality, less depression, greater sense of meaning, better health outcomes across the board. And here's what makes this conversation lend differently than most conversations about faith. David is not here to tell you to believe in God. He's not here to tell you not to. He's here to say that whether these practices were divinely inspired or figured out through thousands of years of human trial and error, they work. And we are walking away from them at the exact moment we may need them most. In this conversation, we go into what he calls spiritual technologies, the rituals hiding in plain sight inside every major faith tradition that science is now revealing to be remarkably effective at helping us deal with loss, find meaning, build connection, and navigate the exact season of life that most of us listening are in right now. We talk about a Hindu concept called vanaprastha, the midlife pivot from accumulation to sharing wisdom and why making that shift earlier might actually be the single most important thing you do for your happiness. And we sit with the honest question of what it looks like to build a spiritual life if you've left the one you were raised in. This one really made me think and feel and want to just sit quietly afterwards. So excited to share this conversation with you. I'm Jonathan Fields and this is Good Life Project.
- [02:17]
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- [02:38]
David Destano
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- [02:42]
Jonathan Fields
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- [02:45]
David Destano
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- [02:50]
Jonathan Fields
And your car insurance doesn't.
- [02:53]
David Destano
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- [03:15]
Jonathan Fields
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- [03:16]
David Destano
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- [03:24]
Jonathan Fields
Good Life Project is sponsored by Amazon Health AI so hey there, it's Jonathan. Before this podcast continues, I need you to fill out 37 forms about your listening history. I'll wait. Just kidding. That would be ridiculous. Yet we all do it every time we need healthcare. But the new Amazon Health AI is different. It can connect your health history to offer personalized care so you can get help fast. Amazon Health AI Healthcare just got less painful. I have been somebody who's been fascinated by the role of spirituality, of faith, of religion in our lives for a long time. I remember a chunk of years ago stumbling upon a bit of research that effectively said that if you are somebody who is a person of faith, that you're more likely to experience positive experiences and outcomes, whether that makes you happier, healthier, potentially even more successful. Is this true?
- [04:25]
David Destano
I think it depends on exactly how you define those terms. So the data on religion and spirituality show a few things. One, I want to make it clear that what the data really look at is what's called religious or spiritual engagement. So it's not just saying I believe in God.
- [04:44]
Jonathan Fields
Okay?
- [04:44]
David Destano
It is. Are you actually going to services? Are you. If you're a person who is following a more eastern philosophy, are you actually meditating? Are you doing the things that you're supposed to do in a faith? You know, most of the world, religion is really about more of what you do than what you believe. But in the US we have this notion because of Christianity that it's just about creed. But if you look at people who are actually engaging in some type of spiritual life, their health outcomes are far better. Lower all cause mortality, 30% lower over a 15 year period. Lower deaths due to cardiovascular disease and cancer. Greater sense of meaning and flourishing in life, less depression. That's not always the same thing as being happy. I mean, on average, they're happy, right? And I'm sure you and Your listeners have talked about this a lot. Being happy doesn't mean always being happy and never having kind of downturns or never suffering for the right reasons. But in general, their physical and mental health outcomes and just general well being and sense of flourishing are. I haven't seen any data that link it to success.
- [05:51]
Jonathan Fields
In particular though it is interesting, right, because you made this immediate distinction between believing in God, whatever tradition you are, whatever that entity, that being, that experience. You made a distinction between just the rote belief in something versus the practices, the rituals, the things built around it. Are you aware of any research that looks specifically just at that first question, which is is there a change in outcome based purely on the belief in something bigger than yourself that you might whatever your version of God is?
- [06:29]
David Destano
Yeah, there is and I'm glad you brought that up. Let me just clarify what I'm saying. It's not that belief doesn't matter at all in terms of people's overall health outcomes, it doesn't seem to matter that much. But there are a few places it matters. One is around anxiety, around death, it matters a lot. So if you look at how anxious are you about dying, it's kind of an upside down you. That is, on one side of the U are people who have a deep faith that there is a pleasant, joyous afterlife. And then on the other end of the U, a little bit lower than that first group are the ardent atheists who are like, yeah, I'm going to end up in the ground as worm food, but that's it, I can't do anything about it. So fine. The people who have the worst time of it all and the greatest anxiety around death are the people who aren't sure because they're thinking, well, I'm not sure what's going to happen, but if there is something, maybe I'm not doing what I need to be in that good place. And so they have a lot of anxiety there. So belief matters around death. Belief also matters in the sense of helping people deal with certain types of problems. So there is a big literature on addiction and this is why folks who are involved in 12 step programs and for the most part the data shows they work. They don't work for everybody. And there are some problems. But belief in a higher power helps people deal with issues of overcoming addiction of many types of. It also offers a sense of mattering and meaning in the world. That is a lot of people feel that they don't have a purpose. Maybe they don't have as supportive a social network as they would like. But to the extent that they have faith that there is some force, however they conceive of it, in the universe that values them and cares about them, it does offer a sense of meaning and that your life matters. And so in those ways, belief can play a role. But where we really see the benefits are when you combine that belief with some type of practice. Because those practices, as I'm sure we're going to talk about, work on our minds and bodies in ways that help us meet many of the challenges life throws at us.
- [08:44]
Jonathan Fields
Yeah, I mean, as you're describing that, what popped into my mind, I've had this conversation with a number of artists, writers, often, and the question revolves around, where do you place the muse? Is this something that emanates from within you? You are the source of it, you are responsible for it, and you get to take credit for it. Or does this exist out in the ether? And your job is just to prepare yourself to receive it when it drops into you? And it's interesting because on the one hand, you have a sense of agency if you say it comes entirely from me, but also a huge sense of burden and responsibility that sometimes can become crippling. And when you place it outside of yourself and say, this is a force that exists outside of me, my job is to become a vessel, to open to it, to show up every day and receive it when and if I'm ready to receive it. On the one hand, you have a lack of agency there, which you would feel is disconcerting. But there's also a sense of surrender that says, my job is not to be genius on that level. It's just to set myself up to receive it. I. I wonder if there's something similar at play in what we're talking about here.
- [09:56]
David Destano
I think so. And I think so. There is a lot of work on this notion of surrender. And people who are willing to kind of surrender to a higher power do tend to show a lot less stress in life. I mean, stress about the big things, but even daily decision making. I mean, we all know the tyranny of choice. We have to make so many decisions each day. And we're in an optimizing culture, right, where we want to optimize every possible outcome. And that takes a lot of work. And so people who surrender do have less stress, less anxiety around those issues. Now, I want to be clear that surrendering doesn't mean, like, well, that's it. I'm giving it up to God. I'm not doing anything right. It's not that it means doing the best you can, but at a certain point realizing that you only have so much control, and once you've done the best you can, then you put the rest in a higher power's hands. And so rap. People call it surrender, even in scientific literature. But I like to think about it as more of a collaboration between a junior and a senior partner. That is, we have, as the junior partner, have a role that is to do the best we can. But we realize that it's not all resting on our shoulders all the time, nor do we have all that control. And so at a certain point, that acceptance comes in offering it up. And to the extent that you offer it up and believe there's a force of some type, however you conceive of it out there that has your best interests in mind, that can be a comforting thought. And people say, well, Dave, isn't that just the opiate of the masses? And I'm like, I don't think so. I mean, as a scientist, I can't tell you if God exists. It's not my job as a scientist. There is no experiment that can prove it one way or the other. So I'm not advocating that you should believe or you shouldn't. But for those who do, there is that type of benefit of not having this sense that you have to be able to control everything.
- [11:53]
Jonathan Fields
I've had conversations with people where we've been talking about similar topics and people who would say, I'm a non believer, but I really wish I did believe, because it's clear to me that there are some very real benefits in some way of both belief and also the practices in the community that often get wrapped around it, which we'll drop into shortly. So we exist in this time now where participation in organized religion is declining. The number of people who identify as spiritual but non religious, the quote nones is rising. And at the same time, many of the indicators of connection, happiness or contentment, meaning that could be positively affected by participating, we're seeing less and less of this. We're experiencing less connection, less meaningfulness, less of a sense of purpose. Mental health outcomes are in a disastrous state right now. Physical health outcomes are really being challenged. So it's strange to me that on the one hand, we know that there are certain things that we can say yes to that would make a meaningful difference. And yet at scale, people seem to be moving away from that. What's your sense of what's actually happening here?
- [13:17]
David Destano
It's a complicated landscape. And you're right, the data do show that people are leaving traditional faiths at an increasing rate. I think a lot of that is, it comes from a dissatisfaction with the institutions themselves. Religious institutions are human made organizations and many of them have had moral failures. Many of them have built within them discriminatory practices based on gender or sex or other types of things. And then there is this notion too that, you know, oh, religion is this superstition. That last part, I don't believe there are, there are many, many scientists who are persons of, of faith. And yes, if you're going to be a true fundamentalist, like you're going to interpret everything in these texts as truth, which some people do, then it becomes the square with what we know to be true in the modern world. But I know many scientists, you know, Francis Collins, who basically argues that we have God gave us the power of the human mind so that we could learn about and celebrate God's creation. So I put that issue of kind of fundamentalism to the side. But I think a lot of people are leaving institutions because they're not speaking to them. In ways it's interesting, I've, I've never gone to Burning man, but I have friends who do. And one of them is a, is a scientist. And at Burning man, sure, for some people it is a debaucherous party, but for other people, they're having these tremendous spiritual experiences there because it's this place where your outcomes depend so much on the kindness of others. There's no money allowed. And so it's kind of the giving economy. And so people are in this harsh environment and it's in this, it's also this liminal environment where, you know, you're not wearing your normal clothes. People take different names. And I've heard people say that like I've never felt the presence of the spiritual so palpably as when I'm there and see the beauty of humanity. And I think people are looking for more visceral experiences of, of goodness in the spiritual. It's also why we're seeing the rise in psychedelic use. You know, psychedelics offer a quick and dirty way to get the brain in a state that would otherwise take years and years of deep meditative practice. And for those who do it and do it right, they feel their self slip away and this growing sense of connection and love. And so I think people are leaving institutionalized churches and temples and synagogues because they feel they're kind of calcified and not speaking to them. But most of those people, if you look at data from Pew, they're not saying I don't think there's anything spiritual in the world or I don't. It's not that I don't think God doesn't exist. I'm just leaving faith. And they're looking for other ways to find that awe and wonder that that spirituality often provides.
- [16:15]
Jonathan Fields
Yeah, so it sounds like they're really, what they're really leaving is the institutions, the trappings, the sort of the human made things that we wrap around.
- [16:22]
David Destano
The problem is when you leave those, the other thing that religion provides often is community.
- [16:27]
Jonathan Fields
Right.
- [16:27]
David Destano
And so if you leave these and you're like, oh, well, I'm going to find my own path and I'm going to mix this idea from Buddhism that I like with this idea from Islam and I'm going to sprinkle in a little New age stuff. Maybe that only works for you. And so then you don't have to community. And so that's the danger. I worry that people are going to move into a too much individualized sense of spirituality. There are benefits to private practices, but there are benefits to community too. And that's gonna be the difficult needle to thread, I think, as people move forward.
- [17:00]
Jonathan Fields
I've always looked at almost no matter what the tradition is, when you really deconstruct it, the ones that are, quote, successful, that have continued to thrive and flourish for often generations and generations. Generations, if not thousands of years. You know, you can identify at least three commonalities. One is a set of teachings, you know, the dharma, the dogma, but also community, like sangha, the congregation. And then very often there is a spiritual figurehead. You know, there's the teacher, the teachings and the community. They pretty much show up across every tradition.
- [17:33]
David Destano
That's the thing, you know, people don't realize, as most people don't realize this, that Buddhism, originally meditation was done in a sangha, which is in a community. But now we're all sitting home with our little mindfulness apps, listening to them and, you know, does it help? Yes. And so. But it's not the same. And so, you know, what I always tell people is we have to be careful when we try to extract from these traditions certain parts of them, like take meditation and make it entirely secular. Things can go wrong. They might not work as well. Sometimes they actually warp. I mean, there are people I know in Silicon Valley, friend of a spouse of a friend of mine, who will say things like, yeah, I'm really into mindfulness and meditating. And there's this great new app because I can compare how much meditating I'm doing to my friend and see if I can beat him. And I'm like, no, that's not what it's about.
- [18:28]
Jonathan Fields
I'm so guilty of that. By the way, I've used an app for years where it's gamified. You get stars, like, and you have a streak and stuff like this. And I've caught my. I remember I'm like a year into a streak, and I missed a day because I was sick or something like that, and I was distraught, you know, like, my number went to zero. My stars got all messed up. And it's like, this is not what it was supposed to be.
- [18:52]
David Destano
No. You know, I mean. And that's an example of the kind of the optimizing or gamification culture we're in. And people ask me sometimes, since I run this show and wrote this book, how God Works, they often say, so, Dave, what's. What's the common element of all these faiths? I say, well, the one common element that they all say is, it's not all about you. Right. It is. What do we owe to each other? And I think that's what oftentimes gets lost in some of the ways we're interpreting some of these. Some of these old spiritual techniques and trying to make them fit the modern world.
- [19:31]
Jonathan Fields
Yeah, that lands really powerfully. Remember a conversation I had a few years back with Parker Palmer, who spent a lot of time in a Quaker community, and I love his reframe around this, which is. So many of us spend time really pondering, like, what do I want from the world? And we never create the space to listen and see if we can tease out what does the world want from me or for me. At the same time, we drop into that sort of adolescent sense of ego so regularly without even thinking about it. And I'm sure there's value in that, too. But you were describing earlier the common experience so many people report with psychedelics now, whether you're doing it therapeutically or on your own, is this sense of ego dissolution that is the magical part that so many people say. Like, I literally felt like my. I was either completely dissociated or my ego dissolved. And it felt more freeing and I felt more alive than I've ever felt in the last 50 years of my life. And when we feel that, it feels like this is the way, like this. I've just been shown something that is profound and transcendent. And yet we wake up every morning and we open our eyes, and we tend to run in the exact Opposite direction.
- [20:51]
David Destano
We are human. We didn't evolve to be good or to be bad. We evolved to be adaptive. And since we're a social species, we depend on each other. There are times we have to care about each other, we have to support each other, we have to be fair. Because if we were always just self interested, no one would want to work with us, cooperate with us, marry us, et cetera. But when the mind perceives a way to have your cake and eat it too, when it perceives a way to be selfish without paying the reputational costs, that's very adaptive. And so we will, you know, it will push us that way. And what I think these faith traditions do is they build on those innate impulses, these moral sentiments of wanting to care for others, of compassion, of gratitude, of wanting to pay back our debts or even, even pay them forward. And they allow us to take those out of just being controlled by biological instinct and to allow us to tune them toward moral goals that, that we, that we value. And so, you know, a lot of these religious practices, what the science is showing is the rituals aren't just superstitious things, they actually affect what we're doing. So, so take meditation. When we meditate or when we say the rosary, if you're Catholic or if you're Hindu and you chant, recite certain mantras, it alters our breathing rate. And what it does is it typically slows it down to about six breaths a minute and it increases the exhalation rate. What does that do? It sends signals back up to our brain that we are in an environment that is safe and one in which we should care about other people. Because think about it. When you, you know, Jonathan, if you get anxious, you can feel your heart rate go up, you're angry, you get tense, your breathing increases. That's your brain telling you, get ready for something. But the vagus nerve, which connects the brain to the heart and lungs, is a two way street. And so if we take control of that breathing, we send a message back up to the brain. That is, it's okay, you're among people who care for you, you should care back. And so it puts you in a situation where when you then get the teaching either from the Buddhist teacher who is giving you things to think about while you're meditating, or from the prayers that you recite when you're saying the rosary that are, you should be good, you should be care, you should care for others, you should be grateful. The brain is already in a position to be receptive to that right and so it becomes it's more likely to be embraced and to be acted upon.
- [23:33]
Jonathan Fields
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The moments where you lie awake at 2am wondering what's actually next for me. Those are all real. And here's what I've come to learn over the years. No one, not the researchers or the wisest guests I've sat across from. Not our listening or viewing community. Not me. None of us figure this out alone. The people doing the deepest, most intentional work on their lives. They have someone they can actually talk to honestly and without judgment. And that's what therapy can be. Not a fix, not a hack, just a real human being in your corner, helping you see more clearly and betterhelp makes it genuinely accessible. Over 30,000 licensed therapists, a matching process that actually works and more than 6 million people who've used it with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5. If your first match isn't the right fit, you just switch. It's simple as that. So if this month is prompting you to check in with your yourself, to ask honestly where you are, I'd encourage you to take that seriously. You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com goodlifeproject that's better. H-E-L-P.com goodlifeproject or just click the link in the show Notes this episode is brought to you by Best Western Hotels and Resorts. So spring has a way of whispering instead of shouting, a quiet nudge that says maybe it's time to step away for a few days, breathe different air and remember there's more to life than the calendar on your wall. I've been thinking a lot about how spring break has changed as we change. It's less about cramming everything in and more about choosing something that feels spacious and worth it. A reset that doesn't take weeks of planning or leave you more tired than when you left. That's what I love about what Best Western is inviting us into this season. A simpler kind of getaway that still feels rewarding. Something that fits into real life, not an Instagram fantasy. And here's a nice little nudge to make it happen too. This spring, stay three nights and get a $50 Best Western gift card. It's an easy excuse to finally take that well earned break you keep postponing, a chance to remember that life really is a trip and it's meant to be lived along the way. Life's a trip. Make the most of it at best Western. Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions. So I have been in meditating situations. I've been in a lot of sort of like ritualistic chanting situations. I've spent many hours in Kirtan where I'm there's a community of sometimes hundreds of people listening to beautiful music and it's often Sanskrit phrases ancient, thousands of years old. There's an old tabla drum or harmonium like things where it's a beautiful, powerful rhythmic experience also, and it is a call and response format. So Kirtanwala the singer is the tent master, later is chanting something and then hundreds of people sometimes will chant it back and becomes this call and response type of experience. But the thing is, most of these have been in a room full of middle class Americans in a major city in the United States. We have no idea what we're actually hearing or saying. We hear it, we're moved by it, we chant it back, we have no idea what we're saying. And yet it still moves me deeply.
- [28:27]
David Destano
Well, yeah, there are a few things going on there. So one, first, that simple action of what's called motor synchrony, that is doing similar actions, saying similar words to other people. If we strip that down to its barest elements, we've done that in my lab. We bring people in and we have them listen to tones on headphones and they have a sensor in front of them. We tell them, tap that sensor when you hear the tones. And we rig it so that these two people who have never met are either tapping their hands in unison, right, so they're in sync, or it's random tones and they're out of sync. And then to make a long story short, we have this situation we create where one of them needs help doing something. Simply by having someone tap in time with you, it triples the rate at which others are willing to say, you know what, I'm going to help you solve this problem. And they report having more compassion for this person and they feel more connected to them even though they've never ever, you know, encountered them before. And so it's an ancient mechanism to bring people together. But the part that I found really interesting that you mentioned is you don't know the words. And it reminds me, I was talking to a rabbi once and she was telling me that, you know, a lot of Jews know the words to prayers, but for some of the more esoteric ones, they've forgotten what they mean. These, these are American Jews. And so she went to, she was in Israel for a service and they were starting to say some prayers and then they stopped saying the words and they started just using non verbal syllables to basically chant them out. Kind of like, na, na, na, not like that. And she said to the rabbi later, why, why did you not use the words? He said, well, unlike you Americans, he said, we know what all these words mean. And sometimes the words can kind of get in the way of what you're really feeling. You know, they can be, they can be archaic, they can be gendered, they cannot be hitting right. And sometimes just the tones themselves allow you to express a feeling that you couldn't easily put into words. And so sometimes not having the words is actually a way of speaking to the divine in a way that only the Heart understands.
- [30:49]
Jonathan Fields
Yeah. That's so interesting. It's like maybe you even have prior associations with those words or phrases that would take you out of just a more open connection with whatever you're seeking to experience in the moment. Because it's sort of like you're associating it with something else. Different experience, different moment in time or different meaning that was assigned to those words.
- [31:13]
David Destano
Yeah. In Judaism, there's this whole way of praying that's called nigunim. And it's basically that, right? It is.
- [31:21]
Jonathan Fields
We have like our family has this thing that's been passed down.
- [31:25]
David Destano
Do you. Okay.
- [31:25]
Jonathan Fields
Generations and generations. And like on the high holidays, you know, like when all the families gathered, everyone would sing it. And again, it was similar to what you were just saying. There's no. It's not words. It's just sort of like a couple of syllables in a melodic way and, you know, you really get lost in it.
- [31:42]
David Destano
Yeah, I think it, you know, not having ever done this practice myself, but people who've done it say it's. It just feels like a way to express things and to get into a contemplative space that trying to put it into words would basically just get in the way of.
- [32:00]
Jonathan Fields
Yeah, so we've got. The synchrony is a really big element of this. There's something about like, music and rhythm, like the sonic experience, just that part of it that is playing into the nature of the experience probably.
- [32:17]
David Destano
There is a lot of work on the psychology of music and the neuroscience of music. And there is this suggestion that it can put you in somewhat of an altered state at times, in a state that allows for deeper feeling. You know, one time on my show, we interviewed the pastor of the church. This is a real church. It's called the Church of St. John Coltrane. And that sounds like California and Coltrane himself. I mean, I'm no Coltrane scholar, but Coltrane himself talked about music as a spiritual experience. You know, instead of a sermon. They listen to his jazz. And for many of them, they describe it as a deeply moving experience. And again, I'm. I'm a terrible musician. I can't play anything to save my life. But when you look at people and know people who are really into jazz, they start to enter this space when they're playing and improvising, where it is not really the conscious mind that's doing it anymore. It is just this kind of non conscious feeling state that takes over. And in some ways, I would argue, you know, that's a contemplative state. When we, when I say the word contemplative, most people picture kind of Buddhist monks sitting cross legged on the ground, or, you know, monks in Christian monasteries and deep meditation. But there are, there are active contemplative practices. You can think of Sufis, which are a version of Islam where they twirl in circles to put themselves in altered states. Speaking in tongues is kind of like, that can be a very active state. But that increased activity can sometimes rev the mind up so much that it then begins to enter this altered state to quiet itself back down. So I think music can do that for people.
- [34:07]
Jonathan Fields
Yeah, I know, it does it for me. Like the closest to truly transcendent experience I've had. Probably all, if not most, if not all, have been wrapped around music at every part of my life. It literally takes me somewhere that feels like at times I've just left my body and I'm like, this is this state that I want to experience on a regular basis. It's kind of magical.
- [34:32]
David Destano
Well, and think about, you know, beautiful architecture, many cathedrals or other places of worship. They have these beautiful vaulted ceilings. And when you go in and if there's a service, there's a choir singing beautiful music. What does all of that do? It evokes this emotion that we call awe, of being overwhelmed at something's power. Feeling small yourself in the face of this, but also connected. And what we know about awe, the emotion itself is. And there's been studies on these, some great studies by, by Decker Keltner and at UC Berkeley, where when people feel awe, it makes them want to actually be a better person. They become more generous, more kind. And work by a colleague of mine, Pierre Carlo Valdisolo, shows and people feel awe, they actually slightly become more open to spiritual explanations from things. It's not going to make a hardcore atheist, you know, suddenly a believer, but when you feel that emotion on you ask them how likely is it that there's something greater than yourself in the universe? Those odds go up a little bit.
- [35:38]
Jonathan Fields
Oh, that's interesting.
- [35:39]
David Destano
That emotion is again, you can think of it as a spiritual technology. Right. If you want, if you want people to feel that beautiful feeling of transcendence, what can you do in the environment to help them feel it? Music and architecture are two ways to help put the brain in that state.
- [35:58]
Jonathan Fields
Yeah, so let's talk about that phrase, spiritual technology a little bit more. It's something that you use as it feels like almost a proxy for the rituals and the practices that we tend to associate with religion, but that give us Very powerful, beneficial experiences. Take me into this and what you mean by it a little bit more.
- [36:17]
David Destano
Sure. Spiritual technologies are exactly that. They are practices that work on our minds and bodies. And I want to be clear when I say, when I use this term, I'm not trying to be reductive. Right. I can't tell you if the rituals and practices of certain faiths were divinely inspired by a God who cares for its creations and wants to give them a way to live a better life, or they're the result of people figuring stuff out through trial and error over millennia. I don't know. But in some senses that's not. We don't have to answer that question to study how they work and how. And how they affect people. So, you know, for example, we talked about meditation, but, you know, what's another spiritual technology? One is contemplating your own mortality. Almost every faith does this. You know, in, in Judaism, even on. On New Year, that year that you're supposed to be celebrating what's. What's going to come, part of the service is. Is a prayer called the unata. In Christianity, there's Ash Wednesday. In Buddhism, there is having meditations on death. Even some where the monks, these are hugely intense, will actually meditate in front of a decaying corpse to actually really see what happens when you die. So why is this a good thing? Well, when you meditate on death, what it does is it increases the sense that your end could come at any time. And when that happens, science shows it reorients people's values. That is, suddenly what you care about isn't getting the new iPhone or where you're going to go on vacation or are you going to get a raise. It really becomes focused on finding people you care about and sharing experiences with them, engaging in some type of service. Science shows that these are the things that bring the most happiness to people. And so this simple practice of not doing it in a morbid way, but of contemplating a little bit your death daily is a way of constantly reorienting your values to the things that actually brings joy. And, you know, another one is, what do all religions do? They have prayers of gratitude or rituals of gratitude. What does gratitude do? Well, in my lab, we study gratitude a lot. And when we make people feel grateful, either by counting their blessings or by doing lots of other shenanigans that we do to make them feel grateful, they not only become more likely to repay favors, they become more likely to pay them forward to help others. They become more generous, they become more honest, they will cheat less when we give them opportunity to do that. Right. All things that basically increase your virtue. And I can go on and on, but there are all these practices that, by altering our mental states and our bodies, push us toward the things that help us lead more fulfilling, meaningful lives.
- [39:15]
Jonathan Fields
Yeah. I mean, which at the end of the day, I think is what so many of us are looking to religion for. You know, it's like we're not drawn to religion just because we want to be seen as a religious person. Well, maybe some people are. Maybe there's a certain perception of piety or positioning or status in a community that you feel is associated. But my sense is, like more writ large people, they look to religion because they're in a moment of their life, a moment often where there's a point of inflection, moment of fear or loss or concern or hardship, and they want to know how to be able to breathe through it as much as possible.
- [39:54]
David Destano
Let's touch on that. I mean, you mentioned loss. That's one thing that cuts across everybody. No matter what your SES is or where you live, you will probably lose somebody you love at some point. And what's one thing that all religions do when people die? We eulogize them. Right. And that seems normal. But if you think about it, it's really weird because if my wife, who I love, just left me or I lost a job that I love, I wouldn't want to spend a lot of time thinking about how great that was because it would increase the pain all the more. But there's work by George Banana, who's one of the nation's leading bereavement researchers at Columbia, that shows one of the biggest predictors of how well we can move through grief. And by how well I mean, can we move through it quickly enough and with not too much intensity, so that we experience, but experience it, but it doesn't become debilitating to us. The ability to consolidate a positive memory of the person who has passed is one of the biggest predictors of whether or not you can do that.
- [40:58]
Jonathan Fields
Tell me what you mean by consolidate.
- [41:01]
David Destano
Most people, when you think about them, if you know them well, have good parts and bad parts, things that they have done that you value, things that they have done that you don't. But to the extent that you can take the good parts of the memories of someone who you. Who you value who has passed, and create a story and a narrative for them as being a good person, being a valuable part of your life, dealing with those negative interactions you may have had with Them coming to peace with them and seeing them as valuable and positive predicts you coming to peace with their departure. And so in eulogizing, that's what we do. But another great way to understand this is if you look at the, the Jewish rituals around Shiva. Yes, it is a beautiful practice. Right. When someone passes for seven days, people come to your home, you are never alone, they bring you food, they follow your lead, and do you want to talk about it? Do you not want to talk about it? You have what's called instrumental support, which is not like sending you a, like on Facebook, but actually being there when people need you. People are instructed not to focus on their own appearance. Right. And so if you're a man, you don't have to shave, you know, you don't worry about are you wearing the best clothes, etc.
- [42:22]
Jonathan Fields
The mirrors are all covered. Yeah.
- [42:25]
David Destano
And there's research showing that to the extent you decrease self focus at times of grief, it decreases your tendency to ruminate on that grief. And the covering the mirrors is really interesting because whatever, there's scientific work from the 70s or 80s showing that whatever emotion you're feeling when you look in a mirror, it intensifies it. So if you're happy and you look in the mirror, you'll feel happy. If you're sad and you look in the mirror, you'll feel sad. So covering a mirror right at a time of, of grief actually is another way to cut down on that grief. And so all of these practices that we may think, why are people doing that? They're working on our minds and bodies to help us deal with the challenges that we're facing.
- [43:09]
Jonathan Fields
Yeah. And as you described these practices for big moments like this, they exist in pretty much every tradition. I would imagine you could point to almost everyone and, and they would have. This is what you do when this happens.
- [43:23]
David Destano
They do. And there's a lot of commonality, even the covering mirrors. Some Hindu ceremonies, they cover mirrors, some Irish wakes, they cover mirrors. All for different theological reasons. But I think they serve the same purpose. And so that's exactly right. And even in a lot of the Christian traditions and the Jewish traditions, there are meditative contemplative practices. For whatever reason, they've kind of been hidden away, more so than in the Buddhist practices that we see now. And so I think you're right. These are practices that again, if there is a divine creator, it has given to all of its creatures, or if not, we all inhabit the same bodies on this earth. And so we're all iterating to similar solutions to deal with them.
- [44:11]
Jonathan Fields
And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. Good Life Project is sponsored by adt. So have you ever had one of those days where everything just finally feels aligned? You're out enjoying a beautiful dinner, leaning into a moment of just pure presence and suddenly the phone buzzes. You look down and you see an alert that a window has been broken into at home. In an instant, that sense of peace, it just evaporates because you're miles away. For me, living a good life means also creating a foundation of safety so that we can actually show up for our creative work and our families and our lives. And ADT helps provide that quiet confidence with 24. 7 professional monitoring. Their systems are installed by trained technicians so you know everything is set up correctly from day one. With the ADT plus app, you can check in on your home from virtually anywhere. It's about moving through the world with a little less weight on your shoulders. Give yourself that extra layer of protection. Visit ADT.com or call 1-800-ADT ASAP or just click the link in the show notes when every second counts, count on adt. Good Life Project is sponsored by Blue Lizard Australian Sun Care so I spend a lot of time outside. I'm literally hiking on the trail four days a week for hours. And I have been using Blue Lizard for I guess about a year now. Whether I'm on the trails here in Boulder or just going about my day, what really caught my attention was their Smart Cap technology. The cap actually turns blue when harmful UV rays are present. It's a simple, just smart signal that it's time to apply sunscreen. As experts in mineral sunscreens, they provide broad spectrum protection that's trusted by dermatologists. Their formulas are free from parabens and fragrances, making them a great choice for sensitive skin. Whether you use their easy to apply sprays or the sticks for on the go protection, they just help you stay protected. Be fearless in the sun. Go to bluelizardsunscreen.com to find out more information or which sunscreens are right for your family and where you can buy in store or visit the Blue Lizard Australian Sunscreen store on Amazon. Good Life Project is brought to you by Instacart. So here's something I've learned living out here in Colorado when you're deep in a creative groove. Whether I'm in the shop working on a guitar or building something with wood or metal, or heads down working on an episode for the podcast, the last thing I want to do is break that flow to drive to the store because we're out of eggs and olive oil. And honestly, it's rarely ever eggs and olive oil. It's the whole list. The good produce, the specific brand. Stephanie and I actually use the stuff that matters. When you care about what you're putting on your table, that's where Instacart comes in. It connects you to thousands of stores. With just a few taps, you can shop from your favorite spots and have quality groceries carefully selected and delivered to your door in as fast as 30 minutes. What I love is that you can be really specific, communicate directly with your shopper about exactly what you want so you're not compromising on quality or convenience. You, you're getting both. For me, Instacart solves a real problem. It gives me time back to focus on the work, the people, the things that actually matter. Instead of spending an hour wandering aisles. It just takes one thing off the plate. So you're free to take care of your life. Download the Instacart app now and get groceries just how you like. These tend to be things that are focused on a moment in time, which is a big moment, a deeply emotional moment, whether it's loss. You also. You have interesting thoughts on the notion of rituals, practices that sort of help us just get through seasons of life. Midlife, I think, is, you know, like. And it's interesting because oftentimes we hit midlife, you know, and I think it's being described very differently by different people these days. Like anywhere between 30 and 60.
- [47:57]
David Destano
Yeah, yeah, 45, 50 is the usual. But yeah, it's Gen X.
- [48:01]
Jonathan Fields
So I'm kind of like, all right, 45 to 60. But it's this moment in life where sort of culturally, just in Western society, it doesn't feel like there are a lot of actual rituals or practices. And I feel like it's a time in life where a lot of us walk away from them, even if we had them earlier. And yet we're going through really big moments and learnings and being dropped to our knees and feeling really high highs. Talk to me a little bit about the notion of rituals and practices that may in some way have, have derived from, or still be based in faith, but that serve a meaningful, practical role as we navigate midlife.
- [48:43]
David Destano
Well, yeah, that's a good point. I mean, traditionally, if you looked at happiness across the lifespan, it kind of is U shaped and it hit its nadir, its bottom, around 45 and 50. And it's a difficult time in life because it's a time when your kids might be moving out and moving on. If your parents are still around, the generation ahead of you is starting to face health crises and maybe passing. And it's a very tenuous time. It's also a time of life when, if you're a person who's working, I don't know about you, but it's hard to keep up that intensity. I can't do. I'm 57. I can't do now what I did when I was 35. And so when I started thinking about this, Arthur Brooks had this wonderful article in the Atlantic where he was saying, how do you find meaning in midlife? And he pointed me to something in that article that spoke well to me, which is this. In Hinduism, they have these four stages of life. The first stage is the student, where you're learning what you need to do to basically be. Be successful in the world. The second is the householder, where you got a good job, you're earning money, you're, you know, buying a home, getting married, having kids. You're. You're enjoying in some ways the. The central materialistic pleasures of life. But around 50, they say when. When the hair starts to gray and your skin starts to wrinkle, you're supposed to move to a new phase, which, I forget the English translation, but the Hindi word for it is vanaprastha. And it's where you pivot from being the person who's going all out to keep your career going and to get ahead and to earn more money to the sharer of wisdom. And so what that means in life is, okay, maybe I don't have to be the person who's like, working 16 hours a day. But what do I have to offer? I have experience. I have wisdom that the younger folks around me don't have. And to the extent that you can pivot and see yourself as a sharer of wisdom and to start on that road of not accumulating, but starting to de. Accumulate. At this stage, you're not ready to give away your worldly possessions, but you're ready to give away your wisdom, your experience, to help raise others up than trying to climb the ladder yourself. People who can do that suddenly find more meaning in life. And it's funny, you know, I was saying before, the. The curve of happiness is like you. It starts going up again in the 60s and then keeps going up until the 80s until, unless you start to hit really, really serious health issues. And what happens is people, again are looking toward what brings them happiness, which is helping Others sharing experiences, positive emotional experiences with others. And so the idea behind Vanaprastha, that Hinduism has figured out, was if you can make that pivot earlier, if you can make that pivot in your 50s, you're not going to have that bottom out in happiness. And in some ways, that's what contemplating death does. You know, now you're not waiting, so you're like 65, 70, where you're really feeling it. It's on death's door. If you start contemplating in your 50s, you can reorient your values earlier in life. And so I think that's where some of the wisdom comes around. These practices of life does have its seasons. You know, in, in, in America, the season now is keep working till you die, because who knows if there's going to be Social Security or enough money or anything for you, and your value is economically determined. But if we can change that, I think our happiness as a society will actually increase.
- [52:33]
Jonathan Fields
But let's not gloss over that, though, because what you just shared is this is really practical, and it's on a lot of people's minds right now. A lot of people are in that season of life where they're like, I would love. They're listening along, they're watching us have a conversation. This all makes sense. And they're like, well, yeah, I would love to actually move into that season. And yet I'm not where I need to be. I'm worried that the health system won't be here, that Social Security won't be here, and I don't ever. I would love to kick back. I would love to not actually have to work as hard as I've been working. But from a practical standpoint, they're looking at their lives and saying, I don't see when this is going to be available to me. I feel like I'm going to have to keep my head down and keep in this building phase and working phase and accumulating phase indefinitely, maybe into my 70s, maybe longer. When do I get maybe the question I'm asking is if you're that person, right, and you're listening to this, nodding along, saying, this sounds awesome. I wish I could experience this. And yes, if I can accelerate that and do it younger, I would love to be able to do that. The practical realities of my life right now are, I don't see a way to do that now. Maybe you're in your 50s, and I don't see a way for me to do that for the next 10, 20 years. Are there practices or rituals even given that, that maybe I can dip into now that would at least let me taste that a little bit.
- [54:00]
David Destano
Yeah, I mean, this is, this is a long standing debate in some senses. Is, is the spiritual life a luxury life? Right. That is in some sense that you have to have your material needs net met before you can focus on this. And that's why, you know, many people went to monasteries traditionally or just become an ascetic. Become an ascetic because. And you went around with a begging bowl.
- [54:23]
Jonathan Fields
Right.
- [54:23]
David Destano
Because that, that's where you had the ability to do this. And I completely agree with what you're saying. Many people, because of the way society is structured and sent and incentivized, don't have a way to do that. And you, or, and I don't have a way to change that by flipping a switch. If you can engage in that element of service with other people. Right. Service has been shown to be one of the biggest predictors of happiness. People, people completely mispredict how much it's going to make them happier. One of the things that data show is we often don't reach out to, I don't mean service like a volunteer in a soup kitchen. I mean like to friends or other people who are facing issues. We often don't reach out to them because we think they're not going to want the help or it's going to make it feel weird or. I don't know what to say. But the data show on these studies that when people are assigned basically to go and do this as part of an experimental protocol, not only are the people who they engage, who they give service to, happy, but the givers are also happier. And so I would say to people, whatever stage of life you're at or in your, if you're in midlife and having these issues and you feel like I'm trapped, how do I find some of that peace or taste some of that peace? Finding an opportunity for service is a way to do it because all the data show it's good. Now, the one thing about service is you might be saying, sure, Dave, again, that's easy for you to say. I don't have the luxury to do this. I'm always feeling stressed or I don't have time. You have to find a balance between inner life and outer life. And so what I'm telling you about service is kind of outer life, do this in the world. But the way to be able to do that is to carve out time for yourself for quiet meditation, quiet prayer. If you're a person of Faith, these are the things that recharge your inner life that help you sit with the stress, the anxiety, the anger, the frustration to sit with it, to place it aside so that you can then go into the world and be productive in helping others and not be swallowed up by that anger and that frustration. And so finding a practice of contemplation that allows you to have that renewal is what allows you to feel like you can go into the world and engage in that service. And that brings people more meaning than they expect. And it may not make it easier to pay your bills, it may not make it easier to meet some of the challenges you're facing, but it will give you a taste of, of sharing that wisdom that Vana Frosta emphasized.
- [57:12]
Jonathan Fields
Yeah, I love that. And also it's this notion that it doesn't have to be a grand gesture. You know, I think sometimes we get caught in that trap of thinking, if it's not big, if it's not like it doesn't really move the needle, it's not worth it for them and it's not worth it for me. I'm not going to get the feeling I want. It's not going to make a difference for them. And what you're offering here is really, it sounds like it's like it's gonna be the tiniest little thing. This is literally built into most faith based systems. You know, you're part of a community and you show up on a regular basis. And in the tiniest little way, there are always opportunities to offer a little bit of yourself, even in the simplest way. Whether it's physical labor, whether it's intellectual or emotional support, whatever it may be, it may be just showing up there for people who are struggling just to be a person in a room next to them. I think a lot of this conversation is circling back to this notion of like, okay, so these things have been built into these systems that derive from religion, often for thousands of years. We're walking away from those institutions and structures. But what you're sharing is that there's a lot of science showing a lot of the individual rituals and practices have standalone value, whether you do or don't believe in God. So how can we recreate those in our own lives?
- [58:31]
David Destano
Exactly. And like, you're talking about giving. You know, we all tend to think about, ugh, my church, my rabbi, my priest, my imam wants me to give and it's great, I should help other people. But what people don't realize is the giver is helped just as much as the givey and, you know, that sounds like pie in the sky stuff, but look, I'm a scientist. We do these experiments. I can point you to the papers where they randomly select people like Jonathan, who say, I want to be in a study. And they say, okay, Jonathan, here's $50. Today you can either spend it on yourself, some people, or other people. Today you have to spend it on other people. Guess who's happier at the end of the day? The people who spend it on other people. And so there's data to back this up. And you're hitting on a real important point there. These practices are baked into these faiths to help us and to help the other people around us. The question, of course, is how much can we extract without losing benefits, right? Or without having those techniques warped. And so, like, I'll give you one example that worries me. You know, a lot of indigenous faiths use psychedelic load psilocybin or ayahuasca. Now you can go do psilocybin or ayahuasca with your Brooklyn hipster friend in an apartment, right? A lot of those trips, not a lot, 25% of them, on average are bad trips. 8% of them can be so bad that people need mental health treatment afterward. Why is that? Well, it's because we are removing these chemicals from the guardrails that are usually around them that the shamans use to kind of put you in the right state to have this happen. When I was talking to Michael Pollan, he said to me, you know, when I tried psilocybin, the one thing that I realized is you have to feel supremely safe when you take it, because when that moment of ego dissolution comes, it can be beautiful or it can be terrifying, right? And then you'll see these visions, and some of them can be very disturbing. You need someone to help you reintegrate and understand what they mean. And even at Johns Hopkins that is doing some of the greatest research on psychedelics right now, they don't call them a shaman, but they have a person who is there with you while you go on the trip. Who is there for you to reach out to if things get scary? Who is there to help you make sense of what happens? Kind of like a modern day shaman. And that's how they ensure things are going well. And so the danger when we extract some of these practices from their original containers is that maybe they don't work as well or maybe there's even some danger to it. I mean, if you think about religion as a, as a spiritual technology, something that moves Hearts and minds. It can move it for good or it can move it for bad. We've all seen religion harnessed to, you know, justify lots of acts of violence. And so I think we have to be careful about how we extract things.
- [61:39]
Jonathan Fields
Yeah, I so agree with that. And you referenced this very early in our conversation. There's a risk of being too reductionist also and saying, yes, okay, so now we have a whole bunch of research. Your lab is doing a bunch of research on when we split some of these practices and rituals out and just do them in a dissociated way from the religion. It has certain benefits. We can see it, we can measure it, we can report on it. It's real. And yet at the same time, my sense is it's not just about the larger construct being a way to help potentially ameliorate the risk of harm. But also, I don't want to just say that there isn't necessarily a bigger something going on, a mystical element of some of these. And of course, this is nothing that we can ever prove or disprove. As you shared earlier, we can't actually measure the existence of a negative. And people will be following along this conversation saying, yes, I've tried all these things, it makes a difference. And I've also done this as part of a faith based tradition. And it's profoundly different when I participate in that context because I believe there's something bigger happening beyond the ritual or the practice itself.
- [63:02]
David Destano
No, I think, I think that's right. And kind of my mission is to actually show that there is a wisdom to a lot of these practices that we can study scientifically, but in no way to suggest that those higher elements aren't there. You know, the, the psychologist William James is the father of modern psychology. He studied religious experience a lot. And ultimately people asked him, you know, do you believe there's something greater? He struggled with that. Then he came down to this notion of what he called an over belief. And the over belief, logical argument goes like this. If there's something that I can do for which there is no hardcore data, and I'm paraphrasing here, but it feels true intuitively and it leads to better positive outcomes, then it's logical to believe in it and to follow it, what's the harm? And so, you know, for me that that rings true. It is, we don't know if God exists. If God exists. I'm sure it's a, it's in a form that none of us can conceive of. And there's certainly no empirical tests that we can apply to it if it's not causing harm. And I know religion, the institutions of religion have caused harm to people. I'm not in no way diminishing that. But in general, the data suggests that it's good if you're having those amazing transcendent experiences and you're feeling this connection to something else and it is enriching your life. I think the notion that you have to logically reject it because there's no empirical data to support it is misguided.
- [64:47]
Verizon Mom Advertiser
It.
- [64:47]
David Destano
You know, I mean, even Richard Dawkins, the world's most famous atheist, will say, if push comes to shove, he can't entirely, 100% be sure that God doesn't exist. So why are we, like, having these debates? You know, why are we telling people God must exist? Or you're a fool if you think he does. You know, I think be open to what we don't understand. And as long as it's rewarding and enriches your life, that's a good thing.
- [65:15]
Jonathan Fields
Yeah, don't disagree there. So people are following along, they're kind of nodding along. They're like, this sounds really interesting. Okay, so where do I go from here? Where do I take all of this insights? And it seems like, and you've written and spoken about this, there are a couple different directions we could go. One, reclaiming a sense of faith or returning to it if it's been a part of your practice, and centering a lot of these practices. We've been talking about the second, letting go of faith, but maybe holding onto the rituals and practices that we've been talking about because they have their own standalone value. And then this other interesting third option, which is what if we actually explored what would it look like to create a new. A different spiritual path or framework that just resonates with us?
- [66:00]
David Destano
The first two are relatively easy, and I know many people who love who have done both. It's actually interesting right now. There's actually a resurgence among young men. I'm sure your listeners have heard about the crisis of meaning young men are facing. Certainly not the majority, but there is a sizable minority of young men who are turning back toward traditional faith, especially Christianity, to try and find meaning. The third one has been tried lots of times, but often without any spiritual element. So people will come together and they'll try and agree on a certain set of. Of, you know, principles and virtuous outcomes and things, but those tend to fall apart because they don't have the rituals there that bind them. Together in the way that we're talking about. Whether it's things like synchrony, cultivating gratitude, working toward empathy, they don't have those things that reinforce group bonds. And so the question for us really is, can we take some of these practices and not just kind of ethical or philosophical beliefs and create new rituals around them? And I haven't seen that ever be tried, but I think there's a chance that it could work. The hardest part again though is getting people to agree on what those will be. Right. You know, and that's where the idea of kind of social consensus and sacrifice comes in, that it's not just your way or the highway. Right. That you have to find a community. I mean, we, all those of us who have been parts of religious communities recognize it's like we don't always agree with everything. Right. But you have to find meaning in enough of it that, that it, you want to continue with it. And I think that's, that's the trick. If you're not born into a faith or if you're not converting to a faith that's there, but trying to create one, how do you get that committee to agree on what it is?
- [67:58]
Jonathan Fields
Yeah. And it could, I could just see that be feeling so contrived so easily.
- [68:03]
David Destano
It's interesting. I was, I was talking to a scholar who studies new religious movements and she shocked me. She said, you know, every year there's, there is in the US and Canada there's probably 50 to 100 new religious movements that start now. You know that that could be someone who's saying, I've heard the word of God and follow me. Right. And they're typically small.
- [68:23]
Jonathan Fields
Right.
- [68:23]
David Destano
And most of them are like flashes in the pan and fade away. The ones that stick are the ones that speak to people's needs in the current moment. So the question where is that going to be? And there are a lot of reasons people are leaving traditional faith, but one is, I think because they're not offering that as much. People are yearning to fill that kind of proverbial God shaped hole in their heart. They want to feel that connection to something bigger and they're going to look for different ways to do that. And so the question is, are current traditions going to adapt to give them that or are they going to be replaced by newer things?
- [69:05]
Jonathan Fields
That is, the question feels like a good place for us to come full circle as well. So in this container of a Good Life project, if I offer up the phrase to live a good life, what comes up?
- [69:16]
David Destano
I think to live a good life is to make life better for other people. And I know it sounds trite, but I, you know, for the longest time I never appreciated the value of that. And maybe it's because I'm in my sharing wisdom phase of life where I've realized it's not about me and I only have a certain number of years left. And from the work that I do, which basically gives me data that shows me what I'm saying is borne out, it means making life better for other people. Not at. Not at the total cost of yourself. It doesn't mean you have to give away everything you own, but it means remember that everybody is facing their own difficulties and hardships and if you can do anything to help, even at a small scale, at the end of your life, when you look back, you'll be the happier for it.
- [70:11]
Jonathan Fields
Mm. Thank you. Hey, before you leave, be sure to tune in next week for our conversation with Linda Clemens about how your body is speaking for you before you ever open your mouth. Be sure to follow Good Life Project wherever you get your podcast so you don't miss any upcoming episodes. This episode of Good Life Project was produced by executive producers Lindsay Fox and me, Jonathan Fields. Editing help by Alejandro Ramirez and Troy Young. Chris Carter crafted our theme music. And of course, if you haven't already done so, please go ahead and follow Good Life Project wherever you get your podcasts. If you found this conversation interesting or valuable and inspiring, chances are you did because you're still here. Do me a personal favor, a 7 second favor and share it with just one person. If you want to share it with more, hey, that's awesome. But just want to person even then invite them to talk with you about what you both discovered, to reconnect and explore ideas that really matter. Because that's how we all come alive together. Until next time, I'm Jonathan Fields signing off for Good Life Project.
- [71:25]
David Destano
Foreign.
- [71:33]
Jonathan Fields
Project is sponsored by Michaels. Your destination for all things 2026 graduation. So if you're anywhere near midlife, there's a good chance that someone in your world is about to cross a major threshold this spring. You know, a kid finishing school, a niece walking at college, maybe even you finishing something you started later than the brochure suggested. And these moments, they matter. And how we show up for them is what people actually remember. Which is just one reason why I love that Michaels has quietly become the place for this. Their party shop isn't just arts and crafts anymore. It's balloons starting at $1.99 ready made bundles 2026 number balloons and free inflation. And that last part by the way is a gift. No one wants to be the one red faced over a bike pump the morning of. You can shop in store, get same day delivery or buy online and pick up in store. Visit Michaels in store or shop online now. Michaels everything to celebrate anything Good Life Project is brought to you by Peloton so I spend a lot of my day in my head building things, solving problems, creating. And one of the most reliable, reliable ways I found to move from stuck to clear is to just move. Not think about moving, not plan the perfect workout. Just go. And that's the idea behind the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus. Powered by Peloton iq, it removes the cognitive load completely. Peloton IQ handles the rep counting, the form correction, the programming so you can stop overthinking and just be in it. One smooth spin of the swivel screen takes you from running to strength training without losing momentum or breaking the flow. And that matters because the magic of movement isn't in the planning. It's in the feeling, the cognitive clarity, the emotional release, that sense of expanded possibility that shows up when you let yourself go through it fully. Peloton IQ even builds personalized plans around your mood, your energy, the instructors who resonate with you so the experience actually feels like yours. Let yourself run, lift, fail. Try and go explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread plus at one Peloton
- [73:41]
Paige Desorbo
hey, it's Paige Desorbo from Giggly Squad. Okay, wait, have you ever had one of those moments where you're like I should be doing something fun tonight and then you just don't because you don't have what you need? Because same. But recently I've been trying to be more of a yes person. And honestly, Amazon prime has been enabling that energy. Like the other night I randomly decided I was going to host a last minute girls night. No planning, no groceries, nothing. And instead of spiraling, I just ordered everything I needed and got it that day. Snacks, drinks, even like random hosting things I absolutely didn't need. But emotionally I did. And suddenly it went from maybe next time to yes Tonight. That's what I love. Prime. Same day delivery makes it so you can say yes before the moment slips away. Because let's be real, the only thing worse than a bad plan is a plan you never make happen.
- [74:29]
Jonathan Fields
Same day delivery.
- [74:30]
David Destano
It's on prime, available in select areas. Terms of so if you're trying to
- [74:34]
Jonathan Fields
be more spontaneous or just less chaotic,
- [74:35]
Verizon Mom Advertiser
go to Amazon.com prime to find millions
- [74:38]
Jonathan Fields
of items delivered fast.
- [74:41]
Verizon Mom Advertiser
Hey honey, it's Mom. Did you know if we switch to Verizon, we can get four phones for $0 plus four lines for $25 a line? Call me back. Me again. That's just $100 a month for four lines on unlimited welcome plus four phones. No trade in needed. Call me. It's Mom. America's best network. Verizon. That's the one we're talking about. I'll send you text.
- [75:02]
David Destano
America's best network based on root metrics Best overall mobile network performance US second
- [75:05]
Jonathan Fields
half 2025, four new lines and unlimited welcome and autopay.
- [75:08]
David Destano
See verizon.com for details.